Life Uncut - Guest Ask Uncut: Ash Wicks Getting Real on Sobriety & Solving Your Wedding Day Dramas

Episode Date: September 17, 2026

Look who's finally made his way into the Life Uncut studio! It's the man, the myth, the tea-towel-on-his-head legend himself, Ash Wicks, co-host of Two Doting Dads and honorary work-husband of Matty J. Ash joins Britt and Laura for this week's Guest Ask Uncut, and before they get stuck into your dilemmas, he opens up about his brand new children's book, The Secret Ingredient (out now).   We also dive into a refreshingly honest and deep chat about his journey giving up alcohol. What it felt like to "lose his best friend," the moment that made him hold himself accountable, and how it changed his marriage to April. Naturally, he also shares the pettiest hill he'll die on (and this could be a make or break in the marriage).    In this episode, we cover:   Ash's brand new kids' book, The Secret Ingredient, and the very relatable daycare-app rage that inspired it Why family dinners matter more than we give them credit for Ash's pettiest hill: being called out to another room instead of someone just... walking in Going alcohol-free: what pushed Ash to stop drinking, and why summer was the "dumbest" time to start The moment Ash realised how much of himself he wasn't giving his family Grieving alcohol like "losing a best friend," and why sobriety is a daily fight, not a finish line How going public and being held accountable changed things — and how it's impacted his marriage   Then it's time to solve some life problems:    Q1: "I found out my husband hasn't surfed in two years, but he still says he's going for a surf." Every Saturday for two years he grabbed his board and disappeared for three hours… Turns out he's just sitting in the car park drinking coffee and scrolling on his phone. Should I tell him I knows, or catch him out?   Q2: "My husband didn't cry during our wedding vows." I expected at least a little emotion walking down the aisle ( he cries at every movie where an animal dies) but didn't shed a tear on their wedding day. Am I overreacting?   Q3: "I found out my boyfriend goes to a specific cafe,  not for the coffee, but because of the hot waitress." I’m the only one in the friend group who didn't know. Should I bring it up, and how?   Q4: "My husband is addicted to screens and it really bothers me." Married ten years, three kids &  if it's not the PlayStation, it's the iPad, phone or computer. How do I  handle this without ending the relationship?   YouTube Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome back & introducing Ash Wicks 01:44 – Ash's new book, The Secret Ingredient 06:58 – Ash's pettiest hill: being yelled at from another room 09:19 – Going alcohol-free: Ash's sobriety journey, one year on 21:01 – Q1: "My husband says he's surfing, but he's just sitting in the car park" 29:21 – Q2: "My husband didn't cry during our wedding vows" 36:00 – Q3: "My boyfriend's cafe has a hot waitress" 42:14 – Q4: "I think my partner is addicted to gaming"   Follow Along: Ash Wicks Two Doting Dads podcast Get Ash's book, The Secret Ingredient   Keep your questions coming! Slide into the Life Uncut DMs at @lifeuncutpodcast on Instagram You can watch us on Youtube Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Sophie Nathan Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

And welcome back to another episode of Life Uncutt. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is our guest Ask Uncutt. And I'm sure, I'm sure a lot of you've been asking why has it taken us so long to get this man here into our studio. I don't think anyone's asked. They have long awaited. Not one person asked. You know what they have. Long awaited, highly requested, the work husband of my actual husband. It is the one, the only, the man that sometimes wears a teetail on his head on TikTok, but also has men. many other qualities. It's Ashwicks. Thank you. Sorry.

He's got many great qualities. The only one I'm going to say is that he wears a detail on his head. I'm a doting dad. He is. Do you know what? We're going to talk about two dotting dads throughout this entire podcast, no doubt. Get your plugs in now. Okay.

Two doty dads. Stream it everywhere you find this podcast, I guess. If you finish listening to this podcast, you can end it and then go and listen to an episode of two doting dads. And you won't ever come back now. Do you know what, though? The amount of times that Matt shows me DM message. that you guys have received where lifers have said, oh, I'm a lifer.

And then I started to listening to tutoring dads and now I'm a Dota. And actually I listen to more Dota than I do Lifer. I'm like, not okay, guys. Sorry, I've never seen one of those. Is that happening? Oh, yeah. It's happened. So why the fuck is Ash on the podcast?

Because I'm a lovable. If that is happening, why was our answer? I know how to fix this. Let's give them more. You're trying to get them back. They've been hustling for a long time. Yeah, we're doing, this is cross pollination. We're going to steal the Dotas.

It only works if they have a lot. on their podcast. We've had Laura. You've got to have some kids. Yeah, but I actually can't fall pregnant. Have me for that. Have me for that. Well, wait to make it awkward, Ash. Sorry, sorry. Okay. One thing go. That was so funny. Before we get into the Ask on Cuts that listeners have written, also, you're the pettiest hill you're going to die on. I do have a very important plug because it is brilliant and it is the most read book in our household at the moment. It is the secret ingredient. As you've just authored a brand new kids book. I have. So this is my second book, but it's my first one on my own. I did the other one with Matt. And you guys were busy

having a baby, you know, when I was doing this one. So I did it on my own. I wrote it. Someone else drew it because I can't draw like that. It's actually really, it's a very sweet message in this book. I heard a rumor from yourself, so not a rumor, that it sold out online, like pre-sale. Apparently so I got a message yesterday that the allocation has been sold out online. So I don't know how that happened. Someone's miscalculated somewhere, surely. They printed seven copies. They're like Pre-order. We've only allocated 15 copies of this, but yeah, they've all gone. Yeah, so I mean. They were all sold by Ash's mom. Yeah, my mom's bought them all. Yeah, yeah. Actually, I gave a copy to my mom and she opened it up and was like, that's great. And then closed it and moved on. She only reads a steamed authors apparently. But, uh, you didn't make New York Times best sellers list.

No, not yet. Give it time. Fingers Christ. What is the secret ingredient about? As parents, we send our kids to daycare when we go to work and we're all on apps now, obviously. And, and, we're all on apps now, obviously. And, and, what they do is they send you like a schedule or like what your kids got up to that day. And I always get a notification saying that my kids ate all their food, which is garbage. Do you know what is also funny to me is you receive the update of like Lola ate her entire meal and it was a fish curry. And I'm like, sorry, my kids never eaten a fish fucking anything. She went into a fish finger, let alone a curried fish.

And it will be like the most random food. Like a strogan off. Salad. Yeah. And you're like, fuck. Lola ate a Caesar salad. I was like, I will literally. I'd literally eat my own shit if she ate a scissor salad.

If they eat a full apricot chicken, I'll lose but shit. Because no one wants that crap. You get them a notification and says, ohy. Sorry. Just like that, that says, eight more. And you're like, eight more. And then they come home and they won't eat anything you make them. So the story's about trying to figure out why they'll eat there and not at home.

And it turns out that at home, I mean, at Kindi or daycare, they all eat together. But there's a sense of togetherness. So that's the secret. Do you think that's it? I would have thought it's just a power play, like a bit of control. like they have that control over. No, kids are stupid. Are they?

I don't think you give them credit. I think they play you like a fiddle. Nah. Oscar's pretty smart. So is Macy, actually. Well, look, I can outsmart them. I should hope so. You're a grown man.

Yes. But I don't know what it is, but I think when we do sit down and eat a lot together, it's not every night because there's always variables. But when we do, it's actually, I find that they're so distracted they just eat. And I think that's what it is. All their friends are eating. They're all playing silly games. and then all of a sudden all their food's gone.

And it's like, oh, that's great. So eat with your family. That's my, that's what it's about. Well, Lola is obsessed with it. And I think the thing that we have loved and like when we read it, it's like it's the end part, which is like a sense of togetherness as a family. And I think you're underplaying that part of it now,

where it's like, you know, you rush through things and then you have these moments where you can actually sit down and spend time with your kids and build connections. And that's what dinner time should be when you've been busy throughout the day. Oh, yeah. Everyone's on their own path throughout the day. Like everyone's doing. and their own thing and then yay, eating at 5pm.

When you have your dinner at 4.30. When you eat your apricot chicken at 5pm, you really should just enjoy it together. Yeah, exactly right. And I'm like, we'll play games and stuff. And it's a good time as well to figure out how your kid has been feeling throughout the day, where the highs or the lows. And yeah, I think it's a good time to reconnect and why not reconnect with food. I mean, we always talk about every culture has got this.

You know, we always reconnect with family with food. So why don't you do it every night or every second night with your kids? And yeah, that's pretty. much what I was about. I as a family, we're a family of six and growing up, we had dinner at the table as a family every night of our life. Not once can I ever remember sitting in front of the TV and having dinner as kids. It was just my parents' number one rules. Sit down and eat and talk to each other. I mean, I also don't like, don't want to force my kids to do it, but at the same time, it's like, I think you should. If it's a bit of fun, yeah, don't. It's, we try and make it fun

as well, I suppose. And like, you would have so many memories from those moments. Yeah, because you don't realize how much. And when you think about it, I obviously don't have. have kids. But when you think about how little time you get to spend with your kids, if you're actually like working parents and they go to a daycare all day for eight hours or whatever it is, and then they go to bed early, you've got this little window. I think it's really important that, I mean, I don't know, I'm speaking from my experience. I love that you guys had such a different experience in your own childhood. I was like a true 90s child where my mom would just lay a towel down on the ground and I'd watch TV and eat watching. Sorry, why did you have to land a towel? What was on

your floor? Because they didn't want to get Bolognaise on the carpet. Oh, okay. Anyway, look, Ash, You do ask everyone of our Ask Uncut guess. The same question. What is the pettiest hill that you will die on? Mine's not really a hill. I do a lot of petty little things around the place. But one of my favourite things to do around the house is I really, really hate it when someone tries to get my attention and they're not in the room.

Oh, they call your name from another room. Especially April. She loves doing that. Who's my beautiful wife, which this is kind of a dig at you, but not. I dig at me. No, April. Oh, I was like, sorry. When did we get married?

I don't know why I took that personally. He's speaking directly to April. Yeah, sorry. What I'll do is I'll purposely ignore. Okay, which everyone does so that she'll have to get up and come in. But then I'll throw on top, I didn't hear you just to really. That's actually infuriating, actually. See?

If she's busy with kids or work and she's calling out to you. No, there's a variable there too. If it's kid-related, she really needs me, fine. But my kids do it too with them like, Dad, and you get it. Dad. And you're like, oh. We have this argument in our house. It's very relatable. Matt is, and it's one of his biggest pet peeves as well, but I don't think

you can have it as a pet peeve if you're also someone who does it yourself. So he will always yell out from another room and I actually have hearing problems. I can't, it just sounds like jumbled yelling from another room. He does it all the time, but if anyone calls out Matt, which is often the word Matt gets screamed throughout our house pretty regularly. He hates it so much. We were a yelling household, unfortunately, growing up. Like, I don't think my mom ever walked into a room that anyone was in. She would just scream at you from across the garden, you know? And you just hear,

you're like, fuck, what does Kimbo want now? Yeah. And that's, we emulate that in our own household. And my children will grow up to speak about me one day. And they'll be like, she just yelled from all ends of the house. It is, I can't stand it because it's always like, a lot of the time it's something that you, we could just have a conversation about later or when it,

like come and talk to me about it, but I'll purposely be like, I'll ignore this and wait for someone to come in and be like, do you what I said? I was like, sorry, no, I didn't hear her. That's so annoying. It's so annoying. Also, you can't feign like that you didn't hear it now because if she ever listens to this podcast, she's going to know.

I just listen. She's a do-da. She'll listen to this one and this one only. Okay? And then she'll be straight out. Back to being a doter. You're a turd burger. One thing I wanted to ask you, Ash, and it's something that has, you talked about a lot

on two doting dads, but you've also talked about a lot on socials as well. My vasectomy. You have a vasectomy. You're averset. That's it. Everyone knows you as being the funny guy on social media. And you are also very funny. on the podcast and like that's kind of your MO but also there is a more serious side to you and

something you've spoken about quite a bit is your relationship with alcohol and how you've spent this last year not drinking. I think we spent new years together and that was kind of at the very start of your those three weeks in yeah. Yeah, alcohol free journey and I remember at the time I was like can I persuade you with a mugger-a-eater-law and you make the support because I didn't I actually didn't know at that point how seriously you were taking it or what was your goals. I don't think I really understood the mindset of where you were at with your relationship with alcohol. I guess the big question I want to ask you is how has the response been to you sharing your relationship with alcohol and how that has changed over the last sort of six months? Yeah, I sort of set out,

back into last year, I was just ready for a break. Like, I was gassed, man. I traveled a lot, a lot of work in areas that filled full of alcohol, right? And it was, I think it was just like the final push that I was like, okay, I just didn't, I, I said, I said, I said, and I said, out to have a break. I've never had a good relationship with alcohol. I've always tried to like control it in terms of when and when it was becoming exhausting. You mean thinking about alcohol too much was becoming exhausting. Oh man. It was like nonstop. And I sort of got to the end of last year you thinking I just need a break. Okay. It's summer. It's the hardest time to do it. It's the dumbest time to do it really. Because it's new years. And you also got to try and like,

I mean, try and get through awkward Christmas lunches and stuff like that. And you're like, being sober was torture. But at the time, I was. I was like, I'm so exhausted. I could see that my family was exhausted about it. It had become something where it was like, it wasn't, I wasn't drinking for fun. I was drinking 12, 15 beers a day at home alone for no fucking reason, really. And it was the early days of having kids, I used it as an outlet to suppress a lot of internal thoughts, a lot of what was going on around me.

so I wasn't getting so overstimulated. Like a coping mechanism. Yeah, it was such a coping mechanism for so many things. And then once I got to about a month or so in, after we spent years and stuff together, which was, it was hard in itself, and you know how many packets of Oreos I went through. But like...

Packs of Oreo? Yeah, I was like... I should send me out to go for an Oreo run, and I think I came back with about seven packets of Oreos. I said to her, she said, can I get anything else? Just get me some Oreos. Get me like eight packs. You're like, ah, yeah, I was like...

No, really. No, you don't come back with any less. And the lady at the register thought they were on sales. The lady goes, oh, these on special. And I said, no, I'm just, I'm just on hold those last week. But that's also, I mean, you know this, but that's such a normal response is to replace an addiction with an addiction or something else. Something else. It's the sugars, really.

The sugar and alcohol, like, yeah, and then it got to the point where I was like, okay, well, I'm actually taking this a bit more seriously than I thought. And we spoke about it on the podcast. And I think the benefits of it were far outweighing what alcohol was actually providing for me at the time. It's like I say to Matt, it's like you don't realize how toxic something is the close you are to it. And then when you take a step back, you start to come away from it. You realize that how toxic I was and that I wasn't giving my family 100% of myself, which now even now makes me a bit emotional because I feel like there was so many years, especially for Oscar. Like, I'm his fucking hero, right? and he's got to watch his hero try and get himself through life.

So then when I sort of started to talk about it and realize how much better I was doing because I wasn't doing it and a lot of people reached out about similar stories and a lot of things we got. And one really hit me hard was someone emailed and said, when I was a kid, my dad was an alcoholic growing up. He died, but I've always never felt good enough for him to give up. And I want to, yeah. It sat with me for so long.

It sat with me for two months after I've initially talking about it before I could talk about it again. Yeah. Read the email out. But I don't want my kids to think that they weren't good enough for me to change something about me to help everyone. You know, I'm sorry that this is such a deep. I didn't intend to take this route, but it is a really profound thing that you have been speaking about. And I, you know, I think you should be very proud about how you're speaking about it. And one thing that you said, which I thought was such an interesting perspective on Subramalien,

because I think that sobriety is often, it's obviously celebrated as it should be, but I think we celebrate the end destination of like how much better everything is and like the impact it's had on your family and your friends and everything. But you said one thing and I sat with Matt and we talked about it quite a bit. And it was around missing the relationship you had with alcohol and how alcohol had always been there through all big moments and milestones. And it was like almost saying goodbye to someone that you had put into a position of being a best friend because it was the one thing you could rely on in your life.

And I thought, what a profound way to talk about addiction. Like, what a profound way to talk about something that's always been a fallback and the choice to walk away from it. Since I was 14, it's never not been there, you know? And I remember when I said that to Matt, it was like I'd lost my best friend. His first, you watch that clear. The first reaction is like, it's crazy that you're not going to drink again. But then he was so shocked at why I was so sad about that moment.

And in that moment, I felt like, think of it like your day-to-day life. Okay, like I would, any inconvenience, I would drink, any bad day I drink, any celebration I'd drink, any minor win I would drink, anything like that because your brain gets tricked into, you know, it's like a bit like a reward system, right? It's a high five. Yeah. It was dopamine as well. Exactly right.

And it was. Like, well done, you deserve this. I relied on it so much and used it so much. It was literally like it was my best friend. So, and I'd said this for a while. to April about giving it up, that that's how it felt. It felt like my best friend just died. That's how I felt I mourned for it for a bit.

And then, you know, as I continue to progress, I think I'm on day 232 or something. Well done. Which is fucking. Amazing. So good. I would have thought that I would be dead before this day. That's how I feel about it. There are times where I thought that was it.

Like, this was my life. Oh, Ash. You know, and people who, like Matt always said to me, he goes, he said, I don't understand what you're going through, but I'm here to help you get through it. But yeah, it was, like I said, I thought I would never be here or it would be long gone before this day came. You should be incredibly proud of yourself. I imagine, and from people I know in my life, it's not that just you stop and you feel good and you're proud of yourself and everything else. It's something that you think about constantly. I never don't think about it.

Yeah. It's like a constant. and it's not just something that someone's like, I've been sober for a year, I've been sober for two years. It's, I'm sober for two years, but I still fight that every day. Oh, every day. I think a lot of the time, like, people prepare themselves to quit and think that's it, and you're right. You prepare yourself for, okay, well, I need to really adjust my life because everything

around my life. I was that. Like, so much of my life was that. And I always thought it was an issue and I thought I was always in control. But now looking back, I was never in control. My grandfather used to drink 30 schooners a day. Wow. Okay.

And that was who he was, he was a lovely drunk, he was a lovely guy, and he died at 86. And the last thing he said to me was, can you get us a schooner? And I never saw him again. It becomes a, I mean, it's a habit as well, but it's a personality trait. Yeah. It's like, oh, that's Uncle Gary. He's a big drinker. Like, he drinks.

He's always drunk, Uncle Gary. And in your teen and early 20 years, you're proud of that? Yeah. Also, if that's your blueprint for what your parents have done or your grandfather's done, it takes a really long time to rewrite what has been enmeshed in you as a normalcy. You know what I mean? That is normal. Optically to someone else and in their upbringing, it's not normal.

But if you have seen that and like your granddad's been a happy drunk and it's not been something that you've seen as being a conflict to his relationships, you're like, whatever, I can handle it. He could handle it. I can handle it. Yeah. I was, my grandmother, which was his wife, stayed with us over the weekend and I drove her home and she didn't, she hasn't known anything about this journey.

Like I haven't told her anything. And then I was dropping her home. And I said, oh, I'm 200 and whatever day it was sober. And she fucking nearly fell over. First of all, yes, she's old. She did trybara rock. She is 89. No, no, thank you, your hips.

But she said to me, your grandfather, which is her husband. Like, I'm married for 60 something years. But she said, I wish he didn't drink. Yeah. She didn't drink because, one, she didn't like it. But two, she was like, he's going to drink. That was his thing. And then her saying, I wish he.

didn't. And I grew up my whole life not knowing that and thinking this is just normal. Yeah. But it's really not. And yeah, like even now, even this morning, I got a bunch of messages from people with, you know, even just questions about, I think, you know, my husband's like that. I'm like that or my wife's like that. And it is so easy to fall into that trap. Do you think it's made you feel or be held more accountable since you made it public, like since you started talking about it and actually making the commitments saying on the podcast, I'm not going to drink. Yeah.

Do you think that has helped you? It was nerve-wracking. And I think it definitely helped after it came out of my mouth for sure. Like, you know, that video about saying, I've lost, I feel like I've lost my best friend. After that episode, the relief was evident. People talk about the benefits of doing it and they're not lying. If you can give yourself the opportunity, take it. How has it impacted your relationship with April?

I think it's probably the best we've ever been. It's fucking wild. You guys have been together for a really long time. 16 years nearly. Wow. And you have been a drinker the whole time? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I did smoke when I met her. But like, yeah, I would say that I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm the most in control of myself that I've ever been. the most self-aware of a bin and definitely the most emotionally available I've ever been. How does that make you feel when you say that? Pretty fucking good. You should be. You should feel good. It's a huge, huge and ongoing battle and accomplishment. And it's not lost on us and hopefully anyone how hard it is and how hard it probably will always be.

It's incredible. And we've all known you a long time and we're really proud of you. Thank you. Yeah. It feels good. It is tough every day, but like at the same time, it's like, my kids are growing and they're growing fast. And you know what the coolest thing is, is that there will come a time, no doubt, especially because all of the conversations you've had are out there in the world. You know, it's like your kids, this is the thing. Like, we have these podcasts and we talk about everything. And like one day our kids might go back and listen to some of the shit we said.

It is literally an audio diary of our life. Yeah. But your kids will one day have the opposite realization. They will realize my dad cared so much about me that he. chose me over that. Yeah. And that's incredible. Yeah.

Okay. I'm going to cry. Let's get into solicitor question. Let's solve some problems. Let's solve some life problems. I think you are going to have a really, really, maybe a different angle of profound answer for this first question. That's not, you guys keep throwing the profound word around.

That's the first time's ever been used in conjunction with Ash. Yes. Or actually anyone on this podcast. Okay. I found out my husband hasn't surfed in two years. but he still says he's going for a serve. Did I ever write his him? Every Saturday for two years, my husband has grabbed his board and disappeared for three hours.

I recently found out from his mate's wife that he actually just goes and sits in the car park drinking coffee and scrolling on his phone. I was initially really, really angry. The friend who told me, his mate's wife, spoke about it with me and played devil's advocate a little bit, saying, well, maybe he just needs some time, kind of like some self-care. but I still feel really angry that he doesn't only lie about where he is, but he even puts his surfboard in the car. So he's like leaning into the act.

She's like lying's one thing, but fully playing this out theatrically. I feel this guy. I don't know if I'm more upset about the line or the fact he clearly just needs an excuse to get away from us, his family. Should I tell him that I know or should I just turn up at the car park and catch him out? First of all, neither. Look, surfing and I feel this guy, okay, if it's something that he's, that he's probably done his whole life. And there are times where you go surfing and you can't

physically go because it's shit. Okay. Like this. It's flat. It's flat. Okay. First of all, I don't have all the facts of this person and their relationship. All the swell that day. All the swell on any particular day. But obviously there's an agreement there where it's like, if he's going surfing, it's time for him to go do his thing and like she would probably do her thing, whatever that might be, if that conversation's happened. But like there are times when you do go. You do. go surfing and you don't go. It's just the way it is, right? And I think in this situation as well, surfing is such an expressive sport. Going surfing on your own as a surfer sucks. Okay, because you go to do it, it's an expression of who you are as well. Everyone surfs different.

Everyone has their own thing. If you have a friend to do it, you're way more motivated to do it. I think if this guy's packing his board and everything like that, he probably originally had full intention of going surfing. Keep in mind it's been two years. For two years. It's a lot of bad swell days. Yeah, but are we taking the word of his maids? Because at the same time, his mates obviously told his wife, how much of that is actually true?

I think there's a few parts of it. Like, for me, I think it's understandable that her first, the first place that she's gone to is to be furious, that like she feels like he's taking the piss. Because it's not honest. And also, he's just opting out of parenting. Like, we're assuming that they have parody where she can then go and take three hours to go and do whatever she wants. to go to the gym, go to the spa. It's very likely that doesn't exist. It's very likely that

he's just decided that on a Saturday morning, he goes surfing and the time is not equitably made up anywhere else, right? In which case, you have, I think, full right to be frustrated, angry about that. The thing I would question is, is it maliciously intentful to be, like, trying to get away from you? Is there something else going on? Like, does, why does he need this time to himself? Is there something you can talk about there? Like, is there more going on? But in essence, if that's all he's doing and sitting and going on his phone and then there's never any sort of like parody in it, then I understand why you're pissed off.

I get the frustration for it. Everybody needs time to themselves. Everybody, whether you have kids or don't have kids, whether you're the wife or the husband and people need different amounts, right? If you are the primary caregiver, sure, you probably will need more than your partner. I don't have a problem with the fact that he needs that moment,

but don't lie about it. Just have a conversation and say, hey, I need some time out, but then be enough of a man to then say, If I need it, I understand you probably do as well. So then give it back. Let your partner go and do something. I think she's more furious at the lying. Yeah.

And I think it's worth bringing it up, but not in a confrontational way. Because you don't know what he's going through as well. Like, I wouldn't say show up. Don't fucking do that. No. Because that can't be good for anyone, all right? Including you. Caught you red-handed scrolling Instagram.

Like where does that? You know, and you might find something you don't want to find firsthand immediately. I would say, you approach it really where I would say everyone needs their time, right? We don't know what their situation is, but let's assume their situation is, like April and I, for example, April goes to the gym six times a week, okay? And I'll surf when I can, when I can fit it in. But when you surf, it's like, I'm gone for a few hours. Yeah, I try and keep it reasonable.

Everyone needs their time. And you set it appropriately. I think it's okay to say to you, hey, everyone needs their time. I understand that. But I've been told that you're going, surfing and you're not. Is everything okay? I think that's a better way to approach it than she can be angry now, but then maybe she needs to find out what the actual problem is before taking it the wrong way.

Do you know what, though, I think that there's something, and I agree wholeheartedly with everything you've said, there's something that I think can become frustrating when someone timestamps a part of the weekend as there's all the time time. And there's certain sports that do it. There's golf. Surfing is not a sport. You can time stand. He takes that time anyway.

If you have a partner that always goes and does an activity at a certain time on a weekend, sure that might work for some people, but other people are like every Saturday morning, I get lumped with the parenting responsibilities. We can never go to the farmer's market as a family. We can never go and do this, whatever it is. Because he's just not here for X amount of hours on a Saturday morning. I understand deeply how frustrating it is. And I think originally my first thought would be like, that's unfair.

Have a conversation. Like you need to obviously confront in a non-aggressive way around what's going on. But I do think it is worth investigating. Is there more? And what's the why? And there is a movie that I just watched a TV series. with our Aussie actress Sarah Snook and Dakota Fanning. I just watched it last week.

And one of the key scenes in that is exactly this scenario. And he has this every weekend. He has this meeting that he's got to go to where he gives back to the kids. And it's like playing dodge ball or some shit. And then she finds out that he hasn't been going to that for over a year. He goes and sits in a car park on his phone. And she rolls up and confronts him and they divorce over it. Because it's not the moment.

It's just the like you don't get how much I've been screaming for you for help and you're still making this choice to not turn up for me. And I think it's like the deeper meaning here. And I'd love to know what else is going on in their relationship. At the end of the day, you're not going to roll up like that and confront him. Just ask him. I would love to aftermath this one. I do think a conversation has to be had. I think there needs to be some sort of resolution to this. So please slide back into the DMs and tell us where this ends up once you have spoken to your partner. And also the friend's the friend who's told his wife that he's having coffee. What's he doing? Is he that next to him?

Wouldn't he be surfing? Well, how does he know? Well, they might also be okay. Are they all doing this together? Like a circle jerk? Like a car park jerk? Like a car park circle jerk of phone? Do you know what I think it is? I think it's one of those situations where like they've planned to go surfing on the weekend, but one of them's like, oh, the surf shit, so I'm not going to go. And the other one's still gone. And then the wife's been like, why is he going if the surf shit? And he's like, I just fucking sits in his car. Sometimes I'll look for two hours and come home.

And it was like, how was it? And I'll be like, you're here. I couldn't find it. That's what Matt does with spear fishing. He literally, we were down at Aladala, and he was gone for so long. And he came back and he's like, oh, we didn't go fishing, couldn't find anywhere. And I was like, sorry. It's very opportunistic. Where did you drive to?

Because they scout. They scout. You got to scout. Drove it for two hours trying to find a lobster. The longest, not when I've been married and with kids, the longest that I've been hunting for waves is like eight hours. I used to surf for eight hours. Because surfing doesn't mean you even have to catch a wave.

Sometimes you want to go and sit out of the back and you just, it's relaxing. You talk to people. It's a whole thing. All right. Okay, next question. My husband didn't cry during our wedding vows. My partner and I of eight years, we got married a few months ago. We got our wedding photos back last week and it's been really nice going through them.

But there's something that has upset me on the wedding day. I know it might seem petty for me to care about this, but he didn't cry. I kind of expected him to tear up when I walked down the aisle, you know, like in 27 dresses where she says everyone looks at the bride, but it's nice to look at the groom because he's so emotional. He is a full grown, tough-looking tradie, but he cries in every single movie where an animal dies. I don't know whether to be offended or to just accept that I'm simply not a golden retriever. I'm looking through our photos and I think I just expected to have one of him where he looked a little bit more emotional, where he shows that he's at least semi-emotional about the fact that we're getting married.

And I feel a bit let down that we won't ever have that. Is this this big a deal that I'm making it out to be? I haven't said anything to anyone because I don't want it to seem pathetic. Does anyone else care if their partner didn't cry at their wedding? Oh, I think you can't force a cry. Did you cry, Ash? No. You didn't cry.

Not that I... April wrote this in. Again. Damn it. They're all April. They're all April. They're all April. It's actually spoil. It's all April.

Oh, bummer. And here she is. She's yelling at you from four rooms away. Yeah, I'm just ignoring her. Even through the soundproof things I can hear her. Oh, I don't think I... I was definitely really, really nervous, I think. But, like, when it comes to...

being stood there, okay, I don't think it's a prerequisite you have to cry, okay? And nor do I think that he feels any less because he hasn't cried. Because I remember vividly, I was so nervous and then once she turned up, just turned up, once she turned up, once she turned up. Once she rolled up. I think I was like, all right, it's game face, right? Because I wanted to, I wanted to get through it. Because there's so much in that ceremony that you're like, I don't want to fuck this up and then all of a sudden you've got to talk. I think looking back and thinking, why didn't he cry might be a little bit much. I think it's an unfair expectation, but I do think it's one as society we make a joke about a lot.

Like we always, I would have even made the joke on the podcast. Like, oh, he better cry. You don't, I mean, some people mean it like this listener, but I don't think a lot of people necessarily mean it. You don't mean it until they don't cry and then you meant it. Well, no. If Ben didn't cry, you'd be like, the fuck, I didn't cry. Ben, we did a first look, just us, and he was really teary in that and cried in that. And I think maybe one little tear when I walked down the aisle again in front of everyone.

But it doesn't take away from how they're feeling. Like you are getting married. That, your husband, without doubt, is feeling a million different things. And if he doesn't cry, I understand it's society says men don't cry so that when you do see them cry, it shows you how much they mean to you and they must really feel something. But those days are gone. You see him. I know you see him cry all the time. I'm at Animals in Movies, but he would have been ecstatic to have you walking down.

Yeah, animals in movies is a bit of a different one because if they feel so helpless. So I agree. I will cry over an animal. Yeah, I would, yeah, I can't watch. She's a little bride. If I see an animal in a movie and I'm like, does that animal die? And someone says, yeah, I'm like, turn it off. Same.

Can't watch it. Not interesting. Baby, fucked. I'm coming to this from the different angle. I get it. I get why you're upset. Do I, do I think that maybe you're going to ruin your own wedding by like focusing on this one thing?

Yeah, maybe. But I understand why there's a part of you that was like, I really wanted that and I feel's a shame that there wasn't a bit more emotion because you built up an idea of what you wanted in your head and that didn't eventuate. Does it mean anything about the relationship? Does it mean anything about how much he cares about you? No, of course not. But I think it's okay that you had a moment where you felt that. Don't be hard on yourself because you were like, oh. Oh, yeah. I felt sad that he wasn't emotional and now I feel shit that I felt shit about that. Like, who cares? You're allowed to feel however you feel. I just don't think

focus on it so much that it becomes the issue. And then that's what supersedes you remembering the wedding as being amazing. Don't turn it into an issue. But also, he might have just been trying to hold a fart in the whole time. Imagine if you're getting married and all you want. All you want is for your partner to be locked in and engaged in the moment with you. And they turn around and say, babe, I couldn't concentrate on the wedding because I had gas. Well, you wouldn't tell her, would you?

You'd be like, you'd get through it and you're like, oh, you didn't cry. It's like, yeah, but I still like felt all the emotions because everyone feels their emotions differently. But I was really just trying to hold this fart in. The pain I felt from holding that fart in. It is painful. Yeah, I kid. Because if I think back on my wedding, Matt cry like a little baby.

He always cries like a baby. But if he didn't cry, if he was just like, zoop, I'd be like, oh, that was weird from you. Like, I wanted more. I wanted to be like, in it with you and I wanted to, and then like, you gave me nothing. Game face too, though. Something internally with you, like, when you're nervous about something that you've got to do and then it's time to do it, all of a sudden you click into gear and you do it, right? And you don't really think about that. So he might have seen her walking down the eye and clicked his internal.

whatever it is is clicked into gear, like, I'm getting married today. This is fucking crazy. But at the same time, he might have been like, I'm just so fucking pumped and so excited to be with this woman that I don't need to cry. I'm here. I'm feeling it. I'm present. My tears don't make me present or not.

Yeah, when I think reverse, I don't think I cried at my wedding. When Ben proposed to me, he still says this. When he proposed to me, I burst into laughter. There were no tears. I thought it was the most funny, hysterical moment because that's what I do. Like, I laugh. That was your reaction. Yeah, I just, and I was so happy, but my response wasn't to cry.

I didn't take away from it. My wedding was the best day of my life. I could not be more obsessed with my husband because I didn't cry. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. That was my reaction. And I would hate to think that months have gone past like it has for this listener. Months has gone past and that's what you're thinking about of your wedding. Like, I hate that for you.

I hate that for you. I just hope that you know, he chose you. You chose each other. You got married and the tears aren't representative. They're not validation of his emotional capacity for the wedding. He loves you more than he loves the retriever that died on that TV show, I promise. Dude, these romantic movies, they ruin it for us, right? Because she's like, I wanted that moment out of 27 dresses.

That is fictional. People had to cry on camera to get that role. Yes. So think about that, right? No one was like, you're getting married, but did you do the cry test? Okay. Did you pass the cry test? No.

Like I said, he was present. He was there. He was feeling the emotion. in his own way and honestly, photos look better when you're not crying. He didn't have waterproof on. Play on. All right. The next question, I found out my boyfriend goes to a specific cafe, not because of the coffee,

but because of the hot waitress. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. We don't live together, but everything is going well, and it looks like we're on the same page, read the future and whatnot. Et cetera, et cetera. Romantic. But last week, I had coffee with one of my friends who also happens to be the partner of one of his friends. And when we were deciding where to catch up, she said, hey, we could go to the

place that the boys go to because of that hot waitress. I was a bit taken aback by this because I'd never heard about said hot waitress before. When we actually had coffee, she explained that apparently the guys only go to this cafe to get their coffee regularly because of this one hot girl. Now, I am not an overly jealous type, but I do feel kind of weird, not only because my boyfriend is obviously checking out other girls, but because I seem to be the only one in this quad that doesn't know about this. I want to bring it up with him, but I don't want to look like a psycho. Should I and what should I say? I think it's fair to bring it up. Sure. I mean, I don't think it makes sure how hot's his waitress?

Obviously a smoke show. Is this April again? Damn it, April. My cafe is owned by two blocks. There's no women that work there. So, um, let's break it down. How would you feel? knowing April was going to a cafe just because the guy was so hot. Get it, girl. Yeah, but it's different. You guys have been in a relationship for 16 years and you're so secure in your relationship. For sure.

I understand why this makes you feel insecure. You've been together for one year. Probably aren't necessarily that. You don't even fucking know this person, really. You know, when you, like, if I'm being honest. No, but you know how like some relationships you can have that kind of like banter with your partner around like, oh, I saw that guy was good looking, you know, and they're not going to be offended or threatened by it because you're really secure.

in your relationship. That might not be banter that you guys have. I always cover April's eyes. You know, like, yeah, like he's maybe. She's like, I'm driving. No, that doesn't matter. That man over there is good looking. But you know what I mean?

Like, maybe you guys have never had that type of like joking relationship or being able to like appreciate someone who's attractive outside of the relationship for fear of the other person interprets it incorrectly or badly. And so it's okay for him to like think someone is attractive. It's kind of weird to have this packed with his mates where they only go to this cafe because she's so hot. Like, it's just a bit high school. And so I would probably be raising it with him and be like, hey.

And you can say that. The thing that makes you not sound like a psycho is saying, I didn't know how to bring this up with you, but it's weird to me that this is just kind of like a known thing in your group. And I'm the only one that wasn't included in the joke. Is it because you think that I would be super jealous and couldn't handle it? Because by you leaving me out, it's made me feel weirder about the whole thing. It's also weird for you boys just be going to have a coffee so you can look at a girl.

Boys are dumb. Boys are dumb. We're simple. And it's different. Give us a confidence in something to look at. We're happy. Leave us there. Even the banter thing, Lord,

is like, for me, there's still two separate things. Like, you can have that banter with your partner about saying someone's hot or whatever. I say it had been all the time. There'll be like a hot football. And I'll be like,

oh my God, that guy's so hot. What position does he play? Yeah, but you know, it's fine. And he can say the same thing. But if I,

even though we can banter on that and it doesn't touch the sides, if I then found out that he was going to a cafe because of chicks hot, it's just different. Even if you have that banter, it's just unnecessary. Yeah, I agree. And it just makes you feel a bit on a technicality.

They're not doing anything wrong. It's just a bit disrespectful. I think that if he was going to the cafe on his own, it'd be much different. But are they going and flirting? Are they going as a group of lads and they just won a hot waitress there? Or is he going on his own to have coffee there? That's a very big difference there. Men are dumb.

Okay, we already established that. And it's like a tricky one because as well. like they've been together for only what a year. Whether he feels the same way as her in that relationship, it's probably something they need to work out. I think, yeah, bring it up. It's definitely worth the conversation to be like, how come I was left out?

And like, what's the deal? Do you like this girl or not? And that's very different. Yeah, and I think like you probably will find out. Are you supposed to avoid all the hot people? I think that you will probably find out that it is like an innocent banter that they've had. And I don't think that, you know, obviously, firstly, we are just taking what this one friend said,

well, we could go to the place the boys go to because the whole. hot waitress. Firstly. She could be insecure. Exactly. That could have been like a real kind of like pick me thing. She's thrown it out there to gauge what your response is to it. Like you don't know.

You don't know the reasoning behind why she said. That's such a weirdly specific thing to say. She's assuming that you know or she's trying to gauge your reaction to knowing because obviously she's upset or annoyed by it. It doesn't mean that it's the only cafe he goes to. He's kind of just been shoehorned as like a villain into this conversation without even having a second to defend himself. It could be that person's husband or boyfriend or whatever.

actually goes to that cafe and they've met there once. And it's like, oh, do they go to the cafe? Unless there's more going on, it's like, what are we supposed to do, avoid all the whole people? Just ask, don't you guys think that these are the sorts of situations where your insecurities can be your absolute downfall in this? Like, if you become insecure about this, this can become an enormous issue in your relationship where you feel as though something's going on that's not going on. And like, I just think a very honest conversation about this will probably put your mind at ease.

You've got to be careful. You've got to be careful to be able to step aside, like step outside of this objectively and go, okay, is it actually what he's done that's made me feel insecure? Or is it the fear of the not knowing and I'm feeling in blanks? It could be the fact that it's like we all meet at a coffee shop and just so happens as a hot waitress there. I just think this has been made into a way big issue than it is. Or do that, that's the thing. Do they go out of their way to go to this cafe?

Or is that just the general meeting spot that happens to be said. What are they supposed to not hire good looking people? No, I don't get the ugly ones in there. I don't think it's that. I just think before you assume the worst of your partner, question the source of where it came from first and then have a conversation. Yeah, I think the healthy thing to do there is have a conversation. And if he turns around and says, yeah, look, I just meet the boys at his cafe. I've never ever seen this woman.

He has seen this woman. I'm just saying, but we don't know the situation. And it could just be like, oh, and then it is nothing. Go to the cafe with him. That's what I'd do. Yeah. And then be like, I saw you looking at her. Make sure he's fully clothed.

Okay. All right. Last question. And this is one that I think, Ash, you may have an interesting perspective on. I have an interesting perspective on all of them. Sorry, sorry. Up until now.

Up until now has been shit. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We have three beautiful girls. The same ages as Laura's kids, actually. Sorry, I didn't. I should have, didn't need to add that. He's got to talk about herself, doesn't she? No.

One is seven, one is five, and one is 10 months. I love him so much and he is a great husband, a fantastic dad, but I often worry about how much time he spends playing video games. And if it's not the PS, it's on the iPad or the phone or the computer. He is addicted to screens and it really bothers me. If it was sports or something healthier, I wouldn't mind as much. I've always hated that this is his hobby. Video games give me an ick.

He is 40. I won't split up with him over this, so that's not an option. But it's been 10 years of Mario and COD and it's getting truly tiresome. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you would deal. with this, lots of love. What did she say about sport? Go back to that? If it was sports or something healthier, I wouldn't mind. But I think she more means not necessarily that he's going to play sports.

I think it's like if he was sitting down to watch sport because he was in it. She's trying to say video games is unhealthy. She's saying if he was active. Okay. All right. So if he's more active, look, everyone has very different hobbies. I have a new hobby every three weeks. It's part of my personality.

What's the boundary there? Like, is there a boundary on like, okay, well, I know for me, if everyone's at home, I wouldn't want to play video games for starters because I'll be distracted by a kid. And also, I should be doing stuff with kids. But when they go to sleep and April's gone to sleep, it's like it's sort of the only time I feel like mine. I'll fucking, I'll play video games as much as I fucking like.

Thank you very much. This guy sounds addicted. It's a problem. If you're saying if it's not the, if he's not playing the PlayStation, he's on his phone playing some game or he's on YouTube playing some game or he's online. Like gaming is an addiction. Yeah, for sure.

There are people that play like, nonstop and absolutely if your partner is constantly has their head in their phone and they are saying I'm choosing this over engaging with you whether it's even talking to you or if they play when they're eating dinner 100% that's a problem I don't expect you to leave him but like let's call a spade spade if they're not getting off their phone and they're playing every game under the sun they're addicted yeah but I have a question though because like I think it's quite a tricky one to to figure out because when you say like he is an amazing partner and he is an amazing dad I don't see how you can be an amazing dad or an amazing partner if you're spending every waking minute with your face and a phone.

So I wonder, I would love to know more specifics on this. When is his face in the phone? How much time? Because I don't think that those two things can correlate. And also what's her expectation of too much time? Of too much time. And is she on her phone? Like, is she scrolling?

There's going to be that sort of thing. But you're right. He said, he said, his amazing father and stuff like that. Honestly, I see sometimes, like you said, it's an addiction. but it's also an outlet too. Like, I play online with a group of dads. We play after 9pm because then all the kids are asleep. And then you know when someone doesn't show up,

their kid just didn't go down quite as well as everyone else's. As soon as you get online with these guys and you start having conversations about even what's happening in their lives and stuff, you can tell that that's a safe space for them. And I understand like going from screen to screen to screen to screen in gaming is that's considered an addiction or whatever. But like all of us are on our phone. the time anyway, but it'd be interesting to see what the boundary is there, because you said,

he's an amazing father and stuff like that, because that's what comes first. If gaming is my hobby and my outlet, after the fact, and I'm not hurting anyone, I don't see an issue. Well, she says, no, I think this is a huge issue personally. She says he's a good husband and dad, just good, which is great. Good, better than bad. And then she herself said he is addicted to screens and it bothers me. So if you... What's her interpretation of that? Well, she said he'll go from a phone to a PS to a computer. I think I'm maybe I'm feeling stronger about this because I

had a friend that was in a relationship and her partner became a gamer. He didn't start that way. He got into gaming and then he got so addicted that he would be gaming for like 17 hours. It wasn't even getting his sleep. Like that became his job and he was gaming for 17 hours. And I know other people that have spent too much

time on their phone and it's not scrolling. That's one thing. It's literally the gaming. I know you say you're not going to leave him and I would never say to leave him but you definitely need to sit down and call this out because if he cannot put a screen down, it's a problem. I reckon, yeah, have the conversation and then if it's too much and you think it's personally too much, then come up with a solution with him about what the boundary is and what comes first, what doesn't come first. And how it makes you feel. How it makes you feel, yeah,

and then go from there. But I don't know. We also don't have those details in terms of how much time is on his screen. I guess like my thoughts on this one is more so around if someone, is addicted to something. They're only going to change it if they also think it's a problem, right? Like, you can't make someone stop drinking. You can't make someone stop being on their phone. If they're in denial that this is a problem, even if you're telling them that it's a problem, they're not going to change anything, right? So I think maybe the first step is rather than saying that you think he's addicted to his phone is, and kind of to expand what you said, Ash, is like, sit down and put parameters around when you think screen use is appropriate. And the rule applies

to everyone in the family. Yeah, don't just single him out. It can't be like, you're not allowed to game, but I can still watch TV at the same time. It's like, you know what? At dinner time, I really want us to implement that no one from 5pm till 7 p.m is on their phones or on any screens. The phones go into a lockbox, we're not touching them. Or it's like, you know what? When the kids go to bed at 7, I want an hour and a half where it's just us and we're not on our screens. And kind of break it down into a way that's more incremental.

So then you know when someone's broken the rules. Like you can say, you're breaking the rules right now. We agreed on this. This was meant to be our time and you're not doing it. Otherwise, it's like everything just kind of blends into one another. The only thing I wanted to say about gaming is I think that sometimes gaming gets a really, really bad rap. It can be addictive, but anything can be addictive, right?

I think that for some people, gaming is like a social outlet. It's not as bad as what we've been led to believe if you're a non-gamer. That's what I want to say. And I have friends who are and use gaming because it's like their friendship networks. Like they're a bit socially awkward. They don't have good friends in the real world. And they do things like, well, the Warcraft or whatever it's called. because they're catching out with their mate.

Especially parents as well. Like it can be pretty isolating for me. I obviously have friends out on the outside, but then all my friends have kids and all of our schedules are different and everything's so different that sometimes you can feel really isolated. And I know that some of these guys that I have on my league, it's like they honestly probably don't have any other human interaction other than work. So when they get there that it is an outlet for them.

I think you're right. You don't single him out, but say, look, I would like to set some parameters. for all of us around screen use and stuff like that. And I'm sure that there's a happy medium. If he's completely addicted, he'll be in denial immediately. He also won't want to agree to that. Totally. Or he will agree to it, but he won't be able to adhere to it.

In which case, then I think it's a far more open conversation around, like, hey, we agreed on this. You physically don't seem to be able to meet the expectations that we've both set. I think you have an issue. Like, this is an issue now, you know? I am on her side in this. I know we don't know all the stats. as a wife that has been married for a long time and you have three kids,

for you to say he goes from this screen to this screen to the screen, he's a dish. She knows him. She's not just, when we're just trying to be devil's advocate, but I just worry that he's not going to agree to that at all. If he's that addicted, he's like,

why would I give up four hours? I do think you need to just properly talk to him and say, hey, let's have a look at how much time you've spent on your phone this weekend. Yeah, like I get a lot of people say, well, I think my husband drinks too much. Yeah. Should I confront him? It's like, no.

Yeah, it's not the way to... It'll just push him further and further away. And like if, just say this is an addiction, he needs to figure that out on his own, ultimately. He probably won't though. Sometimes you need outside people. You need a little push. Yeah.

You need a little push. And whatever motivates him to move in that direction, I mean, she would know him well enough to figure that out after 10 years. Because I know, like, for me, when I, I knew that I was drinking too much. But if April would tell me that, I would get my back up. Yeah. Because it's just part of it. I think what I was trying to say,

and I just don't want anyone to misinterpret it. I'm not saying that you're not raising that there's an issue, but I'm just trying to say how you go about it, rather than being like, show me a screen time, which feels very antagonistic. It's like, hey, I don't feel like we're connecting enough and I want more of you and less screen, so let's implement this for both of us.

It's going to show whether he can do that or not. And then it's another. This is not a one conversation, here are my rules and it's done. This is a multifaceted conversation where you have it one time and then you reassess if things are not going well. And then eventually you're going to have the conversation of like, we keep talking about this thing and you keep not showing up.

Why? Like, what can we do? Because I'm so unhappy now because you're ignoring the thing I need in this relationship, which is more you. If you're easing into it and it's about us, not about him, you'll figure out whether he thinks it's about him or if it's about us. There's still endless amounts of things with three kids that you need to be doing. It just means he's not doing them and she's doing them. So whether that's the mental load for the next, prepping for the next day, cleaning the kitchen, cooking,

prepping, whatever it is, he's not doing it. You know the other thing as well. And like, I know this is a bit of a side step to this whole conversation, but like,

we're so quick to implement rules for our kids around like screens and what they shouldn't, shouldn't do. And then, and Mali and Lola say it as well because like Matt and I work on our phones a lot.

And when I'm at home, even if I'm doing emails or whatever, I'm doing them on my phone, right? So they just optically stick us on our phones. And, you know, Mali's now of an age where she's like,

you're always on your phone. And she'll acknowledge or if she's trying to talk to me, She's like, mom, put your phone down so I can ask you something, which I'm now have to be like, okay, cool, school's finished, she's home. I'm not touching my phone. I'm putting it over there because I know I'll get distracted by a work message or an email or something that I need to do, which I can justify to myself is important and I should do it.

But she doesn't know what I'm doing. All she sees is me again, on my phone. And so, like, it's so interesting what we're creating with our kids and how much we force one rule on them, but then we have different rules for ourselves as adults. It's the last thing I want to say. Oh my God. One more thing. One more thing.

One more thing. Because I'm thinking of it as I go. The other, I'm thinking of if I was her. The other thing is a lot of these games are not just games, but you're talking in them. Like you are either verbally talking into a microphone or you're typing and you're communicating. Imagine if he's saying, oh, I just don't get any communication with anyone like I want to. But then what he's saying to you is I'm choosing to communicate with them over you. I totally understand why she's hurt by it.

Like I just want to valid. her 100%. It's an ick for me. All right. Well, guys, that is it from Arson for another Ask Uncutt. Ash Wicks. Thank you. Thanks for having me. The man, admit the legend. It's just nothing but profound statements coming out of. He's truly a profound man. It is how I describe you to everyone who asks. He's profound. Also, I want to know, before I let you go, what's it like working with

my husband? I know what it's like living with him. Surely you know. But what's it like working with him? It's great. How would you brag it? You sold that. No, it's good. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. He's late everywhere. He's late. He's always late. But he blames you.

I'm never. I am never. He is always late. He is the problem. Do you know why? He has no concept of how long it takes him to get ready. So if we need to be somewhere, he will only allocate enough time to get himself ready. He goes, oh, it only takes me 10 minutes.

And I'm like, we have three children. Three. Yeah. Anyway, we fight about a lot. Personal therapy session can happen at a later day. Anyway, Ash, we love you. We adore you. Guys, go and get Ash's new book.

It is the secret ingredient. And also, you can go and listen to two donning dads, but do not abandon us for two don't own dads, or we'll come for you. Nah, we'll take you. Come on over. Come on over. Hey, remember two, mum, two, dad,

two dogs, two friends and share the love because we love love. We love! You've got to join that part, Ash. Come on, we'll do it again. One, two, three. We love. We love. We love!