Life Uncut - BONUS EP- With Carly Sophia. This isn't for the faint h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶e̶d̶ hornied

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Today we have a special bonus episode for you with someone that a lot of you will know from the Life Uncut Discussion Group. It's Carly Sophia! Now, you might have seen some absolutely hilarious posts from her written in the group and had questions like "how does one become a sex toy reviewer?" Well today those questions and a bunch more are answered. Carly lives a fun life. In this chat we talk about all different sex toys and how to find the one that's right for you, being a single mum of twins and navigating her open relationship. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and we have a special guest today. We decided we wanted to know the community better and we wanted you guys to know the

community better because you lifers are such a huge integral part of Life Uncut. We could not do this without you. You're part of the family. We are one big, beautiful, crazy, chaotic family. So we decided that every month we are going to interview one of our own, a lifer, and we have someone who, if you were part of the Facebook group, I think you will know her. Definitely. Carly Sophia is joining us but before I introduce you Carly I want to read something just to remind

everyone in case you've forgotten all right then here's a spicy one for your Wednesday morning anyone else fucking hate receiving oral while you're clutching your pearls hear me out it's not because I haven't had the right person do it I am absolutely in my hoe era I have plenty of lovers and even though I don't particularly enjoy getting head I still make them all pay the tax it's only fair if i'm gonna joke on it in it but honestly but honestly i just find it meh maybe it's because i've drilled my fanny with too many power tools but it's just feels too gentle bordering on annoying like watching someone painstakingly lick frosting off a tiny little cupcake when they could just eat the whole

fucking thing i also hate the smacky sucky noise when they look up at me and i have to pretend that it's incredible so as not to hurt their man feelings when really I'd rather they just hurried up so that they could pull my hair and clap my butt cheeks like a Salvation Army drum anyone else and everyone welcome Carly Sophia to the podcast thank you Carly that read back is a lot I just type it and fire it off I actually read aloud I read that post and I was like this is the woman I want on the podcast there's a lot of layers to it it's like an onion I want to get into it to be clear i think you've said enough but the part you don't like is that it's too gentle like is that it you want it to be rougher or harder or it just doesn't stimulate you in

any way my boat i reckon there's better things that we could be doing maybe i'm just too generous i'd rather give them receive but you still want to make them do it just because you have to do it you're like i'm not gonna like this but get your head down there because i'm about to get my also a lot of men take it really personally when you say that you don't like it they say you know well We obviously haven't had it done anybody who's any good or, you know, I'm going to do it better this time. So you've got to let them have a little crack at it for their ego, I reckon. I also, I mean, I'm fully on board with this.

I think it's very overrated. Get to the main course. So when I read this, I was like, is this a woman after my own heart? Yes. Definitely wanting to stay away from oral. If I went to a restaurant, I like a starter and then an entree and then the main and then dessert and then I'll have a drink. I like the whole thing.

I'll even have the olives before the starter. I have a starter starter and I think that translates to the bedroom for me. You don't have two children. I was about to say, it's because you don't have kids. I don't have all night to fuck. I want to get it over and done with so I can go to bed. But if you didn't have kids, do you think you would like oral more? Because I feel like you're probably going to have the same problem.

I think I'd still have the same problem. I think I used to like it more than I do now. And I would say that having two children and having a finite time to have the sex in has really contributed to that. I do think, because it's not my favorite thing, right? I actually probably 99% of the time would an orgasm from someone going down on me. but i enjoy it i think it just has to be like a little dabble like 10 minutes i don't want someone down there for an hour like because to me i'm like now i have to be like faking it like you

said they look up and they look at you for like this approval and you're like you're doing well you're doing great sweetie carry on no i think it has to be a little dabble like part of the warm-up before the whole race no no oh you just wouldn't do it nah not necessarily i mean i would because sometimes you have to bring back a good old-fashioned finger bang i reckon do you know what i would say that that is so underrated so underrated fingering is fucking great okay so girls gotta eat reina and ashley the podcast hosts we love them they've come on the podcast they're an american podcast host they've come on the podcast a few times i'm always in my car or my walks being like amen to everything that they say but they really push back on finger banging

they're like they're like they don't want a guy to finger them they're like i don't want to waste my time and i it's the only thing i've always thought i thoroughly disagree with you on that Carly, we have so many things you want to pick your brain about, but before we get into everything that makes you who you are and also why you wrote this post and shared it so publicly with 65,000 people, I want to know, what is your accidentally unfiltered story? Okay, so I've actually had a really hard time honing in on one accidentally unfiltered. Because there's so many.

Well, there's heaps. So I've managed to come up with two, but also I think because I have no fucking shame. You're like, I'm not ever embarrassed by anything. I'm not embarrassed. so I think the whole point of it is like it's something that's like mortifying for you but I'm just like whatever I feel like you've picked something that you should be embarrassed about but probably still aren't that embarrassed a hundred percent and I think the fact that I'm about to tell this many people both of them means that I'm still not that embarrassed but let's give

it a red hot go anyway so the first one that I have bought is from when I was very early pregnancy and you know when you go for the first ultrasound and it's still super early and they can't really see anything by rolling like the the thing over your tummy so they actually have to go up inside and have a rummage around in your prison pocket so you can spot anything. It's called an internal ultrasound. The probe goes into your vagina. It goes right on in there. So mine was being done by a man and I don't know if he was trying

to be like gentlemanly and not look down there or if he had just done it that many times that he thought that he was an expert and he could go in blind. But he didn't look and he just got this big wand out, had a condom over it, had lubed it all up, and he just stuck it underneath the sheet and started pressing it quite persistently against my arsehole. you're like so i don't know if you know the babies aren't made in there

so i let him have a couple of stabs at it thinking that he'd realize eventually that it was the wrong hole and that he'd move on but he just kept going and i was like fuck you're gonna have to say something because otherwise it's gonna be i'll leave it a hot second because i actually don't mind it imagine if you said nothing and you ended up with a fucking ultrasound wand in your asshole well that's where it was going so i was like fuck i better speak up so i was like hey you're gonna to need a lot more lube if you want to go up there what do you say he was so embarrassed which is why i feel like it's more he's accidentally unfiltered than it is mine that is so funny imagine going

home from work that day and being like yeah i almost stuck an ultrasound wand up a woman's backside well often you'll get because i'm a radiographer that's what i do by trade i've done it for 10 12 years yeah often you get the patient to insert the probe oh really yeah he did not give me the option and i'm an expert at that because i feel like that's what you do on a day-to-day I've also been pregnant twice and I've never had someone ask me if I wanted to insert it myself that's not a it's not an option it's just a sometimes thing sometimes they just do it themselves sometimes people will assess the situation they probably got your confidence they're probably like I feel like I could do it but it's sometimes they're like do you want to

put it in yourself do you want me to do it like he obviously if he was going in blind he he had some confidence that he probably shouldn't have had okay what is the second one so the second one is to do well it's actually mortifying for me but I'm going to talk about it anyway because is something that nobody discusses and I wish they had and that's the postpartum poo. I've heard about it. Laura, you look like you don't know what she's talking about. You are looking quite vacant right now.

I don't know. I feel like this is a big thing. Okay, wait, as of the poo during birth or? The first one after. Oh, no, it took me days. It was so painful because I had an episiotomy, which was like all through all layers. So I held on to that poo for dear life.

You're like, it's never coming back to me. I held it on until it was going to come out my mouth or out my backside. Your butt plugged. I was like, I can't. You're like, I'm locking that in there. But angrily, nobody told me to take laxatives. So it was an ordeal.

But tell me about yours. Yeah. Well, I had a caesarean. So there's a lot of anesthetic going on. There's a lot of painkillers going on. So for like five days afterwards, they're just coming in and giving me Endone like every four hours, which makes you really fucking constipated. But they're also saying the whole time, you know, have you opened your bowels?

So I kept saying no, no, no. Every time you say no, they make you chug Clearlax, like a 21 year old at a birthday party with a beer bong is that a laxative yes i'm just smashing all this laxative for like five days taking all these painkillers nothing's happening on the fifth day and it sounds biblical because it was i did a shit that was so formidable it was so fucking mighty it literally ripped my you might as well have given birth to a brick it was a brick and i feel like you know that's what you get for being smug about your unsavaged vagina people obviously don't talk about this They don't talk about it.

So then I got this massive anal fissure and the resulting scar tissue makes it look like my butthole has limbs that I now need to get amputated. You mean... Okay, so when you just said it ripped my butthole, I thought you were joking, but what a fissure is, what you just said, a fissure is when it tears and there is another, like an internal channel to a part it's not supposed to go to. So you literally were torn. Yeah.

From the poo. Yeah. After birth. Yeah. That happens to most people from the baby. She birthed a turd. It's like one was still stuck in there. And then, wow.

Well, I mean, speaking of having them stuck in there, you do have two kids, two twins. Well, that's what a twin is. They're just twins. They're just twins. There are two of them. Believe it or not, there are two twins. What was that like? I mean, you said when you came in that you're girls.

I've got one boy and one girl, but you could be forgiven for thinking they're both girls because my son has incredibly long blonde hair. Beautiful. Well, they're four now. Yes. How has that process been for you? I can only imagine. I mean, I have two kids and they're, what, 18 months apart

and that is hard enough. Oh, that's the same age gap between me and my brother. That's a lot. We fought like cat and dog when we were younger. I don't know if yours do. But I guess twins for your first pregnancy, you don't really know any different. So I'm just grateful it was two and not three because I have got two boobs,

I have got two arms. You can kind of get it done. Well, you just sort of have to, don't you? You have to. And what was your situation like? Because you are in a relationship now. So was there a time where you were doing it on your own, Like were you a single mum for a while?

Yeah. So I still consider myself a single mum just because I don't live with my partner. So I was married when I had them and I think we started separating probably around the age of one. But I kind of did it by myself anyway. My husband was diagnosed with cancer when they were really little, when they were like four months old. Wow.

Oh, wow. I had a lot of practice doing everything from like quite early on, I guess. Yeah, that's tough. I think sometimes when you have another person, so like, I don't know, tell me if this is right or wrong, but do you find that it was harder in that year rather than after you'd separated to raise the kids yourself or sharing it with your partner at the time, the responsibility of parenting? I actually find that a lot easier.

People say to me all the time, oh, you know, single parenting, it must be so hard. And I'm like, well, not really. And there's just no ambiguity as well over like whether or not something has been done. You know, it's been done because you fucking did it. Totally. Yeah. So question about when you separated from your partner and you got back into the dating world, what was it like being a single mom, twins and getting back out there into dating?

It was a lot. Do you have to put on your profile, like your dating profile? I actually didn't. Okay. Just for safety, I guess. I think a lot of people, I've seen them worn, not mentioning kids, not putting photographs of kids because you might be attracting the wrong type of people. So I just never mentioned it.

And it's not like at the time I was looking for a boyfriend or I wanted somebody to come and spend heaps of time with us as a family. I just wanted basically to get laid, so I feel like it didn't come into the equation. I was just out to get my fuck off. Yeah. I did mention it, but it wasn't when the time's right or if you felt like anything was serious and it needed mentioning.

Yeah. I feel like we just jumped straight in. Let's just wind it back a little smidge. Tell us about you. So what do you do for a job? I do heaps of different things. I like to finger as many fucking pies as possible. Literally, metaphorically, physically.

So, I write beauty articles for Mamma Mia. I review and endorse sex toys for Wild Secrets. I also do bar and restaurant reviews for Time Out. I do influencing across my own social media account, and I also do copywriting freelance. So, how did you get in? I mean, Mamma Mia is one of the biggest, almost a conglomerate, I want to call it. They're such an amazing company, podcasts, articles. How did you find yourself there in that position? So basically every single thing that I do today has come from posting shit on the internet. I started writing beauty reviews on the YouBeauty podcast page and I wasn't really taking them very seriously. I was a single mom on Centrelink, so it's not like I had any of the latest and greatest products from Mecca. But one time I was out with my daughter and I had this big ass double pram. We're walking through the aisles of the shops and you know how kids just swipe shit off the shelves? She stole a moisturizer.

I hope it was an expensive one. you're like if you're gonna steal make sure it's something worthwhile yeah a good one please yeah but she'd swipe this moisturizer off her shelf and i hadn't even noticed it's not the first time she'd stolen she'd nick like some extra large men's ski pants and like a one kilo block of ski pants extra large were you like girl what am i gonna do with this how does a two-year-old nick extra large ski pants and you don't notice i did notice and i like made her take them back i like pushed the pram up to the front and made her hand i was like we don't just take things but she stole this moisturizer and I was like fuck it we'd been out all day I didn't know where it had come from

we'd been to that many stores so I was like I can't take it back even though I'd like to so I guess I better give it a go so I tried it and then I wrote I wrote this review of it on the YouBeauty page and I guess it was like funny and not very serious and maybe I don't know a lot of beauty writing and a lot of beauty reviews can be a little bit boring yeah for sure so then did YouBeauty offer you a job off the back of that they did so after a while of like posting these like tongue in cheek not very serious reviews of not very good products they actually got in touch with me and they're like hey do you want to be a contributor and I was like fuck yes well like you're like I do it for free now yeah totally well I really love this because I mean even when we saw your post

in our Facebook group I was like how can we use Carly like how can we use your because you are you're very very funny in the way that you put together content in the way that you communicate yourself even that I mean the post that I shared had a ridiculous amount of comments and engagement with people being like, Carly, I don't know who you are, but I want to fucking know you. Now this leads me to the question about how you got into reviewing sex toys. Was it a very similar situation?

It was super similar. Did your daughter nick a vibrator off the shelves and you were like, I better give it a go? And you're like, well done, honey, I haven't tried that one yet. Good work, my love, good work. No, this was actually through Mamma Mia. So I wrote an article about this new beauty tool that I had used to get the most amazing glowy skin of my life.

And you'd click into the article, you'd read through it, and about halfway through it became apparent that this amazing new tool that had given me this incredibly glowy skin was actually the Satisfye Pro 2, which I had bought from Wild Secrets and had arrived the day before, and I'd given myself eight consecutive orgasms with it and pulled a muscle in my arse cheek. Hang on. My skin looks great.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, you spent through that. Wind it back. You had eight consecutive orgasms? Is that a normal thing for you? Like can you multiple orgasm or you were just like, let's just give it another go? It depends on the toy.

So what was it again? So some of them can overstimulate you. So that one's a Satisfye Pro 2. So it's one of those air pulse ones that goes over your clit, but it doesn't actually touch it. So you don't get, like, desensitized from overstimulation. You can just keep going. Oh, Laura fires up Google and here we go.

It's like one of those, you know when you need to practice skydiving and you're in that air machine? That's what it's like for your clit. It's like your clitoris. Sorry, how many times have you orgasmed doing that, Britt? Practicing skydiving? Only the once. Okay, so with this, I mean, you obviously,

do you have any idea how many sex toys you've tried? I think I've got about 49. Who's counting? And is that the best one, the eight orgasms skydiving one? I've got a few favourites. I actually brought you some. Did you? Use ones or new ones?

Have you put them through the dishwasher? Oh, my God, you brought us one. Do you know I'm in a long-distance relationship now? I need this. Oh, you need this. So I brought two different kinds and you're going to have to fight amongst yourselves. Oh, I want the purple one. I'll have whatever.

No, Laura will use it once, so give me the purple one. I might not. I might use it more. Wow, that one looks like you could stab someone with it. This one? No, this one, I think. This one? Yeah.

That one? I've got the one that looks like a knife. Yours is a weapon. This literally looks like it could open my cervix again. Okay, let's describe them, Laura. Describe yours. Okay, mine is purple. It's a lovely, soft lavender colour.

It has what could be mistaken as maybe like a kitchen utensil handle. Looks like it's to serve some salad. But the end of it is like... Looks like you go to Laura's house for a dinner party, she's got that as the salad. Well, the end of it is aggressively pointy, like all the way down to like the shape of a spaghetti noodle. So it's very precise.

It's pinpointed pleasure, that one. I would be worried I'd perforate something. You really got in there quick with which one you wanted, didn't you? Brits is like a fool. It's going to cup you and give you gold. I'm opening it. They're both going to get you off. Okay.

Mine is like Mozart. It's a work of art. Look at this. Wow. It reminds me of a flamingo. I'm getting flamingo vibes immediately. Like that's my first. It's pretty fabulous.

So mine is like it has this beautiful smooth metal. It's a purple and it's in the shape of a flamingo's head. I think the clitoris slips on in there. So yours is the ultimate for greedy bitches who want everything. So it's going to stimulate your G-spot and like air pulse your clit at the same time. So does it go in like that way? In and on. Here's mine.

I cannot look at yours. Yours looks like a ring. Look, you could wear that as a statement piece. It looks like I'm going to inspect someone's penis hole. What do we call that? Urethra. There we go. That's what it looks like.

When we were talking before about the eight orgasms, this has been specifically designed for infinite orgasms. That's what they call it. So it moves in a little elliptical motion that stops you getting overstimulated. I've never had a multiple orgasm, so I will report back. Maybe I can do a review in the Lab Uncut booth if this goes well. You should, actually. I can't believe you've never had multiple orgasms.

Also, Laura comes in three minutes. Yeah. I'm like, I'm so quick because I'm efficient now. Like I said, I've got two kids. Same. I can make myself cum so quickly and then it's over and I don't have the capacity to go again. Have you ever tried to keep going?

No, not by yourself, not masturbation, but like with Matt, have you ever said keep going and see if you can do it? Believe it or not, Britt, but I've had sex with other people other than just Matt as well and it's not like when I got to having kids, I was like this is it forever. Like I've had many long sex sessions and I just can never get past the when I'm done, even if I have sex for two hours afterwards, I still can't get back to climax.

It just won't come back. It doesn't come back. I reckon I have, yeah, I reckon seven times before as well. I'm like you. I'm like you, Carly. Just keep going. I recommend the right tools you can. Okay.

I have lots of questions. Okay. Let's start. What are your top five? If you had to break it down to your top five vibrators, what are they? It doesn't have to be the brand. It can just be like the clitoral stimulation or a butt plug or like a dildo. It can be all different kinds of sex toys.

Okay. So my favorite one is by Wild Secrets. It's called the Kiss Bullet. So it's a tiny little pink thing that looks like a tampon. I've seen it. And I like that one because you can use it during sex. So I find it really hard to climax from penetration. I'm an external kind of girl.

So I actually use that one while I'm fucking somebody. Just on the clitoris. Okay. Isn't that interesting? So that's probably my favorite one just because it makes things a bit spicier. And then my second favorite one is this one here that you've got. The flamingo? Yeah, the flamingo.

So that's the Lilo Enigma. Okay. So that's the internal and the external part. Yeah. You know what I'm doing tonight, right? Oh, Britt is so deep in her long-distance relationship and something else is going to be so deep in her soon. It's a lot of deepness.

And then my third one is a Laura DiCarlo Bacci, and it's actually won awards at, like, robotics conventions for design and technology and shit. And the shape of it, it sits inside your flaps and stimulates the internal part of the clitoris, which is like 90% of it. Oh, so the nerves and stuff. Yes, like all the inside parts.

And that gives cracking orgasms. What are your thoughts on butt plugs? I just got sent one with a birthstone on it. It's like sparkly green emerald for May. So you can only use it in May? I'm somebody who believes like – Stop my birthstone. One use only.

I mean, obviously, like I own a jewellery label. We create things that are like birthstone, you know, orientated. Also, like stones are meant to have different meanings and whatnot. But you're sticking it in your ass. Like it doesn't matter if you've got a pearl for June. Do you know what? If you think of a butt plug now, you could almost make one as versatile. A ring because it has the ring with the plug.

You can make a big ring and then it could be the butt thing too. Do you want someone walking around with something on their hand that they also stick in their butt all the time? I'm just trying to make you some more money, Lauren. Your finger. But I have never, ever used a butt plug. So that's why I ask you, as someone that might be doing it, what your opinion is and how it translates to your sex life and your, I guess, does it get you off? Do you use it for just-

Because of the whole anal fissure thing, I've never really been like up for any anal business, but I do feel like the big sparkly emerald might hide the scar tissue that I need to have surgically removed. Also though, let's be real, 99.9% of people who have had children have hemorrhoids. Like it's not, that's another thing that no one talks about. like nobody talks about like the aftermath of your backside after having kids as well because let me tell you it is not the same everything else looks the same my butthole does not look the same vaginas they just snap back bum holes don't have that elasticity they absolutely don't

so your butts are bigger your butthole is bigger after birth no no it's just been absolutely savage and it just doesn't go back okay every single mom who's listening to this who has gotten hemorrhoids from having birth is going to be like, yes, they are my people and everybody else is going to unsubscribe right now. Oh, they're going to be disgusted. So you're talking about hemorrhoids. Sorry, no, I knew that. I thought you were talking about like the fact that like it stretches

like a vagina. No, it doesn't stretch. Absolutely not. No, you just get hemorrhoids. I mean, I talked about it in our live show in Sydney. It's not new to anyone. No, everyone gets them. People that don't have birth, people that just poop a lot get hemorrhoids.

Heaps of people get hemorrhoids. I know, but I still feel like it's, I mean, we're all very sex positive in terms of what we talk about on the podcast, in terms of, like, what you do for a living. But I still feel like there are some things in conversations that are quite taboo. Like, it's like, yes, we're sex positive, but so long as it sits within this box, you know?

And I think, like, things like something that's deemed not that attractive as society standards, like hemorrhoids, no one fucking talks about that because that's an embarrassing thing to have. So, like, let's just leave that. But, hey, I'll talk about anal play. Ooh, cute. Yeah, which is why I'm driving home the fact now that people without babies also get hemorrhoids.

Yeah, totally. Like, lots of people get them. Well, Carly, speaking of being very sex positive, why was this a space that you got into in terms of like what you feel comfortable sharing, you know, in the Life Uncut Facebook group, what you feel comfortable sharing in terms of doing the vibrator reviews? Why was that something that was important to you? Well, I just feel like I'm providing a valuable service. You know, I'm just doing my civic duty. I get people message me on Instagram all the time and they ask me some pretty big questions like i've just had a kid and i don't

feel like getting it on anymore is there anything that you can recommend that i can bring into the bedroom that might make me want to get my fuck on more often or just that they're having a problem with their partner or they've never had an orgasm and i feel like you know i can be very helpful with questions like that i've tried a shitload of toys and quite comfortable talking about them obviously so i feel like you know i'm really helping people when you were getting back into the dating scene because you're in a relationship now but when you were getting back into the dating scene is that something where people put their job did you say sex toy reviewer like did you yeah and how was the response do you found that people were more interested because they thought

oh this girl's gonna be kinky she knows what's up she's gonna be able to teach me stuff not really a lot of guys were like and they still ask me and i'm fucking sick of hearing it to be honest they're Like, do you reckon that, you know, using so many vibrators, you'll never be able to enjoy sex with a man? And I'm like, well, after you asking me that, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't enjoy sex with you. Why do you think that this is a question that people have or men sort of have for you? Do you think it's because there's an intimidation there? They feel like maybe it's going to outperform them? Like, where do you think that question comes from?

I think a little bit of it might be insecurity. Imagine feeling emasculated by a bit of pink silicon, though. I think that that's it. I think that people would, a man, would think, okay, she's been doing this with the best toys for a long time. She knows exactly how to do it. There would be this level of what if I can't get her to climax as quickly as she gets herself.

There'd be a level of I don't know if I could do that. I think if I was a man, like putting myself in that position, I think I would feel that. If I thought that someone was an expert at what they do, I'd be like, what if I can't get them there? But it's not sexy. Yeah. Kelly's like, nah.

yeah I think it's I think it's definitely insecurity yeah but I feel like there's this real toxic masculinity around like what a man should be able to provide in the bedroom and then using any assisted tools like that says so much about his own ego and where he's at in his sexuality than it does about anything else yeah totally imagine putting your pride ahead of your partner's like comfort and pleasure as well you know on top of all of those things Carly we talked about this a little bit before we got onto Mike so you are now in a relationship with someone and you are exploring an open relationship how did you come to that discussion I just realized that I still wanted to see other people and it wasn't because I wasn't getting everything that

I needed from him it's just because I'd been in a relationship prior for such a long time so I was with the father of my children for 14 years which is a really long time and I just felt like I hadn't got out there and experienced anything else I felt like I'd never really been single did you enter the relationship your current relationship now with this knowledge that you wanted an open relationship so did you meet saying hey like I'm interested in seeing you but I want to be open or did you get into the relationship and then think I'm not ready to just be exclusive yeah that was more what happened so I got into the relationship and then I just thought afterwards you know we're both such fabulous shags it would be kind of selfish not to totally like the world

the world needs to experience that but I also love how common this conversations become like I feel like 10 years ago people didn't have the not just the confidence but I feel like talking about open relationships was also something that was so taboo that nobody would bring it up in their relationships or even when they were dating for fear of how that would be received and I think that now it's something that we're seeing so much more of and it's conversations that people are bringing up and feeling comfortable to do so without the judgment and I guess it's definitely not something that's going to be for everyone but if it is something that's for you feeling confident enough to be able to approach that conversation is a massive step forward where

we definitely weren't able to do that 10 years ago how was it received when you brought it up well I brought it up after I'd had about five martinis which is probably not the best time always helps be honest and it wasn't particularly well received at the start but it's not like he immediately shut it down I think I just blindsided him with the suggestion and he just needed some time to go away and think about it and we eventually started doing it as a trial he was like you know I don't think you realize what you've gotten yourself into and what I'm capable of and I was like well go and do it and tell me about it afterwards right so he's like watch watch and learn yeah do you ever get jealous I don't get jealous I guess because I'm also getting mine like if he

was out sleeping around and I was just at home and I wasn't getting any I might be a bit left out but Because I'm also doing it. I don't get jealous at all. And weirdly, I also like hearing about it afterwards. Does he get jealous? I don't think so. A little, but not a lot. I think it's always like that's kind of the biggest question.

And that's the thing that always, it's where my mind always goes to whenever people talk about open relationships. Because, I mean, it's a reflection of me mirroring back my insecurities. Like I would feel jealous. And I know that that's something that I would struggle with if I was to try and navigate an open relationship. So I really find it fascinating when people are like, nah, I've got this. I am not jealous at all.

I think it's amazing. What's it like? I mean, we've spoken to a whole range of people before that are in sex clubs or that are in different relationships. We've done it all. But for you, there's obviously sets of rules and boundaries to make these sort of situations work. So did you guys talk about what it would look like in terms of, are you allowed to see the

same person more than once? Do you talk about it with each other or do you not talk about it with each other? How does it look for you guys? So initially, the deal was that it couldn't be with the same person more than once, which made a lot of sense at the time. Because of the industry that he works in, he has unfettered access to a lot of opportunity, whereas me, a single mom with two kids, I do not. It's harder for you to go out and find it. It's harder for me to go out and find a different person every time. So I think after having that conversation, there might be a little bit of leeway there.

And then I'm just trying to think of what the other rules were. The other rules were that we also need to come clean about it. And I think at the moment we're still going through the phase where we are fine-tuning whether or not the coming clean happens before it happens or after. I personally vote for after. So you mean in terms of, oh, I think I might have a date tonight, like a hook-up tonight, or you just don't want to know about it

after the fact? I don't want to know about it until it's already happened. Yeah. So I don't want to be like, hey, just so you know, I've penciled in a dick appointment at 7 p.m., can't hang out tonight. Think about me at 7 while you're eating dinner. I wouldn't want to know if he was doing that and he was like, oh, just so you know, tonight I'm going out with this person

and we're going to go here and do this. I don't want to know because then I'm sitting at home with my dogs and my kids in my apartment that they've trashed and I'm just like, ugh. I feel like I'd probably drive myself a little bit insane with that information. So I'm happy to hear about it afterwards and I enjoy hearing about it afterwards. I don't necessarily want to know before, but I feel like he might want a heads up. So that's something we're navigating.

So you're still working it out? Yeah, we're still working it out. Like it's an ongoing thing, constantly checking in and discussing different parts of it and finding out how, you know, we both feel about it and just it's a work in progress. Has there been anything that's been useful to you? And I think it's interesting because, you know, by no means are we speaking to you because you're an expert in open relationships. um it's truly just because we find it fascinating that you're in the midst of kind of navigating one

yourself but has there been anything that you have found useful in terms of listening to podcasts reading up on it or are you just fully going in blind and just figuring this out for yourself i did buy a book called the ethical slut yes we've heard about this one but i haven't actually read it so it's that sounds like me with parenting books yeah you're halfway there yeah so have you heard about that japanese thing where it's like there's an actual word a japanese word for a collection of books that you acquire and don't read and i think my pile is probably sitting about like 35 books right now what is that japanese word have you do you know what it is i could find it very quickly it's in a book but she didn't read it

i feel like it's secondo or secondo it sounds like sudoku yeah it does i can't remember it's in one of them i bought that didn't read does he want to know about your escapades because i know you want to know about his but is is that reciprocal less so I think I'm more interested in hearing about what happened than he is yep and is that because it's something that I'm obviously so interested in this I'm like my brain is going 100 miles an hour is that something because it you just want to have your head around everything that's happening and you want the transparency or does it turn you on to hear about him and a little bit of both okay yeah I think it's a little bit of both I brought it up with my new boyfriend right Ben we've been dating for a couple of months I

brought it up more I'm 99.99% sure I didn't want it but it's one of those things where you're just trying to gauge where someone else is at in a relationship when you meet them so I was like is that something you'd ever do? I feel like you brought it up so that he would say no so you'd be like yeah good got you. I feel like you didn't bring it up with the intention of wanting an open relationship. No I definitely didn't but it's just one of those things when you meet someone you want to know what they expect in a relationship what they want. Especially in your instance where your relationship is long distance so you know that it's already got this added layer of being quite challenging so you're like well are you committed to doing this or am I going to find

out that you're still seeing other people so like let's just put it on the table now because that's what I sort of said right I was like if if you're going to cheat on me at some stage I'd rather just call it an open relationship so I was not cheating but he was like before I said anything I just said what are your thoughts and he was just a hard no we're 100% together or it's not going to happen which to me was fine but it's definitely something that for those people that are out there listening now that want to navigate it it is not for everyone and it's something that you do need to I think having a conversation with your partner new partner long-term partner prospective partner I think it's fine and as what happened to you Carly you brought it up he was like well no way but then

with some time and breathing room and room to think about it and discuss it with you he's on board now and you've got a great relationship yeah I think it's made our relationship better and obviously there are benefits to doing that for both parties and I think you just need to keep checking in and talking about it the whole time like I don't think anybody's an expert in open relationships it completely depends on the dynamic of the couple and I think you just gotta yeah communicate with each other we went to a really interesting seminar which was when Esther Perel was here and she spoke about monogamy and like the changing landscape of monogamy and how people like to think that monogamy is black and white but that monogamy as a concept has already

changed and evolved so much over time like originally monogamy was you meet one person you get married and that is the only person you sleep with for your entire life and then it changed to well I'm monogamous in whatever relationship I'm in so you might have 15 monogamous partners over your lifetime and then it could be like well I'm monogamous but you know only when you're in this country or whatever it is whatever the rules around monogamy and I thought it was so interesting because I think we can be quite rigid in our traditional views without even realizing that those traditional views have already evolved and continue to evolve yeah I think that it's quite common there's an app called field which is I think used a lot for like more sexual

based relationships and more hookups than something like hinge and when you go on there and you have a look at the sorts of things that people have put down as their sexuality and what they're interested in like it is completely more common than I think it ever has been for people to be seeking polyamory or open relationships it just seems to be out there more than it ever was So what's that field, like F-I-E-L-D? F-E-E-L-D? Do you think it's like playing the field? Is that the little thing they're playing on there?

Maybe. Potentially. Carly, thank you so much for coming and being part of the podcast. Thanks for having me. We honestly, I mean, it's such an awesome thing to be able to get to know people who are part of our Life Uncut community who have been like so generously sharing in the Facebook group as you have been. Very generously.

No, please, please keep sharing everything because we love it so much. I wanted to ask you has there or what has been like one of your favourite episodes that you've listened to over time? If you have a favourite episode or a person that we've interviewed. I actually really loved listening to the one where you interviewed the lady about our secret spot in Annandale because it's actually just up the road from my house and I've been thinking about going. Did you know it existed before the F?

I kind of knew it existed but I didn't fully like understand what it was about and who it was run by and I do feel more comfortable popping in now. You should go and review it. You should go for us as groundwork on the team, Life Uncut team on the ground. We've got a live person in there. Jess was such an awesome interview, but I will, like, please,

if you do go and have an experience at The Secret Spot, I would love for you to come back on the podcast and share what that was and what you're finding, if that's something you feel comfortable doing. Because I'll take one for the team. I'll do it for science. If I have to, I'll go and have some fun at the sex club with the Hollywood stars that secretly go. We had been saying that we're going to send producer Keisha

and she, for a little while there, was like, yeah, I will go. But then I think when she realised it required reporting back, she was like, I'm not fucking going. No, so what, Keisha was going to go. Do you reckon they'll let me in if they know that I'm going to go blab about it on a podcast afterwards? Let's not tell anyone. Or maybe you can go under a disguise and we won't say who.

They'll let you in. Now they'll know because I'll listen to the podcast. Yeah, and I'll be very discreet with my reporting. Let's be real. You're going to be, like, you're going to have fun. It's going to be good. We know it. We want the intel.

I don't know, Laura and I, look at us. I'm excited. I'm like, go, go. I would probably try it in another country. Where it's a bit more anonymous. I feel like one night if I was like in France or Italy, Amsterdam, and I was having some drinks and I was having fun and without thinking someone said, do you want to do this?

I feel like that's the only time I would do it. I can't be planned or premeditated. Couldn't be in Australia. Couldn't be, I don't know. I think it would have to be a really spontaneous thing. I asked Matt if he would go. And? You were going to do your own groundwork.

Well, he didn't give me a hard no. He certainly did not give me a yes, but I was like, what would you say if we went to a sex club for research? And he was like, I would say that you're taking your job a little bit too seriously, but if we must, I would be open to the conversation. So maybe Matt and I can go, maybe we can all go together. I think we have our own club. I think you guys would need to go overseas as well, because I don't think you could go

here. People would break. Whatever, don't shame me. I can go. I'm not no I just Daily Mail keep it to yourself

I imagine if you did it you wouldn't want it plastered all over the Daily Mail I could be wrong Laura maybe you do want it plastered all over the Daily Mail I don't mind

but anyway what if it was a masquerade would you do it then I would absolutely do it if it was a masquerade okay I'll wear that outfit that Kim Kardashian wore you know the whole

black bodysuit over the face the hands Carly thank you so much for coming and being a part of the podcast you are an absolute breath

of fresh air we love having you within the community It was so fun being here.