Life Uncut - Offcuts - Single? No, Self Partnered and The Compliment Gap

Episode Date: March 27, 2026

Welcome to Offcuts where we chat about whatever piqued our interest this week in a light, fun little package to send you off on your weekend! We chat: Laura’s had something she doesn’t want return Single? No, self partnered The Compliment Gap "Admin Night" Controversy with Benjamin Chipman & Mel Robbins You think you F**ked up this week, think again. You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Keeshia Pettit Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And I have a really big announcement everyone. I know you're all on the edge of your seats. These guys are thrilled. I got my period again after a year and a half. Yay! No, I don't Do we celebrate that or do we not? Nowhere. I also have forgotten what it's like to have a period because I have not had one since before Poppy, which is like now since... A long time.

Well, like since December 2025 is how long it's been. No, 2024. Do you know that's the only thing... I can't do maths. 2024. 2024. December 2024. That's how long it's been since I have had a period.

Yeah. See, now Keisha's like, oh yeah, I'm here for that chat. It's been so long. Welcome to Off Cuts, where we find a space for the things that we couldn't talk about in the other episodes, and we've started with something very strong. Laura did want to talk about it on the main episode, and we've been at it. Because, guys. I am actually quite taken back when I've realized how long it has been.

I'll give you more credit now. It's been a year and a half. Must be nice. And it's one of the things I like most about being pregnant. I mean, apart from the fact that I'm going to have a child at the end of it, but not having a period or not having to deal with a period it's amazing it's wonderful and then the problem is and anyone who has had a kid would probably know this I mean maybe you had a different experience but from all accounts from the friends I've spoken to it's been the same

when it comes back it's fucked it is vengeance it is like yes I think I could die I think I'm dying I'm bleeding out put it that way don't think you believe I'm gonna need a blood transfusion after this one. I think you slightly exaggerated. I'm not joking. My, that's the thing I miss about being on the pill. Like I haven't been on the pill since I froze my eggs the first time, which was 20, 33. And I am, how old am I now? 38, turning 39 soon. So that's a long time that I've been off the pill for, but that was my favorite thing about it. You know how you used to be like, I don't want my periods. You used to just skip it. I know. Sugar tablets. I know. I also have got my PCOS sorted. So now I have a regular period and I actually, I grieve the days where

I would go three to four months where I'm like, that's probably, I don't know, it's very irregular. I'm probably pregnant. Go back to having chin hair and no period. Just do that instead. In case you will never go back. That comes from me. I also have chin hair.

And do you think that everyone just has one rogue hair? Not me. You've said this and it kills me. Look at my body. I have no hair. You're like a hairless sphinx. I have no hair and any hair I do is like tiny blonde. Shut up.

I'm Greek, but I just didn't get that hairy Greek gene. Okay, well, apart from Brit, I feel as though most women had that one rogue hair. I have a couple of them, but I have one in particular that has grown in the same spot on my, by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin since I was about 25. And every so often Pat will be like, here's the back. Is it all wiry?

It's like a fucking pube on my chin, just one hair. Do you know where I got the weirdest one the other week? i actually tried to take a photo of it to send to you i've got it on the back of my right shoulder and i was in the car and i saw it like glisten in the sun and i was like what the you're like laurable like this it was like a hair that had forgotten it was supposed to fall out and it just kept growing it was like six times the size of a normal one i thought it was a dog hair but it was a tat i had to pull it do you know where my random one grows i do have one random hair tell me on my snail trail but it's just one so like I think I pulled it out oh hang on this was actually a real

hair but see that's not random because now I'm about to pull out that's not it that just happens to be a hair down my pants like one really long one so now when I get my laser I'm like do you mind just going up and just zapping that one little hair so she zaps it the thing is though is like snail trail is kind of still within the remit of like just like an expected part maybe you don't get it but that's good for you but most people get hair in their snail trowel i'm talking like the random one like the weird nipple hair or like the chin hair or like one rogue one that just comes out of your cheek i'm so lucky or your ear or something and as i'm getting older the grays are increasing and the rogue ask hairs that just are popping up but also the other

problem is my eyesight's getting worse so they're kind of gathering each other out there's gonna come a point you can't see the chin hair there's gonna come a point where i don't notice them And that's probably better. There it is, little cutie. No, it's probably better to go unnoticed. I don't know. Anyway, look, we have a lot of things to unpack that didn't make the main episode today. While we're on the topic of body parts and kind of rogue things that happen in your body,

I saw one of the funniest videos on the internet this week that I have ever seen in my life. It is posted by AJ Rowan Comedy and it's titled, Why do the scientific names for female genitalia sound like Harry Potter spells? For example, Labia minora. Labia minora. Perineum. perineum perineum labia minora vulva vulva vulva labia majora clitoris clitoris clitoris

clitoris literally clit vaginal opening vaginal opening vaginal opening labia minora labia maturo urethral urethral you guys you need to see it because he's running around the room pretending to cast spells like he's like urethra urethra to be fair i don't think i've ever heard anyone say labia more than what we say it i know like finally there's someone out there that talks about labia more than we do he knows all the terminology though i was impressed with that Can we start doing wand motions every single time we say labia again? Labia. Menorah.

Actually not. Absolutely not. Laura goes in for a labiactomy. She's like, labiactomy, labiactomy. Oh, my God. I don't know why there's a Harry Potter theme to today's episode, but this was an old article actually from 2019, but it's resurfaced.

And it's resurfaced because Emma Watson, who plays Hermione in Harry Potter, as we all know, she has recently used the same terminology that she did back in the day about herself. Now, Emma is notoriously single. She has been single for quite a while and she's described it in a very particular way. And I wanted to talk about this because we love a label. We love unpacking labels. And I found this kind of funny. So she calls herself self-partnered. Instead of single, she doesn't like the word single. She thinks single has a negative connotation to it. so instead of reframing or destigmatizing the word single she's got come up with a new word

self-partnered it means that she's choosing herself over and above anyone else a fucking go-off queen and also it says you know that she wanted to spend this time consciously choosing herself over looking for a romantic partner it's not that she hasn't found someone she's not looking to be in a relationship with someone she is actively choosing herself self-partnered i do want to say i want to correct you on one little thing emma watson's not notoriously single she's notoriously private she's actually been in loads of relationships but they're with the real normies she's like she went to oxford university and graduated she dated another student she's dated a lot of tech people she's but she's actually i bet you they're not normies i bet you they're

fucking rich no a lot of them are billionaires yeah there you go this is interesting that you've said that this is she's come out and said self-partnered now is it something she's just said or has it been brought back from the past because she's apparently dating a billionaire now so that's also weird like apparently she's just locked in with this Mexican billionaire interesting yeah I love how you call them normies but he's a Mexican billionaire he's not normie but her ex is like she's she dated students from university and stuff the reason why I liked this isn't so much about the timing of it I came across it again whether it was a rehashed Instagram post or whatever but I liked it because it actually it did nothing to me what I mean by that is I read

it and I was like haha that's a funny term but I remember like the very distinct reaction I had when I heard Gwyneth Paltrow talk about conscious uncoupling I was like oh for fuck's sake come on now the idea of conscious uncoupling I'm actually behind it I think it's a great idea like what a pioneer she was I think we've gotten so used to therapy labels that saying something like I'm self-partnered over saying I'm single to me it doesn't even touch the sides anymore I'm like yeah go off good on you well done do you know where I draw the line though do you guys remember last year when Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande, they starred in Wicked together and they came out, they came out saying that they were in a non-demi-curious semi-binary relationship.

It goes back to what I've always said on this podcast, guys. I hate labels. I don't know why we have to come up with a label for everything. Emma, you're single. You're just single. Like the self-partnering, marrying myself, loving myself. Like that's, I love, no, I love it for you don't get me wrong but like why do we have to come up with all these unique quirky terms is it just clickbait is it no do you know why it's no longer shocking like saying you're self-partnered is not even remotely shocking anymore because there's people out there marrying fucking dolphins and bridges and their ai boyfriends and people are having sex with fences like the stuff that the internet has fed me over the years okay that i was like i'm not even mad about it you should

choose yourself. In fact, most people should choose themselves. The dating world is awful. I think I'm going against the grain here. I'm sure if you looked at the comments, everything's like, yes, queen, self-partnered, love that, using this. I'm sure that I'm a minority. But if I met a guy, if I was in a dating world and I met a guy and I was like, what's your relationship history? And he's like, I'm self-partnered. It would be the biggest ick. I would be like, what? I've been self-partnered for a couple of years now. I'd be like, like, bro. Yeah, but the thing is, Emma Watson is allowed to say it. She's better than all of us. She can say whatever she wants.

If you were on a date with Emma, if you were so lucky to be a billionaire on a date with Emma Watson, you're not judging her because she said self-partner. I'd be locking her down for sure. I would, because I think she's a catch and it's, this isn't against Emma. Like it's not against Emma. I'm still not on board with conscious uncoupling. Like you broke up amicably. I am though.

Like why can't we use normal terms? No, I think the reason why I am different to your, I guess I hold a different opinion when it comes to labels is because I do think that they serve a purpose to describe feelings or emotions that unite us you know things like when we had a label for what gaslighting was I remember when that became the buzzword because like everyone who read it and then saw the definition was like oh my god that's the thing that I've experienced in my relationships that we didn't have a term for I think giving a label I don't mind that no I know but giving a label I think unifies something and allows people to identify as a collective towards it and so

I guess I don't have an issue with labeling because even things like the conscious uncoupling at the time I thought it was like what a wank first but now I'm like actually if you're a parent if you've got kids if you're trying to do something in a way like yes it's an amicable breakup but it kind of even goes beyond that it's like we are consciously trying to co-parent in a way and untangle our lives in a way that puts the center of our family still at the center of this issue So I kind of get it. I mean, gaslighting is okay because it was describing a situation and a feeling and a manipulation tool and giving it a word. It needed a label. Single's single. We have the label. Like you don't need to self-partner yourself. You're just like, Hey, I'm single and

I'm happy about it. I get that. But single has negative connotations because the thought is like the societal pressures around single is that if you're single, you must want to be partnered. And so when you say you're single, a lot of people's instant reaction to that is, is, oh, like, are you dating? And so if you say, no, I'm self-partnered, what that instantly excludes is the awkward questions over dinner where people are like, are you dating anyone? You're like, no, I'm not because I'm self-partnered. I am in a relationship and it's with the best fucking human on the planet. Hey. But here's the thing. It's not anymore. The generation's changed. Our generation, single had that connotation. It doesn't anymore to the

next generation. Single, when you say I'm single, it's a flex because what you've said is I'm self-sufficient I've got my own money I can live on my own they don't look at it the same way as our gen looked at it like when we're like I'm single everyone was like you'll find someone like that was the that was the next thing you'd say you know you'd say to your friends no I'm single and they're like don't worry I'm sure it's around the corner like a fish in the sea yeah but on the shelf it's not that anymore when people are like I'm single it's like yeah you are like we hold our own because we can vote and get our own mortgages now yeah Laurie remember last week how you spoke about that uh the reel that was a bit of like a bait and switch where they were

talking about, yeah, all these women, they're going to be single and they're going to be in their houses that are clean with their friends, with nice food and blah, blah, blah. I saw this video that is kind of related to this situation by the comedian, Rachel Williams, which is obviously her name is Rachel Williams. Her Instagram handle is Rachel Williams. And she said, if women ever got caught having second lives, this is what she said. Dude, if women ever got caught having second lives, it would not be with another dude. it would be alone in a state far away with a house where we could have quiet no one to talk to no one to bother us no one to sneeze like like it would just be us in an air-conditioned place

with unlimited diet coke nothing to overstimulate us a bath a cat and just peace you realize she's just described my life without the aircon like that's my life i just don't have air conditioning that's emma watson's self-partnered life can i just take a second on this the fucking sneeze someone wrote in the comments why is laura so man-hating it's because of matt's sneeze okay that's why why is it what do they what do they get out of it why when men become dads do they sneeze like that what is going on here i don't have anything against ben sneezes off the top Yeah, I think that it's an age thing. As they get older, their sneezes, Matt does it on purpose.

Matt goes, Matt goes, and screams. That's his sneeze. And I'm like, surely that's not necessary. Like we have actual arguments about it. And he goes, yeah, it's not necessary, but it feels good. I think it's a relaxation. I think it's like letting, I think that they think that their stress goes out at the same time.

He's screaming into the void. And it's like satisfying. It's the only time I can let my emotions out. It is. It's like women's sneezes come from here, like from the nose. And men's come from the hell? They come from the fucking belly. Like, do you know what I mean?

It's like a whole body expression. It's ridiculous. It doesn't come from their body. It comes from the depths of hell, Keisha. It comes from another fucking planet. It comes from within the center of the world. I have a really cute sneeze. Can I say that about myself?

Britt has a really cute sneeze in no body hair. My sneeze is really small. It's like, like that. That's my sneeze. I think it's great. It's like my superpower. I don't spit when I sneeze. But Ben's a pretty – I don't have any hate towards Ben yet.

It's early days. But I don't hate his bodily functions yet. Is that why you dated younger? Yes. Because Laura's saying it gets worse as they get older. Yes, when they get ear hair and stuff, you know, when they get really big ear hair, that's when you know you hit the age. You just wait.

You just wait. Something I came across this week that I was dying to talk about, which Brittany absolutely hates, so it's going to be a goodie, is something called the compliment gap. Now, there was a new survey that came out from a very reliable source called Hilly Dating App. I'm sure that they've done their team. Never heard it in my life.

Statistically significant results. Yeah, I'm sure it was a broad study. They found that half of young American women believe that too many compliments early on could be a red flag. Not half of young American women. Half of young American women surveyed from Hilly Dating Survey. So it's like, let's not call it a blanket half of America. However, I do want to unpack this idea of over complimenting someone being a red flag,

but also compliments in general. And the fact that they make so many of us feel uncomfortable. I've heard that saying so many times. I even said it this week when you guys did the most beautiful 40th birthday messages for me. I mean, Keisha and I had a message afterwards where I was like, oh my God, the best, but also not. What did your message mean, Sarah?

We're talking about edit notes. But I was like, compliments make me feel awkward. I just don't know what to do with my hands. Yeah, but that's not what this is. Where do I put them? Is the compliment gap the gap between what the people are complimenting each other on or is it the gap between what you like and what they're giving you? No, so the compliment gap is, and for anyone who hasn't heard of this,

because I hadn't prior to this, it basically describes a mismatch. It's because they've just put it on the label of something. That's why you hadn't heard of it. It's because it describes a mismatch in expectations around how often compliments should be given and received in early dating. Some people are very over-complimentary. Other people find compliments uncomfortable or awkward.

And there are people who perceive too many compliments from the opposite sex as being an identifier as a red flag. Brit, I know you don't feel the same. Well, because I went into the article, I was like, okay, I didn't hate it from the outset I read the article then I hated it it's it's about women and women saying that you know compliments too early on or if they might be about my physical appearance are a red flag and I when I finished this article you know the way I felt I felt like men can't catch a break and I don't often say that and you guys know I don't but that's how

I felt in this article because there were people being like oh my god I'd only been on like two dates with this guy and he had told me a i was witty b that i had nice eyes and c that he thought i was pretty she's like red flag and i thought hang on a minute but that's what this is that's what this is women saying that you shouldn't be able to compliment until quote you fully see each other and i just think that we are and bear with me people might hate what i'm about to say i think we are getting to a point where we're too woke for you to say don't compliment me because you do not know who i am at my soul sorry you can compliment a stranger you don't have to know somebody fully to compliment them and i and i think that what this is doing is it is pushing men away a lot

and i say this because men don't know what to do in a sense like if i'm just talking about your everyday man not the andrew tates not the misogynist it's like a nice guy that's trying to date a woman and i say this because i've had conversations with my single male friends if you think about what this article is saying if a man reads this he's like oh hang on so two dates in, I'm not even supposed to say I like her eyes or I find her attractive because then if you're two dates in and you haven't said anything, the woman's like, no, you're not interested in me. I disagree. I think you've misinterpreted this. It's not saying never give a compliment. It's talking about the level of frequency. I am sure that everyone here has been on a date where the

compliments were so aggressive as in like, there are so many of them that they don't feel sincere anymore. It feels like that it's being said because it's the thing to be said. And you're like oh okay thank you like or the other part of this is that they could be purely about your physical attractiveness which is also not something that you want to kind of okay some of it great too much of it is also too much some people compliments make them uncomfortable the third part of this is and this was the thing that I think is interesting about it rather than being like poor men is that too many compliments early on things like I've never felt this connected to someone before oh my god I just feel like you totally get me the way your brain works is so

interesting I'm talking about these types of compliments date one date two they are fucking screaming hallmarks of someone who is love bombing you and that's what it means by this is can potentially be identified as a red flag it's okay to compliment each other of course someone should say that you look beautiful on a first date someone should say oh my god you look amazing it's so nice to see you like I love your laugh like those things are great but I think that it's figuring out what is a normal and I guess identifiable compliment and what could be seen as a red flag of someone who is you know love bombing or showing other behaviors that is just too much I couldn't agree with you more Laura it's very obvious I mean it's not obvious

it should be obvious to a man on a date and I'm saying a man because that's what this concept's about heterosexual relationships but like of course if you're going to sit down a man needs to think about the things he's going to say on the first couple of dates and you can't go in being like no one ever could understand me the way you do when you've had two dinners, right? You can't be love bombing and you should be able to know the difference. And I think most men do know the difference. I guess where I feel like this article and this concept of the compliment gap, which is too many compliments, maybe they're physical too soon in a relationship or too soon in dating. I guess the reason I find it difficult and think that sometimes men have it hard in the dating

world sometimes guys and I don't care how much of a feminist you say you are or you aren't how much you think I am or I am not I am a feminist but that doesn't mean we can't say men don't have it hard sometimes I think everyone has a heart in the dating world but like I think that sometimes reading these kinds of articles where there are in this concept where men read and think oh my god have I am I not supposed to say that they look nice am I not supposed to say that they have nice eyes because it's the first date and that's a physical compliment I just feel like we're almost over complicating it and I'm not saying that conversations aren't important but sometimes I think we're just looking for things to be unhappy about and I know that there's going to be people

that disagree with me but like if if I sat down on a date with somebody and they called me and I'm going back to one of the the responses from this article from the survey because it was one that stood out to me if somebody sat down and said to me you're witty and have nice eyes perfect you've complimented like but that's what I don't tell me if I'm wrong but what's wrong with that I think that this is a pushback to women feeling like they're always sexualized in almost every experience especially as a young woman especially if you are like conventionally attractive I think there is a real difference between a random person at the cafe and someone that you're actually on a romantic date with and I think that that's where the gap is a little bit

more I don't know to me I'm like I don't think there's anything wrong with making a physical appearance compliment you obviously have to scale it based off of how much you you could be like really like that top it makes your tits look great no you're not gonna sit across and go great can but if you only like you said Laura if it's only compliments about your physical appearance which at the start of early dating sometimes that's all you've got to go off you don't know whether they're witty yet you don't know whether they're intellectually stimulating so maybe that's the only thing that you feel like you can actually comment on and I think that there is a little bit of a a seesaw and I understand why a lot of women feel as though the physical

compliments are too much too soon and also if you get them in unsolicited ways it's like icky I think it also depends on what they are like I know that we're giving we're giving everyone the benefit of the doubt that people know how to give an appropriate compliment like for example for example. Totally. Right. They don't like someone saying you've got beautiful eyes and you're witty. Of course, those things, I don't even want to use them as the benchmark because they're so obviously fine to the 99.9% of people, but things like, fuck, you've got great legs, like probably too much with the guy I've just met. I don't, I don't need that yet. We can sit here and go, God, it's so hard for them, but I'm not going to be like, God, your dick looks big

in those pants. Like I'm not going to do that either. I'm not. But the other thing is, I mean, in terms, it kind of is a little bit of a sidestep. It is an interesting thing. Why is it that compliments make so many women feel uncomfortable? Why is it that, and I'm talking about compliments, not just from men or not just from people that you're interested in, regardless of your sexual orientation. I'm talking about often when people give compliments. So like, for example, Oh my God, your hair looks beautiful. Someone's like, I just washed it. Or like, I love that shirt. Oh, it's I've had it for ages. Like there's always, I don't know. I I think a lot of us minimize compliments because they do leave us with a feeling of discomfort

or like we have to explain why the thing we're being complimented on is nice or good. That's not just a woman thing. That is a location-based thing. It's a very Australian thing to do because it's this tall poppy. We have to be very self-deprecating. You are not seen in a good light. You want to appear humble, isn't it? Yeah.

Well, you can't appear overly confident. It just doesn't work in our culture. In America, for example, or I don't know, maybe Canada, you can give a compliment to a woman and she'd be like thanks babe like do you know what I mean and then that's it no one walks away from that exchange and thinks oh my god I can't believe she owned that compliment like it's that is real it's accepted and they just get on with their day whereas here we know it's almost frowned upon if you come in with that level of confidence and it's so silly because it shouldn't be but like it takes a lot for a woman in Australia or you know I mean I'm

saying Australia because we're here it takes a lot for someone to give you a really like you look hot to be like thanks and walk away like it's like the first thing is oh it takes a village you should have seen me this morning I'm like no I don't yeah whatever like nice tops from Kmart ten dollars like it's the first thing that we do and it's definitely I think geographically based I think it's insecurity I think you struggle a lot with compliments Laura but I'm interested in whether you struggle more with compliments about like a certain category do you struggle more with physical compliments or like personality compliments the physical compliments I just don't believe I'm like they don't even touch the sides so I'm shut up but that's so weird because anyone

would look at you being like you're crazy like for example Matt yesterday was so nice he was like you know he was being very like physically complimentary to me but I don't feel great after having three kids like and I'm still in a point where I'm like okay like I'm still getting coming to terms with my new body that I'm in and how it moves in terms of how soft it is in comparison to how it used to be and so compliments because I don't believe it I don't feel they're sincere even though they are sincere I know he means it it's something that's wired in me that I think when you have an insecurity it's very hard to accept a compliment from someone if it doesn't align with your own self-beliefs on where you're at do you think in that situation though because

I can imagine a lot of women in that situation if you deflect the compliment do you think that encourages them to make them again because then in that situation particularly with postpartum I think a lot of women are like oh no you know no no no they reject the compliment and so the partner in that situation is a bit like okay so that wasn't received very well so I'll stop doing it and then I think the the person who's in the postpartum period can be like they never compliment me on my body anymore I'm feeling so bad about myself like I feel like it can be a bit of a spiral yeah look no one wins in this situation I feel like that's what we're getting from this segment. I want to talk to you about this idea of who owns content at ground zero. Now there is a

guy online called Benjamin Chipman. He's an influencer with a really small following. I guess you'd call him a micro-influencer. He's got 14,000 followers. And he had this idea go quite viral. It's called Admin Night. We spoke about it on the podcast as well. It's like where a group of friends get together. For him, it was a Tuesday night and you do your admin. It's exactly what it says. You do your bill, you pay your bills, anything you need to organize, you do. You just sit in a room together and you get it done. And the idea is like when there's somebody in the room to hold you accountable and you know that they're doing their work, so you've got to do your work. It's your accountability buddy. Yeah, it's an accountability buddy. And so he went quite

viral with this concept. He ended up doing a bit of a PR tour on admin night. So Good Morning America, CNN Health, the National News UAE, the Today Show, where he was actually referred to as the admin king so like this was completely attributed this idea to him now this is where it gets tricky mel robbins who is like the number one podcaster in the world you guys all know her she's the let them theory benjamin's done a reel where he said mel robbins has ripped off my idea so mel robbins did a podcast and has started talking about wait for it admin day so she's stop it. She's just basically, I'm going to play you his Instagram reel where he's talking about the fact that he feels ripped off. Have a listen. Mel Robbins stole my concept without giving me

credit. And I would be far more upset about it if it wasn't one of the most outlandish and audacious things that I've ever seen, considering the fact that we're talking about Admin Night. The concept that I spoke on Good Morning America about, I did sit down interviews with CNN, with the national news of the UAE and even was talked about on Paige DeSorbo and Hannah Burner's Giggly Squad. And if you don't believe me, I have the receipts. Here's Paige DeSorbo calling me the admin king

while I was modeling on the Today Show. Ben's our admin king and we love it. In the world of content creation, you are absolutely supposed to draw inspiration and trends from what's going on around you for what you see other people doing. I'm not saying that's what's going on here, but what Mel Robbins is doing right now

is trying to pass off this life admin day as a novel net new thing that completely is just ripping off Admin Night. Biggest reason that this is like a significant problem here is because look at the followers she has. Just 12 million followers. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that Admin Night was the most novel concept ever

that I could have come up with in the world and that it's inconceivable that someone else could have come to the same conclusion. No, that's not what I'm going to say. But I think the fact that within the last two or so months that I've been doing essentially a press run about it and then for her to take the concept, have to tweak it ever so slightly. Do it literally during the day versus calling it admin night,

I think is a little crazy with the imbalance between having 12 million followers and me being a much smaller creator. That doesn't sit right with me. Do you know what the problem with this is? I can firstly, not just changing the time of day. The issue is when an enormous creator, someone who wields that sort of power, 12 million followers decides that they're going to take content from a tiny creator and they're not going to give credit two things happen one it was an opportunity for her to support a small creator and say what a fantastic idea this is this idea came from ben chipman 5 and she would have shared the pie that pie that she has that she's fucking like she would have been like hey ben have a have a slice of the pie because that was a fucking great

idea so that's one thing that she's like begrudged him of but the second thing is is when you are an enormous powerhouse like Mel Robbins and you speak about a concept, even if you say I didn't create this or you say whatever, you don't acknowledge, you instantly get attributed as it being your idea. So the fact that she's just started talking about this concept of admin day, her followers are like, Mel Robbins is a genius. She's amazing. She's a visionary. And she gets the kudos just purely by not giving the full information. It's ownership by a mission. And the thing is, Laura, it's not just 12 million followers. That's just that's just her socials her podcast is the biggest podcast in the world it is going to far

more people than 12 million followers and that could have had an astronomical effect on ben's career trajectory so it's really shitty just in that sense i want to play devil's advocate and i'm surprised that i'm actually kind of taking this stance i don't know if i wholly like wholly believe it but no one's reinventing the wheel we are all taking tips and tricks a lot of these things are actually based in like religious principles and habits about your life and I kind of do wonder like where is the line in being like I am the creator of this thing and and rather people just being like hey I found this a really useful thing to do in my life and and I just don't think it's as evil as what maybe people think however I know that there has been more criticism

with Mel Robbins with the whole let them theory the fact that someone else came up with it I don't think look I don't think that this applies in that instance because I think it's the proximity of the idea the idea was already going viral the idea had already picked up traction it was already doing a press tour like it's kind of like Tanya Hennessy when she was talking about the catch-up trap you guys might remember this from last year we talked about on the podcast we absolutely attributed Tanya Hennessy for it the catch-up trap is this like you know friendship trap that you get into it's a philosophical idea that she coined a name for lots of people have spoken about it since, but she hasn't been attributed for the idea. And, you know, when you are coming

up with these concepts, when it comes to content or whatever, of course, people are going to take a little bit of what you've said, and then they're going to expand on that idea. The problem is, is Mel has not expanded. She's just relabeled. And that's where I have an issue with it. She's just taken his name off it, said, you know what? Don't do it in the nighttime, do it in the daytime. Wow. Visionary, it is new. And we see this happen with content creators all the time. We see this happen online in every, well, actually it happens in every single business, but with creative content, we see it a lot. We see it with, that's kind of like ground zero of how a trend happens. Someone creates a piece of content that goes viral, people like it, and then everybody follows

the format. The person who created that trend, the ground zero of that rarely gets recognition for being the, I guess, visionary behind whatever that piece of content was. I feel slightly different about it when it's just a one-off piece of content that lives online, that's not monetized. But when this idea could be something that's monetized, it could be something that he either writes around or develops his philosophical teachings around. I think that it does have an impact. Yeah. It's different because when there's like a dance trend that takes off on TikTok or something, no one ever knows where it comes from. No one has to credit the last person they saw because it's a trend. Everyone's doing it. This is different because three weeks

after a promo tour of a young boy that's gone viral for admin night she's pretended that it's her idea all she had to do was say hey i saw ben king post about this and it got me thinking this is why it's a good idea and then you can put your psychological take on it then you can put your psychology cap on it but like it just had to be one sentence instead of now 30 million people being like she's just a visionary like she's so incredible do you know what this screams of it's the same as and i don't want to say it's exactly the same because obviously you know big fashion houses they do rip off like the small creators right and they rip off designer labels and everything else but there are have been so many times where fashion houses have gone to

designers like and I'm talking like small independent creative designers who are just fucking hustling to get their designs off the ground there might be textile creators or they might be you know jewelry designers and big fashion houses have come to them and said we love your designs we want to collaborate with you and then somewhere along that discussion the collaboration gets left at the door and the next collection that comes out is so deeply inspired with zero acknowledgement from the work that they've just stolen from. Does that make sense?

I have a very niche example of something that happened to me when I was in my 20s and sometimes I think about it and it still pisses me the fuck off, okay? I don't think you need to let it go. No. I want to talk about it but don't let it piss you off anymore. It's been like 15 years. No, riot.

Do you know why it pisses me off? Because like it pissed me off because it made me so disheartened that I stopped doing it do you know what I mean so like I you could have been in Jay Shetty I could have been Jay Shetty guys so I used to you guys know when I was in my quote era going through breakups like I used to write quotes live life up fucking lame okay I know it's like Jay Shetty made his whole career off it well I I kind of started doing it and I would share my little musings and I would sometimes I would post them on Tony May so at the time I was obviously like sharing jewelry but I was also sharing quotes and things that I had written largely based around

breakups or like big life moments that I had been through. So that was like back when I was in my like mid to late twenties. And, you know, it's really vulnerable. I think when you write something, especially when those things were like tied to personal moments, it's really vulnerable putting your writings out there and then like hoping someone says like, oh, that was nice. Or, you know, I resonated with that or whatever. And this was at a time when Instagram was actually quite a place where people were sharing like quotes and, and like, I don't even know how you'd describe it. Instagram still is that. It's just that you're not that. There is a whole world of Instagram and TikTok where that's, that's all they do. They share quotes. Yeah. Okay. So look,

I was sharing my new things at the time. And then one day I was overseas on holidays and I was just flicking through Instagram and I saw something I had written, except it hadn't come from me. It had been reshared by one of the biggest authors of our time, Paolo Coelho, who is the author of The Alchemist. He has millions and millions of followers. It is a prolifically enormous book. He's written so many books. And it was just this little musing. It had been screenshot from my Tony May Instagram that had 19,000 followers at the time. And it had been reshared to his millions and millions of followers. Not only had it been reshared once, but it had been reshared twice. The first time he had screenshot it and reshared it without my Tony

May tag. And then the second time he had reshared it, but put Paolo Coelho on the bottom of it. Which is insane. insane because instantly what happened well what happened the first time is that everyone was like you're a genius what amazing writing oh my god this is so beautiful like I want to buy a print of this and then the second time he just posted it with his name on it the thing is you can still buy tea towels cups you can buy posters to put up in your like homestays that has my quote on it that still says Paolo Coelho and I see them it gets worse because you wrote a letter to him I I see them every so often and I'm like, fuck you, I wrote that, you prick.

I deserve some of that pie. But it goes to show you how much is also linked to the person, right? Like once they get a cult following, they get the cult following no matter what they put out, people love it. Because if somebody, not to take away from you, Laura, if somebody saw that on your Tony May, they'd be like, that's a cute quote, whatever. But that's because it came from an account that didn't have anyone behind it. They didn't know that, you know, when somebody of his following writes something, his audience are sheep. like anything that somebody in that level what are you saying no but you know what I mean like

that's why the same thing hits different with different no I'm not saying it's okay but I'm just saying it's crazy to think that that's how much is tied to the person behind it when the same thing piece of content oh 100 but this is my point my point is is him posting that he didn't have to say I wrote it at the start what it did is him posting that as an author who posts his writings what that says to all of his followers is I wrote this because he didn't say I saw this piece of writing and i loved it and i've taken it from this tiny jewelry label over here in australia my credit what yeah by admitting the credit it instantly becomes yours and when you are big and powerful and you claim something and everyone thinks that you did it then that's it

might as well be theirs do you know what i mean and in this instance for me it doesn't affect me i don't make money off this stuff but this guy well he did and he did but this guy ben is an aspiring social media philosopher like this is his revenue stream that he is trying to build and it was such an opportunity for Mel Robbins to share a piece of the pie that she has greedily kept for herself in this instance and I think that's a real shame all right to finish this up it is a Saturday for listening to this in real time and I just wanted to make you feel better if you've had one of those weeks where you kind of fucked up at work maybe you're in trouble with the boss maybe you just did something that you shouldn't have done because I came across a piece of content this week

posted by Mark Humphries his Instagram name is Humphries Mark where he was listening to John Howard's audio book. He said, don't ask him why. It's an unusual choice, isn't it? Just for like a Saturday listen. He came across this little stuff up. It's a long road that has no turning is one that largely disappeared. My mother left me with a fount of old aphorisms and sayings. Obviously not anything that's going to cause major issues in John Howard's life, but I think there's an editor there that just had a little bit of a whoopsie. As someone that's done an audio book, Laura and I have done one, I can see how you can miss something like that because, like,

you're literally voicing an entire book. There are so many moments where you're like, oh, that's not the person voicing's fault. No, I know. That's the person editing's fault. I know, but it's both of it. I can see how it happens on both sides, like, that you're like, oh, let me try that again.

And then I can see how an editor at 12 o'clock at night is probably like, fucking, I fell asleep. They're obviously just not yet. Also, it's so much content. Like, we make mistakes when we edit a podcast and it's one hour. We don't edit anything. No, we don't. What are you talking about?

But, like, imagine editing how fucking boring editing an entire audio book is. Especially, like, it's different. If you've clicked on that audio book, it's because you're interested in the content. If you've been chosen to edit an audio book, it doesn't mean you're interested in the content. Totally. That poor editor is sitting there like, fuck. He is getting paid for it, though. I'm so bored.

It's giving like I'm working from home and my dog just coughed in the corner and I'm being distracted wondering if they're okay. And you just miss it. it's happened to the best of us okay you know it makes me think of i don't know if you guys saw this this week this is someone else that really fucked up in there this is going to make you feel way better there's like a french warship this is so bad we're laughing bear with it it's a french aircraft carrier now it's out at sea on like a secret mission so like when you're out at sea they've got all this secret technology that like stops gps tracking and no one can locate you

they're in international waters where's the warship you know like that's how the military works is it brit are you sure where's the warship where's the warship like where are you i'm coming but that's the whole point it's supposed to be secret you're not supposed to let your enemy know where you are but there's one of the officers got into really big trouble for adding their location now the way he outed it was like he was out at sea on the ship and he went for a run like i guess you're running around the ship it's these are huge ships they're not like little sailboats so he was going on his five kilometer run and he had his like watch on running tracking watch and he linked to Strava and Strava the only way Strava works is to log your run is it logs it publicly and

updates your location so like if you look at the location on the Strava map in the middle of the sea is his running route so around the ocean so like just publicly outed where our French warship was that that guy fucking had a bad day because that military had to be like oh we better pack up shop and move imagine having that conversation with your boss in the office the next day like fuck mate also if anyone interested it obviously we're not laughing because it's probably quite problematic and i'm sure he got into a lot of trouble and also so did potentially the safety of the country but who knows but but he's go go and have a look at the logged strava run because it is the funniest run because he's just clearly running back and forth on the ocean

In the ocean. Isn't it so funny? Imagine the military being like, we have just spent $2 billion on security. We have the best security blocking, GPS blocking technology that we have and you just fucked it by going for a run? Also, it just shows how dedicated some people are. Like you're so fucking dedicated to logging your run that you forgot. And getting kudos.

And you wanted everyone to be like, great run, mate. Didn't miss your whatever stairs, you know. Like, the run culture around Strava is so tight. It's even tighter than the military. And also, you can't really just pack up a ship and move really quickly. I think it'd take like a day to pull up the anchor. Does it have an anchor? I don't know.

All right, guys. That is it from us. Enjoy your weekend, everyone. We'll be back next week, as we always are. And you know the drill. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nomies. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because

we love love. you