Life Uncut - Offcuts: Our Millennial Midlife Crisis, The Marble Jar Theory & A Public Toilet Horror Story

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

Hey Lifers!  Welcome to Offcuts, your little weekend snackkkk! This week, Laura's seven-year-old daughter Marlie Mae has started writing her debut novel… working title: Sweet or Death… and we try to figure out whether we should be concerned or proud. Then, we're forced to confront a horrifying truth: we are, technically, in our midlife. A viral Instagram list has us running through the tell-tale signs of a millennial midlife crisis and debating whether it's a crisis, or just a glow up. We also unpack a new workplace survey on the most annoying office habit (spoiler: it's "pinging" people instead of just talking to them), and get into whether Gen Z really deserves the reputation they get for turning up late. Then, Brené Brown's viral Marble Jar Theory has us divided: is tallying up every good and bad moment in a friendship a healthy way to check in, or the fastest way to make every relationship feel transactional? We close out with a very serious deep dive into New York's new 10-minute timed public toilets, and the horror stories that come with them (fair warning: there's a pants-around-the-ankles moment in Hyde Park you will not forget). Keep your questions coming! Slide into the Life Uncut DMs at @lifeuncutpodcast on Instagram You can watch us on Youtube Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Lachy Pugsley Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi everybody, welcome to your weekend. It is Saturday. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. We put that at the start. That's a long teased there. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncutt. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and welcome to Offcuts. Welcome to your weekend. Your snack for the weekend. I've had a few messages from people saying bring back the nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. It's not. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Three people that want it brought back. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Doesn't outweigh. The mass amount of people that want to.

I disagree. I think, you know what, we should all rally. Not yet. It just needs a little bit of a break. It broke. It had a break. It had a rest. No, because we still find a way every time to say it. It's revived. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. This is your little snack for the weekend. This is supposed to be your relief to enter the weekend. You have a laugh. Maybe you lose a few brain cells. I don't know. You could gain brain cells. Not often. Not often. Not on the off cuts. Look, I have a question, though. At what age do you think it would start to show if your children, are a bit psychopathic. Are you asking for a friend or asking for you? No, because do you remember, no, I'm asking for me? Do you remember the other week?

Psychopathic. Do you mean, as in like psycho, not telepathic? No, not telepathic. No. Because sometimes you might, I can see dead people. I feel like you could confuse that. Can I guess which one? Both.

Both. Yeah, no, no. She definitely shows traits. You know how I said the other day that she's like, I want to kill you dead? I was like, okay. She's got big emotions. She's the big feelings kind of gal. Yeah.

So Marley started writing this book. She's really into writing books at the moment. Like she's smart cookie. She loves reading and she's decided that she wants to be an author. It's like another week. It's another thing that she wants to put her focus to. She changes a lot, but that's what being a child's about. She's seven.

You know, last week she wanted to be a vet. This week, it's an author. She started writing a book and it's called Sweet or Death. And it's about two girls. One of them is sweet and the other one only brings death. What do you mean? Like she kills people? Apparently.

Well, she hasn't quite gotten to like the context of her being. death, but she was trying to explain to me that, like, sweet is like this really sweet girl, and she's, like, really lovely, and she has lots of friends, and she's really kind, and then death only brings death. And I was like, what do you mean by the fact she only brings death? And she's, like, she just really bad. She just only brings death. And I was like, so she kills people. And she was like, yeah, because she only brings death. And I was like, is she going to write about the death? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I'm going to wait until see what she writes. I think that's what we need to do. We need to see what goes pen to paper.

Yeah, but I'm also like, I don't want to encourage the writing of death. I don't think you encourage it. I don't think you discourage it. I think you see what she puts down. And then we psychoanalyze. Then we take it somewhere. On the podcast. Then we take it to a institution. Then I get Jen Muir and we have a conversation with child psychologist. I think it's interesting to see what is happening in her imagination. Like what, because there's nothing wrong with talking about death. There's something wrong if you're talking about like multiple murders and stuff. But at the end of the day, there's only something wrong with it because she's seven. Think of how many authors write about true crime and the bestsellers and psychopaths like thriller,

novels and like there are authors that write that. It's just a problem because she's seven. She reads the sweetest books. Like all the books she reads have like the cutest, funniest little interactions and then there's my child being like, I'm going to write a book about death. Why don't you ask her? And it said killer, killer, killer, killer on it. And I was like, I don't know what I'm doing wrong here, but I'm really concerned. How big of the books? Well, they're just like, she makes them. Like she just makes, folds over paper, like, you know, 15 pages. Then she writes like little chapter books and she writes storylines. So how deep is she only to start it? She just started.

You haven't seen a murder yet. No, no. She just says killer, killer on the front page. Wow. And I would like it to be known that my kids don't get much screen time. They don't get access to anything. Like, it's like the internet. They've not seen anything.

Well, actually, they have, but that's like for another day. That was the neighbor. That was the neighbor who left the fucking murder mystery on the TV. Anyway. I think you don't have anything to worry about yet. But I think you need to see what she puts down. Like, you need to read a book. And then you need to ask why she wanted to write about that

and see how detailed it is. Is there the animals involved? Like, there's a lot of questions that I think you need to wait and see how it plays out. All right, we'll wait for that update next week, everyone. We'll really figure out if there's some dramas. All right, well, look, that is one of my predicaments this week.

Another one that I have that I'm going to, like, make you all aware of, if you were a millennial, a millennial woman, I had a realization this week. I got served something on social media, and you would think I would be aware of this. But I just hadn't really thought about it yet. Like, I still feel really young. I know I'm 40, but like I don't feel whatever 40 is supposed to feel like.

But I think 40 is young. Yeah, so young. Said from 240 you're off. So I'm so young. I'm actually not 40. You're basically 40. No, another year, mate. Don't you round me up to you?

Same, same but different. No, I guess the thing is, is like, you know that 40 is technically midlife, right? You know that you're around mid-life. 80. If you make it to 80, that's a good innings. No, I would say 45. I would say 90. That I think you're aging it up.

I think 45 is past midlife. I'm going to Google it. I'm just thinking to all the people in my life, like my nannas and stuff, what age they are. And they were like 90. But I don't know. That's just, maybe I have really strong jeans. Okay, Google it.

Okay. 82. 802. Oh no, that's for men. 85 for women. Okay, 85. 85 is the average. Wow, that's actually older than what I would have expected.

But there you are. We are well entrenched in the midlife of our lives. Like, it's obvious, right? you're 40. Of course you're going to be midway to death. Oh, sorry. If you came. So grim. You know how I said you've come here to have an uplifting Saturday and weekend. Well, like, hear me out. I know that we are midlife. But what I really hadn't thought through is this idea that if you were a millennial, you were also smack bang in what could potentially be your midlife crisis. Like, you are in the middle of whatever that's going to look like. Are you in a

crisis right now? I don't think I'm in a crisis, but I don't know if I anticipated what it was going to be. And I've got served this Instagram post on the weekend. And I want to read through a couple of these. And it basically said, okay, millennials, it's time for us to lock in what our midlife crisis looks like. Well, that's just silly because then like you, even if you, everything was fine and you weren't in a crisis now, you've read whatever this Instagram post is and you're like, oh, my God, what am I in a crisis? I think it depends on what it is that you choose.

Number one, get absolutely obsessed with the gym and start saying things like, I'm in my fitness error. Number two, run a marathon, despite literally hating running. Number three, become aggressively passionate about pickleball. That's me. Shit. I played on the weekend. A bit of paddle.

Four, start a business because apparently having a job is no longer hard enough. That's me too. Number five, deciding that you're doing high rocks and suddenly becoming obsessed with sled pushes. I don't even know what they are. Number six, become a bird watching person and own a pair of binoculars that you actually use. Seven, get really into protein and somehow make 140 grams of personality trait. Eight, become way too emotionally invested in your espresso machine and somehow convince yourself that caffeine is part of your personality.

Number nine, get Botox and immediately start convincing your friends that they need it too. Fuck, we've been doing that for 10 years. 10. Have a minor mental breakdown and call it a healing journey. I've also been on one of those. 11. Become obsessed with Pilates and by matching sets for absolutely no reason. Number 12, get really into sourdough despite having no idea what a starter is. 13, start saying I'm prioritising myself before doing something wildly impulsive.

And then the last one was, completely reinvent your wardrobe and announce that I'm finally dressing for me. How many were they're 15? There was 14. 14. Do you want to add another one? No, I was just thinking I must tick half of those. But I haven't just come into half of those.

I've always been those half. What does that mean? I've been like midlife for like 10 years. Your wise beyond your years, Brittany. That's how you can interpret it. I think we've been boring as fuck for like 10 years. Maybe we don't call it a midlife crisis. Maybe we call it a midlife thrives sis.

I say what she did there. That's also straight from the Instagram. I was thinking I don't know if she came up with that. I didn't. Don't quote me. That's not mine. I don't like the word crisis. It's so doom and gloom.

And it's like if you... Midlife reinvention maybe. Yeah, midlife... Perimenopause. Are you okay? Did you just... No, I was really trying to think of something good and nothing came to my brain. Yeah, I was like...

Imagine if this was live. It's okay if it's live. If you guys see this on video and they don't edit that down, you'll see my actual brain ticking over and not one thing went in there. I was like, let me think and it was going... I just think crisis is so doom and gloom and it already makes us feel shit enough about what is happening in the world. And I don't feel like we're in a crisis. When we were like kids, 40 was really old. I remember going to my mom and dad's 40th and thinking that they were like, going to die soon.

Oh, I just thought they were the oldest people in the world. And now on that age I haven't even started having kids, I'm like, oh, I feel the best I've ever felt. Yeah, I do think that the perception to age has shifted. But I also think, and correct me, if you are also like in your 40s and you're kind of like in this era of what should be essentially our midlife crisis, this is kind of the time where there are a few people and friends of mine who are going through their divorces, they're going through perimenopause, they've decided that they like don't want to suffer bullshit anymore. Like I do actually think that there's a bit of a reinvention that's going on. I say this, obviously it's happening to guys too, but I can't speak for the male friends in my

lives. This is like specifically the women who have kind of reached this point in their lives where they're like, you know what, I'm a bit fucking over it. And they're going through not a crisis, but it is a reinvention, I would say. And it is kind of like a second wind of life that feels very different to what it was that they've been doing in their 30s and their 20s. I literally have a protein shake with collagen in it right next to me and I weigh out the protein. Like I am that, I take it to work. I drink it all the time. I drink it in the middle of the show and I'm like, Laura, do I have anything in my teeth? I think that now 40 doesn't feel what 40 felt like 20 years ago.

When I say that because we have so many advances in the way we move our body, exercise, eating, supplements. Like we have more knowledge now of things that can help you feel and act better than what you would have 20 years ago, like when our parents were 40, if that makes sense. Yeah, but I don't know if we can speak for that because when I speak to Ellie and she's 74, almost 75, she will tell you that like there's never been an age in her life where she felt her age. She's like, when I was 40, I didn't feel 40. I felt 25.

When I was 50, I didn't feel 50. I felt 30 still. She's like, I've never felt the version of what my age is. And like, the whole adage of, and age is just a number. I know that that's a very, like, trite thing to say. But the reality is, like, we have hit the middle of our lives for a lot of us. Not everyone who's listening to this, obviously. But like, for anyone who's in their 40s, like, welcome.

You're there. I'm not letting you pick your content ever again. No, but I, your life is halfway over. But I think. the crisis isn't so much a crisis. It's like a lack of fucks to give is how I kind of view it. From everyone who's going through what from the outset could be perceived as a crisis, most of them have reached a point in their lives where they're like, you know what? I wasn't happy and that's not serving me. And so in order to rebuild, they had to blow it the fuck up in the first place. I don't want

to define that as a crisis because it might look like it from the outset, but really it's a place to rebuild from. And I think that that's like something that should be celebrated. I don't think you even have time for a crisis anyway? No, I really don't. You wouldn't have time in your diary. He's like, oh, not this month. Actually, this is good. This is from some in Kingston rights. She wrote, men's midlife crises are intensely boring. They just get an expensive bike and they marry a 30-year-old version of the same wife that they had earlier. Whereas women do fucking cool stuff, like open our cafes, retrain as bookkeepers and get PhDs in necromancy. I don't even

know what that is, but like I love this idea that as women, you have a second chance of reinventing yourself as you move into this next phase of life. Can I just tell you the one thing that I have noticed about me? About aging. Not about me. Like the one thing that has really stood out to me is, I remember, I used to look at my parents to it. When I stand up now, if I've been sitting down here at the podcast when I stand up or my hip's hurt, my hip joints and my hip flexes won't stretch out properly. And I have to like, you know when your parents like hunch over a walk? That's what I do. And I have to really straighten my body out. Like I've just for the first time in my life this year, notice my body is feeling slightly older.

But my brain, my brain is 18 in South America. Fuck, Britt, I stand up and I feel like my uterus is in my underwear. So join the club. It's because it is. I need you to all sit up straight for this one because this could affect everybody. Posture is important. It is important, actually. We have been hunching.

They have figured out via survey who they think the most annoying person in an office situation is. Is it you? You need to know if it's you. I don't think it's me. It could be. you. It's definitely not me. I'm trying to think of what would be the trait that would make someone the most annoying person in the office. Yeah, what do you think is an annoying thing in an office? Oh, when you're trying to work and you're trying to send emails in someone, the chatters,

the people who are talking. I can't do two things at once. So I can't stand it when people are talking to me about another task and I'm trying to do the task that's at hand for me. But that is a you problem because in an office you need to be able to talk to other people. Yeah, but I don't like it when I'm in the middle of a job. Because I don't like it when I'm in the middle of a job, specific job, and then someone, because they have it in their head that they need to figure out whatever it is that they're doing, they'll come and interrupt your workflow to like brain dump their workflow. I can't stand that. Like, lock in a time. Can't stand people that talk on the phone on loudspeaker when that's me. Sorry, I do it all the time.

Oh my God. I didn't know that. I said that. I do it. I even talk on the phone on loudspeaker in the shops. Yes, you are so fucking annoying to everyone around you. It's so bad. It's because I can't hear properly. We'll get some hearing aids. Put headphones in like a normal person. The audacity of somebody walking around on loudspeaker. I agree. With people around you. You get into an elevator loudspeaker. Oh, I would hit emergency stop. Get you out. Sorry, you can't go into a lift with someone on loudspeaker. The reception would cut out anyway. But I found myself in Bunnings the other day and I was talking about on loudspeaker and I just didn't even realize. Like, we were just having a normal conversation and this woman in the aisle looked at me like I'd just

shit on the floor. And I honestly had a moment where I was like, I'm so sorry. This is so rude. It's so annoying. It's so rude. I take it back. I'll never do it again. It's like what you just said when you're in an office and people come and talk to you out loud. That's what you are doing to everyone else by having two loud conversations in people's ears unwillingly. Anyway, this was not targeted at Laura, but that's actually not what the most annoying trait is. So the big question is, are you the office pinger? A pinger. A pinger? Maybe in my 20s. The ping is, this is people that might be sitting. There might be 10 people around at offices.

You could reach out and touch them. But instead of just turning to that person and speaking to them, they'll ping them. So they will literally write the message or the comment or whatever and ping them, not look at them, not make eye contact and then just play on with their day. So it's like instead of getting up out of your desk or getting out of your office and going and speaking to the person that's near you, you are pinging them an email or a slack message or something. Twofold, though, what if you are like me and you don't like being interrupted? There you go. That could solve a problem. Maybe that's why they're pinging.

I am not someone who would do this, but I understand why people do it. And I also understand why people find it very frustrating. Because there's a real pass aggressiveness in it, especially if you're asking for something or you're following up on something without tone or without there being like any niceties surrounding it, it can feel as though it's a pass ag request. Because why didn't you just ask me to my face? you're sitting behind me instead you're going to message me on fucking slack. Counter argument.

I do think it's important that everything and most workplaces agree there's a pay betrayal of every conversation you've had. So if you're going to turn around... Every conversation. God. Pretty much. In those workplaces, yeah, when there's a workflow, if there's an approval, yeah, it has to be. Even like you would have noticed, Laura.

So we have a general manager, Claire, we've worked with her for seven years and she has always worked in really big offices with loads of people. And even when it's in a group text of just you, me and Claire laws, and she'll message us, she'll put a message in. And if you haven't confirmed it or given it something, she'll message you back for a confirmation and then she will re-say confirming that you confirmed. I do think in a lot of places where there are big people that are used to working offices, that's what they need to do.

It's a paper trail. So instead of like getting up and talking to you, then going back to your desk and then putting it in paper, I just wonder if some people are pingers because they know they're going to have to have the paper trail anyway. Yeah. But it depends on what it is. I also think it can be just a sign of laziness. And I say this because sometimes there's a requirement of like getting up and walking across a room to ask for something, right? It might be like 10 meters. But instead of going and like taking that moment to have a

conversation with the person who's 10 meters away, pinging them is just like it's the path of least resistance. It makes it so easy for you. And so like I think from a culture perspective, it can minimize relationships. I have seen it happen. I have had people use it as a reason why they're complaining about other people in office space as being like, instead of them coming and speaking to me, they send me an email. It feels very impersonal. I think it depends on the size of your company. It depends on what work you're doing. And it depends on how essential a paper trail is. Like, not everything needs to be written down as a paper trail. I think it depends on the subject matter as well. Like, what are they asking you? We've never pinged in our life here. We just like put

the microphone away and yell out to our staff. We're like, Lockheed! And we just hope that they hear us. He just jumped out of his seat. Paul Lockheed lives in like hyper-patter. annoya that he's going to be fired because every other week we're like, lucky you're fired. So he hears us screaming and he thinks that he's done. Well, I will say there was one other survey done. And this is that Gen Z's habit of showing up 10 minutes late, 10 to 15 minutes late, but calling it on time is every other generation's most annoying trait in the office. I think Gen Z get a bad rap.

I actually think it's so easy that people use Gen Z as a punching bag. Like, I don't agree with it. I think it's a personality trait. You can get Gen Z workers that work incredibly hard that have a different perspective or a different balance to work. Like, I think it's too easy to just be like, Gen Z's, they don't have the attitude these days. Like, I don't know. I disagree with it. And I do know like the idea of like when people rock up late for work.

My bug bear isn't so much rocking up late for work. It's people who rock up late for work and then go and get coffee straight away. So it's like they're late for work. Like you did today. I didn't go and get coffee. What are you talking about? I can sit down at the desk and started working straight away. away. I was like, oi, come over here. No, because you walked in with your coffee and lunch. I did the

same thing today, but I just beat you by 10 minutes. I was on time. Thank you very much. It's also the first thing I ate or drank today, you know, just struggling with three kids, guys, just I can do my best, just staying alive. No, I think that with these things, like, it's different if someone's 10 minutes late for work and then they're the person that's wrapped up 10 minutes early. You know what I mean? Like, they're sitting at the desk, watching the clock to like tick over and they've already had everything packed down and ready to go. Like, I can understand why those things become grievances. But like, In total, if you're getting your work done, if you're like got a good attitude 90% of the time, if you're like coming with ideas and you're not just being reactional, I do genuinely think

that Gen Zs get a bad rap. It's not all Gen Zeds, just some of them. You know, I used to work at a workplace that for a very, very long time where when you clocked in and out, you had a fingerprint sign on. And if you were five minutes late, you got docked five minutes pay. Yeah, I used to have that at a pub. I used to work out too. Every day. Like there was no being late. And there was no, if you leave early, because if you are not fingerprinting out, you're like, it's a requirement to work there. So if you left early, great, your fingerprint, you get docked that money. Can I say as well, the reason why I think the whole Gen Z argument is a bit boring is also because the way in which we were groomed to work when we were like 15, 16, you know, straight out of

school, we got into our jobs or whatever it was or when we were at uni and we were trying to like make ends meet. Like I worked in a restaurant in Australia. This is when they brought in Australian award wages, and so restaurants could bring out blanket award wages, right? Didn't matter if you worked Christmas Day. Didn't matter if you worked Easter. You got the same award wage for every hour that you worked, regardless of whether it was overtime. I got paid $10.50 an hour to work in a very exclusive seafood restaurant that I worked in as front of house on Christmas Day.

That's how ridiculous it was. And we got it put to us, if you don't work Christmas Day, you don't have a job. So every day of like when I was like 17, 18, 19, I was working in this restaurant for like fucking no money and I felt like my life depended on it. Do you know I mean? We had such an attitude towards work that was so easy to take advantage of. And I actually like that Gen Zs have a little bit more sense in what they're worth. I'm not saying sometimes it's an overinflated sense. I get that that's why people think there's entitlement there.

But I think just because you worked so hard and we got absolutely reamed and taken advantage of doesn't mean that other people should be. And I kind of like that there's been a bit of a shift in terms of workplaces and how we respect our employees and how we, you know, have a much better standard for our juniors and entry levels and our, like, people who used to do work placement. And they weren't actually learning any skills back in the day. They'd just be made to go and get coffees and, like, fucking do the errands for the bosses and stuff. I'm glad that things have changed. And I think it's too easy to use them as a punching bag. Yeah, I don't think there should be this as a punching bag either. But I will say there is a huge shift in work ethic, for sure.

Like without doubt, some of it's good and some of it, I think, is not so good. But I think it comes down to that individual's attitude. We've had some really great young people work for us and we've had some not so great young people work for us. Like, I think it's an attitude problem as opposed to a generational problem. I find more so, and maybe I'd love to know people's opinions on this if you, like, work in a workplace with like a variety of ages. What I find more so from younger like Gen Z employees is that.

that they're more inclined to get stressed out by like any of the dramas or the nuances of the social relationships at work. So like if they think someone's mad at them or something's upset them, like that stuff holds a lot more weight to them and it makes them more upset. Whereas like if there's some sort of dramas and like one of the 40 year old moms is like, oh, fuck, couldn't care. Like I think with age comes like a little bit more perspective in those sort of social relationships. And so like in our Tony May office, we've got like quite a mix of ages. And like the older women are always the ones that are like keeping the peace and keeping the balance of any of the drama that can sometimes happen with a big workplace of a lot of

women. So who do you find more comfortable with approaching a conflict or speaking their opinion out loud, younger or older generation? Totally depends on the person. It's person to person. It absolutely comes down to like the way in which that individual receives feedback because it depends on their defensiveness. And I mean it like, I've had Gen Zeds who, like, you speak to and you give them feedback, and they're like, absolutely, they're so keen. They're so, like, hungry to do well in whatever it is that their job is. But then I've also had people who are, like, you know, older and they just don't really care anymore.

It's like, it totally depends. I think also the other thing as well is it depends on whether the work environment that that person's working in is their career goal. You know, so, like, is it just a job that they're trying to get through uni with or is it their career? And I think that if those things actually show a really difference in ambition and also in attitude as well. Yeah, it's interesting. Anyway. If you guys listened to Wednesday's episode, we had a big conversation around friendship and around, I guess, the juggling and prioritizing of different parts of your life and how for so many of us, now that we're all mid-left, we're in this. Now that we'll die.

Now that we're all closer to death. No, we're in the season of the juggle. And sometimes juggling friendships is the one thing that you feel as though you're falling short with. That's my experience. That's how I feel like I'm showing up at the moment. Yeah. First day, I wanted to say thank you because so many of you messaged about that and to hear that there are so many other people that are in the same phase and feeling just as much as a failure as I am.

I appreciate it greatly. We can all have the same solidarity. But as your Instagram does, once it knows that you care about something and it optimizes to try and share with you more things to make you feel bad about yourself, I came across this thing. it is called the Marble Jarre Theory. Now, this is a theory that comes from Brené Brown, who I absolutely love, but it's all around managing friendships. I wanted to play this for you because I don't know how I feel about it. I'll get into why, but I wanted to play it first. It's all around like

how you check in on your friendships in order to figure out whether you are receiving as much as what you're giving. There is a theory that has completely altered my brain chemistry regarding friendships and relationships and how you know whether you should continue to give somebody extra chances or whether you should be done. And this theory is the marble jar theory by Dr. Brayne Brown. I heard this like six years ago and I have always used it and thinking about friendships and moving forward and deciding, should I continue to have this person in my life or should I not? The concept is that every single time you have a really great time with somebody or you feel really close to somebody or they do something really wonderful for you. Every single one of those experiences is

like a marble that you would place into the marble jar to represent that friendship or that relationship. And so when you get really close with somebody and you have a lot of like intimate moments or you share a lot with one another or they do a lot for you or you bonds a lot, obviously a ton of marbles get to go into that jar. And then sometimes there are misunderstandings that happen or there are times that a friend doesn't show up for you or there are times that somebody says a weird comment and you're like, I don't know about that. Every single one of those times, it's like taking a marble out of the tree. jar. And then there are some things that genuinely smash that jar of marbles, meaning you can't

fix it, or it would take so much to fix it that the relationship is in complete disarray. Like, major betrayals too many times that someone does not show up and then they really don't show up when you really, really, really, really need them to. Love this way of thinking about it because in relationships and friendships, because we're all like imperfect humans who are hurt sometimes and doing our best to navigate things. Like, it's normal that sometimes there may be some marbles that are taken out of that friendship jar, but deciding whether or not the friendship or the relationship is worth continuing really depends on their pair of adding marbles back in and always assessing, where do I currently stand in this marble jar with this person? Okay. Have they been dumping out

all of the marbles lately to the point where it's like literally not even even when I think about all of the good times that we had as well? Or do I think I should hold out a little bit longer because there are enough good marbles still in there? Let me tell you, when I listen to this, firstly, if I wasn't in the frame and the headspace of where I am currently, I probably would have very different feelings about it because obviously relationships we know are give and take. You can't stay friends with people when the relationship is just take, take, take, take, take. But I also don't know how I feel about the necessity of constantly checking in as to whether you feel as though the relationship has equity and as though, like, am I getting something back

from this in this moment and has this person just been taking more from me? And I say this, obviously, if you listen to Wednesday's episode, it kind of centered around me talking about how I feel as though, and I'll get upset about it again, I feel as though I'm really failing at my friendships at the moment. Here I go. And I think, take a marble out. Well, I've, you know what? If my friends were counting marbles right now, they probably wouldn't have that many. No, that is not true. I have like three.

I'm joking. It's not, I'm doing that to make you laugh. It's not true. It is. But I think that sometimes, you know, it comes down to the life phase that your friends are in or like what they have to give, what their capacity is to give. And I think like keeping everyone and holding all of your friendships to a metric, I think that you're setting people up for failure. And what to me, this type of like checking and constantly and being like, am I getting out what I'm putting in of this friendship? They're not the friendships that are going to weather 40 years. You know what I mean? Because you're going to go through periods where, someone in your life can't give you the intensity that you may hold that friendship to or that that friendship may have had once upon a time. And I think about my friendships and like some of them had the most incredible intensity to them in my 20s and 30s. And none of my friendships have that intensity now. So when I read and listened to this, I was like, oh, great, another thing on social

media that makes me feel like I'm doing a terrible job. Yeah. But also what you said is just so accurate. Of course your friendships have more intensity in your... I've been teetering on the edge again, guys. No, but of course your friendships have more intensity in your 20s. You're like carefree, your responsibility free, most likely mortgage free, you might be single, whatever it is. It's like, that is the time in your life that they flourish in that capacity. And those friendships, the intensity has to change.

If you are married with three kids and are still able to hold the intensity in your friendships that you held when you were 20, something is giving it home. It's just the simplicity of it. It's a fact. You cannot give what you gave when all of a sudden you have three to four other dependents, jobs, things that you've got to tick off your list

every single day to keep people alive. It's impossible. And if you were still showing up in those friendships in exactly the same way, I would say, well, what's giving it home? Because something has to give. And, you know, we talked about that side of things on Wednesday. I guess I didn't want to recover,

go back and listen to that episode if you do want to. or you care enough. But what I kind of wanted to talk about more so was this concept of checking in and this concept of like the give and take and like putting a theory together for how you should constantly check in on your friendships as to whether they are worth continuing to pursue. Do you not think that if you're constantly checking and mentally being like, have I gotten enough out of that friendship this week? All you're doing is setting yourself up for a failure in some capacity because like friendships are long and they're going to go through seasons. I have feelings about this marble theory.

I would smash that jar, and I would not encourage anyone to do this marble theory. I think all this does is make your friendship completely transactional and put a ridiculously stupid amount of pressure on something that doesn't need to be there. It's also impossible to judge the way you show up for each other equally. So like if somebody brings you a coffee, if your friend brings you a coffee for no reason, what have you done in return that is an equal marble? Like I just think that it is a ridiculous thing to put this amount of pressure on. You shouldn't have to think every time you have an interaction with your friend,

the first thing you think about shouldn't be, how many marbles am I giving up? Am I going to take some marbles out of the jar when I get home? Like, I just think it's ridiculous. I don't even know who has the mental capacity to think that. Let me tell you, my brain's lost a few marbles recently. But I also think the true thing about being a friendship is realizing what seasons you're in. Yeah. Like it's realizing where you are.

There are so many times, Laura, that you would not be able to come to a dinner or something with us because you literally have three kids at home. I don't take marbles out. I'm like, it doesn't even clock with me because I'm like, we're in a different season of life. And then when I have kids and your kids are going to be older and you're going to be like, Brittany, come and do this. And I'm going to be like, fuck you, bitch. I started late and now I have a baby at home.

But the friendships adapt. I'll be like, bring your baby. I'll take her. You like it. Come on. Bring it in. I'm a girl. I see you being a girl, mom.

Actually. Yeah. Yeah, I could see you having a girl. Oh my God, I don't. You see you having a boy? Just dog mom. No, I think boy, but that's for another conversation. Anyway, I would love to know what everyone else thinks of this because I do think we do keep tabs

in our friendships. Like that is just like something that innately I think people do. And I say this because we receive so many ask-gun cuts from you guys. And a lot of them are around inequalities in friendships, you know, or feeling resentful or feeling as though you're putting an effort and you never hear back from the other friend. And I guess like there are instances in life. Absolutely, where you can tell that your friend is not putting in effort because you are not a priority to them. And that priority is more so because they're not invested in the friendship.

But I do think that there are instances where people feel like I feel at the moment. And that is simply like I am drowning in the responsibilities of life. And the one thing that I'm like giving to my friendships is also like taking away from my relationship with my kids. And so like, or it's taking away from my relationship with my husband. because like me going out for dinner is like one more night that I'm not with my kids. You know, I know we already covered it. But it's like I don't think it's always about not wanting to be invested in the friendship or the person.

Sometimes it comes down to the phase of life. Also, people show up so differently. And the things that matter to some people are different to others. So some people are really big on celebrating themselves, whether it's a birthday or whatever, which is fine, whereas that might not register for somebody else. It might not be a big deal for them. I probably am a bad friend in like, no, but like in a day to day, like I'm not a person. Even with my family, I'm so close to my family.

I don't need to message people every single day all day. All of my really close friends, I am not in daily contact with them. But I'm the kind of friend that I would hope everyone in my life knows that if they needed anything at any time, they'd call me and I'd pick up. I had a friend call me once at 2 a.m. to bail him out of jail. He was four hours away. I had to get up at 2 a.m. and drive 4 hours. And I just want to say he didn't do anything extremely bad.

I was going to ask him what the fuck he did wrong because that would still, I'd be open to ask me some questions with that. So, do you know what? I didn't. Now, hear me out. This is an interesting thing that my dad taught us growing up. I just think my dad is like the best thing in the world. He's got the most beautiful morals.

He would give his shirt off his back to anyone even if he had nothing. And he always taught us that you should be the kind of person that if someone in your life calls you and says, I need help. The first thing you say is, what do you need? What can I do? Not what have you done. And I always remember, he told us. what was that when we were a little and I always remember, okay, my friend needed me at that time

two aim in the morning. I was always going to go and help them. And I would find out what it was soon. But my first question wasn't like, what the fuck have you done? I was like, okay, I can be there in a couple of hours. We'll talk then. But I just remember thinking that's the person I want to be. Like, I might not be able to be there all day, every day for my friends, but each one of them knows that if they call me at any time, I would be there. And so people show up in friendships in different ways. I think the marble thing's dumb. I do. And I think Brunay Brown's amazing. I just don't agree with this one. I do have a deeper thought starter for you all.

I don't know if I'd call this deeper thought start. I don't know. What are you? No, no. I mean, it's a thought starter. We'll take the deep. It's a thought starter. We're taking it to the toilet.

That's not a saying. Is it? Well, we are. We're talking toilets. Believe it or not. It's got another. This whole podcast is going down the toilet. No, because I read this.

It's like a serious chat, and not so serious chat. I read this article about toilets in New York. And it got me thinking about how I feel about it. So in New York, I guess they're trialing. They're putting 17 new high-tech toilets throughout New York. And when I say the high-tech is because they're public toilets, but they're timed. And the timer is 10 minutes. So that is your max amount. There's no going into the toilet and extending the time if it's not going well for you in there.

You get from the time you go in, you get 10 minutes. I think it gives you a one or two-minute warning that like you're at eight minutes and your time is running out. And then the doors open. I'm confused by the fact that it's 2026 and this is being like touted as though it's like a new high tech. It's been around for ages. I remember the early 2000s where they rolled them out all over Wollongong and they were called self-cleaning toilets and you'd go into like, Oh, the cleaning was. They were always fucking wet. They were always wet. From water to feeling wet. And like you walk in, you press like the button, the door closed. And then when you stood up, they self-flushed and everything like, you didn't have to touch anything because everything just

got sprayed itself and then you press the thing, you walked out and it self cleaned the toilet while we're in the, anyway, to me it doesn't feel particularly high tech. But I said yes to talking about this only because I have a horror story that happened to me. This was just after, I think Marley was like two and a half years old. She was so little. We were in Hyde Park, like right near the train station Hyde Park in Sydney, there is one of these toilets. It's on the corner of the main part, like I can't even describe how main this is. It's literally like the doors of the bathroom face out into six lane traffic that's on a full intersection. Which is such an unusual position to put a public toilet.

Do you know the one I'm talking about? I haven't been to the Hyde Park public self-cleaning toilet, no. It's right near the train station entrance that's there. So picture this. I, with my little three-year-old or two-and-a-half-year-old at the time, walk into the public toilet, she needs to go to the toilet. It's also like the Anzac Parade Day, there's fucking people everywhere. It's all going on.

That's the only reason why we're in the city and walking around. because we've gone to go and see the Anzac parade and listen to someone play the bugle, which was very lovely. The bugles. So then we go into the bathroom because she needs to go. So we're in there. We're doing our thing. And then I needed to go.

So I was like, Marley, don't touch anything. Like, don't lay on the floor. Don't lick the basin. Mum needs to do a wee. I'm trying to do it as quickly as humanly possible. So when you go in, it's just like any kind of like electronic bathroom way when you press engage red light from the inside, red light from the outside. They give me so much anxiety.

The door is so far from the toilet. like so far from the toilet. So I'm in the midst of like trying to get my pants and like wipe myself at the same time as I'm trying to hold Marley. One or two. Probably two. It's important. Knowing you, it was two.

I'm like the most proficient pooer. Like anytime I go to the bathroom, I almost always need to poo at the same time and I can poo in like two minutes. It is quite the sight. I have not witnessed it, but I've been around the room. It's just impressive. I would put it down as like one of my top skills is how quickly I can just like snap one off. That CV.

That's your top skill. Work experience can shoot efficiently. You know how I said I have no hobbies? I've got some guys. Really hold on to your hats. Anyway, I let go of Mali for the two seconds while I wipe my ass and was trying to pull up my pants. And as I'm like bent over, no pants on trying to pull them up, Marley hits the button

and the doors just open. Like there's no way of closing them when you're on the toilet. The doors are wide open. I'm sitting there with pants around my ankles and worry that my three-year-old is going to run out into the Anzac parade crowd. What do you do? I had to shuffle. I had got off the toilet and I ran with the like the humiliating pants shuffle to grab the kid, pulled her back inside and slam the door. And everyone's just like, is that the girl from The Bachelor? Like it was the worst moment of my entire fucking life. I wish I was joking. Anyway, so I have a real problem with self-time

toilets. No, it shouldn't happen. I know you're not joking because it happened to me. Okay, but mine's almost worse. No, maybe not worse because I wasn't recognizable as someone from TV. This was when I moved to die. When I moved to Italy when I was 18, I lived in Italy for a year. I worked illegally as a nanny. I went there and worked for cash. Couldn't speak the language, didn't know anyone.

And this is back in the day, this is how old we are because of having our midlife crisis. But this is where, like, the smartphones weren't a thing. So I walked around with a dictionary, like a language book, a dictionary, and I had to flick through it for words. It was Google Translate wasn't a thing. Like, this was just a different time. And I was in Italy and there was a toilet that I needed to go because I always had quite bad IBS. So I'm a prolific public toilet user. You can also put that on your CV.

It's better than efficient shooter. At least mine sound better. Proficient. But it's a, you know the people that say, I would never use a public toilet. I'll hold it so I get home. The luxury. Some people don't have that luxury. Anyway, people who say that they won't poo at the office, I'm like, what do you mean?

Is it a choice? Is it a choice today? I don't understand. We also tell everyone. We're like, hey, guys we've gone from boo. Our office is really, it's really weird. There's no boundaries. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry to everyone. I just remember there was this big public toilet and I was from Port Macquarie in Australia, small town. We did not have like fancy automatic toilets and I just never experienced them. Not only that, but I can't read Italian. So I go to the toilet and I'm like trying to figure out how to use it. You press the button and it opens. I'm like, oh, okay, cool.

Walk in, stand there for a minute, watch it. It closes. Same setup as you where it's like so far away from the toilet. So I'm going to the toilet, obviously a number two. And I hear a voice, but it's in Italian. So there's a voice in the toilet saying something. And I was like, that's weird. Wish I knew what that was about.

Then I hear another voice a minute later. I'm still pants down on the toilet. I'm not even trying to get off. I'm not done. Like I am halfway through. And then I hear another voice. And then a red light flashes and beeps. Beep.

Beep. And I'm like, what the hell? It was a fire alarm. It was evidently the countdown to the time toilet. Anyway, the door opens that I'm sitting. I'm sitting on the toilet. The door opens. There's like these Italian nonnas walking past.

And I'm like, oh my God. Then the toilet starts to spray and self clean. And I'm like, help me. And it doesn't close because it must be a sensor. It must wait for you to walk out. You can't walk out. What do you do? Pull your pants up.

I pulled my pants up mid. You get it. Did you wipe? I blacked out. I don't remember. Just snap off and go. I think I chose not to. I don't know.

It was a really traumatic time and I've never forgotten it. And I since have this like wild anxiety. Every time you get on a train or something in Europe, like I only really get trains in Europe because I don't have to get them in Australia. When I'm visiting band, I'm always on a train. And if I see at one of those toilets because they're all like buttoned and timed, I almost can't go because the anxiety is so wild. I also think like there's got to be some issues.

Like 10 minutes as a 10 minute timer on a public toilet, I know that for most people, 10 minutes is an adequate amount of time. But a lot, it's not. Yeah, but what if you have a disability? And I mean this. I know we're having lots of last. But what if you have a disability and you're in a 10 minute timed toilet and you need longer than that? Like the humiliation of the doors opening and you're not being able to get. It feels unnecessary.

Let people have a 15 minute poo if they need it. I think there needs to be a more generous time frame. Yeah, but then how long's too long? Because if you don't have any like. I don't know. Ask Matthew Johnson. He'll spend half an hour in there. People could go in and sleep in there. I guess you have to have a time frame. 20 minutes. But I think 10 is a bit like... How'd it go on?

10's a bit. There's going to be a lot of people caught with their pants around their ankles at 10 minutes. Let's just say that. Would you say they were caught with their pants down? That's what I said. Yep. All right, guys. That's it from us. Anyway, guys, if you have any ask uncuts for us, if you have any accidentally unfiltered, any rogue stories for us, we want them all. slide on into the DMs at Life Uncut Podcasts. Also, if you have not joined the Facebook discussion group yet, where are you at? Get on down to Facebook Discussion Town. So to get in,

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