Life Uncut - Foster Girlfriend, Dickmatized and Kittenfishing - Talking modern day dating terminologies

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

Lifers, it's Tuesday and we are back with a hot little episode to get in your ear holes.In case you haven't noticed navigating the modern dating world is bloody hard... not rocket science hard, more like rubic's cube hard - but we are here to make it that little bit easier for you.On todays episode we are unpacking all the obscure dating terminologies that explain all the messed up behaviour you might experience, hey maybe you're guilty of doing some of it yourself.But before we dissect what the hell things like 'flashpanning' and 'eclipsing' are, we both have recommendations for you and we also have a more serious conversation around consent.The VIC government has recently passed legislation making consent a mandatory part of school sexual education curriculum and we discuss why a former school students petition was the catalyst for change and why consent is an inextricable part of sexual education.If you would like to read the ABC article for yourself click here This episode discusses themes of sexual assault and consent, if this is triggering for you and you need to reach out for help you can get support here If you have loved this episode please leave a review and join the conversation on Instagram @lifeuncutpodcast.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Do you know what I saw today before we got started on this episode? What? I couldn't, I only imagined. I saw a meme, a memmy. I love a memmy. So the meme said, for kids these days, when we talk about the 90s, it's like when we were kids and people would talk about the 60s. Yeah, that makes me feel physically ill.

And then it reminded me that I've got back pain and everything sucks. Wait, do you want to know something funny? Jordan was born in 1994. Fucking hell. That makes me feel squeamish. Okay, so for anyone who's listening, you guys can kind of decide where you sit on the scale of years. I'm 86. What are you, Britt? 85. Whoa. 87. 87. Other way. Oh my goodness. Excuse me, girl. I'm making you older than me. Don't you age me. It was just a real eye-opener. You know,

every so often I see these things and I'm like, oh, those little whippersnappers out there talking about us with our skinny leg jeans. I used to go into the waiting room when I'm working in the hospital to call a patient out. And you're always walking out. You're looking at the referral as you're going to get the patient. You're looking at the name, you look at the date of birth. And I always used to be like, 1990, they're going to be a kid. And I would look around for the child and then a 30-year-old would stand up and I was like, what? I was like, whoa. I was like, how old am I?

Kids these days have got really great diets. Actually, speaking of that, my child does not have a great diet. I hope that everybody who has children survive Easter and the sugar crack den that was those three days that we just got through. Did your kids go crazy? Well, not Lola. I mean, she wasn't drinking chocolate milkshakes or anything, but we did a chocolate Easter egg hunt for Marley.

The kid is still off her tits. Wild. I live alone. I didn't do an Easter egg hunt for myself. I just ate the chocolate. And can we just like say Brittany is still recovering. I know if you guys listened to last week's episode, like Britt has been so sick and she's only just on the way up now.

I know that I've been doing stories and stuff on the gram because I'm so bored. I've been in isolation for about two weeks, but I sound better and I probably look a lot better. But inside my soul is still crushed. Like my soul is still recovering. It's been a long couple of weeks, but I never, I never know what day to eat chocolate on over Easter. Like there's this four day long weekend and I never know which is, yeah, so I do.

So I just start like to be fair and to make sure I've got it covered. I start on the Friday and I finish on the Monday. Well, I think it's for as long as there's double demerit points. So whenever the double demerit points are going, that's when you eat chocolate. I like that. I think that means it ends on Tuesday. It's fine. Let's stick with that.

Well guys, because I have been so sick, I cannot tell you how much Netflix, Amazon, Stan, Binge. I like, I have memberships for everything now. Is it a membership? I have Pornhub. only fans. I'm coming at you with a recommendation today. That's this really great video I watch. It's called Two Girls, One Cup. And I am coming at you with a recommendation, but it is not from Pornhub or Redtube. Sorry to disappoint you, Laura. Isn't that just what you do when you're

sick? Just stay home and masturbate all day? I did not have the energy to masturbate. I didn't have the energy to roll over. The other thing with my sickness was I had chronic fatigue. I have been asleep longer than I have been awake. I would wake up for 20 minutes and I'd be like, well, time for my nap and I'd go back to bed. I have discovered, and this is a big call. I have discovered the best series I have ever watched in my existence. And I'm shook to the core that it's taken me this long because it's not a new series. This is a really big call. And I don't know what you're going to say. And if you say Bridgerton. No. Okay. In relation to this series, Bridgerton's a five. This is a 12. Wow. You, I cannot suggest this more to you guys too. It's

on amazon prime so i think that's why i've never seen it i've never had amazon i was like what even is that no amazon prime has got some good shows this is not sponsored either guys like we're not we're not getting a plug from amazon for this but if they want to yeah yeah and if you're listening okay the series is called this is us now i don't know if i'd never even heard of him sherry has been telling me to watch this for about probably about the best part of six months her and jay started watching it and we always like the same stuff she came to me she's like you have to start watching this immediately it's the best thing i've ever seen and i was like for some reason i just kept putting it on the back burner. It is the most emotive, well-written, best storyline out of any

show on any channel that I have ever watched. I'm going to give you like, you have to watch it. Can you just give us a bit of an explanation about what it actually is? It's really hard to describe and when you describe it. It's the best thing that's ever happened, but I can't tell you. No, because I remember when Sherry explained it to me, it's hard. It doesn't sell it. It doesn't do it justice. I think the thing that sort of had me a little bit disinterested was when I found out that the lead actress is Mandy Moore because the way that I think of Mandy Moore was brilliant singer that tried to transition into acting quite early and I didn't feel like she nailed it do you not remember a walk to remember yes that's exactly I freaking love that movie but I've had plenty of

time for Mandy Moore but she has nailed it her acting is brilliant every single actor and actress in this show is brilliant but just to try and like tell you what the show is Mandy Moore and her husband Jack they are a couple that fall in love and they have children they have triplets and the whole show is set between flashing back to their childhood the kids childhood and growing up and all the problems that they have raising the kids and flashing forward to the present day when they're older and the storyline that they have written has you on the edge of your seat and has your full attention from the opening scene of the first episode and forever it's like six seasons and this is the brilliant part because there are so many seasons it is the most emotive show I've

ever watched every episode I'm crying I'm laughing I'm I feel like they're my family and I think any show that makes you feel like you never want that show to end is worth watching and I don't give you these recommendations lightly but please do yourself a favor and start to watch This Is Us because it is like life-changing and the best part about it I'm obsessed with the father Jack he is what every husband and father should be he's actually sort of ruined it for me forever because if i don't find my jack i'm like well what am i doing in my life because i need this person in my life he's the character that you just are obsessed with but anyway what sort of genre is this like is it a drama it's more drama yeah okay 100 you will cry like i can't fault the

series and also one of the kids when he grows up he's so fucking hot well actually both of them they're really fucking hot but that's it that's my recommendation please do yourself a favor and started okay I'm gonna come with you with a recommendation which this was not planned but since you are so passionate about wait what was the name of it again I've totally this is us this is us okay I'm gonna watch it and then I'll come back and I'll tell you how I feel yeah 100% I have one for you okay can you go and watch Seaspiracy definitely no drama you'll probably cry I can't watch it because I'm too scared to stop eating fish I'm too scared to stop eating fish and I know what it will do to me but I really love my fish I think that there is a big conversation

maybe we can do an episode on this actually there's a lot of information there it's a lot to digest it's obviously like a bit of a seaspiracy cowspiracy if you haven't seen it yet it's of that sort of vein and it's talking about all the damage that we're doing to our oceans but also the damage that's caused by the fishing industry and by bycat it's just got some really crazy startling statistics and so matt and i watched it the other night and i can't say that i love the narrator i feel like the guy who was doing the journalism like the main character of the whole documentary. I'm not sure if I really loved like his presentation of it, but the information in it is really, really interesting. And it does make you question whether or not you

should eat fish. However, it was Easter and I ate some fish. But are you not going to eat fish now? Oh, you know what? I'm not there yet. Look, we have meat, lots of meat free days. And we also have fish free days in our household as well. But it really brings to the forefront these issues around sustainability. And it makes you, it does definitely make you question where things come from make better choices about what you're purchasing yeah but that's the problem that's the thing right so there's this whole section on there about dolphin safe and how dolphin safe isn't actually dolphin safe they can't guarantee it and it's just the fishing companies paying off the organization and the regulatory bodies and it goes into how corrupt the fishing industry is but

also how corrupt where we purchase our fish from so like nothing is guaranteed as being safe and the damage that's doing to the oceans is crazy and how much of the pollution and plastics that going to the ocean are not actually from us consuming but it's from the fishing industry that's what it unpacks and it's us eating fish that's creating this deficit and creating this issue and it makes me think like what do we eat if we can't eat meat we can't eat fish do we just eat vegetables like do we does the whole world turn vegan yes I think that that's the solution do you think that's what David Attenborough says don't have any more than two children eat vegan yeah I mean I could probably do the children part but in all honesty I reckon I would

eat i'm actually really good with meat i eat meat maybe twice a month big call but i don't eat a lot of it most of my food is vegetarian and pescatarian i will admit i eat fish but i always try and buy good fresh fish that i think has been sourced in an ethical way okay you need to watch sea spirit see then because that's that's the whole point the point is is that you don't know what's been sourced i love salmon but i think that the take-home message from all of these is like just reduce where you can you don't have to stop and eliminate something completely if you want to do that and you can do that then that's amazing but if you can just make better choices as in like you know have meat-free nights have fish-free nights all that is helpful I don't think it's

necessarily about changing every single aspect of your life overnight and going cold turkey but if you can make some better and more sustainable choices then that's kind of the ethos I took from the docuseries but it's on Netflix it's really really interesting and there have been a few things that have come out that have kind of defunct some statistics around it so I'm not going to go into like the nitty-gritty of it but I got a lot out of the show and I think that like that's my recommendation for today. Anyway, something else that I have read, which I wanted to touch on before we got into like the main core of this episode. Now the main core part of this episode is actually pretty lighthearted. We're going to be talking about dating terminology in

2020. Oh my God. Wait, we're 2022. 2021. 2021. Bro, how do you know what year it is? I don't even know who I am anymore. From 2020 to 2022. I am so tired. You're like in 2025, this is our dating you don't even know where we're talking about dating terminology in today in 2021 and this is a lot of terminology that I had never heard of but it's a lot of things that you know and you can explain and you talk about with your friends you talk about these situations that happen but they never had a label so we're going to go through some of those main ones so before we get into that we do want to touch on something that's really important and has just come out of Victoria now this is really really huge and when I read this article in ABC News

I was like, I really want to discuss this in the podcast because it's consent is something that we have spoken about in a couple of past episodes, especially the one that we did with Ebony Saunders going back a few months ago. She was the woman that was harassed by the Tinder guy in Bondi, just for a little reference for you guys. Yeah. And we did a massive conversation in that around consent and how consent is fluid. Now, this conversation that we're about to have comes with a bit of a trigger warning

because it does touch on sexual assault and it does touch on sexual harassment. But Victoria has just passed legislation where they're going to be making conversations around consent part of the school curriculum for public schools. And this is such a huge thing. The fact that this hasn't happened in schools earlier or the fact that it's not compulsory

in every school in every state is something that I think we should really be having conversation about. But this change in legislation came about because of a petition that was started by a former Kambala student named Chantelle Contos because she was sick of constantly hearing about her friend's experiences

of sexual abuse within schools. So this conversation calls for a bigger focus on consent and sexual education and also focuses on single sex in private schools. So the petition that was started has now had over 38,000 signatures by people who have been affected by sexual assault or sexual harassment in schools. And it has over 3,000 counts of stories where students have actually shared what has happened to them. And some of the stories on this ABC News article are so freaking harrowing that we're not going

to repeat them on the podcast we can put this article in the show notes as well if you guys want to go and have a deep dive and a read but to think that this is what's been experienced by school students is just absolutely despicable and there's this real conversation around we think that it's expected that people understand what consent is and that it should just be human knowledge but there is such a gray area and the fact that like it's been missing from our education and that we do have sex ed but sex ed i mean like my experience of sex ed at school and brit tell me what yours was but happy healthy harold totally the sex ed that we experienced was don't get pregnant pregnancy is bad use a condom put it on a banana yeah and it was the functionality about

how to actually have sex and like what the mechanics of it are but there's no conversation around how to keep yourself safe there's talk about stds and like you'll get a crazy std and lots of stigma around stds but nothing around like how two people should interact how two people should respect each other and also what entails consent and I think that is the bigger and broader conversation that needs to be brought to the table and that's the changes that the Victorian government is starting to instill. I was absolutely disgusted when I was reading the stories that all these young women wrote in and their experiences that they were having in their schools and like Laura said it's actually worth all of you going just even pull up the ABC article

and just have a look for yourself and have a read for yourself but one thing I did find really interesting. When I started to research this a bit more, I didn't actually know this, but the schools do have a course that they do teach that's called Respectful Relationships. So they have been on the right path for a little while, but that sort of touches more on sexuality and safety and respect, I guess, to a certain extent in a relationship, but they never covered things like consent. So what they're doing with the consent, the consent is going into the respect for a relationships part but this is still only happening in Victoria when you hear of the statistics in Sydney alone it is astounding and the fact that a school girl started this petition

and got all these signatures and she's put this movement forward because of something that has happened to her I mean she's wise beyond her years and good on her but I think the thing that's scary though is like why is it that a child who has experienced this should be the one advocating for the change within schools. Now, I just want to make the point as well, which I think is really important. And that is that this is not the sole responsibility of the school or of teachers or of the curriculum. This is something that should be happening at home with parents. And this is a conversation that parents should take main responsibility for. But I just don't think you can have an educational conversation around sex without having consent as an integral part

of that conversation. We're talking about how to have sex, how to stay safe when having sex, the functionality of sex then consent needs to be a very big part of that conversation so that way nobody can ever say I didn't know I wasn't sure I thought that it was okay I thought she wanted it there's no ambiguity because we're all taught the same thing and we're all on the same page one quote that sum this up perfectly and it was written by a 17 year old student from Newcastle grammar school about the incidences that she faced in 2019 and she wrote he didn't understand that my inability to say no did not mean yes and that I didn't want it. I just thought this was so powerful and it's so important, you know, that we're teaching students that consent isn't just

verbal, that consent is also non-verbal cues. And that's something that's so important. I.e. if someone's passed out, that is giving no consent. If someone is crying but hasn't actually said no, that's saying no consent. But this is the thing, isn't it? And it's this saying is so true. Ignorance is bliss. If people aren't talking about it, if your kids aren't coming home and saying to you that this has happened to me and I was violated or I felt uncomfortable, how are people supposed to know? And conversely to that, what kid is going to come home and be like, hey, mom and dad, I had sex with a girl when she was passed out. The conversations just weren't happening. So I don't think anyone was aware. I definitely wasn't. I knew that it was prevalent

for sure, but I was gobsmacked at the level and how many school aged females have come forward and said that they have experienced this so the ball is finally rolling because people feel that they are in an environment now that's safe enough to talk about their experiences but like let's like move this past school for a second and just like consent as a general conversation I do not know and this is pretty bold statement but I do not have one friend who wouldn't say that they have experienced sexual harassment like every single female I know that I have spoken to about sexual harassment. I'm sure there are some who haven't, but every single female that I have had these conversations with, who I'm close enough to have these conversations with, have experienced

sexual harassment of some form in their lifetime. So if we can all sit here and say, yeah, a majority of people I know have in some way experienced sexual harassment or sexual assault, there is a huge problem here. That problem has been glaringly obvious. And the fact that it had to take a young student to actually start this petition is like I mean that in itself is just so traumatic but I'm glad that there is some change that is happening and the change needs to happen a hell of a lot faster and it needs to be implemented not just in public schools but in private schools and in all states. The last thing that I just did want to touch on could be because this really hit home with me was there was a student from Manly and she said I'm still furious that I was

consistently told that I shouldn't have gone to an isolated location with a guy. He had been my best friend. If I'm not meant to spend time with just my best friend, what am I meant to do? Now, the fact that this is happening is one thing, but the fact that when this happens, the blame is bypassing the person that has done it, bypassing this boy, bypassing the perpetrator and being put on the female because she should not have gone to that location with a male. this is a whole nother core issue that a yes it's happening we need to deal with that but we need to also deal with the fact that we are blaming the victim constantly it's just my blood is boiling and you guys like I'm literally lost for words and I'm never lost for words so this was a really

important conversation and we could talk about it and we will continue to talk about it because this conversation about consent is so important and I think if there's one thing that you take away from this conversation maybe you've heard about this and read about it before maybe you haven't either way the conversation about consent and about this sexual harassment in schools the education system it needs to start happening so go away and talk to your friends about it now have the conversations talk to your parents and talk to your kids just make it so that this is what everyone is talking about we'll link some of these articles as well in the show notes and we'll also try and link the petition which you can sign to if you want to the one quote that i wanted to

leave you guys with so chantelle contos was actually a former student at kambala and now one of the quotes that she left when she actually started this petition was I have lived in three different countries and I have never spoken to anyone who has experienced rape culture the way me and my friends had growing up in Sydney amongst private schools and that literally leaves chills on my arms it's so heavy to think that this conversation is not being had widely enough and just like Britt said like conversations around consent need to be had at home they need to be had with your friendship groups and we will keep having them on this podcast because we think consent is such a hugely important topic so if this has upset anyone or touched on something

very sensitive to anybody we'll also put some information in the show notes for help that you know you can reach out to if this is something that's triggered you and yeah we just will keep having these conversations as well okay guys it is time for our favorite segment and that is accidentally unfiltered essentially we get you to write in your most embarrassing stories and we read them out we have a good laugh at your expense and everyone feels a little bit less alone look we just laugh at you together as the supportive community that we are here at life uncut but you always stay anonymous as well so we will never shame you you're gonna go first i have an awkward one i actually had i swapped last minute i had one that was a bit gross but

i was like i don't think we're ready for that okay we have received i'm just gonna say this before brick gets into hers we have received one that we have received so many condom stories about people who have accidentally lost a condom up inside them and then found it days later so gross just so so actually one girl wrote in on easter she was like hey just so you know i'm at the hospital now my condom's been in me for two hours and i was like i love that you're at the hospital getting condom fished out on easter she's like i had a sneaky easter bang that sounds like a great easter you had girlfriend i just had chocolate you win okay we also had someone message us and say that they didn't realize that they had a condom get lost inside them and several

days later they sneezed and it fell out that was my favorite i think she was doing she was like i was traumatized people i am absolutely traumatized no but we have in the last couple of weeks i don't know what's going on you guys have really stepped up the game we have received so many embarrassing stories but stories that are so wildly gross like just so gross and too gross to tell on the podcast us things that some of you should take to the grave 100 guys some of them and like surely you know when you write them like we oh don't get me wrong we still appreciate them don't ever not write them to us but we were like wow like i would never tell a soul but that we live for this and you know what we just i just want to say how grateful i am that you trust us with your divas

darkest most embarrassing stories we will some of them are so embarrassing that we will never share them but we appreciate that you want to share them with us because when you send it to us you are not anonymous even though we don't tell anyone else so maybe we can put all wild we can put all the crazy ones in one extra bonus episode and they can come with their own trick warning actually that's such a good idea that you don't have to tune into if you don't want you guys are wild I'm here for this thank you for making me feel more normal in all the shit that I have gone up to in my life anyway all right hit me with number one okay this is something that I would do because I'm technologically challenged so I feel for this girl a few years back I got an apple watch for

Christmas and when work returned for the new year my supervisor Heidi had also received one We would constantly compare and chat about all the features that it could do. Anyhow, a week or two later, I was having a terrible day at work. I literally hated life. So I took myself to the bathroom and did what anyone would do. I sat on the toilet and used the Apple Watch to text my best friend. Now, to text on an Apple Watch, you must use your finger to draw every single letter that you want to text.

That's very time consuming. So, well, that's what she said. I sat there for 20 minutes spelling out the text that read, I fucking hate my job. is so soul-sucking i am literally hiding in the toilet for the last 20 minutes avoiding work texting you from my apple watch right now just to avoid the drama i hit send and realized that it had gone to heidi my boss that was sitting out in the office i immediately got a response from heidi that said um okay question mark i went straight into damage control i got off the loo i sprinted down to her office and I laughed it off by saying how gross is that text I just forwarded

you my friend just sent it to me and I thought you might find it funny she didn't oh my god but also like also the cover-up of like I forwarded you that text from my friend like I understand that you've tried to go into damage control but Heidi knows exactly what you've done but what else would you do like I mean that's just like you've got nowhere else to go either you say hey I just wasted 20 minutes of work company time pretending I was doing a poo and telling you that I hate my job I was just telling my friends how much you suck like where can you go with that you can't you don't you go to Alaska okay I also have a work-related one which is not that one I was worried that we were going to choose the same one again today but here we go

I work in development and I was just on a zoom call I like that this also just happened and so she sent it through to us I was just on a zoom call for a meeting to debate traffic numbers with the department of transport I offered to share my screen to show the report that our traffic engineer was discussing with the state engineer. As the conversation got a bit heated and things got a bit more boring and time passed on, I gradually lost interest in this Zoom conference call. I decided I wanted to check out and see what the state engineer looked like because he sounded young and he also sounded a bit hot and he didn't have his video on. So, I commenced Googling him, looking at images, trying to figure out what he looked like when my client interrupts

me and says excuse me who is googling she's googling i had just stalked the state engineer with my screen share on and the state engineer my engineer the boss and the client and at least three other state officers could see it and now i need to die do you know what's so funny actually we had heaps of people writing about over zoom calls that they forget that they share their screen and they just start like looking down their search history like porn hub and stuff comes up and everyone can see that what was doing i love that but also imagine if he is hot and she's hot and then that's such a great way to hook up and flirt if he sees that she's googling him except what if he's like a 67 year old man that she said he's young and middle-aged spread she

said he sounds young and hot yeah but just because someone sounds young and hot doesn't mean they necessarily are yeah we probably totally cover that up as well you could be like oh sorry i like to put a face to the name of who i'm talking to makes me feel more connected to the conversation She's like Bobby Smith, topless in Ibiza. She's like in 2017 on his Instagram. Just scrolling back through. See, at least she Googled him and didn't go onto the gram. Imagine if she went to the gram and started like,

imagine if she went into him and then you know what you would do. You look at their exes and stuff. Imagine if she was like in his ex's profile on Instagram and he was watching. This is a level of so deep, but it really gets into the psyche of what Brittany Hockley does. Oh my God, I love that. Yesterday, this has happened in my last two weeks.

You're like, sometimes I'm so deep. You're like, sorry, Jordan, I was stalking your ex-girlfriend. I accidentally lied to photo in 2017. I often get so deep. This happened yesterday that I forgot how I got there. I was like, how did I get to this person? I was like, because I went into another page, into another page, into another page. And I was like, I don't understand my trail.

I should have left breadcrumbs. And all of a sudden you're on like your boyfriend's PT trainers, sister's mom's Instagram. I was like, I don't even know where I'm going here. I'm lost. Okay. I have one more. And then I reckon that's it for us. And we can get into our very lighthearted episode for you all today.

So, I was back in my hometown, swiping through Tinder, just to suss out who I knew was on there, really. Nothing serious, not even really looking to match anyone. I saw a guy I know, and he came up. But then I also know his wife, so I read his bio, and it said that they were both looking for something casual, a third person to have in the bedroom. Now, this is the couple that owns the local gym, and they are personal trainers there. I know them both quite well. I was shocked, and i turned to tell my sister and in my shock i accidentally swiped right but not only did i accidentally swipe right i also super liked them why don't you just send them a nude could you fucking imagine that okay like we've all seen the couples on tinder that are like hey

this is me and my partner and we're looking for a thruple like no nothing against it great perfect love that for them you do you but not when you have to go and sweat it out and work out with them at the gym every day I imagine yeah like I mean it's one thing to run into like someone you know on tinder it's a whole other thing to run into someone who is looking for a threesome I wonder if they're matched they probably do I mean she's fit she goes to the gym you gotta live your best life live your truth okay so Laura's back from breastfeeding Lola we just had to have a quick little break we took a metaphorical break with the break music but then we also took a literal break whilst i went and breastfed lola i'm sitting because the studio's in laura's bedroom

as you know laura got up from the studio desk and shuffled the half a foot to the bed calling it a studio like this is professional so she gets she shuffles the one foot from the studio desk to the bed starts to breastfeed lola who i fondly call lola derby and she's on one boob the other boob because i've never really just sat there and i don't like when my friends breastfeed i don't stare at them but I was staring at Laura's nipple for some reason and I was quite fascinated by the whole thing because we're very very close now guys that is why and it just started the other nipple just started spurting out milk and I was like whoa you're flooding out the other one and she's like meh that happens so for anyone who doesn't have children you wouldn't know this but when you feed

from one side the other side has what's called let down and it basically I feel that I've had let down for 10 years in a different way it just lets down milk and the milk just squirts out of the other side and some people catch it and put it in the freezer and keep it for a rainy day i just like to black tatel over my shirt in my bedroom and be free anyway we managed to get through the whole first half of this episode with poor lola making a real racket outside the bedroom door and matt was doing outside the bedroom door matt has her out we don't park her outside the bedroom door on the ground no we don't then Matt was trying to console her and then at the very end of that I was like okay I think we've stretched it long enough I really need to go give her a feed

look we're just we're doing what we can here people really making it work just trying to bring two ends together to make a whole but speaking of letdown that's actually a great segue that is a good name for something that we don't know that has a name for yeah well I mean it should be let's start that name yeah men are a letdown but that brings us into what the chat is about and that is literally dating in 2020 at the best of times is pretty bloody hard it's not easy and I feel like as time goes on it's getting more complicated there's more apps there's more terminology there's more things that are right and wrong there's more choice and like we talked about in the Mark Manson no there's more choice in terms of how you find the men but the choice

of men I feel like starts to get really watered down as someone that's been dating I'm going to tell you in terms of the pool before I met Jordan I was at the age a really awkward dating age and anyone that's in this realm of I would say I'd probably put it 31 to 35 you're in a really awkward time because you're at the point where everyone's already married but they're figuring out that that's not the person for them so you've got just a few more years to wait until they all divorce so people are in their first marriage and the best part's going to come in a couple years when they figure out they're in the wrong relationship so you're in a limbo you're in what I used to call dating limbo where you're waiting for the first marriage to end and that

sounds horrible but it's so true you hit 35 and everyone's free again you're dating purgatory so I just went 10 years younger well like I didn't want to wait any longer increases age and now I'm dating a guy who's currently in the UK and he's 25 it's his birthday in two weeks he's 27 like that okay but like Britt said this I mean like we did talk about how this is going to be a really light-hearted episode and then we just got doom and gloom on you all but we are talking about dating terminologies and now we know that you guys already are so aware of things like gaslighting and love bombing and maybe even bread crumbing you've heard of that ghosting ghosting and not bread crumbing like making a schnitzel yeah like Hansel and Gretel like

eating breadcrumbs but so like there are so many different types of terminologies for things that happen in the dating world now I'm gonna go out and say that like some of these different types of experiences are new and they've kind of brought on because of dating apps and they're brought on because of the digital age but there are so many of these things that are not new things like gaslighting that is not a new thing that we experience it's been around for a very long time but the terminology and giving it a label means that when somebody else that you are friends with or somebody else that you know has experienced gaslighting the fact that we have a name for it and we have a label for it means that we have a collective experience that we're able to actually

identify and share because it's really hard to kind of explain oh this guy did this to me and then he also did this and then he was kind of manipulating me in this way and then he made my feelings feel invalidated you could talk about all these different things but if you were like yeah I was dating this guy and he was gaslighting me we instantly know what that means and then we're like ask why yeah we're like yeah you need to just drop that guy or drop that girl so basically this is us giving you guys a rundown on all the most common terms of all the new weird dating lingo that's out there and this came off the back of britney reading an article which had to do with i read an article at hit home guys i mean like many articles do but this hit home hard it's an

article that was titled foster girlfriend now i have experienced this for a long time but i never heard it called a foster girlfriend and i called it something different so i'm just going to quickly tell you urban dictionary says that a foster girlfriend can be defined as a girl who dates a guy until they find their forever home the man finds their forever home now I love that I can call it a foster girlfriend now but I had a different name for it which personally I like more I called myself the one before the one and it's quite catchy I think I might make a movie into it the one before the one there was a period there for like a solid five years and I'm not exaggerating every single person that I would date the next person that they dated was the one the

literal next person was like oh happy ever after got a dog and a picket fence and we're getting married and I was exasperated I was like I created you like I nurtured you to your marriage to I fixed your problems I put your band-aids on and I set you free for the next person I didn't set them free they left usually of their own volition you're like screw you foster puppy you can go into this in so much depth so there are so many reasons and most of the reasons come back to like reflecting on you as a person it's not necessarily a problem with the men and it's not that you have an issue either but there's usually some deep-seated issues where you're probably not actually ready for the relationship and you're going out and finding these injured birds that you want to nurture

back to health because you don't actually want to deal with a real relationship in hindsight that was me but I was dating these people and at the time I thought that I wanted to be with them I thought I was like oh my god they're my penguin they're a soulmate like there's something in this and then they would just leave and get married to someone else and this happened to even people I dated for like a month people that weren't even serious they went found that the next person was it and I was like this is a sick joke the universe is it's like why am I getting all their emotional baggage and damage and fixing them and teaching them how a relationship should be that's what I thought I was doing I felt like I was teaching them how to treat a woman and what was okay and

what wasn't okay because I was always quite strict in that sense then they would go out and then some other woman got this perfect specimen that I helped create but I think that you when you said that you know it's people who are not necessarily looking for a relationship or there's some junk there to kind of deal with I don't always agree with that I also think that someone who finds himself being a foster girlfriend it's because they're very caring and very nurturing and I do think that that's the case for you Brett as well like you but you want to help people like you see the best in people and so like literally finding someone who you're like oh I can fix you it comes with so many good intentions right you worry about those police charges we'll get past that

well we'll go with this together until they've been wiped and then you can go on and have a happy relationship in a family no I think that there are some really great attributes to somebody who does this as well you know maybe if you are really wanting to be in a relationship and you are wanting to have a long-term partner and you do find yourself being this foster girlfriend like being aware that when you meet somebody who has so much junk to deal with and your role in the relationship is helping them overcome their junk to become a better person or you can see the potential in who that person could be but they're not actually being that person in real life maybe that's when you should be aware that there are some red flags going on here and you

may be repeating that same behavior of like fixing and then setting free like I said there's some good attributes to that but also it can be very damaging to yourself long term there were a number of reasons and indications that you why you're a foster girlfriend or that you could be a foster girlfriend and when I read them I was like I in hindsight I was all of these things and that's probably why things like you spend too much energy focusing on your career and things in your life and ticking off bucket lists and making sure you're dealing with every single thing in your life and achieving everything you want and without you even knowing that you're not ever putting the relationship first so while you think that you're nurturing these people if your main priority is

like ticking off your bucket list and doing all the things that you want to do without even knowing subconsciously you're probably neglecting the relationship a bit and when I look back I was like you know that was when I was like traveling the world for years and starting businesses and doing all these things on my own and I think maybe I look back and I'm like I was probably fostering them because deep down I wanted the company and I wanted the affection and I wanted the love but I wasn't ready to give them my all and I think that that is like the main reason women get stuck in this foster cycle one before the one relationships yeah and I also think it ties into this idea that like you can constantly be seeing someone I think foster girlfriends and

foster relationships they very rarely tick over into being something serious right they're always like a little bit superficial maybe the guy kind of keeping you at arm's length he's bent you in case something better comes along but when you are the person that's constantly fixing someone else and constantly making someone aware of how they can be better or self-improvement or all this sort of like time and energy that goes into bettering a person which sounds crazy because like you can't force someone to change you can't force someone to be anything that they don't want to be but it's an exhausting role in a relationship and I think that often you'll find that that the relationship that you have where you're the one that's constantly trying to prop that other person up

it has an expiration date because that is a fucking exhausting relationship and then they have been propped up they've worked through their issues and then they go on to be great partners to their next person and that's where that repetitive cycle kind of starts the thing that happens with foster relationships too is the women if you are the person that feels like you are the foster girlfriend you often feel like it's your fault and you get a bit heavy and hard on yourself it's not your fault you just haven't met the one yet and it's easy to get down on yourself and be like no one loves me but they do you just haven't met you one keep doing your thing it will happen and totally and I think like whether you're looking for a husband someone long term or you're just

looking for a casual fling the way to kind of prevent yourself from becoming a foster girlfriend or a foster boyfriend I think it's more foster girlfriends I don't think I know too many guys who have like dated perpetually until it's like the one before the one I have a good friend that I spoke to him last week he's the epitome of foster boyfriend he literally he just got out of a marriage and he had a girlfriend a week later and I said to him like I have a relationships podcast and I think I know what you're doing you're monkey branching he's just scared to be alone and he was like you're like we'll cover that in a second he was like bro you're right like he's like you're fucking right he's like I don't know what it is I haven't been alone in 10

years so there are men that do it but I think historically speaking we probably women are probably more prone to it well I think the way to kind of if you find yourself or you have listened to this last little bit of the chat and gone, yeah, that's exactly what I am. Every single guy I date ends up in a long-term relationship after me and leaves me for the one. Stop trying to fix them. Well, yeah, stop trying to fix them, but also like make yourself the priority in the relationship. You know, I know that things have to be like even handed and you have to like make sacrifices and compromises in a relationship, but whether you're looking for a husband or whether you're looking for a casual fling, put yourself first and make your intentions clear from the

beginning. Like tell them what you're after. If you're after a relationship, then make that known so that you're not being walked all over and you're not compromising the things that you want to try and fit somebody else's mold and you shouldn't be fixing someone from the start anyway the fixing comes maybe when they break down halfway okay let's get in to some of these all right you can go the next one it's a good one and i know you've done it terminologies okay straight off the bat have i done it what is the first one okay okay being dickmatized i love this one such a great pun now dickmatized came up in a conversation the other day this is like the foster girlfriend chat happened and then Digmatize happened. We were having lunch the other day

with Keisha, who is our new editor of the podcast. You'll probably hear us talk about her every so often. And she used the word Digmatize. Now, Brie and I are, I would say that we are pretty well versed in everything that happens across the relationship spectrum. And both of us were like, what the fuck is that? It's because we've never heard a name, but when you explain what it is, we've both been there. Oh yeah. And I'm going to say that you've been there too, girlfriend. so digmatized is when you stay in a shitty relationship or you put up with a shitty guy or a situation ship or a situation ship well long past its expiration date just because his dick is so good and the sex is so great so if you have found it you have stayed if you have stayed

then maybe you've been digmatized and guys that's a pun hypnotized with a dick like a wand like expelliarmus is dickiarmus okay so i have definitely been digmatized you guys know a lot about my really bad relationship that i stayed in with somebody who had displayed many traits of narcissistic personality disorder we had amazing amazing amazing sex and that is why i stayed without realizing at the time i thought we had a deep deep connection and really it was a deep connection with a dick it was a deep connection that's about as deep as your connection was yes anyway there wasn't much else there once i really broke it down once i actually sat down and unpacked my relationship and i was like why do i love this man so much what is it

about him that's so special i was like oh he's cheated on me oh he gaslights me oh he oh he manipulates me look at his penis he doesn't even put any time in with my family and friends i've never stayed in a relationship because of that like i can say that you're like because you're an idiot laura no but also like i stayed in a relationship with a sociopath it's worse but i have kept i guess i've had situationships i guess that's a really good term for it i have stayed like seeing people casually there has been nothing it is the most surface level thing you can imagine purely because when we got together it was fantastic the sex was great that was it i don't think we even would talk so you're like the sex is so good that maybe something could come with

this relationship maybe we could fall in love yeah like obviously they're your penguin you're like we just are so well connected when we don't have any clothes on but when the clothes are on and we have to sit at a cafe and have a conversation we're like we what are we gonna talk about we have all every single one of you i can guarantee in your friend group you've gone out to lunch you've talked about so tell me about this guy you're like oh i don't actually really like him but the sex is so good like how many times do you just say that you've been digmatized girls you've been digmatized Okay. So this kind of leads us into our second terminology, which is called white clawing. Now I did not know the name of this one. I was like, cool. Never heard of that in my entire life.

Sounds like a deodorant or something. White clawing. However, I've definitely done it. Now white clawing is when you date someone who is boring as batshit just because they're good looking. I've been so guilty of this. So I have never called it white clawing, but I used to call it white bread. You know, when you meet a man who has absolutely no personality, they're not funny, but they are so beautiful that you convince yourself that maybe, maybe we could have a connection and maybe I just need to give it a bit more of a shot for that relationship to really

develop and bloom. But had they been less attractive, you never, ever, ever would have given it a second chance or a second date. I once gave it a six month worth of dates. I think I'm like straight up guilty of white chlorine. I always seen this guy, like obviously this was very, very long time ago. He was quite a prominent person in the media and he was a model. he's beautiful I can't explain how boring and dumb he was like there was nothing to the point that I would at dinner with him and I would just blank I was like I can't even believe we are having this conversation it was the dumbest stuff he was he was constantly looking at his own Instagram when we're out at dinner like just perusing his own page of shit he's posted there

was nothing there I couldn't talk to him about one thing but I was like you you're like art you are beautiful to look at and I'm just gonna keep going because I can't not like it would be rude not to have gone there. I remember. So one of my really good girlfriends, she is incredibly intelligent. Like you can just name me smart. She it's yes. It's Brittany, but I didn't want to add her for that. So, you know, we'll keep on keeping her anonymous. No. So she, this girl is like just bananas smart. Anyway, she hooked up with this guy. This is so many years ago. It's not funny, but she hooked up with this guy. He was very, very good looking and it was at a party. So yeah, she was like, you know what? I'll go on a date with you. We'll see what happens.

this guy spent the entire dinner talking about his gym workouts and how he eats cans of tuna because he needs to have lots of protein and she was like now he said but don't worry I don't have aids and she was like what what what do you mean and he was like well you know I don't have aids and she was like I okay she's like I'm I'm glad that you don't I don't understand how eating cans of tuna would have helped that and he was like you know from the mercury poisoning and she was like I am so sorry I need to go because I don't even think you have any idea what's up and down or left or right because I have a lot of brain cells at this dinner sitting here having this conversation he meant mercury poisoning he didn't mean he did he got things very confused bless his soul his

intentions were there look look very very confused she yeah she kind of went on this date because she was like this guy's super hot maybe there could be something there it's not enough and we've always said that like we're always going to do it but it's not enough I for me like looks great you want someone to be hot, but humor and personality are everything. But if you do white claw, you're not alone. In 2019, Plenty of Fish survey of about a thousand users revealed that over a quarter of singles have done this and 42% of them know someone who have done this. And according to this clinical social worker called Fran Green, she is the author of The Secret Rules of Flirting. It's so common because apparently if you're with someone that's really hot you feel hotter and I found that really

interesting because it's always like it elevates you like if you think they're that hot you're like oh for them to be with me like I must feel hot and even if you're a tad insecure it makes you feel better about yourself and I must admit when I was like seeing this really he was like the hottest guy when I was seeing this hot model guy I was like damn like I knew he dated in the past I was like maybe I've got some some snaz you know maybe I've still got something I've got some I mean I'm a nerd especially when you use words like that hey I'm a nerd I'm nerd I get that no I love it but I definitely had a feeling of like well if he's dating me or the people that he's dated in the past there's got to be something about me and it made me for a hot second feel

better but I also have a lot of friends that refuse to date really good looking people because it makes them feel worse so I don't know about this survey what do you think I think most people have been in a situation where they've dated someone and tried to convince themselves not necessarily convince themselves but they've wanted to give it a shot because they've thought this guy's really attractive but when you're sitting down and having those conversations and you're really trying to build a connection going there is literally nothing here and I mean I did it for a long time this guy don't get me wrong he's a really nice guy I have nothing against him and to somebody else he would be a total package and total catch we just had nothing in common we were

really into different things and therefore to me the conversation that he brought to the table was really boring. I'm sure the conversation I brought to the table for him was really boring. Cause we were like two ships in the night. We're not on the same page whatsoever. You just wanted to look and touch his face and body. Just wanted to touch everything. Yeah. Yes. Anyway, let's not go into that into too much detail, but yeah, he was a beautiful man. And I think that, you know, had he not been as aesthetically pleasing, I wouldn't have let it go on for so long, but I kept on willing myself being like, Oh, you know, maybe he really does like me. Maybe this could be something. and if I was to think now that I could have spent like 40 years of my life having conversations

about journaling now you would have bailed I would need to spoon my own eyeballs out I think it changes with age too the older we get for sure like we want to hook up with these people like once off because you just want to experience a night of pure magic but I think the older you get your priorities shift and you don't care for it anymore like oh 100% I will take a funny guy over a hot guy any day yeah make me laugh and my undies are off okay the next one I want to talk about is something that I haven't heard about and that is called flash panning now I found this one quite interesting it's that excitement when you get sort of I mean this is a funny term when you get steady when you start dating someone but the first couple of weeks you know when it's like

really exciting and really special and really passionate it's really steamy it's really intimate but then you can't handle the commitment after so it's like everything's great and you're so excited about it but you're like ah I still don't really want to go here I looked up the reason it was called flash panning and it makes more sense I'm going to explain it to you because I was like what I said to Laura I was like where do they pull these terms from it's actually a term from the gold mining days so when the gold miners you went down to look for their gold they would see a flash that they in the water and that's the indication that there might be something there So they would run and they'd get so excited to the gold in the water being like, I have

struck gold. This is epic. Then they'd put it in their pan and they'll find out that it was just a rock that had a shimmer from the sun. Like a little bit of quartz. Yeah. So that's where the name flash panning came from, which I think is really great because it's that excitement that it, but you don't get anything from it.

I'm really digging the level of research that you've done for this. That was really impressive. I'm all here for this. But how much more sense does it make now? I guess in flash panning just really relates to people who are commitment phobic, who like jump in all guns blazing maybe a little bit of love bombing in there as well at the start really making you feel special and wanted like this relationship is heading somewhere and then all of a sudden it starts to go real cold real quick and it's a funny thing too because often you don't

know why often you're like why don't I want it why don't I want this like why do I still want to be with other people why don't I want to commit to them when everything else is good it's almost unexplainable but you know what some things can't be explained I love that you're describing this in like why don't i want this because i feel like you're the flash panner oh i was a gold miner guilty like and i know this from like our like years of friendship now like you would run in full guns blazing and i'd be like hey what happened to that frenchie and you're like yeah nah so done now yeah i was like but you were in love with him last week and you're like yeah this shit wasn't real he was actually a rock he was a nugget but whereas i was the opposite i was

like the one I will take I was like I'm the shiny gold why the fuck have you disappeared because I have attachment issues we all know that from past episodes I was like the monkey brancher who wanted to be straight into the next relationship and I was like so we're gonna get married on Tuesday loved commitment I'm all about commitment really want to just have two kids and punch out a third totally you would have yeah you were a bit crazy there for a while wait you make out that like it's changed like I'm not crazy now anyway we're fine well we just kind of touched on monkey branching we've talked about monkey branching loads on this podcast because I was guilty of it and it's what Brit was talking about earlier with her friend doing it's when you kind of move from

one relationship to another relationship so the issue with monkey branching is like you never really sever a relationship and then have time to heal and learn the lessons that you know you have been bestowed from that relationship all you're doing is filling the pain of one breakup with the excitement and the joy of a new hobby of a new person of a new relationship you're scared to be on your own. Yeah, exactly. And so you monkey branch from one relationship to the other relationship. And I think that, you know, if you're guilty of doing this, you would know exactly who you are. Sometimes it takes a little bit of self-awareness and self-reflection, but I definitely monkey branched a lot in my past relationships. And prior to being with Matt, I had like some

real time out and had some serious self-reflection because I think the reason why you need to have that time out between relationships is because the lessons that you will learn and the things that you will gain from going through true heartbreak can only be learned if you actually sit in that junk and process why it happened and what you want differently for your next relationship so this is one that I now feel super passionate about if you are somebody who's monkey branching if you are somebody who feels the pain of a breakup with a new person stop it that's all like stop doing it because you're only robbing yourself of that self-development and you're robbing yourself of being happy on your own.

Being on your own is epic. I reckon subconsciously that's why I picked Jordan to date because I knew he was going away. I was like, I'm going to pick a guy that requires zero commitment. Honey, I love you so much. I can't wait to see you in eight months' time. See you in 2025. But another, I guess this is a sub-segment to monkey branching,

which I really like because I know a lot of people that do this. It's called cushioning. And I think that this, it sort of goes into monkey branching. Cushioning, a lot of people sort of classify it as micro-cheating. cushioning is not cushioning the blow for someone else it's cushioning the blow for yourself it is a backup for when you know as a person you never want to be alone and when you know you want to end a relationship you don't actually end it until you have someone on the go extreme cushionists as i've just made up that term extreme cushionists they will not it's a severe affliction you need

medical treatment for this any severe take any biotics severe cushionists will actually not wait until they know their relationship is over to find someone else but they will constantly have someone on the back burner whether that is someone in the past that periodically they'll send a flirty text with or they'll like their Instagram it's all this really low-key like technically you're not doing anything wrong and this is why people call it micro cheating but it's literally I guess it goes into breadcrumbing and these all these ideas of just keeping someone that little tiny bit interested so that when the time comes you don't have to put the work in you've got someone to literally jump to so it's what sort of flows into monkey branching I mean I think a

lot of people listening to this like this is probably something that's really relatable when you've dated someone and they've had a friend or they've had an ex or they've had someone who they keep in their orbit in their sphere and you know that there's something about that relationship that's a bit off that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable but it's always like no no we're just friends like you're being crazy and then all of a sudden after you break up they're fucking dating, like they're dating or they're seeing each other or something's going on there. And you're like, oh, okay. So getting married. Yeah. Am I crazy? No, I wasn't crazy. Of course there was something there. I think if you know that there's messages that are happening that make

you uncomfortable, if there is a level of connection between your partner and someone else that makes you feel really irked and it's something that you can't shake and you're not normally a suspicious person in past relationships. I think that's a big one. If you know that you're someone who's super suspicious all the time, then maybe that that's on you. But if you feel like, there's something about this that makes me uncomfortable about that friendship or that relationship. Be wary of that because you may be getting cushioned. Yeah. You're got like, I believe you are at fantastic furniture. You are being cushioned. Girlfriend, you're getting cushioned. All right. What is another one? We've made a whole list of these. There's so many of

them guys. Another one is dating in 2022 is fucking wild. I know. 21. You guys get a note. Are we 22 or 21? Why do you keep forgetting the year? We're 2021. Okay. It's concerning to me that you don't know what year we're in I don't know what day we're in all I know is that I get four hours sleep and it's 2024 and I'm pretty sure it's April yeah that's right yeah perfect okay happy birthday mom it's my mom's birthday and she listens to the podcast happy birthday mrs Hockley oh god don't call that Nikki so another one is stashing so it's also known as pocketing and this is something that I have experienced to the extreme it's like think of when you have contraband you stash it away it's hidden from you you don't want anyone to know about it you

literally stash it out of sight that's where stacking has come from so it's when someone doesn't want you in their life you might be in a relationship with them but for some reason you can't meet their friends for some reason they don't want to put you on their social media they're stashing you now i was stashed guys i was stashed and i was stashed pretty extremely uh you were stashed from the guy's wife i was in a cupboard for a year no i yeah literally two years of my relationship with my sociopathic ex I was a secret and he is so good at brainwashing and digmatizing that I was okay with that I thought he was his lies and manipulation was so good that I was like yeah like it would be the best thing for anyone to know about me first of all he didn't

have social media which I mean he told me he didn't but he did but that was his out for like why he doesn't post me because he didn't have it so I was like cool couldn't care less they're not meeting the friends or anything like that I mean and this is also manipulative behavior where they take you away from friends and family so there's no other safety net but he just made me believe that our love was so special that he didn't want to share me in our limited time that we had together like he's like I don't want to be out with my friends when I only get to see you every second weekend you know he was good he was so fucking he stashed hard he did a lot of things hard actually but if you guys don't know what Britt's referring to episode number three so I

dated a sociopath we always recommend go back listen to that if you're new to Life Uncut you haven't listened to it from the beginning you'll realize why I was so messed up for so long yeah And every time we refer back to Brittany's psychopathic ex, like that is where this comes from. So to give you guys context, go listen to that episode. It's such a goodie. Actually, I can't say it's a goodie because it's really traumatizing. No, it's not now though.

It's super traumatizing, but it's very interesting to listen to. It explains a lot about who I am. And it's like when I met Jordan, I let him listen to one episode. He doesn't listen to the podcast. I banned him. He also doesn't want to know half this stuff we talk about. But he doesn't want to know that you were digmatized by your ex. I said to him, hey, look, like when we met, I was like, listen to one episode.

so I dated a sociopath because like I was so I didn't want to tell him my whole story again I was like you listen to it if you've got questions you can ask me otherwise like we never need to talk about it but I feel like it explains a lot about me and and I left it at that and it was great he had a few questions and he's like I don't want to go back to your past but anyway go back to that but yeah so stashing just this like keeping you out of you perpetually so stashing or pocketing for anybody who's experienced this if you're dating someone who doesn't want to share you on social media is really anti being in a relationship with you on Facebook you've never met their family and friends or when you do they don't like outwardly introduce you as their

girlfriend or their boyfriend they're like this is my friend Sarah we're just hanging out or if when you do meet their friends it seems like they don't really know who you are or that the relationship's being downplayed to some extent something's not right you have been stashed my friend you have been kept in the cupboard and it's time to burst out and believe and be your true self but honestly like if that's happening it's not right there is a reason someone is keeping you a secret there's absolutely no reason that someone cannot introduce you to anyone in their life or put you on any social media platform or there's there's not well the big thing of it is right it means that they don't have to take responsibility for you so when they do or if the

relationship does break down they just get to go back to their normal life and back to their wife and back to their wife and back to exactly how things were beforehand and they don't have to go through any of the breakup or the separation of all the talking about you to their friends it's literally like you don't exist anymore they slip back into their normal life so yeah if you feel like you're being stashed or you feel like you're being pocketed that is a big conversation that you need to have with your partner because there does come a time where you should feel fully integrated and fully a part of your partner's life and it's a real reflection that they want to be with you 100 and you know what when i met jordan he was like i don't i've never

put anyone on my social media like a female he's like I'm not big on that whatever and I said to him and I said look cool but I am no I'm not even I'm not huge on it like well I've never had the experience but I also said to him look heads up I dated someone that kept me a secret for two years and like and it did it gave me when he's like I probably won't post anything purely because like I feel like we can keep this relationship between ourselves and not relationship but he's like he doesn't feel the need to be very public he's not a public person it was like and it has never happen to me before. You're like, well, why are you dating someone who has a public podcast and they have a public social media profile? Wrong choice, buddy. It literally triggered me. It

took me back to someone that kept me a secret for two years. And I said that and I would never make him do anything. I started to get this anxiety, which I've never had. I've never suffered from that. And I was like, that makes me feel like you want to keep me a secret. And that's all I said. And without saying anything else, he knew that if he went and put a photo up, it would make me feel better so he just went and did it on his own and I felt really good about that so well I think that there's a couple of things to consider with this idea and like this kind of goes into a greater conversation around stashing and that is if your partner never posts on Instagram like if they literally don't they're not a social media person they don't use Facebook they don't use Instagram

that is a much lesser offense if they're not sharing you publicly on those social media platforms than somebody who's super active who does stories who does posting and who is making a conscious and concerted effort every time they're on social media to not put you on there because that is where I think you really need to be like red flag red flag 100 feel that whatever is happening in your loins and go with that feeling because they're trying to maintain a status of being single totally and why would someone need to do that unless it's because they want to keep other people on the burn too because they're cushioning there you go all right I reckon we've got time for two more of these now this is one that I really like because it's something that

I've done. And I think it's something that we can be really guilty of when we have a low sense of self-worth. And that is something called eclipsing. Now, eclipsing is when you start dating someone and you instantly absorb their hobbies, their interests, and you are almost mirroring what they like and they want to do because you want them to like you. So you mold yourself like a little chameleon. There's so many times I could have called this a separate eclipsing that you mold yourself like a little chameleon and you be the person that they want you to be in order for them to fall more madly in love that you think they want you to be it's like when you're like oh my god i love horse riding too but you've got a horse allergy oh my rock climbing is my favorite

thing ever except i'm fucking petrified of heights it's exactly that it's just changing who you are because you think that you're going to be more attractive and likable to a person we've all done kind of like the time that i jumped out of an airplane with a parachute on on national tv even the way I'm petrified of heights because Matt made me do it on a group date that was I mean you were forced out of that plane I like a hideous I would say that that's eclipsing right so when I was on the bachelor one of the group dates was that we had to jump out of the plane with a parachute on do I want to go skydiving no I actually have no interest in skydiving like I'll put my hand up and say that that is not something that I want to do I wanted to do it

when I was in my 20s now no like too much can go wrong yeah I'm like I really love my life now I don't need to prove anything to anyone I did not want to do that at all and I found out after we did that that somebody had broken their legs the week prior like that shit scares the absolute hell out of me and I realized this so like when Matt and I after we'd been dating for quite a while so we went to New Zealand and Matt wanted to go bungee jumping and Matt had it in his head that I was someone who really likes doing skydiving and I really like doing these adventure activities because I had said that I liked doing them when I was on the show which I kind of lied about guys I think I don't even think I intentionally lied. I think I thought I wanted to do that. Like I do

genuinely think I wanted to go skydiving. And then after I did it, I was like, that scared the absolute hell out of me. I'm never going to do something like that again. So same thing. We went to New Zealand and I was like, yeah, sure. I love bungee jumping. Can't wait to give that a try. I got to the top of the bungee jump. I was the only person who didn't jump that day. I had a full blown panic attack. I bawled my eyes out. There was like 17 year old girls just flinging themselves off and I was like I'm not doing this I can't I tried twice so I fully got harnessed up why should you make yourself went to the edge got unharnessed got re-harnessed up went to the edge still couldn't do it okay so I went to that exact bungee jump and I'm scared of heights as well

and you did it all right fine Brittany I did it no I'm such a psycho that I nearly made myself sick to do it my sister we went together she just literally went up went through herself off she loves it I had this full panic to work myself up to it I finally just did it I was like fuck it just throw myself off which I actually melted off the side I did not throw myself off but I did it seven times because the feeling I was petrified but the adrenaline feeling I was like that is the best feeling but every time I got to the top I nearly had a meltdown again but I still forced myself to do it it's like this really weird adrenaline love I couldn't do it and I realized well you realized you had him then you don't have to fake it exactly right but I even said this to Matt I

was like if we had just started dating I know I would have done that bungee jump because you wanted me to do it so I would have done it for you to like I guess impress you which I like that sounds crazy throwing yourself off a cliff to impress a guy who would do that but because we were fully dating and because I knew that we loved each other and like him being into me wasn't based on me doing adventure sports I was like no I don't want to do this because I don't feel like I have anything to prove now so eclipsing is a big one if you feel like your interest in your hobbies shift and you're very chameleon like whenever you get into a new relationship you're not really being authentic to yourself you're not being authentic to who you are and at the end of the

day maybe that person isn't as perfectly matched to you as what you think because you're not really being you but also we're not saying don't go if you're dating a guy that's like I love to play golf for sure go play golf with him be like I'll come play with you sometime but don't be like I love golf I played for ages then go buy some clubs and google how to play golf and get golf lessons that's what we're saying like we're saying like go and do those things but be honest be like whoa I'm not good at this this is not my thing but I'll do it with you for sure so we have a shared experience but like don't fake it totally try new things like put yourself out there have new experiences but like know where that boundary lies between like trying to absorb that person's

personality versus just like putting yourself outside your comfort zone being a different human yeah okay I want to talk about one that is called kitten fishing and I love this I just love the name it's it's sort of like catfishing but a step down it's like catfishing with online dating so essentially it is you're not being malicious there's nothing because catfishing is ill-intended it is you are being malicious you it is premeditated you're going out to completely lie to someone and ruin their life well catfishing is like you are pretending to be somebody who you're not completely like a different name different person different photos like it is 70 years old pretending to be bob that's hot it's that but kitten fishing is like when you maybe

curate your dating profile to be the best of the best we've all done it i was guilty of it for a long time i put only the most immaculate photos on that were all perfect that i've probably taken five of each one to get the best one because i thought that's what i meant five thousand sorry did i say five wow sorry i took 500 photos i trailed off sorry i meant five no we've all been there don't worry i did that because i thought that that's what people want to do i'm like cool it's a dating profile i want people to date me i'll put my hot photos up i can't tell you like this was in the beginning I really let it all out at the end I can't tell you how many dates at the start I cancelled and how much anxiety I had about going to meet people when I started online dating

because I was like I know in real life I'm just a normal average person my profile was a 10 oh I'll call it my profile was a 10 you are not a normal average person you are an absolute smoking gun but you know you know what I'm saying I will not have I will not sit here and hear you talk ill of yourself ever again I'm not talking I'm not talking ill about but you look like a Victoria a secret model on your uh yeah on my 5 000th photo yeah no I guess the thing is is like if you're going on a date and you're worried that you don't look like your photos you're worried that you've put an inflated version of yourself then you're probably kitten fishing I think that you know if you're concerned about showing up and someone going oh wow she looks hotter in her

photos then maybe that's not the most authentic profile you could put together and there has been actually a lot of research and I ended up changing my profile after a while to just very like normal photos and I say normal by I mean like more down to earth more laid back less perfectly curated photos and the research says that men are actually more attracted to that they're more attracted to things that are more real and and they feel like they can relate more to that so and I think the same thing when I was looking at men's profiles the ones that were all perfect and topless and curated I was like ill left and the people that were like you could they were half laughing faces that were throwing themselves around in the ocean with their friends they were

the ones I was like that guy looks awesome so why wouldn't that be in reverse the men want the same thing and when you put forward like really modely photos and you look so perfect on like your dating profiles it's intimidating like that is intimate I used to and when you say about men like I remember when I was online dating if I saw a guy who was like a full hunk like abs out looking absolutely ridiculously good looking I felt super intimidated by that and I was like well I don't think that they would like me in real life anyway like I'm not pretty enough or funny enough or great enough or whatever it is it's just where i'm like shut your pie hole it instantly led into my oh it fed into my insecurities and i was like i'd much rather a guy who had a funny profile who seemed

down to earth with a bit of a damn i'm here for a dad bod even though matt has anything but a dad he's ripped it's ridiculous actually he's so ripped now after dancing with the stars he's been training every day he's got minus five percent body fat it's like i've just had a child and i'm like the most unfit version of myself and he's just gone like fucking 10 times the opposite direction it's he is weirdly fit at the moment I remember coming actually I remember this conversation I don't know if you were Laura I showed you and Matt my dating profile one day because they were always living vicariously through me I would come up to here to hang out and they'd be like show us who you're talking to blah blah blah they both looked at my profile in

the early days and they were like you've got to change your profile I remember Matt being like girl no one's gonna swipe you and I was like what I put so much effort into making this perfect he's like yeah it's too polished he's like people I can tell you now men will be intimidated by the fact that you look it's too polished and too put together and Matt was like you're not like that and you were like yeah just go if I can put one of you at the beach having fun that was candid and I was really shocked by that because I was like wow I thought that that's what people wanted so I changed that and I had way more success by like 0.05 percent more success at least 0.05 but it was it was interesting so you guys just think about that think about your profiles if

you're single and you're dating think about what you're putting up don't go to so much effort to make it perfectly curated because it's not actually what people are looking for anyway stop kitten fishing i don't even like cats anyway unrelated okay we're gonna do one more which i know i said two but now we're doing three because it's fun rebel without a cause over here the last one and it's because we just kind of got onto like profiles and talking about tinders and whatever else the last one is sanitizing now sanitizing perfectly ties into covid but this is how you should everyone social distance, take care of yourself, wear gloves, sanitize. No. So sanitizing has nothing to do with COVID, but it has everything to do with sanitizing your social media of your

ex. So for example, if you've had a long-term relationship or you've dated someone and you have photos of your ex on your Instagram, and then you go back and delete every trace of their existence, you have just sanitized your Insta. And I think, you know, sometimes we sanitize because we've gone through really shitty breakups and really bad relationships and we don't want to remember them. And we want to completely wipe that person from our hemisphere. Sometimes we just sanitize our Instagram because we're worried about what future or potential partners might think. They might think maybe we're still in a relationship because the relationship only recently ended. Sanitizing is a questionable thing to do. I think it's very related. It's

an individual. Totally. And it's totally relative to the situation. Like we said, if a relationship ended badly, then that kind of lends itself more to sanitizing your social media. But if you had a good relationship, why would you delete all those photos, their memories, and you've lived that experience it's contributed to who you are as a person and somebody who comes in your future shouldn't be threatened by the fact that you have photos of your ex on your instagram but again maybe you want to sanitize to an extent like just sanitize like one hand maybe you want to get rid of the photos that are too lovey and dovey or remind you of something too much and maybe you just delete a few photos that like hit a sore point i have a friend i have

these friends that are in the most toxic relationship i have ever seen it is disgraceful I'm like, I don't know. And beyond anything, I don't know why they're just constantly on and off and together. I'm like, just both of you leave, you know, it's horrific, but they sanitize. It's actually funny. I keep up with them by their Instagram. They sanitize on a weekly basis. You're like, I know when they're broken up because they've just deleted their last week

of photos and then they're back together again. Yeah. They sanitize it, but they obviously just archive it. Cause when they're good again, they put the photos back on the profile. And I'm like, it's actually ridiculous. Like delete them and break up or keep them on and stay together or break up and keep them on. I don't care.

But the on and off every week, I'm like, you're not clean. this is bold and beautiful i'm sick of this sitcom i want to change the channel like guys we all know what you're doing we don't care we're not as invested in your relationship as what you are all right well guys that is it from us on this topic we have if you i mean if you have some other ones for us that we haven't covered if you have heard of a great dating terminology that you want us to throw around we'll chuck it in the facebook group i hope you slide into our dms these are all very controversial terms but you know what there's things that we've all done in relationships they're all experiences that we've had and now we have labels for them if you ever experience it again

also just a bit of fun and i think it's going to continue to evolve with evolving technology as all these new ways of dating come up there's going to be new terminology there's going to be new things to talk about so yeah as we can come up with more fucked up ways to treat each other we'll definitely come up with more terms for it we'll talk to you about it all right guys you know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet our highlight and our low light of each and every week and Brittany you can go first what is your suck baby my suck that you haven't left the bedroom yeah week and a half guys same suck as last week sorry it'll be a different suck next week I still have been in my isolation I haven't left my house it's like a cesspit it's like a sick

cesspit I feel like I need someone to just come in and sanitize the whole thing actually I probably will do that but that's been my suck I've just I've just really been knocked like I've never been knocked before. My sweet I'm going to give to my sister Sherry this week. She lives up the road from me in Bondi. I feel like you're just giving out prizes. This week my prize goes to Sherry. My prize goes to Sherry. Sherry has undoubtedly been amazing. She looked after me so much this week. She was constantly bringing me soups to try and eat because I couldn't eat for a week and she was forcing them in. She was going and getting my scripts filled and prescriptions. she was bringing me anything I needed she was like she was incredible so my sweet goes to Sherry

for sure and she is moving away she's moving to Queensland but that will be my suck soon she hasn't got a set date she's looking for a house so a lot of you on our stories have seen that sometimes I'm posting like I'm gonna miss you kind of thing and a lot of you ask about it her plan is to be moving up north to start fresh up there for no reason other than you know there's time for a sea change so my suck for probably the rest of the year will be like me crying myself to sleep cause Jordan and Sheridan and everyone just leaves me. I'm not going anywhere. No, if you do, I'll go with you. Yeah. Like I, we can't leave. Like, don't worry. I'll follow you. So my suck for the week, my week's been really good. I fucking love that. It's like, also we're not

allowed to do this. My, my only suck is that you have been sick and you have been really, really out for the count. And I have felt very, very bad for you. Thank you. Which is the worst. Also, when you told me that your bed is just strewn with vomit bags, I was like, that is next. Guys, they're clean vomit bags, but they're all there on hand. Also, my suck – I'm going to tell you what my suck is. My suck is that Brit sent a photo of her throat to me. She sent me a photo of her throat when her throat was infected and it still makes me feel like I'm going to vomit.

I'm not good with, like, body stuff. Like, if someone's sick or, like, bloody or there's, like, weeds, I can't handle it, whereas Brit lives for this because she's, like, so hospitalised. But you know when normally you have a sore throat, it's like, oh, I've got a sore throat, and you're like, oh, that sucks. but when you can physically see the necrosis at the back of your throat that is like causing a blockage that it's black oh stop it yeah guys it was disgusting it's like visceral for me like I

actually like every single time she talks about it I am reminded by the image that I'll never get out of my head I'm traumatized I thought I didn't have a suck I have a suck that was it well you know what it is the doctor said to me you know it's bad when we want to keep talking about just this one thing you know it's bad when you go to the doctor and he's like whoa he's like oh my actual God. And he reiterated to the point that when I got home, he messaged me and he was like, please don't hesitate to go to emergency. Like he was worried my throat was going to close over and I was going to die. He was like, this is extreme. She had dead rotting flesh in the back of her throat. Anyway, okay, move on. I'm glad we covered that. You're sweet. My sweet for the week is just

Easter with the family. Like my life has changed so much and it's so strange to me that now I do Easter egg hunts with babies. And I had a really, I don't know, like it was my birthday the other week and I didn't mention this but like when I was 30 I was miserable and then turning and I had a massive party we went to Bali and I was just having this like last week and a half I've been having this thing of like reminisce about the fact that now that I'm 35 my life is so vastly different but I'm so much happier and how much can change in such a short period of time like I've had this real like self-reflection over the last couple of weeks just how quickly things that are shitty can change to being really great and I'm really grateful for my family and I love that we do

weird little easter egg hunts with babies now and it's just so wholesome so it's something for you yeah it's weird it's weird because I am the one who thought she would never have kids and now I have two kids and I'm talking about a third if you ever want to hide chocolate for me I'm down for that there's some under the table anyway guys that is it from us today we hope you love the episode we know that it was mostly a much more light-hearted episode than what we do except for the first half of it. Like, you know, we did have that very important conversation around consent, but guys, if you have listened to every single one of our episodes or even just a few of them and love them, and you are that cheeky scallywag who hasn't gotten onto Apple and left a review

yet, please jump on Apple and give us a review. Let us know what you think, because it is so important for us, for helping us grow, for helping other people find the podcast, and also just for giving us some great feedback for what you love and what you don't. So believe it or not, as an independent podcast the reviews and the subscribing and the five stars they're actually the things that help us stay here and help us grow so maybe you didn't know that you do know it now so you've got no excuse okay thanks bye and uh also if you haven't joined the facebook group it is life uncut podcast we also have an instagram page please join life uncut podcast on instagram you can slide into our dms there you can ask us questions for ask uncut we love answering

your questions and we're going to get a few of them ready for this week also this week's ask gun cart is going to be a very very special one because we have maddie j joining us for a male's perspective so if you have any questions that you want to ask for a guy make sure you tune in to this thursday's episode of ask on car and this will actually we've had maddie j on a few times but usually he fills in when one of us is sick or away for an ask on car this will be our first one where it's going to be the three of us it's a menage a trois and he's a pythagoras theorem is it a triangle such a nerd girl let's just finish this tell your mom tell your dad tell your friends tell your cat to your dog and tell everyone and share the love because we love love