Life Uncut - Our First Friday Guest Ask Uncut! With Toni Lodge

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

Hey lifers! We know you love ask uncut! The data tells us that you love ask uncut. They’re our most popular episodes so we have decided that once a month (ish - give or take 😂) we are going to have a guest ask uncut on a Friday! When thinking of the guest line up there was one person that we all unanimously said YES to and it was Toni Lodge! Toni has joined the podcast before (you can listen/watch here). She also joined our live show a few years ago in Perth! Today she is here to answer your deep and burning questions but first we will start with the pettiest hill she’s willing to die on: It’s okay to use your windscreen washer whenever you like; even if there’s someone behind you. Then we jump into your questions! CAN I STOP AFTER I'VE COME?Is it okay for me to have sex with my partner until I come, and then just stop - if I can tell he won't come too? My partner comes about 1 out of 2 times we have sex - and he always has, since we've been together. It used to annoy me but now I accept his sex drive is lower than mine and also, he doesn't think it's an issue. We used to keep going regardless, for fun and because we both enjoyed it. But I'm tired and pregnant, and have a toddler, and I can tell if he won't climax in a session... sooo can I just roll off him when I'm done, or do I have to wait til he calls it quits, even if it takes ages?? CAN I SHAVE IN THE PUBLIC POOL SHOWER?So let me preface this by saying: I have two small children, work part time, study full time and take most of family mental load. I get very little time to myself and very rarely get to shower by myself or uninterrupted. Twice a week I go swimming at the local aquatic centre. It’s my time all to myself, no children. I go to a pool that does not have child facilities so it’s very much me having a grown up moment. I also go during the day when it is not very busy, so the change rooms and showers are all free (this becomes important later). The shower I have after my swim is bliss. I can close my eyes and pretend the hairballs and the foot fungus don’t exist and for a moment I can just stand there. No screams of ‘muuuuum’, no toddler telling me I have a hairy ‘pagina’, no husband fumbling around the kitchen using every pot we own to boil spaghetti. Bliss. So I do everything: I wash my hair, I scrub my body, I double cleanse my face and (this is the gross bit) I shave my legs. Is this considered disgusting? Is shaving in a public shower acceptable, given the circumstances? I’ve posted under a pseudonym because I’m not going to stop (just being honest), but I’m so interested to know your thoughts.   FOUND OUT DAD HAS ANOTHER CHILD AND I’M HURTOkay this might be a big one but I need some advice as I’m really struggling with this. I haven’t had a real relationship with my dad for years after he walked out on me and my family after an affair he had, I have always struggled with my relationship with him and it had been so back and forth for a long time and I was always the one to forgive him and give him chance after chance and would constantly have my heart broken fast forward to 6 years ago when I found out he has another child with the partner he cheated on my mum with, I recently have seen a photo of him with his new family and for some reason it has absolutely broken me, I feel as though I wasn’t enough and so he has replaced me. Although I have no relationship with him and that all ended up being on my end as I was over being hurt by him but I don’t know why I still feel so heartbroken over this revelation. Am I silly for feeling this way? RED FLAG TO HAVE A GIRL BEST FRIEND THAT HE DATED? I just recently started seeing someone. We are in our mid 20s.  We’ve been on about 4 dates and it feels really lovely and steady. On our last date, he told me about a girl best friend. We’re not at the stage of meeting each other’s friends yet, so I haven’t met her yet. He told me they’ve been friends for several  years, they go to uni together being in the same class, and they dated for a year before deciding it was a mistake. She has a boyfriend now. I appreciate him telling me about her, as if things progress we’ll be doing long distance and it would have been easy to hide. I didn’t feel anxious when he told me as he reiterated that the chapter is very closed, mutually. However he’s said they text every day. He was very understanding that it’s unconventional and he’s happy to answer any questions I have. I wanted to take a few days to think about the conversation before I had it. Is this a major red flag, and if it is, what should I be asking him about their relationship or what boundaries should I be putting in place? I don’t want to control his friendship, and he has invited me to meet her in a few weeks, but I’m nervous. You can find Toni on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I am Brittany. And we are doing things a little bit differently today. Now you guys know that Fridays are our interview episodes. However, I feel like we've interviewed every single person in the world since we've been doing this episode for six years. No, we haven't. There's no one left. There are plenty of people left we just decided obama hasn't said yes yet so like we've tried i'm still working on michelle okay i am still working on michelle but we've decided to do things a bit differently once a month we're going to have a celebrity guest join us to answer your ask uncut questions i mean we've looked at our own podcast data we know the ask uncut is our most listened to episode of the

week and so we thought what better way of structuring this than to do another ask uncut answering your questions but with someone who is also unqualified to answer the questions too just like us and today we have for our first celebrity cab off the rank we have australian author comedian superstar podcast host of the tony and ryan show tony lodge oh my god what a gas up i do love being compared in the same rank as michelle and barack i know it's very similar that's really done that for me we couldn't get barack but we got tony yeah Yeah, Barack's a bit more busy than me. He is busy.

He's got a lot on. He's got a lot. He's got a bit on. I do want to also add to that list of accolades, the best lasagna maker that I have ever experienced. Stop it. Did you bring my container in? You should have brought my dishes.

You won't get it back. You won't get it back. No, no. To give you guys context on this, so just after I had had Poppy, Ryan came to do Two Doting Dads and Matt records Two Doting Dads podcast in our house, in our lounge room, on the table. And so Tony got wind that Ryan was travelling from Melbourne across the States to our home, and I'd only think I had Poppy

maybe two weeks earlier. Tony was like, you cannot go to their house without taking a dish. Ryan goes, we can't go empty-handed. So, yeah. You could have taken a swaddle. Well, no, I much preferred a meal. I also own a swaddle company, so don't give me swaddles. So true.

Terrible idea. She made a valid point. It was the first thing that came to my head. The marketing's working. If that's the first thing she thought of. Dude, main mood, 20% off. No, if my own co-host doesn't know that I have a business, I think I need to fucking prop that one up a bit more.

I was just trying to put a baby thing out there, all right? God, Tony, you could have come with a fucking crib, Tony. Yeah, sorry. I could have come with a car seat. Instead, Tony, no, Tony didn't. Ryan came with a lasagna. A lasagna that was taken on the plane. It was put in overhead baggage.

It travelled the distance of time. and it came to my home and we ate it all. No, it came here first. We interviewed him here on that day. He brought the lasagna here and I was like, can I have some of that? And then took it to yours, I think, yeah. It did the rounds. I would like to know how long was that lasagna out of the fridge for?

So I was really surprised you guys ate it because I was like, oh, maybe they shouldn't eat it by the time that it gets to the fridge somewhere. So I think Ryan left Melbourne at like 6 a.m. And you got it at? 4 p.m., I think. 3.30. Say he left his house at 6 a.m. and was on the plane at 7.30.

So nine hours. Probably came out of the fridge at 6 and then went into the fridge for. I would love you to know, though, it was delicious. I appreciate that so much. Heated it up with the extra hot saucepan and it was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Killed all the germs. Not the microwave?

No, we actually put it in the oven. I'm lying. We just put it in the oven and heated the whole thing up. Okay. Went for gold. Yeah. Did you make it or did you do the thing where you pretend to make it? No, I made it.

And do you know what? Because I was like, this is just a bit. They're not going to eat it. Should I just, like, slap some stuff together and not do it the right way? And Torb's my boyfriend. He goes, you've got to give them the full. He's like, what if they do eat it? And I was like, you're so right.

So I'm like, like a nonna on a Sunday, I'm like cooking up the sauce. I'm like cooking up the sauce. I made that bechamel from scratch. Mate, it was so good. Thank God you actually put effort into it because I would have been like, why the fuck did they fly across the country? No, you would have loved it anyway. I used to the reason I asked this is like I remember trying to impress a guy once that I

he really wanted someone that could cook I can't cook I hate cooking and when I first met him I was like yeah I'll cook you something for a date yeah of course can't fucking cook to save me so I just went worst thing to fake I went and just bought a plate of sushi and then I bought the seaweed things splat the seaweed things around the kitchen bench so it looked like I'd been making them and then just served him a plate of bought sushi and was like I made them like I'm like I'm a Japanese He's trained five-year chef. Oh, no, I was like 25. I dated him for quite a while.

Was he confused as to why you never made him sushi but the sushi down at the local shop looked really similar to the one you made? He's like, I love that. That's just like yours, babe. Like, so bad. I just thought you might have done that with the lasagna. Yeah, well, I thought about it and then I was like, no,

because what if they eat it like I want it to be good? And I'm glad that I did. It was great. Thank you. You're so welcome. And I also really want to let you know, because that's our number third kid, by the time you have three children,

and people stopped bringing food. People don't give a fuck. No one brought a single dish. You got Marley spoon. That's true. I made it, but I had to fucking cook that myself, didn't I? It doesn't come made. When we had Marley, I thought you were about to say Marley.

Me too. And I was like, oh, no, yeah, she owns that as well. When I gave birth to Marley, our freezer was full, overflowing. This time around, no one cared. And that's the only reason you had it. Literally, I'm still eating those meals. Do you also feel like a bit ripped off? because when you have your first kid, it's the meals and the stuff,

but it's also just, like, the baby shower. And, like, by the time you get to your second, third kid, people go, well, she doesn't need another. Laura had three baby showers. To be fair, I had a baby shower. My friends threw me a surprise baby shower. That's nice. But it wasn't – it was just for the experience of the lunch.

There wasn't, like, loads of presents. But I don't want – I was like, don't buy me anything. I don't need it. We have everything we need. She owns all the companies. I own a baby company. Baby Bounty. imagine owning baby bunting that would be crazy should we go three way split i really need a

business venture yeah we've got to come up with something guys you guys are both doing okay you've got a business it's called tony and ryan you've got one it's called life on cart we're all the stuff going on which you named after me by the way i don't even have a carton of it you know it's very upsetting but you should meet may they're really nice hey when are you getting married i don't know i don't know i think that we'll do something so we're having a big hens party show in london so it's like one night only like a hens party um and it's like a sit down theater show and ryan and i gonna do a song like we've just written this whole show which we're really excited about oh my god that sounds amazing we've never done a live

show before have you not no wow yeah we've never like gone on tour on our live yeah so i did your guys live show and i was like that is so fun we should do that yeah i wish you would do one here i would come oh yeah well we were like oh we'll just do one night like see how it goes so the tickets are on sale now a little plug but they're we're doing that and then i was like well should i get married then as well why don't you get married on stage at the show i've been officiated on the live show that'll really sell some tickets yes i'll be like oh and we're picking one person to be the witness so what if you what if you've got yeah but you have to buy a $10 ticket to get yeah you have to get in what if you yeah what if you got married over there in london we looked

and i just like i'm very anti-admin and when i looked at what is involved in the overseas marriage yeah like my i take my hat off to people that do it like it's crazy it's why i didn't get married at my Bali wedding because I also looked into the admin and I was like that is the too hard basket yeah a Brit's fake wedding I had a fake wedding yeah and I just I'm like well I barely want to plan one day I don't know if I could do two I don't know if I could do the admin day and the proper day so I think that we'll just do something really small in Melbourne because we love where we live and you know and then do a little holiday maybe later in the year or Tony described it as like doing something fun and silly silly and fun silly and little or wasn't it

Little and silly. I love it. Because there's like this new, I can't remember what it's called, but it's like a little Vegas chapel in Melbourne. Is there? Yeah, it's cool. Fuck, I can't remember what it's called. But they've got like, it's really colourful.

And I was like, that sounds so fun. Like. That's you. It feels you. Yeah. I also love, like, I've never heard anyone describe their wedding days, which is going to be something silly and little. It's like how you describe going to mini golf.

Totally. Sorry, I'm such a chill girl. I love it. I'm such a girls girl. Yeah. I'm so. And, Tony, we do have you here to answer all of the very important Ask Ellen Cut questions.

I know we have work. We've got people who need us. Yes. And all of our unqualified advice. But we do have a question for you to start this off, which we're going to ask every guest, and we really only just decided it 10 minutes before we hit record. I was part of the brainstorming process.

Tony had to snowball the questions. We're like, hey, thanks for being first cap of the rank. Can you produce this episode for us? And it's an absolute pleasure. Thank you. We'll pay you extra for that. No, we won't. We didn't give you anything.

I hope that Keisha doesn't think I'm coming for her gig. What if she thinks that I'm stepping on her toes? She'll cut all that. She edits it. All right, question number one. This is for you. This is actually the only question that really is for you from us. It is, what is the pettiest hill that you're willing to die on?

That I think it's fine to wash your windscreen in the car if there's a car behind you. You know how? Okay, so I actually saw this in a Life Uncut group like five years ago and it has stayed with me. Do you troll our group for your content? No, no, no, no, no. And it stayed with me.

And it was like, oh, people who wash their windscreens in traffic are so inconsiderate. The water goes on the other car. And it was like this person, this Life Uncut listener, went on this huge rant, right? And it has fully stayed with me. And so for years I was like, oh, if you're going to wash your windscreen, like, you know when you, like, pull the thing back?

And the water comes flying. Yeah. I'm just going to do that wherever I want. I don't care. Sorry, for years I was like, I'm not going to do that. But now I'm just like, no. No, I'm just going to do it. I think it's so stupid.

I can't be thinking about another thing. I also think that that person really needs to get a grip. I'm so sorry. I know you're in our own group and I love you. But really, like all the things that you could be worried about that's happening in the world. There's tariffs in the Trump administration. The Epstein files.

And we're worried about the car wash. No, there is an etiquette, isn't there? But that's one that I never realised. And I will admit I've always been doing that and I didn't realise that it upset people. Guys, it's water. you literally in the rain all day if anyone has an issue with some flicks of water coming from the car in front all right if it gets me then i'm like thank you i'll give mine a quick spritz

thanks for the reminder you pay it forward you pay it back yes take one pass it on all right tony we're gonna give you some questions from our listeners number one only bad advice no don't do that no number one can i stop after i've come is it okay for me to have sex with my partner until I come and then just stop. If I can tell that he's not going to come as well, sometimes I just get over it. My partner comes maybe one out of every two times that we have sex. Okay. Yeah. So that's 50%. Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah. The tariffs. He always has been like this ever since we've been together. And I've just accepted that his sex drive is lower than mine, even though it does annoy me. He doesn't seem to think it's an issue. Now we used to keep going regardless for fun.

and because we both enjoyed it, but I'm tired. So fair. I'm tired. I'm also pregnant and I have a toddler. And if I can tell that he's not going to climax in the session, I will just roll off him when I'm done. So is that okay or do I have to wait until he finishes? I actually think it's fine.

I think it's fine, especially if he's like, he's like, oh, I know that I don't always come and I think that's okay. then is is there like a code word where he goes oh but i'm probably not going to like like pineapple yeah like do you not discuss it just because he doesn't come might not mean he's not enjoying the experience that's true if you just if you just orgasm and then roll off him and go to sleep he might feel used but also imagine how you might feel if the tables were turned well i think that that is like you know when you're dating and if a guy comes and he's like did you get there i'm like fuck i'm not even close like i'm barely in the bed and then you're like even off yet and then

it's it's over and you go oh like women have been dealing with not coming for centuries this is true is this is this how come up and no pun intended i think that it's a conversation maybe it's just a conversation beforehand of like look i really want to be having sex with you i know that you don't always come you please don't feel the need to keep going unless you need to unless unless you want to if you're doing if you're having a great time i'll enjoy it but if you're just doing that for me just know that i'm not yeah but i don't think he's doing it for her i think he's doing it for him and what if he doesn't know if it's which 50 50 it is what if he doesn't know until like what if you've got to keep going then you'll be like oh it's not going to happen or it's going

to happen but like he's enjoying it sex isn't always about the destination it's about the journey oh that's that was that was really deep that's beautiful i'd be pretty sad if this happened to me like if matt just came then rolled off and went to sleep thank you ma'am yeah yeah well i'm done i think you would feel sad i understand though you are pregnant and this is what got you into that situation in the first place so yeah but she's safe for the rest of that period for only coming one every two times i mean congratulations on falling pregnant well done that's amazing that does make it harder stats what are those stats one half 50 half again but also you know when sometimes you're like oh i'm probably not like don't hang on for me

because I don't think I'm going to, you know, that happens. Do you know what the funniest one is? You know when sometimes, and men take this as offense, sometimes as a woman you might come the same way all the time. Sometimes it's not going to happen. And you just know your body's not going to get there. But when you say like, sometimes I'll say to Ben, I hope he doesn't mind me saying this,

sometimes if I know it's not going to happen for whatever reason, I'm like, baby, it's not going to happen. They almost take it like challenge accepted. Yeah. And you'll keep trying. I'm trying to be honest with you. Yeah, I was like, no, it's really not. Like we keep going.

Oh, good. He's like, no, we will get there. and I was like, we will not. I reckon that fades. It's not a challenge. I reckon that fades. If I was like, I'm not going to get them, I would be like, sweet job done.

Nice. That's like, thank God. After nine years, like he's not trying to prove anything anymore. No, Ben's determined to please. It's great. It is great. Yeah, yeah, that's nice. But I think I agree with you.

I think it should be a conversation or that is there a safe word where you go, I'm probably not going to come, but like, are you just doing this for my benefit? but if you're having a great time then great the only problem is though that can't be raised during because you can't say if you've come and then you're like hey where are we at he knows you're actually not into it because like otherwise so I think it has to be done midway point it can never be done in the moment it has to be done beforehand it has to be like you know at the moment I'm really tired you know what I get even more sensitive after I've orgasmed so for me sometimes

it's a bit overstimulated whatever if I can make something up I don't care but take that that sounded very good but you could say if you're not going to get there don't feel like you have to keep going for me in that situation yeah and then if the situation occurs and arises you can't as he's you know going to pound town be like do you reckon you're gonna get there because I am done yeah I reckon you can so I just agree I can say that in the moment all right I have said that well because then you'll turn around and be like well I was but I'm not now yeah like are you putting a timer on it yeah you ruined it for him i also think it's relative to how long he likes the fun so like if he knows he's not going to come but it feels good there still has to be a

time limit on it like you can't be gone for an hour you got a baby you're tired you're pregnant like it's got to be like a 10 minute cap surely do you know what though is that i wish i have some friends i i have some friends who literally are like our sex goes for an entire hour he takes an hour to come an hour how old are they to do our age really i know no one has time or energy for that my i get hip cramps and stuff i know i definitely cramp up i have a limit yeah anyway okay so the answer is no you can't just roll off i know i don't think you can just roll off but i think that if you have a chat about it or go like hey like you and it doesn't have to be like how you're going it can be like oh so how you you know you could do it in a sexy way yeah you can

tell that i don't do that ever i've never dirty talked in my life how do you think it's going what would you say if you're gonna dirty talk give it a try oh no i can't i actually she's like i can't there's actually zero that embarrasses me except like i just can't do it does it give you the cringe it's not that i don't like it i just can't hear myself saying that because i'm like oh who's that are you like a daddy girl no no like call me and no fucking shade but no i just couldn't call me a dirty little slut go oh don't pressure her you're bullying our guests laura call me a dirty little slut see it just doesn't suit me it was pretty hot oh thank you so much it actually was i feel awkward thank you i feel like you made me do it the reason why i sympathize with

this is because i'm exactly the same like i like it being said to me but if you actively asked me to say things back my whole body's like i just yeah i just changed like oh oh i can't i dated a guy who loves dirty talk yeah and he'd be like he'd want me to describe his manhood and i was like i actually fucking can't i'd rather if if we're having sex and i'll tell me you want me what would you say oh i could say i want you but like even that just feels weird i just i just fully like freeze up yeah you dry out panties are on no not even that it's more just that i'm like oh yeah i just freeze i'm like oh there's so many people who relate to that all right i'll never i'll never make you dirty talk to me again oh your feet are out and everything and you're not

my feet are always out all right this question i think is going to be an easy one but let's see here you go so let me preface this by preface let me preface this let me come on your face let me pre come on your face let me preface tell me you want me i i read this like right now i don't even know that the camera can see you laura's like a laptop like this she's like so let me preface this by saying i have two small children i work part-time study full-time and take most of the family load whoa i get very little time to myself and very rarely do i get to have a shower by myself or interrupt it so he goes twice a week i go swimming at the local aquatic center it's my time all to myself no children i go to the pool that does not have child facility so it's very

much just grown-up time i also go during the day when it's not very busy i don't this level of detail is probably not that important but here we are it's painting the picture though we get it yeah so the change rooms and the showers are all free this is important for later the shower i have after my swim is absolute bliss i can close my eyes and pretend that there's no hairballs no foot fungus none of that exists just for a moment i can stand there and enjoy the silence no screaming no mom wipe my bum no toddler yelling at me no one asked me why i have a hairy vagina and that was from a husband no husband fumbling around in the kitchen using every pot that we own to boil some fucking spaghetti bliss so i do everything i wash my hair i scrub my feet i scrub

my body i double cleanse my face and i also shave my legs shave other things is this considered disgusting is shaving in a public shower acceptable given the circumstances she even posted this under a pseudonym like a pseudonym because she was like i'm not going to stop but i want to know if people think that this is disgusting i reckon if i walked into a public shower and i saw someone like shaving their legs or whatever like using a foot file you know like all of those things I'd probably be like oh that's pretty weird but not because they were doing that because I'd be like I wouldn't want to do it in a public shower is there a door is she private or is it in one of those long ones where you just stand under and everyone can see that's what I'm picturing I don't think she's in

the woman's bars I think that she's like I think she's in a private cubicle but I think it's more just that even though it's a private cubicle it's more the fact that it's a public space and the Other people are using it and other people are in and out all the time. Hear me out. Is it that different to doing it in a hotel? Like there are people churning through that every day and you're still showering in that bathroom. People are having sex in there and doing all sorts of stuff in there.

I don't know. It would be weirder if I think it was open and you just cocked a leg up on the wall and you were like shaving and shaving your hairy vagina. But I think if you're just in a shower cubicle, I reckon you can go for gold. I think you can do anything you want in there. I think it's fine. And the thing I find weird about it is that I'm like,

I would rather do that at home because traipsing all your shit back and forward or whatever. She's got a whole caddy. Like, you know, you've got your fucking women's razor, pink tux, and you've got, you know, like your fucking, your St. Ives apricot scrub. You also need the shaving cream. You know, you've got all your shit with you. That's more, I'm like the admin of that.

But no, I think go for gold, bitch. And also fucking working full-time, full-time student, 800 kids and a hairy vagina, I mean. She's not thriving. Take the time. You are thriving. I can't believe you're doing all that and still going to the pool to exercise?

Is she actually swimming or is she just going to have a shower? I think she's just going to have a shower. Okay, establish the hairy legs. Can you shave your feet? Maybe I can go and do that. Who has hair on their feet? No, not on your toes. When I say, sorry, shave your feet, I don't mean with a shaver.

I mean like you're going to scrape your feet. If you're going to do an everything shower, can't you grate your feet there as well? That one makes me feel a bit sicker. I'm asking for me. I know. It all washes down. Yeah, but chunks of like, I made a grave error a couple of days ago.

I was at the beach and I really need to go to the bathroom and where I was didn't have my shoes. And I was like, oh, it'll be fine. I'll just run in. Oh, I was in there nearly vomiting. I was like, what have I done? But I'd already committed, obviously. But I was like, I think the feet, chunks of your feet, heels, scabby,

yellow, dried skin. I think that might be a limit for me. Just wear, do you know what though? If I'm going to have a shower at like a pool shower, I will always wear thongs. And that has been ingrained in me, like rubber shoes in the shower. Because as a kid who was a swimmer, if you don't do that, you will get plant awards. Like the amount of fucking plant awards that we all got as like kid swimmers. Yeah, athlete's foot and tenure or whatever.

Doesn't a pool hit different now that you're an adult? Like when you're a kid, you can't wait to go to the public pool on the weekends. Now as an adult, I don't even want to get into like a hotel pool. Like if you go to Bali, I'm like, I don't think I want to get in there. I'm a pool girl. I'm, like, so wet. I love swimming. It's, like, my favorite thing.

Is it? Yeah. Like, my 1,000, just 1,000 billion percent my favorite thing. Yeah, I'll swim laps. I'll do silly swim in the afternoon. Like, if I've had a shitty day, I'm like, I need to get in the pool. What's a silly swim? Describe that to me.

Silly swim is just, like, a little bob. Just float around. Just a little bit of a bob. You just like to submerge. Yes. I just love being in the water. And you go to the local public pool? Yep.

Well, if anyone's looking for Tony, get to go to the local pool. Right on. I wouldn't, I'm picturing maybe like a paddle tennis girl. I didn't, just didn't think you'd be cool. Thank you so much. No, I love to swim. It's my absolute favorite. I get that.

And we don't have a, we don't have a pool at our house. So yeah, I'm like a public pool. All right. Well, if you want to see Tony shaving her feet, head down to the local public pools. Well, the first time I ever met Matt in real life was at Icebergs. Was it? Yeah. Like a few weeks ago.

But you know what? He lives at that place. I think he's trying to escape our family, but he goes there to go to the gym every single day. he literally is there he's like just swum laps and we we just gotten there and he's like standing there all wet and he's budgie smugglers he's like turn and i was like oh hi funny seeing you it was so funny my husband really is like a caricature of a man who's always in budgie smugglers like when i if i was to think of that if i was to pick matt in any outfit it is him in budgie smugglers

yeah that's what he always wears and the other day he got into bed and he's got a pair of undies that are from budgie and i thought he got into bed wearing his speedos i was like too far what are you doing all right anyway next question okay this might be a big one but i do need some advice that's why she's here i'm really struggling with this i haven't had a real relationship with my dad for years after he walked out on me and my family after he had an affair i have always struggled with my relationship with him and it's been really back and forth for a long time i was always the one to forgive him and give him chance after chance. I would constantly have my heart broken. Fast forward to six years ago when I found out he has another child with a partner that he

cheated on my mum with. I have recently seen a photo of him with his new family and for some reason it has absolutely broken me. I feel as though I wasn't enough and so he has just replaced me. Although I have no relationship with him now and that was my choice because I was just over being hurt by him over and over again. I don't know why I still feel so heartbroken over this revelation. Am I silly for feeling this way? Absolutely not silly feeling that way. Not silly for feeling anything. Like any feeling that you have isn't silly because it's your body telling you that that's what you want to feel. The silly thing might be letting that overwhelm you and then letting that guide your decision making. The crazy thing that I think that most

people in my opinion get wrong is that like oh if your family wrongs you like they're your family you should forgive them if i told you that like a friend had treated me a specific way you would be like never fucking talk to them again but if you said oh my sister my dad my mom did this you'd be like oh well they're your mom or that's your dad or whatever so like i just don't think that it should matter if people treat you shitty you don't need to forgive them we've had a big discussions about this recently and like the culture of like cutting out family members that's that has been you know I mean there was the the Oprah special about estrangement which we covered on the pod as well and I mean there's two trains of thoughts to it but in this instance where he had an affair

which you know what it happens that absolutely happens he doesn't have to be a good partner to be a good dad right but the fact is is like it wasn't just him being a shitty partner he proved over and over that he also was a shitty dad hence why you made the choice that you made yeah hence why you decided to remove him from your life just because you see a photo of him being a dad still doesn't make him a good dad don't look at that photo and make conclusions that he's giving that family everything he wasn't able to give your family he may have a family unit he may still be a fucking shit dad and it's just one photo and it's just a photo yeah but it's not even about that shit dad or not he still replaced you he's still choosing to be a shit dad to them and not a shit

dad to you like that feeling is still there that oh i was still feel well no she's she made the decision to not have a relationship with him she chose so maybe they would have still had a relationship had she not been the one to cut him out so like I'm not saying that relationship would have been a healthy one I'm not saying he would have shown up and been great but she made a decision for her that had some finality to it and he has gone on to have children with someone else and so I do think but not that I'm saying that there's any responsibility to be taken here but I think just remember the reason why you made that decision yeah he didn't go on to have children with someone else he I think he just had them in the affair he was having an affair and fell

pregnant and then it all unraveled like yeah I don't know I think that's splitting hairs as well at the end of the day of course you are entitled to feel like that and it doesn't matter if you end it you could be in a really toxic relationship that you know is bad for you and you choose to leave that and I'm talking like a romantic relationship you choose to leave that it will still crush you when they move on and replace you whether even though you know it's the right thing for you it doesn't mean that those feelings are dispersed or dispelled like they're still going to be there they're still it's your dad like that's supposed to be the person when you look at your parents and we know it doesn't work out like this but that's supposed to be the person

that loves you unconditionally and no matter what you can trust and it should be the person that you say i can't deal with you anymore and that they should right their wrongs and fight for you but they don't he just walked away and just had another family with someone else so like you're absolutely going to be hurt by that that's completely valid yeah i know but you also can't be consistently disappointed what is it about your i mean i feel like you had a very strong perspective in terms of being like we can be so allowing of the behaviors of our parents versus how we would be to other people in our life yeah what makes you come to that conclusion i just think that it's something people say all the time oh you've got to forgive them they're your family blood's

thicker than water and stuff like that but i've got people in my life who aren't blood related to me that have treated me much better than anyone that I have loved as family and so I guess like at the end of the question which is like am I silly to feel this way I think absolutely not like you can hold fast in a decision that you've made and know that it was the right one for you whether it still is or at that time you had to make the decision and that was the right choice and it can still suck can still be hurtful like the right choice doesn't always feel good yeah I still do think that you have more and I think that you should have and you guys might disagree with me and a lot of people will I do think you have more allowances for your family

and I don't think that's necessarily wrong I think it's far easier to cut a friend off or something that does something to you than a family and I don't think it should be that easy to cut a family member off that's my personal opinion like I think the reality is is that most people do by default I think most and I know you can't speak for everyone I'm sure there's some people who are like you know scorn me once but the reality is is most people who are cutting off their family are because of consistent behaviors and it's like they are only maintaining a relationship because it's one-sided and it stops the other person from feeling xyz like and i like i said don't want to speak for everyone i know we did the whole episode on estrangement if you want to go

back and listen to it we can link in the show notes but for a lot of people who have made the decision to cut off their parents that was an incredibly hard decision that took them a really fucking long time to come to so like yeah I think that that's important to be validated as well and because you don't get to that point without having given them lots of chances and feeling like they aren't meeting you in the middle or you know like maybe you do make all that effort and you just go you know what like even though I'm choosing to stop pursuing this they chose a long time ago to not meet me in the middle so really when it all boils out like the parent in this situation to me feels like they made the decision long before your listener did

and it definitely hurts more because it's a parent than a partner absolutely the parents are real fuck you parents are like because you should be able to have them like you said they you want them to fight for you because you go well you had me you brought me here like yeah and your job is to love me and protect me and look after me and want me yeah exactly yeah unfortunately the generation before us didn't have as much access to the self-help that we do. Anyway, all right, last question. I just recently started seeing someone. We were in our mid-twenties. We've been on about four dates and it feels really lovely and steady. On our last date, he told me about his girl best friend. Now we're not at the stage of meeting each other's friends yet, so I haven't met her.

He told me that they have been friends for several years. They go to uni together and they've been in the same classes. He also told me that they dated for a year before deciding that it was a bit of a mistake and they should just be friends. She now has a boyfriend. I appreciate him telling me about her as if things progress, we'll be doing long distance and it would have been easy for him to hide this. I didn't feel anxious when he told me as he reiterated that that chapter is very much closed mutually. However, he said that they text every single day. He was very understanding that it's unconventional and he's happy to answer any questions i have i wanted to take a few days to think about the conversation before i had it is this a major red flag and if it is what should

i be asking him about their relationship or what boundaries should i be putting in place i don't want to control his friendships and he has invited me to meet her in a few weeks time but i do feel nervous about the whole thing i don't think it's a red flag oh I feel stressed that I'm sorry I don't reckon because like yeah if there was something going on you would be more pissed off if he was like yeah it's not a big deal and he like gaslit you into being like it's not a big deal he's saying like I know it is a big deal and if that is something that you don't want to enter into I think that him being like hey cards on the table four dates is pretty fucking early too totally to be thinking about like well if we were together we'd be long

distance you know that's like a lot of like future planning so I'm like oh I think that that's quite cool from him I agree I think it's very unconventional I think that there's two things here he could either be a total fuckwit player like that's one option or he actually is like genuinely a unicorn nice guy he knows it's unconventional he knows that's going to be really tricky and potentially hard to get your head around and so he's putting his like you said putting his cards on the table and the thing is if he's going to introduce you to her and she actually does have a boyfriend then you know straight off the bat he's been totally honest totally if you never meet her and that meeting gets pushed out pushed out pushed out and you

don't actually have any context for it well he could very well still be in a fucking relationship with her in life like who knows you know I don't reckon it's a red flag yeah neither do I I reckon it's sway and I actually don't think it's also that unconventional I think a lot of people maintain relationships with exes when it wasn't a grown-up ex and what I mean by grown-up ex like they were young they dated they've moved on I think it's different when it was you were more mature and it was more serious and you might have shared like houses or dogs or yeah whatever but like when you're just young like they dated for a year didn't work out obviously if they've dated for a year and decided that it wasn't romantic it's because they were friends yeah and it does

take a level of trust for you of course like now I'm long distance with my husband yeah he was still hanging out with somebody that he if he was honest and he was like look we were together for a year but like she's a really good friend of mine and I was on the other side of the world knowing that were hanging out all the time that wouldn't be cool for me I wouldn't want to end the friendship but knowing he was seeing her more than me is the issue so that would be more jealousy than well more just like and not that I'm insecure yeah yes you're right I'm jealous that you get to see him and I don't yes yeah yeah not jealous of them having a friendship but just jealous that you aren't seeing him yeah because that's unconventional yeah if they're seeing the ex

more than they're seeing the partner and I don't know what your situation is going to be because it is long distance yeah I think that that is what's going to happen here he speaks to her every day on text and he sees her all the time I do think that that will be the version of situation I think it's not necessarily a red flag by any means it's certainly not a green flag but it's all going to come down to your reaction to this if you are consumed by the jealousy of it if it's not something that you can overcome because for some people they wouldn't be okay with this and it would just eat them up and they would be checking her Instagram or checking what they were doing or all this and it could become a fixation so i think you have to be very honest

with yourself around the type of person that you are and whether this is something that your ego can handle you also don't know you fucking dated him before four dates and i know i wanted to be married after four days but like i would just feel it out and see how it goes but i wouldn't take it as an immediate red flag the way he responds how up front he is do you get to meet her do you get to meet her and him like to the other partner does the other partner turn up when they all hang out Are they hanging out as threes or twos or is he going to tell you every time? Are you going to put a tracker on his phone? There's so many questions.

Toni, are you friends with any exes? I'm not really. Like I follow one, like, and he was like a high school boyfriend that like I follow on Instagram or whatever. And we've like, he lives in New Zealand now. And I went to New Zealand and he'd seen my story and he was like, oh, whereabouts are you? Like, could we catch up? We didn't. But him saying that was sweet.

But yeah, it was like a high school boyfriend. but the part for me like to go back to the unconventional part i don't think what's unconventional about it is that they stayed in touch and that they're friends the unconventional part for me is that he's told her straight away and being like really up front and being like yeah we're best friends yeah that i'm like oh because like most boys would be like oh yeah of course we're mates like who cares but the fact that he's like hey this could really skeeve you out you might not be into it like i don't know i think it's kind of nice yeah i wonder i think it's thoughtful but i also wonder how intense their friendship is like if they're texting every

single day because like i don't i mean obviously i have best friends but i would even say i'm not texting them every single day i've texted you bitches because i work with you and i love you so much but like you also have kids and a business and you're older these guys are so young and at union yeah i guess actually back when i was when you're 20s i was texting every single day with my besties yeah like a running commentary totally everything that was happening just pick up where left off yeah in a group chat she's like it's really hard it's actually we get messages saying laura's left the chat no i keep removing myself they keep adding me back in guys i'm just trying to get away from everyone tony you made a good point that is probably the unconventional part

and i say that because we've had you've reminded me that we've had quite a few ask uncuts in the last maybe six months and a lot of them are about like hey i've been with my partner for eight months and i've only just found out that he used to date his friend or like that you know that's in a circle there's a lot of that kind of thing yeah and then the problem is well you lied to me this guy's not lying and he's been really honest from like is it aggressively up front is it too open is it too much four days no like they like have you even seen her puss yet do you know what i mean four days i don't know yeah are you banging her vagina her vagina her hairy vagina to be fair though some people on first dates are like victims of oversharing their past

relationships so i feel like what's probably happened i just linked ben to the bachelor i linked him to everything i've ever done that is so funny i didn't even think about that like that is your dating history is like yeah it was on channel 10 you can watch on 10 play i still get residuals do you actually oh my god that's amazing no what i think has happened is they've probably been talking about their exes they've probably talked about their relationship history and they've had this big conversation around like oh well i dated this person for this long and this was my ex and this is why it didn't work out and he's probably been like we're still really good friends yeah and i reckon she's come up as an ex and he's like actually we're still best friends

i know it's not i don't reckon he's been like hey i have a best friend but i need to flag this with you because i know what's weird i reckon it's come up from that type of discussion where people overshare and get too deep in the ex chat and then like it's hard being men for a second because we've just gone both ways we're like is he too honest is the fucker too no that's what i mean like that's the it's oversharing he shared too much too soon personally personally as an oversharer i don't think it's a red flag i don't either as someone who just fucking would tap tap yep yep yep yep tell everything i'm like no it's fine ben had to say to me stop sharing he's like i don't want to know yeah yeah tony we love you for the advice thank you for having me as your

first person that you're so well that's so fun i feel so honored thank you for helping us brainstorm what this segment would actually be my pleasure i'm just if anybody needs a podcast producer i'm available uh send me an email tony at podcast producer.com send us for your ep uh invoice for this episode and um guys if you want to actually watch it we do put all of our episodes on youtube so you can watch the whole thing in long form in the flesh make sure you hit subscribe if you want to see tony dirty talk to me it was a real moment that we shared the intensity between Between the gazing and everything else, it was, yeah, it was hot. I was wildly uncomfortable.

It was fucking hot. You were in the cock chair over there watching it happen. It actually was sort of hot. Laura's uncomfortable, but I was like, do it again. Say more stuff. To be fair, it was so hot. There is a potential chance that this episode will get taken down from YouTube. And you know what?

Keep on sliding into the DMs with all of your Ask Uncut questions or you can join Life Uncut discussion group for all the good stuff and you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. Look, Tony's like, I don't know what to say. I'm ready. Bye.

Bye.