Life Uncut - Life in a 'Closed, Quad, Polyamorous' Relationship - Uncut with Taya and Alysia

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Hey Lifers, First up today, Britt won gold! Laura is knocking people out on the dance floor so Producer Keeshia is back in the hot seat. Wallgate is not over and Britt is really hoping #live-laugh-leave-brittany-alone thrives.  In today’s episode we are chatting with Taya Hartless and Alysia Rogers.Taya and Alysia are in a closed quad polyamorous relationship.  So Taya is married to Sean, and Alysia is married to Tyler and now they all live together in the one family. Together they have 4 kids (as well as another on the way), two from Alysia and Tyler’s previous family life and now two children together. The biological father of each of the kids isn’t known and it isn’t important to them.  We chat about: How they all met and realised the type of relationship that they wanted to have. The ins and outs of living together as a quad, The logistics of their family dynamic, Rules of their relationship, Dealing with public scrutiny If you'd like to follow their journey you can do so on Instagram here or Tiktok here If you have an accidentally unfiltered, your most embarrassing story, please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram herejoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm producer Keisha filling in for Laura. Okay, hold the line one second. I think I've left the stove on.

My pasta's cooking. Hang on. Well, after he does that, I will tell you what we are doing in this episode. This was such an incredible chat. We are chatting with Taya Heartless and Alicia Rogers. Now, Taya and Alicia, they're over in America and they are in a closed quad polyamorous relationship

and is the pasta boiling over the stove? Okay, I'm back. I've turned the stove off. Yes, today's episode is absolutely incredible. I saw this online and I had to reach out and contacted the women because I was so intrigued by how it worked and listening to them talk about how the relationship worked really opened my eyes to a whole nother perspective.

Yeah, so the way it works is that Taya is married to Sean and Alicia is married to Tyler, or at least they were individually married couples, okay? So they came together. They are now a part of the one family. They've got four kids. They've got a fifth one on the way. The biological origin of those kids is not known

because it's not important to them and they live their whole life as the one family under the one roof. Yeah, it's a very modern day Brady Bunch with a sexy twist. I think you guys are going to love listening to it as much as we loved recording it. My little gold medalist over here. For the 100 metres athletics hurdles. Pretty Hockley, you had a big weekend and you took home a gold trophy.

I did. It wasn't in hurdles, it wasn't in the 100 metre sprint. No, it was the media week. They're called the next to the best awards and I hate even saying that out loud. so media week had like an industry award which is really nice and it's for like radio tv like all the front of house kind of things but then all the back of house kind of stuff as well production and sales and literally everyone that's involved in media which i think is really nice a

really big celebration with everyone that works in the industry so it was pretty cool but yeah i was nominated so you get nominated like i was nominated a couple months ago for next to the best radio i was stoked i got nomination to be honest i was like there's no fucking way i would ever win and long story short I won so that's what I'm gonna say but I was really I'm really bad I absolutely killed it no I just I definitely didn't expect to win and yeah it was really nice it was also really nice because Mitch Turi who you guys all know and love as well he's our radio co-host and he won bronze so he was there as well for an award but he also presented me my award so that was really nice like it was really nice to win an award and be recognized for something that

you love and you work really hard for and you're passionate about but then also to be given the award by like one of your closest friends is really cool as well yeah this is all like this is very lovey and very well i never win anything i couldn't even win the bachelor the last thing i won was the easter hat parade when i was four years old and all i got was like extra easter eggs this is a real moment this is really taking this is making up for it no it's yeah it's definitely i'm definitely gonna put my award front center next to my easter hat but we're very proud of you i'm not surprised you won but even if you are well done thank you big round of applause the reason that I'm sitting here again today

apologies if you're getting sick of me is because our wonderful Laura Byrne she's a little busy knocking people out on the dance floor oh so Laura our lovely Laura Byrne is still on Dancing with the Stars did you see the video she posted where she KO'd her dance partner Danielle it was like a behind the scenes video do you know it wasn't the footage that made me so alarmed it was the sound it was because like you know when you slow down a video and it's like they did like it for anyone playing at home go on to laura's instagram if you haven't seen it she posted a behind the scenes of her getting ko'd well no she ko'd her dance partner so they're they're practicing in the studio she's in this little black outfit and they're doing some

i don't know what i think the cha-cha yeah yeah they're practicing the cha-cha and she did like a twirl out and she went to rapid fire twirl in and a full-on like hook with the elbow to of dance partners cheekbone he dropped to the floor he went flying like two minutes dropped to the floor and you heard i was like surely she's just broken this guy's face anyway dance with stars is going really well for laura also like i wouldn't fuck with laura hey after that video i think i used to think that you'd be the badass if ever i was in trouble and i needed someone to like take someone out on the street i really would have put my money on you but i'm i'm re-voting i'd like to put laura forward no i would still put your money on me hers is because

she's so gangly she can't control the limbs her limbs go flying left right and center at least minor control but laura is still in dancing with the stars so we're all rooting for her we actually do not know when it's airing but i know i can say it's soon i know it's soon it's probably gonna be within the next month i can't get in trouble for saying that because i genuinely don't know and i haven't signed an nda but um we're really rooting for our girl over here so kisha's on board on the podcast kisha you're actually lucky i was about to say the exact I'm surprised I'm sitting here today. You are lucky that I let you back in that hot seat after the things that you did to me last week.

I think you're lucky because I have experienced some of the most intense, hurtful trolling that I've ever had to deal with in my entire life. And I'm, of course, talking about your stupid wall gate photos. That's what I'm calling this scenario now. It's wall gate. It's a scandal. This is a three-week saga now. We've talked about this for three weeks. It's the issue that will not go away.

Because you don't let it. It's the issue of the photographs that I put on my wall. We have mentioned it the last three weeks in the podcast. So, yes, I printed out some photos of my boyfriend and Ben and I and put them on my wall. And Keisha had a problem with it. Laura Byrne had a problem with it. My friend Kim had a problem with it.

A lot of people in my life seem to have had a problem with the fact that I am in love and put some photos on my wall. We did a video and it sort of went viral. It went pretty big. It got picked up by some pretty big people. I think Vogue are talking about it. vogue wanna vogue wanna have a not style the mary condo of not give what is it not sparking joy that's coming next on netflix no vogue reached out to me and they said we saw the interior of

your home and we want to feature it okay how believable was that so we put up a video right i reckon over 90 of the comments and or messages that i got that were not in the hate category and by the way i know that some of the messages i got were like tongue-in-cheek taking the piss there yeah i'm joking she wasn't actually trolled you lifers were just fun trolling they were like this is so mean leave britney alone stop bullying britney she's newly in love and i was like mate i know that but the photos are too small and this is what everyone kept on bringing up with me i agree with that but don't you try and bend the truth now that was not your problem and we have video evidence your problem was that i shouldn't have printed photos out at all now when i got the

photos i agree they're too small for the space i agree that is not the problem but imagine imagine if i had made them bigger okay what you would have done it's not just the size as all of the people who messaged me mentioned oh what else is the problem what's bothering you okay so i didn't notice this at first here we go if i could do this comment on one thing I believe what I said was it just looks weird it's weird and I've now got more evidence as to why it's weird I'm five foot two right so so I'm sure and I was looking at the photos kind of being like I mean they're really high up on the wall but maybe they're not high up on the wall for someone who's a bit taller they're too high it's the size it's the composition of the fact they're

not all the one it goes like portrait landscape portrait I did that on purpose I thought it would be cute also i picked my three favorite photos and one of them was taken in landscape so i worked with it okay my rebuttal like we're a fucking court proceeding my rebuttal to the shrine on the wall is i live in a rental believe it or not i do not own a house in bondi beach i will never own a house in bondi beach i'm sure but there were already holes in the wall so i worked with what i had and i have tried to do the best i can with the amount of love that i have left in this room and that is what I came up with the wall shrine of the semi-professional photo shoot that we didn't actually book at the Louvre and I'm happy with it and I love it and a lot of people

wrote to me actually 90% of people in the poll said having photos of yourself and your partner is fine they only said it was gonna be a problem if I had three giant photos of myself on my wall which I do not I do not have one photo of myself on the wall I also asked Ben who is the subject of the photo shoot and ben thought it was very lovely of course he did he's the one who's in the pictures he's not going to turn around and say he wants to get laid he's like yeah that was amazing he just wants to get laid let's be real anyway wargate saga look bait the people came to defend you okay they've gone they came with their pitchforks thick and fierce the one hashtag i wish took off was hashtag live laugh leave britney alone and i was like that was such a missed

opportunity like yes i'm here for the people the people have spoken the shrine is okay my most valued comment was just shrine in capital letters we actually even had if you were listening to the podcast a few months ago comedian joanne mcnally she's the irish comedian we had on she's one of the hosts of my therapist ghosted me a great podcast she's so fucking funny anyway she slid into my dms and she's like i am dead i cannot stop laughing at this whole shrine wall gate joanne mcnally it made it to ireland the shrine made it to ireland you know how much i fangirl joanne mcnally so yeah anyway it made it to ireland but speaking of shrines this got me thinking i had a friend this wasn't that long ago i had some friends they live in the uk they're guys what

they did to their flatmate so their flatmate that bunch of guys that live together three guys one of their flatmates had this date that he was so fucking chuffed about like he was over the moon about this chick was a tan he was like i'm vibing i'm connecting i think this could be it i'm so serious about her it was the second date and he knew that he was gonna not i shouldn't say he knew he was gonna sleep with her but they were they were there he's like he had said to the boys if you can clear out tonight you know like we're going to dinner i've got this lovely date i reckon you know i would love to spend the night with her in the apartment alone things could get a little hot and steamy that's what you do right when you're flatmates and you live with people

anyway boys you need to clear out tonight i've got this hot date they agree all yours mate we're here for you we're gonna support you in your quest for love so he goes out on the date with his future wife where do they go do they go to a pub do they go to dinner oh they just went to dinner no they did oh the boys yeah oh i don't know you just gotta leave it's just a rule of the flat it's like i fucking find somewhere else to stay tonight party on whatever you want to do those walls are paper thin that's true but i think it's more like of course they can come back later in the night but it's like to sleep like it is their house but it's more like you know give us the majority of the night and come back and sleep when we're done and dust it so they agree so

anyway old mate goes out on his date with his 10 future wife the boys in inverted commas go out to the pub but what they decided to do was they printed off like 30 photos of princess diana a shrine they printed off 30 photos of princess diana got heaps of candles and they put them in his room in the yeah so they put a shrine of princess diana with candles and notes and like print-offs, print-offs of, like, magazines and stuff, and they put it all through his room. Then they left. Now, when he comes back from his date, it's getting frisky,

and he's like, I'm going to lock this down, goes into his bedroom, and she turns on the light, and there's a shrine of Princess Diana. What would you do if you were the girl? Could you imagine? Could you imagine? I mean, like, she's the people's princess, okay? We all love Princess Diana.

cock blocking on another level like from the grave she's cock blocking she's like this ain't going down also like the more that you know in any of those scenarios when something like that happens the more you defend and try to justify like oh this wasn't me like oh sorry you know like i promise this is not my shrine the more guilty you seem like then you're like i don't even like her and then she's like i love princess diana you're like no i like her but not enough to Printed off the shrine. Just a normal amount. Not to have 30 photos of her in my bedroom.

I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably think I'd gone to the effort to get there. I'd probably want to get laid. But then I don't think I'd call him back. Like, I think I'd commit and go through with the date. Because, you know what you reckon? Second date, go to the ligand shop. You had a nice dinner, probably some wine.

And all he says, you're already there. Do you know I've had a housemate stitch me up in a bit of a similar way to this? Explains why you've got such a problem with my shrine. the alarm bells are ringing no it's a similar kind of embarrassing moment but they fucking got me really good so I had started dating this musician and this I'm talking like oh this must be seven eight years ago it's like a long time ago and I was living in this apartment in Newcastle with hilarious housemates right so I'd started dating this musician and I had told them hey just so you know he's coming around tonight just giving the heads up I didn't even ask them I definitely

didn't ask them to leave the apartment and maybe maybe that was my number one mistake because just before he got there one of my housemates started playing their music through the speakers right the musicians music yes so you know they were kind of like oh does this get you in the mood you know and they were taking the piss which was all well and good until he I can't remember what speaker it was it must have been one attached to like something in the lounge room or that kind of thing and we're talking seven or eight years ago so i don't remember the that was a giant boombox six by six i don't remember how it was played anyway so the music goes off he comes over it's all you know it's going great until i i was having a drink of wine on the couch we were just catching

up and i went to put some music on and i just hit on and out plays his music so like oh so the music was off when he got there oh he was off but it was like loaded in so when you press it on it's like kind of when you get back in your car and whatever was playing most recently starts it's like porn hub starts playing you're like i would have preferred porn hub to start playing because i just look like such a fucking fan girl with his backing track i was like oh i'm serious my housemates like they just you know they were listening to it he probably turned him on most musicians are so godlike complex they want people to be listening to them i would hope that that didn't turn him on you probably get you paid for dinner every time his track gets played he

gets money from it just get your streams babe i'm just supporting the cause i had this other friend now this was years ago but it's just making me think back i had another friend that did a similar thing guys again it's always guys i don't think i know any girls that's cooked their friends same thing hot date was coming back to the apartment so they went and bought they must have just gone to like kmart or something they went bought 50 stuffed small toys and put them on his bed so that when he comes home on the date like you're getting freaky legs wrapped around the waist you know you barge in to plonk on the bed and you can't lay down you sit down all these teddies jump up like it's on a trampoline they go everywhere 50 stuffed

teddies of everything all australian animals native animals different say would it be worse if it was all of the one type all different no and so she thought he had a stuffed toy collection He's like, I don't know how to say this. Which, not here to yucky yum. I have stuffed toy. One. One. I have one stuffed toy.

I'm sorry. If there is a guy in his 30s that has a bedroom of stuffed toys, not yucky yum, but there's alarm bells for me, I'd be like, I've dated a guy that has those, you know, those like figurines with the big bobblehead things. I don't know what they're actually called. But I went into his room and they were like, I'm not exaggerating, more than 50.

and put them in air bunnies as collectibles, and it was a bit weird. You still slept with him, didn't you? A hundred percent. It takes more than that to turn me off, but I did find it a little strange. What would you do? Seriously, you've gone back to a guy's house. Let's say it was the shrine or 50 stuffed toys. What would you do?

Am I the age that I'm at now? This weekend, it's Friday night. When you're in your early 20s, they breathe in the wrong direction and you're like, nope, that's an ick for when you get into your 30s. Oh, yeah, a lot more slides, right? You're like, I'm pretty sure he's a stalker and he's showing 18 red flags on the first meeting. But he just really cares about it.

It depends on how hot they are. It does, yeah. If he's an 11, if it's Zac Efron, I'm probably going to say play on. I don't really care how many stuffed toys you've got. If it's Zac Efron, I will role play as a stuffed toy. Winnie the Pooh with a cut-off red T-shirt. I'm going to dress up as this giraffe, Zach. I'll do it.

If you guys have a story like this, write in. If you have stitched somebody up like this or like a flatmate or someone or a friend or they've stitched you up, please write in because I reckon this will be brilliant. Yeah, I would absolutely love to read your prank stories. Speaking of love, I met – I'm not saying you're in love, but I met Keisha's boyfriend, Todd Blorone. I met Todd Blorone.

That's a bit of a stretch. In real life. Yeah, what did you think? He's exactly what I thought he'd be. I mean, it's hard because I feel like I already knew him because I FaceTimed him quite a few times. So Keisha and I have this relationship with each other's partners where we just all FaceTime. No one knows each other.

No one's real. We're all just FaceTiming from a distance. So we're talking to a closed quad polyamorous family today on the podcast. Maybe we're in the early stages. I'm not saying that I'm sexually attracted to Ben. I find him attractive in the sense that I'm like, I can recognize he is hot. then I know you're listening to this so like you're a great looking guy do I find you sexually attractive no because you're my best friend slash boss's partner I also wonder like should I be

offended by that I don't want to yeah do you want your friends to want to bang your boyfriend not actually do it but just like to recognize that they're hot or do you want them to not find he's attractive because I'm sort of like what's wrong with him then Keisha why don't you want to be i feel confident why don't you want to bang my boyfriend i feel confident enough to say that if i were to meet ben none of us knew who he was and i met him in a bar down the street i'd find him very hot i'd be like you're a ride but now because i know him and i also know him as your partner like nothing could be more repulsive like i'm clenching right now i'm clenching all of my orifices right now you're clenching your vagina clothes in case he accidentally walks in and

should be glad you've never got to be worried about it what i will say is i really like him i've given him the tick of approval do you want to bang him that was the next question do you no but it's like we already shared delilah we're kind of halfway into this polyamory thing yeah we are almost closed quad i can't wait for the daily mail headline pretty ugly and just polyamorous relationship you do want your friends it's always nice you want your friends to be with good people and you want them to be happy and there's nothing worse i mean there is a lot of things worse but it's up there nothing worse than like when your friend is like hey i want you to meet my new boyfriend and they're just like a dick and they're they're rude and they don't treat people nicely

and you don't vibe it there's nothing worse because you're always going to pretend you vibe it but i don't pretend to vibe toblone he's a great guy yeah i'm team toblone that's a big thing because I used to like crunchies, but now I'm team Toblerone. Toblerone, I'm taking over. We have got a really funny accidentally unfiltered that came in that I would love to share with you. Hit me. I feel like I'm missing accidentally unfiltered.

If you guys have any really good ones, can you please send them in? We've decided to only do them every now and then now because we didn't want to overcook the good stuff. Okay, so here it goes. It reads, so when I was 18, I decided to go on a contiki. My parents, especially my mum, and I are very open to talking about sex and everything like that, which is great most of the time. As I finished packing, my mum gave me the debrief that went something like,

you know, just do whatever you want on your holiday, but make sure that you're safe. I'll buy you a pack of condoms just in case you get into that situation. The mum? The mum. Supportive. I like this. She's making sure that her daughter's being, you know, safe.

My dad overhears the conversation, decides he wants to be helpful, goes to his room, comes out and says, here, I have three left. Take these. Oh, my God. not sure what is worse your dad giving you the condoms or saying that he has only three left both it's an equal time no dad no dad support no mom like i'll go and get my own condoms like i get this as support but if you're old enough to be having sex you're old enough to get your own condoms you don't need to get your fringer from your dad oh they're pretty expensive i

wouldn't mind a couple freebies from your dad and when he's like oh i'm a bit short i've only got this one left i've only got three left yeah i think the minimum they come in is like packs of 10 so you know extra large you know and then what if they were like the ribbed strawberry pleasure yeah the ribbed condoms make a difference have you ever felt one they don't make a difference i don't even think they continue them anymore i think they are out of action yeah right i've never experienced any of the like you know this is meant to be better for her pleasure ones no although the lubed ones are better yeah but i think the ribbed ones the problem was it was giving men like a false sense of security what do you mean by that well they put the condom on

and they thought half the job was done they're like oh yeah it makes it 10 times better it gives them so much confidence you're like no bro doesn't work like that all right well that's enough of that let's get into the chat with taya and alicia So we are lucky enough to have Taya and Alicia with us today. Guys, welcome to Life Uncut. Thanks for having us. Where are you both coming to us from? We're in Oregon, Lebanon, Oregon. We're about two hours outside of Portland.

I stumbled across your story online because you guys are pretty viral at the moment. You've got a big TikTok account and I've seen quite a few interviews going around and I was just so intrigued by your story. So I'm really looking forward to getting into today. but let's start with who you both were before you met so who you were in your couple so Taya did you want to go first what was your situation like? Sure I am married to Sean and we got married in 2017 so we'd been married for two years before we met Tyler and Alicia and had been together since 2015 and we were living closer to the Portland area so about two hours outside of where we are now which is where Tyler and Alicia are from. What was your

relationship like with Sean at that time? Who were you guys as a couple? We didn't have any kids previous to meeting Tyler and Alicia and we met through work. So we were kind of both workaholics at the time. We spent most of our time together through work and life had kind of started. We both got new jobs separately and life had kind of started to slow down for us. We were working security. So we worked a lot of nights and weekends and life started to slow down a little bit. And so it kind of changed our ability to spend more time together doing other things outside of work and that changed our dynamic a little bit and allowed us to go out and have a little bit more fun overall so that was really nice and how about you and tyla alicia so tyler

and i have been together since 2007 we got married 2012 so when we met shantaya we were just about seven years married and we have two kids prior to meeting them and at the time let me think if i if I can remember their ages, right? I think they were four and five. Let me see what my kids' names again. And Tyler and I had been kind of into the swinger community before we had kids. So like seven years prior to that, before we got married. And then we kind of settled down and did life for a little bit, you know, got a house and had kids. And we were at the point where we didn't want to have any more kids. And we're just like, yeah, let's explore again. And we ended up matching

with Sean and Taya on an app and they were the first couple that we matched with and then ended up going on a date with and falling in love so so what were the reasons for you both individually in your relationships that you decided to start swinging so Alicia you had said that you you guys had done it for quite a long time and it was obviously just for some excitement in your life yeah what was it for you guys Taya because it was your first time swinging yeah we had gone to like a local club in Portland. And we had been on apps probably about six months before we met Tyler and Alicia. And for us, it was just, I'm quite a bit younger than Sean. So it was just about life experiences. And I wanted to experience all of life with him and the place that we had

gotten to in our relationship, we had built a lot of trust up and it was fun to talk about other people and flirt with other people. And it's just a unique experience to have those conversations with your partner. And so those kinds of conversations quickly turned into exploring apps and going out and meeting new people. And so it was quick where our conversations turned into actions, I suppose. And we didn't meet a whole lot of people before meeting Tyler and Alicia, but we had kind of just dipped a toe into the community. When you met each other, so when your two couples met, was there something that you identified as like particularly special about that connection? I don't think it was necessarily like when we met, but it was more we started

talking and then five days later we actually met up in Portland at a really cool event they were holding up there and the talking leading up to that it was really interesting because Sean and I are really similar in our personality styles and Taya and Tyler are really similar in their personality styles so it was kind of weird because I'm just like this guy's like in my head like I feel like he is me and it was just a very very different dynamic than what I was used to and so it was just really intriguing to like want to know more about them. So I have never, I mean, do we say swung? I haven't swung. I've never been to any swinging event, mainly because I can't get a relationship to then go to swing, but I've got a relationship now. It's fine. Can you go to a

swingers event and just swing with one person or is it always a couple going and meeting another couple? Like are there these sort of rules at these events? No, there's tons of different dynamics and it's really up to every individual couple and what their boundaries are, what their hopes are and desires. And of course, when you go to an event, it's not necessarily guaranteed that you're going to connect or hook up with anyone, honestly. And Tyler and I, when we did it seven years ago, it was for like maybe six months. So I think that our experiences are pretty equal in the amount of time we've actually spent in that community. Cause then again, seven years later, when we met Sean and Taya they were literally the only people that we talked to and connected with

but yeah it just depends on your own dynamics and what you're looking for to go to those events but there's also apps and stuff too so it's like we didn't go to a swingers event we matched with them and decided to go on like a date yeah so I think there's two things about that so one Sean and I originally were just looking for another female there's part of like just my sexuality exploring that and exploring that with my partner in like a safe space that was a huge positive for me in this situation we quickly learned that they're called unicorns for a reason single females are not really I mean they exist obviously because triads exist and they are out there but they are called unicorns for a reason they're hard to find so we quickly learned that there are a lot more

couples out there that are looking for similar situations and it's unique in a sense that like there's people who are looking to stay together with all four of them and there's people who are looking to be in separate rooms and kind of like swap for the night so there's different dynamics across the board and the good thing about the community is everybody is really whether it's swinging or polyamory everybody is really open and communicative and honest and really just honestly you have to be really straightforward about what you're looking for so that kind of helps narrow things down so you go to these swingers events and i know you guys said you met on an app but when you do go to a swingers event does it turn into a form of sex club so do

you go to the event and there are rooms at the event and you hook up there or is it more of an event that you go to that's a bar or somewhere to just make the meeting and then you guys go away separately and do your thing but it's both the club that's in portland which i think they had previously gone to it just was owned by somebody else so they had rolled over and a little bit different of an experience but the same concept where the first floor is like a club there's dance floor and food and a bar and all that and then later in the night the upstairs opens and that's where there's closed rooms or open spaces on the third floor so each floor kind of has a different experience and you can stay on the club level all night long and honestly like since we've

been together we've gone just the four of us just for fun because the atmosphere is a blast it's lots of open-minded people it's positive just in general like body positive and sex positive and whatever else but it's just a really fun atmosphere you can go I mean the times that Sean and I went when it was just us two we never even hooked up with anybody else at the club so it was usually somebody we'd met on an app but the club in general was just a fun place to for like open-minded people to kind of meet up okay so you guys went on a date how did things go from like this first initial date to moving in together so how did you go I know these are the bookends it went that fast it's okay yeah so we met up in Portland and we had gotten an Airbnb so that we could spend the

night together and before we were leaving from that night that we spent together we were already making plans for the next weekend and telling my kids we're going off camping with the grandparents so we're like hey you know we can save money if you guys want to come down to lebanon and yeah see what it's like in our small rural community and they came down and again before they left we were making plans again and so it just kind of progressed in that very natural way of like we realized we weren't really wanting to look for anybody else like we deleted our apps and we're just like we kind of like this that we have going on and then it was sean and i that actually kind of developed feelings or admitted our feelings for each other first I was talking to

him and I think him or I one of us said that like I feel like you're my girlfriend or I feel like you're my boyfriend and I'm like yeah I feel like that too is that weird because none of us knew what polyamory was we didn't know what a quad was we didn't know any of these terms and that was not something that we were looking for so the more we were kind of catching feelings for each other then we started looking into what that meant and honestly Tyler and Taya were a little bit more reserved in their feelings or admitting them so Sean and I kind of gave him a push and said I remember talking with Tyler and saying like it's okay to like her more than a friend it's okay that you have feelings for her like if you love her like it felt like one of those things where

you shouldn't admit that you have those kind of feelings when you're in a monogamous married relationship well I actually think that has a lot to do with how we've been socially conditioned, right? Like we're kind of taught that if you fall in love with someone, you're not going to fall in love with someone else, but that's not necessarily the case. That's kind of just what has been drilled into us because it's kind of norm in society. So at that time that you realized that you had feelings for each other, was there a part of you that struggled with the idea of telling your partner like, Hey, just so you know, like I do have these feelings of love for someone else, but it doesn't necessarily detract from the love that I have for you like how did you kind of

navigate that I think Sean and I kind of talked about talking to Taya and Tyler about that situation and letting them know it's okay so that they could admit their feelings to each other as well yeah not giving them permission but having that open conversation that like this isn't wrong well it's very obvious like we all were very on board with wanting to spend more and more time together we were talking 24 7 when we weren't together like Sean and I would drop everything and drive down just to spend a couple hours together in the evening, driving two hours there and then getting up early to drive home because we just wanted to spend all of our free time together. So it's very obvious that we all had feelings for each other. But Tyler and I were

like, no, no, that's not what it is. I'm obsessed with you. I talk to you all the time. I want to see you, but nah. It was very middle school. I even remember Sean being like, you like him, you love him. And I was like, shut up. No, I don't. When I listen to this, I guess this is probably a worry that most monogamous couples that do want to try swinging or do want to try a threesome, this is the worry that they have. What if my partner develops feelings for that person? And I guess for most people, I'm going to say, we all know that there's no normal relationship, right? I mean, that's why we want to speak to you because we want to really highlight that. But you guys are definitely an anomaly. It's pretty unusual to swing or have a threesome

and then all fall in love. Like that is definitely rare. Most couples would be like, holy shit. but in your relationship it sort of was tenfold because Taya you're I think you mentioned before you're bisexual Alicia are you or were you only looking more for males to have these experience with I am straight there are times that like I will interact with a woman and Taya and I have interacted and stuff and you know more of an intimate way but I think women are beautiful but I just I don't have that same sexual attraction towards women with the sexual aspect of it like In your experience, do you think that polyamorous relationships are more about sexual connection or do you think that they're more about emotional connection?

It can definitely be both. I mean, ours started as a physical attraction and then it developed into the emotional attraction, but I don't think it needs to be one way or the other. Do you think that's a bit of a misconception that a lot of people have about polyamorous relationships? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I think people assume that we were unhappy in our marriage.

they assume that our spouses weren't enough for us. There's all kinds of things. They just assume we're sexual deviants. When really our relationship has no more to do with sex than a monogamous relationship does, truly. It has nothing more other than we sleep with a different person every other night. But I think that polyamory in general is primarily about emotional connection, whereas swinging is more physical. I think that polyamory, it means quite literally many loves. So there's going to be a romantic side of things but every relationship is and dynamic is so different you could have a friends with benefits and it's a friend type of love it could be a non-romantic type of love and still be sexual if that makes sense so there's a lot of like kind of relationship

anarchy in polyamory where they just don't follow the normal relationship escalator and so you can see all kinds of different dynamics that focus on all kinds of different things when things got a little bit more serious between you guys did you kind of openly tell the people in your life that that's where things were headed did you keep it a bit of a secret for a while and I guess like how did they respond to that information we definitely kept it quiet for quite a while and there's so many rules and stuff that we thought we had in place when we first started back into that sort of lifestyle and one of them was that you know these people are never going to meet our kids and within a few weeks they were telling us how excited they were to meet our kids

and so that didn't take very long for us to introduce them to the kids and then once we realized that this wasn't just a temporary hookup type of thing and that we were actually wanting to be in a relationship and I was calling Sean my boyfriend Taya and Tyler had admitted their feelings we kind of got to the point where we needed to start telling people Sean had mentioned you know the idea of moving in together since we did live two hours apart and that was around four five months into the relationship and Tyler and I were looking to purchase another house and we decided maybe we should look for one that's gonna be big enough for all of us so the idea of us all living together we had to tell people it took me a long time to put myself out there just because I

really worry about what other people think of me and the acceptance and judgment and stuff and just being a very public facing job that I'm in like are people not going to want to work with me because of my lifestyle because it looks so different and we definitely got some mixed reactions from family and friends a lot of people that just didn't get it at all a lot of people that were concerned about our children wanting to make sure they were treated right and not that they were neglected or anything like that but they're just like well if you're bringing new people into your life you better make sure that they're kind to the kids and the kids are treated right we're not going to bring people into our life that we don't think treat our kids well

well it's also in a way it's no different to a couple that have kids that break up and they start dating different partners you're still bringing someone else into that child's life yeah yeah and for the people who were supportive of us there was still a concern overall of like we don't want anyone getting hurt I know that that was the same thing with my family like yeah this is great I'm glad you're happy but I'm scared for you because it's different and we've never seen it before and we don't we don't really get it you know so I think that overall like even the support the people who supported us before they had really seen it in action they were worried I think naturally as humans like we can be adverse to change like we can it can make us

feel anxious it can make us feel uncomfortable if we're in any situation that is a bit new to us how did your kids respond to all of you moving in together like did they adapt well to that they did I they had gotten used to Sean and Taya being around quite a bit and so when we talked about moving into this new house we asked them like what do you guys think about Sean and Taya moving in too. And they're like, yeah, that's awesome. That sounds great. Like they just had gotten used to Shantaya being a part of our life. And so to them, there was not even a question about it. There's like, okay, cool. More people. Well, that's the thing with kids too. There's such a level of innocence that they just say, this is how it is. Like mom and mom and dad and

dad, and we all love each other. And this is what my family is like. There's no judgment. Yeah. They were honestly just young enough, I think, in my opinion, to really start talking about relationship dynamics anyways. And what's out there, you know, you can be monogamous, you can be polyamorous and some people love one person and some people love multiple people and some people don't choose to be in romantic relationships at all so the timing of being able to kind of like live our truth along with having those conversations was I think it was a good time to to be able to start those conversations with them and like I remember the first time we did something as like a family and going out to the zoo together and it just was

really easy and that's kind of how it always was in the beginning with all of us it's the other people that made it difficult right like there are definitely speed bumps that we had to work through in our relationship but it's definitely a society that tends to make these things difficult did the kids understand when you all moved in together did they understand and did you explain that you were moving in together as a family or did they just think like mom and dad's friends are moving in what was the sort of explanation there I actually like for the longest time didn't want to give Sean a kiss or like hold his hand or anything in front of the kids because like oh what are they gonna think and it really surprised me that they were just totally okay with whatever

was happening they like they didn't really have much of a reaction it was actually after we were all living together Sean had said to me he's like they know that you're my girlfriend they know I'm your boyfriend I'm like do they and so I asked our oldest and I said who is Sean to me and he just turned around he's like oh that's your boyfriend like he knew it so I don't know if they quite got that when we moved in together but we never really sat them down to have that conversation in the terms of like actual titles yeah I don't think we anticipated co-parenting at the level that we are at now like obviously we anticipated being active participants in the lives and being parental figures but I don't think we anticipated being as blended as we are now

where we like we didn't initially plan on having more kids together we didn't plan so these things we kind of work through as time went on and the kids were just very adaptable in every situation that we've kind of come across. And there's just been a lot of love and fluidity throughout it. You know, it's so interesting to me what you say about kids being adaptable. I've got a friend who grew up with two mums and we're nearly 30. So it wasn't as common back then to have two mums. And a lot of people, as we've gotten older, have asked him like, were you bullied for it? Were you picked on? And he pretty often says like, I was never bullied by kids because like kids are like sponges they just take on any information that you give them you know he would just be like I've got

two mums and they go okay like you know that's cool like do you want to come and play on the playground he would kind of say that it was more when kids got to the age that they would start taking on the opinions of their more conservative or potentially judgmental parents that's when he experienced a little bit more judgment has that been the case for you has it been the people that, you know, a bit more of like society that maybe don't know you as well that have experienced it or have the kids experienced a form of bullying because of this? The kids have never said anything about any of their friends or peer groups bullying them or honestly saying anything about our relationship. I love the story that involves Taya's cousin that we were at a birthday party for

their grandpa and our daughter was explaining to her that she's like yeah i have two moms and two dads and it's just was just a normal conversation for her and there was this she was like oh okay yeah yeah cool and then they went to play the game together who's like who's who her father has not been a supporter of ours so it for us it was like kind of validating to see her they're close in age and it was kind of validating to see our daughter go up to her and say oh yeah i've got two moms and two dads and she was like oh cool couldn't have cared less you know moved right on past it i have heard her explain more to adults than it is to other kids that she has like she'll refer to tay as her stepmom sometimes and she'll refer to sean as a stepdad just because

that's an easier term for people to understand and the fact that our seven-year-old has to put it in those terms for the adults to understand what this relationship is really speaks volumes and so you just said that your family member that wasn't a supporter of you you know that the daughter was in that story who are the people in your family that you may have lost or had a bit of a conflict with over this situation well i mean speaking of the other kids we've had quite a few people in the beginning a lot of their friends especially like what am i supposed to tell my kids like how am i supposed to explain this to them and that's something that we actively speak a lot on our social media now because it's like the education about being able to speak about

relationship dynamics and not sexualize them is so important because because there are so many different dynamics there are people who have divorced parents or people whose parents are remarried and they do have two moms and two dads. They just don't live in the same household. And so the fact that that and in those dynamics where those people are co-parenting together is praised and ours is said to be disgusting or confusing or whatever it may be. It's a hard pill to swallow. I guess sometimes it doesn't quite make sense to me. But I have a couple of uncles who just honestly, they haven't really given. There was no conversation. There was no opportunity to kind of meet my partners and see. I think that that's the problem when people aren't

willing to give it a chance and kind of see what we're about or even learn and educate themselves on what it is or what it could be. And the ignorance really kind of is what leads their decision making. In terms of finances, we get a lot of questions from people that write in and say, how do you share finances in a relationship? You know, do we pay 50-50? Do we put X amount into a joint account? Do we keep our own account separate? Who pays for what? They earn more than me? Am I supposed to meet them halfway? All these sorts of questions. But you guys have got that double. How do you manage your finances in a relationship with four of you that I'm making an assumption all four of you earn different salaries? Yeah, it's something that we actually struggled

with for quite a while. And it was just in January of this year that we decided to all combine our finances and kind of come together. And it kind of stemmed from the idea that Taya is a stay-at-home mom. She doesn't have any income unless she, you know, makes extra on Instagram or TikTok or something. And like, that's not fair to her that she can't save for something because she doesn't have that stream of income. So it made sense financially for all of us just to combine our funds and have conversations over what our household needs. And if there's any big purchases, make sure that we're all on the same page about it. But then also like, okay, what makes sense after all said and done all of our bills are paid all of our fun stuff is paid we should each like

have a little bit of money that we can all decide to do what we want to on our own and whether that be saving or doing something special for yourself or going out and buying something going to a spa or whatever yeah exactly so it's like when all the needs are covered and then we each have like our own little allowance that we can choose to do what we want with that you want to get an extra snack you want to go get your starbucks coffee or something then that comes out of your allowance versus out of our joint account and there's no secret to this is the way that you should do it or could do it it's just something that we are trying and it's worked for us so far yeah it's been a new endeavor for us like she said but allowing us all to have the same amount it was

working through like okay obviously some of us make more than others and how do we navigate like not pulling rank or I make this much choice should be able to spend this much more so the allowances having even allowances across the board we all get so much money a month just kind of levels the playing field for us and then we talk about big purchases as a as a group I love that growing up for me in my situation my dad was you know the dad that went off to work mom looked after the kids mom did all of the mental load of our schedules she always knew where dad was she knew when he was traveling for work etc how does it work with you guys do you have like a home manager? Like, does that fall naturally in someone's camp where one person knows what

everyone's work schedules are, when you need to get groceries, those kinds of things? How does it work for you guys? Well, Sean and I are more of the planners. It depends on the thing when it comes to the mental load. Like I had already had Dylan and Raina coming into this relationship. So I kind of met that traditional mom role of the mental load of scheduling the doctor's appointments and this and that and getting to share some of that with Taya has been awesome but we have a shared calendar and so like if you have something that's coming up she's making her baby appointments and stuff and she you know looks in the calendar and makes sure like okay nobody else has something else going on this time I'm gonna schedule it for this and then we all get a notification when it

comes up we have our shared grocery lists on there Taya and Tyler like to go grocery shopping so they're the ones that go and do that on Sundays like it has taken a long time but we definitely have somewhat of a system now. But I definitely have a lot of schedule living rent free in my head about who is where and when and what needs to get done. And I make my lists. And then I Sean has started, we all have like a line on the calendar in the kitchen now. And he fills out the calendar for the week of where everybody is at and the appointments and then the dinners, because we make a menu for the week. And then we always grocery shop on Sundays, you know, as long as everything kind of goes to plan. And we've gotten there. But

The shared calendar is a lifesaver. I always say that I've never not parented with four people. I've never parented outside of this dynamic. And it's still hard. So, I mean, if that explains it at all, like parenting is hard. But you're starting to see a lot more people that even in non-romantic relationships of just like moms, single moms that are living together and raising their kids together or two sets of friends that are married, you know, just like our dynamic, but they don't have that other relationship in there that are all living together. one make your household more affordable and two now you have each other there to help support and raise your kids let's get into the juicy goodness let's get into the logistics of this situation

you've moved in together you're two couples together who's sleeping with who what rooms are we in how do we decide the rules and swapping and and you know who gets what and when that has changed over time much like a lot of our relationship and a lot of our boundaries and things like that and like Alicia said we didn't know what polyamory was before and being able to identify it and then do research and kind of validate that was huge I mean even now we learn every day right how to kind of function in this relationship because there's no roadmap for it so originally we would spend two nights with our married spouses and then one with our other partner and kind of rotate that way well I was working nights at the time when we first started

this rotation and it was really hard I specifically wasn't seeing Tyler very much at all and just because of the way our nights fell and we just weren't getting enough time together so we switched to every other night and we've just been doing that since and since then we've moved towards a lot more non-hierarchical relationship we've worked through even down to sharing finances and splitting even time together and not to be equal right but to set or just set ourselves up for the ability to spend time together as much as we can like we switch spots on the couch every night depending on whose night it is we sit by that person we switch seats in the car depending on whose night it is just so that we have opportunities to sit next to that person

hold their hand if we so choose for us it just kind of is mostly happens naturally sometimes i plop down in the wrong spot and it's not a big deal you know it's not so she's not like get out of my spot it's friday night get out of my spot you're in the corner chair but it's not something that's like a hard rule where it's like hey you know and it's like there's any hard feelings about it yeah and it used to be that Taya and I would switch rooms but once the babies started coming just didn't make sense and so the guys yeah the guys switch rooms instead but Tyler and I keep our stuff together in one room and Taya and Sean keep their stuff together in one room and then they just take their pillows and toothbrushes or whatever they need for that night and then

essentially it's once you leave that bedroom in the morning it's your day with the opposite person but it's not like I can't go and kiss Tyler even though it's my day with Sean like those are not rules in our household it just happens to be like the only rule would be what happens in the bedroom when it comes to like even flirting or hugging or kissing like that stuff or even like cuddling on the couch it's any of that stuff is free for all if there's no boundaries about that doesn't matter whose night it is especially if your partner is home like say Sean and Alicia are home and she need some physical emotional support and it's not her night with him there's no there's no boundary that says you can't go give him a hug and cry on his shoulder but when it comes to our different

needs physically we keep things strict to whoever's night it is if that makes sense is it really quite free-flowing in terms of being affectionate and open in front of each other or do you sort of have things like let's not I don't want to say rubbing each other's face but like let's not overly be affectionate in front of the other couple or are you just like free for all it doesn't matter we're so loving with each other that it doesn't bother us it's pretty much free for all there might have been some feelings at the very beginning and I think that part of it has to do with the fact of you know love language and physical touch both Taya and Tyler are very much physical touch oriented Sean and I not so much so they might be more touchy feely and cuddly

and kissing more so than me or Tyler or me and Sean and at the beginning I'm just like oh shoot like are they not getting what they need from me so they're getting it from Taya instead and then i'm just like really realizing i'm like i'm good i don't need to have that much physical time you're like just buy me the presents i am gifts my love that's the beauty of this relationship though and i think it's something that especially as jealousy comes up that you have to let go of is like being okay with your partner getting something that like if i'm not so good at giving them something and alicia is being okay with her playing to her strengths and kind of picking up for my weaknesses and giving that to them and being happy about it, you know, and not being like, oh, I need to step

my game up here. I mean, that's not to say that we're not always striving for growth and to be what they need, but ultimately if they can get it somewhere else too, then why would we want to take that away from them? I'm very curious about how you navigate conflict. I mean, in any relationship I've ever been in, if I've had a big blow up with, you know, my boyfriend, we'll have this big argument and I'll go and I'll talk to Brit about it and I'll say, this is what happened. We'll hash it out and we'll talk it all through. How do you navigate conflict in your situation? Because I guess if you were to go and talk to another person in the quad, it could be a bit of a gang up situation. How do you navigate that? We learned the hard way.

We ended up having a mud wrestling fight. Yep. We had all out brawls and ended up taking sides and putting ourselves into situations that weren't our fights. That had nothing to do with you at all. And yeah, so we learned the hard way and that's exhausting and it doesn't do anybody any good. And that's not to say that we don't vent to each other. We absolutely do. I think in the beginning, it made things kind of difficult because when I'm not spending as much time just in general with Alicia, because our schedules just aren't set up that way and you know being a safe space for my partners where they're having a hard time and that's all I'm hearing of her that really challenged our relationship early in the beginning

so that's something we had to work through but also like if you're not in a place where you can listen to your partner and not react and not interject yourself in the situation then you've got to speak up or ask permission beforehand like hey are you in a place where I can vent and you can just listen rather than react because it saves a lot of grief in the long run and to the conflict come between all of you in terms of your husbands that you came into the relationship with then your boyfriends and then you two as well as friends and co-parents a conflict between everyone it just depends on the conflict there have been conflicts in between all of us there are conflicts and like tay was saying like if sean and i are in conflict at the beginning him

and i could be having a problem and her and tyler would be fine but then tyler only hears what i have to say about it and he says something to Taya about like why Sean doing that and Taya's only hearing Sean's side of it and so then she's like well Alicia's doing this now they ended up in a fight you need a flow chart to follow this seriously I mean yeah we end up taking sides with whoever the story we're hearing and it just is wildly gets out of control yeah and and there are times that like you know all four of us genuinely are in a conflict and there are some sides that get taken or one person and there's three people that are on the opposite side of it and you know we have to have a conversation and at times we have done kind of a majority rules type

of thing but it's that person who is in the minority their point is not invalidated their point is not dismissed they still need to be heard and a conversation needs to be had about it but ultimately there has to be some sort of compromise and that's what we really try and get to well I mean it's the age-old saying right there's three sides to a story but in your case there's four sides there's four sides eight of them I don't know yeah are there ever times that or would you ever have threesomes with Tyler Sean and one of you and not the other or do you have any no-go you know these are my boundaries or is it still like hey I want to go and you know be with both men tonight are there those kind of options in the relationship it's been a while

but it has happened and it's been highly talked about and planned so it's not something that just happens off the cuff yeah what we say is everything is a conversation so if you have a need if you have a desire anything like that let's have a conversation about it and so that we can all be on the same page and talk openly about it and establish boundaries if there needs to be or plan our schedules because there's four of us and we have four kids so there has to be some prior planning involved too don't get me wrong polyamory in general is a i mean one relationship is hard right and we have multiple not just the two romantic relationships but relationships between her and i and relationships between the guys and so it's been a lot of trial and error

a lot of conversations i mean we were just joking the other night that us sitting down and talking about our schedule even for the next day like we have to make a whole list of things we need to talk about that have come up throughout the day. And we could end up sitting there and talking for an hour and a half, just trying to situate the rest of our week and our schedule and things that we need to talk about with the kids and things that have come up over the, you know, and so take your normal relationship conversations and check-ins and multiply it by four. I mean, it's constant and it can be exhausting for sure. I'm exhausted trying to manage just mine and my dog's relationship, let alone like the four of you guys, we're four kids.

Talking about communication, I know other relationships that might be open. Everyone has different rules with okay yes you can go and be with other people I don't want to know about it yes you can go and be with other people I need to know every single thing that happened in your relationship with the four of you do you openly talk to each other's partners about what you did with the other partner or is it a rule of like obviously you guys are open in terms of talking with each other about general life and swapping and how it's going to work but are you allowed to share the intimate details with each partner I think that depends who you're talking to yeah it's that person wants to know I'm one of those people that at the beginning I

would ask Tyler a lot of questions because I thought I wanted to know and then over time I realized that it was not healthy for me and I was experiencing a lot of jealousy and comparing myself you're like what she does reverse cowgirl I can't do reverse cowgirl yeah I don't want to know that you have a tendency to compare or if it gives you negative feelings why do it especially when we've established trust and things like that and I'm a little bit more closed when it comes to those types of conversations and Taya's a lot more open and I know that if I asked her she would be more than willing to share those details and same with Tyler with me but I've just for my own mental health I'm just like you know what I'm good that doesn't affect my relationship with Tyler it

doesn't affect my relationship with Sean so why am I putting myself through that yeah can we talk about the kids so did you actively make the decision together we think we'd like to add to our family yeah or was it something that you just got pregnant and because both of you got pregnant quite close together is that correct yeah both of the guys had had vasectomies previously and both of them had reversals so it was a big decision yeah so Sean had had his reversal before Tyler and I met them and it was actually Taya took Sean to get his reversal and they met us we talked about having more kids across the country yeah over in Oklahoma because it was way cheaper to travel and go to this clinic in oklahoma so when we had made the decision and

we talked about it more because i had always wanted a third kid but tyler and i were just so exhausted our first two were only 17 months apart and it was just so much work and we're just like you know what it's fine we're just gonna have two and then we're like well i've always wanted to have a third and we have partners now that are gonna be here and support us in this endeavor so why not you have additional support now yeah yeah so Tyler and Taya actually went to the same clinic back to Oklahoma frequent flyer with a different guy they need a two-for-one deal but I ended up getting pregnant first I'm very fertile so um it happened real darn quick for me they just look at you and you're like damn it yeah yeah that's why I'm like I am on birth control

until you guys are fixed well now they both have a second schedule next month so we're done done yeah also you you do get that fourth step yeah within a week of each other yeah three days they're gonna get their vasectomies so at least you got pregnant first and then what was the time difference until you got pregnant to the boys are seven months apart so it was like six weeks before i had barrett yeah you are pregnant pretty close to the end we weren't pregnant at the same time for very long and you're pregnant again i am i am not yes okay and so how far along are you now i'll be 21 weeks on tuesday okay well congrats so that's number five is that right you've had the two you've had two together and then this is the fifth okay and the interesting part i guess

about this maybe people don't know this yet we haven't established it yet but you as a quad have decided not to find out who the fathers are of the children that you've already had and this one that you're currently pregnant with is that correct right we chose not to find out the biology between the two guys or we didn't regulate biology i should say is that because you think that it could affect the paternal relationship between the dads and the boy sorry the dads and the kids I don't think that that choice was made out of fear I think that that choice was made out of just genuine like showing how much it didn't matter to us like not that we had something to prove but it just didn't feel necessary for us and although it may feel necessary to the boys

someday and if it does and we'll take that journey together but us as their parents you know having especially parenting dylan and reina like and not being their biological parent it just didn't matter to us both the guys are fantastic dads to the kids and i don't think that finding out biology would change that i honestly don't think that was part of the decision at all it was just kind of one of those things where we didn't regulate and whatever happened happened because we knew we wanted to have more kids yeah and it's exactly that if they ever want to find out we will absolutely take that journey with them but so many people are so concerned about like what about health histories we're like well it's one of two options yeah they both live here and we know their

health history yeah so yeah it's not a random person we talked to genetic counselors they're okay their doctors are okay like people get really concerned about that but ultimately yeah we went through every scenario and said like how would i feel if alicia ultimately got pregnant and sean was the biological father or vice versa and we all were just like i just don't care like that'd be kind of cool you know it's like for us it just didn't matter and so ultimately we just didn't regulate that at all. We all know that a family doesn't need to be blood, a parent, a sister, a brother, whoever it is, does not have to be blood related. There are far more people that have been brought up by people that are not related to them that are related anyway. So I 100%

agree. And I understand why you're saying it doesn't matter because it genuinely doesn't. There's four of you that love them. So when the time comes that one of them, do you think that they're going to want to find out? Do you, do you guys talk about that? Do you say, Hey, I'm sure that when they hit 10 12 15 they're going to want to know I don't have any fears about that about it changing a thing you know for our kids maybe but ultimately I think with how we've raised them and because they have brothers and sisters of different biologies already because you know Dylan and Raina are biologically Tyler and Alicia's and we know this I don't see it mattering to them either I think you know say they get to high school and end up talking about biology and maybe

they want to know because they want to be able to participate in their family lineage and whatever that looks like. I mean, I see that maybe as an intrigue, but I don't see it changing our family dynamic at all. We've spoken a lot about what all the positives in a polyamorous relationship. What do you think some of the hurdles have been or the hardest parts have been about navigating a polyamorous relationship? I think when it comes to kids, there's a lot of hurdles about being able to be recognized as having four parents, like having to fill out a form so that Taya or Sean can take one of my biological children to the doctor. If something were to happen to one of our sets of couples, legally, the state doesn't see the other kids as belonging to them. And so

like making sure that you have a will in place or some sort of advanced directive, because there's not any sort of legal way to show that you are for parents that are of equal rights for them still being married to your original spouse there's nothing that protects us legally no that's actually something i didn't think of a really good question who do you put down on the birth certificate as the father so for our state we were told originally for the two boys that we have had together that it should be the legal spouse that goes down if you're legally married then the legal spouse automatically goes down as the father. I have since been told that there is an option to put a second father down. I have started to look into that, but ultimately I need

to start getting on the phone and get some, because online it's like, there's so much information that isn't relevant to this like very specific question that I have. But ultimately that's something I'd love to get to the bottom of before we have this baby. I asked Tyler actually a couple of days ago, like, is this something I should be looking into? Do you want to be elicit if that's a possibility and he said absolutely but we've also talked about third party adoption which also is legal in our state which we've talked about both of us adopting our non-biological children so that they would have a legal third parent in each couple if that makes sense could you just put the other couple down as like guardians or the godparents or yeah

like you said just make sure that in a will in a will yeah yeah it's a lot of poops to jump through isn't it just it seems like a lot of admin but it's the same sort of thing about like health insurance and things like that you can't list another partner on any sort of health insurance or finances and stuff so we just kind of have to try and work around what the system is because the system is built for monogamy or not monogamy but like a two-person what about when you give the children last names is it hyphen for both of you or do you pick the partnership that had the child because I assume you want to all feel like one family you want all the kids to feel like they're in unity and you know all have the same last name so there's no differentiation

you get a new one we were talking about making up a new last name today the two boys that we've had together have hyphenated last names at the time we have talked about hyphenating all of our last names but we've talked about doing it after we've had a commitment ceremony it is fun for us to kind of fill in the gaps of a traditional relationship escalator if that makes sense it's fun to talk about having a big party and celebrating you know we can't be legally married but it's fun to talk about doing a commitment ceremony and celebrating each other and and then looking into third party adoption and ultimately all hyphenating our last names so that we would all have I mean obviously I want our siblings to all have similar last names that would be ideal but we were talking today and

throwing around unfortunately our last name combinations are not great so far something that happens in our Facebook group so there's 71,000 people in our Facebook group now and a really common thing people will ask are for wedding hashtags which basically amalgamates the last names into something funny so maybe we can put a thread in there and see what we can come up with for you guys maybe our group can come up with your last name oh my gosh that would be such an honor we do yes because hodgers or rodless is just not it like if we could come up with something cool yeah it can't be rodless there's too many boys for that no too much you can do with that you cannot you cannot do that you cannot put your kid into rodless no for a couple or an

individual that was wants to you know go and have a little adventure they want to dip their toes into polyamory what would be your suggestions for them what are some tips where do they start what would you want them to know for me it's just immerse yourself in the community because there is so much to learn and there are so many feelings that come up and being able to know like that those feelings are valid and the best ways to approach them and the best ways to communicate your partner and things like that like just educate yourself even if it's online even if you don't have a community in your area just joining as many groups and things as you can you know even if it's instagram videos or tiktok or whatever it may be podcasts or books educate

yourself as much as possible because a lot of feelings come up a lot of hard feelings come up and the more that you can educate yourself and and be able to validate those feelings the easier they are to work through can I ask a step back from that did you have a bit of a curiosity was that the thing that you were like maybe I am actually considering something else and then you had a conversation with your partner at the time was it just a curiosity about other people was there something a little bit more distinct I guess that someone may recognize in themselves listening to this and go oh maybe that's what that is I think that it's different for everybody I remember telling Sean early on that when we were talking about swinging because

the whole idea of swinging came up watching a tv show that had a triad in it so it was a polyamorous relationship but it didn't teach us much right but I remember saying I see how people could do that but I don't think that that's for me right like so at the time it was like okay I can see how that would work I just can't see myself in that situation I didn't know that I was capable of that until I fell in love with somebody else but I know for some people they find polyamory and they're like holy crap so many things make sense right like that explains why I haven't been in a committed relationship long term because I get bored or my needs aren't met or whatever it may be I can't settle on one person and it can really make a lot of things make sense where they might

of just thought I just can't find my person or I haven't found my person to maybe I want multiple people. And there is like a big community out there and you know there's Facebook groups you can go on there and request to join and just read through people's stories and then when you feel comfortable enough being able to go and ask your own questions because there's nothing better than asking somebody who's experienced that what their take is and like exactly what you're doing is asking like what things should you talk about like how do you even start that conversation I always tell people to like if you're interested in it and your partner is hesitant or they don't understand or they have questions find somebody who shares their life online who it looks like

kind of what you imagine right like if you're interested in a quad and dating another couple share our videos with them you know share some real life stories with them so they can see how it works because if you're just talking about it and it's so different and you've never seen it before. It can be really hard to imagine, but if you see people living it, it can be a lot easier to wrap your head around. We just want to say a huge thank you for coming and so openly sharing your story today. For anyone that does want to go and check you guys out, maybe learn some more about the dynamics, how it works, where can people find you guys? Sure. We're on TikTok and Instagram. We do have a YouTube, but man, I slack on posting there. That's because you have five kids.

The goal is to get better at it, but all under the same username, polyfamory. we'll put links for all of that in our show notes as well yeah it's p-l-l-y-f-a-m-o-r-y which is the combination of polyamory and family that tyler created okay well we might have to try and help you come up with your last name anyway we'll put it we'll put it in our facebook group we'll see if the the lifers can come up with a new last name you're welcome thank you for having us well you know we never finish an episode without our suck in our sweet the highlight and the low light of the week here should you want to kick it off do i kick it off with my sweet or my sock you are as bad as laura i know we have done 400 episodes over four years and every week laura

gets it wrong the suck goes first because we like to finish on the heart okay my side one of us is the glue to this podcast my suck for the week is that i am so newly invested in the vanderpump rules scandal you are previous to last thursday i had never watched an episode of the show in my whole life i recognize lisa vanderpump because she's an og real housewives of beverly hills and i know that she owns all the restaurants and i understood the premise of the show yeah had not watched one minute of it obviously this scandal if you haven't heard about the scandal very quickly it's like it's going to be the scandal of our generation okay this is like hot saucy gossip recap 10 seasons of vanderpump rules right now for your suck i won't but i'll

give a really quick recap there were a couple they were life partners they were together for nine years turns out he has been having an affair for seven months with the best friend okay they did a reunion yes there is a it's a three-part reunion special and they're airing it once per week on binge now previous to this i was like whatever i've read all the articles and i listened to it on podcasts and blah blah and i was relatively invested that i was like wow that's that's pretty heavy. That's a cheating scandal. Now I have watched the first episode and I have never craved the new episode of something more in my whole entire life. I've got to wait another six days and then I have to wait another week for the third episode. Wait, you only watch the first

of the reunion, not the first of the season. So I watched the reunion episode and then I went back and watched the previous episode. Because I also, Keisha and I stumbled across this together. We're with some other friends that were talking about Vanderpump Rules scandal. So we were like, we feel out of the loop. Yes. I also went to try and watch it. And I went from the first episode of the last season because I was like, I need some background

and I'm not watching 10 seasons. So I went to season 10, episode one, and I was going to watch the whole season to really get a vibe for the scandal and then watch the scandal series. I can't get into it. Well, just skip ahead because the reunion is so spicy. I'm like, it's so unbelievable.

I'm watching this shit and I'm like, maybe i needed to watch the 10 seasons before but i'm like it's just not hitting home for me and i know that's controversial because i know it's a huge show it's huge it's probably the most streamed thing this week i reckon oh absolutely but it's my suck because now i'm so deeply invested and i have to wait so long in between okay well what's your sweet my sweet for the week is that this year i am turning 30 our birthday is in august britain i have the same birthday for anyone playing at home 21st of august um i said that i wanted to go to italy for my birthday it's my favorite country to holiday in and you know i've said this before but like my life doesn't look like what i thought

it would look like at 30 and in most ways it's so much better than i ever could have imagined but i was like cool all right well what's something that i really want to do to like kind of celebrate that and i've said that i've wanted to be in italy for my 30th birthday and so I finally booked flights to go and turns out traveling to Europe at the moment is a lot more expensive than what it used to be oh my day yeah summer in Europe now post pandemic crazy it's very expensive absolutely take out a small loan and sell a kidney like people actually may need to do that yeah but uh yeah so I booked the flights and I was kind of like look the price of this it is a big present to myself because your 30th is supposed to be a big celebration and you love

it yes italy is an incredible country i'm very very jealous yeah that's but that's it yeah pasta so much pasta so many aperol spruces so much limoncello i'm so excited what is your suck for the week my suck would be this actually just happened this morning i took jelilah for our very standard morning walk she did a really big shit sounds like lila i always pick my poos up Like, always. Anyway, I put my hand in the bag to pick it up. There was a huge hole in the bag. My hand went straight into the poo.

Straight into, like, a warm, whippy ice cream. Oh, no. So that was my sock. That's nice. It was rank. It was so rank. I wish I saw that. Oh, my God.

And then I saw I had to scrape around it with a hole in the bag. It was not a moment. It was not a moment. Did you, like, wipe your hand on the ground? We don't need the details. We don't need the details. Licked them clean. No, I'm kidding.

No, I went to the bathroom and washed them. lucky there was a public toilet so my sweet this week I guess I have to say it was winning the award I mean like that's yeah I should come up with something different and I tried to but that was definitely a highlight for me it's not a week highlight it's like a year highlight yeah I was actually so so stoked and so proud of you because I saw you with like in the lead up to it and I was like do you reckon you're gonna do all right like do you reckon you could maybe get a trophy and you were like no no no no like yeah you were kind of like no no I'm just kind of going along because I think it'll be a good, like, networking experience

and it'll be cool to see it. Well, Mitch was hosting. Totally. Supportive friend. Little did we know our gal's coming home with a goal. Yeah, so that was 100% my sweet. That is it from us, guys. Please keep your Accidentally Unfiltered's coming in,

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