Life Uncut - Let's talk about SEX BABY!

Episode Date: August 10, 2020

Ever wondered what a sexologist is? What they do and why they do it?  Well sure as hell did, so we decided it was about time we got one on the pod to answer all your steamy, saucy questions. We have Australian sexologist extraordinaire Juliet Allen on the show today and we put the call out to you guys to ask her some questions, and let’s just say she answered them and then some!What a sexy, insightful laugh this episode is! It was our pleasure!Find Juliet on Instagram @juliet_allenOr listen to her podcast by searching for the Authentic Sex Podcast.Jump on board and if you enjoyed the ep please hit 5 stars, review, subscribe and share the love because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi Brittany, how's your week been? I don't know why I swear to God every time we get in a room together we just start laughing hysterically and I'm not actually sure what we're laughing at. Nothing has happened. No that's what I mean. Nothing in my week nothing funny and here we are yet again like Groundhog Day. I'm gonna be honest I have had a really unfunny week. Is it a sad week? Actually I did have someone say something funny oh i do have something funny actually oh thank you i only just thought of it now

it was like okay i jumped back on to the online dating world guys um holy shit let the girl out the gate hold her back well you gotta gotta get back into it gotta be in it to win it they get back on that horse i've been out of it for a long time or the bull because the bulls are the ones that go for red flags flags yeah get back up get back on some sort of wild animal so i was just talking to this guy and he'd been he'd wanted to meet up a few times can i just say i'm so excited for you what i'm back on the horse slash bull slash animal really just because you're back on something um you've got no choice you have to you have to be online now because a the generation we live in people don't approach each other to ask each other out anymore as we already know like

the very very rare time that happens in the wild most people just jump on it and say yes like yeah let's go on a date even if they don't like them because they're like it just doesn't happen it's like a unicorn finding a unicorn b covid is really really limiting the limited number of opportunities that already existed and it's cramming your jam isn't it how do you go there i feel like online is the only way to do it but i had been talking to this guy and he was trying to catch up a few times and classic britney just works every single night till 2 a.m so i don't have a lot of free time and he sent me this message and he said hey uh it'd be good to catch up this weekend but just so you know my weekend's filling up fast so you better get in quick i'm not kidding like that's

why i wish i you're like all right book me in for 2 p.m then thank you i was like it was almost like he was trying to be like i'm super popular like it's now and ever and i was like oh well you sound busy like I won't I'm not gonna bother you but also filling up with what is what I want to know like filling up with other dates filling up because he's got to go see his mom like what's it filling up with I don't know my weekend is filling up quickly so you better get in quick it's always good to feel like you're a priority in someone's life I was like wowie what would have been a better thing to say is hey I've got a super busy weekend but would love to see so I'll make time tell me when you're free so how's how's the dating world going how how did that end I went are

we happy to be back oh it's like oh it's it's I forgot what the world was like I forgot what the online dating world was like um but you know what is funny actually oh my god I said I didn't have a funny week but I did this is it I'm so happy that you're back this is the old Brittany guys if you've been listening to this podcast from the get-go then you will remember back when there was meat raffle and sit on my face guy those were the golden days of life uncut when Brittany could bring her dating stories to the podcast and she's back and I'm so happy actually like a really quick update on meat raffle not like an actual update but that we had a mutual friend right and um I was with the mutual friend I haven't seen heard thought of meat raffle in a long time like I'm

basically a vegan I don't think of meat raffles um and I was with this mutual friend and there must mean a photo up on his story and meet raffle texted the friend and said tell brit i miss her way to try and cut your grass but also then he said so my friend's like oh meet raffles that he misses you oh to tell you that and i said he can tell me himself and he wrote that back she said tell yourself and he wrote i can't she blocked me because what you guys didn't hear is that meet raffle ended up being not so nice a guy nah he was nah he was road we kicked him to the curve um no but what was funny is so i jumped back online um only like a few days ago and matched with a few people like you know in the

first day but all of them started to say the same thing did you match with like did you match with like a dating bot all of them no all of them started to say the same on the same sort of like wavelength so things like ah third time lucky maybe we'll actually meet this time another one oh you disappeared on me and I was like I was like hang on a minute then another one the same sort of thing um you know when are we finally going to meet this time you kept pulling the pin last minute sort of thing and I was like what is going on I smell a rat anyway actually one of our listeners had had screenshot okay get these I can't believe I haven't told you one of our listeners I'm like in shock right now what has happened also I just love that I was like yeah I got

nothing to say I know that was very misleading because like you live a single life there's lots of things happening in your life nothing happens in my life so when I say nothing's happened I mean it and when you say it you're like oh actually yeah sorry I had a one night stand last night be the hottest guy ever here it is no so one of our listeners wrote to me and she was like hey like heads up I just want to let you know like I was seeing a guy and she's like I don't know I was seeing him for quite a while like he's my boyfriend and she's like I don't know why he's sent me this I don't know if he's I think it was he was trying to throw something back in my face and be like well look I've moved on but he screenshot this is her ex-boyfriend he screenshot

got a conversation online dating between Brittany and himself Brittany being me and it was my profile and he sent this conversation and my profile to her being like look I'm talking to Brittany anyway so like I'm done with you type thing and she sent that to me she's like just so you know he's like showing people your guys conversation and I was like that's not me I was like that is actually not me oh my god there's been a fake profile of you circulating So there is a fake profile of me that is just going to town on all these conversations. I don't know. Obviously, they've not met up with anyone because it's not me.

But God only knows what they've been saying. But I wrote back to her and I was like, I read what the conversation was. And I was like, I can 100% confirm that is not me. Because Brittany, fake Brittany, opened up with. So, you know, you wouldn't even know this. On Bumble, you only get 24 hours to start the conversation. No, I remember this. i use bumble pre-mat days and that was the that was the thing back then it was like the chicks

have to introduce i just felt like that was roman times for you so i wasn't sure if your facebook wasn't even around no okay so we were still using dial-up connection we called each other on the telephone that was connected to the wall with a piece of string where it's like asl um so yeah you get this 24 hours right to start the conversation and if you don't start it they expire or he extended the guy can extend the conversation that's right if the girl hasn't spoken to the guy the guy can be like please give me another 24 hours so he has done that he's obviously we've matched i haven't spoken he's extended the 24 hours and then my opening line was thank god you extended the match i would have hated to have let someone like you slip me by

and i was like real britney would never say that fake britney get your shit together if you're going to be out there impersonating me let me be cool like let me play it cool I I just love okay I'm sure hopefully this listener is listening to this and she just hears her ex-boyfriend just got railed but apart from that I just love that whoever's created this fake profile for you has actually really committed to it and gone through and talked to people like I mean you see loads of fake profiles but usually it's like some Nigerian guy trying to scam someone not just like out there to have a chit chat no and how's your day and I always and I had to say to this one guy and then I had like a little online fight with him it wasn't his fault but I said to him oh

look I'm in complete transparency I don't think no I don't think we've ever matched um because he was one that was like third time lucky and I was like I was like I don't think we've ever matched um because he's quite cute I was like don't think we've ever matched I'm gonna just be honest there's actually a fake pro like there's a catfish um so I have a feeling that you've probably been speaking to fake me and no one's gonna believe you Brett I know and then he goes oh well how do I know it's real you now and I don't know like here's a photo of my boobs no I got so defensive I was just like you know what I don't have the energy for this I was like I was like it's on trust if you don't want to speak to me because you don't think it's me that's fine have a great day that's what I said

and it was so uncalled for but I was just really like I don't have the energy to go but finally I'm back online and now I've had all these conversations with people I just don't have the energy to be like defending myself to someone I don't know saying I promise it's me like no I'm not gonna do that so I just said to him look it's me if you want to if you want to believe that we can keep talking but I'm not gonna try and prove my point to you does that mean that there is still a profile that's circulating or do you think that one is now no longer there or Are you simultaneously online dating and talking to a shit ton of guys? I reckon there's two of us.

And also maybe this person has put in some good groundwork for you because clearly you've just rematched with everyone anyway. So they weren't super offensive or anything. No, but imagine if they've just said yes to everyone. They're probably not even looking and just swiping right on every, like a guy. But one thing I can say about fake Britney is they did, they did pick some solid photos like from my Instagram.

So like I was happy with what my profile looked like. Good. I'm glad. i'm glad that they put their best foot forward for you you know and then you know what you've just had like a little soft entry back into the dating world anyway so that's what's happening so it's not it's not going to be easy i i feel like i have an uphill battle on my hands well i am for one and i'm going to speak on behalf of every single person who listens to this podcast i'm so happy you're back yeah i know all of you evil people that were hoping that i would come

back single just so you could live vicariously guys i want a boyfriend like you have to put you good vibes out there for me. No, we're all putting good vibes out there, but we still want stories in between now when that happens. We want to like monopolize as much as possible. But today for today's episode, guys, we have, I might say it every week, but it's a very special episode. And that is because we have a guest for today's episode. We did tease it a little bit last week. We have Juliet Allen, who is one of Australia's leading sexologists on the podcast today. And she's going to be answering all your deep, dark and dirty questions. All the questions that we haven't been able to answer that have come across on Ask Uncut so we thought after having

a dating and relationship podcast for a year it was probably time that we answered a few sex questions but I also think it's the sort of topic that should be done with a professional I think it should be done with someone that's actually trained and Juliette has really put in the hard yard she's a psychologist before she became a sex therapist so she already knows the shit that's going on in your head she's done the theoretical and the practical application she's done a dedicated degree and what I will say about Juliet she was a surprise little package wasn't she Laura she's a firecracker guys so please hang in for that part of the episode also like be a little bit forgiving guys because we have recorded this interview remotely so we've done our absolute best

to make the audio as amazing as possible but obviously the fact that like we're in separate places there is a tiny bit of difference between the quality of the recordings to what you're usually used to. So we just want to like, you know, make you aware of that and hang in there for the chat because the chat is really great and you will have a couple of good giggles in there as well. We're still in crazy times. We're still in COVID precautions. So we're still trying to do our best to give you really, really great quality episodes every single week. We knew Juliet would be worth it. We did want to speak to her, but unfortunately we just had to do it remotely. So we're doing the best we can. So hang in there. Anyway, Brittany, now it is time for our favorite

part of the episode. The bit that we drink wine? Yes it's that but it's also time for Accidentally Unfiltered and for anybody who hasn't listened to an episode and doesn't know what Accidentally Unfiltered is because we didn't do it in last week's episode that is basically where we tell you your most embarrassing stories and we all laugh together at your misfortune. Those moments you know I'm just thinking I've had so many of these just those moments you just wish you could sink into the ground and bury yourself they're the moments we love they're the moments you write us and they're the moments we read to you so i have a cracker lacquer coming right up all right girlfriend bring it okay this one's actually so innocent i think the innocent ones

are the best ones a few years ago i was newly single and at a party at a friend's house someone i had only met a few times and lots of people there that i did not know i was trying to get out of my comfort zone and joining conversations in the room just trying to be cool and make friends you know I overheard two girls near me chatting away and I heard them mention their bullet I thought aha something I can relate to so I casually decided to join the conversation and I turned to them as I had a ninja bullet too I'd only recently bought mine so I felt like I could contribute so I casually decided to join the conversation and I turned to them to start up to start up a chat I asked how powerful theirs were because I know you can get different what's

of power one of the girls we have a ninja bullet it's what you put your it's a food processor yeah you make soups out of it all right okay I was like one of the girls was saying how much she loved hers and I said I love mine too and I use it every single day sometimes twice a day we all kept chatting and then I said that I love to make smoothies in mine they both looked at me blankly and laughed I had no idea why until they told me they were indeed referring to their bullet vibrator not a ninja bullet blender feel like I made friends that night can you imagine just being like well mine's a bit more nutritional and makes fantastic soups and smoothies but um like yours sounds really good too just like turning the vibrator

on and throwing it into like a glass with stuff in it to mix up a smoothie like the girls would be like you use yours to make smoothies like what how do you do that you just use it like a mallet and just mash your bananas up with it, like multi-purpose. Oh, my God. But imagine how confidently she would have been saying it too. She's like, oh, man, what power is yours? Oh, yeah, sometimes two, three times a day. They would have been like, you're a bloody animal.

Well, I like to use it at breakfast and also at dinner time. I take it to work. It's so great in the car. You can transport it everywhere. This reminds me. This reminds me of the time when I was working in an office many, many moons ago and a girlfriend of mine at the time, this is back when you know this is back when the days when you're in your early 20s and people are

being a little bit naughty and one of my girlfriends was like oh do you think I should get a bag tonight and I was like what do you mean and she was like do you think I should buy a bag she's like and I was like well how much is a bag and she was like well it's $300 and I was like but is it a leather bag and she looked at me like I was an absolute idiot and I was like well if it's a leather $300 bag that seems like it's totally suitable and I know there's going to be a few people who know what I'm talking about right now and I felt very very dumb when I realized she was not talking about a leather bag and it was a Saturday night it was a different bag that is definitely not worth $300 mind you waste of money that exact same thing happened literally

like two weeks ago to my sister Sherry there was a big group of us chatting and I just know Sherry like the back of my hand and they were talking about some some person and they were like yeah he probably just got paid in bags and I could see Sharon's face and she was like oh I'd like to be paid a designer bag yeah she was like like plenty I looked at him and I was like not that kind of bag Sherry she's like what kind of bag and I'm like this is why I love you this the innocence the innocence is just bloody hell have you got something to give me okay I don't have an accidentally unfiltered story for you today I know much to probably everyone's sadness since it's the best part of the episode, but we had started another section, which was, I can't believe they

said that. And today I put up a thing on our Facebook page, which was about the strangest thing that you've been asked to do during sex. And like, this isn't to kingshame anyone, but this is just like, you know, the most outrageous thing that you've been asked to do in the bedroom. It's not even kingshaming either. It's just like, it's just, there are so many different people out there, so many different situations and it's a whole nother world. And I think it's great to learn about it abso-fucking-lutely so i was reading through them today and there was one that just made me actually stop and burst out laughing because i was thinking we've all been there have we i think we've all been there i will be the judge of this so one listener wrote in and

she wrote this guy couldn't get it up and we were halfway through and he was just like oh for fuck's just put it in anyway like a marshmallow so this just reminded me when I was young and I remember asking my mom why why does a guy have to have an erection in order to have sex and my mom was like well Laura just imagine trying to shove a marshmallow into a money box and that visual has stuck with me my entire fucking life it's like putting into a cheese grater but then I mentioned this putting it into a cheese grater just in terms of like the diameter of the slot I was like I feel like it's very different from trying to shove it into a cheese I don't think any guy's gonna be up for that but I said this to Matt I read it to Matt Matt was like yeah because

then like maybe if he got it in there he'd get an erection I was like how no how like little of a turn on is that gonna be shoving stuffing you can't even shove it in there you've got to stuff the flaccid penis inside of you and hope that they get hard not move because you can't move nah i yeah i'm with you i think probably most people have been there we've all been there we've all tried it it doesn't work look there's a reason why men are supposed to have an erection in order to have sex so fine some guys can't there's other ways around it but i don't think the solution to the problem is stuffing it inside of you it's probably not to yell at her and say just put it fold it in half and shove it in oh bless anyway have you got one for me no

just like straight up I don't you know why because I knew today was a really long ep so I was like I feel like no one wants to hear us talk for that long so I thought we should just shorten the intro but then I just told you like 20 of my stories anyway no so we pre-recorded this interview with Julia guys we really hope that you enjoy it we both had such an awesome time recording this and such an awesome time listening to her stories and also listening to her views and her answers on a lot of these questions that we put out there and asked her about sex, about orgasms, about libido, all the questions that we've had come in that we've been sitting on for a little while. So we're going to get into the interview now and we're really

excited to hear your thoughts on this one. Juliet, we're so excited to have you on for today's episode. Welcome. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm actually really excited to chat to you lovely ladies today. We're excited because you are a sexologist extraordinaire. I've labeled you that. I think you're a sexologist extraordinaire. So what makes you a sexologist? Like what do you have to study? We had so many questions when we put out our questions to our listeners. And one of the biggest ones was, what is a sexologist? Good question. Okay. I'll give you a brief background of how I got to where I am today. What makes you qualified to be talking about sex other than you just love it? Well, I was going to say that aside from just loving sex,

I studied psychology when I was a lot younger, straight out of school. I hated psychology. I found it really difficult and I found it really clinical so I studied psychology I finished the degree and then I traveled heaps and then I became a mom then I became a yoga teacher and I was teaching yoga and um for a couple of years and I towards the end of teaching I just got really bored of like namaste at the end of class and it number can't stay here forever it just felt yeah I was just like oh no another namaste and I was working heaps with women and women were always coming to me asking me about sex and talking about their sex lives and it was I was always that person in my friendship circle who people always came to and disclose stuff and so

I found it really easy to talk about and back to the yoga I just felt like there was something more to my career than just teaching yoga so I mentioned to a friend you know how can I make a living out of sex but not become a sex worker yeah we found out that there was a master's in sexology in australia it's the only degree in the southern hemisphere that does sexology as a degree so i enrolled and within like a month i was studying sexology at uni and as soon as i started i just knew this was for me and now that i look back on it when i used to um with my therapist when i was like early 20s and single and sleeping around and I felt like I was a bit of a sex addict but I wasn't but I went to therapy being like I think maybe I'm addicted and she was like this you're

not addicted it's just one day you're going to make a career out of this somehow because it's really a really big part of you and so I look back and you know I had this therapy session so many years ago and then I finally you know found that career so can I ask a few things a how long is a sexology degree and b how old were you when you started it like when you really were like i'm this is a career change i'm not happy with what i'm doing because i think a lot of women also hit that point where they're like is this me forever am i gonna namaste here forever i'm 38 now so i was about 30 when i decided to do the career change so i've been going for about eight years i love that because because like i just said we get a lot of people right into saying that they're

not happy with their life and how do you change your career in such a drastic direction and I love that you were like as simple as I'm not happy what do I love I love sex how can I do it and then you went and did it I think most women who are like I love sex and aren't like I'm gonna go read about sex I'm gonna go learn about sex they're just more like I'm gonna do the sex it's a very you took a very theoretical application to something that's usually a very practical course well it was very practical for me too I um I had a really good excuse when I was studying to do multiple case studies and I even would joke with friends and be like this is a great case study um this is market research yeah yeah there's a lot of research gone on behind the scenes

did you ever slide into anyone like anyone famous or like just someone that's really really hot and be like look I'm doing an assignment for uni I need to have sex um kind of I guess I kind of took advantage of the fact I was studying sex and you know when when the conversation when people hear that I'm a sexologist or when they heard I was studying it it always opens up really interesting conversations with people so um it was a good doorway into you know lots of case studies like looking back now because you've said you've got a partner now did you find it was more detrimental to you or more of an advantage when you were sort of dating and telling people were there more people that were like oh I can't go there because this is too intimidating or were

there more guys that were like hells yeah I never saw it as a disadvantage um I think it actually just attracted I attracted in men um and women because I was in a relationship with a woman when I started studying sexology and then you know I've just just go back and forward but I'm more into guys but um I think I just attracted in really quality lovers to be honest who like were prepared to step up and be like okay she's a sexologist she's you know this is what she does and um it's like it's the caliber went up because everyone who's too scared or doesn't have the confidence didn't didn't want to approach me we've been so excited to do this episode because we do so every week we have a second episode that we do on Thursdays which is our ask uncut and I guess

there's been like so many times where we've been asked questions around sex or very sexually specific questions where like we don't have the experience to be able to comment on it or we haven't felt comfortable commenting on it for fear of it ending up in the daily mail so we were like so excited to have somebody who has this experience and who also has a better understanding of human connection of how to like approach these conversations with their partner and so we have put together a whole list of questions that have come from the listeners that we want to throw at you and have your experience and your expertise to answer them the absolute number one question that we received and that we continuously receive it revolves around

libido and having mismatched libidos with your partner what is it that you think affects someone's libido? Firstly, low libido is, I feel like an epidemic in the world. So many people are suffering from a low libido. I like that we're suffering from a pandemic and you're like, but the real epidemic here is people aren't having enough sex. Yeah. Yeah. So firstly, for those who asked it, you know, you're not alone. If you're, if you don't have the confidence to talk to friends or family about it, just know if you're listening to this, that you are not the only one who is experiencing low libido or who has a partner who experiences low libido so some of the um the main causes of low libido are really basic things that um we're not taught about we're

not educated about what affects our libido at all so stress is a huge one that that affects us and that could be like work stress so overworking um feeling tired so you know for um new mums that can be really um challenged guilty as charged yeah you know like you probably relate to the feeling tight thing and so do i as a mother and so um when we have lack of sleep both for women and men it can definitely affect our libido if we're eating really bad food you know we're just eating takeaway all the time our body isn't taking in good nutrients that create the hormones that make us want to have sex and this goes for men and women um so what happens when our body's under stress is it naturally decommissions our sex drive so it goes into this mode of like okay

my basic needs aren't being met i'm not sleeping enough i'm not getting the nutrition i need my body's not moving um what else it could come down to like thought patterns that are happening you know negative thoughts and it goes all right i'm shutting down the sex drive in your body so that to preserve energy so that's something that people really need to be aware of and that's one of the biggest causes of low libido and then another one would be in relationships conflict and lack of communication disrespect all sorts of things um cheating you know death in the family like life events, loss of a job. So at the moment with what's going on in the world, there's like so many people who are experiencing really low libido because of the craziness that's unfolding

around the globe. So I've had a lot of people come to me with libido challenges at the moment, more than usual. I love that you said straight away, if you have low libido, you're not alone because I can't tell you for all the listeners it was the number one question we get it all the time and each person that writes in sort of sort of says it like they feel like they're the only one so I loved it we can tell everyone that you are not alone and it's nice to know that you've just said there are so many little things just like looking after your body that you can do to try and get back on track you know we need to accept that throughout our lifetime our libido is going to go up and down so for people who are finding low libido a challenge sometimes the best thing

to do is just to accept right now i don't feel like sex this is this is like i just need to accept this about myself and so for clients of mine when they just accept it it's like they can just relax and take the pressure off so that's and that's what i do because um i think naturally i have a higher libido than most people but i do go through stages where i'm just like i don't really feel like it and instead of putting pressure on like well i should you know i should feel like it um i should feel like having sex i'm just like well obviously right now my body doesn't want it i don't feel like it and that's okay and so acceptance is really key i do have one more thing that i wonder if you can shed some light on i don't know if it's a myth or if it's true

but generally speaking do you think contraception like being on the pill do you think that affects people's libido i think it can definitely have that effect on some women in general everyone's unique so for one woman her libido may drop she may put on weight she may get you know all these different side effects of the pill and then for others their libido can actually increase so it's not something that i can say in general and i haven't seen the latest stats around it as to what women are experiencing but guaranteed you know it's a it's a synthetic product that we're putting in our body to alter the hormones and trick the body and it's going to have effects so for me I was on it when I was about 20 for only a few months that's the only time I've been on it

and I did experience really bad side effects of like really altered moods feeling grumpy all the time which led to me not wanting sex which led to more conflict with my then partner so that's my personal experience of the pill everybody's different but also just like taking back to what you were saying before about like this idea of how stress and how at different points in your life you're going to fluctuate in your libido like I love that you've touched on that and I think that that's so important because like I mean we talk pretty openly on the podcast about the fact that me having a one-year-old kid uh yeah my sex life isn't what it used to be but I think to put it lightly just put it out there and like I don't have any shame in talking about

that because I know that that's not going to be the normal forever I just know that right now in this period of our life it's a really difficult thing to juggle and like I kind of feel like you have a love cup and sometimes when so much of it is taken up by tending to your children or to your baby or to whatever else in your life that takes so much of you there's only so much that you have left to then kind of give to your partner as well and I know that that that's not that that it's not sustainable over the long term because obviously like you need to prioritize your relationship in order for that to to maintain and be healthy but I think there are times in life where you have this fluctuation and that has to be okay I agree definitely there's that that saying

for new mums that you can feel like touched out or because you're always being touched you know you're holding your child breastfeeding if you choose to breastfeed um and you just I know by the end of the day when my um girl was the age of your child I was just like do not touch me like I'm done I have never heard anyone call it touched out before but it's that's exactly what it is like when you have a kid hanging off your boob all day and then your partner comes along and they're like hey let me let me try and hang on your boob this is not a flirtatious asset anymore this is a very different purpose now yes definitely I totally relate and so would so many mums listening so many mums so yeah we can touch on that later if you want like how do how do you navigate that as

a mother all right juliet i'm gonna get into the big one and by the big one now i mean the big oh we had so many questions on all types of like subcategories of the orgasm like um clitoral orgasms vaginal orgasms the different types but also the fact that some people just can't orgasm so we had a lot of people say I've never had an orgasm I don't think I've ever had an orgasm am I doing something wrong what can I do to fix that so yeah can we just like jump on into that one yeah I love this topic definitely uh what do you want to know where where should we start well I think yeah I think like with the questions that came in like there was a lot of guilt attached to it. And I think that there's maybe this misconception, like one of the questions

that I found really interesting is that a lot of listeners were asking, they can't orgasm from like having sex. They can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation or from other ways. And there was almost like this feeling of, is there something wrong with me that I can't orgasm from just having sex? And I think that maybe there's a misconception that we're supposed to orgasm from just having sex yeah i think there's a lot of pressure put on us and there is a misconception that um we should just stick something inside us whether it's a penis or a hand or a dildo or whatever it is and and suddenly be having explosive orgasms and if only just shove it in i know just shove it in and i mean let we have a lot of porn to blame for that because you know women are just going for it

and then suddenly have a fake orgasm in most porn and then we get this idea of like oh you know that's how it is nothing else really happened and suddenly she's having an orgasm so stop putting the pressure on yourself a lot of women don't have orgasms just from internal stimulation from penetrative sex at all and most women do um enjoy having their clit touched and you know there was this big movement a few years ago of like clit shaming. And even I, I even admit that a part of me did clit shame a bit around like, stop touching your clit women. And I do think that if we stop touching our clit, we do have more of just for a bit, we have more of a tendency to experience other orgasms. But I also think let's stop shaming women for the way they're experiencing pleasure

and just acknowledge that we're all unique and that we're all going to experience different things and yes we all can experience orgasm so if you're listening and you have never had an orgasm or what you think is an orgasm there's hope yet like don't lose hope you you know you will experience it is it true that some people i feel like i've read this probably dolly magazine when i was 12 i feel like it's true that um some people some women physically will never be able to have an orgasm like a small percentage of the population is that is that true do you think or do you think there's a way for everyone to get there in the end i think there's a way for everyone i really do i think that what um what can block us from experiencing pleasure in our body is trauma

trauma from childhood trauma from adulthood it doesn't necessarily have to be like sexual trauma it could just be that um i don't know we were shamed by a parent for masturbating at a young age and then from that moment onward we just shut down everything to do with sex and it's carried on into our 20s and 30s so um women who feel like they can't orgasm often come to me as a coach and once we unpack what's happened in their childhood what's happened as an adult what happened with their first boyfriend or girlfriend whatever suddenly all this pleasure begins to like an orgasmic energy begins to move in their body because they've unblocked all the emotions that were blocking the energy from being able to move because orgasm is energy moving through our

body that's what it is I think back to when I was in my early 20s and like you know when I had my first sexual experience and then like what sex was like for me in my 20s versus what it's like for me now and now that I know what I like and now that I know my body I used to think sex was all about the end goal for him like so long as he had come then I had done a good job at having sex and I guess you know if you're if you're new to it or you're not as experienced or you know you haven't experienced an orgasm or you haven't been with someone who's about pleasuring you then you may still have this perception that sex is really about the guy and you you know it comes it comes down to actually realizing oh I I enjoyed this experience I know what I like and I know what

to ask for yeah and that comes down to being able to have that knowledge and um about yourself as a woman comes down to being able to self-pleasure or masturbate whatever you want to call it but um normalizing masturbation is really important because when we self-pleasure we get to know our own body and then we can take that into relationship or you know with a one-night stand whoever it is and tell that person like this is how if you touch me this way this is what's gonna I'll be able to come or touching yourself while you're being stimulated and having the confidence to do that because you understand your body so well I think it also comes down to when you just feel so comfortable with a partner so when you finally get to someone that you trust

and and you're comfortable in your own skin and you're so open and comfortable with them I think i think that makes a huge difference in the bedroom if you're self-conscious or you think your partner's judging you maybe you're only new in the relationship i think that can really really affect what happens in a bedroom i agree and that's why it's so important that we choose to be with lovers whether it's a one-night stand or something that turns into a long-term relationship lovers that we feel really comfortable with and who respect us and who we we also respect them And my rule has been from a young age that I'll only sleep with people who I actually want to be. So like I put myself in the shoes of a potential lover and I'm like, would I want to walk in their shoes?

And like, do they inspire me? Like, do they inspire me with what they're doing in the world, with how they listen to me, with eye contact? You know, are they on purpose or are they just floating? There's nothing wrong with just floating through life. But like, do they inspire me in more than just are they hot? I mean, when I was early 20s, I was definitely going for the like, he's hot. I want to F him. But, you know, I soon realized that that was short lived and not that satisfying.

I actually love that explanation. I've never heard anyone say that. Like look at a partner and say, would I want to be the person you are? Would I want to live your life? I think that's really nice because I'm thinking about some people I've dated. I've definitely not ever wanted to walk in their shoes. But also I think about that as well. and I'm like it's just so obvious like how different it is for a man and for a woman like

I think like we are as women we are stimulated by so much more than just like what is visual like I think a guy can be like come home you look hot take your clothes off like let's get straight down to sex and then they're straight in there and that's great for them but like obviously there's so much more that a woman needs in order to get themselves to a place where they're able to orgasm and part of that is like maybe some conversation through the day that kind of leads into the foreplay that leads into a bit of dirty talk like there's just more steps and more layers to actually get to a point when you're having sex or when you're you know feeling comfortable that leads into that big oh moment definitely are we very different men and women are very different and

i'm glad you brought that up women need more so need their heart opened before they can open their legs you come out with these brilliant one-liners and then open your legs ladies so if it's the one-liners that you say so seriously then i'm trying not to giggle because i'm like that was brilliant i i heard one before and it was conversation is a lubrication and i was like i love this that's actually great because it really is it really it's like a form of foreplay for women like send us a few texts you know like tell us how amazing we are how beautiful we are how much, you know, you think we're amazing and that's, you're halfway there, but don't just expect to just come, you know, walk in and take your work clothes off and just bend us over

because, you know, I mean, occasionally that's, that's fine, but yeah, let's be honest. Let's be honest. Um, but you know, I'd say 70% of the time we, we want to, and especially in long-term relationship because once that initial spark the honeymoon period subsides we definitely can start to we need more to to inspire us i think and so for a woman it's opening her heart i mean i know they say well i think they say it i say it that your brain is your biggest sexual organ in your body um and i know for me it may sound silly like yes i want to penetrate my mind no but i want you to be sexy and ripped and tanned and beautiful and everything but there's nothing sexier to me than intelligence and having a really good conversation with somebody if a man can carry

a conversation if he can teach me something if he can inspire me something for me you're halfway there make me laugh you're 90 there and make sure you have a good dick and then you're 100 and then the other 10 is just like tell me just tell me i'm pretty yeah but no i think people underestimate the power of just like a really really good conversation I agree intelligence is a big one for me that's what initially attracted me to my partner is his intelligence and the his ability to like oh I guess our ability to have really great conversations and and alternative ways of thinking too about life like that's really attractive to me I was with the hottest guy right years ago I'll tell you who after okay great he was quite like a

famous model and he was beautiful yeah oh my god I actually couldn't see him anymore because he couldn't string a sentence together and I was like you I can't believe I'm gonna say this because you're so good looking but I'm like I can't I can't do it because I got zero from it but also I mean there's only so long that you can do that for like I mean I'm just gonna sit on your face so you'll stop talking now. Laura. I have said that so many times. Yeah, I just say, you know, like I've definitely had that

and thought, you know, he's so hot, like he's amazing and he's, you know, a pro surfer or whoever he is and I just want to basically just sit on his face. But then they open them, when they open their mouth, I'm just like I need a paper bag and some gaffer tape. the amount of times i've said if only i had a roll of gaffer tape and he shut up then you know then i'd sleep with him like this juliet what is your what is your opinion on faking an orgasm i mean we've all done it brit have you done it have we have we all done it mate no we've all

done it we've all done it come on let's be honest at one point or another i can't all faked an orgasm i can't imagine there is a woman out there anywhere that hasn't done it at least once okay Britt why have you faked an orgasm I'm pretty proud to say that I don't do it often I haven't done often but there have been times where for whatever reason like I might have just been exhausted you just know it's not going to happen and you just want it to end because you just want to sleep so you like I you just know physically in yourself that you're exhausted you're stressed whatever reason you just know your body so I'm like let's just wrap this up but then like it kind of feeds into this whole original thing where I was saying that like the end goal is about

getting him to come like you could always just say I'm not going to get there let's just call it a night but by faking an orgasm you're almost like telling them that they're doing a good job you're like reinforcing really bad behavior like I remember when I was in my 20s and I was dating this guy and he was like a jackhammer and it was the worst sex I've ever had in my entire life he was just I tell you it was horrible and I was like well the only way to make this finish faster is to fake an orgasm. And now obviously in my thirties, I would never do that because I would just tell them it's not good. Well, he would think that that is then what you like. Yeah. And I'm sure he went on and I'm sure I did a disservice to the next woman and he probably went on and

jackhammered away. But Julia, what's your opinion on faking an orgasm? Well, I, yeah, I agree that most women would have done it. I've only done it maybe one or two times in my life. So I must be a very small percentage of women because I haven't done it often lucky woman yeah but the thing is you're leaving the men better than when you find them that's for sure no but the thing is that yeah I agree with you I am um is that um I don't necessarily always need to have a really big explosive orgasm to really enjoy sex in fact sometimes I don't want to have let's go for the clitoral because clitoral orgasms are one of the most common ones that women are having they're the most accessible in a way like that it's it's probably the easiest way for a lot of women

i sometimes choose not to experience that type of orgasm because i want to feel i don't want to just be focusing on the end goal and that's what i teach is like if we can take out that end goal of orgasm and not have it be about the orgasm then that's when we connect deeper which is ultimately what we want to be doing when we're having sex is like connecting as humans in a really beautiful way and so my opinion on faking orgasms is if you're listening and you're doing it heaps try to back off faking because you're just ripping yourself off basically yeah be more honest and then you can work on um experiencing a really authentic orgasm um yeah i actually find it so interesting that you talk about how having clitoral orgasm is the easiest and most accessible

because i think that there would be a lot of girls out there who only have that i mean like i'm pretty sure i only have that um because like you said it's like i know exactly what to do to make that happen that one way that one road it's it's tried it's tested there's like a one spot one spot one millimeter spot and one way to rub and that's it and you just know that that's guaranteed I'm like I know it'll take me two minutes and 35 seconds that's all I need and I'm gonna get there but I think it's so interesting because when you said that there was like a movement a few years back about clit shaming I mean obviously we're not in your industry this is not something that I would have ever heard of or even known that that was a thing that that there was like a movement to try

and encourage people to have orgasms in a different way so I think that there would be so many women out there who were like oh well I thought that this was the normal way of doing it as well it just surprises me that there's so many different ways to feel pleasure or to get to that end goal if that's obviously what you want yeah definitely and you know for people who want to explore more there's tantra is another field that i'm um extensively trained in i've actually weaved the teachings of tantra into my study of sexology so i'm way more holistic than say a traditional sexologist but in i guess when i was talking about clit shaming i was actually referring more to the world of like sacred sexuality and tantra because in those worlds um and communities there is a lot

of like don't touch your clit just you know you can have more expansive orgasms and you can and I've experienced them like three hour orgasms no clit just rolling just just like epic experiences so it's really possible it's I mean that's a rarity but it's really possible but um yeah so maybe I was referring more to that community I mean 50% of me is amazed by that and 50% of me feels so tired that I want to go have a nap honestly I was so tired yes it's like running a marathon give me 10 minutes and I'm done and I'm ready to go to bed I time is money when you got a one-year-old I didn't even know a three-hour orgasm was a thing neither did I it's it's more like an energetic thing um Juliette this is a bit of a rogue question but it did come in quite a bit

and it's actually something that I genuinely don't know the answer to so I was like I'm gonna ask this what is female ejaculation or squirting like what is that all right it basically what it is and I'm not, I'm not actually an expert in this area, but I'm going to tell you what I know and what I've observed. It's a big mystery. So there, we don't know exactly what the fluid is, but a lot of women do squirt. A lot of women don't, I would say the high percentage would be not, but it is really normal and natural. So if women are listening and they're like, Oh my gosh, that's what it is. It's I haven't squirted. So I don't know the feeling, but apparently it feels like you're weeing yourself or it's just like for some women it's like actually squirting out and it's

like a warm liquid scientists have done the studies they don't know what it is they don't know what the liquid is or where it comes from so in the tantra world it's like called like the sacred waters or and it's very mysterious and sacred and in tantra in the communities it's thought to be like um a sacred um elixir you know that and it's a blessing it's thought to be a blessing if a woman squirts on you. So. That is so wild. That is like so wild and not what I was expecting. It's like, you're welcome. You should be grateful that I squirted on you. That's an indication you're doing a good job, pal. I've seen men line up to be squirted on. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Your life is so wild and I am so here for it.

Where do you see that? Not anymore. This is like single life. Now I'm just like nestled into relationship which i actually love it's you know probably a lot more rewarding these days where does one see a square where do you wonder where does one line up to be squirted on like where would you even go for that in a while when one um that was in like a temple uh temple evening which is uh converts to a like kind of like an orgy um yeah where right so there are nights for this and there are workshops and things like that yeah there's there as there's actually beautiful communities all around the world who run workshops in this more the more alternative area of sex i've been in a squirting workshop where it was called the sacred squirting workshop

i was a participant and there was a lady from europe somewhere and that was her jam just teaching women to squirt and it was all it was just for women and i was about 30 women in this tiny little room a bit too tiny we're all clammed in all get squirted on and she did a demo and she actually squirted on the girl in the front row glad it wasn't me oh my gosh yeah i just like blowing my mind today this is amazing yeah and then we all just got to it um and like indeed what she said yeah we had gloves so like it was like no it was gloves if you were doing it to another woman in a non-sexual way so we first did it to ourselves to see if we could lots of women squirted for the first time i couldn't get it so i got one of my best friends who was with me and i

was like hey can you try like we're very close and she was like sure so she's just like we the protocol was you had to wear a glove just for you know hygiene like and all that and she just had to go um but yeah if you for women who do want to you know try and see basically if you enter your fingers into your vagina um say you're lying down so you're entering them in and up towards your g-spot there's a spongy area um towards so up towards your tummy not down towards your anus if you feel in it's a it's approximately about everyone will say different but three centimeters and it's like a spongy area you'll feel and if you push on there that's how i was taught if you um you know you're going to touch in all different ways because everyone's vagina

is different but you can explore by pushing on there you don't necessarily have to have an orgasm when you squirt so you can actually squirt without the orgasm to accompany it or it could come with an orgasm that's amazing and i think one of the things like that i kind of take from that is literally sex is a learned thing like you get better at it the more you learn the more that you expose yourself, the more that you kind of like, as you've done research and learn about what your body can do and what you like. And if you're having bad sex or if you're having sex, that's not what you want. Like you can learn otherwise. Definitely. There's so many ways to have sex and experience it. And, um, it's just never ending. Like I know for me, I'll be exploring

this tool, you know, until I'm really old, like it's, I'm never going to stop learning in this area of my life, just like any other area. So I'll tell you what, you are a surprise little package, Juliet. You are just like every single thing that's come out of your mouth. I'm like, say what? I forget about all these stories and experiences until I talk to, you know, people like you. And then I'm like, oh yeah, that happened. This is a question that I think is really interesting. And I think it really applies to probably younger listeners and people who don't have as much experience with sex or also maybe they're new with their partner but how do you explain to a partner just say like you're not

necessarily enjoying the sex maybe the sex is a bit vanilla maybe you want to try something new say whether it's dirty talk that gets you off or you want your guy or girl to spank you whatever it is how do you approach those conversations because I think that there is a lot of people out there who feel a bit embarrassed to bring up the topic of trying new things or they think that they're going to get shamed a little bit or feel guilty about maybe their partner's going to think that they're not doing a good job who knows but I do think that some people are very fearful about having conversations around sex so what are your opinions on how to to approach these conversations lots of people will be their ears will prick up on this one I think because we've all been in that

situation we're like I wouldn't mind him like ramping things up a bit but he's being way too nice to me so women fear that if they ask and they're going to be perceived as like a quote unquote slut or you know like that the man's going to be like scared off so how do you approach it what I would do would be say I really want to chat to you I'd be really informal but I'd be like I really want to chat to you about something that's really like important to me and something I've been wanting to talk to you about for a while now when's a good time to chat to you so I wouldn't just spring it on my partner or on a new lover I would I'd more like wait for the right moment and don't wait for months because you know in those months you could be getting choked every

day if you you know play your cards right but um I would say you know I want to chat to you about something and then if he's like yeah you know what is it I'd say um first what I'd do is the sandwich rule which is like you give a shit sandwich compliment shit and then follow it up with a compliment, serve it on a piece of dry white bread. Yeah. Or like organic rye, that would be more delicious. Gluten free, better for tantric sex. Yeah. Um, I would say, you know, I really am enjoying our sex life. Like I love, um, love the connection that we have and I love that we're having sex all the time. And, you know, I feel like there's so much more to explore. I was, um, there's one thing I'd love to explore with you. I'm not sure whether you're open to it,

But I just want to be really open and honest with you about what I'm desiring because I, you know, I want to be transparent with you about like my desires and, you know, hopefully you get a good reception from your partner. And if you have a great partner, I feel like most, most guys would be really open to this or women, if you're a woman in relationship with a woman listening. but um and then just say like i actually as much as i love making love and i love like feeling really soft and open and receptive i also love a bit of rough sex so is that something you're open to exploring so then just ask the question and wait and listen and see what happens and let your partner talk so don't keep interrupting because you're nervous just see what they say and they might be instantly turned on and be like oh my god i was thinking the same thing but i didn't know you think I was weird or you know or they might be like I don't know that sounds a bit strange

and that's when you can be like okay what's strange about it so just keep asking questions but we always say every episode that the number one thing in a relationship is communication just to be open but for this specific question would you not recommend so for example Laura said Laura broke brought up choking would you not recommend um like maybe next time you're having sex to sort of just like try and improv and like maybe grab their hand and put on your throat and show them like would you not recommend that would you ever just try and do that or would you just go straight to the combo it depends on what type of person you're with or what type of person you are because if there's really great sexual energy there I've personally found that these conversations don't

even need to be had it's like you meet and somehow your energies just collide and you you're you're meant to be in this relationship somehow and it all just unfolds in the bedroom without words it's like you know it's i think lots of people test the waters in a way like he may just put his hand you know near your throat like just to see how you react and someone would you know will coil in so if the guy's really tuned in he'll be like oh she's not into that other women will get the hand like i would get the hand and just really like shove it there and be like go let's do this come on come at me but it's also dependent on whether you feel safe and comfortable with that person as well like you know obviously there'll probably be a few people who listen to this who

are like no I really don't like that it doesn't make me feel comfortable at all and that's a totally a personal preference but I guess like the one thing that you maybe run the risk of if you have these conversations in the heat of the moment depending on how complex the conversation is like if you want a bit of dirty talk you could start off by you know asking a question or leading into a bit of dirty talk but if you really want to bring something in that's completely foreign like I don't know role play or something I do think that that conversation probably should happen outside of the bedroom not just springing it on them necessarily communication is key you know it's key to anything and it's really key to great sex so yeah have the conversations but also

sometimes things just reveal themselves in the bedroom and it all happens organically and that's ultimately the way you want it to be because you're if you're choosing to be with someone who you really trust and you feel super comfortable with then then I think it happens more organically I just got this I'm trying not to burst out to laughter because when when you just said Laura I just tried to hold that in that whole time when you said you're having a having a time to yourself over there when Laura was like you know you can't just spring role play on them I just had this image of like the guy coming home and you're dressed up something and he's like what the fuck what are you doing and you're like just trying to improv role play and he just doesn't

get it there's me just dressed as a potato and he's like I'm not turned on right now and I'm like I've forgotten how to have sex I don't fucking know I don't think you can improv role play unless your partner is super super super in tune with what's going on yeah that's what I mean I think that that sometimes like you know we want to try different things especially this isn't just for new relationships this can be for long-term and like you know existing relationships where things have gotten a little bit monotonous and you're just having missionary sex everything's very vanilla and and one of you isn't feeling like they're satisfied anymore or does want to actually try something a bit different in the bedroom um but I also think it comes down a little

bit to confidence and being confident in yourself and having a bit of body confidence as well I think there's a lot of women and men out there who aren't having the type of sex that they want because they're insecure about either how they look or their performance or whether they're doing the right thing and their partner's enjoying it and vice versa. So what would be your advice that you would give to someone who's really lacking in sexual confidence? I would recommend that you begin by perhaps doing some research, like by buying books that inspire you about sex or finding like an online course or something, a podcast, something that you can do for yourself, not for your partner just for yourself to increase your sexual confidence so begin learning about it

more begin um doing some you know personal like self-inquiry into why you're not feeling confident and then um taking it to the next level i'd recommend finding someone who you can work with so whether it's like a sex therapist or just a regular therapist or a coach whatever someone who you resonate with who you could do some one-on-one sessions with and just chat to about how you're feeling and you know where does that that lack of confidence stem from what role models did you have in your life as a child who were role modeling intimacy and we've all had role models that role modeling intimacy whether we like it or not it could be in a negative or positive way but once we begin to understand understand ourselves more deeply as an individual then we can kind of unpack

why we're feeling the way we are you know lots of us have been brought up in religious households that completely shame us and we feel a lot of guilt or I luckily wasn't brought up in a religious household but I know a lot of people have been and there's just so much guilt and shame surrounding sex so once we're able to talk about it and get support and professional support or just listen to like sometimes just one podcast episode um some people will inbox me and be like I listened to one episode about blah blah and you know all the pieces of the puzzle fell in together and I realize I've been harboring all this shame and I've now let it go and suddenly you know my sex life is great you're if you're perpetually having like with your partner if you're not happy with

the sex that you're having that there is a personal responsibility there to change that like as in it doesn't just fall on the partner who's not necessarily doing the right thing the responsibility falls on you to be able to better communicate to your partner like what you like how to do things differently because maybe they had an ex-girlfriend who liked what they're doing and they think they're doing the right job like they you know in the past it's worked or maybe in the past she faked an orgasm who knows but do you think that that responsibility kind of falls on us to be able to have the type of sex that we want to be having definitely I think you've hit the nail on the head I think it does fall on us and you know if we can firstly pleasure ourselves

and really like prioritize pleasure in our lives and that doesn't mean we're masturbating all day it may be just that we're enjoying a really nice bar I mean we are we are kind of in lockdown and isolation what else is there to do guys i mean i still work just masturbating work here it's been a busy day i genuinely think there's been a masturbation frenzy going on in lockdown because sales of the pleasure wands that i sell i sell like these crystal pleasure wands have literally quadrupled since covid hit and i reckon it's because so many women are in isolation and they're either separated from their partner or they're just like i can't even get on tinder anymore I may as well just you know satisfy myself and I think this is amazing as well because I do

honestly think that like the perception around masturbation for women has changed because I know like growing up and like when I was in my 20s and you knew that guys masturbated it was something that you talked about like oh that was you know mentioned in school like that was just seemed to be like a very normal thing and it was okay that men did it but there was never a conversation around the fact that women did it and that kind of leads me into a question that I find really interesting and it's in regards to like sex education and like what we're exposed to in schools and how there seems to be this mismatch in that when we get given an education especially as women it's all around the function of sex like physically how it works penis goes in vagina this

is how you get fertilized this is how not to have babies it's very mechanical but there's no conversation ever that happens around pleasure like I don't even think some guys come out of their first or second or god maybe even they're in their 40s and they don't know like where the clit is there's people who don't know i mean we did this thing on the podcast a few weeks back where we asked matt my partner but we also put it out there for all of our listeners to ask their boyfriends and their husbands and the men in their life how many holes does a woman have and the answers that we got were out of fucking control no one knew no one knew men had no idea some guys were like oh you've got two holes you've got a hole for your period a hole for the babies

a hole to poo out of and a hole to wee out of like it was insane and I think yeah there's just a lack of education it's not even the guy's fault it's because we like you said there's a really like there's a lack of holistic sex education in schools in Australia and and globally I could say mostly um and it's just not being prioritized at all except for some lucky kids who have a really great principal who were like okay this is really important but most schools are just teaching kids here's how to put a condom on a banana don't get pregnant don't um get stis here's some horror pictures and of like you know herpes don't get this and so there's a there's then there's like stigma around any of that one in three people have herpes it's actually really high like it's a

it's a normal pretty normal now to have but we're we're stigmatizing it we're shaming them we're scaring them and like you said we're not talking to children about you know the sex feels good it's it's supposed to feel good and we're not talking to them about consent you know like you don't have to have sex if you don't want to it's okay to say no or um you know before you do have sex with somebody you need to ask them or before you touch their breasts it's important that you ask before you kiss someone ask them can I kiss you you know all these things kids aren't being taught and um yeah I'm you can tell I'm super passionate about this because it's actually my background is in youth work I was working with young at-risk mums who were like 13 and pregnant and I was

educating them around this too late because at a young age they were they were um going through all sorts of stuff but and I also have a 14 year old daughter so um this is something I've always felt passionate about because I want her to receive really great sex ed so that she's not you know doesn't get to the age I did where I was just having sex because I thought that's what you do I think you completely hit the nail on the head with her I still like I still think about like my own experiences and the fact that like I don't actually think I really got to a point where I was enjoying having sex and actually having sex that I wanted to have sex until I was in my late 20s when I better understood oh this is what it's meant to be like like it doesn't have to be like

that and I guess as well like if you're if your libido is low and maybe you're not having like not wanting to have sex I guess there's also the question of like have you ever had sex in a way that is actually genuinely pleasurable to you because there would still be people out there who maybe haven't had a great sexual partner or had a great sexual experience and they're like well i can take it or leave it because it's actually not all it's chopped up to be that's really that's a really good point it's lots of women i mean and men aren't experiencing really great sex and and you know their full potential in the bedroom basically and so yeah they they don't really want to have it because they're just like it's not even that fun so that's where

education comes into it that's where reading books and doing courses and learning about sex can help because then it opens our eyes to what we're missing out on or what's possible and um and then even just planting the seed in our consciousness is there's sometimes all we need for it to begin happening in our life the actually other thing i just wanted to mention really briefly with sex ed in schools is the other big thing that's not happening is inclusivity of young children who are questioning their gender or their sexual identity so you know there's so many young young people who um have more of an attraction to the same sex you know the same gender as them and um we're assuming as teachers or educators or parents that our kid is going to be with the

opposite gender but a lot of the time it's not the case and so i really think there's a need for us to be way more inclusive with our language and not just assume that boys and girls should be together but but be inclusive of the kids who are feeling confused perhaps about their sexuality or you know their attraction to the same gender as them absolutely so much room for revision exactly what you said I feel pretty passionate about that too because I know I have a lot of friends that are gay I have a lot of homosexual friends and they've all said the same thing that they really felt like they were drowning at school because they knew who they were but it wasn't spoken about and and it was almost like you were doing the wrong thing for having those feelings

it's hard because like the and I guess like you know we don't have to go too far into like the schooling system or anything but like the buck shouldn't end there like it shouldn't be fully the school's responsibility to teach students or to teach anyone about sex and pleasure like that really should fall into a parental role but unfortunately a lot of people grow up in families with parents who are very traditional and don't feel comfortable talking about sex and so there is this massive gap where you become an adult and you've never had somebody else who's had that experience to be able to impart it or to explain to you in more than just a very functional way or almost as like a scare tactic way what sex is and what it can do something else that you touched

on which I kind of would love for you to elaborate is the conversation around STIs and how they are very stigmatized still but how they are very common and with management it's something that you can be in a relationship with somebody who has herpes or you know if you get chlamydia it's not as big a deal as what it may feel like because that's what you've been told from such a young age there's ways to manage this stuff there's a lot of stigma around stis like you say reality is stis are um it's a a lot of them are a virus that just like we catch a virus at the supermarket from the person who coughs on us and suddenly we have the flu or like i had a head cold recently you know i'm sure i called it off someone it's like it's just a head cold it's the same with a lot

of stis you know this i'm not saying go out and don't protect yourself but if you do um end up contracting an sti it's not the end of the world you're not weird you're not strange you're not a sicko whatever you're just a human being who's having a human experience who's caught a virus and like you say with chlamydia it's like you take the medication it goes away and with herpes it is something that you can live with and you don't have to have outbreaks all the time there's so many different ways of managing STIs that you know you just you can be a normal human being and not be have all this stigma. I want people to know that if that does happen to you there's okay it's manageable and you can deal with it we still are very big on putting the message out that

prevention is is still key we still highly encourage using protection yeah absolutely but I think like it's really important to realize that there are people who use protection who still end up getting STIs and then there is a lot of shame and a lot of guilt loaded into it because they feel like they're dirty or they feel like they've done something wrong and it's it's unfortunately sometimes it's just luck of the draw and it's what happens maybe you've been with someone who didn't realize that they were asymptomatic and they had something and they passed it on to you and I mean I remember growing up this is going back many years ago and a friend of mine um she had had her first sexual experience and she'd ended up with herpes and she felt so

awful afterwards because she was like well how is anyone going to love me how am I going to end up in a relationship do I have to explain this to every partner that I have now and there was just so much stigma loaded into it and because we didn't know anything about it we also couldn't give advice or couldn't really explain to her or tell her that it was going to be okay and her life is incredibly normal she has an amazing husband she's never had an outbreak she's got three kids now like I just think like as much as you can protect yourself if something does happen it's not the end of your life and that's important for the young listeners to know definitely like I get so many people you know inboxing me saying like what do I do I've got herpes and I feel so

much shame and I feel like I'm never going to be able to have sex again and no one's going to want me and and the advice i give like i give a lot of advice on it but is like the first step is just accepting this about yourself and loving loving like yourself with herpes or with whatever you've got um and doing that self-work so that you can come into this deep self-acceptance and then when you have that you're naturally going to attract in people who are also going to accept you and as you said you can yeah your friend lived with it and hasn't had outbreaks and you know has a normal life and it's yeah it's not a big deal and i i agree with you brit what you said you know i do want to advocate for using condoms and protecting yourself but also you can still get herpes while

using condoms so it's it's just not a hundred percent bulletproof and and it's just part of life i'm glad we covered that because i think that was an important topic i'm going to quickly change the direction 180 girlfriend where are we going we're gonna go yeah i know get excited we're gonna go into the world of threesomes i guess i want to know because we get a lot of these questions too i guess i want to know do you think that a couple are in a solid relationship you know i think things can get a bit stale and then one of the couple say let's try something new maybe we can introduce someone to the bedroom do you think you can successfully in a couple have threesomes bring someone else into your life and into that relationship and it not

can you do it successfully so that it doesn't cause problems in your relationship i think some couples can definitely do it successfully and others it it isn't a success and really it's like the luck of the draw it's a bit of it's the risk you're taking because it's the unknown so if you are a couple who are thinking or maybe we could open it or maybe we could just invite someone in just for one night. There's no guarantees what's going to happen when you do invite that person in. But what you can do to like create a safe container,

that's a bit of a tantric word, but you know, create like a space where everyone feels understood and safe is to talk about what the expectations are, like what the boundaries are. So say a couple, a married couple want to invite another woman in that's a really common one so I would say that it's like sitting down before you have sex and say okay like what are the expectations well if that's what I were

to do personally I'd want to invite someone into my relationship who has deep respect for my partner and I and who like is just a really amazing person number one and who yeah respects us and respects the love that we share and know that that's the number one priority really for us um and then say i'd i'd have a conversation with them with everyone present just saying like what the boundaries are so you know whether that's like the boundary is that no anal or no penetrative sex but he can go down on you or whatever so that you create like a space where everyone knows what they're allowed to touch what they're not you know because then everyone can relax more and when there's communication and you're having it with someone amazing um then they know what the

third party also knows what they're in for they're not just like suddenly they fall in love with your husband and you're like they're like but i didn't know and you're like fuck like it's this wasn't the plan back off bitch so you think that it's really important to just not have the conversation in your relationship but have it with everyone present so with the third party definitely yes definitely because they need to know too like if you have respect for that third person you want them to understand hey like this is not about now us all having a relationship well for me it wouldn't be it'd be like this is just about we'd love to connect with you in this way but we don't wish to suddenly have a polyamorous open relationship that's not our intention so it's

like setting the intentions for the connection and i think for some couples it can work really great and for others it's a disaster and um you know i've experienced both and it you know you live you live and learn i guess you don't know how you're gonna feel do you until you do it you might say i'm gonna be so fine with this i love my partner i trust them but then you get in there and all of a sudden you're jealous you can't get the image out of your head i guess you're not actually gonna know those feelings until you're in there so it's definitely a risk so because we get it a lot we get the question a lot and i think it's really important people know that ultimately you could be as prepared as you want but you just don't know what you're going to feel

until you're there until you see that penis going into another woman's vagina and you're just like all right that was my penis yeah you're like i want it back yeah and and that's why i reckon you've just got to choose really cool people because what you can do in the moment is be like actually guys i'm feeling really sick right now like i feel uncomfortable can we stop and just cuddle for a bit because I I don't like I feel really upset like you want to be with someone you know who can hold space for that and understand that I love that you're the one asking the threesome questions Brett yeah I don't even have a one-some to bring a threesome in one step at a time yeah I said this I said this to Laura before I was like you know I'm gonna ask

about the threesome because we get that a lot she's like you want to know for yourself I was like we don't even get questions about threesomes this is for you Brett she was like I'm fucking asking it anyway I was like babe the question is highly for me I can't even get one boyfriend but no I think I think that's a really and it's an interesting chat because a lot of people explore in their relationship yeah and I think a lot of people have tried or at least thought of or fantasized about threesomes but I do think that there is a difference between having a fantasy and then actually putting something into real life application with a partner who you love I think that you know maybe different if it's just like friends and you're all figuring stuff out and you

have a threesome on a wild one night stand but like it is different to bring somebody into your solid relationship it changes the dynamic completely so Juliette could I ask you you just said that um you had one like successful threesome one not so successful what do you think can you put your finger on why the unsuccessful one was unsuccessful or do you think it was just just the wrong people because boundaries weren't set so there was nothing said about what you can and can't do and so all of a sudden things were happening and i was like whoa i did not give permission for that to happen and i just stopped it this was a this was a long time ago now i'm not interested in having threesomes with my partner like we are in a monogamous relationship we have

a great sex life and i'm just so happy just with him and i actually to be honest don't think i could cope seeing him be with someone else what's your thought on porn and like do you think porn can be detrimental to someone's sex life i'm not pro or against porn i'm quite neutral with porn um so i think it can be detrimental if it's an addiction so there's like a porn addiction happening or if people are watching porn either by themselves or together and they're left feeling really guilty they're left feeling like gross they feel they're hiding it from their partner I think that's when things can go a little skew-whiff, as my mum would say. I think, you know, there's actually some great porn being produced now by female producers.

Erika Lust is one of them. She's from Spain and she's producing really realistic, ethical porn. She's someone who I send people to if they're interested in watching porn. But then, you know, it can be really detrimental. and I think for our young people often now it's the first exposure that they have to sex. So that's really sad and it's a conversation we need to have with our kids is like porn is not real.

Often it's just actors with makeup even on their vagina and their penis and they're having sex and it's not real and it's like out of the movies and, you know, like we need to have these conversations with our kids too. Yeah, don't have those expectations because you will fail dramatically. well also I asked this as well because like my I had a long-term partner um of six years and we went through a period where he was watching so much porn and like very um like very male orientated porn like like not stuff like just just you know you know I'm talking about like the porny porn like

you know coming on people's faces very graphic not really stuff yeah and not stuff that like I would want to do in a bedroom and that was then his benchmark for what got him off and he had stopped wanting to have sex because he was not working at the time and he was just at home masturbating watching porn basically and we got to a point in our relationship where I was like this is a problem and I guess I ask it because from my own experience like I've had a bad experience with somebody who watched too much porn and it really changed the way and set the precedent for how he wanted to have sex and that wasn't inclusive of how I wanted to have sex at all that's really common and it can be really detrimental to relationships so it just all comes

back down to communication and talking about like you know the fact that you are watching it or you'd like to watch it together and negotiating what you both feel comfortable with and and or having the boundary that it's like no I don't want this to be part of our lives and if they continue to do it then it's it's as an individual you have to ask yourself like is this the right person for me when you're young you and if you don't have a lot of experience then you put up with stuff that you wouldn't put up with otherwise because you don't know any better. I agree. Yep, definitely. We kind of live and learn, don't we? Absolutely. Well, Juliette, you have a school and it's called the Pleasure School.

Can you tell us about it? Because it sounds like a pretty damn good school. I know, it sounds like the best school ever. Like better than Harry Potter. Yeah, I think I'd rather go to Pleasure School than Harry Potter School, but Harry Potter would be fun too. I mean, he's got a wand as well. yeah he's got his own one that wizard that wizard's got some type of magic wand that he could do things anyway so pleasure school i launched it last year and it's an online school and what

i wanted to do was i've spent years and years traveling teaching um workshops in person in person workshops and i wanted to bring all my lessons and workshops that i run online because I um you know I have my audiences from all over the world and everyone was asking me like come to the states come here and I just actually at this time of my life I'm really enjoying feeling grounded at home and you know close to my daughter and so my intention with it was to create um a school a 12-month experience so it's like a whole 12 months every two weeks you get a new lesson that drops into school and you get guided home study that accompanies the lessons and you get guided meditations and it's very holistic and it's for um men and women um it's for couples

singles so i wanted to include everybody and it's also lgbtqi inclusive because um i'm always very you know very aware of that community and wanting to include them who could come and and do your school i'd say anybody who's interested in learning more about sex and having an even better sex life So if you're a beginner and you're just like, oh my gosh, I've never even had sex, it would be perfect for you. But also if you're in a relationship and you're having quite a good sex life, but as a couple or by yourself, you want to learn more and grow and expand in that area of your life, then it's for you. And so in the school, there's different parts of the school. There's like all lessons just for men and then there's lessons just for women and then there's lessons for couples, lessons for singles. so it's really it includes everybody at all different stages and it also weaves in a lot

of the teachings of tantra which bring in like more of a um sacred sexuality aspect to sex not just like here's a position do it here's the g-spot this is how to hit it it's way more holistic than that you know it's like how can what i want people to experience from it is feeling turned on in everyday life and not just sexually turned on but really enjoying your job and feeling like you know that you come home feeling turned on for life not just feeling turned on to have sex and then go back to your shitty job so it's like very holistic it's looking at life as you know feeling turned on in life yeah I love that um that you've created a space a safe space for people because I feel like there is still it shouldn't be but there's still some sort of this shame

attached to a woman wanting to go out and and seek lessons on things like this but I love that you've created a space where anyone at all can sit at home and actually get really really good education in in a place they feel comfortable it's a good point you know lots of people want to learn more but they're really scared to go to a workshop and and like buy a ticket and travel there and come and have to meet me or meet another teacher whoever so this gives people access to something that you can just sit in your lounge room no one knows you're doing it and it's it's not just me teaching there's other amazing like teachers from around the globe who are on there teaching it's like when i read when i read 50 shades of gray i'd only read it on a kindle so

no one could see what the title of the book was as well no but you know when it came out years ago there was this stigma that like no you don't want anyone to know on the train that you're reading a sex book so you'd like i'd put on the kindle so no one would know it's the same thing people some people just want to have that in private they don't want to show the world just live your truth bread it's so fine I've read that book twice okay I have I have one more question before I'm going to let you go how the fuck did you have a three-hour orgasm I mean it's what everyone wants to ask look I've been waiting on that the whole time haven't you you're just like no I can't let this one go ladies if you're listening take notes without going into too much detail actually out

of respect for my current partner because I don't really talk heaps about publicly about like past you know experiences because I want to respect him but it was in a training that I was running like a tantra training and it was actually a this is gonna you're gonna love this it was a demo my god stop look it got a bit out of control hang on what do you mean by demo it was an in-person workshop um in byron and so one of the facilitators was um demonstrating we were going to do a practice so that it there was a lot of like really physical practices where you partner up and do stuff and so he was demonstrating how to have more of an energetic orgasm so how to activate a woman's body um and activate the sexual energy which resides at the base of our body so you may have

heard it like it's called kundalini energy activate that and move it up and instead of touching your clit actually just feel the energy moving up through your body up up up out of your crown so if you know if you're familiar with the chakra system it like moves through the chakras and and it's like it's very different to any other type of orgasm but it was a demo there was 30 people in the room i was in the middle oh my god i'm a mind i mean you were blown i'm mind blown i'm fucking blown i'm blowing right now that is out of control yeah it's really like best story hands down were you like um i'd like this to stop now this is very public people are like is she finished i'm gonna go get a tea break can we go for lunch oh my god the funny thing is

that after it i got up and i was exhausted and then i just took i left the retreat i snuck out and I went off to like a big basically orgy and it was like a this gets better and better wait to the end of the chat for this give me it I want to hear and I was just I got there and after about half an hour I was like I can't do this I need to go to bed like I'm done for the day you have just made my week like this is hands down the best story we've had on this podcast yeah and I think everyone wants to know like um what are what are the details of this man how can someone find this man if you want to just put his number down and we'll put it in the details but also Juliet we when we were talking before we started recording

this you mentioned that you might have an accidentally unfiltered story and I forgot to ask you at the beginning but I really want to know what was it yeah I listened to one of your other podcasts and I loved those accidentally unfiltered and I thought oh my god I've got so many for them but this is one that stood out and it was a friend and it actually was a friend it's not me just clarifying I'm um that's what they all fucking say Laura and I say this every week yeah it's not me but then I really shat myself sorry no this actually is a friend and um she was it's actually not that R-rated she was in the bath they were in the bath together her and her partner and he was going down on her in the bath and she farted and the bubbles just went straight

up into his face and that's it also actually how do you go down on someone in the underwater well maybe you'd like elevate i thought that too because you could do two things with that well i just got out of hand and i'm here for it i bet you could I've got another one but I'll tell you off because it might be a bit too R-rated. I'll tell you when we stop recording. Oh, no, leave it in.

It's so fine. If it's too R-rated, I'll take it out but I'm here for it. Alrighty. So this is another friend and it actually is another friend. I've got some wild friends. I seem to attract in really funny friends who have these experiences. Meet some crazy people at those orgies. She had a lover and he wanted her to put a bottle of full cream milk

inside her and then wait are we talking one liter or two liters i don't know i'd let's say two just for capacity full capacity full cream that's a lot that's like giving birth to a baby like siphon it into her and then he wanted to have sex and like so that it all splashed out onto him that's not even irated that's just hilarious that is and did she do it yep okay he has some weird dairy fetishes maybe he's like really into the whole idea of like a milk bath like have you heard of the cleopatra milk bath it's meant to be very good for aging he has the youngest looking dick around totally yeah oh my god i feel like we could talk to you for like an hour about accidentally unfiltered but also i love it like i love the fact and maybe we should

touch on this earlier as well but like there is no normal when it comes to sex so long as like you're okay with what's going down so long as you're comfortable your partner's comfortable yeah you can do some weird and fucking wacky things unless you're lactose intolerant lactose intolerant julia you have been an absolute delight thank you so much for answering would you say she's been a pleasure oh my god you've been an absolute pleasure hey i also wanted to mention i actually have a podcast myself called authentic sex and there's like over 100 episodes of like just plain sex talk of me talking to all different people heaps of q and a's so for people listening who want to listen to more of you know me talking about weird

stuff then they can listen to that alongside your lovely podcast guys you can you can get on that podcast and you can ride it into the sunset that's what we're here for i have actually listened to a few i really enjoyed it thank you so much for answering the questions that we don't have the experience to answer and to be able to bring your expertise and your insight and talk about sex because I think it's a topic that I mean for us who have a dating relationship podcast we have managed to not talk about sex for a year for an entire year and it was well and truly overdue also that's that's just not our realm like we we just don't I think we said at the beginning we don't feel comfortable saying those things about our personal lives and and that but we we realize

that there is a real need for it and a real desire for it and our audience wants it. So we thought, who better than you? Yeah, well, I'll come back any time. This has been so much fun. Maybe I can be like the resident uncut sexologist who comes. I'm so down. We'll definitely have you back as long as you bring some more

of these milk for us. Oh, yeah. I've got plenty up my sleeve. All right, Juliette, we never finish an episode without doing our suck and our sweet, which is basically, if you don't know, it's got nothing to do with sex, although it kind of sounds like it. It is our highlight and our low light of the week. And you get to kick it off because you're our guest.

What was your suck? Okay, the suck is that we just currently were traveling around Australia, my partner and I and my daughter, and we just were in the Flinders Ranges in South Australia and it was really dry and really cold, but really beautiful. we only left a couple of days ago and then on the news this morning suddenly overnight there's been this random snowfall in the middle of the desert exactly where we were and I reckon that sucks because it would have been so much fun to be in the snow in the middle of the desert so that sucks because we just left there but also a bit of a sweet because you just went on holiday so like I

mean that's a double-edged sword there girlfriend yeah true true that's true and you're sweet oh just that I've just been like spending heaps of time in bed like I said before we started recording sleeping sexing sleeping masturbating yeah I just like I actually how's this I've been watching um Bachelor in Paradise reruns from your season Brit um so hey how did I come off in the end did you did you uh you know have any words of advice for me or don't get me started you were actually my favorite but I've actually been guiltily and secretly watching Bachelor in Paradise in bed so I that's kind of been really great for me because um it's just been luxurious to lay in bed and with the heating on in the day under the covers

just just watching amazing people on tv yeah just watching watching the creme de la creme of australian tv that's what it is the production that goes into that high quality viewing um amazing yeah i love that what about you guys all right my star could be i moved into a house a new unit um in bondi a couple of months ago and it's this it's beautiful it's on the beach but it's old and every single window in the whole house none of them closed properly they've all got a few meals to move and it's been really windy lately and my whole house i can't sleep the whole house shutters like constantly like a volcano is erupting it's just like all night that's you need to get some some styrofoam i've told you i've given you the hot tips i gotta wedge

some shit between that shit i've got socks undies clothes styrofoam i've got cardboard i have everything you could have wedged in and somehow the wind still finds a way in there so that's my suck at the moment okay and what is your sweet my sweet uh i'm gonna have to have two one bachelor in paradise finished airing so i'm just so relieved that my life can get back on track because it's like a year that i have just you know lived a lie b the stories you just told me about the three-hour orgasm in front of people then the woman putting milk in her vagina so that she could have sex with her partner and the farting under the bath that just took that that just took the cake. Those were like three of the best stories. It truly makes me feel like I've lived

quite a vanilla life when I hear things like this. I'm like, fuck, I'm boring. I'm like, Laura, do we need to go and have an orgy somewhere? Like what? I was going to say Matt would be into it. He probably isn't. Okay. What was my suck? All right. My suck for the week. I told a story a couple of weeks back about how Molly had pooed in the bath. And then ever since I told that story now, she just likes to poo in the bath all the time. This has become like a running theme now so I'm gonna put that down as a solid sock it's a sock but like you know oh and also she's like cutting her second front tooth so she's been a little bit feral today um my sweet is that not only do we get to record this interview but also in order to record this

interview it meant that Matt had to take Marley away for a two-hour little trip in the car it's raining outside he was like what am I gonna do for two hours and I was like go for a drive so I figure it out I'm not saying that my sweet is that my daughter's gone away my sweet is that my daughter's gone away no speak at them they've just walked back in the room is that Matt has been incredibly supportive and he is a wonderful partner she's saying there's my saying that he's standing over the top of me no Juliette thank you so much honestly you have been such a pleasure no pun intended all the puns intended actually you've been amazing we've loved having you and we would just love to have you back on sometime, but just quickly tell everyone where

they can find you, like your Instagram, your podcast. Yeah, sure. Well, you can find me on Instagram and it's at Juliette, J U L I E T underscore Allen, A double L E N. And my website is www.juliette-allen.com. And on my website, you'll find Pleasure School, but everything's on Instagram. I'm quite active on Instagram. So jump on over and you'll find me there and my, my podcast. Yeah. Um, it's called authentic sex with Juliet Allen and it's on all the podcast channels. So it's easy to search authentic sex and you'll find me. Juliet. Thank you so much again. And guys, if you have enjoyed listening to this episode, then you know, the drill go and leave us a cheeky review. And if you haven't already signed up to our Facebook group, it's life

Uncut Podcast. It's the same handle for Instagram as well. And tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friends, tell your dog, tell your gran, tell everyone and share the love because we love love! That's our sign-off, Juliet. That's what we do every single

fucking episode. Great. I love that. We'll be right back.