Life Uncut - LIFE UNCUT RADIO SHOW - 7th May

Episode Date: May 7, 2022

Happy Mother's Day Lifers, sorry we are a touch late on the upload but here is yesterdays Life Uncut Radio Show for your listening pleasure! We have packaged up all the best bits right here!  Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog and share the love, because WE LOVE LOVESee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. But this is our special Saturday edition. This is our radio show edition.

This is where we bundle up the radio show from the Saturday. We put it into your feed, all the good juicy stuff that you want. And we are, of course, because tomorrow is Mother's Day. We are talking about Mother's Day on today's radio show. It really did get a bit of a feature. but we do get into, we talk about what are the worst Mother's Day gifts that you've ever been given if you're a mum but also the worst Mother's Day gifts that some of y'all gave to your mums

and they sucked is what I have to say about that. I mean, I had a pretty good one that I used to make for my mum and I'll talk about it later anyway. And then we somehow get on to talking about people who wanted to treasure their placenta but also their breast milk and things get a bit weird. You know, placenta, Laura, there's a pretty big industry in like saving your placenta.

Some people bury it and have like a ceremony. some people freeze it eat it some people put it into tablets like there's there's so much you can do i'm pretty open-minded when it comes to like if you want to grow a tree out of your placenta all the power to you like it it doesn't affect me it's not for me i wouldn't do that with me and my kids i haven't um but i understand why people do and everyone's kind of you know different strokes for different folks don't yuck my arm but i got asked something very unusual uh if i would would do something with a woman's placenta and um look i had to say no and it wasn't eat it no it wasn't eat someone else's placenta we do speak to jules robinson from married at first sight jules does

call in have a cute little chat with us and we also speak to ross noble who is a absolutely freaking hilarious comedian if you don't know who he is he is touring all across the country at the moment and yeah he's just a laugh and a half he's actually so funny you know those comedians that well i mean like somebody there's a lot of people mitch churi our co-host he's one of them but you know those comedians that within, Ursula Carlson was another one, within a few minutes of being in the room, not even, maybe one minute, you're already in hysterics. So you know that they're going to be good. Everything they say is funny. They could pick up a pen and look at it and you're like, for some reason, this is hysterical. And Brit managed to offend him within the first two

minutes by asking him how he knew if he was actually funny. Yeah, I was like, how do you know if you're funny? He's like, fuck, I never thought about it until now. But anyway, that is all coming up on today's radio show. We hope you love it. And if you didn't listen live this week, Please listen live next week We are on radio All across the country On the Kiss Network From 10am to 12pm

Every single Saturday The Life Uncut Radio Show With Britt Hockley and Laura Byrne We love love On Kiss Around Australia It's the Life Uncut Radio Show With Brittany Hockley and Laura Byrne

And on Mother's Day Eve I don't think there's a more perfect guest To have in studio Than the one The only Ross Noble Hello mate Hello

Which are you saying That I am the mum's favourite Yeah Is that what you're saying Where are you going with that I feel like you do a lot of Brekkie TV interviews and mums love Brekkie TV. I always see them on breakfast television.

To be fair, that's where I saw you. I'm a mum and I saw you when you were in your bunker hanging out during COVID doing the Brekkie Morning Crosses. Was that in the... This is a project, isn't it? No, I think you were also... What time do you get up if you think that the project is breakfast TV?

Sometimes I have a few glasses of wine. Also, the mummy wine culture is good. I'd like to say the first time that I actually met Ross was about half an hour ago. He was down in the waiting room. I'm telling you. Mitch and I went, I don't know if you clocked this. I hope you didn't.

You had a face mask on. You were just waiting down in reception. And we didn't know because you were all covered up. And Mitch and I went down. We started talking to the receptionist. About her donut side business. We started talking about donuts. And we completely ignored you as the guest because we didn't know.

This is also what we do to all of the stars that come here. We make them sit in reception for a long time. We neg them. We neg them. To be fair, I mean, I did come in and say, you know, I mean, they said, yeah, just have a seat. so I did sit down and then you stayed there and I'm sure

I don't think I didn't actually sit at the receptionist pick up the phone to say he's arrived and I just thought does she just think

I'm so I mean I was wearing a face mask but does she just think I'm some bloke who's wandering off the street and just gone

can I be on the radio today please and just gone yeah just sit there and thinking I'd get bored and then just leave and then the two hosts come down and just

ignore you and talk about donuts anyway welcome to Life Uncut it's lovely to be here I want to kick start ross with something that i i just always can't get my head around and it's like how do you know that you're funny when you when you're growing up what makes you are you not convinced no but

it sounds like she's not convinced it sounds like am i gonna have to so we're gonna have to watch all of my previous stand-up specials and kind of go she goes it's not clicking yet my biggest fear is and i asked her she looked house on this recently my biggest fear is when i think of like getting up on the stage and doing a stand-up comedy which is why i don't but it's like what if you thought you're funny but you're not but what like what was your job before being a comedian and how did you go you know what i'm actually funny enough to for people to pay to see me right okay well i'd never questioned that up until now but but weirdly you've planted a seed of doubt that is probably going to destroy my career that's why they pay me well uh it was

slightly different for me because i i started doing stand-up when i was there 15 i was a small child i was like the shirley temple of the comedy and uh and the way you find out is is basically you go on stage and you do five minutes like an open mic thing and if the audience laugh then boom that's you get another five minutes then you go 10 minutes then 20 minutes and then you start doing like festival shows and then you start touring and you in the work begats work so to speak so yeah you you go on stage and the audience like oh that's a funny person or you die horribly and you have to decide whether you push on with it or whether or not you uh so yeah there's a point where that's what's great about stand-up is the fact that it's not like you know you sometimes

get pop stars and what have you who they can't really sing but they ought to tune they're in the right place the right time sort of you know what i mean whereas with stand yeah exactly and And you're like, you are the next star. I mean, obviously, I've got that on my side. But, you know, it's that thing of you literally go on stage in front of a room full of people and you start talking. And if they laugh, it works. If they don't, you're out the door.

And it's brutal and it's hard, but that's what's brilliant about it because you can't fake it. So it's science. Why didn't I just say that? A baptism of fire. It's pure science. Ross, you were on The Apprentice. Yes, I was.

What is harder? reality tv doing that and going through the process of reality tv or doing stand-up comedy stand-up comedy but you know well it depends really i mean with stand-up comedy you're you're like the writer the performer the director if i'm standing on stage and i think of an idea i go here's an idea bang and i run with it and the audience go we like that we're on board doing a celebrity apprentice you go here's an idea and then a load of people around you go oh what hey what do you what do you mean by oh i don't think that's a very good idea away and then you have to convince them and then he goes through all this process and that's frustrating but what about when

you watch it all back were you not just like oh that didn't happen or was it pretty true to life or were you like i could have been funnier there the uh oh there was plenty of stuff where i went whoa where's my joke they always cut the good stuff out certainly on the uh certainly in the boardroom where you know lord sugar has to be very soon they would come in and say can you be more serious they cut a bit out right so we're in the boardroom and we'd had to do this budgie smugglers uh fashion parade right and so on my team i had a former hugo boss uh model uh It's a guy who's a survivor, right? Absolutely ripped.

I had the Veronica's, two beautiful women. Michelle Bridges, who, you know, Fitness freak, yeah. And Sherri Lee Biggs, who's a former Miss Universe, right? Absolutely stunning. And they said, you need some people to model the stuff and some people, and you need somebody to be the MC. And now look, I don't know if you've ever been in business,

but I would suggest I would make the best MC and let the people who, you know, are professional models, model a budgie smugglers so i said in no uncertain terms i'm not wearing that like i'm not wandering around with budgie smugglers and then we get in the boardroom and lord sugar says to me he goes he's suggesting that i was a bit too shy to wear the the reverse psychology you see what i mean like he said and the thing is is that like i'll happily wander around in my pack in fact i was dropping my trousers in a in the in the episode the next episode dropped me trousers anyway so So he goes, was you a bit too shy to wear the budgie smuggler?

And they edited this out, right? I said to him in the boardroom, because you're not allowed to be funny in the boardroom. So I said, and everyone, the rest of the contestants were literally doubled over laughing when I said this. And they had to stop the group and say, dudes, I said, you know what, Lord Sugar? He said, was you a bit too shy to wear budgie smugglers

in front of everyone? I went, you know what, Lord Sugar? If it pleases you right now, i will happily put my cock and balls on this table and everyone anyway and everyone just wed they were do you know what you can do it now because that'll get us a deadly male headline so hopefully you beat that yeah no i got it and then it got edited from the final thing i will happily put my okay so what's lord sugar's reaction like where i think there's a lot obviously there's a lot cut out that we don't see when you do that does he do you get him do you

break him down does he actually start laughing or is he angry that you have suggested something you know what happened in that situation he actually went everyone's business it's i might say that yeah everyone's pissed themselves laughing and he actually he didn't hear what i said and he went what yeah nevermind and then and he's like what and i'm thinking do i have to say this again you You know, you turn around and you just go, put your hand out, sweetheart. It's reality TV, you say it multiple times. And then I said, when they cut this out as well, some of the other contestants were saying, what do we call Lord Sugar?

What do we call him? And I said, well, you know, you can call him Your Lordship, you can call him Lord Sugar. I said, but in the UK, everyone tends to call him Sugar Tits. Did he know that? I don't know what is he annoying that or do people

call him that behind his back he don't call him that at all but I just thought it would be hilarious I just thought

it would be hilarious if somebody walked in and just went welcome to the show alright sugar tits and that's what you're fired and you know

so stuff like that it's mainly for time but also you know you've got to be you've got to be respectful to the boss they also cut out

the other thing they cut out there was hour honestly there was hours and hours of stuff to declare there was one thing you didn't get enough air time is what i'm getting i was the one that got loads but that was just the stuff when we first went i was the first person in we're all you know you walk into the boardroom and there's a little clip of this out there but it wasn't on the main show so i was the first person in there and then so it's just me by myself so obviously i've got no one to talk to

so i walk in i thought oh this is quite nice and i think i'll go in the boardroom right so so i went into the boardroom by myself and i think there's a little clip of this online somewhere so i get in lord sugar's chair and i start pretending to be i'm going you're bloody fired you're bloody bloody bloody bloody fired you're sitting back watching being like this guy and then i was spinning around and then i was sliding past the camera and i would appear one side and just slide past you're bloody fired and i i didn't realize he was upstairs watching me like in the boardroom messing about and then as we were leaving he said he went right off you go first task and as we were leaving in the edit that this out he went and ross don't you ever

ever mess about in my chair again and as i was leaving and i went i went i was just checking it you know health and safety didn't make it in but but like i said there's probably i reckon there's probably four or five days worth of daft stuff that just didn't make the cut but you know i want to talk to you about something more serious and about a physical aspect yeah i want to know if you've been taking up like self-defense classes or jiu-jitsu or anything with everything happening in the world right now i'm talking i'm talking what's happened with chris rock and will smith just this week dave chappelle stormed on stage there was an arm broken because because people are not feeling well people are not liking jokes anymore and there's this whole cancer culture and

they're feeling like that they can jump on stage and attack you now is this is this a worry for you now and do you feel like your life what has it happened have you ever has it ever happened to you oh yeah i've had that the best example of it was uh i uh i was doing a game prague of all places i was just such a gentle beautiful place exactly exactly czech republic uh and i was i was playing a sort of i was playing an old communist hall in prague and uh there was these the gig was sponsored by a beer company and they had these sort of sacks these sort of like they were meant to look like rustic sacks at the side of the stage and i picked one of these up and i threw it at a guy in the front row i'd been talking to him and he'd kind of been heckling and i i sort of said

do you want a pillow fight and I just threw this because I thought we've got a couple of they look like big pillows and I thought oh that'd be a bit of fun there's a bottle in there here's the mistake that I made one I didn't

I knocked over all the drinks on his table right two in the Czech Republic pillow fighting isn't really a thing it's not cute and also he didn't speak brilliant English And all he

Was I knocked his drinks over And he heard the word fight So the next thing you know This guy climbs on stage And I'm And he tries to punch me And I swerve him And I sort of get him in a

Like sort of a lock And then he's on my back Oh my god And I'm holding his arms like that To stop him punching me in the kidneys And he's riding me around the stage Like a buck in Bronco People will be like

Is this part of the show? that's exactly so there was two security guards both Czech guys and they were laughing because they're going like oh we've never seen stand-up comedy before and they thought it was part of so they're laughing their heads off and then the audience started laughing and I'm going no no this this isn't part of the show this is assaulted I mean Heimlich's around the stage and the other acts I looked into the way and the other act were laughing so hard what I like about this is that you started it you threw something

at you first it wasn't a joke so that's happened I had a woman just recently I had a woman who was she'd had too much

to drink she'd fallen asleep at the gig and I just went oh look at her asleep and I was talking about and she woke up

and she went stop taking the piss out of me and I went you're asleep at the gig next thing you know she climbed on stage

but she was so drunk she couldn't stand up so she was crawling around the stage trying to get you trying to get me and i was i was more worried about catching cover than anything else which i don't know if you ever seen that you know one man and his dog where they used to do the sheepdog trials and it would be you

know like babe and all that yeah and uh so she's crawling around the stage she can't stand up and i'm whistling i'm going goodbye goodbye goodbye that's it goodbye goodbye like that and the audience just laughing their heads off yeah you need to capitalize on a situation when it presents itself exactly but no stop it like chapelle it's just you know i know he said things that some people don't like but don't attack people physically what's going on i think the world has gone crazy it has and also if you have to if you have to change your jokes or be fearful on stage about getting into a bit of strife oh look it's one of those things where like you know you should you've got to take responsibility for what you say on steer i'm not one of these i'm not one

of these people that just go oh you can't see anything anymore it's like well you know what if you're on stage and you've got a platform and you're you know you're being mean or racist or homophobic or whatever you've got think about that source if you're gonna take you know and I've said stuff in the past that you sort of look at now anything maybe that's you know that was a bit different time you know what I mean yeah you know at the time you think that's maybe that's except but now you're looking at you go and you've got change engine evolve and i think that's important but at the same time she'd never be she'd never be

punched in the face for it but i quite like the idea that maybe in the future we we get to a situation where uh boxing is no longer you're not allowed to actually hit each other you have to you could see a big match and you just talk it out you know it's a therapy session in the room Ross I have one question for you we are last question I think to round it out you wanna

yeah we need one more before you go oh okay tell me why not oh yeah to be honest stay on we can make it all

stay all night I've got nowhere to be so go on Ross I have a question for you now I've been holding something in my hand it looks like a dildo

doesn't it it does look well this is the question we are we have a oh my god is that you know what

if this is a new if this is a new radio thing that you've come up with It could be the greatest radio feature ever. Or it could be terrible, but let's try it. Is this dildo or not a dildo? Is this where you hold up a selection of ideas? Yes, it is.

We're playing dildo or not a dildo? No, this is something that I just picked up in the office and I didn't even know what it was. And we are predominantly, we have a very women's focused podcast. Yes. And I wanted to give this to you. And I would love you to tell me if you know what this is. I don't even know what this is.

Don't describe it, because it's in a white pill-shaped plastic. It's a little case. It's a white case. It's very ergonomic in its size and shape. But it's got a little lid, and if you take that off... It's got some aeration in the back. There's something quite jelly inside. Yes.

This is one of... Oh, good Lord. You can touch it. Describe it. Describe what you're saying. Describe, Ross. Well, I would describe it as a kind of a wobbly silicon arrowhead. Like a little fleshy arrowhead.

It's quite, and it's, oh my God. It looks a bit like a shark fin. Yeah, but also very tapered. I still, I'm going with like, almost looks like a little heart. Arrowhead was a good, is it squishy? You know what it is? It's very much like, let's be honest. Can I feel it?

Don't wave, don't flap it around like that. no it's um it's quite dirty how would you do it what i would describe it is it's a it's a sort of a it's a a very squishy like a one of those stress balls and uh it's very much it's very much got a tongue like quality to it it certainly does so i think that it is basically i'm gonna go out there and say, like at first, I thought, you know what I thought it was? Yes, I am waggling that. I can't look at that thing looking, waving at me. I am waggling that.

At first, I thought, because you said it was like a women's thing, and because of the shape of this, I thought it was one of those Kegel, you know, one of those. Have you seen them? A yoni egg. Good for your pelvic floor muscles. Exactly. I'm doing it right now.

You'd never know. I love that you know that. Look, I've got to try and keep across what the women are up to. Correct. You know, there's a lady in the UK who has got such excellent pelvic floor control, she can lift a can of beans. Wow. I reckon I could do that.

That is, can please do it on the show, Brittany. Look at an answer, Rose. What do you think it is? If you can do that, it's if you forget your bags at the supermarket. When your hand's full, you're always doing one trip. I've got one tin of beans. Give it to you I mean it's an unusual

Because it's an aerated Sort of I love the thought and time he's putting into the answer It needs oxygen I'm going to say It's got a very tongue like It really does It's got the very tongue

It's even got the Excuse me I burped there It's got the texture I'm going to say I'm going to say this is this is for ladies

obviously for ladies right and that's not because it's pink and it looks almost heart shape I'm not being I'm not being

a misogynist yeah it's a I'm going to say it's a like it's a it's like a fake tongue and I think

it's for ladies I think it's for high-flying for lady power business no no high-flying business professionals

who would like to have a cat right they'd like to have a cat But because of their executive rules, right? You know, he's saying, oh, I'm at the office all day long. I can't. Well, could you pay somebody?

You know what? I'd like to have a cat, but I can't have a cat. And, oh, I like the feeling. Do it to my hand. Optics. Oh, my God. It's literally a cat licking your hand. And you sit at home and you just do that.

And then you get all the benefits. All of the mental health benefits of being licked by a cat. And then you just pack it up and take it with you. And you can have that anyway. Oh, I'm in an important business meeting. You can't bring a cat to a business meeting. You're right. I'm an important executive high-flying female.

I'm going to pull out my pocket pussy. Exactly. What actually is it, Laura? Laura, what is it? Well, I'm confused now because that sounds very feasible. But Mitch Turi told me that it was for applying makeup. It's a makeup apply. What?

It's a makeup apply. That thing is not going anywhere near my face. Let me tell you that much. Other body parts, though. I mean, it might be nice. I have to say, I mean, you're right. it very much is in that

you would think and the thing that puts me off about this is it's filthy it is it's disgusting and you know what Ross every guest that comes

on the show gets to keep it so we do this to every guest that's yours to take has this been because is this clean

I mean you don't know that's the surprise well no no no you're only allowed to have it for a couple of hours because Jackie O is going to want it back in the morning

oh my god is this Jackie O's it is can you stick it in your mouth and then just She's going to kill us We're never allowed back in the studio

So you have literally You have given me You've gone through Jackie O's personal lock I bet she's got a lock I'm clarifying That was Laura Byrne That went through Jackie

Oh my god So I've just been This could be riddled with COVID It's probably worth a lot To be honest And also Can I just say We are in the studio

That Jackie O uses And this Look at this A Diamante Some sort of Diamante microphone Yes I would suggest that Jackie O has too much money.

I mean, if you're carrying around a silicon cat's tongue, I think you might want to... I agree. Well, she's a high-flying executive. Yes, she's an executive woman. And you can't bring a cat into this office here. She's not a cat lady. I think Jackie O can do what she wants.

Exactly. She's gone, you know what? I like the idea of being a cat lady, but I'm a professional high-flying business female. Brilliant. Get me a silicon cat's tongue If only you had that on Celebrity Apprentice That would have been

You know what I could sell that I could happily sell that Whack your face on it Exactly You can see Ross Noble He's on the go Australian tour happening right now

Rossnoble.com.au for tickets Have a good look tonight So I know you're wrapping this up But did you want to ask me about You asked me about the cursed sand before I did ask you about your cursed sand Let me quickly see it Depends what you want to ask for

I have two questions One Well I mean I have This is my query when you curse sand is it you're swearing at the sand or you put a hex

on the sand like is it cussed at the sand it comes pre-curse okay right so the thing that got me into the final

of Celebrity Apprentice was they said you have to sell the impossible so they gave me a big pile of sand and they said right you've got

to flog this and so what I did was it was just built of sand but I pretended that it was sand from the cursed tomb of Tutankhamun

right I remember this And you ended up killing it. Did people buy it? Not only did I sell it, I sold so much of it. How much for? Like $10, $20, $30, depending on the level of curse. No.

Was it death? Was it STI? What was the curse? Every time somebody came up and said, what is the curse? What will it do? I said, well, level one, exactly that. You might get an STI, you know. level two you might uh you might fall down some steps in a in a faulty uh cellar well if you're

if you're going to see ross you can buy this at his shows now so yeah so what i did i saw this curse and it's just an envelope with some uh you know with the story of the curse and after the show uh basically i'm after the apprentice people kept saying to me you know where can we buy this curse and and even when we got in the boardroom it was uh you know the others were really angry because they went, you just made up a story about this cursed sand and you just put it in an envelope. And I said, well, what is mineral water? It's just water in a bottle.

And Janine, who runs Boost Juice, she went, that's a very good point. It's how you market things. And I thought, she can't turn around and go, that's out of order because she's made millions out of putting fruit in a cup. So I just put sand in an envelope. So I nicked her business idea. And so you can buy it and all of the money that we raise from selling the cursed sand

is going to go to the Red Cross I just got my new business I'm going to sell a decursed sandbox so everyone that gets cursed by you I'm going to sell the sand

as long as you give the money to the charity afterwards so come to the gigs it's always a catch yeah so we're raising we're making quite a lot of money for the Red Cross so it's a bit of fun

a good cause amazing Ross Noble thanks for having me our pleasure and good luck tonight you've got a show too so have fun

yeah I'm going to be at the Sydney State Theatre Sydney State Theatre I might be late on stage because I might I might do that cat show. But there are shows all across Australia.

There is. Thanks for coming on, Ross. Thanks for having me. Now, it is Mother's Day tomorrow. If you're a mum, you then realise when you become a mum just how special Mother's Day is. Like, it really is something important. And I think, like, for me, it's a beautiful, sentimental day.

But one thing that we don't talk enough about is just how crappy sometimes Mother's Day gifts can be. It can be hard too. Oh, Mother's Day. For kids to buy gifts. A lot of kids don't have money. Like when you're a young kid. Oh, you get $2 for packing the dishwasher. It takes a lifetime to save up money.

When you said it was hard, I was like, no, it can't be a really hard day for some people as well. Like it's a very conflicting day and there's lots going on. But in terms of presents, yes, your two-year-old probably doesn't have a great big budget. But what about the Mother's Day? like the Mother's Day stores that they do where everyone comes home with like a little gift that they bought from Arts and Crafts or your kids make something at daycare. That's the stuff.

Oh, I just remember, first of all, the Mother's Day stores. I remember it was always like you had to go to the $2 store, the $4 store, the $10 store. There were always these different options and you were always, you were like, oh, I've got to go to the $2 store. I remember what my sister and I used to do for my mum when we were little. Poor thing. She used to go along with it too because we didn't have money

to go and buy it like as kids. And mum and dad always said things mean more when you make them. So we used to go out, we used to get a bucket of water just from the hose outside. We used to go around the neighbourhood picking plants, flowers, little bits out of the dirt, all this different stuff. Then we used to go home and put it, we mushed it up with like a musher rock, put it in the water.

Like a mortar and pestle type thing. Yeah, but it was like pretend we're in the 1700s. It was just a rock that we used to like rub on another rock until it went to mush, all these flowers and leaves and grass. put it in the bucket of water, mix it all up so it was like this muddy, thick slosh, put it in a water bottle, and then we would make the label. And we said to mum that this was like the most expensive upmarket perfume. So what you gave your mother for Mother's Day was a mess, basically.

No, we used to make her put it on. She'd go out and we'd be like, put your perfume on, mum, and she'd have to go and splash this water all over her body. And you know when your kids are looking at you with these big eyes and they're like, isn't it? And mum's like, oh, it smells delicious. No, my question is, is that when your kid gives you a terrible Mother's Day present, like a really bad, like a muddy in a bloody, in a water bottle.

No, you pretend it's great. How long do you have to keep it for? Like, is there some sort of time frame? Do I put it on a shelf for a day and then I say, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. And then I can throw it in the bin. Well, you're a mum. How long do kids focus on that stuff for? Oh, I think it's got a shelf life of 24 hours.

Yeah. But some people are a bit sentimental. And this was different editions. You're still talking about it. Every new is a new edition. I'm going to make it. 30 years later. I'm going to make it for this weekend.

No, I don't think so. Okay, well, I did put a call out and I asked a couple of people. I put a call out on Instagram because I was like... At Life Uncut Podcast, yeah. No, on my own Instagram. I've got a lot of mums who follow me. Of course. And I was like, I want to know what are the worst things you've been given.

Now, apart from kids who have just completely forgotten that it's Mother's Day and gotten you absolutely nothing, here was a good one. My child last year gave me a fart card. No present, nothing written in the card, just a card that farts. Oh, that's genius. That's funny. Another child, she'd saved up for three weeks all her pocket money. She was nine years old.

She saved up for three weeks so that she could buy her mum a second-hand painting of a clown and then demanded that her mum put it on the wall in the lounge room. That's brilliant but scary. Oh, no, it's terrible. What else have we got there? Oh, this one's terrible. A claw on a stick so that hubby didn't have to clean up

after our toddler while I was pregnant. What do you mean? What does a claw do? Like it's one of those things that when you sit on the couch you can, it extends your arm and it'll pick things up off the ground. I was thinking of like a back scratcher. I think you shouldn't be having more children with that man. I agree. 131065 is the number

here at KISS. We want to know, ring us up, tell us your worst Mother's Day present, whether you were given it, maybe you were the one who gave it, maybe you were a kid listening. Have you received a terrible Mother's Day gift? Did you give one? Sam has called through. Hey, Sam. Hey, guys. How you going? Hi, Sam. What's your gift? So, when I was

really young at school, we were making Mother's Day gifts and And for some reason, I thought it would be a really good idea to make fake chocolates in a chocolate box. What were they made out of? Do I want to know? I painted rocks brown. I hope she didn't try and bite into that.

What I want to know is how long did she keep them for? Well, she ate them, Laura. I don't know, but she doesn't have them now. That's all I know. Oh, that's a shame. Look, I mean, that's a pretty crappy Mother's Day present, I reckon. Well, you probably cost her a fortune with Root Canal. Yeah, I think so too.

Thanks, Sam. Let's go to Jess. Hey, Jess, what's your crappy Mother's Day gift? So I gave my beautiful mum, when I was eight years old, my Tweety Bird diary because I didn't have anything else to give her. But not only did I give her the diary, I actually ripped out the pages that I had used. So it had like five pages of lined paper in the diary for her

and that was her Mother's Day present. You pretended like you bought her a new diary. You just took out the pages you'd written on. It wasn't just a diary, though. It was Tweety Bird. I mean, that's the sell, isn't it? It was a Tweety Bird diary. I mean, but how important was this diary to you?

Because maybe you were parting with something that you thought was really special at the time. Well, exactly. I think, I mean, I was Tweety Bird obsessed at the time, so it was kind of like an act of love to give it, to pass it on to my beautiful mum for Mother's Day. Oh, you're selfless. I actually don't think that this is that bad. Let's end it with Alex on 131065. What is your shocking Mother's Day gift, Alex?

So my mum goes through stages of doing different little things at home, and one of them was soap making. And one day I opened her freezer and there was a whole bunch of stored random breast milk in there. And I was like, Mum, what is it? And she's like, oh, someone at work had extra breast milk, so I'm making them soap. But then it gets weirder.

So then anyway, down the track she made all of this soap. And then for my first Mother's Day she gives me soap. and she was like, yeah. Wait, she made you breast milk soap as well? She had an extra, so she gave me some. Oh, no. Why would you want to wash someone else's breast milk on your body? Someone else's baby's breast milk.

She goes, oh, I thought it might be nice because it's Mother's Day and mothers have breast milk and it would be a nice breast milk. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. And I said, well, it is nice, but maybe give it back to the lady and don't give it out to her. Just random people. Wow. I feel like that's not a hygienic way of doing soap.

Yeah, no, it's a thought that counts, I guess. Yeah, just because it's soap doesn't make it clean. No, agreed. The Life Uncut Radio Show. With Britt Hockley and Laura Byrne. We love them! One kiss. Now, ladies, I'm very excited right now for our first guest.

You likely know Jules from Season 6 of Married at First Sight. Back in 2019, where she met Cam, fell in love, they got a little baby, she runs multiple businesses and a podcast, and she's our guest today. Ladies, Jules Robinson is here. Jules, hi. Hey, I'm exhausted listening to that. I was just about to say, I feel exhausted listening to that. How do you do it all?

How do you manage to juggle so many hats and be a mum at the same time? Oh, well, I mean, it is a juggling act, but I don't really think I do. You know, I just take each day as it comes, to be honest. Jules, you really are the success, happily ever after story of Married at First Sight, aren't you? I'm just trying to wrap my brains how many people actually ended up. There's probably like two or three couples max, is that right? Yeah, there's not very good stats when it comes to maths. Actually, it definitely takes the cake when it comes to that.

There's, who's together? Martha and Michael are engaged. Johnny and Kerry are still together. They're from season seven or eight. Oh, you've got Bryce and Melissa just hanging in there. I was about to say, Jules, you're the only one with a baby, but no, Bryce and Melissa, they had two. There you go.

They've got two. But, Jules, I mean, coming off the bat. Well, I will say, you producers, we're going to have twins. We're going to prove it wrong. We're actually together. Prove all of Australia wrong, I think that one was. Jules, just coming off the back of this season of maths, do you think anyone actually signs up these days

because they actually want a relationship out of it? I think there was some genuine people in there this year who went in there for the right reasons, and you can just tell. You can tell straight away, I think. But I think it has changed more and more every year since I was on it. But, yeah, I think there were some genuine people in there. I think it's standard though now. I think every reality show that we watch,

I think it's, I reckon it's probably 70-30 now, like 70%. Oh, I think that's being generous. Not the right reasons than like 30% are. I think it's just like people have seen the success. And speaking of success, you are a prime example of that. You literally got everything. You got the husband, you got the marriage, you got the child, you've got successful businesses and podcasts.

You're absolutely killing it. But how has life changed for you guys since having a kid? Because it is Father's Day tomorrow. You've got little Oliver. How has your life changed? Oh, I mean, it instantly changes overnight, doesn't it, when you have a baby. I mean, we as a partnership together,

we do very much make an effort to still live our own lives individually and just kind of support each other to be like, share our calendars and be like, I'm doing this, you're doing that, to just share the responsibility a lot. Like some people do, you know, DM him and go, oh, you're so lucky that Cam does that.

And I'm like, well, I look at it that he's a parent. We're co-parenting. It's not like I'm lucky, like just because he's a man. You mean, oh, that he's just doing the bare minimum of what he's supposed to do. Like he's not babysitting. That's what he's meant to do, right?

But I think some people still live in the dark ages that a woman is meant to be the mother all the time. And I love being a mom, but I love still being myself and doing everything I did before I had a baby. And there's no reason why that should change. So I'm just very fortunate that in our position that we have a relationship where he's on a nine-to-five job all the time that we can work together looking after him. So things have changed drastically. I mean, oh, my God, we just hardly, you know, don't get much sleep anymore. But I never wanted it to change my whole life by having a baby. But, no, I'm pretty lucky, to be honest.

He's a good kid. He, you know, when it comes to eating and sleeping and all that, he's pretty good. So we hope to have another one the same, but apparently you never get to the same. Do you know what? I can attest to the fact that you do not get to the same at all. I mean, good that they're different,

but also sometimes terrible that they're different as well. what's the best piece of advice that you have received from i guess your mom or maybe someone in your life about being a mother take help when you need it like and i'm such a big believer in that and even down to like we were really lucky and we had a snooze and i read this article about people getting a snooze and having snooze like this uh cot that rocks your baby to sleep and when it has white noise and if it cries more the white noise goes louder and some people get snooze because they don't actually pick their baby up i'm like there's no guilt here like this machine is helping me, like, do my role.

I might get one of these machines. Yeah, where do you get a snoo? Can you strap a two-year-old in a snoo? Are there adult snoo? I'm six foot three, Jules, but can I get one? We've only used it up to, like, six months, but it is amazing. And it is a life-changing gadget. There you go.

Everyone's Googling snooze right around Australia now, Jules. You should get a fee. But it's, as I said, like, take help where you're offered it. And even little, you know, in a device. If you need a device, take it. Good tip. Hey, Jules, we do a segment with all our guests here at the Life Uncut Radio show. It's called Head Lies. We scroll through the depths of the internet and bring out a

whole bunch of headlines written about you. Some are true, some we've just made up on the spot. And it's your job to tell us true or false. Headline or head lie. You're good to stick around and play. Well, that's nothing new, is it? Something made up? But yeah, go for it. I can't lie! Head Lies. Yep, Head Lies with our special guest Jules Robinson today. Jules, I'm going to kick this off. Jules Robinson reveals on her podcast her plans to have a

clan of kids, I'm thinking maybe seven or eight. Jules, is that a headline or a head lie? I would never have said that, so that's absolutely not true. That's a lie. Head lie. Okay, so you don't want eight kids? No! Oh my god, no. God, you'd be gone for a while. Jules

Robinson still wears her TV show wedding ring. Yes, that is true. Do you? Is it real? Is it real? I bought myself an engagement ring about a year and a half before I met Cam, so I was like, I'm done waiting. I'm just going to buy myself some diamonds and then I just still wear it because I just kind of I like wearing them

together wait so that ring that you got given on the show you already had no no I bought myself an engagement ring oh I bought just a gift to myself about a year and a half but I wear them together on the same hand so production paid for that tv paid for that ring yeah but mine's not real they get real diamonds now it's so unfair you got fake ones what cubic zirconias I didn't I didn't realise Max had such a tight-ass budget. Look, Jules, I got to the end and I didn't get any rings. Jules Robinson says her teeth have never looked better after debuting Transformation.

I don't think I said that. Your teeth look pretty great. Your teeth look pretty good. I'm just looking at the producer. Is that a headline or a headline? No, I think that's fake. Jules, that's real. We just saw it.

Oh, my God, it's real. Really? I mean, you might not have said it, but it's definitely a headline. Yeah, you probably haven't said it, but that's really floating out there. It was a new idea. Well, my dancing time is pretty amazing, so credit to him. I'm glad that you're here to confirm the fake news for everyone.

And the last one, the Ashes series is my favourite time of year. Maths star Jules Robinson admits to being won over by the Australian cricketing team in an Instagram Live video with husband Cam Merchant. That is absolute nonsense. I understand what it's like to be a cricketing widow. What does that mean? You're left You're just left

Where your husband just stands there And watches the cricket For five days after Christmas Is Matt a cricket player? Like a cricket enthusiast? He loves it Not a pick that Five days of my life

I just don't hear from him Never see him He just sits in front of the TV Long term gain though When Ollie's seven He's going to be gone all weekend And I'll be out having lunch somewhere Oh smart move Jules

That's why I don't win Long term gain Plant the seed Plant the seed early Alright Jules You have a great Mother's Day First Mother's Day Or second tomorrow?

Second Oh second Alright you have a good one alright Thanks for coming on. Thanks, guys. Bye. The Life Uncut Radio Show. With Britt Hockley and Laura Byrne.

We love love. One kiss. Guys, we've been talking a lot about love and dating. We've had a lot. Because we've got Bumble here. Jules Robinson's in love. Well, like, I'm back on the dating scene. This is not new news.

I'm not very successful at it yet. But it is, it just reminded me how exhausting dating is. Oh, yes. Are you dating actively? Are you seeing people? I have gone on a date, yes. Oh. One.

But that's not what I'm going to, yeah, singular. One singular date or one singular person? Wait, are you trying to get me in the headlines? One singular person? One singular person. Wait, since the breakup, one singular person you've seen? Yeah, in months and months. I've gone on one date with one person, a couple of days.

Multiple times. Yeah. Oh, I'm glad that we got that out. You know why? I didn't even tell Laura at the start. This is why. Because I know she'll throw me under the bus. Guys, this article that I want to tell you about, it's not on me.

Are they good in bed? Are they good in bed? Yeah. To have them back multiple times. How nice is he? Nice try, both of you. Nice try. And I'm not talking about his height.

Well, I will ask him when we get to that point. Oh, so not there yet. Okay, all right. We are definitely not there yet, guys. Four small baby steps. I was heartbroken. So I want to tell you about my point is I forgot how exhausting dating can be and just finding the time and things like that.

But this man, he's a Brazilian man. And his name's Arthur O. O is the middle name. This is the man you've been dating. No. God, I hope not. I'll tell you why. Arthur has nine wives.

Oh. I'm guessing he's not in Australia because polyamory is illegal. No, he's Brazilian. Now, he has nine wives to the point. And they all know about each other. Like, this is a, it's like a commune. They all live together. Oh, they've agreed to it.

He has to have, because he's so busy, he has to have a sex roster. so he has a roster where he puts their names in and their times so that he can have sex with them and he said i had to stop doing it because the person at the end was i wasn't giving my best you know at the end of the day you had nine people before eight people before you he's like i was too exhausted so now we just let it flow freely how do you have nine happy wives i can't get one boyfriend and keep him how do you have nine to be fair we kind of had a sex roster it's like friday night for seven minutes that's a sex don't be lenient that's a four minutes but he's had he's had wise leave because he gives presents to he's like oh some of them like he's

got favorites obviously he's like i don't i don't want them to know i've got a favorite but one of them will get like a really expensive gift and then the other one gets a really shitty gift so someone's getting like the diamond ring and the other person's getting boxer mcnuggets i would be pissed off too what if you were the wife that got the ninth slot on the sex roster and the chicken nuggets i mean but if you've got nine wives everyone's got a favorite right like you can't have nine yeah i mean if you had nine kids you're gonna have a favorite as well one of them gets a really good toy it's usually the first kid and then the ninth kid gets the crappy hand me down that's got no wheels well he said the biggest problem with this situation which i i think is

funny because i think there's more problems than this the problem is he has nine wives the biggest problem was on occasions with the sex roster i had sex with one wife while i was thinking about the other so i had oh no how dare he what a pig what an animal so he's like it was because my brain was wondering that I had to let it flow naturally. Wow. Hats off. I'm truly exhausted for him. That's all I have to say. All new in 22.

For your Saturday morning, the last uncut radio show with Britt Hockley and Laura Byrne. On Kiss. Who loves Mother's Day tomorrow? We're all excited. I hope that my family remembers. Yeah, how many Mother's Days have you had, Laura? This will be my third. My third.

But nobody's mentioned anything about it yet, so it's not looking good. Matt would have to be all over it i don't know i've seen you do some iconic mother's day gifts i mean i think he might pick up some flowers on the day hopefully they're not from the service station i think you need to give your man more credit than you're giving him because here at the life uncut radio show you know britney and i you know we're not we're not parents not yet um i have delilah you have delilah i've got beautiful delilah but you've got your two beautiful girls i do and you've got maddie j your beautiful husband and

we wanted to honor you today now in the in the in the run sheet we have surprise you don't even know what's what's about to happen do you i don't know what's about to happen open the ceiling hatch no that's not that's not real we kyle sandilands is just hiding up there we hope with some money we hope um we love you and you know you're a hard-working lady the two of you britain laura you work so hard with your podcast it's one of the biggest podcasts in the country you've got your business tony may you've got this radio show and then on top of it all you're a brilliant mother to your two little girls um so what we thought we'd do is we thought we'd get the people that love you the most in the world surprisingly not britain nine where i wasn't included yeah we

weren't asked we just facilitated uh to record a little something for you uh on mother's day eve oh guys i'm gonna cry already that's what we wanted i'm not okay don't worry don't get too get the camera out so this is uh those that love you the most laura let's roll it laura hi there it's maddie j by the way in case you can't recognize the voice um i just wanted to say happy mother's day look at us two kids a little family one minute we're sipping bintangs on the beach in bali and the next we're surrounded by kids and nappies and coca melon in the background but i wouldn't have it any other way and i wouldn't want to be doing this with anybody else because you are such an incredible mum and I just want to say thank you so much for everything that

you do it is it really boggles the mind just how much you do and how well you do it being a mum and juggling everything else but I am constantly in awe at what you're able to do and you're just you're just the best and I love you so much and the girls want to say a little quick message as well. Here's Marley. Mama, I love you. And Lola wants to say a little quick hello as well. Here she is. Hello, mommy. I love you. Happy Mother's Day. Lola's won. So well spoken. Oh my gosh, how amazing was that? Lola's speaking so much for the first time. We love you so much and thanks again. Bye, babe. Now I feel really guilty that I said he wasn't going to remember. Why am I the one crying he's sobbing i'm upset why why are you upset i'm not sure i think because it was

really lovely and like it just must be nice to have that love and i think it's like really emotional i don't know i just think i was really beautiful happy mother's day i love you and like love you i'm very very lucky i feel very lucky to be a mom and i have this little family cry why am i crying well wait there britney i haven't forgotten oh i just blew a snot bubble out my nose I've got your beautiful child on the line To tell you how much they love you It's your beautiful dog Delilah Oh what a beautiful message

Listen to it, you can hear it She's saying mum I love you I mean poor Delilah's been in military camp for three weeks Delilah I love you too thank you That was a really touching tribute Thank you I feel so lucky Thank you for reminding my family And I look forward to what is in store tomorrow

I truly do also poor Matty J Laura's like he'll never forget anything and it's like well here is his tribute to you straight off the back of that we spent all week organising

we love you Matty J and we love you and happy Mother's Day to all the mums out there listening happy Mother's Day to everyone happy Mother's Day to everybody do you know what I hope you get

to have your coffee by yourself and a little a little 10 minutes on your own in the cupboard under the stairs with the door locked that's what every mum wants for Mother's Day

it's a bit of peace and quiet well look guys we have a really great episode of Life Uncut coming up this Tuesday actually speaking of women and it is all things women, we are talking about PCOS

or polycystic ovarian syndrome. We have Angie Kent who suffers from PCOS. We have her and we have a specialist, Dr. Izzy So. We have her in-house and she's talking all about it. So it's a really great episode dropping on Tuesday. Yes, if you haven't had enough of us today on the radio show, that is exactly where you can find us. And if you have anything like an ask uncut

or you want to send us a message, you can slide into the Instagrams which is at lifeuncutpodcast. And don't forget to tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, to all your friends and share the love because we love love see ya

miss any of the life on cart radio show with Britt Hockley and Laura Baird hear it in the catch up podcast on iHeartRadio