Life Uncut - INTENTIONAL CELIBACY - The path to Pound Town is closed!

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

How're you going Lifers? Possibly a bit blue because the world is a bit of a dark place at the moment.In today's episode we are taking a deep dive on intentional celibacy, and we are joined by one of our community members whose story was just too great not to share with you all!Becky speaks about her deliberate and considered 2 years of abstaining from sex, & how it completely evolved her sense of self worth and healed her from previous relationships.Becky is a burst of energy, and could possibly look at kicking off a career in comedy with all of her one liners, and she had a pretty unconventional end to her 2 years being free of the D and V, and that was by going to a sex party and joining a couple for group sex.She speaks on how the period provided her with so much clarity on where she wanted to go in life and how to focus on herself.We kick off this episode by discussing the pros and cons of the new laws that will come into place in Aus about what influencers can and can't post and look, it's multifaceted to say the least!If you love the episode, share it with someone you love because we love love!!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany.

And you know what, 2022... That was a big sigh, Laura. Fuck, 2022 was supposed to be a good year. It was supposed to be the year. And now half of Queensland's underwater. There's so much shit happening in Ukraine, which is horrendous. I just think that the year is not the year that we thought it was going to be. but do you know what I think we've got to stop thinking that it's going to get better

I think at this point we need to live just in the moment I think we need to all embrace life live every day to the fullest because if anything that we've learned the last few years it's you literally never know what is going to happen thank you for that inspirational talk Brittany but it's true don't you think it's like I think of how many plans people have made how optimistic we've been and I think it's really important to stay optimistic for sure I was wondering where you're going with that and I was like yeah so everyone should stop planning anything and like just give up because that's where we're at in life it's never going to get better than this the opposite I think it's a little bit of a reminder and I think I am really guilty of it

as well in not living in the moment and enjoying a day or a situation for what it is it's always I've got to do this tomorrow this is next week this is next year we're gonna do this in four months it's always this looking ahead and working really hard towards things which is amazing but how often do we all sit here and just say hey right now I'm having a really good day I agree with everything you just said but I also want to say like for anybody who is in Queensland and is suffering with these floods like holy crap we're thinking of you I can't even imagine how hard that would be I've kind of feel and not that we want to talk about what's happening Ukraine because I feel like we are not the authorities to speak on this at all but I think that a lot of people are

probably feeling very helpless right now like I know like I've been reading the news I've been trying to stay up to date I've been looking at what charities to donate to but I feel incredibly helpless by how big and absolutely fucking devastating what's happening overseas is and when we're so protected and we're so lucky here no and in terms of what's happening in Ukraine like Laura said of course we don't want to be a doom and gloom podcast but the fact is there is a part of the world that is undergoing something that no one should ever ever have to do and I think it's really important that everyone educates themselves on that and I did put some links up I did do some searching to find places to donate that actually are really helping the cause so

somewhere that i found and i linked it to my instagram stories but if you are wanting to help and you don't know how there is a page that i found that i did a lot of searching and i found some other people that shared it it's very reliable her name is bethany frankel her instagram is bethany b-e-t-h-e double n-y f-r-a-n-k-e-l now bethany in conjunction with be strong provide emergency assistance to people in crisis it's an initiative in partnership with global empowerment mission they have so far raised nearly three and a half million dollars as of this recording but that is just nowhere near enough and a hundred percent of their donations go to helping those people in ukraine so if you are wanting to look for somewhere to donate that's where i have chosen

and that is somewhere that i am going to recommend even like caritas like i mean i think if you can spare a little bit of money just to put towards whether it's a monthly donation, a one-off donation, like that will help in a big way. And I know that a lot of people listening to this will feel exactly how I felt on Saturday, which was really helpless. The anxiety around feeling helpless that something so big is happening in the world and that we can't really do anything about it. But you can, if you have some spare money to help in that way. Now onto the podcast and what we're talking about on today's episode. You guys might remember a few weeks back, we talked about celibacy it was a small intro chat that kind of grew into like a bigger chat we just

and then we became obsessed with it and then now none of us ever want to have sex ever again because we're all working on ourselves that's a lie anyone listening we definitely do want to have sex again i had sex on the weekend everyone hope you can be happy for me well there is no need to rub it in laura some of us are not some of us are healing but i'm glad for you um okay so the chat that we had about celibacy wasn't like your typical like religious celibacy it wasn't because of a cultural perspective or a belief system it was just like every day you me whoever chicks deciding and guys deciding that they wanted to have some time off the emotional turmoil and the the physical connection that you create with someone when you have sex or when you're chasing

being in a relationship or when you're chasing that connection with someone so it's not just celibacy in a physical sense, but also emotional celibacy. We spoke about our views on it a couple of weeks ago, but after that, we had so many people from our community reach out who had had some really interesting experiences from going free from the D. No, and it started as a TikTok trend. That's where we found it. People were talking about their celibacy on TikTok and what it's done for them and why they've done it. We got really interested in it. So we had a little discussion. I have been celibate before unintentionally just because I couldn't get lucky in the past. But it also doesn't count. Okay. So the whole celibacy chat thing was like,

it doesn't count if you're spending all your time trying to date. Like if you're still going out there and you're texting, you're still like on the dating merry-go-round, even if you're not actually having sex, it's not really embracing this whole idea of celibacy. No, that was a joke, Laura. It's definitely intentional celibacy. It's not as funny when I explain it. It's definitely intentional celibacy and I have had friends that have done it in the past. I do know people that have said, you know what, I'm just going to do it. I know athletes through Jordan. I know people that have done it for three months at a time. A lot of athletes do it because it's supposed to help them play better, perform better. Yeah. Keep that testosterone in the body. That's

masturbation as well. So the athletes that do it, it's not just sex, it's ejaculation. So because I think they think that all that pent up energy is used elsewhere. But also I think we all know how distracting and how all-consuming it can be when you're in those initial phases or stages of dating or when you're trying to be in a relationship or when you're like maybe you're not in a relationship maybe you really want to be in one and it can be all-consuming the whole dating cycle and I think that a lot of people go through phases of having dating fatigue and I know that Britt and I we've been talking about doing an episode on dating fatigue coming up but this conversation around celibacy we put it out to the community and so many of you had had your own

experiences around celibacy. But one of you wrote in now, Becky, she is part of the Life Uncut community. She has, she is a legend. We got her story. She wrote into us and we were like, we don't even know how we're going to, what we're going to do with this. I was obsessed with it. I was like, what? You're a, you're every part of this. I was like, yes, yes, yes. Well, she did it as like a bit of a self-discovery, a bit of self-healing coming out of a bad relationship and then had a really unique experience with being celibate, intentionally celibate. So we originally were like, I don't even know what we're going to do with this interview or how we're going to use it. And then we sat down with Becky and we were like, oh no, we're going to, this is an

episode. We're going to share this with you guys. So we're so excited to get into that a little bit later and talk to Becky, talk about her experience with celibacy. And maybe if you're going through a really hard period where you feel like you're on the dating merry-go-round, where you feel like maybe sex hasn't always been used as a healthy way in your relationships, you might get something out of this as well. But before we get into that chat, which we absolutely frothed, we want to talk about something else. Now, Laura, you put some stories up on your own Instagram about this whole influencer ban that we've seen in the last few days. If you guys haven't seen what we're talking about, it's everywhere at the moment. There is an influencer ban, like a new law, a new rule that's

come out about promoting skincare or medical skincare, vitamins, things like that on Instagram. you're not allowed to do it anymore in a nutshell you're not allowed to do it you're not allowed to get paid for it you're not allowed to receive free gifts for it Laura decided to go on her Instagram and have a little chat about it now how did that turn out because I know you got a lot of people sliding to the DMs I know the Daily Mail popped you back on another story uh what what happened and because I think this is really interesting chat so I do want to talk about it seriously okay there's many layers to this the first layer is that I've had a couple of wines on my Saturday night I'm going to go into the whole thing but just to kind of give you a bit more

insight into what these regulations are. So it's the TGA, who's the Therapeutic Goods Administration of Australia, are bringing in more restrictions around how influencers can promote certain products. And like Britt said, it's products in the healthcare space, but also in the skincare space. And it's skincare that makes medical claims. Now, I just want to make it really clear because I'm not here being like, won't someone think of the influencers? I genuinely think this is a great thing. I think it is really important that there is more regulation around the things that influencers are allowed to promote and how they promote it. Because at the moment, it's a relatively unregulated space. The only product in this entire category list that I was

like, I don't get it. I don't understand why you'd want to minimize promotion in this space was sunscreen. So sunscreen is considered a medical product because it is regulated by the TGA and that has been excluded. So moving forward, influencers will no longer be able to say, hey, use sunscreen or wear this. They can say use sunscreen, of course they can, but they cannot be paid by brands. So basically influencers will no longer be able to receive payment for all free gifts to promote sunscreen. And it means like brands like Neutrogena or La Roche or I don't know, name a few other skincare brands. Bondi Sands who create sunscreen, they will no longer be able to pay influencers to promote their specific products. However, influencers will

still be able to say, hey guys, wear sunscreen, which they won't do because they're not getting paid for it. Well, I completely agree. I think that there do need to be more regulations around what people promote 100%. So I'm not worried about that. I do completely agree. I don't understand why when we live in a country with the highest level of skin cancer in the world, why you would ban people from advertising sunscreen. I think that it's really important. And I have advertised sunscreen in the past because I'm very particular about what I advertise. If I ever advertise something, it's because I have to really believe in it or use it. Trust me, I believe in sunscreen. Oh, sunscreen is like, I do not leave the house. And this is like, no one's sponsoring this guys.

I don't leave the house without 50 plus on. And that is because I used to leave the house without 50 plus on. I used to go and surf for eight hours with no cream on. I used to bake myself when I was younger because no one cool was using sun cream it wasn't cool back in the day when we were younger and that's because like Laura was having a laugh this morning she's like remember the old slip slop slap great promo but it's not cool yeah look don't get me wrong there's been amazing advertising that has happened on and off social media for sunscreen like incredible advertising the slip slop slap campaign is great is it cool nah not really like I don't think there's any 14 year old or 15 year old going out to their friends being like hey slip slop slap

I've actually said that to my friends but we know I'm not cool okay okay the reason why I wanted to talk obviously I talked about it on Instagram if you follow me you know but I kind of wanted to have a bit more of a fleshed out conversation around this because I think that there are a lot of levels to it that go just beyond the sunscreen so before you get into it can I just say I was out having some drinks with my sister and friends on Saturday night my sister came down and I saw Laura's stories because I was out I couldn't hear them and I was like I can't wait tomorrow to see what she's ranting about. I could just see like the hand actions that I know your facials. And I was like, would love to see what that's about tomorrow. It's so funny. Cause I

think that we have a bit of a unique take on this. And I think that we're in an awkward position because some people would say that we are influencers because we have big social media followings. I don't find that awkward. No, I think it is. Cause I think, you know, we in Australia, people don't really like influencers and I understand why it's because there's this huge distrust. And there are also a lot of influencers out there who will happily take money from a brand we'll promote it without ever using it. And I think that that's really inconscionable. Oh, you mean we're in an awkward place because I guess we are in a way grouped into that, even though we don't necessarily see ourselves like that.

Totally. And I think that my defending any of this new law doesn't come because I'm worried about not making money off sunscreen. I did receive a couple of messages like that and I was like, okay guys, I own other businesses, but that's totally fine. I guess I wanted to just flesh this out because it did blow up in my stories for many different reasons. And I totally understand why. And I can see the for and against with the whole conversation, especially in terms of sunscreen. But like with all the other categories, I just want to reiterate, I absolutely think that influences need to be more highly regulated. And I think that there needs to be a higher level of accountability in the same way that there is for marketing and advertising

online or also in magazines. There's a standard for which people can advertise and you can't make radical false claims around products. The other thing about sunscreen and why it's such a specific industry is because I know that there are a lot of natural skincare products that have come out now and influencers claiming that they are sunscreen. I guess my thing is instead of blanket banning such an important product, instead of blanket banning a product that we know people need to use for their own health and for their own safety. And we know that the positive affirmation and influence of people talking about it has actually helped to reduce skin cancer in Australia. And also the amount of people who are not wearing sunscreen. My thoughts are, why wouldn't you just

limit people or put the regulations and the restrictions on people talking about non-TGA approved sunscreen. So instead of saying all sunscreens blanketed, go, okay, well, yes, things that have gone through the TGA process, they can still be talked about and endorsed. However, anything that comes up as like a natural health remedy, rub this bloody dirt on your arm and you'll be safe from the sun, like then that can be what is actually banned in this process. Yeah. I don't think a blanket ban makes any sense. And then it's confusing because it's like, and look we drink alcohol we like alcohol but it's just interesting when you would go and ban something like sunscreen which we know in australia is so important but you wouldn't go and put bans

on things that are actually altering to your body and that have proven effects to be harmful to your body like alcohol and again like when we drink we're not used correctly i do think it's interesting that there is a different set of standards for like how they're calling out the health care world or the world of like trying to promote healthy living, but it's okay, like we said, alcohol, but also things like fast fashion, fast food, there's no regulations around this. And so it seems like things like alcohol and fast food,

things that are infinitely more unhealthy and can lead to a much more unhealthy lifestyle don't have the same or any regulations around them. And I guess there is like, this does have a flow on effect. If you think of small startup brands or people really trying to get out there, this takes a huge level of advertising away from them because whether people like it or not,

we live in a world now where social media is the way of the future. It is the way of advertising. People don't really pay for TV commercials anymore. People are funneling their advertising money into Instagram because that is where we consume everything. It's where we consume our news. It's where we consume our entertainment.

It's where we consume ads. Instagram is the way of the future. So this does have a flow on effect for a lot of little businesses. So it is, I don't know, I'm here for it for sure. I think we do need more regulations, but the things like the sun cream can't get my head around. Well, I think this whole conversation comes back to like, generally speaking, people do

not like influencers as a whole, as a business, you know, it's not a respected industry. It's also, there's so much mistrust when it comes to influencers. And that's because so many of them have shot themselves in the foot by working with brands that just go out and we've all seen it. I'm not going to name brands because I don't want to go to a trotter rubble, but like there are plenty of brands who are like new startups. it might be a skin cream it might be a hair product whatever it is and they basically just go out and go bang bang bang bang bang use every single influencer in the market you guarantee that

these influencers have never tried the product before jumping on the bandwagon and that's why there's such a huge amount of mistrust you know one cream that's saying it can cure acne it can cure cellulite it can make your skin supple it's like there's too many things that it's claiming to be possible and a whole variety of influencers are claiming can be possible. And then people go out and spend their money because they've been influenced and the product is subpar. So I get why people feel misled, but I also think in that there's also a responsibility that comes from the brand. As a brand, we need to be more conscionable in like, if you're going to use an influencer as a brand, really upskilling them, explaining to them what

the benefits of the product is, making sure that you have mandatories where that influencer actually uses the product for a certain period of time so that the advertising that you're getting as a brand is also authentic. I think that there are many levels here of responsibility. 100% agree. And that is like a perfect little segue into something else I wanted to talk about that is sort of in this transparency world of influencers. The UK has just brought in a law, almost around the same time as the law we're talking about now, that bans influencers from using quote misleading filters in paid beauty ads so in the beauty world skin world everything influencers now are not allowed to use filters that will actually mislead you into thinking

the result is better and I think that this is absolutely 100% something that should be brought in worldwide because it's pretty easy to put a photo up that's like look how bad my skin was and then throw a Paris filter on it be like look how good it is now I think that this is a really really good law to be brought in. And if influencers are found to be using these filters that are completely changing their face and their look, the influencer and the brand has repercussions. They both can be reprimanded. They can be taken off Instagram or other social medias and they can be fined. So I think that this is really interesting. So when you say they can be taken off social media, does that mean that actually Instagram is endorsing of this as well? Or is

it a government endorsement? So this decision was made by the Advertising Standard Authority, which is the ASA, it applies to all brands, influencers and celebrities based in the UK. So the UK's advertising regulatory recently announced a watershed ruling against Instagram influencers that use image altering filters while being paid to promote beauty products. So Britain's Advertising Standard Authority determined that social media adverts containing filters that could exaggerate the results of the product being marketed to the audience were misleading and that brands and influencers found in breach of this ruling moving forward would be removed and see both parties reprimanded. So I'm going to assume there is a fine or a longer term

ban, but they can both be removed. So I think this is a really huge move. It kills me when I see influencers who I've met in real life and then I see like, I know you don't look like that. Or like it's almost shocking sometimes. Like you see them in real life and you're like, wow, you do not look like you look online. And so to be spruiking products where you're claiming that it can do something that you don't even have yourself is a really, really unconscionable. And I'm so all for that. Like we said at the very beginning, I think that this is a place that needs to be more heavily regulated. For example, we all came out of this wave of skinny me tea. Like how fucked was that drink skinny tea and you'll have diarrhea and then be skinny. Of course it's drink water and

not eat food and you'll be skinny. So I also understand why there's so many medical professionals who when they hear these new regulations and rules come out they're like yes because the only people who are supposed to be giving health advice are people who are actually skilled in it. I feel like these laws come out in the UK and America first and they make their way to Australia so I don't think this is too far off this banning of filters for especially after this law with banning sunscreen and medical skincare I think really soon Australia is going to see the ban of filters for any beauty products I'm very welcoming of that. Well I also think it makes sense but I think it makes sense across like all media platforms how crap is it that you can open up a magazine and you can see

somebody promoting a skincare product but that person in the picture has been photoshopped it works in all types of media i think we can be particularly critical of social media and of influencers but i also think that this plays out across a huge variety of different advertising platforms it's not just something that's solely problematic on social media another interesting aspect to this is around media literacy and where does the where does the blame lie and the responsibility completely lie and now I understand we can say advertisers shouldn't be allowed to do this I understand we can say influencers should know better there has to be a level of responsibility on the consumer to a point where you can make an educated decision yourself and say I actually

don't believe that that doesn't look right we do have to be able to self-educate to a point and it's just an interesting discussion on how much responsibility does lie on us to sort of educate ourself around a product. I agree that in some way and to some level we're like oh we need to be responsible for what we consume whether it be on social media on tv or wherever but the other part of this is that there's children who are consuming this there are so many kids that are on social media and they're the ones that are easily misled and like I don't expect a 12 year old or a 13 year old or a 14 year old to have media literacy I don't expect them to understand that what that influence is saying they've actually been paid for them to be saying what

they're saying so that's why I think like ads need to have a higher level of transparency I'm glad that they brought in the whole rules around like paid partnership hashtag ad all that sort of stuff I hope that they bring in rules and legislation around using filters to mislead your audience but I also think like we could also work towards having some sort of influencer governing body that actually works towards upskilling influencers teaching them how to make better ads, teaching them how to be more responsible in the advice that they're giving. So it's not just these, you know, 17, 18, 19, young 20 year old girls who are out there trying to make a business, but also don't really understand the ethics behind the business

that they're running. Because I know at university and you'll remember as well at university, you are taught these things. You are taught how to receive information and interpret information and what you do with that information. So we are taught these things. Maybe it needs to be something that we're taught because the world is changing from when we were young to now social media is everywhere maybe it's something we need to look at teaching in high school now about how to consume information how to ask questions and how to do your own research maybe that is something unfortunately we have to bring in to the younger generation because like you said you cannot expect a young child 8 to 15 to self-moderate to self-moderate no sure they have the ability

100 they're doing it every day without knowing they receive information every single day and they decide what to do with that we just aren't pushing for them to be able to do that online and maybe that is a whole new conversation that the world needs to have yeah I totally agree and then there's a whole other one that comes into it like does that happen at home or does it happen in school or like how do we talk about it and I know that there's probably school teachers who are listening to this who are like please don't give us any more things to try and teach your children in school like the world is rapidly changing and I'm glad that the legislation is catching up with social media. However, I do think that we have this very warped set of standards between what's

okay in like print magazine versus what's okay on a social media platform. It also opens up one more can of worms and that is, and it's something that we've said many a time, that is the whole idea that this online world that so many people strive for can be taken away in a heartbeat. If your whole income your job is purely on social media this is a pretty volatile world that can change overnight and we have just seen that so for anyone that just had huge ambassadorships in skincare medical skincare proteins protein all the supplements yeah we haven't even mentioned that the proteins and the fitness people and like i love a protein powder but people that are purely based on that they have just lost a huge amount of their income and i imagine that would be worrying

this is volatile this could be taken away at any point so it's just food for thought like young influencers truly are a business they're their own business but no one's teaching them the right way or the conscionable way to go about doing that business and so when I said before that you've got 16 17 20 year olds running these businesses you know they've got big brands coming to them saying hey I'll pay you three thousand dollars to post a photo they're not and they haven't been given the skill set to understand necessarily or to work through why it's so important and what can be the ramifications of not being transparent and authentic I do think that with like big profiles there's a huge responsibility that comes with it but I think that it's an ever-evolving

space and it's a really interesting space but I still think that influencers should be able to promote sunscreen because I want everyone wearing it I think anyone should be able to promote sunscreen anyway let's move on to something a little bit more fun and that is accidentally unfiltered slash a confessional i have a confessional today and i love this one because this is an urban legend come real life okay someone in this room laura delilah or keisha has just farted oh fuck it's not me it's keisha i'm too far away keisha's literally sitting on the dog bed though in the house we're sitting in what is like the spare room that's been set up as a studio room we're really moving up in the world guys but instead of keisha sitting on the couch

she's sitting in the dog bed i've just realized yeah on the dog mat and the dog is not on the dog mat anyway let's move on you've got a confessional is it that you just farted no this is like this is the stuff of urban legends but this one really happened okay i'll be the judge of that i found out my boyfriend was cheating on me not just once not an urban legend but he had had a full-on other relationship with this chick we were living in share house with his best mates at the time. So I felt incredibly betrayed as there is no way that they all didn't know what he was doing and what was going on behind my back. I ended up moving out almost immediately, but all my stuff was still at his house. So this one day I arranged to go to

the house to get my stuff. I organized a time when I knew all the boys would be out of the house because I still had my spare set of keys. I said I didn't want to face them and I didn't want to see him. I brought my best friend, however, and a 500 gram bag of uncooked prawns and two knitting needles i then proceeded to stuff uncooked prawns into the curtain rods in all the bedrooms and the lounge room i used the knitting needles to shove it as far down as i possibly could turns out that the boys ended up moving out of the house three months later because they thought that a possum had died in the walls and the whole place stuck like shit that is a brilliant what a mastermind that is like that's messed up and that's what i mean by this is an urban legend because i have

heard something similar to this in like the winds but to actually go and physically do it you are an evil genius I think it's brilliant and they deserved it but I would never think I mean a I would never think to do that myself b if there was a smell in my house I would never think to look in the curtain rods I was never like it must be a prawn in the curtain rod you never would and you would clean everything out of the house and you would still be like where is it coming from and the fact that you did it in multiple rooms I've got a few feelings about this because let's just also reflect on the fact that this was a rental property and so the people who own this property are like why the fuck does my house stink like shit what about the people that just moved in

well they get we would have to burn it down start again rip the cupboards out like that stuff is going to get into the walls people yeah that's true that's funny for a hot second but not for moving on in the future if i owned a house and someone in that house did that to me i would be because at the end of the day that's your business now there's a stinky prawn hidden somewhere you would also assume it was a possum in the wall and pay someone a lot of money to come out and find it they need like a metal detector but like a smell detector for real bad things is that i think i don't think well i don't know but surely this happens surely this legitimately happens where something dies in a roof or dies in a wall and then you can never

find it for sure but there would be a big difference between like a possum behind a cement wall and prawns in your above your bed too because my bed's under a curtain rod could you okay well you were absolved of your sins i don't know actually i'm not you can absolve i'm not absolving that's cooked i don't know actually that's raw get it that was so fucking bad it was so bad it was great okay give me your confessional wait have you got a confessional or an accident yeah i mean it came as an accident i'm filtered but it's a confessional all right hit me i feel like this is something you would do probably because i'm petty because i'm petty af that's why no this is not about being petty super duper super duper duper duper anonymous message please

that's literally the opening line but i feel like you'll laugh you are the only people i think i will ever tell and all of australia because it's so mortifying a few months ago my toddler was having the nap of their life in the car they're one of those kids that when they're asleep you need to leave or that all-important 90 minute nap will be a 10 minute nap and that will be it for the rest of the day now i feel like you can relate to that you can't transfer them yeah you can't transfer it's a real problem so I sat in the car being a good mum and letting my darling child sleep I'd been running around all day and hadn't had a moment to even think about going to the bathroom suddenly I had a terrible feeling I really needed to poo oh no but I didn't want to

wake my child oh no I waited and I waited and I waited and of course she kept sleeping and sleeping and after 30 minutes I couldn't wait any longer I waited up do I wake my child up and they'd be the devil for the rest of the day or do I find somewhere to poop you wake them up now I well she did not she did I live in an apartment so we were in an underground car park it was dark and no one was around and I remembered I'd left a plastic bag in the nappy bag so I got up pulled my bag out sat next to the car pulled my jeans down and did a poop in a plastic bag wow rather than wake now she must have a devil child if you are going to poop in your garage at risk of someone walking in to see you rather than get your child out of the car you have a devil child

I think it's a real low point when you're taking a poop bag to a bin it's your own like that's a real low I mean I've done that in the past I did that when I was like 21 and I had a liver parasite in Europe oh dear god anyway guys on that note thank you to everyone who's written in accidentally unfiltered and confessionals i think we need some more confessionals i think we need some more like i love what have you done that you just wanted to go to the grave with but instead you told britain myself maybe laura maybe you and i need to come up with a confessional maybe we need to put a couple in and people can guess who's who's i have some pretty cool things that i've done maybe i'll just lie to you i don't actually i'd rather i'd rather rely on yours than

admit our own all right guys let's get into the chat with becky around intentional celibacy you might remember a couple of weeks ago when we spoke about celibacy like what effect does it have on your relationships what effect does it have on you as a person and we did a little call out we asked if there was anyone from the community who had actually spent some time where they had consciously gone and abstained from sex and we received so many people who messaged us and said their unique and different stories around why they chose celibacy and when we say this I mean not in like a religious sense not because it was something that from their own ethics or belief systems that they felt that they needed to abide by but it was just a conscious decision you know

being in your 20s or in your 30s and going cool I'm gonna just have some time away from having sex and we had somebody slide into the DMs we have Becky here to talk to us about her story because it was so unique and it stood out so much to Brit and I around how and why Becky decided to have a stint of abstaining from sex. Becky, welcome to Life Uncut. Hi, Gail. Thanks for having me. Becky, I read your little DM slide in and I called the girls and I was like, I don't know what we're going to do with this, but we need to talk to this girl. I was like, this is so interesting. And there are so many layers to your story. It's not just, oh, I didn't have sex. I want to read out your Instagram DM, but I thought, you know what? It's better if I just let you tell your

story. So let's start from the very beginning. Give us a bit about you. How old are you and what relationship were you in when you decided, fuck, I have had enough of this? So I am 31 years old. I'm a midwife and I was in a just a shit, a shit, toxic, gross relationship on and off like two and a half years. And it just was such a waste of my time, but I still got out of it and was, you know, just devastated as you are from these kind of toxic shit relationships. And I just realized how much time I'd wasted, how much validation I seeked from this one person. And I decided, no, that's enough. I can't, I need to heal myself. And in order to do that, I can't use sex and relationships as a distraction anymore.

And what was so toxic about the relationship, if you don't mind me asking, in terms of, Was it just that you were two people that were wrong for each other? Did you fight a lot? Was there cheating? Was it abusive? Like what level are we talking so we can get our head around why you ran the other direction from sex? Totally. So it was toxic in all of those senses, basically. We were really, we were just two people that were really bad for each other. We had absolutely nothing in common. He wasn't very nice to me. He didn't treat me very well. And yeah, it was pretty, he was pretty manipulative and yeah, it was just, it was just shit. It was just bad. What was, I mean, this is a very personal question, but like

how important was sex in your relationship with him like was that like something like you guys had a healthy sex life would you say up until that point that like sex was something that was you know a high on your priority list sounds like it's the only thing they had in common totally a hundred percent a hundred percent which I think that is common as well Becky I think a lot of people stay in relationships I know in the past like I've definitely dated people too long purely because I was like we have a lot of chemistry we have great sex I'm gonna just hold on to this one knowing it's not going anywhere. And I think a lot of people are in the same boat. Totally. Look, the sex wasn't necessarily the best sex of my life. I'm not

going to lie. I hope he's listening to this. But there's something about that toxicity and the breakup sex and the makeup sex. And he was kind of just a shit boyfriend. So the only time I felt close to him was when we were having sex. So I really kind of, you know, that's something that I craved and that I sought out and I wanted to do all the time. If he wasn't having sex with me. He didn't love me, which, you know, he didn't love me anyway. So it didn't really fucking matter whether I fuck it or not. Totally. You hit the nail on the head with that. There's something that's so like, it really binds you to someone because it's volatility that can come with these toxic relationships and the physical side of it really kind of just like, that's where you

get your affirmation from. If they're not giving you verbal affirmation or anything else, that can be where you seek. And I think that you can then almost have pattern behavior where, okay, cool, that relationship has broken down, but then you can kind of go and seek that in your next relationship as well. So, after your breakup, how long was it that you were like, okay, I'm going to just not have any sex at all? So, I decided after the breakup, but once I'd done like a bit of healing, like a lot of it, I think to begin with was a lot of self-preservation. I was like, nah, I need to take a step back. I need to heal. I need to sort my shit out because I was a bit of a mess at the end. And then I decided I'm going to be celibate for a year, like no sex.

And it had to be an emotional celibacy too. So I wasn't talking to anyone. I wasn't on dating sites. I wasn't having any kind of emotional connection, like relationship wise with anybody. So it was an emotional celibacy and a sexual celibacy. And I decided, yes, it's going to be a year and I'll see how I go. And I thought after a year that I'd be like hanging for it. But then the year passed and I mean I guess we'll get into that more later but it was one of the best years of my life and then I went another year so I ended up two years celebrate. Why was it one of the best years of your life? So I'd always been like a super super sexual person like even going back to when I was a kid I was like a sexual kid I was like humping furniture I was always really I'm not kidding I

was always really fucking into sex. Isn't you've actually felt like you felt horny younger than you think other people did? Totally. Super, super, super young. That is so interesting. I was like sex obsessed. So when I started having sex, it was so fun. It was so freeing. It felt so good. I was so in control. It was the best thing ever. And then I started getting into relationships and falling in love and seeing what sex could be like from this safe, loving, beautiful place. And that was fantastic. And then I got into this shit relationship where I was just like completely like bought down and just treated badly and the sex became so toxic and so gross. And it was just like, I wanted to wash it.

I just wanted to like wash it off me. So in contrast to that, not having sex for so long, it just made me realize that I'd been using sex and relationships as a just complete distraction to figure out what I kind of needed to figure out in my life. So that first year, it was like, I had so much clarity. There was no background noise. I wasn't thinking about anyone. I wasn't thinking about, is he going to text me? Or like, you know, when we fucked the other night, did he? I didn't care. I just had this clear mind where I could focus on myself. And I'd never done that before. And it just made me really realize how many of us in retrospect have been using sex and relationships as such a distraction for the deeper stuff. So that first year was really gritty. I did

a lot of digging. I went to therapy. I bought an apartment. I lived by myself for the first time ever. There was just so much that I did and it was so hard, but it was so, so great. going back a second to something that you just said where I find this really interesting that you wanted to do just not like a physical celibacy but you want to do an emotional celibacy too I find that and I hadn't really and literally until you said this right now I hadn't really thought about it before but it is so draining when you are in like even if you weren't having sex when you're in an emotional relationship or not even in a relationship like you just said those early days of, I've gone on a date or is he going to text me? Did I do this wrong? What

should I write to him right now? Just all those stupid little things. I think there is a hundred percent something to be said for just cutting both off. Were you a hundred percent, did you set yourself the date of one year and say that like, nothing's going to get in my way. But in that year, were there times where you wanted to, or where you were close to, or you thought, fuck, let me just go and have a one night stand. Was there any sort of temptation in that year? No, there wasn't. There really wasn't. And I thought there would be. I was like, this is going to be hard for me. And my friends, I was like, you know, I told them I was going to be celibate for the year and they all had bets on like when I was going to have sex again. And

it was like, it was like the next week. They're like, all right, you're not going to last that long. But I wasn't tempted at all. Like I'd go out with my girlfriends on a night out and it was really nice because I was just there with my girlfriends. Like I was just there to have fun with them. I wasn't looking around. I stopped dressing for the male gaze. I stopped presenting myself in a way that, you know, that I thought would even be like, because I just didn't care, you know, instead of like going out and getting dressed up and like looking to fuck, it just wasn't even on my agenda at all. And I wasn't tempted. I didn't meet anybody that I was interested in. I wasn't looking like I had a fuck off sign on my back.

Literally or metaphorically. That would be funny if I saw you on the dance floor with a fuck off sign on your back. And I think that the longer you go without sex as well, and the longer you go without relation, you know, whatever it is, whether it's like a situationship or like, you know, talking to someone or fucking somebody, the longer you go without it, the more your self-worth really starts to grow. So all of a sudden, people that I might've gone home with before, I was like, no, like you're not good enough to go in me. I'm not into it. Yeah. You are not the man that I'm going to break this drought for, that's for sure. You are not good enough to go in me. I feel like that needs to be a bumper sticker.

Yes. That's our next merch. That's our slogan. I think that so many people, when we think about, when you're in that dating phase, we have this scarcity mindset where we think we're going to miss out we think we're going to like we're not going to not even just FOMO not but not miss out on like the dating but just miss out on finding someone who we're going to have a long-term relationship like wasting time this is a question that we get over and over again from women who are in their 20s or in their 30s who see everybody else settling down getting in relationships and they've like in their mind they're like well fuck what if I miss out on that you know what if no one ever loves me

did you ever have a moment where you were like in that year thinking oh well I'm consciously taking a year out of my life from where I'm gonna find someone or had you really come to peace and were you like no do you know what there are much other bigger and more important things than just being in a relationship totally it was a bit of both I like it wasn't always easy like I've been single before but I've never truly been alone and this was about truly being alone so there were times when friends were getting into relationships and people were getting married I was like fucking will I ever meet someone especially now my standards are so high probably fucking not so I was really you know I thought about it a lot well maybe if you take the sign off your back

I like I love this I love this conversation I love like you know the energy that you're putting out into the world because I do think for so many people and I know that I've been there personally I lowered my standards just because I didn't think I would meet somebody I didn't want to be alone so instead of going out there and trying to reassess and readjust and work on myself I was like well the standards just lowered down and like my boundaries lowered down and what I would accept in a relationship was lowered down because I was so frightened about being on my own absolutely yeah I did this right but I didn't know that I was doing it I just didn't have sex for a long time because I was just not in a good place I didn't want to meet anyone people

disgusted me and I was so okay with it but I didn't really realize until my friends and I were like talking about it one day when was the last time you had sex and I was like let me think about this and I was like holy shit it's probably been like 10 months now I know that that's not a long time but it's a pretty long time for like a young single woman. But the thing with me was it wasn't intentional. I didn't actually know I was doing it. I didn't put it out to the world. It just happened. And it was so fine. I felt really good. I was in a good place in my life in terms of work and what I was doing. And I've never gone that long again, but I can appreciate why you did it. Totally. Well, I was just going to quickly go back to what Laura said about kind of lowering

your standards and that was something that I was really conscious of that I had been in this relationship with this person that was very much not on my level and I kind of thought what made me get into that relationship with that person that I have nothing in common with that is kind of a piece of shit that is going nowhere what about me thought that that was a good thing for me what made me think that I wasn't good enough to be better than that so that was a really conscious thing as well that this year I need to I need to build myself up I need to make myself you know a better person for me so that when I do get into a relationship and that was never the point it was never the point to get into a relationship after the year but it was definitely part of being a

better person having a self-validation you know feeling good about myself again so that if I did meet somebody well I'd be the best but you know version of myself. For somebody who's listening to this who's maybe come out of a bad breakup or can identify with the situation that you've been through and kind of sees themselves in that when we had the conversation about celibacy on the podcast earlier, we sort of spoke about it more so around physical celibacy and we only just touched on the emotional side. But why do you think it's so important that from a healing perspective, the emotional celibacy and the physical celibacy go hand in hand? So I think that the physical celibacy, I mean, you sleep with somebody and they can make you feel

really good about yourself in the moment, like you're having a good time. But then it's what comes emotionally, like does he text you afterwards? Is he taking you out on dates? Is he treating you well. Sometimes we get that sexual validation and sometimes that's a really good thing and that can be really fun. And if that's all you need, then that's fantastic. And no shade to anyone that's having, you know, like good for you. I've had so many one night stands. I had so much fun. That's great. But for me, it just wasn't about that. It was about what comes after and what for me, I kind of, I needed to work on so that for what came after, I didn't care about anymore. Whereas, you know, in this previous relationship, it was something that I braved

so much from him. I needed that, that validation and that love from him after the sex. Did you kiss anyone at all? Like, did you have any physical contact in that time? Nope. You didn't. So for two years, you didn't even kiss anyone? Nothing. She takes the assignment seriously, Brittany. Yeah. You, you read the brief and you delivered big time. Okay. So you've done this two years. Well, you know, you started off as one year and eventuated to two years. What was the moment,

what happened if your life was moving in a direction that you wanted, you were happy mentally emotionally physically you were on your own you were doing everything you wanted to do what was the moment where you're like cool I've made it I've reached the point I want to fuck so it kind of came up to the back end of the two years I kind of reached the two years and I was like all right well like what next I've got to get on the horse and I felt like I was ready there was just something that swept over me not suddenly but kind of over time where I was kind of like looking and thinking like I need to start dating again or like I at least need to have a fuck like I just need to get it out of the way. So it just slowly happened that I just reached a point where

I was ready. Did you masturbate at all over the time? Like, was there any self-pleasure or did you withhold from that everything? No, of course. I masturbated constantly, but I did go on a porn band. So I didn't watch porn for two years because I felt like I was really reliant on porn. Like I'd always just use porn to get off. And I didn't use a vibrator for two years. Wow. So you've really had rules for yourself. Total, total rules. There was so much that I wanted to work on, like going back to, you know, sex when I was younger and like my obsession with sex when I was younger. I think it got to like an unhealthy place where like I would only be able to come if I was watching porn. I probably hadn't

come without a vibrator for like years and years. So I was like, all right, I need to need to cut this out too. I think it's not going to hurt. So I just got it. I find it interesting because we've talked about porn obsession, Laura and I, before. We're like, let's do an episode on porn addiction and sex addiction and those kind of things. So when I hear someone say, you know, I was pretty much addicted to porn, I just find it, and someone that's my age and a woman, I find it really fascinating. Yeah, and I think that that's the key differentiator. I think that in society, we're okay with men watching porn and we think that's acceptable

and that's normalized that men watch porn, but it's still a bit like unusual, maybe is is the right word to use like unusual when a woman does it but so many women do they just don't talk about it because there's a little bit more of taboo or stigma around women watching porn especially women watching porn on their own not with their partner now the reason why we wanted to speak to you not just because you have such an interesting and long stint of celibacy but because you have a pretty spectacular way in which you decided to break the drought you came in with a bang yes yeah the girl's on fire can you talk us through when you did get to this point where you were like, all right, cool. I want to get back out there into the world of sex. How did you do

it? How do you pick your prize? So basically I, well, I went to a sex party. Let's just put that out there. I went to a sex party and I had group sex in order to basically lose my two year virginity. So Tinder just wasn't going to do it for you. You were like, this is a baptism of fire. You're like, I want to, I want the more the merrier. I want a group, a big, big party. Don't do things by halves. Yeah. Go hard or go home. how did you good one Laura how did you find the sex like what made you decide on a sex party it wasn't something that I was like okay I'm gonna go to a sex party and this is what I'm gonna do it literally fell from the universe I think the universe was like

this girl needs to catch a dick so I got this message from this there are so many bumper stickers in this episode I don't know which one I love more so I got this text message from this guy that I hadn't heard from for ages we went to like high school parties together. We had each other on Facebook. He messaged me. He's like, listen, I know you've always been like a really sexually out there person because going back to my young years, I definitely was. I'm married, but I am polyamorous and I'm part of this community. I wondered if you wanted to come to an event with me. So, this came out of nowhere. Straight away, I was like, all right, cool. So, we messaged back and forth and then there was an event happening

and basically it was just like at a bar. It was like a hired venue at a bar that was organized by this girl and her partner. And so, you go to the bar, you pay. There's like an entry, you pay. There's no sex on premises. This is like purely just like a party and it's people in the community. So, it's a polyamorous community. A lot of people are partnered up. A lot of people are married. There's also single people there. Not as many single guys, but they definitely want single girls. So I was there with two of my best friends. We basically just rocked up. We paid our 50 bucks to get him. And it was just a really fun night. And so we got to know all these different people and we met the girl that ran the events and ran the sex parties. And you need to meet her. I guess

she needs to suss out if you're attractive and clean and just a normal person there for the right reasons. And so we met her and she invited us to one of her sex parties, maybe three or so weeks later. So this night where you go to the bar and meet people is the idea that at the end of the night people go home together or is there a venue later somewhere else that the sex can happen or group sex can happen or is it just like this is our initial meeting and in two weeks we have a sex party if you want to come you come? Correct so I don't know people went home together they very well could have I don't know they could have gone home together after that but it's really saved for the sex party people like to be there they like to be all together they like having

group sex. They like watching group sex. So I think it's more about the party. So talk me through a little bit about this. Was it overwhelming or was it nerve-wracking walking into a situation where you've abstained from sex for two years and then you're literally surrounded by it in the most uninhibited way possible? Totally. I didn't know what I was walking into, but they were all really nice people. It was a really safe environment. And I felt before I went, I gave myself a bit of a pep talk and I'm like, listen, you got to do this girl. And I wasn't going to force it if there was nobody that I was into, obviously I wasn't going to force it, but I fake tanned my titties. I was ready to

go. Just your boobs or the rest of your body as well? Just really wanted to highlight these bad boys. You know, when you go out and you just leave, you leave like the white bit, like here and like here. Nah, I fake tanned my tits. I was ready. So we rocked up at the house. I'm with two of my best friends. We rocked up at the house and it was very chill. I was expecting like gimp masks and like people pegging each other in the corner, but it was not the case. It was like a cocktail event. There were like drinks and nibbles and people like standing around having conversations. I mean, that was just, that was the foreplay. And so, I met up with the guy that I knew when I was like, all right, well, when are people going to start fucking? And he's like at 9pm.

So, we kind of waited around for 9pm. And then the girl that hosts the event basically like stood up on a chair and told us that from now we could take our clothes off and we could start engaging in sex. So, there were lots of rules, lots of talk about consent, enthusiastic consent, a maybe isn't a yes. You know, there was all of that was spoken about. Safe sex was a must. So, there was condoms everywhere, no anal sex, probably just because of cleanup. So, it was her, well, I'm guessing it was her. I mean, I know it was her place. She had like a three-bedroom little house. One of the bedrooms was locked off. You couldn't go in there. But the other two bedrooms were basically just mattresses on the floor and like lots of little like throw

pillows and blankets around. And then there were like couches that you could have sex on as well. So how many people do you think were there in total? I think probably like a good 40 people. That's a lot of people in a confined, in like a two bedroom. Yeah. It felt pretty crowded in like a small place. So I reckon like a good 40 people. And so was there somebody or multiple people on the initial meetup night at the bar that you had your eye on and you thought, I'm actually interested in them? Like, did you go in knowing what penile you were going for? No, not at all. Not at all. So I met some really nice people at

the event that weren't there at the party, but then there was a couple that I spoke to quite a bit and they were the couple that I ended up having sex with. And going to this party, so you said you arrived with your friends. Like, how was that conversation and how did that go down? I mean, you know, I think like a lot of us have pretty open relationships and conversations with our friends, but having conversations around sex and being open in that regards is probably something that's unfamiliar to a lot of people. What sort of relationship do you have with your girlfriends for that to have been something that was like, cool, we're going to do this together? Are you trying to ask me, Laura, and you want to know how to do it?

So it was never, it was never an issue for us in our friendship group. We're very, very open. Like my best friend has literally pulled out a used condom out of me because I thought my cervix was coming out and she yanked it out and it was literally a condom from like two days ago. So it wasn't an issue. It just wasn't an issue. It's like a scene out of Sex and the City. It was like life. I thought my cervix was falling out and she just gave it a yank. But no, it was never an issue. It was always an open conversation. She was so excited to be there. She didn't necessarily want to have sex with anybody. She was just kind of there to see if

she was interested, but it was very much there to support me as well. I love that you thought and she thought it was your cervix and you both still tried to pull it out like you probably shouldn't try to pull your cervix out like just a cervix prolapse so when you got there and all this was going down they've had the they've had the initial like instructions around how the night will unfold how did you meet this couple did you have a conversation with them first were you just drawn into a room like talk to me about how you went from standing around having nibbles and canapes to having sex with a married couple so basically a lot of people started to undress a lot of people walking around naked or just with like a bra and so I was just in

like a bra and undies and like knee-high boots I was looking like a snack and I was really feeling myself and I was just kind of walking like just just walking around like doing a lap trying to talk to different people it was very social everyone was there to like have a chat and get to know you and then I spoke originally to the girl of the couple so it was male and female couple I spoke originally to the girl she was really lovely we had a really great conversation her boyfriend at the time was actually on the couch getting his dick sucked because she was like oh that's my boyfriend. And I was like, oh, okay. By another girl. And so, yeah, so I met her first and then we had a really good chat. And then later in the night, I spoke to the two of them together

and it was just kind of small talk. And they were like, oh, you know, Becky, are you here to like to have sex with anyone? And I was like, yeah, maybe I am really interested. I just, you know, don't know. I'm just a bit nervous and I don't know who. And they were like, would you like to come to one of the rooms with us? It was really simple. And I was just like, yes. And they were like are you sure and I was like yes and so that was it and then how okay so I'm sorry we are so invested in this story because we have never gone to a sex party so I'm literally in this room with you like I am sitting I am with that guy on the couch for a whole second when you walk into the room with a couple who initiates that and how do you know who to go and kiss first and start to

have sex first do you go to the guy first does he come to you does she come to you yeah so basically she led me by the hand down the hallway to the first room. There was already people. There was mattresses all over the floor. There were already people having sex. There were maybe four people engaged in group sex. And before they entered the room, they said, is it okay if we join? So, everything is – you don't just jump next to someone and start fucking next to them. You're like, is it okay? If there's somebody standing at the door watching you having a wank, they have to ask before they do that. So, we asked if we could go into the space. We asked if we could go into the room. And then she really led me. So she was the first one to start kissing me. And then he was

kind of watching. So that's how it began. Up until this point, had you ever had an experience with a woman before? Yeah, I have. I have. So I had been in a relationship. I slept with like a couple of girls before and I'd been in a relationship with a woman for six years. And then we broke up and it was very, we just kind of became friends. And I was like, fuck, I'm not attracted to women anymore. That's why it ended. And so, I very much went back to dating men. And I think that's probably why none of my relationships with men worked out in the end. But no, I have. I have been with women before. And then, okay. So, you're making out with the girl. Then you start, obviously, hooking up with the husband. And does the wife just watch on?

Yeah. Yeah. So, there was lots of all of us together. It was very much all about me. Like, I felt I was literally the guest star. I felt really good. There was lots of compliments. Like, you know when oh can I and lots of asking can I take off your top is it okay if I take off your bra I took off my undies and the guy was like you've got the best box I've ever seen and straight away I was like oh my god yeah so lots of compliments and you just feel so good no one's called it a box before but anyway you just feel so you just feel so good and everything's very very consensual you feel very in control so they ask you is there anything you like I was like yeah I like being spanked. Like you can try that out. And, you know, is there anything you don't like

he asked to begin with? Is there anything you don't want to do? And I basically said, yeah, I don't really want to put your dick in my mouth. And he was like, all right. So there was kind of nothing off limits. You know, they were really happy to engage in anything, but if I didn't want to do anything, then that was totally fine too. So in terms of their relationship, and maybe you don't have this insight, but I guess we've, we've spoken to some couples before who have had polyamorous or open relationships. Was it obvious to you that they had any rules at all between them or was it kind of a bit of a free-for-all in that terms I think it was totally a free-for-all to be honest so everything that he did to her he did to me like he went down on me

she'd be going down on me while he was fucking me from behind like it kind of just seemed like there was really nothing off limits we were kissing we also were kissing on the mouth which I thought maybe they won't want to do that I don't know is that too intimate and the sex with the guy felt like quite intimate like how he was touching me and like getting really close to me. And I was like, I don't know, I guess for her, that was fine. For me, that felt like a bit too intimate for the setting that I was in and from what I wanted from it. But for them, I guess it's something that they're okay with. So how did you feel when you left? You've broken the cycle. It's been two long years. You've just had group sex in front of a lot of people.

How did you walk away from that feeling? I felt good. I felt really, really good. I felt really empowered so basically it ended because he uh she kind of jumped into the next group so it's like a group next to us having sex and she kind of went and joined them and so I was left fucking the guy and I was kind of like okay like I've kind of had enough now like once she was gone I kind of wasn't into it anymore so I was like oh I've had enough and he was like oh okay and so I just jumped off thanks thanks I'm done bye I've gotten what I came here for 100% I've been two years celibate I make the rules I was like I had enough so I just kind of got off and was and I said thank you I was like listen this was an amazing experience thank you

so much they also knew that I hadn't had sex for two years so they were like yeah good on you and then I I kind of interrupted the girl as she was fucking this other guy next to us just to say thank you to her I was like thank you so much and that was it she's been pounded she's like and that was it and then I left I literally grabbed my girlfriends and I'm like let's go and I like put a coat on and we went home and I felt like a million bucks. It was great. So this experience, did you ever see or like what was the follow-up with this couple? Do you keep in contact? Do you have a conversation with them afterwards? Do you slide into their Instagram DMs? Nothing. I don't have them on Instagram. I don't have them on Facebook. So it's really,

I don't even know their last name. I know their first names. That's it. What an amazing experience. We've spoken to a couple of people who have been to sex parties and like it's the unknown it's this experience that so many of our listeners are interested in and like want to be a fly on the wall but have never experienced it themselves now coming out of this and coming out of breaking the celibacy drought emotionally and also physically what impact did that have on you how did that change you as a person when you look back on those two years it changed everything it gave me so much it gave me you know so much self-love so much self-worth. I did so much growth. And I think a lot of people can do that, having sex and being

in relationships and that's okay and that's great. But for me, I needed to completely be alone to do the work. It also showed me that I can be alone and that's okay. I think as society has this choke hold on us as women, that we're just treading water until we find somebody to love us. And that's really sad. And I think there's so much work to do there. But for me, it changed the whole, not to be dramatic, but it honestly changed the whole trajectory of my life. And I'm so grateful I did it. So what age were you, Becky? What were the two years? So I'd gotten out of the relationship when I was 27 and I was celibate until I was 29. Okay. So happy 30th to me. And okay. And did you, a lot of people say that there is this insane level of clarity that they

feel in their brain, their brain, their mind, their body. But did you feel that? Did you just feel like everything, you looked at the world differently and everything was so clear? Absolutely. Absolutely. Everything was so clear. There was no background noise. There were no distractions. I just felt so, so kind of centered in what I was doing and what I wanted to become and what I wanted to do. So yeah, there was absolute just clarity and clearness there for sure. Can I ask as well, like what impact now, now that it's been some years moving on since you've had this experience, what impact has it had on your relationships and on how you approach dating? After the sex party, a couple of months after that, I was ready to date. I literally just

did it and I was ready to go. So I went and from that experience as well, once I realized that I enjoyed my time with the girl so much more than the guy, I went on a lesbian dating app and I met my girlfriend who I've now been with for a couple of years and we live together and we're very, very happy. And I honestly don't think I would have been the person that I am to her. And in this relationship, if I hadn't have done that work, I really just, she's amazing. She brings so much to the table. She's such a special person. And our relationship is so wonderful because I'm such a secure together. I've just got my shit sorted. And I think that's what I attracted from there. I attracted someone who was on the same level. It's interesting that you, from what you've

said, obviously you've dated both men and women in the past, but going into that sex party and at that point of your life at 27, you were convinced that it wasn't women you were attracted to anymore. It was men. That's why your relationship with a woman died down. You went into that sex party saying, I'm into men. And you left that sex party thinking I'm into women. Do you actually think that that was a defining moment in your change of trajectory? Yeah, it was the defining moment. If I got anything out of that, other than just ripping the bandaid off and finally getting a fuck from two years, it was that I realized that this is why things haven't worked out with men. This is why I seek toxic shit men because I'm not into them being in a relationship with

them. It has to be toxic if I'm in a relationship with them because otherwise I'm really not that interested. Whereas I'm in this relationship with a woman and sometimes it's really boring and it's really comforting and it's really wonderful and it's just the best thing ever because well you know I like it when she takes her clothes off like she's she's a girl that's what I'm into you're like I just got a bit lost for a little while there yeah and why do you think that is why do you think you like I mean why do you think that you kind of got to a point where you were like oh no maybe it's men like what was it that kind of pushed you towards that at one point in your life so I think it was a lot of things I think the first thing was that

this relationship that I was with my ex-girlfriend we were together for six years and it just kind of died out and we stopped having sex. And I misinterpreted my lack of attraction for that particular relationship for what I was like forever. Oh, I don't want to have sex with her. Therefore, I don't want to have sex with another woman again. And it was also, I think I've got a lot of internalized homophobia, which is really weird as a lesbian to say that I've got internalized homophobia, but I definitely do. I always picture, I grew up in a very traditional family. I always pictured my life with a man. I always pictured getting married and having children and everything was just so much harder as a lesbian and that was something that that maybe I wasn't ready to face

yet and maybe that was part of the work that I ended up doing I think it's also just a journey that's what dating is and that's what growing up is it's a journey to find out who you are and what you like and there's you know it's a different road for a lot of people for you you took you a little bit longer and you went around in circles and you went around a few sex parties but you got there in the end have you done a sex party again or would you and your partner be involved in that or are you very, very happy in your closed relationship? No, so I didn't do it again when I was single. Once I'd done it, I'd just done it.

I got everything I needed out of it. I didn't need to do it again. And my girlfriend, we would never. She would literally rather die. So no, we would never. Becky, honestly, thank you so much. Like we absolutely love speaking to people from our own community

and being able to just have these conversations to share them with everybody else who's listening. Like your story is so unique and I love that you reached out. I love that you were so vulnerable in wanting to share it with us. And I just, I can't thank you enough for coming and being a part of the podcast.

Thank you so much for having me. It was an absolute pleasure. I'm literally so enthralled and I have so many questions. It's like- Get these bumper stickers out, girls. Get the bumper, produce a key shot, get some of those bumper stickers out.

We've got some bugs coming. They'll be available online in six months, guys. No, that was actually like, I really, really genuinely love that chat. And I know there'll be so many people now that will get something from that, whether that is people that want to go to a sex party don't know how, whether that's people that are out of a toxic relationship, people wanting to

just have some time alone, not have sex for a little while. I just think there's so much in that. So I really am genuinely so stoked you slid into our DMs. Oh, I'm so glad. Thank you. I was like, I was going to let you go, but I want to ask one more thing now, because the thing that I really take from this is like for anybody who wants to take some time and be celibate, but feels like they're going to miss out, you know, feels like they're going to be left behind. Did your friends or did anybody in your close network judge you for wanting to be like, you know what, I'm completely not going to have sex for a while. And like, once you got to the 1.5 year mark, was anybody in your friendship group a bit like pressure you?

Was there any sort of judgment that came from people in your network? I think to begin with, everybody kind of thought it was a bit of a joke. And then yeah, time went on and they realized I was taking it really seriously. People closest to me, I think really understood and were really happy for me and really proud of me and knew that I needed to do some work and that it was about time. And, you know, they were really supporting that. But then, yeah, once it got probably past the one mark, I think some of my friends, maybe not to my face, but maybe they were just some, you know, kind discussions behind my back, like, is this bitch ever going to have sex again? Is she going to be alone forever? Like, they were probably

panicking. But no, honestly, it was support all around. And I feel really grateful for that. Amazing, Becky. Becky, thank you so much. I've loved chatting to you today. Thanks, Legend. I have loved it too. Thank you so much, girls. This week, I think for very obvious reasons, we are not going to do our suck because I think our suck is the same as firstly, everyone in Australia that is experiencing the flooding, but secondly, everybody in the world that is experiencing what is happening between Russia and Ukraine. So we are not doing a suck today but I think we should end on a high so we will do our sweet it's

important to stay positive so Laura what is your sweet my sweet for the week is that I finally got out my wedding invitations for round two ding ding ding ding I said no he's not around but you didn't even know that you got it I had to tell you to check your emails and look me up three thousand unread emails I love love that we run a business together fucking how many have I got more it's trust it's trust I sent out yesterday the invitations for our wedding which means that it's absolutely definitely happening again fingers crossed nothing comes in the way it's happening I know we said we're not allowed to project but I'm projecting your wedding will happen this year 100% I'm calling it now I'm telling the universe and it was really nice like it's been one of those

things that I've been putting off again like I think maybe I've had a bit of anxiety about planning it because it was cancelled last year and everything was so up in the air but like I finally feel really good about it now and like we've got most of the things in place and it is happening later this year can't bloody wait i am going to burn some holes in that deep floor we will no longer be living in sin put it that way maddie j and me we tie in the knot my sweet is my sister sherry is getting married as well she's actually getting married before you laura not to rub that in but she literally got engaged after you she's getting every single person who got engaged after me is married I see all these influencers all the time they're like

oh getting married going for my dress fitting I'm like you got engaged three months ago we got engaged two three years ago it's not comparable you are very disorganized we got engaged three years ago and we're still not married that's insane and sometimes I wonder why these like rude trolls write me messages every so often and are like you're never gonna get married he's never gonna marry you it's because we've been engaged for three years they legitimately think he's never gonna marry me well my sweet is she flew down from the Gold Coast this weekend we went wedding dress shopping we had a really nice we stayed in the city we had a really nice weekend went out to dinner drinks had a lot of fun and I sat there watching her in her wedding dress and I may or

may not have teared up and I don't even think she's found the one yet but I still got emotional so I can't imagine what it's gonna be like on the day there's also a part where she's always I mean she's 30 but she's always gonna be my little sister and everyone that has a younger sibling they know that feeling like it doesn't matter how old they get it's not old enough I still look at her as like a 16 year old but she's like bro I'm 30 like let me have sex I'm like okay if you have do. So weird. But you know what you think of when I thought of her getting married and like having kids and stuff like that, I'm like, how are you old enough to do that? But she's 30. But when you're, and I guess that's what it's like for parents. I think parents would look at their kids

and think, how is my child old enough to be doing that? Because you always hold onto the fact that like they're these little babies. And I think it's different as well when you're like the older sibling and you've always kind of like, you're not married either. Well, maybe, maybe, maybe there's like a point of comparison there. Like when you're at different stages in life, you're like oh you're doing that okay cool we're gonna go on your dress shopping so the way it was pretty fun I mean I had a laugh of course but I was sitting in you know it's such a big fancy event everything's quiet when you try and wedding dresses on Sherry's in a wedding dress and she's on that little platform looking at herself in the mirror and the girl comes up to me and she's like

so Brittany are you married and I was like too soon girl it is too soon we're not talking about this Sheridan's like let's move on it's just like I don't want to laugh I feel bad I mean you have If you don't laugh, you'll cry. Yeah. Okay, I feel like it's always too soon, but, like, yes, literally. If you don't laugh, you'll cry. Anyway, that is it from us, guys. Another episode done and dusted.

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