Life Uncut - Is "Fat" a Dirty Word? Talking fat phobia and body neutrality with Laura Adlington

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

Hey lifers! You can cast your vote for the Australian podcast awards here! Laura's now a believer! She's experienced a bit of an out of body experience! We unpack a clip going viral on tiktok at the moment and have a question for you! Is it okay to ask someone for their financial status before going on a date with them?More deeply, do you think you could have a successful relationship with someone who has a different level of ambition to you?.  Joining the podcast today is body confidence influencer, Great British Bake Off contestant and future author of ‘diet starts Monday’ Laura Adlington. There seems to be a lot of internet conversation around completely loving ourselves and being entirely confident in our body and while that's absolutely the goal, it's not where a lot of us are genuinely at. This conversation feels so real. It's very honest and completely transparent.  We chat: Why we feel like we don't like ourselves Diet culture messaging is built into us from when we are kids Body neutrality movement and learning to focus on other components of yourself over your body How laura feels about the word fat & how fatphobia looks in our world Opinions on bariatric surgery and medications like ozempic How fertility is impacted by body size & Laura's BMI prevents her from adopting a child You can follow Laura on InstagramHer podcast "Go love yourself" is on Instagram and available on apple or spotify WANT MORE? We recommended these eps   Building the biz from the basement up! Uncut with Brittney Saunders. Aweng Chuol, From refugee to Queen B you can listen to here. We also unpacked the idea of the 'hedonic treadmill' with Mark Manson, author of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck GET TICKETS TO OUR LIVE SHOW HERE  If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx        See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And I have a really weird story for you, Britt. I love that.

Just pre-warning, everyone. We've got a great episode. This is very woo-woo for me. It's going to make me cry, but it was the biggest thing that happened to me over the weekend. That's okay. We're allowed to cry here. It's a safe place.

We're going to start off this episode by crying. Okay. We are both crying? I mean, I would appreciate it if you would cry with me. Can we cry together? Hold my hand. On it. We're close enough.

We probably could. So on the weekend, it was Father's Day, right? and as if you've listened to podcasts for a long time you would know two years ago my grandfather passed away I grew up like with my grandparents living in the same house as them my parents were separated and my dad didn't live with us or near us and so like my father figure who was there every single day was my papa so when he passed away even though he was in his 90s it was really really hard for me now I am someone who I'm like a very visual person right like I need to be looking at a photo of him or I need to be watching a video of him. I find it really hard to visualize

what he looked like now, especially as time goes on. I can see it. That's interesting. When I see him in my mind, this sounds so strange, but it's always a picture of a photo. Do you know what I mean? It's always me remembering him from something I've seen more recently. It's not like the memory of that moment. It's a photo of the memory. And it's not perfect. Do you know what I mean? Like when you think of someone, like when you're like remembering something that happened and you're visualizing it and you have your eyes closed. Where do you see that memory? So this is actually a really interesting discussion. I had a really in-depth discussion about this recently with my sister Sherry, and she actually suggested we do an episode on this because people recall memories

and visualize things in a different way. Some people can't visualize things at all. It's the same as internal and external monologues. Some people can't speak to themselves in their mind. They can only talk out loud. Oh my God, that is weird. Apparently, yes, there are people who do not have an internal monologue i speak to myself in my brain all day long yeah no my friend g will call her in case she doesn't want to know she'll probably come on and talk about it this is what we're talking about she only realized recently that she doesn't have an internal monologue she cannot think in her mind and i always wondered why she used to blurt stuff out and say it and that's why and anyway we'll do an episode on it's fascinating okay well maybe this is me in terms of

like visualization like i feel like when i do recall memories and i don't know how else to describe this but I feel like when I'm replaying a memory or something that I you know have experienced or I'm thinking of my grandfather it feels like the picture of him is in the middle of my head does that make sense that's a weird way of describing it but it's not I'm sticking with you yeah let's go it's in the middle of my head it's hard for me to make it clear and it's hard for me to really grasp onto it I often have to look at photos okay so on the night before father's day I lay down in bed next to Matt and I wasn't asleep I was completely awake but I closed my eyes and out of nowhere I had the most unbelievably crystal clear image of him sitting I'm gonna cry

sitting in front of it was as though I had my eyes open my eyes were closed but I could see him so clear it was as though he was sitting in the room and he was holding my hand and he was smiling and I, I was like, Matt, I can see Papa. And he was like, well, what are you talking about? Then I was like, he's in the room. I was like, he's, he's literally in the room. Matt was like, okay, that's, I mean, wow. It's crazy how the mind works. But it was the first time in my life where I've had an experience where I was like, that was very otherworldly. And he was there. I mean, you know how I feel about this. He was there.

This is not woo-woo to me because this is how I've seen ghosts and stuff before. Hurry up and cry already. I'm actually got tears in my eyes but I'm holding it back because this is not about me this is about you but I truly believe he was there because I'm not shocked by that and I don't think that's I think he came and visited you because that's exactly what it is he was there and maybe there was a part of you that didn't even know you needed him at that time it was interesting that was like just before father's day as well and he was just sitting there he used to always hold my hand and he was just like peaceful and he was holding my hand you could feel like he was just there and it

was so real and it was as though so the picture of him that I could see was him when like he was younger and he was just like he's like cheeky happy self but it was so crystal clear as though I was sitting in a room with him did you talk to him I didn't talk I was talking to Matt but I was seeing him it was so it was the fucking weirdest thing I've ever experienced I mean not rattled me because I don't feel like worried by it or upset by it but it's just I've never experienced anything like it before. And I guess, yeah, I'm not someone who has ever been like, I believe in ghosts. I've always laughed at you when you've talked. Yeah, all the time. And now you're gonna laugh? No, you're not. But I had this moment. Yeah. And this is what I used to say. Cause I

didn't used to believe in ghosts either until. I mean, no one does. No, people do without seeing it, but I think you're a non-believer until you can't come up with any other reason for what you're seeing and now you're a believer and you know what else it is you and I and we've done it we talked a lot about on radio but we've been talking a lot about ghosts lately like I don't know what it is but there's been a few topics that have come up where we've mentioned stuff there is a chance that without knowing you've become more open to the idea and you've let it in that's what I believe and there's going to be people out there shaking their head at us right now but it's my experience when did life on cut get so woo were you crazy bitches no and like I've

spoken about in the past I've seen I think I've tried to count eight ghosts that's how many I think and I can almost picture every single one and the location was that and how I felt and they were all different but I think that's a beautiful thing and has it given you a form of comfort because obviously that's what he was coming for well yeah absolutely it is weird for me and it feels weird even saying it because I still am such a skeptic in some ways but yeah how are you still a skeptic now it's happened to you it's not that I'm a skeptic it's just that it makes me feel a bit silly if that makes sense like it's because i think i've been so skeptic for so long that even saying it to matt even when i was like experiencing it and i was crying and matt was like god the mind

does some crazy things i was like yeah the mind i know that you appreciate it bricks i know that you have been like i see dead people well i was just sitting here thinking like don't want to say told you so but but i told you so look before we tell you anything else about what is happening we need to remind you that the live show is sneaking up really really soon it's starting in october which is only i can't do the math four or five weeks away it's actually frighteningly close i'm so i'm like equal portions excited and petrified it's going to be amazing sydney canberra gold coast brisbane adelaide melbourne perth and then auckland all the way over to auckland all the way about four hour flight to auckland so please make sure you jump on life uncut podcast our website

you can find all the show links there you can get your tickets there bring a friend or come alone bring a boyfriend i've had so many people message me saying they're coming on their own you know the only thing i was thinking about laura what it gets pretty rowdy and it gets pretty sexy and my family's coming my dad my uncles my aunties like everyone's coming and all i can think about is like oh my god i've just got to pretend they're not there wait what show are they coming to maybe we can turn that one down okay i do you know the thing that i'm so excited about so we did the live show last year which you guys know we did a live show in sydney and i feel like the live shows are an opportunity for us to tell some of the stories that we haven't yet told like they're they're kind

of a situation which is a safe space it's not the podcast so that kind of feels like there's less chance and it's going to end up in the like in the daily mail and or any in the rag trade still I know I know but it just feels like a little bit more of like a safe environment even though there's 2,000 of you there but one of the things and you said it Brett there's so many people have messaged saying that they're coming on their own I cannot tell you even in the Facebook group there are so many people who've booked tickets on their own and solo so even if you've been thinking oh I can't get my girlfriends together or my boyfriend won't come with me just come I guarantee that you are going to leave with like the best of friends because it is exactly that sort of environment

it's the only time that I've been happy that I'm in a long-distance relationship so he can't see it and, like, can't hear it, I sort of wish Ben would come because I'm like, oh, I'd love you to be involved. But then I'm like, hang on a minute. I don't know if I want you in the front row with my uncle and my dad. I couldn't think of anything worse than having my dad in the audience whilst I talk about sex on stage. Yeah, but you know Papa Tony, he listens to every episode

since the birth of Life Uncut. Like, my dad has listened to every single episode. There are moments in life where it makes me really happy that my parents are technologically illiterate. Like that makes me thrilled because they do not and have not and will not ever listen. But my mum will be in the audience too. She's not my dad. It's too far.

Anyway, go get your tickets. It's from www.lifeuncutpodcast.com.au. Sydney and Brisbane are literally almost sold out. Whereas like some of the other shows, there's more seats. You can get seats together. But the Sydney and Brisbane show are selling out ridiculously fast. So go jump on and get that done. All right.

Well, let us tell you what today's episode is about, Britt. Well, today's episode is something we've never really spoken in depth about. and it's something that we put out to you guys about topics you want to hear. And this came up a lot. Now it's fat phobia with a body confidence influencer named Laura Adlington. She has a podcast called Go Love Yourself. She is the author of a book called Diet Starts Monday. She was on the Great British Bake Off and she's really, really wonderful person to talk about this with. We didn't feel like it's something that we could speak about on our own. So we did search high and low to find the perfect person. And Laura is so amazing. And we talk about a lot about diet

culture specifically a lot about this body neutrality movement we also speak about how Laura feels about the word fat and fat phobia and the idea of is fat a dirty word I think the thing I really loved about this is this conversation around body neutrality because I think we often preach this idea of like love yourself and we see it across Instagram and like accept your cellulite accept your roles love the body that you're in and it's a really beautiful sentiment it's also not necessarily a sentiment that everybody is able to achieve and I think that so many of us have body hang-ups for many many different reasons and we have been sold a specific type of beauty standard throughout our entire lives it has been absolutely drilled into us and especially growing

up during an age where heroin chic was the the way to look when you are somebody who's especially Laura's instance grown up from the time that she was a little kid in a bigger body the thing I love about the way she speaks about this is she's like, it's really hard to love yourself. And often getting to a place of body neutrality is a way more achievable place of acceptance rather than, and I don't know if we can even still talk about Lizzo at the moment, where are we at with that? But in comparison to say somebody like Lizzo, who is all about being big and being proud and being beautiful and loving themselves exactly the way that they are. Laura talks about that sort of scope in between. And she talks about not just loving yourself and accepting yourself, but also

just accepting the fact that your body has a purpose. The purpose of that doesn't need to be focusing on its aesthetic. And I just, I love the way she spoke about this. Her podcast is amazing. And I think if you've been listening to it for a while, or you've followed through her journey at all, she has come to this real incredible place of self-acceptance and self-love. And that's a really beautiful thing to explore. We also touch on bariatric surgery and medications like the Hollywood drug, Zempik. And one thing I was really interested in is fertility and how that is impacted by body size and how it has prevented Laura from adopting. So we're going to get into that. But before we do, I want to talk to you about something that I find pretty fucked up

personally. All right, come on, hit me. But funny at the same time, but fucked up funny. Call Her Daddy, which is this huge podcast. We all know it. You guys might remember it used to be hosted by two people and one of the girls that left, Sophia, she was the one that left and missed out on unfortunately like a $60 million deal. What's the name? Alex is the name of the girl who runs it now yep so now it's just Alex and Sophia left to start her own podcast which is called Sophia with an F and after that was when Alex signed on to a 60 million dollar deal and can I just say if that was us I'd be so dirty I'd be coming back being like bro I know you signed this deal now but throw me a bone like I helped you not half but I'd be like I helped you get here shortly like

we built this brand together there'd be you'd be dirty man well I think the thing though if you follow along the call her daddy controversy Sophia and Alex they had call her daddy together then there were these massive like negotiations that went down around contracts anyway Sophia ended up leaving and it's run by a company called Barstools and it really became the first podcast that you know it's around female friendships but you could tell that that female friendship had broken down and it's what pushed this podcast into worldwide notoriety now we should have a fight a fake fight yeah it's a friend get even more popular international and I will stay on the pod and you can sign a $60,000 deal 60,000 60 million oh no you're Sophia I'm gonna be Alex

I don't like that. That seems a little bit unfair. Yeah. So basically anyway, okay, look, so Call Her Daddy still exists. It's a huge American podcast. It's now exclusively on Spotify. But as you said, Britt, Sophia has her own version and it is successful and she makes a lot of money through her podcast advertising

but not to the comparative scale of Call Her Daddy. Nowhere near it. And before we get into what I want to bring up, I do want to say is I'm pretty sure that situation got more awkward because I think Sophia's boyfriend was the one that brokered the new deal. Like he got this new deal, right? And he was like, I think you guys need to switch this new contract and see if it was, Sophia was like, I think I can do it on my own. So it was the boyfriend of her that got the deal is my understanding. Anyway, we're not even talking about that. So Sophia with an F, that's

her podcast name. She went and started this new podcast. Anyway, she's going viral at the moment for a comment she made on her own podcast with a guest a couple of days ago, last week. I'm not joking I have asked the last three dudes I've dated for their bank account info on the first date because I only want to date a wealthy guy that has money the guest who's named Leo Skeppy was sort of questioning why she's asking these for these bank statements like before you even meet the guy what how can you ask for a statement and she just replied I think you know I have a job I'm very successful so I think I have every right to be like hi are we on the same level or am I wasting my time? I am gobsmacked by this. I think the audacity of asking someone

to send their personal bank account details to you before a fucking date. No, it really does weed out not the pool. That's what it does. It weeds out all the fish that you don't want though, doesn't it? Because like the only people who are going to send that through are people who have healthy bank accounts. And if that's your litmus for a relationship, then she's obviously doing the due diligence. She's not wrong. I mean, she is wrong, but she's not wrong in what she's trying to achieve. The outcome. I mean, you're not going to get any good guys this way, but like. If a guy said to me, hey, before we meet up on Wednesday, can you send me your bank details? I want to see how many zeros are in there. I'd be like, wow, this says so much about who you are as a person

that you can get fucked. And I would, I'd be pulling out of the date. Also, does she not realize how good photoshop is is if people aren't just photoshopping a bank balance in there to be fair i have absolutely definitely photoshopped a bank statement before when i needed to go for a rental property when i was in my 20s it's called producer keisha take that off it's illegal she could i was i was in my 20s it was a long time ago guys it was over a decade yet statutory of limitations um i definitely that's not real laura said so many illegal things on this podcast and and then she always just goes, I'm sure it's a statutory of limitations thing.

It's been so long. I mean, yeah. I think if you murder someone 30 years ago, you still murdered someone, you know? Like it doesn't just. It was for a rental property 15 years ago. No one's going to care. Ray White is not coming for me.

How much more did you say you had? Oh, like I added a no. I had no savings. Laura's 22-year-old millionaire. I think I had like maybe $100. No, I must have had maybe $1,000 in savings and I added a no. So I made it $10,000. Okay, well, you wouldn't even be able to text Sophia with that bank balance.

Okay, so look, hear me out. I think this is ridiculous, obviously, like nobody's going to listen to this and think that this is good starting today, right? Okay, or however, however, the reason why I think it is slightly more acceptable is because she's not coming to this conversation without having any funds of her own. She's not someone who's saying, I want to be sugar baby, as I was called, and I want a guy who's got lots of money, and I want him to bankroll me. She is incredibly wealthy. She would be making millions of dollars a year, her individually. And if she's saying, I don't want someone who is not financially on the same page as me, maybe that is her trying to rule out having a relationship that's like inconsistent

where she feels like she's going to be the one bankrolling the relationship. Now, is that acceptable? No. Would we be so up in arms if a guy, if we're talking about heterosexual relationships, if a guy was to turn around and say, I want to check your bank balance before dating you, yes, we would be up in arms. But I also think that it kind of pertains to these gender roles where like a man is supposed to earn more money than a woman, right? Yeah, but if she's actually earning,

and I mean, she's earning decent money for sure. She's not earning anywhere near what Alex, her old co-host is. No. Not even touching the sides. But she's obviously earning money. Let's say she's earning hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Like that's an unbelievable amount of money. So if she's earning hundreds of thousands or a million dollars,

or whatever it is right but also you're weeding out potentially the love of your life like there are not that many people in the world that earn that much money so if you're saying only come at me if you're earning you know between this and this I don't think you're really looking for love because you've immediately crossed out so many people like the number of people in the world like if you look at what the one percent of top earners are in Australia I'm pretty sure it's $250,000 plus puts you in the 1%. There are not that many people earning that sort of money. So are you really after love and a genuine connection and a soulmate or are you after someone that's all right, you see me get along with, but they can pay the bill? Well, I think that that comes

down to breaking down what is it that's most important to some people. And I guess for some, yes, it's love and connection. And then there are other people who having a financially beneficial relationship is what they prioritize. I don't know. I guess there's part of me that's like, yes, it is incredibly superficial. No, I do not think it's okay. But if that is her benchmark for what she thinks is important and that's what she prioritizes, she may live a very lonely, complicated life, but that's okay for her to have those choices. The other person who's coming to that date doesn't have to show their bank account. They can opt into that. So if they're choosing to, then maybe they're perfectly matched. Do you believe, like how do you feel about the statement

money doesn't buy happiness? I think that the statement money doesn't buy happiness is way too black and white because I think it is a very easy thing for people who are wealthy to say that money doesn't buy happiness and we all know that people can be incredibly wealthy and not be happy. This is something that we covered when we spoke to Aweng Chul recently on our episode from Refugee to queen bee go back and have a listen to it if you haven't because it was amazing and she is a truly incredible resilient person but i think if you are somebody who doesn't have money and doesn't have the opportunity that money brings it makes everything harder money gives you choice it gives you the ability to pick your own adventure if you will and it gives you the ability to pay for

therapy pay for a counselor if you need to you know i think it doesn't make you happy but it makes your life easier and by making your life easier it can make you happy yes I think money buys you comfort yeah and in turn comfort can provide happiness but I don't think it's the be all and end all I know plenty of very wealthy people that are far more unhappy than the people that are just getting by week to week I also think it comes down to in relationships I don't necessarily like I think this is not a good way of going about it I don't think there's anybody who is going to move forward in their dating world and go I'm going to check for a bank statement Well, there are a lot of people on TikTok. It was really mixed. So this has gone viral on TikTok.

So a half, half, like half the people being like, this is fucked. You're obviously not looking for a soulmate, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And there are other people being like, yes, queen, like this is absolutely what you need to be doing. Only have people that are earning the same amount as you. And then the rest of them are like, you know, money doesn't equal success, which I really love. Money does not equal success. No, but I think that the other thing, and look, maybe for me, it's never, I know in my dating, it's not about having comparable incomes. Obviously I'm not dating anymore that's weird but like I know when I date it was never about comparable incomes but for me something that really stood out in my relationships was comparable ambition and I think

that they are two very different things it's not about having the same amount of money as your partner but I do think you have to be matched in your ambition with the person that you are choosing to be in a relationship with because if you and we've seen this through ask on cuts over the years if you have a mismatch in your ambition one person can feel like they're doing everything and the other person is being lazy but it could just be that you know they don't prioritize potentially career they prioritize other things in their life and so I guess for me ambition is way more important than what money is I think a lot of people forget too that having a lot of money doesn't equate to generosity it doesn't mean because someone has a lot of money that they're

going to spend it well that's exactly the kind of sentiment I get from Sophia when she says well you need to prove to me and show me your bank details it's like she yes we've established that she earns a decent amount of income herself and she's also successful. But that very clearly says to me that she doesn't want to share that with somebody who doesn't earn as much. And that's why for her, something that is important in relationships is having someone who is financially on the same quote unquote level. So that way she doesn't have to part anything in order to prop someone up to live the lifestyle that she wants to live. I mean, I think the other big thing as well, when we talk about how money doesn't bring happiness and how that I think

is a very simple quote you know it almost like oversimplifies people's approach to money especially in terms of dating but do you remember we spoke to so mark manson he is the author of the subtle art of not giving a fuck he is brilliant in terms of how he puts these really complex theories and makes them so easy to understand and to digest he was talking about the hedonic treadmill this idea that every time you earn more or you receive more you know you maybe you think that you need a new car or once you get that raise in your occupation or your work that you'll be happy and it's like you're never going to be happy that extra ten thousand dollars you then become used to that and you'll go back to your normal preset of what makes you happy so it's like you

might think if you get a thirty thousand dollar pay rise you will be happier studies have shown that you might get that and you'll be happy for a little while but then we always go back to our baseline of what is happy and we all have different baselines around what that is we all see it a lot in hollywood stars and divorces when they divorce and they're trying to go for a lot of money they say i'm used to this lifestyle my kids are used to this lifestyle so i need to maintain this lifestyle it's happening right now with kevin costner he's going through a divorce and he's worth i didn't actually know this you know how he's in yellowstone yeah hundreds of millions of dollars like they are worth so much money and the amount that his wife has gone for for monthly

payments his ex-wife sorry i should say now was absolutely ludicrous and that was what she said the kids are used to this monthly payment. This is the life I need. And the judge actually halved what she asked for because the judge was like, there is no way anyone needs that much money to live. But it's called spousal support that exists in Australia as well. I mean, I remember when my dad was going through a divorce with my stepmom. And obviously it's a really sensitive one because, you know, if you are, say, for example, a stay at home mom and you have done the child rearing and you've got somebody who is the main income earner, then you are entitled to this level of spousal support because you've sacrificed your ability to work in order to contribute to the

family but this exists you know in many dynamics and in many long-term marriages spousal support the thing and it's where you can claim some amount of payment in order to continue to live in a way that you have become accustomed to well kevin costner's wife was saying she needed 161 000 a month so that's 40 or thousand dollars a week she's like my kids can't they can't live without and which made and the judge came back and was like look i'm gonna give you 63 000 per month wait so how much was she asking for she was getting 129 000 she went and asked for 161 000 and they said they'll give us 63 so by asking for more she got half there's not a life lesson that we can all live by i shouldn't laugh that's not funny but funny all right well look let's get

into our accidentally unfiltered before we speak to laura now i have an accidentally unfiltered for you. And if you guys have a funny, accidentally unfiltered story that you want to share, please slide into the DMs because we need your stories. All right, here it is. A few years ago, I had this really toxic friend and we would get into some pretty heated texts and arguments. This one particular fight was over a dress and I was really fed up with her. I went to my mom to vent. I was absolutely going to town to my mom and it involved me reading out her nasty message that she had sent me. Now, I was occasionally pausing for dramatic effect to tell my mum

and to kind of like, you know, pick apart the text message. I said to her that I had had enough and that she does my head in, only to realise after I'd finished reading the text that I had actually sent a voice memo directly to my friend. The entire conversation was recorded and sent to her. I was so mortified I tried to delete it but it was too late. She messaged me back saying, oh, I do your head in, do I? She heard every single thing and it is safe to say

that we are no longer friends. if anything it was a great way to remove a toxic friend from my life how many times have you almost accidentally sent a voice recording remember you and I almost did it to someone I was dating I can't remember the situation we were sitting on the lounge at my house and I had clicked the voice message accidentally and I don't think it was good chat I think we're tearing strips and we almost sent it to them do you not remember that yeah I do I knew but also like shut myself I was like that would be my and this is before you could quickly press unsend I would have died I mean, he's a man from the past.

It wouldn't have mattered now. It would have made great content for the podcast. I look down all the time. You should do it on purpose but by accident so we have stuff to talk about. No, I do it all the time where I look down. I've been talking, I look down and it's done the whole voice message and just to a random as well. And I'm like, how did that even get in there?

See, I do the other one which is worse where you – Dictate. Oh, maybe it's not worse. Yeah, I dictate whatever I'm saying and then have accidentally sent that to someone. But usually the dictation doesn't actually make total sense so you can kind of get around it and be like, oh, sorry, the kids were in the car.

Who knows what I was talking about? the radio was on. If you guys specifically have a situation that this has happened to you in where you've accidentally voice messaged someone please slide in and let us know. All right well let's get into the chat with Laura. Joining the podcast today is body confidence influencer, great British Bake Off contestant and future author of Diet Starts Monday, Laura Adlington. Alongside her friend Lauren, Laura hosts a podcast in the UK called Go Love Yourself. Today Laura is here with us to talk about our internal bias, fat phobia, and diet culture. Laura, welcome to Life Uncut. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for coming. Also, I love that I just stumbled on

your name, even though your name is Laura, and I think I probably said that name more than anybody else's in my entire life. I was about to call you out on it. I was about to be, and then I was like, do you know what? She might edit it out, so I won't. I think I probably will still, but anyway. No, you are not. We are so excited to have you today, so thank you so much for making time. This is definitely an episode that has been requested a lot by our audience. Every time we put out, what do you guys want to hear? This has been one that has come up many, many times. Your name has come up many times, which is credit to you, obviously, for the work you're

doing in the space. But before we get into that, you're not getting off scot-free. We start every episode with a very embarrassing story. You're accidentally unfiltered. Do you have one? I do. Yeah. I was recently coming back from a beach day with my best mate, Lottie, who was also, it

was on my series of Bake Off and my car broke down because we were at the beach I'd taken my swimming costume off and I had like a beach dress on so I had no knickers on no bra on the most ugly beach shoes you've ever seen in your life mascara like down my face like my hair up in a pineapple that was all like salty and crusty and everything I'm by the side of the road waiting to be recovered and I'm like I'm trying not to get stressed out but I'm getting a bit emotional because it's like two hours and I'm on a motorway and I finally get recovered and I get taken to like a nearby kind of like station and it was at that point that I was like I need a wee like so badly like I've been holding it in all right and I was like thanks mate yeah really appreciate all your help thank

you so so much. Neppies off literally. Yeah and I literally looked like a creature from the deep I'm not kidding you and I've got even more mascara because I was crying because I was by the roadside and at this point I'm literally waddling with like one leg in front of the other trying to hold my pee in so I don't wee myself and I get pretty much to the garage station and I literally it just comes out I'm literally pissing myself no no no and I've got like mascara face everything I look awful crying from both ends crying from both ends and this woman comes up to me and she's like oh my god were you on bake off as I'm literally pissing myself we're like this is not a moment that anyone needs to remember or put on social media right no did you say yes

I was like oh do you know what I was like can I just go to the toilet first and then maybe after and then I just literally ran in and ran out I was mortified did she get her photo though no she did not imagine if there was a photo that went viral like the news picked up daily mail picked it up and it's you guys taking a selfie and you're literally weeing at the same time that would be phenomenal but you know what it's always one of those moments when people do come up and they ask for a photo you always want to be nice and you always want to be obliging because you don't want to ever always be seen as being rude but I think if there's ever going to be an instance where you can say no it's when you have we literally running down your legs

like now is the time i'm sorry i'm having a really bad day and today's just not the day yeah when you've pissed yourself i think that's fair isn't it i never say no always happy to have a photo always happy to chat to people i actually love it it's one of my favorite things but i literally did have to stop myself from saying to her mate have you seen me like fuck off you know what at least that means at least that means she didn't know what you were doing because she well you'd like to think she wouldn't have asked you if she knew you were wetting yourself yeah in that moment hopefully yeah no I mean they'll do anything for a photo right what did you come in British Bake Off um I was a finalist so technically second but let's be honest it was

third now don't say technically go with second also like we're in Australia so people you can tell them you won and they'll be like that's cool um so guys I won Great British Bake Off in 2020 oh my god congratulations thank you Laura taking a leaf out of your own podcast something that you do ask is what is the most interesting thing about you and we wanted to know what you think is the most interesting thing about yourself oh my god you so put me on the spot I was not expecting that question oh oh oh fun fact I once auditioned to be Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter series the actual not shockingly not like I didn't get it yeah and we're not talking theater we're not talking like a piss tag we're talking about the one and only

harmonia granger on the one and only harry potter what's the name of the girl who got it i can't remember emma watson the emma watson yeah the fabulous emma watson i remember i actually wrote in my like the letter was like i know i'm a bit chubby but i'd really love the part do you know what i think is great this is what you should tell people you should say you're a finalist in the british bake off and you're also a finalist for being harmonia granger I don't think they'd believe the latter let's be honest put it on your Instagram bio hang on I think we're skewing over this a bit quickly because this is a huge thing what happened you sent off a tape or a letter or a photo or how did you audition oh yeah no it's not a big

deal I literally just sent off a tape and audition and I remember saying I was like I know I'm a bit chubby but I'd really like the part and I'll lose weight how sad is that that's really sad isn't it how old were you 11 10 11 I think so I didn't get very far I'm so sorry that you felt like you need to explain that when you send off an audition tape or something and also that that's how much weight defined you at such a young age can you talk us a little bit because like there's so many parts of this conversation that we want to get into around fat phobia and around the way in which people perceive being in a bigger body but what was your experience like from being a young age it's a really good question I think for a long time even from a very young age

I was very aware that I was different and I felt like I didn't just have a body I was my body um it really defined me from the age of about eight I think I started to gain weight and I noticed that people treated me really differently there was like talk of kind of diets and eating healthier and moving more kind of floated around our house a lot and a lot of my kind of my youth was focused around weathering the storm of conversations around Laura you need to lose weight Laura what are you you're eating too much and so I started to kind of rebel against that really and I started to like secret eat and binge eat and that was really the start of like a lifelong struggle really with that so it wasn't I mean I had a really lovely happy childhood other

than that it's just I think that one thing it like definitely did as I say sort of define my childhood and my youth unfortunately and what was it like what the influence like from your parents because we've heard a lot of people say you know my parents were always dieting so from as long as i can remember the diet culture was front and foremost what was your experience like yeah mine was very similar i grew up and i'm sure a lot of people listening will probably relate to this i grew up in a house where it was we were always told like clean your plate there are kids starving in africa like that kind of thing or like food costs money don't waste it and at the same time it was like food was also like a reward and a punishment so if you'd been good like if you've

been good at school or like for a birthday we'd go out and celebrate but I was also kind of punished with the lack of it so it was like you're not having dessert today because you've been like bad and I think that's quite normal although I'm the work that I'm kind of doing I'm trying to teach people like please don't do that don't put reward markers around food or like you know use it as a celebration or a punishment really but I think in my house it was just a little bit more extreme my mum grew up in like food poverty so she would eat raw potatoes sometimes because she was so hungry she had nothing which is why she wouldn't want you to be wasting anything on your plate yeah she thinks you're lucky to have even had that yeah but I think at the same time she was then like

probably a little bit overcompensated so she was like you want skittles for breakfast yeah go for it so we grew up on like a lot of beige food so we had like I don't know if anyone will remember these like turkey twizzlers don't know if you remember those did you ever have those we don't have that in Australia no what's a turkey twizzler it's like really ultra processed turkey meat it was disgusting I think about it yeah it gross but basically I grew up on like chicken nuggets and chips like anything beige mostly and so I don't think I had the healthiest relationship with food which was not great it's funny because I think what you're saying is quite normal in terms of not what necessarily what your mum went through but I remember growing up in a household where

diets were a thing as well but my dad was always trying these different diets and because he was doing it I was doing it and he let me do it because he just thought oh this article said that this is really healthy I remember going on a diet where all I ate was meat and dairy nothing else so I was in like year seven and I would take a piece of salami and cheese to school but it was almost encouraged because it's this person has said it's healthy not necessarily to lose weight does that make sense it was a really normal thing but I also think it's crazy because we have so much more information now about the long-term impacts diet culture has on yeah children who then turn into adults because we've all lived through that whereas I think when we were young

there wasn't this understanding of what that long-term impact could look like and I think we've all grown up in a world with parents who have been hugely diet fixated and I think even if it wasn't them dieting and them having issues around the things that they restricted or they it was also the body shaming that comes with it like I mean I'll still remember my mum when I was in university saying to me are you sure you're not pregnant you've put on weight that was a very normal question you know and so for I guess for as long as I have known and I come from a household of very slim people weight was always delivered to me as though it was a negative and that was what I was always brought up thinking and so it's taken years to kind of reframe what that looks

like for someone absolutely yeah Laura I've listened to you speak about this and I felt devastated for you when I heard this you talked about an experience on your podcast that you had when you're going through graduation and people riding on shirts could you tell us about what that was and how formative that was for you it was actually at the end of year six at the end of primary school and I remember a boy called Sean Prick if you're listening can I swear or not yeah we hate you Sean we hope that you're not happy and you haven't had a great life no miserable he was 12 we'll give him some grace but you have permanent diarrhea yeah so we were all like signing each other's like white polo shirts and he just wrote in the most the biggest

letters on my back just the word fat like in capital letters all across my back and I remember my my teacher like trying to rectify the situation and changed it to like bat or something like it was just awful like it was just yeah it was really horrible and like I remember already feeling at that age like very alienated and very different and stuff and yeah it was tough and like I think like what you were saying about growing up in a house of like diets and stuff like that was very normal to me like my parents put me on a lot of diets and I think is I don't blame them I think there was no rule book back then of like how to raise body confident kids and what to do if your kid is overweight or if you're worried about their health so I don't blame them but it just was

tricky I think I was 13 when I went to like my first weight loss group that's not a place for a child like no that and that was rife with diet culture that was also a very defining moment for me because I was listening to these women talking about women that were like a third of the size that I was saying how awful they were that they were whales that they had let themselves go that they felt disgusting and all of this and it taught me that like life in a body like mine was no life at all that's how I kind of took it it felt like because I was like wow like I realized then like okay fat is bad like this is so bad I'm disgusting I'm awful yeah and all the diet culture stuff of like good food bad food and I'm a good and bad person for not eating it food is being sinful

like slimming world i don't know if you're familiar with it but you have these like free foods that you can eat and then anything like chocolate or high calorie stuff is called sins you have to sin the food and i'm like it's just so archaic it's just awful i look back now and i think like how horrendous that like me at 13 had to like deal with that like no no wonder i'm a bit fucked up with food and my relationship with it you know we are going to be speaking a lot about fat phobia and the word fat and i would love to know what the word fat is to you how you feel about it when you hear it when you say it when we were talking about having this conversation with you in my head I couldn't get around how I wanted to phrase a lot of the questions because it

doesn't I don't like it coming off my tongue how do you feel about the word it's so interesting isn't it that you mentioned that because I think it's something that we a lot of us struggle with so it's such a powerful word isn't it for like for three little letters it is so powerful growing up it was always used as a negative and an insult and a slur and I think like even now like even like recently I had like a bit of an argument with someone in a car park and immediately her first thing was fuck off you fat bitch so it's always just there like slung as an insult however in recent years I've been working to really try and reclaim it there's an amazing fat activist called Aubrey Gordon yeah yeah we love her who I love and she says we need to start

using fat as a neutral descriptor like just like we would tall slim brunette because then we can neutralize it and because i think we've we've been conditioned to think of fat as like inherently bad and actually and again people will say well you're promoting obesity by saying that it's not i'm not i'm just saying that some people are fat and some people are thin and that we just i think we just need to get a little bit more comfortable and i think a lot of people in the body confidence space like Aubrey and myself are working really hard to reclaim it and describe ourselves as fat because on the kind of flip side of that a lot of time that people will say oh you're not fat you're beautiful yeah exactly it reinforces that it's bad but also it's not one or the other yeah

exactly bitch I'm both like do you know what I mean so yeah I think for me it's important that we try and reclaim it but I will also say that it's not easy like you said it's really hard isn't it because I can call myself it but if someone else calls me it like when you just did I was still a bit like, oh, like it's still, there's still a bit of an uncomfortableness there. And it's just because from what you said, it's because for our generation, it was used as if you wanted to bully someone or be nasty when you're younger, that was the word you went to. And I think because we've grown up with that and that's why it's so important you change the next generation in the way we think. But for me, when I hear someone say to someone, I always think it

must be from a nasty place. Do you think as well, Laura, one of the things I love in the way that you speak about body confidence is the duality of it because I think we've almost now the pendulum swinging so far in the opposite direction that there's this idea that you should love yourself unconditionally no matter what shape you are and I almost think that that's kind of impossible and I say this as someone who goes through periods where I don't love myself exactly as I am all the time and I know that you know as far as some people might say like genetically I am slim but that doesn't mean that I don't have moments where I don't you know I pick apart things when I've heard you speak about this and the thing that I've loved is you've spoken about the challenges that

you've had in terms of loving yourself but knowing that you can have days where you don't feel like that and also have days where you're working towards this idea of be able to love yourself in all shapes I kind of sometimes feel like we've been sold this lie about what body positive means and that people think that it means that you have to love yourself you have to love every stretch mark every role every bit of cellulite and I don't think that's either realistic or true I certainly don't look in the mirror every day and go oh I just love me and how I look so for me personally what I lean into is more of like the body neutrality movement and body neutrality is basically I have a body and so does everybody else and I appreciate what it does for me and

it's the least interesting thing about me and for me that has really helped me kind of shift my focus away from picking apart every part of my body or thinking I have to love it and feeling that pressure and going it's just a body and actually it serves me a purpose and it means I can go swimming it means I can walk my dog and it nourishes me and it's the only body that I'll ever have I'm not going to waste my life hating it yeah do you feel like you hated it for a long time yeah I literally I wanted to cut parts off my body I would literally want to take scissors to my stomach to take it off there were definitely times where I thought it would just be easy for me if I wasn't here and then I wouldn't have to be bullied and then I wouldn't have to be ridiculed

and then I wouldn't have to like face all the shit that you do when you are fat or in a bigger body it's weird I always say like when you are fat you're like hyper visible in society but you also feel invisible and I felt like that for a really really long time so I wish I could say it was like one like you know light bulb moment that made me change my mindset but it really wasn't it was just kind of a period of over time it was about learning about diet culture and it was learning that you know some people like we're all different yeah and I think I just was like okay maybe I'm not meant to be slim or like skinny and maybe that's not my life's purpose so I just started to kind of live instead Laura you've had periods where your weight has fluctuated and I

mean we see this in Australian media and I'm sure it's exactly the same in the UK but do you feel as though people treat you differently or there is a different energy around the way people speak to you or perceive you when you do have fluctuations in your weight and say your weight goes down? Massively. I think everybody can probably vouch for that because I sometimes feel like we think of weight loss as like the best thing that anyone can do and we celebrate it so much but actually you never know what someone's going through. When I lost lots of weight it's because I was going through a really awful breakup and I couldn't eat because I was so anxious and I was so sad and I speak to a lot of women that say oh I had cancer or I'd had a miscarriage or I was dealing

with infertility and that's why I lost weight but everyone was saying to me you look amazing but people definitely do treat you differently I think it's a fact like thin privilege and pretty privilege like they are real they do exist and there's there's been so much research so many studies done to prove that like you earn less the more weight you gain because of like unconscious bias in the workplace or implicit bias some people just don't like fat people 100% I was going to say I think it exists that it's not just unconscious I think there are people who are very discriminatory towards people who are in bigger bodies yeah and I think that's the thing one of the thing I'm going off slightly on a tangent here but I really struggled with because

I really don't mean to sound arrogant but like I'm fairly smart like I've got a degree I've always had a good job always had really lovely friends I've like always been a like a really ambitious person I've worked really hard I had a really good work ethic and I've always felt like my weight was what people saw first and judge me for it and I think that a lot of people do that because they sort of think that it means that you're lazy and you don't work hard yeah that's why I do what I do is also try and like dispel that like I'm still a worthy human being you know like when you hear people and that sort of rhetoric around well if you're bigger it must be because you're lazy why don't you just lose weight or why don't you just do exercise you know I think that we can reduce

it down to such simple ideologies and solutions but we know that that's not the case because one people can struggle with their weight their whole life and two people can be completely accepting of their weight and be healthy but in a bigger body both those things can exist what does that mean to you when people make these assumptions around weight I think the assumptions are very lazy even I when I was younger I would look at people that were even like smaller than me and go come on it's not hard just you know eat less move more and I think a lot of people just assume that I think unless you actually have experience being in a bigger body and really struggled with your weight like I have I just don't feel like you really maybe understand it but it really isn't that

simple like the reasons why people are fat or bigger they're so nuanced and complex there's socioeconomic factors at play there's genetics there's hormones and I think that it's just so difficult like I said I don't think anyone would choose to be fat like I certainly if I could be smaller I would be because life would be easier it's not a choice and I think that's the main takeaway that's probably a really bad word to like associate with but the main takeaway I'm thinking of a child I really want a Chinese now the main takeaway is I just think that like we need to kind of move past the fact that like being fat is a choice because it isn't I really think for a lot of people it isn't why do you say your life would be better if you could make that

decision I don't necessarily think it'd be better so sorry if I said that I think what I mean is it would be easier because at the moment even things like I went to the hairdressers yesterday and the gown didn't fit me the chair was uncomfortable going on an airplane terrifies me because it's uncomfortable I have to pay for like an upgrade if I can afford it but I have to get a seatbelt extender which is bright orange I have to deal with constant abuse online and even in the street sometimes buying clothes horrific a lot of the time there's just a lot of things I think maybe people don't always sort of think about and that's not to be like oh why was me a pity party but I just think yeah life would be easier like even and things like health care as well like every

time you go to the doctor it's I've got I think I've got an ear infection like oh have you tried losing weight it's really frustrating that part would be frustrating because I've had other people say that that no matter what you do or no matter what reason you've gone to the doctors for you could go because you've got an ingrown toenail and at the end of the session they're talking about your weight like everything is related back to your weight as though you've never thought about it yeah I don't want this to come across the wrong way but I'm genuinely curious if you've just said you do feel like your life would be a lot easier and you sort of listed off these battles that you've had and how every day is a bit of a struggle for those different reasons are you now trying to

lose weight to make your life easier because you battle every day with that do you want to or whilst you know your life would be easier you're just super happy with where you are now and I don't want that to come across the wrong way it's just a curiosity after listening to you say like I know it would be better and easier and cheaper and all of those things yeah no it's a valid question and one I'm sure people listening will probably maybe be thinking as well and the answer is is that I know that diets don't work so I can diet I've literally dieted more times than you've had hot dinners and I know what always happens and it's very common it's not just me is that your body when you go into restrict mode you then go into like that fight or flight and then you go into

binge mode and it's not sustainable I would really love and this is like I'm being very open and vulnerable here I think what I would really love to do is to talk to like a psychotherapist or someone to help with my binge eating so that I can be a bit healthier all of the research that I've done points to the fact that if we diet and focus on weight loss it just doesn't work it's not sustainable that whole stat about 95% of diets fail like there is some truth in that so I think for me I'd really like to focus more on my like health moving more for physical health for like physical fitness sorry and just for the joy of movement and just to like stop the binge eating but I personally will never go on a diet again ever they know that it comes up a lot when we

speak about weight but like weight is certainly non-indicator of what is healthy and I say this because we know that there are so many people who are incredibly slim but they have a whole different type of disordered eating and also spend all their time and all their days thinking about food but that is celebrated and congratulated and we kind of minimize that because i think so many people deal with that and it's like there are certain types of disordered eating that are slightly more okay i guess or that's slightly less humiliating than what it is that people who are in a bigger body have to deal with on a day-to-day for you in terms of like where you're at now with your relationship with your body and your relationship with food and the fact that you

do a podcast and you work within this space and talk about it so frequently where do you feel you're at now I genuinely feel like I'm at a place of peace and acceptance in that I don't let my I try not to let my body define me and I don't say no to experiences like I really do have a fantastic zest for life and I really try not to let my body like hold me back I recently went on holiday and I went surfing I did a surfing lesson and I was the biggest person there I was the slowest person the most unfit person and I just didn't care I was like I'm having a great time this is awesome so yeah I mean like I still have bad body images like everybody like that's inevitable but at the moment I just I like I said I think I just wasted I just think of the years I wasted hating myself

and I just think like I don't want to do that anymore so I really just try and just like live life to the full and and enjoy it and and not pick apart myself because I just think it's really boring and I don't want to live that life. No, and it's a wonderful place to be. I feel like the second you can accept whatever position you're in is when you do really start to live a little bit more and a little bit more freely. I'd love to ask you about, I heard you talking about that you almost got bariatric banding surgery. Tell us a bit about that because I know you sort of started the process, did the diet and then you pulled the pin. What was going on at that time? so much was going on so the reason really that i told you that for quite a while but me and my

husband were trying to have a baby for a really long time and we basically they wouldn't even really give us tests because both of our bmis were too high bmis bollocks but we'll talk about that another time and we did actually we really thought and we were like right we need some tests like just do the basic test for us please and then if we have to go private after that we can we will and they basically just told me I needed to lose 14 stone to have IVF and I was like okay fucking hell even the doctor was like you cannot do that on your own like that is just that is ridiculous so I went down the route of having trying to have bariatric surgery I went through it's about a year the whole process at the same time towards the end of that I was auditioning for Bake Off and

then I had my surgery date booked in and two weeks before I had to do something called a liver a reduction diet so you eat like 300 calories a day to drink your liver to have it and I was supposed to be filming Bake Off about a month later and I was like so conflicted I was like what do I do did the liver reduction diet for a week and then I was like this is actually insane like and this is what I'm going to be eating going forward I'll never be able to enjoy a meal out with my friends I'll never be able to enjoy Christmas dinner with my family there's so many health complications and risks to it because I was having a barrier like I was having a bypass not just a band it's permanent and I was like this is just crazy and I realized

that as much as they could staple my body my disordered relationship with eating and with food in my head was not going to be fixed by this and I decided not to go ahead with it did bake off as I was and I'm really happy I think it can be a fantastic option for people and I know some people that have had it and really rave about it but I also know a lot of people that have said that they've got really like awful long-term health complications at the end of it and they also they're not much happier and they miss food a lot of people fall into depression afterwards because they're like oh my god food was my comfort so for me personally I'm really happy that I didn't do it and I don't think it's something that I would ever go down but that's not

to say like I don't judge anyone that that does I think you know you have to do what's right for you I think like even just touching on that idea that this perception that you'll be happier that happiness lies when you're a different size is so important especially for people who when their relationship with their own body is so bad it's almost like you think that well if I look like this I will be better and that can go for anything it doesn't just go for weight it goes for people who get plastic surgery to try and fix something that they don't like about themselves but innately realizing then that that's not where happiness comes from is such an important lesson I think as well for you with your journey towards motherhood what does that then look like if you

have been told that you can't have IVF where does that leave you with your options there aren't many to be honest with you like I even privately I can't have IVF and even adoption I don't know what the rules are over there but your BMI you can't have a BMI over 40 to adopt so I literally don't have any options right now but I have come to a place of like peace about it like all my friends have kids are knackered and poor so I'm like yeah well I think that all the time because I don't have kids and Laura does. And sometimes I'm like, I think I want a baby. And then I look at Laura and I'm like, not yet. Every so often I show Brett a video of my children screaming and she's like, fuck that right off. So what's the, Laura, what's the reasoning that they give you

for saying you can't have IVF? Is it because of complications that could arise from it? Is it because they think that you're not quote unquote healthy enough? What do they tell you is the why? so they tell me that it's because my bmi is too high but the real why is because apparently it can affect your chances and it's a numbers game so clinics will want to say we've got a 90 success rate yeah right so if i was to bring that down but there is actually no research to back up that like weight affects fertility so i yeah i it just it is a little bit of a minefield they say that I think the biggest risk is the egg retrieval apparently that's risky because you have to go under general anesthetic but this is where like hypocrisy in the healthcare industry comes in

because it really frustrates me and we touched on it a little bit earlier so on the one hand they're saying like oh the surgery would be really risky because you have to go under general anesthetic and in the next breath this nurse literally said to me have you considered bariatric surgery which is so risky in itself which needs general anesthetic and i'm like yeah also i don't know what it's like there i'm literally in the middle of egg freezing now but they also said to us you don't have to have a ga here you can have a local where they literally put the anesthetic up into the cervix so i don't i mean i don't know if that's an option over there or something you could discuss you know even more for me even more interestingly than the

limitations around IVF you said the limitations around adoption I don't understand I don't understand why your BMI would be a factor for adoption yeah I don't either really I do get I suppose I feel like it should be very much on an individual basis because like we said earlier like health is so multifaceted there are so many different like aspects and elements to health like mental health like are you a smoker like absolutely physical like uh sleep like there's so many aspects of health and I don't really think it's right or fair that I would be like just immediately dismissed just because my BMI is over 40 like I don't know it just smacks of like fact phobia and ignorance to me like I don't see how that would impact me like giving a child that needs a home

a loving home absolutely especially in terms of adoption I mean when you think like there are so many like there's so many slim shit parents that like why would weight be an indicator for being a good parent and like you said it's such an ignorant and one-dimensional way of looking at what weight and how people deal with weight and how that's going to be passed on to kids but that must be something that has been really hard for you to get to a point of of acceptance with yeah it does it does sting a little bit but I think like the infertility like the infertile years were literally the hardest thing like I've ever been through I would not wish it upon my worst enemy I was broken like I really I've never felt like pain or sadness like it I'm sorry on the flip side now like I just

have come to a place of like sometimes it still sings like I pick my niece up from school and I see people that I went to school with that were younger than me picking up their kids and it doesn't feel right and I'm like oh have they got kids like and I haven't and it stings sometimes but like generally like I do have a really like great full happy life and I think that's what I try and say to people like whether you're fat or you're child free like and not by choice like you know you can still have have a full and happy life like just as you are and like you sort of touched upon earlier about this whole like I'll be happy when I'll be happy when I think when we say that whether it's I'll be happy when I've lost weight whether I'll be happy when I've got a new

job or I'll be happy when I'm married or when I'm kids then you're kind of telling yourself that life like you're not happy now like your state of your in is like temporary and I think you're not really then like living. You're just kicking it down the road. Yeah absolutely. I heard you say something in one of the podcasts and it really broke my heart and I absolutely don't think it came with any ill intent and it was something that your dad said to you when you were younger correct me if I'm incorrect but he said something along the lines of if you don't lose weight no one will love you or you won't find a husband or a boyfriend which I have no doubt your father loves you immensely and he probably didn't know the power of his words at that time but how did

those words affect you when you move forward and you wanted to start dating and falling in love uh they had yeah an immense effect on me I had to have a lot of counseling because I think in my head I always felt like I wasn't lovable it kind of added on to the end of that of like men will sleep with you but they won't stick around so I was like oh okay that's what he said yeah it absolutely shattered me to be honest with you I remember it like so vividly like it's like a core memory and yeah it really did affect me when I was like dating and stuff because I really felt like I was a worthless sack of shit to be honest with you and I definitely put up with people relationships and things that I never would now because I just felt like I was trying to make up

for the fact that I was I was bigger but I did actually after having counseling I did actually sit down with him one day I think um I don't know how old I was probably about 25 so about 10 years after the fact and I said to him listen you probably don't even remember it I said I don't know if you do but I need to talk to you about something and I told him how it made me feel and I'd had like some counseling and was talking about it and he was so upset like he was absolutely devastated he was like I am so sorry he said I genuinely don't even remember saying it and that upset me because I was like such a big thing in my life that is kind of almost shaped and defined a lot he couldn't even remember but he just said I think I was just scared for you and I just was

like well I've tried being nice that doesn't work I just wanted you to be like healthy and I just wanted you to I think he didn't seem like being normal but like he was very appearance obsessed my dad growing up but yeah so that was really really hard and it took a lot to unlearn that and to know like my worth going forward in relationships I think it it was a big thing and so is when you started dating you mentioned you just stayed around in relationships you probably shouldn't have do you feel like that is because you thought well fuck I'm not worth any better yeah no one else is gonna love me so I'll just let this person walk all over me because it could be the best I get yeah absolutely I definitely settled and I even like dated like

people that I think weren't like on my level like intellectually or like you know in terms of like life goals and stuff like that yeah I definitely did not have any confidence when it came to like love and dating relationships and even intimacy in sex it was something that I really kind of like shied away from because I was so genuinely terrified of like I don't know I suppose letting someone love me or believing that someone could love me as I was how did that change I think meeting my husband was obviously a turning point he was bigger he'd lost a lot of weight when I met him he used to be about around 30 stone so he was a big lad and I think meeting someone that also had body insecurities and it was the first time I'd actually ever met somebody like of the

opposite sex that that had because I feel like I know I think men definitely do struggle but for women it's like a cultural thing isn't it and we talk a lot about diets and it's sort of like almost it's expected that you're on a diet used to be anyway so it was quite refreshing for me to talk to him and talk about the fact that we both had insecurities about our weight and i think just along with just generally my body confidence like journey just sort of came alongside of it but i think it's still something that i i still struggle with sometimes still thinking like you know why is not why is he with me because like i'm great but like i'm joking but no you are you are great so don't be joking but the kind of like yeah the body hang-ups and stuff like i

think are still present. It's still a work in progress. We'd love to talk to you about something that is absolutely taking, I don't know if it's taking the world by storm. Maybe it's our world because Laura and I are in the media. So we feel like we're seeing it everywhere, but it's definitely taking Hollywood by storm. And that is a Zempik, which is the quote unquote miracle weight loss drug that I feel like no one's admitting to being on, but everyone is losing a ridiculous amount of weight in like a month. What are your thoughts around a Zempik? So on the one hand, I can see that it is appealing okay because like I said if you are someone that has really struggled with weight tried every diet under the sun when you get thrown this kind of concept of a miracle

weight loss drug like even I was tempted by it I was like oh wow okay but then you kind of look at the flip side and that with anything like that there come side effects some of them horrendous like I'm talking nausea the shits like generally just feeling really really unwell so I kind of go is that worth it the biggest thing for me is that you can only really you can only be on it for two years so for me it's not a long-term solution and I remember a doctor saying to me once is your weight like is it a long-term thing and I was like yeah he's like then you need a long-term solution that's why he was trying to suggest like weight loss surgery yeah so for me I think that a lot of people think of it as a quick fix and they're not potentially thinking about the future I also

think what's really worrying is that it's taking away medication from people that actually need it so there is now a massive shortage of the medication for people who actually need it for diabetes and that terrifies me and it really pisses me off because it feels like like i said i can understand it but i also just feel like we've come so far in the kind of body confidence space and then this just feels like even the people that were championing it are like on a zen pic or trying it or whatever and it feels like we've gone two steps forward 10 steps back sometimes and that really frustrates me it also seems like a bit of a dirty secret and I think like you kind of touched on it the fact as well that obviously it's limiting people who desperately need a zempik

for diabetes yeah I'm not able to access it but there's this also this idea that like so many so many people are on it and nobody is admitting to the fact that they're on it for weight loss so it's almost like everybody's having these dramatic and miracle weight loss experiences yeah because people feel shameful about it you know there is so much stigma around weight around weight loss around the way in which people do lose weight if they choose to we talk about like body positivity and we talk about how people are way more fat inclusive now and how you see it on social media there's people who are celebrating their body and the way in which it looks but do you feel as though even when we talk about this idea of being in a bigger body or being fat that there are specific

types of bigger bodies that are like okay to celebrate but there is still a rule book around it because I feel like when I see people who are very much like love yourself it's still like bigger but it's like maybe a big ass and big boobs or big something but there's still a stylized version of what is okay to be and when it comes to weight yeah especially across Instagram and social media massively and and it really gets on my tits because we don't say that that's gonna be my new fucking favorite term this has really got on my tits today well like gets on my nerves nothing's ever got on my tip before other than my boyfriend ew I think that there is like an acceptable fat as well like yeah coin the phrase I sometimes feel

like the body positive movement has been hijacked somewhat by people in smaller more privileged bodies that are kind of conventionally pretty and while i think that there is absolute space for that because i genuinely think that whether you're a size 6 or 26 we all struggle with body hang-ups and issues the body positive space was actually you know born in like this 1960s and it wasn't around love your roles and your cellulite it was about justice it was about black fat queer women saying we're not treated equally it's about that so it's kind of been hijacked now i think to sell stuff which annoys me and what you often see is that the people that the movement that was created for to protect are now alienated from that very movement and people that are mid-size I fucking

hate that term have kind of adopted it and they're kind of creating roles where there are none telling people to love themselves and I just sometimes it just gives me the ick because I see like I see these people getting brand deals that I don't get that my black colleagues don't get people that are in much bigger bodies don't get because it's like they're palatable they're acceptable but anything above a size 18 20 oh well you've let yourself go and that's way too fat for our audience like I don't know it's the whole hierarchy of it just really pisses me off what about in terms of like brands and size inclusivity and like being able to shop in a comfortable way for yourself like I can only imagine the frustration that comes with walking

into a store that only stocks up to size 14 yeah it really does have a massive impact on your self-esteem like thankfully online shopping is so much better now but I there's like a massive shopping center near me like it's one of the biggest in I think in the UK maybe even Europe and there's one shop that I can shop in and I don't understand that because the average size in the UK is just 16 so if that's the average then that means there's plenty people below it and plenty of people above it. So why is our money not as good as everyone else's? I really genuinely don't understand that.

It really frustrates me. I don't, yeah, I just, the fact that I can't just go and shop like everyone else. It doesn't even make sense from the brand's perspective if that's the average. Like you're literally losing money because all of these people can't purchase anything. And we had such an amazing conversation

with Brittany Saunders who owns Fate the Label. Go if anyone wants to hear more about sort of size inclusivity across brand and go back and have a listen to that episode. but I think the big take-home I took from that conversation was this idea that because brands have never included it in their marketing so if you're not marketing to all body shapes and all sizes when you do hold those sizes in your collection if someone can't see how they're going to look in a piece of clothing then they're not going to buy it and then there's this idea of

like oh well size 18 never sells but size 18 never sells because you don't have a single picture of a size 18 person on your Instagram wearing that type of clothing. Exactly. It's the lack of visibility that I think brands struggle with when it comes to sales yeah massively we don't see enough plus size models we don't see what things look like on our bodies and also like they're just like generally a lack of marketing there's like a big supermarket here called Tesco's I was chatting to someone that worked for them recently and she was saying oh we do extended sizes in store and they didn't sell and I was like oh okay did you tell people about it she was like well no just expected people to come in and see it yeah how are they gonna know yeah but it's almost like

the lack of marketing the lack of visibility and all the money gets poured into what is seen as more commercially viable exactly yeah so you can be a size 14 but you still have to be hourglass you still have to be lighter skinned you still have to be conventionally pretty and that's what brands think body positivity is and and that you know it's like it's tokenism as well it's just yeah laura you have one of the best life models i've ever heard in my entire existence and i'm probably going to try and adopt it if I'm not sitting on your face or you're not paying my mortgage your opinion doesn't matter I laughed so fucking hard where did that come from is this just too many people's opinions you're like fuck man I'm not on you I'm not sitting on your face

you don't help me with my bill do you know what I've sat on some people's faces whose opinion I couldn't give a flying fuck about so to be perfectly honest I think it's just the second one for me where did that come from oh I don't know I probably stole it from somebody else probably heard it and just kind of locked in it but I think it's a really good motto to live by actually don't you like I just think I've just had to deal with so many people's opinions over the years it's a sad life isn't it if you just sit and worry about what other people think of you so like I'm just not gonna do that anymore do you get a lot of unsolicited advice maybe people that think that's constructive advice maybe people that are trolling you and bullying you online what do your dms look

like generally really nice kind supportive but i do have quite a lot of filters so that people can't send like mps as i needed that it's not so bad now actually i think that people are slowly starting to understand my message is not go on the sit and say free and eat 40 pizzas and 10 tubs of ben and joey's every day which i think sometimes the whole like you're promoting obesity message which again really gets on my tits because it's not true but yeah I don't tend to get like lots of unsolicited advice and especially not from like family and friends because they know that I like I will just shut that shit down it's normally from men from men saying like you're not healthy you should do this you should do that it's like all right cool I never thought about losing weight thank you so

much so enlightening so enlightening I'll try that but yeah generally like things are better like than they were men are as fucked up by this whole idea as what women are i mean like we've been kind of groomed with the whole diet culture conversation throughout our entire life that men and young boys have also been fettered around what's attractive and what's not attractive for their entire lives too yeah and i'm not saying that then that they're by any means like a victim in it but i think that they are a byproduct of what society tells them is attractive and for so long and i think about when we were you know young enough to buy magazines and the heroin chic was sort of like the lexicon of what people found attractive it's like that is just as

reinforced in every sex in men in women in everyone as much as it is for women even though we're the ones have to live through the real diet culture messaging yeah I think you're right and like just as kind of we get fed these or have been fed these awful toxic messages about what we should look like I think they have too and like you look at kind of superheroes and any kind of like tv media and stuff they've got six packs and you know their full head of hair and I think it affects them but you're right I hadn't actually thought about it that much in terms of what they expect from women like they've been massively impacted by that and I don't like and they've want to be like oh the patriarchy but it is like it's true like it likes everyone it does like yeah women

more yeah women more do you think like the patriarchy has a lot to answer for when it comes to fat phobia yeah I absolutely do I think because it's like fat phobia I think is quite wrapped up in misogyny it's like a way of like controlling women like you should look like this you should be like that you should be like servile to your man and that that is our purpose is to like to look good and be someone like eye candy and to be fertile as well and produce children it just lessens our worth I think as women when we we're kind of we think of it like that and I think sometimes I think being fat is like the biggest middle finger to the patriarchy because it's like you don't control me like all of these multi-million dollar like diet industries like they're all

headed up by men and so the beauty industries and the beauty industries as well you're absolutely right so uh I think yeah the two are absolutely linked and living life authentically as you are and not giving into that like how wonderful is that yeah fuck the patriarchy I would love to know Laura in terms of like what you think are the next steps to removing the stigma around conversations around body inclusivity around what it means to be in a bigger body what do you think that looks like oh that is a really good question it's a really tough question I think a lot of it I think is about breaking the sort of intergenerational cycle of diet culture and I feel like we kind of we're starting to do that I think which is really positive so like we

were talking earlier about how i grew up in a household very much consumed by diet culture and focus on dieting and what people look like i think if we can remove that as much as possible i think that's really healthy so teaching kids about health and not focusing on diets and weight loss and i think also like it's about being an ally to people in bigger bodies and i think we all can be a bit like fat phobic because i think it's just ingrained in us so it's about doing the research looking at weight stigma and the impact that it has on people and the facts rather than kind of getting swept up in the media's perception of like the obesity epidemic that kind of thing and I think it's about looking out for people as well so like for me like even looking at the

people in bigger bodies so when people say things to me like oh if I get that fat shoot me or just making comments like that we need to kind of stop that I think in its tracks in our culture and I think the media has a lot to answer for as well I think that if you look at a lot of sort of fat representation we're always the funny ones or like the side character of the joke or the butt of the joke I think that needs to absolutely change as well we need more representation I think if things are to change I was going to talk about Lizzo but I won't yeah I mean I think that that's a really interesting conversation though because like Lizzo has done so much for the conversation around size and I really think that she's this person that herald this idea that like she was

like fuck it I'm fat and I love myself it wasn't neutrality as you spoke about it earlier it was like fully embracing and I think that really challenged people's perception because people yeah struggle with this idea of like but how can you love yourself yeah and she just defied all of that for somebody who I guess like in some ways probably would think like she's a bit of a pioneer in the space seeing what's happened in the media what does that look like to you it's made me so fucking sad firstly because I feel like it's proven that you cannot kind of put one person be like the spokesperson and the person that is like the body positive because she's human and like it's like where is that left us basically we don't know I just want to obviously say that

I don't know what is truth like there's a lawsuit at the moment it's all alleged so yeah I just think it really does speak volumes that we've just put this one person on a pedestal and I think that's sad we need to not do that I think the other thing that's made me incredibly sad is seeing the fat phobic and racist abuse that she's had on the back of it like it very quickly turned like fat phobic and racist and like that it's just it's just so unnecessary so yeah I just think the whole thing is really sad but we need more people like Lizzo you can't just have one it's not it's not right and Laura you have your book Diet Starts Monday coming out in January congratulations very exciting what can we expect from that so the book really is for anybody who

be struggling with their body confidence really who feels like they're you know like putting their life a bit on hold like i'll be happy when as we spoke about earlier the first half of the book is talking about the reasons why potentially you've been made to feel like you don't like yourself or why you should hate yourself so we're talking about the patriarchy about the media about the word fat and fat phobia in society about beauty standards and then the second half of the book really is about reclaiming the power so kind of literally sticking two fingers up to diet culture how to do that talk about bringing the joy back to exercise rather than it being a punishment or a way to burn calories talking about how to have a healthy relationship with food and also about

how to raise like body confident kids so I really hope that it will help people just feel a bit more confident in themselves and even if it helps one person I'll be happy before we let you go I've been wanting to ask you something this entire episode and I won't sleep at nine if I don't know the answer what's your signature dish from british baker has to be a key lime tart with ginger pastry and italian meringue yeah i'm gonna make one today actually oh that is so far away that sounds so Laura thank you so much for coming and being a part of the podcast and just i mean i've loved it like i said earlier thank you so much for speaking so vulnerably about it and speaking about your experience in your own body with the duality that you've experienced it rather than it being this

like almost like inaccessible and unattainable love yourself in every single format because I just think that as much as we all try and we would all love to be able to embody that it's so unrealistic and it's so hard I think it's a goal definitely I think we should all be aiming for that but I just think body neutrality is a really good like stepping stone and a good kind of alternative rather than putting that so much pressure on yourself so yeah thank you so much for having me well you know we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet our highlight and our low light i'm gonna kick it off my suck is i'm sick brit is literally sitting here dying i have a head cold in the last hour your face is just glazed over and your nose is doubled

inside yeah i feel it just hit me like a ton of bricks i feel so you know it came on last night and then i woke up like sort of okay probably because i took so many drugs last night and now No, I feel like I've been hit by a boss. I feel like my nose, I can't breathe through my nose, so now I'm like heavily mouth breathing. Can I just say my suck is the fact that we're sitting in a tiny studio and I'm sitting directly across from you and I'm sure that this is coming for me now.

So that's my suck. I really just need to get better because I'm going away soon, which is my sweet, I am going to see my lover. Man, a long-distance relationship must be so expensive. Oh, my God, you don't even know the half of it. It is so expensive but it's what you do for love and I'm going to have to figure this out. I'm going to have to start an OnlyFans maybe.

Of your feet. No. Oh, yeah, I could I guess. Okay, the amount of times recently that you have brought up wanting to start an OnlyFans, I would say at least once a week you read me out how much someone's making from OnlyFans and then you're like, I could do this, Laura. You know why?

Why? Guys, because I never realised it's such an ignorant assumption but I always thought the people that made the big money on OnlyFans had to be doing porn or nudity or, like, super explicit stuff. I know OnlyFans isn't just that, but I thought the big money was that. But then I found out some of the top content creators in Australia, like I'm talking about the people making $200,000 plus a month, don't even do nudes.

And that's when I'm like, hang on a minute, But you're telling me I could just do lingerie and be making $200,000 a month? I'm not going to lie, it's very tempting. Do you reckon? I may have floated it with Ben. And what did he say? No.

Do you think anyone would want to watch my mum content of me in my flat like concave mum bum in a swimsuit? Laura. Like yelling at the kids, get out of that. You're not having any more snacks. It's 10 minutes till dinner time. Well, I don't think you necessarily have to put the audio on there. I reckon there'd be someone out there who would pay for that.

100% you could be making bank you too we could do a joint one life uncut only fans no nudity it's brit in lingerie and it's me screaming at my kids no you could have nothing on but like an apron oh yeah cooking muffins and fairy bread you could go full sexy mom i'm not kidding i think we've just come up with this live on air we are not doing a joint only fans the only thing i'm gonna sell are pictures of my feet anyway look yeah people make bank on that remember the girl that made heaps of money from fart in a jar like you can make money on anything and if i have to fly overseas constantly i'm gonna have to think up some way to make more money all right okay my suck for the week is last week marley the oh my god poor thing for like three days in a row

three nights in a row she was crying that she had the worst stomach pain and on thursday night we ended up in hospital with her and she was in agony the poor little baby and it turns out she had a twist in her intestine, which I didn't even know was a thing. I didn't even know that that was something that could happen. Apparently it's like the aftermath of a virus. And yeah, it turns out that like a twist in your intestine can either spontaneously resolve or it can get a hell of a lot worse, but we were really lucky that it spontaneously resolved, but it's just, there's nothing worse than seeing your kid in pain and not being able to do anything to help them. And you know, the hospital staff are incredible. There's a really special breed, which are like

pediatric doctors and nurses. They are incredible people, but any mom who's had to wait in emergency throughout the night and when they're bedlocked and it's busy and it's like a six hour wait with your kid who is just beside themselves. It is horrible. It's a really horrible experience. So that was my Thursday night and also all of my Friday, but like Matt, he was pretty amazing. He came to the rescue on Friday and did all the lion's share. And then my sweet for the week was just Matt and father's day. I know I kind of dropped, I'm sure he'll talk about it on two doting dads his podcast i massively dropped the ball in organizing father's day because we'd had marley be sick and it kind of be one thing after another i feel like there's a pretty good

reason though well his like present didn't arrive in time and then the kids made presents for him and then i accidentally left them out in the rain and they got fucked but he was just amazing about it and you know he's the best so he was my sweet and also seeing my granddad that was fucking wild and weird and i had some pretty good sweets over the weekend like your husband being your sweets It's like hopefully pretty standard, right? It's like you hope that your husband makes you weak at some point. Yeah, he made my week. But do you know what?

I hear other people's stories and let me tell you, not all husbands are their wives sweet, but mine is this week. Anyway, that's it from us. If you love the episode, you know the drill. Please jump onto Apple Podcasts, leave a review. Also, not sure if you heard, but the Sneaky Podcast Awards are back and we will ask if you can go and vote for us in the podcast awards because yeah look guys we love and appreciate the community that we have been able to grow over the

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it's the only thing that our industry really does and i guess it's because podcasting is such a weird little insular job like we sit in a room together and we talk about our feelings and our experiences and then you know once a year everybody from this industry where we all work in silos gets together to celebrate what podcasting is and it's i mean it's a truly incredible night and also like we are just so grateful for all of you anyone who does go and vote so yeah appreciate it so we'll put the link in the bio of this podcast episode we're also going to put it on our instagram bio as well we're going to put on our stories like the link will be everywhere yeah in your face or you can go and just google the australian podcast awards and chuck in life uncut and then you have

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