Life Uncut - Coming up Roses with Bella Varelis - BACH FINALE CHAT!

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

Boy do we have a big one for you! On Tursday night we all sat down to watch the Bachelor Finale and our boy Locky broke the cardinal bach sin by telling both final girls that he was in love with them, in this episode we sit down with runner up Bella Varelis to ask the question on everyones tongues.... What they actual F***? Bella unpacks everything from the very beginning, to what really happened in lockdown, what went down with Irena and what we didn’t see in the finale. We also hit Bella with a bunch of rumours to find out what’s real and what’s not.If you're a Bachi fan, this is one BIG episode you don’t want to miss.If you’re not part of the Facebook discussion group yet what are you even doing!? Jump on and become apart of the amazing community there! Life Uncut PodcastIf you loved the episode and want to hear more of us in your ears weekly please hit 5 starts, subscribe and share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut and we have a really exciting episode for you today because we have a very special guest on and for everybody who has watched The Bachelor, I reckon you're going to be pretty stoked with this one. We have Bella on the show today and we're going to get into that in a little bit. But first, Brittany, how's your week been? Why do you always get this really sexual tone in your voice? It's a new thing I'm trying out. I don't know. It's not working. You're not doing it for me yet. I don't know how to be sexy anymore. Like Matt comes home and I'm like, do I just take my pants off what do I do how do I flirt how do I just I mean you've been together

a few years I feel like you do just take your pants off now right we've got to wait until 1pm on a Saturday when Marley's having a nap it's not whoa whoa whoa why are you trying to have sex with me it is not 1pm on Saturday that is our sex time and that is it put my pants back on please sir immediately no my week's good same old same old I didn't get to watch every episode of The Bachelor this season because I did a lot of night shifts meaning I just couldn't watch them but I did really get into it towards the end I did watch the finale um which is why I'm so excited to have the guest on today have Bella and chat to Bella about everything other than that I'm not gonna lie I had a super uneventful week but Laura I don't know if you want to talk about it but you

did message me something that got me a little bit worried oh well okay I didn't realize we're gonna go there but I'll go there yeah I am I'm totally fine this is not as dramatic as what it sounds by any means I've just been super busy recently with work and stuff and then obviously pregnant and how I made the joke the other week about how I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant um I kind of just forgot to eat the other day like it was like midday and I hadn't really eaten anything I had like a cup of coffee and then I was in the midst of serving a customer at work so I'm standing there at work and I'm I'm trying to sell this guy an engagement ring and I could feel this like rising feeling of feeling a bit sick I was like oh god something's going on anyway still

trying to chat to this guy and then the rising feeling got worse and worse and worse and then I just blacked out I fully hang on like a full-on faint didn't hit the floor like I didn't pass out but I like down on my knees down on my hands and then this poor guy who'd come in to buy his girlfriend a ring had to help me up call it was very dramatic so this was my wake-up call that I need to slow down and take a bit better care of myself because I am actually pregnant and I need to stop pretending like I'm not. When you told me, you messaged me and told me, and I had this, I felt bad. My immediate reaction, I was just like, I didn't, I didn't even think I was like, are you okay? I was like, Laura, you're not looking after yourself enough. You've got to

start to prioritize yourself. You've got to eat more, drink more water. And then I realized how aggressive I came in. And I was like, but I hope you're okay. Do you need me to bring you anything? I was just like the protective mom. Anyway, that was my week. That was a weird thing that happened. I'm fine now. But getting into a couple of things that we want to talk about before we get into the chat with Bella today. And that is that we did put it out on last week's episode, a very unusual name. It was on the Ask Uncut episode, but it was a very unusual name that a guy had been calling his girlfriend's vagina, which was dessert. His dessert. His dessert. So we put it out on Instagram and we asked you, our wonderful listeners and our wonderful Instagram and

Facebook community, what are some of the weird names that your partner or ex-partners have called your vagina brit hasn't read them yet so i'm gonna read a few of my favorites can you rapid fire them to me but i'm gonna start with a couple that really really got my juices going oh that was gross it's not even punny it's just right i didn't mean to say that i didn't even mean that really just got me excited i'll just stop quit while you're ahead give me the name okay my vertical smile my honeypot my pink orchid my meat curtains a slug imagine being a girl and having a guy call your vagina a slug no meat curtains no I've heard that one before okay what about finding Nemo because this lady says that one of her flaps are longer than the other and Nemo has a short fin

this guy this guy named his girlfriend's vagina sharon one of my absolute favorites and a true highlight was gateway to your guts what okay i am so perplexed how anyone thinks that calling a woman when you're in the mood in the moment when you're saying hey show me your meat flaps how they think that that's going to turn someone on hey baby show me the gateway to your guts what's in your guts let me check it out like what's wrong with the world what what is actually wrong with people this other girl's name for her vagina is jerry which you know what fine it's kind of like naming a dog david like giving it a real human name she named her own vagina well i know she just said me and my boyfriend

call my vagina jerry no sorry mood killer next quince paste a pink starburst a mini moo this one is schwamp in shrek's voice ah schwamp spicy a puntang uh like a bintang but different and betty that's all i got there's way more but i'm just gonna wrap it here because guys this is getting out of what about a guava or a ham wallet just to really round it out do you know what that hey all right this was uh this was definitely eye-opening my favorite is definitely going to be the finding nemo because he's one fin shorter than the other like that's it's actually pretty that's pretty cute that was uh that was a real weird turn okay well we do want to keep our intro pretty short today we all know

that sometimes laura and i can get carried away without talking but we do have this really great beautiful in-depth chat with bella coming up so we're going to jump straight into accidentally unfiltered now first up so hubby and i were having sex on a sunday afternoon things got a little bit rowdy and we ended up doing it doggy style then we were interrupted by our four-year-old daughter saying what are you guys doing while staring at us in full doggy style sex position naked my husband replied and said to her i'm just giving mommy a massage sweetie we didn't hear anything about it for the rest of the day then the next morning hubby had gone to work and my daughter jumped into bed with me for a cuddle she then said mommy roll over and play that game that you were

playing with papa yesterday needless to say i lost my shit laughing and said no darling that's not a game we can play unfortunately this is therapy this is years of therapy and trauma for your child at least that your kid's gonna turn out really funny and with a great sense of humor i just thought that was so funny it's just like have you ever walked on your parents having sex okay so my parents always tell this story that i i used to sleepwalk really badly when i was little and i would sleep talk as well so there's this one story that mom and dad say sorry mom and dad you're gonna kill me probably that i'm telling this on the podcast they they were like we never did this they had four little kids right they had four kids under six when they had sex it was you

know on this sunday afternoon at your structured time and on this day of the month yeah 1 p.m saturday so one night they were like we don't know why this one night we decided to have sex on the lounge all the kids were like all the kids were in bed asleep so they were like fuck it let's just like get rowdy so they're on the lounge mom was on top of dad like they're young right I'm so sorry mom dad I was on top of that and then all of a sudden dad says I just froze you mom I just stopped her he's like because you were like this little exorcist child I was just standing there they didn't know how long I was there I was just standing there looking at them dad was like hey sweetie what you doing there and I apparently just stared at them and they had this moment of

thinking like oh my god we're gonna have to pay for therapy forever I stared straight at them and they thought I was awake but I was asleep and then all I said was if Mitchell shoots me am I allowed to shoot him back Mitch is my brother and they looked at each other weird and they were like well I don't think your brother would shoot you sweetheart and I said but am I allowed if he does and they're like sure now go back to bed anyway they were like petrified that the next day they didn't know if i was going to remember it or what so they were like tiptoeing around asking how i slept and i remembered nothing i still remember nothing to this day i just have this idea from what they've told me so this is what psychologists call suppressed memories of trauma

is this why i'm single is this why i can't date i blame my mom and dad i walked in on my mom when i was very young in a 69er that was a very confronting situation it's jujitsu sweetheart okay i haven't accidentally unfiltered one night when i was with my boyfriend and we were at his parents house we decided to have a late night spa a few wines later one thing led to another and well we had sex in the spa it was when it was time to get out that i couldn't find my bather bottoms anywhere i drunkenly looked everywhere for them in the spa in the garden we eventually just gave up went to bed and i honestly never gave it another thought fast forward two weeks later and it was my birthday his dad gives me a wrap present in front of the whole family I excitedly open it

to find my bather bottoms are inside I sheepishly look up at him and he says yeah well I found those in the spa filter at least he has a sense of humor so good okay I've got one more we've really got the parents ones today going all right come at me number three okay so my beautiful mom used to always pester me to find out about any guys I was interested in or dating. I became really good friends with this guy who is a bit older but very lovely and pretty cool. I made the mistake of telling my mum his name but I made it very clear we are just friends because I know she pesters me about it if I tell her anything more. Anyway my mum is a shift worker so one night at work at about 3am she decided to Facebook stalk him. Classic. She didn't think she had done anything

wrong and thought she'd gotten away with it however she actually shared one of his photos from his profile to her own timeline a photo from him at Tomorrowland from two years before with a whole group of people from the same town as us who were all tagged in the photo so they all received a notification saying my full mum's name had shared a photo that they tagged in two years ago on her own timeline RIP me she didn't even know she'd done it she felt horrible when I told her it actually reminds me of that time that you did this weird incident where you like uploaded your ex's girlfriend's photo to your timeline or something you remember I put her full name in my status update is what I did but do you know what we're actually going to do an episode coming

up on jealousy and something that's called retroactive jealousy which one of our awesome Facebook community members commented on and it really got us thinking about it so that's going to be a future podcast topic right there so I think we'll leave that one but anyway guys we just wanted to make today's intro short, sharp, and a little bit naughty. And we're going to get into interviewing Bella. If you watched the show, if you watched the final of Bachelor, I genuinely think that this finale, I mean, Brie, you might tell me that I'm wrong, but I think that this finale was one of the most heartbreaking finales that we have ever seen. And the reason for that is because Lockie went so far telling both the girls that he was in love with them and really

building that, building the intensity, really making them feel reassured, really making them feel loved only to the very next day turn around and say I can't be with you anymore Bella and I think collectively Australia's heart absolutely shattered when she had her heart broken and I wanted to speak to Bella about what her experience was like on the show I really also wanted to uncover what this whole lockdown period was like for them because you know it's a very different experience to what both Brit and I had I mean we never had this they had their phones back they were in love in lockdown but they were not being supervised so what does The Bachelor look like when there isn't the supervision of producers and cameramen and soundies and Bella was really

really honest and she shared a lot of the ins and outs of the past six months of what happened between her and Lockie of the extent of their relationship and also of the extent of the hurt that she's felt as a result of being publicly dumped on national TV. I'm really excited for this chat I think it's a really beautiful and really honest conversation and I really hope that you guys enjoy it just as much as we did recording it all I want to add into that is maybe I am biased yes my heartbreak was pretty heartbreaking um but let's just like brush over that I can't imagine what it would have been like to have been told that the bachelor loves you that he wants to spend a life with you that you're the one and having spent all this time off camera with him

like I just I can never fathom that because like you just said we didn't have that chance to form any sort of off-camera intimacy and then to be told at the end 24 hours later not even 12 hours later that like oh I know yesterday I said this but psych it's not you obviously I felt that in a different way because I mean you guys never saw it but yeah I was made to feel like it was me on my show um and 12 hours later it wasn't and I know exactly everything Bella said I know the exact timeline because we are with them on the date as you know laura at like midnight 1 a.m 2 a.m and then at 7 a.m you film in the finale so the night before so i feel it but um guys it was a really interesting chat we got something that's never happened on the bachelor before and one thing

that i think is really important for us to just touch on because we actually didn't break down the timeline when we were talking to bella we kind of got caught up in the conversation around what was happening that we didn't really break down exactly the moments of like i love you and when the breakup and the rejection happened so just so that you guys are all aware and we're all on the same page of getting into this conversation when Bella had her final date with Lockie that was literally 12 hours before he then turned around and said I don't want to be with you anymore so he had said I love you and 12 hours later had said I don't want to be with you and I think that that's something that we really need to keep perspective on with this

the other thing as well is that normally during filming there is a three month gap between when filming ends and when the show is on TV. Unfortunately for this season, that gap was very, very short. It was only six weeks between when filming ended and when the show was on TV. And that was due to this extended filming schedule around love and lockdown, you know, the parameters that were put in place because of COVID. So I think those timeframes really changed the dynamic. It also really intensifies the hurt. And what it also means is that instead of filming for three months, this season actually filmed for six months. So the girls in this season filmed a much stronger and more intense bond than i think even yourself or i could have formed and

like i can't even imagine what it would be like to have dated matt for six months for him to then turn around and say it's not you at the end and to be dating off camera to be able to call each other skype each other whatever you want to do and all the things they were doing guys yeah like we literally whatever bond you and i formed with our respective partners lol to that whatever bond we formed it was has nothing on the bond that would have been formed in this period before we do get into the conversation with Bella we also want to say like we know that there is a beautiful love story that's come out of this season and we are genuinely so happy for Lockie and Irina and we hope that they have all the babies and we hope that they you know stay together and are super

happy because we we all understand how stressful this period of time can be but there has been a lot of conversation around their relationship and from their perspective so far but I haven't really heard a lot from Bella's side of the story and so we wanted to unpack what happened because there absolutely is more to the story than what we saw on the tv I think for me I can say that this without bias I don't know either of the girls um I am knowing like once you go through the process and I know how much is left out I know how much is left on the cutting room floor I didn't have a side I wasn't going for anyone and I can hands down say that and that's not against either girl I was rooting for whoever I was just rooting for the love story and I'm so stoked to see another

success story come from The Bachelor because that's what we want from it we want a love story we want a fairy tale you know we've seen yours you're popping out baby number two it's so nice to see that you can't hold me back you just you try and stop I'm always pregnant but it's so nice to see Irina and Lockie and their happy ending and sure it was a tumultuous ride to get there sure Lockie said he loved two people at once which he probably did I think that that's a thing I think people can be in love with two people at once do I think you handled it the right way probably not but that's why we want to chat to Bella but it's very evident that there is a lot that has been missed out in this story and I think that's why we decided to get Bella on today just

so we can learn what really happened behind closed doors all right well enough from us let's get into the interview Bella I am so excited to have you on the show today and that is because since the very first day that i found out you were going to be on the bachelor i was like we're gonna get her on the podcast and do you know how i found out that you were on the show have i told you this no i actually thought you were gonna kill me because i didn't tell you and i was like i was like you little bitch why did you keep this from me so florence so for anyone who doesn't know florence who was on my season of bachelor with matt she sent me screenshots of an article that was in daily mail of you being papped on your first single day god i did not know this so thanks

for keeping that from me do you feel so betrayed so betrayed that's why I'm gonna get the dirt out of you today you're like we were friends until then um no I was actually so afraid because they put this like the fright into you the fright the fear they put the fear they literally said to me they're like have you told Matt and Laura that you're coming on and I was like no I couldn't wait to like once lockdown happened and COVID happened and it was like that three month break first person I called was you to be like don't kill me well we're gonna get into everything particularly the finale I want to know more about this whole lockdown period actually I just want to know everything but before we get into all of that first off what something that we do with all

our guests is do you have an embarrassing story for us I have one it's kind of gross though we love gross we love it so I was about 18 so this is when I was dating my my first boyfriend we were together for about four and a half five years and I remember it was about I think it was someone's 21st and it was really cute it was like the first time I got to get dressed up in like he was in a suit it was like black tie and I was like oh fancy and then we got to this event it was so beautiful I think it was maybe like our first month together and we're at the event and I've had a couple champagnes and all of a sudden i just start getting really hot and i was getting honestly i would have preferred that i i started getting like these waves of heat coming through

my body and i was like something doesn't feel right so i was like i'm just gonna go outside and get some air and he was like oh i'll come with you and i was like great that was my way to like get away from you um so we go outside this is like on bondi road by the way like nice in public really nice and public yeah and we're standing outside and i'm like trying to compose myself he's all of his mates have decided to come outside as well and he's like what's what's going on with you he was like what's wrong and i was like i don't know i'm like i'm fine i'm fine i keep brushing it off and then he go i think he goes to grab my arm and as he grabs my arm and he's like do you need like let me get you some water or something i throw up all over his brand

new suit oh and when i mean all over i mean like it was projectile onto you ladies and gentlemen this is your most eligible bachelorette in australia right now and here she is yeah like it's all about the romance you know you gotta keep it real but hang on you said you stayed with him for four years after with me for four years after that's love that's brilliant it's yeah i don't know why you would i think i disagree when you said you'd rather shit yourself i think i think the vomit's fine like at least if you like shit yourself you could saw yourself out in the bathroom this is just all over him and then I saw his face because like you know when you're someone's vomiting near you and straight away you're like oh no it was so bad and then he was like no babe

it's fine like took off his jacket and then yeah it was shocking so I had food poisoning the rest of that night well I wasn't expecting anything quite as great as that so no bring that to the table I was like there's a few sexual stories I could bring out but I feel like just in case my dad listens to this oh our poor parents oh I know my father's disowned me I haven't heard from him for six months no that's not true so Bella let's go back to the start we've just seen it all play out we know well we know part of you that production wanted us to see but can you tell us who is Bella who were you before the show what did you do who did you date why did you go on the show um look I think before the show before the show even came about for me I'm I kind of have

two sides to me so I'm a digital marketer but I'm also a freelance creative so I've been in fashion for a few years um and I think that's kind of why I've had a lot of friends that have done this in the past because I'm going to the same events that everyone's going to and I'm meeting these people are like oh i'm like i've been on the bachelor and it's like oh cool did you fall in love not really but that's fine i was like i fell in love yeah and then you meet the friends that are like no i genuinely fell in love and then you kind of just that's kind of where my connection to this whole thing happened but i mean aside from that i think i'm just kind of your average joe you know just i spend most of my time at the ocean i'm an absolute bloody dork um and i have a constant

battle with gravity so that's pretty much me in a nutshell so what kind of relationship trauma have you been through in order to make you go oh I'm gonna go on a reality tv show no I think that everyone that is cast has been through some sort of trauma I think it's like part of your prerequisite or it's like you know you you just seem to have I mean I know for me like I had relationship after relationship which didn't quite turn out the way that I wanted and then the prospect of doing the show came up and I was like yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna try something different I'm going to see how that works out and obviously it went pretty well yeah so really weirdly my last two relationships have actually been bachelor related but without it actually

being intended that way so for example my first partner I was with him for four years I had nothing to do with batch unfortunately we were just too young like we were I think I met him when I was 17 and it was just like we were more best friends than we were anything um honestly that was probably one of the best relationships I've ever been in because he genuinely loved me for my for who I am my dorky self he saw every aspect of me and not once was he ever trying to change me or judge me or anything like that so ultimately that is what I look for in a relationship like someone who like loves me for who I am no questions asked um my second relationship um was kind of this is kind of where my triggers started to trickle in whereas like it was one of those

relationships where um it was so electric and it was so passionate but um I don't know if he was in the right headspace for a relationship so I got dragged on a little bit I was young I was in love I was naive um he went on The Bachelorette. So who was that? So that was Sam Johnston um Georgia Love Season um. But you dated him before he was actually involved with Bachelorette? We dated way before so we dated before Bachelorette was even a thing for him and we actually ended up back together after he finished the show as well so that's kind of where my connection to Matt comes in and that's kind of where I met Matt Courtney through Matt ended up meeting Laura and that's kind of where this little web had been created so it was like I mean you're dating a guy you're

to meet his mates it just so happened that his mates were on the bachelorette with him too so and if you're thinking that the bachelorette or the bachelor is an incestuous community it kind of is guys so there you go yeah you're one big big big Greek family one big happy sisterhood of family sister wives exactly but I think it's just nice because you are like-minded so it's kind of like you're you're friends with people who are in the same headspace as you they do the same work as you so yeah it's just yeah and it's one of those experiences I mean I always say like obviously Honestly, Britt and I, we formed a really amazing friendship after the show. Did we?

You're like, sorry, who are you again? She's still playing hard to get. It's the way, it's my game. It's because you go through this thing, which is such a weird and like, I can't even put it into words what the experience is. And it really galvanizes you. Well, it really galvanizes you to people who have shared that same experience. Because I think unless you have done a reality TV show,

you don't really and can't fully understand or grasp what is involved in it and I think that that was one of the conversations I had with you early on where I was like you don't know what's coming for you but I promise you'll be okay on the other side of it yeah it's pretty fucking crazy I feel like though like in that sense I've been so grateful for people like you in my life where you've been through this as well and it's like even Courtney gave me some really good advice and he was like you'll be sweet like you are very self-aware of your emotions you're probably one of the most emotional people I know so he was like in a good way he was like you're very connected to your emotions albeit love sadness whatever it may be so he was like I'll be there for you at

the end he even said he was like you know Laura will be there for you at the end so it's kind of like it's nice when you have people that have been through it and they just know and they get it I had no idea it would be this insane but I think it's just like it's blown my mind like it's one of those things isn't it it's like people can warn you and tell you about it as until the cows come home yeah and you you can go in thinking okay I know what to expect people have prepped me for it but you can never ever ever be ready especially in a situation like yours or all of us I guess you can never really be ready for what happens then and what happens after and it is tumultuous and the shit man people I think sometimes forget that you're a human and

they think that you're a bit of a character sometimes and it can be a really really rough couple of months but it's just like I think that's what shocked me how nasty people can be and just like going out of their way to send you a really crappy message on Instagram and it's like at first it started getting to me but now I'm kind of just like if that's what you're doing your day-to-day life you just felt like you needed to go and really put someone down then I feel like maybe I shouldn't say this but you probably have bigger things to deal with than messaging someone that you have no idea who they are so it's kind of like I didn't want to start letting that get to me because it's hard it's like people watch you fall in love and they think

they have the audacity to tell you how you do feel and and opinions on your life the reason why that arises is because we do get grouped into being a character so and I was one of the things I was going to talk to you about how you kind of went from having this like wifey edit to the villainous edit to being the one who was heartbroken at the end and what people really lose sight of is that you're not playing a character along the process of the show you are just you and you're having a very human experience on a reality tv show and you're reacting to things that are happening to you exactly but I just want to before we get into like the whole process of it I do have a couple of like logistical questions can you tell us how long it's been since filming ended um yes so it

was the end of July so two months like eight weeks yeah seven weeks about seven eight weeks so just so that everyone has some context and perspective on what that means and in comparison to what normal seasons look like so when brit and i finished filming we had around three months maybe a little bit longer between when filming finished and when the finale actually played on tv and so there is a much longer time frame for the person who is the one who's heartbroken at the end to actually grieve the relationship move on a little bit and have some closure before watching it play out on tv whereas in this season of the bachelor because of covid and because of lockdown and everything being extended and production time frames being thrown out obviously

that time frame was really reduced so i feel like this is a lot rorer for you than what maybe it would have been for brit i mean i'm putting words in your mouth but i mean it was pretty fucking raw but thanks lauren so going back to your edit so we saw you going from having this like yeah really beautiful beginning of your relationship with locky and like the first couple of episodes were so romantic and like I think from the get-go everyone was like oh well it's in the bag it's Bella yeah let's just pack up and go home you got the intro music too didn't you yeah that's the intro music and like I have to admit like it called out to me because I was like I love fairy tales and it was like this is so cute like it's my own little fairy tale and I

was like you guys have no idea what's coming babes I fucking feel you I got the fairy tale from the beginning too what was it like watching those first few episodes back and knowing that everybody was rooting for you yeah but it not being you I think it was hard I mean I even had that before the show started airing I had girls from the show like other girls that were on the show with me and family members being like I know you're out I know you're finished I know you can't tell us what happened but we know it's you so we just we're happy for you let us know when the wedding is and I'm reading these messages and I'm like oh god like it hurts because I think even Roxy said to me at one point she was like mate like he doesn't look at you like he looks at

anyone else and it's like hearing that and you're like but then what happened like if other people could see it too then what what actually happened in the end so I think it just it really messed with my head because part of me was like at the end I was like was it in my head was it this amazing connection and it was actually just me thinking it was you know immense and there was so much love but really that was only one-sided but then seeing people say that I was like okay so they're seeing it too they saw it as well so it was pretty rough um but I think in the beginning it kind of just made me realize when I was watching it back I was like no that was there we did have a connection and it was it was real I mean the guy told you that he loved you in the

last episode also wrote it on his arm so I'm gonna say it wasn't one-sided and I think everybody was equally as confused yeah by that clusterfuck as what you were honestly and I think some people have even been saying well no he said he was falling in love with you and he said um I've fallen in love with her and I was like well no but he did say in the pool I love you so okay so I have a question yeah he did actually say I love you like straight up yeah and you said I love you too I love you too okay I do have a question um or another one I haven't been shoot um did he ever say like whether this is in private to you on camera and they didn't play it or whatever did he ever say basically like it is you it will be you yeah he's straight up said it's you during

lockdown we were talking about engagement rings he was like would you what would you do if I proposed to you at the end what the fuck yeah um he I think the one thing that really got me was when he said to me he was like I can't wait to make you happy for the rest of your life and that for me was I'm like you don't say that to someone unless you really want that to happen like unless he's sitting there and I remember saying to mum and I was like I think I found the person that actually wants to be with me like of all the things that I've been through you know my exes and being somehow connected to the bachelor this is obviously what it was all pointing to I had to come on here I had to meet Lockie and he's going to be the person that

I wanted to be with I've just got I've legitimately got goosebumps because I see me and you so much listening to what you're saying yeah I really feel you I know like I actually I remember seeing some of your posts at the end of your season I actually didn't watch your season but I remember seeing posts at the end because when I heard what happened I was like bruh no so I went and looked at your post and I read it and my heart literally broke for you so like I'm I feel like you're you know like it's literally gaslighting so but what I think is different in your experience and what I think we really need to dive into is this whole period during lockdown because there's a lot of rules around like the way that you can interact with the bachelor and like I know from my season

like we didn't have any access to phones you know I only got to speak to Matt when it was on camera and it was times that had been organized however during this whole period of lockdown what were the rules like how was it how was it supposed to run so when we actually got out when it was like okay so there is a global pandemic and you're all going home i think the first thing i actually said to osha was like are you pulling my leg because i didn't believe it and you wouldn't because you don't know what's happening in the world you don't have access to the news you just you're so isolated in this little stockholm syndrome bubble literally it's never happened before that the whole world has gone into lockdown if someone came to me and said that you'd be like as if we're not allowed

to leave our house no it was just weird so and in on that first night it was actually like we didn't know if we were going to be able to talk to Lockie we didn't know if we were staying in the mansion if we were going home we didn't know if our families were okay so there was a lot of like unanswered questions and once we got home um that night or the next night I think there was about two days before one of the producers had called me um and it was a Monday morning I actually remember it so vividly because he was like, so I just want to give you like a debrief on what's going to be happening now that, you know, we've gone into hiatus. Um, he was like, you will actually have contact with Lockie one FaceTime a week. And then there'll be like two days where you can text

freely, unlimited messages, like whatever you want and like a voice call or whatever. Um, and he was like, I'm going to send Lockie your number now. He'll probably call you at some point today. Um, and he mentioned that it might've been like a FaceTime or video chat. So, and I had been sitting at home for three days I was like my hair is oily I haven't unpacked my bags I was like there is no way I'm getting on FaceTime to this man looking like this ran in the shower like wash I don't even know why I was shaving my legs I was shaving my legs I was like I don't know what we're doing on FaceTime video calls have really good clarity these days you need to shave your legs it was just like I remember mum being like what just happened and I was like lucky like call me today I just

want to shower just in case it's soon mid-shower my phone starts calling and I was like part of of me was like no just like you know we don't even know if it's him just finish your shower and then I was like stuff it got out of shower wet towel answer the phone like played it cool come and collected I was like hey he's like are you on the toilet literally and he was like hey bells and I was like lucky and then we just we were on the phone for like five hours so um yeah so no it was the first chat was like a two-minute call to be like hey are you free for face time in like 10 minutes and I was like yeah I was like I actually just got out of the shower so let me put your knickers on yeah and he was like not if you don't want to I was like okay here we go and it begins

and it begins so yes so this is kind of where schedule went out the window Lockie and I were talking every day so it wasn't like he and he actually said to me he was like I don't I want to talk to you as much as I can don't worry about only calling me on Tuesdays or whatever so um it was from the get-go that's where it all started so I know I know what you were just about yeah Bridget just puts her hand up to ask a question. I know no one can see this, but, like, we are so engrossed in this right now. I am so engrossed. This could go on for, like, four hours.

I'm like, excuse me. So did production know that you were talking this much or was this, like, on the sly? So I kept it from production for the first few weeks because I didn't want to get Lockie in trouble for not doing the right thing. And part of me as well, I was like, you know what? It's between Lockie and I.

Like, I'm not – and this was with the girls too. I was like, I wasn't telling them how much we were talking because I didn't want to like I don't want to rub that in and part of me was like it's my connection with him anyway so I'm just going to keep that to myself um so I didn't tell anyone and he did say that he mentioned to like his producer that we were speaking more than we should have been but I think that was like he probably dumped it down a fair bit it would have just been unfair to the other girls when you were having these conversations was he telling you that he was speaking to the other girls just as much or did you have this indication that it was

just you getting all this extra time and attention yeah so he told me i was the only one that he was talking to every day um so it's actually funny because um beck actually ended up saying to me once we moved in together we obviously and even in the house we were talking about everything and she was like oh lucky told me that he i was the only one he was talking to every day but as if this wasn't going to get back between all the girls like i think guys are sometimes really naive yes especially in an environment like this where the women are on top of each other you're spending all day together you're forming really quick intense bonds with each other usually with each other more than him the bachelor as if you guys aren't going to start

talking about the fact that exactly that's the thing and I think as well like little things like for example where he added like a few of the girls on snapchat and then one of them had actually said it to me so I was like oh like do you have snapchat he was like no no I don't I don't have it and then I was like okay do people over 30 have snapchat I'm like what sort of pictures is one sending on snapchat that's what I want to know well you know it's probably not of his dog hey here's bacon and eggs for breakfast maybe bacon yeah here's me bacon maybe it is his dog um so did you get I'm like gonna make you feel uncomfortable but I want to know did he send you like inappropriate messages I mean I'm not saying inappropriate to be like

the thing is it's not inappropriate like it's not you know when you're dating someone you send a little something you know what I mean like you're just you're keeping the relationship alive the connection alive you're in a long distance relationship basically so you know you're you're doing what you can to keep that fire there and that sexual chemistry so like no I didn't get nude and send him like nude photos but of course we like send a little message or you know there was some cheeky messages there's things I think it's that's like a really important thing to clarify and also to compare that to how the bachelor normally sort of transpires or the the normal typical bachelor journey so like I mean for me and Matt like nothing sexual ever

happened on the show the most sexual thing that ever happened between him and I was that he pushed me up against the wall and we like hell yeah very hardcore made out on one of my single dates but that was it like that was literally it um and never ever ever did he give me any verbal affirmation that it was going to be me never did I ever feel confident that it was going to be me either so then all of that happening throughout lockdown and like that is a three month period or a two and a half month window yeah it was about two and a half months um off completely off camera it was just like normal life and then we had a couple weeks of love and lockdown filming and then we went back into the mansion after that yeah so that's like a few months there where you're

unsupervised you're outside of the bachelor bubble the rules don't apply anymore and you're having a legitimate relationship with someone I mean albeit he's still seeing other people but aren't all guys in sydney when you're dating yeah that is my whole life exactly and out of the bachelor literally and i actually i remember saying to him at one point i was like oh because i said to him i was like you know what's going to happen what if we don't go back to filming like what then and he was like i'll just fly over to perth so there was a lot of things that he had said to me that was like for me going back into the mansion it was just like this is a home run don't stress like everything's going to be okay don't freak yourself out don't let the other girls get in your head

so going back in there I think that's why I had that sense of confidence because he had basically told me that it was just going back in to finish this thing and then pretty much that was it like that it was a formality there was you just had to type yeah exactly and I think that's why obviously there was a lot that happened during lockdown that wasn't just between Lockie and I it was all of the girls so there were girls at the beginning of you know when we started filming that never even said a word to me and then during lockdown and the filming of Love in Lockdown things were coming to air and they were just like we're sorry that we weren't mates with you at the beginning of this because of you know life so talk me through what happened with your relationships

because obviously things changed with you and Lockie during lockdown but I was very very clear to everybody who followed the show that your friendships changed as well and obviously that was a time when things started to really go south with Irina and and obviously there was more to the story yeah I think anyone who watched that that episode that first cocktail party back after lockdown yeah where the fight transpired between you and Irina could tell that the fight didn't really make a lot of sense and that there may have been more context behind it of course like like let's put it this way I wouldn't have had a reaction like that unless I was not only pissed off but devastated I was upset and that's why in that moment my emotions just got the best of me

and I think obviously what you're not seeing is that like yes I said these things but you're not seeing the questions that I was asked to get these answers it's more so coming across like I'm just saying these things on my own accord without being prompted but I was being prompted and it's kind of like these emotional reactions that I'm having are reactions they aren't just me throwing my hands up in the air having a cry and being like friendship done that was a like a half an hour to 45 minute chat and the thing is as well like there was a lot that you actually saw in filming which was interesting for me to watch it back where I did notice that Irina had been doing little things behind my back and I think I just kind of turned a blind eye to it because you are in this situation

where you know you are with women who are also falling in love with the same man so part of me was just like it's fine like we're all gonna we're all gonna say little things and little remarks but that one night that really changed things for me was the whole Bella kiss Lockie at the cocktail party and when Irina had actually told Roxy that um when in actual fact Irina had kissed him that night too so oh wow we just didn't see that you didn't see that so it's little things like that where I hadn't even she never told me that she told Roxy so when Roxy popped off about Lockie and I having a peck I was like but how did Roxy find out and Irina was like oh like I'm not sure so it was interesting watching that back so she pashed him as well that night yeah and did he

anyone else at the cocktail party oh yeah I think I think our good son pashed a few people this is what is a bit of a red flag for me if I'm being honest I don't know if I'm alone in this Laura you can tell me how you think for me I know that Nick kissed one person at the cocktail party I'm not gonna say who because I know that that happened but they never showed it yeah okay and I really like this girl don't it doesn't bother me but if he if I knew Nick was kissing women at the cocktail party multiple women i almost feel like i would have been done with the show because to me that's a bit of a level of disrespect i i just thought like maybe it's different if there's one clear winner from the beginning he's away from other people but like to be just pashing everyone

at the cocktail parties with all the other girls i just i just turned me off a little bit yeah i also think that people who haven't been on the show don't realize that this is like this unspoken rule like you can do whatever you want on your date but for some reason yeah there is this rule that exists between like the girl code of the show that you don't kiss a guy at a cocktail party right but like obviously that kind of went out the window in your season and if everyone was doing it then maybe then then the stakes kind of change yeah and I think as well especially with Lockie like even in that moment I actually remember being like like he was like give me a little like a little kiss and I was like I can't like the girls but then he was like yeah but

are you here for me you're here for the girls oh you know what I mean so in Lockie's head he's not thinking oh like she's she's caring for the girls but then what's her what's what's her priority here and that it's actually funny because obviously the tv made it look like it was a lot a lot longer but it was literally just like a little peck goodbye just before we got off the couch and walked away um so it was just like little moments like that where I'm like when you're actually falling for someone and they're like well what's your priority here and I'm like well you are my priority at the end of the day like I didn't necessarily come into this thing to find best mates um even though I'm really grateful that I did but um yeah so little moments like that

and I think as well like I obviously I hadn't seen any of Irina doing those things so during lockdown that's what happened it all started coming to air all the things that she had been saying to Steph and Izzy had um they kind of came and told me about all that stuff so that night back in the mansion was all of that coming to surface do you know what those things were like do you have some context of that so um she tried to tell a few of the girls that i had body shamed her which literally never happened she has she actually has a great body oh yeah she's a babe she's a babe so and i would constantly tell her that so when um stephan izzy told me that she had been telling them i body shamed her and then she was saying the same thing to roxy and maddie and

this is in text i obviously got really upset and that i apparently i said locky would never find her attractive. So I was really upset. So I told Lockie that I had a fight with Ariba about who was the biggest socialite. I don't think I've ever even said like five words to Ariba. We were in the same room at the beginning for like a week. And I literally don't even think we said more than like good morning to each other once. So things like that, where Lockie then admitted to me, he was like, you know, I'm questioning your integrity because of, you know, the fact that you had a fight with Ariba about who was the biggest socialite. And I was like, what? So what was the actual the lead up and the blow up with you in arena that night what was that we didn't see

what was cut i remember going to the bathroom and coming back and irena was sitting there at the couch waiting for me oh i hate those setup chats yeah you're like shit i've been thrown into something it's all kicking on now and then this chat setup chat happened and she was just like um the first thing she said to me was like i miss my bella and i i miss our friendship and I was like sitting there and thinking about it and I'd actually been like five minutes ago five minutes before that I could hear her like having a yarn with Roxy and Maddie about me and then it just like I just got really frustrated because when I feel like someone's being shady I often call them out on their bullshit like I did with Lockie at the end yeah so we can't wait to

that part yeah so little things like that where it was just like I was getting frustrated in that moment and then I said look Irina I was like I've just heard some things during lockdown that Steph and Izzy have told me you said to them so we started talking about it and then Steph had overheard Irina say I never said that and then Steph got the shits and came over and she was like just let me clarify here you're telling me that you never said that if you didn't say that to me and you weren't talking about it for the hour flight back on the plane to Melbourne what were we talking about then Izzy then came and sat down and that's when it all kind of came to a head and Steph was getting upset and I was just like you know what it doesn't matter I was like at the

end of the day I think I turned around I said to her I was like Irina if I've been body shaming you and I'm this horrid person that you're making me out to be why do you want to sit here and be friends with me again I mean I feel for Irina as well because she would obviously be in the same place as you and probably have been in contact with Lockie all the time and thinking that she was the only one exactly who it was going to be so I do really feel for her and also for the fact that like you you are pitted against each other you are in competition and it does put incredible strain on those friendships 100 but watching it back on tv as a viewer you only get a very small sliver of what actually happens because you've got to remember we're filming all day every day

for months and that's all condensed down into two one hour episodes a week and so it's very easy to take things and rechange the context of an argument or a fight and create it's a show it's entertaining and it's amazingly entertaining but it's also real people's lives that are on the other end of this as well yeah and I think at the end of the day right like Irina and I had been given a lot of reassurance so coming back in we were both so in love with this man that like even looking back and and thinking of the little things that started that argument and I'm like ultimately it was just like he said she said she said this and then you got the shits and blah blah blah blah blah and it's like ultimately we were just two women that were in love with men and didn't want

that to get in the way of us having our happily ever after so it was just it all came to a head and also you're in that situation that pulls emotions out of you in ways that you wouldn't really react that way that quickly so I think like yeah there are probably some things that I should have internalized but I was hindsight's a bitch exactly so I think like ultimately I look back and I'm like shit happened I got annoyed that of the things that she was doing she got annoyed with some of the things that I was obviously doing and it just kind of came to a head and for me I just was in a headspace at that time where I was like I don't have space for this in my life but also I think like you know and not not to like harp on about it but I do think it's

a reflection of this changing the way that the that lockdown has changed the dynamic of the conversations and I can only assume that if you were receiving that level of reassurance from Lockie that Irina was probably receiving the same of course and that is incredibly conflicting and a really difficult thing to come back into the mansion especially when you're both talking about your own personal experiences and saying oh well I spoke to him every day and then you're being told by him that well I haven't spoken to anybody else like this but there's someone else they're saying it's like who's lying in this situation this is like one of the things that I got frustrated about was I was keeping everything to myself and Lockie actually said that to me he was like I really

appreciate the fact that everything we've spoken about you haven't gone and told the other girls you're not telling them how much we talk you're keeping it all to yourself and he was like thank you for being so thank you for allowing me to do what I'm doing and speak to everyone else without i really appreciate you keeping our relationship a secret yeah otherwise everything's gonna go off like a bag of prawns in the sun exactly which ended up happening when you're so in love with this person and this is not just the bachelor this is real life too when you're in love with this person and you want to be with them and you've imagined your life with them you believe everything they say yeah if anyone else comes in and threatens that not even threatens it but

if she says well we're talking too and he's told you he's not you're going to favor him you're going to believe him so you're going to be like well you're lying arena because he wouldn't have told me this if it wasn't true and yeah and she's the same she's going to be like bella i'm talking to him every day like obviously you're telling fibs like yeah probably just this there's no way lucky lie to me feeling exactly and i think as well that's kind of why and like don't get me wrong like yes it blew up that night but we were still civil in the house like stephanie's he roomed with Irina um we'd all chill by the fire like we had family dinners we'd watch movies together like it's not like we were like pitted against each other the whole time well I have a

whole lot of rumors that we're going to attend to at the end of this episode but that's what happens every year I mean every year there's things that come out in the media there's always stories that are um perpetuated that that push a certain narrative you know there's always I mean I remember when when it was Matt and my season and the story was that we had a secret pact from the beginning we knew each other before the show and it was always going to be me at the end obviously that's not true it never happened but there's still people out there who believe that yeah and it's the one person that says it and then five media outlets pick it up and then all of a sudden it came from my mouth and it's like what yeah and all of a sudden because the media is reported on

it and it's become viral news it also becomes fact yeah and that's the thing that I think can be most frustrating when you're in this position and it's a position that like nobody can prepare you for when everyone's talking about you and you don't have the the ability to say hey that's not true this isn't what happened this isn't my side of the story yeah it has but it's been like honestly I've been learning new things about myself every day with all the stuff that's been coming out in the media so it's kind of just like yeah I'm keen to debunk some of those rumors with you guys that's for sure so were you in love with Lockie at this point um of the show where you and arena had the chat or did you just feel like it was still building um well like at that time like

lucky and i had already been sending like you know when you like love heart emoji you and stuff like that so we kind of almost got there and it's like when you're looking at someone and you're like i want to say it but i'm stopping myself because that's like the final thing and i think as well like i knew that something that happened at finale so i was like waiting for that but i well it usually happens yeah you were like I'm saving this for the end yeah yeah saving this for the end jokes um but no it was just it was one of those things where I was like that's how you know it's real when you genuinely when it almost slips out of your mouth five times so to be honest those like saying I love you is a really hard thing for me to do in relationships it is an

absolute trigger and a half that I should probably start dealing with at some point but I think I have said it to people in the past and it has just like kind of kicked me while I was down and I think saying I love you and not hearing it back is probably the hardest thing you'd ever have to deal with and having that in two relationships before this I think I was just petrified knowing that if I say it I actually won't be able to hear it back in this situation so it was really scary for me and just opening myself up to being in love again and that's why was so upset at hometowns because I was so in love with him at hometowns when that stuff happened with Irina I knew I loved him but I don't I was still a little bit like you're still on that

journey so it was kind of like I knew I loved him but I hadn't admitted it to myself yet but hometowns was that the head where it came to and I was like holy crap like I'm genuinely in love with this person and that petrifies me I'm glad you brought up hometowns because I have a question and i think everyone has this question who's your hot stepdad who's your bloody stepdad mate he walked on screen and i was like that's a hot brother that's literally what i said if i get one more stepdaddy meme i'm going to remove myself stepdaddy vibe i want to know what what your mom's i would like some advice from your mom because i'm currently looking i should have brought her on the podcast she would have loved that i think um i think probably might have been

a good thing but I think he was definitely the conversation of your hotel I saw a meme that was something like when Bella's stepdad is the hottest man to walk on the bachelor 2020 and I was like wow wow um no but he their relationship is actually blessed I got a kick out of that night because I love seeing my dad and my stepdad in the same room because they're so different like they are literally it's literally like you know when you have the the two relationships in your life and like one was the make sense passionate you know sorry the make sense like we were together for so long and then that's the natural thing to do is to get married and have babies and then the other one is the guy that was like the you know the passion and like yeah so it was like it's funny

seeing them both together because it's literally both sides of my mom in one room um but he is 13 years younger than mom so they met when he was 21 and she was 33 so he I think that's why when some people are like oh like men mature later or young men don't know what they want and it's like well sometimes they do this is so hilarious because i have this conversation with brit all the time and i'm like you really need to up your radius on tinder and stop dating 20 year old boys i had dated a few younger guys and not 21 but well they met pretty much they met at a dirty nightclub so well we're not allowed to do that no laura's always on my back she's like literally not under 30 whereas i've gone a couple of years younger than 30 and i thought i always say they don't

seeing that age and I think age is just a number at a certain point in time age becomes a number it's a connection yeah it can be mature so thank you for telling Laura that I've dated I've dated men in their early 30s and they act like the 18s no I want to I want okay I want to fast forward this now yeah yeah to finale ish yeah not not the finale but like the days leading up to finale the pool yeah I want to talk about the pool no I firstly I want to talk about I want to talk about you meeting Lockie's mum and one of the things that I saw in that meeting because I remember when I met Matt's mum I I actually I had the most beautiful time meeting his mum like we got on like a house on fire Ellie is one of the people I'm closest to in the world now and except for Brittany

but my meeting like when when they showed it on the tv that was actually something that was such a trigger for me because the way that it was edited and watching me meet Matt's mum back was made to look like I was completely neurotic it made me look like I was an insane person and that me and his mum didn't get along at all which is completely not what happened no but when I watched you guys meet which one it was weird because you were together and that's never meant to happen you were you were very quick to talk about your friendship with Irina and the fact that you weren't friends anymore and that's what it looked like but I was sitting there watching it being like I feel like you've got prompt by this so I want to know what happened there we were just

having a chat talking about like we were talking about the whole experience and then she actually whipped out the question being like so I've heard you guys used to be really close friends what producers asked me to ask you this question literally so I have to ask this question I could see in her face she's like so what happened and I'm like here we go and then I actually waited for a little bit because I was like oh and then I was like is Irina gonna and I was like here we go I'll just answer it because I'm not going to sit here awkwardly while his mother's staring at me and I'm like but I think um that's why I kind of just answered I was like I'm not gonna lie to my potential future mother-in-law so I was like look yeah we used to be close we're not that close

anymore and then Irina literally was just sitting there so I was like hey Irina like pop in anytime you want like and she was just like and I was like oh it's really interesting getting that context though because I think like when you watch it on the show it really does seem like you're just offering up information freely but often oftentimes when conversations do pop up it's because you've been prompted to have those conversations you've been asked a specific question and then obviously questions can be easily removed to allow the conversation seem like it's taking a different turn but that's why it looked like I was just like trying to pipe in constantly and I was like I'm really enthusiastic yeah but it was um yeah pick me pick me um she's

Like, I think you have that, like the passion in you to put Lockie in his place when he needs to be put in his place. And I think that's one thing that she did say. And she was like, look, like often Lockie thinks it's his world and, you know, everyone else is living in it. But I think I kind of even said to her, I was like, well, you know, as long as Lockie is going to take some of my wants and needs into consideration as well, then that's sweet. But I actually don't know if that's like, I don't know if I can.

You don't know if that's actually true. Yeah. because i think like i think he said and he even said that to me he's like i love that you're passionate i love that you have your own i love that you have your own goals and where you want to be and stuff like that but now i look back and i'm like do you like i wonder if i actually really hate the conversation and like i mean this is more just from a relationship perspective yeah like i hate this idea that as women you have to keep your man in line and i mean we had this conversation around bachelor in paradise when brit had her experience with tim and everyone was sort

of messaging brit on social media being like you know get your man in line he should be behaving like this and i was like bitch i've known him for two weeks and he's not my man and it's not my job to keep it's not your place yeah and i think like you know if a grown man needs to be kept in line or be kept accountable to behave correctly then maybe they're not a fully grown man exactly and at the end of the day like what a girlfriend is supposed to be a partner you're supposed to be a team you're supposed to be mates it's not a mother 100 that's what i said too i was like i'm not here to mother him if he's my partner and he can make his own decisions and I'll talk to him about it later. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I mean, I watched that and I really, I kind of, I hated

that that was, um, what was kind of deemed as a necessity as a partner. And like, look, I know that everybody has different needs and different wants, but like for me, I was like red flag. I was like, look too soon, Laura. Um, yeah, no, I think, and I think that's why as well, like I was never giving lucky the answers that he wanted to hear for example pool pool chat um that was me in that pool we had been speaking about our future post batch for months during lockdown so when the producers were like hey guys maybe talk about your future because we were literally fluffing around in the pool like throwing doing stupid shit under the water can i swear yeah you can fucking swear we swear the whole time um we were doing it like we were just having like if you and your boyfriend

we were in a pool we were just having a laugh having champagne so when they were like have a chat about your future and it was like but we've already spoken about everything so that's why it was like when he was like oh what do you see in your future and I kind of said to him I was like you know we said that we're going to be in Sydney until March and then we'll go from there just get out of this and just normalize again because I think it's been this constant in between filming filming not filming dating other women like let's just get out of this and then we'll figure out everything after and he was constantly saying like he would contradict himself he'd be like I'm not a planner so like you know I just want to know that you know because I know that you're a

planner is like I just want to know if we can balance each other out and I was like yeah like you know I'm yes I'm a planner like I'm not going to up and leave and move to Greece in a week but give me a few weeks and we can make it happen or like when he was like where do you see yourself in the next three months and it's like well I don't know it depends on you know are we going to be in Sydney we're going to be in Perth that's a decision we have to make after and he's like well i've already planned out three months and i'm like but you just told me you weren't a planner so i was just kind of getting confused and that's why i grabbed his face and i was like lucky at the end of the day i don't care what we do after this as long as we're together because

ultimately that's all i cared about i don't care if we're sitting in a on a tent eating sausages over a fire i don't care if we're on the floor or a restaurant at the end of the day let's just do us but that obviously wasn't enough for him so it was it was hard to watch but it's very obvious now watching it back and once we watched him gaslight you which we'll get to in a minute um once we watch the whole thing I think it's obvious that I think he loved you 100 percent um he was grasping at straws to find a reason he had to find a reason yeah and you're saying he contradicted himself um I remember my finale with Nick he's the same thing he spent the whole time saying it's crazy how perfect our timelines are it's crazy that everything we want is exactly

the same thing and then at the end his excuse to me was like literally the night before at midnight he had said we are on exactly the same timeline that it's crazy then finale he was like I just feel like our timelines don't match and I was like and they cut that so they cut him saying our timeline was perfect and then they're like our timelines don't match and I was like what the hell yeah I think that's why I got frustrated because I was just like like that's not you can't that's when I turned around I was like you can't put that on me like you can't and I think at the end of the day like he obviously just didn't love me enough which is like my literal standard in every relationship they don't ever love me enough like they always

end up with the girl that comes along that's more this or more that so I think in that moment that's why I was just like I am not I've done that in the past where I'm gonna say or I've said what I feel like he wants to hear so you know my previous relationships but this time I was like I'm not doing that again if someone's gonna love me they're gonna love me for me and I think that's why I was just like you know at the end of the day if what I'm saying to him isn't what he wants to hear then obviously it's just not when did you realize was there a moment maybe it was in the pool maybe it wasn't till the very end when was the moment that it clicked where you're like it's not me um I had a really weird feeling that whole day that whole day of finale

I was just like because even my producer was like but why would he say why would he tell you he loves you if he's not you know and I was like honestly I was like don't kill me for thinking about this but I am pretty logical in the sense where I was like in a sense of timeline for the episode doesn't make sense for him to tell me he loved me yesterday like something doesn't make sense it's not adding up either irene has already left or he's told her he loves her too and that no one would confirm it with me and no one put that in my head it was just me like i was just something didn't feel right and i think i wasn't letting myself believe it until i was in that moment and i was hearing him say i love you and there's no one else in this but us so i think for me

once i was walking up to him i kind of just like i don't know part of me was like am i wigging myself out am i trying to like balance my expectations am i just so i that so i i just i was confused that whole day i was just a mess so walking up to him at the end there was was there still more of you that thought it was you or were you like actually in that moment when i was walking up to him i was like holy shit i was like no i i actually thought i was like okay maybe i've just been wigging myself out because as soon as i saw him i was like i do love this man and like he loves me too and maybe it's fine and i've just been freaking myself out and I was like it's fine everything's fine and then I get to him and he starts crying and I was

like what is going on but I think always and like the the reality of the show and the the way that it works is that you never feel a hundred percent at the end like I I was convinced it wasn't me yeah I was and even though Matt even though he wasn't verbal and never affirmed I love you which I think Lockie really took that upon himself like he really broke like the one bachelor cardinal saying which is like they never say I love you and I said that to him I was like you went unnecessarily above and beyond there are things that you did not have to say and I said yes you had to you had to explore connections and you had to be in the moment with those people you did not have to tell me you loved me and that you want to make me happy for the rest of my life there are

things that you did not have to do and I think yeah I guess I kind of just called him out on his shit and he probably just didn't like that so was there anything else that happened in that finale day that we didn't see um huh yeah and i want to know about it i might have like just before um turning to the cameras i'd be like can i leave oh my god what'd you say tell me you have to i looked at him and he was saying i love you and no like i do and i meant everything I said and I was like you've got honor tattooed on your chest mate and that's when I looked to the cameras and I was like why did they cut that it's actually so great and I was like I looked to the I looked at the camera and I was like can I leave and I saw like all of the crew were like

sitting there and like had their hands over their face and like a few of them were crying others were like yes get it girl get it and then they were all just like nodding their heads like yeah i leave and i was just like i'm going he screamed when after i walked off he literally screamed at the top of his lungs fuck and i was like don't turn around don't do it just keep walking keep walking keep walking walked kept walking saw my producer she was bawling her eyes out and i was like don't do it until you get in the car got in the car closed the door and i was like i just want to go home and it was just like it was a mess everyone who watched that i think like i i was a mess I was crying yeah oh I was crying I called you a finale night you were crying I was crying

it was but I think like I drank a bottle of wine I drank I was triggered I drank too I'm way too pregnant to watch a bachelor finale right now I need some wine in my life but I think you know the finales are always emotional I don't think there's ever been a finale where you haven't or that you know collectively Australia hasn't really banded behind the person who's been heartbroken but I think in this instance because it was taken so far and because he really did affirm his feelings for both of you yeah it just took it to a whole new level and it also I don't know this is a fair thing to say because I kind of I actually really feel sorry for Irina and Lockie now yeah but I think it took a shine off their finale yeah because usually I love you is

never said and then until yeah it's the one thing that's held and kept kind of sacred for that last two people and then all of a sudden it had been said so many times in an episode that it had lost its meaning a little bit I mean it's that one moment as well like even when I watched you and Matt's finale and when he was telling you he loved you and I bloody started crying because I was like it's so beautiful love is so nice and they love each other and I think like you you it's that moment of like that like overwhelming feeling of love that everyone ultimately wants to find so like i think in that moment for me i was just like that's why i was so confused when he'd said it because i was like but that was supposed to be like at the at the end i just know i don't know

it felt weird i do i like i have to admit like i do ultimately like yes he's not the person for me but if they're soulmates or if they're in love with each other then like i do genuinely wish them happiness he just i just think he probably should have been a little bit more careful with his words that's all we need to touch on the fact that it is amazing the bachelor strikes again there is a success story yeah they've found love they look really happy um and i'll just rub it in while bella's here no but i'm like we we can't ignore that i'm so i'm so here for that that's what the bachelor's about unfortunately every bachelor there are there's someone that's heartbroken um do i think that lockheed went about it the right way absolutely not i think

he fucked a lot of shit up yeah i just want to touch on something that you just said before because it resonated with me but when you said no one ever loves me as much as me and i'm never good enough for anyone and I'm never the one and I think it's important to know a lot of women feel like that I 100% imagine being the first person ever to not get picked at the end yeah I definitely felt that but it's important for you to know that you are 100% enough you just haven't met your penguin yet and and that's what it is it's it's you are enough and you're enough for a million people out there unfortunately you haven't met that matching soul yet but so yeah it's really important to know that that it's not it's not you personally and it's just your stars were almost

aligned and they will one day but this just this just wasn't it unfortunately I hope so and also it's just like it's a breakup on steroids it's a breakup that happens on national tv and and you know it's just something that you you go through the breakout once when it actually happens in real life and then I think you're all over again yeah you go through it a second time when you have to watch it back on tv because you see so much more of the story the second time around because obviously you don't see what's happening with everybody else so I think that there's closure in that but there's also another another heartbreak in that as well yeah and I think as well though like that's the thing like yes it broke my heart but watching it back I'm

like I want to find someone that wants to be with me and knows they want to be with me I don't I'm sick of being with these people that give me all the reassurance up until the last minute and they're like oh psych have you spoken to Lockie since like did he ever contact you after even just to check in or no I don't know I sent him a message I haven't told anyone that but oh yeah god we got the scoop i did send him a message um after just to be like i mean i was like two days after i was devastated i was shattered i was upset i was angry and it was pretty much just which it was a pretty angry text to be honest i was gonna say was it like i love you miss you or was it like no no so the first part was like like i feel like i've lost my best friend not

just my boyfriend it was a relationship for me like i think something that i actually read it on somebody who put it on their stories and they had kind of encapsulated it really really well and it's this idea that like it's a very reckless way to treat to treat someone who you have feelings for and it's very impulsive to tell someone I love you but knowing that the next day you have to make a decision even if on that day you haven't decided let's give Lachlan the benefit of the doubt yeah that he didn't know who he was going to pick the fact that you are reckless in the moment with your words and give so much validation and reassurance to someone only sets the bar so much higher for that level of heartbreak it only puts them so much further down this down

down that rabbit hole of thinking and feeling confident and feeling connected and feeling loved yeah that I think it was a really reckless way of going about the finale and I think that that's why everyone was so angry and everyone has been behind you to support you because it was incredibly devastating to watch yeah and I'm being like I've been so overwhelmed with the love that I've been getting and obviously there are still those fair few like messages that I'm getting that's like well you deserved it it's your karma for how you treated Irina and it's like well I'm like come on guys like it's it's so unnecessary to be doing that kind of stuff especially on social media when like a couple weeks ago it was are you okay day and it's like well you're so many people will

put on their stories like check if your friends are okay but they're very quick to comment on someone's photo that they don't know who they are and judge them off something that happened on tv so I think for me I was just like all the love has just been like I'm so grateful for it all I mean social media is a pretty can be a pretty dark place and something that I have realized over the years is that we're very negatively geared so yeah you might receive a thousand really nice comments or compliments or you know you might receive 20 000 likes on a photo that's 20 000 people saying i like this and then move on with their life the one that one nasty comment really just cuts through and it has so much more weight in in how you value yourself and that was

something that took me a really long time after the show to get over um i mean you can't even you can't even put a nice comment on my photo without people being like how dare you and it's like piss off like she's one of my good mates but also like I who was it Katy Perry Katy I've got a really wise quote for you from Katy Perry you've dropped it a few times I love it though Katy Perry once said um you know there's two worlds there's the real world and there's a social media world and social media world is really fucked and the real world is really great and you just have to choose which world you want to live in so if you're gonna get your validation from the things that people who you don't know say to you online yeah then your your validation then becomes so

unstable whereas if you live your life with the people who love you and what you know is true and you know like the person who you are yeah then I think that that's where you find your happiness and you can dip into this one every so often whenever you want to yeah just so you know it will it gets better yeah I hope so so before we jump into putting the rumors to rest I want to ask you a couple of quick questions yeah are you still in love with Lockie no I'm not in love with Lockie obviously I there a moment like for example I thought Friday I was like I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine got to dinner with the girlfriends had champagne and three minutes later I was pulling my eyes out but I was like I don't understand because I'm not in love with him

anymore I think I just genuinely thought he loved like I genuinely thought he was in love with me I think watching it back was a lot it still hurts obviously because it's just happened this is my literally it's the first Monday of the first week I feel like I'm finally free so no I'm not in love with him anymore but like you know it's not like I wish I could just like erase it from my memory and wish it never happened but that's just not gonna happen so and so what do you think's the main thing that you've taken away like what have you learned from the whole experience I think ultimately trust no one yeah never trust a man again no I think ultimately I just have to I think I need to trust my instinct a little bit more you know and just like when I have that gut

instinct that's telling me something's not right I need to believe it and I think I've also learned that like at the end of the day I do want someone that wants to 100% be with me and isn't going to question that and I think in the past like you you'd hear that and you'd think like isn't that pretty obvious but no I think it's like for me it's even more just solidified now I'm just like I'm not gonna take shit when people are just giving me reassurance if their actions don't match up so I would have thought the hardest part would be hearing that your stepdad's hotter than the bachelor oh my god it's so gross okay well let's finally before we do a round up and a wrap up let's put some of the big rumors to rest that have been circulating yeah I'm gonna kick this

fun how long do you have no we'll just pump them out the media can be harsh and fierce and we know it we've been at the receiving end of a lot of shitty rumors from time to time but I do feel like there's been a lot that's been circulating around you during filming and well sorry during when the show was on air so number one did you know Lockie before filming no no I like unfortunately sorry Lockie this obviously isn't going to help his ego but I had no idea who he was never watched survivor never heard of him never nothing so i actually didn't know who he was either i didn't know who nick was either i remember coming out of the limo and i was like oh yeah tall dark handsome and i was like he's a bit old isn't he oh because he's older like yeah like he's not like young and

i remember getting out of the limo because i've never seen nick never i've never watched a game of football in my life yeah i don't even know what kind he plays i remember looking at him and being like who is this guy yeah with a cauliflower on his head because of his hair i thought he looked like a cauliflower for me to say i was like i was like what is that is that a giant cauliflower man oh my god okay can we stop shaming what the bachelors look like right for one second i then thought he was so hot but i just didn't know him so i'm with you on that but like let's just like reiterate not that old is a bad thing i'm here for a silver fox no i was just like oh like look at this like he's a man like it was more like like an actual man like that guy's gonna

get some arthritis spending to kiss me yeah I hope you got a good back boy all right question number two are you a paid actress out have you ever acted before yeah no I have never tried to act I've never done an acting lesson I've never been paid to like I and like can't you tell when people are like oh she's obviously really bad at acting yeah because i'm not acting i can't wait to see your neighbors who was oh my god yeah sorry apparently i want to follow in sam frost's footsteps i heard that she's very successful but also um no i did read though that you you're apparently and this is what i'm reading guys your old agent came out saying you were he was trying to get you to la you moved to la to act i had no idea who that guy is like i genuinely i had to

look into him because I was like who the hell is Mike like I've never had a male manager in my life turns out he's the angry ex of my the girl that used to manage me on my social media a couple years ago I've only ever had one manager and her name was Alice and she was like helping me with like getting jobs on my social media at one point because I am a freelance creative so a lot of what I do is create photos and and content for other brands this is a fancy word for doing influencer of work guys just in case let's just call it i've been an influencer for like four years so don't worry we do some influencing stuff as well i'm not influenced no people but like basically i called her and i was like who is this guy because when i googled him she came up so that's

how i made the connection basically she was like he's my ex and i broke up with him like a little a while ago and he's just sour and like she's like I literally don't know where he's getting any of this stuff from because I never moved to LA I'd actually dropped her like probably about a year and a half to two years before that and I think even in his quote or whatever he was like oh yeah no she's been she's still been getting work with us this year and I'm like what who are you like I mean they all come out of the woodwork don't they for their three seconds of fame okay so after you moved to LA to pursue your acting career is that where you were dating Cody Simpson yeah because that's the other rumor honestly so i no i okay i might have had a thing with

cody like one night a very long long time ago i was at a bar for valentine's day because my ex had just recently broken up with me and my girlfriends were like that's it it's valentine's day we're going out for a few drinks and this really cute blonde bought me a rose don't even yeah it was if only he knew if only he knew i have a thing with roses they just keep coming up in my life um so yeah he bought me a rose and then slow dance with me around mississippi in double bay and it was just like once it was like one of those things where you're like this is really cute and i was like who is this guy and then that was literally we ended up like staying like we were literally that was it it was just that one night um so you had a sleepover slumber

party we had a little sleep pillow fight we had an adult cuddle pillow fight um no but it was literally that was it and then this whole thing about knowing each other having a fling in LA and I'm like I've been to LA once for a week do you guys follow each other on Instagram no oh so what maybe he's broken up with Miley maybe I should ask him do you have a contract with channel 10 that guaranteed you to the final two no I'm gonna call bullshit on this one as well because like I know obviously Britain I know how contracts work with like the franchise and everything and like they're never going to guarantee someone to the final two who has no acting experience literally and can I just say I literally can't win because the first two weeks of the show coming out

apparently I had a pre-organized pact with Lockie and I had a contract that meant I was going to be with him until the end and one of the girls in the house apparently said that I told everyone that didn't happen but now the end of it I've got a contract that says I'm runner up so I can't win either way oh no you'll never win oh literally literally too soon way too soon wow okay sorry I thought I said you want to have some salt for that wound Bella's leaving now guys it was funnier in my head are you back on tinder no I've actually never had tinder I've never had tinder fucker you haven't lived I've never had bumble great it's the greatest experience of your life I um no I did I've been told about that rumor this morning and I know not me so sorry if

my fake tinder has been talking to anyone but it's yeah you'll get heaps of fake profiles my fake tinder talks to everyone they go to town so yeah you'll get that hopefully she's doing all right for herself um at least mine picked really good photos yeah so i have a fake tinder profile her name's mikaela but it's all my photos and mikaela likes jazz burlesque dancing and anal sex hell yeah she would be killing it on there she's having a great time yeah she sounds like a good time well the last question we want to know is we've seen some photos recently with our lovely young man named Nathan. No, I don't know if this is right.

Favaro. Favaro. Favaro. He's also a bachelor boy. He's ex-batchy. We've seen some pics. Attractive man. Are you seeing him, dating him, sleepovering with him?

Adult cuddles. Adult cuddles. No, we aren't dating. We're not in a relationship. But, yeah, he is. Don't look at me like that. Look at her. She's blushing.

you can phone a friend and get out of this one if you want dude don't give her an out there is no phone a friend she's like laura you are my friend and you just throw me into the fucking bus um no look i think i'm just like i'm open to things happening but he has been such a good egg um he's a sweetheart he's been helping me through a lot of shit the last like couple months so um yeah no i we aren't in a relationship shut up britney i'm just watching you squirm and i'm like should I jump in I'm like I haven't moved this whole time and now I'm like all of a sudden like Brittany's just jealous because she's not getting any at the moment don't worry talk about someone going too far well Bella on that you have literally answered every single question that we

have for you unless there's anything else that you want to drop a bomb on us with no nothing I mean until something else comes out tomorrow there can be another room you can come on to defunct it but thank you so much thank you so much for coming for being your authentic and wonderful self and sharing the absolutely crazy experience that it is being on the batch and also like congratulations for like keeping your shit together after what was a very brutal break at least in public anyway have i kept my shit together i think you've done really well considering considering the roller coaster that is being on the bachelor thank you for like having me on and just like being able to let me chat and say what has actually been

happening through this whole wicked experience so thank you okay so Bella to wrap it up we always do a suck and sweet we talk about the highlights and the low lights for the week it can be the craziest biggest thing I hope it's not yours it's like do with the bachelor because that's a pretty big thing but it can be ridiculous too so Laura do you want to start it I was gonna say I hope nothing worse has happened in your week like if you're like actually I have something that was way worse than being dumped on reality tv i'd be like okay you need to come have you not seen the beach shots of me like the paparazzi have been following me around and they choose the worst photo don't get used to it there's some paparazzi shots of me from when i was pregnant with marley

um and i was wearing a white bikini and i had laid in something that was like a bit dirty without realizing and so it looks like i have my full pubic hair on display except i don't have pubic hair so it's definitely not it but every single there's like a hundred comments on daily mail and people are like oh she really needs to sort a vagina everyone go google that please because it's worth it oh my god put the photo on our instagram I don't even care guys I've got a full train track of pubic hair so anytime you feel bad about your paparazzi shots I'm gonna send you that one yeah so my suck for the week is that my child is now possessed um I don't know what's happened I I think I'm attributing it to daycare and like change of routine I literally suck and

sweet I talk about Molly's daycare every single week um I'm sure they're doing a great job but she's come home possessed and she won't let me put her down she won't stop screaming she had her first full toddler tantrum yesterday where she lay on the ground on her back kicking and screaming her arms because she couldn't find a puzzle piece that she wanted yeah it's like it's it was intense I walked outside I was like girlfriend you need to sort your shit out like buster you've got this watcher and so I took her to daycare this morning at 7 30 because I was like somebody else needs to parent my child um so that has been my suck and my sweet for the week is that on Saturday night I got to go out for dinner for my girlfriend's birthday and I escaped I just escaped it was

so nice that sounds really lame but for any mums out there will know what a big deal that is I got to get away from Matt I couldn't get away from Marley and I went out and had a really beautiful dinner so that was my that's my sweet you deserve a wine yes I do but I didn't have one but I did deserve one thank god you deserve one in three months three and a half months three and a half months this baby's coming so soon it's actually scares the pants off me all right Brittany what is your suck my suck is that for some weird reason this weekend I've had chronic fatigue came out of nowhere hit me like a bus and I couldn't even walk in the door I have slept all day and I can't even sleep in the day i'm just gonna say we sound very dramatic on this i had chronic fatigue

undiagnosed she was tired okay so i'm actually diagnosed with something called neutropenia which is where you don't have enough white blood cells aka meaning you can't fight an infection so it gives me chronic fatigue so when my white blood cells drop you physically couldn't give me a million dollars to keep my eyes open so that's what it is so lol jokes on you fucking mic drop i love how funny you think you are my sweet would probably be i just came over this morning and laura gave me a log of that sounded so gross laura gave me a log of my favorite girl oh wow where do i get one of those a lot of my favorite cookie doughs from bennett street dairy it's like this famous cookie dough

all right ella you can have one too i've got two logs in the freezer oh my god yes she's logged up she's logged up so that was my sweet and it hasn't even happened yet like i haven't even eaten it Bella, what is your suck? Does being dumped on TV count? Yes. We'll let it slide, yeah. Having to like relive being dumped. You're basically being dumped twice.

But, I mean, aside from being dumped on TV, I mean. I feel like that wins. Does that win? Yeah. Okay. What was your sweet for the week? For someone who's had so many lows, what is it like now that you finally have your life back? Honestly, I feel invigorated.

but friday night i guess friday night would have to be my suite because i went out to a restaurant and just so happened that the owner of the restaurant um recognized and had actually watched me getting my heart broken on tv so he gave us a really nice bottle of champagne um and a couple shots and yeah it was a bottle of bourbon and then some vodka and then he also gave me a really bad hangover the next day but i'm sure don't hold it against him yeah but it was so sweet because he was just like you know i just he was like i'm sure you get this a lot but like you know I'm assuming this is your first night out and blah blah blah and I was like that's really sweet because he was like you know he was he was like I'm Greek and my son my

son is single and I was like classic Greek but it was really it was it was one of those moments where I was like okay like it's not all bad like it's you know it's only get better from here yeah it's been really nice so yeah but I mean if you ask me what my sweet is later this week I'd have to say coming on life uncut oh we didn't even get her to say that of course it is of course well thanks so much i'm getting that cookie dough log yeah yeah don't worry i bribed i bribed both of them with cookie dough logs cookie dough logs with cookie dough with a log with a log not a man anyways bella thank you so much for coming on the show we we love you we're so happy that you are free i mean i wish i could say that we're so happy that you're happy in love but

we're just happy that you're free and that you're able to now like live your life in a very authentic way and you can talk about everything and you just can be you again yeah which is something that I know you really you really miss for that period when you are in still purgatory of filming well guys thank you so much for listening to another episode of life uncut and if you haven't joined up to the facebook page then you know the drill it's life uncut podcast there's also life uncut podcast on instagram as well tell your mom tell your dad tell your brother tell your dog tell your cat tell everyone not to go on the bachelor jokes nah go on the bachelor sometimes it works out and share the love because we love love that's so cute i love that

We'll be right back.