Life Uncut - Jonah Hill's leaked texts and purpose anxiety with Dr Sabina Read

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

Hello Lifers, We are back from holidays, Britt had her Invisalign stolen and Laura flashed her boob in Fiji. It's good to be back!  On today's episode we are talking purpose anxiety - but before we do we unpack the whole Jonah Hill saga and the Leaked texts from his ex. We ask the questions when does setting boundaries in a relationship look more like coercive control? Have you ever felt as though you have no idea what you want to do with your life? Or what brings you purpose or meaning?Perhaps you have an idea of what that purpose is, but you feel as though you're not achieving it,  Joining the podcast today is Sabina Read. Sabina is a psychologist, speaker and co-host of the Human Cogs podcast, and today we are talking about purpose anxiety. Sabina helps us unpack where we get a sense of purpose from and how it's probably not what we think it is.  We speak about: The difference between seeking validation and seeking purpose, The different aspects of life that you can get purpose from; it's not just career, a soulmate or parenthood, Privilege being intertwined with 'purpose' How much our 'blueprint' from when we are a kid impacts us You can check out all of Sabina's stuff here and her podcast here! If you have an accidentally unfiltered, your most embarrassing story, please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And holy doly, it has been a morning. It has been.

I mean, we always say we thrive in chaos. We always say how chaotic life is. Today was probably the most chaotic it's been in as long as I can remember. I'll tell you why things are going wrong. It's because producer Keisha is still in Europe sucking down Aperol Spritz. Oh, I thought you were going to say sucking something else. She's probably doing that too. She is down in Aperol Spritz.

She's there for another week and she's left us to our own devices. Now, we, for over two years, we ran this by ourselves. Once upon a time. God knows how we did that. You know why? Because it was simple. You know the old kiss saying, keep it simple, stupid? You remember that from school, right?

Yeah. With life. They're like, just kiss it. Keep it simple, stupid. I don't think anyone said it as like a life motto, but like, sure. Yeah, no, my entire life. I thought your life motto was risk it for the best. Yeah, it was.

And then it was Kiss, which is why Risk It For The Biscuit was my, they play into each other. Risk It For The Biscuit's there. But it was so easy for us because we were at home. We didn't have fancy equipment. We didn't have like all these cameras and like Zoom recordings. And desks and seats. We didn't have desks.

We didn't have pants. We literally had nothing and it was easier than what it is now. Between Britt and I, we're both so technologically challenged that in order to be able to record today's episode, they have everything here. Like we're at the podcasting studio, I guess you'd call it. But we brought our own equipment because we don't know how to use the equipment here. I came with my suitcase.

I brought a suitcase that still has like my virgin sticker attached to it. I put all the equipment in it and I wheeled it on in. We set it all up. Let's not like talk ourselves down too much. The floor is on lava, but everything is fine. The floor is on lava? The floor is lava. Well, you're back from your honeymoon, not honeymoon?

Guys, I went to Fiji for five days. I'm sure you probably knew that if you listened to last week's episode or saw it on the socials. Did you ask anyone if they wanted to see it on socials? I didn't. I didn't say, hey guys, does anyone want to see my honeymoon on socials? I just made you all view it. But what I would like to say is taking your own children along with your sister's children and your sister and her husband on your honeymoon, I think it makes it less of a honeymoon and

just a holiday with family. Well, it's not ideal, but correct me if I'm wrong. Didn't you say that Matt thought he was going on a honeymoon? He didn't really know that you'd invited the rest of the family. No, no, no, no, he knew, he knew. Alicia thought it was her 40th birthday present. That was a different, Alicia thought we were going to celebrate her 40th and then I was like, hey, I know you're turning 40,

but it is also our honeymoon. So I just combined and joined things. Where we stayed had the best freaking kids club. Like it was amazing. And I expected that the girls were going to get there and then not want to go to kids club and complain because they wanted to be with us. They woke up every morning and they ran out the door.

They were like, we're going to kids club. they didn't want a bar of us until it came to like four o'clock in the afternoon and it was possibly the best holiday i think i've ever had so did they kids club every day kids clubbed every day man they made t-shirts they were out making grass skirts they were collecting eggs it was their holiday we just paid for it it was an expensive honeymoon wasn't it it was a whole family yeah affair that's what happens when you have children and especially when your youngest one is over two and you gotta buy them a ticket lola didn't sit on that fucking seat for one second when do you have to start paying for a kid at one two two yeah and then it's full price

yeah there's no intermission phase where they're like oh that kid's two but they don't take up that much of the seat so let's just charge them a quarter of the price do you still get um like when you walk onto the plane and you've got all your shit and you've got two kids and one lola's we know lola's wild little potato head do you still get like the subtle looks from people down the corridor being like oh fuck please don't sit next to me please don't sit next to me like do you feel down the corridor it's it's kind of okay when you fly to somewhere like Fiji because I feel like majority of the people who are flying there have children yeah because their kids club are known worldwide Fiji are known for kids clubs they're known for kids clubs and also the like

Fijian people are so beautifully lovely and they are they are like born to be parents like they are just the kindest most patient and lovely people and so everybody takes their children there and are like hey have my kids for a week here they are and so we offload them the one thing though that did happen to me speaking of romantic honeymoons is um the curse my tropical holiday curse what's that hit me again I don't know if that's a real thing is it every time I go on a tropical holiday and you know this Brit so basically we flew in to Nadi we got on a little boat that took us over to where we were staying the second the second my foot touched land I was like you've got to be kidding me period oh i was about to say diarrhea rain or uti rain rain in my

pants period blood rain the second flood it was a blood the gates opened the dam flooded honeymoon blood flood that's exactly what happened i took the curse of the honeymoon blood flood it shall here be known from here forth that you have the curse of the honeymoon blood flood i took one step onto the island and i was like oh i didn't even pack i was in a remote island somewhere i no tampons no nothing why would you not pack a tampon because I got them a week early didn't I it's literally like my body was like oh you're going on a honeymoon cool no sex for you period we're really gonna fuck Matt's dreams up you can still do period sex he's not a fan of it he lied once on the podcast I remember once we interviewed him and he said he doesn't mind he was like oh I'm

awful period sex and then as soon as I actually had them and I'm like it's like do we call them a them I don't know when they're actually here and I'm like hey baby let's get jiggy they show up Yeah. They came. Anyway, well, she arrived. They came, you didn't. They came and I did not. That's definitely the moral of the story.

But anyway, apart from that, we had a beautiful honeymoon. It was a great time. Matt swam many laps underwater. Oh, I saw that. I feel like that's all I saw of the holiday was just Matt swimming underwater. That's pretty much all I saw too. It's like the kids, you know, they're like, Mom, watch me. That was like what Matt was doing.

So what was the highlight? Laying on my back. I woke up in the morning. I went to the breakfast buffet. I shipped my kids off to kids club and then I went to the gym and then I laid by the pool and that was pretty much my entire day but that's what a holiday should be like what you're describing is that you were on a holiday you're like believe it or not you've probably never done that before well no the problem is is that once you have children you just parent in a new location

that's all you do so it's their holiday and you just chaperone them on it and kids club is a game changer and prior to this holiday my kids have been too young for kids club like Lola has a little melon head has been too little and this is the first time that genuinely she got up every morning and she was like yeah kid club and she ran out the door so does that mean the only holiday you're ever going to do again is back to fiji back to the kids club we're only ever going to places with kids club from now on imagine europe or something not kids clubs you couldn't do it could you need to go to a kids club i don't care about your possitano i don't want to go and sit on a beach with my children running around on the kids club you did that with marley right when she

was like she was a fetus a little blob yeah she was literally she'd just come out of me and she was still a fetus why did you do that as a new you're just like fuck it no this is a misconception traveling with newborn babies is actually completely fine traveling with like a three month old baby because they just sleep all the time so we went to Europe when Marley was only three months old we had the most amazing trip but once they hit about four months five months six months it goes rapidly downhill we are not going back to Europe until they're 17 yeah and then they can pay for themselves yeah don't that's when you send them over there do you know what one thing did happen to me though which I thought I had my own little accidentally unfiltered moment

I was so we went out for dinner this one night and there was a couple who we met and they were very proper they were very lovely but they had a proper domestic sitting next to us at the table it started off with a little bickering fight between the two of them how old are we talking they were probably in their 40s nationality they're Aussie yeah Aussies like I'm pretty sure they were from Sydney anyway they were having a little bit of a bickering fight and then it turned into him being like I could overhear it it was so that it was so inappropriately loud for how close we were sitting to each other he was saying you know I'm not we're not doing this shit again like I can't believe we're gonna rehash this so they were having a full-on argument

and then she sat pretty quiet for the rest of the dinner and it was awkward because we'd we'd just met and like we'd had a really nice chat and then it was kind of like oh god I wonder what's going on there it is awkward when also you know that they know that you know that's exactly yeah when everyone in the situation knows so the next morning I get to breakfast and they're there they're sitting at the table right next to us no no it's different restaurant i was sitting right there and we sat down next to them i was like oh it's a bit awkward you know like we heard them having a fight they know that we heard them having a fight they were looking at us we didn't say we did like some like cordial like is that what it's called we'll be like hello it's you know anyway

is it cordial like the drink or is it cordial it's said the same but it's spelled so we sat at breakfast and had some cordial and then said hello and then cordialed and then we cordialed so we said hello exchanged like a little bit of you know pleasantries and then I was like feeding Lola and they were staring at us and I was like this is weird but then they kept staring at us and I and I said to Matt oh it must be really awkward for them because we heard them having that fight last night and then I'm feeding Lola her wheat bags and this goes on for a good 15 minutes no exaggeration and then I look up again and they're still looking at me intermittently like they're back to their breakfast and then they look up and stare at me oddly and then they look

back down and like when you're 17 you would have said take a picture it'll last longer literally keep it simple stupid so i get to a point where i'm like this is very they're making this very uncomfortable now like what's like what's the problem yeah anyway i just do a bit of a face like like what's yeah like what's your problem face yeah what's your problem face yeah i know the one like little eyebrow rays i haven't had enough botox to freeze it yet just a little like hey i've got some use of my forehead again yeah and he just looks down and then looks back up and I was like what are they doing and I looked down my entire tit the whole left tit I was wearing a button-up shirt and my entire left tit was just sitting out of my shirt

it was like hovering a centimeter above Lola's wheat above my knee yeah I had been sitting there at breakfast the whole time with my button-up shirt done up and just one entire tit which I wasn't wearing a bra and it was hanging almost in Lola's wheat and they had just been staring at me like surely she will realize this how and I didn't but how has Matt not realized that your tit was out no one did he was sitting next to me and they were sitting directly in front of me no one told me the whole of breakfast just a whole boob you know there's a difference with like someone not telling you that your tags out but when your tits out like someone needs to give you a heads up like you fucking did me dirty hey you got a bit of green

on your teeth you tagged out your tits out yeah you got a tag in a tit hey I'm just tit and tagging you that is so funny i think maybe they thought i'd done it on purpose no uh no i mean it is weird that you didn't feel the breeze on it or it was beautiful and warm i was moist everywhere it's also weird you didn't feel like the wheat bix and the milk that lapping up onto the bottom of the breast they weren't in the wheat bix they were hovering a very small amount above the wheat bix they probably thought you're still breastfeeding and you're putting your milk into the wheat bix to feed it to lola for some extra sustenance anyway so speaking of highlights of the trip that was that was one of them truly that's so funny do you know what happened to me nowhere

near is there's still okay there's one thing that happened to me that i'm still debating if i'm going to tell you so maybe in the coming i'll think about it just tell me now i might tell you on thursday or next week i'm just going to think about it for a minute it's pretty gross are you going to breadcrumb this to hope that people listen on thursday um yeah sure we'll do that i'll break up no okay what does it have to do with give me give me some clues something the rankest thing this one of the rankest thing that's happened to me happened to me parley but i'm gonna sit on it for now you know what we're doing live shows later i'm weighing up whether I saved it for a live show.

It was disgusting. Anyway. Did you just announce without it being an official announcement that we're doing proper live shows? Well, we've sort of done that a few times. We've sort of mentioned live shows. Everyone knows we're doing them, right? Well, if you didn't know that we're doing live shows.

We're doing them. We're doing a live show. But we're not just doing one live show this year. We have literally just confirmed that we are going to be doing live shows all across the country. And that is going to be happening in October and early November, which is so. National tour.

Yeah. Bring on the live fun cup, baby. Tickets are not on sale yet, so don't go looking for them. We'll let you know. But they are going on sale very, very soon. So keep your ears and eyes and titties open. Yeah, keep everything ready to accept the Life Uncut live show. If you want to know when it's happening, yes, you can listen to the podcast,

but a way more effective way, and you will get the tickets straight away, is go and follow us on socials at Life Uncut Podcast because we will absolutely announce it on Instagram when that is all happening. 100%. Look, you're going to know about it. You will know about it. We're going to be screaming it from the rooftops. no something super annoying happened to me in Bali annoying on multiple levels because

one it was inconvenient and two it just made me look like an idiot in front of Ben I had been you know Ben you know hates not hates but he's scared of every animal in the universe so we had been everyone knows in Bali monkeys are everywhere right is this the story that you're breadcrumbing for Thursday and you're just telling us now no this is a different story okay sorry sorry yeah cool stay tuned for Thursday's episode where Brooke tells us what happened no it was just this is just it was just a funny situation I didn't think would ever happen to me but I've been to Bali so many times so I was like you know when you're like showing off I was just like babe just like I'll show you the ropes of Bali this is my backyard yeah stick with me like

I know everything about Bali I had been hounding him a lot about the monkeys because you know they can be very cheeky in Bali they steal a lot of stuff they can break in um and so when we arrived at this villa in Uluwatu it was up on the mountains um on the cliff there were monkeys everywhere and the owner had been like you know the monkeys do come in sometimes whatever so I kept saying to Ben like be really careful because he just like leaves stuff around and I was hounding him constantly about it anyway I we were out sunbaking and I watched this happen in slow motion we're sunbaking and I were eating lunch on this deck by the pool and I took my hat off to go for a swim and I took my Invisalign out because I was eating and I put my Invisalign in my hat and I

left it on the beach chair and then we dove into the pool and in slow motion I watched a monkey jump off the roof walk over to my hat and I was like oh my god you little shit no took my Invisalign took my hat you could not write this and fucked off the little fucker so I have lost three Invisaligns now one buried by Delilah two of them to Delilah and one of them to a monkey this monkey's gonna have the best smile in all a while too and he knew it too because the monkey took them you know when you look at a kid right and you're like don't drop it you know when kids steal something and they look at you and they do it anyway the monkey did that he literally locked eyes i mean i was like don't do it and then took it ben watched the whole thing he just thought it

was hysterical because i've been riding him for a month so i lost my fucking invisalign invisalign it's not something you can just lose because you it's made for your teeth so you don't just go down to the chemist and get another Invisalign no it's very annoying sorry but you know what it's because it probably tasted like food which is disgusting to think about you said you'd just eaten and then you know you took it out and he would have just been like I can smell some leftover some curry yeah yeah that's what he was like oh that's a bit of a beef rendang right there and run off into the mountains what would he do with it though like it's just annoying what are you gonna do with that he's gonna throw on the ground and litter little shit oh shit well with all of our holiday

updates. I don't feel like we actually told you any of the highlights, really. We both had a great time. With our holiday updates out of the way, I want to tell you what today's episode is about, because I feel like it's one that is going to relate to so many people. And it's going to relate to people in a variety of different ways. Now, when I say we, producer Keisha and I actually recorded this episode. It's all about purpose anxiety whilst Brit was away in Bali. And we interviewed, she's a psychologist. Her name is Sabina Reid. The reason why I found this so, so interesting is because I think at different times in life so many of us have struggled with what is our purpose what is it that we're supposed to be doing often I think this can relate to our

careers our career choices to work especially for people who may be finishing school or going through university you have those moments in life where you're like what am I supposed to be doing and it can feel very pressing like there's almost like a timeline in which you need to make these decisions up about your life but I also think it hits us at different times in life as well I think for me the time where I really struggled with purpose anxiety was just after becoming a mom and feeling like my identity had changed so much and I wasn't sure what my role was what was supposed to take precedence in my life what was supposed to be the most important thing to me and I think for me it was juggling a career alongside motherhood but I think that there's so many times

in life where people struggle with what is the thing that they're supposed to be doing with their life whether it be in relationships whether it be around having children whether it be about their careers and that's what we're unpacking on this episode I am genuinely shattered that I wasn't here to record it but I'm really keen to listen to this episode as like a consumer because I think purpose anxiety is something that every single person experiences and what you just said is right it doesn't matter where you're at in life or how old you are it can come at any time it's something I know I've battled with all the time I battle with it at the moment now and I don't know if that's because I've got a long distance relationship I don't know if it's because I'm

about to officially go into the second half of my 30s I'm going to say I'm still 35 but next month I roll over where I'm closer to 40 than 30 and that's a big moment for me but I'm doing the same thing now and sometimes I don't know if you ever do this Laura I get really deep in my mind and I'm like what is the point we wake up every day and we stress and we're tired and we don't sleep when we go to work and I'm like is there a greater purpose for me and it comes back to the purpose like am I doing enough to help people am I contributing enough to society am I contributing enough to my family like I start to think about all these things and you get so deep into this hectic cycle in your brain that sometimes it's hard to get back out and sometimes you need a

shock to say hey everyone experiences this and you're doing okay well there were two parts of this that I really loved I really love that Sabina talked about the privilege the privilege that comes from being able to even worry about your purpose because being able to worry about your purpose means that every single basic need that you have as a human has already been met because if you're worrying about putting a roof over your head you're certainly not worrying about what your purpose is in life yeah and the second part for me that I thought was just I had this humongous aha moment when we were speaking is Britt and I have talked a lot about attachment theory throughout the podcast if you've read our book attachment theory is something that has

really been a a feature that's kind of reared its head several times but we've spoken about attachment theory in relation to relationships, how our relationship with our parents impact the way in which we relate to our romantic partners as we grow up. The thing that I loved about what Sabina spoke about is that attachment theory also hugely affects the way in which we feel purpose in the world and the way that we had it modeled to us, the way that we were able to lean into the things that brought us joy as children, all of that impacts our ability to feel purpose and also it impacts what we think we should be doing versus what we are actually doing. Look, I wanted to talk to you about something that it's no surprise. It's something that the

whole world is talking about the last couple of days. And that is Jonah Hill. Now I know Laura, cause we've spoken about it off air, but I know you've seen the texts that have come out from his girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, sorry, Sarah Brady. So a couple of days ago, Sarah, his ex-girlfriend of one year. They dated for 12 months back in 2021. So a few years has gone past. Jonah has just had a baby with his current partner, but she has come out on her Instagram. She released a series of screenshots with text messages from their exchange in their relationship. And she just put the caption, fuck it, and then started sharing. And what has turned into many, many, many, many Instagram slides and posts. It's gone to TikTok. It's gone to every news site. It's gone

viral about the way he treated her and spoke to her in that relationship now this wasn't just a couple of messages that were shared this was a fucking takedown like oh yeah brit and i went really deep on this because there are so many layers to this conversation it wasn't just a sharing of one or two messages or a few images this was so many text messages and so many instances of controlling behavior throughout the course of their relationship yeah we will say allegedly throughout this because um it is allegedly he has not commented and his representatives have not commented so that's very important but she has come out and detailed the alleged emotional abuse in that relationship well this is what she had to say when she started posting these

screenshots the first thing was this is a warning to all girls and i'm sharing this publicly now because keeping it to myself was causing more damage to my mental health than sharing it ever could do now she went on to say that he was a narcissist this is what she said just another a narcissist and you make me sick. One of the text messages that she shared of Jonah Hills was him laying down, and I'm going to say, quote unquote, the boundaries that he has in his relationship. But the boundaries were more rules of which she needed to abide by. And this is what it said, plain and simple. If you need surfing with men, boundary-less inappropriate friendships with men, to model, to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit, to post sexual pictures,

friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or a coffee or something respectful then i am not the right partner for you if these things bring you to a place of happiness well i support it and there will be no hard feelings however these are my boundaries for romantic partnership my boundaries with you based on ways these actions have hurt our trust it's important to note before you go on that uh whilst the the number one thing was surfing with men, she was a pro semi-pro surfer. Like her job was a semi-pro surfer and she modeled a lot for surfing companies and bikinis. So the two things that he says at the start are actually her occupation. It's her occupation. Yeah. I mean, the other part of

that that's so important to unpack is like, we all know that surfing is such a male dominated industry. So to say that you can't go surfing with men, firstly, it limits her ability to do her occupation. The thing that I think is the overarching part of this, he's saying, these are my boundaries and he's he's smart he is educated he has been to therapy for a really long time and instead of acknowledging that this is really controlling behavior he's dressing it up as though but these are just my boundaries which absolves him of any sort of manipulation almost he did it very well especially to say these are the actions that have hurt our trust her existence she hasn't done anything wrong but her existence has hurt his trust so of course your immediate response

or her immediate response and it was she says that is to try and work around that try and say okay well what else can I do and she goes on to show another conversation about allegedly Jonah making her delete a bunch of photos from her Instagram and she did repost one saying I'm reposting this again you know to fuck you narcissist kind of thing and we go on to learn because she reposts them we go on to learn that some of them were just literally standing there in clothes like clothes um some were bikinis that he would say they show too much ass like just the control over what she can wear but one in particular was a video of her surfing he was trying and she you can see her in this text exchange she's trying to meet him halfway she's trying to respect these

boundaries that he put in which is wild but when you're in it you're in it right you don't know you want to please your lover the person that you think is your safe haven in your home so she started to delete things and it got to the point where he wanted it to delete this one video and she says you know this is literally my best surfing video my favorite surfing video and he keeps trying to get her to delete it because she's in swimwear believe it or not in the ocean to the point where she's like please can I even just change the cover photo like will the cover like don't make me delete the video and again he goes on to throw around the words of boundaries and trust and respect one of the hypocrisies of that is so this video that he was asking her to delete

that he was telling her it was breaking the trust of the boundaries this co-opted word boundaries that he's um using as a weapon it actually was a video that before they were dating he commented on and used that video to slide into her dm so he he commented on that video sent her like a cheeky little dm and that was like how their relationship kind of started and so it's very interesting that now that same video that originally kind of drew him into her is something that he felt threatened by and was using that as a as i guess ammunition to tell her that she needed to doctor and censor her Instagram. Now we've spoken loads on this podcast and many, many times before about how not okay it is for a partner to try and censor or tell you what you can and can't do and what you

can and can't post because it is a real overt way of controlling someone, of treating someone as though that you're their property. But like we said just earlier, I think the really interesting part of this is the way that he's branded it as boundaries, as though it's something that he, it's a limitation within his relationship. But something that I think is really important for us to unpack is this idea of what constitutes boundaries in a relationship. So boundaries are limitations that you put on yourself. These are the things that I will and won't accept. Now, obviously there are going to be some things like I won't be with someone who cheats on me. I won't be with someone who lies to me. But when it kind of gets down to the nitty

gritty around, I won't be with someone unless they behave in a certain way. If you do this, then you're breaking my boundaries. That's when I think it crosses over into very manipulative behavior and that's why Sarah has said that it was very emotional manipulative in this instance what Jonah Hill is actually doing is he's telling her what to do he's saying you need to behave in this way and follow these set of rules it's not boundaries it's a rule book that he's given her delete this picture yeah and if you don't follow this set of rules and these guidelines for how I want you to behave then you can't be in this relationship and that in itself is very manipulative next week on the podcast actually we're speaking to the CEO of Respect Victoria Emily McGuire and

the episode's actually all about non-physical violent forms of domestic violence and this falls into it. This is gaslighting, it's manipulation, it's coercion, it's control and I think a lot of you'll find that's a really interesting episode and we do touch on it in that episode as well. Now something I think is really important to touch on and now this in no way excuses his behavior which I think we can all look at and say that if those alleged texts are real then it is hugely problematic but I think it would be remiss of us to not talk about his own insecurities and where this might actually come from because Jonah Hill back in 2021 did a documentary it was called Stutz or Stutz which is the name of his therapist he created this documentary alongside his therapist

and what he described in that is the self-loathing he has in terms of his body image in terms of his weight and how, in his own words, and how that left him being incredibly fucked up. The reason why I bring this up is because it's so easy to paint people as one-dimensional and to paint him as being this evil person. But I do think it's interesting to unpack where this type of behavior has come from. And Jonah Hill has been in the media for a very long time and there has always been discussion around his weight. There's always been discussion around the way that he looks. And he has spoken very publicly about the insecurities he has as a person and how that public scrutiny has created once again this incredible self-loathing that he has. No part of me is saying

that this behavior from him is okay but I also do think it is very interesting to unpack the why behind what may motivate him to want to have control in his relationships and in this instance I think it comes from this deep insecurity that he has that has been created by self-loathing and public scrutiny around his body and the way that he looks. Yeah. The way he's been treated in the media over the years is horrific. No one deserves the level of body shaming that he has experienced. And he spoke about that openly. And I remember celebrating him when he came out, you know, when he said, I'm done with this, you're not going to make me feel bad about my body anymore. I remember being like, fucking Bravo, like live your life. But I think the thing here for me is

as a level of learned misogyny and trauma mixed into one, does that mean it's an excuse for his behavior no and the really alarming thing is this all happened after his years of therapy this happened after he was celebrating how great his therapist was and how far he's come that's the problem for me because he's pretty much saying like my therapist is the best here i am a new person while simultaneously treating his partner like this so there's something that isn't adding up here and also using all the therapy buzzwords as a weapon to further control and brady went on to say, emotionally abusive partners do not necessarily mean that they are terrible people and it quite often emerges from their own trauma. But at the same time, one has to keep in mind that

it is not okay. The only other thing I wanted to add, because there has been some really interesting tweets that have been happening off the back of this. As we said, everyone is talking about it. Now, Dr. Nicole Badera, who's a psychologist said she's been tweeting a lot about it and she's been getting a lot of mixed replies from men who feel triggered by the fact that maybe it is holding a mirror up to their own behavior and the way that they are in their relationships but this is what she wrote in my replies I see a whole lot of entitled jealous men who feel called out by this Jonah Hill discourse and just so you all know women are not required to live smaller lives because a boyfriend is jealous that is controlling and there is no nice way to be controlling and the

last one that I really enjoyed was this Twitter and it said if your boyfriend says not to post that bikini pic then you should ask him if that's the Jonah Hill he wants to die on yeah that's such a great pun I love a pun that was good one boom yeah like fuck off if you are somebody who's been in a relationship where you have dated somebody who has controlled the things that you posted controlled the things that you wore tried to control your friendships or your relationships it's so important to see these conversations had in mainstream media because I think it really holds a mirror up to how problematic this is how misogynistic it is and how manipulative it is in relationships.

Also, talk about it whenever the hell you want. The people that are coming for us saying, why would you bring this up two years later? Because she feels like talking about it two years later. This is her story to talk about it and she can talk about it whenever she wants. All right, well, it is time for Accidentally Unfiltered. And now this is a very innocent one,

but the reason why I loved it is because it is just so unbelievably awkward that when I read it, I had a visceral reaction for this poor person. I love those ones, the ones that really make you feel like you're there, like you feel like you want to dig your own hole or dig a hole for them and bury yourself in it forever okay i was at work and i had just had a somewhat very awkward conversation with my boss

we'd had a meeting and it had ended and then we both had to do that walk where you walk in the same direction but kind of separately towards your desk anyway she'd stopped to speak to someone and i decided that i needed to go to the bathroom so i took a little detour and there i was in the toilet so i was on the toilet doing my thing when i heard somebody else walk into the bathroom I work in a massive office but I just got a feeling that maybe it was my boss and I didn't want to have to wash my hands in the basin and dry my hands and have another awkward meeting with her because the meeting we just had was bad enough so before I left the cubicle I ever so slightly and graciously just bent over and had a little glimpse underneath the cubicle

wait because I wanted to see if I could recognize her shoes that she was wearing underneath the toilet door so then i could wait for her to leave here's where it gets bad my boss was doing the exact same thing because we made eye contact underneath the toilet door why what is wrong with you both while sitting on the toilet i was so fucking mortified that i didn't leave the cubicle for a good 10 minutes and then we both just acted like nothing happened imagine making eye contact with your boss underneath the public toilet after just getting in trouble in a meeting Why? Just do the old, I'll flush the toilet first.

Like, you know how you really aggressively, like, pull the toilet paper out. Yeah, so they know I'm wrapping up. You're winding up. Like, the toilet meeting's winding up. The toilet paper's coming out. The zip, like, do the zip, do the buttons. You flush the toilet.

You give it a second. It's normal worldwide toilet courtesy to give them that, like, one-minute grace to get out. Just do that. Why did you both look under the dunny? It doesn't matter who the person is. It doesn't matter if it was your boss or not. no one is going to the basin and washing their hands at the same time you wait if someone's

flushing they have right away you let them go it is standard yeah you never have a bathroom collision ever and you also never make eye contact with your boss underneath the cubicle door bro hot take don't look under anyone's cubicle door all right let's get into the chat with sabina joining the podcast today is sabina reed sabina is a psychologist, a speaker and co-host of the Human Cogs podcast and today we're talking about something that I think so many of us have experienced at different points in our life and that is purpose anxiety. Sabina, welcome to Life Uncut. Thank you for having me. I reckon we would probably get almost a message a day, Laura, from people in our listeners or people who follow

us on social media at a bit of a crossroads where they're kind of thinking, I don't really know if what I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing or the other side of it is more, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel quite lost. And so it got us talking amongst ourselves about what this actually could be. And after doing a bit of Googling, we found out that it was called purpose anxiety. So could you explain to us from a psychologist's perspective, what is purpose anxiety? Well, you can see I'm chuckling away because don't we have a label for everything? I mean, clinically, there is no such thing as purpose anxiety. You're not going to find it in the DSM as a clinical diagnosis. But of course, it is what it sounds like. It's this

feeling of frustration, sadness, searching, wondering, uncertainty around am I doing or am I living the way that I think I should be? Is my life filled with purpose and meaning like I think it should be? And I think the word should there is pretty key because in a way, I think this has become too overcooked for a lot of people of course meaning and purpose has been a part of human behavior since the dawn of time but this eternal search for it or being able to articulate it so neatly and wrap it in a box tie it in a bow I think is probably doing us a disservice how does someone know if they have spent too much time worrying about what their purpose is or allowing it to overtake too much of their happiness I guess because we have been sort of fed this

narrative that everybody has a purpose and that you should be able to love your job and you should be able to be so happy and everything feels very aspirational. And when you're falling short of that in your own life, or even if you're young and you're at university and you're thinking, fuck, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with myself. How does one know whether it's a normal amount of stress versus really kind of sitting into this category where they've kind of overcooked it? Well, I think this idea that there's only one destination of purpose, one destination of meaning is what's not helpful. To me, having a life with meaning and purpose means that we hit moments across the lifespan, small moments, big moments, but we don't have

to build an orphanage. We don't have to save the whales. We don't have to invent the yellow sticky note. We find meaning and purpose in sometimes the smallest parts of our lives. And I think it's this search for the one eternal point of meaning that is what trips us up. So we may find that we have a moment of meaning when we have an exchange with another human who we never see again, who we don't know. We may find that we have time of meaning and purpose when we have an exchange with our child or a colleague. To me, actually, if I had to define what really bolsters meaning in our life, it's impacting the life of another human. And that doesn't mean thousands of other humans en masse. We don't need to be a motivational speaker with millions of followers. The fact that

at one point in our day we've impacted someone else's life is meaningful if you ask any human what is meaningful in your life someone who's searching someone who may be experiencing purpose anxiety what's the purpose in your life usually people who are able to articulate some form of purpose are telling us that they've impacted or touched or connected with another human in some way even for that little moment in time and I think we have this idea that there's one perfect job for us, that there's one perfect soulmate for us, that one house is going to be the house that fills our heart and feels like home. And I think that's unhelpful as well. And rightly or wrongly, I think there are thousands of partners that could make, you know, great partners for each

of us. And by great, I mean, probably partners that hold a mirror up to us. I think there's multiple jobs that would suit us. It's why, you know, career change is not uncommon and why we move jobs so I think if we think that meaning and purpose is a destination we've got it wrong I think it's really the journey that we're on that is peppered with moments of purpose and meaning what does it look like if someone's listening to this right now thinking oh some of this is kind of ringing a bit true to me but what does it look like or does it vary depending on the person and what it is that you think they're trying to find purpose in yeah I mean you alluded to it earlier Akisha that we either have this idea it kind of comes in two forms it's either I don't have the

purpose that I desire in my life that's part one part two might be that I do have a sense of what brings me purpose or what I'm here to do if you like but I don't know how to put it into action so both of those can be I guess an invitation to explore further you're asking what does it actually look like what does it feel like I mean it's just this sense of dis-ease I would call it we're comparing ourselves to others we're feeling lost we're feeling uncertain we might feel apathetic we might feel a paralysis for some people like a stuckness like i don't know what to do next so those are probably some of the feelings we might feel anxious we might feel depressed but this is why it's important to note that this is not a clinical diagnosis because a

lot of those emotions we feel throughout life for a whole host of reasons and they're not all because they're a clinical diagnosis they're emotions and emotions are an invitation to explore and perhaps an invitation to do things differently not a red flag that the world's gone to ship yeah I mean it's interesting isn't it because so many people and I think for myself when I've had moments of this in my life and they've come at different stages of life too when I've had big change whether it's been I know we touched on earlier university but I also had it when I became a mum do you think as well for people who experience this that it comes from comparison and I think increasingly so we have so much access to people's lives we have so much access to comparison of

course we all know social media and and there are other forces in the world that mean that we're always continually comparing ourselves with other people but Laura I think what you said earlier is really important and that's that our meaning and purpose looks different across the lifespan and if you ask a 22 year old what is meaningful or purposeful in your life you'll get a very different answer than if you ask a 52 year old or an 82 year old or 102 year old there's probably something we can learn from that in some ways you know I love the work of Bronnie Ware who's the palliative care nurse who talked about the five regrets of the dying so she sat with people who were dying and listened to their main regrets and I think there's some lessons in those regrets

because those are people who are at the end of their life and no one, not one of those five top regrets was I wish I had more purpose in my life. What they were talking about perhaps is I wish I had spent more time with the people that I love or I wish I allowed myself to be happier. That was another one of the top five regrets.

But of course, if you ask someone in their 20s or younger years, they may express purpose as perhaps linked to their job, looking for a job. What should I be doing? I don't know what I should be doing. I don't have a career. I don't have a passion so I feel purposeless and so I think the fact that our purpose and

connection to purpose changes across the lifespan indicates again that there's not one ideal place of arrival that constitutes purpose or a purposeful life. Something I've heard Laura and Britt speak about a lot on the podcast with a variety of guests over the years is like the happiness trap that idea of thinking that your happiness is at a particular destination and how often if you kind of reach that point you can go oh fuck this didn't this actually doesn't feel like what I thought it was going to feel like or it makes you happy for that little bit and then you get accustomed to that new thing and then you need more yeah like the goalpost shift that kind of thing but I guess the other side of it is I mean I would consider myself quite a driven person particularly in my

career for the past you know 10 years and I guess having that sense of purpose has made me feel a sense of worthiness and a sense of validation and maybe not always from the right sources of validation but it definitely has brought me a sense of validation what are the positive aspects of feeling a sense of purpose or maybe even achieving that sense of purpose I'd like to say two things on that Keisha one is let's talk about what well-being looks like well-being to me the model that I refer to all the time the permanent model of well-being has five factors to it meaning and purpose is one of those five factors of well-being but in addition to those is achievement you've just talked about achievement so in order to live a life filled with well-being

and to be a well-being like in the case of being a noun a well human a well-being we need to have a sense of accomplishment and achievement that i set goals and i meet goals i set goals and i meet goals plus we need this idea that we're connected to something bigger than ourselves really that's what meaning and purpose is that's how i would define meaning and purpose in addition to those two to live a life with well-being we need to feel a sense of positive emotions that might be lightness humor connection joy we need to also feel a sense of engagement in what we do and one of the ways we feel a sense of engagement is to tap into our natural strengths our natural strengths are the things that we were probably doing when we were four or five or

10 years old no one was teaching us to do them they were a part of who we are and if we let go of those natural strengths in our adult lives our sense of well-being is going to deteriorate and the fifth ingredient or factor of well-being is relational so our connection with other humans whether it's an intimate one-on-one relationship or friendships or family or colleagues so I think it's relevant that you asked about achievement because achievement is very much tied into well-being but not necessarily as directly correlated I would say to meaning and purpose and the second thing I wanted to say about that you were talking then I think about extrinsic drivers of course an extrinsic driver is when you are validated by something outside of yourself

and by someone else usually so someone says great job someone says I want to give you a pay rise someone says you really nailed that then we feel better about ourselves and there's nothing wrong with extrinsic validation but we also need to look for intrinsic drivers as well that come from within why did that feel good to you because you learned or you grew or you impacted someone else or you overcame a challenge that you didn't think you could those are intrinsic drivers and I think there's scope for both. Do you think it also comes down to like it's slightly privileged to be able to have so much time to think about purpose. So for fear of sounding like a psychologist,

because I'm throwing a few theories your way, but I'm throwing the theories in to say I haven't made this shit up. That's why we have you on. We can talk about this stuff till the cows come home, but better that you do it. No, well, I like doing it with you and I don't have a theory for everything and I certainly don't have all the answers, but you're talking about some topics that I'm pretty passionate about.

So another theory that I think is really relevant here, Abraham Maslow, who was a psychologist in the 1940s, So we're talking, you know, 80 years ago. Many of your listeners will be familiar with, if not by name, his hierarchy of needs. And he proposed 80 years ago that it's kind of a linear sequential meeting of needs or hierarchy of needs. So first of all, we need the most basic needs met. That's shelter, that's food.

Sex is in that very basic physiological needs. I think what he was getting to there was to procreate is a basic need. and then he went on to talk about more needs of safety and security and employment and then up it goes up the hierarchy relational needs come next and at the top is what he called self-actualization which is really what we're talking about today and if you are worrying about where you're going to sleep tonight not who you're going to sleep with but where you're going to sleep tonight or what meal you're going to have then you're not going to be thinking how can I live my best life and what is my purpose so there there is something about meeting these most basic needs first but I

don't think this is just due to the fact that our lives are automated and you know there's a lot of technological advances because since the dawn of time I mean the Greeks were looking for what the meaning of life the you know Aristotle was asking these questions so I think we're all been asking these questions forever it's part of the human condition to be trying to make sense of why am I here? And what's my purpose? And what's my meaning? I think the other thing that's important here is that even if you are struggling with some of those more basic needs, you can create a sense of meaning and purpose. If like we talked about earlier, you think about how you will impact the life of another. So even if you have no money to support anyone else to donate money, you have a

smile that you can offer other people, you have a voice that you can say to someone, how are you going today. Every one of us can do that and through those small exchanges I think we do create a sense of meaning and purpose and I think we overlook those. We look for these big bright sparks where people are applauded and really seen for what they've done that's created meaning and purpose but we all have the capacity to create meaning and purpose or to impact someone else's life which creates meaning in our own life and we can break it down. You were talking about careers. I don't know if you're familiar with the idea of job crafting but job crafting is the sense that even in the job that you have you might not want to be the CEO you might not want to be the top of

the tree you might not be really driven or really motivated one of my favorite stories that came about through the research in job crafting was when they researched some cleaners in a hospital setting and they were asked what is the point of your role what do you do in the hospital and some of those cleaners of course said well I just mop the floor and I wipe the bench and I disinfect them but others took it upon themselves they even use language like I'm a I forget what that was but something like I'm a human connection officer or something I don't know what the words were but what they had done in the job that they held as a hospital cleaner was to take it upon themselves to move artwork around in the wards so that a lot of the patients who were bedridden

got to see different art from their beds. They took it upon themselves to walk visitors to and from the car park. They were the hospital cleaners. But in their job, they found a way to impact the life of others and through doing that, they created meaning and purpose for themselves. They didn't want to be the CEO of the hospital.

They wanted to make sure that what they were doing had meaning and purpose to others. In the terms and the ways that you're speaking about purpose and how it comes from this connection with people. But if I was to have someone say, oh, you know, I'm lacking purpose in my life, initially my very first thought would have been job. And I say that because I think

that there's this real drive at the moment to own your own business, to be an entrepreneur, to, you know, have something, I don't know, whatever, have an Etsy store, whatever it is, there's always gotta be something that's the side hustle to the main job. And that if you're doing a nine to five job that you don't love, you must be settling.

And then therefore your life is a bit purposeless. do you think we sometimes place too much importance on a very specific stylized type of living life out in terms of career ambitions yes I do Laura and I think so many jobs and what you just described is out there in social media so everyone's showing you what their side hustle looks like and they're showing you how much fun it is and how hot they look in the process I think employment is really important I mean research tells us that when people aren't working who have been working or they take time off either to look after their physical health or mental health or perhaps they've lost their their job or they're needing to care for someone else that

there is a dip in purpose in our lives so sometimes I think we avoid work when we're really feeling fragile or perhaps it's not by choice either and the research is telling us that being engaged in employment brings a sense of meaning and purpose and I think the hospital story kind of highlights that but perhaps yes we do have too much emphasis on finding one love of your life the soul mate the one person that walks this earth that was made for you if you have that idea in your personal relationships or you have that idea in your job I think some of us who hold on to that idea will be disappointed that doesn't mean that the relationship that you're in that fills you up isn't wonderful it doesn't mean that if you're in a job that is full of meaning and purpose and

growth and impact and development that that's not wonderful it's not the only place you can feel that and it's not with only that person that you can feel that and when we believe it is and then we don't get there we don't grasp it we feel like we've failed you know there's a story that my grandma told me it was when I was about to go to university and she grew up a pretty working class in a small country town in the north of England and she moved over to Australia about 60 years ago now but she when she moved over here you know she had two children and she raised them and then when they were in high school she started her job in retail at what was called Grace Brothers then it's now Meyer but I remember her kind of taking my hand as I was about to go to uni and she just

said to me something along the lines of like I want you to grasp how lucky you are to be able to go and get this education because I would have done anything to have an education like I would have done anything to be able to go to university so I guess it can be a bit of a double-edged sword though and I'm interested to know your thoughts on whether the opportunity to be able to do whatever we want has overwhelmed us you know has it given us too many options almost I don't think I mean it's a beautiful story and it's a good reminder of the lessons that you've gleaned from your grandmother i don't think we do our kids or the next generation or anyone a service when we tell them you can do anything the world's your oyster you can be whatever you want to be because

that's overwhelming if a child internalizes that literally many children unconsciously will think what happens if i don't what happens if i can't what happens if i don't deliver that And I think we've seen a real rise in anxiety, not due to that topic per se, but to that sense of overwhelm and needing to deliver and not knowing how. So, of course, we want to support our children and every well-meaning parent, everyone who's ever said you can be whatever you want to be has said it from a well-meaning place. But I think it would be better for parents or teachers or educators or friends or community members to ask some of the questions instead of what do you want to be?

What do you want to feel? how do you want to feel in your in your life not what do you want to be and through those feelings through the exploration through understanding what energizes you and how you impact others and how you would like to spend your time you may come to a place of understanding the way that you want to be employed now I don't have stars in my eyes you're right there's a level of privilege by having the choice but that's again why I go back to the hospital cleaner story that's not a glamorous job it's not a high-paying job but some of the happiest people some of the most fulfilled people some of the people that have the greatest depth of meaning and purpose in their life are not doing

big glamorous things and I think we need to heed that reminder it's not the big accolades that bring a sense of meaning and purpose for everyone for me I've got a real portfolio career I mean I speak and I write and I pod and counsel people I do media radio tv what I love about that is the diversity and the challenges and the growth and the connection with other people. That's what I love about it. If I was doing the same thing every day, that wouldn't work for me, but it will work for someone else. So instead of pretending that there's a right way or a wrong way, it's what parts of your day, how do you want to spend your day? And it kind of goes back to, well, what lit you up? A good question to ask is when I was a child, what lit me up? Another good question to

ask now is, what do I spend most of my time talking about with my friends? These are good questions for people who are thinking, what the fuck is my purpose in life? So what do you spend your time talking about with your mates? What did you do as a young child by choice? Not because someone was telling you you're a good boy or a good girl for doing it, but because it's how you chose to naturally spend your time. When do you feel most energised? Not at work, not at home, not with it but just when what are you doing when you're feeling energized it's questions like these that help us tap into what we are naturally connected to and when we have a natural connection to it we're probably going to feel some level of meaning and purpose around it how profound is our

blueprint as a child i mean i would have thought the things that i did it as a kid probably don't have that much impact on me but even as you said it i was like it's so interesting to me because the things I used to do as a kid is I used to entertain. I used to do little concerts for my family and now I work in entertainment. And, you know, it surprises me just how much when you said that, that that actually was the stuff that I did as a child. I was super creative. And I wonder if that's the case for everyone. The things that we love now as adults are truly, we're always there. You said how big a blueprint is that childhood? I think you said it's mind blowing how big it is. We're so influenced by our younger years, the way, not just, we're talking about career and

meaning and purpose now, but we could talk about our relationship with money, our relationship to love, our relationship to conflict, to anger, to avoidance, to fame, anything. We learn so much in our younger years, consciously and unconsciously. And we seek to bring the best parts with us, but of course we don't because we're a flawed species. So we often bring some of those things that haven't served us well as kids and we repeat them. I often talk about repeat versus repel. And we repeat and repel patterns and learnings through the generations, sometimes consciously,

sometimes unconsciously. So we might say, well, in our home we were really driven and education was highly regarded and I want that for my children. That's a repeat. But we could also say there was so much emphasis placed on education in my childhood and I want my children just to have the freedom to explore without that lens or that pressure put on them. That's a repel. Then you marry someone else who's doing their own repeat and repel. So now you've got a repeat repel kind of clusterfuck really

because everyone's pushing and pulling between where they came from, what they want, where person B came from and what they want and welcome to married life. I think a lot of people when they're kids or as they're growing up they ignore those parts of themselves that they loved as a child because maybe they weren't encouraged or maybe they were told that they weren't things that could turn into a career I know for me we found all my report cards from when I was a kid and I was always in trouble for talking too much I was always in trouble for distracting people now you get paid to distract people pay me to distract them but the thing is is for me it was always talked about as though it was a negative it was something that I felt shameful of that I

couldn't concentrate enough I would always distract other people and so I guess this is probably the first time that I've thought about it it was a joy for me like I love talking and I'm sure it was very annoying to a lot of people but it was truly something that I loved I think one of the things you're tapping into there is that sometimes we're criticized for being us yeah often we're criticized over the years for being us and so if you want to get deep from a psychological perspective, I would say that we have what is the little child in all of us is learning to cope in the world. And one of the things we look for is to be praised and loved and seen and to be safe, because if our caregivers don't love us, we're screwed. So we're learning

all the time how to please, how to do what's required, how to do what's expected of us. That's what I would call the adaptive child. They've adapted to the environment in order to survive. The wounded child is that time in your life when the parts of you that are the natural parts of you are not seen, not accepted, not celebrated. So there's a hurt there around that. And the adaptive child comes along and says, let's adapt somehow so that we can get on in this life. This is a really normal, natural experience for every young person, I would say, every child. But it's what we do with that wounded child and that adaptive child as adults. What parts of those do we bring and replicate and what parts we realize we can leave behind thank you adaptive

child for keeping me safe when I don't need that now so thank you for keeping me safe by telling me at school to shut up because that's what the teachers were doing that's kept me safe in that time but I don't need to do that now I don't need to adapt anymore I can go back to the natural organic authentic me before I became the wounded child before I became the adaptive child to get on in life is that too deep no I think it's perfect and I'm also glad that you mentioned you know it can be something that you carry throughout your life because I think a lot of people get into relationships where they feel like they have to bend and flex and be different and and dull certain parts of their personality to appease the person that they've chosen to be in

a relationship with and these are things that we do as kids and the things that we continue to do as adults it's not that we become adults and it just all of a sudden oh we're allowed to be or able to be the most authentic version of ourselves. I think a lot of us still feel like they have to kind of shapeshift or be a bit of a chameleon in certain environments. Of course we do and sometimes we do. Sometimes we just have to edit just to do you know the right thing wherever we are but if we continue to do that no wonder we have the levels of anxiety and depression we have because we're gagging ourselves. We're pretending to be someone we're not. We're seeking validation, approval, acceptance and love when we're not really showing the world who we are.

how much can what we are naturally good at and what we really want to do in life and feeling a sense of purpose be impacted by your responsibilities both of you are mothers and I assume that not only do you get a sense of purpose when you have a child and that's to raise a good kid and whatnot but both of you are career women did you ever feel the need to kind of suppress your desire to feel a sense of purpose in your career because you had a bigger responsibility at the time. If I give everything to my children, I can't give anything to myself. I can't explore a career. I can't feel good about whooping it up outside the home, whether that's personally or professionally or socially, because I've made a decision to give fully and wholly to my children.

And then not surprisingly, when that happens, you're like, I don't want to do this all the time. This is not bringing me what I thought it would. I've always wanted to do other things alongside parenthood and now in the fullness of time I'm in a different stage of life to you and I'm entering the empty nest sort of years my kids I've got two daughters who are 22 and 20 and I've got some peers and friends and people my age who I observe have been fully engaged with their children but their children are leaving now and so talking at this is relevant to the conversation we're having today around meaning and purpose across the lifespan if your meaning and purpose is fully and solely defined by your parenting role of course you're always a parent

but you're not hands-on when your kids are adults so what then to your meaning and purpose so i i would hope that we're able to give ourselves the grace give each other the grace and woman to woman and man to man parent to parent human to human give ourselves the grace to acknowledge that we're we're made up of parts and all of these conflicting parts made different things but to pretend we don't have these parts again it's i think a big contributing factor i'm getting quite philosophical on my soapbox now but to why why we see anxiety and depression in the rates that we do i mean we covered more than i even thought we would in terms of this conversation and i and i do think that so much of this when we first started looking into it we were like oh yeah

university students they're the ones who really feel like they you know when you had that period of life where you finish school and you're not sure but as we've established it's something that people experience at all different points of life at all big transitions and I think it's something that we won't stop experiencing for as long as there is big change that happens which there always will be so we have to lean in we have to be curious we have to bring acceptance and surrender and hope and purpose and movement and action instead of thinking what the fuck's happening now that's what I remember every single day you know I think that there was a I'm so terrible for saying this because it's a quote that I'm gonna have to paraphrase at best because I can't remember

the actual words of it and I don't even remember who it was from that's great he's just gonna butcher this completely let's put it at the end of the pod it went along the lines of like people won't remember what you earned they won't remember what you wore but they will remember the way that you made them feel. And I think that if we, pardon, not quite, almost. Because you nailed the sentiment that people remember how you make them feel, not what you say, not what you look like, not what you do. I reckon the takeaway, it's not just connection. It's what's something bigger than yourself. Something bigger than yourself is how we carve out meaning and purpose. And I think something bigger than yourself is nearly always the way you impact others.

So connection infers that we've actually had an exchange and we've connected, but we can impact others who we haven't connected with. So that's why I'm splitting hairs on that one, even though you had a ripper quote. A ripper half quote. Well, you know, we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet, the highlight and the low light of the week. I will kick it off. I actually had a few to choose from this week, which doesn't happen often.

Usually I'm scrambling, but they're all- The socks are for sweets. You're like, my life is so neutral, nothing good or bad happens. Usually I'm just plateauing, like I'm just cruising along. No, my sock's actually so dumb and no one's ever going to know, like she's not going to know, but I forgot a birthday this week. Who's? A very important person, Delilah.

Delilah. Yeah. On the 4th of July, and I should remember because it's such a like, the 4th of July she turned two years old and I forgot it but she doesn't know because she's on holiday with my parents so she doesn't know I forgot the birthday she also doesn't know because she's a dog there's that as well does she realize that she's been shafted off to her parent to your parents house she's having the time of her life she's on a beach vacation up in Port Macquarie she's there's two other dogs to play with I get videos that she's not going to want to come home

she is going to hate me but I got a message um yesterday from producer Keisha middle of the night oh my god I forgot Delilah's birthday she said that as well and I was like it's okay I forgot it too let's not let's let's agree to not tell Delilah so Kish and I made a pact that Delilah will never know are you gonna be okay I don't know hopefully it's pretty bad to forget your own child's birthday like if I just forgot Marley's birthday entirely I think I should feel pretty bad for that um and my sweet for the week is also everyone's gonna hate me because it's so stupid as well but my sweet is um all the mums are gonna hate me because I don't have Delilah who is like my child I've been sleeping in now I know you're all gonna laugh because it's not a real child but

I also have to get up early to take her outside oh no that's legitimate she wakes up so early totally needs to be walked straight away I feel like it's like the real real low like entry level to what maybe maybe one percent of having a child is like because I do have to wake up super early so she can go and empty her bladder because I don't have a doggy door because I live in a Bondi apartment and you do sometimes breastfeed her so that's so sometimes I breastfeed her so she really needs to fuck you what's your suck all right my suck for the week i mean apart from getting my period day fucking one of my honeymoon what do we call that again the period blood flood honeymoon blood flood hashtag honeymoon blood floodgate okay that was my main suck i i genuinely

don't have a very big suck this week um because it was such a amazing week with my family in fiji i had such a beautiful time um and it was also matt's birthday so i'm going to say that My sweet for the week was Matt's birthday, which was the 6th of July, two days after Delilah's, didn't forget it, and we got to go snorkelling. And the thing that was so beautiful, so the place that we stayed at in Fiji was the same place that we stayed at for our baby moon, and it's where Matt proposed. So the last time I was there, I was seven months pregnant.

We went snorkelling and kind of did all the things that we did this time, except it was so beautiful to revisit it, reflect on the fact that life has changed so much in the past four years. but something that was really special and completely has nothing to do with my family is we went snorkeling along the reef there four years ago and the reef was almost completely whitewashed like it was really badly affected um by coral bleaching and over the past four years something amazing has happened in that area and so much of the coral reef has actually come back to life and so we went snorkeling in that same area and it was incredible to see just how beautiful

bright and colorful it was which so cool not only to see like how far you guys have come as a couple but how far the reef has come in that time yeah truly we've all made so many changes for the bed no that is in all seriousness that's amazing because we are close to losing a lot of the natural wonders and a lot of the reef especially in australia well it shat all over the great barrow reef like i mean i've done snorkeling with the great barrow reef like beautiful yes sure but this was phenomenal and it was such a nice day we put the kids into kids club and we matt and i went and had a little cute day together as a couple just the two of us and it was so nice So that was my sweet for the week.

So do you feel like, because before you left, you had made a comment on the podcast. You'd said, you know, like you really needed to connect, reconnect with Matt. Do you feel like you got what you came for or did he spend too much time doing laps underwater? Did we connect as much physically as what I would have liked? Did the penis connect with the vagina?

No, there wasn't as much of that connection. But look, you know, we're working on it. It's a work in progress, everyone. Well, that is it from us, guys. If you loved the episode, please leave us a review. Let us know, share it with a friend and send in your accidentally unfiltered and your embarrassing stories, your confessions, literally anything that you think we want to hear,

we want to hear it. Yeah, and also, like we said, go and follow us on Instagram at Life Uncut Podcast. We've also got a TikTok, and if you're wanting to get tickets to the live show, please go and follow the social media because you'll be the very first to find out when those go on sale. Don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends, and share the love because we love love.

We'll be right back.