Life Uncut - Can we have it all?

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

On the menu today, can we have it all? The career, the family, the friends, the holidays, the house, the social circle. What does “all” even mean? And are we actually suffering whilst trying to achieve it? Let’s talk all about having it all. After a solid Bachelor recap of course! Also, you know we are going to answer your questions on “ASK UNCUT” Guys If you like us please help us grow by hitting subscribe, giving 5 stars, leave a review and share the love. Because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and today we're going to be talking about our favourite astro-batchy. Our only astro-batchy. and why was he called to see you next tuesday i don't know but it was psycho this week it truly was and a disrespectful pic there are two things that you don't really want to be called we're also going to be talking about what it is to have it all is it possible to have it all can you have the career the babies the clean house drink eight cups of water a day exfoliate yeah and just what does it all mean to an individual because i think it means a lot of different things to a lot of different women but before we get into that britney did you hear that cyril and eden are having

a baby i did read this late last night tell me tell me what you feel about this okay so i think that you're gonna be far more opinionated than i am on this one because i have a confession to make if you say that you didn't watch either of those seasons i'm gonna get you to leave right now i feel like get out get out so yeah i actually have never watched married at first sight i have an excuse the first season played when i was in the batch mansion and as you know you're not allowed to watch any tv okay that's a pretty pretty good excuse and then i just was too worried it was such a train wreck that i thought i would get stuck on it because all of australia was stuck on it and i just i just didn't want it i hadn't even had a tv in seven years so i wasn't going to start watching

it for married at first sight what did you talk about for like four months i don't understand in the mansion no as in when married first sight was on tv what did you actually talk about to your friends and to people in general don't tell me that there was other topics of conversation going around yeah i think i was actually talking about real things like science and global warming and you know she's so cultured oh my god guys i think it's called woke laura oh she's woke everyone i'm not woke it's very early in the morning again i am not woke but here we are what did you think about it i know you're gonna have i have an opinion but i want to hear yours first because you actually frothed on that show i did i was obsessed with married at first sight and and

for those who don't know eden is not from married at first sight he's from love island right so they have cross-pollinated the reality tv world which is just nuts in itself isn't it you're not supposed to go into the dark side what are these people doing stick to your lane people stick to your lane there. Look, I have mixed feelings about this. Not about the fact that they're having a baby. I think it's amazing that they're having a baby. I love babies. I have a baby. I talk about my baby all the time. You like babies? I didn't know. Babies are great. The thing that I am a bit conflicted about is yesterday when it was announced, their baby announcement was overshadowed by the fact that everyone is saying that they're doing it for a publicity stunt, which in itself

is pretty horrific. You should not have a baby for a publicity stunt. I think we're all on board with that. My issue comes from the fact that they very strongly denied that this was the case. However, they did their release, their announcement through NW. So they kept it as an exclusive announcement through NW magazine. If you've got something so special, like a baby, that's something that you can announce that privately. If there's no publicity or leveraging involved here, why do you need to announce it through a glossy mag? Look, I am going to play devil's advocate a little bit but i can see both sides if you're going to announce something anyway this i'm not saying i would do this but i can see why they're like look we're going to do it anyway why don't we make a

few thousand dollars doing it put it away for the baby yeah you know if it's like that if it's for the baby's future etc etc i can see like we're going to do it anyway but also i do feel a little bit sorry for them if it's not a publicity stunt which i don't think it is you having a baby is a pretty big publicity stunt because that's a commitment that is a long term goal that is a real long goal right i think they're a really controversial couple so i think that anything they do the media and the public are going to label that as a publicity stunt imagine that living like that that would be really really hard that you can't scratch yourself without someone saying or you're doing it for money or you're doing it for fame i agree that is a shit

label to have however if you're so concerned about that label would you then try and make when the sun shines and monopolize on the fact that you can make some money from your announcement it sits a bit uncomfortably with me because i think it's hard to say that there's nothing about it that you're going to gain from it from a publicity sake if you're going to go down the route of using the magazine to announce your pregnancy yeah it's pretty controversial yeah and the only other thing that didn't sit right with me was the fact that they both independently made a comment that their ex-partners had fertility problems. I didn't like that. I did read that as well. It seems pretty insensitive to even really need to talk about your exes at all when you're

having a baby announcement. With someone else. Yeah, it should really be the focus should be on your relationship and on what you're creating together and not to bring in other people's struggles and difficulties, which is such an incredibly sensitive issue into your announcement because Erin and Nick, they don't have a voice in this and they're not able to express how they feel. To kind of drag them into it and to comment on what they can and can't have and their fertility struggles is incredibly insensitive. It's just a very, very personal topic and it should be theirs

and theirs only to discuss in a public manner. So that wasn't cool with me, but good luck to them. Congratulations to the happy couple. we hope that you have a beautiful healthy baby i really do hope that they have a beautiful healthy baby because that at the end of the day regardless of any sentiment or any motivation behind it or or even how they execute all of their milestones coming up there is a baby involved and that is the biggest part of this so i really hope that everyone else can get on board and be supportive but moving along laura batch recap episode five the dog see you next tuesday holy moly guacamole

holy moly guacamole does anyone remember that are you five no that was on ali's season of the bachelor i was doing a quote i didn't watch it i missed that sorry oh my gosh why did why is she here can someone tell me why britney is commentating on a reality tv podcast when she doesn't watch reality tv i've got some real issues with this now i'm here for the lols yeah are you here so that i can recap it to you so that you know what's going on i didn't i openly will admit i didn't really watch all of ali's season either i was really batched out that was straight off the back of my season you're coming in hot but anyway i'll forgive you for this i was having a minor meltdown in my room oh so long as you are dedicated to the cause from here on in girlfriend i'm so

dedicated we need to talk about well let's start from the start i know we want to jump into see next tuesday no i was just saying we need to talk about abby oh yeah abdog abdog yeah she had a single date yeah she did and she squished some fruit with her feet gross she's very handsy she's very flirtatious she knows what she wants and she's gonna go get that a lot of sexual chemistry we've seen that on all of their dates and all of their single time but i think this date matt was like okay cool i get it we can make out we need to see if there's more she did bring the chat to the table when she started talking about her family and she was talking about how she had a difficult relationship with her dad leaving that was that was really good because that kind of

cushioned the rest of the of the controversial chat i was like oh girlfriend i feel for you and i was like oh you got me with a knife when she started talking about monique spot yes yeah so for those of you who don't know abby kind of threw monique under the bus a little bit kind of did she did she slaughtered her with a bus and it was coming off the back of the last episode where Monique had had a single date and she'd macked on with Matt and then Matt had come into the cocktail party and macked on with Abby and Abby had really come back from her macking on date and told everyone there's so much macking what then happened was Monique obviously was a little bit annoyed she said some pretty colorful things about Matt which look the c-bomb is probably

not really an acceptable thing to ever call anyone I don't really see how it can can be a joke which is what she was trying to phrase it as later well I think what she means is and I guess I can see this in a way to me the c-word is the most disgraceful disgusting word and I can't even bring myself to say it in it if I'm retelling a story I just don't like it but the way she speaks laura is like oh looking at me like sometimes i say it for me no for me it's a no if actually if i'm talking to a guy and he says it it's an immediate turn off and in my mind i'm like i strike him out look i won't say it on this podcast because we're not r-rated but from time to time if i won't say it about someone yeah in what way would you say it then well i can't say it on the

podcast i don't know i wouldn't say it as a joke i guess i would say it about someone let's start again from the top maybe i'll delete this i don't need the world knowing that i've got a potty mouth also if you listen to the way she talks that sort of is her vibe she's a bit of a rough diamond and her vocabulary is questionable so i could see it thrown out there as sort of funny i don't think it is colloquial but maybe that just is her okay but heading back to abby and abby telling matt on the date what Monique said what do you think of that yeah I can't work out if that was cool or not cool not cool well so this is the thing something that happened in our season two and I'm not going to say it but the producers were really pushing us who anyone whoever they didn't

care pushing someone to go and tell Nick what was said no one did because it was quite down to the end as well they were sort of getting me to do it and I said there's no way I'm going to do that he can work this out on his own essentially and it's not my job and I didn't feel comfortable going and throwing someone else under the bus so I didn't and no one did we all ignored it so I don't know how I feel about her doing it well my issue with the whole thing is more the fact that you have very limited time to talk about yourself why would you waste your date bitching about what somebody else said and what no one else probably has realized and I was like haha I know something's happening here is on a single date once you get given a rose that single date is over you don't

have extended time flapping around in a pool making out oh you're in put on a chain and you would drag out it's like cool we got what we came for thanks guys out we go abby got her rose sitting on the couch and then all of a sudden matt's like hey let's go get in the jacuzzi and make out some more which made me realize i know that something else is coming this date was already premeditated that that conversation was already set up because there's no way in hell they would have given abby that extra one-on-one time so they probably kind of dangled it in front of her as a carrot and said yeah if you tell matt then you'll get extra time with him you'll get to get in the pool you can get real handsy so i guess she thought maybe she was leveraging it to the best of her ability however

the messenger never comes out on top it's not gonna end well for her and she also would have thought that Monique is starting to be a real threat so that was her chance to I guess sort of knock a competitor out a little bit yeah but it's really childish it's a really childish way of doing it yeah and I think that most people can kind of see through through the motivating factors in that because she was in the pool smiling being like I just have to tell you because I just want to do the right thing by you so whose side were you on Monique's or Abby's I think they've both done the wrong thing they both probably should have just left matt is smart enough he's good enough at the game that he's going to be able to figure out who's in there for the right reasons i don't think

that you need to point it out for him because it doesn't make you look good and it's really hard did you have anybody on your season that was just polar opposite alone in the house with you guys to when the cameras came on and the bachelor came on yes it's it's hard to watch so i if that's the case i guess maybe there was some frustration in there as well that do you know what we did actually have a couple of girls who in our season were really quite mean behind the camera and then when the cameras were on were like it's showtime but their true colors came out on screen anyway so the villains that were the villains in our season were actually the villains in the house so there wasn't a mismatch and nobody had to stand up and jump up and down and say

hey that person's really mean matt just figured it out on his own yeah and i know that our astro batch he would have figured out and also the producers are they're saying you know he should know he deserves to know so you have this outside pressure to on the spot of like maybe i should tell him you know i don't know i have to i have to keep an open mind now since i've done it i have to be open about it and i can't jump to any conclusions because i know what happens in there Okay, so moving quite along, Helena gets a date. They go to the Pearl Factory. The Pearl Factory.

The Insemination Factory. It was so sexual, wasn't it? Their sexual innuendos were way too over the top. Every episode of this Bachelor, I don't know how they make the most meaningless, trivial activities so heated and sexual. We're making a baby. Yeah, just get it in there like you like that. It was just a bit too much.

Yeah, and they hadn't even kissed. and they were making babies what about the reference to the pearl necklace at the end yeah right google that because that's also not g-rated i actually had to google it i knew it was something but i didn't know what it's actually taken me by surprise at how sexual matt is i didn't think when he came on as this nerdy astrophysicist bachelor i thought it was going to be all chats and intellectuals but it's been pretty r-rated do you know what i think it is i think he's just this mega nerd that's never had chicks like falling all over him before and now he's like i am a god and it's the only time they love me so he's just out there waving his

little rocket around so excited everything was it my my arm action for the rocket then you need to see laura's hand gestures right now she's so animated with his rocket but it's so so sexual i kind of got to a point with that date where i was like all right we get it you guys are gonna get it on and then they didn't get it on exactly it stopped doing those hand gestures making me so uncomfortable um i know and then he kissed her on the cheek and then they just both got up and walked on opposite directions off screen it was really sad the end of their date and i know that they were trying to the bachelor franchise was trying to frame it as Matt's a good guy he's not out there kissing all these people he has sexual feelings Matt has

feelings too he's you know an oppressed white man that gets to choose between all of the women it's hard for him Brittany it's hard it is hard and I feel for the guy yeah yes totally so he has an awkward date with Elena although I do really like her then we end up at the cocktail party where matt confronts monique yeah and i do feel sorry for all the other girls at the cocktail party because um inspector gadget i mean matt did spend all his time with these two girls abby and monique and just trying to work out what had happened but i think every other girl got forgotten it was no it was just so high school the fact that he interrogated every single other girl that was there and was like sagant what did monique say about me chelsea what did monique say about me

did Monique say this and then at the end of it he cracked the shits and walked out it was to me it was just very very childish yeah especially because he didn't even send either of the girls home he sent lovely ukulele girl home I know I loved her I loved ukulele girl Julia she has a name Laura ukulele girl was great so I'm gonna do that thing where I am probably too nice and fight you on this one but I did think it was high school yes but if you were in his position and you really you had two people's word against each other that's it and you'd like both of them but you know one of them's doing the wrong thing the only with their heads all of them oh my god i never would have survived in the queen of scott's age would i you would have just

annihilated me and yes i appreciate it if you've got feelings for both of them you want to get to the bottom of it but but laura we're talking about the bachelor there's never going to be an episode without drama we need we need what would have happened on in that episode honestly if he didn't investigate who said what. And he would have been heckled from production to try and get to the bottom of it. And kick someone off. Yeah, it would have been motivated by production

to really take a deep dive. I just thought it went on too long and it got a bit high school. And it was interesting to see a lot of the other girls' responses. Well, most of the girls were annoyed at Abby. Even though they knew Monique had said it, they were pissed off at Abby.

Yeah, like girl code, isn't it? I guess at the end of the day, things that are said within the mansion, especially things that are said under frustration shouldn't then be repeated to the bachelor to try and one-up yourself and to get ahead of the race just means that you become untrustworthy in everyone else's eyes so abby has a massive target on her back now yeah i think there's another side we might not have seen yet in comparison to that episode the next episode was pretty boring i think the highlight from the next episode was just chelsea's date no what the hell i loved their

group date it was like a fight to the death for the bouquet that matt slung with his slingshot it really took things from zero to hero with the whole wedding dress thing didn't it it was for me it was a quite a laughable embarrassing date and i think the girls felt that too you could see them sitting there in their wedding dresses being like what are we doing yeah they got into it i i liked it i kind of liked the date it literally was a fight to the death between abby and monique and everyone was hell-bent on getting abby out abby really has become like the the unassuming villain in this whole season to be fair abby was quite athletic she was doing some leaps and lunges and tumbles and she caught so many no but do you not remember the second part of that date where they

had to try and do the compatibility tests and matt was asking questions you know like when do you want to get married and then they had to say a b or c and pick and abby was choosing the answers that she knew were most relative to matt instead of choosing the answers that were genuine to her so she said that in the next two years was it two years or five years who knows very soon she wants to be married and have babies and now the other girls are like girlfriend you are lying yeah but apparently she told them she didn't want kids in anywhere in the near future if ever well she's young you know and maybe she doesn't want kids does she want them in the next two years i'm gonna call bullshit on that one so what did you think of chelsea's date chelsea's date was super

cute. I mean, you could see that little food fight a mile away. It was a bit contrived, but I still like them. They are, I mean, they're a match. There was this moment at the end of the food fight where they were having this really cute moment, but I couldn't take it seriously because Chelsea had the biggest clump of dough on her eyelashes and it just looked like conjunctivitis and I couldn't look at her. I was like, girl, wipe your eye. Matt, why are you leaving that shit in her eye? I actually thought that the food fight went from being cute to just being a bit disgusting like oh yeah lol let's throw some flour and then chelsea's base it in batter from head to toe it was and i'm just gonna also call bullshit on the fact that they did not make

that banana bread it looked too good oh that came from the art department oh hands down that was from a top-notch bakery yeah they just like oh that's like look at how we cooked it it's moist and i'm like you have not seen that you did not make that here is one we prepared earlier i thought that they were really sweet together she's been cast very well to match all of his criteria she is the nerd he is a nerd they talk about nerd stuff together and they're gonna go live in nerd village and have nerd babies nerd squared yes i think lots of nerd to the power of nerd i'm just gonna throw this out there too chelsea's body damn damn girl yeah she she was hiding that under there wasn't she yeah she's a hot nerd but he's a hot nerd too so they're hot nerd squads loved it

and then after chelsea's date we got into the cocktail party and matt gave monique the boot yeah straight up out of here girlfriend yep he's all business wasn't he he's like i can't trust you we can't go any further she says do you want me to leave i think he was supposed to say no but he didn't yeah but don't you think it's funny that the motivating factor for her getting kicked out was the fact that she wouldn't run around an oval after the bouquet like he was like she just didn't try on the group date that really didn't try hard enough that really frustrated me she needs to run after flowers for me to prove her love yeah that actually really frustrated me because i don't think you can use that as a reason at all she was standing there saying this is ridiculous i'm not

gonna go and fight abby in the mud for a bouquet to prove my worth and my my how much i care for matt i just don't think that shows it however she did get herself into a sticky situation with this whole thing and she probably needed to do something to try and show that she was remorseful i think to be honest i don't think she did that no i just think that he knew it wasn't her and he didn't want her there anymore and he needed a reason and he was he was grasping at straws and his reason happened to be she didn't fight to the death and see you next tuesday was also a pretty hectic reason to tell someone to leave if someone called me a c beep i would definitely be like i think it's time to part ways um the other heartbreak of the evening was vacca vacca i know she she's a

sweetheart but she was very very giggly on her extra time with matt and i could see that from a mile away that she was going to be leaving that night and she's so stunning but they just had nothing in common and but that's part of dating you're going to meet people that you get along with like a house on fire or that you just share no similarities with and i think those two are just two beautiful humans independently but they just don't work no they had no vibe and no chemistry i don't know if she was nervous do you think the giggles was it just nerves very nervous yeah or was it because she just didn't know what to say because she has nothing in common with him probably a bit of a mixture of both they don't they they are from different worlds and they were

never going to mesh in this environment but she was a sweetheart and i really enjoyed her commentary throughout the whole thing. I think we can probably take Salaise in the fact that she's going to be on Bachelor in Paradise in a bikini and looking like a million dollars. We have not seen the last of her. I will put money on the fact that both Monique and Vaku will be in Bachelor in Paradise.

I feel like a lot of this cast will be, actually. Will you be on Bachelor in Paradise, Brittany? Don't make me laugh. No one needs to see this in a bikini anymore. Oh, that's not even true. Stop. let's get into our main chat and that is is it possible to have it all can we have it all and actually laura what does it all even mean these days can we have the career the family the children the husband can we have the social circle the holidays the house the pick a fence the dogs

is it possible to do it all equally what do you think me what do i think yeah you're the other person in the room on the podcast. So yeah. Hi, what do I think? It's possible for women to have it all, but they cannot have it all at the same time because in order to do one job well, you need to really throw yourself into that to do your career and to be successful in a high powered career. You need to throw yourself into that career to do that. That's time away from your children. So how on earth are you supposed to be a wonderful, successful mom, a wonderful, successful businesswoman and not sacrifice anything in between the thought that we keep perpetuating that it is possible only puts added stress and anxiety on women who aren't achieving

those things and feel like they're failing well something has to suffer doesn't it it always will something will always suffer and also i think your idea of having it all changes with as you grow as a person so I remember when I was probably 26 I was living in Sydney and Bondi in an amazing house I had two careers that were going really really well I have an amazing family I lived on the beach you know I had this amazing life some would say like I had it all but I was always feeling less fulfilled and what it all meant to me kept changing because once I had what I thought it all was you want more you always want more so all of a sudden all became something different to me it's so true so then I chased this travel dream I was like well I haven't traveled the world yet so

that's what all is so I went and did that and then I went and studied again and I just kept on snowballing and things do suffer so even now you and I I guess are trying to have it all by juggling multiple careers and a baby and I think to some point we're already suffering we're both walking zombies but we're fighting to fill our life with the idea of that we can do anything we want to know in ourself that it's possible no one's going to tell you that you can't take on a third job because you have a baby laura you know that's i think internally we're like well i can i'm not going to let one thing stop me so true i almost get to a point sometimes where i think but it's not worth it i don't want to have it all that just sounds exhausting i actually read an

interesting article that was written by a woman called Anne-Marie Slaughter she basically was the first woman director of policy planning at the state department so she was rubbing shoulders with the Obamas and she was basically the dream if you're in that industry she had worked so hard to get there and she had thought it was all she had ever wanted and she was about to re-sign on for another two-year term and she all she could think about she said I was I was at this function and the Obamas were there and we were having this great old time and I had realized I had made it but all i could think about was my 14 year old son at home and the fact that he'd been playing up at school and wasn't listening to any adults and that was because she had dedicated her time

to her career and at that moment when she thought she had it all and she was nailing it she didn't sign on anymore and went home to her son even though she had finally had her dream job in her hands because she said it's just not possible and i think a large part of that also stems from this fact that we still make men the breadwinner and we need to change the way we look at men and women and their roles because men are still trained to think and a lot of women also judge a man on how much they earn and their career goals even if we don't want to admit it it's sort of like what do you do oh that's a successful job but if we change that to workplaces and employers and employees and everyone else having this equal view that men and women can

be the caregiver, then I think the roles will start to change and we might be able to have it all because all will be inclusive of a man looking after a child as well. Do you know what I mean by saying that? Yeah, I do. I definitely do. And I think that there are aspects of it that we're getting closer towards. I mean, I was having this conversation with Matt recently about paternity leave and how a lot of businesses are bringing in paid and equal paternity leave for their partners. And I think that that's wonderful. But at the same time, I was saying to Matt, there is a very real physical recovery period that comes from having a baby. Maternity leave is necessary because you have just physically birthed a child. There is a huge taxing timeframe

that comes from being a woman and having a baby that men don't have. In order to have it all, you really need to have help and lots of help costs lots of money so to have it all you need to have lots of money and it's so unfair and so unrealistic vicious cycle yeah for the majority of people we don't have this disposable income where we can throw money at the problem and it made me think of this conference that i went to called um she runs the world there was this woman speaking at it named Jillian Franklin, who owns and was the CEO of a makeup online makeup company called hate very, very successful. And she spoke about how the reason why she can have it all in her career is because she doesn't do anything with her children that don't add value. So the

cooking, the cleaning, all those aspects of her life, she doesn't feel that they add value to the relationship that she has with her children. And so she has someone else to do that. And at the time i was listening to this speech and i and i thought you're so right don't do anything that doesn't add value to your life and now that i'm in this phase of my life i'm like i was sold a goddamn lie yeah because it's easier said than done you need money and a lot of it it's such an entitled and privileged thing to outsource areas of your life such as the cooking and the cleaning what about the person who is the cook and the person who is the cleaner they don't have the ability to outsource those areas of their life and it's very possible that they have children as

well and they're trying to work and manage and live this dream of having it all i think the majority of the population especially um you know i think australia is in the top 10 most expensive cities in the world majority of the population are just trying to get by absolutely yeah they don't have the choice of saying i'm not going to cook today it doesn't serve my purpose today yeah it's a very I think it's a very privileged debate to even consider can I have it all can I have the travel can I have the kids can I have the family and I think the only way that we're going to be able to overcome this idea of having it all is by redefining what having it all means because what having it all means to me is very different what having it all means to you I actually find

this really interesting my brother has a 17 month old son and he and his partner are both working in the bank in finances and they both have very good jobs and my sister-in-law was quite on her way to working herself up to a job she had wanted for a long time my brother really wanted a child it was what he really wanted so she ended up saying okay we'll do this but i can't take a year of maternity leave off because at that point in her life she was really adamant that she was going to continue to get to this job this position she wanted so yeah she had her goals so my brother said absolutely fine i will be the stay-at-home dad even though he had this great job too so she took the first three months off and breastfed and then she would express after that she went

back to work and then my brother took another six months off and he and parker he was he was the stay-at-home mom and for him well the stay-at-home dad well he was a stay-at-home dad and for him that was what having it all was for him at that point it was the opposite it was giving up his career at that point because all for him was family at that moment i just really took my hat off to both of them because there was no specific set role and it wasn't like oh you can't do that because it's the mum's job sort of thing i think that's amazing i still think that that's the minority though i do think that the majority of the household work and the majority of the family care kind of falls on the the matriarch it falls on the females of the family and i know

I know that that is shifting in some aspects in some relationships but I don't think overall we've had a huge shift in that role no but that goes back to what I said earlier if we slowly as a society start to change our views that we can equally be breadwinners and caregivers that having it all will be more achievable personally I had a different thought process when I was going into having kids I really thought that Matt and I would be very 50 50 in our role in raising Marley and we're very 50 50 obviously in our love and our and our um commitment to her but when it comes to the day-to-day I think I lived in a bit of a fantasy world where I thought that it would be more even and it's just fallen on me that I I do the primary load of the silent

work I'm the one that takes care of her most of the day and that's my role and it's not because Matt and I work different amounts we still both work the same amount of hours in the day it's just that I think that there is this still this expectation that the mother takes care of the children in a lot of relationships and a lot of families no and I think it comes down to compromise and just really bringing it to the table for each other so my brother and his partner are just couple goals because they both work so hard and sacrifice different like this she wanted that child i don't want you to think it she didn't yeah no but she she walks in yeah she walks in the door after work and he doesn't leave her side you know and then my brother will go and have his time

or he'll cook the dinner while she spends the time with the baby but they just made it work together because they both knew what they wanted and they made it happen and i love that and i i hope to see a lot more of that in the future basically for all the bra burning that was done it wasn't done so that women can have it all. It was done so that we have choice. Yeah. We have the option to have it all. Absolutely. Having it all is being able to choose the parts that you want for yourself. And we have the freedom to do that now, not the necessity of having to do it all at the same time. I don't love the term either having it all, because I do think it implies that what you have at that time is not enough. Yeah. And so a lot of people always think it's not enough

and they're wanting more and they're not living in the moment and appreciating and being grateful for what they have they're always striving for something else and the fact of the matter is you're going to get there and you're going to want something you're going to want more again it's so true isn't it if you're an ambitious person and you're like no no one really stops and takes stock of where they're at five years ago you are now exactly where you wanted to be five years ago you've succeeded you've achieved all those things but no one sits in that moment and goes god i'm successful everyone sits in that moment and goes well i'm not there yet i need to be here now what can i do better totally so in saying that and i think it's it is coming back

to what you've just said that it's this continuously unattainable goal of having it all because you're never there you never actually think you have it even when you do have it retrospect is a beautiful thing to be able to look back and go oh actually remember that time when i was really happy and i did have all those beautiful things in my life because there's ebbs and flows what you have now you may not have in 10 years time so I do think that we need to be really appreciative of where we're at and the wonderful things that we've achieved in our life at every point along the journey yeah so I think for everyone listening now just take a moment think of what you've got right now think of what you've achieved and just live in it you'll never

ever have this day again taking time to be appreciative Laura you and I looking at each other now talking about this we're really really have taken it to heart what we're saying we're believing the look in your eyes is you're like, you're thinking of Marley and Matt right now being like, I'm so grateful. I can read you like a book. I am so grateful. And I sometimes think we're so busy that we don't, we were rushing and we're always rushing. We live in this culture where it's almost like a status symbol to be really busy. Oh, I'm really busy. No one wants to say, actually, I'm not busy at all. I'm super lazy. I'm going home to nap. I'm going home to, yeah. It's almost like you're not doing enough. You're not successful enough. You haven't,

you haven't packed enough stuff into your day. There's this concept. Yeah, like, oh, you're only working three jobs. Oh, I'm doing four. Yeah, you know, like this. Or the fact that you're doing four makes you more important. Yeah, which it does not.

This busyness that we live our lives in now is meant to be a status symbol of being successful. But it really, all it means is that we're so, our time is so full that we don't have the ability to be introspective and to take time to appreciate what we're doing. i so i do agree with that brit i think it's so important to take time and really reflect on how far you've come on what you've achieved and what having it all is right now this chat has been

something i've been thinking a lot about and really contemplating whether it is possible to have it all and i think we can both agree it's not possible to have it all in once at once but also in the very confined ideology of what having it all is you can have it all so long as your idea of having it all is contentment wow beautiful all right well that was harmonious do you feel transcendent now my people people have you been touched what have we signed up for that's your motivation monday on a wednesday okay time for our favorite segment ask uncut okay today you come to us for all of your unsolicited relationship advice and do i have a doozy for you laura i don't even know what this one is yet so hit me with it no look we try to not tell each other because we

want a response that's real and on the spot completely uneducated and ill-informed and unresearched that's exactly what we're trying to bring to you today thoughts on hall passes can a relationship yeah i know can a relationship be strong and long lasting if you involve hall passes in the relationship we have spoken about it and we think we should both have a hall pass with rules of course annually or semi-annually or just something because our relationship is great but it's never been mind-blowing in bed this is a question that was actually sent to us yeah word forward quote wow yeah so long story short sex isn't great but they love each other they think that they should be able to stray once or twice a year what do you think about that okay my question

is are you going to get enough sexual gratification from having sex with a random person once or twice a year is that really going to profoundly impact your sexual relationship with your partner that's a solid question that that's i mean i don't have the answer for that because i'm well i'm not in a relationship that i have to worry about the mismatch there but she's ladies and gentlemen hey daily mail take that one as a headline way to gloat over the top of somebody's really serious question as well what a dickhead i am back on track okay so my question that's that's my question is is is one or twice once or twice going to actually give you that gratification and be and be exciting enough that it's going to fulfill you and sustain you for the year that you have

where you feel like you're mismatched is the mismatch in your sexual relationship because your partner has a lower libido than you or is it just that you're not putting the effort in because it sounds like if they're both unsatisfied then they both need to step up to the plate and try a bit harder. I think both of them need to, she hasn't said, but I'm assuming they haven't sat down and had a serious chat because I think a lot of couples find it hard to admit to the other person that maybe they're not getting what they need sexually. Well, it can be a real blow to the ego to be told that your partner's not happy with your sexual performance. It's one of those really tough conversations that has to be had, but no one has them. We avoid them like the

plague but if you're i mean the next 40 or 50 60 years it's a long time to be with somebody that a you're not happy with and b you're not comfortable with enough to sit down and have that conversation so i think first of all they need to talk to each other and by the sounds of it they both know that they're not happy in bed so let's just say okay what are you not happy with or what are you wanting or do you want to try something else or i think that they need to start there before they go hall passing i totally agree i do not think that having a hall pass is going to be a healthy long term solution to being unhappy sexually with your partner to be fair also i'm not i'm not going to say i'm not i'm not against it if for that couple if that works for them great if they're going to

have if that is actually going to allow them to have a really long lasting happy relationship i mean i can't see how it would but i think if every if you're open in any relationship there's no there's no rules to what the perfect relationship is and should be individuals are so different do you know i know it's i know it's i'm just trying to look at both sides i do agree i do think that like what what works one for one person doesn't work for somebody else and i do think that there's different strokes for different folks literally oh my god however watching the bachelor too much i know he put some innuendos in there but i i do think that that is a very slippery slope for the majority of people having hall passes in your relationship is only going to complicate things

more and it's going to create jealousy it's going to create more insecurities yeah so she says there's rules but she hasn't said what and i'm going to assume the rules are maybe i watch too many movies but that you never speak about it like you know what happens at fight club stays at fight club i don't think that having a hall pass is the healthy place to start i really think that if they love each other and they're both sexually unsatisfied then they can work towards you know what is it that you like what can i do for you and really put effort into their relationship first before trying to find external means to fix a problem yeah so basically she wants to know do we think the relationship will still be strong and long-lasting it looks like you're

going with no i'm going with no i am going to say long-term no but i do think give it a whirl if you have the chat i think chat to each other first go give it a whirl say you're going to do it once and see how you feel because you think try it you're saying go for it i think try it because why not if um if it doesn't work but what if jealousy sets in and then they're not able to overcome that well then you're not with the right person and you've figured that out better to figure it out now than in five years time when you're married with a child and your husband still wants to go and sleep with people wow that was really depressing we just went from being so uplifting and taking time and focusing on what we can appreciate in life to here well i really want

to give i really want to give this girl my honest opinion because she's in a shitty situation given her the worst opinions we've given her two conflicting ones so now she's back on the fence well i i mean what's wrong with trying it because i i think that once you try it you can't come back from there so i think that there's so many other things that they need to do first in order to try and mediate this issue they need to try and sexually get on the same page and maybe maybe before they take this decision go and see a counselor oh for sure speak to a relationship counselor about what this actually looks like if they're going to go down this route because there is no coming back from it once you have had a sexual relationship with somebody else outside

of your own relationship do we have another question from ask uncut we do we actually have about 250 questions but i have picked one okay yep um so there is this lovely girl we will not be getting to all 250 today but please keep them coming yeah we are trying uh there is a lovely girl who is in a relationship and his best friend has been hitting on her and it was very subtle at the start i saw this question yeah it was very subtle at the start and she wasn't sure it was actually happening and then it started she's 100 now started to become a lot more over yep and it started to happen in front of the best friend as well like the little passes and things but he hasn't noticed other people are noticing girl she doesn't know what to do i have the easiest

solution for you you need to pull that guy aside you need to pull your boyfriend's best friend aside and tell him you've noticed what he's doing it's inappropriate and you would like him to stop otherwise you'll be telling your boyfriend well that's the thing does she just tell the boyfriend though or should she be keeping that no look i don't think that you want to go and just ruin your boyfriend's relationship with his best friend yes the guy may be flirting he hasn't done anything outwardly like he's not done anything to a point that i think like had her against incriminating well that's sexual assault but he's not done anything that's incriminating that's put her in a position where she feels incredibly uncomfortable if he has done that then i think

go straight to your partner. But if you're only in a situation where it's becoming increasingly uncomfortable and increasingly obvious, chances are your boyfriend is going to notice sooner or later. And to just nip it in the butt, I would go straight to the source and say, you make me uncomfortable. I do not have feelings for you. I'm in love with my boyfriend. You need to stop because I will be going and telling him that will be the next. Yes, it's confrontational and no one's going to enjoy that but if you're serious about wanting it to stop and you're not feeding off the attention at all you need to nip that in the butt yeah in the butter in the butt i actually was just watching you say that but and i wanted to tell you it's the bud not in the butt

what what in the butt yeah i used to actually say nip it in the butt too until my sister laughed in my face thanks for laughing in my face britney yeah it's i was gonna tell you after the podcast but i'm glad you called yourself out on it oh my gosh okay i think guys i think that this one is actually a really simple question um to answer i think you're right just go and tell him back the hell off because it's not cool i also wonder if she obviously hasn't made it clear enough that she's not into it and that it's inappropriate because you wouldn't keep doing it that's actually a really common thing too that women feel like they can't just say no to somebody and we feel bad for telling someone else to back off but girls if you're ever in a situation where you

feel uncomfortable like that there is nothing wrong with being flat out rude sometimes yeah you're so you're so right in that that we are very cushy sometimes with how we deliver our uh disapproval with something in this instance the only way that she's going to get a successful outcome is being very assertive i agree so there you go there you have it i love it when we agree yeah i love it when we don't fence it i love it when you don't fence it i try not to no look sometimes it's nice to be the uh the voice of reason in this i always will look at a situation two sides before i make my opinion and then i'll get there so sometimes it takes me a bit well it just takes me a bit longer to get there sometimes because i want to view it from both

sides have you thought about your suck and sweet i actually did for once i didn't oh my god i don't know what my second swing is well let me go first and you think about it so my suck this week was that i had a flight cancelled yesterday her suck was my suck i had a babysitter we were going to record this podcast yesterday and then brit's flight got cancelled yeah i mean it was tiger air shout out to tiger air i'm never flying with you again because you just well you just do it all the time are you using our podcast to shit on tiger air i think you know what they did they emailed me at 3 a.m and said my flight was in the morning because we were coming back to record this podcast they might mean said soz dog your flight's been cancelled did they actually write

soz dog in the email that's really impressive i would be happy with that i embellished that they said sorry mrs hockley uh miss sorry my mistake sorry miss hockley um your flight has been cancelled but that was it they and they said here's a number to call later when you're awake because it's 2am. Okay. So that is your suck. That's a pretty sucky suck, babe. My sweet was I flew to the Gold Coast for the weekend with my family. I hadn't seen my nephew and my mom and dad and my brother. It was just really awesome to get some quality family time. I'm so close to my family and I hadn't seen them in a long time. So I just feel a million dollars today. That's so nice. That was actually your sweet for last week because you pulled it forward

because you were going to see them. And now your sweet is that you actually saw them. She's calling me out on the rules no i love it no i love it i think it's so nice i'm i'm glad that you got to have weekend away with your family yeah we drank too much wine but i think that's it was always going to happen wasn't it look i mean it's not a successful weekend without some wine drinking i wouldn't know i realized that i have not had more than two glasses of wine in over a year yeah isn't that insane it's your birthday on wednesday britney it is and i was britney's birthday the day that this podcast comes out it's britney's birthday today that's actually funny because i was really going to keep that on the low down but everybody wish britney a happy

birthday today because it's her birthday i just don't do birthdays i even took my birthday off facebook like the announcement so that no one you're so mysterious no i just don't i don't know i just i don't know let's move along but thank you for announcing that to australia that's so fun that's what i'm here for babe just to make sure that the kudos gets given to you when you deserve it yep so it is my birthday today thank you so my can I start with my sweet or do I have to start with my rule is a suck yeah I I feel like I've had a really good week so great trying to think of a suck is a bit difficult and I don't want to just throw something into the ring just for the sake of dwelling on something negative I'm gonna say just can be so trivial if that's

the case totally I'm gonna say just based on what we were talking about earlier in this episode this feeling of being busy. I feel like I'm very busy at the moment and I'm just busy for busy's sake. So I think next week I really need to just take some time to eliminate some things that aren't adding anything to my day and they're just noise and, and hustle and be a bit calmer. Do you know what you're going to eliminate? More cleaning. My sweet for this week has probably also contributed to my suck. So my sweet this week was that matt and i actually had quite a social weekend which was amazing because it's really hard for anyone who has a newborn baby you would appreciate that it's really difficult

to maintain any semblance of a social life and this weekend matt and i we did dinner on saturday night oh we did dinner on friday night saturday night and sunday night we were really ambitious who are you oh i am wild watch me raw did marley go to all these dinners yeah so we i think we just got a bit overexcited Marley has gotten into an amazing routine where I now know that I can put her in there in the carrier I can take her to dinner and she's going to sleep for a certain period and we've kind of just worked out a really good routine which means that at the moment we're able to go for dinners and enjoy ourselves and bring her along and she sleeps I know that this is going to be short-lived and I know this is just a phase so we're trying to make the absolute most

of it at the moment while she's in this sleep sort of routine so my sweet is contributing to my suck yeah that makes sense yes fair and while we're on the as soon as you went out 21 times for dinner this week do you have a recommendation for anyone did you eat anywhere that was amazing or for by anyone i mean me you know you know that i'm obsessed with toddy's i knew you were gonna say you went to toddy's toddy's is this italian restaurant it's just down the road from us in bondi yeah we live across the road from obsessed i also went to a really great for anyone who's vegan I went to a really great vegan restaurant called Alibi which is in the Ovalo hotel in Woolloomooloo and we did like a degustation thing that was Friday night so I recommend that

for anyone who's vegan yeah I actually love vegan food when someone makes it for me when I make it for myself I sit down it's like a lettuce leaf and a bean wrapped together and I'm like why do people do this but when I go to a vegan restaurant I'm all over it you're always amazed by the fact that you can actually make tasty amazing meals yes hands down I thought this would just turn into an ad for the envelope we'll stop we'll stop well guys you've made it this far so thank you for listening to another episode of life uncut we hope that you got something out of this maybe something insightful maybe we made you laugh maybe you laughed at britney thank you for visiting again guys we absolutely love bringing you this we have so much fun doing

it and next week we actually have a very exciting guest coming on so we're super excited for that We are. I am. I can't wait. So, Laura, please tune in. I will be here. Because I think you're going to like it. Sprightly.

Guys, if you have enjoyed this episode, please tell a friend, spread the good word, leave us a review if you can be bothered, and hit five stars. Lots of stars. Just share the love, guys, because we love love. I love you. And I love you. We'll be right back.