Life Uncut - DIRTY CHEAT - Talking cheating & trusting your intuition. When to stay and when to walk away.

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

Get out your pitchforks because in this weeks episode we are talking cheating! Cheating hurts, it sucks, so why do so many people do it? In todays episode we unpack the complex reasons why people cheat and whether or not you can salvage your relationship if you have been rocked by infidelity.Thank you to our sponsor FRANK BODY who are the whiz bang geniuses behind Frank Face.Use code LIFEUNCUT15 for your 15% OFF when you spend $35 or more. Head to frankbody.comWANT MORE? Follow @lifeuncutpodcast xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. We're your two hosts, Brit and Laura, and we have a banger episode for you this week. Hi, guys. Hi, Brittany. Hi, I actually haven't seen you in two days. Oh, yeah, I know. You poor bastard. I mean, you poor thing.

You poor bastard. Who are you? I don't know. You're so bogan. What just happened then? Oh, I don't know. How's your week been? You know the drill.

Give me some stories. Guys, I'm going to be boring. It's the same as last week. Marley is slowly, slowly getting over this sickness. um she has been so clingy she's been trying to climb back into my womb for the last four days so yeah it's been a but is she improving at all yeah yeah she's heaps better i'm saying this like so nonchalantly she's so much better the only problem now is is that she's gotten into a routine of not sleeping so now she's awake all night all through the night every single night and i'm very

tired well and you told me that you didn't sleep at all last night but i've noticed actually you put some mascara on today so girlfriend i got my stuff all pretty for you laura gets in the car this morning and i'm like wow you look good you've got mascara on she's like have you got lipstick on for the morning show no i thought i thought she had filler i was like brit did you get filler in your lips and britney was like no god damn it i've just put lipstick on we're recording this at 8 30 in the morning so lipstick was you know and she's also wearing active wear so lipstick was an aggressive choice for the attire that she's wearing can i tell you sometimes i feel like i need a little extra jazz up because i live in scrubs or active wear as you know so i always

feel like a super plain jane so sometimes if i'm feeling fancy i put some lipstick on but every time i put lipstick on someone says to me have you had your lips done no i just put some makeup on i also like that because i've put mascara on for you today and literally nothing else you think that I put in some effort you're like it is so nice today that really shows how far I've slipped guys that's pretty far I've just seen you at your absolute best at your absolute worst I know I know both spectrums so there's a there's a lot of space in between guys there's a lot of space sometimes even Matt looks at me now and goes do you are you gonna get out of your pajamas today like no probably not actually do you know what I might tomorrow though I will shower and get back into

my pajamas though. Is that okay? But do you know what happened to me this week? So I never don't wear any makeup. I know you are always done up. And this is what you said to me last week. You said, so guys, we were in the car driving back from recording the podcast and Brit said, you know what, Laura, I haven't met a guy yet. So like, I can't just let myself go and look like you. That's what she said. That's super offensive, but also fair. So fair. No, you make me sound like a mole you were like I can't stop fake tanning I can't stop getting my hair done I can't stop and then you rattled off all the things that I clearly don't do anymore and I was just sitting there with like my super hairy legs chafing against each other and I was like oh okay because you know

what will happen to me it'll be the day that I go out where I'm like I just don't give a fuck anymore it'll be the day that I run into like Liam Hemsworth or something I just know my luck like I know what will happen but no when I say I don't ever not wear makeup I'll often not wear makeup but I mean, I will never wake up with nothing on my face and walk out. I will put a BB cream on. I'll happily walk around with a BB cream and nothing else. When I do, so I did this the other day and my flatmate walked in and I was like, I'm just going to be in my pajamas with nothing on my face. And every time I do it, someone says to me, oh, you don't look well. Are you sick? And I'm like, no, God damn it. I just don't have my makeup on. And I can, I'm sure people can relate. This

has to happen to other people. No, you have to just like set the benchmark low. So if you always look like shit and then every so often you go to an event or something and you actually put effort in people like oh my god you can look beautiful and it's really really great for the ego that's where I like to sort of start my day you're doing it reverse yeah I like to constantly be at this level of just possible like I could probably go out in public looking like that and then every so often really surprise and delight there she is that's what she used to look like but it's like my mum always told me my mum's always so well presented even after 42 years of marriage but her number one rule is that hey yeah you're not even married yet my mom's always like the number

one rule is it's not even about your face she's like wear nice underwear because you never know when a you might get lucky or b you might get in a car accident and the ambulance has to cut your clothes off and you don't want your bridget joneses on that was my mom's rule mrs hockley you little me but you know what always happens to if i've been i'm just like oversharing right now but This is my way of contraception, I guess. This is my way of contraception, guys. I feel like that Bridge just prefaced this conversation with something that you really shouldn't do.

Is prefaced a word? Prefaced or pre-faced. Pre-faced sounds like something you do in the bedroom. I pre-faced him. I didn't know I was going to tell this story until right now, but sometimes what I do is if I've been seeing somebody like if I've gone on a few dates but I don't want to sleep with them I make sure I wear really bad underwear so that even if I'm tempted I don't want to do it because I don't want them to see the underwear so that's what I'm like if I

do this it's not it's gonna make me not want it but then every time I do that is the time I'm like ah fuck it this is a terrible terrible contraception advice and I'm going to it's not real contraception yeah yeah well obviously I'm gonna put it out there guys if you're listening to this please don't do that. Please just take the pill or go on an IUD or something. Anyway, throw your Bridger Joneses out. Yeah. Oh, there is the condom. I mean, that's a safe one. Bloody great. Well, so anyway, onto today's topic, hey? Oh no, not yet. I still have something else I want to tell you. Oh, sure. So like I went to the movies last night. This is just something that happened, okay, last night. And as it happened, I was just laughing so hard inside. I want to know what you

think about this went to the movies you know how I mean I grew up in Port Macquarie you don't pre buy your tickets you don't get seats allocated to you you just go to the movies and sit where you want this is exactly what it was like when I grew up I grew up in Wollongong at Hoyt's it was like the only cinema and you just rocked up you would even just sneak in but now no no no no allocated seating okay so we get there by the way that's meat raffle for everyone that wants the update it was meat raffle you went on a date with meat raffle last night yeah I tried to call it off and it didn't happen and then we maybe maybe if you talk about how you tried to call it off on the podcast and then he listens to the podcast you can really drive that hint home

so you tried to break up with meat raffle i tried to just cool it off but then you went to the movies instead because that's effective well i realized he didn't actually get it because he's like hey like should we hang out and i was like oh fuck let's just go to the movies so i was going to the movies anyway on my own i i often okay laugh it up i often go to the movies on my own guys and i think that's fine do you think he might be getting some mixed messages why would you think that so i was like okay well i'm gonna go to the movies if you want to see the gentleman um and he was like yeah absolutely like and i'm like cool okay well now i don't have to see it by myself he actually said to me um do you often go to the movies on your own and i was like yeah and he's

like oh i just thought like weirdos did that and i was like well that's exactly right i am a weirdo I don't know why people are so against going to the movies on your own. I mean, I don't do it anymore because I don't go anywhere ever. Maybe you should actually. Like I said, I have a child trying to climb back up inside me. I'm never alone. But I used to go to the movies on my own all the time and people used to think it was weird. Yep, I love it.

I love it. No one talks to you. So we get to the movie and the movie was 6.45. I'm only telling you the timing so you can understand. The movie was 6.45 and we get there at 6.55 because it's always like 10 minutes of ads, so who cares? We get our ticket and there are so many seats spare, like so many. There's hardly anyone there. I guess it's a Thursday night. The movie has been out for weeks. People have seen it. We get our seats. We walk in. It's dark. The movie started. It started 10, 12 minutes ago.

We're like, let's just sit anywhere because there's literally 100 spare seats. So we just go off to the side and sit there is nobody around us then these two people they're probably 27 I can see them at the end of the aisle looking at their ticket and I was like no you surely not and they look up at us and they're like guys I think you're in our seats and I burst into laughter because there are a hundred seats around us and no I actually looked around like and I was like oh are we and he's like yeah like these are our numbers and I was like oh okay sorry we got all our stuff together because you know you set up at the movies you set up camp yeah you take your shoes off you put your feet on the seat in front of you I had sushi take your under your pants a

little bit so you can eat some more food I had to put my clothes back on so I had to do his pants back up we're already three quarters into the date so we get all our stuff together and I'm just in disbelief and we get up and i walk i make a point of it i walk one step to the row in front of us and walk back and sit back down my point was almost like you literally could have sat anywhere and you just made us move and i couldn't stop laughing and i thought this is absolutely ridiculous i wanted to know what you think about that so i think he had a right to come and ask me to move well yes because you were sitting in his seat so i think some people really fucking like rules like they love the rule they just love rules I think I said that wrong stick love for the rule

I said stick my mind is in one thing now and stick love for the rule so yeah some people just love rules and and breaking rules gives them like mad anxiety and so maybe this person was a real like oh my god someone's sitting in my seat there's a rule I then I'm gonna sit in somebody else's seat the world's anarchy how am I gonna cope so sometimes you just have to go okay people have their own issues and that's you know mr row three seat a's issues and we're gonna move along it was ridiculous anyway i just wanted to make a point i can't believe you brought that whole story to the podcast to ask me how i feel about seat allocations well it wasn't just to ask you that but i wanted to just tell you the story because i was a bit like what the actual fuck it was it

was like a funny scene from a movie like i thought it was a sick joke that was all how was the rest of the date with me raffle what i mean it was a movie you don't really talk so are you gonna try and break up with him again. Well, I don't have to break up with him. We're not together. We're just hanging out guys. Yeah. But if you try and break up with someone, then you go on a date, then what happens? Cause it's like you kind of reset again, right? So now you have to add the breakup again, or you have to get married. You know what? We're just going to have to buy a house. Let's just call it. It is what it is. Guys, before we get into today's episode, which is on cheating. So we've spoken about cheating a little bit throughout some of our

past episodes, but we've never done like a full breakdown or unpacking of cheating. And like realistically, like either you've done it, someone you've dated done it, your friends have done it. We're all can be assholes at different points in our life. Lots of people cheat. And that is definitely what we're going to be talking about today. But before we get into that, we want to talk about our unfiltered stories for you all. Accidentally unfiltered. And today we have a super special one because it's being brought to you by the woman herself Mrs Byrne. I used to have a teacher at school named Mrs Byrne and she was not very nice so anytime anyone calls me that makes me feel weird. Well Laura is bringing her own story to the table that she actually forgot

even happened to herself. This segment to the podcast kind of crept up on me and I didn't really realize it was going to become like a weekly thing and so I hadn't actually thought about all the dumb shit I've done in my own life and the accidentally unfiltered moments I've had so somebody actually wrote in with one of their stories and it then like snowballed me remembering all of these like really traumatic suppressed memories that I have and so I have I mean you don't have to bring them back to the surface if you don't want why are you trying to cut me open Brittany so this one is I mean this is so g-rated I feel like most of the accidentally unfiltered stories that we talk about on this podcast have been very relationship or sex-esque whereas this

one has to do with work so all right I'm just gonna just gonna roll right into it so before I I had Tony May I used to work in a very very corporate setting and I worked in a pharmaceutical company uh and I used to do all like the graphic design and rebranding of hearing aid clinics so like I know right what I'm trying not to laugh I don't know why who who am I what is that life That was Mrs. Byrne. That was Mrs. Byrne. Mrs. Byrne used to design logos and websites and packaging for hearing aids. Don't even ask me.

So I started this new company and I'd just taken on this account. So I had a whole heap of clients, like 60 different clients, and they were all the different practice managers from all the different hearing aid clinics throughout Australia. And the general manager had just done a massive CC email and been like, hey guys, introducing Laura. she's our new like marketing manager coordinator whatever I was at the time and she's going to be you know taking over these accounts and so I wrote this really like nice email I was trying to be super profesh because I hadn't really had a job like this before and I signed off my email to

60 new clients kind retards Laura Byrne like what well like it's spelt like a typo correct instead of kind regards i wrote kind retards kind retards like which i wouldn't even use that word ever in my life like it's such an inappropriate word it doesn't even register in my vocabulary oh my god what like put a bullet in my head i sent that to every and these are like these are audiologists these are very professional doctors and i sent them an email saying kind retards but can i ask when did you pick up that this had happened i picked because you would have sent it right and then not thought about it yeah and i also i also cc'd in the director of the company the ceo of the company

and the managing director of the company because i'm an idiot and so i didn't realize so i wrote back and said thank you retard for you i received an email back from one of my clients and that was the first email I received back and he wrote, that's not a very nice way to sign off. That's not a very nice thing to call us in our first meeting. Uh, but I look forward to meeting you in person. I was like, RIP me. I'm dead now. So obviously they got that it was a typo. You're not actually going to be like, yo motherfuckers can't read notes. See you at the fucking board room. So guys, that is my accidentally unfiltered. I have another one for you next week, which I think is also a cracker and really just highlights what an idiot I am. But I'm going to save that one

for next episode. Yeah, save those. I'm going to have to start thinking of more things I've done because I feel like I've buried a lot of stuff too. Yeah, just deep down in the pit of trauma, past trauma. All right, guys, let's get into the episode. So today, as we said, we're going to talk about cheating and what happens after you find out somebody you love has betrayed you. How do you deal with that how do you move on do you stay do you get mad do you get angry do you break things do you run do you burn his clothes on the front lawn oh my god yes you get freaking angry but also but what about the burning of the clothes i'd probably do that maybe control yourself a little bit i have this real theory that you shouldn't react to things when you're mad you need to like

just take a little bit of time calm down because your initial reaction to something is never your real feelings about a situation. So I remember once when I'm just going to jump straight into my cheating story. So my ex, my ex, who was really, he was really naughty guy. And he was the one guy who cheated on me like over and over and over again. And you know, I, you know, that's not naughty. That's just been a straight up asshole. Yes. Yes. I definitely called him that many times so um he had come we had been out on a night out and and he was he was just being really weird with his phone and i think that that's that's such a red flag right clingy phones like when they're they won't put their phone face up at dinner and they put their first phone down

you they kind of like angle it so you can't see who they're texting so he was doing all of like the very very obvious red flags and my intuition was like was that enjoyable that was so loud in my ears sorry as was my intuition very loud in my ears for me I confronted him and he denied and and obviously gaslighted me and told me how crazy I am and he we we continued the night but I was I was like really insecure in myself and like really really making myself super crazy anyway we got home and he had had so much to drink that night he was still texting someone and um and then he had like gone to sleep he'd gone to sleep on the floor next to the bed that's how how belligerent he was. And he'd put his phone on charge. And so I, at like three in the morning,

which is always a great time to snoop through your partner's phone when they're real, real deep in sleep. Once you've drugged them, that's the best time for you to go and put your commando clothes on, roll across the floor to the phone and go full psycho. I literally did. Yeah. Stage five, initiate stage five psycho. So I opened up his text messages and realized he was messaging this girl who he used to be with and he was an ex that's almost worse isn't it yeah well I didn't like you know we had not been together for that long at this point in time and he had actually gone through some pretty some pretty severe life stuff right when we got together his dad had passed away so I had put down a lot of his really bad behavior to the fact that he was going through

this emotional turmoil of course so I saw that he had written these messages and she was writing back and it was super flirty and really, really inappropriate. And so I got up and kicked him as hard as I could in the ribs. In his sleep. Yeah. Get them when they're down, Laura, get them when they're down. So my advice to you is that if you find out someone is cheating on you, don't react immediately because that is not like that anger and that intensity is not actually indicative of how you really feel. Yes. You've got to be so freaking angry, but once that anger subsides, it's usually more sadness or it's, there's other feelings that kind of take place. And you know what? Physical abuse is never the answer. No, I feel like physical abuse when they're drugged

is endlessly, it's a step too far. But I, um, I know that when I found out once of the many times that I was cheated on, I, um, I reacted really quickly as well. Um, and I, I just want, I just was like, I just wanted to let the anger out. So I just picked up a glass and just like smashed it on the ground and that was it and I was like oh that feels better at least you didn't throw it at him that's a better solution yeah I probably should have no you shouldn't have that's exactly what I'm getting at I mean you guys know my cheating story um episode three if you are new to the podcast episode three so I dated a sociopath it's an interesting story um I can say it's interesting now because I've dealt with it um it's pretty messed up if you listen but obviously I was

like horrifically cheated on with someone in that had a double life for years it doesn't get you yeah you don't get much more cheated on than somebody who's like got a full-on family and a life and like a fucking kid a house a car what but there were so many signs as well and uh we're gonna speak about this like listening to your gut instinct because it's always right i knew like there were so many signs do you know there was this one time at his house i found like women woman's clothes guys you guys are gonna think i'm so dumb but i promise you it's like in the situation if you've ever been there you'll understand they were hanging up they weren't even like hidden they were just in his closet hanging up ironed they're beautiful clothes I went down

for the weekend to his house and I remember saying what what are these clothes like whose are these clothes and you can in hindsight I look back there was always this one second one split second on his face before he composed himself and he got his story in his head but he never panicked he was so good and he said that oh i just i literally found they were my ex-girlfriends because he had a really big house he's like they're my ex-partners um and i just found them and i thought i'd hang them up because i'm gonna end up sending them back to her so they're just they're just there so that they're not a crumpled ball and i was like oh he's good he's so good he's so good and i was like that's so nice of you like you're sending back your ex-girlfriends i was like i

would love my ex to do that what a nice guy you didn't set them on fire happened all the time Wow. I think that that's like a really interesting story that you brought to the table. And also that you say that you were crazy or like that it's crazy that you put up with that sort of behavior, that you weren't more suspicious of it at the time. But I think what we do when we're in that situation and when we're being cheated on, and even when our intuition is going like something is wrong here, you want to believe the person that you love. And if you're not someone who innately is going to like lie through their teeth and like add their asshole, then you wouldn't suspected of someone else. So you almost completely question your whole sense of self before you

actually think maybe they've done the wrong thing. Maybe they, maybe they are cheating on me. Maybe I'm being gaslighted. Like those, those thoughts, you have them, but you also don't want to sound like a fucking crazy person either. Of course. And I guess the thing with me is, and probably a lot of people, but if I can't trust someone, I'm not going to be with them. It's as simple as that. So if I wasn't going to believe what he said, I was going to walk, turn around and walk out the door I knew deep down for sure nothing was right but because I wanted to be with him so badly and I wanted to end up with him and have my fairy tale I chose to believe him I just I was like I'm gonna I want this I want it to work out so I'm gonna choose to believe him because if I

choose not to I know that's the end for me so I just I brushed it to the side and I made the choice and it was a silly in hindsight but I was I was new to the cheating world I didn't know how bad and how prevalent it was so now I know I just would never put up with that now but I guess that's how you learn from this shitty situation absolutely and also cheating is so diverse like it's hard to kind of talk about it as a topic and as one single thing because there are so many shades to what constitutes cheating there's so many reasons why people cheat sometimes people cheat because of insecurity or they need attention or there's something wrong in their relationship and they're trying to fill a hole but sometimes people just cheat because they wanted to and like everything's

fine in their relationship but they like the thrill of it or the temptation was there or it was opportunistic like there's so many reasons and there's definitely some reasons that are like better I would rather you cheat on me like this than cheat on me like that and so I think it's almost difficult to cover the whole complexity of what cheating is yeah not all cheating is created equal some of you might listen to that right now and straight away be taken aback and be like well you know that's not true cheating's cheating and it cheating cheating's cheating in the sense of it fucking sucks and you don't deserve it but there are levels like Laura was just saying is it a once-off was it just one drunken night um was he not in control of his body whatever I'm not

saying that this is an excuse but there's a difference between a once-off and someone that's been having a two-year affair with somebody and created another life with them like there is a big difference. And I think the first thing to do when you find out that your partner has been unfaithful, A, take a deep breath, don't kick him in the ribs, but take a deep breath and just think it through for a second. And the first thing to do is, I guess, find out, find out what level of cheating it has been. And I also think in this that some people can repair relationships where cheating has occurred because as a, as a person, they, they're able to sort of like compartmentalize things and it's not going to drive them freaking crazy. But then there are other types and

personality types where if cheating on any level has occurred and that trust is broken, it's going to drive them insane, like totally insane where they're checking the person's phone and the trust can never be rebuilt. So I think you need to know yourself and also know how you're going to react to this situation, because if it makes you so crazy that you now are checking their phone all the time which is exactly what it did to me so deep like i was i was so deep in his phone yeah you don't want to be that person that makes you such a level of crazy and it makes you somebody that you don't want to be at all that the relationship is not worth it yeah it's just not and you did go full psycho once let's talk about that in a few points down but i went she went full

psycho she went more psycho than camouflaging herself in her room and kicking him in the room I pretty much did that. So I was telling Brittany about this in the car and Brittany was like, who are you? I literally said, who the fuck are you? Who are you? You're not who you are now. Guys, I'm the winner of The Bachelor.

Fuck you, Brittany. If only Matt knew what he got himself in for. Yeah, you probably would have been first out the door. He would have been like, thank you, next. I'm really good at hiding my crazy guys. Okay, so look, find out what level of cheating he is, whether you go straight to him and ask him, whether you maybe a friend told you or maybe someone knows but i think it's important to

establish that then you need to make the decision do you stay or do you go do you want to work it out or do you just want to be like get out i think before before like making a decision just to jump back to your point like one second ago where you've said you need to define what type of cheating it is i also think that there is a lot of merit in someone coming clean and being like this happened and having that conversation as opposed to you finding out and them trying to like downplay it or lie about the details there's a massive difference in that so if someone has come to you with true remorse and they're having that conversation with you I think you have a much better chance of fixing that relationship than if you find text messages in his phone he's

like I don't know what you're talking about and then you uncover a little bit more and he's like oh okay well this happened and you keep getting the mildest version of the story because he's keep trying to downplay it I think that that's the situation where when someone doesn't take responsibility that it makes it really hard to actually overcome yeah there are so many variables so you have to take those things into account before you can decide whether you're going to stay whether you're going to go whether you're going to run for the goddamn hills I mean only you are going to know in that moment how you feel if you can recover from it um how honest he's been can you trust that everything he's saying so of course I would rather if my partner was cheating

on me i'd rather him come to me and say i can't even sleep at night because of what i've done and i want to tell you i don't want to be honest i would rather him come to me and say that and we deal with it than me finding out all these messages or like girls clothes under the bed or whatever i would rather him cheat on me and say i've done this and i want to do everything i can to to fix it i was doing a bit of research for this podcast because you know guys i love that we read up in order to bring you out very well-educated views on this stuff there is a lot of chat in different articles and from different psychologists regarding this concept of when a guy or a girl comes forward and and tells you what they've done the the theory behind it is kind of a bit fence-sitting it's like

yes it's nice to like in in emotional theory to think that a guy coming forward and being like hey i did this i'm never gonna do it again and i want to tell you about it because i i can't live with myself. It's almost like it's, it's selfish of them to tell you that because they're only telling you that to absolve themselves of the guilt. And then they're passing on that hurt to you. And I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know if Matt cheated on me once, he was never going to do it again because like, maybe he went out, maybe he was in Vegas and he kissed some chick on a night on the dance floor and he doesn't have a number. It was a drunk, stupid night. I don't want to know about it. Don't tell me like, don't come to me because you're so guilt ridden

and then burden me with that and then our relationship is screwed because you made a stupid decision just never do it again and never talk to me about it I get that but what if I mean that's like another country no one else is around it's never gonna get back to you but what if these people that are coming to them are because they think okay there is a high chance that my partner can find out what's happened and I'd rather it come from me different case totally different case like I'm not saying that I want that to go and cheat on me but I'm saying if he made a really dumb decision one night and he's never going to do it again i don't want to know about it because i don't want our relationship to be ruined over something that's never going to happen again

i don't think i would want to know either if i was in that situation i can say that if it's a one-off and it's not like take that shit to the grave boy fuck it's a hard one isn't it it's so hard i know i say this and then i think at the same time but i also don't want to be lied to exactly and then you're like and i don't want to be with someone that does that like fucking where's the happy medium well that's just it so interesting from the australian bureau of statistics on this sexual census 44 of people have said that they have cheated so imagine sitting i reckon that number's way higher because imagine sitting next to your partner doing the census and being like oh i cheated like ain't not everybody is being honest in that so i'm gonna say at a guess let's

say at least 50 of people have cheated which means that every relationship someone has cheated I love that they did a sexual census anyway like who thought to do that who thought to like let's just do a census on sex I think it's more about people's sexual identities not like anal whoa you always go to anal like it's like a subliminal message um I would I am surprised by that did you say 44% it's 44% 44% of people have identified that they have cheated in a relationship not necessarily the relationship that they're in at that point in time but they have in the past I actually would agree with you I would have had a guess that it was at least 50% which if you think about it if 50% of people have cheated and every single person's in a relationship where they're

like my partner would never ever cheat on me this would never happen to me well there's a lot of people who are getting cheated on that don't realize I also wonder though if I think a lot of people that have cheated in their life have cheated when they were young like teenagers or and I think a lot of that would come from that because I don't want to put not everyone's bad not all men and women cheat but I think yeah probably a lot of people have done that in if you if the census is have you ever cheated in your life then yeah I think it would be like 70% because there'd be so many 16, 17, 18, 19 year olds where it's a youthful relationship um it's it's you're gonna move on and grow up and learn. I think even for myself like I have made some

pretty stupid decisions in past relationships where I have cheated usually because I have felt like I have not been loved enough or respected enough in the relationship. And it was almost revenge cheating, I guess, but I have never and would never ever cheat in my relationship now because I understand and fully, fully am aware of the damage that it occurs that it produces because I have been in that situation before. So I do think that people learn from the mistakes that they make and they can be better from it so that's an interesting point as well that you said you know there were reasons for your cheating that might not have been necessarily like you're not in love anymore and want to hurt the person but you didn't feel loved or wanted so i think

if this has happened in your relationship it's really important to establish a why why absolutely i also think that cheating sometimes as another why reason sometimes people use cheating as like a coward's way of getting out of the relationship if they're not happy anymore and they feel like the relationship has sort of run its course instead of putting on their big boy or big girl panties and having that conversation it's almost like self-sabotaging it's like going to a job that you don't that you don't like imagine hating your job and so you rock up late every day you're not doing it intentionally because you want to get fired you're just doing it because you don't care right so you don't care anymore about your job so people who are at that

point in their relationship where they've totally mentally checked out they just don't care so if they're cheating and maybe they're not doing it as like a really conscious way of getting out of the relationship but their behavior is that it all results in the same thing anyway right they're just it's like a really cowardice way of going i'm not in this anymore whatever i don't care but then there's also people who cheat because there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship and they're not getting something that they need. But I do think that sometimes you can still overcome that cheating. I think depending on how or why or where it's happened, usually if one person is unhappy, the other person knows about it. And so maybe, maybe that happening, maybe that

cheating brings to light the issues and allows for like a really raw and authentic conversation about what is wrong in the relationship and they can both grow together from that and be more committed and work it out. I mean, I know maybe it would make me a bit crazy, but that's not to say that some relationships don't work out after cheating. No. And there are a lot of statistics that loads of relationships can be actually stronger after the fact of infidelity because there are these reasons that people haven't wanted to discuss with each other. And that's what they're doing. They're just going out to fix something on their own instead of fixing it in the relationship. And once they actually confront the issue, they go and see

therapy or counseling and they talk it through together, they end up better than ever. I mean, it brings all the junk to the surface, doesn't it? But the reality of it is that the only way that that is going to survive is if one, the person who cheated is totally remorseful for it, like beyond remorseful. And both people sort of show up and really, really want to be committed to the relationship still from what I've read and experienced myself and with my friends and people I know and the research we've done there are usually two main main there's a lot of reasons people cheat I'm saying two big reasons one is the fact that they want out but they can't do it themselves like you said put your big boy or girl panties on but they want out so what they do is

do everything they can to make their partner break up with them they push them to the point where their partner's like, I can't do it anymore. So they are like, oh, okay, well she broke up with me and that's my easy out. That is one huge reason. The other reason is people are not feeling loved, wanted, validated, cared for in their relationship. They're not getting the attention they need, whether that's because you're busy, whether that's because our relationship has gone on for five years and it's monotonous and it's comfortable. Lost its little sparkle. yeah so people feel like all of a sudden they get attention from somebody else and we're humans people love that so that's what they do they go to find they don't necessarily not want to be with

their partner but they're just finding what they need to stay in that relationship and they're finding that elsewhere just to like sort of jump onto like another aspect of cheating um i really want to kind of touch on social media and how i think in this day and age social media has made cheating so much easier like it's so much easier to meet and connect with people and to emotionally cheat just via text messages or to actually physically cheat and meet up with people however social media has also made it so much easier to catch your partner out because back in the day you know like if your partner said he was going on a work trip and then came home the only thing that you could go off would maybe be like a little bit of cologne like a little bit

of perfume and some receipts in his wallet. Whereas now that boy got a whole digital trail that you can hack into and get real crazy over. Absolutely. It's, it's, it's hard because social media, I mean, we'll probably talk about it on almost every episode because it is such a huge part of our life. It's your personal life, private life, business life. You cannot escape it. Well, it's an extension of who you are, right? We use social media as a platform to showcase the best bits of our life. And so for example, if your boyfriend's not posting photos of you or they're being super shady with their social media, then why do you not classify as a part of their best parts of their life? So that's going to like then bring on those alarm bells and it's going to bring

on the red flags, you know, and that sort of like intuition feeling of something is not right here. Do you think that you should have, I know, actually, I know your answer, access to your partner's passwords for everything? Because I feel like I don't know how I feel about this. No, I don't think that it's necessary to have access to your partner's passwords for everything and i i am so against looking through your partner's phone like don't get me wrong i think that if you have gotten to a point in your relationship and i know that a lot of us have done it where you're going into their private personal messages and and some people do it ritual like ritually i used to do this every single time my ex-boyfriend left his phone down i would go

through his messages like have breakfast brush your teeth go through your boyfriend's messages every day literally yes coffee poo check his messages every single day in that order but I did it because I didn't trust him he had proven to me time and time again and I had become so so crazy in that relationship that it had become routine for me to to check on his behavior and so I never ever want to be that person again like that was a that was a really really dark crazy hole that I got into but I did need someone who was who was open about their social media and their phone and stuff and so i know i've talked about how matt and i have an open phone policy a little bit before it's not i don't mean like an open phone policy where i'm crazy with him and i'm

like give me your phone i want to go through your messages i just mean the phones are there we know each other's passwords like we don't hide anything from each other if he is on the phone and he needs me to send text message he'll be like hey babe can you send this text message or can you get this photo or because he's not worried that you're going to open it and see shirley message damn old shells what he's my nana my nana's been messaging him god she's always trying to cut my grass so frisky little nana but I mean so this is the story that we talked about at the beginning when I was in this past relationship I got so crazy to the point that I had created fake Instagram accounts so that I could access people who my ex-boyfriend was following who were on

private and like I made like a really like benign Bondi view or something or Bondi sunset this was my Instagram profile and I had I had gone to the whole extent of having like photos of Bondi so that it had some content so it didn't just look like a troll account there would be like a new girl that would pop up on his Instagram who he just met out of nowhere and I would be like okay who's this girl where did she come from and so then I would with this secret account go and request her oh my god this is so crazy I'm like sounding crazy and crazy by the second I would go and request her so that I could have access to her private profile and she would normally accept because obviously I had lovely photos of Bondi and who doesn't love Bondi and then I would be

able to see what she was posting one of the times when this was actually the full unraveling of our relationship this girl had been posting photos with my boyfriend they like he'd been doing the dirty on me and and that's how you found out and that's how i found out because he was so good at hiding and manipulating a gas ladding that it took me getting so damn crazy to find the proof and the justification that actually that feeling that you get that intuition that is absolutely never wrong was once again never wrong but i needed the proof your craziness was warranted because you you deep down you knew but you just wanted the proof and that was for you the only way to get it which brings us back full circle you just can't cheat with social media anymore totally like this is a

point I think that's important is like if someone's making you feel crazy super super crazy and you know that you're not normally like that in a relationship I'm I'm so certain that that is your body telling you that something is wrong because if you know that you're not normally that person and all of a sudden you're acting in a way that's just insane you need to get out because you're being lied to you're being gaslighted there is a that is your that is your body's physical response trying to warn you that you're in a dangerous situation but instead we like to ignore it and we create fake profiles and you know what the best way actually I don't know why I'm sharing my secrets no but the best thing to look at is tagged photos of people it's the

biggest giveaway because people share what they want to share but if you go into tagged photos It's what other people are tagging of them that often they might not even know that they're in or they've forgotten that they're in. Britt has this secret because when we were talking about maths the other day, Britt was over at our house and we were talking about maths and Matt had said, oh, if you want to find out about the contestants, you've just got to look at their tagged photos because that's what they're really like as people.

And both of us were like, oh, my God, you're a genius. Actually, Matt was imparting full stalker knowledge. I was like, you have been a stalker in your past because he was like, look, now you can i've gone into her tagged photos and now i can see that she's been tagged in this and this person's arm if you click on their photo they've posted this as well they're definitely together and i was like whoa matt that was so stalkerville this is why we are so good together because he totally understands my level of crazy because i feel like he was equally as crazy in the past okay we've discovered that they're cheating let's let's move on to the next section we've

discovered that they're cheating first of all you need to decide are you going to work through it and stay or are you going to leave? Because you need to know that if you're going to stay, you have to accept that and you cannot hold that over your partner's head for the rest of your relationship. There's no point. If you're going to stay, you need to be able to work through it, trust them, accept it and move on. You can't be throwing it back in their face. Yeah. I think it's really, really toxic to keep on bringing up the past. I mean, you are entitled to take some time to get over it. Absolutely. And your partner needs to give you that time and be dedicated to helping you work through it. But there absolutely comes a point

where once you have worked through the junk and they have proven that they are trustworthy and they're never going to do it again, you've got to leave that shit in the past. Absolutely, or it's just going to crumble and implode later on. So maybe you need to do that. Maybe you can go to therapy together, which doesn't have the stigma that it used to.

So many people, individuals and couples go to therapy together now and it's not what it used to be. Also, sometimes therapy is really good for uncoupling and it makes you talk about the things and actually break up in a really healthy way as well. That was a Gwyneth Paltrow. She's the one that made uncoupling. When she released her divorce statement, she said, we have uncoupled.

And that was like what made that term famous around the world. Ah, yes. The wise words of Gwyneth Paltrow. I hope my vagina smells like flowers as well. No, a candle. Yeah, her candle vagina actually just smells like flowers. You actually love her secretly, don't you? I secretly love her, yeah.

But I'm saying this because from personal experience, I went to couples therapy with my cheating ass ex. I didn't know that. yeah we went to couples therapy it was not a positive experience for us but that was also because I just needed affirmation of how bad it was and I needed I needed to work through what I was going through with somebody to help me break up with him because I was so so dependent like it was a it was a very very toxic and very unhealthy you almost need a third party unbiased opinion to say no like you're allowed to feel like this and think this and um this is not a good relationship. Totally. And the therapist made it really, really clear to me that the issues that

I had, which were the result of his behavior, but they were totally my issues because I kept on choosing to stay, were something that I had to choose to get over. And I knew, hands down, I was never going to not be crazy in that relationship. I was always going to be a total insane person. So I had to leave. If you decide to break up and leave, leave. Don't keep sleeping with him or her don't let it go on and drag on it's not healthy make your decision to be really real with yourself if you're going through if cheating has like rocked your relationship and rock the foundations of what you believed in and the trust that you have it's man that that shit it hurts so bad it hurts so much and sometimes if you have chosen to break up with someone

it might seem like it's easier just to get back with them because getting back with them will get rid of that pain, you know, that pain that you have to go through. But on the other hand, jumping back into a relationship where nothing's changed or jumping back into a relationship with someone who has lied about it or gaslighted or downplayed the cheating that they've done, nothing will ever change and you'll be in this exact situation again down the track. So I think you really, really, really have to sit in that hurt sometimes and work through that in order to get past it and to better yourself for your next relationship where you will be really acutely aware and be like a bit more switched on to that sort of behavior i think yep you're

going to be so emotional and you're going to have to just ride the wave ride the emotional wave have the anger sit in the pain feel it cry it out smash something do whatever you want to do but ride it out be on your own and start the healing process because you're never going to get into another relationship that will be positive and healthy if you're holding on to that anger and hurt from the past. So I think be alone for a while and recover. Like we said, there's no hard and fast way as to how to deal with cheating. It is such an incredibly complex and hurtful thing to happen to a relationship. We both agree that there are some relationships that can really overcome it and they can really be better from it. But if you can't overcome that lack of

trust and the betrayal, the betrayal, which is the biggest part of it, then there does come a point where you just have to walk away and you have to do what's right for you. I think that's a pretty solid wrap on cheating. Guys, don't cheat on each other because that is shit. Stay faithful, lovers. So guys, now it's time for our favourite part of the episode

and that is suck and sweet. And that is when we bring you guys our highlights and our lowlights of this week. Brittany, you can kick it off with your suck, baby girl. Okay, I went to the movies last night. I already told you that. Before I went to the movies, I was going to get a piece of sushi from the sushi shop.

And there were, you know, it was quite late at night. There wasn't a lot there. So this is also my suck and my sweet. It's the same thing. There wasn't a lot of sushi left. There were like three different boxes. And there was one girl on the phone in front of me, sort of walking up and down the counter,

looking at the sushi that's left. And I could sort of hear her describing different sushis to someone. she was obviously picking it up for somebody saying like what do you want and she was just standing there on the phone i didn't really listen to the conversation so i went up to the counter and i said hey can i grab that box down there it was the last sushi box left and she gives it to me and then the girl on the phone gives me the biggest greasy like i had just cut her legs off and she's and you did you cut her sushi grass and then i could hear her on the phone saying oh forget it the girl behind the girl behind me just took it and she said she said that on the

phone but directed at me and I looked at her and I was like oh my god like I'm so sorry I didn't know that you wanted the sushi and because I can't read your goddamn mind well I was I apologized to her and then I was like actually you know what I am sorry but this looks delicious and I'm gonna love it so I'm not sorry and that was what I said to her and she looked at me with the biggest greasy and meat raffle was like what the hell that girl is so nasty and I was like I know and it's like and why on earth did I apologize to her so then I took the sushi smiled at her I was like have a day so that was your suck and my sweet too because i got the sushi savage i love it how is that your suck and your sweet for the whole week

was i don't know i didn't really do much else yeah i guess actually mine i i honestly made you go first because i don't even know what my suck and my sweet is for the week well i just wanted to make it more of a light-hearted like we all go through our hard times during the week but i just wanted to make that a light-hearted suck and sweet well my suck okay so my suck is still definitely that Marley's been sick and that she's not sleeping and we've had a massive massive sleep regression that is my suck my sweet for the week is you dressed matching like a tonal safari outfit and I love it it's all neutrals I am very very neutral and you put mascara on that's your sweet isn't that that's such a pathetic sweet surely okay so no I'm gonna I'm gonna get serious with

this guys because i haven't spoken about it yet in this episode maths what the actual f okay so maths i don't remember the first few episodes being so long and so boring oh you're not into it i've i've like skipped i have skimmed i've skimmed the hell out of this this series so far it's a big call from you it's it's so much commitment of time and also i'm just i'm ready for the i'm ready for the cock no the cocktail parties that's bachelor i'm ready for the dinner parties i'm ready for the scandal i know that makes me sick for the drama but like i'm ah i'm just not here for it you froth reality tv drama so that was not a suck or a sweet really that was a total fence sit but this week has been so average like i've not left the house

and it's just been a bit of a flat week well i think that's fine maths can be your second suite next week i'm going to townsville though so that is going to be my suite are you i've got a good Yeah, sorry, I'm telling you now. We're going to have to change our recording date because I'm going to Townsville. I'm like, are you? My eyes are really wide because I'm just like replaying my week. I'm like, oh, great. Okay.

I'm going to Townsville next weekend. Sorry, next. It'll be fine. We're going to have time to record this. We'll work it out. It's another midnight recording. But guys, thank you so much. That's the end of our episode.

We hope you learned something. And I also want to shout out to all you amazing humans that got us to 2,000 reviews. Oh my God, you guys are freaking legends. On the last episode, Brittany basically begged you all to leave reviews. and you are queens because not only did you go and like leave us five star reviews but you wrote some of the absolute best like heartfelt reviews for us and we've read them all and we've been screenshotting them sending them to each other because we really needed the ego boost this week and we fucking love you all you're the best no we really really do appreciate it we love every

single one we read every single one and i don't know if you guys know if you're not in the podcast world the reviews and the five star ratings it's actually what helps little podcasts like this grow which is why we bang on about it because you guys might not actually know that but that's what helps keep us in your ear holes but it's what helps us penetrate your mind so whatever um guys also as you know we do an episode every week could ask uncut that's our bonus episode where we answer your deep dark and dirty questions that you send us so please if you have any questions, jump onto our Instagram at lifeuncutpodcast, slide into our DMs. You can ask us whatever the hell you want, because we are a judgment-free zone and we are here to bring you

our enthusiastic advice on life stuff. So send us those questions. We're going to pick out some more and we're going to do next week's episode. We're going to record that in a couple of days. So yeah, send us whatever, whatever questions you have and we will provide you with some answers. Yep. And then on your way out the door, hit five stars, subscribe, tell your friend and remember, Share the love. Because we love love. Yeah. Stop.

We'll be right back.