Life Uncut - CALL OUT CULTURE & Bachelorette debrief with Elly and Becky

Episode Date: November 9, 2020

Happy LIFE UNCUT DAY lifers! We hope your week is off to a flying start!We’ve got a big ep coming up today. We have our sister bachelorettes Elly and Beckie on and ask them the hard questions. We chat all things breakups and 'sort of' love declarations, find out where Elly’s love story is at and suss out if all the media speculation about Frazer chatting up other girls is true. Then we hear about Beckie’s heartbreak, how this devastating  breakup was delivered (spoiler- it’s not cool) and where it all went wrong.But before that, we chat call-out culture.Call out culture is a modern form of reprimanding on social media, after Laura shook things up on her own social media over the weekend - we thought we needed to unpack this.Should we be doing it? And if so, how?Thank you to today’s sponsor Tribe skincare. It’s not only Australian made and cruelty free, but it’s all natural and Vegan too. Go to www.tribeskincare.com.au and use code LIFEUNCUT for 10% off. Thanks for listening Lifers, if you enjoyed please hit 5 stars, subscribe and share the love, because, well, we love love.Ps. Please take two quick seconds to vote for us in the podcast awards because we would love to win (obvs) we will love you for it and it will make all those midnight records in our pyjamas on no sleep worth it! Just go to https://australianpodcastawards.com/vote type in  Life Uncut as your vote then go to your email to confirm it! That’s it!!Peace x-- See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hi guys and welcome back to another episode of life uncut i'm laura and i'm britney hi safe Brittany just sticking to what's safe you know the safe intro same thing old reliable me you love a safe intro and every single time I try and go rogue you call me out and it throws you off and you don't know where to go with it just yeah I don't like I like routine I like the same thing I have a coffee and a croissant every single day don't at me do you have a croissant every day well I'm pregnant I can do whatever I want right now I mean to be fair I was buying you croissants on the way to recording when you weren't pregnant so no but that was when I was breastfeeding that was when we were recording in the studio and I was still breastfeeding yes when I was pregnant

with Marley I went through this really I had this really like insatiable craving for croissants and now I'm in this wildly wildly wildly outrageous habit of every single day having a coffee and a croissant so I knew you were a croissant fiend but I didn't know it was a daily occurrence that's mind-blowing yeah it's a lot I have a problem but also I can't drink right now I can't really do anything else so like i can have one coffee and my one croissant and like that gets me off tits for the day is it a normal croissant an almond croissant chocolate croissant like what level settle down britney it's a normal croissant pull your tits in you never know i'm not out here having an almond croissant or a coconut croissant every day almond croissants are insane pull your

tits it's like an orgasm in your mouth what did i even just say oh no my tits are so small you can't even pull them in where do they go we've literally been talking for 40 seconds and i've already managed to say something offensive welcome to the podcast guys to any new listeners please stick around I guarantee it's not this crass the whole way through also before we get into the episode today we are speaking to Ellie and Becky we're doing a bit of a debrief I think you could call it after that finale and after the episode is finished so we're catching up on everything that's happening in their lives we're finding out about where Ellie's at with Fraser and also Becky's talking through some pretty heavy stuff between her and Pete as well so stick around for

that part. But before we get into the episode, I just want to say thank you to every single person who tuned in last Wednesday night when we did a live Ask Uncut and a live like Life Uncut segment on Kiss Radio. It was our first full proper hosting radio gig and we were so excited. If you're watching our stories, could you imagine our excitement that we could take what we love and what we do on the podcast to live radio? Those poor listeners, those poor new listeners that didn't know who Life Uncut were, that didn't know who Britt and Laura were. Here they are.

Hopefully they've come back for round two. If you didn't get a chance to listen to it last week, we're going to be back on Kiss this week, Wednesday night around 9.30 PM. Come down, bring your friends. You don't have to come. Just listen. You don't have to go.

Just get online. We'll actually, we'll put the link to it in the show notes for this episode. So you can jump online and listen to it. You don't have to actually physically have a radio. Honestly, some of my girlfriends were like, but I don't have a radio in the house. I'll have to sit in the car.

I'm like, you can listen to it on your laptop. Radio has gone digital these days, guys. But the fun thing is you can actually call up and ask us your questions in person. So we can actually say hi and have a chat to you and help you out on air. So if you've had a question that you've wanted to ask us or it's been sitting in our DMs and we haven't gotten to it, why not call up and have a chat to us live? Don't worry, guys. You can still stay anonymous.

Just make up a different name. Like, you know, you can be Susan from Officeworks. Yeah, but don't. Be cooler than Susan from Officeworks. We're going to jump straight into a bit of a chat. and um it's something that I guess I don't know would we say Laurie that you started this on Instagram this week or well no it was a conversation that Britt and I were having um basically I had a bit of an incident I think we would call it it was a big incident well it

wasn't real I mean I got myself involved in something I was that kid in the playground that started to get involved in another person's fight well like when your best friend is Chrissy Teigen and someone comes at her of course you're gonna stand up I had to guys I had to protect Chrissy Teigen on Instagram no basically what happened was is um Chrissy Teigen had posted and this this all kind of played out on my own personal Instagram this is at lady and a cat if you want if you don't follow me come on down to funky town so basically Chrissy Teigen posted a video of her and her husband they were dancing and the song playing in the background was fuck it's not Donald Trump or something like that it was fuck they were singing fuck Donald Trump

fuck Donald Trump they just kept singing it was like very happy that like the election went to Joe Biden. It was like, fuck Donald Trump was the song that was playing in the background. Obviously that got a few people up in arms, but somebody had written something that I found really, really, really next level offensive. So I'm, I mean, I'm sure that a lot of you have followed along or have seen so far in the media, or maybe even on Chrissy Teigen's page, she suffered a stillbirth at 21 weeks pregnant, which was really recent. And she's only just recently returned to social media. And so I was, you know, I thought that the post was kind of semi amusing. And then I looked back through the comments and somebody had written something and

I found it so disgusting. I'm not, I'm not going to call out the person's name or anything like that because that's not what like this, you know, you've already done that. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of where the conversation started. But basically the comment was your child was so blessed not to have to suffer you as a parent. And I read this comment and I felt so viscerally angry inside about how toxic and mean and, and how destructive social media can be at times and how it's so easy to pick at someone's biggest insecurity or their biggest loss or the biggest trauma and use that as a vehicle to attack them and to cause harm. And so what I then did is I actually screenshotted that comment and I put it on my own personal Instagram and I didn't tag the person, but

obviously I left their name so that, you know, my followers could see. And I was like, I saw this comment on Chrissy Teigen's post. I'm so beyond disgusted that somebody could ever say this to another human. And so the conversation I really wanted to have today is a polarizing one. And the conversation isn't about this specific situation between me, myself and Chrissy Teigen and this person who I decided to like, you know, involve myself with on social media. The conversation is around call out culture and whether it's a positive thing or whether it's a negative thing and why it's becoming increasingly popular on Instagram and on social media. Look, it is a polarizing conversation. And I think when Laura and I were talking about it off air today, we

had very different opinions. We had some opinions that were the same, but this is why we thought it was worth talking about just to see you know what what the general population thinks of this cancel slash call out culture that's something that we wanted to identify like we talk a lot about I mean I think there's been a lot of conversation around cancel culture and I myself personally think that there is a very very significant difference between cancel culture and call out culture I think that one can lead into the other but I don't think that they have to and I also don't think that it's necessary for call out culture to happen all the time and it's definitely not something that I do on my own social media at all ever um I think in the whole time I've done it

twice but as somebody who has suffered miscarriage and as someone who was really triggered by that comment I honestly couldn't stop myself from the rage that I felt and so the the question I had you know I received thousands and thousands and thousands of messages probably from some of you listeners who, you know, were like, thank you so much for, for exposing this. Like how dare this person write that? Or they were like very much positively responding to the fact that I had called this out. However, there were a handful of people who said, I don't see what you're trying to achieve here. I think that you've stooped to this level. Like you are just as bad as the person who posted the original post. You know, what is it that you want to achieve? You're going to end

up ruining this person's life. There was also that side. And that's what made me think like this is a really interesting conversation because we do see this increasingly across social media we've had Karina Irby on the podcast before um we did an amazing interview with her but she constantly calls out people who say negative things about her and some of those things are hugely grotesque but she has no shame and no reservation with naming and shaming people who say negative things also I'm sure if you follow Abby Chatfield you would have seen it before she's very vocal with call out culture. So is Clementine Ford. You know, Clementine Ford has very controversially called out young boys who have written things to her before and privately

to her DMs. And there's been no reservation there either. I think that there is a place and a purpose for call out culture. And the reason why I think there is a place and a purpose for it is because there is such a grotesque lack of responsibility on Instagram and on Facebook's part when there is bullying that happens online I mean yes you can report it and yes you can say hey you know there's there's that function you can go on to Instagram and actually report the bullying and I did that first I reported the bullying and all Instagram said was if you don't like this content then why don't you block it and I just think that you know the reason why people are turning around and there is this collect culture and the reason why people are reacting

to things in such a visceral way is because the lack of responsibility means that people have taken on upon themselves to regulate what is and isn't correct it's kind of like self-regulating the community i guess yeah and whether this is right or wrong in terms of the self-regulation and us taking it upon ourself to i mean reprimand other people whether it's right or wrong there is something to be said for it i'm gonna i'm just going to use an example here um just to really drive this point home of how much instagram and facebook don't take responsibility for the things that they should be taking responsibility for. Now, I'm just going to put a trigger warning out here

because this is a message I received from someone that was about self-harm. So if in any way this might affect you, I suggest you fast forward a few minutes or tap out now. Not too long ago, a young boy reached out to me, a young man, he was about 20. I did not know him at all. I just happened to see him in my DM requests.

Now, he had no way for me to contact him. Like he had no emails or nothing contactable. I couldn't actually log onto his page. He was private. So I couldn't see anything about him. He could have been fake. He could have been real. I won't, I won't know. But he wrote to me and said, I just wanted to say hello and goodbye. It's all too much. I can't do it anymore. And I don't see the point and I'm going to end my life today. Now, whether this was a real person or a troll or someone doing it for attention, it's irrelevant. I immediately, I did everything I thought I could do I report straight away before I reported him I wrote back to him I accept his request and I

wrote to him and I I said that I'm here for him please don't do anything I I literally googled the best thing to say to someone in this point because there are things that you should and shouldn't say to someone in situation I sent links to him straight away for people he would call help he could get and then as soon as I had sent that to hopefully make sure he was okay I reported him to Instagram and not reporting as in like block this person who's a troll I reported him saying that there's someone that's going to self-harm obviously they have his contact details I said so you need to like look into this I heard nothing from them nothing I followed it up again followed it up with this boy and I saw that he was online the next day so that was like heartwarming

for me i knew that it was still all right about nine days later i got a response from instagram finally that said we don't think that your report for self-harm was warranted we don't we're not going to do anything about it we just wanted to let you know we've assessed it and that's it it's over it doesn't meet our criteria doesn't meet our criteria and i thought what meets your criteria for self-harm other than someone that's literally writing to me saying i'm literally about to commit suicide. And that got us into a whole nother conversation with other people we know that have reported bullying, have reported self-harm, have reported a lot of things and Instagram have taken over a week to two weeks to get back to them and then have done nothing about

it. So this in turn is why people take it upon themselves to be reaching out to people, to be doing this call out slash cancel culture. And unfortunately, like Laura said, call out culture and cancel culture are two different things but the issue that we're starting to see is they merge into one and there's a bit of a blurry line so some of these now call out cultures people are jumping on the bandwagon and they are going into a cancel culture so it's a it is something we need to talk about well that I guess is where the conversation kind of takes that that pivot in the road I guess you know like when people contacting me specifically and saying I don't see what you're trying to achieve with this my reason for doing it is that like I'm I am very

self-aware as someone who has a couple of hundred thousand followers I know exactly what I'm doing by calling out that person I'm not I'm not saying hey guys I want you to go and abuse her I want you to go and write horrible things but I know by putting that on my Instagram and every single influencer who calls somebody out and puts it on their Instagram is very aware of the same thing we know that the followers that we have will be proactive and will go and show their distaste for what has been done. So my intention was that, yes, I know that my followers are going to go and say to this woman, hey, writing that is so inappropriate. That's really, really wrong. And you need to reassess how you speak to someone in the future. Do I want them to cancel her? No. Do

I want them to attack her business? No. Do I want them to swear at her, call her names or say horrible things about her children? Absolutely not. And I think that that's where self-regulation comes in you know we have to all be responsible for the voice and the person that we are on social media in the same way that we have to be responsible for the person that we are in real life but like just heading back to that that this idea of like when you're an influencer who who calls someone out when you're somebody who has a huge following there is a much bigger repercussion that comes from that and the punishment is much more severe because it essentially ends up being hundreds of thousands of people against one person. And so there is the potential for that

person who was originally the perpetrator to then become the victim. And that's where I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with the idea of call out culture. And even myself, I was like, is this a fair thing to do? I'm not sure. But in that moment, I felt so angry by what I had read that I felt like it was deserving. Like I felt like I wanted to pick that fight, but you know, I sat back and I reflected and I was like, okay, is this going to benefit in any way? Does this conversation create change? Will this actually enact change in that person? And I'm not sure if I know the answer to that. And there are multiple ways to do this too. There are so many different ways to approach it because personally I have never called out anybody. It's not ever

been something that I have been able to do internally because I haven't been able to fathom everybody going and attacking someone. Having said that, I have called out someone once but the way I did it and it actually turned out great for me. The way I did it was I screenshot what he had said to me and I posted it on my story with my response but I didn't include who he was and I didn't add him it was more about just the fact that this person could say something this toxic and my response to that I wanted people to see that it wasn't okay people speaking like this is not okay he ended up just re-watching that story there's no tagging he re-watched the story saw my response to it and then he wrote to me and said hey I'm I don't know why I did that I'm

really sorry um that was a real dick thing to do and I honestly because I actually like you I don't know why I said that and I think people get caught up in these moments and they become these horrible people but I mean that's something that worked for me and that worked I don't know maybe that's not for everyone and there'll be a lot of trolls out there and a lot of people that that will not do anything for I did a bit of research on this topic because it is something that I've been really interested in also like we said we don't have the answer for it we just think that it's a discussion that needs to be had and there's going to be people who agree with it and there's going to be people who think, fuck no, you shouldn't call people out. It's unnecessary and it adds to

the drama. This quote from The Guardian said, a frequently cited problem with call-outs. It's all too easy to get carried away and over-punish people. What can often start out as a well-intentioned and necessary criticism far too quickly devolves into brutish displays of virtual tar and feathers. This leaves one question, how can we benefit from the social good call-out culture can help achieve without succumbing to the toxicity and the futility that has come to be associated with it? Well, I think one of the answers to that as well is, is, you know, before you do decide to call somebody out in a very, very public fashion on Instagram or on social media or on Facebook or in any of those platforms, I think reaching out to the person and potentially trying to give them

the benefit of the doubt as to where that negative comment came from and not reacting in anger. Like I recognize now that my reaction was very much in anger. However, I did try and reach out to them and they didn't see any issue with what they had written. And that's what really inflamed my fury around this whole conversation. I guess one of the reasons why I do think that there is a place for call out culture on social media is because if you saw somebody on the street, abusing somebody else, like really speaking out of line. And we saw it with like, we think it's okay to video someone on the street when they do something wrong. I mean, I'm thinking back to like the woman who was in Bunnings who wouldn't wear a mask. I think there's going to be a lot of people who saw that

footage and she was carrying on in Bunnings about how she was, you know, it was against her human rights. She didn't want to wear a mask. Everyone called her a Karen. Nobody really had the argument of like, well, you shouldn't video that woman. Everyone was really quite aware that she was acting in a ridiculous way. And you know what? She deserved to be videoed and it was put on the internet. So I think that if you're able to act like that in the real world, and it's okay for somebody to video you on the real world and put it on the internet and say, Hey, this behavior is not okay. Then why isn't it okay to screenshot a comment that somebody has published publicly on the internet and say, Hey, this isn't okay. It's the same context. It's just when something

happens in the real world, we don't stand for that because it's obviously such incredibly antisocial behavior. But when something happens on the internet, there's a lot more anonymity that goes with it and then we think that there is this layer of protection as well but that is shifting there is no protection anymore and I think that you know that level of accountability means that people will start to behave a little bit better and there is this question on okay so someone has this person has written this horrible thing to Chrissy Teigen it's it's bullying it's a form of online bullying and then there is a question on people that are calling out people is that a form of online bullying too this is what people throw around a lot but I think the

difference is with this call-out culture it's different from bullying because you're not trying to punish the person all you're trying to do is establish a pattern for them to change their behavior you're trying to create a space for them and an awareness where they're like hang on maybe what I said is pretty fucked up because all these people are saying it is and there must be a reason so I would like to think that if someone does call someone out this that's not your chance to go and abuse that person that's not what it's about because then all of a sudden everyone's the same it's about highlighting a behavior that's not acceptable and maybe more people letting them know that behavior is not acceptable but you can still do that in a humane way the other thing I

want to highlight here is the people that and there weren't many everyone was on Laura's side in this there are just a couple of people that were there was five I got five messages guys that's all it was but it was five messages were enough to make me think okay well obviously there is a group of people because you know five people messaged I'm sure more people thought it there is a group of people who are fiercely against call out culture and what it stands for and what it achieves but what I wanted to add is these people that said to Laura these five people that said you know you can't you shouldn't be highlighting what she said and showing the world what she said well hang on a minute she publicly wrote on Chrissy Teigen's photo Chrissy Teigen

has 33 million followers this lady has put her comment out to the world all on her own laura's 200 000 followers are not going to do anything more than what this woman has already done to herself by publicly commenting on that so i think that for anyone that has said you can't draw any you can't draw attention to this woman well she drew it to herself yeah and like you know what guys like just going back to the whole ethos of how this conversation started like like i've said it's a really sensitive topic for me like miscarriage is something that i don't find funny i don't think it can be used as a punishment i think it's a cruel form of torture that unless you've suffered it yourself, you don't know what that's like. And I cannot even begin

to imagine what stillbirth is like, let alone a miscarriage. So for me, it triggered me in a way that I was not expecting on my nice Sunday afternoon. And that's kind of why I reacted in such a way that I was like, this is not okay. And this is why I'm calling it out. However, I do genuinely believe that call out culture can at times enact real positive change. and we saw a lot of call-out culture happening during the Black Lives Matters movement and that call-out culture was often directed at businesses and one that just comes to mind for example was Zimmerman and Zimmerman's workplace attire guidelines that they had in place. I'm not sure if you guys remember but there were some articles that came out it was pretty front of media for a

little while there. Zimmerman had some very archaic guidelines about what was and wasn't appropriate wear for you know their staff to come to work as and the guidelines were very much caucasian based so it was like you must have your hair blow-dried straight you must have it in a neat ponytail or in like perfect waves which we now all know and everybody is acutely aware that that is not suitable for somebody who is african or african-american descent or has curly hair because of their ethnicity and so therefore it's a very exclusive type of clothing guideline and the call-out culture happened because people who have worked within that industry who felt marginalized by that guideline said hey this isn't good enough you need to do better and from that

call-out culture Zimmerman has changed their clothing guidelines they've changed their rules around what you can and can't wear when you come to work and what's presentable and it's enacted real great positive change so I do think that there are examples of when call-out culture results in a great way but obviously like we've said it can turn into an absolute fucking witch hunt and that's where it's a super great area and that's where one day we're gonna do an episode on cancer culture because that's the next thing right like how it just all kind of feeds into this one big ugly social media just fucking everyone delete their apps go watch social dilemma and let's get off facebook and instagram look there's definitely a whole nother conversation in it and we will do

that. We'll do a lot of different aspects on it. We just wanted to talk about it now because we were having this really interesting conversation today amongst ourselves. And we thought, let's actually voice this. And I asked a few people what they think. And everyone that I asked today said that they're not necessarily against the call out culture. They just think it can be done in a certain way. And it's more about how we choose as an individual to respond to the person. Yeah, absolutely. It's all about self-regulating, right? Like, you know, we have to all be responsible for the footprint that we leave on social media. All right, now let's get into accidentally unfiltered guys that was like a real heavy we kind of got in there at the start but

like this really affected me in the last day and I was like what better place to hash this out than on a national podcast for you all to give me your opinions actually someone pointed out to the other day when we said that exact thing we're like oh my god oh you know what it was it was like when I told you that I gave my pickup line away the other day and I was saying oh you know what I gave it to the nation now I've got to find a new one I had a few people write to me being like you know this isn't just national like I listen from Dubai I listen from Ireland I listen from Afghanistan not there was no one from Afghanistan like there's literally nobody that listens from Afghanistan I just was like oh my god I forgot it's not just local yeah so if you're in France

and you want to use my pickup line about flaccid penises for fingers and a hat full of spiders go fucking nuts that is enough about the intro like like we said we want to get into the conversation with Ellie and Becky because it's a really great chat chat but before we do that we have our favorite part of the episode accidentally unfiltered why do you always get angry at me when I sing and then it's okay for you to sing like that on the microphone it's not okay but I did it anyway okay I'm going first oh wow it's really long are you going to be bearing with me I liked this story I'll just get myself a cup of tea I'll come back it all started on a night out pre-covid with a bunch of my friends we're at a bar drinking having a little boogie doing all the

fun things that we now aren't allowed to do I spy an absolute 10 out of 10 hottie across the room we end up having a nice little chat cheeky little kiss and I'm thinking oh we are on let's do this it's been a while for me so I was ready to rumble we're both feeling like it was time to kick on back at home so we decide to leave we're walking down the street and he mentions that he actually rode his push bike into town cute I live about 20 minutes bike ride from where we were so we thought it'd be a fabulous idea to ride home together he was riding the bike and i was on the handlebars that's a terrible terrible idea getting the fucking uber i had a cute picture in my mind of what this would look like but oh my god did it go differently he's riding he's getting

a little bit puffed a little bit sweaty so i suggest that we just walk the bike the rest of the way we're nearly home at this stage and i decided to hop on and go for a little spin myself it's then when it all goes horribly horribly wrong i jump on the bike completely miss the seat and land with the metal bar right between my legs with force right up the vag there was a metal bar between my vag with force i can honestly say i have never felt so much pain in my life i yell out but i'm also laughing so much at how much i have just kooked it in front of this absolute fucking hottie so i just play cool and make out like my vagina is not dying that was absolutely not the riding she was expecting that night no hang on she's still on her way home to

ride him we arrive home the pain has subsided but it's definitely still there we walk up to my room and we're just chatting and kissing on my bed he asks if he can have a quick shower to freshen up after the sweaty bike ride while he's in the shower i think it's a good time to examine my injuries i am shocked i am speechless i am absolutely panicked as i look down and see that my poor little innocent panani is black and blue and so swollen it's literally swollen it's split open and not in the good way it's at least twice the normal size and it appears to be growing a third flap am i going to die am i going to have to go straight to hospital i'm freaking out and i asked my roommate to come and have a look and help tell me what the fuck to do she's drinking

some ice water so i grab the ice and stick it on my vagina simultaneously laughing and crying hoping the pain and the swelling will go down obviously i can't sleep with this guy who was still in the shower if he were to look and see this crime scene that was my vagina he would have took it off his bike straight away so i decided i just have to be honest and own what happened i hear him come back into the room so i quickly put the ice back in the glass and try to act normal he then asked for a sip of the water oh my god stop this is the gift that keeps on giving it literally just keeps on going i'm like girl you just need to get out of here but also i like that she's trying to make excuses only because she does she's worried that he's gonna leave not

but the fact that she's in physical pain she's like oh i don't want him to see it because he'll be repulsed like okay what about the fact that you have a broken vagina go to hospital so she ended up telling him she can't sleep with him and she watched him drink his drink with his ice that was just on her bloodied bruised vagina no they did not have sex no they never saw each other again but i just i was just reading this being like this girl was so keen to get lucky that she's like no suck it up i can do it we can do this we can get back on that bike you just ride that bike home vagina is slit but not the good one but also i like that you had an opportunity there to stop him from drinking the drink like you could have said oh like i wouldn't drink that

if you if i was you know she said she looked at me she was like he would have gone down there anyway delicious wow okay i haven't accidentally unfiltered but that was good it was shorter one day about a year ago i chucked a sticky from uni and i decided to take the dog for a walk so i was out walking the dog and i was texting my friends with benefit guy and it was mentioned that i was home alone and i'd taken the day off uni so he asked if he could pop over of which i was so keen for him to come around. So I got home, had a quick shower and popped on some sexy undies. He came over and we went straight up to my room. We started to get down to business. And then I heard the front door open. I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I went and closed the bedroom

door so that we could continue. He was fully naked, standing near my bed and in the middle of undressing me. When my door started to open, I grabbed the closest pillow and covered my ass and then looked up at the door. I made eye contact with my dad. My dad's eyes went- It's always the dad. My dad's eyes then went straight to the raging penis, which was pointed towards me.

It was the longest two seconds of my entire life. My dad quickly shut the door. The sex or when the dad was there? I don't think the sex happened. My dad quickly shut the door, ran downstairs, jumped in his car and drove away. I was so embarrassed. I texted my dad to say, I'm so sorry.

anyway all he texts back was a vomit emoji what an epic response he thought i was homesick he came home to see if i was okay and if i needed lunch needless to say the relationship oh yuck needless to say the relationship with my friends with benefits quickly died and my dad didn't speak to me for three days oh my god imagine being a dad and seeing a throbbing penis next to your daughter that is like the most intense i can't even imagine what matt would do i am so happy to say i have never even had a remotely close encounter with anyone in my whole family in my whole life with any of my partners i have definitely walked in my mom in a 69er like it happened the other way around but that definitely happened and it is seared into my brain

how old were you oh i was like seven like i don't have to know what it was i knew exactly what it I am like still scarred from the trauma. Were they both naked? Yeah, it was a lot. And did they see that you saw? No. Oh, so they to this day don't know that you saw, but now they know. No, no, no.

Guys, this has been added. I told my mum the next morning. It was a whole thing. We had a conversation about it. My mum was like, well, you shouldn't come into my room at night time. And I was like, I had a bad dream. You said, mum, you shouldn't be wrestling with me. Trust me, my dreams got much worse after that.

Don't worry. All right, guys. On that note, that's enough from us. We're going to get into the conversation with Ellie and Becky. we did have to kind of record this almost like in two parts because we did the interview via zoom so bear with us because first up we're interviewing ellie and we're kind of getting to the bottom of all the nitty-gritty with her and fraser and then we're interviewing becky instead of doing them together because we thought the audio would be shit and we don't want to give you shit audio

because we love you i also thought it would be nice just to focus on one story and one relationship and one here's the word journey one bachelor journey so we thought it'd be nice to just do one really delve into that then jump into the other so it was a great chat I was really interested because I find the whole thing fascinating I found the whole two sister thing fascinating I really wanted to know what happened with Becky and Pete because they looked and they sounded like everything was great and they looked like they got their happy ending and then we had read all this stuff about them breaking up very very soon after yeah and we know that there's been some like controversial things that have come out of this season like you know and a lot of talking points

So we didn't hold back in asking some of the hard questions in this interview as well. So we hope you enjoy the interview and we're going to get into that now. Ellie Miles, we spoke to you a few months ago as you started your journey for love. I hate the word journey. It's so bachelor, isn't it? Your journey. But it's like, what other word do you use for it? Anyway, you search for love.

we spoke to you then we're so excited to have you back and we're excited to say congratulations because you actually found love and please tell us you are still in love yes we are still together have you dropped the elbow really no no no no no we said like we said like we think we're like falling and like that kind of thing but like i feel like once you get out into the real world like reality sinks in and it's like we still just it's still like early days and like i guess we really want to you know give it a real shot so we just want to like strip it back to like normal you know what I mean does that make sense yeah so take his clothes off you want to take his clothes off yeah we want to we just wanted to strip off do you think as well like I mean time

is always one of the biggest factors that plays a contributing part in that like in the bachelor series you know it's like the fact that you don't get to spend ample amount of time with someone and there is this pressure cooker to like be in love at the end because obviously with your series, nobody said I love you and like not Becky and Pete, you know, not you and Fraser. Do you feel like time was a contributing factor to that, that you guys weren't able to get to that point yet? I don't know.

I think for me I'm a slow burner as is. Like I've only been in love once and I always want to – like I said to the guys on the first night, I said all of that and I said like, you know, I'll say it if I'm there but if I'm not there, I'm not going to say it. Like I want, like I'm here for the real deal and I want to be with someone at the end of this that wants to be with me and that's kind of it. I didn't want to put pressure on myself to be like I need to be in love

after this and wanting to get engaged and have babies and move in. I was just like I just want something real at the end of the day and, yeah, I'm glad that that's what I got, so. Okay, talk us, take us back to the start. You've just sort of walked in. You've just met all the guys. What were you actually feeling? Was it like, I just really want to know,

were you just so daunted by the whole process and you're like holy shit what have I done like how am I actually going to get through this not really because I have Becky there with me she's sitting on the lounge I had Beck by my side so I definitely had that sort of um that support and like that anchoring there like so I wasn't like freaking out or anything I think I was just really excited because I really was so ready to meet someone that I was like holy shit is this it like is the guy sitting here so yeah it was more so like that I wasn't really freaking out too much I remember you saying when we first interviewed you when you couldn't say who the winner was I remember you saying like when I saw my person I got these feelings can you expand on that more

now like when you saw him were you just like oh my god this is him for sure like I just feel something like obviously you're going to get to know everyone else but was there this immediate connection yeah I think so it's sort of hard because your sister's sitting there but I remember standing there next to you and like you know I didn't want to be like hey like really like flirty like while Becky's there because like we didn't know you know we had to like both get to know the guys and you're like hitting her under the table like he's mine he's mine no there was none of that but um no I definitely had the hots room straight away and then like when we spoke on that first cocktail party night and just like yeah had a really good chat I was like oh shit like could

this be the guy like you know there's um you know we have so much in common so he kind of just seems like he's a guy version of me and I'm like oh so yeah did you find it hard at all watching the season back were there some parts that you were like I cannot watch this hair like face and hands yeah yeah a lot of it I think it's just weird seeing yourself on tv and especially like I know like i was on the bachelor but i wasn't like consistently on you know it wasn't you know just about like my love journey kind of thing so you know to see yourself on tv in that i guess capacity and being so emotional and being so raw and stuff like it was weird to watch back and like there was an episode where mom and i'm watching it with mom dad and becky and like becky and i

like kissing guys and i'm just like oh my god this is so messed up like and you're like what like kissing so passionately like dad's watching it dad's just like what do you say he said something like um we should have had a family agreement before this you know when i when i was on my bachelor and i had my i had got the first kiss with nick and i don't know if you remember if you don't like you should it was super passionate but it was in the pool and it was like because you know they make this big deal because it's the first kiss of the season and i was watching it with my all my friends and family my mom and dad and we're in it my family's really tight anyway everyone looks at my dad in horror like what's he gonna do and he looks over and he

goes oh brit you kiss like your mom because he thinks it's funny and i'm like dad he's like go get him baby that is so weird that's like a donald trump thing to say i can imagine him saying that about him like ivana it's just him saying like i still pass your mom and for me i'm like love that I want you guys to pash till the day you die you're like dad dad you had the opportunity to make this less awkward and you didn't do that thank you you'll never make it less awkward what was the what was the hardest thing or the most awkward thing watching back was there a bit where you were just dying on the inside and you're like oh can't believe I said that come if I did that it was hard sort of watching back any moments that didn't I guess include Fraser like because

especially towards the end like when I was pretty like getting like quite certain about what I wanted to do um like even midway through like I sort of had it figured out pretty early on but I wanted to stay open-minded in case things changed or in case like for some reason he was like nah like you know so like yeah I guess watching back those moments like there were you know there were sometimes times where I'd like spend some time with a guy and like know that there's nothing there and then like be just like in the car on the way back just like feeling numb and feeling shit and just being like how the fuck am I doing this like you know um yeah oh what's wrong don't be upset it was hard it was so hard like what you mean with the moments that

you were letting people down or yeah because because like um even like for example like when when things end up with Adam just for example like you know you watch yourself letting someone down and you're crying and then like you feel so bad because I don't really remember the last time I ever broke up with someone and then suddenly I'm breaking up with all these just incredible guys and there's like nothing wrong with them it's just that there's you know my like I want to be with someone else and it's like you're watching it back and you're watching yourself be upset and it's just it's a lot and then you've got people on the internet being like look at her she's so upset she made a mistake she regrets it I'm like no I'm not upset because I

think I made any mistakes like I did exactly what I wanted to do it's just hard to watch it and it was hard to do because they're great guys so yeah I mean it doesn't matter if you're the person being broken up with or you're the person doing the breaking up like breakups are hard full stop they're hard for every single person who's involved and I think that when you have to do so many of them on repeat it's it's a process that I don't think anybody can relate to because there's very very few situations in life I mean maybe if you live in Sydney where you're going to be dating multiple multiple people at the same time but one of the questions I do have for you and this might be a bit hard for you to answer but knowing that you had known Joey for a lot longer

so you guys had kind of met on the outside world I mean I don't know if you really went into detail about what that relationship was like on the outside world um and if you care to like you know tell us I would be very interested to know but also I guess my question is knowing that you had that pre-connection so you probably already had something a little bit stronger than what some of the other guys did why take him through to number two then why not get rid of him a bit earlier to kind of save that intensity of the heartbreak and take somebody who you knew it absolutely wasn't going to be through to number two um well with joey and i like first first to start like i guess our history was like very very brief very casual like we met um at a mutual friend's house which

is his house he was living there i was staying there for like five days when i was kind of homeless and um and yeah we just got to know each other and then like after a couple of days like you know one thing led to another we ended up you know having some romantic having some romantic time and um yeah like it just didn't go anywhere because like you know we were both in really different places like he was meant to be going to Paris for footy or something I was just about to move to Sydney you know we're just going on different paths and you know for both of us we sort of knew it so I don't know there was never any like ill will or like any conversation that even happened about it at all we kind of just went back to being friends like I'd stayed there

I think another two times after and like nothing happened and we all were just hanging out as a group of friends again because we just weren't in that place so you know I guess the thing with Joey like I always knew he was such a great guy so I guess and like I didn't have any I guess concerns about his character or like whether he was you know genuine or whatnot like I knew he was I knew it was great um and I think when it just came to coming taking him to the like top two I mean I just did what I thought was right at the time and like I just went through the motions and like you know just I didn't really think about that too much at the time I think I think I was just like you know going on how I was like truly feeling in the moment maybe I should have done

that like I mean that would have been nicer for Joey you want to take the I mean you want to be treat yourself and take the people that you have the bigger connection with obviously I guess the easier option would be to you know say goodbye to him earlier and take someone that you just didn't have a connection with but then you sort of like well why would that be obvious as well I guess it's a pressure cooker you've got to make these decisions rapidly as well and so I think that like yeah there's some strategy that goes behind who comes third who comes second you know obviously who comes first there's a lot of strategy behind it you know who that is but it's a very confusing process as well yeah yeah and I think you can look back I guess and be like

well no actually I haven't done that like I have never I haven't looked back once and thought like I should have done this or I should have done that like I was honestly did everything that was true to myself in the moment and um yeah I guess you know I don't have any regrets like looking back um from that respect anyway is there a reason why you decided to go and see Joey at the at the room that he was staying in instead of seeing him at the finale like we would normally see in The Bachelor yeah so like as I said to Joey like in the moment when like I guess he told me he was like falling for me like it was so lovely to hear like you know that's a special thing for someone to say to anybody so that was really nice to hear but like I was like oh I'm not feeling how I should

probably be feeling and like that just stuck with me from like our final moments together and I was like how am I gonna stand up there with him like amongst all these bloody flowers and like dump him so I was just like a bit of a wreck over that I was like you know trying to think of a way that I could do it that was more respectful to him especially since you know I knew him before all of this as well so yeah I love that you did that um and I can only imagine the second Joey saw you walk in the room he was like oh shit yeah she's not coming I know what's coming and my heart was breaking for you when when you went outside and you just like couldn't breathe I felt like I was you like I was getting teary now it was awful yeah I just felt I think the whole of

Australia felt that we were just like oh you could just tell your heart was actually there was nothing being put on about that your heart was genuinely being ripped out yeah no but have you um yeah spoken to him and touched base since you've left like obviously in a friendship respectful way yeah yeah yeah I wanted to reach out to him pretty early on but I was like I need to like you know be respectful give him time give the whole thing time to just settle in and everything um and yeah I've reached out to him the day after finale and just like touch base was like I hope you're really well like you know oh god I'm so and you're so choked up I know I'm such a softy and like he's such a good guy so yeah watching it back I was like fuck like that was

awful like because I didn't really remember the details of it like I think when I am I guess emotional about something like I sort of blur it out or block it out like I think that's what I do if something like so I don't remember a lot of like the season really because like I like so watching it back was sort of like a refresher for me but yeah so anyway I reached out and just said like I hope you're well like thank you for everything I really hope that we can you know get back to being friends one day like I know it could take time and whatnot and um yeah he sent me a really beautiful message back and like I honestly do think we could be friends again one day like him and Fraser are really good mates they talk every day like they've they've been in touch I

know they're gonna catch up so you know I yeah I'm I'm hoping so when the bachelor finishes and you've chosen your or bachelorette you've chosen your person what normally happens is that you then go and spend a couple of days together in like some weird remote little hut in the middle of nowhere with some security guards who get to watch you um did you guys get to go and spend a few days together as soon as filming finished yes it was great yeah yeah yeah so after the finale moment um we had to get in separate cars and we were we were spewing we were like we just want to be together and but we had to get in separate cars drive three hours to kangaroo valley and we got this beautiful like little like sort of house and it was like it was like in the valley

it was green there were cows there were sheep that like we had a beautiful fire pit and there was a gorgeous creek and yeah we spent like three days together there and it was just great we had the best time we we sung we danced we bloody we just yeah had lots of conversations and yeah and then and then unfortunately we had to go our separate ways Fraser had to go quarantine for two weeks which was really tough on him and then um I think it was like six weeks until we got to see each other again which was pretty rough and then but we were lucky that there was like a bit of a loophole with the borders so we could go see each other like up in like the Byron Bay kind of area spent some time there together and then it was maybe three weeks until finale

and then we had a couple of days together last week and we had plans to come down to Nui but he got really sick and the doctor said he couldn't travel so we've got two weeks now until we can see each other again I was just remembering when you were saying that you guys had to travel in separate cars so Matt and my finale was in Thailand we got separated straight so we had one night together then we got separated straight away then he got like a first class or a business class flight straight back to sydney and went to kangaroo valley i had to fly economy and i flew three separate flights to try and throw off the paparazzi so they made me fly to like fucking doha and then somewhere else honestly i had a 25 hour flight back from thailand and then i had a

seven hour car trip to kangaroo valley because we landed in like canberra or something it was out of control and so i got there and he'd already been there for two nights and i was like you i hate you oh must be hard traveling long time to see the guy that you're in love with a lot of time i was like he was just making out with another girl as well so i was like let's see how this goes you know when i went i do think it was the same place laura you probably actually i reckon they change it up so that the paps can't find you but they do seem to keep it around that kind of like kangaroo valley or hunter valley or some sort of green remote area you know my last moment with Nick was so dramatic when you're like guys are like you're in your vehicles this is my

vehicle which was so funny I had to sit there for a few days before I could go as well but he they kept him for a few days too it was just this little golf hut resort so like he was in a hut just like next to me but I didn't know which one anyway I was in my golf cart on my final hurrah going to the airport and I was in the back you know you sit in the back of the car and I was going I had my Darth Vader costume on and I just looked up and I saw him on the balcony and he was looking at me and we locked eyes and we didn't take our eyes off each other the whole golf cart as we passed and then it was so dramatic because i had my darth vader hood okay when britney says darth vader no one's gonna understand what that means britney was wearing like a big dark jacket because you

have to wear like it was a black hoodie and stuff to keep you covered from paparazzi no yeah usually you wear a black hoodie mine was a costume it was a gown to the ground it was a costume they hired with a big darth vader hood it was duff it was like a proper suit it was more like a a mentor from harry potter um and so all right i want to i want to talk about something big there have been so many rumors about fraser and this girl that just so if anyone hasn't heard the rumors um come out from under your rock but there's these rumors about a girl that fraser had had a connection with or was seen before the show and that apparently they've had some connection after the show apparently she was mining his dog well i think she was on yeah she

years but she's calling him out for a lot more than that so i thought this would might be a really good time for you good platform for you to sort of dispel those rumors clear clear it up and tell us what's oh i guess i guess tell the other side of the story well that's the thing there's always five sides to a story isn't there yeah yeah yeah yeah well like none of that was i guess new news to me at all like when like that article came out like i guess everybody has a history before the show and like as soon as Fraser and I got out of the experience like we downloaded all our information onto each other like all those conversations like about like you know your love life and everything that you don't really have on the show like the you know the specifics and yeah

like I knew that like they had been seeing each other and that she was taking care of his dog like doing them a favor um because Kingy was having like issues with the council and was like getting like really acting out I guess like and getting really depressed and like Fraser's housemate and best mate was leaving for work so early in the morning and since Cheyenne actually had a dog that they got along with like she was doing them a favor by taking King in Fraser was like honest with me about everything that happened between them and like that they were still mates and like that he'd always been up front with her about what things were with them and I guess you know I guess the situation is tricky because obviously he can't come out and tell her like I won you know

like you're not meant to tell anybody so yeah that's why he said like I came second he said that to a lot of his really good friends as well so you know I think I think she just I think I think it really sucks because obviously you know she's obviously still had like feelings for him and hoped that they you know things would continue on more for them like after the show but it is what it is I guess what about Cheyenne saying now that you know he still sent her some texts and he's still in contact with her and stuff like that are you guys open about that yeah like I knew that they were still friends and like they'd still like you know but Fraser was facetiming me the other day taking her dog and his dog for a walk like I knew that they were still friends like

and I'm the kind of girl like you know I don't think guys and gals shouldn't be able to have friends like you know of this opposite sex especially like not not especially but even people that you've had history with like I know for me I had a friend with benefit for like two and a half years and like we're still friends now and there's nothing in it so like that was I guess that is the perspective that I'm coming from for me like I'm a rational person I'm you know I'm not someone to overreact until like I have all the information and I was thinking about it like seeing what's come out and stuff and I'm like well you know what everything he said to me has been consistent with what's come out it's just that she's had I guess a different

perspective on what was or of what was actually going on with them it's sad it's sad that he couldn't be up front and be like look like you know this is the situation like I actually ended up with the girl at the end of the day but you know maybe it was lucky that he couldn't do that because maybe she would have given it away to the media before it was out it is what it is when it comes to media like media is pushing an agenda they always want the most sensational story and the stories are often very very one-sided so once you do kind of get a bit more of a collective sort of 3d perspective on a situation you can sit back and go oh like yeah look that maybe that situation isn't great but it definitely doesn't suck as much as what the media likes to make it

out to be and that's always the that's always the prerogative of them that's always the agenda because you know what happy couples don't sell stories drama sells stories and at the end of the day that's what you're gonna get when it comes to things like Daily Mail or some of the other like you know tabloid headlines yeah exactly and I think it's a shame that she went to the media because she lost like I guess a really good friendship there in Fraser like Fraser was like I'm just I'm surprised like we were mates like I would have taken I would have always taken care of her dog for her like they have made some money on the side doing it though maybe yeah and there you have it I hope it was worth it well that's the thing it's I think that says a lot about a

friendship if you're happy to go and sell your friendship out for a couple of bucks and you know what the day it would be a couple of bucks they don't pay big yeah yeah oh I was just gonna say like I saw like at the bottom of the articles because normally I don't read those things like I Fraser Fraser and I were together and he was sick this was on our publicity day and he was sick in bed and like he got a call from his mate and like his best friend um and he was like told phrase of the situation he was like oh god and anyway filled me in i was like oh yeah righto and i'm like well you know like i none of this is new news like i guess it's just been you know spun as you said a different or in a specific direction as you said laura the other thing that i think like

maybe people who read these articles don't necessarily realize is that the media knows about this and has this information a lot longer than when they actually release it so when a story comes out the story is perfectly timed with what is happening on tv so you know whoever it was i think it was the wash that actually broke the story the wash would have had that information for weeks and would have waited for the finale because that's when it was going to have the biggest impact and it was going to be the most read and clicked on article so i also think sometimes you need to keep in mind when when things come out in the in like you know in the news and it's like this sensational thing that's been uncovered there there's a lot of strategy

that goes behind it as well um from a from a business perspective which is what the media is one thing I wanted to know and to not end on like a negative thing but like what is your plans now like are you going to move is he moving how are you going to make this work yeah so I think that what we've discussed and I guess what the plan is like for me like if it wasn't so close to Christmas I'd probably go up like right away but I don't you know you sort of want to be able to do Christmas with your family and New Year's and stuff so we're just going to do a bit of backwards and forth until like early Jan and I'm going to move up there are you going to do Christmas together I don't know we haven't spoken about that yet you know with Christmases with your

families and like you both sides of the families you'll do like one Christmas there one Christmas yeah yeah like it might be something like that might it be like specifically on Christmas day but I mean I always win in my family Matt's done Christmas with my family every year And then we do Christmas, no, we do Boxing Day with his family. Sometimes there's one side of the family that's just a little bit funner than the other and always. No, it's not. No, it's not.

His family is so fun. It's just that my family is older, so I feel like we have less of them left. Oh. I know, I know. Before we jump in to speak to Becky, who she's next on the hot list, we just wanted to get your thoughts on it quickly. Obviously, it's very sad that her and Pete didn't work out. I was really rooting for you both to get your love story.

what are your thoughts on that were your spidey senses tickling were they did you think that it was never going to work were you a bit sus on him did you think he was in it for the wrong reasons so with pete he's just like this you know um stand up guy like nicest guy in the room very polite very kind like i guess you'd see pete and you'd be like oh that's a guy you want to marry like he's such a great kind guy and everybody had that opinion of pete and he's a great guy but i think at the end of the day he just wasn't emotionally ready for the relationship or maybe he wasn't that into becky like i don't know but i guess the thing is i think he wanted to be but when like it came to the crunch he was like shit i'm actually not which you know what it makes

or whatever it makes me so mad obviously because it happened to me as well but it makes me so mad when people go on this show and get to the end and they're like i just wasn't ready like fuck you're on the you're on a dating show brother you're on a bachelor i'm sorry like yeah you're separated from your wife maybe you needed some more time to actually get over what it is you're going through before applying for a dating reality tv show where people end up getting married and having babies afterwards like i'm also i was like i feel robbed of my love stories here guys i mean we we kind of knew that something was not panning out in the way from our first chat because becky was very adamant in saying that she was not in love with anyone which i was like that's a

weird way of communicating your relationship if you're actually with someone I was like I feel like that there would be some sort of you know problems there but anyway I'm very excited to chat to Becky about you know everything that's gone down and how she's feeling with everything but thank you so much Ellie for taking time today and having a chat with us and we're so happy for you like we love love and just all the rest of it it's so amazing to see someone come out of this you know and have the happy ending at the end yeah thank you ladies thanks for having me i'm genuinely so stoked like i'm so stoked i watched it just being like fuck yes like i just love when it works i really love when it works so congrats and are you actually one last thing are you moving

up north with him in like moving in together or you're just going to move in the same city no no no we'll live in the same city separately perfect good choice i haven't ever lived with i haven't ever lived with a guy and i think for us we're like we actually want to we want to give it a real shot so we want to like yeah take it slow in like normal life you know like i guess and we're both like we're both really on the same page with that so i love that well thank you so much going through your sister on the line thank love becky welcome back we had you on at the very beginning of your journey with i once again there's that word again fucking word the j word we had you on at the very beginning of batch and you made it pretty clear in our interview

that you were not in love with anyone and you said that several times and I was like oh dear I don't know if this spells disaster but I mean obviously like you know there's been a few days since finale we all kind of know and you've come out and said that you and Pete aren't together even though your finale episode and final looked amazing and everything looked like it was on its trajectory towards being happy happily ever after what happened talk us through like the days afterwards how soon after finale like what what happened there but firstly we want to say we're sorry absolutely yeah thanks girls well so Pete and I like I chose Pete at the end and then like straight after finale we spent about three days with each other um in the kangaroo valley and

I thought we had an amazing time like we weren't on our phones like we were having cheese and wine all the time like we were like intimate with each other and like he was saying all the right things as well like he was he was like um I was saying like I'm really glad you chose me and I'm glad I'm here and um like we were talking about like going and seeing each other's families like in like I'd go to Adelaide and he would come to Newcastle and like we're really excited about taking sort of those next steps and then at the end he's like yeah I'm gonna miss you and I was like I was like oh like it was really nice to hear that because I think with Pete he's he's a little bit closed off and I kind of I was feeling that as well like I think he was a bit emotionally

closed off and he said a couple of things to me during that time that kind of gave me a little bit of a red flag and I was like far out we should tell me this before Pete like what he's oh he just said that um he like in in past relationships because he has I guess trust issues from his previous you know breakup and everything he's sabotaged relationships and he was really scared he was going to do that to me okay yeah that's a conversation you have on the show that's not a post that's not a hey you've chosen me I won the bachelorette and now you're going to tell me like now I'm going to tell you that actually I have commitment issues like that's like that's yeah that's definitely date two conversation like I I knew that he had those kind of issues I think

because that's what we talked about on our last date and he said that you know in the past he has like sort of chosen he has sabotaged relationships and sort of picked something that's been wrong with them or made an excuse why there's something wrong and then has ended things so I knew that but in that in that last date I asked him like do you have like any concerns like only thing I'm worried about is like the distance like I just want to talk about like how how we can do that and I was like cool well I can work with that I was like we can you know do distance for a while and go and see each other and like just figure it out and we had a really good conversation there so that's that's all I really thought that were the issues at the time I think distance

in a relationship in terms of issues in a relationship I think distance is like the smallest issue you could have that's fine because that's something that you can fix it's something you can work with so I I don't know that's a bit of a let down that one when we're talking about distance like we're in Australia it's a flight it's not like you're gonna get to another country and we're trying to suffer coronavirus or anything you know like I think that that yeah like distance is a very manageable issue but obviously there was something else there that he wasn't being fully transparent about how long after you guys had the time together you know went to Kangaroo Valley spent a beautiful couple of days together how long after that couple of days in Kangaroo

Valley did the kind of the wheels fall off the wagon yeah so it was about four days so when we got out we like I went back to parks and saw mom and dad and he went back to Adelaide and each night we were I think yeah two nights afterwards we were like facetiming and things were good and I just kind of said to him like like where's your head at like how are you feeling and he's like oh you know what I think I just need a couple of days to just you know like think about things and let things sink in and blah blah and I was like all right no worries I'll give you a bit of space so I gave him the weekend and then after the weekend we had another FaceTime and that's where he told me that yeah he said oh the other night when your mum walked in when we were doing FaceTime I just

saw her and that's when everything sunk in I just realized that I don't think there's a spark there that's the moment he realized your mum walking in the room what has that got to do with the slice of bread I was like what yeah I was like how does that make sense I was like I don't get it and i was like how did we get to this point i was like surely you had concerns about me like leading up to this i don't like it actually doesn't physically make sense to a breakup oh i just saw your mom and i've realized now after spending three days and three months on the bachelor with you seeing your mom is the moment i'm like it's not working but especially because like the whole premise with like the final dates and everything is that they do try and kind of

make you be included in each other's families a little bit with the whole hometown thing and everything like you're supposed to feel like there is some inclusion there across your families but I guess maybe the way that Pete set up his situation was that you know he still had that separation you know you met some of Pete's friends didn't you yeah I did yeah yeah and they were lovely they're really nice I thought it I thought it went really well but what I mean is is that I guess you know instead of meeting like his mum or his dad over FaceTime like meeting his friends is like it's like one step down from where hometowns is supposed to be so maybe that in itself was a bit of a red flag about what he was ready to kind of open his life up to

yeah this didn't get into the edit but we had a hometown as well and I had all I had my friends there as my people that the like Adrian and Pete were meeting um and I think with Pete's family it just came down to like being on a TV show wasn't really for them like quite like my parents they'll they're just like sort of like country bumpkins and um just take us back a little bit let's like scoot back to finale was your decision a clear cut for a little while or it looked like you were sort of unsure quite up until the end between Adrian and Pete oh I was so unsure I remember But, yeah, that morning just being like I'd written out a bit of a speech for both of the boys, like one to send, you know, not choose Adrian,

one to pick Pete. And even in those moments I was just like, holy shit, like am I making the right decision? And, yeah, yeah, it was really hard. Oh, Becky. Yeah. And how do you feel now? Are you speaking to Adrian?

like I must be you must have a moment that when all of a sudden Pete's turned around and it just seems like a different person there must be a moment where you just sit back lay down in your bed and you're like oh did I did I make the right decision yeah in those moments when when Pete you know broke up with me that they were definitely all the questions that were going through my head I was like fuck maybe I've made the wrong decision I was just like yeah absolutely bloody heartbroken and I was like thinking you know Adrian was all in like I had no um yeah I I knew exactly where his head was at I guess that was the difference between between him and Pete is Adrian was was always very vocal about how much he liked me and yeah so I think I I definitely went through

those thoughts of you know did I make the right decision I think I was you know regretted it a little bit but at the end of the day like I said to Ellie you know right leading right up to finale that if I hadn't have given chance uh Pete a chance and I think I would have always regretted it because he had all these amazing qualities that I wanted like in a husband like I really thought it was gonna it could have been a long-term thing I thought I was going with the safe and secure option and in the end yeah it didn't work out so was there a moment where you were like fuck I wish I'd picked Adrian yeah I think straight afterwards for sure no I don't feel like that now I think I made the the right decision based on what I knew at the time

I think if if I knew more now about you know the kind of doubts Pete was having because he you know where we had that conversation where I was like how did we get here like surely you had doubts he's like oh I guess like I had some doubts around hometowns times but you know I wanted to give it a go so I think he didn't want to kind of voice those concerns because he didn't want to be the person being like oh I've got doubts but I still want to give it a go I'm like that's exactly what I needed to hear to be able to make a decision that's the thing that made everyone so angry when we all kind of found out it's like it's not about winning the bachelorette like that's not fair it's not about being the person at the end that gets to you know be like

oh well I won season whatever it is you know it's like that's not the reason that you do it because like there's a real person who actually wants a relationship at the end of this and deserves a relationship at the end of this because they've put so much fucking time and effort into putting their life on hold doing a tv show like exposing every part of their person to the media to people's public opinion to then turn around and have someone be like oh look I like you but i wasn't fully invested after having every opportunity to choose otherwise is a really shit move like in my opinion i think like i feel angry for you i feel like at the very minimum you deserve someone who at least gives it a shot like that's what you deserve even if they're not

100 in they've made that decision and they should give it a chance i i agree and i was really angry i was just like if you weren't ready why pursue a relationship with someone on bloody tv like fuck you pete man but ultimately ultimately you made a decision based on the information that was given to you and you made the best decision for you with the information given to you you should be proud of that that's you you have not done anything wrong it's just that if you had been given any further information yeah maybe you would have gone down a different path that's on pete for not giving you that absolutely like in um conjunction with what laura just said of course people shouldn't be trying to go to the end for the sake of going to the end

but unfortunately i feel like what we're starting to see lately is the bachelor and the bachelorette completely transforming into that i think it's back at the beginning if we wind it back to the to tim and anna like the original the og it was all about love there was no social media there was nothing to be gained from it and i i worry now and i don't know how we're supposed to tell anymore but I worry now that that's the way it's going that people are like oh I could I could just get something from this I'll just write it out and they're forgetting that we have real people yeah I don't know if that was Pete's case though no no it might not have been but just in I was just on my rant yeah no I I genuinely I genuinely don't see like I like in what you're saying like

and I know that that's not what you meant either Brit like I don't think that Pete was in it for social media whatever I think that this is a case and it's something that like every listener can probably relate to at some point in their life like sometimes the nice guys fuck up as well you know it's not just bad guys who make bad decisions who treat you badly sometimes really nice guys who you think have all their shit together can be super fucking disappointing as well and that is almost worse because when someone who you think and you put on a pedestal for being like a really nice guy and you put all your eggs in that basket because you're like look this is the type of guy I should go for but you had the option of the type of guy you normally go for

that's when it becomes so much harder to stomach because you're like well I tried that option and that didn't work either yeah 100% and yeah oh yeah it still it still makes me really angry but at the end of the day I'm like fuck I don't want to be with someone who isn't sure of their feelings who like can't communicate preach yeah like I deserve so much better than that I want someone to fucking desire me and you know want me a hundred percent and you know treat me fucking well so fuck yeah it's like no for sure and and let's like okay p by p see you later let's talk about adrian did you i mean i know i've read that you've been in contact with him after um i want to know two things yep did you contact him after like even when you were with pete when you got out

in just in terms of like you know i guess you want to just touch base and make sure they're okay tie things up or was it nothing and then i want to know what the contact's been now okay so i um what brunie's trying to ask is have you slid into his dms yeah so i kind of nice way yeah i contacted him um after pete broke things off with me so i hadn't been in contact with him at all um whilst Pete and I were together because like just respect you know like I didn't you know I broke things off with Adrian and I put all my eggs and you know feelings in my head in Pete's basket and really wanted to make that work so there would have been no way that I would have made contact with Adrian whilst I was with Pete because that's just not cool I got in contact with him once Pete broke

things off and I just kind of was like you know this has happened and this sucks and he was you know quite quite angry at pete as well and but and it was really nice that he was receptive to like talking to me as well and so we've been we talk a lot actually like he's such a sweet guy and he has been such a good support for me and we've really talked things through and he's like bex you you made the wrong decision mate like i was all in you're like yeah come over now please I think we've talked about our feelings for each other and you know there's a lot of care and love and sort of respect there and we really care for each other but at the end of the day like I broke his heart like and I think in those moments he really took a step back and put a wall up and

spent some time with his family and healed and with me on the flip side like I disconnected did from him as well like i really wanted things to work with pete would you consider now meeting up with adrian and just seeing if there's still a spark there i think we're definitely going to meet up as friends friends at home at midnight with a wine no but i i understand what you're saying i think that like you know something can be on a good trajectory but like you can you can damage that and like there is damage that's done when you reject someone and you choose somebody else um it gives the impression that well they were second which is essentially exactly what that is so you know I think it's very easy when you watch a show like The Bachelorette

and you go oh well that didn't work out well then she should just be with the number two guy but it doesn't work like that in real life yeah like no one wants to be the number two guy so I totally understand why those reservations exist and also like why your feelings changed a bit as well one thing I did want to ask and this is coming more so from the Facebook group there was some things that Adrian did at the very beginning mostly around like his oh I don't want to talk about that let's just live in the moment comments which I think really got a lot of our listeners offside and a lot of our listeners were like fucking red flag red flag red flag because we teach them about those red flags here at like we're always preaching the red flags and then

here was our girl Becky being like I love Adrian and Adrian doesn't want to talk about his feelings um but obviously that sort of changed over the course of the show but I did really feel that and this is truly coming from the Facebook group because we have this thread where everyone kind of chimes in and has conversations I did really feel that Adrian didn't shake his bad boy behavior like completely or his bad boy perception that people had what was it about him that you saw that was different or what was it about him that made you go I want to take this guy in this ridiculous hat all the way to the final two well with with adrian and i we had like that chemistry where you look at someone across the room and you haven't even spoken and you're already given each

other eyes like it was like quite a unique connection from the start and so um with with adrian it's unfortunate because we had a single date that didn't make the edit um it could have just been down for time and everything freaking annoying yeah it's so annoying and i feel like that was one of the things that really got sacrificed on your season the fact that there was two of you so much shit was cut out so we didn't get to actually like i don't think that we really got to see enough of like the connection and the conversation and the dates because everything was compacted and as much as it might have been nice for the two of you to go through the experience together as a viewer it felt very short and it felt like no one really had a

connection because it was too quick yeah there were definitely some really nice moments where I was just like oh I wish they'd shown that I wish they were able to have more time to be able to show some of those other really beautiful moments because I think those weren't shown like you didn't see mine and Adrian's connection right until the end like it was you know and in the first couple of episodes he was so confident he was going to get a rose and that's because we had an amazing connection we had that beautiful single date we had some really lovely chats and I remember like I know you're talking about red flags and everything but with Adrian and I like I'd just bring up topics I'd be like I always left those conversations with him like happy because

he was always just himself and I think that's where we with him he he was not even sort of considering that he was doing a tv show like he was just answering truthfully and he was like yeah like in the outside world i don't i don't talk about the future like let's just see how things go things go and i think that is just who he is he's such a free spirit he's a bit of a hippie dude he's just like yeah whatever like positive vibes like love man and so that's like a very normal answer in a very normal situation like it's like the bachelorette and the bachelor is fucking weird you don't go on a first date with someone and sit down and talk about whether or not you want to have kids straight away like that's just not a normal conversation you have

but in the environment of the bachelor and bachelorette that's what's expected of you yeah so it is really jarring for some people in the first couple of weeks to get into this like process of just constantly talking about your feelings like i i know i did like at the beginning i felt like i was constantly being tricked by production i was like i'm not gonna tell this guy i love him i was like i don't know him this is crazy i remember having i remember nick and i were on a date and we had i'm not exaggerating a solid 45 minutes of telling each other back and forward cheese jokes like just cheese jokes yeah and that's a gouda one exactly and production came out and they're like guys the cheese jokes are cute give us some fucking feelings i was like

oh we've got to talk and so we went from cheese jokes to being like so how do you feel about me it's like it's like you and the other thing that i wanted to add to this is when we're just speaking about like we didn't really get to see a lot of the connection with you and adrian and stuff was cut out unfortunately that is a part of the franchise because they don't want it to be from day one they don't want the audience to know that oh it's obvious these are the two people at the end these are the connections so unfortunately someone always has to suffer in that respect and and they sort of get a little bit hidden so that it's a surprise to australia so it's like unfortunately age that was adrian in this one but also i feel like it was pete as well i feel like

there was lots of stuff that must have been cut out with pete i just think i think because because of the fact that there are two bachelorettes and because of the fact that there were two love stories everything was halved so we saw so much less and so much less conversation so much less love that it felt more compromised than other seasons yeah because there's two of us we basically it got five episodes each plus there's a conversations between ellie and i like we had so many beautiful conversations and silly moments and it's just unfortunate that they just don't have time to show but i think the viewers missed that like i honestly think from some of the feedback we've been seeing that's what people were craving to really be able to connect and go like

i really fucking want becky to find her love story you know i really want ellie to have her love story i think that that you know the beauty of having the two of you there as sisters would have been being able to show more of your relationship as sisters and why it was so important for you to do that journey together I think that would have been an asset to this series as opposed to it being something to cut which is unfortunate and we can all talk about the things that we would have loved to have seen in hindsight but when you watched it back Becky what did you think was the hardest thing to watch back that could be for you that could be watching a moment of Ellie like anything probably seeing mine and Adrian's connection yeah and reliving that again I guess

being like far out it really was there yeah that's like the whole show is hard to watch back but I guess in your situation when there was this tiny moment of did I do the right thing have you spoken to Pete since filming finished they're not since filming finished since the show finished yeah so once he broke up with me over FaceTime I sent him a big text message kind of just summarizing how I felt I was I was quite was it just like Eminem lyrics or something very angry i feel angry pete yeah angry but then also just like i just felt disappointed i just felt cheated because i he hadn't been completely transparent with these feelings and i hadn't heard from him since then but i heard from him last week and what did he say

to be honest he to be honest he frustrated me because i kind of said to him i was like pete Like, you threw in the towel pretty early. Like, do you have any regrets? And I was like, it's okay if that's a no because, like, I just want you to be honest with me. And he was like, oh, you know, I don't have any regrets because I felt like I gave it a go. And I also realised that long distance isn't for me.

And I was just like, oh. Oh, my God. I'm so angry for you. infuriated becky what is next for you now i mean i hope that you don't look back on this experience and regret doing it like i hope that you genuinely like learned something about yourself and what you want in a partner from being able to do the bachelorette but knowing that you've just been through this like crazy dating experience what is next for you yeah well i don't i don't have any regrets that's for sure like I've been through some pretty bloody tough breakups and so I know

that I'm strong and I can get through anything and I think that's why I'm okay because like I've been through worse before and um it's been bloody disappointing but at the same time you know I feel like this is how things have meant to work out I really think things happen for a reason and you know if Adrian and I were meant to be together I'm sure there'd still be something there no and are you jumping back into the dating world and do you have any plans to go am I going to see you on bumble or oh no I've never really been like a big um online dating kind of girl like I've been I've been on the apps before and I've done a little bit but I get a bit I get a bit bored of it so you just meet the guys in the wild tell us your tricks because I can't meet those wild ones

well I was single for nearly three or four years before before the bloody ex that broke my heart So I don't think I really have any good tips. I need your tricks. I'm just keen to, I don't know, get back into work, hang out with my friends, just go to the beach, go to the gym and just do me for a bit. I'm not really. And then just hook up with Adrienne.

Great, hook up. I'm definitely open to it. I just. There it is, Daily Mail. There's your exclusive. I'm open to dating again, I meant. They won't take that. They'll take that snippet.

prepare to be wonderfully misquoted by saying that Becky thank you so much for making time to chat to us we are so sorry and obviously this is still something that's so raw and recent which is also a fact that like filming didn't end that long ago like it hasn't been as much time as what it usually is between when the finale happens in real life and when it's actually shown on TV but we know that like your penguin is out there and we're sorry it wasn't Pete but yeah we we're really sad that that turned out the way that it did but like you said Becky everything happens for a reason and I think that's a really good way to move forward is to accept that this is part of the journey to get you where you're supposed to be yeah 100% thanks girls it's been

lovely talking to you. Thanks, Becky. Bye. Bye, Becky. All right, guys, you know that we never finish an episode without our suck

and our sweet, our highlight and our lowlight of each and every week. Brittany, you can go first. I'm already laughing at mine. Oh, I already know what Britt's is.

It's so great. Guys, I have a bone to pick with you. now i i both appreciate it and have a slight issue with it i often get tagged in random photos by you guys i don't actually know you guys that are tagging me but i'll randomly get a tag i'll go to the page and it's just like a picture of a hot guy or someone from the bachelor or someone an actor that you want me to hook up with oh yeah it's a hundred percent it only comes from listeners and it's like you guys are trying to do your due diligence and you're like hey brit what about this

guy everybody wants to be cupid for brit but this really fucking backfired and it's really really funny it's actually so funny because i love that um like i love it especially if it's a really hot guy that i don't know brilliant whatever it's a lol but today i got tagged by one of you lovely listeners in a photo of this really hot guy he had no shirt on and he's holding a dog and i mean like normally i would melt that that's my ideal situation hot topless guy red flag dog love that for me but the guy that you tagged me in it was the guy I told you about a few podcast episodes ago where I said that there was this red flag guy that was hot and had a dog basically what print's saying is like had you tagged her six months ago it wouldn't be a problem but she's

already slept with this guy so like her being tagged on a photo of him where he can see it was mortifyingly embarrassing for her thank you for that because also now also now I'm like great does he think that you're my friend and i've just told you about it and now you're tagging me and he thinks i'm talking about it because i would never do that but anyway i nearly died on the inside love you guys but you know maybe do your due diligence but i think you guys can all keep being cupid uh i love that you have this i love that you love brit so much that you want her to find love that you tag her in really really sexy photos of men um the problem is is that if they're from bondi there's a good chance brit's already dated them so don't fucking do that tag me

anyone from bondi um anyway that was a bloody lol was that a suck or is that a sweet because that could be my sweet i think that's your sweet and that's my suck fair very very fair my sweet is super easy my sweet this week was just doing our first little live show on radio on um kiss fm we had so much fun well i'm speaking for both of us i had so much fun i absolutely loved it it was very natural very easy i loved you guys calling up and i loved actually having this aspect where we could talk to you live so that was my sweet and we're doing it again this week it's also just such a freaking blowout like the like my mind is completely blown by the fact that like we started this podcast I mean we haven't migrated from the bedroom yet we're still doing

this in some very humble humble beginnings but the fact that like you know we started this podcast with zero intention about what it was going to become or how big it would become or how many people would listen to it we just started it as two girlfriends who thought you know what these are the conversations that we want to have with our friends these are conversations that we want to listen to and maybe there'll be some other chicks out there or guys out there who want to listen to these conversations as well and unpack some interesting things unpack some silly things talk about dating talk about life and the fact that it's resonated with so many of you is just incredible and we're almost at five million downloads guys we are at five million

downloads i forgot to tell you are we really yeah like today basically i just screamed into the microphone i hope that didn't hurt anyone's ears finally celebrate our 1 million downloads okay we're gonna go out for dinner i promise and we've been talking about this for a year we're gonna make time but yeah like guys like we i know we say this from time to time and if you've been listening from the beginning you've probably heard this spiel before but we're so incredibly grateful for every single one of you who listen like and you know we know that there are parts of these episodes that have made a difference to you there's some that have really touched you you've laughed with us you've cried with us and that means the absolute world to us it still blows

my mind i remember the first ever episode that laura and i put out i turned to laura and i was like do you reckon anyone's gonna listen also the audio was so bad but i remember saying do you think anyone's gonna want to listen and we were like well i don't know hopefully we get like 10 downloads and then to think now we've been asked to do shows on radio because that many people are interested it really does blow us away oh yeah and to think that now there's been five million downloads on this podcast is insane in um 12 13 in 16 months that's it there we go anyway now that well that was a long second suite for me sorry guys I was like we can stop tooting our horn now okay my second suite I forgot what was my stuff was it me uh getting into the sexiest list that was probably

your sweet what was my son oh yeah brit made the like who weekly's sexiest people yeah that was my no okay imagine laura took the piss absolutely here i am like just like like dumpy little pregnant lady over here um okay my suck is that and i'm sure i've said this before but my suck is that this pregnancy is being it's been so much harder than the last one i am really over it and i'm not even i've got three more months to go but i'm so over it this time and i loved being pregnant with Marley I was like I am a glowy pregnant goddess I am an earth mother and this time I'm like get it out of me now you have been proper sick for like two months though yeah it's just but like I'm just I'm I'm tired everything hurts there is a skull sticking into my pelvis bone

right now it's not Matt's it's has been Matt's for a while um that's not the head we're talking about um yeah it's just like it's it's a very uncomfortable pregnancy in comparison to Marley which makes me think because it's so different it's going to be a boy but then again it might just be because i'm getting older that's also a contributing factor we both did refer to it today as a boy did you hear that when we were chatting we both said hey i still have massive boy vibes we've picked out a few names actually i was so okay i'm gonna i'm gonna say i was so convinced that we were going to name this baby huxley and then matt has just like come in and thrown a spanner in the works and he's decided he doesn't like the name anymore so i think that that's not

on the cards which is very disappointing because i really like well i hope it's not now because You've just told everyone your name. I might delete it. We'll see. Anyway, okay. And my sweet, well, my sweet is the fact that I'm in the third trimester and there's only three more months to go. So I feel like I'm on the downhill run.

And also the fact that this baby's measuring kind of big. So I'm hoping I'm going to come early, which that's me preempting a sweet that probably won't happen because Marley was two weeks late. Does that mean for the next three months, your sweet is two months and three weeks to having a baby? guys thank you so much for tuning in and listening thank you for all of your support all of your reviews that you leave i'm not even going to ask you to leave one this week because

i'm just chuffed that you're already doing it but if you haven't left a review i'll ask you to jump onto apple podcast hit five stars leave a review if you haven't followed us on instagram it's life uncut podcast and if you haven't jumped into the facebook group i know we talk about every week but the facebook group is such an amazing community it's life uncut podcast as well and you can join the group and be involved guys there is only two weeks left that you can vote for us for the listeners choice awards which we i mean surprisingly we really want to win um but the only way to do that is for you to go on to the australian podcast awards there's a little part we'll put some more links up it's a part that literally says vote for listeners choice you put

in life uncut you enter your email they'll send you the vote to email and you'll confirm it it will take you two seconds now that was a lot of homework that we're trying to get you to do but anyway you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad and share the love because we love them