Life Uncut - Friending - navigating friendships as an adult

Episode Date: September 25, 2019

Hello lovely listeners! WE HAVE CROWNED OUR BACHI KING AND QUEEN. All hail Chelsea and Astro Bachi. We are also talking about friendship in all it's colourful forms. How do you juggle friendships as an adulty adult when you're time poor and life has so many demands. If you like listening as much as we like talking please hit subscribe and share the love because we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello lovely listeners and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I am Brittany. Hi Brittany. Hey how are you? I'm bloody great I am. Do you know why I'm great? Because you've got 2.2 hours sleep? No because we have crowned the king and the Queen of Australia. Oh, congratulations to Astro, Batchy and Chelsea. I could not be more happy. Honestly, I said this in the last episode, but I'm going to say it again. I am more stoked about this couple than what I am about my own relationship. I mean, I love Matt, but I'm just, I freaking love them. They are amazing. It was very good casting because they are made for each other. I'm so stoked to get into this Batchy chat today. We're not going to do a full

recap because like guys, we know the ending, so you probably don't need us to debrief on everything that's happened. We're also going to be talking about in this episode, friendship. At Life Uncut, we love to talk about relationships, but one relationship that we haven't really touched on yet is one that's very, very profoundly important. And that relationship is friendships, our friendships with our girlfriends. And that's something that we're going to be talking about today. I love the saying that friendships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. And that's something that we're going to be exploring but first that's your chat britney how did you recover from the finale oh my gosh what an emotional roller coaster when they threw that bait and switch

and had chelsea get out of the car first with the music and then they cut to a scene of her walking away from osha i think australia's hearts just dropped to the pit of their stomach bravo channel 10 i think that that is the best punk like i was waiting for ashton kutcher to pop out from behind the altar at the back there because that was freaking amazing every single person in australia was like what the fuck is happening i think deep down everybody knew and expected chelsea but there was this little part that thought obviously abby and matt did have something pretty intense and imagine if she was just like no i shouldn't say the underdog because it was obvious they had it but no one expected her to win so imagine if she did just come out from underneath and take the

crown do you know what though I feel a little bit sorry for Abby and I know I said this in last episode but the thing with being number two is that normally number two even if they don't get the man they get the public support in every other season like remember Nikki Gogan as soon as that number two gets their heart broken everyone in Australia bands together to support her and in this season unfortunately not only did Abby not get the man but she also didn't get the support of the nation it must be so difficult going through this emotional roller coaster which regardless of everyone's opinions she would have been emotionally invested in him there was a moment there where she walked away and after she looked like she was going to stab him she walked away

but how great did she look like let's talk about that for a second i was like babe if you're gonna go down you are gonna go down looking sensational she actually looked insane um but there was a moment she was walking away and i thought that was a moment australia switched and they felt for her and they were rooting for her a little bit like I think it turned around but then she had that moment where she said I don't think I even loved him couldn't cry if I tried and I thought no no no no don't say that because it was gonna backflip again to people being like why are you there I do think that that was pretty silly of her a part of me thinks that that was her ego talking when you're someone who's independent and you don't want to be embarrassed I do think that

her reaction was like oh no i don't care i'm fine everything's fine which doesn't come across as being very vulnerable or very likable even it was um yeah it was very polarizing i think she's going to be just fine i think abby is going to be just fine i think people are going to forget the little things she's beautiful she's outgoing she's going to redeem herself do you reckon she's going to go on batch in paradise yeah surely if if abby goes on batch in paradise i think that it will give her the opportunity to redeem her storyline a little bit. If she's on Paradise, Channel 10 will fix the edit of her and they'll try and change the public's perception. That was the same thing that they did to Alicia on last season of Bachelor in Paradise. Do you remember within Nick's season,

your season, Alicia was pitted as one of the mean girls in the mean girl trio. But then when she was on Bachelor in Paradise, she was actually delightful. And so I think that that could be what will happen with Abby. But you know what? Enough chat about Abby. Let's go back to the episode before the finale, if anyone even remembers what that was. I just want to talk about Helena for a moment because she's come out in the media and said, look guys, it wasn't that Matt forgot that I spoke French to him on the red carpet. Matt also forgot that I was from Mauritius and he also forgot my occupation. So when Matt was sitting there talking to her family in very, very quick succession, he had forgotten three fundamental things about her. So I think it's completely

valid as to why she was like I am out of here because I am clearly filler obviously if he forgets every important thing about her it's there because she is a beautiful filler which is super sad because she is stunning obviously an intelligent woman she just had a wits about her and she knew that she wasn't going to be the one at the end there and I don't really think that she was acting that irrational or crazy when she did the walkout I think she really liked him she really wanted to be the person at the end her spidey senses were tingling all over girlfriend she was like this is not going to be me because come on let's face it if a guy's really really into you he's gonna remember at least a few key details about who you are but did you not think it was weird on the last

episode that Matt didn't know Chelsea's last name oh no I was just about to say this that happened to me that's weird you're about to tell someone you love them and you don't even know their name yeah it is weird but when you go back and think about it when you have such little time to get to know each other. You don't sit down and say, what's your last name? So I remember this so clearly, this conversation, right? We're about to go into my hometown, Nick and I, we're sitting in the car out the front. We've just gone for a little drive around. We were basically waiting for our cue and we're just chatting. And he says to me, so Brit, I'm like, yeah, Nick. And he goes, you know how, you know how my name's Nick Cummins? And I was like, yeah. He's like, yours is.

That is such an interesting way to ask for someone's last name. And I said, Brittany. And then he said, and then he goes, and the next part. And I was like, oh my God, you don't know my last name. He starts laughing. We're having this fit of laughter. And I just thought, this is ridiculous. I'm about to go and introduce you to my family and you've just realized you don't know my name.

Yeah, but Chelsea made it through hometowns. She made it to her final date and he didn't know her name. I think that's crazy. No, I get that. It's just the last thing you're thinking about. I remember very clearly on my first date, I was like, hello, Matthew Johnson. I am Laura Byrne.

I don't think he asked for it, but I gave him that information anyway. I like long walks to the beach and the fridge. I like very short walks to the fridge, Brittany. Yeah. Yeah, this is what I'm all about at the moment. No one's going for long walks on the beach. Now, look, I can forgive that for that,

but I cannot forgive him for forgetting every other thing in Elena's world. Can you forgive him for the very, very punchy shirts he's been wearing on every episode? Controversial, but The Bachelor loves a floral shirt. I'm more here for the floral shirts. I think he looks great. But the last episodes in South Africa, I was like, oh boy, you're making a statement here and I'm here for it.

I really loved Matt from the very beginning. I just think it was so nice to have a fresh face. It was so nice to be able to jump on board with his journey. They had some very different types of women in this season and I think the Channel 10 or Warner Brothers just cast it really, really well and I love Chelsea and Matt together and I hope that they nail life as a couple. I do too.

I want to see the happy ending for them and I think that they will. I mean, they live around the corner. It's very easy for them to continue this relationship. This period is quite difficult though, because you think that you're able to have a normal relationship as soon as the finale goes to air, but it's not normal yet. The problem is that the media storm and the craziness, there's a lot of pressure, but I think because they have the public support, like 99.9% of the population was rooting for Chelsea, it will make it a little bit easier for them to kind of band together and galvanize

their relationship. Did you notice how Chelsea was so unsure that he was going to choose her? Yes. abby was so certain yeah so it makes you wonder what goes on behind the scenes there and what's fed to them i remember on yours you were really surprised you won well abby's actually come out and said that the producers made her feel as though she was the absolute definite at the end there and i am going to say that i i 100 can sympathize with that because when it was our finale i had been made to feel that it wasn't going to be me all day leading up to the finale

And the finale kind of takes place at around 6pm at night, but it's a whole day process where you do all your back filming. And I think I got my hair and makeup done at 3am and then I didn't find out whether it was me or not until 6pm. I'd also drunk a bottle of wine by then, but I was so sure it wasn't going to be me because I had been sort of told in a very soft way that it wasn't going to be me. They never came out and outrightly said, it's not you, but they, they managed to cast a lot of doubt over my feelings and they managed to make me feel like Matt had something much more

profound with Elise. Like sort of, so Laura, get your acceptance speech ready because you know, you could be walking away. Yeah. They said, and if that is the case, just accept it with dignity and with grace. And I remember hearing those words and I just remember the tone and how the staff and the producers were acting towards me. And it was very downcast and it made me feel, oh my god they all feel sorry for me because they know that it's not going to be me when I felt that from the producers I it was almost like it was a definite I was like wow okay I had already started to mourn the fact that it wasn't going to be me before I had even gone up to speak to Matt well I had the opposite because I genuinely believe no one I think about two people

and I I could be wrong but I'm choosing to believe it I don't think anyone really knew except Nick's producer and maybe somebody else that nick was about to throw this curveball not pick anyone feedback i was getting was just genuinely we don't know the looks on everyone's faces were we don't know usually the bachelor would know a week out maybe definitely i think it depends on who the bachelor is like sam wood has come out and said he knew from almost day dot that it was snazana but what does maddie jay say well maddie jay has been a little bit more considered with his feelings he says that he knew from the first time that we met that we had something really really special and then he had to see if that existed with other people because he wanted to

give himself the opportunity to really explore that because that was the whole point of the process yeah there was definitely confusion for him but here we are no confusion anymore I should hope not but the last day when you're when you're preparing for that finale what those girls would have to go through and the emotional rollercoaster that is that final day and the way that they structure the filming for anyone who's interested is we had our hair and makeup done we then did all of our pre-recording where you talk about how you're worried that you might you know put your heart on the line and get heartbroken and then we were taken by boat to this little island in Thailand which is where they recorded the finale they got me to take the first boat and

because everything in the season is recorded in chronological order, I thought it was 100% me going home because I got the first boat. So I got the first boat. I got out and I spoke to Osher. I was pretty hysterical, which they didn't show on the season. And I bawled my eyes out. And then they said, Laura, we need to take you back and we need to fix your hair and makeup because you're a mess. And so they took me back to the room. They fixed my hair and makeup, but really what they were doing was while they were fixing my hair and makeup, that's when Elise came. So then Elise came and instead of them doing Elise in two parts, she came, she spoke to Osher and then she walked up and spoke to Matt. And so once they'd fixed my hair and makeup, then they

took me back down and then I walked up and spoke to Matt. So it all actually happens in quite quick succession, which is so difficult for The Bachelor because he's just gone from ruining someone to then trying to tell someone else that he's in love with them. And doing this like whiplash of emotions is so hard just again for people that don't know I didn't actually know this was going to happen either you don't know if you're the first person or the second person there you have absolutely no idea but one thing they do do they said you need to walk up to him he's waiting for you over there but you guys just need to look at each other for a minute and not say a word because we're just going to get some aerial shots we're going to get some shots on the drone so you're about to get

your decision but you have to go and stand there and look at each other in the eyes for a minute or two so I walked up to him and I was just so nervous this was end game for me and we looked at each other for this two minutes we weren't allowed to say anything and I just knew in his eyes he was just the way he was looking at me I was like this is not me and then the worst thing is then you have to walk back and then walk up again to actually get your answer so it was pretty messed up ending for me oh god that sounds hideous and I absolutely understand why they do that because people don't understand what it takes to get a finale or a shot or anything you need so many angles then you can't have voices and you can't have you need the right lighting and so

you do have to do these things well the final though that is all recorded in one piece that's real doesn't go back and then you know they don't do that as like different takes it's literally just you stand there and the bachelor says to you what he's going to say and then you have an opportunity to reply and that's it that's your one and only chance and then when abby left she doesn't get an opportunity to get closure i think the most difficult part about being number two and brit please like tell me what your opinion is on this is that you are completely robbed of closure as soon as the bachelor says hey it's not you it's like the day before you're on a date and they're making out with you and everything's all amazing and then you get served this breakup and

then after that you never see them again it's true you don't get your closure every other scene in the bachelor sometimes they can say oh come back and just like we need to do this do this again quickly but in the finale it's final you get one shot like you said you don't get closure but I remember the next day I went we went home to bed Sophie and I and we just drunk together all night we cried and we laughed the next day as we were leaving I was going to the airport I remember because we went everywhere by golf buggy I remember and getting in the golf buggy and I was being driven away and we're going through the resort and I just looked up and Nick was up on balcony and he was sort of looking very solemn and looking down at me and I looked at him and

that was the one moment we had and we just sort of watched each other as we golf buggyed away and I had like a Darth Vader costume on because we had to be covered up at all times I had umbrellas in front of me and it was just this eye contact and that was it they make you put on like these big dark jackets with capes and stuff because there's paparazzi around and they don't want you to get that they don't want the paparazzi to get any photos so when you're not being filmed You're always covered by an umbrella, covered by a big jacket, and it looks ridiculous. But the paparazzi are insane at the finale.

They're on boats. They're in helicopters. They know where the finales are being filmed. They're under your bed. Yeah. I don't know if they're there, but they're very close by. And so Channel 10 and Warner Brothers has to be so stringent in keeping that finale a secret.

Every year it seems to kind of trickle out. There's always conspiracy theories about who's the winner. They get you at the airport. It's such a shame because everyone wants a surprise, don't they? Why ruin it for Australia? No one wants to know the race before it's been run. Well, I am so stoked that that season is over because now, I mean, what are we even going to talk about on this podcast now?

Bachelorette. Oh, God, it all starts again. Brittany, this sounds a little bit macabre, but I was reading something the other day, which was the top five regrets of the dying. Oh, that sounds morbid. Yeah, it's pretty dark. However, number four on the list was I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. And that just spoke huge volumes to me, especially as I'm going through this period

in my life now where priorities are shifting. After having a baby, it's becoming harder and harder to sort of keep those connections with friends. And I reminisce on when I was in my twenties and I think, God, I had so many friends in my twenties. We were inseparable. The friendship that I had was so intense. Is this normal? Isn't it normal? I don't know. I love my friends and I want to keep those connections. But how do you navigate friendship as you get older? It's a hard one because it's so different from when you're, I mean, your friendship from when you're six years old to 15 years old to 25 years old to 35 years old is so different. When you're say a teenager, when you're 15, you tell your friends everything and you're so blatantly honest

with them. I remember I had this best friend and another girl came to me and she said, I want to be your best friend. And I said, oh, okay, that's cool. So I went to my best friend and I said, I don't think we should be best friends anymore. I've only got time for one best friend. I'm very time poor. Such a weird thing. But my point of it is we're so honest at that age. And she was like, oh, okay, I guess I'll get a new best friend. And I went to the other girl and I was like, we can be best friends now. And it was like a best friend breakup. But the point is it was so concise and clear. And it's like, this is what's happening. But then when you fast forward, I have spoken to so many people that have had these friendship

relationship breakdowns as an adult, but they couldn't even tell you why. We don't like difficult conversations as an adult. So I think we could learn a lot from adolescence and just be honest with people and move on. We almost ghost each other as friends now. It's interesting how with romantic relationships, we get given so much closure when a relationship breaks down. Like we do this ritual dance of you talk it out, you explain why your feelings have changed. And we do, most of the time, our absolute best to give our romantic partner the closure that

they need in order to move on. And I do think that sometimes our friendships are robbed from that. You might drift apart from someone who you love and who has been a fundamental part of your life. Because we don't get given the closure that we so, so deeply crave and deserve, it can make it almost more difficult to overcome and more difficult to put to bed and understand the reasonings why we no longer have that person in our life. But I do think that we've been sort of fed to this unrealistic, idolized expectations around friendship. And I know I spoke about Friends, the series last episode, but I'm going to bring it up again. And also Sex and the City. Did you at least like that show?

I freaking love Sex and the City. Because you may have to redeem yourself. I had so many people write in saying, oh, I was really relating to Laura up until she said she didn't watch Friends. And I said, I feel you, babe. I feel you. Guys, I'm just living my truth. Don't judge me. I'm living my truth. You know, you see these people who are on the TV, they're in their 30s, and they've

managed to maintain this strong friendship core group where they're going out for cocktails and cosmopolitans, and they're just living such an extra life where they're all dating at the same time and sharing their experiences. And then I think about my own friendship group, and it isn't like that. I have friends that are kind of scattered out and scattered around, and the friendships that I have are far less intense than that. They're still so important to me and my friends mean the absolute world, but the time that I'm able to give to them is minimized. And also as I've gotten older, the acquaintance friends I had, I'm no longer in contact with them as much as what

I used to be because, you know, we're at different points in our lives. And I am a big believer that I would rather have less friends, but they're good quality and I can count on them than having an abundance of acquaintances. But I really find that a true friend now, my best friend of 25, 27 years actually now, that's crazy. That makes me sound old. 27 years. 27 years does not make you sound old, Brittany. I'm about to slap the microphone out of her hand. So she was my first friend. We have never had a fight in our life and we're still best friends. We won't speak often. You should marry her. Oh, well, I was her maid of honor. She's already married.

And that's really disappointing. But the point is we've never had a fight and we don't speak often and we don't see each other often but she would be the first person still I know I could go to or that I would go to with exciting news or things like that because we just know we don't have to be in each other's pocket life goes on she's got kids she's married she's in such a different place to me but I know if I needed something I could go to her and I think that's what matters that sort of friendship is so healthy because it's sustainable and it has the longevity to be able to last a lifetime it's the friendships where you are obsessed with each other where it's almost like a romantic relationship they seem to be the friendships that don't necessarily live the

lifespan or have the longevity because when you have that absolute intensity then how do you kind of continue that when your life changes and you start to meet different milestones like what if one of you gets a boyfriend or what if one of you moves cities or gets a job like then how does the relationship sort of shift and move into that new dynamic I think you need to have acceptance of a situation and a time that people come and serve a purpose and I don't mean serve a purpose people come in when they need to when you need them I think the universe provides that and then it's just about being able to let go when things move in a particular direction you can't be upset if somebody gets a boyfriend if your friend gets a boyfriend wants to spend time with him because

that is natural progression but you can be upset if that friend no longer contacts you if that that makes the friendship completely one-sided. I'm also a big believer that you can have your relationship and your marriage or whatever else with your partner. But a lot of people, as soon as they get into that relationship, they throw all their other friendships by the wayside and they forget them and they ignore them. And I think that's crazy because you need to have these people in your life and you still need to nurture your other friendships because you don't know what's going to happen with your partner. And then I know a lot of friends are like, oh, well, you've come back now what because you don't see him anymore or I totally agree I definitely think that I have

been someone who has at times prioritized my relationship over my friendships because I get so excited about this new intense love in my life that you know that takes up so much of my time and my mental energy that I have sacrificed friendships for that I still have my closest best friend who has never ever put pressure on me to choose between a relationship or choose between her she has followed me through the ups and the downs and the ins and the outs of my relationship debacles. But I did have one very, very close friend who was my best friend through school and through university. And our relationship ended because it came to a point where I was given an ultimatum between her and between my romantic relationship at the time. And I chose my romantic

relationship, which in retrospect, I probably wouldn't do that now. But a real friend shouldn't give you an ultimatum anyway. Totally. And I also needed to learn that for myself. I needed to explore that romantic relationship and see where it was going to go and learn for myself that he wasn't the right person for me and that he didn't treat me right. But I do think a good friend and someone who loves you will support you through that as well and see you on the other side of that. At the end of the day, we're all on our own journey and you can't control someone. You can definitely offer up advice, but you can't put an ultimatum on someone because it may not swing your way at the end of the day you just need to support your friends through anything if your

friendship has run its course and you feel like maybe it's no longer bringing you what you need that is so fine because it's like a normal relationship they're not all going to last forever but there is definitely a way to end a friendship or move on from a friendship with grace and integrity and doing it in a really really nice way because all that's going to do is allow you to go and put your energy and focus and positivity into relationships that you think are adding to you at that point in time. I totally agree. I love this saying, a friendship is someone who is there for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. And I think it's so true. We have friends that help us through different periods in our life. And it's okay that those friendships, as much as they are very

important to us at the time, it's okay that those friendships kind of have an expiration date and we move past them. But it is important, I think, to really work on our relationships and our friendships so that we do have friendships for a lifetime. So many people wrote into us wanting to chat about this and with questions about friendships. We didn't actually realize how common it was in people's life to be going through these problems with friendships. Well, it's interesting, isn't it? Because when you think about it, you have one romantic relationship. I mean, assuming that you're a monogamous, but you have one romantic relationship. You have multiple friendships that you need to juggle at only one time. And then on the other

end of the spectrum you have some people who maybe you've just moved to a new city or maybe you've started a new job and you need to make new friends and you know what making new friends as an adult is so hard so fucking hard it's so hard because other adults already have their friendship group I remember when I was going through a really difficult breakup and my friends were at different periods in their life I was newly single and all my friends were in relationships and I didn't want to go out drinking because drinking made me feel bad. So it wasn't healthy for my mental state to pursue that as a way of getting over my breakup. But what I did do, which kind of sounds corny, but I started salsa dancing and it was awesome. I love that. Just go by yourself. Yeah. So I mean,

for anyone who's in Sydney, this is definitely not a plug for it, but on Wednesday nights at the Argyle, they do social salsa dancing and they do a class. And so it was an environment and a social group where I didn't need to go with anyone. I could go by myself and I went and I learned how to salsa dance. And then I would go on Thursday nights and I would do it as well. And then on Friday nights, I'd go to the Cuban bar and it was an activity where I could literally show up by myself and someone would ask me to dance. Did you dress up in those big, like flamenco? No, but I did wear Cuban heels. Oh my God. I freaking loved it. I would never have thought that I was someone who would enjoy salsa dancing, but it wasn't so much the dancing. It was the fact

that it opened me up to a new social group that I never would have had access to before. And it made me feel good to have friends who were in a similar situation in life to me. So I tried to do that. I tried to, you know, after my breakup years ago, I was like, okay, I'm just going to go throw myself into something, meet new people. So do you know what I did? Oh my God. What? I love it. I'm such a nerd I was like I'm gonna go and enroll in an Italian course I turn up to this adult education Italian course and I'm like I'm gonna make so many friends and eat all the pasta and speak all the Italian and I walk in there's about 15 people in there that are averaged 55 to 60 years old and they're made some old males and then it was just me look okay maybe that's not

a good example of how you need to open yourself up to new activities but I do think that you have to be proactive in looking for like-minded people to be able to make new friends. Maybe that is starting a new activity, going and being part of a social group. I mean, man, go and join your local surf club or go and do a sport. Like sports are amazing for meeting new people. Go and do salsa dancing. Join a run club, even get fit at the same time. Oh yeah. I feel inspired already. I am going to throw some data at you, Brittany. I'm going to give it to you. So Julianne Holt Lundstad did a meta-analysis of social support and health outcomes and found that not having enough friends or having a weak social circle is the same risk factor as smoking 15 cigarettes a

day. I know this, this blows my actual mind. I mean, feel free to go and do your own research on this and pull me up as being incorrect. However, I do think that this has a lot of validity because we get our purpose and we get so much affirmation and positivity in our lives from the experiences that we have with our friends. It's important to not just be there for your friends to commiserate when things have gone wrong and be there as a support pillar. But I think the thing that's so valuable

is make sure that you're celebrating the wins with your friends. Make sure that when there's something awesome going on in their life, that you're taking the time to be like, fuck yeah, I'm so happy for you. Because I think we tend to remember the really, really positive, wonderful things that happen in our life

just as much as we remember the negative. So you need to have both sides of the queen. It's the low points, the big points, and the important moments. You know what time it is, Laura, our favorite segment. It is Ask Uncut. Got a good question for you straight up. I'm gay and I want to propose to my girlfriend in the next year. How much is acceptable to spend on an engagement ring?

Would you say no if the ring wasn't at the standard or the expense that you wanted? How much do we all compare engagement rings amongst friends and family? And how much do other people and you judge the relationship from the ring? So there is that weird rule of thumb where you should invest three months of your salary into buying an engagement ring. But who freaking cares? So many people are going for alternate engagement rings because we were sold this idea that you need to have a diamond because diamonds are forever. Guys, that is an incredible marketing tactic that was created by De Beers, who is like a biggest world distributor of diamonds and diamond engagement rings. They did that so that

you would buy diamond engagement rings and put money in their pocket. I could not care less about the money. I'd be stoked if someone that I loved gave me a burger ring because I like burger rings. That wouldn't really stand the test of time. So I feel like that's probably not an acceptable engagement ring. The three month rule for a wage is absolutely ridiculous and archaic. Nobody actually does that anymore. And I'm sorry, but if you genuinely are going to say yes or no to a proposal based on the price of the ring, then you shouldn't be marrying that person because that's messed up. Yeah. But you know what? I actually worked with a girl, hopefully she doesn't listen to this podcast. It was a long time ago, who she'd been with her partner for

somewhere between six and eight years. And the reason why he hadn't proposed yet was because he hadn't saved up enough money to buy the ring that she wanted. And I remember her telling me this and I was like, wow, that is insane. Insane. That is a very juvenile way to look at what's important in your relationship. Also now, especially living in big cities like Sydney and Melbourne, for example, that are some of the most expensive cities in the world to live in. Three months of your wage is going towards your house deposit. Totally. Or go on a bloody trip overseas. Like that's so much more fulfilling and gives you so much back in comparison to walking around with a really expensive rock on your hand that you need to insure. Okay, Britt. Okay. I

don't know if that answered her question, but I mean, I think it doesn't matter. She knows you love her. You love her. And to be quite frank, who gives a fuck what their family think of the ring you've bought her. If they are judging you on that, then you don't really need them in your life. Well, I mean, you can't get rid of them. They are her family, but don't, don't base your opinion on what they're going to think of your ring. Amen, sister. Amen. All right. Come at me with question number two. Question two. I've recently moved in with my absolute best friend, but I have found that it's not working. I'm uncomfortable in the situation and I know that I need to move out, but I'm worried. Is that going to end our friendship? This is such a good

question. This is so relative to our topic for today, Brittany. I'm so glad you chose this. it's she's in a real pickle yes a little pickle dickle well I think that the only way to approach this situation is to be completely upfront and have a difficult and uncomfortable conversation I know that we hate confrontation but you do need to sort of sit down and say I'm not happy in this situation and I love you as a friend I love you so much but living together has been trying for me and explain the reasons why. And then say, I would like to maybe look at living separately when our lease comes to an end. And it's not because I don't value your friendship. It's just because I think that living together is going to damage our friendship. Yes, their ego

will be hurt a little bit. And I think it might take them a little bit of time to get over it. They probably will be a bit upset to start with, but I think if they're mature enough, they'll be able to see it from your perspective. The reality is, is that if you're not happy, there's a good chance that they're not happy too. I don't really have much to add to that because I would have said the same thing. And you know what? There's a chance that maybe she feels the same way. Well, that's exactly it. Yeah. Look at us. I love it when we agree. Yeah. I can't add to that. Be honest. You know what? Call up your girlfriend, tell her that you guys are going to have dinner. You're going to get a bottle of wine. Bake her a cake. You're going to sit down and you're going

to have a hard conversation, which will probably feel very uncomfortable for you. But I do think that from difficult conversations we always get this immense sense of relief and you are going to feel so much better once you put this on the table that's my advice and that's us for today guys we are so grateful that you send in your questions to us and that you trust us to give you our advice on the things that you're dealing with in life so if you have a question for next week for ask uncut please slide on into our dms on instagram it is at life uncut podcast and we will do our absolute best to answer one or two of them next week laura yes britney sucking sweet baby come at me do you want me to go first or do you want to go first i can go first why not sure

okay hit me so my suck for the week do you know what i'm just gonna have to base it on the bachelor because there was just this moment where i thought that chelsea didn't win and abby won and my emotions were everywhere and i didn't know how i felt and it was like two minutes of my life i can never get back and it's superficial but nothing else happened to me this week so that's my stuff well you had a bloody great week then didn't you yeah i really did and what was your sweet my sweet is my best friend that i spoke about earlier of 27 years she had a little baby yesterday so that i just love babies guys i talk about my baby all the time yeah this is the best a boy or a girl she had a little girl and um i sort of joked with her i said oh my god i hope

you're calling her britney like obviously and she was she felt really awkward she was like oh i wasn't going to know i'm like babe it's fine i'm joking way to like make her birth about you brit she knew i joked about it the last couple of months you were like anna am i the godmother as well because clearly i mean yes if something happened i would be stealing those children so i hope that she's listening to this podcast and knows brit actually really wants to be the godmother and she's asking right now no but shout out best friends forever i'm so stoked healthy baby healthy mom and i'm just on on top of the moon you know oh that's beautiful honey that is a really really beautiful sweet for the week yeah and what about you well my suck for this week I don't have a suck

I know that that's bad and I'm supposed to come prepared for this but my week's been great I'm really just like I'm in a good groove at the moment I guess the only thing that's sucking and it's probably the same stuff that I complained about in the other weeks is that I'm trying to juggle a lot of different facets of life at the moment and sometimes when you have so many things going on at one time you don't really feel like I'm doing anything particularly well I'm kind of just making ends meet but i'm not exceeding at anything so that's probably my overall suck but realistically i know that i just need to be a bit gentle on myself because you know what kicking goals all over the place so it's okay it's okay we're still getting stuff done marley is still

alive life is good happy to report and on a better note what's your sweet my sweet for the week is the bloody bachelor finale that is my sweet and i know that that i am lame and i live in a bachelor reality TV bubble, but I don't even care because I love it. So there you go. I am so happy to crown Chelsea and Matt King and Queen of Australia. I am so excited for them and I freaking love The Bachelor. So yeah, I'm sad it's ended. Maybe that could be my suck as well. I'm sad that The Bachelor ended, but I'm happy that it ended. Feels like another chapter of your life is closed. You're like, what am I going to do now? Who even am I? What is love? I'm so glad we got a positive ending this year though like yeah but i really really am no we needed it and i don't think there could

be any other option it had to happen and i think it was going to happen matt was genuinely in there to find his the love of his life guys thanks so much for tuning in that's another one from us we're so stoked you're all listening and coming back every single week so please remember to subscribe and hit five stars and tell your friends spread the good word because we love love We'll be right back.