Life Uncut - Pulling an ASK UNCUT switcheroonie

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

It’s therapy Thursday on a Tuesday lifers!!Britt has been well and truly under the weather and has almost lost her voice (but not enough to keep her from bringing this to you!) so we swapped the eps this week so we can bring you our big juicy episode this Thursday without the croaky voice!First up, Bryce from married at first sight is being a real piece of warm poop pie and has some explaining to do! Now it's time for your deep dark and burning questions and do we have some bangers for you today!-How do you tell your best friend that she’s not your bridesmaid when she’s made the assumption that she is!? So awkward, what do I do!? -I broke up with my partner of two years because he’s too short for me, does this make me superficial? Can this be a deal breaker or am I being crazy? -I’ve been dating a guy for 4 months and he’s just dropped a bombshell on me, he’s a hard core conspiracy theorist! Haha help?! Is this compatible with someone that most certainly is not? Keep the questions rolling in guys we love answering them!! Therapy Thursday is just as much therapy for us as it is for you!Follow us on the gram @lifeuncutpodcast and don’t be shy to hit subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app! As an independent podcast this is the stuff that helps us grow and keeps us going. And please, share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh my god, stop it. Brittany just plucked me her titties. Again. They do look great. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. And now we've had to do a little switcheroo this week because Brittany here has lost her voice. Well, almost lost her voice. She's got a throat infection. So instead of doing our main episode today, we decided that we would go for our short, sharp, down and dirty episode. And we would do our Ask Uncut on a Tuesday just to really throw a spanner in the works and keep you guessing. Guys, I do have, I do have a throat infection, like a really hardcore throat infection. And like, I just want to reiterate, it's not hurting me to talk very much, but I don't want to put you guys through an hour of listening to

this voice. And if you guys are new to Life Uncut, welcome. And I do not sound like this. I want you to know normally, if you're a new Life Uncut listener, it gets better. You've got to love it when someone rocks up to your house during the middle of a pandemic and says, I've got a really bad throat infection, but I'm fine to record the episode. I'm like, are you fine? Should you be in my house? Why are you holding my children? You should see it. There's like this big white dangly thing at the back of my throat so good but no this is how dedicated we are to you guys we don't want to leave you without an episode but we thought the best we could do for you this week is just switch them around so you're just going to listen to the ask uncut this week but enough about that

how are you laura somebody had the big three five birthday i was like it's three five even the thing yes i turned 35 on the weekend actually no i turned 35 on friday last week i was keeping it to myself it was a bit low-key it didn't look low-key across Instagram I went out for lunch and then I went out for dinner but in comparison to past years it was pretty low-key I did lunch with my sister and then Matt took me out for a really nice dinner and we had Nana come and babysit the kids and it was the first time we left the house with any children and we were kind of like what do we do now you looked beautiful I must say that on your Instagram I think it's because like you don't dress up or go out much anymore and I only ever see you like this so when I see

dressed up I'm like damn shorty also an aggressive filter goes a very very long way a little bit of little bit of light tuning and an aggressive filter also when you've had a shower and you've brushed your hair people especially like once you've just been in like the den and the soup of living in your own filth for six weeks after having a kid the moment that you have a shower and put makeup on people like oh my god you look beautiful you're like no yeah not really it's just a vast comparison to what you're used to when the vomit's not in my hair it really goes a long way Speaking of that, my daughter literally just did an explosive diarrhea poo on the couch before we walked in here to record.

And I was like, you know what, honey, you can deal with that. And so Matt is currently cleaning up breastfed baby yellow poop. It was the best thing, right? We're both sitting in the lounge and she does a little poopy. And Matt goes, oh, do you want a towel to put under her? Laura's like, nah, I think she's done. Famous last words. Then she shoots this diarrhea out.

And I'm talking like shoots out. It goes down the crack of the couch. It's everywhere. We're dying. and then my favorite part guys I've been waiting seven weeks for this moment to happen Laura she picked up Lola after this and she goes oh little Lola Derby and I was like oh my god it's happened I've waited my whole life for this moment her nickname is the Lola Derby and I'll be forever ingrained into your family even if we break up I feel sorry for my child this is true okay but

before we get into um it's enough about my child and diarrhea and you know we got in there really quickly but before we get into the questions for today's episode all of the things that you've been asking and sending in I want to bring up something that happened last night on maths I thought you're going to talk about sex or something I want to bring up something that happened last night something different for this podcast I usually talk about my sex life so you guys we're recording this on Monday morning normally we record it over the weekend but because Britt's been a bit sick we had to push it back and last night on Sunday night I'm sure a lot of you watched the maths episode where Bryce wrote leave, then he crossed it out and wrote stay. And

it was very controversial and everyone has a lot of thoughts and feelings, but nobody has as many thoughts and feelings as I do on the matter. Let me tell you this. We love a good thought and feeling session on Life Uncut. I was so mad and I was so mad. And I know that a lot of people who watched it, you would understand the reason why we were all so mad and the level of manipulation that goes into this. But Britt doesn't really watch that much maths. And so I kind of wanted to explain to her something about it that has sat with me so wrong. And the issue with Bryce and Melissa's relationship this whole time is that Melissa seems to fundamentally have such low self-worth that she's willing to put up with whatever it is that Bryce does because she is

petrified of him leaving her. That's the dynamic of their relationship that we've all seen play out so far. The thing that really pissed me off about him writing leave last night was just another step and another little way of further manipulating her and creating what is called trauma bonding. So basically imagine if your boyfriend or your girlfriend does something that upsets you and hurts you. Maybe they've cheated, maybe they just, whatever, they just haven't listened to you and they didn't take the washing out and hurt your feelings, whatever it is. Imagine that you approach them about something that they have done wrong and you're upset about it and instead of them apologizing and instead of them understanding listening to what you have to

say they flip the narrative and say oh it's just you know what you're so upset it's it's too hard I'm gonna leave because it's better for you if I leave because clearly I'm such a bad person and instead of taking ownership and taking any responsibility it's this gaslighting and turning it around so that the person who is actually the one who's been wronged in the first place who is owed an apology goes oh I'm so sorry I made a big deal about it I'm so sorry don't leave what Bryce is doing to Melissa is that because Melissa has been showing that she's upset on the couch because she's been showing her feelings it's like he's blaming her that this problem has been created that everybody is you know all eyes are on them and he thinks well all eyes are

on us because you keep getting upset and so the fact that he's written leave and then written stay is sort of his way of going you made me do this but you know what I'm giving it another chance And it is so evil. Well, it's a classic deflection manipulation technique, isn't it? It's like also him trying to come off in this situation like he's a hero, like I'm doing this for you. The old you deserve better and that's why I'm doing it, which is like I'm calling bullshit.

People do that all the time as an excuse when they do want to just leave as well. But the thing that gets me with him writing leave and then writing stay, he wrote leave at the top, which means there was room at the bottom for him to write stay. It was premeditated. he knew that he was going to write it he wanted the space to write stay the other thing is he 100% knew that she was going to say stay he knew that was staying there was no benefit to him writing

the leave and crossing it out the other thing is it sort of creates this bond with them and like you said her self-esteem is so low and I really feel for her and she needs to work on that you can even see in her body language with she's always quite looking down and it's almost like she's a shell of herself when she's with him which I hate to see but he's creating this environment where like you just said Laura okay I'll stay for you but I want you to know how close I was to leaving like I'm you're on the cusp so she's going to be walking on eggshells even more because she knows how close she was to leaving and that in itself is a technique he's creating an environment where it's like you don't know how good you have it and how lucky I am to still be here kind of a

thing so the poor thing is walking on eggshells as it is but she's going to be terrified now to put her foot out of place and you know obviously we don't know how much of the show is edited and like let's give some level of benefit of the doubt, even if it is a dumpster fire and it doesn't deserve it. But the thing is, and it's something that we advocate for so much on this podcast, when you are so frightened of being alone or having someone walk away and you're so scared of abandonment, and that is what drives you in a relationship, that allows you to lower your standards so far that you just don't have any standards anymore. And so that's where I think we've gotten to with Melissa and Bryce. Melissa's standards have dropped and her self-worth has

dropped to being so minimal that she would put up with anything that he doesn't says because her fear of him leaving her surpasses anything that she deserves for herself and like you said Brit it was the absolute telltale sign when he wrote leave at the top because like what he was trying to say was I wrote leave and then I changed my mind no pal you wrote leave knowing that you were going to write stay because you wrote it specifically with enough space on the card to change your mind like everyone always writes in the middle shit yes anyway maths made us both very mad last night and I need a glass of wine and a sit down the show actually I said this to Laura like I'm trying to watch it now because I want to get on board with these conversations

they are important conversations but it just I've never I don't even know I can't pinpoint why the show infuriates me I can't enjoy one bit of it wait you don't enjoy people being vulnerable and like absolutely decimating their self-esteem and self-worth you don't find that entertaining that's crazy I know it's so crazy it just infuriates me and last night watching it I look at them and I know guys I've been on two reality shows I know that a lot is fabricated and I know there's a lot of manipulation but there are some things you cannot manipulate like things they are what they are I try and give a lot of people the benefit of the doubt but everyone's infuriating me and I feel like people are going in there trying to start fires and that infuriates

me something that comes up every season on every reality tv show is that people who are portrayed badly always cry that it's the edit there's always the conversation oh the edit the edit the edit I was really lovely person in there and I've been made to look like a villain there is only so much that can be achieved with an edit and I think that that's really important for people to keep perspective on and also for people who are on the show to have some self-reflection and some self-awareness we all know how reality tv works now so if a producer is pushing you to do something or to say something that goes against your moral compass have a spine and say no you know there were plenty of times on the bachelor where i was asked or told and i know the same thing for you

brit to do or say something and i was like no absolutely not because it's fucking mean and you just don't do it and then they go to the next person ask somebody else to do it the thing that gets held over you is airtime so the producers will say to you well if you do this and you say this you'll get more airtime and what people don't realize is that's that's not all these equations you don't want airtime there's a reason i wasn't really shown on bachelor in paradise i walked off set and quit the bachelor at one point which i've never really spoken about towards the end probably about three quarters through because of that i was like this isn't me this isn't my storyline and that's not what i'm gonna do it's not what i'm about i'm never

gonna say this and i was beside myself so i quit the show i was like i'm done and i walked out and they had to come and chase me and be like please don't go and i was like well you need to get on bored with the fact that this is never going to happen and like I just want to fall in love just let me be a shadow in the back and fucking fall in love yeah totally so I do think most of us realize this when we watch these shows but be wary when someone says and blames the edit entirely because you know you can only cut and paste so much of someone's personality if the person is still choosing to say and do things especially if they're talking direct to camera then that says a lot about the person themselves I do want to say though and like this is true like Laura said

the villains are the villains 99% of the time and they have said these things what I will say and in their defense is it can be made to look a lot worse a lot of the time but they are that role and usually they are that character they give the producers so much already but it can be made to look a lot worse I will say that we're not just like throwing these people under the bus as well but yeah just know that if someone said something they've said it yeah I mean I totally totally agree with that but at the same time fucking Bryce I can't wait I'm actually going to watch this week we will talk about it a lot more on Thursday's episode because I think something explosive will happen with them next week their storyline is far from over anyways let's get into the question guys

thank you so much to everybody who's written in questions for today Brittany has chosen four questions and we're going to kick it off with number one I'm going to make Laura start number one my throat needs a little rest okay number one is so guys I've been dating this guy for the past four months and he is wonderful honestly on paper he seems to tick all of my boxes and I have fallen in deep the problem is is that recently he's been talking a lot about different conspiracy theories oh fuck run and I'm starting to think that maybe this isn't a one-off thing and he has just been keeping this part of his identity a bit of a secret it what would you do if you found out your partner was fully into conspiracy theories

I find this really funny fucking run my immediate reaction is like tie up your joggers and get out of there but no look this has a few different levels because I have friends that I mean not close friends I have acquaintances and people I used to work with that are conspiracy theorists some of them it doesn't bother me when they have an opinion I sometimes find it amusing when it's like really like the world is flat you're like oh it's cute you think aliens made the pyramids adorable totally like covid is fake that shit annoys me when people are spreading fake news like pete evans for example i couldn't stand that i would divorce pete evans in a second because that's actually putting people's like it's so dumb it's so far-fetched and it's putting people's

lives in danger when people just have their own thoughts and opinions and it's cute they tell you you can have a laugh if it's not affecting your day-to-day relationship or you're not arguing about it or you know it's not making you lose sleep at night I think it's fine it's just when someone's life starts to change like I had some friends that literally and like this is quite funny they thought the world was going to end and they had an end of the world pack they'd been packed and ready to go and the pack stayed at their front door permanently it's like they were going to go to the hospital have the baby they had their baby bag packed it was an end of world bag was this like a 2012 Mayan calendar thing like when the 2012 end of world was supposed to happen

and then it never came. But dude, you know what? Yeah, it's exactly like that, but they didn't have a date they were waiting for. It was just in case the end of the world was coming. It had like cans of food and stuff, all the things you would think, but then it had, and this is the funny thing,

it had string and like a rope in it, but the guy had done like a rope course and you had to tie all these knots and stuff in case that they had to like hike themselves up a tree. I don't know what the rope was going to do. Okay, wait, but my question is, do you think that somebody who has an end of well bag at their front door is the extreme end or do you think that that's okay because I think I would

have a real problem if Matt wanted to keep a bag at the door in case the zombie apocalypse was coming I bet babe it just doesn't go with our aesthetic in here we need to at least put it in the cupboard like come on look there are some conspiracy theories that are obviously less harmful than others exactly what you've said Britt but you need to be very aligned on your core beliefs with your partner and if your partner is a conspiracy theorist or believes in things that are very contradictory to what you believe then I think that that is going to cause problems down the path and the other part of this as well is you don't know how deep they are in I think you need to kind of figure that out and if they haven't been fully transparent with you about this figure

out how deep their belief system lies like what is it what political views do they have what religious views do they have not just around conspiracy theories but these are all things that you need to be on some level on the same page with because they are core parts of a relationship they're parts of what you're going to have this conversation they're also parts of how you're going to raise children if you do decide to have kids like they're really really integral to having a long-term relationship and I think you can get so deep in how you feel about someone before actually looking at who you are as people and whether you are well suited and it doesn't sound like necessarily you're well suited it sounds like there's a lot of chemistry but there's a lot of

shit wrong here as well yeah I 100% agree if it's innocent as an example if it's like I believe that the aliens made the pyramids fucking lol like have a lol and be like okay babe like whatever works if it's something more serious like covid is fake or you can buy this fifteen thousand dollar lamp to cure covid or q anon even like there's a lot of dangerous stuff that's coming out of q anon you know like i think that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and like we can sit here and say what we think is conspiracy theories and what we think is acceptable that's our personal views but at the end of the day we are going to date people who have similar views to us whether those views are right or wrong and whether your partner's views are right or wrong, or whether

he is batshit crazy, that's irrelevant. I think the main thing here is that you need to be on the same page with stuff. And there's only a few things that you can really deviate. Like there's only a few conspiracy theories that are not so harmful that they're going to cause problems in your relationships. I like what you just said, Laura. And like, just to reiterate on that, if you do start to put it in the same category, when someone has feelings that are that strong about a conspiracy if you put in the same category as things like religion you do have to think long term if it's going to be compatible with your life and your children and the way you're going to bring people up because when someone believes so strongly in something like that it's going to

cause a rift 100 it's definitely okay to have different opinions with your partner and different beliefs like I encourage that I think that's healthy discussions you just need to figure out how different his thoughts are and his conspiracies are and if you're okay to continue on with that ultimately that's all it is if you can't stand what he's saying and it infuriates you and you know it's not compatible for the future then I think it's a really really significant reason to leave like I think it's warranted I don't think you need to be overreacting like oh is it overreacting if I break up with him because he's a conspiracy theorist if it's going to impact your life then no I think that is a valid reason I think we've almost

wrapped this but I want to say one more thing on this we love this we're always like I'm gonna keep going because we could talk about it forever I think if you're dating someone and you're embarrassed by the things that they believe and you are worried about them voicing those beliefs at say a dinner party or out with a group of friends if he was to talk about the things that he believed in and it would embarrass you then that is a pretty clear indication that you're on very very different pages if you were like hey I know he believes these things but if he keeps them to himself I'm okay with them that's when you need to check yourself because you want your partner to be able to be his true authentic self in the same way that you would expect him to be okay with you

being your true authentic self so like when you're apologizing for someone behind their back like when you're leaving a dinner party you turn around you're like I'm so sorry about that tonight I'm sorry that he's crazy you don't have to yeah fucking you don't have to do that so yeah sort your shit out all right next question question number two this one's really funny ladies can we discuss height as a deal breaker in relationships so I feel like the first sentence is already like a red flag like i don't think we even need to read this anymore but i'm gonna about a month ago i broke up with my boyfriend of two years from the moment it happened i have been going back and forth with it being the right decision and making a pros and cons list in my head 24 7 it's exhausting

now look we're big on this we're big on writing down you know if you are struggling with something we're big on saying okay what's the pro what's the con like this is fine i'm not against a list not for two years though if you're still running a cons and a pro list two years later i reckon you probably didn't make the right decision if you're still thinking about it. Okay but this gets worse. Oh shit. I keep coming back to the same thing. I'm not a shallow person but being smaller than me when my boyfriend and I were together I often just felt huge and grotesque standing next to him and having to bow my head just to kiss him. I felt like I was missing some primal instinctive element that I embarrassingly crave in a partner which I suppose is that male female power

differential am I shallow if everything else in the relationship is absolutely perfect should I just learn to live with it or will I forever crave a partner that makes me feel dainty and can pick me up and throw me in the air like a pizza I mean like are you shallow yes well like I say that I'm not being nasty I say that you're shallow but I'm just being nice well I feel like if there were other things wrong I would say you're shallow but if you just said you've been with me for two years and he literally said he's perfect except he's shorter than me then I would put that in a shallow basket now I'm not saying this is anything bad against you but I think that it's probably something that you need to understand that if the only thing wrong with him is his height

I personally don't think that's a reason to end a relationship look girl 10 years single I know how many fuckheads are out there like it is hard to find a really great human and if you've found a great human and the only thing that's detrimental to your relationship is that he's shorter than you obviously it's up to you and how you feel if you can live with it but I don't think that's a reason I think it's pretty interesting right like I mean yes it's a superficial thing but usually it's a deal breaker straight off the bat the fact that like you went down the path of being in a two-year relationship and it was still an issue I would say that like normally if you meet someone who's shorter than you and height is one of your prerequisites it would instantly end the relationship

kind of there and then like I definitely think for me height was an important part of when I would find someone attractive that's not to say I haven't dated anyone shorter than me I dated a guy for three and a half years who was shorter than me but I do understand this feeling of like wanting to feel feminine and wanting to feel little and I'm like a quite a tall broad person and I didn't feel feminine and little in that relationship was that a deal breaker and did that make me feel unattractive with him no absolutely not but it's interesting to me that you have gotten two years into the relationship and that is the only thing that is constantly stayed as an issue for you and it makes me think maybe maybe there's something there that you need to work on yourself why do

you need to feel little why do you feel like you need to feel skinny or feminine like that seems like a self-esteem issue more than anything because you're not defined by your size and we're all going to change sizes throughout our life you know we're going to put on weight we're going to lose weight like that stuff that fluctuates and that stuff is not a guarantee so like why is it that feeling little and feeling feminine is so important to you in your relationship maybe that's something and a question you need to ask yourself I do want to actually agree with that and I do want to make a point too Laura and I are both tall and we are both broad and we were both very athletic growing up I 100% resonate with what you're saying I've always felt bigger like I

always have and even though I'm not huge by any means but I was made to feel that way especially when a lot of my friends were little I always wanted someone to date that was bigger than me because I didn't want to accentuate the fact that I felt big but I have dated people that were smaller than me I dated one guy that was shorter than me only a little bit and he was probably he wasn't huge and muscly either but fuck he was funny he was so funny and he was so lovely that I was just obsessed with his personality and everything else in that moment and in that relationship took over the fact that I was bigger than him he loved being with me he made me feel really good all the time so I got past that but it was always 100% it was always

in the back of my mind but I just had to be hyper aware that everything else was great I also have some friends whose parents have been married 40 years and they're so in love and they could not be more extreme he's like Danny DeVito no joke he's five foot something and she's an extremely tall woman so he comes up to probably maybe under her boob like a significant height difference and they have the happiest most loving relationship it just doesn't mean anything because they're perfect in every other way i have a friend who's the same thing like it would have to be a foot difference between him and her and they have a kid together they're so happy and they do not give a flying fuck that there is a height difference there's two things that i want to say on this

one i just want to reiterate that we are talking about a height difference here we're not when we say bigger or smaller like this is not about weight comparison because it could be very very annoying for you guys listening to two relatively skinny girls going oh and I felt bigger than him which is being broad and like we're both swimmers and surfers like we just felt tall and broad we totally appreciate that really hot this is purely hot and secondly to that is I think we need to reassess this idea of it's social normative that's what this is we have been conditioned that men are supposed to be taller women are supposed to be shorter there is no other reasoning behind it it's like a primitive oh tall men are strong and robust and virile and they're going to

provide for us and we are diminutive little women and we need to be taken care of it is that social normative that has created the environment and created the concept where we're like well we need to date men who are taller fuck that just date good guys or date good girls like date people who treat you and make you feel amazing if the one thing that is a barrier in your mind is height then really maybe you need to do some work on yourself because if it's two years later and you guys are broken up and you are still doing pros and cons list because you know that he was actually an amazing guy and the only reason why you broke up with him was height you're going to find it very very difficult to constantly compare someone because yeah there's

a lot of tall guys out there there's a lot of tall assholes out there and trust me i would rather a guy treat me great than throw me around like a pizza conversely like on the reverse side to that I do want to say that like I agree with everything Laura just said but ultimately I think it sucks if you can't get past it because it sounds like a beautiful relationship that you would be lucky to be in if you know internally that you will never feel good and this will be in the back of your mind for the rest of your life and you know you cannot conquer that feeling of he's shorter than you then yeah I think that you probably do need to end the relationship because it'll be there forever but I think if you can you need to try and work on it and save the relationship

that's what I want to say I'm like I think you need to go balls in with this guy and try and work on that problem because he sounds amazing and like it is fuck it's just so rare you've got another thought I can tell Laura do you think the part of this is not just a reflection of how you feel as in like you feeling like you want to be smaller than your partner but do you feel there's any part of this that comes from what other people might think I think that that's a question to ask yourself as well because I remember when I dated a guy who was shorter than me the guy I was talking about three and a half years at the start my question wasn't so much about him I was so into him but I was like what will people think about me dating someone who's shorter than me like

does that look silly like does it look silly to other people and the thing is nobody cares about you nobody cares about your relationship nobody cares about the way you look the only person who cares is you and so if you can get over it and you can be happy with it then you're gonna have a great relationship but if you allow something that is super super super super super superficial to impact that that's all on you and we don't think you're necessarily a superficial bitch all the time but like this is this is a hard one no we don't think you're a superficial bitch at all but our advice to wrap this up is to make this work go and give it another shot that is my advice I'm there I'm with you I love it when we agree all right question number three and this is our

last question because like we said guys we're just going to keep this episode short sharp and snazzy Brit is dying this I have to go to the GP after this this question genuinely and this doesn't happen often I felt so uncomfortable reading the question I got tears in my eyes and the empathy that I had for the girl in this situation was like nothing I've ever had before because it felt so awkward okay guys I'm still really close friends with my childhood best friend she's the reason my partner and I actually together. I'm getting married at the end of next year and I haven't picked my bridesmaids yet. I know that she assumes she's going to be one, but the issue is I don't want her to be. Without going into too much detail, I know she will cause a lot of stress and drama in

the lead up to the big day. Another issue is that when she drinks, she can become quite loud and she can get aggressive, which has caused scenes at events before. And I know she's not going to not drink how do I gently let her down without causing too much conflict I feel so guilty because she keeps mentioning when we're going dress shopping and it's going to be so great when I'm a bridesmaid I know I need to have this conversation but what do I do oh I feel so uncomfortable like she's just genuinely thinks she's made the assumption which I get if you've been best friends for your whole life like I have a best friend that always talks about she can't wait to get married and I can be a bridesmaid but the thing is she would be like there are friends that assume it and I'm just so

uncomfortable by the fact that you've obviously let it go on a little bit too long because you don't know how to approach it and I feel for you but like I just feel so uncomfortable. Okay but the issue is does she sit her down and actually have a conversation saying like look I love you but you're not one of my bridesmaids or does she just go and ask the people that she wants to be her bridesmaids and not ask her friend because there's two ways to approach this you're like oh she'll get the gist once i've asked the other girls nah i think that i know that you would love to do that and that would be the easy option but that would hurt her more to hear from everyone else that they've been asked to be bridesmaids she'll probably be like oh did my letter get

lost in the mail like i think that you need to have the conversation before you ask the other bridesmaids how you go about that is the next part i don't think you need to go into the fact where you say like you drink too much and you're aggressive and you cause problems i think that that will cause a whole nother issue but that is a really good reason like you don't have to feel guilty that you're not asking her I think weddings cause so much external extra drama that don't need to be there with these sort of issues I think what I would have to do if I fuck if I had to I would just say to her look I love you so much I want you to be a big part of my wedding and you've always been there for me but like just so you know I'm only gonna have however many

bridesmaids so I'm only gonna have three brides I'm only gonna have seven bridesmaids and you're I'm having 21 bridesmaids but you don't make the cut no I just 21 of my closest friends though so like you know you don't feel too bad about it and I've just got Sharon from the coffee shop is that okay because she was really nice to me last week and gave me a free one yeah she gave me an extra shot like no I think you just be honest in that sense where you're like look I'm only having three unfortunately like I need to have these people maybe it's your sister or maybe it's another best friend or maybe it's a sister-in-law whatever but then just say to her make her feel still really loved and included be like I still want you to come and help me choose my dress and

I want you to be a huge part of my day, like organizing it and being there and stuff. So don't make her feel like she's completely left out. That would be my advice. But I think honestly, honesty is the best policy. Absolutely. Look, it's such an uncomfortable situation, but it's not one that you can avoid by sticking your head in the sand. My only thing is, is I would say to her, I want you to be as big a part or a smaller

part as what you would like in regards to like coming and helping with the organization and the dress shopping. I think it's a bit of a backhanded thing to say, oh, I still want you to be super involved but I don't want you to be a bridesmaid because it's kind of like doing all the work without getting any of the glory if that makes sense well so you don't want to be a bridesmaid it's such hard work it's so and it's so expensive like it's like as much as you love your friends and you want to be there for them in the day at the same time you're like fuck it there's so much work to do okay I just want to drink pina coladas and enjoy myself let me just get drunk in the

corner totally imagine this so I'm not a bridesmaid for Laura but imagine Laura if because we've never had that conversation we've never ever okay but I haven't chosen my bridesmaids yet so like no one who knows no wedding at the end of the year but I mean like if you need a backup sure but it's not just assumed that this is happening oh no it's not a shoot but I'm saying imagine if you and I started talking right and I was like what bridesmaid dresses am I gonna wear because I'd like to start looking I'm such a pussy I'd just be like all right well you've got another bridesmaid you'd be like Matt we've got to put her in but like what would you do if I started like because that's what this is like really good friends that someone's made an assumption so what

if I said that how would you honestly do you think you would okay my genuine opinion and like I think you need to nip it in the butt now like I think the longer that you let this conversation go on the more that you are implying that she is a bridesmaid so she said I can't wait to choose our bridesmaids dresses and you didn't nip it in the butt then you have reinforced to her that she is going to be a bridesmaid so you're making your job more and more difficult without saying it you've confirmed it totally so you're making your job more difficult so I think the next time wedding dress or you know anything wedding related comes up if it does come up then I think say babe I'm so sorry I know that this is going to hurt you I love you and I don't want you to be upset by this

but you know I've only got the option of having these three people and I've got this is who I'm choosing I don't think you need to go into long-winded explanations as to why and I really think that sometimes we feel like we need to overcompensate when we are upsetting someone when we are letting someone down or when we're saying no to a situation it's very rare that we feel comfortable to say do you know what no and leave it at that or do you know what unfortunately this is the situation we always feel like we need to justify and reason and I think if you over justify and you over reason you actually create a worse situation for yourself in this tell her you love her tell her you want her to be at the wedding tell her how important she is to

you but say unfortunately I was only able to choose this many people and you know I've chosen these girls you don't need to explain why you have chosen them because that is only going to potentially hurt her more you know oh because I'm closer friends with this person I did this with like you don't need to explain that away totally there's a lot of power in that and we're actually going to talk about saying no next episode actually like there's a segment we're going to do about that which is I found really interesting but one other thing I want to say is I've been in this exact position and I think that if you are really best friends with someone and you really love each other that this shouldn't affect your friendship you should love

them enough that it's their day and that's okay I had a best friend that I never assumed I would be a bridesmaid absolutely not but I also wouldn't have been surprised if she asked me because we were that close of friends and she just came to me really honestly she said like I can't have you as a bridesmaid because I've got three sisters and that's what I'm gonna do like I'm gonna do them but I would love you to do a speech at the wedding and emcee the wedding like and help me choose my dress and I wasn't even disappointed because I was like cool that's the plan of the day that's your day and I loved her enough that I I mean you're allowed to feel disappointed 100% I didn't because I'm a bit different like that.

I just put things into perspective. I got a role and I did that. But also she still included you in the wedding in a massive way. By making you emcee, that's a huge, I think that this situation is more difficult because she doesn't have a alternate. She's not saying, I don't want you to be a bridesmaid, but I want you to do this. She's just saying, I don't want you to be involved in the wedding party. It's a lot harder, this situation.

Yeah, I was totally lucky that, you know, I did have another role that I was happy to do. But to be honest, my role was more stressful, like to make sure the whole wedding ran smoothly. but what I'm trying to say is like it didn't bother me even if I didn't have another role because everyone if you're in this situation if you really really love a person and then your best friend you just want what's best for them and you want the day to go off without a hitch and that just means accepting that this is for whatever reason this is what they want so I think you need to just sit down with your friend like Laura said just say that like I would love you

to still be a part of it and I still want you to come help me choose my dress I still want you to help me plan my hands or whatever else it is like there are so many things you're going to need help with and she's your best friend like you're still going to want her around so I think just sit her down now but sooner rather than later because she thinks that she's a bridesmaid but also like weddings are notoriously tricky there's always somebody who's upset there's always somebody who's offended and at the end of the day like Britt said it is your day and you make the choices for yourself and you don't have to take on everybody else's junk around your wedding do what I mean like the people who love you should be happy for you they should support you and the

people who make your wedding more stressful and create drama are actually being pretty selfish and you would hope that someone who you're friends with would understand and see that and want the best for you so like for sure fingers crossed yeah going um she's gonna be upset like going on she's allowed to be upset you can't control somebody else's reactions or somebody else's feelings like she's totally entitled to be upset is she allowed to make it all about her and should she forgive you and find some grace in this then I would hope so I had another friend I'll just quickly say this I had this exact thing as well with another one of my best friends I couldn't go to her wedding actually unfortunately but she had a best friend of forever her whole life but

she didn't want her for the almost the same reason she didn't want her as a bridesmaid she had a sister and another best friend and a cousin and that ruins the friendship that other girl was so selfish that they're no longer friends it's been probably eight years they just never spoke again purely because she didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid now I'm sorry but that is fucked that shows you how superficial that friendship was if you not being asked to be a bridesmaid even though she was still invited to the wedding and a huge part and she still said like I love you she ruined my friend's whole wedding day there was six months worth of email fights and like trying to turn other friends against her it was absolutely horrible so I think that really

shows that that friendship was was never gonna last it was never real I think it reinforces why you don't want them as a bridesmaid do you know i mean if someone's behavior is so bad that they aren't able to and like that's not to say like i don't understand why someone would be upset of course i understand that it's upsetting if your best friend doesn't want you to be a bridesmaid but if the reaction is so adverse to create such problems and to make the whole day about you and want to fight someone on a decision they've made that's important to them that's a reflection that you know what maybe this isn't someone who you really want to be that good of friends with hundred percent and that's a reflection of why you've chosen and made the decisions that you've

made can you let us know though when you had the conversation because these questions just come in so i would like you to actually like we would like a follow-up on how this went how the conversation went and also what was her reaction like that's what we would like i'm so scared for you i'm scared in my pants i'm scared in my pants all right guys i reckon that's it for us for today brit is gonna go to the gp and she's gonna go get some very hefty pain relief guys thanks for point up with it if I'm hoping it gets better and I think it will if for some reason it gets worse over the next few days well I don't know what we're going to do yet but we'll talk about it we'll keep you posted on the Instagram yeah if we have to delay our Thursday episode we will of

course let you guys know but you know we're hoping to bring you a really great episode all around the hustle and busyness and why we obsess with this busy lifestyle and what we can do to kind of make more me time amongst all that it'll be a goodie it's a really goodie it's actually it's actually an episode it's a really good it's actually an episode that brit and i were wanting to do at the end of last year but we ended up putting it on hold because another similar podcast had released a very similar conversation but we're approaching it from a different perspective so i'm really really looking forward to the next episode whenever that's gonna be hopefully it'll be thursday guys keep your questions coming into the instagram just make sure you put ask uncut at the

top so i know that it's a question keep your accidentally unfiltered coming we love them can't believe they said that or any other funny stories if we've ever read your questions out to feel free to send us updates just put update at the top so that because we do love that we love following up and seeing what's happening so it basically makes sure you put a heading at the top of any message because we get so many that i just need to be able to tell what's what guys if you love the episode please leave a review subscribe and then you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your cat, tell everyone and share the love because we love love.