Life Uncut - How to survive a break up (without burning your ex's house down)

Episode Date: June 9, 2020

Todays episode is a break up bible to help soothe the fractured heart.Break ups suck, that's a fact. We all go through them, but that doesn't make the hurt any less raw or real and the truth is every single relationship you have before you find “your penguin” will inevitably end in a breakup, it's all part of the journey to your final love destination.Whether you are the dumper or dumpee, it's going to bloody hurt and there are going to be some rough times ahead. It's not just the loss that hurts, it’s the fear and insecurity that comes with being out on your own again.In the wild.Alone.The feeling of losing your identity and having to figure out who you are again without someone by your side! That can be some scary shit guys, but it can also be eye-opening, liberating and fun!We are here to help you get through your breakup, give you some ideas to help you move forward, which we promise you will, and get to that stage of contentment. If you love the episode and love hearing us talk, be a legend and hit 5 stars, leave a review, subscribe and share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. hi britney hi laura yeah you bloody bean i'm good actually i'm actually really great well that's actually so good thanks for asking that yeah you're welcome what about you anything else to elaborate on okay wait i do have a question paid attention to the batch in paradise ads oh yeah was kieran actually naked like full butt out did you see his peen kieran was completely naked did you see his pain uh i mean i didn't look at it i'm asking the women of australia because i feel like there's more people than me that want to know this well i mean he didn't wave it around he didn't do the windmill he sort of kept it covered i mean if you looked closely

you could say yeah but i didn't go hunting through the grapes to find it but he was actually pulling grapes off and like feeding them to people wow that's really confronting like i can't wait for this to start all right so that's enough i'm back in paradise i know i can't ask too many questions because i'm gonna get you in trouble yeah how's your week been oh my week literally i just did nine days straight at the hospital i'm it's it's huge at the moment um work is crazy but something funny did happen to me at work because i've been working so much um they're big days there and i'm trying i still have so much work to do. I still have so much other work to do, like for the podcast, for contracts that I've got

with other people, like on Instagram and things like that. So what I've been trying to do to survive is I take my laptop to work and in my lunch break and in my tea break or any little moment that I have, I'm, I'm working at work on the other job. So anyway, I'm on my lunch break a few days ago. Just hustling hard. I'm hustling. I'm on my lunch break and I'm up in the cafeteria. now I work in a huge hospital very big hospital the cafeteria is packed so I'm sitting there and what I'm what I'm working on is as a sponsored Instagram post basically I'm working with go on give them a plug no I'm not going to name them but I'm just all it was is I just had to send um a photo off for approval so I have this photo and the photo is like I'm I'm dolled

up like I'm in this tight little dress and I've got my makeup and my hair done and I'm drinking and I was like, it's a sexy photo. I'm so embarrassed for you. It's just so dumb. So I'm doing a thousand emails at once trying to send this photo off knowing I've got ten minutes to get back to work. So I go, I'm trying to send the photo between my phone and my computer. So I try to airdrop it.

So I send it and then I look down and it says accepted and I look, I've just sent it to some random in the cafeteria. There's someone in the cafeteria that has a photo of me that I've just sent and of course they know that to accept an airdrop I'm close by so then I look up and I felt like I felt so vulnerable because I was like I know someone's looking at me right now knowing that I've just airdropped on this saucy photo you live this double life as well like you on Instagram is very different to you at the hospital like you posting these thirst trapping bikini photos versus you sitting in the hospital in a pair of scrubs with your hair pulled back

and then some random like some random doctor or surgeon or something's just gotten this is what I'm imagining but it's not no it wasn't even like it wasn't even the cafeteria part that's just for staff this was just the general public I don't know who it was but then I felt imagine looking up knowing I was looking around trying to see if anyone was looking at me I was mortified I was like someone within a very very close radius is looking at my photo now looking at me and laughing I was like I was like being bullied in the schoolyard I slapped my laptop lid down and just like ran off anyway so I thought that was really funny I'm like I'm actually mortified for you do you want to see and I know that yeah yeah show me the photo so I can describe how nude were

you no I'm not nude I'm just in like a sexy black dress yeah that's what I mean like how much skin is showing like what's the level of appropriateness for a hospital this was it Why don't you tell the listeners what you see? Oh, look, guys, here's Brittany with a cocktail. She's just enjoying a pizza in a tiny little black skirt cut off just below the vagina, plunging V-neck. And doesn't that look like a delicious cocktail that you have? I'm sure old mate who received this was very happy and couldn't wait to get some Tanqueray gin.

and you know what the funniest thing is laura the funniest thing is like you couldn't even play it off like oh that looks like that girl britney from the bachelor you know it is because my iphone's labeled britney's iphone so you're about to say your iphone's labeled britney from the bachelor fuck i'm gonna unsubscribe from you and this podcast my iphone is like britney's iphone so it's not even like i could be like oh i get i get that i look like that girl she i get that all the time because sometimes i say that sometimes if i can't jump into the conversation i don't have the energy to maybe a patient's like oh my god you're britney from the bachelor i actually say no i say oh i get that a lot i look like only only a failed reality tv star with a real job

so that's that's what happened to me this week and i loved that for me hey sucks to be you what about you did you do anything horrific i okay i've been holding on this story that I need to tell you and I'm dying to hear because you you have been getting really excited about it for the last two hours no I'm not excited and like okay so I have this story guys I've been holding it back from Brittany because I like her genuine reactions this is not a funny story though this happened the other night and when I go to tell people this everyone thinks it's going to be funny because usually I'm like blah blah blah dick pic but really it's not that so okay we had some friends over on friday night and um we have two entrances to our house we've

got a back door and we've got a front door as most people do weird crazy i know but we usually only use our back gate entrance because we've got this like private courtyard entrance and we never ever use the front door so i never check to see if it's locked or unlocked anyway had these friends over for dinner they left from the front door later on i put marley to bed we went to bed and it was like three o'clock in the morning and I woke up because I sleep really really lightly now um I woke up and I could hear footsteps in the house oh my god I just got the sickest feeling in my stomach yeah wait for it so there was footsteps in the house and I was awake and I was frozen and Matt was asleep next to me and I was like I'm imagining this like this is not real

and then so we sleep with our bedroom door open and our bedroom door looks directly into the front entrance of our house and so it's completely pitch black and I can hear these footsteps and then I see the front door open and the light come in and there's someone standing in our house letting themselves out of our house and I was like oh my god Matt look at my eyes watering I'm like petrified I was like oh my god Matt there's someone in our house and he then woke up and he heard the door slam and I have never seen a man move so fast in my entire fucking life matt jumps out of bed in his calvin quines tiniest undies that he owns runs out the door and there's a guy in our hallway we live in a security block but he's in the hallway wearing black pants black

jumper black beanie and matt runs him and pushes him into the stairwell like to have a full-on beef with him in his undies anyway then this guy like cows into the corner he's like no no no no no, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I came from upstairs. I got lost. I got lost. And we don't even know still. So this went on. I could hear them screaming outside. I could hear Matt like, what the fuck are you doing? And of course you have a child. And that's all you think about. Yeah. And I ran in to check on Marley and Marley was okay. But honestly, this was all unfolding. And I still don't know whether or not he accidentally stumbled into our house or whether this guy just let himself in because he was scoping the place out to rob us. I don't know.

But you do have, I'm just trying to think of your building, but I mean, I'm in it right now, but welcome come on guys let's flesh this out on the podcast yeah okay so you do have to get into that entrance you're talking about like you said it is a security building so he so he said he'd come from a party upstairs but the thing that's crazy about it yeah but to come from a party upstairs he would have had to have walked straight past the glass the glass exit doors was he drunk because we had downstairs so it was three in the morning he had to have been drunk matt was like i don't know I couldn't tell Matt was enraged in his red undies but anyway this happened and here is my word of advice people lock your fucking front door so did you call the police or anything

no we didn't do anything why I did I did go and see the neighbors to try and find out if anyone had a party but no one no one said that they had so no one had a part okay well that's suspicious if no one had a party I like that we're doing this detective work dum-dum no anyone been watching NCIS no that's law and order isn't it oh whatever I don't know what I'm talking about should i tell you my breaking story so what's breaking news i was asleep um wait so we're done with my story now is that where we're at well i mean what what sorry did you want to add anything did you want to add why do you want to just like validate my trauma for one second or you want to go straight to you i had tears in my eyes i was i was traumatized

because that is my fear when you if you know that your house is empty and you hear the footsteps it's like your ultimate nightmare thank you this is the validation i needed okay we can go to your story now yeah no it is but oh I guess to support you um I'm here if you need to talk and I would have called the police and lock your door thank you thank you oh no it just reminded me of it was a few years ago now I was I was with my boyfriend at times so it was a long time ago this was going back a decade I um I was downstairs we had a two-story house and I knew that we were the only one there and I heard someone in the kitchen and I woke up and I said to my partner someone's in the house he's like don't be ridiculous i said someone's in there i heard someone someone is in

the house and we listened for a minute we couldn't hear anything and he's like you are imagining it and i was like well maybe i was rolled back over heard it again and i was like someone's in the fucking kitchen we're gonna die i thought we're gonna die they're getting a knife yeah they've got the knife block what else is in the kitchen they're not getting the mop they're not cleaning the floor he's making himself a cup of tea settling in for the night guys anyway i get a baseball bat we got together he we both have like an object i think i had a lamp and he had a baseball bat he got the good one so we're going up the stairs really quietly and i could hear it he looked at me and he's like you're fucking right someone's in here oh my god and i was like

okay do we i don't know why we didn't call the police we just thought we'd fight them off on our own we get up there we we get up there we we're creeping around the corner because i know this guy's in the kitchen it's so obvious that someone's there now i think and he's in the sink now i heard and i'm i heard the sink and i was like all right he's finished his cup of tea and he's put that on the sink washing up your dishes he's doing the washing now he's unpacking the dishwasher get the fuck out of my house but take those dirty so we jump around the corner and we're like yeah we have the baseball bat and a lamp and we're like we flick the light on and in the kitchen sink here's a koala what a koala had broken through our doggy door because we had a

dog and was making himself at home in the sink and we were about to beat it to death because we thought someone's breaking in now that story didn't end how you thought it was did it no it didn't that was a good that was a good bait and switch i like that but you know what the thing with matt so i i was still lying in bed so he got up i've never seen someone move so fast he flew out the door but because I could see the door open and sorry sorry sorry I didn't see the door open but I could see the light coming in from the door but then the door closed again so we're in darkness so I didn't know if the person was in the apartment or if they were out of the apartment and Matt ran out of the apartment so fast so you were like dude what if he's in here I didn't know

if he was running after the guy running away or if he was running away so I was in bed going what the why who am I dating anyway it turns out but did anyone run to Marley it turns out he was being a hero and he wasn't running away from the robber and you know what guys that was Friday night it's now Monday that we're recording this because you know we really like to leave this to the last minute and no one's come back no one was scoping out the place we've had no other problems I feel very safe so if you're deeply concerned for me I think we're going to be okay it is it It is a reminder, isn't it? Just to be a bit extra cautious.

Yeah. And I really like, I know that this is something that everybody knows and that's such a stupid thing to try and remind people. But like we live in a security building. We often leave our front door unlocked just because, just because we don't check it. We don't use it very often. I don't tell the nation that. Yeah.

And we live in a building where we're like, oh, you've got to buzz in. Like there's CCTV cameras at the front. But now I'm like, no, you know what? It's even though we have a big dog, my dog was useless. I was about to say. He didn't bark. Like, no, he slept through the whole thing. Dude, I have to almost fight to the death every time I come here with Buster.

And then he gets home, burgle you, and he doesn't even do anything. Useless. He's up for adoption, anyone. If anyone wants a free dog, free to good home. I'll take him. All righty. Well, anyway, that was a big debrief. I actually, that was a funny combo.

This is why I like not telling each other our stories until the podcast. I just was on the edge of my seat that whole story. also i kind of like save all of my stories for when we sit down and record this podcast and so does brit so when we see each other like any other time our chats are just really vanilla we're like so what did you do on the weekend don't tell me save it for the podcast save it for the nation that's so weird isn't it um i was just about to tell you something else go on oh no you know what i was gonna say you do have other news what about um oh yeah guys this are not exciting but I'm going to tell you anyway you might remember a few weeks back like maybe

eight weeks back I lost my wallet well don't worry I cancelled all my cards got all of them resupplied and then today this afternoon Matt found it under the lounge because Marley had shoved it under the lounge do you know what I was going to say you know the funniest thing about this is that's not even the news I was talking about I wasn't going to embarrass you and throw you under the bus with that i'm an idiot sorry what is my news i don't even know what's going on in my life marley took her first step i was saving that for my second suite oh fuck britney now you've ruined everything i ruined christmas ah yeah and my daughter can walk i mean but big deal we almost got robbed and i found my wallet guys i mean you can cut that out and put

it back at the end you do edit it you don't want to add that now nah it's fine keep it whatever well marley took her first steps we're all excited we're all like i'm part of the family now that we've gotten all that out of the way we should probably tell you what this episode is going to be about this episode is going to be a breakup boot camp for you all because even though we've talked so much about breakups in like little bits and pieces all over the place in different episodes we've never actually done an episode dedicated to breakups how fucked they are and how to get over them which is what we're going to be talking about today but before we get in to the episode oh yeah we are gonna do accidentally unfiltered and i'm sorry if my singing is very

traumatic for you all so i already brought i guess that was my little version of an accidentally unfiltered this week obviously i sent my photo out to some strangers i really enjoyed that yeah i love that but i'm gonna read one today that um i i just thought was really cute because i thought it was funny it's not a gross one because i'm just here for these cute ones you with me i'm here I'm here for this okay girls so I was going on a first date with a guy and very naturally my friend came around beforehand to help me get ready she was looking at my bookshelf in my room and asked to borrow some books obviously I said yes and then continued to get ready later that night the date was going pretty well so we ended up back at my place it was dark and was getting sexy I

threw him back on the bed and he was like whoa what books are you reading and I'm like what do you mean and he's like well there are like three books on your bed I'm laying on them I completely forgot that my friend came around for the books but she forgot to take them turns out the book she was meant to take was zoe foster blake's love and textbook romance and how to find your soulmate he's the poor guy literally thought i was reading up on textbooks on how to find love before our first date that is so innocent and very very cute don't read about love you can just listen to it on the podcast they dated less of a paper trail they dated for yeah true you can't be caught out as much they dated for six months but imagine if you went back to a guy's house and when you went

back on the first day and on on his bed were like books on like how to do the sex good or something like that oh i feel like this guy is such a loser how to make her love you imagine if the book was like how to make her love you on the day i'd be like i'm out this reminds me of when i was 16 i put it like i i don't know did it all girls go through this when they were young but i i did i like went through this period where i was like really obsessed with spells and like witching and stuff like this i think it was like during like the charmed years and anyway bewitched who knows i'm so old anyway so i met this guy when i was like i would say 16 i'd like to say i was younger you put a love spell on him i like did this whole love spell thing and because i was obsessed with

his name was Brad. I ended up dating him for two years, mind you, but I was like obsessed. So we swam together. Did Brad know you were dating? Yeah, he did. Yes, he did. So, so I had made this like love spell where I had to like write a letter out of like my affirmations or some sort of ridiculousness. And then I had to get all these ointments and things. Anyway, I made this love spell and the whole thing was that I had to keep the piece of paper with me when I went on a date with him and then his energy would get onto it. Anyway, things got a bit frisky and he found the piece of paper in my pocket and was like what is this and opened it up whilst I was like trying to grab it out of his hands and here it is my like undying confession of love and this spell that

I put on him hang on was this was this a legitimate love spell or did you make it up no I found it on the internet I was 16 what was I even doing how did I win the bachelor what is wrong with Matthew Johnson maybe that's why I didn't win I should have written a love spell on Nick do you know what even when we were actually when we were on the show I'm a bit crazy guys you probably know that already are you just coming to terms you probably already know when I was when we were filming the show I watched The Secret you know the book The Secret there's a documentary called The Secret it's all about like affirmations and like the power of what is it called the power of attraction where you you manifest and you dream what it is that you want and just by thinking of

it you're going to attract that into your life and so I became obsessed and I was like I'm gonna manifest Matt and I having this happy relationship and I'm just gonna say I don't necessarily believe in it but hey look at me now I can't believe you actually did that I'm so crazy I love it no okay hang on it's a Lola Derby but you're not crazy because you're not crazy somebody else made a whole documentary out of it wrote a book and it's a bestseller so there's a lot of us crazy bitches out there guys and I do believe in it I do believe in the law of attraction and the power of the universe and positive affirmations so like I'm laughing sort of with you a little bit at you but like mainly with you I just think it's funny that you did it all through the batch I was

obsessed I was like when we were filming I became obsessed with this idea of manifesting that Matt and I were going to be together so were you jealous we did you get jealous when he went on dates with other girls nah because I was like we're gonna be together forever it's all right you can have them now because I'm gonna have you for the rest of my life enjoy this time no I oh no that's a lie yeah I did I've just forgotten about it no no I was hideously jealous so enough about that my weird spell making days that they're long gone anyway dude you said just said you did it two years ago anyway so I have a really good accidentally unfiltered as well it wasn't a listener that this happened to but the link to this was sent in by a listener and it's something

that's been surfing around on the internet but it's just too fucking funny that I cannot let it go. So I have to share this with you. It sort of looks like it's come from around the time when we were in the depths of lockdown. So it's kind of just nice to reminisce. We were all there at one point. That time where you're at home spending way too long with your partner. Way too much time. I imagine that's what people did anyway. And this also comes from a, oh Brittany, this also comes from a guy's perspective, which we rarely get with Axley on Filters. So enjoy. Okay. So my wife and I live alone in our apartment, we also have this really weird game of slapping each other with random things. Like the other day, my wife slapped me in the face with a tampon, not a used one,

just a tampon. Yes, it's a bit gross, but whatever. It's a game we like to play. So today I decided it was time for revenge. I got out of the shower. I dried myself off. I looked for her and I saw that she was sitting there on the computer with some headphones on. So I snuck up from the side and boom dick slap square on the cheek she never stood a chance i stood there expectantly waiting for her to laugh or just some sort of reaction like she normally would but then she just turned to me white in the face and said i'm on a call oh my god she's on a fucking call i thought she was joking and just winding me up but then i looked at her screen and there were several gobsmacked co-workers of my wife's only one of them i had met i immediately ran out of the room

i'm now typing this from the bathroom i'm scared that i'm going to be reported for some kind of domestic abuse and i don't even know how to explain to them the situation because it's so stupid what i just on the daily slide my wife in the face with my dick yes there's something wrong with you but you know like all relationships have those weird things that you do like that that if you tried to explain it to anyone they would be like you are cooked like i'm pretty sure this is something that matt would do oh i mean we've all been slapped at one point haven't we consensually slapped in the face with the dick guys it's fine that's pretty funny i feel like there would be a whole thread of things that have happened on zoom calls in lockdown that are like

that i reckon there would be so many funny things it's so nice that we're in the clear now i mean although a lot of people are still working from home and zoom calls are definitely a more permanent fixture than what they used to be but wow that was a lot yeah well we well we all right should we jump in yeah let's let's jump into the the old breakup yeah mate it's toughy all right so like laura said before i know that we have spoken here and there about breakups in the past and we do touch on them in almost every ep in some way and we talk about them a lot in our ask uncuts and that's because you all go through them at some stage so we did think that it was about time we put it all together in one hot little bundle and give you that go-to episode

for if you ever go through a breakup or your friend ever goes through a breakup you can point them in this direction because the sad fact is guys that every single relationship that you have before you find your penguin is inevitably going to end in a breakup right that's science you're You keep breaking up with people until you find your penguin. That was so poignant, Brittany. Thank you. Sometimes even the life you've planned with the person you thought was going to be your penguin gets cut short and doesn't work out. Now, this does not mean that true love doesn't exist and it isn't worth looking, fighting and waiting for.

It just means sometimes in life it's hard to make it last forever and you have to wait a little bit longer. It is not all bad news though, lifers. while society would have you believe that all marriage ends in divorce and that the romantic happy ending is all but impossible, that's not the case. Love does exist. But until we find that happy ever after, we're going to go through some pretty shit fucked up breakups and it's not going to be easy. Well, one of the things that we have spoken about so many times before, and I just want to reiterate this at the start of this episode. Well, actually we're about three quarters away in but anyway I'll tell you what now that is that from some of the most turbulent heartbreaking

traumatic just gut-wrenching experiences in life is where your most profound and incredible growth will happen so I know that you can't see that when you're in the depths of a breakup you can't be like oh I'm gonna be this beautiful flower at the end of this it doesn't feel like that but I even look back on some of my absolute worst breakups where at the time I didn't think I was going to survive and I didn't think I was going to make it through. And I am now in retrospect, almost grateful that that happened, that I'm no longer with that person who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, that I went through that really awful experience because it made me a better person. It made me more aware of what I want in a relationship. It made me more aware of

what I'll put up with and what I won't put up with and what my worth is. And so I know that it can be really hard to look at those things and, and to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And something that everyone always says as well is like don't worry just give it time but what we wanted to put together in this episode was some other things other than just saying time heals all wounds to help you overcome it to help you make sense of it because they really really hurt and they're supposed to really hurt they're some of the most profound things that happen in our life and you know what it is true I'm on board with the old time heals all wounds but time alone doesn't heal all wounds there's a lot of things that you need to do in that time a lot of things

that need to accompany that time for you to get to a place where you're healed and you feel ready to jump back into the wild and to face life again so whilst it's easy to be like yep give it time give it time you've got to be putting some things into practice during that time but also in you saying it's not time it's like working on working on things and changing things I think to like just expand on that a little bit as well if you don't acknowledge or if you're not aware of like the reason why a breakup has happened or you're not you seem like you're having the same behavior over and over there are a lot of people and we've spoken about this before as well I know but there are a lot of people who get into the same carbon copy relationship and go through heartbreak after

heartbreak after heartbreak and they think well why like why does this keep happening to me and it's because there's this like system systemic and systematic behavior where you're doing the same thing and getting the same outcome. So I think that that's something as well to just be mindful of. And we'll get into that a little bit more too. Yeah, for sure. We'll jump into that. But something I really wanted to just touch on first, which I think helps to make sense a little bit of this, the really visceral feeling that comes with heartbreak is this idea that when you're in a relationship with someone, the brain creates these neuropathways. So what happens is every time you experience a new experience in life, your brain creates a neuropathway in order

for you to like bond that memory. And so the more that you do something, the stronger those neuropathways actually become. So the more time that you spend with someone, the more shared experiences you spend with someone, the more that you really cement those neuropathways in your brain. Now, when you break up with that person, your brain is actually trying to, one, it's trying to protect you, but it's also sometimes your worst enemy. So when you actually go through a breakup, what it triggers is your reward system so what you get from your partner is you get this like this the love you get this affirmation it is literally a drug the same part of your brain that affects drug addicts is lit up when you're in a relationship with someone because it's that

dopamine it's the love that we receive from that person so when you go through a breakup you can get thrown into this craziness where you're wanting like your next hit you're wanting to receive that affirmation from that person again you're needing to have contact with them and that is like a very like science-y based way that like we are we are affected by a breakup so what happens when we break up with someone is that these neural pathways they start to deteriorate and in order for you to slowly get over that relationship yes time heals all wounds but it's because these neural pathways are actually breaking down but every time you look at a photo every time you text him every time you rock up for a booty call every time you have to just get

that little bit of extra closure that's reforming those neural pathways you're not allowing your brain actual time just to break them down and for you to start creating your own identity that's separate from a relationship and I guess to complement that I just find it so interesting I guess I like I'm a woman of science I love it but I have a study that actually complements that really well and it's a study from 2011 and it's published in the journal proceedings of the National Academy of Science in the United States of America and basically when your friend or when you say to someone like I am hurting so much I'm in so much pain from this breakup is actually true your body physically can feel pain so in this study it found that romantic rejection meant

areas of the brain associated with feelings and pain are activated so that heartbreak actually activates real pain centers in your brain. So psychologist Edward Smith from Columbia University in New York recruited 40 volunteers who had gone through an unwanted breakup. So they were the ones that were broken up with. They'd gone through this breakup in the past six months. They all had MRI scans on their brain. Whilst in the machine, they were asked to look at photos of their ex-partners. So they were asked to look at photos of their ex-partners whilst in the MRI machine and they were asked to think about that feeling of when they were rejected and the MRI scan actually showed that while the participants were thinking about this

turmoil that they went through and thinking about the breakup the areas of the brain that were associated with physical pain actually were like on fire they were lighting up and that is the same part of the brain that lights up when you kick your toe or you know fall down a flight of stairs so physically when somebody says like I am in pain from this breakup it's not metaphorical like your body actually physically feels it well I guess like anybody who has been through a bad breakup and anybody who has come and found this episode because of a breakup like you know that pain is so visceral it's so real like I remember this one time when um like the guy who I speak about from time to time on this podcast who I was with before Matt he he had cheated on me and

I'd found out about it and we were like had a very turbulent like extremely all amazing all terrible up and down roller coaster of a relationship it was just it was like very very volatile all the time and I remember when we broke up and I had full-on anxiety panic attacks which is not something I would actually ever say that I normally suffer from but I didn't even know how to cope with the the instantness of that pain the only thing that I thought I could do was go back to him because I was like I can't deal with feeling this bad that even just going back will will make it better and I think a lot of people do that as a very like quick and an instant reaction to a breakup instead of sitting in that pain they run back to the person even if that person's not

good for them even if that person has shown time and time again that they're not going to change but it's because the physical pain of being broken up with is too hard I absolutely agree I've done the exact same thing I'm not someone I have been in like some stressful crazy situations in around the world all in all different levels all different aspects and the only time I have ever had panic attacks and not being able to breathe and thought I was going to die was like after a breakup after I broke up with my partner of eight years I felt those feelings I've never felt them again and I was I was in a proper panic I couldn't breathe I couldn't and that's that was my body's reaction to not being able to deal with heartbreak and I remember I remember calling him and saying

my heart is in so much pain because it was an actual feeling like I felt like I had a stitch in my heart like it was actually a hole I guess that's why it's called heartbreak because your heart is it's broken it's and the pain of it almost like it's such a weird thing to describe but actually sits in your chest like it's that feeling of heaviness that's inside you like it's not like your knees don't hurt your elbows don't hurt your wrists don't hurt it's like this feeling that's very centralized to your torso and that like compulsive thinking where you can't think about anything else and you can't really like imagine your life without them and I guess like something that I think is really important that we need to kind of take the conversation into is

this idea of identity that's tied up in a breakup which is what makes it so difficult to overcome you're not only breaking up with a person which in and of itself is a loss and is grief you're also dealing with the loss of your own identity and that's something that you really need to be aware of because this this concept that you have formed a life with someone but it's also the future life that you have projected, that you have imagined, and that you've put a lot of love and energy and thought into that you lose all of a sudden. And so by losing that identity, you're kind of thrown into this whole world of like, I don't know who I am anymore because I don't know who I am without that person. So one of the first steps I think to really starting to overcome a

breakup is imagining your life, not in a negative way, but trying to imagine your life in the most positive way possible without that person in it and every time you see yourself going back to like I can't live without them or I can't you know I can't imagine my life with without them you have to try and retrain your brain to start to look for the positives in what life could be now that you're on your own of all the possibilities now that you're on your own it's it's very hard cycle to break because often and I guess it's the older you get as well you become more serious more quickly with people and you do plan out your kids where you're going to live what you're going to call them um the house you're going to buy and you don't envision one aspect of your life anymore

without that person so it's definitely all of a sudden a slap in the face to reassess that and it's scary to face your future alone um we've all been there i've been there and i thought i don't know what i'm going to do i don't know who i am without this person like i literally went through that i had been my whole adult life with someone for eight years and i didn't know how to be someone without him and I think that for a lot of people it's not just the it's not just the loss of your partner that hurts it's the fear and and how scary the future looks going into it alone back into the wild alone not knowing where you're going to end up not knowing what your path is anymore that's that's the scary thing isn't it so I think that together with the physical pain is just a

culmination of things one of the things that you just touched on as well is like this idea that it gets worse as we get older and I don't know if enough like time and energy is really being put into that conversation but like when you're in your 20s breakups are bad they absolutely are like you they're still horrific but I do think that like sometimes you think you're afforded a bit of time like you know there's still this prospect I'm going to meet someone else or I'm oh you know I think I will meet someone else but I guess like that that becomes that becomes heavier for people when you get into your 30s and that's even something when I went through my big breakup I was 30 just that was like just pre going on The Bachelor and I had this moment where I was like

that's it I'm gonna be on my own and I'm gonna be alone forever that was what made it so hard to be okay was this feeling that I was gonna be on my own and of course that's not the case like you know breakups happen at all different ages in life sometimes you might even think you've found the one you might even have kids with that person and then hey at like 45 50 60 shit goes wrong and you're not with that person anymore like life can throw you some absolute curveballs because you cannot control someone else you cannot control their behavior and you can't control whether or not they want to be with you for the rest of their lives but I think like an interesting thing to ask and like tell me if I'm overstepping by asking you as well Brit but like you know you

know I will well yeah but you're like you're single still and at this point you're like am I well fuck I don't know do you tell me but let's pretend I am okay but let's pretend you are like how does a breakup now in your 30s compare to a breakup in your 20s yeah I was just thinking that actually as you were just saying what you were saying about how it's easier in your 20s I think it's a catch-22 because when you're a teenager and you're early 20s even towards your late 20s what happens is everything is extreme everything is more extreme so I remember breaking up in my early 20s and I just was beside myself because you haven't felt that pain before and it's your first real heartbreak it's your first heartbreak and you haven't felt it and you don't know what

you going to do without that person and I think because we're younger without life experience we think it's the worst thing that's ever going to happen to us when I broke up with my boyfriend when I was 16 I remember saying to my mum I will never be I'll never meet anyone again I remember saying that and I was 16 but that's because you haven't done life yet and you don't have the experience so I think for a lot of young people we don't want to take away from that because you will feel like the worst you've ever felt but like Laura said there's this aspect of having some time on your side you've got so much more that you can go and do before you do have to go and tie yourself into a mortgage or you have kids or or anything like that so it's hard because you're

not going to get over it as quickly because you think it's the worst thing that's going to happen to you but then you've got time to move on when you're in your 30s okay let's just flip what I just said when you're in your 30s it is really really hard and we've had some listeners write in recently and I have just really resonated with them they say things like a girl a few nights ago she said I am 32 I have spent 10 years on my own um what's wrong with me what is wrong with me why can't I'm never going to meet anyone I'm going to give up looking and she had this and I felt that because I have had that in my mind I have thought to myself Brittany give up no one likes you that's and it's horrible but this is how you speak to yourself no one likes you you're doing something

wrong love's not meant for you that's such a horrible thing to say to yourself it is and it's not true but I've yes and this is what I've told this our listener but um that I there are moments where when you're in your 30s you feel that because you're like okay I'm in my third I'm in the next aspect of my life there's a lot more pressure on people everyone around you has settled down and had kids and so breakups are definitely worse in that sense because you feel like time isn't on your side anymore and I think we put too much stress on us and there's that comparison of like where you think you should be in life but really like there's no timeline of where you should be like you are at exactly the point in your life where you're meant to be at just because

it's not the same point that someone else is at like they might not even be happy anyway you can't compare yourself to other people and where their relationships are at I think that that's like a really important thing but the reality is breakups are going to be hard no matter when they happen in your life and no matter how they happen whether you're the one that does the breaking up whether you're the one that's broken up with well on the flip side to what i was just saying and this is something i do want to talk about is the thing that does help when you're in your 30s and when you start to get a little bit older and you have some more life experience is that you can have those moments where you're at the bottom of the bottom you are laying on the bottom of the ocean

floor you feel like you're drowning you feel like you won't move on but you flip that a lot quicker you because you've got this life experience you can be in that position but i think that you can tell yourself okay you're being silly like you you let yourself feel it for a minute and then you say you've been silly you know that's not true of course love's meant for you this just wasn't your turn and you pull yourself yourself out of it a lot quicker than the 25 year old does so I think both aspects of a young breakup and an older breakup they both have their things that their positives and their negatives and get to a point where they feel the pain but they can say okay I'm going to take something from this and just get to that point where I realize this wasn't

my penguin. This wasn't for me. I'm going to take something I learned from it and I'm going to move forward. Okay. So let's talk, let's talk practically about what you can do. Like if you're in the throes of a breakup and you're dealing with this intense feeling that you don't think you can control. Firstly, I just want to say like, you can absolutely control it because you are not your feelings. Your feelings go up and down and they change sporadically depending on what it is that you're thinking over that time. So try and rewire your brain because you are probably thinking about him or her, but you're probably thinking about all the good times. You're probably thinking about like, why are they not texting me back? You're probably looking at photos. You're probably

rereading text messages. Like we've all done that. You have to almost like put up a virtual stop sign in your brain and just like interrupt that sort of obsessive thinking and that ruminating about him because that cycle is just going to send you into a spiraled hole. Yeah. This is going to sound really silly, but literally using something like the visual of a stop sign to try and break the habit of this obsessive thinking can be super useful in retraining your brain now what i completely agree with you laura and let's talk about that some more but i think at the very very beginning if we're starting from day dot it is allow yourself time to grieve so whether you are the breaker opera or whether you have been broken up with you have to deal with it it hurts for both

parties i don't think it's easier either way because the person that's inflicting the pain and breaking up. They're going through their own pain and they're dealing with that in their own way. So you need to sit in that and you need to, whatever it takes, you have to actually process it and, and accept it. So don't go out the next day. Don't go get drunk and be like, I'm going to forget him. I'm going to have a one night stand. Cause you're not, you're going to feel a lot worse the next day. Also don't just get drunk and then drunk text him. Cause that's going to turn out to be a bad idea as well. Okay. This is my next, this is my next point, but I'm just going to like, like argue with you a little bit on that. I don't think it's even I,

you know, when people say like, it doesn't matter whether you're the breaker up or the one being broken up with everyone feels pain. I agree. It is painful for both parties, but I think in a breakup, it's very rarely equal pain. I think that I don't think it's equal. There is always somebody who, who hurts more. And when you're the person who hurts more, it's really, really hard because you kind of, then the one that's like, well, why don't they want me? Or why can't I have them back? Or what did I do wrong? And it's very easy to fall into this mental blaming of yourself or this what's wrong with me type thinking when when I was saying before that I had like my panic attacks and I've hurt more than I've ever hurt after my

relationship breakdown of eight years I was one that broke up with him yeah and I think like accepting that I think if you try and pretend like you're not feeling the things that you're feeling or you try and push that down like that's just like putting pressure on a volcano it's going to come up at some point in time so like acknowledging it and allowing yourself to feel that hurt and allowing yourself to talk about it with your friends and verbalize it. And like, you know, you don't have to be okay. You don't have to be strong. I think that that is very therapeutic in and of itself. Like talking to the people who you love, don't talk to him about it though. Like one of the big things, which I know you're just about to say, delete his number.

Like we preach this on every episode, no freaking contact, which means deleting his number. It means not trying to get closure or like whatever excuse that you have under the sun get the closure once yeah but like not 10 times yeah there's that whatever excuse you have to contact him maybe you left something at your house maybe you don't need to pick up that tea towel yeah maybe he's posted something that's made you angry and you feel like you need to tell him maybe he's on his stories looking like he's having a good time and you want to be angry at him whatever it is maybe you're just drunk and you think you can just have a booty call and the sex won't mean anything like whatever it is whatever reasoning you're trying to tell yourself that's okay and makes

it okay for you to call him or text him it's not don't do it the end if you have you his number still in your phone within a few weeks you're going to be out drunk and think it's a brilliant idea to call him or text him it's not and you you guys can be friends one day but not anytime soon like way down the track and that's not even a guarantee but if there is ever going to be a friendship that comes out of a breakup it's going to be down the track yeah and it comes back to this thing I was saying at the beginning about this whole like neural pathways. Every time you go back and you look at his Instagram, every time you watch his stories, every time, every time you send him a text message, you are re-dipping into that, that you're rebuilding those neural pathways.

You're re-solidifying all the good work that you've done to try and distance yourself and reform a new identity. So every time you do that, you're setting yourself back. It might not feel like it. You might even think you're weaning yourself off him. That's a really dangerous and really like unhealthy way of going through a breakup because you can't wean yourself off a person you've got to just go cold turkey coming with the deleting of the number comes with blocking them on Facebook and Instagram you don't have to go crazy and delete their Instagram if you don't want but you can mute them I have people on my Instagram that I've muted because I don't want to deal with unfollowing yeah but it's a bit drastic you know to block them I think that's

drastic but if someone's broken up with you I don't think it's that drastic to unfollow them like you might not want to and you might not be at that point but you you do definitely have to mute them yeah mute them you can't see their shit yeah but I think like if a if a guy has broken up with you and then you have unfollowed them and then they're angry that you unfollowed them there's some sort of like weird ego shit going on there that they need to deal with because you have every right to remove people from your life who don't make you feel good and if you're going through a breakup guess what they're probably not making you feel good yeah and if they're angry that you've unfollowed them after a breakup they are underestimating the pain they have caused you

because yeah most most normal people that have gone through a breakup say will be in a position where they say okay I totally get you don't want to see what I'm doing at the moment that's fair talk to you in six months or whatever it is totally and I think when people say like oh like I want to break up or like we shouldn't be together but we can still be friends not really like you can't you can't you can't go from having this like intense physical connection and love for someone to transitioning those feelings overnight to friends and if you think that you're going to be able to do that you're absolutely fooling yourself because wait until he starts dating someone or you start dating someone and I guarantee that that will show that you're not

actually friends that one of you is hurt by that situation so like minimize minimize that exposure minimize the chance that you're having a good day maybe you haven't even thought of him that day and then you see something on social media that he's done or that she's done and it just brings it all back up to the surface so I think you have the ability to control your environment you have the ability to curate your social media feed do that in a way that it only brings happiness to the situation it doesn't allow for anything to happen to throw you into the depths of despair again and the thing is we all know what we post on social media we all know what social media is and it's essentially a highlight reel so the things that your ex is going to be posting

especially after a breakup are going to be things like out partying out with his friends maybe maybe without making it obvious there might be girls in their photos and you're gonna it's going to drive you insane laura we know the depths you have gone to in your stalking of your ex you created fake accounts just so you could follow girls that you saw in your ex's photo when he was on holiday and that is what we're trying to avoid people have i told you how crazy i am guys but also okay we've all i mean i shouldn't say we've all but i'm sure a lot of people out there who listening to this, have been in the situation where when they're in a relationship, their partner didn't really post much on social media and they kind of were a bit dormant on social

media. But now that they're single, all of a sudden they're posting stories, they're putting up pictures and they're really, really active on social media. And even if they're not active with girls, just the fact that they are active and showing so much more of their life now after the breakup than when they were with you, that in and of itself is going to make you mad. So I think just remove yourself from any possibility of seeing what they're doing and I only say this because a good friend of mine she was with her boyfriend for sort of like seven years I'm gonna have a guess and in those seven years I reckon he posted maybe a handful of 10 times to Instagram like nothing and now that they're broken up he's constantly he's doing stories he's posting

pictures of his food he's like out having a good time with the boys and that's because this day and age as well i think we forget this and i've said it a few times social media specifically instagram it's a dating app whether you want to call it a dating app or not it look it's not a dating app for the people who are in the relationship it's not no but i mean single people use it literally your cv it is putting your life out there i mean we link we link our instagrams to dating apps now and we do that for a reason because it's your cv of who you are and what you do in your life so all of a sudden someone that's out of a relationship of course they're going to start posting more because that's the first thing I tell my friends if they're out

of a relationship you better pick your Instagram game up now because that's what people look for so that's why they're posting like a nut job and I mean let's be real as well like how many relationships start because someone slides into the other's dm mate I was slippery mcgee like last year I was sliding left right and center honestly oh sorry I slipped and fell into your dms again I I slip and fall all the time guys I slipped and fell so many times into dms I slipped fell more on Instagram than I did on dating apps so I never ever did it because it was it's bigger now back a few years ago it wasn't a thing but everyone knows now it's like you know if someone's single on their Instagram you know and then you just slide on in double tap give them a follow

slide I like that this has just turned into a dating how-to instead of a breakup how-to anyway my next tip is to make a breakup playlist oh see I I read okay Brit put together the flow for today's conversation and she was like I'm gonna tell people to make a playlist well actually psychologists semi against this no hang on psychologists suggested that it helps a breakup playlist oh it must be true then and then I thought back to my breakup and what they say is not a breakup playlist to wallow in your emotions it might help some people it actually helps them move on if they sit in their feelings they listen to sad songs but that might not be the case for you and you might be someone that needs to make a breakup playlist that isn't sad

but it's a rock out playlist it's an Eminem playlist I had a bad bitch playlist when I went through my bad breakup and I still hear the songs so like this is what okay I'm down for this part of it I thought you meant like a sad put on your sad music and I was like yeah it's whatever works for the individual but I had a had a couple of songs it wasn't a playlist but I had a couple of songs where when I would listen to them I was like yes I'm gonna be such a powerful single lady i'm gonna tell you the evolution of britney post breakup post breakup i wallowed hard i in my i would sit in my car and drive around for hours and have adele on repeat she just dropped that like emotional album and i listened to repeat and i would scream in my car singing it and i would

cry in my car singing it and i i felt powerful for that because it was my release of emotions and i sat in that for like a month and then i evolved got rid of adele and i jumped deep into Eminem and I was like an angry rapper and that was my next level of healing this is so out of control it was and then I think I just went to like mainstream pop after that and got on with my life but like there's a lot to be said for music and the way it makes you feel and sitting in your emotions and and and moving through the motions of what a breakup is so whether that's you want to be sad and cry whether you need to be angry and scream or whether you just need to have a song that makes you feel good and is happy so science science says this is true I can't I don't

have the quote from where i've read this but it takes about eight weeks for you to go through the process of like those really intense first visceral feelings to start to subside so make sure that your whole no no contact thing is minimum eight weeks i mean i recommend way longer than that if you read zoe foster blake's breakup boss i think she recommends like 50 or something crazy or 50 days 50 weeks who even knows it's so long i don't know if there's an exact time frame we can put on But I think eight weeks, I think if you have managed to get to the end of eight weeks without speaking to someone, without like having any sort of contact with them, without stalking their Instagram page over and over and over, you're really going to have put some distance in your

feelings and you're going to start to make some huge headways in the way that you feel. Heading back to this idea of music and how it empowers you and how it can make you feel better or worse. I think be mindful of the type of music that you're playing. And I myself, I know that if I go for really long drives and I'm on my own for too long like that's not good for me like being on my own in the car without any other stimulation is actually too much time for me to think about things and usually it means that I will start thinking about negative things and I can put myself into a really negative thought pattern or process or wherever I'm going with it just by spending too much time alone in my car by myself so be mindful of things that trigger you to feel

bad and stay away from those that would be my biggest advice as well definitely suited to the individual you have to just just don't go and sit in there and listen to Eminem because we said listen Eminem find what works for you that's absolutely essential if it's making you feel shit stop it try something new I think the next thing that I recommend is to to re-evaluate your life and who you are and find out who you are again on your own because a lot of people lose their identity in a relationship especially a long-term relationship and you make sacrifices so maybe you really loved Mexican food and your partner didn't like Mexican food and you really like hiking but your partner wants to stay at home and read now is your time to go and get your

burrito and go for your goddamn hike together at the same time simultaneously be crazy but go and go and find the things you love again and start doing them but also it doesn't just have to be about like the things that you feel like you couldn't do with your partner. It could also just be looking forward to things that you're going to do that are completely new. Like it could be traveling on your own. It could be getting a new job. It could be just changing, going, living in a different city. You're now no longer tied to something that you were tied to. This is like your opportunity to do something completely crazy, to do something completely new and to recreate the person that you thought you were going to be and the person that you are going

to be now. Like there's so many people who go through these traumatic breakups and opens up a whole new world and a whole new life for them and like I said at the very beginning this could be the very best fucking thing that ever happens to you if you let it put yourself into new experiences and say yes to things that you wouldn't normally say yes to because that's going to open your world up people often say to me when I speak about my tumultuous relationship and my psycho ex they often say like I'm sorry that happened to you and I say I'm not I'm not sorry I don't regret it because it it in turn it started off this domino effect that changed my life forever and I have had the best experiences I went on a three year round the world trip because I broke up because I went

through that relationship went on the bachelor because I went through that relationship moved to Sydney moved to new countries so many things and I think that is a really important thing to take from it is you you go through something really really horrific but it's what you make it so you don't have to dwell in that and you like you said you can go and do those things you've always thought you wanted to do like travel and and you need to take take this time as I guess a form of education in life it's so it's so true like I I say the same thing like I look back on that like I've had two really really big and hard heartbreaks in my life and I look back on both of them and I think at the time I just didn't think I was even going to live through

it I never thought I was going to be happy again and now I'm so grateful that they happened because I love my life so much but if you had asked me at the time I would be like no fucking way like I've peaked and I'm it's all downhill from here sister but I really do think that like most people who go through shitty shitty breakups speak to them in 10 years time and they're going to tell you that it was one of the most profoundly important pivots in their life so it is really what you make of it I also think something that something that like I experienced and I know when I have had this conversation with other girlfriends and just people in general around breakups is like once you go through that feeling of like you're never gonna get over it and you actually start

to come through the other side as much as you have been in like the lowest lows of feelings there's almost this euphoria that waits at the other end like I remember days when I started to come out of my really terrible heartbreak where I was like it was almost like I felt like I was high because I felt happy again for the first time in ages and that feeling of happy that comes after a breakup I promise you it comes everybody experiences it at some point after a breakup you'll just be walking down the street and you'll go oh my oh my god I'm not I'm not sad anymore I'm okay I'm okay and this feeling of happiness because you haven't had it in so long is no joke it's so euphoric and I really remember I remember walking through rush cutters park this one day

and I also the the relationship was bad and I think it's probably more so if you've come from a relationship where the person has done the wrong thing over and over. And you've actually been in something that was quite an emotionally abusive relationship. When you come out the other side of it, this real feeling of like, this is what it is to be happy and not have my happiness tied up in someone else is a very, very real feeling. Like I get excited for people to feel that after a breakup. I remember the first night that I went out with my friends and dance and had a great night, went home the next day, woke up, went to breakfast. And I remember sitting there at breakfast the next day realizing that I just went 24 hours and went out with my friends and

had fun without thinking of my ex you know that first day where you're like he didn't consume me and that was when I was like wow I can live my life without thinking about him life is going to be okay there's light at the end of the tunnel happens without you realizing and it happens slowly but it does happen like you know you think you're not there's never going to be a day where you're not going to look at their Instagram and then all of a sudden you're like oh I've not even thought about him in six months like it absolutely happens it just happens at different rates for different people but but I there are absolutely things that you can do that's going to make the situations worse and there's things you can do that's going to make the situation better

and something that's going to make the situation better this is my absolutely swear by step to getting over a breakup I feel so strongly about it it helped me so many times exercise serotonin and endorphin releasing exercise it is the absolute best thing you can do to make you feel better and help you heal inside and out and i'm not talking you don't have to go crossfit you don't have to go and run a marathon i'm just talking walking every day going for a jog just anything that's going to get your blood going and release those endorphins and we we should actually and we will we will get a health professional and a nutritionist in one day to to talk about the effects of food and and sugars and things like that have on your body but once

you do start to eat really well and take control of your life again and start exercising there's a reason you feel better and it's because you don't do things like have sugar highs and lows you don't feel guilty about binge eating in bed for two weeks straight it literally it evens out everything in your body all the physiological effects in your body and you just start to feel like you're getting control of your life again so there's just like a whole bunch of things that goes with getting back under control i have a bit of a bone to pick with you brit you've written in this run sheet do not get a breakup haircut or immediately or at least wait a second before getting bangs do you know what i did in the throes of a bad breakup i cut my own hair this is why i put this

step in laura i used to have hair down past my bra strap like down past like my mid back and i was going through a breakup and i was like do you know what my hair's thin i can cut it myself and i cut it into a bob i kind of liked it but it was very drastic it was it was the markings of a Britney Spears 1999 breakdown that's what that was so it was a hallmark I love that so much I literally wrote the next step guys I said do not get a breakup haircut or at least wait a hot second before getting the bangs for the first time because there's a lot of there's a lot of emotion in a breakup and there's a lot of things you want to really drastically do like quit your job cut your hair get a tattoo all of these things they could be the perfect thing and they could be

what you need just don't do it the next day I also got a tattoo I have a huge tattoo down my side which I got after a breakup I have what I've never seen that tattoo yeah man it's massive I can see your whole nipple though I love that your whole boob is just out uh whatever it's only a titty between friends I don't think I've ever actually like proper seen that yeah it's like it is that a foot I got a humps a hand tattooed on my side after a breakup because so woke. I found myself. You cut your bangs. You did everything that's on my list. This is why I've written the breakup list. I also didn't cope with breakups very well. So I think I can tell you the things not to do because I did everything wrong. I was the one who kept stalking his

Instagram. I was the one that kept calling. I was the one that was like trying to make reasons to see him. I was the one that got back together, broke up, got back together, broke up. You made fake Instagrams. It's the worst way of getting over someone. You cannot wean yourself off another person like I said earlier but yeah look tattoos are a bad idea cutting your hair cutting a bang all of that bad idea hang on not bad ideas not they're just bad ideas to do immediately without thinking about it just don't make that drastic decision the next day because you might end up with a tattoo and cutting your hair in a few weeks time and it might be brilliant because you really want it it's just like you shouldn't send a text when you're angry you know it's it's the same

process it's the same thought process speaking of like speaking of um sending a text when you're angry I have one other thing that I think is like look it's hard to do it because we all want to drink when we're feeling sad like you go through breakup you want to go out with your friends you want to get obliterated so you don't have to feel the pain and a lot of people kind of go down that path I'm gonna say alcohol it doesn't fix heartbreak it actually makes it way worse it also means that you do things that you'll end up regretting as much as it might seem like a good idea to go out with your girlfriends and get blitzed I guarantee you it's anymore I'm so go and get blitzed with the girls i think it's like blottoed oh really anyway you know what i'm

saying what they say blind not blindsided okay blind getting blind with the girls okay my my thing is like in doing that one you could make it worse because like if your friends are in relationships you know that they're all going to go home to their partners and that in itself makes you feel sad but secondly like if you can't trust the things that your drunk self is going to do then don't let your sober self get drunk like like that's they're the rules right i don't trust drunk laura she's an idiot so i don't let drunk laura doesn't let drunk laura get drunk because they're the rules that was such a convoluted sentence you're really i'm really trying did you learn something the end ladies i need a drink after that oh dear here we go where are we going with

this now i feel like we've covered so much i mean we're getting to the end of the steps but don't jump back into dating too soon whilst we say get back out there get back into the wild see have some fun have some one night stands that's all well and good but you still have to be ready and I'm not saying ready for a relationship I'm just saying ready for the feelings that have come with you've just been with someone else if you're not healed it's going to be too soon and it's not going to be good for you if your mental health so I think you just need to go back to step one which is accept what's happened and sit in that and get yourself to a good place then get back in the game and you don't need to go and find someone that you're going to marry you don't have to take it

so seriously but just don't go out and sleep with someone the next day because you think it's going to make you feel better because it's not going to make you feel better. Yeah. I also think it's like important, this whole idea of monkey branching. So jumping from one relationship to another relationship, I'm, I'm an absolute, like how I've done it so many times in my life. And I've talked about it on this podcast before, but I'm here to tell you, it's a terrible thing to do because what happens when you monkey branch from one relationship to another is that you're never actually really taking time to assess what type of person you really want to be with. And it also means that you're just settling for the next best thing that comes along so you're going to one find

that you're going to have the same problems and the same issues that are going to arise or it might mean that you commit to someone because the fact that you have someone there means that you don't have to deal with the pain of the last person like it kind of masks that but they're still not the best person for you so you're still wasting time in a relationship that's only going to end badly because you didn't give yourself time to have any personal growth between relationships and actually make changes and be a better person and grow as a person and fucking like experience life as a single person, which is like, this is your opportunity to do that. Don't waste it by just jumping straight into a relationship with someone new because you're scared of being alone.

That's a terrible reason. Put this emphasis on like, oh my God, what am I going to do now that I'm alone? Guys, being single can be the best time of your life. We don't, I think we look at this like oh i've been broken up with i'm alone what am i going to do what with me embrace your single life it's not going to be forever you you can find out things you didn't even know about yourself you can go and have the best time of your life you don't owe anything to anyone at that time it really is a time for you just to be on your own and i cannot tell you how much fun i have had being single louder for the people in the back loud for the people for the single ladies in the back own this time and I can't stress that enough own it because one day you're going to meet

that person and that's it you're done and you don't get to relive it this time of your life again so don't think it's the worst thing that's going to happen to you flip your switch flip the way you look on it and be like I'm going to fucking own this and I am going to have so much fun I cannot drop I'm like here I'm here for that like I'm I'm yes good done only because now that I'm a mom and now that I'm in a relationship where I know that we're going to be together forever because we're disgusting. I look back on my single years and I spent so much time in my single years. I've said this before, but I spent so much time in my single years being sad, wishing I was with someone and feeling like I wasn't good enough. And I just wish so much more now that I

had been able to really embrace it, enjoy it and love the time that I got to spend with my girlfriends because I wasted it. I really wasted it. Like, yeah, I have some great memories and I had some great trips overseas and did all that sort of stuff but I was never fully comfortable in being single and on my own and I look back on my life now and I and I regret that I didn't fully embrace that because what a fucking fun time it was to be alive yeah I've been having a pretty while. Oh, you guys don't know the half of it. It's been a while. All right, guys, that brings us to the end of our episode, which means it is time for suck and sweet. Brittany, you already told everyone my sweet. What is your suck? My suck. I got home last night from day nine of nine

at the hospital and I had the worst migraine I have had. I do suffer migraines, but they've been coming less and less often. But last night hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to, to the point that like, I had to put my phone on airplane mode and I passed out at 6.30. It was, it was hardcore. It was hectic. I know. I sent you a message and you left me on scene. I was like, what is this, Brittany? Who are you? I'm sorry, but who are you out with? What are you doing? Like, what are you doing if it's not me? I know, right? That's what guys do when they don't want you to know what they're doing they just put their phone on helicopter mode and say and then you have been out of the game airplane mode and then they're like oh i'm sorry my phone

ran out of battery his phone never ran out of battery fyi no mine actually was on helicopter mode oh shut up all right all right all right okay what's this week my sweet was you might remember a few weeks ago well i might remember you definitely will remember my dog lily pass And I told you about how just one of those listeners sent me a DM off her own back and she had drawn my dog Lily and she had sketched it. But I'm talking beautifully sketched. I put on my stories. It was really, really beautiful.

It was so beautiful. She did it for no reason and it really made an impact on my family. And I wanted to shout her out. But as a follow-up, she knew how much it meant. So she actually sent the physical drawing to my house so that we could have it framed and we could have it forever. And I said to her, I would absolutely love that. That's amazing.

Give me your account details. I'll at a minimum pay you for the postage. And she wouldn't even accept that. So this is girl, I don't even know. She's gone to this effort. And I just watched her. Yeah, give us her Instagram. I'm going to shout her out.

Give us her Instagram handle. Absolutely going to shout her out because she's obviously, she's talented, but she's just a good human. And she's a listener. We love this. yeah her instagram is chelsea rose studio so c-h-e-l-s-e-a rose like bachelor studio and she just is an amazing amazing sketch artist i'm gonna put the picture back up on um on my stories and stuff but that was my sweet she my dad cried again um so nice it just she really made a difference

and i that's my sweet and i hope her sweet is the fact that she knows she made a really big impact on our family and yeah i just wanted to shout her out thank you if you are listening right now that was beautiful it was a great sweet it might both feel really trivial now but they can be that's the whole aim of the game oh okay do you want my sock okay what's your sock so it's not even bad so my sock is that um matthew johnson has decided to clipper his face and his chest hair very very short which means he's extremely prickly all over and i don't really like it but I haven't been able to tell him I if you're listening I'll tell him hey Matt it's so prickly does anyone else deal with this when their partners just like over

clipper their face and then when their partners try to kiss them it's like tiny little needles sticking into your face yeah it's awful anyway that that's happened so that's a suck but also I can't tell him this because he'll get upset by it so I'm just gonna tell it on a national podcast that he doesn't listen to I don't think he'll get upset no I think he like he like gets offended if i critique how closely he shaves his face it's not like you're critiquing his personality just grow the hair out and my sweet for the week which brit already shared is the fact that marley took four steps it was very cute my baby is walking before one because she is a genius and she also said hi dada the other day and i like literally my ovaries just fell out my

butt because it was the cutest thing i've ever seen in my entire life okay first physiologically your ovaries can't come out your butt secondly i'll prove you wrong britney want me to bend over bend over and cough i just got a visual secondly how did you feel honestly that she's saying hello dada instead of before mom it's because i always say hi dada whenever matt walks into the room i'm more angry at matt that he doesn't say hi mama so that she gets the same repetition and learning obviously matt's fault absolutely that prickly face what a prick and that's it guys so yeah she said hi dada and she took four steps and next week is her birthday which is just wild it's been a year it's been a year since i pushed her

out and i'm gonna have a big old glass of wine because i know that it's her birthday but it's also a celebration of the fact that i've kept her alive for a year people i can't believe i can't with that either because you know what that also means that means we're one it's our anniversary we didn't think of that till now guys guys this also marks i mean we missed our birthday because it was a couple of weeks back yeah but this podcast has been going for an entire year so it's a group it's a solid community anniversary thank if you're with us from the beginning thanks for sticking it through my mind is blown i can't believe that we missed so useless that we missed our own birthday we're pretty useless with that we missed a million too we're coming up to the

two mil though guys we're gonna do something we're gonna have some sort of celebration maybe we'll do a big crazy ass giveaway on the instagram page let's do a giveaway to someone to win something epic like crazy epic like i don't know maybe trips to hawaii no not that epic we can't afford that but we're gonna do something fucking cool because we don't make that much money you're not going to hawaii but you'll get something there's gonna be something all right okay guys thank you so much for listening to another episode we hope that this is just one that you keep in your back catalog so if you're going through a hard time or you know somebody who's going through a breakup you can be like hey those life uncut bitches know what they're talking about they've been broken up with

loads go talk to them because we'll be here for you and for them when the time comes but also if you have a question for ask uncut please send that through to our dm on instagram that's life uncut podcast just title it at the very start ask uncut so that we can find it amongst all the messages that you send us. We will have our episode that will come out on Thursday. We love answering your questions. So if there's anything that's happening in your life at the moment where you're like, you know what, I need some girlfriends on my side and I need some advice, we're here, we're your free therapy session. We will come with the goods. So send us your Ask Uncut questions. If you are listening to this right now and you are in the midst of what you think is the worst

time of your life and it is a breakup, we just want to say, hang in there. It's going to get better yes that's exactly what we want to say and that's it I promise no that's not it the other there's much more housekeeping to be done here Brittany stop trying to rush these people away whilst we've got their undivided attention celebrate I'm like that's it bye dinner time happy birthday oh yeah it's truly past dinner time okay famished also if you haven't left a review yet and you listen to every ep and you love the episodes and you think that we're not half bad either then we would really really really really love it if you would go over to Apple Podcasts, and leave us a review and hit subscribe if you're thinking about how many stars

to leave us. Hit five. I highly recommend. And you know the drill. Share the love, guys, because we love love. I love that we put our hands together. We are such losers. You and I can't say that without putting our hands in the air. We always do. We love love. All right. See you, guys. Bye.