Life Uncut - LIFE UNCUT RADIO - 3rd September

Episode Date: September 3, 2022

Every Saturday we are live across the country with the Life Uncut Radio show, and here are the best bits all bundled up for your listening pleasure. We are joined by our bloody funny co-host Mitch Churi and we are unpacking all things low brow and mildly important.  If you love the pod, give us a follow on @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram and join the Life Uncut Podcast Facebook Discussion group.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Right around Australia, it's the Life Uncut radio show with Brittany Hockley and Laura Byrd. It is Father's Day tomorrow, so we're celebrating all dads in their glory, good and bad.

Also, I will say- Good and bad. Yeah. Why are we celebrating the bad ones? Yeah, good point. All good. All good, Dad. All good, Dad.

Do you know who's having a terrible Father's Day? Oh, my. I mean, I don't know if it is the Father's Day in the States, is it? No, they do. It's like, yeah, the start of the year. Okay, well, Idris Elba. I love him. Yeah, I do.

He's a very handsome man. He's a stud, yeah. Well, he has embarrassed his daughter by not allowing her. Her name is Ahsan. She's 20 years old. Yeah. And he purposefully did not cast her in his new movie, Beast. Now, could you imagine being a young actress, having an in, being your dad?

That's not a foot in the door. That's a whole arm and shoulder in the door. And saying, hey, dad, here's my resume. Here's my audition tape. I really want to have a go and a shot at this movie. And him going, no, just probably not good enough. Wait, did she audition or did she not even, she didn't have the hide? So she auditioned to play his daughter in the film,

but he thought that another girl had better chemistry. That's the best. That is own daughter. So he said no. Who said, no, you can't even, like, imagine being such a bad actress that you can't even play yourself. You're right, yeah. Somebody else can play you better.

Well, my dad didn't do a similar thing. He's not a director. But my dad embarrassed me greatly when I was in my formative years, like my 15-, 16-year-old self. I mean, that's what dads do, though. Like, I think this stuff is character building. Yeah. Oh, I don't know about this.

I was at a costume party. It was a movie-themed costume party. So, yeah, there's a good tie-in. And I was dressed as a cockroach. I don't know what film I was meant to go as, but I had arms, like, Full brown arms. You could have dressed as anything to go to a movie film costume party and your character of choice was a cockroach.

Oh, it was Louis the Fly. I was a brown. Yeah, Louis the Fly. I don't know what from. Makes perfect sense. Anyway, all the girls loved it. This was when I was straight. And I'm using air quotes.

This is when I was straight. And I kissed Sarah Hoggard, gorgeous woman, Sarah Hoggard. And she was dressed as an avatar, so she was bright blue. And I was in the backyard and we were on like hacky sacks, beanbags in the backyard and it was like midnight. Making out with Sarah Hoggard. Making out with Avatar, Sarah Hoggard. A cockroach and Avatar.

A cockroach and a blue Avatar. And this is like the point in your life when your mum and dad need to pick you up from parties, can't drive, and dad came to pick me up. And the parents must have said, oh, Mitch is down the back in the beanbags with Sarah. So dad walks down, he's looking, where's Mitch? Mitch! Mitch! And he sees me macking on with Sarah Hoggard, and he comes up and he goes, Mitch made a

Oh, God, sorry, buddy, didn't make, oh, no, you can't, keep going, don't, let me interrupt you two, you can, yeah, put your arm around the back, that was giving me tips, because I think he had the inkling that I might have been gay. Like, he was thrilled that it was a female. He was so happy. He's like, can I just... He checked first and then he's like, no, you keep at it, son. Good job.

Wipes off some of the blue paint. He's like, is that a woman? Oh, it is. Yeah, yeah. Keep going, son. I'll wait in the car. Do you know my dad, any time we would bring boys home, and my dad was an ex-army major.

He had guns in the house growing up. Like, it was, you know, safely tucked away. But he was a bit scary, I think, for young boys who we would bring home. And my dad, I'd introduce him and he'd say, you break her heart and I'll shoot you. No. With deadpan. Deadpan.

He wouldn't. Just to really mess them up. Oh, my God. Yeah, I didn't really get a long-term boyfriend until I was 20. Yeah, I was going to say, how did your dad embarrass you? 131065 calls, can you beat the cockroach and the guns? Father's Day in 24 hours, so we're celebrating dads. We were talking off the air before about embarrassing dad stories.

I mean, are we celebrating them? We're really just, I mean, we could have looked at a nice little segment about how wonderful dads are, but instead we thought, how have they embarrassed us over the years? Yeah, and I had my dad walk in on me cooking up with my first girl. I think that turned me gay. What I didn't tell you is, Laura, she asked me while we were kissing, she goes, are you gay?

Like, broke the kiss to ask me. There's nothing more arousing, is there? That's really going to set the mood. You're like, maybe I am now. And I went, you know what? Yeah, I am. I think so. Thanks for asking.

This is the defining moment. Hi, Shannon. How did your dad embarrass you? So when I was in grade 11 or 12, I had dry socket, and I was on some pretty really heavy pain medication. Yeah. But the problem was that it made me super constipated and it was so bad that I ended up using an enema at home.

Oh, dear. Yeah, and I didn't know what they were meant to do, so I thought it was like instant relief, but it wasn't, so I used more than one. Wait. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait. An enema as in you took laxatives or you put multiple enemas up your backside?

Yeah, yeah, that one. I can't wait to see how Dad comes into this. Yeah. Anyway, so I obviously couldn't go to school the next day and I had an assignment, like a presentation due, so Dad had to call up and talk to my teacher. The next time I was in class, my teacher was like, oh, so Shannon, how are you?

I had a very interesting chat with your dad. And I just went bright red and he just smiled at me and nodded. Months or weeks later, I was at my boyfriend's house at the time, and I just randomly brought it up, and he's like, oh, my God, you're that student. He told our whole class this story. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh.

I know. Not only did your dad embarrass you, your teacher did you dirty. Yeah. He told this complete other year 12 class that some student's dad told him that his daughter was... That's confidentiality. That's teacher-student breaking rules. No.

And also, sometimes details are not important. I agree. They're not. I agree. Poor Shannon. Terrible dad. What a visceral image. All right, Taylor, wrap it up for us, 131065.

What is your very detailed story about your dad embarrassing you? Yes, so I was probably about 16 years old and my dad found my diary. It had all the details in there about losing my virginity, the day, the time, all the details. Wow. But he picked it up and read it. Oh, he had a good old read of it, yeah.

And didn't stop. When he got towards some details he probably shouldn't and does not need to know. He kept reading it. He did, but it gets worse. He then thought it would be a good idea to organise a bit of an intervention. So my parents were separated and my mum rocked up at the house and we were all sitting down at the table

and Dad whips out the diary on the table. Oh, no. That's not on. That's embarrassing. That's awful. So embarrassing. What did he document? What part of your life?

Was it the virginity? I'm just imagining you with your diary and it's got all these sticky notes down the side. I'm picturing Password Journal and he has to go, So, Taylor, you don't have password journals? Did you ever have that? No. Oh, come on.

Taylor, you had a password journal. I've seen them. I didn't have one, no. Am I that young? Yeah, you're very young. Password journal and you had to hold the book up to your mouth and my password used to be Mitch Launtner, like Taylor Launtner. 90% of people who listen to this radio show

have no idea what you're talking about. Just classic paper and pens? Oh, God, that's terrible. All right, thanks for your call, Taylor. Talking Father's Day next because our beloved Matty J has... we're celebrating him because there's big news for him in the world of fathers. He's a very good dad.

I'm very lucky. He's a great dad and Australia agrees, but not too much. He's not that good. He's not the best. He's not the best, definitely not. But he's very good. He makes it on the list. Anyway, we're unpacking that after a show favourite.

So Ask Uncut is what we do on every Thursday episode of the podcast. It is a show favourite and it's where you guys write in your deepest, your darkest and your burning questions. And we do our best to answer them. Why are you laughing? I'm good at advice. Yeah, but I mean, like, I mean, obviously it's solicited advice.

People ask for it, but it doesn't mean it's particularly good advice, is it? No, we try our best. We try. It's enthusiastic. All right, the question for today is, I'm in a tricky situation. I've been on four dates with a guy and it's been going so well. He is so funny. He is so nice.

And he is really, really sexy. Ding, ding, ding. However, he is a truly terrible kisser. And I don't know how to look past it. But my question is, what do you do about a bad kisser? Can I help fix this or do I have to cut my losses? No, no, no. Maybe this is my internal, I love that I've jumped straight in.

I've got tips. This is for you, Bitch Jury. What would you do? You can fix that, 100%. It's pretty offensive, though, when someone says to you, like, oh, God, can you use less tongue? Like, it's just, you know, no one wants to be told that they're a bad kisser. Yeah, and I guess it depends on what level of bad

because too much tongue can be fixed, but not enough is a confidence issue. You know, it says a lot about someone. I never thought of it like that. Yeah, because if you're using too much, overconfident. But if you're not using enough, you don't know how, you don't know how to start. And not enough is kind of like you're kissing your nan. Oh, nothing worse than a pursed lip.

Oh, gosh. Look, I think you have to start off. Here's my kissing advice. I think try and manually massage them into the type of kisser that you want them to be. Okay, yeah. Because I feel like sometimes you can be kissing someone and you can kind of, by what you're doing,

show them what you like, if that makes sense. And if that doesn't work, then you have to say, please stop roaming that down my throat or either way. Did you, who leads when you kiss, Maddie, your partner? Both, I guess. There's not one person who's like the kissing boss. Like who leads when you kiss? I don't know.

No, but you're right. My partner and I, it depends though. I think sometimes I'll lead the kissing and my tongue will be a bit more pokey and then his will be a bit more pokey the next time around. Okay, what about, what side do you lean to? So there's this theory, right, that if you tilt your head to the right, that you're really into the person, that it's like a form of connection and that you're actually very engaged with them and you're attracted to them. But if you instinctively want to tilt your head to the left, then there's some sort of resistance there.

You're not as, I mean, maybe that doesn't count for people who are left and right. Like if you're a lefty, then maybe that's why. But no, we have a natural side and normally it's to our right and that indicates a strong connection. I'm always to the right. Now I picture it, I'm never on the left. Imagine if you did, though. When you think about it, going kissing on the other side, it's like, oh, yeah, that's what you'd do

if you didn't really like someone. Like, oh, go on, make it stop faster. That's what my uncle does, Uncle Phil. When he kisses you on the ride. No, he kisses me. He wants me to kiss the back of his ear. He's so awkward. You go, hi, Uncle Phil, you kiss him,

and he gives you the back of his ear. That is weird, Bitch Churi. That just took a really weird turn. No, it's family gatherings. Like, oh, hey, how are you? And then he gives you the back of his neck. Like, he's so awkward about it. Yeah, that's strange.

That's weird. Yeah, and I don't think that you should have to tell your uncle how to kiss. Is this Uncle Phil? Maybe this is Uncle Phil right here going, I never kissed my nephew the right way. Okay, but to wrap this one up, I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker. I do think that you can fix it. However, if you try and fix it and it's an unfixable problem,

because some people just kiss differently. Just like, you know, every sort of like physical thing that you can do in a relationship, read between the lines. Some people are compatible and some people aren't. And I think if it comes to a point when you're just not meshing and vibing, then that's probably going to have some long-term impact. Yeah, I'm with you. And also just pop on a tutorial maybe.

Go to YouTube. Try to help them. Kiss in the mirror. I used to kiss in the mirror. Not as a 25-year-old or as a 32, like 36-year-old Laura just kissing herself in the mirror is probably a bit problematic. 14, fine. Yeah, you're right.

Bad advice. All right, if you want to get in touch, hit us up, Life Uncut Podcast. They can send in a question, right? Yeah, you can slide into the DMs at Life Uncut Podcast us on Instagram and maybe we will answer it terribly next week. Hit us up or we're back after this. Very soon Laura Byrne

you will be doing the deed, not the deed I'm sure you will be consummating but you will be getting married to Maddie J later in the year. We will be. Do people actually consummate on their wedding night? I think you'd be, I mean if you're having a good night the last thing you'd want after a few drinks and some cake is to do it. I mean

especially if you've already got kids and stuff like we just want to go and have a sleep. And you want to be celebrating with family and friends, like no I think it's very traditional to do that. Okay Okay, so this was my question. Speaking of what's traditional and what's not traditional anymore. Now, there have been more and more people coming out of the woodworks. Recently, the article that got me thinking about this

was Dua Lipa went to a wedding recently wearing all white. Oh, that was this week. It was, but also that was the dress code. The dress code was all of the guests wearing white. Yeah, well, it was for a designer, Simone Porte-Jacquemus. Is that how you say the name? Probably not, no, but I wasn't invited. Or you could say Jacquemus if you don't know a lot about fashion.

Jacquemus. I don't know what it is. I doubt it's Jacquemus. Anyway, he makes the little designer bags. He got married. It was a gay wedding and the theme was white. But what's the problem? She looks hot.

She looks insanely hot. I would be quite upset, I think, if someone rocked up at my wedding wearing this. It's also sheer. Like, you can see a belly button. You can see her undies. But this is what makes me think that the rules around weddings are changing. You know, like the old saying, what is it? Something new, something...

Something bold, something brown, something bold, something new. No, it is. What is it? It's something borrowed, something blue, something old and something new. So I looked this up recently because I was like, okay, maybe I need to tick those things off. And also, who do I get the borrowed and the old thing from? I don't know.

I can give you something. I've got a blue pair of Reebok socks if you want them. Just stick them in my bras because trust me, these poor old girls need some help now. No, but did you know that that saying actually changed? So back in the day, that saying used to be something borrowed, something blue and a sixpence in her shoe. Oh, we changed it.

Because we stopped making sixpences, so we changed it to something else. Yeah, we've started wearing high heels and it would slip right out. So that makes me think, if we can change all these traditional things about weddings, what is actually the rules now? Well, I'm going to be marrying a man, so tradition's out the window when it comes to my wedding. I'm not really worried about that. What do you reckon you're going to wear to my wedding? I want to wear a skirt to your wedding.

I haven't told you yet. I'm so here for this. Do I have your permission? Absolutely. Just not a white one, okay? Okay, I can do that. I'll wear a brown skirt. Okay, here's something else that happened recently.

Producer Keisha. So producer Keisha works across our podcast. Yes. She is wonderful, amazing. I share so much about all the wedding stuff with her. She had kind of forgotten that I had shown her the dresses of what our bridesmaids are wearing. Oh.

And she showed me the dress that she bought and she accidentally bought the identical dress that my bridesmaids are wearing to the wedding. And it made me think, like, am I being too controlling? Am I being a bridezilla? Am I being too like, oh, you know, everything needs to be the way I want it by telling her that she can't wear that dress to the wedding.

Did you ask her to change? Yes. Okay, then. No, see, my gut is to say maybe you are, but also, who cares? I was like, I don't think, do you want to come to the wedding looking like a bridesmaid when you're not? That's weird. Do you think it's a secret plan?

She'd be like, well, I may as well stand up there. I may as well. What's one more bridesmaid? Well, somebody else recently who had some wedding rules that were compromised was J-Lo. I was invited famously. Yeah, yeah, of course. You were the one who leaked the video.

I was. But she had all of her guests sign an NDA. They couldn't share anything from the wedding. With Ben Affleck, the recent one. Yeah, yeah, one of the many. One of them, yeah. But she had everyone sign an NDA. They couldn't share anything from the wedding.

And somehow someone shared a video, sold it for money, of her singing a song to Ben Affleck. And that all got out. See, that is wrong. That's an invasion of privacy. And just think, like, when you're that level of superstar, when privacy is so paramount to you, and also when they've done this before, you know,

one of the reasons why they didn't actually end up getting married before was because of so much public interest around their wedding. So they were engaged. I've got poor things. And so they've gone to extra lengths and now it's just, it feels like for them that must be taken away and it's been made a little bit less special. Well, would you be upset if, say, for example, I would never do it,

but I put a photo up of you on your wedding day before you got the chance to post the official photos in Daily Mail Publishing, which is not something that I've planned. That is literally, that's probably my one rule. Really? I don't mind. I don't mind if people, like, because, you know, sometimes you go to weddings and they say no phones.

Yes. I don't mind if people take photos. I don't mind if people post it to social media. But please just don't post an ugly photo of me before I get a chance. Like, let me post the first photo. Because we all know, whatever that first photo is, that's the one Daily Mail will run forever until the dawn of time. Oh, God, yeah.

Front page. All right, how was your wedding day ruined? Let's take some calls. Who ruined your wedding? Who ruined your wedding? How did they ruin it? We are talking weddings at the moment. And somehow we got onto how, look, I've got a wedding coming up.

There's lots of planning. We're trying to figure out what are the rules. But we also wanted to know, how did your wedding get ruined? And what did that person do? Yeah, I didn't tell you this, but my uncle, very quickly, at my cousin Crystal's wedding, got up and rapped in his speech. Is that? That's fun, though.

That's quirky. That's what people do. She hated it. It did go well with the crowd, but then when my grandfather died the year later, he rapped at his funeral way. Do you know what? My best friend, I was a maid of honour, she said, she did a speech to her husband at her wedding, and she said,

I'd like to thank all my bridesmaids. You've been wonderful, and I'll definitely use you at my next wedding. Went down like a sack of potatoes. Oh, really? See, that's funny. I would have laughed hard. All right, let's go to Madeline on 131065.

How did your wedding get ruined? Well, we were in the middle of our ceremony. It was outdoors. And all of a sudden we had massive industrial-sized sprinklers pop up from the ground and one was pointing straight at me. Industrial too. They do say that rain on the wedding day is a sign of good luck. So I wonder what a sprinkler is.

They say that to make you feel better. They do. That's not real. It does make the photos nice, though. But we've been married for five years now, so something's going right. And you're happy? Maybe it's a sign of good sex, like, you know, on your wedding day. Oh, wow, no.

I'm trying to make her feel better. No. No? Yeah. I tried, Madeline. Karen on 131065. Hi, Karen. What ruined your wedding day?

I ruined my own wedding day, Mitch. What did you do, Karen? I got to the start of the aisle and began to sob hysterically. I couldn't stop, which meant I couldn't speak, so I couldn't say my own vows. And to some mistake, the man that I was marrying spoke louder when he was given his vows. He just, like, took control of the whole church.

Wait, were these happy tears? I'm not sure what these were now. No, no, they weren't happy tears, Laura, at all. No. But anyway, like, we didn't know about red flags way back then, I suppose. Oh, Karen, that's devastating. Karen, those tears are the red flags.

But then to top it off, when it came time for the minister to say, who gives this bride away? So that was my dad, but the minister forgot to say that. So my dad stood there the whole time. He forgot to walk away. He just didn't know what to do. Oh, bless. And I capped it off the first night in our brand new house,

which was only a week later, I spent that in hospital having my appendix removed. So, yeah. Oh. That is just a comedy of errors, isn't it? That's wedding week ruined. That's awful. Poor thing.

All right, Lauren, wrap this up for us. How did you ruin your wedding day? Hi. Hey, guys. I set my wedding dress on fire at my reception. Wait, you set your own wedding dress on fire? Did you fling it into a candle or something? Yeah, pretty much.

I was standing at the end of my bridal table and I had my dress draped over my arm because it was quite long and there was a candle right next to me and I didn't realise that I got a bit too close and my whole train just set alight and everyone started screaming at me that I was on fire and we put it out. You're like, yeah, I'm on fire!

I'm carrying the man of my dreams! Like, no, literally. What did you do? How much of your dress was on fire? It was, like, probably the last 30 centimetres of the train, I reckon. That is a lot of fire. Yeah, that's heaps. Thank God you went with the long train.

Otherwise that would have been a bad night. Yeah, it would have been. Absolutely brilliant. Do you know what, Mitch? Nothing would ruin your wedding worse than marrying, like, a dud person. Like, just not being the right person at the end of the aisle. That's a pretty surefire way to ruin your own wedding. I think divorce is just the answer.

Divorce is a bad way to ruin your wedding. All right, we're up next. Maddie J is joining us because we are talking the most popular dads in the country. Maddie J has made the list. He's always number one in my books, Mitch Drury. Well, not in the country's eyes. It's Father's Day tomorrow. Matty J, our very beloved, like he's our mutual partner.

We're in a polyamorous relationship. I mean, you do love him and you do make him very aware of the fact that you love him. I do love him a lot. He knows. I message him all the time. Has he said something about it? No, he just says it's cute that you love him so much. I feel like there's a different issue here that we need to unpack later because I thought

we had a great friendship. No, you do. I do think that sometimes I feel left out, like the third wheel of your little love affair that's going on. Well, I do love him so much that I was Googling him and I found this last night. I don't know if you know, but there's a list of Australia's top 10 best dads. Popular famous dads in Australia. Right.

So I don't really know who's doing this, if it's like a TV week, woman's day list. Anyway. It reeks of Who Weekly, doesn't it? It reeks of, yeah. Okay. With the exclamation point. Anyway, our beloved Matty J is fourth on the list. Oh, I mean, he's my favourite dad.

Yes, he's yours. So who comes up above him? Do we know? Well, I reckon we call him and tell him the news. Okay. And then we reveal. I think he won't be very happy with that. Do you think he'll pick up?

It's not even an award, though, is it? No, it's not. Got to get him to number two, at least. Yeah, we should definitely get him. Let's try and get him up. I've got a plan to get him up. Hello? Hi.

Oh, hello, my darling. Oh, thank you, honey. Hello, my darling. I think that was to me. We're always competing as to who you love more. That's where we're at at this point in time. I love you both equally. Oh, good.

No, it's not good. Yeah, one you're marrying in a couple of months and the other just eats the food in your house. Well, I want to let you know something. There's been a little bit of research that's gone down here and Mitch has been looking up who are the most famous dads in Australia. Although I might think you're number one, you're currently number four. Congratulations.

Who's number one? Do you want to know who number one is? Okay, so number one, I'll give you the list. So Matty J comes in at number four, our beloved Matty J. Number three is Adam Leal. He won MasterChef. Yeah, he's good. A couple of years ago he was on SBS, got a cooking show.

Number two, this did shock me, Guy Sebastian. Oh, no, I like that. Guy and Jules, they're a big couple. They're lovely. Number one, get this right, the most popular famous dad in the country. None other than Grant Denyer. He has won a Gold Logie. He has.

Although I don't think he's on TikTok, so I do beat him there. True. Well, with the younger generation. I mean, maybe this is an old Google search. Maddie, Laura and I have a plan. We want to get you to the number one spot. Hey, guys, I'm in. Whatever it takes, I will do it.

We have a little bit of a surprise for you. We've got some questions that we need you to answer. in the most responsible dad way possible, I think is the best way of putting this. Like, how would you answer these questions? Also, I think this is a good little test run to see how you're going to answer these questions when our two girls ask them.

Yeah, because they're not far off asking these questions. Some of them. The Life Uncut listeners that are children. Matty, how did I get in Mummy's tummy? How did you get into Mummy's tummy? It was actually a car accident. What? You were in the back seat.

You weren't wearing a seatbelt. Mummy slammed on the brakes. You then flew to the front of the car. Luckily, Mummy caught you with her tummy, so you weren't injured. Wow. I don't know if you go up the ranks. You've just fallen down to six. Let's get another question.

Yeah, no. Next one, next one. Matty, why did Mummy and Daddy's rest a lot die? The thing is, as a parent, exercise is really hard to do because you just don't have any time. True, yes. So sometimes at the end of the day, if you haven't had your daily exercise, because we all need exercise, let's face it,

the best way to get in that 30 minutes of exercise to get the heart rate up is to do a quick little wrestle in bed to make sure that you're as healthy as can be. And wrestling is very good cardio. Yeah, 30 minutes seems generous, Laura. Would you say 30 minutes of exercise at night in wrestling? I think we're more at like the seven-minute quick workout. Yes. The more wrestling and the more grunting, the more exercise there is,

and everyone's happy. Okay, it's like a pump class. And sometimes you might get hurt in wrestling a little bit, which is why there might be some moaning. And groaning. Oh, I hurt my arm. All right, the next child. Matty, where does lamb chops come from?

Oh, lamb chops. You know sometimes when you go to, like, the Easter show and you see a beautiful little lamb that's maybe a few months old? Yeah. That's a lamb chop. They're bloody delicious. Matt! He's dropping down the list.

Matt, listen, you're not even trying. even trying. You're trying to be the world's worst most famous dad. I think it's important that we don't shelter our kids. Do you know what? I know what he's doing here. He knows he can't beat Grant Denyer, so he's purposely throwing in the towel. Well, this is awkward.

I'm just really trying. Alright, thank you, Maddie. Australia's 30th most beloved dad, I think, at this point. It's a shame. Can we try and get Grant Denyer on? Maybe Missy's out there. Producer Missy, you know Grant Denyer from way back. Can we call him, maybe? I think we can, but the fact that he's number one most popular dad,

he might be busy doing dad stuff. The day before Father's Day too. Yeah, doing dad stuff. I've got his number though. I'll give him a call. Maybe he can help Matt and give Matt some advice because clearly he needs it. Yeah, Matt, are you okay if we get Grant up next?

Are you happy to confront your nemesis? Yeah, I think the feedback from you guys, in my opinion, has been outrageous. I'm very upset. It's almost like you don't want the role, Matt. I want to know from Grant what would he say to his kids if they asked where Lambchop came from. I agree, I agree.

We'll do it with Grant Den, your Australia's number one most beloved and adored dad, and Matty J. Next. Number 30. Number 30. Father's Day is just around the corner, and unfortunately Matty J has been listed by Google as the number four most famous dad.

Now, we thought we would give Matt the opportunity of becoming number one most famous dad. Up there, topping it. Grant Denya, he is number one currently. Unfortunately, Matt did not do too well. We tried to butt Matt up. We tried to get him to beat Adam Lior and Guy Sebastian. Now he's right down there in the pits.

But we do. We have gotten Grant Denya on the phone here. I've got number one. He's not aware, though, that he is number one. No, first of all, a number one most popular dad in the country, Grant Denyer, welcome to the show. Hello. Are you kidding me?

This is bloody better than winning an election. Number one most famous dad in the country. I bet that is an accolade you didn't know that you have. Nope. No, I'm glad I do. It's a bloody good honour. I love my kids. I think I've got three of them.

Yeah, three of them. and they're all still alive. So I'm winning. You're doing an excellent job. Well, we have Matty J here on the phone as well. It might come as some surprise. He's also number four. And dropping rapidly.

But dropping rapidly. We asked some questions and this is a big thing. When you're a dad, kids ask some compromising and difficult questions and you have to navigate your way around how to answer them in the most sensitive kid-like way. Now, Grant, if a child, if one of your children, or any child. Well, I've got some. Should we see how Grant reacts?

Yeah, I think we need it. Grant, we've got some questions from kids. So let's see. Maddie, get a pen and paper out, and this is how a number one dad would respond to these questions from their children. Are you going to ask Grant the lamb question? Because he lives on a farm,

so this will be interesting to see how he tackles it. This is the one I want to know. Oh, you want the lamb question? I want the lamb question. This is from a child listener, Grant. Maddie, where does lamb chops come from? Oh, that is a beauty. Lamb chops is from an ancient form of martial art

in which the lambs, to protect themselves amongst the herd, would fight off foxes and hence the term lamb chop because when they throw their little leg, it's like a hot chop like that on the foxes. It's made by God. Oh, that is good. So your children are just confused. Yeah, we never draw the correlation to what's in the paddock

and what's on the plate. No one is ready for that. We just call them choppies in our house, chop-a-nator. Very different households, the Maddie, Jay and Laura and Denya households, I feel. I think we need to go with the first question that was asked to Matt because I'm also interested to hear how a number one dad would answer this. Maddie, how did I get in Mummy's tummy?

How did I get in Mummy's tummy? Well, I'm glad you've asked that because one... Yeah, yeah, because one day Mummy was sunbaking and she was just lying back on a sunbed looking up at the sky and she yawned right at the time as a stalk flew over and that stalk had a poor grip on the sack of which you were hiding in and it dropped down and as mummy was yawning, it went down through her esophagus into her tummy and you're here.

Hooray, we love you. That is beautiful. It's not beautiful, that's cannibalism. It's the circle of life. Are you learning, Maddie? Are you learning things? My answer was far better, Grant. For reference, it was a car accident.

Oh, Gary, all right. Jesus, that's grim. It is. Grant, how will you be celebrating Father's Day tomorrow? I'm not like Maddie, which is just, you know, going through my 11 stages of facial skin care just to get my pores nice and clean. Oh, a little workout.

I'm more of a hands-on kind of a guy who likes to get, you know, you know what the best way to be the number one dad in the world is? It's really simple. Kids, particularly in Australian summertime, Who wants to go out on the trampoline? Let's put the sprinkler underneath the trampoline and put some soap suds on top of the trampoline. Are you with me?

I'm sold. I'll be there. Mitch is already taking his shirt off. I'm Mitch Denner. I'm leathering up. All right, Australia's number one and number fourth dad, everybody. Do you know what? Matthew Johnson, you're my number one dad.

Yeah, he's actually mine too. I was like, you're not actually my dad, but you know what I mean. Unless it's said by Google, I don't care. Yeah. Happy Father's Day, you two. Thanks for coming on the show. That's right. Maddie will always be my daddy.

Happy birthday, guys. That's a wrap-up. That's getting weird. Oh, Grant Daniel there, everyone. You can get his podcast, too, that he hosts with his wife and mother of his children. It's all true. Go have a listen.

That's Grant's podcast. This is why he's number one. He does a parenting podcast. True. Good point. All right, we're done, Laws. We're done for the day. We are.

And we have a cracking episode coming up on Life Uncut on Tuesday, and that is because Brittany Hockley is going to be back. Finally. after a long, long, dry desert without her. She's back. We're talking about tall poppy syndrome on this week's podcast. And we're also going on a nice little trip to Cairns, doing an on-location podcast record.

I didn't know about this. Yeah, I didn't tell you. Sorry. Strictly podcast only. Okay, fair enough. You can get all of that wherever you listen to your podcasts, the iHeartRadio app. Just look up Life Uncut.

And you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. We love love.