Life Uncut - How do you know if they are 'THE ONE'?

Episode Date: February 17, 2020

Talking about soulmates, soul connections and some love advice from Brittany's parents. This episode we unpack 'The One' and what the hell that even means.Thank you to our sponsor FRANK BODY who are the whiz bang geniuses behind Frank Face.Use code LIFEUNCUT15 for your 15% OFF when you spend $35 or more. Head to frankbody.comWANT MORE? Follow @lifeuncutpodcast xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi Brittany. I've missed you this week. You've been busy. I haven't seen you. I know. It's the longest time we've ever gone. Oh, my gosh. How did you cope, you poor thing? It was a tough week.

No, I've had two coffees this morning. I'm feeling jacked. Oh, I'm only one deep. So this is a Sunday morning, guys, on Valentine's Day weekend. What did you do for V-Day? Nothing. Guys, we missed our Ask Uncut episode this week, and that is because there's been a few things going down,

but one of them was that my grandfather was really unwell and I've been down in Wollongong with him our family has been rallied around him but you know what he's actually come a bit better over the last couple of days so that was well I feel like we're getting into our second suite already that was definitely the massive low light but the fact that he's doing a little bit better at the moment is great but he's also a huge part of your life right yeah massive like he was my father figure growing up so it's been yeah it's been a really really tough couple of days so I spent most of Valentine's Day with him down at the hospital And then I spent the evening with Matt and we had a no phone, no TV, take away dinner,

sitting on the couch, just having a chat. I love that. I love screen ban. And it was enforced by him. We sat down with our pizza and I was like, what are we going to watch tonight? Matt was like, let's just talk about our feelings. And I was like, you are so weird. And I like it.

You were actually messaging me before your screen ban. So otherwise you were like doing it under the pillow so he couldn't see. Because you told me about your pepperoni pizza. Oh, yeah. No, no. I was still on my screen during screen ban. Whenever he left the room, I was like, Brittany, help me. I have to talk to my partner.

Dear God. I don't know what to talk to him about. Give me some content. Oh, that actually sounds nice because you two probably actually don't stop often and just sit there and talk. Like we, you guys have lives that are a million miles an hour all the time. So it's nice just to sit down and talk. It is nice to sit down and talk and be like, hey, that's right.

We're engaged. How have you been, dad? How was your Valentine's Day? my v-day actually escalated super quickly um it was supposed to be just like low-key i had a galentine's day with my girlfriends there were five of us and two of them are married three of us were not so the two that are married sacrificed their love day because they were like stuff that i want to come out with the girls so overrated i feel like if you're in a long-term relationship you can just celebrate your love on a totally different day when every freaking restaurant in

Sydney is not booked out so I'm all for being like see you babe stay home with the kids I'm going out with the girls for sure and we'll get to that in a second about what we actually think about Valentine's Day but we went to dinner at Toddy's because we are obsessed with Toddy's we went to dinner at Toddy's we just started drinking the champagne was flowing before I knew it I was outside the Royal and I met a guy there of course you did yeah he um oh my god I haven't shown you the video yet a video surfaced of he and I doing the macarena out the front of the royal and I don't even remember it but my girlfriend apparently filmed it he asked for my number I got mad at him because he didn't remember my name I said I'll give you my number if you

remember my name and he's like shit I forgot why do people always forget my name is it not memorable maybe it's because you keep meeting guys who are blind drunk at the pub no that's why they don't remember your name anyway um I gave you my number but I put it in as the girl that you can't remember her name. I forgot I even did this. Fast forward to the next day and I get a message from him. So yesterday I get a message from him being like, Hey, I'm the guy that forgot your name. And we've been chatting nonstop ever since he wants to take me out. So that was a success. So your Galentine's day, you ditched the girls and got a guy's number. I didn't ditch. I spoke to him for only for two minutes. We ran into each other. We did the Macarena. We swapped

numbers quickly. And then I was out. You're wild. You're wild. I was sitting on the couch eating pepperoni pizza, watching my fiance talk. Connecting. Yeah, you connected. I connected with the deep floor. Oh my God. Do you know what we actually talked about? We actually talked about podcast topics. So yeah, it was full of romance. I do. Look, I had a really great night, but I think Valentine's day as a day is overrated. I think go and show your love on a day that's not expected. Surprise them with a gift. I think do that on another day. This is my life mantra, us surprise and delight people valentine's day is completely commercialized we all know that it is nice when your partner gives you something on valentine's day because you're like ah

you didn't not do it and that's embarrassing i have to tell my friends that my boyfriend sucks but at the same time i don't expect anything like i don't need flowers i don't need a card i don't need anything on valentine's day i feel like for me when i'm saying i'm like single britney it's like oh my god valentine's day is so overrated relationship britney would be like bitch it's valentine's day where's my presents where's my chocolate so i think i will cut you with these roses if you don't get them for me so i think it's very dependent but as a general rule yeah but there were so many single people out on valentine's day it was nuts i mean i think i put this on the inst i did put this on the instagram i don't think i put it on the

instagram why is there a valentine's day but there's no like single ladies day yeah i need that obviously there's a talk like a pirate day but we don't have a single ladies day do we have a single lady's day you know what there probably is did you research that did you google it why would i google that i'm not a single lady for me for my benefit um other than that i guess i've been getting a lot of dms um on an update on you know who so guys one of the biggest questions we get asked every week on our instagram is what the fuck happened to meat raffle and you know what i want to know also because i don't really know what happened to meat raffle one day he was here or meaty raffling and the next day, gone.

I wish there's so much more to the story and I just can't, I just don't want to like flood you guys. Meat raffle didn't turn out to be the prime cut. Put it that way. That was a good analogy. I like that. Yeah. What was he?

Was he like beef cheeks? Although beef cheeks are pretty good if you slow cook them. You know the one that you end up going to the butcher and you're like, do you have anything left over for the dog? Do you have some chuck steak or minute steak that I can feed to Buster? Thank you. That would be perfect. The long story is he did not treat me very well at the end.

He wasn't being very respectful. I'm not going to go into detail, but he wasn't the person you would want your daughter to be with. Right. And I think that says, like, I would not want my daughter to be spoken to like he spoke to me or treated the way. Whoa, you're being so vague. I need more details. Oh, I don't want to. This is killing me.

He was not nice to me. Okay, so who called it? Who called it? Okay, so the reason I called it and I was like, look, we're in different places. We want different things. I really like who you are as a person because he hadn't gone that downhill yet. Maybe we can still be friends, but I just want you to know, like, this was nice, but it's not going anywhere.

You did the soft break. Although you did try and do a hard break and then you went to the movies with him. So maybe he was getting some mixed signals from you. Okay. I did the break. I did the hard break. And then he didn't understand that. He messaged me and he's like, what are you doing?

I was going to the movies by myself. We discussed this. Also, PS guys, going to the movies by yourself is fine. I was like, I'm going to the movies by myself. He's like, well, why don't I just come? I'm like, you know what? If you want to meet me there, meet me there. That's cool.

So he just didn't really, he was really trying, but I was always very clear that like it wasn't going where he wanted it to. Went to the movies and I think he thought that that was like, you know, an opening again. You're going to get married. So then I had to do the second cut where I messaged him again and it was so, I mean, I'll read it to you. I sort of told you.

And he did it on Valentine's Day week. No wonder he was depressed. And he did not handle it well. Like he's, he just became a different person. It was like aggressive. He was rude. the things he was saying to me. I actually said to him, I was like, I don't know who you are right now. So who deals well with rejection then? I think that's what it is. I think his ego took a

hit. I don't think he actually probably liked me that much. It was more ego. He couldn't get what he wanted. Isn't it funny how some people take it as such a person, like, and of course it's personal, like no one wants to be rejected, but they take it as such a personal attack. And I think it's a massive reflection on who that person is and their personality. If they, they don't deal with that well like putting that back on you and being angry and aggressive because someone doesn't want to date you is never going to get you anywhere in the first place anyway but also i have been shut down and let down so many times i have been in a position where i've wanted to date someone and they said i just don't think it's going anywhere and i didn't go full psycho i was like

oh cool okay bye like nice no you're not my penguin dude you're not my penguin like that's anyway guys um i'm i'm really sorry that didn't work out for you because i know you were all rooting for me but onwards and upwards i'm actually going to take a break from dating no no no no no no no no so britney's into me i'm taking a break from dating she goes i've deleted all of my dating apps i did i'm done i was done but i redownloaded them two days later and i'm back on but i needed that cleanse for 48 hours like she's just had some awakening guys any of you know that are on dating apps that this happens. It's a vicious cycle. Oh, I'm done with this. I don't want anything part of it. I'm going to go meet someone in the wild. You delete your apps. And then 24

hours later, you're like, oh, what if someone's new is in the area? Like trying to find myself a new sausage sizzle. In I go. Off to Bunnings. I like that the idea of a sausage sizzle on a dating app just has so many other underlying metaphors there as well. I might suggest that as my next date. I might be like, do you want to get a sausage sizzle? That's very seductive. just trying something outside the box. All right, let's get into some real content. I'm sure you guys have had enough of my stories for now. In every episode, we do also do an accidentally unfiltered. And last week I told a really stupid story about the time that I sent out a mass email with instead of kind regards, I wrote kind retards. It was very, very upsetting and traumatic

time in my life. However, I do have another accidentally unfiltered moment that is from the past and I'm going to trudge it back out from the deep depths of where I've kept it stored. Yes. I was dating this guy and we'd been together for a little while. There was a little bit of an overlap with his ex-girlfriend when we got together, which I didn't know about at the time, but then found out about, and it made me very crazy, which I know we've talked about how crazy I can be in past episodes. So if anyone's listened to like the last episode, for example, i have a tendency to go a bit stage five crazy girl all your stories since probably the last four months that you've told me have been like okay so this one time was a bit crazy and i'm

like babe i don't think it was this one time like i think you were just crazy guys crazy is all situational though i genuinely think that we we've all got the crazy flame it's just some people enhance some people fan the crazy flame and other people put it out i just dated guys you put alcohol on it. I dated guys for a very long time that fucking put methylated spirits on my crazy flame. That's what happened. So this was a guy who 100% doused my crazy flame in metho. He had an ex-girlfriend. There was a bit of an overlap. And instead of being a normal human, that's very well-rounded and blaming him, I blamed her because it's always fun to blame the ex-girlfriend for everything. Right. And because your partner's just perfect. So I became a little obsessed with

her and I would hate stalk her on social media. So I hate followed his ex-girlfriend, which he didn't know about, but I would always look at what she was doing. I was like, became obsessed with his ex-girlfriend. I would look at what she was doing. I would like, you know, see who she was talking to. And I think at the end of the day, I actually was just trying to make sure that they weren't still in contact but I really really really like to a point where it was not appropriate would like look at her Instagram or check it no not her Instagram Instagram didn't exist then look at her Facebook this one day and I know a lot of people have done this in the past by typing in a guy's name who they had a crush on but I back when Facebook used to be that you would type it into

the search bar your status updates I already know where this is going I can see yeah so instead of like having a situation where a lot of girls have written in the guy they like I have been dating my boyfriend at the time for a whole year whole year and I typed his ex-girlfriend's name into my status updated my status was really drunk updated my status and then just went on with my night like totally didn't know that I'd done it until I got home seven hours later and my boyfriend was like should we talk about the reason that you have Sarah whatever her name was her name was not Sarah as you're currently what are you doing Sarah Williams that's what I'm doing literally that's what I did and so that was a real eye-opener that I stopped uh I stopped hate following her

and I pulled my head in did she know oh my god everyone saw it every single person saw it it became the joke of the town for about a week so did your boyfriend like did you stay together or was he like you're being a creep we stayed together for like four years but yes he thought i was a creep a total total creep and i am a creep but i'm less of a creep now guys i've grown i've developed i'm like a caterpillar and now i'm a butterfly you know what i've made a lot of mistakes in the past and i'm better for it now can you please keep remembering these mistakes you've made because they're so funny. No, I feel like next week we need to get back to your accidentally unfiltered guys. So please keep writing into us. If you have had something

happen to you, which is absolutely outrageously ridiculous, then jump onto our Instagram at lifeuncutpodcast and send us your stupid ass stories because I'm sick of divulging my own to you now. So should we get into today's topic? Yeah, guys, look, we have a topic today about the one. Who is the one? Who? How do you know? Where are they? What is it? Oh, they're not in here. Are you the one? Probably. What if my like girl one? Is that a thing? The one. What is the one? How do you know if you've met the one? How do you know if your current boyfriend or girlfriend is the one? How do you know? This is what we're going to be talking about today because it does come a point in your relationship where for some people it just, they just know. It just makes

sense. They're like, I know that my partner is the one. Whereas for other people, they may find themselves down the line in their relationship thinking, how do I know? Is this person the person I'm supposed to spend my life with? Is this what it feels like when you found the one? And maybe you think out of the 7.6 billion people in the world that there is only one person for you. And if you do think that and you find them fan-bloody-tastic, but also maybe you think there's more than one person. Well, you know what, guys? We did a little bit of research. We went straight to a really, really reliable, peer-reviewed, scientifically trialled and tested source.

Did we? My parents. So, guys, in this little like experiment of ours of trying to discover how people know and what it means, I thought my parents have been married for 42 years and they have been together for 45 years. And I'm talking it's sickening. They're in love.

They hold hands walking down the street. Aw, cute. I actually blame them for my high standards of when I'm looking for love because I've seen it. Guys, what I did was, and this was only last night, I didn't give them time to think about it. I messaged them both and I was like, guys, we're doing this segment. I want you to both independently write to me why you knew each other were the one. What was it about each other? I said, don't talk about it though.

I didn't want them to compare because they're very different people. So I thought it'd be really interesting to compare their answers. So I'm going to read you my mum's first. okay when I met your father I was in a relationship of two years I think I always knew something wasn't quite right but I just couldn't put my finger on it until I met Tony not by choice it was a sneaky setup but that night I just knew it's like they say you just know the reasons I knew were he was handsome he dressed well he had nice teeth he had clean feet he was tall and he had nice hair but i just love okay we're only halfway through that but i just love that she's

like her things her tick off box was that he had clean feet very important she's still into that and nice teeth how did she know what his feet looked like was he not wearing shoes to dinner no hang on then she said now i was attracted to his physical attributes it was time to get to know his personality he spoke nicely and intelligently he wouldn't swear in front of me we're both old school like that where you didn't swear in front of ladies is she saying this because we swear too much on this podcast mom did write in and was like britney you swore a lot last episode i was like sorry mom i'll try to rein it in i can't make the same promises i'm sorry mrs hockley she said he had a great sense of humor and he could dance she says um it was the way that he took her on the

dates which i think is important um picnics with salami cheese wine crispy crusty bread pate camping in the snow watching the sunrise on a hill after the date i just knew he was the one because I loved hanging out at his place, not doing anything. I just loved being around him. I hated the end of the weekend when I knew we had to say goodbye until Wednesday. I knew he was the one because I wanted to have a family with him. I knew he would be a great dad. The rest of it is history.

We're still very happy together after 45 years. We do everything together because we are best friends. It's not always easy, but the trick is to never give up and fight for things I couldn't imagine my life without him. I love them. Isn't that ridiculous? Wait till you hear my dad's though. Mum's was very dot point.

she's like this is the reason dot dot dot clean feet clean teeth she's very to the point my mom my mom loves shows love by doing things you know they love what are they um languages love languages my mom say she will not come to me and be like i love you i'm so proud of you she's not like that but she'll do things you'll come home and she would have done your washing and it's folded or she'll have dinner like she's like that now guys bear with me i'm gonna read you my dad's when did i know nikki was the one for me let me see it took three seconds it really was from the first time i eyes on her. I just immediately knew and I was knocked off my feet. I used to play squash on a Thursday night and then go to the Calara Hotel in Sydney for beers after. That specific week,

a friend of mine said, hey, mate, you're going to come to the pub this week. I really want to see you. And I was like, yeah, cool. I'm going to go meet you at the pub. Let's have a pub drink. Anyway, my dad turns up and there's actually two beautiful women that walk in, his friend's girlfriend and his friend's girlfriend's sister. So anyway, they just start talking dad's like the attraction was immediate it was overwhelming the next day I called her and I asked her out and she said no but call me in two weeks because she's like I've got some housekeeping to take care of over here yep yep he didn't know that so he was like um I mean like I've been rejected in the past and I've had raging success and no one's ever said call me

in two weeks so he called her in two weeks to the day and she said yes let's go out basically she had to go and break up with her boyfriend so then my dad says what is it about her that I can't do without. She's my best friend. I could not be married to anyone else because no other woman would ever compare. I would never treat her badly in my whole life. That's not to say that it's all been easy. It hasn't. And I know that there are times over the 45 years that the thought of leaving has crossed my mind. And although she has never said it directly, I'm positive that she has had the same thoughts on occasion. But let me tell you this, and you can take this to the bank and get interest on it. Anything worth anything is worth fighting for, not fighting over. The

good times come and go but if what you have is truly what you desire in your heart of hearts then you have to go through the bad times if it's worth it you make accommodations you figure out if what you may be giving up has more or less value than what you are getting back no one is perfect no one but if you value enough the end result you'll go through all the shit to get there she has become so much a part of me that i can't separate her from me we have in some ways separate lives and totally separate interests and i think that's important but we always come back together if you can understand what i'm trying to say i'm buggered if i know like i said words simply can't explain it she's everything okay i think my dad had a few beers can we please kick her dad his

own podcast there's a separate mic over there we can just pop him in here there's one more there's an end i trust her with everything 100 of the time i know she has my back even when i doubt myself she has been with me when i have soared and she has pulled me from the depths more than once she's the reason i keep getting up when i get knocked down she's the reason i get up every morning to train at 4 30 a.m before i do a full day's work on a construction site how can i expect such a beautiful woman to still want me if i don't try to present the best version of myself to her literally everyone's relationship we should just still pack up now and die and then he basically just says life has been very kind to me anyway that was a love love letters from my parents oh

that is brits crying but i'm i'm so lucky to have them and like it doesn't this just make you think that it's out there. I mean, I know you've found it. No, it's incredible. I haven't bloody found it, but look guys and everyone that's listening that's single, it's out there. But I think that was why I wanted to do this as a topic for this week as well. So after spending the weekend with my grandparents, I'm so lucky that I still have my 94 year old granddad and my 90 year old grandma and they have been together and married for 69 years, which is just the most incredible accomplishment, but they still love each other and their lives are completely inseparable from each other. We live in a day and age where things are so disposable now, and we can be very

disposable with people and with relationships, but there are relationships and there are people that do manage to stand the test of time. And I think it's incredible to ask your parents and be like, why? Why are you the exception? How did you make that work? One of the biggest things to take from that is this whole idea of the compromise and the compromises that you make and understanding that that person is not perfect and you're not perfect and you're not always right. And that you have to sometimes give and take in a very fluid nature. Like your dad said, things are worth fighting for. They're not worth fighting over. Exactly. That's such a good line. You nailed that. I love it. Papa Tony, you nailed that. But it's so true because over the years, of course,

you're going to change and there are going to be times of your relationship where you're going to not be able to stand looking at that person. You're going to be like, everything you're doing is annoying me that's just like the roller coaster of life how could you be with someone for 40 years or like your grandparents 70 years and not have that moment but it's about sticking in it whereas I feel like our generation I don't know if you agree we tend to things get hard and we try we sort of jump ship a bit like anything in life there is the full spectrum of it there are people who do treat it with a much more disposable nature because happiness is something that gets drilled into us over and over and again like you should be happy you should always be happy

but the reality with life is that you're not always going to be happy and happiness isn't something that you can you can have as a constant it's something that's fluid it comes and it goes but commitment and having companionship those things are constant and that's like this level of comfort that you can have in your relationship that can be a constant but I think because we get drilled into us that you're supposed to always be happy that the minute that we don't feel happy where like well something's wrong yeah what can I cut I need to change something because I'm not happy right now instead of taking the responsibility back on ourselves to be like okay well I'm responsible for my happiness and I need to work towards getting back to that state in relation

to that I think when we're talking about how you know they're the one in that situation are you waking up unhappy and upset and depressed because of the way that your partner is treating you or are you waking up like that and your partner is there supporting you and trying to pull you out of it because that's a that's a really big indication of are they the one are they the one there that's like pulling you up off the ground and lifting you up and and making you feel better or are they the reason just to backtrack a little bit what i would like to know from you brit is do you believe in a soulmate oh okay so straight up i call them penguins i have my sister and i have always said like we're searching for our penguin could they be

your penguin when we're talking about the one because guys you may or may not know penguins make for life do i believe there's one penguin no i don't and that might be controversial to a lot of people obviously i think that some penguins are more suited to you than others but i think there are a lot of people out there in the world that you could have a really great life with and that can offer you so much and you can you can live out your days with but i don't believe that in the 7.5 billion people there is that one just that one person absolutely I believe in a soul connection I believe that you can meet someone and you connect on a level that transcends the other connections that you have in your life and that's what I feel like I have with Matt is that

I really have a soul connection with him but is is there only one soulmate is there only one person like if Matt and I were if we were to break up tomorrow because something happened and he didn't want to be with me anymore. Do I feel like I would never, ever meet anyone else again? No, I could meet somebody else again. That would offer you something different and it would be different. Exactly. It would be different. You would never replace the exact same thing, but you can still build those connections. And that's why people who, you know, maybe they get divorced or maybe somebody passes away in a relationship and they're able to remarry a second time. I'm sure that there was a point in their relationship where they felt like that person was the one and that was their

soulmate but you know life life is long and we do sort of go through these different phases in life where someone who you think might be your soulmate in your 20s may not be your soulmate in your 30s or your 40s because you may not make those decisions to grow together and so unless you're constantly rechecking in throughout your relationship every single day and making sure that you're growing together and in the same direction that's why people grow apart that's why things change and people change it is what happens I think timing is everything as well like you know this saying that people say like oh they were the perfect person at the wrong time if it is the wrong time but the right person what's the wrong person exactly like that someone

said that to me once and I was like that's such a cop-out like what a load of shit because I was I was like you just you're just making up an excuse I'm just not the one don't say I'm the one at the wrong time because the time wouldn't matter this is my opinion guys I don't think there's ever a right time for anything in life there's always going to be a roadblock or I'll just wait till i get past this i'm so busy right now or let me do this or let me get myself here or whatever there's never going to be a right time an exact perfect moment for anything you make it you just do it well it comes down to your priorities right because when something becomes when someone becomes the one and something becomes the right time the one you want the kids you want

the marriage you want like you know the little house on the hill that's because your priorities have shifted in life and you're opening yourself up and your life up to make somebody the priority you're making a choice and that's what makes them the one as well you know there's there's so many different factors that actually have to fall into place before you can get to a point in your life and be like oh that person's the one maybe you're at a point in your relationship where you're like is this person that I'm with the one like what questions can someone ask themselves to better define how they're feeling about someone well I think a huge one for me is I want to picture how they would be with kids? Would they be a good dad? Can I picture them

running around the house? Can I trust them with my kids? Can I see them bringing my kids up to be really good humans? If you can't see them in a father figure, or as a mother, if you can't see her as somebody you would absolutely want to raise your children, I think that's a pretty big alarm. Assuming that you want children. Well, assuming, yeah. You need to be aligned and your core values and what you want in life in order to continue to grow together in life. I think that it's a pretty big deal breaker, not for me, but I think for a lot of people, like kids versus no kids.

You have to have that conversation because there are a few things in life that are like absolutely meaning we're not compatible. Like this is black and white. These are non-negotiables in my life. Yeah, and I think kids for a lot of people, you have to have had that conversation because if you want them and they don't, well then like where do you go from there? so I think one of the things that I really prize the most when I have thought about is this person

the one like especially with Matt when I was like you know am I going to marry him am I going to have kids with him is Matt the one I personally had this like overwhelming chemistry and that completely enamored by him but one of the one of the really big questions I think you need to ask yourself if you are wanting to figure out whether your partner is the one or not is not so much about them as a person, but do they make you a better person? Like, do, do you like the person that you are when you're with them? And are you proud of the person that you are when you're with them? Because like we said earlier in this episode, some relationships really inflame your crazy and they really make you behave in a way that you're not proud of, or they make you feel

insecure or they make you feel unloved. And if somebody is in any way making you feel that way, then that's not your person. That's not someone who is the one because yes, relationships are difficult at times. And yes, there's something that you need to fight for at times, but difficult relationships and hard times should not be the normal. You should be wanting to be a better person. I feel like like when I'm finally find my penguin, I want to be, I want them to making me feel like I want to do more for them or more for myself or work harder or just be the best version of me bringing out the best parts, not the parts that infuriate you or like, you know, because we all have those parts there is this big push to find the romantic love at first sight and

I think you know it's amazing that your parents did have that love at first sight but for some people in some relationships it doesn't happen and also for some personality types some people aren't driven by these huge waves of emotions some people are very atypical personality types where they're very considered and very methodical in their decision making and I think for those people they may not have the relationship where they're totally balled up their feet from first meeting because they just approach things differently. So, so the one can still be a slow burn. It doesn't have to be this romanticized, like all encompassing love at first sight experience. It could be somebody that you have been with for a length of time. And then

you've gotten to a point in your relationship where you're like, okay, what, what do I want? Where is our life? Where, where is my life going? Is it heading in the right direction with this person? And are we ready to settle down? There's no right and wrong about what makes someone the one it comes down to the person that you put your energy into that makes that person the one yes i just got super excited from the point you just made like when you said it's your decision it's so true i meet people all the time that offer different things that want different things but for some reason something inside of me is like i'm making the choice not to pursue that i'm making a choice not to go on a second date i'm making a choice not to turn this into a relationship

and i don't know what it is it's like a core part of you inside that just knows one day the time will come where someone will be like, let's do this. And I'll be like, you know what? Yeah, let's. It's timing. I don't think you should ever be with somebody that you have to completely change yourself for. And if they're making you feel like you need to change, then they're probably not the right person. They should be complimenting you, but I'm pretty big on sacrifice. I think no relationship will ever come where one person doesn't have to sacrifice things for the other. And if you find yourself doing that, I think that's a pretty big indication that you think they're the one because you're like, I will go without this because I want you

to have this. I think that you have to be very wary in that situation that it's not a one-sided thing and that you're both making sacrifices for the relationship. I think that that is what is like an attestment to the fact that they're the one is that they're equally as willing to make sacrifices at what you are. Definitely. Because otherwise, I mean, there is absolutely the situation out there where it's an unhealthy or a toxic imbalance. And yes, you may think, or you may really want that person to be the one. But when you sit down, you actually ask yourself the questions like,

one, am I a better person when I'm with them? Do I like the person that I am when I'm with them? Two, do they treat me with respect? Do they love me? Do I respect them? Do I love them? Like, do I feel safe in their company? Do I feel like they're committed and they're trustworthy?

All of these things and all of these questions, if you're answering no to any of them, then it kind of voids how you feel about them and whether you think they're the one. if you can't answer yes to the all of those questions then they're not the one because what's that perfect meme that's like going around if a guy is constantly making you cry he's not your fucking soulmate yeah he's not your soulmate is that a meme i just think we said that didn't we no i've definitely seen it on instagram you know sometimes we want something so bad that

we're willing to ignore the red flags and we're willing to just completely be blindsided because of what we want and you have to sometimes step outside of yourself and ask yourself those questions and really sit down and be honest with yourself and go okay well yes he may be the one for me that I think but I'm clearly not the one for him because he's not treating me in the way that I deserve to be treated in which case cut that shit and run girlfriend your partner needs to meet you halfway you're not going to be constantly blown off your feet every single day in a relationship things spiral up and they spiral down and they spiral back up again like you have to have the ebbs and flows so long as underlying there is this really deep-seated love

for each other and you feel more for them than what you have for your past relationships you can't expect perfection is what I'm trying to say you're never going to get perfection in a relationship but exactly like your dad said no one is perfect it's just us sorry dad nice I think when you find the one it's it's when they do shit that pisses you off and you're still okay with it. And you let it fly. Yeah. Whereas you wouldn't. Is that the saying? You let it fly? You let it slide. Let it go. But I guess you could let it fly as well. Probably not like a penguin though. No, they can't fly. They can't get off the ground. Thank you, Brittany. That was the point I was making. Thank you, David Attenborough. The penguin cannot fly. He does not get off the

ground. So I was doing some research and there is a lady called Levin Kuka. She's a relationship dating wait you did some research for this episode yeah i always do it babes oh they just talk about the horizontal dance of love aka sex times basically they're just saying a surefire way to know that someone is the one is when it doesn't just become about sex like so the beginning of a relationship you can't keep your hands off each other um you know the infatuations there so much lust and you just want to do it every which way place location time of day i'm so tired that It just makes me tired thinking about it. Your eyes just glazed over.

But they're saying that like when it gets to the point where you want to just hang out and talk like you and Matt did on Valentine's Day. Turn the TV off and the screen time off and just have a good chat. Well, that's how they know. That's a sign. You can be around each other and everything you plan doesn't be around sex. Everything you plan becomes about actually spending quality time together and that's because you've moved into the next phase.

It's marrying your best friend. it's finding someone who you can spend every day with and you don't get sick of their company like i i genuinely don't get sick of matt's company and that's kind of so gross but i could spend every day with him and we hang out doing nothing we hang out doing like whatever it doesn't need to be anything exciting but i genuinely enjoy being around his company all the time it's like my mom and dad said the key to their relationship is that they're best friends and they still have date nights um they still actually put in the effort my dad will still write love letters to my mom and leave them on the kitchen table it might be like three sentences long but he'll

still do that they still walk down to the beach of a night um and walk the dogs and hold hands they might not even be talking but they're putting the effort to be together and just doing life what do you think about um open relationships people that date multiple they they both agree to it so like i know polyamory yeah well no like someone wrote in and we haven't talked about it yet but so basically she was just saying that like once a year they have a hall pass for each other so they can they're allowed to go and hook up with somebody and they've been together for a long time they love each other but it's almost like a get your fantasy out of the way and then come back to me and they don't talk they have like rules where they they know that once a year they do it

but they don't talk about it and then they just get on with their life what do you think about that oh man i think different strokes for different folks like if that can work for that literally so funny um I think that that could work for some people you'd have to be very like a not jealous type of person at all in order for that to be able to be sustainable I don't know I couldn't see I couldn't see myself being in that situation and and feeling fulfillment from it because personally like I'm not so sexually driven that I need to go out and explore to to in order feeling satisfied. Like I get that satisfaction from my relationship in totally. And if Matt was to come to me and say that he wanted to have an open relationship one day a year, I would throw

a huge spanner in the works because it would mean that our core values aren't aligned. It's not what I want for my relationship. Well, that's the thing. These two are aligned. They're saying they both do it. In which case, amazing for them. So at the start when I heard it, I was like, oh, that's, I'm not here for that. But the more I've sat on it, because it was weeks ago that I've been thinking about it and I thought we should actually talk about it. The more I think about it, I'm like, do you know what? 50 years is a long time to be with one person. I get why sometimes people are like, I wonder after 20 years, I wonder what it would be like. But if you're on equal terms and you're both like for that one day, go do it and then come back. I don't

know. It's sort of, I would never do it, but I get it. I get it. I am trying to take a more open, like look at life and people's opinions. And like, I have really tried to understand this couple and I understand it it's not for me but I get it for them I don't think of myself as a jealous person but I think I think you are from what you have told me hey I'm not jealous I've just been cheated on that's all yeah so I'm so like put you in a different position totally so like I I'm not jealous now like I mean I don't I don't ever question Matt's actions but you know like we've said in past relationships people's people's behavior and being lied to in that betrayal that made me jealous. Totally. And I love the fact that we're at a point in our relationship

where we're so comfortable, like where we're best friends and where we've gone from that intense first part of the relationship where you're like, it's so heightened and a bit crazy and you feel a bit like out of your body in love with someone to being in a space where we're talk about anything, like nothing is off limits in our house. Do you remember, or do you know, was there like a time where you were like, Oh my God, this isn't just a guy I'm dating from national television this is the one like do you have a moment for you where you're like I think this is forever like was it on the batch or was it after for us it was weird I think because almost because like we had had that very very intense first like part of our relationship and

the thing with um being in that experience is that it's kind of like you against the world like when we had finished the show I really felt like our relationship was really galvanized by almost by people being like you're not going to make it like the negative comments made us band together even more because it made us kind of go okay well we've made a solid commitment to this like let's give this a full 100 shot so i never ever questioned matt's intentions about whether or not he was in it once we were in the real world and we could actually spend time together properly and we knew that our core values were aligned and we knew that we were best mates as soon as those things had kind of been really solidified and i knew that they were

real because of his actions and not just because of his words that was when I was like oh like this is this is it like I'm I have no doubt and so we had only really been together for maybe six months after the show when we were talking like yeah I know that you're the person I'm gonna have kids with I know that you're the person I'm gonna marry and I've never been in that situation so quickly before but we were just 100% on the same page and I never ever doubted his commitment to us ever you just got there you don't know how you got there but one day you were just there but that's not to say like when we first met I still had that that instant chemistry I still had this feeling of like oh you were going to be a big part of my life like when you meet someone

and you just know you just know there's something with Nick oh no I remember meeting him like exactly what you just said I remember meeting him the first day and I was like oh my god you're going to be someone in my life like there's something there there is no way that this is not something. I just think I've got really lucky with Matt in that, you know, he, the things he said he wanted, he actually genuinely wanted in the real world. Whereas I have definitely had past relationships where like a guy who I dated for almost six years, who I was convinced I was going to marry. When I first met him, I went home and I said to my sister, I met the man I'm going to marry tonight. And I pursued that relationship. And I, I tried so hard to make it work regardless

us of the fact that it was pretty toxic because of the chemistry and because of this overwhelming um initial initial like um initial feeling that I'd had that he was the one I guess this is what guess what he's not the one he is nowhere in sight now guys I was wrong and you can be wrong about that I think oh so my dad said that after he met my mom on that one night he went home to his mom he literally went home and he said mom I just met the girl I'm gonna marry he called it after an and she was like how do you know he said i don't know i just know like he said i can't even tell you but he walked in the door and was like i am going to marry her my mom said the same thing she said i knew after that night that what i thought was right she's she'd been with this

guy for two years right and she thought she was going to spend her life with him until she met my dad then she's like i don't know what it is but i have to end my relationship and i've got to go be with this person and i have to be with this person so i guess that there is really it happens. And I'm not being, I'm not being so cynical as to say that it doesn't happen. And that love at first sight is not real. It a hundred percent is real. And I want a hundred percent does happen for some people. What I'm saying is that we can't expect that as the normal for everyone. Absolutely. If you're out there expecting that you're, you're one and only the one is going to be a love at first sight experience, and you're going to know straight off the bat, then you're

really doing yourself a disservice. I think that that experience is totally the exception. It's not the normal 100 it's going to be a long winter if you think you're going to walk in and just like be swept off your feet but i do think we've been sold this from like this disney fantasy of what the one is and that sometimes we need to like step back and have perspective and go you know it is okay for it to be the the slow burn everyone's relationships can start in different ways and i think if you if you have tunnel vision about how it needs to be you're only limiting yourself from having something that could be incredibly fulfilling in the long run. Yeah. So I guess like, I guess to wrap it up, if you're thinking, if someone could be the one, the questions you're

going to ask yourself, let's think, are your values aligned? Do you want families at the same time? Do you, do they make you feel like you're being the best version of yourself? Do they make you want to be a better person? Do you like the person that you are when you're with them? Do you trust them? Are they kind to you? Do you feel safe? Do they acknowledge you and make you feel valued every day all of those things if you can answer yes to those questions and you can answer them yes from yourself and also yes from them back towards you and baby i think you found the one you got your penguin you got your penguin so what they what they actually do is when they decide that can you say in the david attenborough voice okay

hmm when the male penguin actually decides that he has found the one or he will search deeper day and night all over the land to find a pebble once he finds the perfect pebble he presents it to the feet of his female penguin it is essentially an engagement ring if if she chooses to accept the pebble they will spend the rest of their life together how was that that was really beautiful thank you all right we always wrap the episode with our little segment suck and sweet where we just break down the week and talk about the best and worst things that have happened to us the highlights and the lowlights as you will britney what was your low light oh so give me

your suck baby girl look i had a solid suck this week actually sometimes mine are really insignificant like the last magnum was eaten by someone i feel like most people have like a week where things are generally pretty good. And then you have like a very benign suck. And then sometimes you're going to have a real life suck. So I have been working like an absolute boss lately and I don't talk about it a lot. No one really even knows I work half the time. I just put it on my Instagram because everyone just thinks you're an influencer. I know my Instagram this week. Cause I get so many people like do even work. And I got so frustrated. Cause I was like, if only you knew anyway, a lot of my nights at work, I get home from the hospital at I'll get

home at 1am. When I work, I am the lead CT radiographer of emergency. So like I, when I get there, I have to be the boss of people and I have to be there anyway. I got home really late, like midnight, 1230. And I'm just having, I was so exhausted. The shift was so bad, like so intense. I cried at work, not in front of anyone. I had to go behind the door and these two roll, like tears rolled out of my eyes. And I was like, okay, get back together and get back out there. But also like your work working in emergency when you have a bad day at work it really shits on everybody else's bad day at work and puts everyone else's day in perspective like a bad day when you work in emergency in a hospital is a freaking bad day yeah it can just get it can be tough and you never

know in um in a hospital and in emergency you don't know what your day is going to be like it might be cruisy and that's great because people aren't having accidents or it could just go to shit anyway this was like a 10-hour shift and it was horrible i couldn't scratch myself i couldn't have a sip of water and I'm not even exaggerating people that work in it will know I had these two tears roll out got back together single tip I did anyway I got home and I was exhausted and I was supposed to be back at work in the morning like not in like six hours or something anyway I'm having this the time of my life in bed like I was in the deeper sleep tell us more about it oh no it was like I was passed out unconscious I had my eye mask on I'd had lavender I sprayed lavender

on my pillow like i was knocked out cold and i wake up to my phone vibrate and i look at my message and it's my boss like the big boss and she's like hey brute just thought i'd check if you're all right where are you etc um because you were supposed to be the lead in ed at 7 a.m and i look at the time and it's 8 a.m two more tears came out of my eyes in the northern beaches i feel like you need to drink some more water if you're only able to squeeze two tears out babe I was just like, oh my God, I just wrote back and I said, I'm so sorry. I've never slept through an alarm in my life. It just goes to show you how fatigued I was. I was like, I will, I literally rolled out of bed, grabbed my makeup bag. Cause no one needed to see me how I looked, put my scrubs

on and I was out the door. I got there in an hour and everyone at work that day, every single person, even the doctors were like, are you all right? You look frazzled. And I'm like, no, I'm just not wearing makeup. Fuck you. No, it was, I hadn't brushed my hair. I hadn't done anything. I didn't even have a shower i just rolled out of bed and got to work and like had to run the day again and it was the worst the worst 48 hours of my life not my life exaggeration but it was bad that was my son not as bad as the people who were coming into emergency like that's some good perspective exactly and you're like i'm having a shit day but guess what at least i'm not on the other side of the counter the counter the desk the radiography box who knows i am very sciencey guys well then

my suite was my sister who you may or may not know. She's my best friend, but I work with her as well. She works in ED with me. We do the same thing. She had known the days that I had been through. She'd known that I'd been having a really bad time. And I got home from work after that second day. And on my doorstep was like this delivery of chocolate, underwear, a photo framed of us, like a little gift box of stuff. And it was just the nicest thing. She goes to me, okay, i get that the undies are weird she's like but they're super comfy so just roll with it i was like brill i'm i'm in i'm down for whatever right now ladies let's go but also what i will say is i let myself sit in a bad day for a very short time and i put into perspective but for me this

week i remember calling you and i was like i've had the shittest day and then you talked me through your week and i was like oh cool i'm good i was like i am fucking good so it's about putting I always like to be the benchmark for people to be like, oh, no, no, no, no. Your life is fucked. Mine is fine. But it was like, no. And I guess like, I mean, you can talk about what you like, but you, for me this week, put it back into perspective. Last fortnight has not been particularly good.

I will, we will actually do an episode in a couple of weeks time about some stuff that's been going on. And which was the main reason why I wasn't able to, we weren't able to bring you our episode on Thursday last week. not ready to fully go into it just yet um but it's some pretty important life stuff that Matt and I are going through and it's also something that I think a lot of people will be able to relate to and so yeah that's something we'll talk about in a couple of weeks time but that has definitely been an overarching thing in my life at the moment also then on top of that my grandfather being really really sick so us going down to Wollongong and having to be by his bedside was really hard. But in saying that, you know, I also completely value the time that I get to

spend with him. And the fact that I'm so grateful that as a 34 year old woman, I'm able to still have my 94 year old grandfather and father figure in my life. Absolutely. And that's so nice that you can take that moment to appreciate how lucky you've been. The fact that, you know, I was able to sort of see him before he isn't with us anymore. And then he was able to say the things he wanted to say to me and was cognizant enough to be able to actually say some really important things. That was my, that was my sweet of the week as well as my suck, obviously. Real life hits you. And I guess, you know, we started this podcast because we wanted to talk about the small things and the big things with you guys and talk about the shit that happens in life that,

you know we we can't escape Laura called me during the week and answered and you know when as soon as you hear one word from a person you're like something bad is happening it was just your voice and um you I I remember because I started crying down the phone too you were crying and all you said was I just can't imagine not having him here like that's all you said and it just I just I felt I felt that for you and yeah yeah that's yeah it's funny because we all know like life guys it's precious and we all know that for every single one of us it's crazy to think it's going to come to an end isn't it but you Laura can take some solace in knowing that like you are so close with him and you've had an amazing life with him and he has had a long amazing life and absolutely

and that's the thing right like he's lived the most insanely amazing life and has had a you know his my nana a partner by his side for 69 years who just adores him and like I can only hope that i have that in my life when i'm his age so yeah that was my that was my suck and my sweet this week um yeah and guys we it was a bit of a bit of a sad one normally we're pretty light-hearted in all this but it's funny because we just said that to each other didn't we what did we say well like you just said like i just feel like this was really quite a serious week for us and like even the episode but like sometimes life will be like that sometimes you and i are going to be ridiculous and silly and you know someone wrote in to me and told me my humor was immature sorry i will try to

be have a more mature sense of humor for you i love your lola debbie immature humor but like your absolute seven-year-old and then some weeks life is going to be more serious and we are going to be talking about heavier things oh my god absolutely sometimes life just fucking smacks you down and you know what it's how you deal with these situations in life and it's i think the biggest part of it is trying to find the best bits in the shitty parts. There's always, no matter what's happening in life, no matter how gray and awful it might seem at certain times, there's always something that you can take that's positive from it if you look for that. I really truly believe that. Anyways, guys, thanks for listening to another episode. Sorry that we got a bit deep

there at the end. Hope you enjoyed it. Guys, you know the drill. If you have any questions for Ask Uncut, which will be coming out on Thursday, then send us your meaty, deep, dark, and dirty questions to our Instagram page, which is at Life Uncut Podcast. Slide on in there. Britt will get back to you when she has the time. I'm trying. And we will pick out some super relatable, very juicy questions to answer on this week's episode of Ask Uncut. So make sure you come at us with some good ask questions. So guys, if you have loved this app or you love our other apps as well please hit subscribe subscribe is very important it's what helps us get seen and grow and keep on producing this content for you for free so that you can get it in your ears so hit

subscribe leave us a review we read every single review and we freaking love every single person who has left us a review and i'm bringing some mature humor said no britney ever oh my god please don't i would be you babe it wouldn't idiot lola daddy lola lola yes oh you're on board lola I don't have any more what's another one I've got heaps more but I'm going to drop them sporadically

please don't okay so yeah go enjoy your day guys five stars share the love because we love love We'll be right back.