Life Uncut - Pimp your pits - The best of THE PICKUP

Episode Date: October 29, 2023

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. I'm Mitch.

And it's our radio show, The Pickup, where we package up all the best bits. And some of the worst ones. That felt like the sentence wasn't finished then. We pack up all the best bits and we put them right here for you to listen back to. Is your shirt inside out, Laura? I've been thinking it all day. No, it's not inside out, but I did walk into the office before and it was really unbuttoned.

And it's become such a common thing that I constantly flush a tit. It looks like you're on jungle safari. I'm getting ready for I'm a Celebrity because I'm really thrilled that Robert Irwin has been. Yeah, no, that's my announcement is that I'm not hosting it. Robert Irwin is. No, no, because you were telling us about, oh, you're not talking about you.

Oh, don't worry. Laura is not going on I'm a Celebrity. That's how you get pressed, baby. Bridget, are you going to announce? I'm going to announce maybe next week. What you've had done yet. The surgery? Yeah.

Surgeries. Because they had to rectify what went wrong. The ingrown toenail, yeah. I love that. That's the only cosmetic surgery I've ever had is getting my ingrown toenails surgically removed. Did you really get them removed? Yeah, they had to cut the cornices out.

Don't you remember my psychic picked that up? He was like, Mitch is going to have toenail surgery. And I was like, random thing to say. For some reason, I thought that that was always just you kind of embellishing a story. I never realised that you actually went and got your toenails cut. Do you want me to show you my big toe? There's no corners in it.

It's just like a plank of straight wood. Not really. You hesitated though and I love that you actually thought do I or don't I. I did think through the stages of what that would be in my life and then I realised, I came to the conclusion pretty quickly that I don't want it. Mitch has ranked toenails on a priority on how to do this. I've got a photo of it.

Let me show you a photo. Mitch, I don't think it's necessary. I'll show Laura a photo. This is an audio medium. That's my pinky toe. There is no toenail. Show me. That's all I've got.

Show me. What do you mean? Why is there no toenail? That's all I've got. Wow, toe shaming. Laura has a thing with feet so she shames other people's feet. Because my feet are so hideous. I do it, I bring other people down to put myself back up.

Bro, your feet. No, Laura has a wiki page for feet, a feet wiki page. I know. If Laura walked through like mud, right, and then, you know, campers walk behind her, they would think we found Bigfoot. Her foot is wide. It just like can grip things. If I threw this banana at you, you'd catch it.

You know what? Some people might think I'm like de-evolving, like I'm going back to a monkey. But really, I am the more evolved human with my feet. I'm sure there's a science. Because I can use my hands and my feet. All right, anyway, let me tell you what's on the show today. Let's stop talking about that silly stuff and talk about this woman

who is selling her underarm hairs for a million dollars online because do you know what? When things are tough, we've all lived through it. We've all been through COVID. We've lived through the financial crisis, the cost of living. This woman has figured out a new way to make a lot of money online and, yeah, it's to do with all of our- A million dollars?

I will sell my underarm hair. I would probably sell my pubic hair. I will literally sell my butthole hair. I'll sell it all. Do you have butthole hair? Yeah. Ew. On the hole?

Like on the ring? Why are you shaming my butthole hair now? Laura's just, you know when you say something and you just realise you're the minority? I don't even have butthole hair. That's such a lie, Mitch. Everyone has hair on their butthole hair. Yeah, they do until they get rid of it. They have hair on their butt crack.

Correct. Yeah, it's not on my butthole. I'm not a hairy person. It's around the crack. I don't have it. I'm not a hairy person either. My back is like a cardboard. Just look at the hair on your head.

Can I, I just like to make something known to everyone listening to this. Do it. People who are not hairy people say it as though they're better than people who are hairy. Yeah, that's true. You're not. We are. If you don't have hair, it doesn't make you like genetically better than hairy people. It does.

It's evolution. No, it's not. I'm just Italian. Yeah, and I'm straight. And I'm Greek. I am. No, she is. And I am Greek.

From the north. Which is? Valley Pesuvia. Pardon me? My family name is Philippi. Is that where you've got hair? In your Valley Pesuvia? She's like Neapolitan.

I've got hair in my hole and my valley persuvio. Oh, my God. Okay. Can we stop? So I asked. Which one are you again, Brittany? Brittany. I asked a friend if, Mitch is fired.

I asked a friend that's getting married if I could bring Delilah as my plus one to the wedding. It didn't quite go down how I would have liked it to. That was an awkward call that we had to sit through, Laura. It was an awkward call, yeah. I mean, I know that Delilah's important to you, but it was pushing it a little bit far. And Mitch, you can speak again. And what did you do this week? I am struggling.

I'm single and I'm dating again. And as we spoke about on the show and you spoke about on the pod, because I've got Google Alerts on so I know you mentioned me, that you ruined my date at the Palais, the Melbourne live show. Sorry, Britt's yawning during my story. My one time to shine and Britt yawns. Sorry, you spoke about that for so long. It took you so long to get to the punchline.

Anyway, my parents have now ruined another date that I went on. I brought a date home for the first time in my life ever. And your parents ruined it. My parents ruined it. Yeah. Any time you want to move out of home. Yeah. I got a room at yours?

Before 30. You could come and stay at my house. No, you can't. You've got other people moving in. I don't know how I'd feel about you staying at my house. With other boys there. No, I don't care if you bring home other boys, but just like living your single life with my children around.

That's enough. All right, enjoy the show, everyone. I want to talk about Paris Hilton. I love Paris. If you don't even know what to say, just be like, that's hot. That's hot. That's hot. Well, look, she recently, she became a mum, which is kind of weird

because I'm still stuck in Paris old days, like when she used to be like Paris and Nicole Richie. The sweet life. Yeah, she's in her 40s now. Yeah, but she's still, I mean, she's got like the DJ thing that she does over in Ibiza. Like I honestly don't see her as being a mum, but she is. And she has a beautiful little nine-month-old baby.

Now, over the weekend, she posted a photo on Instagram, like most mums do, of her and her kid, and it was the first time that she'd taken her little one over to New York City. So it was just a cute photo. She looks beautiful. It's a photo of her holding a little boy. And the caption was,

my precious angel baby Phoenix's first time in New York City. That's it. A sweet photo of mum and her son. Now, the absolute trolling that this poor little baby has received off the back of that, because she has, you know, she literally has millions of followers. Kid has a kind of a big head. And that's sometimes the case, right? My little Lola, my two-year-old, she's got a big head.

the things that people were writing under this photo because they thought it was funny to comment on this kid's head and to comment on how weird, quote-unquote, looking they thought this kid was. And people kind of started running with the puns. They were calling him Pinky and the Brain. They were saying he's already further ahead in life than most. God bless you.

Please take him to a neurosurgeon, ASAP. He needs a helmet. And then other people were saying things like, oh, don't worry, my boy had a big head, but, you know, his is much larger and I'm a nurse. I cannot believe that some people think it is okay to essentially troll a little kid for the way that they look and it's almost like because someone's a celebrity and they've posted a photo of their child that they are not real like that they can't possibly be offended by this or we

don't seem to care how this this mum feels about her little child but I just think it's so unbelievably mean and where's the limit we a lot of the comments were medical based comments so There were a lot of people being like, I'm a nurse. I work in NICU, which is the neonatal intensive care unit. I think you need to – I see this all the time. You need to go and see a doctor. This is okay. No, it's not okay.

Listen, can I finish my sentence? It makes me mad. The reason I'm saying it's okay, I'm not saying it's okay, but there have been many people online in the public eye that have been diagnosed with things because people have seen things in photos and let them know. Like that is – that's out there. We can't dispute that.

i'm saying these people are not trolling they're actually saying maybe just like have a look i'm i'm an intensive care nurse but what i want to say to that is this is one of the wealthiest people in the world this is paris hilton i'm pretty sure she's had her son checked out like i don't think she hasn't taken the kid to a doctor the kid is ridiculously cute let them leave no but the thing i hate is like we can't expect paris to disclose what if he does have a condition we don't we don't need to know that that's not her job to tell us and we don't need to know exactly but also off this brit and you saying you know it's it's okay like if it comes from a place of you know good heart if they're actually worried about it no i would say that there she lives in the states we

live in australia there are so many checks for children and i would say that the majority of parents are across their kids health majority of parents know if their child has an abnormally large head that's causing them some sort of developmental issues and if that's the case Imagine having half of your followers telling you that there's something wrong with your child. It's just disgusting. I get it. I'm just saying I don't classify that in the same trolling category

as someone that writes to somebody saying you have an ugly baby. When it comes from a place of I'm a child nurse and I have seen a lot of this, that to me, sure, it's not great, but it's a different, it's not trolling. It's not malice. No, it's no ill intent. I don't know. I mean, and the reason why I say this is because

even if it doesn't come with ill intent doesn't mean like i don't think the intention behind it necessarily counts because so i experienced this when i had my youngest marley may so marley may she's four and a half now but when she was born she had a thing called strub it's i think it's called strubism i might get the word wrong but it's basically means that she was cross-eyed and i would put photos up of her every so often and people would say things like oh my gosh don't worry she could she'll grow out of that or have you had her eyes checked do you know if she's got eyesight problems? And I'm like, firstly, how dare you ask?

Like why would I give that information to you, a complete stranger? And secondly, I wasn't worried about it. So why are you telling me I should be worried about it? But also I love the fact that they think they've pointed it out to you. Like I haven't noticed. Thank you, Doglover129, for pointing out my child's eye. I live with her every day. I birthed her.

Thanks for that. As adults, we struggle enough with the trolling, but imagine how it must feel as a new mum. You're always worried as it is that your kid is or isn't okay and then you have all these people telling you what they perceive to be wrong with your child. It's just really messed up. Also, the one thing I noticed,

like we all have that photo in front of us of Paris and her baby, is the fact that he's in head-to-toe Burberry. The designer, I know. He's in head-to-toe Burberry. The kid's cute. He's got a better wardrobe than I have. There is a wedding-related question scenario conundrum that is going viral online at the moment

that I feel a real pull towards. Now, there is a woman who's getting married and her friend that's invited to the wedding, her friend is single. Her friend got a plus one. So her friend asked if she could bring her dog Max as her wedding guest. No, absolutely not.

What are we talking? Are we talking a chihuahua or like a Doberman? Is it a sensation or? Max is actually a German Shepherd. Sorry. A big dog. and her friend that's getting married said, no, like you absolutely cannot bring him.

She didn't understand. She's like, this dog is like my family. They had a full on fight over if she could bring her dog to the wedding. They almost fell out. Like, so the girl with the dog was like, well, I can't come then because he's my family and I can't bear to leave him alone. Yeah, but I mean, a plus one is for you to invite your partner. You can't just invite your uncle.

I have a friend, Sam, that's actually getting married soon. and I thought I would call her and try it out and see if she'll let me bring Delilah. Surely she's not insane. All right, so what's your friend's name? Sam. All right, let's dial her up. Hello?

Sam, hi, it's Britt. How are you? Sorry, I know I called the work phone, but that's because I know you never answer your mobile. That's okay. What's up? Just quickly, I know your wedding's coming up soon And obviously Ben doesn't live here and you gave me a plus one.

So I was hoping, if it's cool, I could bring Delilah as my plus one. Your dog? Yeah. Yes. I mean, hun, I love Delilah, but, like, she's a bit chaotic. I'm going to be wearing white. And also, hun, I'm getting married at Catalina. I don't think they allow dogs.

I actually called the venue and they said that she's – I checked it because I knew that you'd say that. So I checked with Catalina and they were super happy and I've already booked her in for, like, a proper groom. Britt, she's adorable, but, like... Yeah, but I don't have anyone, Sam. Like, I don't have anyone here to go with and I would feel really uncomfortable if I had to come without her.

I know, hon, but, like, when I gave you the plus one, like, I was meaning it for Ben and I know you miss him and I know that, like... Yeah, but she's sort of, like, my support animal. Like a support animal. I don't want to be, like, super horrible, but, hon, you can't bring it. I'm not even taking my own dog to my wedding.

I know, but Delilah's, like, not that it should matter, but she's prettier than your dog. I don't know if I'll be able to come, that's all, if she can't come. I mean, if you're prioritising a dog, Brit, like, come on, it's my wedding. Sorry, I'm sorry. I know, but are we going to be okay?

Look, I'm sure we'll be fine, Britt. It's just a bit of a weird request and I am in the middle of a really, really hectic work day. Okay. I mean, I could have also brought her food as well. Like, I wouldn't expect you to pay for that. Oh, because we'd be giving Delilah a steak. Yeah, she probably wouldn't eat the steak from there anyway.

Okay, look, Britt, I love you to bits. This is crazy and I'm at work and bringing your dog to my wedding at Catalina's is probably not high on my priority list for the day, so I feel like I'm just going to have to come back to you on it. Totally, totally. I guess I thought we were maybe better friends. That's okay.

Okay, I'm just a bit upset by it, so I'm going to have to go. Britt, really? No, Sam! Hi, Sam, you're on the pick-up. You're on the pick-up. I'm so sorry. They made me do it. I'm so sorry.

Britt, at no point did we make you do that. That was all your idea from start to finish. I can't imagine that fully being Brit's idea. I know you don't like scuffies, but come on. She's still adorable. So good. She's really cute. Are you going to go to the wedding, though?

Of course I'm going to the, well, debatable. Talk to you after. Thank you, Sam. That is, you are one of those painful friends. You are so painful. Okay, well, there we go. We have the answer anyway. It's a hard no.

God, that's great. No dogs at weddings unless they're your own. Yeah. I think we can all agree, Brit Laura, nation, addressing the country here, that getting into bed after a long, hard day at work. It's the best moment of your entire life. Yes, but what makes it even better?

Clean sheets. Clean sheets and a hot, hot, hot shower right beforehand. Sorry, I wasn't sure if you were asking rhetorical questions then, but I was answering everything as you were going. You really were. Thanks for trying. You had all the right answers anyway, so it's okay. I disagree.

I don't like going to bed with, like, wet hair or feeling like I have been. No, I just want to go to bed. I had a feeling you'd side with this woman because this story's going viral on Reddit, which, as all stories do, one woman is at a breaking point with her partner. They've been together seven years, but she thinks she's going to have to leave him.

This is the post. My husband and I have been in constant loggerheads. There's a major issue I have with him going to bed without having a shower. I've spoken to him many times and stated that I don't want to get into bed with him without him having a shower. The reason why is, first, hygiene, and second, he's a heavy diesel mechanic. He comes home caked in diesel fuel.

He washes as much as he can off at work but comes home, he's exhausted and wants to flop into bed. However, I can visibly see diesel on his skin. Okay, very different. I see it in a radio room with not doing, not even moving. That is disgusting. No, it's still gross. Look, I am a frequent shower.

I will shower multiple times a day. If I shower before dinner, I just say 8 o'clock and then I'm going to bed at 11, I will shower again because I don't know what has gotten on my skin in that couple of hours, you need to shower and go straight to bed. Totally. I'm a two-shower-a-day kind of guy. And I've recently upgraded.

It's changed my life. I used to be one a day. Now I'm two, and it's incredible. No, I reckon I'm three. Wow. Think of the waterway stooge, guys. Do you know? Laura, you're a secret grot.

People don't know this. I'm not. I'm not. Yes, you are. Do you know what Laura does? I'm not. I'm telling. Yes, you are.

I've been best friends with Laura for four and a half years now. Do you know what Laura does? Laura hates, as she just said herself, She hates getting into the shower at night before bed. I'm really tired. So you know what she does? The only thing she does is she whips up these long grasshopper legs into the sink.

I've seen this. She just wets the bottom of her feet. That is her shower. She just does the feet and then she gets into bed. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. I did not realise that I was going to be personally victimising this break. Well, you should know better. What happened is I washed my face, I brushed my teeth,

and then I put, because I hate, I cannot go to bed with dirty feet, so I don't just let the water run over them. I probably wash my feet more thoroughly than any of you who just stand in a shower. Incorrect. I get each foot, I put it in the sink, I wash my feet properly and then I go and get into bed. Can I tell you something?

Because the rest of my body's clean. It's not. Laura, it's not. One, you know, the time it takes you to do all that, you could have just jumped in the shower and it would have taken half the time. Do you know why as well? It's a protection mechanism because if I don't shower my whole body, then my husband won't try and have sex with me at 11pm at night.

So sometimes when I'm really tired and I know what he's going to do, I'm like, I just get into bed and go to sleep. This turned into an X-rated confessional. I did not see that coming. Sometimes I just am so tired, I just want to go to bed. So you avoid all erotic areas. I love him so much. On a Saturday and a Friday, I will always have a nighttime shower.

But if it's a Tuesday and I'm tired, I'm not doing it. You are rank. I can't believe we've had that discussion. Laura's like, full-body showers for birthdays and Valentine's Day. Special occasions. Sometimes a day, only on Christmas. Oh, my God. You're a grunt.

I'm not. You're a grunt. All right. I hate you guys. And I also love my husband. I'm sorry. That's horrific. Now, where do you think to go to when you want to get a new car?

Yeah, like a car dealership or car sales. Makes sense, right? Well, there is a woman that possibly, I don't know if it's going to take off, could be starting a new trend. Her name is Diane Sweeney, and she unfortunately passed away. She didn't have kids, and she never got married. So she was apparently just a very kind, loving person. Before she passed away, she went to her nephew and she said,

hey, I have a dying wish. I want somebody at my funeral to win my car. Now, it doesn't matter who the person was. She doesn't have to know them. She wants to put this call out to every stranger. So this call out went to the news. It went on social media. It literally made TV, newspapers everywhere.

And all you had to do was anyone could go to Diane's funeral on the day. you would get a raffle ticket and you would win her 2016 Silver Beetle car. I take back everything I said about it. That is iconic. What a great way of really drumming up the attendance at your funeral. Totally. I don't know many people, but they're all going to be there. Win my car.

So it's like a chook raffle. Yeah. So there's a 16-year-old girl, Gabriella Bonin, who saw it on the news and she was like, I'm 16, I want a car. So she begged her older sister to take her to the funeral. She went to the funeral and she said it was amazing. She said it was a lovely funeral. Diane seems like a lovely person.

She got a raffle ticket. She moved on with her life. She didn't win, right? A year later, because that's how long apparently it took to put all of Diane's possessions into order and sort everything out, a year later they called her and they said your raffle ticket won the car and they gave her the car.

Wow, isn't that funny? So from the grave a year later, Diane passed on a car to a 16-year-old girl. Very, very random, unusual funeral processions, but I'm about it. What are you going to do with your car when you die? Well, I just quickly, I need to ask, 131065, did you have an odd funeral request or is there a family member that died that had an odd funeral request?

Did you have an odd one? Yeah. Oh, we've got a call coming in from Heaven's Gate and a couple from Hell. No, is there someone in your family that had an odd request? I just feel like there'd be some good calls out there. Yeah. Hi, Catherine. Hi.

Good, good, good. What happened? The lady who sadly passed away, she knew her life was coming to an end and had put a few things in place. and one strange thing that happened as the curtain closed and the coffin went down that almost conveyor belt towards the flames during her service, the screen came up with the words to a song

sung by Cliff Richard. I don't know if you guys know the song. I know Cliff Richard. What's the song? We're all going on a summer holiday. Summer holiday mix. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so this played, and the coffin was being taken into the ether. What happened? No, it's taken into the flames. She's playing summer holiday. I just got it. I'm it. She's got a dark sense of humour, that lady. There was a few of us there, and there was a lot of people getting up and singing

and dancing along to the words. Summer holiday. Look at it. It's pretty hot in that kiln, so it wasn't summer holiday. Yeah, no, we get it. That's what my step-brother does for our holidays, bless her. Wow, that's really funny. That's great.

Okay, Steph on 131065, hey, what was your odd funeral request? So my grandfather was obsessed with Milo, had a Milo every single night before bed. That's so cute. And going over there to visit, it was Milo on the menu all the time. Anyway, so his wish was that when he was cremated, that he would get put into a Milo can. But what happens if somebody doesn't know it's his ashes

and goes to sprinkle Milo on their milk? I think you'd figure it out when you opened it up. Well, you'd figure it out when you're drunk, yeah, wouldn't you? It wasn't kept in the pantry, thank goodness. That's so funny. But, yeah. A can of Milo. What would you guys want to be?

What's your odd funeral request? Do you three have any? Do you two have any? I want everyone to walk in, have a margarita, and have it late at night. Have them make it a party. But what do I have? Because I hate margaritas.

Well, you can have, well, that's assuming that you go after me. Do you know what I want? I want my laugh played on repeat the whole time. Oh, God. You know what? That'll kill me at your funeral. That's what it's for, yeah. So it's just burnt into your memory for the rest of existence.

I want to have open casket and I want a full face of makeup just for a while. Dressed in drag. Yeah, drag, full head to toe drag. And we're not dying anytime soon. All right, Britt, Mitch, you both are very business minded people. Yeah. I like to think so. Okay, well, I've got the newest trend to hit the nation.

Can I just ask what newspaper you read? I won't tell you my sources. All right, well, there is a British influencer and she has made over a million dollars, $1 million by selling her underarm hair online. Now, wait for it. That is a lot of money. That's a lot of hair.

$15,000 a month. She has other little bits and pieces that she does because she's a body positive influencer. But basically seven years ago she decided, You know what? I'm done with the traditional norms. I'm done with having to shave my legs and shave my underarms. I'm just going to grow it out and see what happens.

So what, she grows it out, trims it, puts it in a package and sends it off. Puts it in a little doggy bag, sends it in the mail, off it goes. I don't even like shaving my underarms at the best of times. If I had the motivation of doing it once a month and then selling it, I will grow these luscious locks out. Do you know, usually I laugh in your face at these ideas, But for a million dollars, I'm selling my pits too. Hold on.

Can you hold your pits up? Because, Britt, you're lasered, right? You've got nothing. No, mine are not lasered, but mine are like smooth as a baby's butt. Show me yours, Laura. I've got a bun up shirt. Oh, I'm going to get my whole titty out. Boob out.

Sorry, guys. Laura's got enough. If I got a scalpel, I could get like, you know, maybe a dime worth. There's only two days worth of growth there. Someone is calling on 131065. Shane's called. Hi, mate. What are you calling for?

Have you sold your pits? Has your pit hair before? Have you? Oh, nah. I haven't sold them, but, like, I would offer money for the girls' pit hair. Shane, you would not, would you? Wait, wait. Yeah, 100%.

Shane, how much are we talking? Oh, probably, I'd probably give you two Gs for Brit's pit hair. You'd give me two Gs? Wait, whose do you think is worth more, Brit's pit hair or Laura's pit hair? And now I feel like we've been pitted against each other, honey. That's a good one. Thank you. I would pay for both.

I would take Laura's as well, but I'd probably pay a premium for Britt's. No, now I'm offended. No, screw you. I win. My pits win. I want to know, what is it about Brittany's armpits that you think are more worthy than mine? Why are you paying a premium? Mine are premium pits.

Oh, it's just personal preference, really. You don't want the mum of two kids? Or the gay 28-year-olds? I can see why. I just think for my particular persuasion and orientation, I would pay the premium for Brit's pits. Two grand. I mean, I'm flattered, Shane.

But for 2K, what would you be expecting? Like both pits, singular pit, one hair? Yeah. Oh, it'd have to be a pretty heavy bag. And what would you do with said bag? Can you throw some pews in as well, Brit? What would you do with the bag, Shane? Oh, I don't know if I can get into that on radio.

Oh, he's getting flustered. No, stop it. He's getting flustered. Stop it. Wow. Thanks, Shane, for your call, mate. I think I'm, I think, I can't be sure. I think I'm flattered.

I don't know. Britt, it would take you months to harvest that hair. No, do you know what? I appreciate Shane throwing me 2K for that. Yeah. But I think if I'm giving out my underarm hair, for God knows what reason, it's got to be more than 2K. Well, I'm glad that you feel satisfied

because I brought this and I feel offended because my pits are lovely and quite thick. All right, guys. Earlier in the week, I was telling you about a date that I set up when we were in Melbourne. Ruined, foiled, like Scooby-Doo by Britt and Laura. No, no, no, no. When you say we ruined your date,

that would insinuate that we came to a restaurant and we sabotaged it. When you invite your dates to our live show and don't actually meet them first or have anything to do with them, We can't possibly ruin your date. Let me tell you something. I'd kill to get to a restaurant, Laura, but I can't get my dates past the first date phase.

Performing in a live show. Correct. Because you keep ruining it. And now everyone in my life wants to sabotage my life. Okay, okay. We're seriously, we're very good friends. We're here for you. What happened?

Yeah, thanks for that. So convincing. My best friends foiled my date. So you know what I thought? The only safe haven to date is my house because I live. Sounds like a good first date, doesn't it, Mitch? I live at home with my mum and dad and my sister, my gorgeous sister, Rachel. So what part of that sentence was your safe haven?

Here's the thing. My parents went out for dinner. So I thought, great, I'll invite this guy over that I've been seeing. He's gorgeous. He's lovely. We've been on about 10 dates now, you know. It's kind of a situation. You're going steady.

Going steady. So I go, come over to my house. My parents aren't home. Fantastic. I invite him over. I go, do you want to come down to my bedroom? So he comes down to my bedroom. We put on a movie.

This is not a date. What is? It is. We order a pizza and we sit on my bed cross-legged and I didn't want the crumbs to get into the bed so I had to put tea towels down. It actually wasn't very romantic. Yeah, okay.

And like our feet were kind of touching when we were cross-legged. It was a bit of a weird moment. Is this how you're flirting with him? Well, I bought the pizza so it was a power move. I also love that Mitch thinks his dates don't work because of us but I think Mitch figured out the real source. Here's what happened. We put the pizza to the side.

Then we sit on the bed. We're chatting. We're talking. Things start to get heated. I go, I'm going to make a move. I'm going to try and kiss this guy. We've kissed before so it's not a first kiss. here. It's on my bed. It's a koala mattress. Very comfy. And I lean over and then I hear

fee-fi-fo-fo. Oh no. I hear clank, clank, bang, bang. I hear like we're in a haunted mansion. My house door is directly above my bedroom. Very thin floorboards in this old family home. This is my childhood home. I grew up, I got pubes in that bed. The family only got one course. Too much. Correct. It just goes too far, doesn't it? My parents arrived home early and I was gracious enough to say I've got someone over just FYI didn't realize that the floorboards were so wafer thin that we could hear the conversation that they were having above us so here I am intertwined with this guy with a pizza and I hear my dad go Michelle is the boy still here my sister she's the town crier yes he's here in the bedroom mom goes did you meet him

Is the door closed? She goes, yes, I did. He's quiet. He's actually good looking. And I'm going, I'm so sorry. Just like, why don't we put some music on? And then he's going, no, I want to listen to this. Who is that?

I go, my family. Then my dad goes, why don't we go down and put our head at the door? I'm not joking. You know my parents. You know that's right up their alley. Yeah, then to make things worse, you know what he says? What? He goes, oh, is it the brunette one?

And then my sister goes, no, it's not the brunette one. It's the blonde one. Dad goes, with the blue eyes. And then Rachel goes, no, this one's got hazel eyes. Was it either of them? No, it was a new one. Oh, stop. So this guy's sitting in my bed going, oh, am I fourth of the week?

I'm not good at it. Maybe you're a bit too good at it. Anyway. What did he think he was going to hear? I have an idea. Yeah. Move out of your family home, your twin yay. That's good.

Yeah. That's probably going to fit. And then start with dinner and then move out. All right. Thanks, guys. We'll be right back.