Life Uncut - PART 4 - The girl who fell from the sky Em Carey - LIVE SHOW

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

Ya'll asked for it! The cut down interviews from our LIVE SHOW!We will be dropping 4 bonus episodes with all the amazing guests from our Sydney Live show. The first 2 guest are dropping Wednesday and the final 2 on Friday.WELCOME TO PART 4On this episode we welcome back author and motivational speaker Em Carey, and we discuss ableism and her life as a paraplegic and learning to walk again.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. welcome back to another episode of life uncut it is our bonus episodes from the live show this is laura i'm britney and now we are speaking with m kerry so this is part four of the little mini series from our live show now m kerry is a guest who we've had on the podcast before she is also

the author of her self-titled book the girl who fell from the sky now m spoke to us quite a while ago and we did a full episode with her but we got to speak to her at our recent live show and we unpacked some really different questions that we hadn't covered with her earlier on. Em is an absolute breath of fresh air. She was so loved at the event and I think that even if you have listened to her earlier episode you will get so much out of this chat today. Em Carey, the girl who fell from the sky. Em. Get on out here.

Here she is. There's so many people. Look at the people up there just looking down on us all. Oh, my gosh. Hello, everyone. Come sit. Thank you, producer. I'm glad I didn't see this beforehand.

Oh, we've got a new timer. They're literally going to kick us all out at 10pm. Em, welcome. You literally fell from the sky. And, like, your story, we could be here for hours, but unfortunately we've just been given the you can't be proud but also it was one of our favorite one of our favorite interviews and conversations we've ever had because i think for so much so much that we discussed on that episode changed our perspective but for anybody who hasn't listened

to it and isn't familiar with your story can you let us know what happened to you yeah so quite literally i fell from the sky uh when i was 20 i decided to go skydiving as many 20 year olds do and it didn't go to plan the parachute uh didn't open it got tangled with the emergency parachute and the cords wrapped around the instructor's neck and strangled him so because of that he couldn't untangle them or cut one off or whatever they would normally do in that situation so we just down I mean that was a speedy version yes you literally plummeted plummeted yeah yeah and I mean you told us on the podcast that you just were thinking this is it my life's I'm about to die absolutely if you could feel the speed we were going and I could see how quickly the ground was

coming towards us I didn't think it was possible to survive that at all and what happened to you what were the injuries that you sustained from that because you look now like oh incredible like nothing has ever happened to you. It's the power suit. So when I was on the ground I landed on my belly and I tried to roll over to get the instructor off me to go and find help and it was in that moment that I realized I was completely paralyzed from the waist down. So I got flown to hospital, went into surgery, had scans and found out that I was a paraplegic at L1 and was told that I wouldn't walk again which obviously I'm very very lucky to be walking today how did that yeah thanks abso-fucking-lutely

thanks guys you're incredible in that period and we spoke so much about your relationship with yourself when we talked to you on the podcast but in that period how did that affect your sense of self it was kind of just an entire loss of identity it wasn't just a loss of the use of my legs it was losing independence I could no longer work so it was losing my job I was also in a relationship at the time that ended while I was in hospital so it was losing my relationship friendships it was basically it basically just felt like every single element of my life up until 20 years old had just been wiped clean and so it was just starting yeah creating a whole new identity from that moment and when you just said your relationship ended in the hospital just for

people that don't know was that a long-term relationship and did that end because he couldn't cope with your situation or he didn't want to put the effort in or what do you think that was I mean in hindsight yeah we'd been together for three years and in hindsight it probably would have ended anyway but it definitely didn't feel like that at the time I was very much all in um and it's weird talking about it now so with yeah with so much hindsight because we were so young we were only 20 at the time but your first heartbreak or any heartbreak just shatters you and I remember at that time thinking if someone could have granted me one wish to walk again or to have him back in my life I would have chosen him without a second thought

which is just so weird to think now but it was so crushing in that moment it makes me want to cry I also think in in that situation you know you say that breakups are hard for anybody but when you're already struggling with this sense of identity this sense of loss in yourself and and I think like the stigma that surrounds disability the stigma that we think it must be the worst thing that will ever happen to you is a very ableist opinion and for him and having his reaction like how did that then affect your ability to go this is how I'm gonna get out of this this is how I'm gonna recover like where were you at in your headspace at that point in time I was definitely feeling very broken and very unlovable but it's weird I kind of had this

moment at rock bottom after I was still in hospital I'd been broken up with and I was just so alone and so devastated but I had this epiphany of like there's literally nothing at all tying me to my life beforehand so if there's nothing tying me to that life that means I can become anyone that I want I don't need to resort back to the person that I used to be because that wasn't someone I was necessarily proud of I just was kind of going through the motions I wasn't a positive person I was just getting through day to day and I thought if I'm going to have this huge recreation of identity why don't I try and become someone that I actively want to be someone that I would be proud of so in a way and I didn't see it straight at the time but in a way I'm kind of

glad that it happened because I probably would have never let him go myself but I think it's what needed to happen for me to grow that way. I know this is an area of frustration because you don't look like you have a disability but you do have a disability you do have repercussions and long-lasting effects from the accident. So can you just tell us what they are and then we'll get into what that looks like for you moving forward. Yeah so for me there were four main things that my spinal cord injury affected. So first of all was loss of movement which is the one that seems obvious like when I before my accident when I saw someone in a wheelchair I assumed their legs didn't work and that was that. I never realized that there was anything

more to it but so first one is loss of movement which as you can see I'm lucky to have a lot of that back but my calves are still paralyzed which means I can't run or jump or go up on my toes if I wanted to. The second thing is loss of feeling which didn't come back at all so I still can't feel from the waist down and the two other main things are loss of bladder and bowel control so I'm now completely incontinent and I had to learn how to use catheters and enemas to go to the bathroom. I was going to say so if you're not aware Em has recently released her own book it is called the girl who fell from the sky please go and buy it is truly incredible and there is a quote from that that I wanted to read out to you it says I constantly got comments from

people that whether conscious or internalized were deeply rooted in ableism strangers would say things like you are too pretty too pretty to be in a wheelchair as though having a disability made me less attractive to them as though it was such a shame that I was now a wasted commodity I also often heard but you don't look like you have a disability as if that was a compliment how did you react to this it was just so weird it was so weird to be judged from the outside on something when there was so much going on inside and also because I'd spent I spent nearly a year living in a wheelchair and being treated one way and then as soon as I stood up and there was a period in my life where I would alternate between wheelchair or walking depending how far I had to

go so it was so weird being able to be treated one way stand up five minutes later and being treated in a completely different way and it just made me realize that we as a whole whether it's conscious or not just judge so much based on what we what we see and one of the main things I noticed that was people when I was in a wheelchair treated me with so much more kindness which sounds like it would be a good thing and in a lot of ways it was but I could also tell the difference when people were actually just pitying me they were giving me extra kindness because they assumed that my life sucked right which just isn't the case at all and as you said living with a disability it's easy to think that that person's disability is the only thing that they have to deal with when in reality

the hardest part of their life is probably heartbreak or death or like so many other things that every single human faces it's not just the disability your entire person beyond that how did you go getting back into the dating world when you were dealing with heartbreak a whole new chapter of life um you you have a disability you have to navigate that again and I know that there are a lot of us which after our interview I never wanted to complain again I remember I was like what like why am I complaining I have nothing to complain about but what was it like getting back into dating knowing that because i know you had a few mishaps i don't know if you want to tell anyone about them but when you say this brit though i mean as a as a woman i know that there

are probably women in this room who when they go on a date won't even poo at the guy's house for fear of what they might think and then when you are navigating incontinence like i guess like on what you said like how does that what's the next step for you how do you navigate that part of it well I think I very quickly learned that just embarrassment is not something that I can feel or I would be embarrassed literally all day every day so fun fact about me every first date I've ever been on since then I have shat myself on the date like how awful and we were speaking speaking about this on the phone and you said oh that's relatable I was like it's not thank you but it's not it's really not relatable is it um but I don't know and like obviously

don't recommend but we've got your boyfriend you've got a boyfriend you've got a lovely partner no but I mean what an easy way to determine whether they're a good guy or not you know it's a quick test we recommend everyone try it try it once see what happens and so I mean like just just so when you when you do need to go to the bathroom and you're like when you were on a date and you had an accident which because it happened on all of your dates did you because you don't have the feeling what does that look like for you not that is the wrong question brown not literally what does it look like I'm sorry what does it look like in terms of if you can't feel it that you need to go what what happens yes so not only can I not go I also can't yeah

don't have the feeling I don't remember how it feels to think oh I need a pee now like I have no idea I just have to judge based on how much I've drank or eaten and what time it is um so for me I guess normally I just smell it and think it's time um but I don't know I also all all the time like including right now 24 7 wear incontinence pads which most of the time do a good job at holding it all together and why do you think society as a whole sees disability very much in black and white um maybe it's just because it's one of those things if we don't understand then we just assume things right so one of the things I noticed when I was first in a wheelchair is that people would yeah people would assume what I needed or what I wanted rather than just

asking me what I needed for example if I was wheeling somewhere someone would just come up behind me and push me which we would never just if you were walking I would never go up behind you and just walk push you so you could walk faster so I don't know I think it's one of those things that if people don't understand something then they're confused by it or not wanting to talk about it because they think it's a taboo subject when it's really not at all. Em has the most incredible story and I hate that we have to wrap it up but you've just written your book if you haven't please read or listen to a podcast episode we did with Em because her story is just phenomenal and I just want to congratulate you on just being such a boss and everything you

have done everything you've achieved please please give it up m kerry thank you thanks guys thank you so much m and oh and i knocked my glass over which means guys that is it truly a wrap for us thank you so much for coming we honestly we i don't i like i'll get sentimental now and maybe I'll cry because that's what I do but this is unbelievable for us like to be here to be able to do this in front of you all to be able to do this together we started this podcast in a bit I will cry I'm so so happy for the community that we've made and it just means the absolute world to both of us it really does and we're only here because of each and every one of you and if if we weren't getting in trouble and yell that off the stage we would stay on here before we go

though we just want to bring out the little micro team that we have can everyone backstage not everyone. There's like four of them. It's Mitch, Sheree, Matty J, Keisha, Sherry, get on out here. Come on Matty J. Producer Keisha. I don't know why Matt is pretending like he's shy. This is literally it. This is our wonderful team. We haven't actually finished the introduction. Producer Keisha. Hello. And this is my sister Sherry. You guys have probably all heard about And they both do... Who's getting married in three days? Woo!

Getting married! Woo! But this is the team that does so much behind the scenes. Sherry runs the Facebook group. If you're part of it, you would have seen her name pop up. And Keisha runs literally everything else and keeps us in check. And Mitch Shuri is our beautiful, wonderful co-host. And we're so...

You were on the toilet? He was doing his nervous poop. He's like, it's my last moment. But thank you all so much. This is our beautiful team. We cannot thank them enough. And there's just, it's not Laura and I. I mean, it is Laura and I, but we are nothing without these guys and you guys.

So fucking thank you. Thank you so much, everyone. Oh, my God. Don't forget, one more thing. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And you guys know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends

and share the love because we love you. Woo!