Life Uncut - Imposter Syndrome - Fake it till you make it

Episode Date: September 4, 2019

Have you ever felt like a fraud? Like you’re not good enough? Doubted your success? Felt like your achievements are all down to dumb luck? Yeah, us too! And it’s a thing! And that thing is called Imposter syndrome. Join us this week as we break it down. After a bach recap of course! Enjoy lovely humans, and remember subscribe, hit 5 stars and share the love. Because, well, we love love. XSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, lovely listeners, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. Hey, Britt. Hey, Laura. What's up? Well, not much. Just here, ready to do a report. How was your day? It was actually pretty good.

Yeah. I've got a babysitter for Marley right now. That's new and improved. What? That's because we tried to record this last night with Marley May. it was disastrous. Yeah, so we actually did try and do a test record yesterday and I had Marley in the carrier and she was not going to have it. It was party time the whole time. But we're here today and what are we going to be speaking about, Laura? Fake it till you make it. It's a phrase

that I'm sure we're all very familiar with, but have you ever experienced success in your life where at the end of it, you just felt a little bit like a fraud or that your achievements have come down to just dumb luck? Yeah, actually all the time. Brittany, I'm glad that we're talking about this today. I actually didn't know about this until you brought it up. And then when I started to research it, I was like, yep, that's me. That's me. That's me. Well, when we say this, what we're talking about is imposter syndrome. And that is what we're going to be talking about on today's podcast. But first and most importantly, we missed our batch chat last week. And so we're bringing it to you this week. Hell yeah, we are. Speaking of batch chat, did you hear what happened

in the media this week. Yes, I did. Georgia Love and Leigh Elliott got engaged. Yeah, they did. And I feel like I should say about time. I know everyone's been giving them a hard time or have been for a long time saying, come on, get married. But I like that they took their time at doing it. I think people were just excited about it. Not saying that Leigh had taken too long. I think they just wanted it to happen because they wanted another Batchy success rate. Well, everyone's getting married from The Bachelor. So I feel like we've got another one on Team Batch to take over Maths. Ha-ha, maths.

Suck it. We are definitely beating maths, aren't we? Yeah, absolutely. Maths has only got Jules and Cam. I think they're engaged and they're getting married this year. I don't know how competitive you were, Laura. That's the only reason why me and Maddie are getting married, because we want to win.

That's it. It's still all about that. So I'm actually excited to recap the batch, but I'm more excited at what is happening this week, because you secret squirreled something and you're on the episode this week. I am so sneaky, sneaky. You mean tonight. the episode is tonight yeah the episode tonight yes so snazana and i went into the batch mansion

and you hardly snuck in with your big pregnant bellies did you we were actually so i think snaz was maybe six months pregnant when we were filming and i was eight months pregnant um yeah so there was no sneaking you two anywhere there yeah so we waddled our way into the batch mansion and we got to interview the girls so that is on tonight's episode which i am pretty excited to see and also nervous i don't want to see my head on the tv again oh please i saw you on the advert and you looked a million dollars no i look very pregnant which is still great and i am i know but it's just weird seeing yourself on tv when you're pregnant or seeing yourself at all when you know we both literally did a show i feel like it's an out-of-body experience but anyway that's on tonight

so if you want to see me give some terrible relationship advice in real life that's what i'm doing tonight on the episode i have one big question what i probably can't tell you yet why didn't they invite me on the show um yes so i don't know why didn't why didn't they invite the honey badger for relationship i really thought the honey badger and i would get an invite brit you are still bachelor royalty i will make sure of that don't you worry we could have been a what not to do sort of segment i don't know do you want to sit in the same room as nick moving along okay so on we're gonna recap the last week's episode of bachelor so if you haven't watched it then great if you have then probably like skip forward until we start talking about

imposter syndrome yeah so we're going straight into episode nine where ellie got the single date and they went and did that little weird fire dance oh so they did the same fire dance they did with alora i just feel like maybe bachelor has run out of ideas because on our season Elora was the fire dancer girl and then then she did the fire dancing on Batch in Paradise and now they're doing fire dancing on The Bachelor and it's just become a big fire dancing affair I mean surely they are going to run out of ideas and they're going to have to eventually start to recycle things um I don't think they're eventually recycling ideas every single one of their dates is the same as the year before I don't know did you inseminate a pearl oh actually that's true

I didn't do that one that was a new one but then they also had the group date this time which was jumping out of an airplane. So they wrote down their emotions. The whole idea was write down your emotional baggage and put in this little bag and then they went and jumped out of a plane. I mean, I feel like that's not necessary, the plane part to get rid of your emotional baggage, but they sort of did something similar for us. We had to write down our emotional baggage and then we had to go and run. It was like tough mudder. It was like this hardcore obstacle course. And for some reason that was the only way to shelf these emotions. How to get over all of this terrible emotional baggage that you've been carrying around for so long i swear to god it was gnarly

so back to skydiving back to skydiving they had to write down their feelings and then that was just a ploy to get them on a plane to jump out of the plane and poor china was petrified yeah there's always one also china was always going to get their extra time as soon as one person's like oh my god i'm so scared but i overcame my fears it's like girlfriend you are going to be rewarded because overcoming your fears is the first step to finding love so you win then every other single girl. Cause God damn it. Why didn't I cry? I'm more scared. I know. But then maybe if you put it on and fake it, do you then just seem like a total pussy? Yeah. To be fair, I'm an adrenaline junkie and I've done bungee jumping and things like that, but I have never skydived. And I think

I would be like China. I would be petrified. There's just something in me that I thought they were going to do it for me on The Bachelor. Luckily they didn't. I would be like her. So I'm going to let it, let it slide for her this week. Well, see, we did jump out of an airplane and I was so jacked on adrenaline. I was like, I can do this. It's fine. It's so fine. And then since since then, Matt and I have gone bungee jumping and I can't do it. I'm actually a super massive pussy. I hate heights. I probably never would have jumped out of a plane had it not been in an environment where I was. Well, you had to. Yeah. I was like really being really competitive, which is terrible. Maybe I just wanted to win. Oh my God. Am I engaged to a man who I just wanted

to win? I think so. Oh dear. I've been charred with him. Oh my God. What am I going to do? Babe's a board mission. Was I, Abby? Trying to get the extra time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we fast forward to the big bombshell where Mary tells Matt that Rachel has a plan B. Oh, that's right. You may remember. So I just love that the girls this season,

everyone's just throwing everyone under the bus. First it was Abby with Mon and then it was Sagan with Abby and now it's I like Mary though, so I'm not even angry that she did it. Yeah. Mary, we love you. We're so sad that you're gone. But anyway, everyone's dibby-dobbing on everybody. Dibby-dobbing.

Well, yeah. Okay. Now who's throwing who under the bus, please? Anyway, so Mary dibber-dobbered on Rachel about Plan B, who is a producer, if you don't know. So I actually know who the producer is. Are you going to tell us? No.

You can't keep that to yourself. I know, but look, I just don't want to throw anyone else under the bus. No, I want to know now, Brittany. Tell me. What I can say is he may be from another country. That's what I'll say. Now you'll know. Oh, he wasn't working on our season.

And then there was, I was trying to think and I was like, there was definitely no producers on our season. They're all female. Yeah. The thing is, he's great. He's such a great guy. And every girl I think has had a crush on him. Or do you think he had a crush on Rachel?

No. Oh, you think it was one side of plan B? Was it one side of plan? Yeah. But you know what? Like regardless of the whole liking a producer and the phone number and the drama and everything else, Rachel was getting zero time from Matt, the bachelor. Yeah, that was never going to happen.

It was never going to happen. so good on her for, like, setting up other avenues. Keep your options open, girlfriend. All those eggs were in the wrong basket. You get out of there and you go get your producer. Then Nikki, the cheerleader, who we love and he's a little angel. Nikki, it was freaking hilarious. I feel like the rest of the show is going to be boring.

Well, it's not going to be boring. It's all down to the love now. I just think it's sad that both Mary and Nikki are gone because they're the two that have the best narrating skills. They are freaking hilarious. They're not afraid to say stuff that makes you go, oh girlfriend you naughty I like her Mary's high-pitched voice she just calls everyone a bitch but she says it in a way that she can get away with it yeah she's she's very endearing it's

the cheeky smile but otherwise I just don't really think anything else happens so let's go to episode 10 oh okay all right sorry jumping right ahead in case good thing for the people who didn't watch it because clearly it was boring next step all right so the group date it's the acrobatics date again I feel like that this is a retake of the trapeze date that was done on Georgia Love's season of bachelorette with the boys and matt my maddie ended up getting the extra time on that one so i felt like that was like a rub up against her in that oh god i don't know probably no no it was more like tricks and flipping and stuff um well straight up they were like abby we need somebody to straddle matt abby got the boobs she got the boobs she got the boobs i don't got the boobs i

don't got the boobs actually i got the boobs now yeah yours are humongous at the moment yeah it's because I'm breastfeeding. Great. Poor Laura walked in yesterday and I was like, I was like, Hey, nice to see you. And I was like, Whoa, your boobs are humongous. Yeah. You're all welcome guys. Anyway, back to acrobatics. So Abby gets like the first time with him. She's rubbing herself all over him. She's very sexual. We already knew that. Like I would like to say it is a very nice moment where they did kiss and I was spinning rapidly, but did you see them shaking? Matt was shaking through that kiss and was really like nervous. Did you notice that? I don't think he it was someone shaking because he was nervous i think he was shaking because he was physically

trying to hold their body weights by one arm so i think he was yeah i mean he's an astro batchie maybe he fitness isn't his strong point who knows he's trying to hold himself up and he's and then also he's trying to you know kiss this really hot and look sexy yeah who he has absolutely no chat with all they can do is make out so i i don't know i reckon abby's gonna go home soon it was a quite a nice little moment that they had afterwards where they're on that floating chair in the extra time that abby got she told matt that she was falling in love with him and i think she went too hard too soon i don't think that you can tell the batch that you're falling in love with him when there's still seven people left yeah she wants to win i was gobsmacked when she said that

or did she say i think i'm falling in love with you no she didn't say i love you she just said yeah basically like i think i'm falling in love with you i can see this for me falling in love with you sort of thing she said all the big things don't throw that the only l word you can throw around now is like lust or let's get loose hometown let's get loose i just threw that one in there alliteration and stuff like i like i like i like the only time that you should start dropping l-bombs and not that there is a rule but that's like there's an unspoken rule guys is at hometowns hometowns is for for like taking it up a notch so then we have the single date yes which was chelsea chelsea and i love chelsea i think that she is a very surefire for top two

i am gonna go all out and say chelsea's end game we have no idea we're just like placing our bets oh yeah if we had any idea we definitely she's she's a front runner hot horse but i think it's between i mean obviously it's between her and ellie because they've both got the most beautiful storyline happening but I just think that she from from a practical sense she's from Melbourne she's into the same things as he is they've got the big nerd thing going on I just think yeah I just think that she's such a smart choice which is the easy choice not I shouldn't say easy choice but it just all makes sense doesn't it and sometimes people sort of say like oh like it's too obvious it's it makes too much sense that it has to be some but in real

life like why do you need to pick the relationship that's going to be difficult why can't you just pick the person that lives down the road where actually it's going to be really easy afterwards that was kind of what happened with matt and i i know we we didn't have to like do this big long dramatic long distance relationship i just got to pop over to his house after the show finished it was great convenient very convenient but i absolutely loved their date i was laughing out loud when they were rappelling down the building and chelsea couldn't get her feet she just kept slipping over i i very rarely am pissing myself at the tv when the batch is on Like, I'm usually pretty entertained, but there's very few moments where I'm actually, like, fucking can't hold my shit together, and that was one of them.

She was so funny. They were useless. He was trying to act all cool, calm, and collected, but he was dropping nuggets for sure, and he was, like, thought he was going to be Batman, Spider-Man, Ninja, and he just couldn't even deal. But she just slipped totally off the building and then ended up just lowering herself down. She literally goes, I can't get back up, just, like, plop me down. I loved that date. It was awesome, and I just think that they have such good chemistry together. All right, then there was a moment that I just don't know how I feel about it.

I probably wasn't as awkward in real life, but the belly dance. Sagan's belly dance. Oh, wow. That was really, really, really unfortunate, wasn't it? And also the fact that she has never had lessons and was like, I just like to listen to Shakira. Oh, that was the cutest. Ah, God, everything hurts my insides.

And the thing is that you guys don't know, well, I don't know if you don't know, they don't play music at those cocktail parties. Yeah, so she would have been dancing to Silence. that is 100% spot on, which is even more awkward. We would always ask for music and they'd say, no, we can't because we can't hear dialogue. So the poor little thing is shaking it to some internal song. I don't know what she was playing in her head.

Well, do you not remember how they played a bit of the music at the start and it seemed like it kind of was cool and then they said the girls had their dialogue and they were like, oh, this is really awkward and then they stopped the music and it was just Sagan dancing with nothing going on. I am a little bit off Sagan'd. I'm going to say that. because I think that she has been really riding the Abbey train,

taking every opportunity to get tied up in the drama. I think she just needs to let it go now. Focus on your own game. Stop crapping on about everyone else and how everyone else is a bad person, but just focus on you and focus on the relationship that you're trying to build. So she's kind of turned me off a little bit. Yeah, fair.

Yeah, okay. That's my thoughts. Okay, great thought. Is there anything else that you want to bring at me from Batch? Yeah, there's one more thing actually that they showed. they do this behind the scenes on 10 play and they actually showed some more footage of that belly dance that wasn't shown on the episode and it was matt up dancing with her oh that's kind of cute was it good or was it really embarrassing no it was embarrassing but my point is it wasn't as

awkward as it was as we saw i mean he did get up and dance with her they had a bit of fun i mean it was he was obviously just trying to make her feel comfortable it was pretty looked pretty awkward Yeah, she'd be going home soon. I reckon that she's going home soon. Yeah. Oh, well. Oh, poor Zagant. I just think she's just been so stuck in the drama.

Drama, drama, drama. And drama is never good. Stay away from it. Have you ever felt like your intelligence or experience is a facade? And now I'm talking about maybe you've just gotten a job or a promotion that you've been gunning for. And when you get that promotion, you think to yourself, oh gosh there probably wasn't any other candidates that were better than me or you know that were

worth it or god they might have had slim pickings this time. Do you feel like even though you've worked really hard you're just not quite good enough or there's someone who's better at the job than you? Brittany have you heard of imposter syndrome before? I have not heard of imposter syndrome before but I have felt everything you just said before so I think a lot of people are going to be really surprised by this term by this syndrome but once they hear it I think they're going to relate. Well, it's basically this feeling of being a fraud in either your employment, but it's not just isolated to employment. It could be in your relationship where you think, God, they're going to figure out that I'm not actually great at this, or I'm not

an expert in this, or I'm not smart enough or good enough or pretty enough for the job that you actually really are quite skilled for. It's common in men as well, but it's more common in women and I think that is because we are just brought up to be more emotional and care more in all aspects of our life you know we are the nurturer so we don't really want to hurt people's feelings and things and things like this whereas men are brought up to just fake it till you make it like you said we definitely have more um not not that we have more but we're sort of geared towards being more empathetic I think as women I think also this idea of imposter syndrome and not being good enough. It comes from being criticized, whether that criticism is internal,

but that criticism can also come externally as well, whether it's come from your family or it's come from online. There's all these different aspects of it that influence how we internalize or how we are able to view our own successes. I feel like this has been around for a long time, but probably more prevalent now due to things like social media, Instagram. We have this constant comparison of our life in every aspect. Absolutely. This person's traveling to this amazing place. How are they doing that? This relationship looks so perfect. Maybe mine's not, I'm going to go and critique that. Why did they deserve that? And I don't, what are they doing that I'm not doing? Maybe you're in a relationship where you think I'm not actually good enough for

my partner, or maybe my partner doesn't like me as much as I like them, or maybe they're going to leave me because they're going to figure out that, you know, I'm not funny enough or cool enough or hot enough. So it's this level of insecurity and self-doubt that I do think also can be termed or coined as an imposter syndrome. And I definitely know that I've experienced this in my relationships before. When you sort of brought this up that you wanted to talk about this topic, I started to really think when has this happened to me? And I have found examples of it happening in all aspects as well, relationships, love and work. In terms of relationships, I felt it big time on The Bachelor. Well, that's because you've been pitted against so

many other people and so you're constantly critiquing yourself as to whether you're good enough well i just couldn't understand a long at the beginning i couldn't understand why out of all the women on there why am i on the show like why what did they see me because i couldn't see it then as it progressed a lot of the girls saw our connection and they were saying oh it's going to be you brit like it's definitely you know and i was saying no way why would it be like look at i just i was always against it always quite negative about it which i shouldn't have been right up until the very end. And then just the night before when I thought, oh my God, I am good enough. It is me. The ending where he didn't pick me really set me back 10,000 years

to the stone age. But obviously, you know, now that Nick's choices have no impact and no way representation of whether you're good enough for a relationship or whether you're even good enough for Nick. I mean, that was clearly just him and he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. And that was totally on him and his personal journey. Sometimes it's difficult to separate the two. Well, I think that that's maybe why a lot of people feel this because they let someone else's decision impact them too much. So I know now that I for sure was good enough. I was probably too good. Let's be real. When I ended up with Matt, I found myself saying things like, oh, you know, well, he must've had slim pickings, which is actually so insulting to the other girls on

my season because there were great chicks on my season and to you but I didn't I didn't mean it like that I wasn't saying that to try and put the other girls that he didn't choose down I was saying it because I genuinely didn't feel good enough and didn't think that he actually wanted to be with me it took me ages to get my head around the idea that this guy the bachelor we'd all put on this pedestal wanted to be with me so I didn't feel good enough in my relationship I didn't feel like I was worthy of my relationship. And I did think that Matt was going to find me out as being a total fake. I do think imposter syndrome kind of comes to play when you're outside your comfort zone. And there is probably some benefits in some respects to it. And now I'm not saying that it's

in any way a healthy mindset. I think it's a really negative mindset to get into, but it does challenge you to want to be better. And it does challenge you to want to keep on this trajectory of learning and of improving. They definitely say the more success you have, the more you experience it. So you never actually grow out of it. And there are some signs, some really common signs, and they are things like perfectionism, overworking, undermining your achievements, never just being able to accept that you did a good job. Full stop. Fear of failure is another big one and discounting praise. There's a number of those that I think, you know, I can really relate to. And I think a lot of people probably can. Well, it's not, not just like when we talk

about this idea of imposter syndrome it's not just modesty so it's not being like oh you know it was nothing I just got lucky it's this real internalized fear that you're not doing a good enough job and even though you are successful and even though other people see you as being successful you're actually faking it so I think that there's a fine line between being modest and and actually suffering from something that's quite debilitating and can stop you from being able to be successful just ruins your enjoyment of the achievements that you have yeah and i was reading an interesting article just written by a psychologist dr norris and she just says that we really focus on it because the human brain generally doesn't focus on good things because

the good things can't hurt us yeah so we don't we don't take note of that and hold on to it and think about it because it's not going to affect us is it isn't that interesting because we are as as people we are so negatively geared we're so geared to take um we don't really take praise but we do take negative feedback so even for example going back to social media you might receive you know 10 lovely comments saying you look great today but if you received one comment from someone saying oh my god you look like trash that dress looks hideous on you that would really stick because we're so geared to take criticism and to and to believe that more so than to believe the niceties that come with compliments. Definitely. We 100%, we only focus on things

that are a threat to us, to our mental health, to our physical health, and that's in every aspect of life. Well, I hadn't heard about it before now. So I went and looked up some TED Talks and I do have one that I can recommend if you guys want to go and have a listen. His name is Mike Cannon Brooks, and he is a very young billionaire from Australia. He is the CEO of a company called Atlassian. And he does this really interesting talk. It's only 15 minutes. It's pretty funny. you'll be entertained but he actually makes this comment about even now when he's up with the likes of Elon Musk he still feels like someone's going to come and knock on his door with a clipboard and say hey we found you out this is all fake and you're not deserving but he talks about when he

first started his company he got nominated for entrepreneur of the year in New South Wales so just in the state he just thought that was so funny and he had no chance of winning he didn't even turn up to the award ceremony but he won and people would probably think that that's almost arrogance but it's just this total lack of self-confidence yep he was young he had maybe 50 employees and he just thought oh my god that's so ridiculous i'm not going to go anyway they won so someone accepted the award on his behalf then when he went on to the nationals he thought oh i better actually go to this so he rented himself a suit turned up didn't really have anything prepared and he won again so he's he won entrepreneur of the year australia wide that he's representing

australia now and he's sitting next to this guy that has 30 000 employees and he only has 70 employees he still cannot understand why he's there but he has this conversation and he says to this other businessman i don't know why i'm here and i shouldn't be here and the businessman said i've been doing this for 40 years i have 30 000 employees multi multi multi multi billionaire I still feel this every day so it doesn't matter what level of success you get to it doesn't go away doesn't end even like talking to Samantha Wills and the last podcast she's someone who I deem as being so successful in the jewelry industry to think that she sat there at the top of her career going oh my god I'm not good enough to be doing this and doubting her achievements

just kind of makes you step back and go you know what I'm doing all right well the other thing is two nothing worth having comes easy and nobody just gets up and becomes an overnight success and a billionaire and whatever else you have to go through these failures and you have to hit brick walls and you can't be scared of that and doubt that and what they're saying is what a lot of these psychologists are saying is there's no fix quick fix to imposter syndrome but there are things you can do and steps you can do and that is first of all accepting failure for what it is you failed it's not the end of the world you just keep going also failure is kind of great as well sometimes failure is where you do your best learning it's within that discomfort and it's

within being uncomfortable and going oh well shit that didn't work that you know you you can actually grow and learn new things i think it was thomas edison who said something along the lines and don't like i'm gonna quote this incorrectly but i'm gonna put some words in thomas edison's mouth he said I have not failed I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work which is such an interesting way of looking at it because he's like well I didn't fail at it I figured it out eventually but I had to do all those different things to get to the end point of learning actually you know what this is how it's done well even Albert Einstein who's actually recognized as one of the most influential scientists of the last 500 years Einstein is well I'm just really reiterating

this i'm driving this point home he even said he described himself as an involuntary swindler and he didn't think his work was deserving of as much attention as it was getting now i'm sorry if he's experiencing it and thinks he's not deserving enough well i think we can all cut ourself a bit of a break a bit of slack i know so okay how does one deal with feelings of imposter syndrome so if you're sitting there and you're thinking i'm not good enough i have this self-doubt this anxiety that comes with that how does one then work towards overcoming it or work towards getting to a place in their workplace or in their relationship where they can actually enjoy success and be comfortable and take a cup take a goddamn compliment you know well I think the first thing

you can do and the best thing you can do is just to gather evidence gather proof of what you've done and why so instead of saying I shouldn't have got this job what a fluke you say okay why did I get this job was it the report that i put in last week was it the fact that i have done overtime for five years there are always a reason so instead of just knocking it down just go back and look at some positives and some evidence and gather your proof that's step one i think you need to have self-awareness so when you find yourself thinking those thoughts and that that imposter syndrome idea starts flicking into your mind go oh like i'm doing that again i'm thinking those thoughts again so having awareness could be the first step so that you ensure that you're tracking

your thoughts and when they emerge you squash them you know bring in that secondary dialogue that's like i rock i'm badass bitch i can do this job and there's a reason why i'm here there's a reason why this man loves me because i'm worthy of that and have you heard the saying you know the energy that you put out is what you receive like attracts like is this what you mean yeah so in a relationship, if you are constantly doubting why he's with you, why he has interest in you, if you're voicing that, even if you're not, even if you're voicing that internally, that's the energy you've got. But if you start to constantly say that and question that, one day that person's going to wake up and say, why am I with you? You're right. If you're in a relationship or you're in a

job that you're happy in, you need to take success and be able to accept that when it comes your way as much as you need to accept your failures as well and look at your beautiful self in the mirror and tell yourself, I am the real deal and that you are absolutely worthy and deserving of all the wonderful things that come your way. 100%, very well said. Thanks. So, welcome to our favorite part of the episode and that is Ask Uncut. Each week, we have people right into our instagram account which you can follow if you don't already it is at life uncut send us your questions and we may read them out and this week we have two to do so brit

come at me what is the question all right coming hot laura question one i've been with my partner for 18 months we've broken up three times we are broken up now but he wants to get back together do i do it is on again off again hold that thought is on again off again healthy or sustainable and How do I know if this time will be different? Ooh. Am I allowed to do it now? Yeah, you can moan as much as you want. Ooh.

I have very, like, severe feelings towards on-again, off-again relationships. Do you? Well, I mean, the on-again, off-again relationships I had never worked out. Evidently. Evidently. Yes. Yeah, well, I think this is what?

They've been together 18 months. They've already broken up three times. So they're breaking up once every six months. I know I made it in maths. You are so smart, Brittany. You're not just a pretty face. Brittany is here in the podcast room wearing no pants, everyone. I just thought I would tell you.

Excuse me. She has a very short shorts on. I'm a mum now and it's just too much. They are denim shorts. They are frayed. Okay, let's get back to the question. Shush. Okay.

Stop perving on my legs then. Yeah, girl. I think that you've been breaking up once every six months. There's got to be a reason. First of all, the first six months should be honeymoon still. And I guess it's are you breaking up because you're cheating on each other? Are you breaking up because you don't agree with something that is sort of game-changing like they don't want kids or religion?

They could just be breaking up because they have conflict in their relationship that they can't overcome in conversation, you know, like just sometimes these relationships, it doesn't have to be one big thing as to why, but you're just constantly bickering or you're constantly fighting or you're constantly at each other and there's no harmony or, or, or peace. And so you break up and then a little while later, you're lonely. So you get back together and maybe it's not lonely. Maybe you do actually miss the person. They think this time is going to be different, but then each time the same

shit unfolds and you're still bickering and you're still, because there are just some people that even though you're intensely attracted to them, your personalities aren't dynamic. They don't fit together. And so I think after 18 months, if you've already broken up three times, either you're getting back together and you're slowly weaning yourself off each other or you just don't work because you shouldn't be having that many issues that for that length of time really a square peg round hole if you want to get back together like what do you want to get to back together for are you wanting to get back together for a fantasy like is it the relationship that you wish it would be has it ever been that relationship yet because I feel like six months

there's not a long enough time to actually say that you've found a sustainable amount of happiness with that person. The only other thing I could say, I agree with everything you said, but the only other thing I could say is, are you getting back together and actually talking through what the problem was? Because if you're just getting back together, not discussing it, not dealing with it, of course you're going to keep breaking up. But if it's something you could speak to each other about and work on and say, look, to be honest, I just don't like it when you speak to me this way. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you didn't like that. Boom, problem fixed. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and over. It's the definition of insanity. So if there is

nothing that's changed other than the fact that you want to get back together, if that's the only thing that's physically changed, girlfriend, you are going to break up again. Get the hell out of there. Just evacuate. There is someone else out there who's going to give you a relationship and it is going to be a hell of a lot easier and a hell of a lot more harmonious than this constant on off. That's my opinion. Question number two, come at me bra. Okie dokie. I've been dating someone for over two years. Up until now, I haven't been introduced to his family or his friends. I've been very much kept a secret, but I have finally, after two years, been invited to my first event with his friends this weekend. However, I'm having second thoughts about going

to go or not to go. I should be excited, right? But instead I just feel resentful about how long I was kept a secret. Should I go or should I run away? Wow. I'm sorry, but that boyfriend's a dick. Yeah, he's a dick. I think the only reason why he would be keeping you a secret is because his friends and his family don't know that he's in a relationship with you, that there's no other reason. If he had told his friends and family that he was dating you, then they would want to meet you. They would be the ones pushing for that to happen. So why did he keep you a secret for two years? Did he keep you a secret for two years because he wasn't sure about the relationship? in which case, do you want to be with someone who's not sure about you? I don't know. I definitely

wouldn't. Or was he keeping you a secret because he had other things on the burn that you don't know about? I mean, not to try and create drama where drama doesn't exist, but I think you have an absolute right to feel insecure and to feel resentful by the fact that he kept you a secret for two years. No, Laura, I don't think you're creating drama where it doesn't exist. There is definitely a solid underlying reason that somebody doesn't want you to know their life. If you're that big of a part of his life, two years is a solid amount of time. It's so much time. And do you know what? Sometimes it is a little bit too little too late. So unless he's coming to the table and being like, I want you to be my girlfriend. I want you to meet my family. I want

you to meet my friends. I want you to be integrated into my whole life. And you are ready to like wipe the slate clean and walk into that relationship new then i don't think he gets to have it his way anymore drawing a line in the sand with this one but i really think that two years is way too long to be treated like this well so this actually reminds me and i got asked this a lot after the sociopathic uh episode so brit did an earlier episode about how she dated a sociopath for anyone who hasn't listened to it or doesn't know go and listen to it because it's a freaking good episode episode three yeah so a lot of people wrote in and said how did I stay with him for two years if he had another if he was marrying somebody else didn't I meet his friends and

family this that was a question and it really got me thinking I actually never met his friends but we were just so busy that that was okay his family he kept me from for maybe a year but he just said we just didn't have time to get there until I actually said you're gonna introduce me to your family or it's over so we flew down to where he lived where his family lived and he said to me and I believed it and went along with it he said to me look I'm going to introduce you to my family but they just really loved my ex-girlfriend and I don't want them to think you're the reason we broke up so I'm just going to introduce you as a really close friend that I'm showing around the city oh wow I know oh my god alarm bells right big red flags that are just waving and

wafting in the air like I want to punch myself in the face right now when I when I listen to myself say that what an idiot but I was so I just oh I really want them to like me so okay I don't want them to think I'm the reason you guys broke up so I'll just be the good friend and that's the problem right like when you really love someone and you're you but you believe lies you just do because you want to believe them and if it's not in your nature to lie then you're not going to question everything that this other person does as being untruthful and I think at the end of the day though this behavior of trying to keep you a secret for two years it's pretty alarming and there's a reason there's a reason yeah there's something about his personality or there's

something about the way he's behaved that should make you step back and go okay do I actually want to have a relationship with someone who doesn't want me as part of a fundamental part of their life. If they are hiding you, they are hiding something else. Yeah. That's all I have to say on that part. So that is our very uneducated, not uneducated, unqualified perspective on your relationships.

If anyone else has any questions that they would like to ask us, Please, please, please write in to at lifeuncut on Instagram. If you slide on into our DMs, we will pick out another two questions next week to answer for you. And we can keep you anonymous, obviously. We never, ever mention anybody's name. It is time for Suck and Sweet. Do you like my voice?

I'm trying to do like the, what's the guy's name? Yeah, from Love Song Dedications. You sound like Osher. I'm going to do the rest of the episode like this. Please, please do not. Okay, I won't. Sorry. Okay, okay.

Second suite, come at me. Do I have to go first? I can go if you want me to go first. Yeah, I just really hate when we know this is coming, but we don't think about it every week. No, I'm organized. Okay, hit me. I have my suck and my sweet.

Suck, hit me. So my suck this week is that Matt has been away. He's working in far north Queensland. So he's been away for eight days, which has been interesting, you know. I just think to myself, I don't know how. don't know how people manage to have a baby and do it on their own and yet i understand that some people don't have a choice and they just have to do it and even just seven days of being on my own i have such respect for women who do parenting and and work and everything else and just have

to juggle a life on their own it's really really hard you are amazing that is my suck i've done seven days on my own and and hats off to you and my sweet is that i've just booked a holiday and i am going to europe bitches yeah you are i'm going matt and i are taking marley we're going to just go for it i know that everyone says traveling with a baby is really really hard but i'm so stoked for it can't wait we're gonna go to the uk then we're gonna go to paris and hang out with matt's mom and we're gonna be like hey nana take our baby we're gonna go out and have dinner and Then we're going to go to Puglia. Is it Puglia or Puglia or Puglia?

No, I think it's Puglia. I think the G is signed. Ah, Puglia. Yeah. Like Bolognese. You don't say the G. You're going to the coast and you're going to eat pasta. That's all you need to know.

I plan on coming back a few sizes bigger and it's just amazing, you know, because I've still got my paternity pants and I do not care. Baby number two. Oh, do you know what? Paris is the city of love. Matt is so keen. Matt's so keen to have baby number two. And I would absolutely go for baby number two right now.

I know that anyone who has a toddler is going to think that I'm insane, but I am getting married next year and I don't want to be pregnant at my wedding. Yeah. Good call. That's fair. So I'm holding out. Just do it on the night, like a wedding night. Yeah.

Okay, Britt, hopefully that was enough time for you to think about what your suck and your sweet is. So come at me. What is your suck? My suck, this is actually hard for me to say, and I've only just decided to say it now. Something happened to me this week from a company that were going to dress me. they said that they would dress me what happened then i'm not going to name the company but i do you want to name and shames and we can just shit all over them no i don't want to but i just think

that people need to hear about it so i'm a size i usually wear a size eight to sometimes a 10 if i want it a bit looser like i'm not a big person but i'm also not a tiny blowing the wind wave like model either i'm fit and i'm normal and i'm just normal so they said they addressed me then they wrote back and said oh um sorry just to ask what are your measurements i was like well that's weird. Anyway, wrote my measurements and they wrote back in a nicer way, essentially said I was too big, curvy, whatever else to be dressed by them. Did they say it was for their sample sizes or did they just say, sorry, you won't, we can't dress you? They sort of said we, no, they sort of said, oh, we just don't have anything for you right now. Wow. Then I wrote back and said, oh,

will you have anything for me in the future? Wow. And essentially they just said, contact us in the future. And I don't know if that means contact us when you lose weight. I don't know what that meant. I remember reading it in the car. Do you know what? That's bullshit. In this day and age, I'm so sorry, but it's not acceptable to only be fitting size sixes. As you know, I don't cry. I cried because I just thought that is just, I felt for about two seconds, I felt really bad about myself. And I thought, oh my God, am I really too fat? And then I thought, get a grip, Brittany, you're a size eight. To think that you've been made to feel like that. But this is everything that's wrong with the industry right now.

well I mean I do think that it's changing it's changing slowly but it's definitely not changing fast enough well I just thought hello have you had a look at Kim Kardashian Beyonce JLo all the biggest most beautiful women of the world they got booties they have curves they have booties they have boobs they have everything that a normal woman should have and should strive to be and I'm sorry but it's just not on as a brand or as a label you have a responsibility to make sure that the language that you're communicating is in no way going to be putting someone down or making someone feel like they're not the size or they're not the type of person to wear your clothing like that's just such it's such poor behavior and it's and it doesn't fly anymore that's the thing all

you would need to do now is call that brand out on this podcast and they would get slayed exactly but i won't do that it makes me feel like you should but at the same time like you know this isn't a churn and burn no because i'm so sorry that you've been affected by this because that is a shitty shitty suck girl it is a suck and i'm gonna hope that it was just wording and i they have beautiful things and i'd love to wear them one day and maybe they're listening to this and they will reconsider their emails okay brit and what was your sweet tell me that your sweet was a really sweet sweet because your suck was a really sucky suck yeah my sweet's very similar to yours because psych I booked a holiday and I'm coming to Paris with you and Matt are you joking

because you can be the babysitter if that's the case no I'm going to Mexico oh you're going to Mexico oh my god aren't holidays the sweetest sweet ever I just thought everyone takes this moment to go and book themselves a holiday because like we're just rubbing it in your faces now no I just thought like what would make me really happy right now and that was sun a cocktail and a big ass taco girlfriend i'm there with you well not there i'm gonna be in paris eating crepes yeah crepes potato no my sister's been living overseas for a year so i'm going to meet her so i'm just super chuffed so you and i will be away at the same time which is nice oh i'm so i'm so excited what a great suite we both have this week and i like that we were

organized enough to actually remember to do a second this week yeah thanks anyway guys that's it for us today so thank you so much for tuning in we hope you laughed and learned something and we will be coming back hot next week guys if you have loved this episode please leave us a review give us some stars jump onto at life uncut and send us a little message for a question for and if you like it share the love because remember we love love Thank you.