Life Uncut - Online bullying and that Jese Nelson doco

Episode Date: September 18, 2019

HOOLY DOOLY GUYS IT'S HOME TOWN WEEK!!! After getting down and dirty with this weeks Bach Chat, we get serious as we discuss Jesy Nelson from little Mix and her journey on "The Odd one out" documentary which exposes the dark world of cyber bullying, trolling and why you should just be a good person. If you like listening as much as we like talking please hit subscribe and share the love because we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and today well we're gearing up for Bachelor finale night. I love finale week. Britt I'm more excited about this finale than what i was about my own finale why is that oh because you knew the ending for your finale duh i didn't know oh yeah actually at the time wow should we start that again no please that was the best thing that's ever happened am i still asleep probably i'm just really invested in this season so i really really want to see how these final two episodes go down i think i know anyway i'm not gonna say it but i think i know well is that because of the editing yeah for a multitude of reasons some editing and also just the girls that i think is more suited

to our boy matt so you don't have any actual insider 100 guarantee lockdown info you just have spidey senses yeah and that's what you're going on complete spidey senses guys we're in for some batch chat today but we are also going to be talking about something a little bit heavier and i think in light of the fact that it is finale night coming up we're going to be talking about online bullying there's this great documentary that's just come out we really highly recommend it. It's on BBC One. It is about Little Mix star, Jessie Nelson. It's called The Odd One Out. And it's all about online bullying that she received. It really can happen to anyone. And celebrities are not immune to this level of online bullying and abuse and the way that it can really affect

life. And for her, it spiraled her life out of control. I really, really loved watching this documentary and I'm excited to delve into it and share it with everyone. Me too. But apart from that did you see there is something else in the water again because two more batchy babes got engaged i did see this and they're both from my season from your season everyone is getting married so it was alora and tara alora and tara and i'm so happy for the two of them i mean tara had a bit of a rough ending yes after her batch in paradise experience with sam and i think we all saw that play out in the media she has been incredibly happy with her new partner who doesn't live in the reality TV bubble at all. He's just a really great normal guy. And now they're getting

married. So are you connected with either of those girls at all still? I haven't spoken to Laura at all since the show finished. And Tara, I have seen because we both went to Kobe's baby shower. But our season has just been the season of successful relationships. Everyone who's come out of it. All right, mate, don't rub it in. Babe, you're on the wrong year. Oh, am I? Thanks, your first one just pointed that out to me. Yeah, but I wouldn't have wanted to be up against you. Could you imagine we would not be sitting here doing this podcast? Imagine if it was you and me. I mean, it was always, he was always going to pick you.

It was you from day dot. No, but that's really good that they got engaged. But I think, I do think it's hilarious that it happened on the same day. On the same day. Way to steal each other's thunder, hey? Who announced it first? Daily Mail. I don't know.

I think Tara. Daily Fail. I think Tara got in there first. And then I, I mean, I saw it from Daily Mail before I saw it on Instagram. Isn't that ridiculous? Yeah, it's crazy. That's where I get my news sources, isn't it? It doesn't say much about me.

You didn't even know what your ending was when you were watching it. Oh, leave me alone. I'm very tired. Guys, I know I complain about this every week, but now Marley's going through her four-month sleep regression. So anyone who's a parent who's listening to this will really sympathize with the fact that I now get about four hours sleep a week. So two episodes ago when I said that my sweet for the week was

that Marley was sleeping like an angel, yeah, well, that came back to bite me in the ass, didn't it? It always does. It always, always does. I saw this morning, actually, Laura, that you went and did a little workout, your first workout with Fitbit and a few friends but I noticed that you said you didn't wee yourself and that you were really stoked about that so I just wanted to shout out and congratulate you on that. You're congratulating me on my pelvic floor muscles? Yeah. Thank you. I really feel

like that's something that I need to be congratulated on. I've got that shit under control. Yeah. Literally. I'm stoked for you. Thanks. Me too. Me too. So what else grabbed your attention this week in the media? Oh look this one is a little bit controversial. I know that i need to tread a little bit carefully with this emotions ran very very high when ellie went home from last week's episode of the bachelor there was a lot of hurt and hate flying around on the internet which is kind of good why we're talking about online bullying this week however there was one thing that stood out to me and like i said i really do feel like i need to be sensitive in the way that i i say this just for fear of putting a step incorrectly with this but i did

see that georgia love tweeted after the show had finished and if you have some small kids around then maybe block their ears because there is a little bit of obscene language here she wrote fuck you matt don't at me and that was because matt agnew our batchy our astro batchy had sent home ellie and obviously she was very upset about it as was the rest of australia however the fact that georgia love had said this really grind my gears well it's a pretty controversial thing to say from some from anybody but from somebody that has been in that exact position well i think my issue with it didn't so much come from she's offering criticism i mean it's totally okay to not be an abby fan and to be upset that you know your favorite character's going home however

language is really really important she didn't sort of say hey this isn't cool she chose to use obscenities and basically verbally abuse matt for his choices i think sets a really really low bar and it also then validates anybody else who wants to sling abuse at him, which is just not the example that we should be setting when we have been in that position before. The thing that really struck me as being hypocritical with this one is that number five was Cam Cramley in her season. And Cam is the fireman.

Everybody in Australia freaking loves Cam. He is wonderful. And Georgia Love sent him home and didn't bring him onto hometowns. And I know that she copped a lot of flack at that point in time because she was following her heart so as much as I do question Matt's decisions in keeping Abby in the show I still think it's a bit of a situation where it's pot calling kettle and I just think as a journalist and as someone who really understands the power of language I expected more than that that's my thoughts yeah okay what do you think am I am I nitpicking at this whoever

says something like this um is definitely setting a standard an example that it's okay to do it especially somebody in the media, in the public eye, which I think is wrong, but also being in her position. We've all been, I mean, I haven't been on that end as in Bachelorette, but I have been through the whole thing and been standing at the end. And you know that what she's seen isn't the whole story. People are definitely edited in a certain way in both extremes, good and bad, favorites, villains, everyone. I mean, there's always some truth to things, but essentially she knows that what is being presented to us isn't always the whole story in any situation.

So for her to just jump on that train and sort of hurl this verbal abuse, I don't think it's fantastic. I don't think it's a fantastic example. Fair. No, I think it's fair call to bring that up. Yeah. So since we're talking about a bit of online bullying today, that was what made me think,

nah, I'm just going to point this one out. Yeah, definitely ties in well. And we'll jump into that straight after episode 13. You want to do some Batch Recap. Batch Chat. we're never gonna sing like this again okay you need to stop i don't know whether i'll edit that out or keep that in it could be really offensive keep that bad boy in should we all take a moment silence for ellie because quite honestly that was a very very very sad episode i like what you're

doing there but silence doesn't work in podcasts so we're gonna have to scrap that r.i.p ellie yeah and um just take a moment to appreciate that ridiculous date where they blindfolded each other and had to hug each other he had to guess the chemistry the chemistry through the hug there's a big difference between all of those girls in height shape what they're wearing some of them had sleeves some of them didn't some of them had huge boobs others don't like you know i reckon maybe ellie and abby would be similar in their in their builds do you think but i think ellie's probably shorter oh but would you know that though when you're blindfolded you've got to bend down And then Elena is tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny.

And Chelsea's got super long hair. So you would feel these types of things, I think. But, I mean, it really wouldn't kind of play into the storyline if Matt was like, well, I knew exactly who each one of you were. And, Abby, it's you again. I want to take you on another date. I think you would have known Abby from the clawing in the back as well. I know.

And did you see that he was, like, sweating down his back? He was sweating. Oh, God, it's Abby. Pew. There goes that astro-batchy. There was just so much. I didn't know if I was laughing, crying or cringing, but it was it was pretty amusing they always hate the setup where the girls are expected to sit

there and watch it playback it's just so uncomfortable we actually had that on our series but they didn't end up showing us sitting and watching the girls they had to write a letter to um old mate maddie j and then read this letter out and we had to sit behind the screen and critique the girls they actually ended up removing it all together because i think it just came across as so bitchy but it didn't matter who was saying anything it was just a really bitchy setup So they did that in my season too, but this was intense. It was probably the only group date I think I didn't go on and I'm so glad I didn't. So Nick had to sit on a couch with each girl individually in front of a human lie detector.

So this guy had worked for like the FBI. He was insane. And all the other girls had to watch on through a glass window and a TV to see who was, like how the girls reacted to the questions, who was lying, who was telling porcupines, all this. So my question is, why the hell didn't they put Nick on a lie detector? are you here to grow your profile no are you going to pick anybody at the end yes are you here to find love genuinely the poor thing probably would have been electrocuted um okay

so that was why did any was how did it turn out was it a good outcome or was everyone super nervous about it no everybody was super nervous and you could hear and see their voices shaking and i'm so i have nothing to hide but i'm super glad i wasn't on it yeah i think for me that that i would be more stressed about what if the outcome was wrong and the lie detector was incorrect and me not trusting well it wasn't even a lie detector it's just this man being like meh yeah totally oh your heart rate's elevated well yeah of course it is i'm shitting myself anyway you have to laugh now but i don't think anyone was laughing at the time so ellie got the extra time the thing that i don't like about the setup on this is that i don't think ellie would have necessarily brought up abby

again i think she would have been asked and prompted to bring it up and then she's being victimized for bringing it up because you always sort of start your conversations where you've left off your last conversation that's what you're encouraged to do so the fact that they had had their last conversation at the cocktail party about Abby it's only natural that that would have been a rehash in this episode and so I think she really got a nail in the coffin just because she was kind of doing what she probably was told that she had to do unfortunately yeah that again happened on my season they sort of do make you like well this is how the last episode ended so you need to pick it up like this and i remember saying it doesn't continuity yeah i remember

saying it doesn't matter to me i i'm not going to talk about it anymore and nick asked the question and they had to cut it out because i went really nick like you're really going to go back and talk about this again and he's like i like i have to yeah so for those who watched it and sort of thought oh my god i can't believe she's banging on about this again my heart really did go out for Ellie a little bit because I do think that she would have been prompted. We just didn't see that prompting. And then I think that was probably what made her so sure that Abby was going home and not Ellie, because she was so confident in that episode that it was not her going home. Yeah. I don't think she saw that coming.

Not at all. And so Abby got the single date on that episode and they went and they did that Matt's movers. What was that? They moved house. And of course there was going to be a bed. That was the most budget single date I have ever seen in my entire life. Literally, art department were like, oh, frig, we've got no money left. Oh, well, just all we need is a bed. Throw that in there. We'll see what happens. Babe, I played foot golf.

It's a made-up sport. It's a made-up sport. Did you, like, what, a golf ball? That was all they had for a budget? No, it's not a golf ball. It's a soccer ball on a golf course. Oh, wow. But that was so funny.

Also budget. You saw it coming. you saw they were going to trip onto the bed and it's like a sort of like a corny rom-com a little bit it really was it was like watching an episode of friends yes but not as good not as well not as funny so off friends what yeah i don't know there's so many like who are you there's so many dated references it's just so homophobic all the time that's totally another podcast you need to just accept it for what it is and when it was who's the one that is it ross that has the kid and then he's angry that his kid likes Barbie.

Rossi's my least favourite character. It just makes no sense to me. But Rachel is my, if I could be anyone in Hollywood, I would be Jennifer Aniston. For a series called Friends, those friends are actually pretty shitty towards each other and I don't really like it. Anyway, that's my thought on Friends.

Dude, one of them surrogated twins for the other one. All right, that's a pretty nice thing to do. Clearly didn't watch enough of it. I just watched one episode and I was like, this is really homophobic. I don't like this. And I turned it off. Let's get back to the banter a lot.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Anyway. Sorry, guys. I know you've come here for my opinion on 90s TV shows. So you're right. Let's go back, cut friends. Anyway, we're in this little fantastic furniture and they're having a romp on the bed. What are your thoughts on bed romping?

Well, I mean, is there a better place to romp? My question is, what are your thoughts on Abby and the way that she has been edited? Oh, I think she's been edited probably a lot harsher than she deserves. and I think she probably has drawn a bit of a short straw because when you think about it, I tried to really put this into perspective. I don't think she's actually done anything that's that nasty or mean.

All she's done really is been very confident in who she is and what she wants and very sexual. I was thinking this the other day as well. She's not actually done anything really wrong. Whereas all of our villains in the past have always done something wrong. They've always been actually mean people as villains. Well, she's done a few little things like cutting the other girl's grass where she's quickly going cutting in front of them to take Matt and doing things like that.

That is just not fantastic. But in respects to that, though, she says, well, I'm here for Matt and I'm not here for my friendships with these girls. She's been honest about it. She's like, yeah, I'm selfish because she's caught a spade a spade. She has throughout the whole thing. We as a population just haven't really accepted that. Yeah, I do think, though, that they are keeping a lot of her sexual advances in. And I had this conversation with Matt because I sort of said, oh my God, she's so over the

top. Like I never said anything like that to you. And Matt said to me the other day, he was like, Laura, do you not remember on our last date, we were on like some kayak thing in the middle of Thailand. I remember that. And I told him I wanted to sit on his face and then obviously never made it to air. Did you? You little hornbag.

I know. I was half joking. No, I was being super inappropriate. but that's also because I'd spent three and a half months with a lot of sexual tension and I said it as a joke I really did say it as a joke but obviously they could have used it hello there was probably a little bit of something in there but they could have used it and they chose not to use it had they chosen to use that that would have absolutely crucified me and made me look like such a little vixen by omitting details you can make someone look amazing and by including every

bad detail you can make someone look really shitty and so I think we need to keep perspective on this sometimes that the people who come across as amazing aren't necessarily that amazing and the people who have come across as really really bad aren't necessarily that bad everyone kind of evens out somewhere in the middle definitely i agree with that so chuffing right along to the cocktail party along and ellie chuffs off home the nation's heart cries everyone breaks down everyone's in uproar uprising i don't know all the things ellie's gone home look they're not they weren't happy She's going to find herself a bloody great country bumpkin out there and she's just going to be fine, guys.

She's going to be just fine. She had a great run on the show, so she's got nothing to worry about. She's a beautiful girl and I think she got a great edit. She's a really, really lovely, lovely, likeable person and I think there's a good chance she could be Bachelorette, Brittany. Britt is like, no, she will not be because I will be Bachelorette. I will kill that girl. I was not thinking that, but I mean, hey.

Interesting. I'm calling it. Okay, who was your standout hometown? I thought they were quite uneventful. to be honest. Yeah, they really were, weren't they? I mean, in terms of what they actually did, I went and raced camels down the beach with Nick. Yes. They went to the pub and had a drink and then they went to a pool and had a swim. It was just a bit different. I think on our season, Sophie went jet skiing and I think we had some more exciting things. Yeah. I feel like they don't have the

budgets though. I mean, like going back to Abby who moved house and had a bed date, I feel like they've really sort of stayed true there and they're like, well, what can we do today? We're in Melbourne let's go sit in a pub it was Abby's was up first it was quite awkward I found the whole thing the kissing in front of those two masseuse I nearly died and you could see them trying to stifle their laugh they were trying and they were looking at each other like what do we where do we look it was actually a bit disrespectful don't you think very much on both behalf 100% but I don't think they actually spoke the whole date from the moment they got into the pool it was kissing kissing kissing romping kissing and then they went to the lounge and it was kissing

kissing kissing she's saying it's only natural which maybe it is in some respects but the unnatural thing is that you've got a massive film crew who is filming you make out whilst you've got two masseuses trying to give you a massage the thing is weird it was all too much yeah and then after abby's hometown whose hometown was it i've forgotten so we had chelsea in melbourne boring i love chelsea but god that was a boring they literally went to the pub and had a drink and And that was it. It was cute though that Matt was like, oh, I can see how our lives would seamlessly fit together because on the weekends I sit in bars.

It was so funny. All right, Matt. You and me both. Budget was low. And 98% of the rest of the population who you could date. And then they had this really lovely dinner and I did feel for Chelsea in this moment when they were saying their goodbyes. She could tell that she wanted to say she loved him or was falling in love with him

and she just couldn't get it out. And I know at this point you're really encouraged to talk about your feelings. so she would have wanted to try and bless her because i didn't do it either she couldn't get there so i really felt for her in that moment because i have been there where you've worn you've had feelings and you've wanted to say it but you're not at the point of saying i love you so i think what she did was fine oh i think that her hometown as much as i say it was boring it was pretty delightful her family are lovely her sister is lovely her sister was pretty hard ass but he yeah but she was still lovely like she softened at the end and i think she was just

being protective which was a nice quality that she had and I also think that realistically Matt will fit in with that family and with Chelsea's life way more than anybody else that's left so I really did as much as I criticize it because I mean I love Chelsea's hometown well then in complete contrast to that we had Emma's hometown in Sydney yeah where she basically wanted to have his babies tomorrow. She was like, I'm going to move to Melbourne right now. We're getting married here. I bought this tuxedo. We're ready. This is my friend. They're also a marriage celebrant. Yeah. We're doing it now. Surprise. It was, it was a lot, wasn't it? Look, I, I, but she's always been open about it too. She's always been open that she loves love,

that she's looking for that. She wants it. She felt it with Matt. So everybody feels things at a different rate. Whilst I wouldn't feel something that quickly, it's okay that she did. But I think For Matt, that's scary at this point. Also, it can be a bit difficult at hometowns when you don't bring your actual family, when you're bringing friends. And the fact that her family's overseas, it sets you at a bit of an unfair disadvantage. I remember when it was our season and Florence brought her friends and then Florence was the one who went home.

And in this situation, Emma's the one who went home at this cocktail party. Because I think for the bachelor, it's much easier to send someone home who he's lukewarm, interested in, if he's only met their friends, it's much harder to send someone home when you've met their mum, their dad, their sister. I think it's a bigger responsibility. Yep. And then, of course, there's always one.

It was mine last year, but Eleanor's hometown, D'Urama. It derailed, didn't it? Got a bit too much, actually. I really liked the suspense the first time around where she was like, I don't know if I can do this, and then he talked her into staying. But then when she came out a second time, I was like, really? we we're doing this again so anyone that didn't watch it Eleanor tried to leave basically Matt forgot what happened on their red carpet meeting he forgot that Eleanor spoke French to him if Nick

had forgotten your red carpet meeting would you have been offended probably a little bit yes actually it's your first moment and your first impression so if you left that much of an impression you're not going to forget it that's what I think surely if you're there at the end there must have been something about your experience that stood out. It's a big deal. I think it's a big deal. That was a bit alarming for me as well. And so I do think that she felt like it's definitely not going to be me at the end. So why am I sticking around to get dumped by this guy? He didn't really put in the effort to keep her there. He didn't beg her. He didn't convince her. I think he was more like, oh, okay, well, maybe this is my easy way out.

I agree. I don't think that he was, I think that if he was really keen on Eleanor and she was going to be the one at the end, he would have put in a bit more of a red hot go. I just, I didn't feel it from Matt really. Ultimately the decisions come down to the bachelor and if he wants you there, he will make sure that you are there. It is the bachelor's choice. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. And so then on that episode, see you later, Emma. We are down to our final three and I am so excited for this week. I know I said I wouldn't sing again, but there you go. I can't wait. It's gone really quickly it's gone really really quickly but i can't believe that tomorrow night thursday night is finale and matt's gonna be with the woman that he chooses and they can be out a love story out

happy and proud for chelsea for abby and for elena like this is the most stressful period because you're watching your final moments play out on screen and australia yeah good luck girls i'm freaking excited to watch this episode green baby laura did you know that seven in ten young people experience cyberbullying and 26 of young people who have experienced cyberbullying have reported feeling suicidal that is bloody ridiculous and something we never had to deal with growing up because we didn't even have the internet i remember the internet coming in what a day that was hey that was a great day probably ordered pizza Wait, could you order pizza online then?

I don't think that those functionalities existed. I didn't say online. I had my dial up. There you go. Well, I remember in school when we got the internet for the first time and my email address was tropigirl123 because I am a tropical kind of girl. I was also about 15. Oh, my God, you're a loser.

Don't bully me. That's what we're talking about right now, Brittany. But unfortunately in this day and age, Laura, the reality is, and I don't need to tell you this, but we spend more time online than ever before. it's time to talk about the effects this has on individuals more openly and honestly and that's why i want to talk to you all today about jesse nelson from uk band little mix and the documentary that she has just released on bbc one odd one out i loved this documentary britney i thought it was amazing i i wasn't sure because i'm not a huge fan and this maybe will be a little bit polarizing

for some people but i'm not a huge fan of little mix the band but i love what that documentary stood for and basically what jesse was trying to portray is that when they won x factor back in do you remember what year that was 2011 so when they won x factor back in 2011 which should have been the best day of her life this is the day that her all of her dreams came true all of the hard work all of the things that her life was culminating in she should have been celebrating and instead she was just reduced to an absolute shell of a person because of all of the online hate that she was receiving where people were writing to her saying that she was the fat one from Little Migs. They were calling her horrible, horrible names and she was being totally judged based on

her looks and nothing about the quality of her singing or the fact that she had just won X Factor in the UK. Basically, she went from zero to 100 so quickly. She was working in this bar in a little town and she didn't have a lot of money and all of a sudden, she's finding herself standing on stage winning X Factor. And she actually says in the documentary, I should have been the happiest of my life. And all I wanted to do was get the hell off the stage and get home to bed because the harassment and the trolling and the toxic comments she had gotten from the day she basically started that journey had finally got to a tipping point. And she just didn't even want to be there anymore. And to me, that broke my heart. The thing that I found so interesting about this as well is

that she was saying that when she worked in a bar and when she had more of a simple everyday life she was really happy with the person that she was she never was self-conscious about the way she looked you know she was quite happy with the way that she looked and she was quite happy with the person that she was and it wasn't until she had reached this level of being a celebrity that she started to unravel and started to question her self-worth because so many people had come at her and said you're not worthy of what you're at and you're not worthy of who you are because you're not attractive and her value as a person all boiled down to that she was made to feel like the ugly one from little mix and she said it got to the point where she just stopped turning up for

work she stopped meeting the band members she stopped going to events she's actually there were a few concerts that they showed performances where they showed her speaking to the audience everyone was happy and then she would just break down in tears and she couldn't do it because she became so emotionally vulnerable all she would think about when she was sitting on the stage was what people were seeing when they looked at her they no one cared what she was saying or her voice or anything it was just about her appearance one of the things i think is really interesting from this documentary as well is that it makes it very clear that it's not just celebrities who are victims to online bullying jesse speaks about the fact that she didn't have social media and

instagram or anything when she became part of the band but in that journey they sort of made her there are a lot of people that will say, well, you've put yourself in that spot by putting yourself in the spotlight, but that's not necessarily true. For anybody that chooses to be in the spotlight, that's not putting a big sticker on your forehead saying, hey, I'm in the spotlight, attack me. The issue with Instagram now and with being someone who is a public figure is that you can't really get to this position of being a public figure without having social media. So they kind of coexist. There's very few people who are celebrities, who are modern celebrities who have come up during the era of social media who don't have

that platform because that's how their fans engage. That's how they're able to actually start to leverage a platform and grow as a celebrity. So it's easy to say, oh, well, they should just delete their social media. It's not possible when you're in that position to just delete your social media. The only thing that you can do is to put fail-safes in place like logging off or not reading the comments or having someone externally manage your social media page so that you're not reading those comments. But to sort of say that they don't or shouldn't have it, it means that they couldn't actually do their career properly without it either.

Well, there are a lot of, and I know this firsthand from people that I know in the industry, there are a lot of casting directors and agencies that will literally, might not hire the better actress, but they might hire the actress or actor that have a bigger social media following. Absolutely. Because it's free advertising. Totally. Basically, Jessie describes that she almost became obsessed with reading these negative comments.

So she would literally wake up first thing in the morning and all she would do is roll over and start reading. She couldn't stop. Now there was this one performance coming up and all she wanted to do was lose weight for the performance because she knows that everyone calls her fat, which mind you, she absolutely was not. If anyone can go and have a look at her, she's so far from fat and ugly. It's ridiculous.

She starved herself. She literally ate nothing until she felt faint. She might eat like a biscuit for a week because all she wanted to do, she said, I didn't care if anybody thought my performance was great. I just wanted somebody to comment and say, oh my gosh, she's lost weight. She's so skinny now. So then this was sort of the performance that pushed her over the edge because after this, there were a bunch of tweets saying how ugly she was, but there was one from Britain's

royal commentating bitch, Katie Hopkins, that we spoke about last week. Yeah. We spoke about Katie Hopkins in our Meghan Markle episode. Coincidentally. Completely. Her comment or her tweet is what really put Jessie Nelson over the edge. so jesse's gone to try and starve herself and lose weight katie hopkins tweets directly after and says packet mix have still got a chubby in their ranks less little mix more pick and mix

and so jesse didn't even know that this tweet had been had come out and what had happened was that she sat down to do an interview the day after the show where she was feeling really really good about herself and one of the journalists had said to her oh did you see what katie hopkins tweeted about you last night and so even though she hadn't read it herself on social media she couldn't avoid the people were still talking about her in this negative light and that was the complete undoing of jesse nelson in this documentary she said that that's when she spiraled into a real depressive state it breaks my heart but that's when she thought i'm never going to be happy again so she tried to commit suicide and it was this constant barrage of nastiness online that changed

her perception and her self-worth to a point where she wanted to take her own life so speaking about the tweet uh jesse says all i remember feeling at that time is what is the fucking point i've starved myself for a week and i'm getting called fat i could be the skinniest girl in the whole world and this is just never going to go away and that was literally what pushed her to overdose she took a bunch of pills in her house and went to bed and just thought i can't deal with the pain anymore. And her saving grace, her then boyfriend who just said, what's wrong? Why are you upset? And she told him luckily, and they got help for her and got an ambulance. It's very easy to sort of spit vile on the internet and to not think about the repercussions

that that has. And it's so quick. There's a grotesque lack of accountability where we can log on to an Instagram. We can jump onto someone's profile in a very, very quick succession, write something absolutely hideous and then go out and get a pizza afterwards as though nothing happened at least back in the day when when we were at school if we were getting bullied someone would have to find us in the playground and physically say it to our face it was said to you and you could still remember it whereas with social media you can go back to that comment and you can reread it and reread it and if that comment isn't written on your page just say it's written on a post that someone else has posted over you you can't delete that you can keep

rereading these negative comments the onus is on the person to block which is just so unfair and it's also there's a difference with now somebody coming up to you in a playground and saying you're fat and somebody saying it on a social platform to somebody that it could reach 50 million people yeah million people with instagram the flavor of bullying is changing so bullying isn't just one type anymore there's so many different ways that you can bully someone online now you can bully someone by sliding into their dms you can bully someone by excluding them from a group online you can even bully your ex by posting photos with your new partner if you want to and this subtle constantness of social media and this the fact that it's always on you ignore

that it exists the bullying is always there so kids these days who are at school being bullied they don't get to go home and then have a break from it they go home and they can go onto their computers or onto their phones and it's this constant it never switches off yeah that i think can really break people's spirits and i think people underestimate the power of words i was not very bullied at school to be honest but there's one comment i remember someone saying to me it's pretty funny they called me p head because i had a small head that's not funny that's horrible well i had a small head and i might like my head is quite small now but the point of this is i have remembered that forever yeah and i have a friend same thing at we were

the same age don't have a small head but the fact that someone said that to you now that's what you think but you think you have a small head oh see maybe i do and i was probably sick i have another friend and somebody said to them also at the same age you have more rolls than the bakery now when you're a kid you can laugh at that because that's funny because bakeries have rolls bread rolls but I know this girl has never forgotten that and she would wouldn't wear a swimsuit for 15 years it's because of one throwaway comment and people need to really remember how powerful your words can be yeah I totally agree it's so easy to be so casual in the way that we can leave comments and so I think of like the girls who are on The Bachelor and I know when I was on the series and

I'm sure you copped it as well but for example Abby so I went on to Abby's Instagram and I thought some of these comments are just vile the people who are writing them probably didn't even think twice about that comment they've been encouraged to do so by this mob mentality other people are doing it so therefore it's fine that I do it and it's not going to be my comment that tips someone over the edge well actually it might be your comment that tips someone over the edge or it might be a combination of all the comments you don't know where someone is at in their personal journey. And they might be really, really struggling. I just don't understand it. I have never in my life, hand on heart, can say I've never written anything nasty on somebody's post.

That's because you're a nice person, Brittany. And you're even so even-handed on this podcast. I say something bitchy and you're like, now, Laura, pull your head in. Let's re-record that. I just couldn't imagine. I could never imagine wanting to make somebody feel horrible about themselves you're assuming that everyone is as normal and considered as what you are this is something that i was told to me when i was in the bachelor and i think it was great advice you might pass someone on the street and that person could be a full-on smacky and by smacky i mean like a crack at it like they've got their own issues going on and their issues are in no way a reflection of what's going on with you that person might call out to you from across the street

and say you're fat and ugly right and you're going to walk down the street and go i'm going across the road and get the hell away from that person because they are crazy that exact person might say you're fat and ugly to you on social media but because they're under the veil of social media you believe it you read that and you think oh my god this person i don't know thinks i'm fat and ugly whereas had they said it to you in real life and in the context of whatever they're going through, you would think to yourself, I really don't care about that person's opinions. It doesn't affect me, but everyone is anonymous. It makes everyone even. We think everyone comes from the same position, but people who are writing these awful things, they're not considered.

They're not kind. They're not the sort of person that you would want to be friends with in the real world. So sometimes we need to take a step back and go, why do we care so much about the opinions of strangers? Why do we get so much validation from Instagram? On the other side of that, if you wouldn't, on the street, walk up to somebody and say, you're so ugly, I hope you die, what makes you think it's okay to write it? Yeah, I totally agree. Yeah, these keyboard warriors, they would, I can guarantee you, the people that say these things would never walk up to you on the street face to face and say this. Never. Especially if you were in a group, but they get this ridiculous courage and go and blurt it all out on social media did you hear that social media

so instagram specifically is bringing in a tool where it's got artificial intelligence so if it thinks that you're saying something that's bullying so if you write something in saying like you're fat and ugly it'll ask you do you actually want to post this and it will give you a second to consider the thing that you're posting in hope that some people will be considered enough to go actually do you know what that is mean i'm not going to post it i do like that facebook is making some changes however i do think those changes are not great enough i think we're too far down the pipeline of bullying in social media that they're not they're not catching up quick enough the leaps and bounds that facebook are making to prevent people from doing this on their platform are not

great enough yet there's also the age-old saying of treat people how you want to be treated and it's so true if you wouldn't want somebody telling you ripping you to shreds your appearance who you are as a person if you wouldn't want that why do you think it's okay to do that to somebody else when you were in the bachelor did you find that you received any online bullying did this happen to you specifically so i did receive some to be fair probably the least out of everybody so i can't complain but i'm still going to um because it wasn't nice so i was pretty event free until the very end and there were a few days towards the end which is when you actually reached out to me that's why remember because you were just seeing some stuff that was not nice um and but

the attacks on me i don't know if i should say luckily or unluckily luckily were not about my appearance but unluckily which could be worse it was about who i was as a person isn't that crazy that we value the way we look and what people think of our appearance more so than what people think of who we are as a person i think i was actually opposite in this i was so upset that people were attacking my character because I take a lot of pride in who I am as a person you could say what you want about my looks it'll still upset me but I'm more I'm more proud of who I am as a person and yeah you know the way I treat people and I always try to treat people well and people were just character assassinating me and the things I was saying one or two people had said

it at the start and I thought I can I can brush that off now people were saying the same things but every time someone added a comment it held a different weight to how it affected me yeah so someone said it once someone said it twice someone said it three times and I could brush it off but at the 500th time I thought oh my god I can't deal with this anymore they've done research studies on social media in that it is so addictive we are so addicted to the instant gratification that we get from validation from others so we post a photo we get likes and comments that affirmation makes us feel good. It releases dopamine. That is the exact same reward system that we get from gambling. It's a drug. And that we get from drugs. And sugar. Yeah. And sugar.

This is Brittany speaking with her Lipton nice tea on the table here. We are being rewarded for using Instagram. We are becoming obsessed with it and we are becoming addicted to it. It becomes problematic when we're seeking approval and complimentary comments from people who we don't know over the people who we actually do know in real life our friends and our family and this is so true but I remember my family saying to me and I think you said it to me and my friends everyone that knows you Brit knows that you're not like this and everyone knows you knows what sort of a person you are and that's all that matters and that's such a great thing to say and I did know that but there's still something different knowing I remember just thinking the world Australia hates

me right now and that's just a lot of pressure on anybody to think that you're just so thoroughly disliked in that moment so you know that their opinion doesn't matter and anyone that's been online bullied you you can be brave enough and strong enough and smart enough to know that these opinions don't have any substance but that does not change the fact that it weighs on you heavily yeah so how did you feel and cope when you were being because you were quite heavily trolled at that time of your bachelor finale weren't you yeah the unfortunate side of being on The Bachelor is that everyone is very black and white. People don't take the sort of position of, oh,

all these girls are really nice. I just want The Bachelor to be happy. They go, I like this girl and all the other girls suck and if you don't pick this girl, then you're an idiot. Well, you become a character. People see you as characters and they forget you're real. Totally. Yeah.

The fan favourite of our season wasn't me. The fan favourite of our season was Tara. And so when it came to our finale night, tara went home at number three and in the finale it was elise and i and so when our episode finished yes we did receive a lot of really positive and complimentary and supportive comments but we also received a hell of a lot of negative comments which seems crazy now because we're still together and we're so happy but we received comments from people telling us that they hope we had cancer that they hope we died you know that matt was an absolute idiot that you know he should have been

with tara and right so you know somebody if you know someone is sitting at home writing to you saying i hope you die just because you found love you know that they're an idiot don't you but it doesn't change that it hurts totally yeah and on that um so on the night that tara got sent home which was the third last episode i watch it with my girlfriends and i remember the onslaught of abuse sat happening towards Matt and towards me on our own private Instagrams because people had assumed then that that meant I had one. And I sat in my bedroom and I bawled my eyes out, hysterically bawled my eyes out because I should have been so happy to be able to start my relationship with this man I was in love with. But instead I sat there thinking, how on earth

are we ever, ever going to be able to make this relationship work when no one wants us to be together. And that's what it felt like. You feel like people don't want you to succeed. And I know that that's not the case. And now looking back, everyone is complimentary. I just think that people are very reactional and they don't think about what they're writing because they're angry. The show finishes, they're angry and they didn't go their way. And yes, it's this safety in numbers mentality that makes them think it's okay to write what they're writing because everybody else has written the same thing. Same thing with us. Brooke was the favorite from day one in ours and when she went home at number three also like tara that's when we all

started to cop it nick copped it a lot i mean ultimately he is there to find somebody that he wants to be with so their choices should be their choices but for sophie and i sophie i don't know how much she actually copped we both more just got like well of course he's never going to pick you guys now that brooke left so we got a lot of that but people just forget you're a real human basically that you're a character in a show everyone's vying for their character if their character gets booted off or then you know yeah the world is ending what do you think could be done to minimize bullying moving forward online it's education isn't it because there's only so much that you could instagram or facebook can do to monitor what people are saying well i disagree

i think that they can do a hell of a lot more if they have artificial intelligence which can ask you do you want to post this just like in our normal community in australia we have laws if you break those laws, you get punished. On Instagram and Facebook, there's really not that many laws because there's not a two-step verification process. I can just go and open up a new account for the new email address. Well, I do definitely agree. But my point is, it's almost like prevention is the best cure. We shouldn't have to be blaming them for not doing enough to stop people being nasty. We should be trying to stop the people being nasty. And I think that starts with our younger generation and just educating people. I totally agree with you.

and so that's what that's what i speak about when i speak to these youths with beautiful minds and that's why i love this company beautiful minds because they are going to tell us about what beautiful minds is britney well they're just going to the core so to school children and speaking to them about everything in mental health dealing with online and growing up but uh something i have spoken to them about girls particularly is being a kind person and knowing that every single thing you say to someone in real life and online will stay with them forever so i think that is a really huge thing we should be really getting into our youths so that the time they grow up they're not assholes yeah i agree completely but also instagram does have something that i put into

play when i was finishing the bachelor and that is you can type in keywords did you know that no yeah so you can type in keywords so i typed in i think i even typed in whale fat slut bitch whale every negative word that you could think of that someone might say to you that you don't want to hear you can type it in and it it will block those words so if someone's typing that sentence they get a warning oh so it doesn't block the word it stops them from actually posting that it will it will yeah like they'll no i think they get one warning and then it will be deleted wow okay yeah so it's like a bullying filter well that's amazing i don't know how accurate it is but i definitely put it on and i do think that those sorts of things need to be used because there has

to be the owners shouldn't always fall on the person who's receiving the abuse it shouldn't just be like oh you're being abused cool well you should block people because that's just not enough there needs to be some other systems in place so that the people who are copying the victims of this abuse have tools to be able to protect themselves and you know the crazy thing is too you just when you're a victim of that you can't win so you might think okay i'm going to delete the comment to protect myself and then another troll will come and say oh look at her she can't even handle it she's deleting her comments of course they're deleting their comments they don't want this negativity sitting on their page for them to look at every day totally so there's then

there's no way to win at the moment if you are having a really really hard time now this is not the end and it's not always going to be like this give yourself the opportunity for things to get better because anything that can spiral down can always spiral back up. A few other things you can do is to, you can always just block somebody, but you can also use this filter that helps filter some words if you're actually experiencing that length of trouble. You can also, there are apps you can do now that ban you from using Instagram or Facebook for a certain timeframe. So you can say, I only want to use it for one hour in the morning. Don't let me onto it for the day. Only to let me onto it for an hour at night so it's forced it's forcing you to limit your use yeah

and it's forcing people to break the addiction cycle thing i was thinking was interesting i thought if instagram can has artificial intelligence where they can stop people from writing comments that are bullying comments maybe they could go a step further and use that artificial intelligence to know when a photo's been photoshopped so for example if you've put your photo into facetune and you've smoothed your skin and pinched your waist in, then maybe in the future Instagram could set it up so that they're like, okay, we know that this has been doctored. So we're going to put a little symbol on this

so that people know that this is a Photoshopped photo. I was going to say there's no way they'll ever ban it, but that could be something. People are now even, I've seen a few accounts where people are actually Photoshopping themselves into destinations, like they're on holidays. They're not even on the holiday. Isn't that crazy?

It just shows you how much of social media is actually fake. But that's just so sad for that person. Turn off your phones, go to a coffee shop and meet some goddamn real people. On a serious note to tie this up, guys, almost half of Australians, literally 45%, will experience mental illness in their lifetime. That is a huge number. It's insane, isn't it? It's insane.

And it's not just cyberbullying and depression online. That's all sorts of depression, all age groups. in light of are you okay day which was last week yeah ties in so nicely to that it ties in nicely and i think that you shouldn't just have to wait for the one day to ask your friend or a stranger or a colleague if they're okay it can go a really really long way so if you're seeing any signs from anybody or if this discussion today has tapped into any feelings for you that are making you feel a bit unsettled or it has brought anything to the surface please speak to somebody there's also a lifeline number 13 11 44 that you can call guys it is time for our favorite part of the

episode ask uncut we have had so many people write in with their questions and it is amazing that you trust us with your relationship debacles because i mean we don't have any qualifications but we really thrive on giving relationship advice. So thank you for trusting us with this. Brittany has picked out two. I don't know what these questions are yet, so I'm coming in cold. Also, I'd just like to make a note. I know you say we don't have any qualifications, but goddamn, we got some experience. I have so much experience. It's frightening. Please come at me with the first question, Brittany. I've been on a few dates with this guy and I really like him. He was from Tinder. We got along so well and things felt really natural,

but after the last date, I wasn't really feeling it. He said that girls that have slept with multiple guys are sluts. He used that word so casually as though it meant nothing at all. I really hate the word and I felt a bit uncomfortable by it, to be honest. For me, that kind of gave me a bit of doubt about him and I didn't find it respectful at all. What should I do? Do I give him another go? Do I give him the flick? What are your thoughts, Laura? If you've walked away from that conversation with an irky feeling, this guy sounds like a misogynistic pig well i'm sorry but who is he to say if a woman has slept with multiple men she's a slut why is that any different than if a man sleeps with multiple women because he has double

standards yeah so i'm sorry listener i don't think this guy's for you i don't think this guy's for anyone their his thoughts because he's not going to find someone that is a 40 year old virgin well i mean he might he might he might but for him to be able to put labels on something like that is a way for him to one he's trying to test whether or not you have and to get your reaction from that by the sounds of things this guy is looking for someone who is submissive and subordinate to him i mean this is not the 1940s you can have whatever sexual partners you want it doesn't define you as a person it doesn't necessarily put you into any labeled category that you don't want to be in maybe you're exploring your sexuality to figure out what it is that you

want it doesn't mean that you're not going to then be in a committed relationship later on down the track and who is he to put that label on you and i'm sorry but anyone yeah if he went up to one of his friends and said how many people have you slept with and guys like oh i've just hit 50 can guarantee you he'd high five him yeah it's some really really biased slut shaming going on and i just think there are plenty of other guys to choose from if this is your early doors date and you're already experiencing things like this coming out of his mouth then he needs to check himself and you need to check yourself and check the hell out of there because this is not where this is not where it ends this is definitely where it starts yep it's basically a no from me

it's a big ass no from me okay i'm glad that we agreed on that one britney now number two number two this is a bit of a different one not necessarily relationship advice but i liked this because i think it's relevant the transition of turning 30 hitting an age and your life doesn't look like you thought it would how do you deal with that and manage your expectations of not being where you thought you would be? All right. So firstly, what I have to say to you, my friend, my dear listener is girlfriend, you are 30. You are not 95. As two people that are in their thirties, I think life begins at 30. And I'll probably say that again at 40. It really does. I wasn't where I wanted to be at 30 either. I was single. I was running around in circles with my business.

I had just dated a really, really questionable guy who treated me like I wasn't worthy of anything and now I'm in another position later in life and I'm really, really happy. Things change rapidly when you meet the right person. Things can click very, very quickly. You don't have to have timelines in everything in your life. You should be able to be happy and accepting of where you're at when you're there. So whatever it is that you're doing as a 30-year-old, you need to find happiness in that. I'm definitely not where I thought I would be at 30, but that's not a bad thing.

I potentially am in a better place than I thought I would be at 30. So sure, I thought I'd probably be married, white picket fence, maybe a child, probably 25 dogs, but I don't have any of that, but that's not a bad thing. So I'm not where I thought I would be, but I'm, you know, starting my own business. I'm doing this with you. I'm still traveling the world. I'm exploring new opportunities that I never dreamt I could have. and that's because I've been open to the opportunities

and accepting of what the universe is giving me. So you can't change the fact that you have just turned 30 and you're not where you thought you'd be. You can't change that. But you can go and work towards doing things to make you happy. Totally. Work towards where you want to be. Things can change in an instance.

You could be 30, you could be married, you could have a kid and all it takes is for one thing to go bad, for one thing to happen for your entire life to be thrown off course and for you to be in this exact situation where you you aren't where you thought you were going to be that's just life we can't control it and we need to be able to find happiness at every step along the way trust in the journey of your life and trust what is happening around you that you are exactly where you're meant to be definitely it's just a big part of trusting the universe really isn't it Yes. Trust, trust, trust. Guys, we feel so privileged that you trust us with your questions

and we will pick out some more questions next week to answer. So please, if you have some relationship or some life questions that you would like us to air on our podcast, then please go to our Instagram. It's at Life Uncut Podcast. You can slide into our DMs and send us a question. We will, of course, keep you anonymous and hopefully we'll answer it next week. All right, Laura, are you ready for our next segment, Suck and Sweep? I love Suck and Sweep. Britt, how was your week? I know you do.

My week's been really good, actually. I have zero complaints, but I'll just jump straight on in, hey, with my suck. Basically, people online dating are idiots. Oh, no, what's happened? What did you do? It's nothing I did. I love that you automatically think it was me. I, like, live through you for your dating stories, so please tell me more.

I could literally write a book on my life. How is online dating these days? What's the quality of men out there? I don't know if you can post-process and like put a beep in, but it's fucked up. We swear on this podcast, it's fine. All right. I'm going to be honest. It's fucked up.

Oh, it's too much. I'm not really dating anyone from there at the moment because these are the sort of openers I get. Oh, yes. I live for this. Yeah. So this is a baller, this one. first line he says i really think you are what you eat so when do i become you britney

now think that through for a minute do you get it wow okay hornbag calm down you will not be eating anything wow remotely close to me and that is disgusting can you but this is the thing this is all the time that hurts my brain yuck it hurt my ovaries i don't think he wanted to eat your ovaries britney he probably would have they're a bit far up inside there well anyway that's really really crass well i'm gonna say that how's your date good one you're welcome you're here all day that's so shitty do these lines ever work for anyone i wonder i wonder do you know what actually if you guys have some real banger opening liners from online when we say bangers brit's not trying to hit on you if you

have some cracker one liners write into us because i want to compile a few maybe and we'll read them out sometime so if you've got some real crackers send them in send us i would love to hear these as well yeah i might have to start compiling another one do you have some more oh my god i had so many but now put on the spot i can't think okay so that was your suck all right well give me your sweet because that was pretty gross can i say suck now after that because that was a pretty gross give me your sweet girlfriend all right my sweet's an easy one i stayed in bed today until about 10 30 a.m and i could not tell you the last time in my existence that that has happened i don't want to hear this from you this just doesn't mean no this is like you're gloating you can't say

to someone who has a three-month-old baby that you stayed in bed till 10 a.m i don't think i can say anything besides cry i don't even remember what sleep is anymore would it be better if i said something like i went for a walk in silence that hurts just as much doesn't it yes yes it does everything hurts i can't say anything to you just tell me that your nipples are cracked and it'll make me feel better. My nipples are amazing. Oh, for God's sakes, I'm going. And I don't wet my pants either. All right, Brittany, you're on your own. No, I've got a few sucks for this week. All right, bring in what you suck. Okay. So my suck for this week, it's not nothing to do with my nipples or my pelvic floor. Thank you very much. Um, my suck for this week is Matt and I

have both been really, really insanely busy with work and life and everything else. And I just feel like that's one area of my life that I have not been giving enough attention to. And I feel really guilty for that. Is Matt feeling neglected? I don't think he would ever say that he's feeling neglected, but I feel like I've neglected him. And it makes me feel bad, makes me feel like I'm a shitty partner, which I know I'm not. But the reality is, is that it's quite difficult sometimes to juggle work and baby and podcasting and relationshiping and all of the inging in your life and I just feel like a little bit at the moment that I haven't been giving Matt and our relationship the attention that it deserves and I feel guilty for that and so that is something I

know that I'm going to spend way more time on next week well I feel like now that you've voiced it and put it out to Australia you're also it's also going to make you want to work on it oh I already want to work on it I just was really conscious of it today like I you know I've been busy all day and I came home I just kind of like passed Marley to him then I ran out the door to come and do this and we've just kind of like had a kiss in the doorway on the way out and it just, I don't know, I just really had a bit of a reflection in the car on the way here where I thought I miss my partner and I want to spend more time with him.

You know, you don't get to spend as much time with your partner when you've got a baby because it becomes less about the two of you together and becomes more about survival. Yeah. Yeah, nice. Yeah. So what's your sweet? My sweet for this week, which actually is going to add to my suck,

unfortunately, my sweet for this week is that my sister and I and her little nephew or my little nephew that was weird so my sister and I and her baby so my nephew and Marley the four of us are going to Townsville on the weekend to go and stay with my dad which will be so nice amazing I haven't been to Townsville in so long my dad lives on a tiny island there called Magnetic Island does he so yeah he's like island life island life it'll be Marley's first time like in the ocean seeing sand and I'm just really stoked doesn't she ever go to bondo it's been cold it's been flipping cold no so i'm just excited to go and spend some time with my family right so my suck next week will probably be looking at all your magnetic island photos

great your suck next week will be that i'm not here to keep you company oh what am i gonna do what are you gonna do guys that is it from us even though we absolutely love doing this it's like a highlight of the week so if you enjoyed you know the deal you guys are the freaking best thank you for messaging us thank you for all your reviews if you haven't left a review then please do because it really helps us get the word out there i mean we're not doing this in conjunction with channel 10 or anyone else we're just doing this ourselves because we love having a chat and we love having a chat with you and we love love Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.