Life Uncut - Is that a dead bird or are you just happy to see me? The best of The PickUp

Episode Date: November 19, 2023

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.

And I'm Mitch. And this is our radio show, which we do every week. and we package up all the best bits and put it right here for anyone who missed the pick-up. We really covered some ground this week, didn't we? There's a lot going on, actually, yeah. We missed you last week, Mitch. Oh, my God, I forgot.

Yeah, I wasn't... What did you do? How did you forget? You had time off only because you had COVID. I had COVID. Yeah, did we discuss the Life Uncut team falling like dominoes after the live show? Oh, yeah, we have covered it wide and far on the podcast,

that's for sure. Yes, but guess whom didn't fall like a domino to COVID? That shocks me, that you, of all people. Brittany. Yeah. Do you know why, though? I think it's because you had it recently. And so I think you've got all the antibodies

and maybe we should steady your blood. Yeah, I had a couple of months ago. Hormones? You're on hormones? Is that going to do anything? I don't know. I sound like Trump, don't I? Everyone should take hormones.

There's Mitch sitting in the corner with his tin hat on. I also wasn't on the hormones when you got diagnosed. When you all got COVID, I wasn't on it yet. I hadn't started. Oh, true. But that's why it was so imperative I couldn't go anywhere near you because I can't get it when I'm doing my egg freezing. I didn't listen to the podcast because I was ill.

But did we all blame producer Keisha? Because I blame her. She was walking around that Brisbane show going. Coughing on people. And she was coughing on the catering. Mouth open like a petulant child. Don't you dare talk about Keisha like that when she's not here to defend herself. You love to throw someone under the bus when they're not here.

I love to. I'm driving the bus. Yeah. I'll run over them. Literally. Do you reckon you're going to get long COVID laws? No. I've complained enough on this podcast about feeling sick, but I'm great now.

You are not. You've been coughing still all day. I've never been healthier, everyone. I'm the healthiest, most virile. Does that just mean I'm fertile? That just means you're. What? I am the most, I have the best swimmers in all the land.

You've got no sperm. I'm very tired. You don't make them. My brain's falling out of my ears. How do we work out? If I wanted to know how virile I was, how do I do it? You ejaculate into a cup, not at home, at a clinic. You test your sperm.

Interesting. They're under a microscope and they count them. No, they do quality. they do quantity there's heaps of stuff because it's not actually about quantity it's quality

you could have loads of sperm they could be swimming backwards but they might be spinning in circles they don't know which way is up

mine would mine would mine would have my sperm would have little bouffant hairstyles like I do your sperm would be so cute

they would be actually no sorry wrong point sorry progressive audience sorry everyone you just asked

if we want to see your sperm the answer's no yours would be going on hot girl walks they'd be really efficient my sperm would all be going like

real quickly and they'd be posting it to their sperm insta stories In all seriousness. From the high angle to the right. They've got great sperm jawlines. Your sperm would actually be so much healthier and stronger now,

you know, that you're healthy. Yeah, true. Because your sperm responds to you. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, my sperm used to come out like custard, but now it's like water. Ew! Nick, come on.

Who let him on this? You know at frozen yogurt when, like, it comes out of the machine piped? Stop, cut it. Cut it. Whippy. Stop. No, it didn't. Now it's just like honey.

It's like arrows. It shoots right up there. It's like honey. Well, what would you describe maths? Sperm is not supposed to be like honey. We need to move right along. What would you describe it? No.

Okay, something in a pantry. Use a substance that you'd find in a pantry to describe mats. Why are you so obsessed with talking about sperm? I don't know. Yeah, Laura, why? Yours was coming out like Kewpie mayonnaise. Can we please move on? What's Ben's?

Haggis. We just lost our hole. Ben, Mitch, for the last time, Ben is not Scottish. He's not Scottish. He's Swedish, so it's chocolate. Lint. That's coming out of a different order. Oh, my God.

Sorry, guys. We did just lose a lot of listeners. All right, let's move forward to the Coles Deli. Mitch, you had an interesting chat today on the podcast with your mum and the Coles Deli. So I am dating someone, non-exclusive dating, but we're going on consistent dates. We're not exclusive with each other.

And my parents are really – my whole family actually are upset that I haven't brought him home because my family love – they like you guys. They love love. They want to be in and a part of my life, but I just am not ready for that to happen yet. You do bring him home. You just don't let him see your family.

Yeah. That's more what's happening. He's being snuck into the bedroom. I just realised. You're pounding him to Christmas. Oh, my God. We need to tell Michelle. Maybe we can do this next week.

We need to tell Michelle, Mitch's mum, that Mitch has put an activation of, like, find my friends on her phone. So he tracks where she is and when she's coming home. He gets an alert when she's coming home and she doesn't know it. I do. Do you really? That's how he ushers people out of the house.

You're making it sound like it's calculated and I'm on the Zodiac killer. It was calculated. You took her phone and did it and said, ha-ha, she doesn't know. No, I did it on her iPad because it's just always open, unlocked. But does that then like activate it to ask? No, no, all it does, Laura, is because I'm at home with my parents for context and sometimes when I want to invite this guy over, I'm an adult with urges, I do it while my family are out.

But so that I don't get sprung in the act, I've turned on location-based Find My on my mum's phone. So I get notified whenever she leaves a location that she's been out longer than an hour. But Mitch, just because you expand this story and break down the why doesn't mean it's okay that you still went into her stuff and put alerts on for where she is. Not alerts.

It's just, it's fine. I don't want to be sprung having sex by my mother. Okay, to be fair, your mum was kind of more in the wrong when it comes to this story today. Thank you. No, she was. She was. Okay.

My family are upset that they haven't met this guy. Your mum's a stalker. I told my mum where he works just in conversation. She went to his place of work and tried to find him. Yeah, it's so weird. Insane. Insane. So I tell that on the show today.

All right. Well, I am talking about a tantrum that Marlee May had, which I think eclipses all tantrums. I think it is the biggest one. It is the stupidest one and is the one that made me feel like the most of a failure thus far in my parenting journey. You are not a failure. She threw herself to the ground in front of a full cafe.

Yeah, you did lie to your child. That's a fail. You lied to her. Anyway. You're a great mum. I'm okay with it. I just need to prop her up. I'm all right.

You're doing great, sweetie. I'm an above average mum. I'm just going to, you know, there's much worse. It's probably a lot better. Yeah. I'm just sliding on in. Somewhere in the middle. Well, I have had a bad mother moment as well with my dog Delilah.

Oh, yeah. Because she, you know, I am her mum. She wouldn't survive without me. And I got some bad news of my treatment of Delilah at the vet this week. Okay. I'm still thinking about Ben's chocolate. Jeez. Of course you are.

Sorry. Sorry. Now, if you're a parent, you would know that little kids are put on this earth to test us, to test our patience, to test our boundaries. To test your pelvic floor muscles. They do that as well, yeah, but just to test you in every way and they really love to push the limits. Now, I want to know if your kids, give us a call

and make me feel better about this. I want to know the most ridiculous tantrums that your kids have ever had because I think my child, Marley May, she's four years old, I reckon she probably had the most ridiculous tantrum that's ever happened on the weekend. The worst tantrum? Number one, the winner of all tantrums. Wow, where were you? What happened?

Okay, so we were walking. We were out on the street in public. We were walking to the markets. Oh, so it was a public tantrum. Oh, yeah. And they're always the good ones because you have to try and decide are you going to discipline or are you just going to kind of drag them away from the scene of the crime, right?

Like you've got to try and figure out how you're going to mediate these sorts of tantrums. So we're walking along. We're right out the front of a very, very busy cafe and we've been talking about family structures. Like we've been talking about my mum and my dad and how that's Nana and Grandad and kind of like where she fits in our family tree.

Yeah. And all of a sudden she says, mummy, so I'm a twin. And she's put two and two together because she has a sister, Lola. However, her sister is two years younger than her. And I was like, no, sweetie, like a twin is someone who's born on the same day. You know, you both shared mummy's tummy at the same time. I'm trying to explain what a twin is to a four-year-old, which, mind you, it sounds easy. That's a really hard, like that's a really complex thing to try and explain to a four-year-old.

And she turned around and she was like, no, mummy, I'm a twin. I'm a twin because Lola's my sister and we're the same, so I'm a twin. Now, I didn't realise that she was getting quite so agitated by the fact that she's not a twin. And we're walking past this cafe and I said, no, darling, you're not a twin. And this went on for a little while.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, my child, who is not a twin, throws herself out of the pram, and I'm talking like commando roles, out of the pram, onto the ground, onto the ground. She is laying face down on the ground. her skirt is up over her head and she's screaming I'm a twin! I'm a twin mummy!

You're the worst mummy ever! And so I what do you do at that point? I think you give her a biology lesson I was like girlfriend if you want to be a twin you can be a twin, get up There's people in the cafe table who are sitting next to us laughing I'm so embarrassed

I was conceding, I was like if you want to be a twin you can be a twin, that wasn't enough She continued to scream Do you think conceding is the right thing to do here? Obviously, you want the tantrum to end Laura, but do you think it's more like, I don't know, maybe biologically she should understand that she's not a twin? You know, there's hills that you have to choose

whether you're going to die on them, and dying on the am I a twin hill was not the hill that I was going to. Yeah, totally. Time and a place. I was so dumb. This went on for, I'm not kidding, five minutes, and I ended up dragging her by her feet back into the pram. It was a whole scene.

Christy has called on 131065. Christy, have you had a, you or your child, have you had a tantrum like this? Yesterday, one was the funniest in a while. So my seven-year-old had a slight meltdown yesterday because the sky was too bright. But seven, seven is not where I put tantrums. I thought tantrums sort of ended at like four.

Please, I've seen a tantrum come out of you, 36-year-old Brittany. Oh, yeah, if I didn't get avocado in my wrap, there's a tantrum. Tamara, hi. What was your kids' tantrum about? So we were doing our usual breakfast routine and we were after some Nutella toast and because I couldn't carve it into a butterfly, our meltdown was all over.

As in you didn't want to try to carve it into a butterfly or your artistic skills aren't up to scratch? Look, I'm no artist, so there was no way I could get this butterfly. That's a hard shape. Like, do a star or a heart? She's like, Mum, that's a moth. She's like, what is this?

Do you know what an eye is then? I had tantrums when my mummy went through this phase where she always used to put those, you know those, I forget what they're called, they're leggings, but they have the stirrups on them that go under your feet. Oh, yeah, you see prey used to have them. I hated them and mum used to always make me wear them and I remember I tantrumed every time.

I was like, they're uncomfortable on my feet, they rub, they blister, they don't. I just didn't want to wear them and I constantly had that tantrum as a kid. It's because you were a fashion icon, Britt, even when you were like three years old. I am. You were like, don't make me wear this out of the house, mum.

I think you'll find it's pronounced fashion. Look, guys, I don't want to brag, But I think I still got it. I'm just not sure I want it. But I think I got it. What do you got? What's going on? Well, I think I got hit on yesterday.

So this is probably the strangest way, the weirdest way anyone has asked for my number. And I'm in a bit of a conundrum. I don't know if it was a hit on moment or if this person really was like a scientist. Okay. Wow, I'm so invested in this. I was at the beach with my dog Delilah.

She was having a swim and a play and I was on FaceTime to my boyfriend Ben because he lives over in Scotland and I had my ear pods in and a guy walked past me. He was going for a surf, wetsuit, board under his arm. He was just about to jump off the rocks. He saw Delilah, looked at me, did this like little up and down look and then came over to talk to Delilah. Now everyone always talks to Delilah.

She's a real magnet. Ben was on the line the whole time. Ben's going in my ear. Ben's going, oh, here we go, mate, move on, like move on. He's like, just tell him you're taken. I was like, he's just being nice, you know, whispering in, talking to him anyway. Off he goes for a surf.

After that, my boyfriend Ben's like, he was definitely hitting on you. And I was like, babe, just chill out. He was just being nice. He gets out of the surf, this surf. He comes back? Only like 15 minutes later and Ben is still on the phone. I said to Ben, oh, my God, that guy's coming back. Oh, no.

I said, stay on the line. So he walks up to me and he's like, hi, I have a question, like a favour to ask you, do you mind coming and taking a photo of a dead bird for me? Sorry, what? And I was like, what? He's like, I'm a virologist that specialises in birds. I'm a bird virologist and I have just noticed over that rock shelf

is a dead bird. I don't have my phone on me because I've been surfing. Do you think you could possibly do a photo shoot of the dead bird and send it to me? Oh, and so he'd have your number. So he'd have my number. That's ingenious. That's so smart.

So Ben's going, is it in my ear? He's still on FaceTime. Ben's going, is this guy serious? Brittany, he is not. He's going, abort. He's not a bird virologist. And I was like, I think he is. That sounds made up, by the way.

Bird virologist. I've never heard of a bird virologist. Wait, wait, wait. Britt, so did you then go wander over the rocks and take photos of a dead bird? I did a whole photo shoot. With a strange man on your phone? Yeah. Show me these photos.

Okay, here. I'm sending them to your phone right now. So I did a close-up. That's a dead bird. Yeah, so I did a close-up of it. Why is he touching its beak? Because we had to get all the beak angles. So we had to open the beak and do a photo shoot of the beak.

Then we did the whole wingspan. Like we brought all the feathers out. She tilted its neck. And now I have a whole photo album on my phone of dead birds and I send them to you. I'm sorry. If this guy was hitting on you, Brit, there is a reason why he is single. He is very bad at flirting.

Nothing says romance like a dead half-decayed bird. Wow. So did he end up texting you? He did. And what did he say? Thanks for the dead bird. and then he sent me heaps of bird emojis and then I didn't write back and then he wrote back again and said have a nice day

and I didn't write back again. Hold on, producer Tony's saying that we have a bird expert that's called. Of course we do. They're out there on 131065. Zach's on the line. Hi, Zach. Quickly answer this for us. Is a bird virologist something that exists?

Yeah, so just listening, was it virologist? Is that the terminology used or did he mean biologist, like bird biologist? I can't be sure. Look, Britt's been saying virologist as in like a virus for the birds. Because he said that a lot of birds have been dying lately. And he might have said virologist, and I assumed it was virologist because I've never heard of a virologist. You had AirPods in.

Is a virologist a thing? I think so for viral studies, sure. I don't know if they pick that up on Dead Birds on the Beach. Just check your phone. I've just sent you the photos of the dead bird photo shoot that I took at the beach. It was a beautiful day. The lighting's great, really hits the beak.

Can you tell what kind of bird that is? ID this bird. Just going through in a moment. You should have a big close-up, a wingspan and an overhead. Yeah, there's a big pic, there's a wing pic, there's a core pic. Yeah, I've got the photos. I'm clicking through. Stop.

It is quite the photo shoot, you guys. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah, that was all me. So the bird is a short-tailed shearwater. I was afraid you were going to say that. It's honestly a very common bird to find washed up on the beach. is there any reason that you would take photos like this though of a dead bird like could

is there any chance or is this just totally um uh perhaps he wanted to confirm what species of sheer water it is because there's quite a number and they're all really similar no exactly he had his heart set on a britney huckley crested tit he had a different type of bird in mind you know the best part was at the end he was like okay well i'll go home and and get that message now and I was like, well, you can't leave the dead bird here. And he was like, what do you want me to do with it? I said, pick it up. So he picked up the dead bird and took it and walked away.

Into the sunset with a dead bird. Oh, Brie, you dodged a bullet. That's a serial killer. That's what you just escaped a serial killer. I don't know if I'm alone in this and I'm going to go so far as to say that I'm probably not. But one thing that my partner Matt and I, my husband Matt, and I fight about pretty often is who does the most housework.

It's like the one common thread. Is that what you fight about, Laura? Yeah, it's not cheating. It's not lying. It's who did the most loads of washing that week. And I'd argue that it would often be Matty J doing the majority of the chores. Okay, it used to be. The balance used to be very different.

It used to be more me. And now recently, because I've been here more, we've been working on the podcast more, the balance has skewed. And I would say for the majority, Matt is probably doing 100% of the load at the moment. I do bits and pieces, but he thinks I do absolutely nothing. Oh, how the turntables. How the tables have turned.

Okay, no, I mean, I'm exaggerating. I still do stuff. I'll get in there, throw a load of washing on. Like, I make myself useful. And I also am very efficient at the house cleaning stuff. Don't pitch it to us. We're on your side. It doesn't take me as long.

She's like, I clean. Well, you can't. You're busy. Like, it's all good. I'm a feminist. Everyone, God damn it, I clean. No, but it's really hard when you are juggling work and you're also trying to juggle a household and juggle kids

and then your partner's doing the same thing. It's this one thing that's this reoccurring fight that I think a lot of couples have. Because you need to clean, but it's like, who does it? We're all tired. We're all busy. And you're always justifying that maybe you've done more than your partner actually thinks you've done.

Totally. Okay, there is a new system. There is a new tool out there that is going to help couples across the nation, and it is a chore calculator. We're going to go right back to when you used to put it on a fridge and write it down, except now it's an app. You can download it. You log all your hours or all the different things

that you've done in the week, and so when you get to the end of the week, you can sit down on date night and say, ha-ha, see, I did more than you, you lazy so-and-sos. Laura, if this is what you're doing on date night, going through your chores list in an app, something's more seriously wrong with the relationship. Nothing screams romance like a chore calculator at the end of the week.

Nothing screams romance like being right. The thing is with this, great, great in theory, Laura, I wouldn't even look at the app. I'd open it up, I'd do 25 hours, just type it in, press enter, log it and be done. So you'd lie? I'd lie, yeah. That's a real problem.

Till the cows come home. What do you mean? Oh, I came to talk about cleaning on my date. No, no, I'm kind of sold. I'm kind of sold on this, although I'm single, but I live with my parents, so maybe mum and I can use this. Do I, do I, is it like a percentage? Do you go, I vacuum for 10 hours?

You go in and you physically log in what you've done and the hours that you've done it. So it actually, like, it's very good in terms of, like, I mean, imagine that this is your job, because the thing is, you go to work, you log the hours that you work at work, like, you know exactly what you're doing, but when it comes to the unpaid domestic load,

which we all know often falls on the women, not in my household, but in most households across the country. And the statistics were, which is what I thought was really interesting, 72% of women think that they do the majority share of the household load and only 18% of men in heterosexual relationships agree. So I think there is this big mismatch. I mean, I don't think. It's obvious.

The numbers are right there, people. There's a big mismatch. And at least something like this gives you the proof in the pudding to show what you've actually done. I mean, you're gay. You were in a long-term gay relationship. Huh? It's the first we're finding out about it.

Mitch, you're gay. You just came out for me. Don't point it like an accusation. Mitch, you're gay. I am. You were in a same-sex relationship for five years. Yeah, we lived together. Who, in that case, who did, like,

do you think that this chore app would come in handy for you? Who did the chores? Interesting. He definitely, my ex definitely did the lion's share of the chores, 100%. He did all of it. Why was that? He did all of it. Yeah, he did.

But also, I was paying substantially more in rent. Yeah, but you don't have any kids. there's no reason for you not to be doing it. We had a lot of really fancy furniture that needed polishing and dusting many times. That's the issue with being gay. So gays can't use this app. It's not the same life.

You can. You can still use it. There's plenty of gay people who are on the app using it. Interesting. To fight with their partners. The gays would be using this app to hook up. Okay, okay. So I'm dating this guy.

He's very cute. It's been a couple of months. It's my first relationship since my five-year relationship ended. So it's a big one. He's very sweet. Relationship? He's very sweet. No, no, we're just dating.

We're just seeing someone. Yeah, that's all it is. What's his name? Well, I'm not going to reveal his actual identity. So for the sake of the pick up, we'll call him Brad. Okay. So Brad works at Coles. I can say that.

Brad works at Coles. And my family are really invested in my love life. I live at home, right? Your family is so invested in your life. Yeah, they love me and I love them. And I am living back in my childhood bedroom. And I have told them that I'm dating Brad, but I will not bring him to see the family yet

just because it's such a big step. Like it's such a big moment to go, hi, family. Meet Brad, because I don't know where I'm at. Especially when you're not exclusive yet. Exactly. No, it's too soon. Problem is, that irks my family to no extent, to no degree. What's that expression?

Yeah, to no degree. To no end. That was our producer. She's like, come on, get it together. It irks my family to no end, especially my mum, Michelle. She is very heavily invested in my life. So all I've told mum is that I'm seeing someone called Brad and he works at the local Coles, the Coles that she shops at every day.

So then Brad and I are having dinner on Sunday night. We're sitting there and we're having dinner and he goes, you know, the weirdest thing happened. I don't know if I wanted to bring it up with you. I was like, yeah. He's like, the weirdest thing happened, I was at work and I went and had my lunch break. When I came back from my lunch break,

my co-workers said that I was paged to customer service. It went over the PA. Brad to customer service desk, near aisle one. Brad to customer service. No, I can see where this is going. And he missed it because he was on his lunch break. When he got back, he said, who was it? They said, I don't know.

Someone named Michelle. came to see you at reception. Wait, your mum went to Coles blindly, went to customer service and tried to page him. Do you know, I feel like this is one of those opportunistic things. Like, she's walking down the aisle and she goes, I wonder if that boy, stocking shelves right there, is him. I'm going to go and find out.

Has your mum said anything? I haven't spoken to her yet. So what I've done is I thought, mum doesn't work well under pressure, so let's make her buckle. She's joining us now. Michelle is here. Mum is on the line. Hello, mummy Michelle.

Michelle, I love you. Hello, the pick-up. You know I love you, but what were you thinking? Was this you? What was running through your head? Look, he has been secretly seeing someone and has not been at all forthcoming. And let me say, okay, so the hairdresser that I go to looks right into the cold, right into the cold.

So I'm sitting there for nearly three hours getting my hair done, and seeing all these little cold stuff running around, moving around. And I'm thinking, oh, is that him? Would that be him? Could that be him? Oh, I think that's him. So once I had my hair done, I thought, I'm going to go in and just have a shop around,

see if I can shop for a man. So you went to the service desk, Mum, and you asked for Brad? No, well, I went to the deli first. Because you think he cuts slabs of meat. Yeah. He's like a prime beef. I went to the deli first and they were like, no, he's not here. He was on a break.

And I was like, oh, okay. So I thought, well, I'll go to the service desk and have him paged. Like a loss of time. Michelle, I love that you didn't even try and deny it. There was not one point where you said, no, I didn't do that. This is what I don't understand. You've gone to the service desk. You've paged Brad.

Brad comes, right? If Brad actually turned up, what did you plan on saying? What were you going to do? I was just going to say, hi, I'm Michelle. I'm Mitch's mum. He's not forthcoming. Love to have you around for dinner one night. Michelle, I don't think he's secretly dating.

At the start, you said Mitch has been very secretive. It's just dating. I think he's just dating. That's what I've said to Mum. She doesn't get it. She met Dad on a football field and they got married the next day. But dating is very different in 2023, Mum. Would one call this a little bit overbearing when it comes to a parent?

Maybe a little bit. You know what? I actually really quite like it. Yeah, I know you do. I think it's great. It's very fun. Good on you, Mum. Thank you.

I wonder if we're going to still be together after we hear this. Of course you did. Brad, if you're listening. Love you. Love you. No, no, way too soon, way too soon. Now, as a parent, I don't often take my kids out for dinner, like to the pub and, you know, it's just such hard work

that usually you want to stick to your time, like your timetable, you want to stick to your schedule, you want to get food into them at home and just stick to what's easy. But every so often you think, I'm going to go out, I'm going to treat ourselves, we're going to batten down the hatches and we're going to take our kids to a restaurant. What, you charge your iPad? You just get yourself all organised.

And, I mean, look, maybe you're an iPad family, maybe you're not. If you're not, you're better than me. But that's what we are. Okay, but every so often you do and you go out and you take your kids and you hope and you pray to dear God that they're going to behave themselves. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Now, there is a restaurant in the States who has decided that for any children who are deemed unruly children,

the parents will be charged an additional fee on top of the restaurant fee. And that additional fee, it's not a small, it's not a per head quota. It's an additional 40 pound, which works out to be what? Like close to $80. If your kids misbehave and they are deemed to be unruly children. Per kid? No, overall, I think it's just a flat fee. A table, right?

Yeah, your kids suck, so here's an 80 pound fee. But who is deeming them unruly? Like what's the criteria? It turns out that it's either the waitresses or the owner. So the people who work there get to decide if a child has been too unruly or not. Some sweaty sous chef gets to choose whether or not a kid's bratty. Okay, the reason why there's been such an outlaw according to this is because this one family have been charged this ridiculous fee

and the parents have said, actually, our children were so well behaved. They were sitting there on iPads. They weren't doing anything wrong. This is just revenue raising from the restaurant because they hate children and they don't want any insight. Well, you're the one with the kid. Do you think that this is acceptable, knowing that you take your unruly children out?

Do you know what? I think that there are other things that adults do which are way worse than what kids do. Mitch Turi eating with his mouth open. I don't eat with my mouth open. Sometimes steaks are tough. The steaks are tough. No, Mitch, sometimes his nose is blocked

and he has to eat and breathe at the same time. That's true. You should pay more for that. It's disgusting. Well, I actually come and I'm on the side of the restaurant here. You know what? I've had my night ruined by petulant children and maybe $80 is a bit much, but, yeah, whack them with a fine

or maybe... Like a $15 per head I can handle, but $80. What if you do... Okay, hang on. Here's a thought. You know how the airlines have recently started trialling like the kid-free zone and the kid-only zone? So what if restaurants have that?

If you book with kids, you've got to let them know they all get put lumped out in the same area, like on the bullpen, and everybody else in the inside gets to have a kid-free restaurant. No, because then the problem is as a parent, you end up sitting out at the kiddies' table in the garden party. I just want that or $80.

You wanted to bring children into this world. That's your sacrifice. The bullpen. You were once a child too, Mitch Turi. You were once a petulant little unruly kid. Gifted and talented, thank you. You still are a child. No, I think with these sorts of things, okay,

I have definitely been in situations where my children have been misbehaving and they have been having a tantrum, in which case you take them outside and you don't have them in a restaurant. But I don't think that you can penalise parents because they've brought their kids into a restaurant. Nah, if they're being proper, proper naughty, screaming, throwing food. Has it happened to you? Like, have your kids, Lola and Marley, been so badly behaved

that you and Matt had to pick them up and take them out of a restaurant? No, but do you know what little kids do? They throw their dinner all over the ground and then you get up to leave and there's, like, fish and chips and calamari and, like, half a salad just, like, literally littered all over the floor. And you always think, God, that really sucks for the person who has to clean that up. All I clocked is a maintenance fee.

No, I just clocked that your kids are in calamari. I think that's when I was eating. I was not going out in calamari. Must be nice. Beans on toast. Laura goes, Matt and I left. and you will not believe it, the lobster mornay was on the floor. The caviar was on the walls.

It was disgusting. The champagne was knocked over. And I said, Lola, if you don't want your French toast, give it to me, Mum, you'll have it. That's the point there. We've all dated our fair share of people, Brit and Laura. We've all had a little, you know, adult sleepover. Where is this going?

I just feel like sleeping positions are a really important part of any relationship because I, maybe we can all say how we sleep, I am a definite tummy sleeper, Brit. Yeah, well, I'm a tummy slash running man sleeper, Mitch. So like tummy, but on that 45 degree angle with a running man leg. Oh, kind of like a side sleep. No, it's not side. It's more tummy, but just with a propped leg.

It's a hybrid. It's a hybrid, yeah. Laura? I co-sleep with a four-year-old. So usually it's on a tiny little slither of bed. Oh, God. That means I sleep on my side. Back, side or tummy?

Side. Side. Well, here's the thing. Sleep expert. I don't know where he got that title from, if he's been to university. He gave it to himself. He definitely did. Samuel Dunkel has revealed that the sleeping position you choose every night

actually tells you about your personality and your psyche. Oh. Yeah. So do you have the position then? Surely not. Oh, I sure do. I love this stuff. What does Dunkey say?

Duncan says, sleeping on your stomach, i.e. me, Mitch Turi, means you are sensitive, emotional, and highly impulsive. Sleeping on your stomach. Would you say that describes me correctly? I don't think you're highly impulsive. What do you mean? Don't look at me. You're sensitive.

Well, hang on, that's me too, or is there a running man, or am I the belly? No, I'll give you the hybrid. So if you sleep in the fetal position, which is kind of the running man. I sleep in the fetal position. You just said you sleep on the side. Yeah, like on the side in a fetal position. Oh, yeah, great. Wrapped up like a little ball.

Yeah. I'm not fetal. I'm very fetal. Dr. Funkel has thoughts on the fetal. He says shy, introverted, and insecure. Oh, real close. He's good. Oh, yeah, he's spot on.

Insecure, not shy. All right, on side with legs curled up. That's you, right? That was a bit of a dig, Brit. Thank God. No, but you're not shy. Insecure, but not shy. Don't worry, it didn't go over my head, pal.

Insecure, question mark, not shy. No, I thought there was an exclamation there, Britt. No, come on. Britt goes, did Dr. Dunkle say anything about oily hair and bags under the eyes? For that one. What, no, so do I have anything? Yeah, yours is nurturing, compassionate and caring.

So his fake. That's cute. That is cute. No, I'm nurturing. Mitch, shut up. I'm nurturing. I think the most interesting, though, which I don't agree with, is sleeping on your back, he claims, means you are the king.

If you sleep on your back, you're confident, you're independent and you're self-assured, which I don't buy. No, I believe that because that's a body language thing, right? Like if you put your, if you recoil into yourself or put your hands across yourself, it's like a protection thing. But if you're just openly on your back, palms out, it means you don't care. You've got no shits to give.

That's true, yeah. Well, if you do sleep on your back with your arms crossed, it actually means you're a vampire. So that's the one you didn't have on that list. I don't think Duncan, the sleep expert, thinks that. Yeah, I don't think he did the... If you sleep in a coffin, that makes you a vampire. You're dead, Laura, you're a sicko.

And if you don't wake up, that means you're dead. Thanks, Laura. Sleep expert, Laura. Real groundbreaking stuff there.