Life Uncut - Lets get kinky 👌🦶🏻💦

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

Kink is having a bit of a moment in time! What used to be something that was criminalised and frowned upon is now being spoken about and portrayed on our screens! But there's a whole bunch that we didn't know about kink and getting kinky!Joining us to share her wisdom is the incredible Chantelle Otten, psycho-sexologist and kink guru! We talk about how you discover kinks, act them out and what a whole bunch of common ones are!She also speaks about consent with kink and how the community has been so misunderstood for a long time.We then have one of our fabulous listeners Nikki join us who loves water sports (the kink, not water skiing). Nikki is an open mind and an open book and we were so grateful to get her personal experience of kink!To check Chantelle out, go here: https://chantelleotten.com/Chantelle also has a killer new book out! http://booktopia.kh4ffx.net/NKQVjKIf you have loved the podcast all year, we'd really love a review on apple podcasts! Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friend, tell your dog & share the love becauseWE LOVE LOVE!!!!!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to the final episode actually do you know what it's not so dramatic Laura it's the last episode we're ever doing ever it's been fun goodbye no we've got to Continue that. Daily Mail will take that. No one's going to listen again. Okay, it's not the last episode, but we're coming very close to the end of the year. It's the last structured episode that we're doing. We've got a few bonus episodes up our sleeve, but this is it.

2021 can go eat a dick. Wow. Tell us what you really think. That is the end of the episode. Thanks for coming. It is almost Christmas. We actually, in our head, said that we were going to have four to five weeks off. That's what we originally planned because we didn't really take any time off this year.

Lo and behold, we've ended up with about two weeks. Brittany Hockley did go overseas before in half months, but let's not talk about that. Well, let's pretend like it didn't happen. Yes, that doesn't take anything off the podcast. I still had to get up at 3am to put a podcast with you. This is true. Unfortunately, when you're on the other side of the world,

it actually doesn't, it's not conducive for having a holiday. When Britt was traveling, what she then had to do was record on our schedule, which meant she was up in the middle of the night. Love that for you. But you know what? I'm here for the people. Christmas is around the corner, guys. we're super excited to take a few weeks off but we are going to be sprinkling in a few bonus

episodes so fear not we will never ever leave you completely high and dry but laura you are literally in two hours about to take off for your christmas vacay 45 minutes i'm supposed to be hard out at 11 a.m we're about to get into like guys pray for me when this episode comes out i'll be halfway through a 12 hour drive is it to brisbane i don't know it's we're breaking up we're doing six hours today going to end up in Coffs Harbour and then we're going to do the rest of the drive tomorrow but not only are we taking the two kids in the car we're also taking the dog it's going to be a whole family affair Matt is so angry like we got up this morning to pack the car and you know when just he was already irritated he was already angry for no reason he's anticipating

what the next two days or I should say two weeks are going to be totally so Busty's going with you yeah we had to pay oh it's just too long and he's part of the family we can't do Christmas with our buster. No, you can't. Okay. So pray for Laura. She's got a hectic trip. What do you think is going to happen once you hit the border? Do you think it's going to be a lineup of hours to cross? Are they actually asking for vaccinations? What's going on? I don't want to anticipate it being any worse than what I already think it's going to be. I don't think anybody wants to listen to the start of this episode of me being like, yeah, I'm going to sit in a line for two hours. What are you guys doing for your Christmas break? Well, do you know what the scary thing is?

I'm flying to the Gold Coast. So I'm going up to the Gold Coast with my family and it's so strict up there that if anyone on your plane has COVID, they put you as a close contact, even if you were at the other end of the plane. And that means you have to quarantine for seven days. So that is, I mean, that is a huge risk with how many people are having COVID every single day now. I know it's kind of like COVID roulette. It is roulette. It's like, do I sacrifice my flight? This is where I am today. I've only got a day to decide. Do I sacrifice my flight and just do the 10 hour drive up as well? Well, that's one of the reasons why we're doing the drive. Just do it. You can take one of the kids and then we can have it.

No, okay, I'm flying. You take Lola. Why do I get the little one? Why do I get the crying one that's more dependent? To be honest, she's a bit of a handful. But anyway, guys, we have a great episode for you today. We are coming in hot right to the finish line. And just to really spice things up, you know, like a spiced Christmas pudding,

we're giving you a whole episode on kinks. And fetishes. And fetishes. And anything sexy. We have Australia's most famous psychosexologist rejoining us today because chantelle has actually done an episode with us in the past it's chantelle otten and she is answering all of the questions that you guys had that we had around kinks and fetishes we also have one of our own a member of the life uncut community

her name is nikki and she likes to get down and get a bit kinky and was so open in sharing her stories around it it's going to be a great episode so stay tuned she has one very very specific kink which I'm not going to tell you about now, but I was so interested and I haven't heard anyone speak so freely about it. We ask all the hard questions and Nikki honestly does not hold back. But Britt, I have something I want to ask you because it's a bit of a weird time for us now because Marley is almost three. She's two and a half. She's old enough to understand the concept of Christmas. Like she understands Santa. I don't know if she fully understands that Santa's coming on one night of the year. Guys, just a little editor's note on this one. I am about to talk

about some things around Santa Claus that maybe aren't appropriate for little ears. And I know that some of you listen to this in the car with your kids. So if you want to skip ahead, I'd just skip ahead a few minutes, but also just a reminder, this episode is about kinks. So it might not be the episode that you want to listen to in the car with the kids. But the more that we kind of sat down and talked about it, Matt and I, and we were like, how do we want to frame Christmas for our kids like what do we want the kids to grow up thinking and believing and what do you want them to remember when they're older yeah that's what you talk about when you've grown up and obviously like we all grew up believing in Santa Claus like we all grew up thinking yeah Santa was real and

then one day maybe when we were seven eight nine ten we had our little hearts crushed when we were four years old we had our heart crushed do you remember when you found out that Santa wasn't real I don't remember the exact moment but I remember like there was no significant moment for me, but I remember I was probably about 10, 11. I think I was quite young, but we, because I had my younger sister, there's four of us, you have to keep going. So my poor brothers were teenagers and they were still like, Santa's coming. Do you know, I will never forget. I was like maybe seven or eight. I was at my cousin's house and it was my step-cousin who my mom was married at the time. And her name was Veronica. And I remember Veronica and my sister coming to

me and saying, Santa isn't real. Like you're an idiot if you believe in Santa. And I just remember my whole world just being like who am i and it ran to my mom and i was like mom tell me the truth is santa not real and she was like yeah no he's not real traumatized do you know my i have two older brothers this is so funny if they hear me tell this story they're gonna die my second oldest brother dane he nearly got suspended from school because he got into a big punch up and my oldest brother had to tell him the truth he got into a punch up at school because another kid told him that santa wasn't real mate going on the fucking naughty list with that behavior was like he is real they got into a fight and they had a full punch up for dane he's so loyal he was

defending santa and my brother had to be like bro like i got it i can't let you get into these school fights like so that's how he found out but i think that every or not i shouldn't say everybody i think so many of us listening to this can remember the time that we found out that santa wasn't real like it's a real pivotal part in your childhood but something that i have a question for So we've been, okay, we've been doing the groundwork on Santa's coming, he's bringing presents, don't be naughty or you won't get anything. Why did Santa, in every single movie that you've ever watched, in every single cartoon, in every single book, why does Santa go to the house, drop off presents, then get on

his sleigh and fly away? Why doesn't he just deliver to the house next door? Like, why does he go somewhere so, it seems very inefficient. I would like to ask the same thing about Australia Post. they throw it and they run and god knows where they go next i actually wanted to ask you a question it's probably not as deep and serious as your question yeah look i really do bring the hard-hitting ones it's too close to christmas i've got nothing serious going into my life how do you feel about christmas pudding great i detest it i detest the

look the texture the smell the taste i don't understand why christmas pudding has to be our national Christmas dessert. Look, I mean, it's a bit of an ugly duckling. Like, you don't put it on the table and be like, look at the masterpiece that is this boiled Christmas pudding. It's very nostalgic for me. My grandma always cooked it as a kid. She'd spend six hours cooking a Christmas pudding,

which sounds like it would be dry as fuck, but she would boil it. But people also make them, like, a year in advance, put them in the cupboard and let them fester. And I'm like, it's like a cheese. I was like, you don't do the same thing as cheese. No, I'm glad that we think the opposite on this. A bit of custard on there. Oh, I'm here for it.

do you want to know what happened one Christmas? I'd love to hear if anybody else has these kind of stories, but just like a Christmas, I guess a Christmas accidentally unfiltered. That's what I would like to hear from you guys. Just out of interest. One year, I have a really, really good friend that's Muslim. He does not drink alcohol. He has never drunk alcohol in his whole life because it's just not what they believe in. I'm talking not even a sip. He spent Christmas with my family one year and we knew what he could eat. We catered for him for drinking food and everything the desserts come out and i has said to my mom and mom i'm throwing you under the bus i had said to my mom mom like there's no alcohol in anything is there you know and she's like

absolutely not you know i know what i'm doing yep anyway she puts she soaks the you know when you make a trifle and you have that like the bread at the bottom what's it called like a well yeah it's like a sponge cake yeah and you put like you know you put um we caught fuck the words yes You put port or you put sherry or something delicious on there. So she had soaked it in alcohol and just didn't even think for days. Then she puts it in. He eats it. He's like, this is delicious.

Halfway through, I'm like, mum, this tastes like alcohol. He looks up. She looks at him. I look at him. There's a 10-way look across the table, and he's like, did you just accidentally make me drink alcohol for the first time in my life? He was 33 years old, and my mum ruined it for him. She was beside herself.

That was our Christmas accidentally unfiltered. That's a goodie. She ruined all his beliefs. anyway if you guys have i just thought it was funny i hadn't thought of that until now if you guys have any christmas accidentally unfiltered we'd love to hear them well we wanted to keep this intro light-hearted we were like if we're coming into the end of the year coming in hot for christmas nobody wants to hear about all the big bad and horrible things happening in the world there's been a few but one thing we did want to tell you because this is the time of real change

coming into the new year 2022 maybe we'll do a whole episode on new year's resolutions that we never, ever keep. Because we do do that every year. Yes, we absolutely do. And we have never kept any of them. Do as we say, not as we do. Now, one thing I do want to talk to you guys about, that is the iOS update on Apple. If you are an Apple user, you will be familiar with the fact that just recently Apple has rolled out a new update. And one of the weirdest, most unnecessary changes that they have made is moving the search bar on Safari to the bottom of the page. Apple needs to be put in the bin. Goodbye, Apple. You are a little rotten fruit. I hope they don't ever want to sponsor the podcast. You are a rotten fruit. You need to go in the bin. Why would you

do this? I have a theory. They want people to feel like they're constantly doing things for improvement. They want people to feel like, oh, but look what we did this year. We did this, this, and this, and this, because they charge extortionate rates. I think they're just trying to make people think that they are making improvements when all it's doing is sending people insane well also like I mean I think that this is a true testament to the fact that we hate change like we talk about how we like change we talk about that we like you know the exciting things that come with being able to have new opportunities and do new things but at the end of the day we all hate change any single time Instagram rolls out a change whatever it is

everyone hates it Facebook hates it these are free platforms that we don't pay anything for but we get really angry whenever they change something about it controversial opinion I love change. I love change. Do I like the update? No, but change is like a hole. I froth it. I've been the person that's like, I could move to another country tomorrow. A hundred percent. You don't need to give me any warmup, lead up. You don't need to tell me any details. I could just turn up and roll with it. But if you move my search bar to the bottom of the phone. Okay. So this is my hot tip. And we put this up on our Instagram up on life on cut podcast. If you're not following guys, it's full of great life advice. Here is my hot tip. If you want to move your search bar from

the ios at the bottom of the phone back up to where it belongs in its rightful glorious place at the top all you have to do is go into safari hit the aa and do it let's do this in real time everyone open your phone okay i'm in safari open safari yep click the aa which is next to the search bar i don't even have that yeah see the little the little a and then i was looking at the top okay like at the very very bottom left there's two capital letter a's one small and one's big yeah press the very top one which says show top address bar press that and you are welcome it's oh my oh my god you've just given it back to me and it is just everything i wanted since this update i hope we've changed some of your lives like you've just changed mine laura

you are very welcome okay guys we're gonna bring you some accidentally unfiltered we love this section but i am actually going a little bit rogue and i am bringing you a confessional now the reason I'm bringing you a confessional today is because it ties in very nicely with the conversation we had last week on Ask Uncut. If you listened, you will remember we spoke about a tradie that absolutely destroyed Laura's toilet. Then we went to speak about pooping in rentals in terms of when you're viewing rentals. So when you're going to an inspection. Like, is it okay to go and do a house inspection and use the toilet at the same time? And Britt thinks it is, and we still will never agree on this. I had, no, I don't think it is, but I'd rather do that

than shat my pants. I had so many people write to me saying, lol, Laura has obviously never been in a position. So many people are saying when you need to go, you need to go. Laura obviously has not experienced that. Otherwise you'd be like, you are exploding in that toilet. But this confessional has to do with that. When I was in my early twenties, my ex and I inspected an apartment by ourselves. The ones where the real estate gives you the keys and trust you to be responsible adults well we decided to be really responsible and have sex in the apartment on all on all the floors and beds we innocently returned the keys and said the place looked really nice but then we didn't even apply for it upon reflection what the hell who does that there is a time and a place

and i really don't think that was it anyway moral of the story wipe all surfaces when moving into a rental because you don't know what or who has been getting it on also related to your story I've noticed that while inspecting rentals, most of them don't have toilet paper anymore. I think pooping during inspection is far more common than you think. That or the previous tenants have locked all the toilet paper away because of COVID. Oh, my God.

Thank you. Now, I think that what I have done previously is very innocent. I like that you've made this whole episode about you and absolving your sins. Well, it makes me realise that I don't get off on going to rental inspections and pooping. No one thinks you do. It is not my kink, Laura.

It is not my fetish. But if it was, there's no shame here. But I'm shook that people have had sex at a rental inspection. Do you know I received another confessional this week and one of our lovely listeners went to a Christmas party and had sex with a co-worker on her boss's desk. And to that I say, your sins are absolved. To that I salute you.

All right, I have a very funny accidentally unfiltered. Unfortunately, they're always to do with toilets, but luckily this one has nothing to do with a human, more so with a dog. All right, ladies, boy, do I have a doozy. My dog has been a bit unwell these past couple of weeks. And yes, this is a little bit gross, but he keeps having accidents during the day, like only a little bit, but holy hell, it smells unbelievably bad. So I took him to the vet the other day to have him checked out.

And the vet is down in the business end inspecting my dog's backside. When the vet says, ah, yes, the issue is anal sex. I was shocked. I was like what the hell in my mind I was actually like what the fuck are you saying my dog has not been having anal sex I'm like a stage five dog mom and my dog is literally never alone so I know my dog hasn't been getting the hanky-panky on let alone in the backside so I asked the vet again I'm sorry what did you just say and she looks me dead in the eye and says it's because of your dog's anal sex now I was starting to feel a little bit flustered and judged and also a bit angry to be

honest like as if I'm just letting my dog run around the dog park having anal sex I said excuse me I don't think that's correct and the vet looked at me confused and she says well if you would like you can take him and get a second opinion and I turn around I say so defiantly to the vet my dog has not been having anal sex the vet looks at me and bursts out laughing anal sex your dog needs to get his anal sex expressed every week i am gone levitating to the sky so great hang on i actually haven't ever asked you what do you have to do to buster's butt every week we don't need to talk about it it's such a gross topic because i think a lot of this thing is probably more common you have to express the anal glands yeah i don't do it i take him to

the vet and the vet does it oh do you yes every week you take him to the vet every three weeks I take him to the vet for a butt massage for an anal massage I reckon he's faking it he just wants the attention on that note I think that's the perfect segue for us to get into an episode on kinks. Let's chat to Chantel. On the podcast today, we have Australia's most well-known sexologist, Chantel Otten, here to talk about all things to do with kinks. Chantel, welcome to Life Uncut. Thanks. I'm excited to be back. I've missed you guys. I think it's been about a year or so, so I'm glad to be here. We had Chantel on and it was so much fun. And if you guys have not listened to that you need to go back it was very very eye-opening but today's a

little bit different today we're going to get kinky yeah I'm excited kink is such a good topic so first off for anyone who doesn't know what is like what is it to have a kink what does it mean to have a kink and is a kink different to a fetish there were so many questions in that Laura. Yes. Let's start at the top and work our way back. Let me just get out my thesis. No. So a kink is something that someone likes to do by themselves or consensually with a partner or multiple partners that arouses them, that makes them feel, you know, turned on, horny, and it's considered outside of the mainstream sexual activities, which, you know, I mean I don't know what really is considered mainstream anymore I think that kinks are

becoming much more mainstream but they are a little bit different to fetishes so a fetish is similar to a kink but the difference is that a fetish must be present in order for the person to achieve sexual arousal it has to be there in order for them to feel horny and feel turned on a fetish could be something like people's feet or like having sex in public it could be like wearing a nappy like an adult nappy that kind of thing and it's important to remember that you have to have it there in order for it to be considered a fetish so for somebody who has a fetish you're what you're saying is like they literally wouldn't feel aroused or turned on without actually having whatever that fetish is present but someone who has a kink can get off in

all different ways but they kind of have this one thing that they like to do or multiple things i mean you can have a few so kink can be like anything to do with bdsm so bondage dominance masochism sadism it can be like you know dressing up in a certain outfit or different outfits it could be you know spanking each other it could be yeah having sex outdoors it's just a kink you don't need it to be there in order to get around but definitely for someone who has a fetish they need it to be there so you did just say something interesting you said kinks are starting to become more mainstream why do you think that is do you think that is just because we're seeing it more speaking about it more do you think that this is why more people starting to talk more openly about

their personal experiences? It's really interesting because for a really long time, topics such as kink and fetishes were really not talked about. And it wasn't until 2010 that the World Health Organization and the United States basically said that fetishes and BDSM were just terms, a wide umbrella terms for different interests. And before that, they were considered pathological. You were considered to be quite sick if you were engaging with that. You know, people lost jobs for engaging in kink. You know, parents were declared unfit to be parents if they were talked about engaging in these practices. And I think also like in movies, we really saw that it was like the bad guy that had a kink or the bad guy that wanted

to engage in these kinds of practices. I think shows like Billions, yes, can show us that. I also find that you see that it's usually millionaires and billionaires that are considered to be like kinky it's it's like a hidden dark secret kind of like 50 shades of gray of course and then that like cult show where there's a the guy who's a serial killer he's like a narcissist and he's engaging in these kind of practices so it's really seen as like this taboo thing I think that in 50 shades of gray that's when I when I saw a lot more people talking about kinks and fetishes and that's where you can see sales from sex toys in that area you know paddles whips handcuffs etc really increase now because these products are more available and we are talking

about them in general i think that they're becoming much more mainstream in fact people are just saying yeah i love kink or i just like to do this they're not even labeling it in a certain way if that makes sense so was there a big correlation i mean like it's probably obvious and I should have looked it up, was there a big correlation between sales of these toys after Fifty Shades of Grey? Yeah, so Lohani has a Fifty Shades of Grey range and Tracy Cox, who wrote Fifty Shades of Grey, is the co-owner of that and it goes incredibly well.

And is now a billionaire. Yeah, she's fucking loitered. Why didn't we write those books? Why didn't we let our dirty minds, I mean, we were probably 10 when those came out or whatever. Talk to me about this sort of scale of what can constitute a kink. You sort of said, you know, spanking on one end of the spectrum, but like, what does the scale look like for when we're talking about what a kink is?

Yeah, so I think it's more individualized. So something that might be considered really kinky for you might be considered super normal for me. So we can't actually put it on much of a scale. We actually just have to look at it with more of an open-minded curiosity. I think that if we were to look at it in more of a like a scale type of things we would see things like pain kind of coming up towards the higher end of the scale I would also consider things that are illegal to be up that high end as well so these are things that need to be very much

negotiated so that they don't cross any boundaries and that there is consensuality within these practices as well. I would say though, that the kink community has the best practice of consent that I can see as a sex educator, because they know they have to be safe with these practices. Because if they step over the line, they can really hurt someone or cause damage as well. That might be with like choking or spanking or crossing boundaries or creating trauma. So there is a huge amount of discussion around consent within these boundaries too. When you say something that could be illegal, what are some types of kinks that maybe really push that end of the spectrum? That's a really good question. For example,

when you want to display yourself, for example, it's like voyeurism or you want to show off what you're doing from an erotic point of view that might be like touching yourself and it might be in public. For example, I remember being really young and a man riding his bike past me and stopping and pulling open his jacket and he was naked underneath. So that is illegal. You can't do that. You have to engage in an audience of some sort, go to a sex party, go to, you know, a group sex situation where that is appropriate. Or, you know, say to your sexual partner, like, hey, I'm just letting you know, I'm going to be in the park at this time. You're the only person I'm showing this to, for example. But a lot of the times this becomes like quite an intense feeling

for that person that they need to engage in this from this we're talking about like from a fetish level they need to do this a kink is more like they can they can choose to do it if they want to another thing that could be illegal is for example if you have like a little kink like maybe you want to wear a nappy and wearing a nappy in front of someone and talking about how you like to wear that and how it makes you feel can be organized with like an erotic partner if you try to do it for example in a therapy session with me that would be considered illegal because you're having a sexual interaction with me and I don't actually know that you're doing that got you okay how common is it for you as a therapist in this industry how common is it that people come to you wanting to

explore kinks or confused about if they're into something and how to go about it like for all the things people come to see you for what sort of a percentage do you think kinks is I know that's a hard one yeah it's hard for me to define how many i think that it's actually not as high as what i usually see because i think people embrace it a lot more they're not they don't feel like it's much of a problem people only come to see me when they're really distressed or whether they you know maybe they don't know how to tell their sexual partner or or be single with this kind of kink that they want to practice in so i would say maybe like 30 come with a specific concern around kink or question but most of my patients like engage in kink anyway in some sort of form

probably usually on the lower scale form some of them are just coming to negotiate how they feel you know if somebody realizes that they have a kink that maybe this is something that's new to them or you know it's been a desire that they've had for a while but they haven't really explored it yet how would you suggest somebody goes about bringing it up with their sexual partner or goes about actually initiating in kink? Yeah. So I think the first thing that needs to happen is there needs to be an understanding of why they want to engage in that. You know, what does it feel to them? What does it mean to them? What does it mean to their imagination, their fantasy, their eroticism? You know, I think it's also like, is it a non-negotiable for a lot of people? It's

not, but for a lot of people as well, they go, well, I need my sexual partner to be open to me sharing my interest with them and i think that that's really healthy we cannot expect our sexual partners to immediately be accepting of all the things that we want to do in the bedroom we just have to say something along the lines of like hey babe like i want to add a little bit of variety into our sex life and i've been thinking i really want to look at doing a bit of bdsm i was thinking I'd really like if you spanked me a little bit, or maybe we could try more anal play or using a strap on or something. So you bring it up in a light way. I tend to encourage people not to do it in the bedroom. It's better to do it outside the bedroom. Maybe like when you're driving,

I think if you've got a penis owning partner, something where they're like a little bit kind of looking out the window, they can zone off a little bit is good and not like a high pressure situation. So don't get into the bedroom and just like whip out a strap on and say, surprise, we're doing some pegging baby don't do it don't walk out with the strap on on unless you know your partner's into it yeah do not run at your partner with a strap on under any circumstances don't just wake them up tap on the shoulder with this no i think it's more like you need to also understand that they might be like oh and oh I don't know just say to them you don't have to answer me now but I just want you to

consider it and they might go okay well how would that work and you you have to be able to explain or say uh I don't know actually but I saw this post on it you know maybe on Chantelle's feed or I read an article about it somewhere or the girls on Life Uncut were talking about it and I'm really interested and then you can do research together and you go slow you ease into it don't pretend that you're an expert if you're not you know make sure that you take your time and of course you have to say how you're going to negotiate boundaries what is the how are you going to express that you're consenting and how are you going to be able to express or ask for ongoing consent so it has to be touching base quite often when you're starting with these things

it's only people who are experts that can say hey babe like you don't need to you don't need to ask for consent for this but my safe word is pineapple for example that's when you have to stop I was about to say that's where we see in like Fifty Shades of Grey you know they really drove home the consent and the safe word so do you think that's actually a really good idea that's not something for the movies this safe word say it at the start pick your word pick your fruit pick your poison 100% pick your fucking fruit babe pick your fruit doesn't have to be pineapple that would perked you're not going to use it on you but you have to use it to stop it definitely okay but what if in the instance that your kink is being gagged and tied and you aren't able to do verbal consent

Laura's really thinking this one through no it's true no no no it's true true true yeah and I feel like consent can come in more than just a verbal form so how would you recommend in those instances as somebody goes around being able to give appropriate ongoing consent throughout the experience of what they're doing. Yeah. So something like having like a ribbon in your hand or being able to wave your hand, if you're, if you're not tied up, if you are trying things like gagging, I wouldn't recommend that you go straight into being tied up as well. I think you have to go slow. So tied up first, maybe put the gag on, but then the person who is being dominant has to really engage and be very aware of the person's body movements if they are gagged

something like pausing and going like do you still like this like blink or like nod your head or something like that if the person starts shaking their head pulling away etc then it absolutely needs to stop but if you can negotiate some signs where you're like i know if i want to stop i'm going to be shaking my head because you really can't hide like a shaking of the head then that will obviously stop the session or pause the session until the person gets more comfortable you also need to talk a lot about aftercare what are you going to do after you engage in that kink because aftercare is really important you don't want to be just you know tying someone up gagging them and fucking them and going okay that was so great i'm just gonna

go have a shower like you need to make sure that they're okay how did it feel for them was there anything that they didn't feel that comfortable with that they'd like to tweak for next time did they love it can they explain their experience to you are they willing to try more things or different things etc so you need to be able to you know have some snuggles if that's what you're into afterwards but definitely some conversations so it just comes back to i mean what we say in every single episode of life uncut that's just conversation and communication and whatever that looks like whether that is verbal or whether that is a movement or a ribbon or whatever it is it's just making sure you set your boundaries before you start what about somebody that wants to explore

their kinks like I feel like what we just spoke about is great if you have someone to explore that with and that you trust and that you love and you're in a safe place what if you don't have a partner that's not even on the radar you're not even dating but you want to explore that are there places you can go are there websites or there are orgies and sex clubs and of course there are places like that but are there really specific i guess organizations and safe places for people that want to explore specific kinks yeah so there's an organization called curious creatures in melbourne i don't know about sydney i will have to check up on that and for the other states and international international i mean i know like in amsterdam that there's some great clubs and in berlin

but again i think going into a situation where you can be taught curious creatures they have like workshops where you can go and learn how to be dominant or be submissive or learn how to negotiate different styles of kink as well. And I think that that's super healthy, you know, also like just engaging with someone like myself is really important. So you can have a conversation about how you communicate that to maybe one night stands or something. You'll be surprised how many people can go on a one night stand and go, Hey, like, I'm really like, I'm a bit kinky. And the person will be like cool like let's see how that goes but I guess the problem as well with one night stand is you don't know that person and you don't know if they're going to respect your

boundaries too so I think going to workshops or clubs is probably a better way to go because at least you know that people that you're engaging with have practices that are safe you know they're not going to put you in harm's way or in danger what would you say to someone who knows that they have a kink but feels shameful for it or still is dealing with the stigma that can surround having a kink? Okay. So I'd more say to everyone, everyone that you can never yuck someone else's yum. Something that I find yummy, you might not find yummy. You're not going to judge me for that. You just have to go, cool. Like that's Chantel's preference. And for anyone who's struggling to know whether their kink is okay or not, I honestly believe that kinks are just normal now. And I

think that we need to start saying it is about individual practices. The problem is we weren't even taught that sex was okay for such a long time. We were taught that sex is only for marriage and you know, husband and wife, and it has to be blah, blah, blah. It's like, you're going to get pregnant, et cetera. We were taught fear mongering techniques around sex education. And what we need to be talking about now is empowering sex positive, you know, sexual education. And that is the same with kink. In my book, it's not even like seen as a separate practice. It's just part of having fun sex. So I really do think that if you're struggling to know whether you're normal or not, I wouldn't hide away and sink into that. I would try and lean into going to places where you can

feel normal or going to websites where you can get more education about it or talking to people in sex stores about what you're feeling or talking to a therapist. I had a patient who really believed that their style of pornography was not okay because she's considered quite femme and what she was looking at was a bit more hardcore. And I was like, it's just your imagination, your creativity. It doesn't mean that you want that thing to happen to you as well. It's just something that excites you and arouses you. We can also remember things that we find kinky or find attractive or arousing. We don't actually have to play them out either. We can just watch pornography or listen to audio porn around it or read erotic literature around it and find it

exciting, fantasize. I listened to another podcast and one of the girls on the podcast was saying that she loves watching lesbian porn. She always has, but she has no interest in being with a woman. She's like at the start, I couldn't really understand it. I didn't understand why that was my jam and that was what I enjoyed watching. And that's what turned me on when I don't want to be with a woman. And she just said, it's just because I enjoy watching. It's beautiful and it's sensual and it's different to men and women porn. And I think that's just a prime example of that. It's just every single person is individual and what gets someone going might be different to somebody else. I think it's important to remember that fantasy can be just

fantasy. It doesn't have to be reality as well. Let's get into some of the different types of kinks and unpack some of the most popular ones some of maybe the more controversial ones what do you think is like the most common kink what are some of the biggest ones so some of the most common types of kink I would say I'm going to go like through a little bit more alphabetically so bondage would be a really good one so forms of restraint it's pretty self-explanatory being tied up i also think like dominance is super common so when someone wants to be the power person in the bedroom they want to be in control and there is a submissive person the person that doesn't want to be in control it's really interesting because a few years ago i wrote an article about

this because people were saying how can women who are in these high you know flying jobs who are celebrities or like ceos want to be submissive in the bedroom and i was like because they're just in control in every single aspect of their life like of course they want to be they want to give over the control once in a while like fuck someone else make the decision i just don't want to do it anymore you do it and do it well please another one is like gagging so putting something in your mouth maybe it's like a scarf or you know you can get professional gags from sex stores as well. Impact play is a really big one as well. So hands, whips, paddles, whatever you want, like a spatula, just something that will hit the body and create a bit of an impact. It can be a

soft hit, it can be a playful hit, or it can really get into a bit more hard hitting as well. I think things like masochism, of course, where you are getting pleasure from the kind of heightened sensations from sex you know pain for example would be a really good one whether that be physical or emotional is a really popular one in terms of masochism when you say that that is the idea of pain is that the person delivering the pain that they're getting off on delivering it or is it somebody that gets off on being in pain and receiving the pain so that's the person receiving at most of the time sadism is when you're inflicting pain on someone else inflicting emotional pain on someone else or physical pain on someone else i think things like role play would

be super common like dressing up as a as a nerd like doctor and nurse scenario like doctor and patient scenario that kind of thing i think a lot of us have had those kind of role play like fantasies too boss and secretary I don't know I don't know what the listeners are into but I always find that role play is a really interesting one have you role played Laura no never no I feel like also now like everyone on this podcast knows of my non-existent sex life so no have you I'm laughing like Chantal you probably see that I'm smiling while you're saying this I can't do it you're supposed to be an actress Brittany yeah but it's yeah and 100% if it was in a film great but when I'm giggling you're giggling the whole time when you were just saying that when you were

talking about role play in my mind I just tried to picture myself doing it and I started laughing because I just I just don't think I don't think I can do it seriously and that's just me personally because I'm a little giggle machine anyway so I just think I would just think the whole thing it's so funny I'm trying to think about my own scenario I'm like yeah definitely like a little bit but I haven't gone as far as like dressing up for that kind of thing it's just kind of entered into it but then like my role play in the past was when I was like yeah maybe actually engaging with a doctor back in my old past life like when uh yeah when I was slurring around Europe yeah I think for some people they're really they can really get into it and really get

creative and I'm so here for that. I think that's amazing. I think things like voyeurism is also really popular where you find it pleasurable to watch other people get it on. This is one that can also go into that like illegal mode too. So if you're going around sneaking around and looking in people's windows, that's naughty and you shouldn't be doing that. No, absolutely not. You're talking more about you can go to sex clubs and you can watch in that capacity. Yeah, 100%. I think that's an interesting question though what like where does the line you can't look in their window Laura no I definitely have no interest in doing that but where does the line sit in regards to something that can be classified as a kink and something that goes beyond that and is

actually problematic I think when you're doing things and you can't control your urges to do them that's when it can and it's distressing or it's for you or for other people that's when we consider it a bit more problematic let's talk about exhibitionism so I guess voyeurism and exhibitionism go hand in hand in a sense like you would those the same people would be at the same sort of sex club is that right maybe I mean you you might actually not want to exhibit yourself if you're into watching others actually so you can separate them exhibitionism is when you're like showing other people how you have sex or how you stimulate yourself and you want others to watch but yeah sex clubs are really wonderful for that and i think that it's important that if any

listeners are looking to engage in sex clubs go to nights that are a bit more low-key for vulva owners don't go to like the mix nights because you end up with like all these penis owners and like two vulva owners and they're just like standing around all watching and touching themselves i would go to like a couple's night like go with a friend or something or go to the femme kind of sex parties as well. I think that's really important. Just you also don't have to engage the first time you go to a sex club. You can just watch as well.

What is, I mean, we've got a few of them listed out and we did a bit of a deep dive into like some of the most popular kinks, but what is age play? Oh, yeah, age play is a really good one. So that's basically role play where one or both of the partners are pretending to be a different age to what they actually are. So maybe like younger, like a teenager, you know, putting their hair in pigtails or whatever, or it can be like a baby, that kind of thing, like daddy, baby girl, that kind of thing.

Or it can be referring to someone like really old, like, like a real zaddy, you know, that kind of thing, like a sugar daddy kind of vibes or like a madam or a mistress, that kind of thing. So it's just pretending to act like someone who is different to your actual age. I think that we more see it like on the daddy and like the friend of the daughter kind of vibe. That's what you see in a lot of pornography, right? Like dad walks in on my daughter's friend, that kind of vibe or something like that. Okay, Chantel, we have two that we want to finish on.

Now, one that I find really interesting, and I think it's a lot more common than people think, it's urophilia or otherwise known as water sports or the golden shower or essentially urinating on somebody during sex. do you see water play in your clients a lot more than we think actually it's really interesting like i don't think many of my patients actually talk about them engaging in that but definitely being out and about and actually speaking to people just on a real level not as their practitioner about their sexual preferences yeah like golden showers pee play it is super common and you actually find that a lot of males will engage in sex workers to play out those fantasies because

maybe they can't get them at home or maybe it's not something that they even feel comfortable bringing up with their loved person or maybe they don't want to see it from their loved person as well. So yeah, we saw it with a, I think there was a big rumor about the last US president going around that really liked that kind of play too. But I think that for anyone who does want to engage in it just start slow and try it out in the shower so you can wash away any of the evidence but you know if you don't like it if you don't like engaging with it you don't have to do it but I'm always like what's the harm in giving it a go like pee play golden showers actually doesn't harm anyone unless you feel really ashamed about it afterwards and I wouldn't say that it's a

problem it's just gonna feel a bit weird well you're in sterile anyway isn't it I always think like technically how the hell does it work like you can't be doing it in your bedroom on a mattress you'd have to lay a tarpaulin down or something like how are people doing this and then it's like where is the romance in this if you're like hey honey I'm just gonna go get the tarpaulin to lay down so that we don't ruin our ten thousand dollar temper mattress like I just there has to be some organization to this so we can have a slip and slide in bed but you you actually just mentioned something Chantal which I think is interesting and maybe there is a connection but I kind of would love to unpack what it is about this. I feel like with some kinks, there is a level or,

and not with all of them by any means, but with some of them, there is a level of being degraded or feeling like, yeah, like, I guess like degraded might be the best word for it. Where does the sexual pleasure or arousal come from that? Some people really feel like they can get aroused by also like the shameful aspect of that too. like feeling like they're being humiliated, the feeling that they're being embarrassed because of what they're engaging in. Some people get really turned on by that as well. So that is really about that masochism kind of point of view too. And I think that that's about like the emotional kind of trauma that comes into it, but some people just are really into it.

They find it very sexy to look up at their partner urinating on them, you know, or they find it very sexy to like be yeah in that humiliation pose if that makes sense some people don't find it shameful of course but yeah for a lot a lot of people it is about that level of humiliation i think one of the last ones we wanted to touch on and this is something that i think would be very common and maybe people don't even know that it has a relation to kink but what is orgasm control and can you describe that for me yeah so it's kind of like edging in a way it's where you say to your sexual partner, I'm in control now, or maybe if you're masturbating, for example, I'm in control now. And we are going to, I'm going to tell you when you can come,

you know, I'm going to build you up and you're not allowed to come yet. So if they keep pressing on you, if they're like using a vibrator against you and you're like, Oh, I'm literally going to come like you, you have to stop it. Then it doesn't really work. If they play with you and bring you up to, for example, if your orgasm is a 10, they bring you up to maybe an eight and they go, I'm going to hold you there. And like, and you're like, oh my God, like I want you to finish. And they bring it back down to like a five. So they're going to play with you where they bring up your arousal, bring it back down again, bring it up, bring it down. And they are in control of that play. What if you can't get back from your five to your eight? And you can do it.

What if you get stuck there? Yeah. If you get stuck there, then it's, it's all over, Red Rover. stuck in purgatory yeah yeah yeah i think that's you know i think you have to be very advanced like very good at tuning into your partner's pleasure if you're engaging in that i always encourage people to listen to my favorite orgasmic meditation which is by a uk guy called madison james he does this in his orgasmic meditation so you just you can't see him you just put your headphones in and it goes for an hour. And basically this edging builds up your orgasm to a point where you're going to like, like you, it's just so intense. I remember when I did it, I had an orgasm and I had like electricity running from my fingers down to my toes, back up to like

my pelvis. And it was incredible. And for a lot of people that feel like they can't orgasm anymore, they feel really out of tune with their body. That kind of practice is super helpful. So that's orgasmic meditation mixed in with edging and orgasm control so is that something sorry to clarify is that something you do on your own or you could do on your own or is that something that you play with a partner yeah so this is made like this one is for masturbation so you do it by yourself but i always like to say to people why don't you get your partner to do what he's telling you so get your partner to pretend like they're in the seat there if they want a little bit more of a guide into orgasm play it's super helpful or your partner can watch while you do it to yourself

I also like that this because I think that sometimes these things we have these conversations and they're so catered to people who are in relationships and that can really isolate a huge demographic of people who are single but still have you know I mean everybody has their own sexual needs and wants and I think sometimes when we specifically are like talking about relationships it can feel a little bit isolating so when you say that some of these kinks in particular orgasm control is something that people can do on their own regardless of whether they have a partner or not. I think that's a really important part of this conversation as well yeah absolutely I think that it's important for people to remember like being single can be so much fun too we're both like nodding well it's a real time of like exploration as well right because it's like it is almost no judgment and I think sometimes when you're in a relationship you can become a bit like well we know exactly what to do it's very formulaic and we just do that that's it the sex menu yeah absolutely it's like xyz it's going to take seven minutes and then we're going to both go to bed yeah because we're tired and we have two kids it's going to take 3.3 minutes hon you've got two

kids i don't have any and i'm tired it's all good it's pretty normal it'll come back i guess what do you want to say to anybody or what message can you tell someone that's listening now they either they're thinking about it or this has excited them to try something and this has made them feel like their you know what they're thinking isn't that far-fetched and maybe it is accessible for them what do you want to throw out to anyone listening now that really wants to go get kinky oh I think like do your research absolutely have on like have a look online for toys if you want to bring them into your practice as well do some shopping ask your friends like be honest my friends are so honest with me and I know that I'm privileged in a very sex positive circle but I've kind of like

force them into this place where they talk about that. And we just cheer each other on. And I think you need to find at least one sex positive friend that you can talk about these things with and not feel ashamed. You need a sex woo girl. Like woo Laura, go for 10 minutes. Go for 11 tonight. I'm going to edge myself to 15 minutes guys. Yeah. I think it's like, you know what? We are adults and we are moving towards a more sex positive future. And that means engaging with people that are going to cheat you on as well no one wants to feel ashamed or like they have to hide who they are as an erotic being and any resources off the top of your head that people could go to like websites yeah so curious creatures is a great one they have some great articles on the

blog on love honey and some great episodes from like doms on there from sex workers etc of course like i have a lot on my instagram there's so many sexologists in australia who have great resources too I'm trying to think as well I think like start with reading things like Fifty Shades of Grey start with watching shows where that is also depicted there are so many kinky shows like Eyes Wide Shut I've never watched that and I'm dying to watch it now because I know one of my team members was watching it this week and she was like it was so before its time and it was so controversial because no one was talking about kink back then so there are lots of shows where it is depicted too and if you can just ease into it and become acclimatized to

watching it it'll become more normal for you and you will feel a lot more empowered discussing it and where can people find you chantelle and your book tell us about your book oh yeah the sex ed you never had so basically we're covering kink in there recovering bdsm it's talking about all the things that we didn't learn in sex ed and you know i didn't have sex ed a lot of my patients come in and they didn't have it. I think that this age range, we were definitely taught a lot about like safe sex, whereas, you know, we weren't taught a lot about pleasure. And I think we need to talk about that a lot more. So I wrote this book for everyone and you can find me at Chantelle underscore Otten underscore sexologist on Instagram. Thank you, legend. It was so good

to have you back on Life Uncut and we hope to have you back again soon. Thanks for having me. So on this episode today, we wanted to speak to somebody that has a kink of their own. We didn't really care what kink it was. It's just that Laura and I personally, well, we don't have one, but we thought it was really important to speak to a listener, a Life Uncut listener. So we have one of our beautiful lifers, Nikki, joining us today. And Nikki, we put the call out. We're like, hey, if anyone's got some kinks, slide on into our DMs. And Nikki, you did come sliding. So welcome to Life Uncut. Thank you so much guys pleasure to be here. Now Nikki can you explain I mean firstly I've got okay I'm not I don't even know where to start because I have so many

questions. Laura's like can I firstly let's start at the top what is your kink? So my kink is I used to call it a pee fetish but it's actually it can be called a pee kink. So like we're talking water sports and when you say you have a pee kink or a pee fetish in what capacity like what does that look like for you? So it's basically below the head. So I love anything to do with it. I love watching guys. I love the sound of it. I love, well, this is the one that shocks people. I love being peed inside of that. So the main thing is for me as well is the desperation when it comes to pee. Like that's what really gets me. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by the desperation as in from the other person yes yes so it's about the guy when he needs to pee it's like

that moment it's like I just want him to be desperate and that's what really gets me so do you in terms of the desperation do you like is it a control thing like you want to say like orgasm control is it you saying to him you can't go yet like making him until he's like my bladder is about to burst so is that you saying when he can and can't urinate it's similar yeah so back in 2017 which is when I discovered this I was with a partner and that's when like he needed to pee when we're having sex and I sort of played around with that and I really liked that he needed to and I was telling him no you're not allowed to and I sort of would press against his bladder and that was really turning me on and I think he also discovered that it was turning him on as well

so he'd play around with me. For those playing at home let's just go back to the start it's also called urophilia that is the official terminology is that correct nikki yes and then colloquialisms are like water sports or i guess p play like you said so 2017 before 2017 when you discovered this i guess accidentally were there anything else you were interested in was there any other kink or is this really you just went zero to 100 pretty quickly and it was all coincidentally i mean I've always been a bit kinky, like with exhibitionism and wanting to have sex outside and in really crazy places. In terms of that, yes. But in terms of the play, that is something that I'd only discovered later on in life. I kind of like this conversation in that I think

for a lot of people, they have a fantasy and then it's wanting to then enact out that fantasy. But almost like discovering a kink and not knowing that it was necessarily there before, just because of something that's happened during a sexual experience I hadn't really fully thought or realized that this is something or how a kink could be created you know when we sit here and say well I don't have a kink right now I like the idea that oh but maybe I could and I just haven't discovered it yet maybe it's just over the horizon so talk to me Nikki how do you bring it up with new sexual partners so that was a while ago so I've had a few since then I've had a couple of relationships but it's been interesting between you know being single and being in a relationship

because I have no shame around it. So I bring it up with guys. As soon as I feel, you know, copped with them or I feel like they're, you know, the kind of person that will have the maturity level to handle it,

I have no qualms in bringing it up. And there's so many guys that, I mean, people's reactions who have not experienced it before, I just, first of all, they're shocked. But then it's like, it's really interesting to them. And of course, you know,

when it comes to, when you're being with a partner, they want you to be turned on so they're turned on by that as well okay I'm like Laura now I was like my brain was just going I have 50,000 questions where do I start okay so does this kink for you playing to just you controlling when they can urinate or do you also get off on you urinating on them as well so does it go both ways and is it just any sort of water play at all or is it just very specific so of course it has to be below the head but I haven't had many guys that have wanted me to pee on them i'm definitely interested in that that does turn me on the idea

of it but mostly in my experience has been with guys and they've either peed on me or i've helped them while they've peed and i've held their penises but my favorite is being peed inside of that the whole like the feeling of it it's just like anything to do with because obviously i love come and it's just like both of them the same it's just more of it is this something as well do you think that there's a power play element into this like a sense of having power over the other person when you talk about desperation are these things linked for you at all um I definitely like being in control so that definitely it makes me feel powerful as a woman and that is sexy to me so definitely but I think the desperation is more so just it is just desperation it's like

that's that kink for me it just turns me on that person's so desperate to pee and then there is that level of control as well and then when it finally is released it's like oh wow let's talk logistics for a hot second when you finally say yes you can pee inside me right now is that because you're at climax and do you come in that moment? And then for him, I'm going to imagine you cannot pee and come simultaneously. So I guess that's for, I guess he's doing that purely for you to climax and then you can continue to deal with him after. Is that right? Exactly. So that's what I was going to say is there's only been a couple of guys in my life who've actually been able to do this and it is a very hard thing to do. It takes a lot of practice and it's funny, like a lot of

guys try really really hard and like we're just lying there and we're just sort of everything's still like they're trying really hard to just like concentrate okay you're like I am losing my momentum here buddy but also there would be some desperation in that as well in the like trying to do it and maybe not being able to quite get there stage fright yeah it's sexy as hell like because you just know they're really trying you just like you want to kind of encourage and be like you know it's good like it's great I really I'm loving this and I am because it's really intimate and they're really trying even when i'm not in a relationship with someone it's just a really cool thing to do to share with them okay logistics number two and this is something that

we had a joke about obviously we're not joking about the kings but we did have this joke with chantelle do you actually have to i mean i guess it's forethought because you're not going to want urine to go all over your bed so do you plan that this is going to be an event so you can put something on the bed is it something that you'd say hey let's just like have sex in the shower or a bath or do you sort of say just throw the mattress out yeah do you just be like rip their clothes off and be like whatever happens happens I got a really good mattress protector let's go because we were sort of thinking that like you know you're going to put like a tarpaulin down or something yeah and that's the thing we talked about when I was in the partnership with uh with

a guy is that we talked about the logistics we thought about you know maybe we should get something you know a mattress protector or a tarpaulin but when you're in the moment I mean it's great to be in a hotel there has I've been my last partner we went into a hotel and we just use a whole heap of towels and and the kind of like it wasn't amazing afterwards but you're just so in the moment and like you do have to sleep in a bit of pee in the bed but it's just all price to pay this is somebody else's problem exactly but there is one guy who I was seeing for a little bit he was amazing he was so open and we were just in his house obviously alone and we're in his kitchen and I just asked him to pee in me in his kitchen and he did he just like got his penis out

started peeing on me on my vagina and it was great I still think about that moment it's so good and also when you're sitting in the toilet as well when I'm sitting in the toilet they can also pee on me there I'm so fascinated yeah and I like this idea that this is like something that's escalated like it's become part of your sexual experience off the back of like I said earlier like off the back of almost like a coincidental or a happen chance you're very very open about speaking about your kinks about talking about your sexual experiences have you had these conversations with like your friends and your family like what has been the the common reaction to talking about kinks not just with sexual partners but with other people who you're close

with so I have been very open and it's funny there are a lot of people in my life who are very question who I would talk you know they know all about it and when I told them I was going on this podcast like oh my god it's amazing because I know all about it and other people are like hang on a second what you have a pee fetish what's what's this and you're going to tell all of Australia about it yeah exactly and I'm like of course I am because there is absolutely zero shame because a lot of things I have a shame about inside of myself but to do with this absolutely none it's just so funny just it gives me so much pleasure and what there's nothing wrong with it but with my family from the get-go I've grew up with a very open family like my parents

will always talk about sex and I'll be cooking on the kitchen bench and mom would say oh you know his father and I had sex in that on that kitchen bench last night and things like that you're like mom at least let me put a chopping board down then exactly you know I know I knew how it was made in the bath and all that sort of thing. So, I mean, I'm fine with that, but it's my brothers who are like 10 years younger than me. And I think that people have to have a certain level of maturity when you're telling them. I love that you said too, that you have no shame about it and nor should you. But the reason we want to have these conversations is because we don't want anyone out there listening to be shameful of anything that they enjoy or any kinks that

they have or anything that they want to experience or that they want to try. We literally want people like you to say there's nothing wrong with it I do this all the time think of how many people are going to be listening to this right now saying oh my gosh I thought I was the only one and that is because people don't talk about it which is why we wanted to put give you a platform now to be so open about it and also on top of it it's like if it's not hurting anyone who fucking cares you know I think like we are the only ones who feel shame and that this it's stigmatized obviously there's so much around kinks that's stigmatized because of the way society has viewed them over time but like if you're not hurting anyone I just don't see what the big problem is or what the big deal

about talking about this stuff is and for us from speaking to Chantel it was very eye-opening and interesting how much people's perceptions are changing but also just how much more open people are being in general which Nikki like we're very very grateful for you to come and speak about this what are some of the reactions for people that you've dated or slept with in the past so I know we touched on it earlier but have there ever been any like quite adverse reactions where someone has just been like, no way I'm not doing that? Or have most people been really open to the idea straight away? Because I think a lot of our community, I think a lot of the stress that they would feel when they want to explore their kinks is the way they're going to be received

when they ask a new partner or even a long-term partner. It's really that visceral reaction of, are they going to think I'm crazy? Are they going to want to break up with me? Are they going to want to explore it? So I guess what are the general reactions like? the majority of people have been great and I think though it's because of the guys that I choose to be with as well I choose to be with people who are open-minded so I think that definitely has something to do with it and also I think the app as well that uh that I've been on when I've been single called field and that has opened me up to so many like-minded people and so the conversation has been really easy but there have been one or two that have of course

gone that's not something i'm comfortable with and it's like okay cool like because i've done that before too like people have said to me you know kinks that they're you know wanting to explore and you know it's it's up to you as to whether you want to do it or not what is field can you talk to me about this app and how if you do have a kink or it's something that you're wanting to explore how you can find people who might have something similar or maybe looking for a similar type of kink to you so field is like a dating app but it's full of people who are who are like me who have kinks and it is such a open-minded community of people that it was like I felt like I was being seen for the first time with people that like because a lot of the people

that I tell have absolutely no idea about kinks and they're you know especially when I talked to them about being peed inside of that just blows their mind because people have been you know heard of water sports and pee fetishes and things like that but this app brought so many people into my life you know people that are wanting to uh threesomes who like couples that are wanting to bring someone else into their relationship or gang bangs or pee fetishes things like that yeah it blew my mind and it was so enjoyable does it work like a normal dating app like if you think about the way hinge or tinder or like what sets it apart or are people very specific on their profiles in regards to what kinks they have? So their profile, everyone's on there. I don't

think anyone's on there for a relationship. People are on there to explore their sexuality and people will say on the app, on their profile, these are the kinks I'm into. And they have the first questions when you're setting it up are, you know, what are you into and, you know, what's your sexuality and all that sort of thing. And it's just very open. And because I'm such an open person, it was just like, wow, there are people like me out there. And because, you know, there's no secrets. Like, this is what I want. Do you want that? And then, you know, you meet up. It's like our younger generation listening won't remember this, but it's like when you're on MSN, you remember ASL, age, sex, location, but you're like ASLK, age, sex, location, kinks.

I've been doing that. None of the young kids are going to have that. You have to be above. If you wound back your cassette tapes with pencil, then you may know what that is. If we can ask you while, because I just feel like we may have just hit the jackpot with you, because we just thought we were going to be able to talk about one kink, but you mentioned exhibitionism before and you mentioned that you have done a lot of other things that have come from being on this app what are some of the other kinks have you tried other things with other people or are you mainly just saying like hey I'm just on there for my thing I don't want to try anything else I have definitely I definitely want a lot of things and I feel like it's like this box

you know these boxes that I want to tick and a lot of them is you know I have this thing about joining another couple or actually one of the gentle art in her sex stories is someone watching another couple have sex and I want someone to watch me while I'm having sex like that turns me on a lot or potentially then coming in and being and joining someone else as well but in terms of exhibitionism I just the idea of getting caught not the reality of it just the idea of it turns me on so have you okay where is not you're like I don't actually want to be caught by a police officer in a bush but like this like the suspense and I guess like don't actually find me yeah like because obviously there's that heightened arousal that comes from the the suspense or the naughtiness

of it the forbidden fruit basically I mean that's the whole a big premise of where kinks came from it's because it's what's deemed as taboo it's what's deemed as what was not supposed to be doing and there's something very like sexually alluring from that as well definitely yeah And have you ever actually been caught or have you ever been pretty close? Yeah, actually, I have been caught. So it was a boss of mine, actually, who caught me, caught my boyfriend going down on me on a boat. You're like, this is not what it looks like.

He was above, like it was, he was looking down the window up above and obviously didn't quite think about that aspect. so he's actually very he's very cool and we're still friends now so yeah it was totally fine you got a fucking great he's like you need a vacay I'm giving you the day off Nikki I have a question I have a question for you in regards to if there's someone listening who has a kink themselves and they do feel shame or they don't know how to bring it up with someone what advice would you have for them oh it's funny because I feel absolutely zero shame around it and I don't think I ever have had shame around it but I think just by if you feel like you're in a safe

space say for example it's with your boyfriend or whoever it is it's just like just being really open and honest with them and trying not to make it about that there's something wrong with you like if they say no then that's what they're comfortable with it's not anything to do with your kink and there's nothing because i have a big thing about there's nothing wrong with you it's just what you like it's just what turns you on and you're not the only one nikki thank you so much for coming on the pod for being just so vulnerable i know you say that there's no shame and you have no issues with talking about it but i think for the most part you're a relatively rare breed i think a lot of people have kinks and a lot of people don't feel

comfortable sharing those kinks on a public platform and i love that you had zero reservations in doing that. We love that you're a part of the community and we really love that you've been able to share this with everybody else as well. Thank you so much, Laura and Britt. Yeah, it was such a pleasure to be on here. I was very excited to share and absolutely had no reservations about it at all. Well, you know, we never end an episode without our suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low light of the week. And man, I have a low light for this week, but Laura, you can go first. What is your suck? So my, oh, it's suck first always. Okay. All right. It still surprises you after 211 episodes.

It's because I like to think positively and I just get, I'm always there for what's been good in the week, not there for what's been bad in the week. Yeah, but it's like when you eat a meal out at a restaurant and there's multiple things on your plate, you save the best for last. You always save that one mouthful as like the most epic, tasty, delicious mouthful. Do you know why I don't do that?

I eat the best bit and save the worst bit for last. In case you get full? No, because growing up my dad would always leave what was left on the, so if I had purposely set something, like if I had put something to the side on my plate my dad would be like oh you're not eating that lean over and eat it the amount of times i cried in a restaurant as a child because my dad ate the thing i was saving traumatized okay so my suck for the week is that i we went out okay guys finally this week brit and i had a awesome time we went out on a boat on saturday we really had such a great time together

can confirm and it's really far and few between when we actually get to go outside and do something without the kids without work just enjoying ourselves I don't actually think we've ever both been out where we've been drinking and just having fun like we've both we've done lunches quickly here and there or like a brunch or something but nothing that was just like actual relaxation having a good time and when you say that she means relaxation that's also unwork related we've been out for a work lunch before shared it all on social media but we've never really just been able to hang out and have a few drinks together as friends we're not actually friends it sounds fucking crazy doesn't it like in two and a half years of doing this pod we've

never gone out and just had drinks together, Britt and I. It's because you keep procreating. Yeah, it's because I have kids, you know, and it's just, we are in very different phases of life, but we also, we had an awesome, awesome time. That's, we're talking about sucks though. So I wore this white dress on the boat, which I have had for a couple of years. It's not a new dress, but it was the first time I've worn it. And I managed to get through a whole day of drinking, of partying, and I didn't get it

dirty. And so I was like, you know what? It's pretty clean, but I'll give it a quick wash, a hand wash, and I'll hang it out so I can take it on this holiday with me. and I hung it out on the line and the fucking birds have shat mulberry shit all over my white dress how do you know it's mulberry shit how do you know it's not a mulberry so the neighbors have a mulberry tree like like it's not the neighbors like a couple of streets down there's a mulberry tree and it's you know you know what it's like when it's like splattered from the sky all over

my dress all over the patio it's obviously mulberry shit yeah anyway so that's my sock but that's gonna stain right that doesn't come out yeah let's go yeah it's done just burn it Yeah, forever. Throw it in the bin. Okay. The end. Turn it into some rags that you can use to clean the kitchen floor. Could you cut it off and make a mini dress?

It's on the top part. Okay, make a skirt. It is a will is a way, Laura. All right. And my sweet for the week is obviously that we got to go out on this boat and have a great time. But my sweet is that for once, Brittany Hockley was the drunk one at the party. Not only was she the drunk one, we got off the boat. We were in front of a whole lot of people and the song,

let's get down let's get down to business and instead of like dancing and smacking my ass Britt decided to dance and smack my vagina really really publicly in front of everyone whilst I was like I'm going home and Britt was like come party okay you are making this sound way worse than it was it was so fun seeing you lit city girl I so fun okay let's just segue way straight into my suck my suck was that I was lit city I went all the way all the way all the way to where can we tell them where you ended up sure I went all the way to Holly and Jimmy's house from The Bachelor I don't know how that happened I created a party there because there wasn't a party she made Holly make her a cheese platter and it just you know when you've been drinking

and I actually for those playing at home I am not a big drinker I don't drink a lot and I think this is why this happened so rapidly I was having a great time but I was obviously in the sun all day the drinks were flowing it hit me like a ton of bricks I well obviously it hit me earlier when I was slapping you but I got to when you were riding me like a rodeo love you it just means I feel safe with you I got to Holly and Jimmy's and it just hit me like a ton of bricks and I was like whoa I need some food and I didn't say it so probably politely but I made Holly make me a cheese platter she made me a whole platter and I just sat there and annihilated the platter kept drinking they were getting ready to go out I was going out too I had messaged producer Keisha and I was like

yo I'm going out to Bondi meet me there and she's like okay I'm poor Keisha okay I'm just having a shower I jeeped the whole thing up and then it just hit me I was sitting at the table and I was like whoa I need to go they're like no it's okay and I'm like no you don't understand I need to go and I you know when you get that wave of nausea I thought I have minutes I called myself an uber I walked downstairs, the Uber pulled up and I couldn't even get into it. I decided to vomit in Jimmy and Holly's garden. This is absolutely ending up on Daily Mail. Also, I cannot believe that you stood up, producer Keisha.

This is all wild. Well, I didn't stand her up. I then messaged her again, which I feel like I'd have to go back to the message and look at the timeline. And I was like, bro, this is, I'm cooked. I'm at home passing now. This is not ending well. I can't meet you out.

And I couldn't go. I physically, it just hit me so quickly. now I would like to go back and just clarify because Holly and Jimmy might hear this well they will the vomit was cute it was little and cute it was like it was like a little like it wasn't hectic it was one and then I just felt so much better it was almost just like it had too much alcohol in there and I had mixed drinks a little bit my body was like just get that out and get on with it so it was like one cutest like the cutest little vomit you've ever seen adorable yeah it was adorable did you name it yeah Frankie okay I just want to say one thing

obviously everyone is going to be not everyone but majority of us are going out enjoying having good time it's Christmas drink responsibly guys 100% this is your warning this is not us condoning this behavior we know that this is bad we don't do it very often but every so often sometimes you get a little liddy a little literacy I have not just to also clarify clarify clarify I have not vomited in like six or seven years this isn't a thing I do I don't binge drink I don't know if I was just dehydrated and hot because I do want to really stress um drinking responsibly but that was my story I cannot deny that it happened I am mortified so mortified that I felt I needed to tell Australia on the podcast I cannot wait to see the article tomorrow I reckon that this is

probably going to come out like a day before Christmas imagine that for your Christmas present Brittany Hockley vomits in Holly and Jimmy's front yard definitely is behind a bush definitely uh definitely had food poisoning from the boat so you've got to love it when anyone has a bit too much to drink and then the next day they're hungover and they say oh i think it wasn't a hot dog no it wasn't we all know it wasn't i had a lot of oysters raw i had a lot of raw fish it was and a bit warm weren't they warm raw fish that was what it was i mean and i didn't have any of the oysters so it was probably the oysters okay what is your sweet for the week My sweet, I guess because we're wrapping up the year,

I have to say that my sweet is the overall year-long ranker for the podcast came out, guys, and we are sitting at the number one female podcast overall. So Laura and I, we're just... What the word? What? Pew, pew, pew. Shots are fired.

We're just so stoked and we literally couldn't do it without you. And I know we've said this before, but it will never get old. We cannot say it enough. we cannot stress it enough we are only here every week because of you guys and we love that you turn up and you listen to our shit and you take our advice sorry we have to start putting some disclaimers in you can't take all of our advice but we do try really really hard we really do and also just not just the fact that you guys show up here for us to listen to the podcast but that you show up for each other like that's the thing that i think is so incredible about this community

the facebook group it's a big group of a lot of people i know that sometimes shit goes down and we do our best to moderate but overall and overwhelmingly this is an incredibly supportive community and we are so grateful for you guys we are so grateful for how you help each other out whether it's from something benign like what are the best leggings to you know asking for some really serious life advice it's a community that loves and supports each other and that every day is the reason why we show up and do this if you guys aren't a part of that community yet obviously you are if you're a listener but the community that laura is specifically talking about is the facebook discussion group that is just where all the love happens all the advice

happens all the support happens so if you're not a part of that yet go and jump on life uncut discussion group on facebook you can also follow us on instagram which is life uncut podcast but we just want to wish you guys the most amazing christmas we will be back with some bonus episodes we'll be back next tuesday with a year in review which is going to be an awesome little ep as well so we're not going anywhere but we just want to say we hope that you are spending it with the people that you love we hope that you are rounding out 2021 in a really wonderful love-filled way to make up for whether you're in lockdown or anything else this year we just hope that you bring it on home one of the special bonus episodes that we are going to be dropping to you over the

break is a really really special episode it is with one of our listeners an og listener she has been there from the very beginning her name is bella if you are part of the discussion group you will 100% know who she is because she's very active, she's very open and she's a very important member of our community. She also has a really, really incredible story that she wants to tell and she wants to share with the world. So if you know her, that is coming soon. If you don't, this is why you have to get on the Facebook discussion group. But guys, you know the drill. If you have loved the episode, jump on, give us a Christmas present, leave us a review on Apple Podcast. Five stars would be great. That would be a great Christmas present. And you know,

tell your mom tell your dad tell your sister your cousin your brother if there's ever been an episode that you have loved share it with someone who you think it'll make a difference to and share the love because we love love Merry Christmas We'll be right back.