Life Uncut - LIFE UNCUT RADIO - 21st May

Episode Date: May 21, 2022

Lifers and legends, here is our Saturday Morning radio show that played out across the country this morning. It's a silly one, with lots of giggles, and precisely zero hard hitting moments. We've saved up the heart felt chats for next Tuesday episode, which is going to be a huge one. Today we are talking to Will and Woody who are on Celebrity Apprentice and in the spirit of election we are talking democracy sausage.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany.

And this little bad boy is our radio edition. We do a Saturday radio show. We package it up all nice and neat and cute, and we put all the good stuff together, and we drop it into your feed every Saturday at 1pm. And basically anything that sucked, we don't include in this. Yeah, we take it out. So you just get the high life.

But that's what I mean by I say we package it up and give you the good stuff. Anything that we think doesn't make the cut, we leave that on the cutting room floor. Well, today's show, I mean, today's show was a little bit silly, but you know what? It's election day and there was so much serious stuff that's been going on and the elections are quite divisive.

Talking about politics is very divisive, which is why on radio this Saturday we didn't speak about the election. What we did speak about is the one thing that brings everyone together and that's the democracy sausage, The sausage sizzle that we all can look forward to when we go and we place our votes. So we do actually speak to a man named Josh. Now, Josh, we won't go into it too much, but Josh travelled around Australia.

Bless his soul. He is a hero. He is an Aussie legend. He sampled every sausage sizzle from every Bunnings in Australia. It took him two years. Could you imagine, like, everybody has different hobbies. Imagine that being your hobby. Like, what are you going to do with your life?

I'm going to go and I'm going to try every single sausage. I don't think he thought of it as a hobby. I think he thought of it as a service to Australians. I think that's what – and he does. He does tell us where the best one is from. But, Laura, just like out of curiosity, what is your – if you're making a sausage sizzle, what do you – just tell me how you build it.

Do you put anything extra on it? Plain piece of bread? What sauce? Okay, white bread. Just like a square white piece? A square piece of white, Wonder White bread. Butter. Always butter.

I love it. Butter. And I'm all for a chicken sausage. Is that weird? But I'm not really big on beef sausages. A chicken sausage with tomato sauce makes me really fucking happy. Oh, interesting. Okay, I'm just going to give you my little rundown.

I'm one piece of white bread also. One normal beef sausage. Thin. I like the long skinny ones. I don't like the short thick ones. Long skinny sausage. Bit of onion on top. This is the only time that I like a long thin sausage.

Same. On a piece of bread. I have a long thin sausage. I love to put some onion on the top. And I am usually, I'll take whatever sauce is going, you know, sometimes I don't have the options, but my go-to, if I had the choice, would be a barbecue sauce. I cannot believe the detail that you just went into. I'm really hungry, so I'm salivating.

Do you know what I sometimes think as well? Like, obviously our radio show is so very different in content to the stuff that we do on a Tuesday or on a Thursday. Tuesdays and Thursdays are like the insightful, deep, I mean, often very silly and funny as well. But this, the radio show is just a good laugh. So if you want to just have a chuckle along, listen to some fluffy content, that is exactly what this is.

Otherwise, we'll see you back here on Tuesday. Oh, speaking of Tuesday, just while I've got you. Segway. Tuesday, this coming week, we have the most fucking incredible episode for you. And I just want to take this opportunity to let you guys know. This sounds like an Oscar speech. I'd like to take this opportunity. To thank my mum.

No, put it in your reminders. Like, really strap yourselves in for this one. We are interviewing this wonderful woman. Her name is Jessica Buchanan. Now, Jessica was, her story is unbelievable. She was living and working in Somalia and whilst she was there, she was working for a company who would detect landmines and help the communities to try and figure out where

and what might constitute a landmine. It was more of an education piece. And while she was working there, she was kidnapped and held for ransom for over 90 days in the desert by Somali rebels, by Somali pirates. It is, honestly, it's one of, and I don't even know how to say whether it was my favorite, but it was like such an incredible story. And Britt and I were, we could have spoken to her forever.

From the moment I read her story, I was so hooked. And then speaking to her was just a different level. She was, the ransom, I don't know, I don't even know how to, I don't even know how to explain it, but she was 90 days in the desert thinking every single day she was going to die and knowing that the ransom was for $45 million. So the ransom wasn't even accessible. It wasn't a $500,000 ransom. It wasn't a $1 million ransom. It was $45 million. So she's in the desert thinking, surely no one's coming for me. No one's got $45 million. They wouldn't believe her that no one had $45 million. It was just an absolutely horrific but incredible story

of survival. So please put that in your calendars, guys, for coming up. It's coming up on Tuesday's episode but let's tell you about what's on this episode now laura uses everyone else's toothbrush i'm throwing you under the bus okay we talked about there's been this thing that happened on on the view it's that tv show with whoopi goldberg and basically they discussed whether it is or isn't acceptable to use your partner's toothbrush now i use matt's toothbrush and apparently he's got an issue with it so we get into that we also speak to will and woody who are coming up on the apprentice at the moment so that the apprentice starts on sunday night which is tomorrow if you listen to this when it comes out and they're so fucking funny they're such great guys to chat to

well that's it let's get into it the life uncut radio show with brit huckley and laura burn i want to address something that just happened on the way to the station i just went and picked laura up she opens the door and she furiously says give me a pen and paper immediately i know you have one and i was like oh i'm not even going to question this i did it let's talk about what you did laura oh yeah there was someone parked terribly on the street and i wrote a note and made sure that they're aware of it oh okay no producer keisha we spent five minutes trying to get her very small car into a very very tight park in a space where three cars can park and i tell you that is my bugbear i hate it i hate it with all my soul when people park and they just

selfishly leave a meter out from the from the the signpost because no one can use that meter behind you no one not even a motorbike really it's dead space okay i did after i wrote the letter think maybe there might have been a scooter or something part of it earlier and the scooter's just gone but never that's probably what never did i think in my younger years that i would be the woman who would write an angry note and leave it on someone's car what did you say yeah what did you write in the note write it for us uh and you didn't sign it off with my did i it was it my name on there was a britney hockley kiki k stationary with my address on it was it like the Back of a bill.

Brittany Hockley. At Brittany Hockley Instagram. I just said. Can you follow me? Morrissey Management. Kiss FM Saturday show. Call in, DM us. Oh, that's definitely not.

I just wrote a very passive aggressive note that said, excuse me. Tell us exactly. I said, please can you park more considerately in the future? If you could park closer to the sign, it would allow for more cars to park in this area. This is extremely selfish. Very wordy. Is what I wrote, which now that I'm replaying that. So passive, Laura, passive.

I'm also embarrassed for myself listening to what I just said. Have I turned into a middle-aged woman? Yeah, you've turned into a Karen. You are a middle-aged woman. We're in our mid-30s. I tell you what, blink and you miss it. Wow. Did you just realise that you are a middle-aged woman?

And do you know what? I was really cranky too. Like I felt really angry about it, the way that the guy had parked. But wait, where do you draw the line? I'm like, what's next? Will you be one of those neighbours that call the cops on your poor young couple having a party at midnight? 100% she would.

I have already called them. Not on my now neighbours, but in the past, yes, I've called the police on my neighbours. As in my neighbours now, my current neighbours? No, in my old house. I used to live right across from, like, a party house. And, yeah, 11 o'clock rolls around on a... I'm so...

I'm embarrassed for myself. Like, 11pm, we're talking. Didn't go through the night. No, after 10.30. Oh, my... Too late. Laura. Laura Karen Byrne.

This has to end. I am cutting myself a bulb for next Saturday and, yeah, you can call me Karen from now on. And if your name's Karen, you just wear that with pride. We don't even say that as an insult. Doubling down. Karen. All new in 22.

For your Saturday morning, the last uncut radio show with Britt Hockley and Laura Byrne. On Kiss. Tomorrow night, very excited for The Celebrity Apprentice. It is coming back and two of our co-workers here at Kiss FM are joining the cast, our very own Will and Woody will be on tellies and they join us now. Hello, boys.

Hello, how are you? Great to be here. How do you feel about doing a reality TV show? What was the experience like for you guys? Pretty full on, isn't it? You guys would both know, like, it's terrifying, the whole thing. You don't know how it's going to be cut together, you know, you're in a space with a whole bunch of egos and personalities

and you realise that producers are doing things to try and get drama and you can't help but get absorbed in it. Master manipulators producers are. The sooner you know that, the better. Well said. Well said, Britt. And I feel like we knew that

and you know that's going on, but you still get absorbed in the game. You definitely do. You lose sight of what's real. But I think the interesting part of doing a celebrity reality show is you're doing a celebrity reality show because of one of two reasons. either A, you're like slightly might have screwed up publicly

and hence you're trying to claw back your image. Redemption, S-A-S style. Redemption. That's option A. Or option B, you're not quite in celebrity zone yet, so you're trying to get more famous. And I want you guys to figure out which one we were. It's a slippery slope.

In your own time. But we were definitely in category B there. So we were tiny fish in a big pond. And so the big scary part of it was that there were these people who were genuinely previously very big celebs who were clawing back their image. And the jostling for position was terrifying. I want to know, though, because obviously you've got

to have connections, right? That's the whole premise of the show. You've got to be able to call on your famous and your wealthy friends. How did that go for you guys? If you're saying, okay, we wanted to do it, we wanted to get more famous, what were your connections like? You'll see in episode one.

You'll see tomorrow night because without giving too much away, the challenge involves a requirement to have a black book, effectively, which is contacting powerful people who have a lot of money who will donate towards a certain thing. Will and I had nothing. One word on the first page, Blake. We would pretend to be on the phone. We would just stand around with our phones up for years.

Who are you calling? And I'd be like, and they'd be on the phone to like a big four bank And it'd be like, and they'd come back in, they'd be like, guys, we've got like 80 grand, and then a high five. And we'd be on the phone to our dads. And be like, yo, how are ya? You know how I borrowed some money for a car, like, when I was 21? We're back there.

And then we'd just try and join in with the celebration. So when someone did get a big donation, we'd just sort of join in to the hugs. No I in team, guys. Do they get to know how much you contribute, or do you just contribute something as a group so no one knows that you guys didn't pull your weight. So no, so we didn't think anyone would find out what we contributed

because it's obviously a team score, but then in the boardroom they break it down. They go through with a fine tooth comb. They know. They know. You can't hide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's a terrifying moment in episode one.

Because it all comes down to who your charity is as well. So everybody's got this charity they're playing for and we've all promised the charity we're going to win them tens of thousands of dollars on this game. And if you don't, you feel awful. and if other people aren't lifting their weight for your charity, it gets nasty fast. Because we had no skills, so we were like the dead weight

of every single challenge. You had no money, no connections, no skills. What did you bring? You know what you guys have. You have the gift of the gab, that is for sure. 7 o'clock, Channel 9, you can watch Will and Woody, but the boys are sticking around. We get a whole bunch of headlines that have been written about you.

Some are completely real from Daily Mail. Some we've just blatantly made up. And we're going to read them to you and it's your job to debunk. Headline or head lie? You good to stick around? I'm so excited for this because nothing has been written about me and Woody's name has been traipsed through the doldrums of the Daily Mail, so I'm pumped.

I can't lie! Headlies. All right, so we have some headlines or headlies that have been written about you guys, and this is your opportunity to either defunct them, tell us what has happened, or, you know what, tell us if it's completely made up. So, number one.

Okay, yep. Radio host Will McMahon says, it's about time. She's been bugging me about him dropping the knee for months in response to news of co-host Woody Whitelaw's engagement to girlfriend Mimi Gibbs. Wow. Wow.

I think I can debunk this one pretty early because the only time the Daily Mail's ever written a piece about me, they called me Will McCann. So they have no idea who I am and I've never spoken to them. To them, I'm just another bald guy in the media. No one knows what I look like. That's why I did Celebrity Apprentice, so I could get a little bit more clout with these people.

So it's not a true story, unfortunately. Well, that clout is certainly coming. Don't worry. Don't wish it upon yourself. Okay, Samantha Jade slams a nasty Bex Zemeck in explosive new Celebrity Apprentice footage. What happened? So you've now gone to headlines away from us.

There aren't any about us. We couldn't find any. So now the game's just become, is this a real headline or not? Let's go for some real celebrities in Celebrity Apprentice. That's true, though. That's true. That'll be a real headline. All right.

We know it's true. We want to know a bit more of the juicy dirt on it. But I don't think we're getting anything out of you, are we? No, no, no. We can hit you. Oh, yeah, good. We actually do a podcast every night. We sat down and recorded all this stuff during Celebrity Apprentice

so people would be able to hear the behind the scenes. So I'm actually feeling okay talking about this. I don't want to give too much away. But Sammy Jade, as you would know, is probably one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet in your life. Like, she's genuinely so lovely. And Beck and her clashed hard over one of the challenges. It was a fashion challenge.

And it got to a point in and around... Was there something about Sammy's mum? There was a difference of creative opinion about a fashion item. Yes. I do like how diplomatic you put that. You did set up Samantha Jade as being the most wonderful girl in the world. She is. And then Beck, there was a fight.

We all know how you really feel. And then what is going, mate? We've signed a non-disclosure. Let's not talk about this live. I'm okay with it. I'm really okay with it. Was I inferring that Beck was a **** then? Because I'm not.

I'm not Will McMahon says The only thing harder than hosting a daily radio show Is going bald in my 20s Wait, was that It's true Was that a statement I was watching Give you in the paper

So Will Is this a direct Is this a direct quote from you Yes, it's true Oh, what a way to finish Let's finish on a high. We love you, Will. We love you, Woody.

We do. Also, the best of luck tomorrow night. We can't wait to watch. Thanks, guys. Thanks for having us on the show. Love you, guys. Our pleasure. Thank you.

You can get, obviously, A Celebrity Apprentice, 7 o'clock tomorrow night, Channel 9, and Will and Woody weekdays on KISS FM around Australia. See you, boys. See you, guys. This is the Life Uncut Radio Show. Britt Hockley and Laura Byrne. On KISS.

It is Democracy Sausage Day, guys. What a day to be alive. It is. What a day to be alive. Election Day. And the only thing that is less divisive than the election, the one thing that brings us all together is certainly not politics. No.

It's the sausage sizzle that you might find at your local school ground or wherever it is that you're voting today. Let's be real. For a lot of people, I think that's the incentive to go and vote. But I love a good... It's not climate change. It's not all the other things. No.

It's not policy performance. It's not the melting icebergs. Don't be ridiculous. It's the sausage. But I love a good sausage sizzle. I do. But I think there's a lot of different criteria for a sausage sizzle. Like what makes a good sausage sizzle?

Is it the bread? Is it the sausage itself? Do you guys like the piece of the square like Wonder White or do you like an actual roll? No, it has to be white bread. Yes, I agree. It has to be dirty, cheap, Wonder White bread. Carb filled bread with onion.

Sauce drizzled on top. That's what I. But look, there's one way that we can really find out and that is to speak with a young Aussie lad named Josh. Now, Josh, guys, Josh went around Australia and ate a sausage at every single bunning store that there is. So he is the man that is going to be able to tell us what makes a good snack.

Well, let's talk to him. Let's get Josh on. Hello, buddy. Thanks for coming on the show, Sausage Man. G'day. Thanks for having me. How are we? We are good.

Now, Josh, you are a true blue Australian. You know your way around a sausage, mate, don't you? I certainly do. Did you just drop mate straight in there, Laura? I did. How many sausages do you think you have consumed? Oh, it's got to be up there in the 400 or the, sorry, I had about 400 snags and there was about 280-odd stores that we hit up,

about two sausages a store. So we went to every store. The challenge was when they weren't running the sausage sizzle. So, for instance, we went to WA. We drove three days across the Nullarbor, only to get to Esperance to find they didn't have the bloody sausage sizzle running. Oh, so you didn't even call ahead to make sure they were going to be running the sausage sizzle?

It was COVID time. Everything was very last minute. What criteria did you have? So what do you judge the perfect sausage off? Well, for the purpose of the tour, I wasn't necessarily to find the best snag. I was just to eat one at every store. However, for myself, it's got to have a nice bit of girth on it.

Yeah, love some girth. Crispy. Crispy. If you roll your knuckle over and just get that nice palm full there, Oh, Josh, I have to ask, why? Why did you want to do this? What was it that inside you one day you woke up and said, I want to try every single bunny sausage?

Well, why not? You know, it was a pretty grim time. It was all through COVID. It was all just sad news. Nothing was going on. Everyone had a bit of light hearted something to look at, you know. So how long did it take you to do this mission? It was supposed to take eight months.

But this thing, because of COVID, it pushed out for two years. Did you have any sponsors or was this out of your own pocket? Well, I did Victoria, South Australia, Tasmania and the ACT off my own back and Queensland and sports that jumped on for WA and the Northern Territory. I mean, I feel like Bunnings owes you a voucher or something. This is like the best promo. Bunnings gave me a hoodie, so that was nice. Now, Josh, with the election, will we find you by the sausage sizzle?

I will definitely be out there getting some democracy snacks. But what's better, a Bunnings snack or a democracy snack, Josh? I mean, you can't go wrong with a Bunnings snack. Well, I have one last question because we have to know for everyone out there that loves a sausage as much as you and I, where is the best sausage from? The best sausage is always in Seaford, South Australia. The reason being you've got chicken, beef, pork, wholemeal, wholegrain bread. They've literally had the worst out there.

It's like four hat bunnies sausage. Michelin star bunnies. It's a Michelin star. Buddy, well, good luck today. We hope you find the perfect sausage on your democracy sausage jaunt. And, yeah, we'll be going out to find one as well. Thanks, Joshie. Thanks, Josh.

Thanks, Josh. See you, buddy. All new. In 22. Britt Hockley and Laura Byrne getting saucy for your Saturday morning. The Life Uncut radio show on KISS. Ladies, have you seen what's trending online? And something chaotic happened on The View, the talk show in the U.S. this week.

Yes. Now, if you guys don't know which show this is, this is the one with Whoopi Goldberg. It's kind of like a bit of a roundtable. Yeah, Joy Behar. Yes, they discuss different things, bring up really deep and important topics. And one thing that they discussed recently, it was with Sarah Silverman, and she said that her and her boyfriend share a toothbrush. Oh.

No. No. Okay, look, before you knock it, hear me out. I sometimes use Matt's toothbrush. they're right there sometimes if I can't find mine it's in the other bathroom because we don't really share bathrooms I'll just use Matt's

you don't live in a 27 bedroom home the bathroom is like 2 metres away you don't have to go to the west wing to get your toothbrush this is true it's like about 5 metres from the other bathroom no but like I just don't care I don't see a problem with it if it's the closest toothbrush to me I will use Matt's toothbrush

he absolutely hates it like it is one of his bugbears in our relationship to the point where he has yelled at me before walked into the bathroom and I've been mid brushing and he'll be like why don't you just use your own why it's disgusting but hear me out why does everyone think this is so disgusting I'm on Maddie J's side here if you will put that person's genitals in your mouth why can't you put their toothbrush in your mouth there's something different about it do you know what it is I have used my partner's toothbrush in the past but I do it when it's an emergency like when there is I've

forgotten it I'm camping there's nothing else around I can't go to the shop if I absolutely have to i will use it and i will let them use mine can the emergency you don't just be like man let's just try it out let's just mix it up it's literally little bristles it's bacteria too it's their bacteria being stuck if they get food out of your teeth and then you're putting the i know bristles i know what a toothbrush does thank you guys i don't know if you actually understand the science behind it because you're not using it but if you're gonna share everything else if you're gonna bump uglies if you're gonna kiss if you're gonna put other things in your mouth that probably should stay in pants surely it's fine to use a toothbrush like i i just don't

think it's that big a deal in all of this well i think mitch churi and i agree that we will agree to disagree with you i'd rather use a loofer on my tooth my partner's i would rather use a sausage we want to know here at the life uncut radio show what weird thing do you and your partner share It's what we want to know. I also sleep in Matt's undies. Clean ones. Thank you for clarifying. What weird things do you and your partner share?

Call us, 131065. We'll get you on the air. Tegan's called through. Hey, Tegan, why are you and your partner gross? I think we're pretty gross because we share socks. Look, are they clean socks or are they dirty socks? Well, we have been partial to share some dirty socks. Okay, clean.

Mostly clean. No, clean socks. But, like, sometimes my husband will take his socks off at the door, like, when we go inside, and I'm partial to pop those on and put my shoes on and off I go. Tegan, I do the same thing. I think we're just disgusting, but it's okay. I wear Matt's dirty socks all the time if they're the closest ones to my shoes

and we don't own enough ankle socks and that's like prime real estate in our household. Guys, that is rank. Clean socks are fine. Dirty socks, toothbrushes that are used, no. It's a hard no. It's okay, Tegan. I'm here with you.

Now let's go to Hamish on 131065. Hello, Hamish. What is your dirty thing you do with your partner? Hello, well, my partner and I, we actually share a towel. Do you own one towel? No, we own two towels, but they're always side by side

and she'll always grab mine. What if they're soaking wet? Would you still use it? Is this like a want to be close to each other thing? Oh, does her want to be close to me? It's not the other way around. Look, she's only human by the sounds of it. That's a pretty sexy accent you've got there.

I think she's just choosing whichever towel is the drier towel, in which case I don't blame her either. Yeah, well, she does shower about three times a day, That's one wet towel I think you guys need to just buy some more towels You can, Kmart, they're really cheap You can go get yourself, go get her a towel Thank you for calling

Thank you Hamish We have one last caller This just came through actually This is a last minute call A friend of the show A Maddie J has decided to call Oh stop it Standard

Maddie J is here Hi Maddie Hey guys I don't want to be that caller who You know, buzzes in and gets all angry Yes you do Maddie J Hey, that's exactly what you want to do. I am disgusted.

I've pulled over. There's a couple of things that Laura does that I really don't like, but my pet peeves, the thing that absolutely sends shivers down my spine is when she uses my toothbrush. I had to throw it out. You did not throw it out. Also, look, I mean, it's not that bad, guys. You know what it is?

It's unnecessary. That's the key word here, I think. You've got your own toothbrush. You've got your own bathroom if you want it. There's just no need for it. It's almost like it's a sick fetish. When Laura uses my toothbrush, the way I look at that utensil, it's like it's become a toilet brush.

It's effectively... Why, because of what goes in there or is that what you're saying? I don't use it to clean my bum. Like, what are you talking about? But I just find, like, how gross is it when you kiss somebody who hasn't brushed their teeth? All of that bad residue is left on my toothbrush. It's absolutely revolting.

I'm with you, Manny J. Do you know what, Matt? If you can't have me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. When's your best? Well played. Thank you, Matty. Thank you, Matt. Oh, he's still going.

We've had enough. We've had enough. He's like, in addition. This has been pent up for years. No, we're not on time. What else? What else have you got a problem with? Air it out.

Come on, sunshine. When you wear odd socks, that's all. Bye, love you. We'll be back next week, ladies. And don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love how you guys are behind radio microphones and not with your own singing careers is beyond me i get that a lot you missed any of the life on car radio show with brit hockley and laura benn

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