Life Uncut - Let's talk compatibility!

Episode Date: October 25, 2021

Brittany is back in Sydney and back in Laura's bedroom behind the mic, and hooly dooly it feels good to be in the same room again.First cab off the ranks we are chatting about Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin has shot and killed a 42 year old cinematographer named Halyna Hutchins and Britt and Laura have some strong and slightly conflicting feelings about all of this.Next up we are chatting compatibility and how essential is it to a happy relationship?We also had the pleasure of talking to some of our awesome listeners who are navigating unconventional relationships, an interfaith couple named Daisy and Kurt and an interracial couple named Amelia and Brian.If you have loved this ep - join the conversation on our facebook page, Life Uncut Discussion group or the instagram Life Uncut Podcast, and you know the drill - tell your mum tell your Dad, tell your friends and share the love BECAUSE.... WE LOVE LOVE!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut, I'm Brittany and I'm Laura and guess who's in my bedroom? I think they know, it's me! Brittany is back, baby. It's not Jason Momoa. It is not Laura's hall pass. It is, in fact, just me. It is not Matt either.

You know, he's often here in my bedroom. Surprising for everyone, I know. Brittany is back. She's back in old Sydney town. She's here in the eastern suburbs. And I know how thrilled you are to be back amongst my dirty laundry. Truly nothing has changed. It's honestly like I never left.

Like sitting here, this is our first proper record back together. I actually feel like I never left. I should have made it a bit fancier for you, shouldn't I? Like I should have gotten maybe a champagne. But after the weekend that I just had, I never fucking want to see a champagne again. No, neither do I. We're too old for it. We both tried to go out.

It was a disaster. I'm too old. My liver is gone. My kidneys, everything. My back hurts. My knees hurt. I came home at midnight with the girls. I went out for dinner.

I actually wasn't even going to go. I said, I have to prep for this episode tomorrow. And they're like, you have to have a life. And I'm like, fine, I'm coming to dinner, but I need to go home after that. thinking in my head i'd be home i'd eat i'd be home by 9 9 30 anyway midnight rolls around i've got this we've got a record at 8 a.m that i haven't yet prepped and i was like guys i need to go home and do this record now to go home at midnight start working i woke up and i don't have to wake up to kids you've got to wake up the kids i felt like i had been hit by a semi-trailer not a bus

a semi-trailer having a hangover when you've got children is just the most like masochistic form of torture like why would you do it it's just evil but also i am not used to this and i think that half of australia i mean melbourne's out of lockdown new south wales is out of lockdown half of australia it's not half is it it's a good it's a good chunk it's a solid chunk of australia good chunk of australia who's probably still nursing a hangover but my hangovers are no longer like one day and they're also unjustified i only had a couple of margaritas and a glass of wine and it's like the punishment doesn't match the crime that's how that's how i feel you know what your problem is i'm old no that's one two you mix margaritas with wine oh yeah it was a good

time though you have to pick your lane and stay in your lane you can't just be going willy-nilly with spirits and different cocktails i know it's like back in the day when i was like 18 i'd mix bambora with white wine i'd wake up fine i was like 15 years ago that's like when i used to be like when i was young and had a six-pack my sister's like it was 20 years ago yeah as well times have changed but you don't know i did this is what okay this is my first is it a foray or farah foray what is it when you go out into the world again i've forgotten because i haven't been out in the world for a while okay what we did on saturday night was we went to a friend's 40th birthday party and her name is carla she was the makeup artist on the

bachelor laura maybe carla doesn't want all of australia to know how old she is the poor thing true maybe actually you know what she's fucking living her best life she's the best so she's osha's makeup artist and we went to her 40th which meant that we had dinner with osha and matt agnew and it was just this weird bachelor reunion but also it was really great my boat party too was also like a weird bachelor reunion i was on a boat party incidentally with holly and jimmy that was interesting because jimmy came up and was like hey i was like hey did you like we matched on tinder he's like hey i was like hey so did you tell holly we matched on tinder he was like yeah and i was like cool and then it was just like this they were really great i was it was it

was fine but i was like this first moment of like cool like i feel like we know each other but we've never actually met now we matched he's like yeah you ghosted me i'm like cool i did that too and then she was there and it was it was it was an interesting triangle how does it feel to have the upper hand to know that i ghosted the bachelor you ghosted australia's most eligible man this year i said to him look you know in hindsight everything happens for a reason imagine who knows what would have happened if we didn't go you might never have met holly so you maybe have been dating the kinky captain could have happened no but it's always okay it's it sounds i feel like we sound like wankers being like yeah we we feel like it's had bachelor reunions it is always weird

I find seeing people from the bachelor franchise outside of the bachelor environment. Oh, so weird. I would never intentionally put myself in that situation. Yeah. But guys, we actually, I mean, we've got an awesome episode for you today. This is a bit of a different one. We're talking about compatibility on this episode, but it was, I don't know, it kind of started off that we wanted to talk about how important is compatibility in a relationship? Like how do you navigate when things are different? And then we thought, actually let's touch on a few different types of incompatibility and talk to couples who maybe conventionally people might look at their relationship and go oh how do they make that

work so in order to unpack this whole concept around compatibility we also wanted to reach out to you guys to the listeners and if you're following us on instagram we put up some stories and we did a call out basically we wanted to know who of you are in relationships where compatibility has been a part of the conversations that you had to have early on for example if you're navigating interfaith or interracial relationships just two people who have come together from significantly different backgrounds and overcome or made it work so we do have a couple of people on the podcast today to tell their stories we're going to get into that a little bit later and we're going to unpack the whole conversation around compatibility

but before we do that we want to talk about what everybody is talking about Alec Baldwin holy shit holy shit it's insane and I by now surely you guys have heard and you've you've had this conversation with your friends you're hearing everyone talk about it but Alec Baldwin was on the set of one of his films and he accidentally shot and killed somebody he shot and killed a crew member with a prop gun so this is a gun that obviously was not supposed to have any live ammunition in it it is supposed to be able to be shot and nothing actually happens but it looks like a real gun everybody in the industry is up in arms saying I don't know how this could have possibly happened how could this have gotten through all the checks it was supposed to get to

to get to the point that a gun is fired on set and kill somebody and there are so many aspects to this that are captivating the world there are so many discussions coming off the back of this about set safety and how this happened but I just I can't get my head around it I tried to put myself in his position could you imagine what Alec Baldwin would be feeling right now oh man like I mean apart from like the complete and utter distress and heartbreak like he killed somebody whether or not it was a mistake or an accident all of those things aside imagine living the rest of your life knowing that an accident that was made resulted in you killing someone and now Alec Baldwin is an actor on this the movie is called Rust he's an actor on the set obviously but he's also the

producer so his level of liability in this whole scenario goes beyond just being an actor who was handed a prop gun but we went down a rabbit hole with this like we really did I am stuck deep in the warren because it is just it is so fascinating as much as it is heartbreaking it is fascinating and there are so many different facets to this story and every day more information is coming out but just to give you guys an overview in case you know maybe you've heard of it or you've seen the headlines but you haven't actually read the story the woman's name was hayla hutchins she's 42 years old she has a nine-year-old son and she was a cinematographer on set and when it comes to movie sets that have guns as part of their props there are so many safety regulations that are

supposed to be put in place so many that it seems completely unfathomable that something like this would have happened now there has been some reports where people have come out and said for this to happen there must have been a great deal of neglect around safety and precautions because it just doesn't make sense. And there have been a few key players in this story where they're trying to unpack where their responsibility lies. A couple of people that are important to mention are the gun armourer. So they have a dedicated senior gun armourer on set.

Her name was Hannah Gutziara-Reed. She's 24 years old and she is responsible for checking the guns, making sure that it has blanks loaded. She's the one that's responsible for calling the safety precautions on set every day whenever a gun is on set. and then there is also another man and that is the assistant director Dave Halls Dave Halls is basically the guy who put the gun in Ali Baldwin's hand he was the one that called cold gun on set and cold gun is basically the term that's used whenever there is a prop gun or any gun that's on

set and it is supposed to identify that it's been through all the safety checks and that there are no rounds in the gun at all and the rounds that are usually used would be blanks ammunition is never allowed on set so the fact that this even had real live ammunition in it is just a whole other level of crazy then that gets to another level so this once you start digging so many things keep coming out now there is a woman named maggie goal maggie goal is a prop maker and a licensed proto technician now she had filed an internal complaint with the executive producers of hulu's into the dark tv series back in 2019 and this was over concerns about assistant director dave hall's conduct on set so this same man that handed the gun that actually had the ammunition

in it to alec baldwin had already had a complaint put in about him two years earlier about the same thing she alleged in an interview that halls had previously not followed safety protocols for weapons and proto techniques when she worked alongside him in the tv series so two years ago this has already come out saying look something's not right he's not doing what he's supposed to do with his gun safety now he is just one person then we have hannah who laura just mentioned so she's the other person whose sole job that is her job that is the reason she is on set she's literally the armorer that is her her whole purpose to be there is to make sure that everything is loaded properly everything is safe the guns are ready it's also come out that not that long ago

she was on a podcast herself talking about her experience in her job talking about what she has to do and she actually stated that she didn't feel ready to be taking on the level of responsibility that she had been taking on recently so she's she's come out and said like these are really crazy jobs I don't feel like I'm really ready for that but somehow she has ended up on this set she's ended up running it she's a head armorer she's the daughter of one of the world's best armorers and this has happened so so far we've got two to three people where this live bullet this live ammunition has somehow made it through these people into a gun into the hands of Alec Baldwin how this is happening still is beyond everybody and also in regards to Hannah so I mean

when I say we went into a rabbit's warren on this we went into a rabbit's warren so Hannah being the gun armorer she also has a very checkered past and now she's only 24 years old she's new to the industry as Britt just said she felt completely unprepared and like she didn't have the experience to be put into the position of head armorer so Hannah previously on another job which only just recently wrapped filming it was called the old way film they had to halt filming on that because she was responsible for giving an 11 year old boy a fully loaded gun so she has already been like you've got one job hannah mate check the gun like are we kidding anyway so there's just so many levels here where there have been like people screwing up on their jobs not taking health and

safety into consideration other crew members had already walked out over concerns of health and safety. They had already walked out because of 13 hour work days. And I know the big question that everybody is asking that doesn't have an answer to it yet is how the hell does live ammunition get into a prop gun? But secondly, I think the other big question that people need to ask is what sort of liability does Alec Baldwin have beyond just being the actor who pulled the trigger? If he is the producer of this film, what is his responsibility when it comes to health and safety yeah just six hours before the actual shooting a whole bunch of crew members walked off not only for poor working conditions Laura but actually because there was actually an incident

where a prop gun was accidentally misfired earlier in the filming so they'd actually already had an incident with gun relations so there were people on on set they were like this is crazy we don't want to be here anymore six hours before this unfortunate event unfolded now Britt and I had a bit of a debate about this like we had a heated debate on the phone before because Britt was like I feel sorry for Alec Baldwin and I don't think it's at all his responsibility or his fault I feel very sorry for Alec Baldwin and of course I feel sorry for Alec Baldwin I feel incredibly sorry for him but I do think when there is health and safety issues in a workplace and it's already been voiced that has to be managed from top tier right like it is the people who are in charge it's the CEOs

of companies it's producers on set it is their responsibility to ensure that the safety and the environment that their crew are working in is not compromised and if you have your your staff essentially working extreme hours they're fatigued how can you then not take some responsibility when people are not doing their jobs properly and I think the big issue that I have with this whole thing is that people had already voiced their concerns for it now there has actually been some more reports that came out today and this was reported in TMZ I just want to tell you this because this is fucking wild guys the prop gun that killed cinematographer hayla hutchins on new mexico movie set had been used by crew members off site for fun a new report claims the gun which

was fired by alec ball went on set of the movie russ may have even been loaded with live rounds when it was used for what was essentially target practice multiple sources connected to the production and the film told tmz that the gun was fired at off the clock gatherings which could explain how a live round found its way into the guns chambers. This is wild and I think if something huge like this happening in a very public setting doesn't do something for gun reform and at least gun reform in these sorts of scenarios I would be very surprised because it's just devastating that at the end of the day a 42 year old mother with a nine-year-old boy has lost her life and a little boy has become motherless. Yeah and on top of that I mean that would make sense if those allegations

are true that they were using the gun off site for target practice that would make absolute sense but what that also means is that the armorer didn't check it again before she handed the gun so maybe she's checked it a day earlier maybe she checked it in the morning but i feel like this sort of thing comes down to when you are physically about to hand the gun over i feel like that's when it should be checked now in regards to alec baldwin okay yes this is i was like i have one more thing to say about the alec baldwin thing i want to know in regards to alec Baldwin I do not think that he is at fault I think what has happened to him he could very well be charged for manslaughter which is obviously when something tragic like this has happened but there

has never been any intent but it is not his job and anyone that says it is his job to have checked that gun that's that's not what he's there for that is not he what he's employed for he's employed as an actor and he's employed as a producer now for people saying that it's a producer's role it's actually not it is actually not a producer's job to do this I want to tell you the difference between a producer and a director so a producer which is what Alec Baldwin is is the person responsible for like finding and launching the project so they find funding and things like that they hire the writers they hire the directors they hire key members and they're involved in like the pre-production and production and the post-production the director is a man named Joel

Sousa now the part we haven't told you yet is Joel Sousa was also shot he hasn't died but he was injured in this as well so he's also in hospital he was shot because he was standing behind he was shot in the shoulder yeah which is just horrific but the director which is joel the man that was shot a director is usually employed to routinely check in with heads of every department to communicate their needs and ensure that their creative vision properly translate to the big screen ultimately it is the director's job to check in with each department to say hey how's it going what do you need can i do anything for you and make sure it's running smoothly there will definitely be people saying i'm not saying that what happened was absolutely no one's

fault or completely someone's fault i'm not putting the blame on anyone obviously this has gone through so many people and it's beyond me how it made it this far but i feel horrific my point is i feel horrific for alec baldwin because he's not he's not a trained armorer he in his mind he's like cool that's why i have all these people on set i'm the actor i'm here ready it should have gone through two people at a minimum, three people, I'm ready to go. Like it's, he's not trained in that. So I feel very, very sorry for him. I feel sorry for everyone involved. I think it's horrific. He could face charges. He may not. We're not really going to know until there's a proper investigation. Oh, like I agree with so much of what you're saying. And of course it is

a incredible tragedy. And like, I'm not here saying, I don't think him going to jail or him being charged with murder or manslaughter I don't think that that solves what the problem is here and I don't know what the right problem I don't know what the right resolution is I don't know what would make this okay because nothing will make it okay someone's dead but when you say his job is he's a producer so he gets the team together do your fucking diligence check you check the person's references if that armorer has already had complaints against her because she's 24 years old she put a gun in 11 year old's hand and they had to stop filming you hired her there's some responsibility there if Dave Halls has already had a long checkered past

with complaints against health and safety and his attitudes towards gun safety on set you're responsible for hiring these people and so that's why I feel a little bit more like as much as I feel so sorry on all levels exactly like you do Britt I do think that there is a greater level of onus here nothing that I have read so far has really put claim to that whereas everything is putting all the responsibility on dave halls and also on hannah who was the armorer and i do understand at the end of the day the buck stops with them but as an employer if you employ people who are not good enough at their jobs or who have a history of not doing their jobs properly why didn't you check that yeah how did you employ them i still i totally get what

you're saying too but i still don't think the blame is on him like i think ultimately this is just it's so so unfortunate it's so upsetting and tragic and it's so messy there are so many moving pieces in this it's going to be really hard to investigate I'm very very interested to see what happens at the end of this and I think what it really comes down to is budget people have tried to take and whether that's Alec whether that's I don't know who's involved and that's the thing we don't know we're all just reading news articles that people are vomiting out someone has probably cut some corners with budget and tried to keep it really really low and unfortunately when it comes to things like guns on set it's the last place that you should be

trying to cut corners and save money it's just safety comes first and that's probably what you should be throwing your money at totally and if you have your staff working crazy crazy hours i mean that is truly a budget issue right like when people are worked the bone or they work 16 17 hour days it's because they're understaffed and i think that this has been a conversation that's been happening on a much greater scale in the entertainment industry in the states recently so there's so much more to unpack here and as this story develops maybe we'll give you guys some little updates but i feel like britney and i are quite heated on this topic we're so into it like we were just talking about and i don't want to say into it like it's bad but like we're just

so enthralled at how this sort of thing can happen but anyway we'll update you as we go so our recommendation for this week is to read the news uh great thanks for coming to life on cut okay let's talk about something more upbeat hey how about we do some accidentally unfiltered what a segue all right i am ready all right i'm gonna give you a really fucking pretty funny and we've never had anything like this for an accidentally unfiltered i'm so ready i need this in my life okay it's so gross oh my god i've missed you so much just seeing the laugh like in irl just being right here across from the cackle god it's heartwarming it's worth the wait oh man it's been a long four months in the desert

I was eating some pudding that's not it's just so funny I was eating some pudding while sitting on my bed and watching tv after that I decided to trip my fingernails because that's just what you do once I was done I realized it was a bit grubby to cut my nails while sitting on my bed and I needed to clean up the clippings so I scooped them up and just dumped them into my empty pudding bowl because it's locked because it's locked down I'm lazy and the episode was reaching its climax I obviously didn't want to get up just to put these little clippings in the bin I thought I would take them away when I'm done. So after the ep finished, I got up to take my dishes to the kitchen. I decided, you know what, I might just treat myself to another small serving of pudding.

I then happily thought I would save myself some washing up and I just reused my bowl. Made sense. It wasn't until the scraping the cream off the bottom of the bowl, I felt a fingernail in my mouth and I remembered what I had done. I might be the grub of the century. I ate all my fingernails in my pudding the only thing that makes this like remotely better he said it was your fingernails and not your toenails because if there was your toenails i would i probably would go make myself on it it's like the best accidentally i've built it it's so innocent i love it because you've just done it to yourself there were no witnesses you never had to share that imagine if you were sharing it though it would have made the story better imagine if your fingernail ended up on

your boyfriend's mouth no just like a first date you're like here have some pudding oh my god do you know what my life consists of walking around telling marley to get her finger out of her nose now and every time she's like yeah mommy my boogers are green every day yeah it's the same conversation oh we have a lot of the same conversations with my uh my toddler wow do you have an excellent filter i do okay i do guys something mortifying happened to me today i was in the office speaking to a co-worker who is in a specialized bougie program and I would die to be in this program. She holds a lot of sway due to being quite a senior member and I've been trying to impress her for the last couple of months. As my other co-worker and I are chatting to her at

our desk, I try and act casual and I put my hand in my back pocket and feel something soft in there. I thought, you know what, it's an antibacterial wipe we use to wipe things down on the desk and the phone and everything else. So I pull it out and as I'm pulling it out, I'm standing there holding it in my hands. And then after about 20 seconds, I looked down to find that there I am holding my worn silky undies that I wore all day yesterday and overnight. I had grabbed them off the bathroom floor this morning after showering. I had grabbed them in my pocket. Because that's what you do with your dirty undies. She says she lives in a share house and she didn't want to leave them on the floor. So she just absentmindedly put them in her pocket. Anyway, apparently the

woman had been looking at them and that's why she looked down and then she just tried to carry on pretend like nothing had happened no like you have your undies in your hand do you know what this reminds me of this reminds me of that girl that accidentally took it well i mean she didn't accidentally she purposely took her tampon out when she went home on a date and she was like and she she didn't have any way to put it so she's like i'll just put it in my jeans pocket her black tampon her used tampon she put in the back of her black jeans pocket it wrapped up in toilet paper because it was no bin it wasn't wrapped up she whipped it out she was about to have sex with this guy and she wanted to pretend she didn't have a period so she took it she just

whipped it out and put it in her jean pocket but no but it gets worse because the next day she's like she put her jeans on and left she's like i better take the tampon out and she realized it wasn't there she put it in his jean pocket so he had the tampon in his jean pocket see r.i.p you are dead you are dead that is still one of my favorite accident unfiltered that's ever happened but this like just makes me think of you know how small kids have a comforter or a little bit of a blankie I'm just imagining I'm outing Keisha producer Keisha has one she's staying in my house so I know I'm just imagining I'm imagining her standing there talking to her boss and pulling it out and like holding in her hands playing with it like she's

playing with a comforter she's playing with a pair of dirty undies or like a stress ball like rolling in between her fingers anyway guys that is it let's get into the chat around compatibility and how important it is in your romantic relationship. Well, you know what? Is it compatibility or is it chemistry? Well, I don't know. I think they go, I mean, I do know. That was, I've done the research.

Compatibility and chemistry, they do go hand in hand. You do want a little bit of both, but I think people often confuse the two. I think when there's a really high level of chemistry with someone, like when you just meet someone. And you're like, I want to fucking rip their clothes off. Oh, and you're like, let me sit on you. Yeah, and you're like, this is so sexy.

there's so much hate and passion I think people confuse that chemistry with compatibility by saying like we're just so meant for each other like we can't keep our hands off each other then what happens is you date for a little while and you're like whoa this person's actually boring as fuck their breathing annoys me like nothing about you I want to hang out with but I still want to rip your clothes off see I don't know if people confuse I think that like for a lot of us you would expect that it's intuitive but I just don't think it is I don't think people confuse chemistry and compatibility, I think they will force it. If you have insane chemistry with someone, you will try and make yourself believe that you're compatible, even if all the red flags

and the warning signs are there to say that you're not. We have done a whole episode around chemistry, but I think compatibility is a really interesting kettle of fish because it's kind of like you're more reliable brother of chemistry. Whereas chemistry is a liar, right? Chemistry is what we can become infatuated with. And compatibility is its more reliable friend. now I when I think of compatibility and one of the things I think is really interesting about this conversation is that for me compatibility is twofold you need to be compatible in what you're doing now as in like your morals need to align and like when we say you need to be compatible firstly I just want to preface this with compatibility does not mean that you need

to be the same in every single facet of life we all know that opposites can attract we all know that that you can be very different in many ways to your partner however there has to be an undercurrent of core values or beliefs or something that binds you, whether it's your views on the world, whether it's the fact that you're both vegans, whether it's how you treat other people, whether it's just because they're a really nice person and that's what you value at the end of the day, like there has to be some deep seated level of compatibility. And then you can have all your other varying factors around, you know, maybe you do have different religions that you believe in. Maybe you are from really different upbringings. Maybe your perspectives

on money differ there can be so many different parts of a relationship where compatibility comes into play but the other really really important thing about compatibility is that it has direction so not only are you thinking about well what do you and I have and share in our core values but where is this relationship heading and is this relationship like do we want to have kids in the future how are we going to raise our kids where do we want to live how many times a week do we have to see your mum these are the sorts of things that can really dictate whether not just a relationship works now but whether a relationship is compatible in 5, 10, 15 years time. Now that might sound like a lot of information but to break down compatibility just to put it at a really base

level it's just the ability to live and work together in harmony to want the same things and to have a really good solid calming environment and like Laura said it's to move forward directionally compatibility is directional so you do want to have this environment that you can not only live in the now that he's happy but in the future before we go any further with unpacking this Britt I'd love to know what are your opinions on opposites attracting I think opposites do attract I don't think you can be too similar for some like for me personally I look at all my relationships in the past and the most disastrous relationship I ever had was with somebody that was too similar to me in terms of the way we our argument style which I think is a really big one because I think

argument style and things like that like if or I don't know what the right word is not argument style but the way we thought we were both too passionate about it we wouldn't let each other win we're too stubborn and maybe that's an age thing too like I was a bit younger and I always wanted to be right but for me I think opposites do attract and the people that I have been attracted to in the past Jordan now they're very different to me in terms of being introverted and extroverted and I think that this is a really key factor in dating now we have spoken about this in the past as well you don't have to be an introvert doesn't have to be with an extrovert an extrovert can be with an extrovert but you have to be able to meet in the middle on certain things for me I say that

I'm an introverted extrovert because I am you guys know what I'm like on the podcast like I am loud I don't have a filter I laugh a lot at my own jokes but other people's jokes too but mainly my own if I'm at the party I like to be the life of the party getting me to the party is the hard part like I do have this part of being introverted when I'm there I'm great for somebody I'm dating someone like Jordan and you guys will hear from him soon but he is the opposite so he's very shy he's very quiet he's very happy to let me tell my jokes and and be the energy between us but he's also really happy to have that introverted side with me as well so he'll be happy to then sit at home watch a movie as opposed to going out partying and I think that is why we work because we're not

100 opposite we just have enough to complement each other but we want to do the same things in life and we want to hang out and do the same things on the weekend. So the rest of it, he's like, you go party and then we'll do something fun together on the weekend. So it's about finding that balance. So I think 100% for me personally, I'm more attracted to people that are opposite to me. It's interesting, isn't it? Because I would have said back in the day that like opposites don't attract. I would have really, I found it really hard to get my head around it. And I think the more that we have done this podcast, the more that we have spoken to so many different couples, the more I realized I was living in an echo chamber of my own thoughts like Matt and I are

so similar sure there's things that we don't like I hate football he loves football there's some stuff that we don't align on but when it comes to like who we are at our core we are exactly the same and that's why we fight exactly the same yeah and sometimes it's a really bad thing and sometimes it's a really really great thing but I think it's so interesting and like we'll get into a couple of conversations we had in a little while with some of you who have come from like fundamentally different paths and fundamentally different backgrounds and upbringings however there's still this base and I think the really interesting thing about this conversation of compatibility is even if you aren't compatible as in even if you have different belief systems

whether like I said whether it's that one person's a vegan one person's a meat eater so long as there's respect for the other person's belief that's what defines compatibility I think so you can be you can not align on a lot of things in your relationships maybe you have very different political views but if you respect each other's political views and it gives for like interesting debate and interesting discussions then that's a really healthy relationship but if your political views are so important to you that you cannot respect someone who has a different political view to you or you cannot respect someone who has a different religion or whatever it is that's where compatibility is a huge part of why relationships break down there really is a strong argument from

a lot of professors and a lot of professionals that argument and conflict is actually good in relationships and it's exactly what you just said Laura you're never gonna have a relationship where you don't argue but it's about how you argue and about how you disagree so if you can disagree and debate each other with a lot of respect and in a really calm way then that's healthy and that's encouraged and it's like Laura and I like for prime example Laura I would like to think that You and I are very compatible, but we just completely disagreed about Alec Baldwin. But that doesn't mean we're not going to be able to be podcast hosts

because we disagree respectfully. We listen to each other's opinions. We're like, I get what you're saying, but I think this. And I think that that's a prime example of, cool, we don't agree on this, but we have so many similarities and so much respect for each other in every other aspect that this makes it a compatible podcast hosting thing that we've got going on here.

Oh, my God, I love how compatible we are. but also on that I mean and this is one of the this is one of the research studies that we pulled out for this because we can talk about compatibility and how important it is all day but like I said it is this huge undercurrent of respect that plays into it and there is this quote psychology professor at the University of Texas his name is Ted Huston he conducted a longitudinal study of married couples and he claims that maybe compatibility is a little bit overrated right and maybe we put too much focus on the need for everything to align. He says, my research shows that there is no difference in the objective level of compatibility between couples who are unhappy

and those who are actually happy in their relationships. But the unhappy ones think compatibility is important to a good marriage, but they don't think that they have it in their own marriage. People overemphasize the effect of personality or values, and they underemphasize the extent to which easy congenial temperaments aid marriages so basically what he's saying then is like if you're a nice person to get along with if you're a kind to your partner if you have mutual respect with your partner if you love each other and you seek to better understand each other that is more important than being compatible that is more important than having like for like you can be really different to your partner but if you respect who they are where they come from

and why they show up in the relationship the way they do, you guys can make it work out. Some of the big hurdles that we want to talk about and the biggest hurdles that couples face in a relationship in regards to compatibility are things like race, religion, and politics. And philosophical views. I think that's a big one as well. Philosophical views, 100%.

And also, like, we will get into this in a minute, the big things like race and religion and cultural differences, they are very big driving factors, unfortunately, because it results in the way you want to, for example, raise your children. If you have very different ideas on how you want to raise your children that comes from your religion, it's going to be a big wedge in your relationship. It's not just about how you want to raise kids. It's also about how you navigate your relationship in the now. Obviously, if you're from a Christian background, sex before marriage can be a huge

conversation. And if you're somebody who's not religious and maybe you have had quite a free and exciting sex life in the past, dating somebody who's reserving themselves for marriage, that's a huge conversation to have and that is very different and a very like unique situation that requires a lot of respect and requires so much communication to make that work and that just comes down to what you know you want in a relationship and who you are so there's no right or wrong if you want to save yourself a marriage because that's what you believe in that is absolutely that's 100 amazing but you can't probably expect to go and date somebody that really really wants to have sex now I personally when I think about compatibility I if I met someone

on a date like first date I'm talking I don't know them so I haven't got to know their soul and who they are I've gone on a date with someone and they're like hey I don't want to have sex before marriage I was like girls gonna eat I was like do you mind grabbing the bill I gotta get home sorry I have a guy that I need to text and there's Brittany writing a you up text but for me sex in a relationship is important like it's for my values and my beliefs the intimacy that comes with sexual relationships that's what's important to me and I think that so if I met somebody that wasn't really on that wavelength it's just not going to work and I think that's a big driving factor for compatibility when I write down a list of what I want I think sexual compatibility is

huge and actually it's probably one of the biggest paradigms on this like we didn't mention it before but you said you know religion race philosophical cultural sex is a huge one as well are you compatible in the bedroom yes or no are you so this could actually be a really interesting time to get into the conversation with kurt and daisy now kurt and daisy uh we got to interview them we did put the call out to everybody to try and garner these really interesting relationships who have come to the table with very different backgrounds daisy's from the uk she identifies as agnostic she has no religious preference really and i guess she describes herself as a little bit more spiritual whereas her boyfriend Kurt he is an evangelical Christian he has been

very much brought up as very integrated in the church an extremely proactive member of the church and his family are devout Christians they talked about what it's been like navigating dating when they come from such different belief systems when they have such different ideas around sex and what that conversation is like I think because with the church like it does from an outside point of you it's obviously like a really tight-knit community and Kurt's family's really involved and it kind of just felt a bit like I was on the outside of something in some weird ways I felt like I was almost corrupting you you probably were which in all honesty she did yeah in all honesty like I had to come to a point where I was like well what are our values like do we have the

same values and that's kind of the core thing that I lent on but rather what do we actually care about like what are we what's the bigger things that we care about and that's where i move the conversation personal question but was there compromise so like kurt were you no sex before marriage were you not wanting to drink like how strict were you in your faith and then was there compromise on that when you guys met yeah so for me yeah like i was waiting for marriage like to have sex um and i guess i'd always had this kind of open-mindedness about it as well so i wasn't just like this is just the way that it would go I was like if I really fall in love with someone we build a really solid relationship I would be open to it but the kind of idea was marriage I

remember when Kurt told me that and because I'd obviously known about like the faith and everything before and then when that came up and I think because we've had drinks together and this sounds like maybe a bit ignorant but I was like oh he seems so normal like surely not like surely that wouldn't be the case and then when I found out I think there was part of my mind that was like can you really call someone your boyfriend if you haven't slept with them yeah to me that was like crazy because from the culture that I come from you can build a really great connection and relationship without sex when you're brought up in the church and your life is centered around your beliefs that also is mostly very much ingrained in your family values as well how has

it been navigating for both of you essentially the in-laws like meeting each other's family being accepted into each other's family knowing that you both have different faith and different belief systems I think that's still a tricky one because of COVID like our relationships have kind of been built on like this crazy time of not really getting to connect with one another's friends we've spent a lot more time together one of the things that my mum actually did say was when I first told mum about Daisy was like oh does she have the god factor and what is the god I know it's pretty much it's pretty much does she believe in God is she a Christian it's like kind of like you know slang by saying is does she believe what we believe and I was like no

she doesn't I then told Daisy that in the beginning of the relationship and it was a terrible thing I've told her because I pretty much at the time I didn't think about it pretty much told her hey like my family won't accept you if you're not this but that wasn't the case it just that's how it came across my family ended up coming to Sydney for a bit and Daisy to meet them briefly it's kind of like how Daisy spent time with me the first time she's like oh you see just seems normal because like my family are normal they just have this like I mean you aren't yeah of course you know but like sometimes oh no like they're religious and it's scary but my family are very normal they just have this very cool thing that brings them together and that is

part of conversation but my dad actually pulled me aside after they were just about to go back and just said hey like if you love Daisy like we love Daisy you know so for me like that was really important and yeah it was like I guess a really moving moment for me because even myself I was kind of like there is a lot of shame and guilt and like this isn't what I think that could be kind of thing that my parents would want for me but it's just not how it's happened and that's I just had to accept that. What do you think are the biggest challenges that you guys have knowing that you both come from these different backgrounds? I feel like one of our biggest things actually has just been trying to overcome fear of judgment from like our different friendship

groups or family that's probably been one of the biggest things and weirdly COVID has been quite good for that because we have just spent a lot of time in our own bubble. How is that presenting itself and is it more from your friends or your side or like whose side is this judgment coming from or these feelings of inadequacy? It was definitely both because I think especially around the sex thing for my friends like that's like really weird like if you're seeing someone for a certain amount of time and you haven't slept with them and for Kurt's friends it would be like really weird the other way so it wasn't any like really negative judgment it was just almost this otherness like between our friendship group yeah and then I guess when we kind of move through that

like for myself it just it doesn't seem like the biggest thing if I could be honest I think that in a relationship sex is a great thing but there's so many other things communication is like I think if you're gonna have good communication you can build a good relationship there's just so many different layers and I found that that's a great way like for intimacy but even just like good conversation and being open and being willing to like compromise and listening to one another those things are I found those things are more richer and better for me than the physical side of things this whole idea that opposites attract how do you find that impacts your relationship like do you find that yeah we have these things that are opposite but who we are and what we want

is aligned I think actually all the things that came with like Kurt growing up with a religion are all the things that have given him like really good values and like ability to communicate we were saying on the walk here when you know I was kind of considering oh is religion is that the red flag at the beginning of the relationship and if I think about other people that I've dated and I've kind of been okay with their things like you know people smoking weed every day and like doing like not so nice you're like i'm not comparing religion to weed smoking no but it's like oh like i'm okay with things like that that like you know and i'll put up with things like that but then it comes to religion it's like oh that's that's a red flag that's a no i think

yeah like why is the religion the red flag as opposed to the drug because it's normalized because it's like someone's smoking weed or like taking drugs like it's normalized but it's been like even though we are opposite in that way we're really really similar in values and i think that's like the common thread. It's just this ongoing thing, like a relationship is just going to be ongoing. And that's what makes it kind of fun because it is hard, but that's what makes it worth it. For me, one of the really interesting parts of this conversation was this idea that compatibility is not static. It's a constantly shifting thing. And I think the more conversations that were had in Daisy and Kurt's relationship, the more that they realized how compatible they

really were and this idea that you can work towards something and have conversations and communicate towards something and it's the understanding of where somebody else is coming from it's this understanding of their background that can also build compatibility but it's not just a static thing it's compromise and that in that sense compatibility has changed because now you're far more compatible because you've decided to make some compromise in your relationship so 100% if you do meet someone and there are so many aspects that you were just like frothing on and you want them in your life but there's something that you deem not compatible it could be worth having the conversation yeah and I think it also just lends itself to this idea that

sometimes we think we know what we want like sometimes we have an idea don't make me laugh but you know what I mean like sometimes we think we know what we want we think we know that we have a checklist or we have this idea of the type of person that we're going to meet and then somebody comes into our lives and we're like wow I didn't expect that it was you but it's you you know and I think that sometimes that can really bowl us off our feet. And if we get too hung up on, I want someone who matches all my checklist in every single way, we kind of can go into relationships with a little bit of a blinker. Now, when we say, when I say checklist, like I'm actually not against them. I think it's kind of good to have some idea about the person that you

want. And I think it's really good, especially if you're someone who dates really shitty people who are really poor for you. I think it's really important to have some sort of checklist or some sort of idea. But the thing is, is like, you don't want that checklist to be so rigid that you're drawing and drafting up a Ken doll. You want it to be more based around values as to who that person is at their deep core. And does that align with what you want and what you love in life as well? Now, when we did the call out to you guys, cause we wanted to get, we wanted to hear your stories. We wanted to know who in our Life Uncut community is living and navigating what might be deemed by other people as an unconventional relationship.

We understand that there is no cookie cutter, there is no one-size-fits-all. Even the conversation between Daisy and Kurt, there are millions of other people navigating similar relationships and doing it very differently. But we wanted to make sure that we did our due diligence and we also spoke to an interracial couple who's one of our listeners. Amelia has been with her husband Brian for five years.

Amelia was born here in Australia, she's Caucasian, and her husband was raised Buddhist and he was born in China. Amelia speaks a lot about how being in this relationship has made her very aware about microaggression and racism within Australia. It also became evident to her that a lot of the judgment that she felt was from their families and from their in-laws because their families had expected or wanted something different for them. As I said, Amelia and Brian are happily married and it was so great to speak to someone who has successfully overcome some of the initial hurdles in regards to compatibility that they found at the beginning of the relationship. So Amelia, what were some of the issues that you did face early

on in your relationship due to the fact that you do come from different cultural backgrounds? There haven't been many issues between us, but it's been our families that have been the biggest issue. His mum especially was particularly concerned that I was Caucasian and therefore I wouldn't have the same family values as they did and she often made very unfair assumptions about me especially at the beginning of our relationship things like oh she's Caucasian so therefore she's not going to want the children to learn Mandarin but these were all assumptions that she made essentially without getting to know me and if you'd asked me I would have thought it was a great idea for our kids to learn another language why wouldn't I want them to learn another

language I guess the biggest issue we had was other people's assumptions about each other and so you know for example my parents would say things like oh he's he's all right for a Chinese guy or his English is really good and those sorts of comments are actually quite racist when you stop and you think about them like oh somehow it's this extraordinary thing that this person whose Chinese can speak English with an Australian accent, we would walk into a Chinese restaurant and people would just stare at us. Or we would walk into an Italian restaurant and people would just stare at us because somehow in people's minds, it was completely baffling to them that I could be Caucasian

and he could be Asian and that we would love each other. Our particular relationship dynamic really confuses people because it's not that common. But yeah, I definitely had no idea that racism still occurred. And now I'm much more aware of it. I realise like those microaggressions that ethnic minorities face and you just kind of go like, gee, they just put up with this and they just kind of laugh it off because that's what their sort of conditions do.

Because if you call it out, then you bring more of an awareness to the problem and you can embarrass the other person. So they'd rather not embarrass the other person. How did you overcome some of the cultural differences that you were faced with? And at the time, did that involve a lot of compromise from the two of you? So I think at the beginning, we possibly didn't quite put enough time into sort of educating me about Chinese culture and what was expected of me.

And so as a result, the first actually like 18 months of knowing his parents were really difficult because, again, of this sort of like preconceived idea that his mum had about me being white and how that would change or affect my values as a person. and therefore like it was just not compatible with their culture and so actually it required a lot of education I had to speak to a lot of other Chinese people and kind of go like what am I doing wrong here the thing in Chinese culture is you're never outwardly discussing with someone what the issues are but it will be sort of like danced around beating around the bush essentially so I wasn't meant to talk about things that I didn't like if I had to address something that I didn't like it had to be through him so he could essentially then like translate it to his parents in a way that they accepted it whereas I'm very open I'm very honest and so I had to

really learn to kind of keep my mouth shut and kind of talk to them through him all I could do was just educate myself so I just had to learn from other people what to do how do I show respect to these people how do I show that I'm worthy of being with their son and it as I found out my in-laws are quite uh traditional so this is like how you should treat your elders pour them tea serve them food give them the last bite of the food on the table open doors for them pull back the chair for them I had to learn to do all these things which obviously as a white person I'd never poured tea for someone before like if you want tea pour it yourself uh one of the differences is is that brian doesn't celebrate christmas at all has never celebrated christmas in his life

and i am big on christmas he was trying to weasel his way out of it because i've also got a birthday in december so he was like what do you mean i have to buy you a birthday present and a christmas present like nice try brian get on board this ship and so like i had to say to him like we're going to go buy a Christmas tree and we have to buy ornaments and you know you've got your big ornaments and then you've got like your little filler ones that make the tree you know look nice and full and then I have to tell him you can't just give me the present in the packaging that it came in like you have to wrap it and you have to write a card and you have to leave biscuits out for Santa you have to do a lot of stuff and you have to put it under the tree like there's a

there's a process here and take take the price tag off yeah and so he was like what do you mean I have to wrap it and so I was like look we'll buy some Christmas paper like wrapping paper this is sort of how you wrap a present he doesn't still doesn't wrap presents particularly well but he's getting better at it so you guys have fully compromised on this in that now you celebrate Christmas which is something that previously in his upbringing he never would have done And are there any cultural ceremonies that you now celebrate that are Chinese that you obviously would never have been exposed to prior? Chinese New Year.

Chinese New Year is like Christmas, New Year's, every big event that we celebrate in the one event. And the thing about Chinese New Year is that it changes date every year. So it never falls on the same date. I like to keep you guessing. I like to keep you guessing. So it's usually at the beginning of the year, February, but it changes every year. with the relationship with your husband's family when was it that they finally became more accepting

of you it eventually just shifted I think they realized I wasn't going anywhere they realized I was making an effort I was doing the best I could you know like I don't have a background in this I don't I wasn't brought up like this I'm doing my best and I think eventually we realized like as a family that I wasn't going anywhere and therefore we all have to make an effort to make things more pleasant because we weren't going to be able to continue to move forward in the manner that we had been and so certainly there were more attempts at speaking English at the table you know often they would say something in Chinese and then one of the family members would then translate it into English for me or we would have a conversation in English and then if someone didn't know a word

they would say it in Chinese so then my husband could translate it to me so they certainly started to make the effort because I think we all realized that we just want what's best for Brian and we you know we all love him and essentially the way we'd been acting was we were like asking him which hand he wanted to cut off, which we then realised we didn't want him to cut off any hands. We wanted to be able to move forward together. Brian, he realised he also had to kind of educate his parents about what I was like and what my family was like and what my upbringing was like so they could have a bit more context and understanding around why I was the way I was. What advice do you have for anybody who is listening who might be navigating a relationship that has cultural

differences? I think the biggest thing you can do is to educate yourself. And if that means even talking to people of the same race outside of your partner to understand what the cultural dynamics are, to understand how does respect work? How do I show respect? And I think, you know, being really frank with your partner going, this is really tough. And if your partner can reciprocate that and go I know but you know we'll figure it out together then I think you're on the right track I think it's about being open and honest and realizing you don't have all the answers and also realizing sometimes you have to swallow your pride it's really difficult when you pride yourself as an independent you know open-minded person that speaks the truth and

you're suddenly being told you can't talk too much or talk about things that will upset other people because you know you've got to keep the peace somehow so I think part of it is swallowing your pride I know that's maybe not the nicest thing to hear but just going like this situation is difficult and I need to make this peaceful somehow I think there's no point trying to like be right in a situation all the time sometimes you've got to just let to wave squash over you eventually, you know? Well, I absolutely loved these chats today. And the fact is there are so many different factors when it comes to compatibility in a relationship. There's no right or wrong, but there is a lot you need to think about. There's a lot you need

to negotiate with your partner. If you do have these fundamental differences and you do want a long-term relationship, there is no two ways around it. Unfortunately, if you do not have compromise in the relationship you can never have a successful relationship where the compatibility seems too divisive yeah and I guess the big like take-home message for me especially after speaking to so many of you as well is just like and we say it every week but the conversation around communication you know the more that you better understand your partner the better you understand where they come from and how they show up in life the easier it is to support them and to figure out whether or not you are actually compatible long term. And I know for some of us, it's so fucking

hard to ask those questions because it's not the questions that are scary. It's the answers that are scary. And I think sometimes we avoid it and we skirt around it because we're too scared of being disappointed and maybe having to try again. But it's just so awesome to speak to people, especially from our own little life uncut family and community who we love. It's just so amazing to speak to people who have come from these different worlds and they're making their relationships work okay time for our second suite you know we never finish an episode without it the highlights in our low lights uh you can go first you were back my suck and my sweet my sweet i did it around the wrong way no my sweet my sweet is that you're home and that we get to

record together and that we're no longer having to look at each other on zoom and i can touch you and kiss your face. Okay, you're giving the wrong idea to what happens in this video. And your sock? And my sock for the week

is that I had a fucking dirty hangover on Sunday. Okay, this is unheard of but mine's exactly the same. My sweetie's been back with you and my sock is that I had a dirty hangover.

The only good part about my dirty hangover is I didn't wake up to a child. Oh, I woke up to two of them. You could have had one of mine. I had a spare. We've never had the same

suck and sweet in our life. What a way to finish. We're so compatible. We're so compatible. What a perfect end to the episode. Also, I'm going to chuck another sweet in there. I just got to see some friends and God, it felt good. And I put on makeup and I wore high heel shoes.

You looked smoking. Oh, man. Do you know what? Sometimes it's nice to like put makeup on and be like, remember you're still hot? That's what my face can look like. I still have it. That's better than what we thought.

It's better than what I thought we were at. We're working with something here, people. Guys, thanks to everyone that wrote in. We absolutely loved reading all your stories. We loved reading. Some of you weren't so successful in your relationships, but so many of you were, and that's really what we wanted to take home from this.

So thank you to everyone. Totally. We didn't even touch on the fact that a lot of you guys were like, yeah, actually it didn't work out. We just talked about the success stories. Yeah, it doesn't. Maybe we can do another episode on the failures. But, you know, we love love here, so we wanted to highlight the successes

and the relationship that you can have just because you're from different parts of life. Please keep your accidentally unfiltered coming in, your confessionals, any other awkward, embarrassing story. Please, if you're eating pudding and cutting your toenails, don't put the toenails in the pudding. Guys, you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends.

I don't know, just tell everybody. And share the love because we love love. I'm about to wet my pants. We'll be right back.