Life Uncut - Making Christmas Christmassy & What You'd Do If Your Partner Lost Their Memory of Your Whole Relationship

Episode Date: December 17, 2023

Hey Lifers!It's so crazy that Christmas is so close! Britt is on her way to Scotland. Laura is not carol'd out. We have a bit of an accidentally deep chat about making Christmas feel special and how we can feel at this time of the year.Britt was mistaken for someone else but we all know she needs to clean her car before she could do well in that job! A few days ago we were sent a message from one of our listeners and it was such a big conundrum that we wanted to unpack it today. The short version is that our listener has been in a relationship with a man for a year, and they have kept it on the down low. He was king hit a few weeks ago, severely concussed and now has no memory of their relationship. She doesn't know what to do or how to be a supportive partner. We chat about Laura's personal experience that is quite similar and how we think she should go about supporting her partner. If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollamutta land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. Laura, stop it. People are going to turn this off. Hi guys, I'm Brittany. I am so jolly.

I'm Laura. I'm fucking happy. Christmas is a great time of year, guys. Guys, Christmas is within the next week. It's six days away today. That is insanity. Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? I'm not doing any.

Rich. I am not getting presents because my presence is my presence. Wow. Does everybody who's in your presence feel the same way? No, they do. So I am right now, when you're listening to this, I'm already in Scotland with my lover. So this is recorded a few days early because I had to get on a flight and meet my family over in the UK.

So I'm probably having sweaty hot sex right now while you're listening to this. That is such a beautiful visual image for everybody. Britt is having a white Christmas, literally and figuratively. She'll be covered in white. So they don't need me to stay with my lover, but they need you to take it down that dirty road. So we don't get presents because all my family's coming over to the UK. and Ben's family's to the UK, we're just doing a Kris Kringle. So everyone's just buying one

present and Ben and I are not getting each other presents because we're going on a holiday together. So I would rather put my money into experiences. And for me, that is a holiday away with Ben. Normally when we do our records, we do them like as close to the time of being published as humanly possible. Like usually when we record our Tuesday episodes, it's the day before. And then I'm up and Keisha's up like the night of editing and getting it in your inboxes by 5am. yeah but it's different it's Christmas we're allowed a few days leeway yeah there's just a little bit like a little bit of time up our sleeves so the reason why we're doing this earlier Brit is flying out literally tonight to Scotland I myself have not started my Christmas shopping

which I know it's like anxiety inducing gives me a thrill gives me a rush you do that every year we're so close to Christmas and I am the person who two days before I will battle the crowds I always talk about how this year I'm going to do it online I'm going to be so organized and I do like to do shopping online normally but sometimes when it comes to Christmas shopping I just want to be in the action I want to chase around that car park trying to find a car park for 45 minutes I want to get there late at night do you know why because I like to see things in the flesh still no I'm an online shopper always gives me a thrill the other part of it for me is is that I like to see because especially because now the only Christmas shopping I do is kids presents right

so like I want to go in and I want to look at the presents I want to figure out what it is that I'm getting and I feel like I'm more efficient because I end up spending so much time on Kmart and Target and Iconic like I'll spend forever on there going through and trawling which don't get me wrong when it comes to my own clothes shopping 100% that's where I do it but when it comes to presents this sounds like an ad which is weird when it comes to presents I like going in store it's not guys I've got a lot of got a little fucking work up my sleeve is what I'm saying okay so just to set this up this is our last week of normal programming so this is our last Tuesday episode but we do have Wednesday and Thursday coming out as per normal but then we're going on a little Christmas break

but what that means is we're not of course taking a proper break we are still going to be dropping some new content that we have already pre-recorded and we're going to be dropping your rearing your view that's what we call it that's what we used to call it but okay because every year like we will do like our wrap on the year which we're absolutely going to be dropping but also this year we thought with the live shows and all the incredible content that we got at the back of it we filmed and recorded every single one of those live shows every single one of those conversations. Some of them and some of the incredible guests we had, we are actually going to be interviewing them on full episodes next year. But some of them, there were some really

unique conversations, which was so special on the nights to be having. And we've been sitting on these interviews and sitting on these conversations for a little while now. And we thought whilst we're on our holiday break, we will drop some of those interviews into your feed so that for anyone who wasn't at the live show, you can listen back to what we felt was some of the most important and Pivotal Conversations and some of the parts of the show that we really, really loved. Maybe you were at the Sydney show, but you didn't get to listen to the convos from the Melbourne show because every single guest was different at each show. It's a real opportunity to tap into and listen to those guests that you didn't get to see. What are you going to be doing on actual

on Christmas day? How are you guys going to celebrate? So we do like it. We're having a big amalgamation. We are having it in Scotland, but it's Swiss, Australian, Indian, Scottish, because my brother-in-law's Indian, Ben's family's Swiss. We're obviously Australian, but it's in Scotland so we're trying to do little bits and pieces from everything but the big thing for the Swiss is they celebrate Christmas Eve instead so they do it's called a meat fondue but it's not cheese it's just oil and broth hot broth and so it's like on a it looks like a fondue everything looks the same except you're not dipping it in cheese but it's really like ridiculously thin sliced meat different kinds of meat beef and everything and then you just with your little fork

You dip it into the hot oil and the broth, cooks it, and that's what you're eating. Apparently, I've never had it. Ben's very excited. That's what they eat every year. Isn't it weird when you listen to like how different cultures and families celebrate Christmas? Yeah.

Like we're going to have a big free pork and ham that we got from the meat raffles and that's it, celebration time at the Berne Johnson household. Totally. I said to Ben, can we have some salads? Because my family, I feel like it's an Australian thing, you have meat and salad, right? He goes, why would you have a salad?

And I was like, oh, meat and salad. he's like no I think it also depends on where you're at right like it depends on how hot or how cold the climate is like I'm looking forward to Christmas this year we've got Matt's mum and his family coming down we have uh my sister and that are coming to our house it's our first Christmas in our house I am once again responsible for Christmas lunch which I was responsible for last year it didn't go as badly as I thought it would go it was actually fine it's such a big job though it's such a big job but you know what I've come to realize in the last two years and especially it's because like of having kids. When you're young, depending on your family and

depending on how into Christmas your family is, Christmas feels really special and it feels like such a joyful time. But it's because you have somebody else to create that joy for you. Like your parents are the memory makers, right? Like they're the ones who come up with the traditions in your household. They're the ones that come up with the fun things, the putting out of the cookies or the milk or the whatever it is, you know. And then you become an adult and a lot of people sort of say, oh, like Christmas is just not as exciting anymore. Christmas doesn't feel as christmasy it's like a chore almost well not even that i realize the reason why christmas doesn't feel christmasy is because no one's making christmas christmasy for you when you're an adult

you are responsible for doing that for yourself and like when you become a parent you're now the memory maker of your family you're the one who's responsible to make it joyful so if you're not being proactive and putting up the tree and putting up the decorations and putting on christmas songs and doing all the things that make christmas feel the way that it is that's why it doesn't feel like that anymore because once you hit a certain age, no one's doing it for you. And, and I guess the fact that now we have kids, it's been this real reminder that it's so easy to not do it. And it does take that little bit of extra effort, but it makes it so much happier and seeing how excited they are about all the little things that they get to do that are Christmas orientated has made

me want to do more and more. So every year our Christmas is getting bigger and more exciting and more family orientated. It's so true when I, I mean, cause I live alone and I have for a very long time I am not the person that sets Christmas up at my home because I'm like as if I could be bothered why would I put a tree up just for me why would I put Christmas lights up why I'm not that person so for me I could always get through Christmas without even knowing it's Christmas until I go to my family home on Christmas day but this is why I feel like it's different for the UK's because they do Christmas so well cold countries they do Christmas markets everything's mulled wine everything's cinnamon there's lights everywhere it's like it is so extra it's snow so

I'm really excited to feel like I am fully enveloped in a proper white. Magical Christmas. Cliche. Yeah. Cliche movie Christmas. That's so interesting though, because you've got the magic created for you by a country. You have the responsibility of making the magic. Yeah. And I feel like a lot of parents come to this realization, you know, if you are not being proactive in the memory making process, like it just kind of slides by and it's another year that just doesn't feel like a very inspired or very christmasy christmas and and i guess like this might be my maybe this is my recommendation for anyone who kind of feels that way maybe you are on your own maybe it's not a big thing in your family but you're kind of like oh christmasy

just doesn't feel that christmasy get yourself a santa suit you gotta do it you gotta make it you've got to go to the carols you gotta do all the lame dumb stuff because it is such a camp time of year that you can lean into so strongly and you can really embrace it's so camp it's so lame it's so tacky but it's not lame but it's so so joyful if you actually do like every day we come home now we put on Christmas carols and that's what we like have our dinner time too and I think for me it's probably the year that it's felt the most Christmassy and it's because of that reason I think the thing I'm really looking forward to the most it's not just that I'm with all my family but I think if you guys know me and I feel like I don't even know why I could get emotional as

soon as I start thinking about it but this is my first Christmas in like 10 years with someone that I like I'm in a relationship with I don't know I'm crying because I'm and people know like it's it's really hard time when you're always alone and you're that person at a family and I've spoken about it over so many years that it's like it is that hard time and you have fun with your family and stuff but this is my first one and the second I just had that realization then I got really upset in a good way I'm super happy but it's my happy tears it's my first like I'm actually with someone that loves me and that wants to be with me and wants to make memories with me and and you don't realize how much you miss that until you get it oh i'm like this is so wild

because of my 30th birthday our birthday yeah i cried and i cried about the exact same thing and it hit me out of nowhere yeah and i just didn't realize how much that emotion was looming kind of beneath the surface where i was like this birthday felt so different because i spent it with someone that i really care about and that christmas is exactly it's these monumental times i mean we've spoken about this quite a few times in terms of and it comes up every time this time of year it comes up around big milestones milestone anxiety on one hand it's so beautiful that you are and always have been so vulnerable around this period of year oh I don't mean to yeah but I mean like if anyone if you've been with the life uncut journey for the last sort of four and

a half years you would know that you know Christmas has been almost triggering for you at times Brit like you had we had a really big conversation our first year where you were like everyone's supposed to be so fucking happy and I don't feel happy because even though I'm so independent 99.9% of the time. This is often the one time of year where it's like driven into me that I'm alone, even though I'm happy being alone. It's the time of year where I'm almost made to feel like I'm not supposed to be happy by being alone. And it's puts a spotlight on it almost. Yeah. And I've always been filled with envy and jealousy at that time and not in a malicious way, but it's almost like I would be removed. Like I wasn't in that room and I was

watching a TV show of everyone else happy and in love. And it's not just being in love. We know that that's not the end result and it's not the be-all and end-all, I should say, but it's just different going into it this year because last year I didn't go and meet Ben until the 27th. So we were talking all this time but we didn't spend that time together. I still didn't even know he was going to be in my life. He was like a one-night stand at the time really, a one-night stand that you just hadn't –

Yeah, that just never left. You didn't shake him off. But also – and I really think that this is important for anybody who finds himself on the other side of this. If you are single, a single at this time of year can present itself in many ways you could be single and fucking loving life and you know all power to you and this is not us saying that you should feel like something is missing this time of year but it is also recognizing that for a lot of people who are single who are looking for someone

that's a different place to be in that those people can feel amplified in their loneliness amplified in their want to spend time with someone because you are spending time with family and the people that you love and I guess it's just recognizing that it's okay that even though the world tells you to be super jolly and super Christmassy and here I am saying take responsibility for making Christmas Christmassy it's also okay for the many different feelings that people have this time of year because it puts a spotlight on everything it's also not one or the other you can be ridiculously happy at Christmas and still have that pang of I wish I had someone it doesn't it doesn't yeah you don't have to be just upset or just happy you can they can go similar hand in

hand they can be simultaneous feelings okay enough tears enough Christmassy I'm gonna bring this up notch. The funniest thing happened to me today. I got mistaken today for somebody else that I most certainly am not. Now it wasn't someone like famous or anything. I was actually driving to producer Keisha's house and there was a girl standing in the driveway. So I couldn't turn into where I needed to go. So I had put my indicator on to turn left into the driveway and she was just standing there. So I had to just like sort of stop and pull over half on the road. And she's on the phone. She's talking, talking, waving her hands around. And I was like, okay, this girl needs to move so I can get in but I'm not gonna beep her or anything I was like I'll

just wait a second and then my back door opens and I turn around and this girl who is paying no attention she's on a phone ear pods gets into my car and closes the door and she says sorry I'll just be another second on the phone and I was like who are you I was like get out of my car I just looked at her and she looked at me I looked at her and was silent she goes you're not my uber are you I was like, no. And then the funniest thing is she looks around the car. It's a shit fight. It's fucking full of shit.

Oh, dude, I would have got zero star. It's like Delilah's shit is everywhere. You would be at the beach. There's a towel down there. There's sand everywhere. There's dog toys. And she's just like. She's like, this is a terrible Uber.

I'm sorry. This is disgusting. Can you open a window? Fuck. The fact that she got in, closed the door. She gets in. She's like, have you got any mints? Yeah.

She's like, do you have any bottled water? Because this one's half empty. Anyway, it was like the back of my car was like a tip. But that realisation, you know, when you look, you're like, something's not right and it takes you a second to compute. She's like, I'm really sorry. I'm like, that's okay. You're just standing in my park.

I just want you to move, get out of my car and please move so I can park. I do also like when someone makes these kinds of mistakes. It's like how quickly do you rectify it? Like how quickly do you get out of the car? Because usually you spend too much time apologising that it's an awkward amount of time between the apologizing and then just get out just leave you know the funniest thing I was apologizing I was like I'm sorry there's so much sand in there because she

had sand on her outfit I was like I'm sorry it's so sad and then I was like why am I apologizing get out of this girl that you were in my but I was like so sorry I messed up your outfit I'm like you broken yes break and enter this is okay no it's so relatable there's been many many occasions where I have mistakenly because I think if you're an easily distracted person and you're not paying attention to your surroundings it's a very easy thing to do like the amount of times where I've gone out with my little clicker and I've gone to open a car door and I'm opening up. The fuck is my car not opening? And I'm like, that's not my car. My car is 500 meters down the street. You know, like that happens all the time. But I've had two of these instances. One of them is worse

than the other. When we had a hire car and we were up in Byron on holidays and I had a hire car. So I wasn't that familiar with the car. And then Matt was in the front seat and I had run in to go and get some groceries and I'd run back out. And so I ran out of the shops and there's the car, the hire car. And I popped the boot, Matt sitting in the front on his phone. I popped the boot and I put all the groceries in the car and I could hear him saying something to me but I've got really bad hearing so I was like fuck and I my pet hate is when Matt talks to me but I can't hear what he's saying and I'm like I can't hear you just wait a second like I can't just stop talking like so I'm like can you stop talking and I'm gonna get in the car in a second and then we can have this

fucking conversation anyway I said I was like I can't hear you I'll be a second anyway then put my groceries in and I went around to the front I opened the door and I was like you're not my husband this is not my car and I am so sorry for being rude to you I'm not sorry for being rude to you like he's like excuse me ma'am not my car you're like stop talking and he was just like whoa I can't hear you we can have this conversation in a second also in that moment I was like I probably should be nicer to my husband and then it was the humiliation of having strangers having to close the door open the boot and then unload the groceries that was the real humiliating part that's the walk of shame it was it was literally it was

the equivalent of like an adult yeah a mother of twos walk of shame so my mum was a smoker and i'll never forget this the first thing she does before she drives away or used to was get a ciggy so anyway mum gets in the car takes the cigarette lighter out lights a ciggy puts a bag down it's been a hard day at work has a big puff she blows the smoke around and she turns around she's like why does this look different like there was someone else's bag on the seat she was like hang on a minute anyway she looked around she was in someone she was smoking she was having a smoke session in someone else's car some random person's car now if that person doesn't actually quickly scurried away she got out and scurried away but imagine if that car was not a smoker imagine if

you finish work and you get in your car and you're like what happened here like what happened you'd be so confused. So a few days ago, we got a message to Life Uncut podcast from one of our listeners, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. And we've all had these discussions about what would you do in this situation? And we thought this was worthy of an unpack today. We would normally do this as an Ask Uncut question, but it was one of those ones where every so often there is a life conundrum that just really cuts through that we were like, this can't sit amongst the masses. No, this is a standalone. This is something that I think, yeah, okay, look, let's get into what it is. Okay. I have been in a relationship with someone

that I met through work for the last year. It's been kept on the down low because we didn't want any complications while our kids attend at the same school. Although there is no legalities about this, it's still frowned upon. So we agreed to keep it between us for the time being. So she means like, you know, they're coworkers, they're allowed to date, but it probably isn't a good look. A few weeks ago he was out for drinks with some friends and he was unfortunately king hit and left unconscious. After waking up in the hospital he had come to find that he has lost a lot of his memory. Initially the doctors referred to it as post-traumatic amnesia or PTA for short and mentioned that often memory is regained after 24 hours or within a few days. He remembers a lot

about his life from a few years ago but he's struggling to remember anything recent. I'm completely devastated because he only remembers me as being a colleague and he has lost any memory of us ever being together over the last year it's pretty profound though that he's lost an entire year's worth of relationship when everything else like has he lost an entire year of his life in general or just the relationship probably a lot well she goes on to say when i speak to him it's like he's a stranger and i am this weird person that keeps checking in he doesn't understand i'm so worried that he will never remember our relationship now that it's been quite some time since he's woken up from his unconscious state. I don't know how to go about communicating

with him anymore. I want to be a supportive partner. I want to visit him and I want to check in with him. I want to tell him that I love him and I'm there for him, but he doesn't know who I am in that capacity. It sounds like it's something from a movie, doesn't it? Like it sounds like the basis. I mean, I'm really sure it is the basis of a movie. It sounds incomprehensible but this is I mean it's very mild in comparison but my sister when I was in high school she was in a very very very traumatic car accident she was driving and a truck went through a red light and ran straight over and into her like Hyundai XL which is like a matchbox car tiny car and it was like an oversized fully like loaded trucks and I remember getting the phone

call when I was at school and she had broken a collarbone she'd fractured a spine but the worst part was that she'd had severe concussion and a brain injury and part of that was temporary memory loss. When they say temporary do they know at the time it's going to be temporary or is it she's got memory loss and we have no idea? I don't know because I'm not a medical person but I mean in terms of my sisters it was kind of like a bit of a wait and see but she has still to this day memory loss from before the accident so I think around two weeks of time she has completely lost in terms of her memory that she now never got that back she never got that back it never returned and so she doesn't remember the accident she doesn't remember like you know what she was doing

that day she doesn't remember the fact that she went and had a full wax job like she just doesn't remember but part of that was she'd recently started dating a guy at the time they'd been together for a very short period of time and he was there at the hospital so she woke up and she had a boyfriend there and she was like mom who the fuck's that guy and that guy was her boyfriend so this happened but i can only imagine how much more traumatic that would be if that was like a year is a relatively long term in terms of a dating relationship like imagine ben having an accident and waking up and not knowing who you were brit i was about to say this is so hard to even imagine or fathom but it's actually not for you because you lived it which is wild like what

i didn't think that i would ever know somebody that had been in a situation like this but i could not imagine like they actually have a proper life together well I think I mean there's so many levels to this and I don't know if either of us can give advice because we've not lived this and there's so many variables to how he must be feeling and how he must be because it must be quite frightening to wake up from an accident and being told that you've had all these experiences in life and that you've got a relationship with someone who you do not remember and maybe right now don't even feel emotionally or physically attracted to like I mean that's a big consideration as well and I'm not saying that to hurt your feelings I'm just saying that this is an area where I think

you have to tread very carefully well imagine waking up and someone's like you love me yeah you love me like I'm your everything and you're like what I've never seen you but also imagine the opposite like for her she's fallen so deeply in love with this person and they've created a relationship for one year and you still have that love there but it's almost like that love has disappeared from his brain. Like it's like, do we just get together because of the timing? And if you are able to kind of try and rebuild this, like your sister did, Laura, you're coming into this situation, having so much knowledge about who they are as a person, what they like, what they don't like, how they react in situations. And they're almost coming in at such a different

level of understanding you because he can't remember anything about you. Which I guess what I was going to say is that's one aspect of this. The other aspect of a brain injury of concussion is that you can have a personality change. And this is a byproduct for some people of having a brain injury, which is what has had to have happened to have this severity of concussion and severity of memory loss. For some people, it can be a change in anger. It's never just this is memory loss and everything else is completely normal in my life. Those things go hand in hand with many other types of complications. So I would think that this is probably quite a frightening period for him as well. How would I go about the relationship aspect?

Slowly, very, very slowly. I think as much as you might feel that you have all of these feelings and that you want to show up in the relationship in a way that a supportive partner would show up, I think you have to show up in a way that's not overbearing to his ability to comprehend what's going on. And what I mean by that is maybe come and you explain like this might be hard for you to understand I'm sure you've already had this we've been in a relationship for a year here are some photos of us in our happiest times talking through some of the memories that you have and some of the things that you shared together might be a really good place to start and then see how he responds to that and see how his memory or what his reaction is like does that bring him closer

does that push him further away because I mean ultimately at the end of the day you're starting from day one again you're starting a new relationship with this person because they don't know who you are and I'm sure I mean not I'm sure they're 100% are they will talk you through complete programs on how you are in this situation and the best things you can do for him and to remind him and to try and jog people's memory like this is people's specialty right they try to help people remember the hardest thing here is what he says unfortunately what he says goes and there is a big chance right now that it might be too overwhelming and he might not want to go down that path yet because if he looks at you like a stranger of course he can see

the photos and say, I get it. I understand what you're saying, but I still have no recollection of it. There's a chance that he might need a lot of time. Like you said, Laura, like slow might be a complete stop for a while while he gets better and gets healthy. And then he might want to revisit it. But there's a chance that you guys, I mean, like your sister, Laura, there's a chance that you could get back to normal 100%, even though it is starting fresh and you're going to remake those memories. Those memories might come back. They might never come back, but there's also a chance that maybe, maybe it's hard to say, but there's a chance that maybe life is going to be different for you guys now. And, and maybe he's not going to want to go back down that track.

It's pretty impossible to say what this outcome is going to be. I would think that that's probably a lesser likelihood though. I think, I don't think that he's just going to wake up from this and be like, Oh, I don't want to be with you. Like, Whoa, like you're, this is a completely foreign experience. Like go away. What I think is probably more likely is that the only reason why he may had those feelings and reactions is if you show up so strong, if you show up and you're like, but I love you and we're in it. Like, I think that that type of intensity could be too much for someone who doesn't remember, but somebody coming and explaining the relationship, showing consistency, showing compassion, showing all the reasons as to why he fell in love with you in the

first place, like showing the qualities of who you are as a person is that kind reminder of what you guys share. And I would think that someone who has suffered from an accident, who is probably spending a lot of time in hospital, who needs the support and the love around him, that would be received positively for a lot of people. But you know, what is such a complex thing about this particular scenario is that they'd kept their relationship on the down low. So there weren't many other people in there. Like, for example, let's say this happened to one of us now, Britt and I, let's say it happened to you, Laura. Britt and I could be there and say, hey you know you might remember us but you might not have remembered this particular thing that

happened and we can reassure you about the realities of what happened beforehand but because their relationship was kept on the down low because of the you know complexities about them working together and whatever there may not be those people who reassure him of what she do you know what i mean there might not be the people who are like yeah this is the person that you've spent a year with this is if it was if it was a proper secret do you know what i mean by that I understand that you don't have the familiarity and the reassurance of your immediate network in that case, but a king hit doesn't wipe your phone. It doesn't wipe your Facebook. It doesn't wipe your messages or your phone calls. Or I mean, the two of you, if you've been in a stable

relationship for a year, a loving relationship where it's been reciprocated, he's going to be able to read the text messages that the two of you have been sending back and forth. And I would think that no matter how alarming it might be reading back on the messages that you yourself have sent to someone that show how much you love someone, that shows how much like you invested in the relationship, I think would be enough of a reassurance that it's a relationship worth exploring. I feel so sorry for the situation that you're in. And I would hope so much that you keep us updated about how this evolves and how this grows. I'm sure that there are communities and networks out there and therapies and counselors who specialize in dealing with people who are

suffering with this type of severe amnesia because you are not alone in this even though it is an incredibly unique situation and just looking up in terms of the recommendations so like from a therapist recommendation as to how to deal with this the recommended guidelines is that you treat it as though it is a new relationship for them you go back to your beginning and how you were at the start of the relationship you're a stranger so you have to remember too that the level of love and support and intimacy that you are going to want to give them is too foreign to them. Like think of when you start dating somebody, the intimacy level is quite superficial, quite physical to when you're a year in and you're so obsessed with somebody, that intimacy looks

different. That connection looks different. You do have to wind it straight back to the start. You're never going to have that connection straight out of the gate when they, they literally don't know you. I can't imagine how hard that is. And it's like when you talk about people with dementia or Alzheimer's, it's always so hard for that person.

It's so hard for the person on the other end too, because they are literally mourning and grieving a person that is still on this earth. And I imagine that's what it's like for you. You're mourning a relationship and you're mourning your partner, but they're still right there. Do you know the other part of this that's really interesting? I think it just kind of made me think of it when you speak about dementia and Alzheimer's is that in the question you said, like, I want to comfort him.

I want to give him and show him that I love him and I want to be the support person and be there for him as his partner because I am his partner. I know that the way that that question has been worded is as though it is being done for him, but that's not the case because he doesn't see you as that and he doesn't view you as that and he doesn't need your comfort or your love in the way that a normal partner does. What that is actually is for you. You need the comfort.

You need the love. you need that reciprocated feeling because heartbreaking I don't say it to be cruel it is such an incredibly challenging place to be in because figuring out what is needed for yourself and what is needed for him in this moment are two completely different things how long do you kind of graciously and respectfully reintegrate yourself into his life hoping that you could get back to where you were like do you put a time frame on it is it just a vibe check. Like I cannot stop asking questions. But I think that this is, I mean, that is like a bigger and broader question that doesn't just relate to people who have amnesia. Like if you're

in a loving relationship with anyone who goes through like a huge and significant trauma that changes them fundamentally from the person that they were prior, like where does that line sit? Are you an asshole because you leave? Are you, and I mean, obviously it comes down to his decision, but people can be changed by accidents in many, many ways. And you would think, depending on the situation you think that your partner is going to be there and show up and love you but that doesn't mean that the love doesn't change I mean we spoke about it many many months ago actually we spoke about on radio the woman who was a full-time carer for her ex-husband who was so severely disabled after an accident but she's now married with someone else but her

and her new husband are full-time carers and it shows that love sometimes can move beyond being a romantic love love can turn into being many forms of love and I'm not saying that that's what this is going to be for you by any means. But every single person has a different line for what they can withstand in terms of how much their partner changes. And like that is a much bigger and broader conversation. And I know it's probably a conversation that a lot of people have in their relationships. Well, would you stay with me if this happened? Or would you be with me if this happened? And you never know how somebody is going to show up in a relationship until the worst happens. And then it really like they're the defining moments in life that show you who

someone truly is and how they really love you all right it is time for accidentally unfiltered your most embarrassing stories and this one is a goodie a friend of mine was house sitting for a family member who had a sick dog the dog unfortunately passed away while she was looking after it that is horrific this happened to her horrific she rang the family to let them know that the dog had passed away and the family told her to take it to the vet to have it cremated so they could keep the ashes living in melbourne my friend didn't have a car so she wasn't sure how she was going to get it to the vet she decided to put it in a suitcase to take it to the vet oh my god mind you it was a big dog a border collie whilst at central station she was dragging the heavy

suitcase up the stairs some random man came up to her and asked her what was in the suitcase she replied my brother's dj equipment the man took the suitcase and ran away with it what i don't believe that who's coming up to you and saying what's in your suitcase at the train station and then stealing it no my friend rang the vet she told them the story because she didn't know what to do and the vet told her to come and get some random ashes they had at the clinic and not to tell the family the truth still hasn't been told where's the dog i'm doing a dj set where's the dog okay look it does it does sound too far-fetched that okay maybe

it does sound too far-fetched but maybe the suitcase was stolen imagine just i think that the story is so wild that it has to be true that's karma that's karma you think you're stealing technology that's valuable he's pretended to try and help her with the suitcase at central station he's asked what's in it he's thought i'm gonna rob this no that's fucking karma you know why you gotta get rid of a body do you know why i don't think it's true it's not true i'll tell you why it can't possibly be true because this is an old guy now with the suitcase that's got a fucking border collie in it that is heavy how is he getting away how is he running away with a heavy suitcase well i just run away there'd be what no you can run i that's not the part she can run faster

with no dog what are you gonna do run no a man's just robbed you at the station a man's robbed you right like it's not your wedding ring you're like oh well he's already dead like it's not alive but i think i almost want to call bullshit because i'm like people just don't go and steal from you and especially like an old man anyway they might have been somewhere really really dangerous no they said they were in melbourne central station like guys stuff gets stolen at the train station all the time okay this is taking a very grim turn i know but very sad merry christmas everybody i hope nobody is having their animal pets at this christmas totally just all right it is time for suck and sweet you guys know that we

never finish an episode without our well we do we finish many episodes without suck and sweets but We never finish a Tuesday one without it. What is your suck for the week? My suck for the week is I had a few this week, but I was packing to go. I only had yesterday to pack and everything. And I was packed two suitcases because I'm going for a long time. And I had one and a half hours left of the working day and my suitcase completely broke. The zipper smashed open and I couldn't do it up, couldn't undo it.

It was dead. Blowout. So I feel like this happened to me last time. Oh my God, I just had deja vu. I think your blowout happened on the way to the airport. Maybe you need to buy some better suitcases. Well, I did. So I raced up and I was like, I have an hour to get up to fight the masses at Bondi Junction

Shopping Center. Like, you know what this time of year is like? And I was like, I actually can't believe I have to go there now and try and buy luggage, but I have to because I have to fly to her. Was this your Samsonite suitcase that blew out or was this the brand of suitcase that we shall not name? The X that I used to say? No, it wasn't that.

His is really good quality. It's really good quality suitcase. I hate to say it but they're great Anyway, what is your suite? I feel like I know your suite You're going to bloody Scotland tonight Well, that's my suite but I actually have another cute little suite Can you pre-empt a suite? Is that okay? Can you say my suite hasn't happened but it's happening this evening?

You always say no that that's a rule that we're not allowed to do My suite is obviously, yeah, I'm getting on a plane and I'm going to see Ben but it's a 24 hour flight disgusting, but I'm one of those people that sporadically buys lotto tickets, you know when you walk past and you see, I get sucked in by the shiny lights and the 30 million and I'm like And gambling. And the quote, you've got to be in it to win it

I get sucked into that. I'm like, so true. You do. I can't win if I'm not in it. Anyway, I won Lotto. Wait till I tell you how much it's not. $37. $28.

Everyone always wins like a 37, 28. It's always like, it's an eight or a seven number. And I think it was like 70 cents or something. I'm like, keep the 70 cents. But that momentary feeling of when it goes off, because it says winner, but you don't know how much. And I was like, holy shit. I was like, this is good.

This is big. I had a feeling. They're like 28 bucks. I'm like, how often do you enter the lottery? actually more than I'd like to admit because you do have to be in it or you can't do you know someone in Sydney won like 30 million two weeks ago and that was what reignited my I was like that could have been me but I didn't buy it for it is like a secret lotto ticket person I am everyone always thinks that the lotto is for old people but there are so many closet young

people who get into the lotto it's weird I mean it is gambling but still like I feel like it's the least offensive form of gambling buying lotto tickets a hundred percent it's cute I don't mind of scratchy too. Like doing a little raffle at your, you know, your local RSL club, which we all know I'm a fiend for. Okay. What's your suck? All right. My suck for the week is my, well, my dad came and he stayed this last week. Terry Byrne was in town and it was so nice having him, but he left just the other morning and he left so early. He left at like 5am. So the kids didn't get to say goodbye to him. They had had such a late night the night before that they couldn't quite comprehend that he was leaving before they would wake up in the morning. And so when they

did wake up, they were really upset because they hadn't really appreciated or say goodbye to him properly so it felt a bit of like an emotional whiplash and it was just it was such a good quality time with him I mean apart from the fact that we were working so much at the same time I enjoyed it so much so I was sad that he had gone home and he's not going to be coming back down for Christmas because he has a mental dog that he needs to take care of so no one will babysit the dog so he that was it I won't see him now for a few more months and my sweet for the week is Matt and I we hosted Carol's on the beach in Surfers Paradise and we took the kids up and matt's mom came down from brisbane and it was just honestly it was such a beautiful family night for

everyone who was there with their families but also for us even though we were up on stage working and doing it and it was just so christmasy and it has made me even more of a christmas fiend this year because i am i'm turning into you're literally hosting the carol like turning into mother claus but i love it i never and i know i spoke about it earlier but like i never used to i never used to be that into christmas it never used to be a thing but now i'm i'm loving it so much and honestly yeah and it was just such an awesome night it was really really fun so that was my sweep of the week cute so tomorrow we have a wonderful episode with somebody that we are now both friends with but laura you started the friendship with emily we on dancing with the stars that's how you guys

sort of met you did the little salsa together and she's such a beautiful person yeah and we thought this conversation is so timely for this time of year so emily is an actress she's on home and away but when i met her one of the things that stood out the most is we had this amazing conversation this one day around sobriety. So Emily, she's the life of the party. She's so charismatic. She's got such an incredible energy to be around. She also is completely sober and has been for many years. Now, Emily joined us at our live show and we had a conversation on stage all around her sobriety. And it was because she said this one thing to me when we were sitting in the green room for the morning show. She said, if it wasn't for the fact that I had become sober,

I wouldn't have any of the successes that I have in my life. And now Emily is so young and she realized that she was an alcoholic, which I think is very, very rare for people in their 20s to come to that realization. But this episode is so raw. It's so authentic. It's somebody truly talking about their relationship with alcohol, how much their relationships have been improved since they've stopped drinking. And I think, you know, we need to start elevating more voices of younger people who speak openly about addiction problems, about alcoholism, and also about how great life can be if you make that decision to stop drinking, which I think can be a big fear for people that they're going to miss out on things if they actually stop drinking. It's an amazing episode.

So that is tomorrow. Then we have our final Ask Uncut on Thursday. But if you guys have your Ask Uncut you want to write in, and please keep writing them in all over the Christmas, New Year holidays. We want to hear them as they happen. If you have accidentally unfiltered funny stories anything please keep sending them into our podcast instagram which is life uncut podcast you can also join us on tiktok which is life uncut podcast or join the discussion group as well because that will be going off and firing over the christmas period our lovelies anyway guys that is it from us tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love

We'll be right back.