Life Uncut - Can you be friends with your Ex's new partner?

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

Hey Lifers! Today was chaotic (more than normal)! The studio flooded from the crazy rain over the weekend. Laura's got some more pigeon facts for us, and guys, you're WELCOME!Laura is also hyper fixated on home renos, flat pack assembly and gardening. We have a bit of a back and forth of how we feel about the new season of the Bachelors; where it's hitting and where it's missing. Plus we discuss whether it's weird to be friends with your ex's new partner. Does it change if there are kids involved?  If you have a question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And today is chaos. Yeah, we did walk in this morning to our regular day, regular recording, interviews booked,

regular studio, and it had completely flooded overnight. Like a monstrous storm came, somehow came underneath all the doors of this building, which is a huge building, and flooded the entire thing, electricals, everything. Everything seemed fine. And then we walked in and I was like, why does it smell in here? Oh, that's what got you? I was like, why is there water gushing out of the room? You know, like when carpet is so wet that when you walk on it, like the water pulls

into like around your shoes and makes that little like squelch, squelch, squelch. I did wear my Crocs luckily. Oh, okay. So you're so water resistant. You're great. For the flood, yeah. Anyway, so it's been like an hour of absolute fucking chaos. Now there's a flashing light happening outside.

I don't know what's going on. No, that's on air. That says we're on air because we're recording in a proper radio studio. So you know what would be chaos? To save this morning, right, we went and found a spare radio studio at the radio network We were like, can we just utilize the space? We think we did the right settings to make it not go to air, but there's a big sign behind Laura flashing on air.

So if this is actually being streamed out to breakfast radio right now, I will absolutely die. I'm sure we'll get some complaints soon. I'm pretty sure someone will run in and tell us very soon if that's the case. Last week, if you listened to Tuesday's episode, was it Tuesday or was it Thursday? Yeah, I don't think it matters. Thursday. Thursday.

No one knows who we are. No one knows what's going on in our lives. I know who we are. I'm Brittany. I'm tired. okay so on Thursday's episode I was talking about the pigeons if you follow me if you know you know and if you don't this is weird but stick with me I was talking about pigeon nests and how I'd gotten down a rabbit hole on the internet I'd found myself googling pigeon nests and how it was a

true disappointment not the googling that was hilarious but the actual pigeon nests themselves yeah because pigeons are notoriously bad at building nests they're lazy I was not expecting the response that I received to that conversation nor were we expecting the response that we received on Instagram so that little part of the episode was put as a social reel on Instagram and I like shared it on my insta it's had over a million views but it's the comment section that really gave me a giggle so there's a reason and I needed to come and update you all oh my god thank god I haven't been able to sleep wondering why pigeons make a nest like that okay it's because we fucked them it's our fault and some people were getting really fired up in the comment section

And they were like, how dare you speak so disrespectfully about the pigeons? They were probably pigeon racers like my grandma. Maybe they were pigeons themselves. Highly unlikely. I don't think they have those brain cells. Is this the definition of like people getting offended on behalf of other people? Like people were offended on behalf of the pigeons. Yeah.

Is that where we're at? There are a few things in life that really initiate that passion and that protectiveness. I think it's children and animals. So people get very protective on behalf of children and animals, myself included. it turns out that the reason why pigeons are so bad at building nests is because pigeons are the very first domesticated animal so we domesticated them we created homes for them we use them as like obviously carrier pigeons we use them to uh carry that's what a carrier describe to you what a carrier pigeon is we use them to carry messages but we kept them as pets and then one day we

decided pigeons are not cool anymore we like dogs and so then we were like fuck off pigeons and then they all went and now they live in these mass communities and they're just like living on the outskirts of society being like why don't they love us anymore they are not on the outskirts well they're in the middle of the biggest squares in the world yeah but they're street dwellers like they just live out there because they're not inside our homes anymore and the poor things we bred their ability to make nests out of them and then we discarded them and now they need us i don't think that's accurate and we call them the rats of the sky it is accurate go and google it i got down another rabbit hole and it is the truth yeah but they can learn to build a nest again if

they had the brain capacity great no i'm not nothing i love pigeons i told you i grew up with my grandma i was with 100 pigeons at a time like i was crazy pigeon lady with my gran i love them but it's a pre-learned trait is it not like if you're laying a nest and when i say a nest if you put a stick next to your egg and that doesn't thrive that egg doesn't thrive wouldn't you learn to put another stick or another stick until the egg thrives. It's Darwinism. It's survival of the fittest. Evolution.

And there's still a damn lot of pigeons, so I think they're doing a great job. Okay. Well, you just are taking it too seriously. We're the reason. It's a human's fault. I'm sorry, but I get blamed enough. I'm not being blamed for the pigeons. You need to take.

I carry a lot of weight on these shoulders, and I'm not carrying the weight of the pigeons. You need to take some responsibility for what mankind did to pigeons is how I feel. Okay. okay i have another thing i wanted to ask you do you ever don't wait do you ever wake up and i wonder if other people relate to this because like there's two types of people in the world i'll explain to you which one i am surely there's people who clean as they go

like they're quite good at just keeping things tidy and like they do a little bit at a time not me and then you know like their house is always kind of pretty orderly and things have places that they belong in and then there's other people who like rage clean who like think it gets so out of control and then they wake up one morning so overwhelmed by the need to just completely like fucking burn their house down and renovate like i woke up on saturday and i had this deep unshakable urge that i needed to clean the house it was almost like i was nesting again and then to the point where it evolved into i have to go to bunnings and buy plants now and pot some plants like it was such a furious need to do some home renovations that it overtook me and i packed

the kids in the car matt got in the car and we went we planted blueberries and strawberries like It was like, I must build this house. No, we spoke about this the other day, remember? And you got angry at me. You're like, why are you telling me this? And this is exactly why. I'm a domino cleaner. I binge drink and I binge clean.

That's what I do. That's terrible things to do. I'm not saying it's the right thing. We're not saying this is a recommendations podcast. Put it that way. No, I binge drink and I did that. Binge drunk on the weekend and I binge clean. But I'm not a messy, messy, like I'm not a dirty person,

but I will like leave stuff around. So it's not dirty, but it's not tidy. so I'll just put yeah it's messy but not dirty because I can't do dirt can I just say that's spoken like a true messy person people who are messy always say I mean I'm messy but I'm not unhygienic that's the status quo of what we all say well no because it's clean under the mess and what I mean is like I will scrub I have cleaning products in my shower and in my bathroom so I'm constantly cleaning that the kitchen's clean but there's stuff on it but it's not the dirt you know what I mean so I've disinfected all the surfaces but then I'll come in and put my bag on the table

take my jacket off and I'll drape it over the chair then I'll leave my computer on the lounge you're a tornado hurricane hurricane britney how do you describe the mold then how does that no I'm joking well I live in an 80 year old bondi apartment in the dark that's how I explain the mold no but this this is me I have these such intense moments where I feel like I need to make a home like I can go weeks without doing a single thing and then I'm like today's the day we're gonna do all the flat pack furniture and paint the walls and I am so overcome by it that I must satiate the urge I think it's also an age thing I literally yesterday to Ben said on the phone we're just talking and I said you know what I can't wait for I can't wait to live in a nice

house with you and just live with you and build a home and he was like where did that come from and I was like I don't know I just have this urge where I want to make a home with someone and I was like I mean I'm not pregnant I'm not nesting I just feel like you hit an age where what you want to come home to is different and I want to come home to a nice home no mold clean and my lover that's all I want and I'm really overwhelmingly feeling that what about the blueberry bush do you want to go home to one of those I could can help you out bunnies $49 take it really good you paid $49 for a blueberry tree have you seen the cost of living they're fucking expensive it was full of blueberries I also live yes I do know the cost of it I made I was like this is an investment

piece I bought two of them no I actually bought one because I can't afford them is it an investment piece yeah so many blueberries it's the gift that keeps on giving how long also better for the environment no plastic question how long does it take for a blueberry to properly and what do you say flower fruit like do you say how long does it take to fruit because you know like an avocado tree mangoes trees they're like seven years ah they take a long time by the time you plant a mango tree oh no avocado it's seven years until it like fruit I know it might look like it but I'm not a blueberry tree expert they're bushes actually so how do you know it's a great I've Owned one for 48 hours, but it's doing well.

Thriving, one might say. We do know what you're like in the garden, though. Remember when you pulled out all the yuckers because they didn't have fruits? That's still my favourite moment. Did we put that on socials? God, I hope we did. We did. We did.

Just like the pigeons. Can I just add back to the cleaning thing? I think in every household, one person is you, Laura. One person's the bulk cleaner, and one person is the everyday cleaner. And the everyday cleaner gets really resentful of the bulk cleaner. And I don't even think in just relationships. I think if you have housemates, one person will be the one who does the everyday tidying and then one person's the spring cleaner or like autumn cleaner or winter cleaner and

you're the winter. It's not just, you know, okay, look, I think we've fixated too much on the cleaning, but it's not actually about the cleaning. It's like some days I wake up with this deep urge. Like, for example, producer Keisha has just really gotten into ice baths, right? And I'm not an ice bath person. That's not my thing. But if I did become an ice bath person, it would be like overnight, I'd be like, I must get an ice bath.

So then the next day I'd go and buy an ice bath and then I'd set up an ice bath. It's like I'm so driven by the thing that I've become obsessed with. And on the weekend it was cleaning and gardening. These are weird quirks no one needs to know. First it was pigeons, now it's blueberries. I think it's great that you get really into something. It shows that you're passionate. It shows that you're hyper fixated.

You've got that drive. You've got that dog in you. I think I've realized over the weekend, same sort of a thing, because I was trying to do my tidy as well, because now I just want to make a home with someone that doesn't live here. I realized my toxic trait. I don't ever put a lid back on anything and then I lose every single lid and then I can't find anything and then I can't travel with it.

I can't pack it. I can't, because you can't put like cans of stuff, like hairsprays or sprays for your face or whatever. You can't put that in your carry-on without a lid on it because it can go off everywhere. I do not. It's like when you lose socks in the dryer. I don't know what I do with my lids. It's like I take it off, throw it in the air,

and then walk away and it disappears. I do not have one lid for anything in my entire house. What are you going to do? Because you are actually going overseas. That's when I have to go and mass buy everything else at the airport, but I buy the little travel ones. Why don't you at this point in time, quite seriously. Grow up?

No. Well, I mean, that's one question, but I'll pose it differently. No, you're. Just for like a life update from us as well, we're coming to the end of the year. That means that Brit's heading. That's everyone's life update. in case you haven't noticed it's december that means that the end of the year is nigh

no brit is heading back over to scotland again and she's spending some weeks over there with ben and i do love that you go through these like real moments of like we need to make a home together and then you come back and you're like okay back into work mode but brit's heading over to scotland for eight weeks a long uh i think about seven weeks yeah the longest time we would have spent together yeah so we're going to be doing some of the podcast long distance in the early like in the new year but this is going to be your life in the next little bit like you just kind of pick it up and move it and then plop you're in scotland and i do hate living out of a bag but i'm going to try and really settle in that was my question why don't you just buy everything over there so

then you have like everything set up in his house so you have like a secondary dwelling yes well i have written him a list to go to boots which is the pharmacy over there and i've written him a long list of things i need like dry shampoos and i might add some femme fresh on there but i had a He bits and pieces the poor thing. Do some things to really wig him out. Like, be like, I need some candida thrush ointment. Hemorrhoid cream. Yeah, get some hemorrhoid cream.

Just anything that's going to really test his commitment to you. Like, things that might make a guy be like, oh, God, what's going on down there? Like, anything that might make him question it and see how far you can push him. I don't think there's anything I could – I mean, big call. I don't think there's anything that would turn him off that much that I could send him to a pharmacy for.

Yeah, Matt's the same. I mean, I feel like I try really hard to turn the man off and he's still sticking around. I do a lot of things that are questionable. Yeah, I think that's not intentional though. No, I'm not doing it with the intention of turning him off, but it's always a surprise that he hasn't been yet. But I am very excited.

So I go next Wednesday. So in eight days I am on a plane over there and it's really exciting. My mum and dad are coming over for Christmas and New Year's there. My sister Sherry and her partner Jay is there. Ben's sister is coming over. Ben's mum and dad are coming over. It's going to be like a huge family affair for Christmas and New Year's And that means Ben's family is meeting my family.

And on top of that, I still don't know Ben's mum and sister. So, like, we are over a year deep because they live in another country. So I sometimes, like, I was going to say Zoom. I'm so old. We sometimes Skype, but I don't know them, right? Like, I've talked to them a few times. So it's like a proper meet the family. So you haven't met his family yet, probably?

His dad loads because his dad travels a lot for work. So his dad always pops in when I'm over there and we always talk. So I feel like I know his dad the best out of everybody. His sister I have met once, but he and his sister are really close. So I think she listens to this. Hi, Becky. So Ben and her talk a lot, which means I talk to her a lot. So like we will just FaceTime her all the time.

So I feel more like I know her, but the mum. No connection with. No, no. I've spoken to her maybe once online and that was it. So it's like a really proper meet the parent thing. Yes. A bit nervy. And the best part, guys, is it's snowing over there.

So, like, I'm super pumped. I get a white Christmas. I say that now, but when I get there and it's negative five degrees, I'm probably going to wish I was back here in the summer. You always want what you don't have, though. I don't think I could sacrifice a summer for a winter. I don't think I could do it. Nah.

You could do it for love. I mean, yes, I physically could. Do I want to? No. Yeah, sorry. Nor do I. But I'm excited for you. Thanks.

Okay. Something else I want to talk about. I don't know if you guys have seen because the ratings haven't come out yet. They could be fucking deplorable. The Bachelor started last night. We were recording this on Monday, Sunday night. The Bachelor started. I watched the first episode.

We're not okay. I'm very sorry. We have had lots of questions about it, but we are not doing Batch Uncut this year. Matty J is very busy with his own projects. And also I drank way too much gin recording last season that I think everything, it just, you're on a detox. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel right to do it again.

And also, I don't think you guys are really aware. So when we did Batch Uncut the last couple of years, we only get early screening of the episode by a couple of hours. So when we're doing those recordings, we stay up and record all through the night, edit all through the night to try and get them out in a timely way. It was really wild. We loved, loved doing it. We had so much fun.

But this year it just, and also I wasn't really sure how many people are going to be watching. So I was like, are they going to be invested? Why are you whispering? People can still hear you. Because I think, I feel like it's a naughty thing to say and like the Bachelor gods are going to come down and smite me. I know because the thing is right you feel like you can't dislike The Bachelor anymore I don't know if you're going to dislike it I don't know if I'm going to dislike it because we haven't seen

it but I feel like it's irrelevant you feel like you're not allowed to because many moons ago we came from that franchise so it's almost like you owe them for the rest of eternity but I don't know them I got fucking dumped I don't owe them you owe them Laura but I don't owe them I owe them I am indebted to The Bachelor franchise literally you should call your children Rose or something Marlee Mae's middle name is Rose, but not because of The Bachelor, because of Matt's grandma. How did I not know that? Yeah, so Marlee Mae Rose Johnson.

That is such a batch flex. Well, it's because Matt's grandma's name is Rose, but it also, it was not, oh, my God, everyone's looking at me. Everyone's looking at me. I can guarantee it was not Bachelor. If anything, Bachelor was the deterrent, but we were like, you know what, we're not going to not, because my nana's Mae, Matt's nana is Rose, and so we weren't going to begrudge his nana

the name of your child because of The Bachelor. But, yeah, anyway. Britt, can I just ask you, did you think that May was the middle name? Because I've, like, sorry, Marley's four and a bit now and I thought her whole life she was Marley middle name May. It's a hyphen. No, she's hyphened. That's her full name.

She's got four names? Yeah, my kid's a bogan. So do I. Excuse me, I have four names. One of yours is Mayo. Exactly. I'm more bogan than Rose and I am not a bogan. Mayo in some places is a delicacy.

Kewpie mayonnaise, I'll take it any day. put it on everything i just think you know when you like know someone so well and then you find out something about them that you're like holy shit i've had that wrong the entire time i'm going through that right now yeah so we called marlene may rose because obviously we wanted to have two grandparents names in there we hyphenated it and at the time i was like marlene may such a beautiful hyphenated name the amount of uproar i received on social media for hyphenating my child's name and instantly making her a bogan was like it was an awakening a hyphen is not a I don't know who's saying that hyphen does not equate to a bogan thank you be outraged for me

would they rather it as the one I'm confused as to what they want in that situation I don't know I didn't actually ask them which I should have do you know there was one name I was about to say no offense but I guess it is offensive I don't like it there was one name that I should say no offense but it is I mean it offensively no I don't like well yeah I guess that was the way it's there's no point I hate those people that are like no offense but then they say but it's obviously if this is your name it is going to be offensive but I think there's only one person out there that's never going to listen to this when I was working in the hospital you come across hundreds of names a day because you would do things like a fracture clinic where

people line up out the door to get their checks right so anyway you're coming across you go out call a name call a name so I came across so many names anyway one name that I will never forget because I didn't know how to call it out I went into the waiting room and I said la-er la-er la-er and no one stood up and I was like

la-er and there was no one there. I was like they're gone. About 40 minutes later they came out from reception and they were like this person's been waiting a really long time

and they handed it to me I said I've called them a hundred times and she's like well they've been out there the whole time. The name was L-A-E-R

how would you say that? La-er yeah it's apparently I got schooled by the mum It is supposed to be pronounced la-dasher. Fuck off. I wish I was kidding.

You are supposed to pronounce the hyphen as a dash? That's when a hyphen name becomes a Bogan name. I'm so sorry. This is my point. That is a Bogan name. Marley May is not Bogan. La-dasher, which technically should be la-hyphen-er. I can't.

You cannot make this up. That's so mean. That is such a mean thing to do to your child. It is because forever that kid's going to be la-er. But also, this can't be the first time that La-er was the name that was called out. Like, you are not the first person to mispronounce that name. That's what I thought. That's so mean to that poor child.

Now, if there is a La-dasher, La-hyphen-er out there. La-dasher. Also, is that a reindeer? Oh, it is now. La-dasher. La-dasher, La-vixen, La-Rudolph. La-dasher and Presnel. It's the French version.

Yeah, it's the French version of Presnel. But that is a Bogan name. Okay. All right. let's move forward from the names because what I wanted to talk to you about was The Bachelor because I did watch the first episode and now it's too early to make a take on it I said it last year I do like that they're trying to do something different I do with the three well like it's in Melbourne The Three Bachelors there is so much about the feeling of the show that is

completely different to when we were on the show right like it doesn't feel like it's the same series anymore which is also why I now feel like this is going to be a harsh thing to say it's why no offense but offense totally no offense but it feels like it's okay to criticize because it's so far from the original thing like it's such a different show yes it's got the same name but it is in essence a very different type of show now i think the only thing and i don't dislike it i really liked the last season with the three bachelors the only thing i didn't like about last season i said on batch on cart was that because there's so many people and there's so many bachelors you don't really get to see the love stories unfold and you don't really feel

connected to any of the girls or their stories because you kind of get to the finale and you're like who is that person she's barely had any screen time and she's literally a final so you don't feel like you know them well you also don't get any depth or connection to each individual bachelor because they're also sharing the screen time with three other people whereas usually you get to know everything about them what they want you know their hopes and dreams totally beautiful and brave and now you get nothing you get surface level across the board and that's exactly what last night felt like it felt as though within the first five minutes they jumped so far deep into the story in terms of like this is their deepest desires this is who they are because

they skipped all the setup and the funny chat and the light getting to know the people as in like he plays soccer and he does this the fun stuff that makes you like them on a surface level they just jumped straight to the really deep stuff and they kind of skimmed past it all so quickly and then all of a sudden tell me about your traumas type thing like tell me about the most romantic thing but the thing that really stood out for me is that conceptually they're trying to reframe The Bachelor as the most romantic tv show the most romantic reality tv show because traditionally the romance was the reason why people watched The Bachelor and then over the years that's kind of it's become more about the drama but it used to be about trying to create

real relationships and the drama was always peppered in there now I feel like they've overcooked it like the absolute ramming down your throat did he come in on a horse with a rose in his mouth no but if you have to say something is romantic over and over and over again that's not in my mind the way of achieving the romance it's like telling a joke but prefacing that joke by saying this is really funny it's a really fun i'm gonna tell you a really funny joke and it makes it less funny like this is not a funny joke just because you've said something's funny 400 times doesn't make it funny and just because you keep telling me something's romantic doesn't make it romantic it just feels overcooked in that way that's my take it's only the first episode plenty more to

come and i will watch it because i do love the bachelor i will tune in and out probably this is one comment i did want to make because it's my immediate thought even though i've done the series this was it so last night i saw you know they're pumping out the promos on instagram the reels and stuff and there was a reel of when the first girl went home last night you know how she grabbed she's great you know it's not you go home so she picked up like a big the silver silver platter like a big plate for some reason she goes i'm taking the dinnerware and she picked it up and walked out it was great but then in the background it was an excellent exit yeah but that's what you're gonna do right and that's what the girls used to talk about in the house it's like if I'm

going first you need your moment of you literally it's your one moment so you're gonna do something but it was in the background that I had to I cringed and laughed at simultaneously even though I've been in it when all the girls are like love you so much and they're crying and they're like love you love you bye and I'm like to the audience you've been there for four hours so it's cringeworthy right and I've been in the situation and what I do want to say is I really feel for those girls because it looks so cringe like you couldn't possibly even know who that person is but a lot of people don't remember or don't know that you've spent like a week with these girls already so like one night that you're seeing is 24 hours a day for the last week you're locked in

a hotel room with some of them yeah one-on-one you don't leave and then you go into the house together and it's filmed over a couple of days so it's not exactly as you see it and I just wanted to say that because I felt really sorry for the girls and people just being like fucking cringe like they're crying and holding each other totally and I think people don't realize but that was the same for us like I was in a room by myself for two days in a hotel room by myself but all the other girls were in rooms of two and so you spend so much time with the girls before you even meet the bachelor and I think it's around four days you do like orientation you're together it's like your first day at school but you do and then you film you film the cocktail party over two nights

it's never filmed in one night so that's always like a really interesting thing as well but look I mean crazy that we did that yeah I still sometimes look at Matt and I'm like how do we meet on a reality tv show it's fucking bizarre I genuinely think we need to go back to basics if The Bachelor is listening I think we need to go back to the very beginning where it was really just one person casting need to do their due diligence and really make sure that these people are looking for what they're looking for you know like that they are a normal person that really wants to find love like jimmy i love jimmy jimmy and holly i think that was like the last great great season and i say that because well i mean they're married but they were real you know and

i think you could feel that but i don't get a lot of that genuine feeling anymore and that i i don't know maybe i'm just a skeptic now but i think go back like peel it back stop trying to add all these different layers and make it so different because it did used to work yeah but the thing is the reason why they changed it was because even with jimmy and holly the ratings were terrible so like they're trying i get it maybe rest it yeah i don't know i don't know what the solution is it's been a show that's been running for so long and people go through ebbs and flows in terms of what they want to watch and there's so much more competition now with reality tv back in the day it was only the bachelor and i think that that adds an element of there's variety and choice

through streaming through so many options so it's hard to keep viewers in the way that we used to do you know this is i've just remembered this i'm pretty sure i will check this back i think ben was asked to be The Bachelor, but in the Swiss version. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Imagine if he did that. He was like, I would never. You're like, please don't.

What's wrong with being The Bachelor? Yeah. What's wrong with that show? It's where I'm from. Britt, did you see on the weekend Gwyneth Paltrow? So as you all know, Gwyneth Paltrow used to be married to Chris Martin. He's from Coldplay. They got separated in 2016 with the very famous conscious uncoupling.

It was the breakup of the century at the time because the wording around their breakup was was so obnoxious I think but now looking back I'm like I think they were just ahead of their times with a 2023 lens consciously uncoupling doesn't sound as dumb as what it did at the time no it's just the wording you know cool like a wanker you know you amicably broke up that's what it was like it's just the wording that she sugarcoats everything in now like I have very confusing feelings about Gwyneth like Gwyneth and I have an unusual relationship well she doesn't know you exist so that makes it kind of that is what makes it slightly weird yeah but my feelings towards her it's tumultuous it's up in the air I used to love her in the early days of her acting then I

couldn't stand her why I felt like she was trying too hard in terms of not her acting but like the conscious uncoupling and all the extravagant expensive ludicrous prices she was putting on things on goop on the website like I just didn't like that I was like cool you're already loaded now you're capitalizing on people with a five thousand dollar vagina candle I just didn't I was like you're being greedy i don't know her right this is just i don't i don't know if she has any money she might be broke who knows oh i think she's doing pretty good i've seen the inside of her house but this is what i'm saying right so i just felt like that was unnecessary to be i don't know it was almost goop became almost cold like like they just had their people that

worshipped her and everything she said was the word of god but now i still feel that way about the products but i'm starting to come back full circle and like her again like i understand the conscious uncoupling I'm not against having that relationship with an ex but it was yeah I don't know this is my journey I've been on with her it's been up and down I think I've come back full circle if I was going to put my feelings towards Gwyneth Paltrow into a box I think she is an incredibly privileged like unbelievably privileged and unbelievably unrelatable yes woman and I think that's why we don't like her I think that's because the things that she says i.e the conversation she's had around her food aversions totally the problem is is because she's so she works within

this wellness space right and she's so prolific within the wellness space that anything that she says that's actually dangerous is touted as this kind of like oh but it's my wellness it's my health that actually just don't eat and i eat air and fucking bone broth or whatever it was crazy well it's like before you said just because someone says something's romantic or funny it's not just because she's totally healthy it's not i think that that part of it is irresponsible it's the irresponsible messaging because people do hang on to her every word because she is seen as a bit of a guru in this space but separate to that I think we can't really expect more from her when she is someone who does live this very unrelatable and privileged life and has money that is endless and

we just need to be more mindful as to who we use as our influence like who do we look to for information on things is it Gwyneth Paltrow no so take it with a grain of salt but the thing I wanted to talk to you about more so was the images that came out across the weekend so Gwyneth did a Q&A on her Instagram and she posted a photo of her and Dakota Johnson. Dakota Johnson, she's an actress. She's also the partner of Chris Martin, who is Gwyneth Paltrow's ex. Coldplay. Coldplay. So Dakota and Gwyneth are standing on a road. It's a photo that's not a recent photo, but the posting of it is what's brought this conversation back up into the public interest.

They're standing together and they're holding hands. So Gwyneth and her ex's new partner are holding hands and just for like a bit of timeline so you guys can understand the timeline of this so Gwyneth broke up with Chris in 2016 Chris and Dakota got together in 2017 so even though it's been a very long time since Gwyneth and Chris were together it wasn't a long time between him getting a new relationship right like so he was in a new relationship within a year so was she totally now it raises these questions like do you think it's possible to be literal best friends with your ex's new partner or is it kind of like this unusual power play dynamic that plays out because you know intimately so much about their now husband or their now partner of course it is

100 possible because we see it and they're not alone in that there are plenty of people in the public eye that do have these relationships these great amicable relationships with their partners you know another one that comes to mind no but yes but that wasn't the one i was going to say the one that comes to mind for me is miranda kerr and katie perry yep they seem to model what that kind of like coexisting parenting looks like. Yes, but I think there is always going to be one thing that ties all of these people in these relationships together. And that is the fact that they all have children. I think it's amazing to stay friends with your ex when you need to. I don't think it's something you do just for the sake of. And I think having children is what binds

these couples together, right? Because that person is going to be in your life forever. There's nothing you can do about it. They're the dad, they're the mom, you're going to be co-parenting, you're going to have contact with them forever you're both going to move on as well at the same time so the best thing you can do for your children is to have a great relationship it's just that these people are taking it next level so like the photo of Gwen and Dakota holding hands doesn't just show that they have a nice relationship and they're doing it for the kids it's more than that it's like they are best friends which is where I think it gets a little bit weird and I do think the only way you can do it is if you are only 100% over your relationship

like you have to be so far not just dating someone else because we know that that doesn't equal being over somebody like you can still be in love with somebody and dating somebody else and trying to move on but if that connection is still there to your past life and your ex then there is no other dumpster fire that you could enter than trying to be friends with this couple because you're going to build resentment totally I think that this is a real mark of maturity if nothing else like I and I do agree with you I do think that having kids and the co-parenting element is the foundation for which this friendship is almost essential but I guess for myself like I grew up with parents who were separated remarried and they hated each other like I'm from a household

where my mum and my stepmom at the time because she's not my stepmom anymore loathed each other And so that was my only benchmark for what a co-parenting relationship looked like. It was like you had to hate your ex's new partner. And so you knew that as well. I knew it. So it's not like they tried to hide it. I wish they did. No, there was no.

Wrestling on the front lawn. But you know what? Like they're the things you kind of grow up and you see the way in which your parents acted and behaved. And, you know, and I hold no resentment for it. It's not like I don't think if I was their age and in their circumstances, I necessarily would have done a better job. So I don't like hold resentment to it. But I do think you either grow up and emulate or you grow up and you try and do the things that you think you could do better, you know, in terms of like having great relationships, modeling, co-parenting. And I don't mean that for myself, but I mean, this is what a lot of other people have seen in their lives, right?

We're the self-help generation. We are the generation that has so much access to how to co-parent and to do it well and how to not absolutely traumatize your children and how to be less of a selfish parent. there's so much accessible information that didn't exist when our parents were parenting yeah but going back to them as like friends i think if you'd asked me this 10 years ago i would have said that this was deeply weird and not conventional and something that i couldn't understand how it could be achieved but now being 37 and being way more mature about how i see relationships and how i can see the evolution of relationships i think that this is an incredible mark of maturity from both women the fact that they can still have this intense friendship

and be able to be best friends what that does for your children modeling friendship modeling this like that women don't have to be jealous of each other that women don't have to be in competition with each other it is such an incredibly healthy foundation for their kids to grow up within that I think it's admirable no I love that too I absolutely love the push of like women don't hate women but what I don't understand is when you think about a typical friendship like and let's just use you and I for the sake if I was with Matt right before the bachelor and then you got with Matt we became friends or whatever normal friends would talk about problems in their relationship because that's what you do you go to a friend to vent you might it might be sex

problems we're not having enough we're having too much he wants this I don't want this could be kids problem whatever it is like we like to unload on a friend but I feel like there is a bit of a weird dynamic and a weird power dynamic when your new best friend was your partner's ex of what you can unload on like do you want to be going and talking about your sex life with someone that used to fuck your husband like oh i don't i don't want to do that no i think that there would have to be boundaries in place within that relationship like there is boundaries in every relationship i think that friendship would be very very different do you know it's interesting for me because like relating this i know weirdly we've spoken about the bachelor before and i'm

to speak about it again for me the hardest part about maintaining friendships with the girls who were on The Bachelor so like all the girls who kind of met Matt on the show and also hooked up with him and blah blah blah but you won no it was the fact that like I think that a really important part of friendship is exactly what you just said Britt it's being able to talk about you know the things that are happening in your life and in your relationship it's being able to be open and to be able to share the parts that great, but also the parts that aren't great. And I didn't feel like I could do that. Not that there was anything that was deeply bad that I needed to talk about, about Matt, but like, I felt like I was always on my toes about what I could talk to them about with

my relationship because they'd also hooked up with him. And they also knew him in a way that was different to a normal friendship. And I guess for me, I was like, I don't need the complications of this in my life. I don't need the complexities. Lucky for me, Matt didn't have kids with any of people that are on The Bachelor. But I just think I understand why most people wouldn't want to be friends with their ex's new girlfriends. If you're wanting to be friends with your ex's new girlfriend and there are not kids involved, that's kind of weird. But if there are kids involved, it is such an incredibly mature thing to do. And I just love the way in which it challenges the stereotypes that women hate each other and that women compete with each other. And I think it's so healthy.

Okay. Well, I have a different take on this. And I, producer Keisha, a pessimist i apologize in advance because this is you know this is directed at not necessarily you but you fall into this category okay because you like to keep friends with your exes that's only one that was actual crazy but like you love to keep friends with people that you dated yes and no the bad ones no but the good ones that i'm like oh like you're not a bad person you just weren't my person i don't have a problem saying okay so listen to this i did a little deep dive According to research, if your ex is trying to keep a friendship with you after you've broken up, there could be something more serious going on. Turns out they might be a psychopath or a narcissist.

There was a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, so that's the journal. They asked a group of people about why they stayed friends with their exes, and then they got them to rank the reasons of why they're trying to maintain these friendships. And in the meantime, they conducted tests on the participants that measured, quote, dark personality traits. researchers came to the conclusion now i'm reading this bit verbatim researchers came to the conclusion that individuals likely to keep up a friendship are a narcissist and or psychopath individuals who score higher on measures of dark personalities tend to choose friends for strategic purposes it is likely that these traits will be associated with valuing friendships for utilitarian or instrumental reasons such as to maintain sexual access so what they're saying am i the narcissist

is well yeah is this how i find it is this how i know um no obviously you guys brought this up today yeah we need to we need to have an intervention no do you know what i would challenge that i would say you challenge the medical journey i love that no i would say that there's absolutely people who keep friendships because it maintains sexual access to someone i'm sure that we've all been in experiences where we're like they're just my friend but really they're my friend who i could have sex with still but i also think it's linked to codependency as well i think there would be people who maintain friendships with their exes because they still like to have some attachment and i don't think that that's necessarily a narcissistic trait

even though we know that codependency and narcissism can live side by side yeah well i think that's the point right codependency leans into narcissism no no no it's into codependency is the person attracted to the narcissist not that the person who's codependent has narcissism they're two different things i didn't study i didn't publish this study i'm just i just found it very interesting and we're also not saying that everyone wants to stay for like i'm actually not saying you're a psychopath kisha that's a joke i actually think it would have more to do with people who are more on the people pleasing side of things because for me like i've cut off exes that have done like remarkably bad things to me but i haven't cut off the ones

that were just like a little bit shit or like do you know what i mean like for me to go and block them on social media or block their phone number particularly the social media thing i'm like oh like they weren't that like i just feel as though it's so extreme it feels too reactionary to me and i think that's why i maintain friendships because i'll still see their stuff on social media and i'll be like oh i just hope you're so good two years later do you know what i mean but there's a very different thing between living in someone's orbit having them on social media as in like you still see their stuff and being friends like that you can de-escalate a relationship in your life so that they're just kind of like there's someone who's in your periphery and you see their shit

online every so often versus being an active friend they're two very different things i think that's how most of mine would be now that i'm in a relationship like when i was single they would be more on the friendship circle whereas now they're like like if i run into someone and i would obviously stop and say hello and see how their life's been but it's not like i'm texting them every week checking in on them no and i remember there was one guy because i didn't really date people before band but there's one guy that i was so interested in him right but it was a weird dynamic we never slept together we never did anything we were friends that like kissed a few times it was when we were out it was very weird we'd hang out we'd watch tv we'd yeah

I know the one I saw him on the weekend. Yeah, exactly. It was a really weird thing, right? Like we would cuddle and like, but it was not sexual, but we like, I cannot explain it, right? After we decided it wasn't going to go anywhere, mainly because of him, we were friends. We would hang out. We'd still go for a walk.

We'd still text. He'd call me for chats. We'd, you know, we'd walk Delilah. Then when I met Ben, he wanted to keep hanging out. He's like, hey, well, let's just hang out as friends. We'll walk Delilah. And I asked Ben, because now I was in a new relationship. And I said, hey, are you happy if I hang out with this guy?

you know he's a friend of mine because he was that wasn't a lie he's a friend just go for a walk and stuff but I wanted to check with you and he's like oh well what you know how are you guys friends is this like an old school friend I said no actually like we hooked up a few times you know and then that changed everything he's like well I don't understand why you would if he's a new person that you only just met to hook up he's not an old friend do you think you need he didn't say no but he's like do you think you need him in your life like do you need that friendship and I was like well no not really like so I was like okay I won't it's gonna make you uncomfortable he's like look it's different if you'd never had anything with him and it's an old friend but I don't

understand the purpose like what is the reason that you are wanting to hang out with 100% I mean the fact that you even needed to ask the question though to me is like sometimes I think I don't think I know but sometimes I think we lie to ourselves I think that sometimes we like to think that we're friends with people but if we were to really unpack what is the thread that keeps us there like I would have said prior to being with Matt that I was friends with my exes weirdly now after a seven-year relationship and two children I've not spoken to any of them in five to six years like we were not friends we were just friends because there was always the very faint like super faint opportunity of the fact that we were still single and that was

what drew us together you know and I'm not saying that anything was happening sexual even not even that I wanted to be with them anymore but I wanted access to their company because I was so used to it. And I was so used to that feeling like my little loneliness hole when I needed it. It's a familiar blanket. I think comfort is exactly what that is. I think there is a really big difference between actively pursuing a friendship and just having, like you said, exist in the periphery. Like for example, Brie, in that circumstance, if you ran into that guy out walking and you stopped for a chat or he walked a length of Bondi prom with you and Delilah and then he went home. Yeah, fine. I feel like that's different to organizing to meet up. Do you know

I mean, if it's like situational, I think it's kind of like a, well, you know, I wasn't going to be, I wasn't going to be like, sorry, can't walk with you in a relationship now. Like, cause then you look like a weirdo. No, but that brings it back full circle, right? To this article that I brought up being, you know, friendships, whether it's a smidgen, like you said, Laura or more, they're strategic. And I will challenge the fact that that has to always have a negative connotation because I think friendships are strategic.

We keep people in our life that give us something that doesn't have to be a superficial monetary thing. it's somebody that provides something to your life like i keep you in my life laura because you're my friend you bring me joy you're my business partner like i am taking something from you you were taking something from me but articles like this make it sound like it's really negative but you know there's this that whole live life love saying if someone doesn't add something to your life that's reciprocal of course but you know what i mean if someone's not adding something to your life which doesn't have to be oh they get me in the line at the club

like it's just a friendship is about providing something to each other and maybe that is just a shoulder to lean on but I don't think it has to necessarily be so deep well I just want to bring it back to Gwyneth and Dakota I think in summary what we can say is is that if you are friends with your ex's partner and they have kids it's fine like because then you're doing it for the mutual benefit of your co-parenting selves it's totally fine if you're doing it and it's completely like amicable and based in absolute platonicness fine but if there's no kids and it's weird it's in your orbit and you've sought out this friendship there could also be a fucking narcissistic power play you know at hand yes the last thing i will say is the fact that this one

photo and this one friendship has kicked off so many conversations and so many news articles around the world publicity well no no yes but makes me think that no i'm talking about people's reaction up or makes me think that they are the minority like they are definitely the hands down it's not the normal thing it's not the standard thing is it great absolutely but it's yeah yeah you're in the five percent it's not conventional but the last thing i want to say on this is like let's even okay maybe they're not friends maybe this is all like just a clever trick for us like fucking very good very good publicity it's a very good way of framing yourself as being because like i think this is something that gwyneth does do as well she frames herself as being

mentally more mature mentally more like evolved like she has seen the light and she's come back to preach it to all of us do you know what i mean like she's like her own version of gandhi like she does the things that challenge the status quo the conscious uncoupling the deep friendship with the exes this is a typical gwyneth and she's a candle a pr machine and powerhouse so it could also be part of that too i do also think that we're talking about this from the perspective of somewhere like living in Sydney, right, there are some people who live in country towns or smaller regional areas where their friendship group

is so intertwined with their relationships that they might not have a choice but to become friends with their ex's friend because they're all in the part of the one friendship group. No, you don't have to hang out one-on-one and hold hands. Yeah, difference between close friends and standing on the street. I mean, we're all good friends.

When was the last time we held hands? You never touch me anymore. Let's get into Accidentally Unfiltered. Well, I felt it necessary to start getting into the Christmas spirit, so I have a Christmas accidentally unfiltered. A few years back, I was in my first corporate job and my boss happens to be a friend of my dad's. One Christmas, I was organising the company Christmas party

and had to go to Kmart to buy some decorations and games. While I was at Kmart, I figured I may as well kill two birds with one stone and get all those G-strings that I needed to wear with my gym tights. great two separate transactions one with a company card and one with mine the next day how many g-strings are you buying in one go yeah i bulk buy g-string i wear g-strings more than undies i just wear my underwear until they're literally falling apart yeah and then you flip them inside they look like edible undies now they're see-through like wafers that's so great sorry also buy new undies that's a whole nother conversation sorry i'm spending my money on

blueberry bushes the next day i went the next day i went and left a receipt on my bosses slash dad's best friend's desk and went on my merry way and enjoyed a lovely Christmas break. One month later, I get back and my manager is walking towards me, pissing her pants, laughing, holding the receipt. Lo and behold, I had left the receipt for my g-strings for my boss to pay for one whole month. Not only this, but he didn't even check the receipt. He just passed it straight to accounts. The entire company had seen that I had gone to buy g-strings, what size I am and what type I like. Not surprising, but I got a new job not too long after.

Oh, you don't have to quit your job because of that. That was very drastic. Mate, so many worse things happen than that. That's fine. At least your boss knows you wear underwear. Worse if you came to work with none on. I think it's more concerning if you bought the G-strings with a company card.

Because she bought them with her card, but she just gave the receipt. But imagine if you were putting like, actually, Keisha just has our company card. God knows what she puts on that. G-string. Yeah, she's like bras, G-begons. Products from Gwyneth. You're like, I need to wear underwear to work,

so this is a work expense. Yeah. To be fair. Well, that is it, guys. Can you please keep sending your accidentally unfiltered questions into the podcast, Life Uncut podcast on Instagram? You said podcast a lot of times. Podcast, we podcast.

I'm a podcaster. Accidentally unfiltered, ask uncuts, all to our Instagram, Life Uncut podcast. Just put, like, ask uncut at the top or you're accidentally filtered at the top of the email so we know what it is. We love to get them. And please, I know we ask you every single week, if you have an aftermath if we've ever answered your ask uncut question please write that into

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