Life Uncut - LIFE UNCUT RADIO - 5th November

Episode Date: November 5, 2022

Every Saturday we are live across the country with the Life Uncut Radio show, and here are the best bits all bundled up for your listening pleasure. We are joined by our bloody funny co-host Mitch Churi and we are unpacking all things low brow and mildly important. If you love the pod, give us a follow on @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram and join the Life Uncut Podcast Facebook Discussion group.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Britt.

I'm Midge. And this is our Saturday morning radio show where we package up all the best juicy saucy little bits into a nice little podcast episode for you. It is. I put my hand up. Why did you raise your arm? We've never done that.

Occasionally I do it. I would like to speak. Sure. This is our last week with Laura as a burn. Laura, we are sending Laura off to get married. She's marrying Matty J. It was our choice. Thank you for sending me off.

We arranged it. It's like you're giving me away like my dad would, but actually a Life Uncut family are giving me away tonight. I walk down the aisle with you. You're like ready to get off the aisle. Imagine I'm the celebrant. We just record it for radio. Wait, Mitch and I have just, you have to have another wedding.

Who is walking you down the aisle? Give us some little wedding stuff. What's happening? Okay, so we should have done this in the show. Why are we doing this in the intro? Okay, my mum and dad are both walking me down. I've told my mum that my dad's walking me down, but I haven't told my dad that my mum's also walking me down.

So it could be interesting. This is a really big thing about what secrets do you keep from your family? This is a big one. Yeah, we speak about this in the show. Completely forgot about that. I'm not keeping it a secret from my dad for any other reason that I think he'll react badly. So I'd like him to just, I'd like him to like have as little time

to stew on it as possible. Are they amicable? Are they all right? They're fine. But I mean, they also got divorced many years ago. So they don't love each other, but they're fine. I love that you're like, I'm only keeping it from him because it will be disastrous.

It's fine. But that's, yeah, they're going to want me down the aisle. Look, it's a great show. It is the last week that I'm going to be technically a burn, but I am also probably not going to change my name. So I think I'll stay a burn. Well, we had a little secret celebrity phone in to give you some well wishes. We also speak to Julia Morris, who is currently doing her comedy tour.

75 years. 75 years in the business. That's just crazy. It's not real. It's not. Laura, you are so funny. Laura, she's. Are you serious?

Oh, she's in her 50s. You, what? Oh, my God. Who, sometimes I worry who you are. Well, it's exactly what she said. Sometimes if I stand next to an open window. Laura, she's like, I tell you what, I am just so impressed by that woman. I thought she made a joke before.

I thought she was joking. It would make her 90. It would make her 90. Yeah, she's not 90. Laura. I just wasn't thinking. Sorry. Wedding brain.

It is so funny. Can you have baby brain for four years or is that just that I'm stupid? No, you just hold on to it too much now. I'm going to give you guys an update too on if you guys listened last week, I got sent some flowers, which Laura very, very, very promptly told me was a scam. Okay, can we just go back to this for a second? Why did she call it 75 years? Because it's a joke because she's been working for so long.

It's a long time in the business. It's not funny if we have to tell you the joke, Laura. Oh, well, I guess maybe I'm not the target market. Thank God we've already done the chat. Oh, my God. She's also awesome. Like, we love Julia Morris. Even if we don't know how old she is.

Laura quickly trying to cover up with a compliment sandwich. P.S. She's great. She did love you, Brit. She's on your Instagram, she said. She stalks you. No, she said she was on Eva Mendes' Instagram, not on Brits. We weren't paying attention, clearly, Laura. Well, okay, if anyone's listening,

I'm the only one that holds this show together. I am the glue here. But it is a really great show. We've got some, we do have some What Is Secrets, What Do You Keep From Your Family. Mitch, you have a very, very big family secret. It's a dark family secret, the cheery family. It's not a funny one.

It's terrible. It is terrible, yeah. It's terrible. But all this coming up on the show. Can't wait to get into it. You're fired. Saturday morning here at the Life Uncut Radio Show. Hi, everyone.

Brittany Hockley, Laura Byrne. Hello, hello. Now, Britt, you've got some flowers at your house, don't you? I believe they're still sitting there in that vase. They are still sitting. If I get flowers, they sit there for like a year. They turn into dried flowers and I press them and I put them in a frame on the wall.

It always smells so nice walking to Britt's house after she's had flowers sitting out in stagnant water for a month. And I'm like, why are all these mosquitoes flying around? Well, last week on the show, this happened if you missed it. Here's a little recap. Okay, I just got a message. It's from a message called Go People. The message says,

Eden and Belle flower delivery. A beautiful arrangement of flowers is on the way to you. Live track it here. And then they sent a link. Right. So I opened this message and I was like, oh, my God, I'm getting some flowers sent to me. And I read the message out to Laura without missing a beat.

She goes, oh, it's a scam. It's a spam message. Don't hit the link. Hang on. I said, whoa, is it that far fetched that I might be getting a flower delivery that without even a breath you said it was a scam? I'm here trying to protect you from all of the scam and spam artists. My mind with you is that even at the start of this,

you just said Brittany's been a bit optimistic. By thinking that somebody, like, is it that crazy? You did rush to the scan. She hadn't even finished. There's a scan here for sure. Okay, click the link. No. Click the link.

I can't risk it. I'll have to wait until I get home. Click the link. If it takes you through to a tracking site, then we know that someone sent you flowers. Yeah, do it. Laura will pay for the whole new phone. If it takes you through to some Nigerian website,

then we know that it's not. Laura, people from Nigeria want to send me flowers too. Well, you went home after the show. I went home after the show, and I know you're all dying for the update. I went home and I was very, very chuffed not just to receive flowers but that I could take a photo to send to Laura that I received flowers. It was real.

There was a beautiful, beautiful big bunch of flowers that I didn't have a card in it. So I sent it to Laura. I put it on my Instagram. I was like, guys, does Delilah have a secret admirer or do I? Like this is amazing. I was just feeling myself. I was vibing.

I was like someone out there is really thinking about me. And then I get a message back from Laura an hour later. Oh, no, there. Brittany got flowers. So did Laura. Someone else got flowers too. Wait, I didn't know this. You got them?

I feel like you brushed past it. Britt really went to town. She put it all over her stories. I didn't brush past it. No, no, no, but it was like, I have a secret admirer. I was invested and I was also very apologetic at that point in time. And then I walked home and I saw in front of my door was a big bunch of flowers and they were from our boss.

Yep, they were from the radio. That was their, I had one, it was my time to shine. So not only did Laura cut me off at the knees once, she cut me off at the knees twice. And the only flowers I got were from, Laura also got them, so it meant nothing. This just got really depressing, wasn't it? I feel like for a little while there we all got excited that, you know,

Brittany was getting flowers from boyfriend. What boyfriend? I mean, if somebody wants to send me flowers out there, because I'm a sad, sad, lonely woman. But hold on, hold on. I also have the same boss. Oh, yeah, me too. Oh, Jack Cole.

Are you kidding me? No, but you got a bottle of gin and we didn't get that. Oh, I did, actually. Ah, so they know us. They know what we like. A very gendered presence that we got. I mean, I would have preferred the gin to come with the flowers. We'd had a wild night then.

But, yeah, anyway, so my secret admirer does not exist. And also, if there's any men out there who want to send Brittany some flowers, I think now's the time. Yeah. I mean, like, I'm not going to say no to that. Right now joined by one of Australia's biggest stars. She's a quadruple threat, a comedy queen. Julia Morris is here, ladies and gentlemen.

Hi, Julia. Hi, Julie. How are you, guys? How are you? Thanks for having me on. Oh, welcome to the show. It's an absolute treat. Now, you have just made the Maxim 100, not only is it just hot,

it's the Beauty and Brains list. How did that feel? Oh, I mean, I was in shock, and 83 is one of my favourite numbers. Number 83 in the list, hey? I mean, I would have taken anything. We didn't even make the cut. I didn't make the cut. So I feel like I'm in.

You know what? There weren't a few sympathy votes in there this year, were there? Maybe they were trying to look more diverse. Instead of actually just going for beautiful, incredibly clever people, they thought, oh, let's get in a few of the old birds, make them feel happy. No, I think you deserve to be there before us, that's for sure. But I guess, Julia, the question off the back of that is, I feel like a title like this, like I'd be putting this in my Instagram bio,

I'd be making a big song and dance about this. Has this helped you in the dating department now that you can say, look, guys, I don't want to brag, but I am 83rd on the Beauty and Brains list? Do you know what? Look, I finished my marriage, or we finished our marriage 12 years ago. Freudian slip. You make it sound like a dinner. I finished my dinner.

It's like a conscious un-coupling. It's a conscious un-coupling. No, I was full. I was completely full. So it was, no. Look, we had got to the point of 20 years married that we were like, you know what, what are we still doing? We just hadn't grown together over the last few years.

So I was kind of like, I don't, this is not right. And he's like, this is not right. Rightio, let's do it. We literally sat up on the bed together and ordered bedside tables for an apartment that we decided to take to do what they call nesting, where you consider the children going back and forth, the adults go back and forth. And so it was all pretty pleasant.

But I must say, at that time, and I still feel the same 12 months on, I feel like I've shut up shop. I'm like, I think I'm done. I did hear this on Carl and Jackie O earlier this week. You said that there was no more sex for you. You're done with it. I just, I mean, could you be bothered? I think...

Well, I mean, like, depends who it is. I think the flirt's better than the squirt half the time anyway. So, Julia, who is it? What would it take or who would it take? Who's your hall pass? What is the one person you'd bend this rule for? Like, you could have your pick of Hollywood, you could have your pick of anyone.

Like, who's the hall pass? Gay or straight, you can turn them, Julia. No, I just think, look, my hall pass is giving myself a hall pass and having a hall pass. I'm so confused. Do you know what? No, I get it. I get it.

As someone who's got, like, two kids and I'm in a relationship and there's definitely very long durations where I wish I could also just throw in the towel sometimes. Well, you've got the perfect vehicle, quite literally, to just date and drop because you're going on a national tour, baby. You could pick boys up in one state, drop them off in the next. What's going on in there on the tour, Julia? You're heading around Australia next year.

Well, I usually just tour doing stand-up for every two years, But over the COVID time, I guess, I thought, you know what, I'm desperate. And you guys know, you've just done a big tour, haven't you? We just did a live show, just one in Sydney. So it wasn't a tour, but do you know what, it was very, very fun. And it gave us a little bit of, gave us a bit of a taste for next year. We think we might tour next year, yeah. Any tips, Julia, for the girls?

Like as someone who's toured before, what are some tips? You know, once the show is in place, the rest is kind of easy. Getting that energy exchange back from the audience. there's nothing like it there's no massage or there's no facial or there's no no hall pass

no hall pass that matches there's no bottle of wine that's ever going to make you feel as good as getting that laughter and that love from the audience

very very few people get to experience it in their lives and it is it's addictive it's so incredibly wonderful I must admit we love that Julia

we really love that you can go grab tickets juliamorris.com or swipe right on tinder and you might get a free double you never know I must download the app, y'all. You know what they say, Julia, what happens on tour stays on tour.

Amen. Oh, I like it. Oh, my goodness. Julia, there's a game we play here at the show called Lie a Liar. Britt and Laura both have a story, right? One of them is telling the truth. It's a real story that happened to them. One is a lie, and we're going to put your detective work to the test.

So we'll go to a break. I like it. When we come back, the girls will quiz you, and then we'll see if you can pick who the liar is. You down? I'm nervous. One of us is a very good liar. We'll do it after this.

Liar! Liar, liar. Yeah, so it's a game we love here at the show, Liar, Liar. Julia Morris is here. She's joining us. So she is playing detective. Britt and Laura, you both have stories. You need to both tell them to Julia,

and she needs to work out which is the truth and which is the lie. And, Julia, you can ask as many questions. You can grill us as far as you want to to try and get the nitty-gritty details to try and figure out which is the true story. I mean, here's the thing. My brain is like standing next to an open window, so I may or may not remember any of the details,

but I'm willing to give it a go. That's right. We're going to keep it short to start, and you can ask anything you want. I'm going to kick it off. So this past week, I won't say which day, maybe if you ask me, but this past week I had dinner with Ryan Gosling

and Eva Mendes amongst a couple of other people. Well, first of all, I'm dead set jelly. Jelly on toast. So tell me, what was the restaurant? Where did you see them? It wasn't a restaurant because that's too hard with security and stuff. So we went to a private location. So I guess it's the house that their team has rented them.

Oh. And who invited you? We have a mutual friend because I am, well, you might not know, but you know now I'm acting. I'm acting, presenting, things like that. So we have a mutual friend from America. I have quite a big, I'll just tell you, Rebel Wilson. Yeah, I have a good friend, Rebel Wilson.

I was going to try and scoot around the bush. Rebel's a great, great friend, and she's introduced me to some really cool people, so through Rebs. Okay. Seems convincing, right, Julia? That seems pretty legit. No, it could so easily be factual. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

I've been keeping an eye on Eva with the Instagram is damaged, and I just think, you know, when you go to a big city, you know, when your partner is working like that, If it ends up being true, I couldn't be more thrilled to think that she was at the dinner table with you. Laurie, you hear your story and then Julia, yes. Well, look, my story's not as, it's not as exceptional. I wish I had more exciting things happening in my life,

but it's just doesn't, it's not the case. So at here, at ARN, we have a drinks fridge downstairs. It's usually fully stocked and every week I like to steal. I steal chocolate milk and strawberry milk and I take it home for the girls. There's poppers, I take quite a bit. Anyway, this week I have received an email, a company-wide email that was sent out saying

that there is now a drinks ban, one drink per person, and they have also installed a security camera. I wish I was joking. How hilarious. A security camera to find out who's been taking all of the poppers. All of the chocolate, strawberry milk and the poppers. Interesting. You're a thief, are you?

Look, I think I already know. I don't even have to question any further. Okay, hold on, play the music. Who is the liar, Julia Morris, and who is telling the truth? I think it's Laura. You think I'm a liar? No, I don't think you're a liar, but I think for the sake of this segment, I'm not sure who is taking chocolate and strawberry milk home to their children at night

because they just spiral out of control and then you've got the nightmare of trying to get them to bed. Oh, no. That is a good point. Who would actually give their kids milk, chocolate, sugary milk, before bed? That's a good point, shooting yourself in the foot. Oh, you are a good detective, but guess what? What? You're wrong.

You're wrong. You're wrong! Oh! One drink per person. More importantly, I have a word with the management. Just reach out to the shareholders. If you can't shout me a goddamn strawberry and chocolate milk at the odd popper once a week, something is desperately wrong with this network.

It's literally two poppers, but I've got in trouble for it. You're a thief. They've installed security cameras because of you. It's so embarrassing. The security camera now, the only way the security camera looks is at the drink fridge. I wish I was joking. It's at Laura's Locker. If you want to see Julia Morris, the Australian tour,

kicks off next year, 75 years in the business, get your tickets through Live Nation or JuliaMorris.com. We love you, Jules. Good luck on the tour. Oh, love you guys. So thrilled to get to have a chat. You're amazing, Julia. See you around.

We're back after this. Listen, what's going on on Facebook? You guys have the Life Uncut discussion group, right? We do. So we have a discussion group for the podcast and so much spicy stuff goes down there. If you want to join, it's the Life Uncut discussion group. Thousands and thousands and thousands of people in there.

Sometime late at night, I just go on and scroll through. The drama is real. Do you know what? It's so good, though. Like, you could get the best brand for an air fryer or you could find out about someone's cheating ex. Like, there's so much variety. Okay, but there was one thing that was posted on there this week.

And honestly, I am so split. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about this. I am not that split. This was the thread. Hi, I have a question. I caught my now ex-boyfriend out with a loyalty test. Like, is that even a thing?

A loyalty. I think she's trademarked. Was it a website? Did he send him a link and go, hey, do this questionnaire? He had cheated before and I stupidly took him back, but I just had a feeling that he wouldn't stay faithful. So I made a fake profile of an ex of his and started messaging him from it saying that I'm in Adelaide.

Do you want to meet up, et cetera? He took the bait and started messaging her, in quotation marks. He declined the meeting at the hotel that I set up. I organised a golden opportunity to physically cheat, but he didn't go to the hotel. Wait, did she warm him up? She didn't just go straight in. Well, this is an ex of his, like someone who he was having as a bit of a...

There's like sex deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but he continued to sext her and I called him out when I left the house and he video called her naked, ready to have a sexy phone call. And then he got me instead. Whoa. Now is it partly my fault at all for setting this up and trapping him? Am I to blame because I set him up?

Cheating is cheating, right, in all its forms. How do we feel about this? Oh, that ethical conundrum. it is wild but the way that i feel about this is yes cheating is cheating he cheated on you with you yes but he he did cheat he cheated on you with you at the end of the day i don't think that the current girlfriend did the right thing i don't think you should be doing this and luring your partner in and and putting them to a test and i mean if you actually think that your partner is cheating i don't think you're in the right relationship or there's something going on

you need to sit down and just just have a conversation and be like yo are you are you cheating on me i get that if this is the only way she felt like she could discover it fine but also i mean it's funny because he's going to be angry at her for tricking him but only because he got caught like i would be angry too if if i was cheating and my partner and i did the same thing and i called to sex someone who was my partner which i would never cheat by the way i would be mad that they tricked me i'd be like you tricked me and they'd be like you're sexing someone else and i'd be like you still tricked me okay so my the only thing i want to say about this is and i Obviously, I don't think that you should go out there and loyalty test your partner.

If you're at a point in your relationship where you feel the need to loyalty test them, it's probably not a relationship that you should be in. But I do understand that for some people, if they've been cheated on in the past and something just doesn't feel right, but they don't feel like they are strong enough to leave, like maybe they're being gaslighted or the person's saying, I've changed, everything's different and you want so much for it to be different. She obviously needed hardcore proof that he had changed and she got the opposite. it. So part of me is like, I don't condone it, but I also think it's kind of genius.

Well, she's also kind of stoked too that she's like, well, you know, in his defense, he didn't actually go. He had an opportunity to go to the hotel and have sex, but he didn't. So I think she's still a bit on the fence herself. Well, do you know what? You can all weigh in on these discussions. So much of this happens in the Facebook group. And I still, I don't know if we have an answer to this. I don't think we do, but imagine sitting down and telling your girlfriends going, hey, I broke up with Jake. He cheated on me with me. Guys, I just Googled it. There's a loyalty test. Number one, are you in a relationship?

A hottie asks you for your number and if you want to go out with him sometime, what do you do? And there's like... She should have Googled it first. Should I do the loyalty test? Should I do this to Maddie Jane knowing that I'm getting married next week? Oh, my God. No!

Laura's thinking about it. I can see her eyes. Laura. It could be terrible. Yeah, she could not get married. It could be great, though. He might be awesome. I think he's going to be great.

Great content. All right, let's go to some songs and we'll mull it over. We're feeling good. Love my Saturday mornings with you. Listen, we're energised because we just had a lifer, one of her ethical conundrums. We read it out. She posted on the Life Uncut discussion group on Facebook.

Essentially, she entrapped her partner into cheating with her. She set up a fake profile, enticed him into cheating, and he kind of went for it. She wanted to see if he would take the bait. Like, she wanted to see if he was loyal enough and if he would be committed enough to her, and it turns out that he wasn't. Well, he took half the bait, right?

So he didn't go to the hotel to meet up for sex, but what he did do was FaceTime her naked, ready for, like, video sex. So it's almost like he wanted the attention but didn't want to go the whole hog. In my eyes, that's cheating. He ain't loyal. Oh, he ain't loyal.

That got Brittany Googling. I don't know what you were Googling. How to be loyal? Are you worried about yourself? Loyalty 101. We found a loyalty test online, so I think let's test the loyalty of the Life Uncut Radio show. Well, this is better than testing Matt's loyalty,

which is where that last break got to. I was a bit worried about that one. I was like, this is a bad idea. You're getting married. Let's see. I'm going to read out the questions. This is on loyalty.org. I don't know.

Loyalty.org. I think it's Loyal 101. Answer the questions, girls, to the best of your ability. Question one, you're in a relationship. A hottie asks for your number and if you want to go out with them sometime, what do you do? Go out with them, give them your number, politely decline, say, I'm in a relationship, or have sex with them.

I haven't had a long time since I've been in a relationship, so I don't even know what I'd do. It also escalated very fast to just have sex with them. Like, there was no sex in between. Are you having sex at the cafe or...? Just instantly. Look, I have two children and I'm getting married next week, so I will say politely decline.

Single a long time, I'd probably just do it. No, I'm just having sex with them. No, it's not in a relationship. Question two, what about this? You borrow money from your best friend. You promise to pay it back later. Your friend forgets about it. What do you do?

Do you remind the friend about the debt? Do you let them forget about it? Or do you have sex with them? No, just a joke. Do you finally return the money? What do you do? I still owe Brit money for her sister Sherry's hen's party, which I completely forgot about until right now,

and I will transfer it right this second. And I'm the worst person. I never, ever will ask anyone for money. Franny, I'm paying you right now. I would give money back. I will give money. I will give the money back. I'm very forgetful, so usually it's just me who forgets about it,

but it's not intentional. Oi, she's got an account that earns interest from everyone she's borrowing money from. She just puts it in there and she just, like, makes herself some interest. Okay, what it is, question three. Do you ever talk badly about friends behind their backs? Oh, everyone does sometimes.

Have you heard that, Mitch? Come on. Have you? Only if you're annoyed. I'm impartial. I'm sweet-talked. No. Do you know what?

Britt and I, if we're angry at each other, we just tell each other, say it to each other's faces. Really passively, though? And then we're good the next day. We're like sisters. All right, last question. You're in a relationship. Someone asked for a threesome.

Do you, A, do the threesome with your current partner or sleep with them on your own? No, I'm not into threesomes. It's not my jam. Have you ever had one? You can't knock a ditch, right? The opportunity has come up once before, but it wasn't for me. I said no.

Who was it? It was before Matt was in the picture. Really? Have you ever had a threesome, Brooke? Don't you deflect. Have you ever had one? You're deflecting. Were these people that you knew or like randoms that just came up to you?

It was an ex and one of his friends. Did you think about it? I did, but also I'll get very jealous. A guy? Two guys? Yeah, no, no, no, no, two girls and a guy. Of course, it was always in his favour, wasn't it? That's why he's pushing it.

Would you two ever have a threesome, the two of you with someone else? Are you asking for you, Mitch? Because I didn't know you went that way. This is going to end up on Daily Mail. If Britt and I would have a threesome, absolutely not. It would once again be like having sex with my sister. I couldn't even look her in the eye. Oh, my God.

All right, the answer is in. You guys are loyal. You're loyal. Congratulations. Thank you. I'm sure that's going to hold up in a quarter of an hour. I really needed that loyalty101.org to tell me that. I think we're just going to let the headline tell this story.

This is trending online, Laura. Why don't you hit us with the front page of an online newspaper? I also want to know how you'd feel about this. Father keeps 47 million lottery ticket win a secret from wife and child over fears that it will make them lazy. So there is a man in southern China and he has won $47 million. That's a lot of money. That's so much money.

And he has decided that he's not going to tell his children. He's also not going to tell his wife because he doesn't want anyone's life to change. He doesn't want his wife to quit her job. He doesn't want his kids to become complacent is the word that he used. But he's going to keep it a secret for forever. He rocked up. Here's a photo of him. He rocked up to receive the cheque dressed as a giant beakless chicken.

Oh, my God. So it's like a yellow emoji. So no one could recognise him. So that he could stay anonymous. Do you know what? Okay, I have two parts. The part of me that's not in his family and not related to him is like, good on you.

You're teaching your family some morals. If they ever get into trouble, you know there's money there. But then there's a part of me that's like, if I was your kid, I would be so pissed if I knew I could have had access to $47 million and I was working down the fish and chip shop getting splattered by oil. I feel very differently to you. I don't think he needs to teach his wife some morals.

I feel like he's excluded his wife from this as well. He's worried that she will become complacent. I just think that this is really problematic. How does he explain it when he rolls up in his new Porsche or Lamborghini in the mansion? How are you explaining that? Yeah, and she's still having to go and work as an accountant. I mean, accountants make pretty good money, I think, as well.

They know the way around. Yeah, they know what's up. Also, I feel like an accountant would be particularly savvy that there's more numbers coming into the bank. Something's changed. But if you're not going to drop money, if you've won $47 million and you don't actually want to spend it, like you're not going to tell anyone, you're not going to buy anything new,

why are you buying lotto tickets? That's what I want to know. What's the purpose of... Yeah, life is so short. Like, we're not here for a while. Live it, let everyone enjoy and invest and do it together. And if he wants to give it away, I'm going to send him my bank details. Send them my way.

Well, I mean, it got us thinking, right? What did you keep from your family? What have you hidden from your family? Or is there a family story or a family secret or history that has been uncovered? Do you know, I have a friend who has a real shopping problem, like a real, real shopping problem. Like stealing?

No. She's a collector? She'll buy the stuff. She's a collector. But her husband hates it and he's trying to save, they're madly trying to save money and she just can't stop shopping. And she will just hide everything, unpack it all and just wear it as though it's like, oh, yeah, this is old, had this shirt for ages.

Obviously hasn't, but she does everything she buys, she tries to pretend and gaslights her husband into believing that she's had it in the wardrobe for years. I reckon loads of people do that. Oh, for sure. Well, let's open the lines. 131065, what do you hide from your family? Or even better, what has been hidden from you?

And we don't want to know about affairs. A whole other relationship in my sense. We don't want to know about the family and children he had with another woman. Right now, getting into family drama. What's your family secret? What has your family been hiding from you? What did you hide from them? I want to know what you have been hiding from your family.

No, you've got a story. I do. I feel like it was your sexuality. Let's get my mum up on the phone. and my therapist will need both of them. I'm pretty sure they knew before you told them. No, it was a shock, trust me. Oh, it was a shock.

I did see the photo you posted the other day of you as a kid and I'm pretty sure they knew. 60 grand of Hextet from theatre school should have told them that. Anyway, listen, family secret, Tury family. My name's Mitch Tury, spelled C-H-U-R-I. It was originally spelled C-H-O-U-R-I and it was changed. We were told due to, you know, business expenses and someone started a business,

they need to change it for tax reasons, whatever. Oh, my God, what did your family do? My grandmother did a genealogy test. Turns out, 90 years ago, there was a murder in the family. No. And they had to change the name because in the local town, the Turee name was rubbish. That's the Turee family secret.

That's terrible. That is huge. And now it's not a secret. You just told Australia. Yeah, now everybody knows. Well, let's see what other secrets we've got going around. Yeah, we've got Laura on 131065. Another Laura.

Hi, Laura. Laura number two, what's your family secret? Um, I moved interstate and my family didn't find out for six months. What, that you moved? Oh. Yes. Why didn't you tell them? Was you a runaway?

Was there missing persons? I was always a wild child in the family, did what I want, moved out of home pretty early and then I went one day, I'm going to move to the Gold Coast. And how'd you get caught out, Laura? I posted it on social media. Wait, did you post that you'd moved or did you just post that you were in the Gold Coast? I post, it's been the best six months of my life, I'm so glad I moved here. Okay.

Wow. That's so funny. That's so good. Also terrible. Tell your parents when you're moving house. Jess, I'm 131065. Hello. I thought the stakes would be a bit higher.

Yeah, good. What's your family secret? Hit us. So I've actually lied to everyone about how I met my partner. So we actually met on Tinder. But I told everyone we met through mutual friends because I was too scared what they would think of me. Oh, everybody meets through Tinder now.

There's no shame. It's fine. My sister just got married last week from her partner on Tinder, although he kept that, oh, my God, that's a big secret. He didn't know. His family finally knows about it. His whole family didn't know that they met on Tinder. No, and then because of his religious beliefs and whatever else,

he thought they'd be upset, so he never told them. It's been six years. And then I outed them at the wedding in the speech. I did a PowerPoint with his Tinder profile. I put his whole Tinder profile up. I really threw him under the bus. It was wild. Oh, Tinder's so commonplace now.

It's fine. You don't have to lie about that. Let's wrap this up. Natalie on 131065. Hello, Natalie. What's your family secret? Well, about five or six years ago, I basically got duped into buying my ex-boyfriend

a $40,000 Land Cruiser U. Wow. How do you get tricked into that? He was a very good manipulator and a very good buyer, and he was like, I'll pay it off, it'll be all fine, and I believed him, and I went ahead and bought it, and, yeah, had a massive loan. And he never gave it back.

Natalie, I'm so sorry. That sucks. And you didn't want to tell your family because you thought they'd judge you for it. We need to send a bounty hunter. And a loyalty test. Oh, if my uncle, the murderer, is still around, let's get him on it.

We can fix him. I also feel like I opened up far more than any of them. You did. It also got real weird at the start. I was like, you had a murderer in your family. Like, terrible. Accident years ago. Anyway, there you go.

We've aired our dirty laundry here at Life Uncut. We've actually been keeping a secret from you, Laura. Oh, my God. You're getting married in the next seven days. That's not a secret. I told you all about it. No, the secret is that we have a celeb guest standing by ready to come on the show.

I'm Jason Momoa. Come on in. You know what? You guys have been saying it's Jason Momoa, and if it's not, I'll be disappointed now. That's all it's going to be. I am the girl who cries wolf because I have teased Jason Momoa to you so many times,

but one day it's really going to happen. One day I'm going to get my greasy little myths on him and I'm going to do a lot of things, but I will present him to you. I don't want him after you've had him. God. Ew, sloppy seconds. Yuck.

It's the Life Uncut radio show around Australia. Brittany Hockley and Laura Byrne, and I'm going to start tearing up, Brittany, because our little Laura Byrne is about to be wedded. She's about to become a Mrs Johnson. She's not going to be Byrne. One more Johnson for the rest of her existence. One Johnson for life.

Well. This time next week, I will be a married woman and he's finally, I'll finally not be living in sin with two children engaged and no husband. Listen, we have a celebrity guest standing behind the wings to wish you farewell and wish you a happy wedding. We're going to get there in a second, but we just thought for those who might not be across it,

the story that is Matthew Johnson and Laura Byrne. We have a little recap of everything that happened, how you guys met. It is pretty crazy that I met the man who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with on a reality TV show. Let's have a look. Let's walk down memory lane.

Let's go. You look stunning. Thank you. I didn't really know what to expect when I decided to come back here. I didn't know if it would be difficult to fall in love again and I didn't even know if anybody would fall in love with me. The only thing I was certain of was

what kind of woman I wanted to meet. Somebody who was really intelligent. Each conversation we had, I'd be glued onto every word. And somebody who was confident and ambitious. They wouldn't be afraid to chase their dreams. I think about you every single day. Laura, I love you. I love you too.

I think you are so perfect. I was so ready for you to break my heart. I need your right hand, please. You're shaking. I really am. I wanted to give you this ring as a sign of just how much I care about you. It's beautiful. Oh, of course, from The Bachelor.

Brittany's crying. Laura's crying. I'm crying. I'm crying because I never got that. I'm crying. I'm mourning myself. It's really beautiful. Sickeningly beautiful.

It's so nice that you guys get to... It's nice that everyone gets a love story, but it's really nice that you get one that you guys can look back on for a long time and the kids can grow up and look back on certain parts of that. But that's a really, really unique and beautiful thing that not all of us are lucky enough to have. We do have the DVD set of it and one day I was like,

should we sit down and watch it? And then I thought, what about if the kids want to watch it one day? And then I remembered that there's all these videos of Matt making out with other women. You can show the highlight, maybe like the finale. Finale. Yeah, kids, time for 10 play. Sit down, mummy and daddy want to recap how they met.

So what we've done is we've got a message from someone who played a role in connecting you and Matt. We haven't heard this, by the way. This has just been sent through from Osher Gunsberg. Oh, we love Osher. This is his message on the eve of your wedding. The man himself. He's in Hawaii.

He's in Hawaii. Met your fiancé one day at my work and I'm just so happy for you two. I'm so happy for you And I think they've got Maddie as well Yes, Laura Was that really Osher? That's Osher. No, that's Osher.

Beautiful. We have something that I think will melt you. This is a message from your current fiancé. In a week's time, he will be your husband. I think he's probably practising his wedding vows. Yeah, maybe. Oh, let's give it a hear. A little warm-up.

Warming up the vocals. This is Maddie J. Hello, Laura Byrne. It is me, your fiancé, soon-to-be husband, Matthew Johnson. here can you believe that husband and wife it feels like we've been engaged for forever and do you know what it's a bit of a double-edged sword on the one hand I'm a little bit upset that we won't have these late night discussions over details like whether or not we should have oysters as canapes what signage we should have at the wedding and even what music we should have

played when we sign our paperwork but on the other hand I get to lock down the love of my life and I really mean that because like I remember when someone asked me before we met what my perfect woman looks like and I said I want someone creative ambitious someone who's kind but also funny and you're all of those things but you're also a saucy saucy minx as well you're so good I'm now batting well above my average if I could just get you to shower at night time before you hop into bed you would be the perfect woman but I cannot wait to lock you down to celebrate our love together with all of our family and friends and I wouldn't want to be doing life with anybody else. I love you and I

cannot wait to get married to you. Even though I know you will probably never change your name legally to a Johnson, I can't wait for you to be my wife. Oh, Maddie! Oh, bless him. No, he's right. I probably will never legally do it because I hate doing paperwork. That's why I'm marrying him. You always marry the

person who's good at all the things that you're not good at. Very smart. It's time to get you married. It feels crazy because we've been engaged now for four and a bit years to think that this time next week we'll be married. Yep. You couldn't be happier for you. We love you. I mean, we'll all be there.

You'll be there. Everyone gets a day off work. Yeah. 13-1065, win a ticket to the wedding. We're done. We'll see you next week. What's on the podcast quickly before we go? Guys.

We are talking about libido this podcast. So, like, if you're someone who's ever thought maybe my libido is dropping or you have a mismatched libido with your partner, we're talking about the sexy times. We have a wonderful woman that knows what's up, Georgia Grace. So, it's going to be a little sexy little episode dropping on Tuesday. All right. We'll see you next week.

Well, you all know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love! See ya!