Life Uncut - Call Girl Confidential: Guest Ask Uncut with Kayla Jade

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Keisha and this is my favorite type of Friday. It is our guest ask uncut and today's guest is a phenomenal one that we have wanted on the podcast for so long. Well look we do have Kayla Jade in studio. She's also known as Blue White Kayla Jade. She's an OnlyFans star, a porn creator, a podcaster, an entrepreneur, a core girl, and now also an author. Today is the day, everyone. Kayla Jade released her debut memoir. It's called Core Girl Confidential. It's all about her life and her journey into sex work. And it also contains a lot of different adventures that she's been on through her escapades and also experiencing and juggling motherhood alongside her work with two

Starting point is 00:00:52 very small children. Now, Kayla Jade has over 3 million followers across her social platforms. She also has about 90% of that audience is women aged 25 to 45, which is truly fascinating because you would assume that if you were a sex worker talking about your work online, that the biggest demographic would be men. But lo and behold, it's actually women who are the most interested in this. Now, Kayla is super transparent about all the good, also all the bad, and the really, really abnormal aspects of what she does for a job. Kayla, welcome to Life on Cart. Wow, that was an intro. Thanks for having me, girl. Don't worry, babe. We'll gas you up before we get started.

Starting point is 00:01:29 So happy to be here. For anyone who doesn't know your story, I mean, I know it's probably a repetitive thing for you to talk about, but for anyone who hasn't followed you on TikTok or seen a lot of the content that you put out, how is it that you got started as a sex worker and in the industry? okay yeah going back now so I always had an interest in sex work and I've come from a small town so like I didn't really have the exposure of it it wasn't until I actually moved over to Australia where I just heard about so many girls online making an insane amount of money with OnlyFans and I found that empowering so I was like I want to try that too and then yeah I just

Starting point is 00:02:06 dove balls deep into it and literally I was ADHD hyper-focused I was like I was googling how to make an OnlyFans and stuff because there was no content out there at the time like it wasn't really a thing back then well I guess talking about it wasn't as much of a thing this was like around COVID post-COVID time yeah so I just went straight in there and yeah didn't think too much about it just went straight in and then I did that for about four years I was collabing with people overseas and you know I made a name for myself in like the porn industry and then I felt like I'd sort of like hit a wall with what you could do in Australia I guess I was like okay what else can I do and I guess it's just my brain like I like to try different things and you know

Starting point is 00:02:53 I had so many friends in the industry and they were doing full-service sex work and I was like okay I'm like I might give that a go you know I was messaging them being like how do you do this how do you do that I learned everything I could and that's when I started full service and you know I was seeing like six or seven clients a day you know and when you see like that many clients a day it's like sometimes it gets lonely you know you're sitting in a hotel room seeing a bunch of different guys and that's when I started just posting about it online like talking about my ventures and I didn't think it would you know the TikTok would blow up the way it did but Oh, it certainly did. Well, I think one of the things I find so interesting about that is like

Starting point is 00:03:30 a lot of people will start online and then they stay online. The fact that you kind of like had an OnlyFans then decided to take that out into, I guess, like a full service. When you made that transition and I, you know, I guess I want to ask monetarily and so you can tell me to shut up if you don't want to answer it, but what was paying you better? Was it the OnlyFans subscription service that you built out or was it the like people who actually wanted to pay for a full night service or a full service from you in real person well I guess with like sex work and social media and things like that I guess what's going to pay more is what effort you're putting in right so I felt like the only fans you know I was posting thirst trap content and you know collabing with a bunch

Starting point is 00:04:14 of people and I felt like that didn't really resonate with me as much anymore so that's when I started doing the full service work and putting my effort into that so I guess it just ebbs and flows in ways like there wasn't necessarily one that was bigger than the other definitely now like full service for me is still bigger than OnlyFans but yeah I've had enormous months of OnlyFans and then I've had enormous months on full service sex work it just you know kind of complement each other like one one does one month does really well and then the other month does well with the other thing you know it's so funny because I the first thing I did is put on my business cap and I'm like but you have to product child in real life or online no it's because I'm

Starting point is 00:04:55 like you because like most people who have a service when they are the service right like if you're a PT trainer or you're a cosmetic person or you work in sex work whatever it is if your service is you you can't scale that en masse right so most people take their product and then they digitalize their product but it's kind of like you retrofitted that model a little bit and so it was the opposite wasn't it yeah I also think because of COVID like a lot of people who were doing in real life work went online because we weren't able to yeah you know like your story was kind of almost flipped yeah which is interesting but another part of your story that I find really interesting that you wrote about in the book is that you had two young children

Starting point is 00:05:32 and you had a partner who you had separated from but you were still living with and that was when you started doing this kind of work and by all accounts I mean my understanding from what I read was that he was really supportive of it and that's something that I don't think is spoken about very often yeah well I always say Jackson um the baby daddy he is like more feminist than I am in a way like he was always like so supportive and I think he just knows me and he knew that like if I want something I'm gonna do it so he was like it's either I support you or you know she's gonna do it anyway so he really helped me like make an OnlyFans and you know start up you know how to do it all because I'm obviously not that tech savvy so he was like I was like you do all the

Starting point is 00:06:17 boring stuff and like you know he was happy to help and he's always been like my biggest supporter you know he's always like stood up for me if anyone's been judgmental or anything like that like he's just always been there and we've always just made our relationship work like relationship I guess but you know well you're co-parenting and I think you know from what I read and correct me if I'm wrong I don't want to put words in your mouth but he kind of assumed the role of being a bit more of the primary parent while you were like undergoing this really successful business I know that you also kept your children private for a very long time before you were almost forced to talk about it because other people were going to essentially dox you and dox your children yeah

Starting point is 00:06:59 how did that time feel like for you and how did Jackson respond at the time I mean it was it was definitely violating like having people talk about my kids and how I am as a mother online I think it's just sex work 101 like we're taught not to talk about our personal lives because you know you could have a client or a subscriber that is really into you and then he remembers that thing from three years ago that you said and he puts two and two together and suddenly he knows where you live and everything about you you know what I mean so you just have to be very careful so that's why I never wanted to talk I just didn't feel the need to talk about my personal life online because I was talking about sex like that's what people were following me for is like

Starting point is 00:07:39 my sex work so why would I really talk about my family life you know what I mean it's also this really gross side of the internet where and it's women unfortunately who do it to each other and it's this faux care it's like you can't possibly be a good mom because you work in this line of work however in order to prove that we're going to dox your children it's like you don't actually care this is this is not about care or about virtue it's not about whether or not the yeah the children's safety is paramount safety it's all about this like weird sense of moral correctness I guess when you decided to kind of make that decision and you have been more open talking about the fact not about your kids are exposing their identities but the fact that you are a mom

Starting point is 00:08:23 and that that's part of your life and your identity how has that shifted people's perceptions online or has it been something that you have to deal with still people having these like negative reactions to that yeah I think like when it first all came out you know I I really had to speak my truth because like a lot of people were saying things online that were just not the case like I would just read things and like oh yeah like she had her kids taken off her like that's why And I'm like, where did you get this information from? And yeah, there was just a lot of talk online. And so I was like, I really need to come on and like speak my truth.

Starting point is 00:08:58 So that's when I think I made like a podcast episode of it. And I was just, you know, a tell all. So I could get my side of story out there because yeah, there was, like you say, there were a lot of mums that were actually doing it in these like tea time groups. Mums love to shame other mums. It's something that we've seen a lot of. It was actually something that we spoke about, very different conversation, but like Indy Clinton and her experience through Tattleland, you know, it is unfortunately the people who are in there are other mums who are holding this stand or other women, if not. Yeah, I mean, it's look, it's the way the internet, like if you are going to be out there, they are going to be like, you're going to have to be okay with a little bit of judgment or a little bit of this and that.

Starting point is 00:09:37 But I really just had to come on and talk about it. What do you think is the big thing in your experience that people have wrong about sex work or like a big misconception that people seem to have about it? I guess maybe it would be that sex workers are like really into the work or, you know, they're like, they're like these devious, like sex queens that just want to steal your man kind of thing. But at the end of the day, it's, it's just money. Like, yeah, we can enjoy the work, but I guess it's not like what people think in a way.

Starting point is 00:10:06 Like, you know, it's just, it's a job. It's getting money. I love your honesty about that though when I read your book and you spoke about the first experience of sex work that you did in real life and you kind of were like I don't really feel any which way getting that bag was good like it's just cool I mean honestly I was just thinking of the money yeah like I really that's what got me excited to do it you know it was just like a new way of getting money and I guess when you know I dealt with OnlyFans I can you know done my collabs and things like that so it was just like yeah it was a new way for me I was excited about it I mean it's

Starting point is 00:10:43 just about the other side of that coin when it comes to money though has there ever been a time where you have maybe pushed your own personal boundaries or something that you initially thought oh I probably wouldn't be interested in doing that because the offer of money was so high or so enticing I suppose yeah definitely I think when I first started out as well I was very you know a little bit unsure on my boundaries and stuff so it really took me a while to be like okay no this is not what I want to do and you know really set those clear boundaries because yeah guys will try and push you you know they will try and be like oh if you do this you could get this and you know so you just really have to be careful with that. I mean one of the things about the way

Starting point is 00:11:25 in which you've discussed your work on TikTok and I want to be careful how I say this I think the pendulum has swung so much at the moment in how we speak about sex work how we speak about OnlyFans there's a lot of glorifying of it that happens as well but there is still I guess like this conditioning and people can have an experience and not necessarily enjoy all parts of it and I think you've been really honest in your experience and you've also been really honest in how you've spoken about OnlyFans in terms of for other people like you know what it's a job you might not like it you might not enjoy it it's not great for a lot of people and a lot of people aren't cut out for this type of work or this type of business what do you think now in terms of like when you have

Starting point is 00:12:03 women come to you or girls come to you and say I want to start an OnlyFans you know they've seen the dollar signs they think they're going to have a get rich quick scheme on their hands almost or you know like it's a new job for them that they can turn into a lucrative business what are the warnings that you also give to girls I remember thinking back like when I first started and I'm like what if I put myself out there I make zero money and yet I have hardcore porn on the internet and it's something that you just have to be okay with because you know you might put stuff out there and it might not do well so you really have to be okay with putting that stuff out there and you've got to think to yourself well like what am I doing this for and have I exhausted all my other

Starting point is 00:12:49 avenues well for you in terms of like the type of content that you were creating was it a creep like did you start with one type of content and then you're like oh I am making money from this I do feel okay with this and so I'm gonna try this and then I'm gonna try this or did you start here and then work your way back I started here yeah I was very much like I have a vision I'm just diving right in and I didn't think more than three days ahead and I really don't recommend that like I really you need to think of everything because obviously you're going to lose some family members there's going to be people that are not going to be okay with it like there's some people that I still don't talk to because of me starting an OnlyFans you know

Starting point is 00:13:32 and there will be people that will get over it but there will be some that won't so you just gotta think like are you okay with that are you okay with people judging you like I feel like people change when you do this type of work how do you deal with that judgment and in terms of like the people that you I guess experienced it come from maybe it was family people who are friends people who saw you as one version of yourself and then judged you so severely when you stepped into this new career how do you deal with that? I mean to me like I'm happy doing this so if they're not happy that I'm happy then that's their loss. I know we circled a little bit but how do you deal with the judgment that you receive around your ability to be a good mum from those

Starting point is 00:14:16 people? That's yeah I feel like that's the hard thing for me like you can say what you want about me but then when they start talking about my kids I get really upset with that but at the end of the day you got to think like I know I'm a good person I know I'm a good mother I'm so grateful and so happy that I get to have the time like this work has given me the time to spend with my kids you know and I never dreamed that I never thought I would have a career like that. Do we want to get into petias too? Oh yeah okay well we do have you here to answer all of the listener questions even though I'm pretty sure after that we could continue to talk to you all day. All right kick it off we do ask all of our guests who are answering our life uncut questions what is the pettiest hill

Starting point is 00:14:58 that you will die on oh the pettiest hill and what I mean by that is like something that you hate something that's petty that drives you crazy something that you kick off about in the line at the post office whatever it is well something that would drive me crazy like if I'm on a date with someone and they're just glued to their phone like there's nothing that drives my gears more than that I just feel like maybe it's because I'm on the internet so much I'm on social media like I love that time just to connect with people. And so when people are on their phones and they're not listening and stuff, it's infuriating.

Starting point is 00:15:32 Is this in your personal life or is this more in a professional setting? Personal life. They can do what they want in a professional setting. Yeah, yeah. You're like, if you want to be on your phone, we think you're paying for it, but sure. If you're paying, you can go on your phone as long as you like. I want to know about that though.

Starting point is 00:15:48 How do you find dating now? Are you dating? I don't date. Yeah, I don't date. I feel like I feel like this work has really done a number on me with dating like in what I guess I just see like when you you know when you see people like when you meet someone for the first time I guess you see like you know the tip of the iceberg whereas sex workers we see the depths of it like we see you know we hear a lot of men's unfiltered thoughts and

Starting point is 00:16:16 feelings. And I feel like I've just seen so much that I would find it hard to trust someone again. It must be so challenging when you, I guess, in terms of like what you're doing for work and you ask meeting men who are husbands or boyfriends or have alternate lives and you see the casualness from which they're able to lie to the people who they say are the most important people in their lives. It must be very hard to compartmentalize that and be like, oh, but that's not going to happen to me because you're like no it probably is statistically it makes you just think that everyone's like that in a way or you know it just yeah I don't know so it's gonna I feel like I would have to go through therapy before I would date again when it comes to the

Starting point is 00:16:58 lying from partners I feel like there's been a bit of a cultural shift in terms of monogamy and what that might mean for couples especially in the last probably five years I think that maybe there's just been more conversations about the realities of some relationships particularly long-term ones. Do you find that some of the people that you do see who might be in long-term monogamous relationships, are they not lying to their partners? Like, are their partners very aware of the fact that this is something that they want to be doing and they know where they are basically? Yeah. I mean, I guess like I see a lot of couples and like, I love that the couples are so open and they're so excited to explore new things. And I think that's my favorite part

Starting point is 00:17:38 of the job when couples are just coming to me and like being so open with each other and exploring their you know sexualities there's definitely going to be clients that you know don't tell their partners they don't tell me like they act like they're single I feel like back in the day people used to be like oh if we're in a relationship I'm the only person you're going to sleep with the rest of your life yes yeah but now I feel as though the boundaries have kind of maneuvered a little bit where other people in long-term relationships might be like I don't really want sex anymore if you still want to have sex go and see a sex worker i'm okay with that you know like has there been a shift in i guess the clientele you mean yeah like more so about whether they're

Starting point is 00:18:16 honest about it you know if they are in a relationship is the partner in on it and they know when they're like i want our relationship to continue you want more sex than what i want so you're outsourcing it yeah okay she's asking but she's like yeah i just want to know are you free on Thursday I mean I mean that's the kind of beauty of sex work right because it's like you know we don't have that intimate connection with the partners like they I guess men are booking us to you know fulfill that need in a way so there's that not that connection that you would get like you would in a relationship so I would say there are you know couples that would be like look I'm done for the day go see a sex worker and they would be okay

Starting point is 00:18:57 with that because the sex worker is not gonna you know steal their man kind of thing totally it's not an emotional connection yeah it's a physical transaction yeah yeah I have one more question before we do get into the listener questions now I'm I'm rethinking what this episode should have been and we should have just sat in asking you questions I mean I'm all for it so by all means my question is from your experience and from the people that you do have more than I guess a sexual relationship with they're probably repeat customers people that you have more of a conversation with as well what are the main reasons that someone would seek out to book a sex worker rather and I'm not just saying just for physical sex but you know are they in relationships are

Starting point is 00:19:33 they single are they seeking connection what does that look like for you I think seeking connection is a huge one like I'll have clients where you know we just talk for the first 50 minutes and then the last five minutes we're having sex like it's such a small part of it so I think there's clients that will see me for that you know they're more of a connection because they don't get that socially or intimately you know a lot of people that do see me now yeah they know who I am so they know what to expect. But there's clients that don't know who I am and they just want to book me because, you know, they have a need to fill. It's an array of guys, really. You know, it's young, old, in between everything, couples. Wow. Yeah. All right. Let's get into these

Starting point is 00:20:12 questions. Number one, this is one that's written like a poem. Okay. It's very long. It's very, it's very long. I'm going to try and reduce it down. It's pretty funny. It's interesting. Okay. I've been in a relationship with a guy for almost five years now. We met online and we hit it off immediately. The chemistry has been amazing since day one. Now he lives two hours away and we do long distance. We are older and have very independent lives. She goes into detail about how they both are very strong, fit, funny, hilarious, wonderful. He's 52, she's 48. I guess by the sounds of things so far, they've kept a kind of lifestyle where they're together, but they're also very independent. Anyway, last weekend I found out he has been living dupliciously and

Starting point is 00:20:56 seeing another woman. She lives in his town. I've done some crazy shit in my life, including escaping a communist country, she says. However, I have never caught my partner cheating quite this way. I caught him cheating via a hiking app. He shared his trail he was hiking with me on and it popped up. Christy also shared this trail and you can visit the profile through the app. So I did, thinking nothing of it at the time. I am not a particularly jealous person. However, I then noticed that all of the trails and all of the hikes that she had been on that week were the exact same as the ones that he had been on. And when I kept scrolling through her hikes, they coincided with all of the trips he and his son have taken to Palm Springs, LA, Las Vegas, Ohio,

Starting point is 00:21:40 Arizona, and upstate New York, where his family now lives. I immediately quizzed him on this and he denied it and told me that no one was on the trail with him, just an old couple with an old German shepherd. Later, I quizzed him again and he doubled down and got a little bit annoyed by this. the next day again he denied it however the evidence is irrefutable i have connected them back to september of 2023 using the app and the photos that he has sent me with the dates and timestamps i went full nypd on his ass she used to work for the federal police now i kind of feel like i hold the power he knows i know but the other woman clearly doesn't know about me seemingly neither does his family or his friends. Do I A, go along with it, have really good sex once a month

Starting point is 00:22:26 and have that person who checks on me every day as well as maintain a great relationship with his son and have fun dinners with the two of them once a month. B, end it and end a good friendship with both him and his son and never have great sex like this again. I live in a small town and I can't imagine I'm going to meet anyone else soon. Or C, go nuclear and detonate his entire life by dumping him and telling her now i understand that this is blowing up everyone's life however this is what i'm leaning towards at the moment wait so is she the other woman she sounds like she's the other woman they're only catching up once a month so she's clearly the other woman like so she's saying she's the other woman like does that mean the sun's in on it i guess so because then if she's

Starting point is 00:23:08 seeing the sun the sun is not who i thought about how old is the sun i'm so you dirty hiking dog So the son clearly knows. Or maybe the son doesn't know that they're actually dating. Maybe the son just thinks she's a friend. They're catching up once a month. They have dinners. She's clearly having great sex. He might have made it as like, this is my friend, Susan,

Starting point is 00:23:28 who comes over and stays in the spare room. Yeah, he could have talked a spiel. But anyway, it's obviously she's one of our American listeners as well because we don't usually get Ask Uncuts from America. But if you're in this situation, if you found out that someone and you knew that you were the other woman in this entire weird situation what route are you taking pick your own adventure I would dump his ass and tell the other woman for sure you know you're doing a disservice to her not telling her right like she's like

Starting point is 00:23:56 living this life too and she probably doesn't know what's going on so I feel like you just got to go in and take him down and you know tell everyone around him like don't let him get away with it because he doesn't deserve either of you I think anyway I agree I actually do think in this case I would tell the other person and I would break up with him. The sex is not worth that level of betrayal. It's not worth it. You can find sex elsewhere. No sex would be better than whatever the fuck is going on here. Okay, so my next question is, how would you guys reach out?

Starting point is 00:24:27 Because I'm assuming this must be some type of like a Strava hike app, right? Yeah, what's up with the hiking app? I know that there is hiking apps that tell you about different hikes you can go on and that kind of thing. And I don't know if you post pictures. It's like this dating call for hikers. How do you tell her? Do you like, can you contact each other through the hiking app? i'm not sure do you just need to turn up at her next hike like that would be hectic i mean i would

Starting point is 00:24:48 probably contact through social media like surely they um they log their hikes after their hikes they're not you're not gonna like get there halfway up the mountain just wanted to tell you maybe you have to start it i don't know maybe maybe you could really you said you wanted to detonate and that's what you're leaning towards maybe you could turn up at his next hike just tell the son that you want to go and surprise him on his next adventure you want to you know you want to pull up your hiking boots and then you can expose him in person yeah and then you could go on a hike with this woman because clearly she likes like you can have a new best friend I mean look I think that this is kind of obviously the specifics around this circumstance are not

Starting point is 00:25:29 particularly relatable but the experience of this is relatable like people catch their partners cheating or find out that they are actually the other woman when they had no idea like this stuff happens all the time if you guys have been here since day one you know that brit had a story very similar to this it's the third episode that we ever released but i think in these instances like if you do decide to detonate someone's life like you're not the bad person you're not the person who did anything wrong i just think you have to be careful with how you do it and do it with care because you do have a responsibility for how you provide that information to the woman who is going to be affected by this i guess like maybe get out of your fury and don't aim it towards her because

Starting point is 00:26:08 she's not the person who is deserving of any of it she's not the one in the wrong yeah I think it's a natural thing to feel a bit jealous of them like I've been in the experience where I found out that I've been cheated on and and my initial like kind of gut reaction is being like I'm angry at the her too and it's totally not their fault but I think it's that natural thing where it's like what do you have that I don't have you know why would they want you rather than me and I think that if you're going to tell her you need to be away from that emotion yeah I mean I think he's just gonna do it anyway whoever it is like he's gonna be the cheater so have you ever had someone like one of your clients partners contact you no never no they just yell at him

Starting point is 00:26:47 instead they know they're like there's no need to yell at you about it like I've definitely had dms before where like partners have wanted me to investigate to see if like you know their husbands like subscribe to my only fans or something and I'm like hell yeah like what's his name I'll look them up I'll see oh my god you do yeah I'll see if he's like yeah what's his username and I've like looked them up before and I'm like I screenshot the I'm like could he be this could he be this like yeah that is hilarious although do we think that subscribing to someone's only fans is cheating I mean I guess everyone has their own boundaries you know and like you know if something's okay with you it might not be okay with someone else so I guess it depends on what

Starting point is 00:27:24 they've talked about in their relationship I love that even though someone's subscribed they're like paying you dollars to be a part of this like membership subscription you're like anonymity is not guaranteed my friend girl code is higher I know I love it I love it when I get messages like that I'm like oh yeah like let's let's investigate let's see what's on this guy up together I love that all right next question my ex started going to the gym after we broke up and I'm furious my ex and I broke up about three months ago after four years together it was totally mutual and mostly fun we basically realized that our lifestyles weren't what each other wanted and we wanted to live in different places he wanted to move an hour away where it's

Starting point is 00:28:03 a bit of a different pace and I like to live in Sydney in the city I've been doing really well I focused on myself had fun and moved on but last week my friend who still follows his Instagram sent me a screenshot of a photo he had posted and he looks incredible he has clearly been to the gym every single day since the moment we separated for the entire four years we were together I could not get this man to take a 20 minute walk I suggested the gym approximately 100 times he said he just wasn't a gym person apparently he absolutely is a gym person he was just not a gym person for me I feel like it's a bit of a fuck you to me and I feel really angry that he's kind of doing things that I wanted us to do in our relationship together I'm contemplating messaging him but

Starting point is 00:28:47 I can't think of a way to do it that doesn't a make it clear that my friends are sending me screenshots of him as we agreed to unfollow each other and b seems really passive aggressive should I send it anyway and tell him that it's annoyed me oh my god whatever you do don't send a message don't send a message if you have to like write a letter and scribble it up and set her on fire do that but yeah don't send a message like that's him winning you know like if he's putting on this like you know I'm gonna show her type of energy if you message then he knows oh I got you there you know what I mean yeah I do and there's this weird AI trend that's happening at the moment I don't know if anyone's like pretending to be jacked no I don't know if anyone's seen this

Starting point is 00:29:29 it's and I don't know why my Instagram keeps feeding it to me but it's like obviously I clicked on one of the reels at some point and it's like the divorce effect and it goes through like someone who's like you know like I guess like not in good shape and have kind of let themselves go and they're really down and like the lighting's bad and then all of a sudden they're shredded i know but it's so ai right but it's gotta be ai like they aged backwards by like 30 years like they had a full body lift did you get a facelift too okay the whole thing it's like someone cut them from the ankles and pulled them up i ran into a friend a couple weeks ago when she's going through a divorce right now like a separation it's very fresh i think she's about two and a

Starting point is 00:30:06 half months in i didn't know when we started i literally just ran into her i didn't know that they'd separated and i was like you're fucking incredible and she was like thanks we separated it okay but here's my question if you firstly just going back to this person for a second nothing good and i agree with you completely nothing good is gonna come from you messaging him except passion his ego and he's gonna be like yeah that was fucking great i feel like the only logical thing is to get more shredded than him just get jacked at the gym you know like it's now a competition show him his boss the thing is I don't believe that this is maintainable for him like I think that yes he'll do it but as soon as he gets into a relationship and he gets like

Starting point is 00:30:51 cushy in his life like yeah get comfortable this is like one of those bursts and like I'm changed I'm a new man and then within a year he's going to be back to being the same guy because no one goes from never stepping foot or doing less than like you know 2,000 steps a day to being a full gym junkie forever yeah I don't think well some people do but very fucking rarely rarely and not when the not when the motivator has been a breakup it's always temporary as soon as the heartbreak's gone let me tell you you're back to doing the same thing I do think there is something really validating though in feeling that like it's a specific type of anger and I don't know what the emotion is actually called when someone that you were with for years and something that you

Starting point is 00:31:30 wanted to do together and they always said no to it all of a sudden you break up and they're going and doing that thing. I had a long-term relationship. We were in our early 20s and I was like, I really, really want to travel. I want to go on like a three- to six-month trip. He was like, no, I cannot go for more than three weeks. This literally basically caused us to break up.

Starting point is 00:31:48 We'd been together for years, broke up. In three months' time, he was on a trip with his mate that went for five months. Why do they always do that? I was like, what the actual hell is going on? Like, that's all I wanted from you. It's like he put that in his brain and he was like, I can't do that with you but then yeah he already had an itinerary you know why because I planned

Starting point is 00:32:08 I don't know what it is so maybe and like I don't want to pat ourselves on the back but like maybe there is a part of them where it's like they're going through the breakup and the grief of losing the relationship or like feeling as though they did I don't know and it's like them having a do over in some way I had a similar experience but it was I was with him for six years and he was always like I fucking can't settle down I'm a musician I must find myself first like tortured artist vibe and then we broke up I moved on I was in a new relationship and like a year later he'd started dating someone else too and like I really just thought that this was the person I was going to be with you know like I really was and the only reason we weren't together was because he was so

Starting point is 00:32:47 non-committal for six years and then we caught up for a drink this one day he was dating someone else I was dating someone else and he was like yeah you know I just I just realized like I'm ready to settle down and I was like I could stab you with this butter knife obviously I didn't but I was like how can you say that to my face and not expect me to be filled with such a sense of fucking like crazy work grief I was so sad he's like oh well it would be with you if you were available and I was like why don't even go there buddy I did and it destroyed my life anyway don't do as I say no don't do as I do do as I say it never works out yeah I think the only option is like kayla jade said you've just yeah unfortunately you have to go to the gym too yeah just get jacked

Starting point is 00:33:30 post their straps babe all right next question oh this one is particularly relevant i am 26 and i've been seriously considering starting an only fans account for about a year now financially it just makes complete sense for where i'm at in my life i'm working as a dj and making okay money when i have bookings like wedding season and i'm really able to fill the gaps with casual support work where I need. I look at what some creators are making and I think, I could do that. The thing stopping me isn't the content itself. It's more what other people might think or say about it. My family are quite conservative. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone and knows everyone's business. I've moved to a bigger town about an hour and a half away, but it's still

Starting point is 00:34:09 just not a capital city. I'm not ashamed of the idea in theory, but I am genuinely scared of the practical reality of people finding out what I do and what that costs me in terms of my relationships, and my reputation. Any advice on what I should do or how I might overcome caring about these things would be greatly appreciated. We actually got this question months ago but I knew that none of us in the room could answer it. Yeah it's a hard thing because it's just the realities of this work like it's going to close some doors and you know there might be some opportunities and open doors but it's a high-risk job and you know you really have to be okay with knowing that people might find your content because chances are especially if you're in a small town like they're probably

Starting point is 00:34:52 going to find you especially if you're promoting yourself because you want to promote yourself promote yourself right you want to succeed if you're gonna you know start an OnlyFans and like that's how you succeed is putting yourself out there you know people need to find you somehow so I wouldn't recommend going into it if you're thinking like in your head oh you know I'll just put it out there but I'll be more low-key like I'll just post on Reddit or something like you know it'll be fine because you know if you post that stuff and then you don't make any money out of it like you got to ask yourself how are you going to feel with that content out there with people in your personal life seeing it because yeah chances are they will find out for someone

Starting point is 00:35:34 who's starting out and I guess this is kind of parallel to any small business starting would you recommend that they kind of create a bit of like a library of content that they can then release all, you know, once they've started the actual page, do you bank content first and kind of get it all ready to go? And then you have your launch day and all of a sudden it's there for people to subscribe, or do you kind of start small and just post one thing and see how that goes and then maybe do something else? Yeah. Well, I guess the biggest thing is sort of social media. So like I started posting on Reddit was the first thing I ever posted on. I didn't have an Instagram, definitely didn't have a TikTok. I just started posting like thirst trap content and getting

Starting point is 00:36:15 subscribers through that. And I guess it was just a way for me to sort of like test the waters and branch out and see what I wanted to do. But yeah, for me, I definitely went like straight in there. I would recommend starting more slow. When you say straight in there, what do you mean? Like I was collabing with people pretty early on. Yeah. Male collabs, female collabs, the works. the works yeah went to America and collabed with all the big names over there you know so did you ever have an experience at that early stage where you were like okay this was a bit too much definitely there were some yeah there was definitely one guy in particular where I was like this is too much but I just had that drive of like I wanted to be successful so I was like okay like

Starting point is 00:37:00 that's my next thing is like going overseas and like working with all the names they have big followings like that's how I'm going to build my profile but yeah there was definitely some dangerous situations that I was in that I thought that you know but just because they have a following and I've worked with so many amazing names and big names like you you put a trust in them in a way but when you think like well I guess in the porn industry you know there's a lot of people usually around and but when you're with OnlyFans like sometimes you're just alone in a room with a man you know like you agree to collab with someone so if anything like OnlyFans can be a little bit more dangerous in a way that's really interesting because I don't think you hear that

Starting point is 00:37:40 side of it you really always hear the alternate it's like it's a way that we're able to take agency and create the content we wanted to create and like not be a slave to the porn industry but it's interesting to hear that actually not having those safety parameters around you can also backfire and be something that's quite dangerous that's right like this kind of industry it does attract predators in a way you know there are people that are going to try and take advantage of you and stuff so yeah I would recommend always like you know talking to people getting references of people because I just like I was quite early on then but I was I just assumed like oh he's such a big name he's worked with all these names in the industry he must be incredible and then it turned

Starting point is 00:38:21 out to be a really bad experience so you know you just you can't trust anyone I guess I think the biggest thing from that though and it kind of goes full circle to what we're talking about the very start where you said that you had your own relationships impacted by the work that you decided to go into and it's like you can't do this work especially if you're wanting to start an only fans which is subscriber based and it's built on like mass volume you need to get as many subscribers as possible right that's how subscription models work so it's like that is not going to work if you approach this with the fear that people will find out yeah you have to approach this with, I'm okay with people finding out because I need everyone to know. That's the

Starting point is 00:38:59 only way in which you're going to make money. If you go into it with fear or having reservations, then this is not the work that you should be doing because you can't have both. It's not a world that works on both sides. Well, that was kind of a question I had for this particular person who's written this in. She said that she's working as a DJ. She's making okay money. I mean, most people I would assume that have, you know, a work like that. They would have an Instagram account that probably has, you know, a couple thousand followers because if they're getting wedding bookings and gigs and stuff like that. Would you recommend that they leverage that platform or would you recommend that they start a completely separate account so that the two

Starting point is 00:39:32 things can kind of live in parallels rather than be the one person with all of that type of content? I mean, if you were just doing the sort of underground DJ work, like I think you would be okay to promote your OnlyFans on that. But if you're taking weddings, I don't think they're probably going to be okay with you having an only two bookings in a day you're already there it's just the realities like some people aren't comfortable with it and there's going to be some judgment so I would recommend if you're going to do that completely separating the two when I first started and this is why I always recommend like people get a different phone with a new number and a new IP address because you know if you have your number linked to everything it's just going

Starting point is 00:40:15 to show everyone all your content so yeah i learned that the hard way but that's another really good tip yeah another phone yeah make sure you yeah have everything completely separate well kayla j we have one last question before we let you go i have two kids and i love them more than i knew it was possible to love anything i want to be really clear about that before i say the next part i miss myself not in a vague abstract way i mean i genuinely grieve the person that i was before i became a mom i miss the freedom i miss the spontaneity i miss the ability to make decisions that were entirely about me without having to factor in 12 other things first i miss being someone whose identity existed outside of being someone's mother i would never for a second wish

Starting point is 00:40:56 my kids away and i think that's why i feel so confused about this because how can you love something completely and want to be the person i was before them does everyone feel like this from time to time oh I really feel for her yeah me too like that's that's rough that to me also screams like you don't have the support that you need yeah that's what I was thinking like you know I feel like she needs more support yeah sure that's like the village is missing when I read that I'm like yeah where is the other parent in this equation like totally why are you the one who's carrying the mental load of 12 things all the time when every decision needs to be made exactly did you guys experience anything similar when you became mums i personally feel so fucking

Starting point is 00:41:37 grateful for having matt because he is and will and can carry all of the mental load if i need him to like even to the point where we're going to joanne mcnally's comedy show tomorrow night and i forgot to tell him and then he called me today and he was like yeah no no i forgot to tell him and like we have three kids and it's at 6 p.m like that's crazy shit i can't just like walk out the door and not come home from work the personalities in this room right now are that spider-man meme where everyone's just like I feel for Jackson because that's exactly I'll tell him like oh yeah we're going to New Zealand on the weekend like yeah let's go that's international bags packed like let's go so I called him today and I was like I'm so sorry I mean and when I say

Starting point is 00:42:18 today it's now like three o'clock so like I gave him just 24 hours notice of it and he was like fine whatever it doesn't matter like it doesn't matter and I don't need to prepare a dinner I don't need to like give him a sleep schedule I don't need to I don't need to tell him anything I just walk out the door and he does it as well I feel as though a lot of mums don't have that a lot of mums and I see this in my friendship groups if they're going away for a weekend they're stockpiling food in the fridge and labeling it so that the husband knows what dinners are for when and they're organizing like kid play days and pickups and time slots and school sports and they're doing all the organization so even when they do get to have time to themselves

Starting point is 00:42:53 it actually isn't time to themselves because they've done all the pre-prep mental load prior to it yeah I know that's really tough and I guess you got to think like there is going to be a time where you know you will get that time back there's going to be one day where they start hanging out with their friends more they start driving like they're not little they're their own little person now and you know there will be that time where you'll get that time back can I ask you about how you co-parent at the moment you know you guys sound like you have such a great friendship at the base of this as well. How do you juggle the co-parenting load? And I guess like, how do you kind of navigate when one's working, when you're traveling, do you travel together a lot with the

Starting point is 00:43:34 kids? What does it look like now for your setup? Yeah, I guess it just, we're so yin and yang that it just works. And I think, you know, when you've been together with someone for like 10 plus years, you have two kids together. It kind of just, I don't know, ebbs and flows, I guess. Like we're just we just complement each other so well and I think now like we're not in a relationship but we've always been just that strong family unit and you know he's so understanding of my brain and how I'm like and I'm so understanding of his and you know if there's a new movie out or something like I'm excited to see it with him like you know he's just my person so I would say we're like life partners you know it's pretty amazing it's a pretty incredible thing to be

Starting point is 00:44:18 able to co-parent in that way I think a lot of people I know that you say when you've been with someone for 10 years it just kind of makes sense but I would say that most people who go through a relationship breakdown but then are still maintaining co-parenting they put the kids first to be able to maintain the relationship but it's not always that easy and it's not always they're not the person they want to go to the movies with yeah yeah and I think we just like we said from the start like even if we do break up we could not do you know 50 50 with the kids like I felt like we just all needed to be together and it just works because we all get along so well and you know I feel like there's not the pressure of the relationship anymore so I feel like it just

Starting point is 00:44:57 works for us it's even easier can I ask you you were quite young when you had kids was there a sense when you first became a mom or maybe even after you had your second where you felt like you lost out on experiences as a you know someone in their 20s I would say like mentally like I didn't actually think it but I would say yes like I subconsciously I would have felt that because had my first kid when I was like 20 so wow you know still a baby you are a baby like but I always wanted to be a mom you know I was always so excited like I just love being a mom it's also I mean it's pretty cool when you kind of think about the fact that when you guys went into having kids your life would have been so different and like everything that you were kind

Starting point is 00:45:39 of creating what you thought and the fact that you're able to support each other through that like it's yeah it's pretty remarkable I think just like us both having kids so young we really just we grew up with the kids in a way you know well I mean I think for anyone listening to this like it sounds like it's the most mature version of what co-parenting is regardless of how young you might have been when you had kids like I know a lot of people in their 40s who can't co-parent like that yeah and that is what is the very cool thing to take away speak to each other for five years wow all my parents did was fight over child support so ditto yeah yeah oh Kayla Jade you're amazing you are a breath of fresh air and it is in no way hard to see why you are so followed

Starting point is 00:46:19 across TikTok and social media you were so open you were so vulnerable with your comments tell us a little bit about the book and how people can get it why they would want to read it and what's in the book yeah so the book is a little bit about my life my story I guess like I wrote it because you know I have so much experience in like my life and what I've done and I just wanted a place where it was all together you know I feel like with my ADHD I feel like my brain is scrambled and sometimes I forget the things that I do so like I just really wanted one place where I could just like sit down and write like my story you know and it was very therapeutic in a way just going through everything and learning a little bit about myself like there were some things where

Starting point is 00:47:03 like because I dive deep in like you know pre-sex work and my life growing up and past relationships and you know when I was going through it I was like I wonder why like this makes you know like I'm sorry I'm like rambling no I know you're like these experiences are what kind of what kind of shaped me as a person you know what I mean so yeah I was kind of learning about myself in a way when I was writing the book it was very interesting the book is really really fascinating and I found myself I'm not usually a reader I'm usually an audiobook listener but because the book only came out today you know I didn't have the option I found myself just turning the pages and that is so rare for me there was the perfect amount of detail like it was never too much I just felt

Starting point is 00:47:44 like I constantly wanted more and I was turning those pages and for anyone who is into a little bit of smut literature this will be really up your alley because there's a little bit of spice in there and there's a little bit of raunchiness and I found it absolutely fascinating well thank Well, thank you for coming and being a part of the pod. We loved having you. Thanks for having me.

Life Uncut - Call Girl Confidential: Guest Ask Uncut with Kayla Jade

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