Life Uncut - He put a ring on it - Matty J and Laura got hitched

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

Hellooo Beautiful Lifers and welcome to just the most wholesome episode ever.On today's episode we have some big news, first up, holy hell we won The Australian Podcast awards listeners choice for the 3rd year in a row and we have you to thank for it - thank you thank you thank you. We freaking love our might LU family.We also wanted to talk about Rebel Wilson and her first week as a mum, turns out Rebel discovered the swift and judgment fuelled opinions that come with mum shaming - and of course, we have a few things to say about it.Then we are joined by Laura's brand spanking new HUSBAND! We are talking all things Bachi wedding of the year... did they consummate the marriage, how did the paps get in there, who cried first? Well, listen to find out!If you loved this episode and want to leave us a sneaky review please jump on Apple podcasts - 5 stars would be bloody fab, or share it with a friend. You can join out Life Uncut community on Instagram @lifeuncutpodcast or on Facebook in the Life Uncut Discussion group.You know the drill! Tell your mum, tell your Dad, tell your friends, tell your dog and share the love, because.... WE LOVE LOVE!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another podcast where that was me. You've been off for way too long. I'm taking over. Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany.

And I'm Laura. And to be fair, this is a podcast. Welcome back to a podcast. Who knows what one it is? I'm never giving you a week off again. Two weeks. Oh, that's the problem. You've forgotten how to podcast. You're like, hi. I've forgotten how to do everything. Do you know what?

Maybe it's because I'm a whole new person. Maybe it's because I'm not Laura Byrne anymore, even though I am. It's because I'm a married woman. Hey, guys. Welcome to the podcast. This is a podcast. What a fucking mess. We could start that again, but we won't.

Look, I got married. You did. And I haven't been here and we've had producer Keisha filling in, doing a fantastic job. Absolutely amazing job. And Keisha have been holding the fort thus far. We did attempt to not message you. We attempted to not bring work stuff your way. Obviously, there were a few messages here and there.

But did you have a good week, two weeks off? Well, it wasn't off, was it? It wasn't off. Like, okay, so the wedding was, do you know what? Before we go any further, we'll just tell you what today's episode is about because it is a deep dive into all things wedding. But not just with me. We have my lovely husband, Matty J, joining us shortly

to tell you everything that went down. He's running late. He's a bit of a diva now, isn't he? gets married now he won't turn up on time is that what happens after you get married i don't know i wouldn't know i feel like usually that stuff happens after you start doing breakfast radio no well i'm on time okay all right all right no so matt's going to be joining us in a little bit so we won't get into the wedding chat now that's all coming this is all coming it's all coming so we had like five days down the coast down in molly mook which we were trying to keep secret

so that the paps wouldn't find us but uh surprise surprise they did where there's a will there's a way there certainly is so we spent five days down the coast and then we came back up to sydney and things just kind of went back to normal like the kids went back to daycare we got back to work but we are recording this very very late on a monday night because and the reason for that is we were i thought we're gonna say it at the same time i was gonna yell it at the same time but then i thought that that might blow people's eardrums out the podcast australian podcast awards were last night and we mind blown we won the people's choice award which is the one that we just really loved and cared about which the only reason why we won this is because all of you guys voted and

this so the people's choice award it's the same award that we've won the last couple of years this is now our third year in a row which is wild to even say well honestly and look we'll tell you a little secret we didn't think that we were going to win this year i mean obviously the last two years have been incredible but this year we kind of thought there's so many more podcasts out now like every day there's a new podcast that's created there's so many incredible podcasts out there but you guys did it for us and we're so incredibly grateful like you're fucking amazing there really are so many incredible podcasts now and so many talented talented people and we were i mean we were up there with the best our company was amazing mama mia out loud and we bloody love

those ladies we love them we genuinely i think the big thing with podcasting is that especially because it's such a female dominated space there's this belief that everyone must be in competition with each other and that the competition can't be friendly but it's such an incredibly supportive space like Mia and Holly and Jessie have been so supportive of our podcast and it's actually just an incredible privilege to be alongside such a powerhouse of a female-led podcast but we do really just want to say from the bottom of our hearts thank you because if it's not for you guys every I'm about to get emotional I'm about to cry if it's not for you guys every day tuning in to us and sometimes Laura and I need to why am I crying I don't even have my period because we're

so grateful we're so grateful because we it's not lost on us how lucky we are to do something we love and have this huge extended family and I feel like that's what we are I feel like you guys are part of our family we're only here because of your love and support and because Laura and I are crazy and just for some reason never gave up we're still here but because of you guys and the fact that you actually took the time to go on and vote for us at the awards you know I know it didn't take long but you still had to make an effort. And the number of you that wrote to us to say that you did that, we read every single message. We're so appreciative. We just want to say we love you so much and we appreciate you all so, so much. Yeah. And the only thing I want to add to that is just

like what an amazing community Life Uncut is. We can't wait to like head into 2023 and keep creating content that you guys love. If there's anything that you want us to talk about, if there's new guests that you want to have on, you run this as much as we run this. So point us in the direction of the stuff that you want to listen to and that's exactly what we will look at doing the community is absolutely after this we'll stop talking about the community you guys is our favorite part of the podcast for us to look in the facebook discussion group and over the last year you guys have helped i mean dennis we love dennis dennis was a man that was facing homelessness he was an older man that one of our listeners went out of her way to help and then everyone got on

board and we raised so much money for him there have been countless numbers of charities we've helped and families we've helped and I'm so emotional and proud to see it but I'm really love you guys and I'm proud that you're all such fucking good humans and I'm I don't know why I'm crying it's full crying because it's like in this day and age in this world it's really hard to just find a group of people that just want the best for each other and they want the best for other people in life and they go they'll take the shirt off their back to help someone else and it is it's a rarity these days it really is people always competing against each other and you know it's hard to find people that want to lift people up these days but we have this community that's like

I have a tear rolling down my face we have this community that's like I just love I just bloody love you guys that's all I want to say okay well I love you Dennis everything the British just said I absolutely echo and the only other thing I want to add is as much as we love the positives that come our way we also appreciate the criticism and we also appreciate it when you tell us constructive constructive criticism I don't just say we fucking hate you you suck but like we appreciate the criticism and we are always trying to do better but not just was it a big week in the world of podcasting on Sunday night something else that I wanted to touch on which was I mean it was a really remarkable thing to be a part of but also I think it all changed the face of television and

also changed the face of female fronted television I got to be on the project on Sunday as one of the fill-in like a ring-in host last minute they're like Laura Byrne what are you doing you're doing a great no don't undersell yourself you're the first pick you're doing an absolutely great job you've been sporadically filling in I did you're doing very very well not that I did do a great job but I did sporadically fill in like I did I did I saw that they've got a name card for you a placard on the door I saw that on a post-it note yeah it's really official yeah that is but okay the big thing about that show was that at the end of it Lisa Wilkinson announced in a very touching speech that she is removing herself from the project effective pretty much immediately

and that she's taking some time out from being a broadcaster and being on TV in general. And I think like this year, not just Lisa's story, which obviously there's a lot of backstory there around the Brittany Higgins case and there's some negative parts to it where I think she felt very forced into it by the negative backlash that she's received through media. But we have lost a lot of wonderful female-led journalists this year.

Carrie Bickmore is leaving the project. Lee Sales has left her news reporting role. Tracy Grimshaw, Lisa Wilkinson. And it is, I personally think, devastating to see such incredible female journalists leave the field and for us to not yet have women to replace them. It seems like more women are leaving before women are coming up in the ranks. And that's a really worrying and frightening space because they are the people who have been held up as the role models within the industry. And I think we all grew up with these female powerhouses and to see them kind of leave our TV screens, I think it's just so, so sad. It is and I didn't get to watch it but I did listen to Lisa's speech this morning and it was

very emotional. It was very emotive, very moving and you could tell it was very heartfelt and she has had a very long and incredible career and that's not to say it's over because it most certainly is not. I'm interested to see the transition and the pivot and she has said she's staying with Channel 10. I'm very interested because all at once, like you just said in this very short amount of time, we've lost these key female players. There's a lot of moving parts, a lot of people are moving around, a lot of people are moving networks, moving on, resigning. I'm very interested to see what happens and who feels those shoes more maybe uh maybe Laura Byrne I think you're free and available you could be an option I mean that's very subtle grit do you

think we just cut this bit of the recorder and send it across to channel 10 yeah yeah why not send it straight to them hi guys here it is here's my resume and my application form for a position that I think became available on the project please tick yes no maybe no Lisa we absolutely love you you are amazing okay there's something else before we get into all things wedding chat there's something else that happened recently and look this is a tricky one and i know that you might find this a bit challenging to navigate brit because it has to do with rebel wilson you may have seen on the 8th of november that rebel wilson announced that she had had a baby via surrogacy now that little baby's name is royce lillian brit i know how excited you were i know

you guys touched on this on the podcast when i was away but the thing that we wanted to talk about is that rebel has made headlines since this and it's not because of the wonderful news of her baby but it's because of the actions and something that she did which caused a whole lot of backlash a whole lot of mum shaming one might say now this isn't a new thing for us to talk about we actually spoke about mum shaming a couple of weeks ago when we were speaking about ashy binds so if you guys influence around the gold coast she's a fitness chick very big on instagram like over a million followers now if you don't remember that story it was basically like ashy binds her baby was three months old she went away for a girl's weekend and the baby stayed with her dad

with the baby's dad, not with Ashley Bynes' dad, which also would have been fine. Okay. But the reason why we're talking about this is because the week after Rebel Wilson had posted that she'd had her baby by surrogacy, she also posted a video about seven days later that she and her partner Ramona were at Leonardo DiCaprio's party. And now the judgment came in quick and it came in fast. The judgment being that the people who were writing on her Instagram were writing things like she's a new mom and she shouldn't even consider being away from her child to be able to enjoy a party. How selfish it was, how unbelievable it was that a new mom wouldn't be connecting with her child, spending every single waking moment with her baby that she

would be out partying. And we have a few feelings about it. Well, it did come in fast and hot. You're absolutely right. It came in heavy. There were a lot of people in her corner as well, for sure. And I want to start this conversation by saying we would have this conversation regardless of who it was. It just so happens to be somebody that is a friend of the podcast and it is a friend of mine that doesn't change my thoughts whatsoever. I think we need to have a very honest and raw conversation about mum shaming. I am not a mum, so I do not know what it is like to have a baby. I do not know what it's like to be at home with a baby. I don't know what it's like to have a surrogate. I cannot comment from that. All I can comment is from a human on the outside looking in.

I think it really needs to be said like relationships like people's life journey there is no one right way there's no one right path what's right for someone else is wrong for someone else why is it so bad for a woman that has had a baby in the last two weeks and to be clear this situation is different to a normal birth she has a surrogate she is a Hollywood superstar she's in a very privileged position we don't know the details of what she is but we know her family's over there her mum's over there she has a nanny and a night nurse and she's in a very very privileged position this is to be clear so it's very hard from the get-go to compare our own journeys to somebody like that and I think that that's a really important place to start because

not that we should be comparing anyone but she's in a privileged position what people were saying is how dare you go out to party when you have a newborn at home but would it be different this is my question do you think it would be different if she took that hour two hours away which she did it was only a couple hours would it be different if she was like hey look at me baby free I'm going to get a massage I'm going to have a meditation I'm going to do some yoga to de-stress so I can be better for the baby would it be a different conversation if that was where she spent her time oh yeah totally it's the context of what was done I think obviously because it's partying it's seen as frivolous it's not seen as filling your cup up because she was somewhere where she was having fun

it goes against the rules of being a new mum and now the unspoken rules of being a new mum is that you are a martyr you sacrifice your time your life your everything to being a mum 24 7 especially during those first few weeks I'm going to be fully honest with you and I had to check my own bias with this when I very first saw it my very first initial reaction and instinct was like oh wow I wouldn't go to a party after having a baby but then I had to think about it and I was like, yeah, of course you wouldn't Laura, because you birthed a baby. You physically could not have gone to a party. Trust me, if Leonardo DiCaprio had invited me to a party, I probably would want to go. No, I wouldn't be there because I couldn't be there. I physically couldn't be there. My body

wouldn't have let me be there. The only thing I could do in the first couple of weeks after having a baby was be at home and be with my baby because I physically couldn't do anything else. So the surrogacy journey is very different. I think unless you have experienced that, it's hard to compare my motherhood journey with Rebel Wilson's motherhood journey right and the things that were normal to me are never going to be normal to her because her whole experience is different but I do think it comes down to this idea of like just because you take time out for yourself initially in those first few weeks of being a mum regardless of what the activity is I think we can all make the very important assumption that she wasn't off like getting blind at a party she just

attended a party rebel actually very very very rarely drinks that's just not who she is it's not what she enjoys yeah and i think that there's obviously partying has the connotations that she must be out getting blind but i think you know going and leaving your baby in the care of someone else for a couple of hours does it really matter what that activity is does it matter if you're going for a massage as you said brit or if you're going to a party like why are we able to determine what is a good use of a woman's time if it fills up their cup the other wild thing about this that I wanted to discuss and it does open a whole nother chapter of discussion is that this would never be the commentary if it was a dad that went away for a couple hours to a party and I know

Laura that you have experienced this in some capacity with Maddie J look it's a hard one because okay we spoke about this like I said with Ashley Bynes and I gave my honest opinion around how I think that there is these unrealistic expectations on mums in the first few weeks and how there is a very different set of standards for dads. And the backlash that we received because of those opinions came through. We even received a review from someone which was, I'm paraphrasing it because I remember it when it came through because it made me mad, but it was mum chat ain't it. And basically the review was saying exactly what these opinions of people who have written in comments was, is that as a mum, there's something really

special and sacred about it and you should be sacrificing and giving your time to your children it's expected that that expectation is different to being a dad and I guess for me I struggle with the fact that like so when I and I know I've told this before but when I gave birth to Lola five days after giving birth to Lola Matt started Dancing with the Stars it was the same week that she was born and Dancing with the Stars is a very for those that don't know very grueling schedule It is a 13 to 16 hour day often because they were either on filming and if they're not filming, they are practicing. Not one person messaged me, not one person slid into my DMs and said, why is he not home with you? Or why is he not home with his baby? But there's a very different

expectation on mums. If I was to have gone on Dancing with the Stars a week after having a baby, people would think that I was the most neglectful mother. Oh, I mean, you would have heard about it that's for sure absolutely in your dms and now i'm not saying i'm not saying that being a mom and a dad need to be exactly the same i understand that there's different roles you know as a mom we do take on a more nurturing role we do end up being the carers because for a lot of women who choose to breastfeed we're also the food source right physically the food source but i think we need to keep that in mind when we judge someone like rebel wilson where wilson is not the food source so if she is feeding her baby it's by bottle if ramona is feeding her baby it's by

bottle and if their mum you know the nana is feeding the baby it's by bottle so I just think that we can't compare what is right for one person's motherhood journey and imprint that on every single person's motherhood journey ultimately the big take-home message for this and something that I had to check my own bias with is that just because someone does something different or something that you don't agree with in how they mother in how they choose to bring up their children it doesn't automatically make them a bad mum so just because rebel took time out to go to a party for two hours doesn't mean that she's instantly a bad mum because she broke these arbitrary rules. You can be rest assured that child is very loved and very safe and very wanted.

Surrogacy doesn't come out of the blue. People that go down this path, they want this very, very much. And the other thing that I want to just point out is that it is a different situation. Rebel entered this, she's the mother, she's the breadwinner. She still has to go to work. She still has to have a life she still has to provide for her family I think we all just need to stop making things so hard for other women without without judgment and always try and remember that you don't know what someone else is going through absolutely ever yeah and I think that the last thing to wrap this up on is that you know we say you but obviously like this is not directed at you as a listener like never when we are talking about these things that we're like you're the one who

left nasty comments no just people just in general you know that the general feelings that we get and I know that you know there is so much mum shaming that goes on it's not a new thing to talk about but we'll probably keep talking about it for as long as it keeps on happening and ultimately Rebel Wilson did feel really shamed because she ended up removing that Instagram post I mean I can only assume but the judgment was so thick and so fast it wasn't the reaction that she expected on that video and a lot of assumptions can be made by a single point in time you know one Instagram post one video only shows that 10 seconds of the day and so I think we fill in the blanks then with all the information that we don't have. She may have popped in for half an hour. She may have gone

for two hours. She may have gone for 10 hours. We don't know, but we're filling in the blanks with information. And what often happens when you fill in the blanks is that you automatically go to the worst possible option. You automatically make the worst possible, almost negative assumption about someone. And that's such a good point, Laura. You just made me think this has no similarity whatsoever. But when you just said, okay, so she puts a video up and she's at a party, you have no idea how long she was there for I remember times where I've gone to the beach or something in a work day I reckon I've been there for 10 minutes I've gone down sat down swum got out and Laura's like oh I'm like fuck you go to the beach and I oh I said I literally didn't even like put my

stuff down I went for a dip and got out and came back to work but that's what you want to assume right you see a video you're like oh they must have had an amazing eight hours at the beach but it's yeah and it's again it's just this idea of coming full circle that you don't know I mean social media is a whole nother world you don't know what someone's doing you don't know what someone's going through so let's all just be kind okay well the last thing i wanted to touch on before we get into accidentally unfiltered and then a wedding chat is i walked in today and brit's dog delilah is wearing a pair of old undies with a hole cut out of the backside like a nappy that has a period pad liner inside it well delilah she's a woman she guys this is a

really exciting time in a dog mom's life and delilah got a period she's i mean which means aka she's on heat okay i i don't know why i have no like i have no aversions to period like i'll talk about periods all day long i do not care but i was like dog periods are ill i don't want to talk about your dog getting periods and brit was like why how dare you be so judging of her i was like block your ears delilah delilah got her period so a heat i don't it's her first heat now what happens do you take it to the park and everything just tries to mount her oh yeah you can't you actually there's like strict rules around when you can't let them off the lead because they put out this smell right that means like hey I'm here and available dogs can smell a

female on heat a mile away and they can get quite aggressive because Delilah I saw it I thought she was coming to heat because the day before they must put out a little tiny smell that's like it's almost here some dogs yeah some dogs started like sniffing around and one tried to hump her and she was like not having a bar of it so she cracked it and I thought wow that was my my first insight into what could go on apparently you can get pretty big dog fights because they really want to have sex if there's multiple dogs they all come in it's like a group fight it's bad so there are some things that you do have to do but what it is is like little it's not a period like an adult gets right it's not like a constant like an adult dog or a human no yeah like a like a

human well it's not this constant period but it's droplets of blood around the house little tiny droplets and so what you can do is I have ordered them they're coming today I think they're dog diapers like literally Delilah is wearing moaty bodies with a hole cut in them I did put some moaty bodies on her but now she's got some red I think she's got some red Calvin Klein's I have to show you a video I'm going to take a video because we've cut a hole in them for her tail to come through it's actually the cutest thing you've ever seen I think it's cute and she doesn't care but this way it stops a little spotting around the house but I just feel like you know how you have these milestones with like Lola and Marley I'm like my children walked and now they're

saying mummy and Brittany's like my dog got her period and I do I look at her like I'm like oh my god kitty are you also are you all right you're so grown up i'm looking at her like she's a full adult soon she's gonna be climbing out the window and going out meeting boys i've got to lock her in because they do they try and get out and have sexy time i've only ever had boy dogs so i don't know these problems these trials and tribulations well yeah she will probably be getting de-sexed soon anyway enough of my doggies period oh my god see even that can't there's a period shame her just okay i have an aversion to dog periods like that's all fair no not fair fair okay let's get into accidentally unfiltered this one this is pretty spicy i don't know if you're

allowed to do this actually i think there's some crossing of a bit of a line here hi ladies i was a little naughty and i started a situationship with my physio to spice it up i thought i'd go to his clinic after his last patient things started to heat up i'm on the physio table on my back. After plenty of foreplay he goes to enter me and I arch my back and grab the end of the table. Surely you're not allowed to fuck your patients. That's what I'm saying. I think this is not okay. I arch my back grabbing the end of the table trying to be very sexy. Little did I know there's a bar that drops the head end down. In an instant the head half of the table totally drops just like a Mr Bean episode when the hospital bed springs into a V but in reverse.

i slide straight off head first in shock he dives forward to catch me i'm naked legs everywhere all the while i'm in hysterics to make things worse i'm lactose intolerant so something something and i've set my tummy i couldn't even use my tummy muscles in an attempt to hold myself up because i had a fear of farting or sharting i just think it's funny because she's what she's saying is she's upside down sliding off the edge the bed but she could have activated her core to hold herself up but she was too short because she had she was lactose intolerant so she's like do I tumble off naked embarrass myself or do I try and stop the tumbling and shot like these were her two options I think the real lesson here is

that you probably shouldn't fuck your physio in his physio clinic oh she said I made up for it with a great blowing how it's so final do you think that this is actually legal like could you get into proper trouble for having sex with a client yeah you can't do that yeah if you were working in a private clinic and you were like radiographing and then you're like oh that guy's really hot and then you had sex with him in the clinic would you be fine for you oh you'd lose your license i think this is different because like i think what this is was she was a patient and then they've decided to hook up and i think now she's just come back in at the end of the day as like a that's what i think i think she's scooting around the whole not allowed to do it

lose your license thing by coming in now not as a patient it sounds like she came in after the last appointment that's how i think she scooted around it oh yeah so i think she didn't i think they're couples now that fucked on the physio table but i think they started off as physio and patient so it's on the borderline i don't know about that one all right my one is miss four said she was hungry and wanted a banana smoothie bananas were still green so i grabbed a frozen banana from the freezer and added some milk yogurt and berries and blended it all up i gave it to miss four okay her child is four years old and she was like mom this doesn't taste very good please can you make me a better one. I was like, oh, don't be ridiculous. So I took it off her and I scald

some of it back. Sure enough, it tasted pretty horrible. Turns out I blended frozen raw chicken sausages into her smoothie instead of frozen banana. Pray for us because I think my whole family now has food poisoning. Salmonella, you can't have raw chicken? I feel like if it's fresh and raw, it'd be fine. No, Laura, what do you mean? You feel like if it's fresh and raw, it's okay what as opposed to frozen no and this has happened this has happened a very similar thing has happened many many years ago a very similar accidentally unfiltered came through um chicken breast i remember it was something like chicken breast but this is chicken sausages but if you picture oh i can't make sausages in the skin if you picture in the fridge right you know if you

have a bit of chicken breast and you wrap it up in cling wrap it does once it gets a bit frosty it looks very similar to like a wrapped up banana i can see how this would happen feel so sick thinking about it also the fact that you scalded back to try and make a point is absolutely effing right anyway with all that out of the way let's bring in maddie j mr and mrs burn johnson cue the wedding bells and let the doves out let's get into this wedding chat well i have interviewed some people in my time. I have been very, very lucky with the people we've had on the podcast, on the radio, but today I'm going to call it, it's probably going to be one of my favorite interviews, Laura Byrne-Johnson and Maddie J. Welcome to Life Uncut.

Hi guys. Thanks so much for having me. I didn't know how to do that. Did I welcome you to the podcast? I don't know. I feel like you should have pumped up our tires a little bit more. I'm actually really upset that no one's even offered me a drink. There's one here. I've got you a water. That's a quarter of a cup of warm water. It's literally half-drunk glass that Brittany had for the last recall. No.

But I'll take it. Peg, take us comfy choosers here, Manny J. We are recording this. Does it feel weird? We're in Marley's old bedroom when you guys lived here. That's where the podcast office is now. Is that weird to you? For anyone who is new to the podcast, basically Britt moved into our old apartment,

and so the podcasting room is Marley Mae's bedroom. And not for me. I've been coming here for a long time. But, Matt, this is your first time back in our old apartment. How do you feel? It feels smaller in this room than I remember. I just think that's because you're in a bigger house now. It's very different to how we had it set up.

Your furniture is a lot nicer than what we had. Yeah, it looked like we were living in trash. And then you walk in here now and you're like, oh, actually. It's what it could have been. We could move back. I could have stayed here a bit longer. Well, you guys, it was a very big life milestone this past week. How long ago?

Ten days now? I can't even keep up. It was ten days. By the time this comes out, it was two Fridays ago. So, yeah, look, it was on the 11th of November. Matt and I, we made it official. We stopped living in sin. We're husband and wife.

Congratulations. Till death do us part. Thank you very much. Do you feel any different or does life just go back to exactly what it was? I had a bit of post-wedding blues, I think. Obviously, it feels pretty much the same. Was it the moment that you realised that all the planning of the wedding was over and you just have to spend the rest of your life with me?

Yeah, and the invoices started coming through and I was like, oh, my God, holy shit. You're like, we spent how much? I'm broke. Do you know what, though? So we got engaged four years ago and we've been like. Was it four years? No, you exaggerate that.

It was three. It was four years ago because it was before Marley was born. Marley was three and a half. See? Yeah, so you guys got, I remember it was not, I think we'd just met. So it wasn't that long ago. I think you've added some mayo on it. Okay, so three and three quarters of a year.

I added three months. god sue me anyway it was quite a long time ago to the people who want to be extremely specific the wedding got delayed once officially because we had a set date but kind of twice because we had kind of mentally pushed it back a year and then i had to get pushed back for two years we were like let's just throw it so far in the future not two years it was a year and three quarters stop splitting straws okay so it's such a little squabbling couple now the only time i feel different is when we argue and in my head i'm like oh we're such a little arguing we're such married couple we argue now no but I do think I think it's an important question do you feel

different because I think so many people have asked that and also I think that there's this thought that you will feel different after a wedding I know I've spoken to a lot of married couples and they said like there's something about just being married that makes you feel more solid and like settled in your relationship it makes you feel more secure almost the ring makes me feel like that a little bit when I wear the ring and I walk around and I'm like sorry ladies they're all lined up down the street and you have to push them away all the time well i guess i think for me i was almost expecting to feel something different not that i needed it like i'm so happy in the relationship with this extra thing but i feel exactly the same and i love that

i feel exactly the same because i think the security for me in our relationship came when we had kids i already felt that at the end of the day it's just made it that little bit harder to leave now right once you sign the paper and you got the rings it's a bit harder to leave as hard to leave a relationship is what it is to leave a gym now that we've got a signed document yeah okay let's talk about the lead-up to the wedding so obviously the lead-up was pretty long we've established that there were a couple postponements we had COVID but what was the lead-up like now that you it was locked and loaded you had the date you knew it was coming was it all smooth sailing so we I mean you know it was not smooth sailing I love that that was a leading question when you

are so aware of the answer no we had um we had some real speed bumps we we had some issues with our original wedding planner with things not really going to plan and things not being booked in and we got to about five weeks out from the wedding and we realized that there was still so much to do like so much to do we didn't have any transport any chairs the flowers were still up in the air I was pretty guilty of being that person going well I used to work in events so this will be something that I can do entirely by myself not realizing that it's been a long time since I've done a proper event yeah now a little bit shit at it there's often this stereotype that the female is the one that does all the work like the female is the one that organizes the wedding in heterosexual

couples well that's not the case here no and i didn't have any desire too busy no but i also think there's so many brides who really enjoy like the pinterest boards and creating the wish list of what their wedding is going to look like and i did not have one iota of that desire it did not hit me at all. But you were very, I only came to you to like with options to lock in like flowers. I didn't have that either, but you were, you're very good in terms of, you know, what would work and what wouldn't. And you still chose the kind of theme colors and overall style of the event as well. Yeah. Maybe it came down to the fact that I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted, but I didn't go down the fluffy rabbit hole of like planning out the wedding. I found

that very stressful and not fun so I kind of anything that for me is absolutely not critical in the moment just doesn't get done so it wasn't until five weeks out from the wedding that we were arranging like what like I literally sent the brief for what the flowers and the decorations and stuff should look like five days before the wedding that was when she got the theming for the wedding was five days before so it's wild things kind of came together really really quickly in the end but also I think that's a reflection of us as people you know one of the I suck with a deadline. Yeah.

As in like it'll only be right until it's crunch time that I actually put my ass in a gear and get it done. So actually the opposite to that. You're very fucking good on a deadline. You need a deadline. No, that means you're – yeah, you're good. Laura and I do things when we've got two minutes left to do them, both of us.

That's why it's chaos in here. You work to a deadline. A big question that people have asked Laura, obviously, because when a woman gets married, I feel like the number one thing is the dress. The first thing, they've got normal people – not normal people, but many women have their Pinterest board of their dress. they think about their wedding dress from when they're a little girl they've got the idea in

their head it's the biggest day when did you find your dress and how did you go about that process did you know what you wanted or were you like I'm just gonna go try a hundred things on and hope that one fits I can tell you actually a story of what happened now I feel like it's been there's been that space between it so pretty amazingly a wedding dress designer a very very famous wedding dress designer in Sydney reached out to me and said that they wanted to make me a wedding dress this is like when Matt and I very first got engaged. 1999. Yeah. Back when I was 24. Their wedding dresses are so expensive, like $20,000. And I went to the fitting. It wasn't even a fitting. I went to what was the first consultation and the arrangement was, is that they would make

a dress for me to wear to the wedding reception, to the ceremony, sorry. And then I had to get something else to wear to the reception. And it was like a loan, like they were going to make a dress for me, but then I had to give it back after the wedding, which I was fine with. I was like, you can take the wedding dress back. I don't need it. It's nice to just have something beautiful to wear for the day but I don't need a wedding dress I'm gonna hang on to but the whole thing was so it ended up being so strange because I went for the consultation and they had already designed the wedding dress they had designed this like high neck long sleeve very regal it's something that I long sleeve lace it's something I would envisage someone like Kate Middleton

wearing it was a very do look a little bit like Kate Middleton that is a stretch like how many glasses of wine do you have to have for me to look like Kate Middleton but is it unusual because what sticks out for me there is that it's one thing to say I'm going to design your dress and you say yes but then to design your dress and say this is the design we've done and this is it like to not even talk to you about that or like was there any discussion on this long sleeved high neck dress or is it just like this is what we think you should wear yes well I got there for the consultation and it made it feel very business transactional as well it was like this is the dress this is how many posts you need to do for Instagram this is the advertising we expect out

of it and I felt so I mean I was still grateful for the offer but I felt like my wedding was becoming something that I didn't want it to be and we had a bit of a conversation because I was like look that's so far from how and what I envisaged for myself like I thought I wanted to wear something that was lace with a low back to their credit this label they redesigned it more in line with what I wanted I was like okay I can do that and then about six months passed and the more time that I spent thinking about it and the more time I actually like really kind of figured out what I wanted for my wedding I felt more and more icky with the whole thing the fact that I had to you know provide x amount of posts and the fact that I had to talk about it in media

I was like that's it's just so not what I want for my wedding anyway very last minute as some of you might know I ended up going to Melbourne I have a beautiful girlfriend there named Kaya she does incredible wedding dress dresses it's Kaya Studios I cut ties with the other brand and I ended up getting a dress made through Kaya and she just made the whole experience like from everything from the the dress fittings through to actually having the dress made the whole thing felt like a like I was the bride like it was an experience for me not just that it was this business transaction for Instagram and sometimes you need to go with your gut if you walked into that the first one and you're like this just doesn't feel right I mean we get those feelings for a reason oh also

they wanted the dress back without any dirt or any damage to it because they wanted to be able to put it into their showroom afterwards my dress that I wore the wedding uh was fucking trashed like it had dog footprints on the back of it. And Buster slept on it. Buster, I felt, okay, there was this one point where I was standing at, what do you call it? I was standing at the altar. What do you call it?

The altar. Isn't an altar? I was standing at the front. Yes, the altar. With the arbor and the flowers. But anyway, during the ceremony. And I thought someone was pulling my dress out. Like I thought someone was like laying my dress out

so that they could get a nicer photo of the train all looking beautiful. And then I felt this like thud, thud. And then the pulling got heavier. And I was like, what is that? And I turned around and Buster had walked onto the dress and laid down on the dress as though it was a dog bed. It was very cute though.

You're lucky you didn't piss on it. Well, Matt, what was it like finding your dress? He did look beautiful. He did look very handsome. I feel like it's very different for guys. I feel like women are far more sentimental. For guys it's just like – A suit, you know.

Yeah, you go on to – You wanted to wear a pink suit and I fucking vetoed that. You were like, I'm going to wear a baby pink suit. And I was like, please don't. I wanted to wear something different. And I thought, I was looking at photos and everyone's wearing either a white or a navy or black suit. And I thought, let's just do something different, something crazy.

And I saw this pink suit. And it wasn't like a fluorescent pink. It was a baby pink. Like a soft pink. Yeah. That's cool, right? Like the inside of your lip maybe. No, no, no.

What? That's a very deep pink. I'm just trying to establish the level of pink. It was like a soft pastel pink. Lips on my face, guys. The lips on my face. Get your mind out of the gutter. You're so flirting with my husband, Brittany.

You're in the room. I'm like similar to this. Like this. Brittany gets her nipples out and she's like this colour. Is it like this kind of baby pink? Like a soft supple pink? Taste it. I mean just like look at it with your mouth.

Guys, I made one comment about the lips on my face. All right. Well, thank God. So we said no to the pink suit. Thank God. Imagine where this conversation would have gone. So I went with the navy. Went with the navy.

MJ Bale. Obviously, I wear MJ Bell suits kind of exclusively just because they fit me really well. Hashtag MJ Bell. Oh, hashtag ambassador. At mjbell.com, $69.95, RRP is the price. And I think that, well, I think the breakout stars of, I was going to say the show, I guess it was,

the breakout stars of the show were the girls. All the flower girls, you had your niece there, you had your nephews there, but obviously Marley and Lola were there and they were just divine. It was like the cutest thing I have ever seen because they were so happy. They were chaos. Lola was walking around pulling flowers out,

but it was really beautiful to see. It was so funny because like I know everyone, so many people don't want kids at their wedding. And obviously we did our relationship a little bit back to front. So we had kids and then had a wedding. You fucked then, Mary. Yeah. It is called making love.

We've been living in sin. But we had not just our girls, but we had five flower girls. We had two page boys. We had a three-legged dog. It was like a fucking circus. It was like soon a clam was going to get out of the car. But it was chaos. It was absolute chaos.

It was one point in the ceremony where Matt and I were saying our vows, which were ridiculous anyway, and Lola was standing next to me just pulling flowers out of the arbor and walking around with fistfuls of roses. But it for some reason didn't seem like it wasn't right. Like that scene watching looked perfect. I remember being at other weddings where there's kids involved and there's moments where the kid's going up to their mum or dad

and wanting a cuddle and they were rejecting the child, being like no because they're in the you know they're in the process of saying their vows and i think you can't you gotta swim with the tide with the kids whatever they want to do you gotta let them do it and so there's one part i was putting your ring on i think laura and lola wanted to cuddle so i was like of course i'm going to give her a cuddle like i was juggling the rings and lola and putting the ring on you and it was it was chaos you're gonna shake her off your leg like she's can someone get her away from me no it was a special what was your favorite i I mean, I know my favorite part was of the ceremony, but what was your favorite part

of actually like saying the vows? You know, because so Matt and I, we, we had a really special night just before the wedding. We went out for dinner at Sean's Panorama two nights before the wedding and we sat down together and we started to write the sentiment behind what our vows would be. We didn't write our vows because we want it to be a surprise for each other. But Matt had started writing what he wanted to say to my family and he was crying at dinner. The poor waiter must have been like, what the fuck is going on with table four? Are they divorcing?

Are they reading their diary? Or they read their diary? He'd come over and be like, here's your chicken. I'd be like, I love you so much, Laura. Is there any sauce? But it was so beautiful though. Like I think it surprised me how emotional you were. It did not surprise me.

It surprised me as well. You are a crier though. Only now that I've had kids. I'm only a recent crier. like matt four years ago it would have been like yeah cool whatever but but now i'm very emotional and i i actually wish i didn't fight the tears as much i because i was crying on the third no on the tuesday on the dinner when we wrote our vows i was crying the night before i was crying the morning of i fucking cried so much on that day it's ridiculous my mom came up to me and was

like she tapped me on the shoulder this is before we'd gone down to the ceremony when i was getting ready and she just said oh my boy oh and and that's that made me cry I was crying at that mom has a way with words she does like she could she's like hi Brittany I'm like oh my god hi Ellie I'm like I love you I'm like crying you know she had the most amazing speech didn't she but okay so one of the things that happened before the wedding which was really really special for me so my granddad my papa like I grew up I grew up with him he was my dad for so much of my life because my dad wasn't around a lot. He was in the army and he lived in another state.

And my granddad, my papa stepped in as a real father figure for me throughout my whole life. And I always thought it would be my papa who would walk me down the aisle, something I'd have always said. And he passed away a couple of years ago. And so I think weddings are those real moments where not only are you so grateful

for everything that you have, it also makes you think about the people that can't be there, that you always thought when you were a kid, when you pictured your wedding, what it would look like, that they were the people who would be there. and oh this will make me cry I was at um the house getting ready with my sister and the woman who had done my flowers she came in with the bridesmaids flowers and my bunch of flowers and she was like

do you have any makeup on there's something I need to show you but I want to make sure that you're not like in the midst of getting prepped and she gave me my flowers and on the flowers they had sewn a locket onto the ribbon of the flowers and there was a photo of my nana and my papa and I wasn't prepared for it, but it hit me like an absolute freight train. And I just sobbed, like I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for a good 45 minutes. And then everybody in the room was crying. And I felt, I felt like it was good that I got that out because I think it prepared me a little bit for the day, but. Was there there with you? Yeah. And it meant that he got to walk down the aisle with me, even if he wasn't with me. Yeah. That was really, really special. And I think

sometimes those really little things that other people do for you that make the day even more special. You know, like my sister thought it was her thoughtfulness that made me be able to have that. And that's a memory I'll always have from the wedding. Yeah. That's, I mean, that's very beautiful. And one thing, one big question was who cried first. I think we've established that Maddie J. Maddie J was the crier. What was it about your vows? Like what part of your vows was the part that you liked the most? Cause I know about my vows. I know that there was like a story that I told, which I will share. It was the part which I thought I would have cried earlier to be honest but there was just one line in there where I say I absolutely adore you and for somebody that

was the trigger adoring me made you cry you're like it's true maybe that's because it was the pinnacle like you're coming up to the yes you know the top of the roller coaster before you shoot down yes and after that I said I love you and then so that was when I started crying and I think I turned to everyone I was like oh I'm so sorry there was not a dry eye in that house let me tell you not even Buster I think Bim Buster there was a part of your vows Laura which I want to ask you if you're happy to to read out because it was really beautiful it's something you've mentioned on the past this story something that really you you heard and it really hit home and you've briefly touched on in an episode quite a while ago but I want you to reiterate that

you know it was funny because I so I wrote I wrote this it's a story and I wrote it into my vows I was thinking what story are you gonna tell I was like tell me what it is when you shut yourself and that is when I knew as I wrote this I was like is this a really weird thing to put into your vows and then I was saying the story out loud I said it I think I read it out to my sister and I read out to a few other friends and and they were all a bit like where are you going with this but then it ended up being like the one thing that everyone was in tears about because I think the message of it is important it's still important to me but okay I'll read a bit of it out this is my wedding vows which is weird okay do we have some music we can

overlay we don't have any uh production costs someone pretend like there's wedding bells playing in the background okay this is what i read to matt i wrote the other week i was telling you about a podcast i had listened to where hugh van cuylenberg was in his kitchen this one morning stressed out over the kids and work when his nanny came in and asked her how her morning was she said she'd been for a run and had breakfast with a girlfriend all before 8 a.m on a tuesday after the nanny walked out he then said to his wife that he felt genuinely jealous and a little a bit resentful of people who can just get up in the morning and have no responsibilities. Hugh's wife then showed him this article that she had just been reading and it was about how life

is made up of seasons and how whenever we are in a season of life, we often spend much of it wishing that we were in a different season. It'll make me cry again. I told you this story and you asked me if I felt like that, to which I replied sometimes. You paused and then you said, I don't relate to that because i am in the season of my dreams i have thought about that a lot since then especially when it came to writing these vows and i want you to know that i am in the season of my dreams with you and i promise to never take that for granted as i know life doesn't get any better than this i will cry every time i read guys i feel like i'm intruding on a moment you are where's my wedding dress?

And I'm like, I'm right here. But honestly, for me, oh, let's leave that audio in. We just kissed again. Because I can't edit that out. No, Brittany, if you want to leave the room for about five or maybe six minutes. Oh, please, I've heard it's two. All you can do is get your nipples out again.

What do you want, guys, the nipples or the privacy? Okay, so something else I wanted to talk about and something that I'm sure a lot of you saw if you were across the Daily Mail. So our wedding took place at 3 p.m. in the afternoon. pretty standard by yeah yeah there wasn't that wasn't there's a punchline i was like um that wasn't the standard by 6 30 p.m there were already articles that were out on daily mail that's where you were going with the timing got it yes with very intrusive photos so from the

paparazzi yeah from the paparazzi not from guests well just just clarifying that piece of information because you didn't mention it was the paparazzi this has been a real sore point for us because we didn't think that the paps knew where the wedding was we genuinely didn't think that they had followed us down there because we have a very good eye for paps now like i think we're pretty we're pretty well versed in this world we are pretty aware of when they're following you because usually there's a black like four-wheel drive suv like following you behind but make it sound like such an american movie no they're not snipers sometimes they're in little like hyundai's totally But usually you can tell when someone's following you in a car,

basically, is what I'm getting at. But we'd been down in Mollymook for a few days and we had not seen a single pap. So we really felt like we were in the all clear. Our wedding was at Cupert's Estate. It's a really private little venue. It's a winery that you have to drive down a long driveway to and there's one single car park.

Yes, except though it's surrounded by another property. Bush, trees. So you could just trespass into someone else's farm and still have a line of sight to the wedding. Yeah, and we had a security guard there, mind you. Let's call him Glenn, the security guard. Glenn was great. Shout out to Glenn.

There's a really awesome paparazzi photo. Maybe we'll put it up on Instagram on Life Uncut podcast. It features Glenn. There's a photo of our wedding and it's of the security guard watching the wedding, not actually securing the wedding. No, he was just watching the moment. He had a champagne in hand. Yes.

He was throwing rose petals as we walked back down the aisle. He was crying. There were tissues. At the reception, I was like, Glenn? And he's like, this is beautiful. As he's eating the cake. No, but basically there was a paparazzi hiding in the bushes. So where Matt got ready, there's these 10 little villas,

like 10 little houses on the site, on the property. A paparazzi had set themselves up in the bush and was, not only were they getting telescope, they had a telescopic lens, so they were getting photos that made it look like they were a guest at the wedding. That's how close the photos were. That was like second row. It looked like they had a front row seat.

They were hiding in a bush somewhere. but because it was over a PA system they were also able to record our entire wedding so they recorded our entire wedding vows and posted it on the fucking daily mail which is okay it's one thing and it's not okay it's one thing to publish photos right like it's there's a level of and it shouldn't be there's a level of expectation that like oh fuck the paparazzi got it damn but it is a whole nother kettle of fish to go and publish someone's vows that a very private moment that you guys have literally just had you are still you're still at your wedding when your vows are published i cannot imagine yeah but you know what i'm thankful that maybe it was just the fact that

obviously everyone is in the moment during the ceremony no one's scanning the property looking elsewhere but i was really glad that we didn't see him i was glad that he was slightly hidden because if in that moment if we'd been exchanging our vows and we looked over and there was a pap in the car park that would have sucked so much so so i was thankful that we didn't notice him at all until we saw the photos come out yeah you're so right and i think by the time we saw the daily mail article it was like 7 p.m at night we were already well into the wedding like the ceremony was over we were like partying in the reception we both very much have made the decision that we weren't going to allow it to affect our night because by then they were long gone they were

long gone no it's funny because we a lot of people at the wedding knew that had happened right because someone had sent the article being like can you believe this is already out blah blah blah and then all of us went into like this full commando mode so we thought everyone at the wedding was like we cannot let Matt and Laura know this under any circumstances anytime we saw a phone anywhere near someone someone was like commando rolling grabbing it out of your guys hands they're like let's go dance because no one wanted you guys to get distracted and to know but I mean it came out but I thought about this I mean I did say to you I said I'm going to put my life on it there'll be paparazzi there and you guys were like they're not going to follow us and I said

they will find a way this is going to be like you guys might not think about it but it's one of the weddings of the year here in australia it is what i can't i can't agree i know i know no i know but it is it's people of this century where are you going with this that's so unlike maddie j to be humble since the royals no but you know what it made me think about it was william and kate and then laura and mad yes close second what it made me think about is i reckon i know what they did When I was on the Bachelor finale in Port Macquarie, not the finale, sorry, the hometowns.

I was like, wow, there really was budget cuts that year. That was tight because of Cummins. The paparazzi came to my parents' house. My parents told me, so they didn't know the paparazzi. Someone knocked on the door. My mum and dad opened the door knowing that the hometown visits were coming up and a man was at the door and said to them, oh, I'm here with Channel 10.

We are just doing some background checks, looking at scoping out the place did they decide that this is where it was or did they go with the other place yes and my parents were like no we've gone over to this place and like great and i just need to confirm the address we're going to get the catering and stuff my parents told them everything the day the location because they didn't know because it's so evil and it's so easy for them right to be like okay let's pick some wedding venues someone sits down for a date let's pick some locations that's within a drive maybe it's north maybe south the main wedding places they just call up like hey we're looking for mr johnson we've got to send some flowers whatever it's very

easy to try and find this information if somebody really wants it well i reckon and this is me starting to sound like i'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist you know everyone put their alfoil hats on whilst we talk about this but i reckon you can buy you can buy really cheap little tracking devices oh yeah and track your car because time is money right they really don't have time to call around every single venue because there's just so many it could be i mean there's not that many celebrities in australia they got the time no but i reckon they would put a tracking device on the car and i know i'm not saying that we're not accusing them that they did this but we it's an idea this is what we think happens because it does yeah because it would just be a foolproof way of

knowing exactly where we're going to be you should have got a hire car you should have or you should have got someone to drive the car the other direction like paid someone but who has time for that brit yeah it was one of those things where like i mean it was a shame that paparazzi photos and having people who were not invited hiding at our wedding kind of like cast a bit of a cloud but also a guest sold our wedding photos yeah i was like where's my uncle gone okay so we've got some questions that the listeners have written in the listeners our life uncut family people that are invested in your love life let's go through some bridesmaids groomsmen now the daily mail made it very obvious that i was not one that was their headline no but

You were the signer of my wedding certificate and it is there for the rest of my life forever. Damn strangers. You were the reason. Didn't you do a little XX? Yeah, I did. I had a little, I had a little some, some. You were the reason that our wedding certificate has been signed. No, it's void and null.

Psych, you're not even married. Okay. Firstly, it's a weird question to be asked by random people when they're like, why isn't Brittany one of your bridesmaids? Totally. Oh, sorry. That question wasn't just about me. That was like, let's talk about your groomsmen and bridesmaids.

Totally. Submitted by Brittany Hockley. But let's talk about the elephant in the room. Firstly, Britt, you know how much I love you and absolutely adore you. That was never the question. I know that I never would have asked the question. I'm doing this for the people. My four bridesmaids were my sister and then three girlfriends

who I've been friends with for decades. And the reason for that is because I was their maid of honour. So I was maid of honour for each one of them, for my sister, for Sarah, for Kaya and for Lauren. And I found that whole process really stressful. It's like your top friends of MySpace. It is. And like, you know how you used to move your friends around on MySpace and add changed

songs and stuff? Laura didn't have MySpace. I don't know. Oh my God. You had a top friends list every day. Isn't it like MySpace? It is like MySpace. Yes, like MySpace.

Yeah, you had a top friends list. No, but you're in my top friends list. That's a horrible thing to say. No, I'm not like, these are my top friends and everyone else is below that. The only reason we're having this conversation now, this isn't Laura and I explaining this to each other. We know what this is. We know how much we love each other.

It did not bother me. I know. And I knew it wouldn't. And the only reason we're having this conversation is because a lot of people wrote in the questions. So we're just giving you the space to explain why you hate me so much. The people we love the most had very important jobs in the day. And that's what we wanted to make sure. So we had one of our girlfriends was the MC.

Britt, you were signing the wedding certificate. Ed, who is Matt's best friend from overseas, he also was signing the wedding certificate. And then I had my long-term girlfriends as my bridesmaids. I think like we wanted to make sure that the people that we loved the most had a role in the wedding. Also, who did you want to sit next to at the wedding? Was it two people you didn't know or Mijituri and Keisha? Oh, I had a – we were on the great table. The fucking best table.

We were on the great table. But Brittany was also on the singles table. Ask her how the night went. Can we talk about this? How was the night? I don't see what's happening here. How was the night, Brittany, for you on the singles table? Was it good?

I had one sneaky little kiss. Oh, God. She said it. It was a kiss on the singles table. Did I have a choice? No. No, there wasn't a kiss. Keisha kissed someone too.

There was two kisses There was just a little Kissy kiss No more And can I just say Welcome to the family No it makes me awkward Because he looks too much

Like you And now that The drinks are not On board He looks way too much Like you Also a bit young He's a young guy

Okay Shout out to my cousin Love you buddy Okay so much for keeping This one a secret I mean like It was a little Tiniest

Smooch That's it Tongue? Was there a tongue in there? No. No tongue. Oh, just like a netting kiss. No, it was just like a, okay, cute.

He'll hate that. Keisha made out with your friend. How's that? We're like dopping on each other. I'm like, Keisha made out with your friend. Keisha had a sneaky kiss too, yeah. She did, yes. We're keeping it in the family here, aren't we?

It's all the time. Actually, just quickly, talking about kissing, very surprised, can I just say that Laura, when we went for our kiss after we'd been pronounced husband and wife, she went for tongue. I slipped a tongue in. Oh, Laura went, I thought the leg was going to cock up. There was a moment. I was like, is this when we consummate the marriage?

Do we need to turn away? She started rubbing my genitals and I was like, Laura. I did not. You did. I'd had a night away from the kids. I was well and truly rested. I was like, oh, maybe now's the good time. And I was like, Laura, what are you doing?

Don't pretend like you don't want to. Voyeurism, that's our new kink. We like to have sex in front of people. Did you consummate? Did you consummate? Did you consummate the marriage? That was close enough. did you have sex did you get down and freaky we did a horizontal dance of love i was so tired

after the wedding no you that's not even true i said i said should we go down so a lot of people way too soupy after all that dance floor no so we had a whole lot of people come back to our we had two rooms at banisters upstairs like the penthouse it was three bedrooms we had about 10 people come back there for a little kick on and then brit we were trying to get you to come back there because the guy that you kissed was there and anyway he was very disappointed you didn't come back for the after party but we also had a room downstairs so come about one o'clock in the morning i said to matt like let's just go downstairs let's get to bed you were like i'm going to bed you can stay up here and have a few more drinks yeah i mean that was a test and you

passed oh the testing starts early so i was thinking maybe we'll go downstairs and you know get to fourth base the listeners can't see what you're doing but she's doing the um i was doing a finger in the hole i was i was uh i was reenacting uh sexy times you know i'm not very good at having sex when i'm drunk drunk and tired you were like we got downstairs and you were like it is absolutely not happening did you do it or not so then the next day this is how romantic matt is so the next day i was like oh maybe today will be the day that we consummate the marriage but we also had a recovery like event on so we did a long day yeah it was a long day of drinking we hired out a beautiful house it was a big day we ended up at the rsl club with the kids like

it was not a relaxing day and then at the end of that i was like oh maybe now and matt was like ab absolutely not he's like i couldn't this is what he said i couldn't think of anything worse i didn't say i couldn't think of anything worse than having sex with my new wife did i say yeah you said i couldn't think of anything worse and i was like oh that's had you showered no i hadn't yeah there you go that's the reason well that's probably why anyway we got home i had a shower we got into bed it was like 11 o'clock at night and what did you think you were doing? All of a sudden you come in for a little cuddle.

You're like, just go with it. See what happens. Esther Perel style. Did you say just go with it? Yeah, Daddy got hungry. Anyway, that was so yuck. What was that? I don't know what it was.

Daddy got hungry. Just go with it. That's my foreplay voice. And, yeah, Mummy served him dinner. So is it? This is quite possibly the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my life. He just high-fived me. That was great.

Yeah, so we had sex. uh missionary uh was it missionary yeah that's oh yeah come on it was i think i think we maybe threw in another style in there don't be ridiculous it's usually missionary to dog it was all missionary nothing but it was is there not what about doggy style we've got a bit of there no there was no it was like yes we did it was actually it was it was even less it was on the side yeah it was like that was it okay so is there a rule because this is two days later is there some kind of like wizardry sexy time to consummate a marriage rule that it has to be within like the night or 24 hours or can you just do it as in the wedding is now because you've done it two

days later is that it's null now legally it means that the whole marriage is now void it's a sham yeah so you have to go and do an annulment yeah okay so i don't think you do an annulment i think your marriage is just annulled i think it just means it was void right i don't think you have to go and get it anyway secure it you didn't secure the goods that's a shame take their ring My bank account says that we definitely can't do it again. But, yeah, look, we did it. We did the sexy times. We've actually did it another time since then, which is great for us.

We're on a real roll. And, yeah, I hope that everyone feels better for knowing that. Look at us. Look at us having sex as a married couple. Who would have thought? Who would have thought? Not me. I guess that's how you know you're married, right,

because you do it once. It's also very different when you have two kids. I know for a lot of people listening to this, they probably were in honeymoon wedded bliss. We've been together for five and a half years. we have two babies. Those babies don't just go away because we got married. Like they're still in our house and with us all the time. We still own them. We still have to have sex around the schedule that is having two children. And that's something that's not the sexiest thing to try and

navigate. All right. A big one was money, believe it or not. Did you go over budget? Obviously weddings are very expensive and they all, I feel like they always add up and it's always more than what you think and what you budget. I think there's this misconception when people who are in the public eye get married that they get it all for free i think that that's what people think or that we might have gotten big discounts on stuff maybe some people do but that was not the case it was really not the case for us like we uh everyone's so busy in the wedding industry now that no one needs to offer discounts because it's just there's a backlog of years but also on top of that not just no one needs to offer discounts it makes your wedding transactional it means that you have

to spend your day worrying about getting content it makes your wedding which is a really super and special personal moment, it makes it about supplying content to providers. And I think for me, like we have definitely, we have done so much on Instagram saying like, this is who did our flowers. This is who did our dress. This is who did our catering, our venue, whatever. But that's not because those things were for free. It's because we had such a beautiful time with such incredible small businesses and small venues who did an truly incredible job. Like they went above and beyond the people who did our flowers were phenomenal very good and so we're like it's such a privilege to be able to push business towards people who we know are doing a great job like the

band for example amazing was so happy because they have a seven piece band seven piece band they were so stoked because i've had so many people hit them up with requests that they're like absolutely especially after such a long time of having no business at all i'm like they totally deserve it and it's such a privilege it's such a privilege to be able to be in a position where we have a huge platform and can also genuinely say like these providers are great but you know i did have the thought this is maybe the week before the wedding where you know i questioned like is this all fucking worth it oh my god i looked at how much money wise you mean yeah i looked at how much we're spending over and it gets to that point where it's you know a week two weeks out

we're like oh we'll just pay that little bit more and we'll get like prosecco included in the drink package and we'll pay just a little bit more and we can get this and all these little everything just creeps up a little bit more and I thought should we have just done like a really small 14 20 people just like family nothing but should we have just done that considering that we want to try and save as much money as we can and then afterwards I'm so happy that we didn't go down that route I'm so glad that we did have 80 odd people there in attendance because it's that one the one time in our lifetime hopefully there was 87 I don't say hopefully we're getting divorced and you've already got a backup well you didn't go to say it's the one it's the one time that

i'll only ever do that thank you i'm also my bank account is telling me that's the one and only time i'm ever gonna do that but one thing matt we did a speech together at the wedding it was very chaotic because it was not planned but one thing you said and i really loved it and i think it's so important we did for a little while there think oh god maybe we'll elope or maybe we'll just make it small like i genuinely had always thought that i would probably elope for my wedding because i never saw myself in like the big dress and the big wedding which funnily enough is exactly what we ended up doing. But we have a really good friend, Ben Cush, and Matt mentioned him at the wedding. And what he mentioned was I went to Ben's wedding, Ben and Lauren. I was the

maid of honor there. Lauren was one of my bridesmaids. And it was a really beautiful, small, tiny wedding. And Cush was quite strict in limiting the numbers he wanted. He was like, I'm only having these people and, you know, we're going to keep it as small as possible. And it was exactly that. And it was a beautiful, beautiful day. But since then, some really important people in his life have passed away. And I think it was in those moments that he realized that you don't get to have those same people in a room together. Like we're never going to have those 87 people who we love and adore in the same room ever again. And it's such a privilege to be able to celebrate something so special with the people that you love. It's just a once in a

lifetime thing to do. And that's what I loved about it. So off the back of that, is there anything you change no looking back because for our guest as a guest it was so much fun we didn't get off the dance floor the food was incredible the the music was incredible everything for us except I didn't get to eat any cake I'm mad about it neither did I actually neither did I I didn't even taste my own wedding cake did you do you have it did they give it what do you mean no we went back to pick up some items the next not on the a few days afterwards that we left behind at the venue and then they even said we'll put it in a little takeaway box for you and then we forgot to get that so we forgot so we forgot to get it so I would I would definitely go back and I would

have some wedding cake because it looked unbelievable what flavor was it again I told her to surprise us so I didn't even know the flavor of the cake oh my god I just feel like we really missed out we missed out but I know a lot of our guests did eat it and said it was amazing so I'm glad that someone got to enjoy it oh yeah by all reports it was incredible I just kept trying to go get it but then a good the band was too good that I'd walk up the dance floor and Like a song would come on and I was like, oh, I've got to sing, I've got to dance. The band or my cousin?

No, not your cousin. The band. Thank you. The band was honestly like having a lit dance floor is the best thing ever. We looked like a bunch of uncoordinated people like crumping on down on the dance floor, but it was so much fun. Okay, but one thing I would definitely change is I would have got the wedding planner sooner because the only thing that was,

and it wasn't massive but still the morning of there were so many moving parts that in my head i was because i got ready at the venue that i was talking to the florist and then the furniture items were coming and i was still you were planning i was in work mode you know and i was worrying about things that weren't quite right and you know can we change this and move that and then the limo driver went to the wrong location to pick up laura so i walked out in my wedding dress like expecting the limo to be waiting to pick me up and i was like i'm ready right on time and the limo wasn't there he was at the wrong banisters hotel oh my one he went to banisters pavilion had been waiting there for half an hour oh my gosh and then he had to come around and pick us up from

banisters by the sea so like there were small things that went wrong but i also think those small things are all pretty inconsequential things are only a problem if they're a problem to you and if you get fixated on them and we just kind of like whatever everything was exactly as it was and it was perfect easy for laura to say that as someone who didn't plan anything she's like it was wonderful it was seamless it was great okay you know one other thing i would change though as well is interested to see if you agree with this the tradition of throwing the bouquet oh i could have gone i could have left it oh that was my worst part i i wanted to bury mine to dig a hole laying it and put the dirt back everybody was like get in the middle i've

never been more there was this moment i actually spoke about it on radio on kyle and jack this week about this idea of this bouquet throwing and how everyone says being single at a wedding is the best it's like you know there's so many other single people there it's your time to meet people and hook up and that's all well and good when there's a bunch of other single people there laura burn walks out into the made a big song and dance about it okay everyone's like gather around the whole wedding gathers around and she's like it's time to throw the big hey all the single bitches she's lily city i wasn't literally i'd had four drinks the entire night i was not at all i was just on a high on my love the vibe was lady city like the level of excitement that you had an

enthusiasm for this moment you were like everyone all you all you singles on the dance floor there were crickets crickets and then i was like i even stopped the band i was like back away slowly britney and i backed away to the bar and then i was like sink to the ground no one will see you chicken wing britney onto the dance floor being like you will catch this bouquet okay in my defense in my defense it's not just single people what i was trying to get on the dance floor and to do the throw i actually wasn't trying to do it for you i was trying to get my stepbrother chris and his partner brock they've been together for over a decade and he hasn't proposed yet and brock desperately wants to get married i was trying to get brock on the dance floor it was all around

you weren't trying to find me it was all for brock so why were you on the mic going britney literally multiple times pretty and i was like it's okay you guys do it and you were like get on the dance floor there was not kisha it was brock it was three of us no you were not there were three people and i was like i have fought to the death once on the bachelor i will not fight again on the death for a bouquet you know that someone's not enthusiastic about getting into a relationship when they just stand there and the bouquet flies straight past and lands on the ground i matrixed it it was coming from my head and i was like did that backwards matrix thing so it passed right by me it was wild but honestly i mean look sorry that i did that to

you brit but i feel like i had so many expectations around what the wedding was going to be and so many people had said to me that it's going to be so fun you're going to have the best day you're like where's this going is she about to say it wasn't no what I was gonna say is I always thought it would get fun I always thought it would get fun once this the reception had started what I didn't expect is for literally from the minute I walked down the aisle and I saw everyone's faces it was the best day of my life like it was so much fun oh you were manic you looked like a crazy person because you were so deliriously happy you know when the eyes go too wide like it looked like i had a tab of acid it was crazy but you did you you got out of the limo when it

finally came and you just both of you didn't have a smile you didn't wipe the smile off your face the whole time and it was beautiful to see can i say one more thing sure uh we were talking about this last night most people most people get like a beautiful car to the ceremony which we did a limo what was your favorite part of leaving the ceremony matt the wedding reception i can't remember his name but he was a lovely cab driver we just called like 131 yellow cabs we got a cab back to the hotel well the paparazzi gone by now no one cares at that point yeah and i was trying to figure out where my suit jacket was it was a bit of a mess at the end like everything else was so lovely everyone went home on buses and stuff and there we were with i thought there was a car

waiting for us but it was a car well there was this big discussion right i don't know if you guys know about it but everyone's in the car park leaving everyone's like where are we going is an after party and half the people were like no one had said to me what was happening right half the people were like oh yes we're going back to Matt and Laura's and I was like oh guys I think you need to let them go and have sex I was like I don't think no I had told you to your face I literally had said to your face come back to ours yeah I missed that part I was trying to I was trying to tell people I was like let them you are uninviting people to the after party that I had invited them to I was I was like go let them have sex I think they want to have sex they're like oh

I think they I think they told us to come and I was like no they want to have sex that is why no No one fucking showed up to the after party because Britt told them not to come. Keisha did too. It wasn't just me. Keisha was like, let them have sex. They only get like once in a blue moon. Well, I'm glad we did it. Maybe we'll do it tonight, Matt.

Well, guys, a big, big fat congratulations to you both. You're finally married. You are the fairy tale. You are the bachelor. You know, there's been a few bachelor love stories, but I think, and I might be biased, I think you're one of the best bachelor love stories. What do you mean one of the best? We're the fucking cream of the crop, Brittany.

Well, there's a lot. There's only five. So when you say you're one of the best, there's not even five. Who is there? Sam and Snares, Georgia and Lee. Tim and Anna. Tim and Anna. Jimmy and Holly.

Jimmy and Holly. Jimmy and Holly. You guys. Irina and Lockie. Yeah, like six. Oh, my God, there's six. There's heaps. So when you say we're one of the best, there's only six of them.

Yeah, but there's still a lot. But what I mean is like- According to New Idea, they did an article last year that we were awarded the number one spot. You sound like you're being serious, but it's very facetious, this. I hope people can take the strong tone of sarcasm in my voice right now. My point is when you stop and think about it like that, A, one, it's wild that The Bachelor does work

and there has been so many success stories. But two, it's wild to think that you guys have created your dream life off the back of a reality TV show six years ago. Thank you so much. And now if you could put your nipples back on your top, I'd really appreciate that, Britt. People are going to think I'm insane. Of course, I have a shirt on.

It's not a big one, but I'd also like to just say thank you to Warner Brothers for making this possible. This is not sponsored. They haven't paid anything. Ever. No, never. I'm on the challenge tonight. Bye.

All right, guys, you know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low light of each and every week. Brittany, you can go first. I think it's pretty fucking damn obvious what my sweet is. Okay, so my suck. Yeah, yours is very, very obvious. You had a great week.

you had a great fortnight it's been a very very good week i mean my suck could be my bank account why it's like just weeping now my sad sad bank account okay so my suck this week would be it's two things joined into one right and it's all around coffee i had a bad coffee week my coffee machine broke so i've been on the morning show as you know kyle and jack so these are 4 a.m i'm getting up so i've been making coffees at home my coffee because where do you get a coffee at 4 a.m you know you don't my coffee machine broke so this was a disastrous start so then i got to work then i went and got a coffee stopped on the way got the coffee and i was so tired that as i got back into the car with my coffee i put it on my roof to get my key out and then i just drove off

so a i broke my coffee machine b i left my coffee that i just bought to replace the one on the roof and it just flapped off and it was dead i feel like people would have some pretty good stories about shit they've left on the roof. You have left so much shit on your car roof. Every week. It's insane. Every week. It's like my hobby.

I always, because as I'm getting the kids into the car, I always put things on the roof and then drive away. And sometimes you hear the clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk of it rolling down the roof. And other times you just don't. And then you figure it out a day later that you've left your wallet with $400 in it on the roof of your car and it's gone down the middle of a freeway.

Didn't you leave something really important on a roof and it was still there like a week later? Have I made that story up? No, you have not made it up, but it's one that I've said we would never tell that story okay there was something important laura left i don't even remember what it was but i remember you just saying wildly a week later yeah we found it stuck in you're like it was my passport yeah it was something very very important that we'll never talk about and it was stuck in the what are they called in the roof racks oh yeah okay we won't go

there okay what was your sweet my sweets are thai i didn't get married this week so i can't have that but we did we won the listen to his podcast obviously that's just amazing and i had my first full week on breakfast radio with Kyle and it's it's just such a big learning curve it's very different it's such a big show they have such an amazing team they have this whole team that's just it's just such a well-oiled machine and I'm learning a ridiculous amount very fast and it's really put me outside my comfort zone it's really challenged me and I'm just having a really great time with it so that's got to be one of my sweets I feel like as well being able to like I mean apart from the mornings and the early mornings but like the being on for live radio is very different to

how we do podcasting because we can you know stop start we can like think about it we can flesh it out there's no time to think but also it's like long form content you know we have time to have these really nuanced conversations whereas radio is fast paced and it's such like a different thing to be doing and with kyle you don't know what is going to come you don't know what he's going to throw at you how many times he's going to throw under bus what he's going to put you on the spot with so like reaction time you don't get time to think so it's it's wild how do you cope with him being mean to you uh from occasion because there's been some i mean yeah like there's definitely been some things that i've heard where i'm like is it fucking mean that's an unusual character because

he's definitely he'll probably hate me saying this he's definitely has two sides and i guess you don't see those sides unless you do spend time with him personally but he's he's gonna hate this he's like a big soft teddy bear and I know that's hard to believe because of the persona he does put out but part of Kyle's I guess building up your thick skin and getting you ready for anything I don't know if it's if it works but part of it is to give you shit and put shit on you and he'll put shit on me and I'm doing really well at holding my own and defending it and I give it back to him now and we do have that relationship where I realize now that I can be a bit more feisty and I think that's what he wants I think he just wants a reaction from me but then in the downtime and

in the off time he's always checking in he's always like are you all right you don't mind me saying that do you like giving your heart you know there's always this checking in making sure everything's cool and I like figuring out where the line is figuring out where the line is and that's what the guy's paid for he's a shock jock he's been a shock jock for 20 years it is what it is but I feel good that I'm getting to bring parts to that segment like I got to bring a really big part this week on what's happening in Iran the Masa Amini protest that we spoke about in the podcast a little while ago it's escalated a lot with what's happening over there and that's probably not something they would normally cover the team told me they wouldn't usually cover that

in the mornings but it was really important to me so they said you know what you aren't the host now if you want to talk about that we'll make it happen and they gave me a space to talk about something I thought was important that even though they wouldn't usually talk about it in that time frame or in that space so they are meeting me halfway and I think if I can go onto a platform like that and make some sort of a difference and talk about things I'm passionate about as well as all the shit the funny stuff you know because it's supposed to be light-hearted radio totally but they're meeting me in the middle a bit and I think that's really cool and also like you can't go into that environment and all of a sudden have guns blazing and be like this is what we're going

to talk about you know you kind of have to you've got to do the dance you've got to play the game I'm in their world baby this is me in their world all right well my sweet for the week is very obvious I got married and we won the podcast awards forever grateful have had honestly the week of my life and my suck for the week is something that I I guess I kind of always knew what was going to happen but it got so fucking trash my dress it is so dirty it's unbelievable how trash the bottom of it got and to think that you go through all this process like this beautiful dress is made just for this one day to then see it after that one day with how much dirt and crap is just I was like this is never gonna if the dry cleaners can get this out it will be truly

remarkable well I think most people's dress ends up like that right I think it's a good sign of a good wedding but it's weird that that's the thing that that's just happens that you spend all this money that you like get this amazing dress and then it gets absolutely effing trashed and you're like oh okay signs of a good night so will you keep that dress will you sell it what we do with it so i had a like a specialty dry cleaner come and pick it up they have taken it away they're gonna try and clean it obviously like do the best they can and then they'll box it up and keep it in like a preservation box so then maybe the girls can have it i don't know would they imagine it's never in fashion like they're gonna get it in like what 20 years time and not like it

you know yeah how long are the 25 years time and then what 30 years time and they're not gonna like it they're gonna be like oh my mom's giving me this ugly old dress you know yeah but that stuff comes back in right it goes there's a period of like 20 years where it won't be cool and then it'll come back into fashion i don't know i saw my mom's wedding dress that's never come back in fashion my mom's i'll show you it she had like white fur on it and everything she had fur sleeves actually that is in fashion now all these dresses with the big fluffy sleeves her wedding dress is back there you go mom all ready for when you get married where what 2050 50 years time all right guys, that is it from us. We hope that you enjoyed

the episode. We hope that you enjoyed a little insight into what was the wedding week of my life. Thank you for sharing that with us because it is your special day and you guys know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love!

We'll be right back.