Life Uncut - F*ck Cancer, Britt's Wedding Dress And Is It OK To Publicly Call Out a Cheater?

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Hey Lifers! Laura has had a really heart breaking week. Her wonderful step father passed away last Tuesday night and today she shares some of the best bits of who he was as a man. We also have a conversation about living alongside grief and how life is somewhat expected to continue 'as normal' when you're experiencing it. Laura also shares how she's finding it challenging knowing how to explain what has happened to her two young daughters.Britt has tried on her first wedding dress and it brought her (and only her) to tears!The wedding date is closer than any of us expected! We have a bit of a laugh about what styles of dresses we expect Britt to pick. Was the dress you ended up choosing to be married in the 'style' that you expected or was it different?Is it best to publicly call out a cheater? We unpack the growing trend of people using Tiktok to call out what they think is cheating in an effort to out them and find the wronged partner to let them know. Is it always better to ‘expose’ them? Or do you think that is more humiliating for the person who has been cheated on?Is publicly calling out a cheater justified, or does it cause more harm than good? We mention an episode with a polyamorous family that we absolutely loved! You can listen here You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And if you guys listened to Thursday's episode, you would know that I wasn't on that ep. Laura was MIA and we had producer Keisha.

Did you guys? I don't even know. I haven't listened to it. We did the job, yes. We did put an episode out. How was it? It was great. More so, I don't even know what you said.

Did you explain why I wasn't there? No. Oh, yes and no. I think we just kind of alluded. We just said that you needed to have some family time at the moment. We just said you guys know Laura's had a lot going on with the family. And then Brittany had a house fire and I tried to steal some chicken from Woolworths. So you missed a lot.

Like really important, very vital information. Yeah, you actually missed that. It was a house fire. I nearly died in my sleep. I did see the picture of that. And speaking of death, that was terribly inconvenient, Britt. I was giving you a segue. Look, I mean, there's no other way to have this conversation, but you guys, I know normally

we start these episodes and we're all light and it's all funny and ha ha ha's. but the reason why I wasn't here was because I did have some full-on family stuff you guys know that over the last few months I've been speaking about Neil my stepdad who has been in palliative care and he has terminal prostate cancer so on Tuesday night last week Neil passed away and yeah it was really I mean like look it was really hard for the family we're all kind of going through the going through it now but he is not in pain anymore yeah and he fought right until the end like my god did that man fight he was really convinced that he was gonna get a miracle yeah and I know we spoke about it a couple months ago but I really just wanted to reiterate it

because so many of you were so amazing you guys messaged and said that you had gone home and had conversations with your dads or your uncles or your husbands around whether they had had their prostates checked and you know just starting the conversation because it's such a weird thing to talk to the men in our lives about it's not something that I think anyone has really ever sort of said or opened up that conversation and been like hey have you talked to your dad about his prostate I called my dad straight away and I was like dad when was the last time you had a finger up your butt but you don't even have to have a finger at your butt it's a blood test now that checks the PSA levels and you know Neil was only in his 60s like he's so young he was

diagnosed nine years ago and by the time he was diagnosed it was already stage four so at the time he was given five years to live like when we found out his diagnosis so he was on borrowed time and he lived for nine years and eight and a half of those years were amazing like really amazing but I guess that is the miracle you know because he got so much extra time that he didn't think he would have yeah you guys it meant he got to meet all of his grandchildren but yeah i guess i just wanted to reiterate and i'm so sorry that you're listening to the start of this and i'm crying i will pull my shit together i wanted to reiterate that if you haven't had that conversation with the men in your life don't just assume that they have done it because neil hadn't he hadn't gotten

his checks done that he needed to and there is this such immense sense of loss now because had maybe we would be in a different situation yeah so please go and do that and guys sorry I wasn't here last Thursday but you know it was very sad times you need to learn to stop saying sorry you don't need to apologize and the fact that you're even here today is a marvel like you absolutely did not have to be but I understand that that's also how you work which is to keep on keeping on it's not even that you know I had this conversation with my sister because so we spent last week with my mum and my sister and I have been tag teaming each other so that someone is with my mum but when you run your own businesses it's like the world just doesn't stop

spinning and I was saying this to you guys on the weekend you kind of have the grief that you're dealing with and then you have the guilt that you still have to crack on with some things that otherwise don't get done and it seemed frivolous at the time and I noticed some people who are listening to this who maybe aren't in the position of running their own businesses or are in positions where they can just say, Hey, you know what? I'm going to take a week off. And if that pisses you off, fucking deal with it. But it's been something that's been really hard. And so my sister and I have been trying to like manage and do the juggle and the dance between, you know, the work that needs to be done, especially over the weekend. Cause we had to be, we had this fucking terrible

time and this massive trade show. And it just was really sad. I was like, it was in this moment. I think this is, we've had a few deaths in our family over the last couple of years. You guys might even remember like two weeks ago, I was like, well, my nan passed away. Now my dad's passed away. You've had a rough, very rough trough. Yeah. But you know, sometimes trying to do everything just, it feels like a lot. That's all. And also you're a mom. Yeah. That doesn't stop. What? Where are my children? I have kids. To be honest, I think that that was like the hardest part. So, I mean, not to go into too much information, but on Tuesday, so Neil had gone into, he had been in palliative care at home for a really long time and then that became too much.

And so he had gone into the hospital, which I think everyone realised that when he went into the hospital and had put the line in for morphine that he would never come home again this time. But we were there all day on the Tuesday. They can't tell you how long it's going to take, like the process of end of life. They'll say it could be a day. It could be four days. It could be a week.

Like you just don't know. And it's like people's individual bodies deciding when they want to shut up shop. And so we were there all day, me and my sister had been there in the morning, Neil's two children, Chris and Sarah, and my mum, and we just spent all day there by his side. And then I left to go and put my kids to bed with the intention of coming straight back, and when I was on the way back, that's when I got the call.

And so I still made it back in time to be with him, but I wasn't there when he passed away. And it was so hard because you're, like, trying to do all the things. Well, you're like, I've been here the whole time. I've been here all day. God damn it, Neil. Did you wait for me to leave? Possibly.

But I think that that's just such a unique situation in this in that, you know, your life is expected to go on as normal, especially if you have young children who you don't want to expose to things that are as dark and as heavy as this and you have other responsibilities. And like you said, no matter whether it's a business that you run or whether you just have life responsibilities, like I think it's a very hard thing to navigate grief,

caring for someone and also life continuing on as normal and how you do that dance of like get straight back into life as normal so that you can try and distract yourself from the grief or do you sit in the grief and let yourself completely process it and assume that life can just pause like it can't these things can't you can't have it in a binary way it's got to kind of exist at the same time and I think that's really really hard for people who are expected to turn up to their job and be like, okay, I'm going to have a team's meeting today and I'm going to try and not cry. And I think as well, it's not linear, right? Like, so even since Tuesday, I've had days that I didn't feel as much grief. And then I've had moments where it's just smacked me and, and I,

I feel so much my mom. So like I said, mom's lost her mom and then she lost her husband all in the space of 10 days. So I kind of feel like we have to put everything that we feel aside because what she's going through is the biggest thing at the moment it's not even just a grief of losing someone in your life it's also the grief that you take on from your mum's grief because the the empathy that you feel for those around you that you know are hurting in a way more so than you like a different kind of hurt you know it's your stepdad but he's been there since you were like 15 they've been together for 20 years but it's her life partner and so I know I haven't lost a parent but I know what I would feel for my parent when one of them loses each other. Like what I would feel like I

would take on, you know, for your mom. So you're taking on, it's almost like two different kinds of grief in a way. And I know that there will be some people who will relate to this because they've lost people that they love. And I know that there will be other people listening to this who haven't experienced this part of life yet, but it's a really fucking grim reality that we are all at some point going to experience this. And I think one of the big things, and maybe I haven't handled this well yet I really am unsure about how to talk about death with the kids Lola I'm not worried about she's three she kind of doesn't really process what's happening but Marley's a real sensitive soul and kind of we just had the conversation about Nana and I haven't told

her yet about far so I'm gonna tell her tonight but that's been really tricky because I don't know if i'm doing it right i don't know what the right process is for helping a kid understand that they're not around anymore what did you tell her about your nan so we i mean we're not religious in our household so you know i grew up very much knowing or believing that there was a heaven and hell and so that kind of really put death into perspective i remember when my great nana died and my mom was like she's dead now you can't come to the funeral she's in heaven and i was like wow Heaven sounds great, but because that's not something that we believe in. And, you know, I grew up to form my own beliefs and I don't know what I believe in. That's the problem.

So we've always had the process so far. We say that Papa is, he's in the stars. He's watching over us. He's not here. We can't see him, but he's always around us. And I think Marley understands that to some extent, but then sometimes, for example, so when we're, if we're in the car and it's a cloudy day, she'll burst out. So it's nighttime, right? It's a cloudy night and you can't see the stars she'll burst out crying because she'll be like papa can't see me he doesn't know where I am and so and she didn't even really know papa she only met him when she was really little but far has been such a huge part of her life for five years and so this one will be very different to explain to her that's all I mean I'm not religious at all but I'm only

really thinking about this for the first time now because we're having this conversation not religious but I would be explaining this to a small child in my life like heaven I think I would still say heaven and I think that's because it's just a nice belief of the next part of life and I think for a child it's nice to know that there's like another world and I guess you can explain that however you want like they've moved on to their next chapter but it's funny if a not religious person I would say that I would even say that comment now to somebody I'd say well they're in heaven now which is weird because I don't believe in it's hard because you know I think as a culture especially if you're not religious I personally feel as though death is

easier to process perhaps if you believe that there is an afterlife that there is something else coming I agree and I think it's very hard when you believe you know I'm agnostic and I feel very similarly to you and I would feel conflicted telling my kids something that I didn't personally believe even though it would make that experience easier then what happens when it gets to the point where you're like well you're able to make your own decisions about what you think happens i i i really i don't have any advice i can just relate to how complex it would be we are not child psychologists if you are one and you i mean you have very limited time to slide into my dms because this conversation is happening very soon but yeah i agree i also i mean we are

very much as parents we approach things as being as honest as possible so I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible for her but I haven't worked up the courage myself to have the conversation because every time I have it I'm in tears and I don't want that to scar her or to be said anyway it's a fucking whole thing guys it's all happening and here we are at work talking about it I don't but I think this is the right place to talk about it to be sorry just say that again because I I snorted straight into the microphone. It's okay. Keep the snorting, Keisha.

It's the surround sound. You were inside my sinuses. It is the – we really want to take you guys on a full journey here. I don't think we have much understanding of how many times I cut out Laura being a little pug. You guys don't know this. I have incredibly small – Oh, segue.

I have incredibly small sinuses and I was supposed to have like sinus surgery when I was in my 20s. Never did. So I snort like 400 times a day. Matt says it's my anthem. I have almost, at the start, five years ago, it bothered me a lot because all I could hear in my head was mucus all day. I do.

I go, pfft. And now I barely notice. A hundred times a day. It's like a French bulldog. The phlegm, sometimes you hear when the phlegm gets stuck in the back of your throat. Yeah, it's a real journey. Guys, you're welcome, okay?

I cut it all out, but we have to hear it. Now, you know, also, I was going to do it. I was going to do it. But then I was like, well, if I'm going to do it, I'll just get the nose fixed as well. I mean, not that I need to, but I'll just get a little. and then this all happened post bachelor. And I was like, no one will ever believe I'm going to do it because I have sinus problems. To be fair, I was with a friend recently who did have

rhinoplasty and she also, she didn't know she did it for aesthetic reasons, but she got into the consultations and she realized that she had a deviated septum to the point that it was blocking a lot of her sinus. So good. So she got both done at the same time. So hers was for almost like the opposite reason she wanted it for aesthetic purposes ended up getting it for like physical purposes as well and now she's like people breathe like this oh that was what my sister so so my sister's hard of hearing she wears hearing aids that is what she said when she finally got hearing aids at 27 she put them in she's like what's that and I was like what she's like is that a bird and I'll never forget going you've never heard that I said what would you hear right now she's

like nothing silence I would think it was silent outside it's amazing it was just a bird in the tree being like tweet tweet whatever it does wow and she's like I can't believe what I've been missing out on my whole life if you ever want to just like consume really wholesome content as anytime I feel really depressed about my life I like to go and watch children who have had cochlear implants and have them turned on for the first time that's what I felt like watching Sherry if you want a really good cry but no look a full circle around talking about Neil Neil Lendrum, he is and was an amazing man. He was a musician.

He played every single brass instrument under the sun. The bugle. He did every Anzac Day. He was up playing the goddamn bugle. He was so instrumental. I know Wollongong's a small town, but he was so instrumental in like the Wollongong music scene. He loved a Hawaiian shirt.

He had the fucking worst dad jokes and dad puns that you've ever heard. And he fought so hard right until the very end. And, yeah, we love you, Far. We love you. Peace out. Please have Hawaiian shirts at the funeral. You guys didn't see that. Laura just peaced out when she said she loved you.

They had a Hawaiian-themed wedding and it's a Hawaiian-themed funeral round to the end. That is how I think of him when I think of him, is just the brightest, most glaring Hawaiian shirt possible. Like I don't think I ever saw him without a Hawaiian shirt on. It's all he owned. That was it. That was like part of his identity and his DNA.

No, never. Oh, love you, Neil. He also fucking loved a beer. But, like, I know I've said it so many times now, but I'll reiterate one last time. Whatever you're doing right now, send your dad a text and ask him if he's had his prostate checked. And if he says, like, that's weird, ask him again.

And if he says he hasn't, badge him until he goes and gets it done. And hug your loved ones. All I want to do now is drive up to Port Macquarie and see my parents. Hawaiian shirts on for Neil. Yeah. Put your Hawaiian shirts out on your lawn. Don't you, Miranda? Hanging your Hawaiian shirts out for fun.

Oh, blit. Britt, okay, I know I've taken the start of this, but you actually have some very, very cute and exciting news from the weekend. It's hard to come off that. No, I'm fucking mad. I'm going to put it out there. So I'll tell you why I'm mad because I feel like you are gatekeeping

information that should never be gatekept from me. Like the engagement? No, the engagement I'm okay with. Like that made great content. viral videos all for that can i this part i'm not okay with there's a lot of pointing going on we're talking about wedding chat now okay before we get into that i just want to say laura and i i feel like are in each other's souls right now so laura and i have never in our life worn a black shirt with thumb holes to work never in our life and today out of five years on the

same day we both woke up and thought i'm gonna put a long sleeve black shirt on with thumb holes and wear it to work and so we both it looks like we're like do you know what this one is this one's the darling shine bodysuit one but here's a hot tip i can't wear the shorts under jeans it's too hectic for me so i cut the shorts off so it's just now a top it's a top now but i've got two of them so i've got the bodysuit one and i've got a top maybe they could make an alternative that's normal underwear on the bottom and that can be the life uncut one they really need to make just a top version why don't they collab with life uncut now darling shine bye we love you we love you jokes we love you we love you guys anyway your holes look great los thanks so thanks your

sinus holes don't sound great but at least your finger holes look good oh one other thing can we just talk about your wedding dress yeah okay i tried on my first wedding dress and i is i don't know if this is cringe or not I wasn't expecting to feel much to be honest I thought that I was just going to try on a dress and be like oh I like that or I like this or whatever didn't overthink it and I walked out I just want to make me sound like such a wanker I was just with my friend Kim who also happens to be my stylist that I use but we've been friends for five six years seven years and I walked out and it was this beautiful big room with like ceiling to floor mirrors that were like 20 meters long it was a stunning room and Kim was in the background and I walked out and

I caught myself in the mirror and I started crying she's like I look so beautiful I'm myself such a beautiful bride and then I looked around at Kim and she wasn't crying I was like Kim fake it I'm like where are your tears she was like I'm sorry I was just in like structure stylist mode I was sick and I was like would cry for me yeah cry for me hang a veil for me no I had tears in my eyes and it wasn't no you fuckers it wasn't because I thought I'm a beautiful bride such a beautiful bride I am so you would have looked beautiful I we're taking the piss for sure like it looked great but that's not the point it was just a moment of like like I'm it's real I'm only crying because of you but I was like oh my god like I actually found someone

wants to marry me he only sees you for four weeks a year brit he doesn't know what you're really like that's why that's why the tears were in disbelief are we just gonna cry this whole episode no i just had a real moment because i don't know it's like we've talked about a thousand times but i'm not saying 37 is old i am not saying that but i have just battled with some red flags a long time you kiss some frogs and you do go through you go through that treacherous mountain the highs and the lows of thinking like okay it's not going to happen for me that's fine I'm so happy on my own and then you meet someone and then you think that's it and then it doesn't then you're like okay here we are again in the pond I'm fine but then to have found the person and no it's not

easy for us we don't see each other often and it's a real battle but to feel like I have found the person and it was the first moment I was like oh I'm actually getting married like I'm going to have a husband because it's easy to be like I'm getting married whatever but I haven't thought about it we hadn't picked a venue or a date until a couple of days ago and then so it was the first moment I was like oh this is happening also the wedding part it is so exciting but I also think when you're in the process of it you then start to think about well then what does life look like after because the wedding is just a day right it's just a wedding but then it's the marriage Brits will be so much longer than one day sorry mine's going for three days it's the celebration

of brit we just know it's the 38th hour it's gonna be more than that it's gonna be like 50 hours okay so back to the most important stuff i know this is beautiful i'm thrilled for the tears i don't see any tears yet i haven't seen the dress so i can't cry for you did you take photos i so i messaged brit straight away catholic so i messaged you straight away and i was like show me show me the dress and brit's response was i've decided i'm going to keep it a secret it no I said I think I might keep it a surprise which you've kept it a surprise so far I still haven't seen it and I feel dirty because I'm like I showed you mine it's like I showed you mine show me yours spread it I don't know I feel like there's a part of me that was like I've waited so

long that I just want you bitches to be surprised so is this the one have you picked it no I don't think it's the well okay put it this way it's the first dress I've tried on and the only dress I haven't tried another dress on yet I just wanted to put it on you just went and put one dress on correct okay well I remember Laura talking about it and I remember you saying that you had a certain idea of what you thought you would wear and then you tried on quite a few that were in that style and you realized that whether you suited a different style more or you just changed your idea of what you wanted changed this is fun what do you guys see me in let's play this game I only see you in this because you've already said what you wanted you wanted something that was backless

so that was your original yeah you said you wanted something backless and I can't remember you said high neck or not but I think from memory it was high neck and backless but is what do you see me in high neck and backless because that's what you said or if there's a fucking turtleneck if there is a weight incorporated turtleneck I'm doing it I see you in something quite sleek something quite like not figure hugging but definitely like around the shape of your body It would surprise me if you came out in like a cupcake or ball gown style, you know, dress. I agree, but I also think it's going to be lacy.

I don't think it'll be sleek material. I think it's going to be lacy and decally and shit. Decal-y? Yeah, I love a decal-y and shit. I don't know if you decal the wedding dress, do you? Well, like, no, when I say decal, I mean it's like the lace. Like the decal is the lace. Don't want it up.

No, no, lace is a type of. All right. Okay, so put it this way. I don't think it is the one. but that's only because I haven't tried anything else. Having said that, if I woke up on my wedding day and they were like, oh, my God, this is the only dress you can wear, I'd be stoked. So, like, I loved it, but I think it's too soon to say the one.

To call it. Yeah, so that's where I feel like I'm at. I, of course, want to try on loads more, and it was one style, so I want to try on different styles. It was one backless style with a high neck. It was one turtleneck. It was a turtleneck. I feel like I can read you.

Okay, I will say Zara. So, Britt flew to Melbourne on the weekend. and she tried on wedding dresses, and now the next stop is to go to Bali to look at wedding venues. It's fucking – I'm stoked. Yeah, so Keisha and I are heading to Bali in a couple of weeks on our joint birthday. Yeah, Britt's birthday present is that we're getting up at –

we've got to get to the airport at 4 o'clock in the morning to fly off on our birthday, although I am very excited. Yeah, so we're going – it's a super quick trip, four days in Bali. We've got one day – Keisha doesn't even know this, sorry. Happy birthday. We are going to look at a couple of venues. I know the one I want. I don't know if it's going to be available.

And I think we're doing a tasting, food tasting as well, at a venue I don't even want. Sure. We love a tasting. We do love food. Oh, they're not listening. I'm joking. So that was it.

That was the start of the wedding journey. But, guys, what I will say is we only have one time of the year we can get married and it's not that long away. So the wedding is not as far. It's under a year. It's not as far away as I would have probably liked, especially if someone is as disorganised as myself. You do need to get him pinned down so he can't change his mind.

Like nine months. What, change his mind about me? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, we've moved it forward to next week. I found a dress. It's next Tuesday. Zara will do.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, Ben, it has to be next week. The date has been brought forward. Now, Britt, I know that you are not a big TikToker. You're not someone who's on TikTok. no I have not been sucked into that vortex and I am proud of that I mean you did start in when I was asking Instagram page you started a TikTok page and then it's got nothing on there I got followers I got peer pressured to start like one post yeah I put peer pressure years ago so I put one up and then I was like this is the worst like I'm too old for this not too old it's

just a no wow like there's so many mean people on there I mean it works very differently to the way Instagram works. And I enjoy the storyline aspect of TikTok. Like I enjoy how people create almost like mini series around what's happening in their lives. And I get sucked into the vortex of the doom scroll, but there's something that I have noticed quite a bit of now. This is not a new trend, but it is something that is increasing in popularity. And that is people exposing cheating on TikTok. There's two versions of it, which I find so fucking fascinating. There's people who are exposing their cheating exes we spoke about this a couple of weeks ago on radio but then there's also another version of this that's emerged over the last couple of years and that is people

who think that they have witnessed cheating out in the public maybe they're at dinner they overhear a conversation it's almost as though it's a vigilante and what they'll do is they will video the people who they think are cheating and then get the internet to do the work right and these sorts of viral like they go so viral because people I mean firstly we know just from doing this podcast people fucking hate cheating if there's anything in this world that people hate it is cheating and being cheated on and people who cheat right like there's no being like seven dollars yeah it's really expensive coffee people that don't share their but there's absolutely no grace for it and even times when we've had conversations around cheating on the podcast

we have received negative feedback for ever even having reasons to not to justify it but to say that there's many shades of gray as to why people cheat which i am going to double down on that guys and we'll talk about it but cheating isn't black and white i am going to say that come for me okay all right but in the instance okay so there's one that i found the other day and i was like so drawn into the cesspool that it was the storyline so it's put up by a woman whose tiktok handle is underscore it's dot Casey and it's called the Cheddar's cheating. Right. So she was at alliteration. She was at a, yeah, it's real good. That was where it all started. That's why it went viral. So she was at a Cheddar's restaurant. She was sitting in a booth with her wife and she

overheard a man sitting next to her, having a conversation with the woman. Now she realized that he had a wedding ring on the woman he was speaking to did not have a wedding ring on. And they were talking about, well, the conversation they were having was around how he was married his wife was away and how they had been friends for 20 years but she had referred to him as her boyfriend so it's all very very suspicious have a little listen to this we're at the restaurant we're eating we're at cheddar's girl walks in sits in the booth beside us says i'll have whatever she's drinking i'm waiting on my boyfriend 10 minutes later old dude walks in sits down they're chit-chatting whatever i noticed he's wearing a wedding ring i remember that she

said she's looking on her boyfriend so we hear him say that they've been friends for 20 years and how she can't wait to meet his daughter in a couple weeks at worlds of fun apparently she's supposed to go to kansas city we have this all on recording we recorded the whole thing i mean i don't know it seemed like they were cheating because well why were you wearing a wedding ring you're her boyfriend she's not i don't it was just weird i really don't know at this point i was really just hoping somebody would see it no and it would just kind of be squashed and then now here we are so it's still all open in the air right now i find anything out i mean i'm gonna let y'all know but i'm not deleting the videos in case the wife needs them for whatever reason

so if you're the wife and you want them you're more than welcome to them but anyway thanks for the support. Thanks for the support. What a wank. So she sat in this restaurant and she has filmed this man and woman. She has put their faces on TikTok for TikTok to do the work. TikTok does the work. Don't get me wrong. Like people are such good investigators. Now I have a few questions about this because on one hand, if I was in that situation and I genuinely thought a guy that was sitting at the table and his mistress were having an affair, I would be filled with some sort of rage but there's so many conclusions that she has drawn without having the full picture just from the little bits of information that she has heard but she filmed him and put it on the internet

and I think that like I mean firstly the defamation part of that but I think it really now to me feels as though some of these cheating exposes have gone beyond trying to do the right thing and like let the wife or the person who's being hurt in that relationship know and it's actually all just for followers and content and engagement? I have such a huge problem with this. I think that this is such an invasion of privacy and so disgusting and there is no part of her that thinks she needs to go out there and be a woman's woman and save the world and figure out if they're cheating.

She wants traction on TikTok. She wants followers. She wants comments. Let's be really real here. That is what she wants. There is nothing that I heard in that conversation that screams cheating or affair. They've been friends for 20 years. I'd be looking forward to meeting my friend's kid of 20 years too.

No, I think that's like the second video. The first video was definitely more damning, but funnily enough, even though she said she wasn't going to delete it, she did delete it. But I assume she deleted it because of defamation reasons. But the first video, you would assume from the storyline that there was cheating going on. But regardless of whether there is or isn't, I don't know. My question is, is it a complete stranger's responsibility

to hold up the moral compass for how people should be behaving? But you're also making an assumption that they're in a monogamous relationship and it's cheating. Let's look at relationships right now in 2024. There is no quote unquote normal relationship. There are open relationships. There are semi-open relationships. We had an interview here with a quad relationship, four people in a relationship.

Oh my God, please put that in the show notes. Like a quad is like two couples that came together and now they're four people who live together and have babies all together. And they don't know who's the biological dads are because they decided for their relationship that they're all parents. so it didn't matter to them. But my point is you're making such a huge assumption there that you know everything about this relationship that it's wrong. Then the invasion of privacy to film their faces and film their conversation, a private conversation secretly and throw it on the internet

so you can get some clout is not right for me. Well, I think that comment section to me was pretty revelatory. Like the comment section was very divided. Some people are for it. Some people are for the call-out culture around cheating. And one of those comments was, as a wife who was cheated on, thank you. I understand the wife might want to remain anonymous, but I felt like such a fool when I discovered my ex's affair. I was totally humiliated and so hurt. However, other people are like, mind your own business. So you put their lives on blast without knowing if it was cheating or not, or if the wife even wanted it to be public. I feel so conflicted about this Because I think that there are instances where this type of vigilante move and putting something

on social media, especially if the wife or partner can have anonymity, can be helpful. But I do think because in so many instances, this type of content has gone viral and it has been such a hugely engaged with piece of content, people are now using it opportunistically. Yeah. And I want to be clear here. I mean, it's very situational. I think that if it's the right situation and the right relationship, that it's something that you should do is let somebody know that maybe their spouse is cheating on them. Maybe if you know them

better than a stranger at Cheddar's Cheese, which sounds like a terrible restaurant. I would never go to Cheddar's. Cheddar's please don't sue us. I'm sure you're great. But what I think about here is if you don't know these people, you don't know the wife, you do not know what she would do with this information, but you've taken that away from her. If she found out that her partner was cheating on her. You don't know that they might want to keep that to themselves, that they might want to work through it. They might want to understand more about it, but you've taken that option from her. You have plastered it on the internet. You have made everyone in that town aware or in the state, in the city, however viral TikTok goes, you have made everyone aware before her of what

is happening or possibly happening in her relationship. In your bid to try and find her. And in your bid to find her, like, do you think that that is the right thing to do, to take that choice from her and take what could maybe be a very private situation that could have been resolved and let's be real, humiliate her. That's what it's going to do. I don't know. I feel maybe a little bit differently about it too. I don't have as strong feelings about it. I think that there are some instances where this can be positive. I don't think every instance is the same as this one. For example, there is a website, it's actually a Facebook page, and they have them in all different cities around the world, but it's Cis Is This Your Man, right? I've been part of

the group for a long time. I've seen it work in negative ways and I've seen it work in really positive ways where it's been a tool to help women identify predatory men in their area. So for example, some posts that might be put on Cis Is This Your Man would be a woman who's had a terrible experience with a person on online dating. And I think the thing that is different for me and what kind of stands out on that sort of Facebook account is that if somebody posts, and because it is kind of like doxing, right? Like you could put up something that may not have validity to it, right? You could put up something and say, this guy is such an asshole. He did this, this, and this to me and fabricate a story. But it's actually the comments underneath

that corroborate the story. So one that I saw not so long ago was a woman had posted a guy that she'd met with on online dating. She kind of wanted to know if anyone else had had any experiences with this man. And I think it was because she had gotten the feeling that maybe it was a bit off, like maybe he was a bit off, but she wasn't trusting her instincts. And so many women who had had really negative experiences with this man on online dating were like, oh my God, he's still around. He's still the same behavior. He stalked me for months. So I think in those instances, it can be beneficial. But for me, it's about the reason why, like, why are you putting that out there? What is it that you want to gain from it? And do you actually genuinely want the person

who has been cheated on or has been wronged to find out this information or are you doing it for likes and engagement? I saw a version of this on one of those Facebook pages. There are other ones that are called like, are we dating the same guy? Like they exist kind of across the world under different names. And I saw a version of this that I thought was the best version of how to do this. For starters, it was in one of the Facebook groups. So it was a closed group. It was an anonymous post. So this person was absolutely not trying to get clout whatsoever. Put up a photo of a group of three men. Their caption was, I was at, they said the name of the hotel. I don't want to say it because I'll get kicked out of the group again.

I was at this particular hotel on Sunday at 3.30 and if this is your partner the guy and she described what he was wearing I want you to reach out to me because not only is he cheating on you but the friends around him are enabling it they were speaking so negatively of you it made me feel sick to my stomach I did take a secret video of this so that I could show it to you please get in contact or like you know find out who this is so that I'm able to send it to you because I just feel so sorry for the horrible way that he is speaking about you. They were mocking you and the fact that you believed the stories that he was telling you when, you know, he was cheating on you. And I saw it and I was like, that's the best version of this I've ever seen because that's

someone who truly does actually want to go, you're being treated like shit and I want you to know the truth so that you can stop being with this loser. But even in saying that, I mean, the outcome's still the same as what you say, Britt. You're still posting it online. The only way to find that person is by so many other people in her surrounding network to find her first. And I think it's different when it's done like that, as opposed to a fabricated story that this woman has made up in her head in Cheddar's. She's heard a few pieces of information and put a whole story together, films them without their consent and plastered it over TikTok with allegations. Like that for me, I'm like, I'm sorry, but at a stretch, mate.

Also, when you're overhearing conversation, you don't get full context. But I do question though, if I was in a situation where I was sitting in a bar and I heard a guy talking about his wife or his girlfriend in a absolutely like revolting way, or he was disclosing information that I thought was truly problematic, what would I do? How would I get justice for that person who I felt had been wronged so much? Would I just go home at nighttime and go, okay, well, I know, no idea who she is, nothing I can do about it. Or would I feel compelled to try and do something? I'm not sure. I've not been in that situation. I definitely wouldn't make a mini series about it on TikTok, but I do think that there is something that would need to be done. You know, I wouldn't feel okay with just going home, going to bed. I'd probably say something to him, to be honest. If I overheard someone talking like that about, if they were sitting right next to me, plain as day, I would probably say something to them for sure. That's an interesting point though. Do you think that

if this becomes the norm, if so many people are outed, if so many cheaters are outed on social media, do you think that cheaters will think twice about cheating? No, they'll just do it better. Cheating has increased because of how easy it is to do because of social media, because of online dating. Cheating has certainly not decreased in time and people's will to cheat hasn't changed. I just think people have found new creative ways to do it. That's all. Back in the day you'd have to go to a hotel and organize a time on your landline and now you can find some hot chick on Instagram and slide into their DMs like the ease of cheating has become more accessible and also not wearing a ring like she wasn't wearing a ring I always am not wearing my ring

I always would take my ring off to go to the gym I do find you very suspicious but you know what I mean like and I have a lot of male friends if I took my ring off because I went to the gym and then I went to lunch after I met my friend who I'm very close with a guy who's very good looking I would hug him hello we are very close would probably hold hands across the table if we were like having a moment being like I'm so proud of you or whatever if you were looking and I'm just trying to think of one particular friendship I have if you were looking at us from the outside you would 100% think we were together and if you didn't know me well but you knew sort of you know my situation you'd probably be like is Brittany doing the dirty you would probably think

the same thing yeah I wish I had the audio from the deleted tiktok the very first one because it definitely was more damning than just that. She was talking about how she had a husband named Travis and she was so like, like happy that she wasn't in the situation that he was in having to break the news to him, you know? So she, so there was, there was more, that's what I'm saying. It definitely had all of the ingredients to be a cheating situation. But I think regardless of whether it was interpreted poorly or not, the big question is, is whether it's appropriate to blast someone else's personal life on a social media platform in the bid to find the person that you think has been wronged i think also if it's someone who has been cheated on there would be an

element of them exposing a different cheater of getting a bit of justice for their own situation of getting a little bit of closure of being like i fucking wish that this this happened to the person who did this to me and that they were humiliated publicly i guess it depends on the intentions of the person who's creating the content and that's such a hard thing because you can have multiple intentions in the exact same situation you could have the intention of wanting this person to face the music of their actions but you can also kind of be like i want to get a little bit of closure from when i was mistreated and i remember like i mean i guess if you're gonna do it commit to it this is what i'm about to say but brits come full circle she's like

docs them no because i no not i still stand by what i stand by what i said but i remember my psychopath ex i remember getting a dm from like a random account that had obviously made the account to contact me they didn't want to be known and they were like just want to let you know he's cheating on you whatever and he was right but I didn't know that so you believed him well yeah so I was well I was like okay loser like anonymous person so I wrote back to her and I was like oh okay cool send me what you know I don't want to say anymore I'm like so you're you've gone to the effort to just say hey your boyfriend's cheating and then that's it when I've asked you any details any facts to like corroborate the story there's nothing I guess my point is like

if you were going to go to that effort do it like the story Keisha said where it's like hey like I wanted to let you know this I'm not going to humiliate you completely I do have stuff if you want to talk to me privately and I'll help you figure out where because if that girl had actually spoken to me about what she knew and there was a bit of evidence maybe I wouldn't have gone through the trauma that I went through for the next two years yeah but that's just an incredibly immature way to deal with it. We actually had an ask and cut not that long ago. Somebody got to their car one day and found a note on the car and it was like, your boyfriend's cheating on you. And our advice in that instance was believe your boyfriend over a note that has no context. So my, I mean,

my advice is the same. It's the same thing we discussed on that ask and cut. If you're going to tell someone that they've been cheated on, if you feel like you need to take the moral high road, then you need to take the responsibility to give the information. And you also need to take the responsibility to do the aftercare because that person's life has just come crashing down their identity the things that they love that what they thought they knew in that person and you can't just drop that bomb and then not be there to make sure that they're okay it doesn't work like that I think also especially in Australia where we have such tight defamation laws if you're gonna do this kind of thing you want to be sure yeah you want to be absolutely sure that

what you're posting is true because if it's not and you've misinterpreted a situation and the person on the receiving end of it is able to prove that, you could face legal implications. I mean, most people are not going to go down that avenue, but it's possible. Like you can potentially very much upend someone's life in this type of situation and without all of the facts, you could get some role. Well, who are you doing it for at the end of the day? That's the question. okay guys accidentally unfiltered time and i did have a little cackle at this one on a meeting that was running five minutes over the expected time frame i also want to mention it was a friday afternoon at 5 p.m grim now thinking that i was on mute i said very loudly hurry the fuck up karen

oh and then i looked down and realized that no i definitely was not on mute the sound was definitely on. And to top it off, the meeting was recorded. I haven't had the courage to look it back yet. Jesus Christ. What do you do? Oh, sorry. Is her name really Karen? Because that couldn't be better. Nothing worse than someone who doesn't, who doesn't stick to time, but honestly. No, nothing worse than thinking that you're on mute. That's happened to people before. We've had a really good accidentally unfiltered where someone farted thinking that it's mine. But you know what happens? So if you're on Zoom or on FaceTime and you know how you have, like if you've got multiple people in the group so you've got multiple people in the group and

then the person who's talking or making noise comes to the front yeah so this girl wrote in an accidentally unfiltered story thinking she was on mute and she farted and her face just came to the front so there's no way of hiding where the fart came from like it was only a few weeks ago I think I told you guys, maybe, maybe I did it. Maybe I was going to take it to the grave. I'll tell it now anyway. But you know, I don't pass wind in front of Ben. I don't whiz pop.

We know. We know. It's so weird. Unleash it. We're on FaceTime and we just FaceTime sometimes for hours doing nothing. Like we'll cook together. We don't always talk. He'll be doing his stuff because we just like to be in each other's presence.

And then like when something comes, we'll chime in anyway. I don't know if I thought I was on mute. I don't know if I forgot I was on FaceTime. I don't know what happened in that moment, but I did have a lapsing judgment and I just let one rip and it just ripped and it was not cute and it was not soft. I still didn't clock it. I let it rip and then I hear this, did you just fart?

And my eyes were like, what? What? No. He's like, yes, you did. He's like, did you forget I was here? And then I didn't want to let him know that it was an accident, So I pretended I meant to. That's even dumber.

So dumb. I was like, yeah, I thought it was about time. Trying to spice things up. Anyway, I was mortified. It's so normal in our life. So uneventful. A fart's just like, whatever. Oh, no.

I remember every fart I've ever done. It's as common as I love you in our household. Simultaneously? We say I love you is like the end of sentences. I'll be like, you know, I've got to go. I love you. I love you is all the time. I do that.

And that's as common as the farts are. Well, then you need to eat some different food because farts shouldn't be that frequent. People fart like 40 times a day. What's the average time that people fart? I'm going to look this up. It's very important information. 10 to 20 times a day.

Do you average 10 to 20 farts a day? Matt averages more by far. It says more when you eat certain foods that are more difficult to digest like beans or raw vegetables. Oh, Laura posts MSG. Wow. You don't want to be in that room. India was not good to my guts, let me tell you.

It took me about three weeks to recover. Sometimes Laura's like, you want to get tired tonight? And I'm like, no, thanks. Absolutely not. Oh, I know. Well, that's going to end up with the boogal. The boogal. Ew.

All right. Anyway, what is your suck and sweet for the week, Brittany Hockley? My suck, well, in light of Laura's week, I had a great week. Like I don't want to contribute to a suck this week because you probably had the suckiest week that you've had all year. You can still have a suck. No, it's just you can't compare your week to it. Sucks are not a competition, Britt.

We're not competing for the sucks. Well, you win. You win. Yeah, you're like, I had a really bad day and I'm like, well, my stepdad died. Exactly. So we're not doing a suck this week. My sweet this week would have to be the fact that I locked

in my wedding week, like my wedding week, my wedding day, but it is a week. The festival of Brittany and Ben. Yeah, yeah, and you're going to cry. I will cry for you. Well, if you don't, I'll be upset. I'll make sure that I'm front and centre and I cry. I'll be right there crying.

It's going to be a lot. I can't. I think anyway, anyway, that's my sweet. All right. Well, look, I also, you guys know my suck for the week, but I do want to say my sweet. So Neil went into Bulleye Palliative Care. That was the hospital.

So it's a specialist palliative care unit there. And the nurses were amazing. They were so caring. They were so empathetic. The whole way in which they run that unit there was just really, really kind. And I think it had families at the forefront. and I for that am really grateful I had one of the nurses from Bullay Hospital she must be a

listener to the podcast if you're listening thank you so much but she slipped into my dms the next day to say how sorry she was that Neil had passed away and she didn't want to come and introduce herself because that would have hi I listened to your podcast yeah one of those like read the it wasn't the time but I really did appreciate the message the next day and yeah just how much they took such beautiful care of him and I'm sure they would love to hear that like they would love to know that their work is appreciated because it's hard. Like what an amazing, I know we had Hospice Nurse Julie on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, which was an incredible episode.

If you miss that and you have anyone in your life who is going through terminal or is palliative in palliative care, it's a truly amazing episode to listen to. But it takes a very special, unique person to work in that type of care because you deal with loss after loss after loss, and they must be just the most empathetic kind people because that's everything that we experienced. It was amazing. And the family's grief of the loss. Like there's a lot.

So that's a really nice sweep. Yeah. Yeah. And there was, I mean, in the time that Neil was in there, there was like three people who'd passed away. So it's like a very, I don't even know how they do it. I genuinely don't. But that was a small little glimmer of a highlight in a very,

very sad week. Well, we love you, Lewis. Yeah. And guys, go and check your prostates, literally, if you have one. If you love the episode, leave a review. go watch it on youtube you know all the shit and the drill and tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love don't make me do it on my own i don't know i was looking at you with like love eyes i don't know why that was weird

Thank you.