Life Uncut - “I Feel Completely Indifferent About Marriage” & Are You Embarrassed About Your Boyfriend?

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

Britt has tried to unpack her ‘Roman Empire’ this week that has to do with her husband’s huge tattoo that is actually somewhat related to the Roman Empire.Have you ever seen a monument or a wonder of the world on a walk of shame? We know this is a niche call out but it will likely make more sense if you’re reading it after listening to us speak about it in today’s episode.When it comes to TV series or films, are you a repeat watcher or do you like to keep it fresh?  Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? Have Our ‘Symbols’ Of Success Changed? There’s been a very viral and very controversial article published in Vogue that argues that for many straight women today, having a boyfriend no longer carries the same status it once did. Rather than being a milestone or achievement, partnership can feel like something to hide or soften online. We weigh in on how the trends of content have shifted and how we feel about this author’s take.We also speak about how Keeshia feels completely indifferent about marriage and some of the reasons that she has never dreamt of the ‘marriage milestone’. You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Keeshia Pettit  Produced by Keeshia Pettit Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford Recorded on Cammeraygal Land Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm Keisha. And Keisha is still filling in for the wonderful Laura, who's still, well, I shouldn't say still. She will have a baby for a very long time. The baby's not going anywhere, so she's still a mother of three.

She's still on 70, what would we say, 75% maternity leave. 75%? I don't know. She pops in when she feels like it. She does an episode a week. Yeah. Was that a deliberate pun? Pops in?

Oh, yeah, it wasn't. Pops in with Poppy? She pops in with Popstar. Hey, my Roman Empire this week, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. So if you guys listened to the episode that just came out a couple of days ago, we just stumbled across this fact that, well, it's not a fact, but we started to talk about the fact that Ben, my husband, has like this huge Russell Crowe tattoo on his thigh. And that wasn't a planned conversation of the podcast, but we went there.

And we got, well, it got me thinking a lot. Keisha was sort of like, why? Where's the obsession from? Like, why does he love Gladiator so much? And I didn't really know. And I've been really trying to think about it and unpack it. We've got a lot of questions coming in as well from you guys just being like, seems like a weird obsession for a giant tattoo.

So I decided to ask Ben. Now, I only just decided to ask him like 15 minutes ago. I just thought I'll call him and just see without giving him any time to prep or think about it and just see where this obsession comes from because he's watched it maybe like it's got to be 30 40 50 times or something like it's something ludicrous I've never seen it not even one oh my god don't let Ben here you say that yeah no I was really surprised when I saw because I think when you told me about the tattoo I I pictured something and then when I saw it I was like oh that is a lot more elaborate and a lot larger than what I was picturing in my head

It's actually like it takes up – he's a big boy. He's got big legs. Because he's long. Because he's all legs and he's all legs. Yeah, and it actually takes up the large majority of one entire thigh. I'm going to ask him for a photo and if I'm allowed to post it. Surely he won't care. So anyway, I wanted to get to the bottom of what it actually was,

where this deep obsession came from and why he could watch the same thing over and over again. And I say that – I don't know about you, Keish. If I watch something – I find it hard to watch something twice, like anything a tv series a movie whatever even if it was a movie one of my favorite movies from when I was a teenager for me I'm not a repeat watcher because I find it like oh I know what's happening and you know I know the plot I know the ending I'm not into it I'm the complete opposite because I go to sleep watching tv I know this is everyone says it's not good and I know that I'm

the one obsessed with sleep but I go to sleep watching tv but it specifically has to be something that I've seen before otherwise I feel like I'm trying to stay awake so that I can work out what's happening so I watch the same thing but you watch it to go over and over and over and over yeah but you watch it to go to sleep yeah even sometimes when I just like want to have dinner or something like anything in the background I will put on something that I've seen before I think it's because like I know that I enjoy it I know that I don't have to pay complete attention to it like maybe that's what it is actually that I can kind of like scroll and get away with it but I'm a repeat watcher there's something comforting about it there's something that

just makes me like know what I'm in for it's so weird to me let's let's poll it it's so weird to me that there are people out there that are happy to just like watch something that many times when you know the dialogue you know the plot you know the intricacies of it but having said that I get it I get maybe twice maybe three times I don't get gladiator like 40 times that I can't comment because i haven't seen it so you need to watch it i always watch tv shows over and over again i don't watch movies over and over again that feels like different to me the only show i've ever been able to watch on repeat is friends ever and that's because nothing will ever compare like it will always be funny and because there's so many seasons you'll always go back and like see

something or hear something that you missed the first time yeah the one thing i can't stand about shows that were recorded back then though is that they have that canned laughter built into it which just feels very awkward now. Like if you watch TV. From the cast, you mean? No, no. When they were making the TV show, for a lot of shows that were made in like the 90s and early 2000s,

they have laughter that they have put in from either like a studio audience or they've kind of put it in in post, which feels even more strange. Well, Friends was always in front of a live audience, which is amazing. So Friends' laughter is organic and real. But they would have had to do multiple takes. You need different angles. you need to be doing. Keisha, don't speak like that about Friends.

I just mean I think they would have had like laughter tracks that they would have just superimposed into the actual audio of the show, which just feels so, so cringe to me now. That's what I'd do if I made a comedy. I'd be like, laugh. Yeah, to me it's like I feel as though I'm being instructed on when to laugh and I'm like I just want to laugh when I actually want to laugh.

But laughter makes you laugh. It's probably really smart because when you hear an audience laugh, it must subconsciously do something to you as well. that's like, oh, that's funny. Yeah. I just wonder what it is about Gladiator that does something subconsciously for Ben, because to be honest, I was not expecting this to be his response as to why he enjoys it so much. I just love him so much. I'm constantly learning things about him and his answer really surprised me. Have a listen. What is it about Gladiator that you're so obsessed with? Like, why do you watch it over

over in your spare time? Why do you have it tattooed on your leg near your willy? Well, first of all, he stands for something. He stands for honour. He stands to... He's obviously been wronged on, but he stands for the greater things. So he's not just fighting for his life. He's standing in for what he believes in.

Obviously, in the movie, he was picked to be the next Caesar and then his halfway brother gets it. so he's like he's not he's not avenging his brother he's avenging for the greater good of rome that's you know he's fighting for the greater goods of rome and he does it with with honor and integrity okay and yeah so obviously that's one of the things okay yeah the other thing the mask is really cool the mask that he was wearing is obviously like being a gladiator is like oh the mask sort of you yeah like if you're a gladiator you're you're they were obviously there to entertain the people of Rome but you are you're a fighter you know it's

it's survival life or that I can see you laughing at least 10 stages deeper than what I was anticipating sorry that was so deep and he didn't even didn't blink blink he did not blink he just went straight into launching about the integrity and like I just not what I was expecting I just thought he'd be like the fighting or like like a real manly response I was wondering if it was like he's an athlete there's like athleticism to it I don't know I really wasn't expecting it to be this like moral deep that's why I've watched it 50 times it reminds me of a greater good now that he's oh sorry before I get into that deeper part the masks it went from like being really deep and moral and all this integrity based answer to just like oh and then he has a cool mask

I think that that was that was very polarizing answer but to go back and break it down now that I think about it, Ben does pride himself on having integrity. Like that's the kind of person that he is. That's the person he is with his sporting teams. That's the person he is with me. It's the person he is with his friends. So like the answer, I guess makes sense when I like think about it, but I just didn't expect him to be so obsessed with it because this warrior was fighting for the greater good. I just thought it was hilarious. Have I ever told you that the very first time I saw the Coliseum was on a walk of shame? You have, but please, please tell everybody so I don't know if I've shared this on the podcast sorry if I have I've got a bit of brain fog we'll

get into that a little bit later but the very first time I went to Italy I would have been like 18 years old and I went over there with two of my girlfriends who were a tiny bit older than me and of that group I was the quiet one which would have you absolutely shook us to the core that is a wild group if you're the quiet one we touched down in Rome and for some reason we went on some like pub crawl that night as in that was like an organized group I don't know who had found to this pub crawl I know it wasn't me but the next thing I know is that we were along with like a group of about 40 people going through Rome drinking at different bars and we met these guys that were from the UK and they were really nice and really sweet and I'd really gotten on with

one of them obviously and the night had progressed and I just remember it coming to the point where like the sun was coming up I have no idea what time it was but I remember kind of saying like oh you know we've got a big day of touristy things planned and so I got my shoes and I got my bag from the night before and I was walking back to our hotel and I was like following the dot on google maps or apple maps I can't remember and I looked up and right there to my right hand side was the coliseum and I was like holy shit it's amazing look at it it's right there what a moment to have you just conquered this man and now you've you're in the coliseum where you've conquered Rome What a beautiful interception of real life.

Do you know what too? You probably saw it at the best time you could. Like no people, sunrise, she pulls out your SLR camera that you did for your photo shoot the night before. I was taking selfies, sent it to mum. Mum, look at where I am. That's so funny. You made me just think of all the times that I've just talked

out with people travelling. Do you keep them on, like were you at that time where you added everyone that you met travelling on Facebook or Instagram and then, like, years later someone pops up on your feed and you're like, who is that person? A hundred percent. Like, why do we do that? I think because it was the thing that was done at the time.

It also feels like if you're sharing a different part of you, you can probably share a Facebook page. Your Instagram handle. Yeah, but every now and then they will pop up and I'll be like, where on earth do I know that person from? You're like, oh, bang dim in Mexico. Especially ones you didn't hook up with. You know, the people that you met travelling,

especially if you were on like a tour group I felt like I went on a couple like top decks and contiki's when I was in my like teens and early 20s and there'll be people that you just feel like you got so close to when you just thought you were going to be friends forever because you shared the most amazing three weeks or five weeks most amazing night in the Coliseum and yeah the most amazing walk of shame and then you often will never see or think about them ever again in life and every now and then something will come up on Facebook and I'll be like who on earth is that like oh my god that's that girl that I was like hanging out with in Italy for two weeks back in 2016 there was some wild story that I have not thought about until now when Sherry and

I were traveling around because we we traveled we did this like big three year round the world trip we started in South America and went six or eight months through South America up through Central America and we we did it all and we met this girl in Colombia this blonde beautiful girl very young really into partying. Sherry and I never did drugs or anything. Like we would drink, but we've never been into drugs in our entire life. But she was, she sort of went and partied. We don't care. Like everyone in Columbia, it's like literally when in Rome, like, sorry, it's the home of cocaine. So anyway, I remember, I remember her and I can still bring her face up. And mind you, this is 13 years ago. Anyway, we were Facebook friends. Never saw her again. We spent like a

week at a hostel together. And then something popped up on the Facebook like eight years or something later and she apparently got arrested for for like trying to get coke out of the country like proper like wait is this cocaine cassie yeah spoiler no no there was another one yeah yeah not cocaine cassie yeah i just saw it pop up and i was like oh my god i don't need to be friends with you so i unfriended her because i was like who is that girl you unfriended after that i would find that so intriguing that there is no way in hell i would be able to unfriend that person do you want to be friends with some drug smuggler it doesn't mean that you're friends with them but i'm definitely interested in what happens next sorry i have a very niche facebook facebook fresh book i have

a very nice face why can't i say that niche facebook friend list so yeah if you've made it into my friend list it's exclusive it's and it means that we're tied i can't be tied with a criminal that is so funny no way there is no part of me that would be able to unfriend that i just find that stuff so interesting you don't unfriend everyone you're friends with every boyfriend you're friends with everyone you've made out with since you're about 12 yeah it's true like everyone it's just my world tour that's how I remember my traveling experiences I know for certain I wouldn't be the only person like this so if you have if you have discovered one of the natural or non-natural wonders of the world on a walk of shame I would love to know about it I know that

this is a very niche call out but I feel as though there only has to be one one really good story of what you got to discover because you hooked up with someone and you were trying to find your way back home. Have you ever ran into one of your travel hookups in your normal life? Because I ran into one last year. No way. Yeah, it would have to be a year ago. It was in the Sunshine Coast. Neither of us are from the Sunshine Coast. We'd hooked up in 2016 in Greece. I had never seen him again. We'd spoken a little bit afterwards, but it wasn't like it was something that we were going to continue on and then I was up in the Sunshine Coast with my now partner I was just like ordering lunch and I turned to my side and I was like hello did he remember you yeah we like

had a nice catch up and he's married and he's like quickly just caught up over it was one of those awkward things where because we were both there with partners I was like I don't know how much of this story to tell like I don't know how to be like because you have to give context to your partner right but you don't want to make them feel uncomfortable but also I don't think it would make him that uncomfortable to be like oh you know we hooked up literally 10 years ago when I was traveling I have never run into anyone but I have never you guys know I was never into a straight Aussies like I was never into an Aussie but I did catch up with an ex I remember you got a lot of you OGs might remember I spoke about this guy that I dated for a while when I was living in

London. Everything was going really well until I discovered that his families were billionaires. Remember that guy? No. Yeah. Don't you remember? So he was this really nice guy. He took me to the tennis on a date. I'll never forget. And he put this bet on it, the tennis in the tennis final. And he and I were like, we're only a few weeks deep and we'd been spending a lot of time together, but I didn't even know his last name, right? Like you're dating three or four, you go on three or four dates a week, but we were just enjoying the process. So I didn't Google him. I didn't have him on anything. And I remember we went to attend his grand final and he's like, I'm going to put a bet on. And I was like, oh, cool. This could be fun. I'll put a bet on the other person. And like

whoever wins, you know, pays the other bet. I remember him saying, no, no, no, no, it's fine. I'm going to put like 150 on. And I was like, done. 150 each. The other person uses that money to pay for dinner. And I thought he meant $150. He put $150,000 on. What? Yeah. He was like, No, no, no, Britt. No, like he was not bragging or he was so – this is why I didn't know he had money, right? But he never worked, so it does check out. He didn't have a job. He just said, oh, I do some stuff online.

I thought he was just a banker or something. I thought he was just a banker. Well, because he – He just didn't have a job. Actually, I thought he was a criminal, but I didn't want to ask questions after the girl from Columbia ended up going to jail. No, because, you know, I mean, it was in London. he was European and he just said he worked online and did he traded and I don't know that world right I was like a hospital worker so I thought oh cool he just he's a some banker that trades

and just that's how he makes his money the stereotype of women not understanding finance is so funny well no because apparently he I would have been the same I would have been like numbers why apparently he was a trader or is a trader as well yeah he's a gambler no because his parents were really big in bank okay this is a his parents own the bank his parents yeah Elon Musk and I remember that moment I was like okay and something in me switched because I was like oh this guy has proper money and as someone that didn't grow up with money you'd think that would have been attractive but it made me really weird and uncomfortable and then I just I went home and I found out who he was I looked at his I'll never forget I looked on his computer I just didn't go

break into his computer but his computer was open and he ordered like an Uber Eats delivery or something on there and it had his full name on there so I just clocked his last name wait what do you mean you were dating someone that you didn't know the name no I didn't know his last name I just knew his name I was trying to be that person that's like free and like not like I didn't want to stalk him online I was like let's just embrace it this guy's great he's treating me well we're getting along like I don't need to go and stalk him he's buying me designer things and taking me on super yachts there's no questions to us anyway I did this deep dive and found out that his family were like billionaires in the country that I lived in I don't want to say

whatever anyway and it just made me fucking weird I got weird and I couldn't handle it and I started to be weird because I was like why is he dating me I'm not good enough for him I looked at his exes who were all like these insane models and it didn't work out we ended up breaking up but I caught up with him a couple of years later in Bondi he was like I'm coming not to hook up or anything. He's like, Hey, I'm coming to Sydney. I'll be in Bondi. Like literally he knew I lived there, I guess. And so we caught up and it was really nice, but he married a supermodel or something. And I was like, see, I was like, that's why this was going to work out because you married a supermodel, but that's the only person ever that I have ever seen again from

my past. Like I am a real, you're done to me. Yeah. Same. You invite them over for dinner. Same. I haven't invited them to Christmas if they've got nowhere else to go. They're all coming to your wedding. Keisha, I don't know if you need to cut that whole thing out. That was not planned, but I don't know if you guys are remotely interested in walks down memory lane, but sometimes those memories come to us. Well, look, also, I don't know if I'm the best person to ask right now because I got two pieces of feedback about last week's episode, and I'm here to say that the feedback

has been taken on board. There was one comment on Spotify that said this bin story is beyond boring, for which i say i'm sorry i've taken your feedback on board the truth is that day i really really fell off a cliff okay i haven't been well and the biggest issue is so boring beyond boring was the words and and the funniest thing about it is that not only did i kind of fall off of a cliff that afternoon i think i might have actually gotten the flu or potentially even covered last week But I spent four to five days that were the sickest I have been since I can remember. Like since being an adult, I think that that was the worst I've ever been.

And the problem was, is that I wasn't as bad when we recorded the episode. It was actually when I was doing the edit. Because usually I would hope, every now and then I will miss the mark. But usually I would hope that I have the kind of capacity to evaluate something and be like, this is going on a bit long. This is a bit boring. Maybe I should just cut this whole thing out. You just left the whole bin story.

There was a bit of me that was like, do I just cut this entire story? Like, I have no idea if this is relatable. I don't know if anyone gives a shit about this. And the thought did cross my mind. But I was so unwell that I let it go through to the keeper. And I am now reflecting and thinking, yeah, that was probably one that should have been on the cutting room floor. Look, sometimes it's a balancing act.

Is it relatable enough to be kept in? Because sometimes we ask ourselves after, and you did. I will take responsibility for that. after it you were like do you think anyone cares do you think anyone cares but I will stop talking about it and uh you know I just want to apologize I did spend a couple of days last week on my deathbed and just one last thing we spoke about how I've had this cough for so long and like we got a lot of messages and I just wanted to clarify something very briefly because I do understand that the way it came out in last week's episode did make us look a little bit irresponsible but

I actually have had this cough for so long that a lot of people were like oh my gosh Poppy you've been around Poppy. I've had it for so long that my infectious period was over about three weeks before Poppy was born. Yeah. It's almost just an irritation. Yes. Yeah. But now that I've become sick again, I'm going to keep my distance for a couple of weeks until like, you know, until we're, we're back to normal. I've never seen you look worse in your life. Thank you. You know, that's a real friendship, hey? You sent me a selfie and I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. I was like, are you dressed up for Halloween? Yeah, no, I wasn't. Well, also the strangest thing about this is that I feel as though I've had, remember around COVID time

and everyone was talking about brain fog? I actually can't believe how much I've had it. Yesterday I accidentally brushed my teeth with soap and it wasn't like I was like, oh, whoopsie daisies. I had it in my mouth and I was like, what the fuck is that flavor? What's going on? And I realized that instead of putting, because it's right next to each other, right, instead of putting the toothpaste

on my toothbrush, I had put soap on there. And, like, I was just doing all of these really stupid things. I went to take Bonnie for a walk and she's a puppy. Like I have to put her on the lead before we go out the gate. I just opened the gate and she just walked out and I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Like what am I doing? I keep on doing these really stupid things like not taking my keys to the car.

Yeah, I've lost the plot. The other thing that I will just say quickly because it might affect you, something else that Keisha did because of brain fog, it wasn't just left at the bin story. We're constantly having to approve people and let them in the Facebook group and there were 50 requests to let you into our discussion group And Keisha declined you all. Just for clarity.

I'm sorry. There's a couple hundred a day. We're getting through this phase where we were getting a lot of bots in the Facebook group and it was really annoying and everyone was having to report them and I had to remove them all individually. So we started putting a question that you have to answer to enter the group. And it's a good way to try and weed out the bots because the answers that the bots give are like really long and they're really detailed.

And a lot of the time they'll have American spelling. So that's a bit of a clue to me. I accidentally declined all of them. Rather than going through and like individually, I just clicked the button and I was on the phone to Britain. I was like, oh, whoopsie. So there's 50 of you. We're very sorry.

We didn't actually decline you. I don't know if there was more. I think like that particular page had 50 people. Keisha probably told me 50 because I'm a boss. She was probably like, oh, my gosh, there's only two people. Whoopsies, 500. So please, if you did request to join the group and we declined you, we didn't mean to decline you, please request again

and we'll let you in. We promise. today we wanted to talk about an article that is circulating online it was an article that was published on vogue and it is called is having a boyfriend embarrassing now it's been written by a woman called shantae joseph now the article opens with if somebody so much as says my boy on social media they are muted there is nothing i hate more than following someone for fun only for their content to become my boyfriendified this is probably because for so long it felt like we were living in what one of my favorite substackers calls boyfriend land, a world where

women's online identity is centered around the lives of their partners, a situation rarely seen reversed. Women were rewarded for their ability to find and keep a man with elevated social status and praise. It became even more suffocating when this could be leveraged on social media for engagement and, if you were serious enough, financial gain. Now, the piece goes on to argue that many straight women today having a boyfriend no longer carries the same status that it once did like they're trying to say that it used to be a real flex to be like yo I got a boyfriend and then live your couple goals life that is what everybody used to do and everybody used to be really happy for it and people used to be really engaged with that kind of content but it's not happening now

it went into saying that rather than being this milestone or achievement of like oh I'm no longer a single I've broken that curse and I'm happy and I'm in love that now it should be something that we shouldn't be proud of and it shouldn't be something that we're aiming towards having and it shouldn't be a goal that is something that we're putting on our checklist like we shouldn't be saying hey I really want a partner I'm looking for a partner we should be embracing our independence and our singledom it goes on to say that now the norms have shifted there are fewer hard launch posts of romantic partners there's this trend of the soft launch like the more subtle images of you know, when you see a hand on a steering wheel, it's usually a Bentley or a Mercedes or something

like no one's putting it on their little Astra. All of that I understand. And I understand that we've had like a shift in the societal norms, but the piece even went on to say that they interviewed women for this who said that they lost followers after they posted about having a boyfriend. I can see where that comes from, but I think that's a very niche market. And I do have some problems with the article as a whole, which we're going to get into. I think the people that of losing followers have based their content around being single and I remember I sort of felt similarly like I was really worried when I got into my relationship with Jordan because it was the first relationship I got into after a very very very long time single dating being really

unlucky in love and you kind of waved that flag on the podcast as well like Laura was the one who was partnered up you were the one who was kind of having the single experiences unintentionally it became my identity I didn't set out for it to be but all of a sudden it did and I feel like without knowing that snowballed and I became the person and because the podcast platform was so big I became the person that was having the terrible dates and the really bad dating stories and I did desperately want to find my person and be in love but I was still happy being single at the same time and there's a difference between wanting to find someone and finding them so even though I was saying, oh, I wish I could find my person. I fucking wasn't. I was still being ghosted and I

was, you know, like having all these ridiculous stories. And I remember saying to you guys, what am I going to do? I think I'm in a relationship. People are not going to want to listen to me, the podcast anymore. People are not going to follow me. Like they only follow me. And I really felt like I had unintentionally built this, this life and this identity on being this unlucky love person. And I think the women that have been interviewed saying that they lost followers after that, I don't think they're the everyday people whose friends are like, oh, I don't want to be friends with you now. I think that they're bigger people that maybe have been flying that flag for a long time. And then all of a sudden people, the people that their

community is like, well, you made me feel less alone. It's the people that are not really happy with their relationship status. I would think that are unfollowing people that have found a boyfriend. Yeah. I wonder if it's the sense of like, I no longer relate to you. Yeah. Or if it's actually that, you know, some people when they do have certain life things, this can be the case for not just a boyfriend but like having a baby or whatever their entire brand online shifts to the point where you're like well that's not why I followed you know like it would be the equivalent of me following someone for home renovations and then all of a sudden they're posting stuff about travel yes and I'd be like well that's not why I followed you so maybe it's

time for me to unfollow because like I'm not enjoying this content in a way that I used to so like that aspect of it I actually understand and I think I actually agree with it but the article kind of went on to almost like in a way it almost put shame on people who were posting photos or videos or content about the fact that they had found a partner and that they were going to share that partner specifically a boyfriend and this was specifically for straight relationships and the fact that it kind of like reduced their aura and it reduced their independence and it almost made out as though it was something that you should really keep to yourself the more I Reddit, the more angry I got. I want to read you this one line. To me, it feels like the result of

women wanting to straddle two worlds. One where they can receive the social benefit of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend obsessed that they come across quite culturally loserish. Sorry. Am I culturally loserish? I have a boyfriend. Dude. I don't post him very much. No, but this is where I started to get a little bit ticked off about it. I'm just sick of, and I've said it about other things, I'm sick of there having to be a label for everything and now posting your partner because you're happy makes you a loser culturally, to me is really fucked. And I think it's creating a really big issue. We have to think about every single thing we do in life already. And I can guarantee you this is only directed at women. This is not men. If a man

posts a girlfriend, it's like, oh, look how emotionally in touch he is. Look how much he loves his partner. The fact that we're just lumping this other worry and stress onto women, It's like, oh, my God, now I'm so happy and I found a boyfriend, but what if I post to him? Am I going to get cancelled? Am I going to lose followers? Am I a loser? Are people going to look down on me?

Does that mean I'm not independent? Is it the patriarchy? Like there are so many other things that we need to worry about. The fact that Vogue is writing an article saying, hey, you've got a boyfriend, be careful out there, like fuck off. That's what I want to say. Tell me how you really feel, Marie. But if you're, it's just, it's amazing to me that we are now lumping this onto women

again for something else you need to think about, stress about and worry about. I want to set the record straight here right now. I'm pretty up there on par with folk. But if you, if you are in love and happy, do what you want. You don't have to conform to what anyone says is right or wrong or cool or uncool. Like nothing. I hate people labeling cool and uncool. being cool to me is just being authentically you it doesn't matter what that looks like as long as

you're not hurting anybody and you're not completely toxic if you want to post your partner and people unfollow you you don't want those people in your life anyway if I go on to the other side here like the devil's advocate I understand maybe a deeper issue where Vogue is coming from by saying women are not wanting to post as much anymore but I think that's because they're not wanting to be in relationships as much anymore and I don't think that is coming down to it being uncool. I think it's coming down to the fact that we don't have to be, you know, we live in a different society now where we are far more independent, but women don't need to settle anymore. So when they, they go and try and find their partner and they're out there in the

dating world, there used to be a time where we would say, oh, there are so many things that are not right, but it's like probably the best of what I'm going to get. So I'm going to settle for it. And we don't do that anymore. We don't have to do it anymore. Yeah. I can see your point. There was this part of the article that I actually somewhat agreed with. And I'm just going to read this paragraph for you. It says, obviously there's no shame in falling in love, but there's also no shame in trying and failing to find it or not trying at all. As long as we're openly rethinking and criticizing heteronormativity, having a boyfriend will remain a somewhat fragile or even contentious concept within public life. This is also happening alongside a wave of women reclaiming

and romanticizing their single life. Where being single was once a cautionary tale, you'll end up a spinster with loads of cats, it is now becoming a desirable and coveted status, another nail in the coffin of centuries-old heterosexual fairy tale that never really benefited women to begin with. Now this part is where I do actually quite agree. I feel like if you look back even, maybe even like three to five years ago, there just wasn't as much content that represented a comfortable and happy single woman life I think we're seeing a lot more of that but I don't like the fact that this author is almost implying that the only way to actually have that content and have it feel authentic is to say that it's lame to have the other version you know to say that it's embarrassing

to have a boyfriend because that is no longer a symbol of status or a symbol of success well yeah and I think it goes a little bit further and saying being single is a symbol of independence and that you can only be independent if you are out there living your best life on your own and I think that that is absolutely rubbish you can 100% be in a relationship and have interdependence and I think it's really important I think every relationship should have interdependence instead of just being in this codependent relationship I'm a prime example of that married in love obsessed completely live my own life and my husband lives his own life and then we have a part of our lives that we live together I'm loud and proud about my relationship and my

love you know and I don't think that that makes me a loser but it's also not my identity in my whole life like I have probably more of a life outside of Ben than I have with him and I think that that is the slippery slope we're falling into when now it's just too labeled and categorized that like oh you're in a relationship so you don't get to make choices on your own anymore and you don't get to have any independence and like that's not cool anymore we we have this ability to to break down the patriarchy and live our best life so we shouldn't be getting married and we shouldn't be in relationships but that's rubbish we're still humans that want to have these connections with people yeah I do think that they have a point that the idea of like being in a relationship

and I would even extend that as far as being married was a symbol of success you know it was a symbol of the fact that you have achieved this thing that you're supposed to achieve in your lifetime. And it does make me wonder now, if we're taking that off the table, I feel as though we've also taken off the whole girl boss era symbol of success online. Like it makes me wonder what are the symbols that these people are looking for to indicate that someone would be proud of something that they've achieved in life. That's my entire point of breaking down this article is that just be authentically happy. If you want to be a girl boss, be a girl boss. If you want to be happy in love do it if you want to never date again and travel the world do it as long as you're

doing it because you want to not because society i.e vogue has told you that it's not cool to be in a relationship and post your partner anymore but it is interesting when you dive a little bit deeper like we are at an all-time low the stats in australia say that marriage here has never been lower we are 100 are steering away from not necessarily relationships but definitely the extra commitment of tying the knot legally and I do think it's interesting because Keisha you don't really care much about marriage like you've been with Toblerone for a couple of years and it's you know it's not something we've ever really spoken about on here a lot but you you don't really care about locking it down do you? Yeah no this is something that I'm not sure if I've

ever mentioned it on the podcast I probably have mentioned it in like Ask Uncuts in passing and that kind of thing and I think I've been a little bit hesitant because I've never wanted someone listening to it to think that I was judging their choice, which is kind of ironic based off of this article. Like I've never wanted anyone who has either chosen to get married or has the dream of getting married to feel as though I was shitting on them. But the truth is, is that I have never in my entire life felt the desire to either get married or be married. And I've been in my relationship for two and a half years now and while we've been together we have had a lot of friends get engaged and quite we've been to quite a few weddings together as like a couple

and so every time that someone else gets engaged or we go to another wedding I feel as though we kind of do this check-in with each other where we're just like I'm just checking are you still feeling the same about the whole marriage conversation like and we've had the conversation where we've both said, if it was really important to you, I would do it, but it's not important to me. And every now and then I just kind of check that we're still on that same page. And so far we have been, and there has been like a real part of me that has wondered why that might be the case. There's an aspect of the planning of it that I feel like quite genuinely, like I would be allergic to. I just don't have a brain that's very good like that. I feel you in that. I can

give you my planner. Like the idea of having to care about details that I just simply don't care about. I like, I have ADHD, but I am a headlines person. I don't care about floral arrangements. I don't care about table settings. I'm just not a person who cares about details like that. And again, I don't want people to listen to that and think that I'm judging you for caring. I think it's lovely that you care about those things. I have friends who love that kind of thing. They're really excited about making their wedding day as picture perfect as they have always dreamt about it. That's the thing that I find quite strange.

I cannot remember a time that I have ever dreamt about what my wedding dress would look like, what our Isle song would be, what our first dance song would be. There has never been a moment that I have, even like thinking back to childhood, that I can go, oh, I wonder if I'll have this at my wedding. I just genuinely have not ever wanted to have it. And maybe it's like people will say like, oh, you're a child of divorce. It's because you've seen divorce and you've seen the relationships break down. But my parents didn't get divorced until I was like 15.

So thinking back and knowing that I've never thought about it, even as a kid, makes me question whether that maybe isn't a part of the conversation. Well, interestingly, my parents, most of you guys know they've been married nearly 50 years. I think it's like 48 to 49 years. And I had like a very stable, wholesome upbringing. and I also never thought about my wedding. I never was one of those people either. I didn't have anything saved. I didn't have these mood boards. I didn't know anything. I picked the song that was going to be playing down the aisle for my bridesmaids two hours before they walked

down. It's not something that ever consumed me. I didn't know what kind of dress I wanted. I didn't know anything. And that is interesting because I always wanted the relationship and the love, I think because my parents had it, but the wedding didn't mean anything to me. I always wanted to get engaged and I couldn't wait for that but I think that was more just that taking the next step with a partner being like we're going to do this but I do wonder if Ben was Australian if we would have actually ever gotten married or just stayed engaged because for us it's really important for him to be able to live here easily one day that we are married and that's a huge part of why we did it obviously a huge part is that we love each other and are obsessed

with each other but it also as a kid didn't have that same I didn't have that same desire I don't know what it was and planning for me oh my god like Keisha worse like even my wedding planner was like you need to make the decision I can't plan it without it and I said please if I could turn up to a wedding that someone else had planned for me I would be happy like I don't I don't need the details either but I don't think it's because your parents were divorced I think it's maybe just a product of who you are like you're quite independent yeah it could be that and I know that a lot of people listening to this will be like you're focusing on the wedding day not the marriage and so there has been a part of me that's like is it the wedding day that puts me off do I

still want to be married and I've thought about like maybe we could elope and all of those things and genuinely I actually am trying to work this out within myself and be you know some people say it feels different you feel more committed to each other even my brother says that where I've been like does it feel any different like I feel as though I'm making a choice we're loyal to each other like I kind of like the fact that we're not legally bound I like the fact that it feels more like I need to I like that I can run if I need to well like maybe there is a part of me that is actually a little bit I'm trying to push away from the idea of a commitment like that I that being said that also doesn't make sense to me because we have a house and a dog now so that's different

to a wedding though it's different to a marriage yeah but for some reason those things feel more solidifying to me like the idea of being married doesn't it just doesn't cross my mind and so like reading through this article of like oh it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend I'm like lol I'm probably going to be embarrassing for the rest of my life then because I've just never had this feeling that I wanted to become a married person. And there has been moments where I've questioned like, am I missing this gene? Like, am I missing this? It seems to be something that every woman is supposed to desire and is supposed to want the security of and like the stability of it. And maybe there's a part of me that feels really lucky. I feel those things without needing

to be married, but I feel completely indifferent to the idea of being married. But you like the idea of getting engaged? I like the idea of having an engagement ring. I like the idea, but again, and I know that this sounds so superficial, I think it's just the jewellery. I just like jewellery. I think I like the idea of having a cool ring. Like I don't know if it's the symbolism that it's supposed to feel for me.

How does Toblerone feel? He feels pretty much the same, or at least he says he does. Like I said, we kind of check in with each other. over and over again and he just says like it's not important to me I don't feel any more in a relationship with you I don't feel any more committed and I don't know I'm not sure there's part of me that's been like maybe this is my way of pushing back on the patriarchy like marriage has been something that is socially constructed and it was fucked for women up until probably about 50 years ago I would like to think that I was that moral but it's truly that I just don't

have the feeling of ever desiring to be married. I totally understand that. And I think a lot of people will relate to what you said. Again, circling back, we are at the lowest marriage rates we've ever been in Australia. But what I will say is, and I didn't expect it, but it did feel different to me. Yeah. And I was, I was getting married. Like I said, I love Ben. I want to spend my life with him, but I could have just been engaged to him also for the rest of my life. Like for us, it's the same commitment, right? We know that we were committed to each other. Did I also want a very big diamond ring. Yeah, I did. But I was really surprised, even though it shouldn't and it doesn't make sense, something switched in the relationship and something switched in

us. I don't know. It's really hard to explain because technically nothing happens, right? Technically you've signed a piece of paper, but there's something deeper in it where you say, oh, I am choosing you. You're choosing me. And we are going to make this work through highs and lows and I don't know it just felt like this change where it felt more serious and you felt like you were taking the relationship more seriously which I know doesn't make sense because you should be taking it seriously anyway I can't explain the feeling but you hear a lot of people say the same thing and you can't put your finger on what it is yeah maybe it's that I like to feel freedom I think I like the fact that we're not legally bound together and so every day it is

a choice and it doesn't make it like it's interesting the words you're using as well because you're still just as free you'll still always be your person that can make your own choices and it doesn't make you I mean I'm talking about you right now because some people are different some people become financially dependent in a relationship and I think that that is tricky territory obviously there are times it's unavoidable when you're having families and things like that but I think for you Keish it's not like putting a chain around your ankle when you get married and like you're locked inside anymore you still have your life is exactly the same it's just a commitment and I'm not saying that you have to get married or you don't but

it's interesting and maybe we need to do it with a therapist off the podcast but it's interesting it's interesting to unpack like as you're unpacking it now live on the podcast like I feel like you're discovering these thoughts and ideas as well I hadn't thought about the freedom thing before but I guess the only reason we wanted to talk about this today is because I think that again, the narratives of wanting the status symbol of being in a relationship, wanting the status symbol of being married, I do feel as though the tide is turning. And there's an aspect of that that I really like. I just don't like the fact that this author of this article has kind of implied that the only way to demystify those status symbols is to make them shameful. So that's what I

don't like about the article. I feel as though they're saying like, oh, it's embarrassing if you post your partner it's embarrassing if you're in a relationship now and I'm like well yes I understand we've had an oversaturation of the fact that unless you had these things you were kind of pathetic like unless you were able to reach the goals of having a boyfriend having a marriage all that kind of thing you were less than but I don't think that we get to the point of like acceptance of other lifestyles and other choices by shaming the people who have done the things that we've traditionally viewed as success well it is time for suck and sweet brit hit me with your suck of the week my suck of the week i'm supposed to be going to see ben in like very soon in like 10 days

or something like that and it's just a bit up in the air now because basically like heaps of people at his team got fired shit like coaches and managers and stuff very normal in football it It also happens super quickly. That was something I learned from you guys that I thought the media industry was cutthroat. It seems like sport is. It is brutal. Yeah.

If there's a couple of bad games, the staff just get, it's wild. Anyway, so basically they had a couple of days off. I was going to fly over and it's just a bit up in the air. And now I don't know until a couple of days before. It'll be a really last minute decision and it might not happen because all these people got fired. it means new coaches and managers and bosses come in and then they might just be like fucking fat chance you guys are having any days off like you are you know what I mean because they're new you

don't know what they're going to be and the schedule was based off the old people so it's just crazy like I'm a week out from supposed to be going over there and now I've just got to sit and wait to see what happens and do I book the flight do I cancel it do I change it do I put on pause so that's pretty wild but my sweet this week is I have this one friend that I've told you about sporadically over the years. She's the friend in London and she's the friend that just messages me when she's like an hour away without me knowing from London. And she'll be like, hey, I'm going to- She's like touched down at Sydney International Airport and she's waiting for her bag.

Sometimes she messages me when she's in Singapore halfway and she'll be like, hey, I'll be there in like whatever that is, 10 hours. But sometimes she lands and she'll tell me she's coming. She knows that if I'm not there, she knows I have like a lock box with a key. She knows that she can come and stay. But she just messaged me on the weekend and she said, hey, you're going to be home tonight. I'll be there in a couple of hours. That's the kind of friendship we are. And so that was really nice and very unexpected. She dropped in from London. She was here for a couple of nights and then she left again yesterday. But it was as much as, it's very lucky that I don't have a life. Like it's lucky that I don't do anything. I don't have hobbies. I don't like

to go out that much and drink. So she's like, you're probably not going to be home. I was like, I'm home. I'm definitely home. And as long as you're willing to watch Netflix with me for the whole weekend, we're great. So it was good. I absolutely love the spontaneity that she has. I am a spontaneous girl myself, but even I am not that spontaneous. She just must back herself.

Look, to be fair, it's pretty easy to book a hotel. If worse came to worse, she could book a hotel and I'm sure that she'd have a great time by herself in Sydney for the night. But I love it. I absolutely love that she's just so... Lives the best life. What is it? Something of your teeth or something?

No, that's the wrong saying, by the skin of your teeth. My suck for the week is that, I mean, I don't want to, you know, ramp on about being sick, but it was actually being sick with a six-month-old Australian Shepherd puppy by myself because if there is a breed of dog that you don't want to be annoying you for the sake that it needs to go out and exercise for multiple hours a day, it's my little darling Bonnie and it was so rough.

I did offer to come get her for three days. Yes, yes, but I didn't take you up on it. But you said no. I was like, I'll come get her. I was like, I need her. I'm so emotional right now. I feel so alone. Well, because I remember when I had COVID and had Delilah.

Yeah. I could not, you can't look after them. No, I remember you messaging me and being like, can you just come and get her for a couple of days? You can't take them out for walks. And we had this wonderful dog walker, Grace. So she came and got her each of the days and she went out and she went for the runs.

But my God, that dog is starting to develop some sass. And I feel like she's getting into those like teenage sassy years. It doesn't get better. She's talking back a lot. There's a lot of communication coming out of her. There's a lot of big feelings. But my sweet is that I have this one beautiful friend, Soph, and she came over a couple of days into me being sick, which I told her, I was like, don't come.

I don't want to get you sick, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, it's fine. I've actually been sick myself. she brought me this like care package and it was just such a nice reminder that for a lot of last year she lived by herself and a lot of this year actually sorry she lived by herself and she was kind of talking to me about the fact that when you're sick and you live alone there's this particular feeling of just feeling a little bit extra lonely and a little bit like it would just be so nice to have someone there to look after me and just so everyone knows at home

it's because Toblerone's away at the moment yeah yeah he's away for work he's not just like locked in the basement. Actually, I decided I didn't want to get married and he left. So that was a real sweet. And it was also a reminder for me that if I have friends who are in that position, whether it be that they live alone or that they're single, I probably need to step up that little bit more if they're feeling unwell and kind of be that friend for them. So yeah, that was my sweet of the week. And it was very, very kind of her. That's it guys. Make sure you send in your ask uncuts please to Instagram. You can just put DMs, ask uncut. We'll keep you anonymous and you're Accidentally unfiltered your embarrassing stories.

Please send them in. We know you've got some goodies hidden in there. And the YouTube. YouTube is a big one. Every week we say at the start of the episode we're going to push the YouTube, but we always forget and we leave it to the end. Please go and hit subscribe on YouTube. We've got some really cool interviews coming up in the next week or two

that you're not going to want to miss. We have some very, very big guests. It's been a bit of a pinch me moment the last couple of weeks, hasn't it? Yeah, one's pretty spicy. that was the most obvious thing ever I love it one's hot

one's hot and spicy is that obvious yeah hot and spicy they work for KFC yeah it's the colonel it's the colonel himself we're divulging the 11 secret herbs

and spices but you know the drill take mom take dad take dog take friends and share love because

we love love Thank you for watching.