Life Uncut - (Don't) Give it to me baby! Childless by choice with Girls Gotta Eat

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

Give it to me baby! Or not! Unpacking childless by choice with Girls Gotta EatHappy Tuesday Lifers! You're getting two for the price of one today (despite both actually being free)!!Today we are joined by the HILARIOUS Ashley and Rayna from Girls Gotta Eat podcast!Their monstrous pod has a similar vibe to life uncut, where they unpack relationships and dating in New York city!In this chat we talk about both Ashley and Rayna's decision of not wanting to have children.Being childless by choice is something that comes with a lot of stigma. It can be viewed as selfish or like you're not living up to what a woman 'should do' in societal norms.We unpack what led them to making up their minds on children, how it impacts dating and how people have responded to it.We also chat about Rayna's breast reduction and dating in NYC!The girls are just as funny as it comes! You can check out all of their stuff here: https://www.girlsgottaeatpodcast.com/We kick this episode off with some chat about Kim and Kanye's very public brawl over parenting.If you love the episode, share it with someone you love and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi you guys and welcome back to another episode of Life on Part, I'm Brittany and I'm Laura and we're doing this recording via Zoom. It feels like the old days, it feels like COVID times, but not because anyone has COVID. It is because I'm currently in Brisbane and Britt is currently sitting in my apartment. Well, it's now my apartment. It's so weird. It's time to let it go. Actually, so many people, Laura, which I find so strange, have messaged me and said,

this is weird. Like in the back of my story, this sounds weird, but are you at Laura's old house? I feel like I recognize that from her stories. And I was like, wow, people are so observant. It's also a very like easily distinguishable kitchen. like the kitchen is black which I think is kind of very unusual so I don't know but just I when I called up I'm facetiming her right now when I called up she like did a pan of the apartment how she's laid everything out and it just weirds me out it weirds me I still haven't been there since

you've got all your new stuff and everything else in it so you know when you get into a new house you don't know like the oven and the cooktop and you don't know how everything works I haven't cooked in so long my oven at my old place broke and I was so busy and lazy that I didn't fix it I just use my air fryer because air fryer is God. I've come here and I've started to use the oven and I wanted to cook one thing. So I actually, I didn't tell you this. I've got a photo of it.

But for radio on Saturday, I cooked the first thing and I baked us all the best cookies, like huge, big, chunky cookies. They're amazing. Like from Dairy, the cafe in Bondi. If you guys haven't gone online and bought Bennett Street Dairy yet, this is not even a paid promotion.

Just go and do yourself a favor and go and get their cookie dough because it is messed up good. Anyway, I only put in for 10 bloody minutes and I couldn't even snap them. They were black. They were like solid. I couldn't even, it was insane.

I was like, wow, I'm really going to have to work with this oven. I felt like I could have just waved the cookie dough past the oven and it would have caught. The amount of times I've decimated Bennett Street cookie dough because it only takes seven minutes. Put that in your timer. Remember it.

Seven minutes for the perfect cookies. I'm glad that I could help you on this episode. Okay. Anyway, guys, I am recording this from Matt's mum's bedroom. I'm currently in Brisbane in Kenmore. we're just we're kind of waiting here for a day until we make it to stradbroke island we've flown up here for matt's mom's 70th birthday and this is to try and make up the covid christmas that we all had how we were wiped out and we weren't able to actually make it to brisbane you didn't

actually get a christmas we didn't get a christmas we were stuck inside of christmas okay so we got onto the plane everything was seemingly fine when we got onto the plane and then all hell broke loose we were that family with two kids who were fucking screaming like they screamed the whole way especially Lola and I thought that it was just her ears that had gone well it was that but it was also the fact that she has gastro and we brought gastro on holidays with us to Brisbane you also probably gave the whole plane gastro and the headache that's what you've done I think so do you know you're that family you're that family that when you're already on the plane you're sitting and everyone's getting on you know when the family gets on and they're walking you're

like, please don't sit next to me. Please don't sit. Don't sit in front of me. Don't sit behind me. I need a three row radius. You're like, don't sit anywhere on this plane. People who have kids, like parents who have kids are so understanding of it. Anybody who's been there and done it before, they get it. Whereas I know what I was like prior to having my own children. I was that person. I was like, oh fuck, I don't want to be around you and your screaming children. But what I think people need to come to realize is that airplanes, airplanes are just public transport of the sky. You wouldn't be that annoyed if someone was on a bus. That was so deep, Laura.

Yes, you would be equally as annoyed if you were on a bus. But the difference is you can't get off a plane. True. You can get off a bus, wait two minutes to get the next bus. True. But, like, kids have to travel too. What am I going to do with them? Anyway.

Can we just take that quote from Laura? Planes are like public transport in the sky. Wow. You heard it here first, guys. It's bloody true. Okay. Nobody feels as stressed out on those planes as the parents. Like Matt and I were sitting there. Lola was, I'm not even exaggerating. It was like she was possessed. Her back was arched over. She was like flailing her arms around screaming red in the face to the point where

she kicked Marley in the head. Then Marley started screaming. Matt and I both just started laughing because we were like, what even is this? Like, what do you do? But nobody feels as bad as the parents of those children, like nobody else on that flight. The thing is, I totally get it. And I don't hate on the family at all. I feel for that family. I've got nieces and nephews. I've been around a lot of kids. I know that there is no part of you that is trying to make that happen or that wants that and is not embarrassed. That still doesn't mean I want you to sit anywhere near me. Well, actually, this is a pretty good segue into the whole conversation that we're having today. We have a freaking awesome episode for you. We are interviewing two of our absolute

favorites and that is Girls Gotta Eat. They're an American US podcast. We had them on the podcast. How long ago was it? Like a year ago? It was literally, no, it was like our two-year anniversary that we had them on. They were one of our initial guests back in the day. They're OGs. So Raina and Ashley have an absolutely boss podcast. They're always in the top 10 in the US, which, you know, when you think about that in comparison to Australia and the amount of people that are there, they are getting millions and millions and millions of downloads a month. but the conversation that we wanted to have and revisit with them is something a little bit different to what we've spoken about in the past well the first conversation we have is with Raina

around her breast reduction yeah Raina had some pretty big titties yeah and she you know you hear so much about people getting breast implants or cosmetic surgery to enhance their boobs but this was a conversation around the reason why she wanted to reduce her breasts especially when having big boobs had become such a major part of her identity and her sexuality and secondly to that we talk about something that both Raina and Ashley speak so well about and that is Childless by Choice. Now the reason why we wanted to unpack this is because we think it's so important and we wanted to do it in the most sensitive way because obviously there are so many women out there who desperately want to have children who aren't able to. There's also women out there who have made a

very conscious decision that they don't want to have children and it doesn't align with the things that they want in their life and society in the past has said that those women must be selfish or there's been this real sort of push or thought that well if you make that decision in your 30s you're definitely going to change your mind or you're going to come to regret it and I think it's so important to unpack and to also to validate everybody's decisions around having kids and that as women there is not just one purpose that we have in life you can choose many many different options for yourself now and that all of those things have value and your life has value regardless of whether you procreate or not their podcast in general if you haven't listened to it give it a

listen because it is like ours it's an unfiltered relationships and dating podcast but they're on steroids it's like life uncut on steroids they're so unfiltered they're so fucking funny there's no holds bars when it comes to things about sex like you guys think we sometimes go a bit too far we don't go far enough it was such a great chat to get these girls on because they do speak so openly about it and for me myself I'm 34 you guys know if you've been following my journey for a while that I froze my eggs last year because I'm not in a situation to be having kids yet I'm not ready to have kids yet I don't know if I want to have kids yet and that's the bottom line it's a constant internal battle for me I genuinely don't know if I want them it's not just situational I don't know

if I want to have that in my life for the rest of my life and it's a battle for me because on one aspect I think okay but what happens if you don't are you going to be lonely down the track are you going to regret that down the track are you going to end up no one's going to be able to wipe your butt when you're 80 and you're in a nursing home like and then I'm like well is that a reason to have kids now if you don't feel ready so that in 30 40 50 years time you have someone to look after you and and it's just a battle every friend that I have that has kids Laura everyone I know I'm always saying tell me the truth be super honest is it what you thought are there any regrets like I won't tell anyone because I know that there's this idea that people don't want to admit the

days that it's hard when they're like I fucking wish I didn't do this and every mum every single mum will have a day where she's like what have I done does she mean it probably not but that thought's gonna cross their mind at some point when there's some sort of meltdown or something's really hard so I'm always asking my friends and I'm always trying to discover for myself what I want and I still don't know I'm still sitting on this fence and I don't know how to get there I just, I'm at a loss. So I really enjoyed this conversation, hearing it from a different perspective, from two women that have 100% made up their mind. I really love that Ashley in particular is so open to speaking about her experiences and why she's come to the decision

that she's very, very happy to be childless by choice. Yeah. She's just like, fuck no, it's a big fuck no. It's a fucking big no. And it's huge, right? Like having kids is a huge sacrifice. We all know that. Well, yeah, it 100% changes your life. And I have friends, really really good friends who are very very capable independent strong women and they have all said in their pregnancy their first pregnancy my life's not going to change they run their own businesses they travel the world they do all these amazing things my life is not going to change my child will fit into my life it never happens like it doesn't as much as you could be the most incredible woman in the world but you have to run on your child's time as much as you say my child

fits into my life it doesn't we know that they have a feeding schedule a sleeping schedule yeah a gastro schedule like I was going to go out for a nice lunch yesterday and ended up staying home with gastro babies but yeah look no I totally get that I think that so many mums go through a real identity shift as well like after you've just had kids trying to grapple with well who am I now you know so many people think I'm going to be the same person nothing's going to change in a lot of ways you are the same person on the inside but so many other things about your life changes and you have this huge identity shift around like how you even interact with your friends, how you kind of go about your day, everything that used to be shifts in some way. And you have to be really prepared

that that's the case. I feel like I have to say this, even though, I mean, you should never have to have the caveat, but I freaking love my kids. I love being a mom. It is genuinely the best thing that ever happened to me, but that doesn't mean that it's the best thing that's happened to every other person or every other mom out there. And, you know, I think that it's so important to have conversations that normalizes choice. And if one person doesn't want to have kids, that's totally okay. And just because I love the experience of being a mom doesn't mean that it's going to suit somebody else's life. And that's kind of what we wanted to achieve out of this. And for me, just to be clear, I'm not one way or the other. I'm not, I don't want kids and I'm not, I want

kids I genuinely think that when the situation is right for me and the timing is right I will just know deep in my soul what what the answer is and what I'm going to do and I can't wait to see what happens in the future but for now I'm just going to continue living my life but this is another great segue into a debate around children and that is what is happening with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian now I don't know if you guys have seen what is happening on the news but it is it's literally happening as we speak i sent laura an updated article about 15 minutes ago we have been hanging on this in our whatsapp group we're just like on the edge of our seat which is pathetic because we should have better things in our life than caring about kim and kanye's separation and

their kids but it's so interesting because it's such a private matter that has been made so public like they're two of the most followed people in the world and they are literally airing their dirty laundry via tweets and Instagram post stories it is insanity well also I think it's so funny like how okay for example I think of like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin when they separated and they were like we're gonna consciously uncouple and then everyone made fun of them because it was so lame I much prefer a conscious uncoupling than this absolute shit show that's going on between Kim and Kanye yeah but at least this gives us content like if they consciously uncoupled you'd be like boring totally and at the same time like we're so

voyeuristic we can't look away from it and we're so hooked on what has been happening but anyway just to bring you guys up to speed a couple of months ago we spoke about how Kim obviously Kim and Kanye or Yee now is his official name how they had separated she is now dating Pete Davidson and Kanye was really struggling with letting go he was posting super public declarations of his love being like we're gonna get back together and tagging her and tagging her he was posting like archive photos of the two of them kissing on the beach and stuff. And then saying, you know, God will bring us back together. Well, the tides have changed. Kanye has obviously come to realize that they are never, ever, ever getting back together. Thank you, Taylor Swift. And now his

whole demeanor towards Kim Kardashian via social media has shifted as well. So the most recent thing that kind of unfolded that we wanted to talk about is a post that Kanye made on Instagram. And it was a screenshot of North on TikTok. So North is their oldest daughter. She's eight years old and the caption was this in all capitals just for real dramatic effect since this is my first divorce I need to know what I should do about my daughter being put on TikTok against my will question mark exclamation mark and what a sucker punch to the stomach that first line since this is my first divorce that is obviously to get Kim saying like yo you've divorced like a hundred times I think she's divorced three times is this her third divorce I don't know

I mean, details. Who really came here for those? So what's happened is he's not happy with the fact that his eight-year-old is on TikTok. Now his eight-year-old North is on TikTok in conjunction with Kim. So Kim has said, look, other kids her age are on TikTok or on social media. I don't want her to be completely on there, but I don't want her to miss out. I want her to be able to represent herself creatively. So I'm going to do it with her. I monitor her account. I'm on there with her. Nothing goes down without me knowing. Kanye's saying he doesn't agree to this and they're having a very big public brawl. But that is what has started it.

Since then, it seems to me like Yee or Kanye is someone that really loves and is used to being in power. He gets whatever he wants when he wants, no questions asked. I think what is happening now is his power has been taken from him. He cannot control the situation.

He cannot make the decisions. He's saying he wants something done and it's not happening. And I think we're seeing him spiraling out of control. We've seen a lot of Instagram stories, which is just his message straight to Kim we're seeing a lot of tweets we're seeing a lot of things go down they're all in caps locks they're all being yelled like they're not even in little letters and I think we're just seeing him lose his power and he doesn't really know what to do

with it well okay and obviously we're all just speculating like neither Brit or I we don't know them we don't know Kim or Kanye with any sort of intimate popular to contrary belief we aren't friends with them this all started back in January when Kanye actually went live on his Instagram and he was calling out Kim because it was North's eighth birthday I'm gonna take a guess it was her eighth birthday and they were having a birthday party Kim was having a birthday party for her and being separated Kanye wasn't invited they had actually made plans for Kanye to have a separate party in the afternoon but instead Kanye went live on his Instagram and was saying that his daughter had been kidnapped trying to rally his Instagram followers against Kim now the reason

why and I think that there's a much bigger picture here and you so perfectly described it Britt but it's like the question isn't so much should an eight-year-old have TikTok that's open to personal debate like you know do I think an eight-year-old should have TikTok probably not do I think an eight-year-old being parentally supervised on a joint account is a bit better sure but it's actually not my place to have an opinion on how Kim controls social media with her children like that's fully up to them to decide what he's doing here is like rallying social media to try and taint her and her image you know to try and make her look like she's a bad mom this since this is my first divorce clearly pointing a finger at her being like well it's not

your first divorce all of this is a real manipulation tactic to try and persuade people into thinking that she's a bad person I feel like this has real trademark or hallmark signs of very narcissistic traits and I'm not going to say that Kanye's a narcissist because I mean we don't know anything about him but to go from like the grand gestures of and completely disregarding the fact that she was in a new relationship of like we're going to be back together we still love each other everything's going to work out super publicly which on one hand is undermining where Kim is at and what Kim wants because Kim had filed for divorce and Kanye wouldn't sign the papers to now back flipping and being like well now she's a shit parent it just is such a manipulative move

to try and control the narrative around what's happening yeah and just to read it does make you wonder how far and we like you said Laura we don't know what's going down but the world is interested Kim the public person as she is right she's got all these tv shows she has 100 200 million followers however many she's got she's very public but she's always been very private with the matters that go down in her relationship like we can give her that but she was pushed to her limit she's also released a statement and this is what it said Kanye's constant attacks on me in interviews and on social media is actually more hurtful than any TikTok North might create. As the parent who is the main provider and caregiver for our children, I am doing my best to protect our daughter while

also allowing her to express her creativity in the medium that she wishes with adult supervision because it brings her happiness. She then goes on to say, divorce is difficult enough on our children and Kanye's obsession with trying to control and manipulate our situation so negatively and publicly is only causing further pain for all. She obviously feels like she has been pushed to her absolute limit and she doesn't know what else to do if she has felt the need to respond so publicly. Well I think it's interesting isn't it because when I very first saw the post from Kanye my instant reaction my instant reaction was yeah an eight-year-old shouldn't be on TikTok that's so bad. For a minute I literally just had this like what the hell is Kim doing like and I

think that that's probably a reaction that a lot of people have when you instantly see something and I felt super judgmental which when I actually stood back and checked myself on that a little bit I was like okay why is he asking for advice from his millions and millions and millions of followers the caption itself and what he's doing there actually has nothing to do with him trying to like gain advice trying to like get people's opinions around the whole TikTok thing it actually has nothing to do with TikTok at all because if this was an issue he would go to his mediation lawyers that's something that you sit down when you're going through a separation and you sit down with your lawyers and you had those conversations. Blasting it out on social media does nothing to

try and get North off TikTok. All it does is paint a very negative picture about Kim's parenting. I agree, but now I want to play devil's advocate for a second because I think it's only fit. I think because we don't know the situation, we look at it from both sides. When I really sat down and thought about this and looked at Kanye's tweets and what he's writing, there was a part of me that thought wow this actually seems like a man that is deep in desperation that feels like he doesn't know what to do and at the end of the day it doesn't matter who you are and this is what Kanye actually went on to say he said at the end of the day as a parent I should have a say in the way my children are parented in the way that they are brought up but I don't so he feels like he

feels very strongly and I guess like Laura it's hard for me because I don't have a child I'm not married but imagine if you felt very strongly about something you did not want your kids on TikTok but Matt's like fuck that like TikTok's fun I'm putting them on there and you were like please please do not do it and he's like I'm gonna do it I don't care what you're saying I'm doing it there is a part of me that thinks okay that would probably aggravate me as well to the point of you don't know what else to do like he genuinely believes something that his children should be brought up one way and that's not happening I just wonder if this is him saying fuck I don't know what else to do. So I'm going to make it public. Maybe some people will jump on my side.

Maybe this will help Kim see something. Is that right? No, but I can sort of see why he's upset about that. If he really strongly feels like something shouldn't be done with his children and his wishes have been ignored. So there's an aspect that I'm trying to look at from his point of view as well. I guess the, and I do totally agree. I think that when desperation comes into play and when you feel like you're being put against a rock and a hard place, like the way that we behave isn't necessarily what is best for everyone you know you don't necessarily behave in a way that's like oh yeah I'm going to be proud of that in a year's time but in saying that the other part of this that I think is really important that we can't just gloss over is that

Kim Kardashian actually filed for a divorce but after 10 months of Kanye refusing to sign the divorce papers Kim had to go and appeal to counsel to have herself deemed single for me that rings huge alarm bells if somebody is wanting to leave a relationship if somebody is wanting to be divorced but the other person is denying them that freedom there's a whole lot of control that's going on and it brings me back to that first thing that you spoke of brit where you said yes one it is the markings of a man who feels like there is desperation but i also think that it's the markings of somebody who has lost control of the situation and is trying to gain control in any way that they can and by making people think negatively or think poorly of the other person

It's just a way of getting a one-up as well. Yeah, there's nothing right about this situation. At the end of the day, I don't think anybody anywhere, even if you have 100 followers, should be airing your dirty laundry to this level. But there's obviously way more going down than the world knows, but we'll probably know about it when we wake up tomorrow. Yeah, watch this space.

There'll be another article tomorrow morning on Daily Mail because every single day there is another shot fired on this. Rightio, let's move on to our favourite segment, which is accidentally unfiltered slash confessional it's actually so hard to time that because being on zoom there's like a tiny little delay so that was probably awkward hopefully producer keisha can sync our weirdly timed accidentally unfiltered then producer keisha sitting here listening probably like writing notes being like fix that fix that fuck that scrap that yeah fucking i should like make those girls sound like they know what they're talking

about these idiots brit do you have a confessional or an accidentally unfiltered i'm bringing an accidentally unfiltered today. Yes, because I have a confessional. Actually, do you know what? I'm going to go first because my confessional leads into a personal story, which I would also like to confess and have my sins absolved on the podcast. How do we all feel about that? Okay, bring it. Okay, so I have a confessional, which might be one of the pettiest things I have ever done. My ex and I went on holidays to Bali together, but I had to go home early to start my new job. Anyway, long story short, he cheated on me two days after I had left. As we had booked everything together. I had his email logged in on my computer and all his flight details. So I

decided I would change his flights to a day earlier, turned off all notifications, and I deleted all confirmation emails. However, I unfortunately got cold feet about stranding him overseas. So then I went back online. I went back into his emails and I changed the flight again. I corrected it to the same day. However, I changed it to a flight that was six hours later than when he was supposed to fly out which meant that he arrived at the airport stupidly early with all his luggage he also had a massive surfboard so couldn't really go anywhere with it and he was on a red eye flight i also selected for him to sit in a middle seat and changed it to 15 in flight voucher so he had only a cup of tea and a muffin i have never laughed so hard hearing how confused

angry and uncomfortable he was at the whole situation from a mutual friend i love that she was like fuck you but don't fuck you that bad I'll just make it like a bit better I'll just make it like a slight inconvenience fuck you as opposed to like a fuck you I mean I feel like these sorts of things maybe do they kind of err on the on the side of fraud is this fraudulent or is this fine no it's fine it's not fraudulent she was just she could have been booking a flight for a partner okay but what if you're sneaking into your partner's emails there has to be some sort of like that's kind of like a no-go thing but anyway whatever I've definitely done worse and this was a really long time ago so I feel like like this statutory of time or whatever it is has passed so

I can't get into too much trouble for it and I absolutely am not advocating for you to do this either but I was in my 20s I had booked a holiday for me and my boyfriend at the time the one the boyfriend I've spoken about a few times on here who cheated on me many times so we were going to the Philippines and I had paid for everything I'd paid for the flights I'd paid for the accommodation everything and then I found out he cheated on me very similar to this girl and I called up the air flight like we were flying with Cebu which is like a little Philippine airline and I was like I need to change the flight I want to take my girlfriend Kaya and so I was going to change it to her name so I called up the help center and the help center were like you need to have a copy of

person's passport who you're going to change the details for and you also need a signed confirmation letter, which they had of a transfer of name. And I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck. How am I going to get that? Anyway, I called up his house. I was okay. I was 24 at the time guys. So don't at me for this. I called up his housemate at the time and I was like, Hey, I don't really want to speak to him, but I've left some stuff at his house. Can you let me in so I can get my stuff? And he was like, yeah, sure. I snuck into his bedroom. I took a photo of his passport and then I went online and I signed the documents and my girlfriend came to the Philippines with me and we had a fucking awesome time. And so how did he find out that he wasn't going to the Philippines anymore?

Well, so I had already asked him, I'd already told him that I didn't want him to come and I'd asked for him to sign the paperwork and he said he wouldn't sign it. What a dick. He was a very manipulative person and he had planned on coming anyway, even though I had paid for everything. And even though he cheated on me, he would have just shown up. So I sent him the paperwork and i was like hey just fyi kaya's coming on holidays i feel like you did multiple illegal things there so let's move on let's not stay on this one for too long i feel like after 10 years you can't really get it i mean maybe i'm wrong maybe there's a lawyer listening to this like you can't still but it was 10 years ago actually it was 11 years ago i was i was in my early 20s i don't know if

there's a i think you've been watching too much law and order i don't know if you're like it's been 10 years. I'm safe. You can all know about it now. I've been holding onto this story for two and a half years. Can you just absolve me for my sins? To the girl who wrote in that she's absolved of her sins as well. Okay. You're definitely going to jail. We're going to have to do this long distance. At least we know we can record by Zoom. I was in my office at work and use my desk landline phone to attempt to call the client. I rang her on speaker. Now this particular client was poor at returning my calls. So when she didn't answer and it asked me to leave message I hung up in complete frustration with this I started to completely bad mouth this client

I said how useless she was how ridiculous she is that they should be fired they should definitely not be keeping their job I then heard your message has been recorded without realizing that on desktop phones when you call on the speaker you physically have to press and end the button to properly terminate the call I had no idea so here I was at 4 30 p.m I had just left the meanest and most abusive voice message accidentally to a very big client with absolute panic my boss just said fucking fix it so I ended up calling this client's manager who I had only met a few times I completely owned up to my mistake she told me to meet her at her house nearby we had a vodka together and then put a plan in place i couldn't stop apologizing for my unprofessional mistake we

ended up going into their workplace at 8 p.m hacked the client's work phone and deleted the voice message to this day the client never knew what happened and i am now really good friends with her manager this is what i call a true friend and fucked story what the hell there is so many aspects to this okay but then is this also illegal well i don't know because i mean maybe she but it's a manager so it wasn't a break and enter because a manager was in there with her but they're going into the phone and deleting a message also do you think everybody listens to their voicemail messages i don't really listen to my voicemail messages i have like 85 messages i just look at like missed call and then i'm like i can see the number i don't never go in and listen

to the message it's just someone's being like hey laura it's britney call me back okay i'll call you back i love it you said it's like just hey it's hey someone you're like it's someone like hey hey lauren's pretty i'm like i'm not just someone but thanks i would never leave you literally the only person who calls me i would never leave you a voice message because i know you'd never fucking hear it anyway that is it let's get into the chat with ashley and reina from girls gotta eat you guys actually joined us back in february 2020 i don't know if you remember the exact date but it is our two-year anniversary so happy anniversary oh my god happy anniversary to you guys. Happy anniversary to your amazing trip that you did around Australia

touring pre-pandemic. The last thing we ever did. Yeah. Then the world went to shit, didn't it? I was going to say, where is time gone? But we know where time's gone. We all sat in our room for two years, but guys, we kick off every episode with an accidentally unfiltered and embarrassing story. We want to throw you straight under the bus. And for some reason, I feel like you guys have a plethora of embarrassing stories. Yeah. I feel like it's more a chance of like, Who's going to go first with this one? We worked it out this morning. Ashley called me.

We came up with mine pretty quickly. We were in Austin between shows last weekend. And we were staying at Soho House. We had this great day at the pool. We saw this guy on the way into the elevator. He was so gorgeous. He's like just my type. He's bald.

He had facial hair. He was just like beautiful. He was working. And I was just trying to like get his attention. And then later on in the day, he came up to the pool. And I'm like, oh, my God, it's happening. And I was talking to some other guy. I managed to shake him I go across the pool I'm sitting with some friends I'm near this guy I'm

like how am I gonna get him to talk to me and he seems like he's like kind of packing up and getting ready to go he's gonna walk by us I'm like oh my god this is my moment it's happening when I drop a really cool line this guy's gonna hang out with me and and he gets up and he like walks by and out of my body like Tourette's I just screamed do you want to hang out with us hang on wait when did this happen and how old were you this is last week this is the crucial part she was like she's trying to g up like the line of the century we were literally the same age we are now yeah i'm literally i'm four years into doing a podcast with ashley about dating that's how old i am it was last week yeah so did he hang out with you

he did end up hanging out yeah he came back around he did hang out a little bit and like what does that mean does that mean like a home run or does that mean like you sat there and had a coffee no he hung out with our friends we had like a really fun group of like eight people by the pool and he just like chit-chatted and he got a little weird I we told him that we were like comedians and he was like tell me a joke and I thought that he got a little naggy and it was like kind of rude and it's just it's not my vibe when somebody's just kind of like you know I'm not trying to like work for your affection just you know I'd like somebody to be nice so it didn't work out so I'm still on the market as of this week from last week and that's your update what

is okay so you said you know here's my moment to shine I've had all afternoon to think of my line you didn't nail the line but what is your go-to when you want to yell out abuse at someone and ask them when you're trying to hook up with someone like what's your go-to line when I'm trying to hook up or just trying to get somebody's like attention at a bar either either I feel like this one this didn't work yeah because it's like a different thing like Raina had to like kind of stop him in his tracks like she did a hey first she was like hey and I was like oh the hey sound sounded fine from where I was sitting. And then I was like, what is she going to do next? And what happened next? You'll never believe. It wasn't like, it wasn't so egregious,

but it was very funny. It was like Kate, the way it came out of her body, it was just like, you want to hang out with us? Like she couldn't hold back. I was like, don't be so bad. But primarily like Ashley knows, I talk in the podcast all the time, like I love meeting guys in public. I will walk up to anybody, say hello. I feel like the best advice like if you're out at a bar and you want a guy's attention is just repeated prolonged eye contact and you know I'll look at somebody across the bar a few times I'll hold eye contact with them and if they smile and they seem like open to it I'll walk over and say hi or they'll walk over and say hi you know I don't really get like so in my head about it and obviously like a drink

like a little bit of liquid courage always helps a little bit I remember trying that I was locking eyes and this was a new thing because in the wild now I can't literally an animal nothing can stop me but I remember locking eyes with this person because I thought this is what you do you lock eyes and I was doing the thing and he was doing the thing and I was like penetrating him with my eyes and then I did a panic like you and I went and I winked I was like like this and I was like I swear to fucking god that is what they do in the movies and it works every time I think he thought I was having a seizure he like grabbed his drinks and ran away but also winking like you can never do it smoothly it's never as cool as you think it's gonna be it's like you've got something in

your eye. Attempting the wink is extreme. Like you have to be really, really good at being in the wild, but I'm not there yet. I would never attempt it. I think it can be quirky and like, whatever. That's who you are. Like we all actually always say, like, if somebody's going to like shame you for a specific way you are, that's not your person. You know, if somebody's like, that's so fucking weird, that's not your guy, you know? Totally. But also what I'm taking from this is that for four people that run dating relationships podcast, maybe we're not the people to take all the advice from. Ashley, what's your most embarrassing story? I don't get embarrassed too easily.

I was trying to like think of something. I went into my text and like searched the word embarrassing to see what I had shared recently. I recall this, this was like a couple of weeks ago. So I will like always take Azul to Target with me. Like I'll, cause I live right by the Target and they allow dogs in there sort of, but it's, I'd bring him in there.

And he's so good. Like he's always really well-behaved. He doesn't have like aggression issues. Like he's like a good dog, but for whatever reason I was in the self-checkout and he starts barking at this golden retriever. Like there's a lot of dogs there. There's probably too many.

They probably need to cut back and like start checking people's like paperwork or whatever. But he starts like barking at this dog. They start barking back and forth. I'm trying to bag my stuff. I'm like trying to hold onto his leash, trying to bag my stuff. He's going crazy.

It's like a whole scene. Everyone's staring. And I just hear this girl go, is that a Zool? Like a fan. I was like, oh my God. I mean, he's like embarrassing me. I'm trying to put toilet paper in this bag.

I'm trying to put snacks in and like bag all my stuff. and he like gets spotted by a fan. I look like shit. I'm like in sweatpants, you know, mask, glasses fogging up. It was just like such a moment. I'm like, of course, Azul gets recognized when he's like having a tantrum. I was like, I never want children.

Like this is why I can't have kids. What I like about this, they didn't recognize you. They just recognized the dog first. They're like, oh, I know this dog. Well, then she recognized me, but it was just like a hole. It was embarrassing. I mean, he has like a very distinct underbottom. Some fan of our show will always come up to me

when I'm like picking up his shit on the street. It like never fails. She's like, oh my God, Ashley, it is all. And I'm like, I have a dog shit in my hand, you know, it's just like never fails. You want to take a photo? Yeah. Do you want this? Well, let's get into it. I want to start with you Raina, because you just had a pretty big operation. You made a pretty big decision in your life and it's probably not, probably not this decision that many people make. So tell us about it. Yeah, I got a breast reduction last week. And this is something that I've wanted for so long since I was like 18 or 19. I've been thinking about doing it. So it's it's only like a lifelong thing I've wanted. I talked about it on our show, but I grew breasts,

really big breasts as like a little kid. I hit puberty probably like at 10. And I had like full double D's by the time I was like 12. So I've always had really big boobs. I was telling a friend of mine that I went to middle school with the other day that I was getting a breast struck. And she was like, I remember you, most popular girl in middle school. And I was like, yeah, that wasn't fun for me. Yeah. It wasn't about your personality. Yeah. It was just, it was about the two personalities I had in my chest. And then I, you know, I grew up, I think I was like hyper-sexualized, but then I sort of leaned into it and I've always been a really sexual person, but really it's just about being at a

point in my life where I feel like I have the time to research the best doctor. I can afford the best doctor. I feel like I have the downtime. I like the person I chose. I got great referrals and I'm like, I'm ready for it. You know, as I get older, I liked the look less and less. I don't want an E size breasts. I mean, some women love that. That's great. But I've had that my whole life. So I was ready for something different and a lot of soul searching. It was a lot more emotional than I thought it would be. I cried a lot before the surgery and Ashley and I talked about it very deeply. And Ashley asked me this question when I was going to maybe pull out that we try to evaluate a lot of our decisions like this. She said, you know, if you think about not

doing it, do you feel relief? And I didn't. I felt like I'm ready. This is a big decision. I've never had surgery before, but I'm ready. So I went in on Tuesday. It was a great experience. Our friends and my family have been so supportive and wonderful and thrilled that I did it. You mentioned something to us before we actually hit record and something that you wrote in your Instagram post recently around like having big boobs growing up and how it like hypersexualized you as a teenager and you said something which was like, it was fucking scary because older men would look at me and sexualize me as a 13 year old. How do you think that that impacted you growing up knowing that like when you're a kid and should be able to be a kid, that people are

seeing you differently to that? I mean, it just makes you a sexual person before you're ready to even know what that means. You know, like girls would call me a slut. I didn't even know what a slut was. I don't even like kissed a boy before. Every guy did want to like talk to me and flirt with me and like there was like never a night of the week I didn't have like a guy calling my parents house I'm sure it was a nightmare for my parents I just I discovered sex and masturbation just like younger than most kids probably but then I leaned into it I just I've always I've been like a pretty hypersexual person I love phone sex and sexting and talking about sex I love doing it on our show so I I just I took something that really made me insecure that I tried to cover up

and I was just like this is this thing I'm just that's my life so I'm gonna be confident about it you know? I guess it's hard to know though. I mean, you're never going to know because you're never going to live the other life, but it's hard to know if you would have been like that anyway, if that was your personality and you were just a sexual being, or if you feel like that really did change things. And I guess, I mean, yeah, hindsight's a wonderful thing, but I guess it's something you'll never really know. But also what was that thing? What was the, what was that catalyst that made you go, okay, now's the time now I'm ready for this. When you say it was something that was so part of your identity or something that you had become so used to and

leaned into, what made you go, yeah, you know what? I'm ready to get a breast reduction. I mean, this has been like 16, 17 years of something I've always wanted. And I wanted to wait until I could afford the best doctor. And it's really not, it's not physical at all. It's just emotional. I just was sort of like, I don't back pain. I just was done with the look. I was done with like that being the primary identifier of me, you know, that girl, that short girl with the big tits. And that's great for a lot of women. A lot of women love it. It adds to their femininity it's wonderful for them to have big breasts men love it certainly makes you feel sexy but I had lived that life for so many years and I was also I don't have small

boobs now you know I got like still pretty big boobs can confirm they're still big they're still great I actually was gonna get it done right after we came back from Australia a couple years ago but then the world had other plans so you know it's something that I actually was like my best friend I talk about it with her very deeply about am I ready to do this with my body do we have time for me to do this things like that and I just I felt emotionally ready and there was a lot of like soul searching and writing and crying and I was just like this has like defined me for so long but I did it I feel great about it I feel physically pretty good the recovery has been pretty nice and I'm lucky I have a lot of friends and family that can come over and help me

Ashley saw them she saw the reveal I was about to say I feel like I saw you there actually when Raina had like a wedgie up her butt from the gown at the hospital like this is what is sticking in my mind. She's like a robe static cling situation. I was like, this is so funny. And then she just turned around and they were there. I didn't know I was going to get to like see them like that. I didn't know if they would still have the bandages on them. I was like, there they are. I was like videoing the whole thing. And then I was like, oh, I can't post that. Right. I was like, post it. I was like, I can't. You ruined it. I've been taking that photo every day. I take a photo and put different circle emojis on top of my nipples because they're like they're outside of the

tape anyways. Yeah. So it's been great, but I feel really excited. One thing that we wanted to talk to you about that you guys recently did a podcast on and it's something that Britt and I have been sitting on as a conversation for such a long time was the episode that you guys did around childless by choice and well I mean I can't talk to it because I have kids but it's a huge conversation and one that like we so fully support this whole concept that like women need to have kids because it's such an integral part of their identity you know that this belief that we have in society where do you guys stand on the whole having kids situation and why you came to that decision yeah I mean we I just I don't think that women need that to be fulfilled or to be a woman

it's I've never subscribed to it so it's like I think less and less people are obviously having kids is a beautiful thing or we're glad that our parents decided to do it we did this episode it was like so important to me it took like months to even feel like I like was ready to do it I I wanted to get everything I had to say. I made so many notes on it. I just think there's so many different layers and you don't want to offend people. That's dream is to have children and that are struggling to have children. So we take a lot of care in discussing it. It's just, I don't know. I want no part of it. I've never have. There's nothing. It feels like I'm just going to be blind. I'm going to be a life uncut. It feels like a nightmare to me. It feels like

my nightmare to like have a children. And this is like, I feel like people are like, it feels like a nightmare for to never have children. And that's like, I get it. You know, I feel for women that are struggling with it. We have friends that are just can't get pregnant or they're, they're going through all these things. And like, our heart is like with them all the time. And we just want them so badly to have what they want, but I can't relate at all. I mean, it's just nothing of it appeals to me in my life. It never really has. I think when I was like young, young, you know, I don't know, you're in high school. You're like, yeah, I'll get married. I'll have kids. I'll get married at 27. I'll have kids by 30. But then you just grow up. You start to grow up

and it just never... I was like, is this ever going to set in? Am I ever going to feel like I want that? Am I ever going to feel it in my gut? And it never did. And I think women have kids because they genuinely just want kids so badly and they want to have a family innately, truly. And I think that's great, obviously. Go off. But then I think sometimes people also want to leave a legacy behind and they want to have something to focus on. You hear people have kids because they want to bond with their partner over it. And I think that I can speak... I mean, I know Raina can speak for herself, but I just feel so fulfilled in my life. And I feel like all of our listeners are my daughters sometimes. I feel like we were constantly being validated and

like, you helped me get through this and they call us mom. And I feel like I'm making an impact on a lot of lives. I don't need to raise a child to do that. I want to just live really freely. I'm not certain that I ever even want to live with a partner or get married or... I want love in my life, but I just really like my life and kids have just never been a thing that I see fitting into it. I want my brother to have all the kids. I want to be an aunt. And, uh, I love all my friends' kids. I love having a dog and all of that. Like, I feel like I want to be part of the community and be like the cool rich aunt. Rich because you don't have to spend all your money on your kids, literally. Yeah, exactly. Well, I read that apparently every child, it's probably

more now, this was years ago. Apparently every child costs you an average of $1 million in their last time, but it must be more than that now. I'm not surprised by that. But also I think Ashley, like, and I do love the way that you speak about this and I understand that there are so many women out there who can't have children who want that. But then on the flip side of it, I do think that there are also people who have children because they think it's the thing they're supposed to do and they haven't really thought it out. I have friends who are moms who love their children, but if they could go back, probably wouldn't have chosen to have children and have said that. I mean, we've gotten emails like that

And it's unbelievable. People don't talk about child guilt. It's very taboo. No one wants to say they regret having children. I mean, I think there are some support groups out there, but the emails that we received after we did the episode were... I mean, they were heartbreaking in a way. They were women being like, I don't think this was what I was supposed to do. And of course, I love my kids. I'm a great mom. I'm decorating the house for Christmas right as we speak, yada, yada. But I don't think that this was meant for me. And that breaks my heart because you were young and you just thought I'm supposed to get married and have kids. That's what you're supposed to do. Not knowing that there's other options and you don't have to

live your life that way. And that's like, all we want to do is be like, you don't have to do it if you want girl. But like, it's not for everybody. I think on that, this whole idea of guilt, like mom guilt comes in so many different forms. It's not just like how you feel towards your kids as in like in the day to day, but like, we don't talk about this stuff because it is taboo And because there's so much shame and guilt around it, even people who have feelings of disappointment around what gender their kid is, like you can't talk about this stuff because there's so many people out there who will be so quick to tell you that you're ungrateful for what you have.

And I think that like, just because we don't talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You know, it just adds to the feelings of guilt and shame that people have when they're experiencing that. Well, that's why I think it's so good to talk about it. Like what you guys just said, because you're getting all these emails from women writing in, you know, saying, I'm not alone. like you know now and you've told your audience that there are thousands of women out there that did have those feelings and like you just said i have friends like that as well no one's ever

going to say i regret it full stop they're always going to say but i love my kids yeah you love your kids but fuck being a mom is so hard sometimes of course so hard it is and i look at what my parents did to be parents my parents were amazing every minute of their lives was dedicated to their children for 25 years. They were at every sporting event, every parent teacher conference. My parents stayed up with me to do my homework. They were incredible. And honestly, I look at what amazing parents they were and I don't have it in me to do it. So I think it's responsible. I think it's responsible parenting to say, I can't give that to somebody. And I would want to, if I was ever going to be a parent, give that fully to another person, what I got, you know, and it's just,

it's not in me right now. I feel like everything both of you have said is mirroring my feelings and my thoughts right now. And I'm in this real transition period where I guess it's not even a transition period. I don't know if I want kids and I think I'm leaning more to not wanting them, but it's a constant battle within myself. I feel like there's a lot of women. I'm 34. I feel like a lot of women feel this. When you're younger, you're like, yes, I'm supposed to just get married, have the picket fence and have 3.5 kids. That's what I'm supposed to do. I'm one of four my parents like you just said Raina fuck my parents were like the best parents but they sacrificed so much for the four of us kids we never went without anything they were the best

in every capacity but I know now as an adult what they gave up to do that and the life they would have had without that now they don't ever regret it but now I'm sure they do sometimes I know well they would never admit but I now I ask my friends this constantly now every friend that has a child and I feel a bit guilty asking it but I say can you tell me honestly like I will never ever repeat it this is just between us is there any part of you that wishes you didn't do this and I said not because you don't love your child but just because it's not what you thought or it's harder than you thought because I'm at this point where I feel so much stress and anxiety about it because I feel like I'm getting older and I'm like I froze my eggs last year in case and I thought are you going

to miss the boat if I don't do it am I going to regret this in 15 years when I want someone to wipe my butt when I'm in a nursing home fuck I hope that's longer than 15 years yeah I was like I think you have a while for that yeah but it's like it's a real it's a real point of contention within myself like it's only my internal monologue that I'm fighting with but I can't and I don't know if I'm hanging around Laura and her kids too much but I can't they're insane like it's it's the life that kids bring you is insane and I just can't decide if I'm going to get there or not and it's bringing me like literally sleepless nights I mean I think you have to want it so badly. It's first of all, it's a lifelong commitment. It's not like an 18

year commitment. It's like forever, your mom forever. If you're a good parent, you're going to be, you know, a parent forever. And then it doesn't always turn out how you think it's going to, you know, like to me, I think, I think you have to want it so badly because of the commitment, the way it changes your life and like everything that could not be picture perfect. And so I don't know. I mean, I think to go back to your like wiping your ass thing when you're old, I mean, that's the only thing I think of because I thought about when my grandmother passed. I was like, what if my mom wasn't here? What if we weren't here? The thought of it made me so sad. And it's just, to me, that's my only thing I can think of. So it's not worth a lifetime

of dedicating to these children. And then there's also no guarantee that your kids will be good and want to take care of you. They could be assholes. So there's just no guarantees in life. And I think the best email or the best message I got after our episode was this woman and she worked in hospice. So she just saw people die every day. And she was like, I mean, this, I could cry right now thinking about it. And she was like, Ashley, you talked about like, you know, you don't want to be alone when you die. And she was like, you just won't be.

You'll have people around you that love you. You know, you have your family, your friends, your, your nieces and nephews. And it just was this, like, she was like, I see people like you that chose to be childless and they don't die alone. You know, it was just this really beautiful message of like, your girls are going to be fine. So don't worry about that. It looks like you're getting emotional.

I agree with Ashley. It's a hard decision to make. Should I spend the first 85 years of my life in a certain way so that the last year of my life can be comfortable? I don't know. You know, I think that's how we fuck up children is we have kids so that we're like, all right, well, they'll step up to the plate in 80 years to help me. And yeah, you know, I think that the dream is that you parents like me and Ashley that

are front row cheering for you. And that's the relationship that you have with your children and your parents. But not everybody gets that. And I always thought I might have kids. I thought it was a foregone conclusion. And then for a while, I thought... You became friends with me. Yeah.

Then I met Ashley and I was like, all right, well, if I meet somebody and they make me, I will. And I'm with Ashley. I feel like my life has meant something to someone and I could die tomorrow knowing that I made my stamp on this earth. And I feel like Ashley and I have raised all these amazing women and... I mean, yeah. We get messages from moms that are like, you're helping me raise my daughter.

I'm like, what? Like, it just makes, it's the best messages we get. Yeah. And to know that, you know, Ashley and I have ever said anything that makes somebody have a better life, a better friendship, a better romantic relationship, a better time at their job, anything is so meaningful to us. And I think the further I got down that path and the further away I got from maybe having a partner that I had children with, the more I just got comfortable with not really necessarily

wanting it. How has that translated in dating? So do you feel like there have been people that you guys might've ended up having relationships with or you had connections with, but they've wanted a kid and straight up that's a deal breaker? It hasn't happened yet. It's a fear of mine, but I'm also later in my thirties. This is not a sweeping generalization, but someone that's going to be closer to my age, maybe might be like have decided to not have kids either. Maybe not, But also men can have children so much later in life, but I haven't encountered it yet, but it is something that I like to discuss early on because I will not go down the road with somebody that really wants to have children, have a family.

I think, you know, I think a lot of times men are like on the fence and then like they have them, but they don't have to have them, you know, like the woman has to have them. So I couldn't date a guy that was like, I really want children. I want a family. I wouldn't go down that road. I wouldn't even think like maybe he'll change his mind. It breaks people up. And then we see people that just aren't on the same page. And we know a couple that I just don't think he really wanted to have kids. And then they did. And it just feels like

they're struggling with it. So I haven't encountered it yet, but I haven't dated someone seriously in a while. My last really most serious relationship, he was kind of like, I don't think I do. I'd be fine without him. But I sometimes even see, even on Hinge, if it says hat once or whatever app, but hinge, if it says once kids, I X out because to me, that field is optional. So the fact that you decided to have it, I don't have it on there at all. But the fact that you chose to be like, I want everybody to know all these women or whoever on this app to know that I want them means it's like super important to me. So I don't even want to fuck with somebody like that. I don't think it's fair. It's like, we know we want a totally different type of life.

Absolutely. The last two people, I mean, I've been really fortunate. The last two people I've been in a relationship with. I asked them on date one, both of them. It just came up naturally. I was like, do you want children? Tell me now. Do you want to hang out? After they come inside of me, I'm like, do you want kids or no? Raina says it in bed. She likes to yell it. It's her dirty talk. When they come, I'm just trying to plan my next 48 hours. That is so funny. That's a perfect time to bring it up. People are like, when do you bring it up? Second date, third date. You're like, when they come inside you. Yeah, that's a good time to get them. I have asked on a first date, the last two relationships, both of them luckily said that they did not want kids and it was never

a thing. I'm totally with Ashley. You know, I think it's easy to go on three dates and really fall for somebody and be like, this could be a thing. This is the thing, you know, and why put myself in that position with somebody that's like, I absolutely see my life with kids like a lot of men. But I do think for people, for women that do not want children and are a little concerned about dating, I will say I find that people less and less necessarily want them. It's not such a thing. I don't think it's so terrifying to tell a man these days or a woman, whoever you're dating, I don't want children. Cause I think that more people are coming around to the idea of not wanting them. And I think it becomes a little less scary.

Do you think with this whole idea that like more people are becoming more open about talking about it and just like, you know, being very confident in their decision, I think back in the day or not even back in the day, going back 15 years ago, there was still this real push of like, oh, you'll change your mind. You know, like you'll meet someone, you'll change your mind or you'll regret it. That was the thought that was always surrounding this idea of kids. Do you think that the stigma around it has changed? And when you have, or if you have experienced any pushback on this, has it been mostly from men or from women? Cause I feel like this is a big question. I've got two parts. I feel like, well, I feel like it would be moms, other moms who would say to you,

like, you don't know what you're missing out on. Like, I feel like the judgment actually comes from other women, not from men. I'm going to let Ashley take this whole question, but I just want to say to anybody who says you'll change your mind. I don't say that to people that tell me they want kids. So I don't want to hear it from somebody that says, when I say I don't want kids, because when somebody says to me, I want children, I want to be like, maybe give it a couple of years and change your mind. Yeah. Yeah. How about you get a toddler and then see how you feel. I don't know. I say, I think some people think I'm a little scary. They don't really like, I don't get a lot of pushback, but I also, you know, we've, we talked about this in

our episode too. A lot of that happens like in the workplace. And a lot of it happens like, especially when I live down South a little bit more of that. I'm sure people have said that to me in my life, no one in my family, but probably like you might change your mind or when you meet the right person. I don't want this to come out the wrong way. You don't know what you're missing out on because my life is incredible. I do. I remember. I remember what it's like going on holidays and not spending my entire day running around a baby pool and cleaning shit out of a bathtub. But like, it's kind of like the things that Rainn and I get to do and the things that we've already accomplished and the way we get to live our life, people, they could, they'll never

experience it. You know, it's like, they're like, you don't know the love of a child. I'm like, I don't know. You don't know the feeling of performing for 4,000 screaming people while there's like t-shirt cannons and strippers and like, it's like, you know what I mean? Like our life is different. And I'm not saying that those are the fulfilling things, but it's a choice. And it's like, I think it's so great that people find fulfillment in children. We find it in other ways. I'm just not going to be upset. I'm not going to be like, I wish I would have done this. It's literally, like I said, I feel it feels like something I don't want so much that it's just, that's not my truth. And I think that's like, it's like, I love what Raina said

too. People are like, you're going to change your mind. It's like, we don't go around saying that to people who want kids. And it's so true. But do you know, no, you know what I get? I get, oh you're gonna be that's gonna be a lonely life that's what I get and I'm like well fuck maybe it is but I'm an introvert half the time anyway no because you're gonna pick up the phone and you're gonna call all your friends that don't have kids or that do have kids and you're gonna go be a part of their life tons of my best friends have kids I love being a part of their lives and I have tons of other friends that don't have kids Ashley and I took this really wonderful trip a couple years ago for her birthday two summers ago we had all these girlfriends with us they're all all Ashley's

girlfriends that I've become friends with, married, kids, everybody came and spent the week with her because they love her because we're a big group of friends. And Ashley wasn't alone on her birthday because she didn't have kids. You know, she formed friendships in her life and we went and celebrated. But even like when you get older, my mom has a friend of my mom's generation. My mom's 69 and she has one friend, I think, that didn't have children. And she's the coolest of the friends. You know, like she's the baddest bitch of all of them. She's lived her life is great. They're always like, I mean, pre COVID they're coming up here, they're going to shows like she's great. And she's in her seventies. Her life has been full. It's been, you know,

like the loneliest thing is people who were just like, all they have is their husband and kids. They live in the suburbs and that's all they got. I think people forget like, what about friends? What about nieces and nephews? What about all the people that will surround you till you die? I honestly think like you hit the nail on the head so perfectly then for a lot of mom friends of mine I think the loneliest that they've ever felt has been after they've had children because they've felt completely isolated they've been at home with their kids all day it's a very unrelenting job yes there's a lot of love and yes there's a lot of fulfillment in other ways but it can be truly truly lonely being a mom and I think that people forget that that part of it and they're

like well no you're going to be alone and it's like well fuck everyone's going to feel loneliness at some times but it's like where do you get your source of happiness where do you fill your cup from. And sometimes when you have kids, you can't just go, okay, well, I'm going to go see my girlfriends and have an adult conversation and just get in the car and go hang out for a few hours. Like you don't have that option anymore. So I think that both of those things still live, but they're just very independent of each other. Also, I just have to wrap it up with saying like, this is very funny because you have children over here like, no, and I can't stress enough that the most important thing in my life is my family. I feel like I can't believe how lucky I am every

single day. I am asking my brother every day, are we pregnant yet? Him and his wife. I can't stress enough how important I think family is in having children. So it's just not for me, but I just wanted to close with that because it's been a lot of like, ew, it's a nightmare. In regards to what's happened over in the States, well, actually worldwide, obviously the pandemic hit everybody hard. But when we last saw you guys, you were traveling around Australia, you were living your absolute best lives. what has dating and how has dating changed in new york since the pandemic you know i only speak for myself i had a pandemic relationship i started one and ended one during a pandemic i think you

get really close to people really quickly i don't know that necessarily it was like real life always people aren't going to their jobs the way that they used to they are not interacting with friends the way they used to or you know today they are but they weren't at the time i met my partner, which is about a year ago. So you start a relationship in this very weird time where nothing is sort of normal and you get close in certain ways, but you miss certain things about a person that you would have seen maybe had the world been natural and normal. But, you know, Ashley and I did this episode in the fall about why is everybody breaking up right after my breakup or was it right before? It was right before my breakup, right? I can't remember. I think it was

like one week before we broke up. Oh, wow. Do you think he read the signs? No. So this was like one before we broke up. And, you know, something that I really think that people realized during the pandemic was like, life is short, but life is long and I'm not doing shit I don't want to do. So if this doesn't make me happy, if this is not fulfilling, if this filled a role for a couple years or a couple of months and it made me happy, but it is no longer making me happy, it's time to just walk away and find a new happiness and I can find that. And I think that people really realized that a lot during the pandemic, whether it's with friends or jobs or relationships. I think people just realized, you know, I'm going to be here for a little while. You never know

what's going to happen. So might as well make the best of it. Yeah. So people still in New York, like it's super easy to go out and hook up in the wild. Are people still dating like crazy or is it people are really worried now still about the pandemic? Nobody is worried now. I mean, it's I was thinking, I was dating on these streets 2020 in the winter, on the sidewalk in a FEMA tent. I was doing it and it was a nightmare. So I can tell you how dating was so different back then, but people were still doing it though. That was the thing. I don't know. I can't speak for the rest of the country. And obviously there's places like Texas and Florida that never even hardly did a thing. They were like, we're quarantining for a week. And then everything

was back to normal. But New York, I mean, people look to us because we had it the worst. It comes here and it just infiltrates the whole city. I mean, the Omicron was crazy here. Everyone we knew had it. More people had it than didn't. But I don't know. We bounced back really quickly. I mean, I wouldn't say... I think this summer, once everybody kind of got vaccinated and things were open, and even right now, I think our Omicron wave is over. It feels normal. I don't run into much fear or hesitation. We have a vaccine mandate. People are in the bars. They're packed. The comedy clubs are packed. People are dating. So I think that we could talk about this for hours. I think the pandemic in general changed the way people are forever. I think

people came out of it, hopefully better people, maybe worse. People moved. It changed the world. but in terms of just on the surface dating are people dating are people fucking and are people trying to date or that still feels kind of similar right Raina don't you think I mean I don't think it's been some like seismic shift in terms of where we are like right this moment yeah somebody emailed us a couple days ago and they were like you know now that with safety precautions like how do you date and I was like precautions about what we use condoms sometimes yeah I don't I don't think it's changed so much. I think, you know, New York did it. We all did it. We've all been through it. Everybody in our circle is vaccinated. So yeah, I mean, it hasn't changed anything for

me. I'll make out with a stranger tomorrow. I don't care. I've been fucking without condoms for years. People don't like it. I mean, there was a lot of time. There was like a, certainly a limbo period, especially, you know, pre-vaccine where it was like, it was very different in terms of like knowing who you could see. Do you trust people, you know, or do you have roommates and then you're going to go out with some person who you don't know their, who they've been around and are you going to bring back COVID? Like everything. I can't, I mean, it was totally different, but pre-vaccine, I feel like, but for the most part of people just here, at least felt relaxed, follow the rules, I guess, wear a mask when they need to, but it felt like the world

returned to normal. I don't know. It totally changed dating completely, but now it just, it feels like we're feeling pretty normal. I think we feel it a lot more here. I say we collectively, I'm grouping Australia. And I know that you guys, particularly you Raina, well i know you love australian men you've got a thing for i think there was a gardener oh yeah well this is my point a lot of australians don't love australian men purely for the fact that australian men are so different to american men australian men don't really want to approach you in the wild they don't they're not confident they won't go and just like make out with you oh yeah they love dating apps like when i listen to you guys talk about your fucking antics and

picking up and hooking up i feel like i need to tell every single australian girl to go and move to america because the all we get are people that like not new york men here just want to date online they're on it and but then they don't even want to meet you they want to talk to you for like three weeks four weeks straight maybe meet once and then that's it so no one's going out and meeting anyone so i look at you guys and i'm like fuck australians need to move to new york that's 100% what we need to do is it not that like people in your age range like is it not that like millennial males want to be in relationships like don't people want to fuck like don't people at want to like hang out have a good time and have sex yes yes they'd rather go to the bar and get

on the dating app at the bar Australian men are cooked like that I don't know if they're not romantic they're not confident enough to come up and speak to people this is why we always preach to the women we're like if you see someone you like go up yourself take it take the ball into your hands I mean I can only assume that there's a pretty big online dating culture in New York as well but like here it is like I would say that the online dating culture trumps in real life dating in that, you know, most people are not making connections out in the wild or out at a bar or whatever, you know, people just don't approach each other. And I think it's because of having a phone, it's like a barrier of protection. You know, you don't need to worry about being

disappointed or being like someone letting you down in real life because you've got that, you've got a phone there to kind of buffer. And that seems to be what a lot of Australian dating centers around now. Yeah. I mean, I think it's always uncomfortable to, it's always going to be uncomfortable to put yourself out there a little bit and nerve fracking and somebody can always make you, I guess, feel like a fool or embarrass you. But we always talk about on our show, like the worst thing that's going to happen when you approach somebody at a bar is that somebody is going to be kind of not into it or they have this significant other, but no one's going to shame you, laugh at you, make you feel really stupid, be like,

I can't believe you came over here. You know, that's, it's just, it's not a thing that's going to happen. And if it does, that person's a stranger. They're not a nice person. It has nothing to do with who you are, you know? Yeah. And everyone listening, Ashley and Rain have such a high success rate of hookups. So I think you should take their advice. If they tell you to go up to a girl, a guy in a bar, go up to the guy in a bar. Now I'm going to try to live up to that. I don't, the apps are not my preferred way to do it. I mean, I'm kind of hot right now on like getting set up and like, I'm approaching guy friends. And like, I even did it to my brother where I was like, I want you to set me up with this person. I want you to take seriously. And

like, you know what I mean? And kind of like thinking of people you already might know or friends of a friend and kind of like going that route. I think that's a great way to do it. Cause the apps are not like, I've never been super ideal for me. And Raina has always had a little more success with just like straight up meeting people in the wild, but I'm just trying to circumvent this like dating app system. I'm still on it, but it's just, I haven't had a high success rate of it ever really. I mean, I've gone on the dates, but never a second date, you know, more so I'm trying to like, even like the last person I probably slept with was like a friend of a friend you know guys i know that you have to run soon so i wanted to ask you with everything

that's been going on in the past couple years girls gonna eat is just going from strength to strength what is next for you guys well for girls gotta eat we have a nice year of tours and shows that we're really excited about that we're gonna take the summer off we've never done that just from touring not from the podcast we're gonna go to greece fashion's birthday but for the podcast we're on tour we have less guests this year it's going to be more of me and ashley which we love and we can just it feels like you're hanging out with your girlfriends that's how we want people to feel so we have a great year of less guests but also wonderful guests and ashley can take it from there for everything else we're doing that's kind of it i mean we are we're launching

something new we have an nda i don't know i'm not gonna give it away but we're launching like a whole new company in probably the next couple months. So you guys will see, I mean, we're just not talking about it yet or even like what it is. We just don't want it to get out there. So it's coming soon. So guys watch this space. That's all you're going to get. Yeah. I mean, it's really exciting. We've been working on it for, I mean, a year or even like thought, you know, in terms of the coming up with these things. And now I'm just like talking around it and being so vague, but anyway, it's what we've been working really hard on. If they're vibrators, can you send them straight to us? I'm really enjoying the suspense that you're building though. I think that

this is perfect pre-marketing for when you actually drop this. Whatever it is, we will get it to you guys. We obviously, we've been so invested in Girls Gotta Eat since the very, like the very beginning when we very first started this podcast. Fucking love you guys. And we love the pod and everything that you've put together. It's just amazing what you guys have built in the last couple of years. Are you guys coming back to Australia anytime soon for a tour? Oh my God, we want to. Yeah. Like we like love it so much. I think about it all the time. I was, and I was just like list I listened to this podcast the other day about Australia it was about I mean it wasn't like happy-go-lucky it was about the tennis player and then it just dealt with a lot

of like that you guys are been more locked down we need the lols like home yeah I know so I was just thinking I was like I just want to get back there I don't even want to work I mean we'll do a show I guess like if you guys but I just want to like just come and visit Reina Reina Wiley wants to find some bartender to spit in her mouth again that's probably what she's gonna want to do yeah that's a whole nother story you guys like the last sex i had before covid i yeah i fucked this bartender like all night long in a hotel where ashley and i were sharing a wall and i was like this is it this is where the friendship ends she has heard me begging for mercy while this guy no those walls are those walls at that hotel in brisbane are made of stone i heard nothing i was

just yeah are you still in contact with the speeding bartender um he for like maybe like a year because I mean, COVID hit right then and nobody had anything to do. So we would talk sometimes on WhatsApp, but no, I haven't. But if I ever went back, yes, I would. You're going back to that bar. The bar is called Felon's and he spit in my mouth like he meant it. So yes, I would go back. I wonder how many women are going to go try and track this guy down from that bar now. Our listeners told us to go. Our listeners were like, every hot guy in Brisbane is at this bar called Felon's. And we were like, say no more. Raina, of course, was like, wait, they're talking about the patrons. And Raina's like, no, that bartender. So like I had, she's like looking at

the staff. That's her vibe. Like I had to order a beer flight to like help her wingman. I was like, I don't want this beer. Ashley has this very funny photo of me like up at the bar trying to get this guy's attention. Guys, thank you so much for coming and joining us today for being part of the podcast. It's so good to see you both two years on. Congratulations on all the incredible success that you guys have had on the live shows. It's amazing for us to be able to like watch in as a flyer on the wall through social media. Drop where everybody can find you guys. I mean, you can listen to Girls Gotta Eat wherever you listen to podcasts and Apple or Spotify, wherever our website is, Girls Gotta Eat podcast. So there's tour dates on there,

new merchandise coming soon. And we are Girls Gotta Eat podcast on Instagram. Reina is reina.greenberg and I am Ash Hess. And thank you guys for having us. This was so wonderful. We love you guys. yeah these are my favorite podcasters this is the favorite podcast that i listen to so i can't recommend them enough so thank you guys loved having you oh we love you girls thank you and we'll see you in australia soon with your new vibrators at your live show i'll see you there guys you know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet our highlight and our low light of each and every week and this is it britney you can kick it off what has been your suck my suck has just got to be culmination of the week just moving I detest moving but I

finally settled and the burning of my cookies like I got a legit block of cookie dough I was so pumped for it and I was so pumped to bring it to like all my little radio friends like you know try and buy people's love with my baking and I just fucked it it was all black and so I'm going to try again next week just a heads up I'm trying again okay but the highlight is though that you now live closer to Bennett Street Dairy like you're literally up the street now so yeah I'm I'm in grass they probably smelt it burning they're probably like I can smell that what are you doing you're butchering my cookies actually I've got a little hot tip for you the amount of times that I've burnt those cookies and I sent a photo to them once and I was like how do I keep

on doing this I sent a photo to them and they said eat them with ice cream eat the burnt cookies with ice cream it's fucking great there you go really okay pretty great so now I've got to go buy ice cream okay my suite hasn't happened yet but it is about to we are taking the week to go up north I'm going up to Noosa we're going to a radio show in Brisbane I'm going to stay with my sister who i haven't seen in a while so i'm just really pumped to get up there and hope i don't get gastro like you did laura you're also staying with us we have got well brit organized a hotel room for us to have a night out in brisbane totally who are we we're coming for you bris vegas but we on thursday night have a hotel room booked and we're like slide into the dms tell us

what we should see and do in brisbane don't do that because i've already booked it we've only got one night don't tell us anything so next actually so this week we won't be doing our ask uncut episode just to kind of like pre-warn you guys that's because well it's Matt's mom's 70th birthday and so we're having this week to kind of make up for a lost Christmas so we're taking the rest of the week off but my suck for the week is definitely gastro far out I just can't even tell you how disgusting kids and daycare are like every week there's something like COVID then gastro it's fucked yeah about that childless by choice thing so on the day on the day of us flying here in one single day I got vomit on by Marley

I got human poo on me from Lola then I got Marley's poo on me then I cleaned vomit out of Lola's bed and then Lola screamed the whole way because her ears popped on the plane it was wild you're not selling this Laura that's not the benchmark for parenting that was a particularly bad day this is probably not the best episode to be putting that on well what's your sweet that's a particularly bad day okay but my sweet is that today we are heading over so it's pretty early here we're an hour ahead in Brisbane we're heading over to Stradbroke Island so we're going to be spending the rest of the week in Stradbroke Island even though Gastro followed us it was so awesome to get here and to see Matt's mum who we haven't seen since Lola was like two months old

and yeah we're just gonna spend some time with his family and I really absolutely struck gold on like the mum-in-law situation I love Matt's mum so I love spending time here less yeah and having someone cook me food and clean up after me it makes me really happy you're never coming home I never come all of our records are by zoom from now on but anyway guys that is it from us we will be back on saturday with the radio show we are skipping thursday as we said but if you guys want to listen live please jump on we are from 10 to 12 on the kiss network and you can listen to the radio show live or we also drop that into the podcast libraries on the saturday at 1 p.m keep sliding into the dms with your accidentally unfiltered your confessionals can't believe they

said that ask uncut anything that you think we should know about we want to hear about that is life uncut podcast on the gram and don't forget to join the discussion group life uncut discussion group on facebook that is where the juicy stuff goes down tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love