Life Uncut - Reality TV catch up, my dad found my vibratory and what the hell is micro cheating?

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

Today we are talking MICRO CHEATING! Is your significant other sliding into other people’s DM’s? Pretending they are single? Having too much contact with an ex? Well. That’s called Microcheating. Yep it’s a thing. But What the hell is it and what he hell do you do about it? Lets break this bad by down! This ep made possible by scratch dog food and frank body.Feel free to leave your thoughts on the review page and share the love, because, well, we love love. Follow @lifeuncutpodcastSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi beautiful people and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. You tried something different there, didn't you? I did. Beautiful people. And the life, comma, space, uncut. I do like your enthusiasm for trying to try a new intro every single week. Thanks for bringing that, Britt. I really do.

Hey, guys, welcome. Also, thanks for bringing your exceptional tan today. Britt just came back from Bali, guys, if you don't follow her Instagram and you haven't been bombarded with her holiday for the past week. Yeah, so I just got off the plane from Bali with, might I add, a fake tan because I protect my skin now. And Laura just got off the plane covered in mosquito bites. I literally got off a plane, came straight here from Magnetic Island

where it's like 70% humidity and I am very, very sweaty covered in Matt's deodorant. So I pretty much just smell like a 13-year-old pubescent boy. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like you had to take like 21 modes of transport to get there. Yes, it's just far away. You've got to drive your car into a boat, get a plane. I just really like to make the biggest environmental footprint

as possible when I'm travelling to Magnetic Island. Don't DM me. I don't mean that. I'm not a fucktard. It's just really far to get to. It's also completely, completely trapped in a time warp. So there's still lots of toilet paper there. If anyone needs some in Sydney.

Did you bring some back? Well, I'm just thinking that in 10 years time, that's when the toilet paper shortage is going to hit. I was going to take some back from Bali and then I just had this like panic attack that they would see it in my bag and accuse me of stealing from their country. So I couldn't do it.

Just got to go to like an RSL club or somewhere where there's always surplus next to the toilet, just ready. just chuck that in your handbag. I reckon people have thought of that. I don't think you're the first person to think of going to the local RSL to get their dunny paper. Oh, here's a question. Are you a scruncher or a folder? Talking about squares. Matt and I have had this conversation before and it really put a wedge in our relationship. I'm going to guess. No, don't tell me. I think you're a scruncher. Yes, of course I am because I'm a freaking mess of a human. Look at

me i'm covered in mosquito bites i actually have human human shit on my shorts marley exploded on me and i didn't have time to get changed i've come straight here so i'm a mess which obviously means i'm a scruncher what do you think i am you're a folder you're a little princess and you're pretty folding i'm folding so unnecessary what a process i you think i'm a folder you're a scruncher. I scrunch till the cows come home. Oh my god, we're in the same scrunchie club. This is a very polarizing topic though, whether you're a scruncher or a folder. Matt is a folder. Hey, let's put a poll up. Let's see what the general public do. Also, I have another question. Is it normal for men to stand up to wipe their butts asking for a friend? Okay, so obviously

Matt stands up to wipe his butt. What, after a poo? Yeah, like do they have to stand up and... Well, I think some people might like do the semi rise, like the semi stand. Like a squat. Like maybe he just needs a bit more air room, like a bit more room to maneuver. Men do have some more physical bulkage at the front to kind of get around. How much bulkage has he got that he has to stand up to wipe his butt? I'm quite satisfied with the bulkage that he has. Anyway, so that was a weird topic that we did not plan to get onto.

No, what was Bali? Bali was incredible. I love it. It's so easy there. I did a few days training there. You know what I'm like with my exercise. I did see. I had a weird moment where I was like, oh, Brittany really is one of those people that

goes on holidays and exercises and it makes me feel weird in places I don't want to feel weird. I don't like it. But for me, when people are like, why don't you just relax? That for me is what relaxes me. It's true. And like when I'm stressed, I exercise. And when you're on holiday by yourself, what am I going to do?

There's only so much rolling around in the sand you can do. Drink. Rosé. Nope. Didn't drink it. Garitas by the pool. Health kick. This is a de-stress trip.

I pickled my liver in Magnetic Island. I feel pretty good for it. Did you? Can't really see properly, but that's okay. Well, Brittany, did you see when you were away in Bali that I did post on our Instagram page that The New Bachelor has been announced? Yes, because before you posted it, I got a message at what felt like 2am. Oh my God, I know who The New Bachelor is.

Before it was announced to the whole wide world, I had kind of sneaky squirreled found out that Lockie was going to be The Bachelor and I did message Britt and tell her because I secretly think that they are probably soulmates and that Brittany was accidentally cast on the wrong season and she should be on this season, even though I'm pretty sure that they're filming now. They've started filming this week, but is that a thing

where I can be an intruder? I am here for you. I love that for you. Have they ever done that? You should be an intruder. Have they done that before? No, but, I mean, look, they're always trying to figure out new ways to keep things new and interesting.

Let's throw you in there. That's what I mean. Back in the lion's den. Lockie has come out and said he actually made a comment like comparing himself to the badge and he said I do want to choose someone and how could Nick not have chosen but he has made it very clear that he is there for L-O-V-E love. I do feel a little bit sorry that Lockie's announcement has also been clouded with the fact that him and Brooke so Lockie and Brooke were kind of dating who knows what was really happening but for those that don't know that's Survivor right yes if you

watch Survivor then you know Lockie was just recently on this season of Survivor like he's literally jumped out of one reality tv show and into the next he was dating a girl or kind of had hooked up with a girl on the island and then it's come out that she was a bit blindsided for use of a better pun that he had then been cast as The Bachelor and I I just really love Lockie so I don't want us to be angry at him. I don't have the same level of love because I feel like I didn't watch it. So I didn't develop the connection that you have with Loki. I have a real, real soft spot for Survivor just because it's reality TV and I'm sick for it all. I love Survivor. I just didn't watch this one, but I remember Brooke's one from last year or the year before. So long story short,

he got eliminated from the show just this week. And then a day later it was announced he was a bachelor. And then Brooke has come out and said, oh, like I thought we were going to Bali. Last I heard we're going to Bali together. He said a comment, correct me if I'm wrong, I read it. He said something like, it was never going to work. We lived in different places. But then he's gone on a show to date 20 women that live all over the country. It is a bit of a tricky one because as far as I'm aware, Lockie lives in Bali. Like that's where he lives. He has a business set up there. And so it is going to be a bit of an interesting season. They're going to have to cast girls who are really nomadic. They're going to have to cast girls that don't have... You're looking

at her. You can't go anywhere. We've got a podcast to record. Maybe don't let me come out like once the weekend they're gonna have to cast girls that don't have occupations that tie them down i mean the the whole moving across country is already such a big hurdle for some contestants to overcome let alone moving to a whole nother country i guarantee every girl on that show will say she's willing to move well why would you go on it if you weren't though no there's a difference between willing to move like within your country i am willing to move for instagram followers no they will no one is going to go on that show and then be like oh i don't want to move it depends on if the people who are cast knew that it was lucky before going in no they don't

they don't know so they go into their lockdown before it's announced to australia so they are locked away for four days then it's announced to australia so they don't know i just really hope then that with with the casting process that one of the big things that they're focused on is picking girls that are okay with moving because otherwise it just seems like such a such a massive hurdle that they're going to have to overcome because I mean I think for us like the only reason why I shouldn't say the only reason but one of the big reasons why Matt and I worked out and it was so easy for us is because we lived in the same state we live in the same town when we've down the road from each other yeah we shared the same gym so like for us it was really easy because we

slotted into each other's lives. Slotted into more than that. Oh yeah, girlfriend. But yeah, I agree. Not anymore because I'm very tired all the time. Yeah. So back onto Lockie. I think it'll be a great season. So do I. Look, I'm here for it. I'd prefer to be there for it, but this will have to do. Okay. Well, that is one reality show down. I have a question for you because I know you're obsessed with it and that he's married at first sight and the shit that went down i do you know what i have not actually watched that much of this season which is weird for me i have 21 jobs you don't have time no i don't know i have not gotten as hooked on it as what i did last year and i think that that is because a lot of the drama seems to be really fabricated and i know i know

that we know we know better like we know that it's fabricated feels like they realized last year that they had a really good plot the cheating scandals and the controversy and it feels like the producers are really trying to emulate those sorts of plots and like the contestants are being pushed to say certain things or pushed to do certain activities which just kind of stand out as being like very much producer driven but i did actually last night see the whole saga that went down between ivan and alex is this what you're talking about that's what i'm talking about and um the experts and i put that in inverted commas the experts drilling them on their sex life they need us we are the experts we're here to give the relationship advice guys that there could be something in that let's have

a relationship advice tv show i was like we have one it's the podcast on thursday's break let's make it let's ask be the experts i feel like we've got better advice so for anyone who didn't watch math basically yvonne and alex they've been very they've been very tight-lipped about talking about anything sexual to do with their relationship Alex has sort of said to Ivan at some point that she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it and she doesn't want it to be a topic of public conversation and he has like completely respected that and has at no point ever crossed the line or spoken to any of the people who are the other housemates or the contestants or the experts about their whether they're getting down and getting dirty and I

think that's brilliant i mean i can't relate i talk about it all the time but you know i have a lot of respect for people who don't want to talk about it well the reason this has become such a big thing so quickly is because everyone else on there historically and now they're so loose-lipped and no pun intended loose-lipped oh that was really gross but unheard of on that show because everyone's used to everybody spilling everything i think as well is that when you're in that environment if the producers and the people who are the experts like for example if osha tells you to do something when i'm talking about bachelor now you do it because you're being told to do it and there's also this fear that if you say no or you push against the producers too

much then you're gonna go over yeah then you're gonna get a bad edit so the fact that ivan and alex have said no we're not going to talk about this but then we're getting pushed pushed pushed pushed and they didn't give into it they stood their ground i i think fucking good on ivan for doing that but i also thought as it was happening i felt so incredibly uncomfortable when when a couple has made a commitment to each other that they're not going to speak about something private publicly because they respect each other that's theirs like what expert has the right to push push push push push in a public forum if ivan had gone and spoken publicly about his relationship and like whether or not they were getting down and dirty then he would have completely betrayed

Alex and what she wanted so the fact that that they were pushing him to betray her in the first place it's like really it's really irresponsible it's the total opposite to what you should be doing if you want healthy relationships to come out of that experiment I can tell like having been through the process and I know you can as well you can tell that the experts were being pushed to get the information as well I don't think it's all on the experts I think it's like okay the tonight's mission is to extract this information so they're there getting nothing and they know that from behind them they're being pushed on like to get to get the information and i felt like you did i felt very uncomfortable because it wasn't once it wasn't twice it was

three times but also i felt like he was being gaslighted a little bit when they said oh you're being you're being very hostile he wasn't being hostile he was just saying i don't feel comfortable talking about this and because he was giving a no and a firm no it was it was like oh well you're you're being you're the one being mean you're the one being aggressive and he wasn't being aggressive either at all he was just being firm i totally agree with what you're saying and i don't think that the the onus falls on the experts like of course it's this massive production cog a lot of wheels yeah there's all these people behind and all this pressure to get the storyline out of them but i do think that if as a production they really want to have real like successful couples come out

of it then there still has to be some level of respect and I do think that in this very isolated situation that was lacking and also I didn't like when they kept panning over to all the other contestants and they were all smirking like Alex and Yvonne were idiot I totally agree all they had this little smirk on their faces rolling their eyes at them and I thought actually like you guys are the ones that are laughable right now and I have a lot of respect for Alex and Yvonne My only thought in like protecting them when we say like when we're criticizing the other contestants is that it's very easy in an edit for them to take like a smile or a smirk or a side glance from another situation that's happened at another point in the night and then make that and use that to make it look like they were laughing at Alex and Yvonne. I don't necessarily think that they were, but I think that the way that it was edited made it look like nobody thought that what they were doing was the right thing. i felt really icky about last night's episode and i just you know what i haven't been enjoying it as

much as last year yeah well i i told you i've never watched it and i still haven't watched it i just made a point to go and watch that scene because i woke up this morning and it was everywhere it was all over the news was in all the articles was all over instagram i did also send you a text message saying we're going to talk about this shit on the podcast and you sent me the link so it's fucking weird that you listened to it and watched it oh my god what a day okay i'm gonna wrap that and i actually just wanted this just popped into my head now i want to talk to you about one more reality show that i have just become addicted to i binge watched it on the plane from bali oh god i don't need any more added to my repertoire i don't have enough time in my life

you're gonna love it you are going to love it it is called you forgot the name i've got it it is called love is blind have you heard about it no what is it okay it is trending hashtag trending right now it's huge you're so in fashion i know oh my god you know everything that's going on so essentially there's like 10 guys or 15 guys and 15 girls and they never see each other and they've got opposite pods and they walk into these enclosed pods and is a sheet of like frosted glass in the middle and they talk to each other and they just get to know each other but you can never see what they look like and they're not allowed to describe what they are either they're just about talking about their life and what they like getting to know each other on like a deeper soul

connection and then they move along the pods the pods are in this line so they go and date somebody else and then they narrow it down to who they want to keep going they're like who do you want to go on a date with tonight and they're picking people purely based on chat so it's about taking this superficial level away anyway the first episode you're like this is bloody ridiculous like you know what i'm like you're like yeah i need a guy who's like six foot and really tall dark and handsome personality exactly give me smooth skin and cheese grater cheese grater abs how is smooth skin the first thing you said i love skin i mean i'm not gonna kink shame you but that's weird no i didn't say no i didn't mean smooth i mean just like soft like nice like a baby

Not hairy. I like hair, but not a lot of hair. Okay. So then they have to propose before they see each other. No, this is too crazy for me. It's not. Then they all go to Mexico and they spend time together, but they don't know that all the couples that chose each other are there because they had, some of them had connections with two people, but they've never seen each other. Then they go to Mexico in this resort and they have to see if their physical connection is the same, but then they're introduced to all the other people that they had connections with and it's you're gonna love it trust me like you get hooked oh god i don't know it's the most popular show on tv right now who where who else is filmed who is this okay so this

is your recommendation for the week guys what's it called again if you can remember love is blind love is blind all right i'm gonna watch an episode and i'll report back next week you need two episodes everybody go watch two episodes and report back all right well that was a that was a lot of reality tv i thought you were gonna give me more than that nope that's all i've got that was exhausting all right guys good episode we'll see you all next week look we don't we never do reality tv anymore but a lot has happened so we just needed to nut that out i feel better now we've also managed to go almost an entire season without properly watching maths i don't know who i am anymore neither do i you've changed i've changed i like it i'm here for it no i'm boring

and old now i'm covered in mosquito bites and i smell life is hard all right life is being cruel all right britney i have a freaking doozy of an accidentally unfiltered story for you you know i love this which which i've been wanting to tell you this one all week but i have kept it because i want your genuine reactions to this okay so for whoever had written this one in i'm just gonna like apologize now somebody wrote in this accidentally unfiltered story and i took a screenshot of it and for some reason i can't freaking find the actual message that was sent to us in our dms because we do get a hell of a lot of messages for ask uncut and also for accidentally unfiltered so i can't find this story to read it to you word for word but i wanted to

summarize that bad boy i'm gonna tell you what happened as best i can once so i don't know why oh i put that voice on that was weird but uh anyway um so basically the writer has told us this. So she was at home this one day and she was feeling a little bit frisky. So she decided she went and she got her vibrator. Love a good vibrator story. She went and she got her vibrator and her vibrator was one of those ones that had like a suction cap bottom to it. For like the shower or something. Yeah. I've not seen them. I've not used one, but I get the gist of it. So basically it's a vibrator. It has a suction cap on the bottom of it and you can stick it to the wall of the shower or other things it might seem and so she took the vibrator to her office and

she sat in the office like the office that she has she lives with her boyfriend but her boyfriend wasn't there for whatever reason so she took the vibrator to the office and she put on some porn that she enjoyed watching and decided she'd have a little number on herself and had a good old time successful mission mission complete then put the vibrator down next to the keyboard so she put the I read it down next to the keyboard turned the computer off and then went about her day completely forgot about it was at home was prepping dinner and her boyfriend came home with her boyfriend's parents and they were coming over for dinner that night I can already see where this is going so so dad's like hey guys do you mind if I use the computer to check my emails

and why do you do that at a dinner party dad come on and the poor girl's like yeah you know where the computer is just go on in and so dad sits down starts checking his emails and after a couple of minutes it dawns on her oh my oh my fucking god oh my god my dildo my raging veiny dildo is next to the keyboard suctioned on to the table what was she what position was she doing if it was suctioned on to no i think she'd used it and then she stuck it onto the table afterwards as like, all right, better clean that one up later. So anyway, she stops chopping the vegetables and very defiantly walks into the study and goes,

excuse me, I think that's mine, and picks the dildo up and walks out. And they never spoke about it. Of course they didn't. Is that not the best thing ever? What are they going to do? So how was your session, doll? I would have just pretended like it wasn't there, never said anything never brought it up but the fact that she she went and was like i'm i need to

remove that and myself from the situation true because i wonder i probably would have done the same thing i probably would have pretend it wasn't there he wouldn't have said anything get through the dinner and then just never speak of it again this this reminds me of another like hilarious story this happened to one of the girls in the batch house and i'm not going to tell you who because no, it wasn't a flow. So when we were in the batch house, one of the girls told me this story and I freaking died. So basically she had used her vibrator. She was living at home at the time, used her vibrator, but then couldn't turn it off. Like it was buzzing, making a noise and she couldn't turn it off. She couldn't get the batteries out and it wouldn't turn off. And so

she wrapped it in socks and hid it in the bottom of her drawer thinking, oh, it's good. Like it has to run out of battery or like it'll turn itself off at some point left for work came home and her dad was like so there was something in your room that was buzzing and i thought it was something to do with the electrical wires but turns out you had a friend in your sock drawer he took it and threw it out what i mean there's a lot of i have a lot of questions i have a lot of questions i have a lot of feelings about this and none of them are good why would you if you were dad and you found a dildo in a sock in your daughter's drawer just let it run its course you know it's not an electrical you know there's not gonna be a fire

let it run its course pretend you didn't see it never bring it up with your child why do that no hey possum how's your day hey so i had to throw the dildo out it was causing quite a ruckus i think it's got a was a malfunctioning you should take that one back to jb hi-fi and get it fixed It's got a warranty on that one. I actually Googled it. It's got a one-year warranty. So I printed it out and I've taken it back for you. I got you a new pink one.

It's the new suction version we upgraded. Just don't leave it next to the computer. Oh, God. All right. Okay, okay. Guys, if you have any accidentally unfiltered stories to send us, please, because they literally make our week. In case you can't tell.

We've got the best. And now we need to get into the topic for this week, which is. I always forget about that. Micro cheating. Britt brought micro-cheating to the table, which I didn't actually know what micro-cheating was until I Googled it because Britt told me I had to for this episode. But now I know, guys, and I'm here to bring you some information on it. Yeah, all the research.

So micro-cheating, Laura. Tell me, Brittany. What is it? What does it involve? How do we know what it is and how do we deal with it? It's the small penis of... No, that's a micro-penis. Yeah, it's the small penis of the big cheating.

Wrong. the micro cheating little tiny cheating no look it's the little things that come really really close to crossing a line between faithfulness and unfaithfulness is it right or is it wrong it's not physical cheating but it's the little things leading up that you might just feel a bit uncomfortable with you're not quite sure what's going on that constitutes micro cheating and it's the gateway drug to cheating guys it is but it's the little things like acting like you're single keep it in contact with an ex liking multiple photos of girls or guys that you don't actually know on instagram all these little things constitute micro cheating it's all the subtle

things that make your partner feel uncomfortable especially they knew about it it would make you feel really uncomfortable but don't quite they're not quite cheating it's not quite there yet but it's definitely on its way. And we're kind of going to discuss how much of a gray area is this and whether or not there are some boundaries that you need to put in place if you feel like your partner is micro cheating. Absolutely. The fact of the matter is the line for micro cheating is different for each individual and in each relationship. And it's definitely specific to you and your relationship. So we're going to cover a few things. And if anything jumps out at you or is highlighted that it's not right for you. I was like, what were you going to say? Put your

hand up if anything jumps out at you just quietly pop your hand up and we'll get to you no but just take a think about it there's all these chicks walking around the park on their morning run just or driving to work with their hand i'm like fucking hallelujah my boyfriend's been gaslighting and cheating on me all right let's delve into it so i have a very good example of this when you brought this up micro cheating i was like oh that prick did this to me so i have a story many moons ago, back in my bad dating days. So I was living with a boyfriend at the time. We had been together for a really long time. We'd been together for five years and he had started working at a night club on the other side. He was working in Manly. And, um, and look, I mean, this is not to shit

on this guy. He's, he was a really great boyfriend. This was just one thing he did, which was really, really problematic at the time. But basically this is how far back this is going guys. You know, when you used to have like a Nokia phone. So remember with the old phones, how when you received a text message, you could save the message to the SIM card or you could save the message to the phone. Do you remember this? Yeah, this is a blast from the past. So he was borrowing my phone and he was working at this nightclub over in Manly and we were living in Paddington at the time. And he'd stay there the night, like, cause he would often stay in Manly. No, again, you're looking at me like, this is cheating, not micro-cheating. I got squinty

No, no, no. This is a micro cheat. Don't worry. He didn't go full blown. He would often get girls flirting with him at the bar. And I do think he was generally very good at, you know, deflect, polite deflection. But this one occasion, he gave his number to a girl, right? He had come home and I needed to use the phone for whatever reason. So I took his SIM card out of it and I put mine in. So I had put my SIM card into the phone and because his text messages had saved to phone, I got all of his text messages and so he'd given his number to this girl at the bar and she had written to him and been like hey it was so great to meet you tonight I had so much fun like you know hanging out or whatever and then he'd written back and was like hey I was so nice to meet you

too like you know but it was very it was very top line so nice to meet you too so then she had written we should get a drink sometime and he replied back to that again and said do you know what I'm actually seeing someone and she wrote back and said well that's the good thing about seeing someone is that you're still casual and you can see other people oh what a sneaky little snake him or her all of the above well no she didn't do anything wrong no no see i i guess that's whether you what you classify as seeing because if somebody's if i hit on somebody and he said to me i'm seeing someone i would never say what she said i would be like oh my god he's got a girlfriend awkward well so i don't see like i thought and this i guess this ties into

like the whole spectrum of how things can be interpreted when he wrote i'm seeing someone i was so angry at him i was furious because i was like you're not seeing me we live together i am your girlfriend you have a girlfriend you have a live-in girlfriend pal i cooked your eggs this morning yeah do you know i mean and so i guess for me one the micro cheating happened when he gave his number to another girl like he didn't actually act on it he didn't do anything that was like crazy wrong no but that's the thing it is wrong it is wrong but i mean like i said it's the spectrum of like what you're okay with and what you can deal with in your relationship and i wasn't going to break up with him because he gave his his number out to a girl but it's like

this is the marijuana drug of cheating this is the gateway drug britney yeah it's the gateway and so micro cheating is basically smoke and pot guys that's my theory we're never going to get a show giving advice, Laura. So hang on, what happened at the end of that? Did you confront him? Yeah, I confronted him. We ended up having a little bit of a powwow. He apologized. He deleted her number, blocked her number so that she didn't write back again. But I don't know. I think that if you catch someone out in something, when there's been bad behavior, at least in that instance, I caught him out after he had shut it down, but he still gave his number out to someone. And similarly, that happened to me.

I was in a relationship for quite a while and we used to log in to, you know, you can log into like a Facebook, but if you don't log out, like it just stays in the browser. Yeah. So I just opened a browser. I went into Facebook. So what you mean is you stalked his history? No, I went in, he had used my phone, maybe his was dead, to log into his Facebook on just like Google browser, but he didn't log out of it.

So when I went into the browser, it was in his page and there was a message popped up from a girl and I was like, who the hell is that? And I went in and there was a whole thread of texting that was innocent enough, but it was flirtatious and it was enough that I felt very, very uncomfortable and I felt very betrayed. And when I confronted him, he was on his life and I believe him. He's like, nothing ever happened. I never even met her. I don't know her.

I met her on like she just approached me on Facebook and I said well why do you do it then because long story short if something is wrong they won't tell you if there was nothing wrong with that he would have told me oh my god this girl messaged me you so he knew he was doing the wrong thing but he didn't physically go and cheat but I felt betrayed he felt like he couldn't be open and just tell me straight up so that is classified as micro cheating I think this idea of micro-cheating is something that so many people experience at one point or another in their relationship. This has been happening for forever, just like cheating has been happening for forever. But now we have names and labels for everything. And so micro-cheating, what I think,

it's just a real slippery slope to like a segue into cheating and how cheating starts. Because you think it's innocent enough at the start. You think like, oh, like I'm just texting, nothing's going on here. But then that becomes normal. And then maybe you'll go and catch up for coffee. And then that becomes normal. And it's like, it's just one step closer to doing the wrong thing by your partner. It's very dependent on what you deem acceptable and what makes you uncomfortable as an individual. And that's why it's really, really hard to specifically say that, yes, this is micro-cheating or no, this is not micro-cheating. But it's things like, I mean, if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend and you are just sliding into someone else's DMs

and you can't wait to chat to them but you your partner doesn't know about that that's micro cheating if you're alluding to the fact that you're single at work and going out for work drinks because there's someone there that you sort of want to be around and impress that's micro cheating if you're like still constantly in conversation with your ex and like you get a little buzz from what the fact that they're texting you or maybe you reminisce about your feelings or your past or whatever with your ex that is 100 percent micro cheating a girl wrote in and she said that her partner recently met a new girl just as in throughout the friendship group and he's like we just hit it off like we're such good friends we're so close blah blah blah blah so he

will catch up with her without the girlfriend and i'm sorry but if you meet someone of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship and you form that friendship you can't go out and hang out with them all the time on your own no it's weird isn't it like and i look take your partner totally and like we always say different strokes for different folks and I think that the big thing we're cheating and the reason why that there's no like black and white defined what is cheating what is micro cheating and that's because for every single person the spectrum of what's acceptable in a relationship varies for some people cheating is kissing somebody else for some people they're like you know what I can deal with the fact that my partner's kissed someone

else but I couldn't deal with the fact that they've had sex with someone else cheating I think has such a big spectrum dependent on the person in the relationship, just like micro cheating does as well. There's no black and white to what actually constitutes micro cheating. But I think what you can be sure of is that if your behavior makes your partner really uncomfortable and makes them feel like that the trust has been betrayed in any sort of way, then there has been something that's gone on. I'm going to hit you with some interesting hard facts. I love it when you actually do research for our topics i do it every week oh gosh so bring it you know this is why i pay you the big bucks you're like you don't pay me when does that come so you know the married

dating site ashley madison what is it you've never heard of ashley madison should i not be giving relationship advice when i don't know what this website is oh my god there was this big controversy a few years ago when like the book was released with all the names on it because it's like it's a i guess a high-end escort cheating site like there were so many married people on there and there was a, remember that? I do know this. So anyway, this married dating site, Ashley Madison, most of you will know it, but they did a survey on this and it's actually like what constitutes cheating. So they did the survey from members in the US, UK, Canada, and Australia and is actually quite surprising. So 31.5% considered kissing to be cheating. So only 30%.

Not that much, right? That startles me. Because I think kissing is cheating. 100% I think kissing is cheating. Okay. But interesting, I had this conversation with Matt's mum once. As you do. Yeah.

I can't remember what happened, but we were talking about cheating and I was talking about someone kissing someone else and Elliot said, oh, that's not cheating. And I was like, what? What do you mean it's not cheating? She had thought that when I was talking about this person cheating on someone else that I was referring to sex. i mean she was like obviously it's wrong and you shouldn't do it but she didn't see it as being

as bad or as well i mean it's not as bad as black and white cheating as what sex is it's not i don't think but it's still cheating i guess with that though like when i think about it myself and i'm gonna say okay what's black and white cheating like if matt had sex with someone else i would be out of there like it's over i don't i couldn't come back from that that's my deal breaker but if he hooked up with someone else and i could overcome that i reckon we could work on it and get back to a good place if he wanted to as well yeah so hook up you just mean kiss yeah yeah like if you kiss someone else so maybe that's kind of also what they mean like like cheating to a point where it's like like our relationship is done and dusted this is this is black and white cheating

or this is something that we can you know we can maybe fix the relationship like there's there's definitely a whole spectrum and we've talked about this before in a past episode which we did which was solely on cheating but there's a whole spectrum to what cheating is okay so interesting that you say that because the next statistic was 44.1 said that it depends on the type of kiss and how intimate it was so if you peck him like you're kissing your grandma or if you tongue him and you think of mother england it's probably okay but if you're like yeah that's literally i guess that i guess that means we do that to the microphone i can't even make eye contact with you now i'm not looking because you're so aroused the tongue action and the sounds were too loud in my ear

it's a lot you're welcome yeah you sexy beast but that must be what it means because they're saying how intimate was it and i guess that's true were you on the dance floor and your lips touched for two seconds and then you're like you don't even remember what they look like or did you sit in the corner of the club in a private booth making out on each other's lap because i guess that's even different there's a there's a kiss and then there's a real kiss so like obviously there is. And I think that's why people find it so hard to define because the spectrum for it is so massive. Seven. Okay. So only 17% said it was a deal breaker in any situation kissing. So only 17% are saying that it's a no go. Yeah. But I, I kind of, I kind of agree. Like

don't get me wrong. If Matt was doing it every weekend or even did it more than once ever, like deal breaker. But if it's like one time accident, drunk, never going to see the person again. I'm not going to throw away my relationship and like my whole family because he accidentally kissed a chick on a dance floor. Like that's not going to happen. But if he, it progressed into something else or if it was a really meditated kiss, then yeah, different. So 46.2% of the members surveyed claimed that the fact that the kiss took place is more important than who initiated it. So I think this is interesting. I remember an ex of mine was caught cheating like by somebody I knew that he had just kissed, this person,

and his whole defence when I called him out on it was that she kissed me. Yeah, but it takes two to tango. Well, that's what I said, but I thought that was interesting because I'm like, does that? But, like, reality is if someone kisses you, there's still a moment in there where you make a conscious choice to kiss them back. Look, maybe I'm going to get crucified for saying this,

but I think life is long, relationships are long, people make mistakes, people do stupid things, and you have to look at it as, like, a whole. like you know if that person has been a wonderful committed and loving partner to you and they make one small slip up where they're drunk out in the nightclub and you know someone kisses them and they in a stupid drunken moment kiss them back regret it never do it again like would you throw away your entire relationship for that i i wouldn't but every single person is different well what do you think about because another thing another classification of micro cheating

is just like perving constantly like looking at other people so fine you can perv i think that's fine too but also i think some people would consider looking at porn micro cheating there is like that's what i mean by like the spectrum is large i don't have any any qualms with porn like if matt wants to watch porn go to freaking town i don't find porn to be micro cheating for me i think because it's like it's a fantasy and it's not real the same as so another form of micro-cheating, right? Is constantly liking another woman's pictures on Instagram. But if that person that you're liking is Kendall Jenner. I was about to say Kate Moss. Yes. I love that we went for someone so unattainable, but that's what I mean. If that person is Kendall

Jenner or Kate Moss, whomever, go crazy because that's never going to happen, buddy. But if it's the girl down the street from the ice cream shop, Anita's specifically, because I love the ice cream there. If it's the girl at the ice cream shop that you see every Sunday when you go for your ice cream and she's got 200 followers on Instagram. This exact situation happened to a couple who I'm really good friends with. At the ice cream shop? No, it wasn't a chick from Anita. So they're married and they are awesome together. They've been married and they've been together for a really long time. They're in a very loving relationship. What had happened was my girlfriend had noticed that her partner was really constantly liking photos of this girl. And like granted this

girl does have a large influence of following not not huge but over 20 000 but she lived in bondi and it's someone who they would see from time to time no it was someone who they would see from time to time like down the beach or on a run or whatever and so she noticed that her husband was constantly liking photos she brought it up with me because it was something that was making her really upset and i and i said to her i was like if it makes you upset then you just have to go and have a conversation with him about it and her reason for being upset was that this is not someone who's unattainable this is someone who they see in their everyday day-to-day life it's someone who they cross paths with it's someone who she feels intimidated by and therefore that

is a total gray zone and so I think that like we've said it already in this but if your partner's behavior if they're doing something that's out of the norm and it makes you uncomfortable then it's worth a conversation and saying why it makes you uncomfortable and yes maybe there is some grounds of like, you know, you can't control what your partner does. And he didn't really do anything wrong by liking these photos. But I think the way you behave on social media and like constantly liking someone's photos who you might meet one day or who you probably have met, like that sends a signal to them. That's saying like, I see what you're doing and I'm liking what you're doing. And I like that photo of you with no clothes on. And I like, that gives the wrong

impression. And so for me, if Matt was constantly liking a specific girl's photos, one, I would obviously be upset that he was giving the attention to somebody else but I also feel really embarrassed be like why are you like why publicly because everybody can see that yeah why are you publicly giving somebody the attention and the affirmation when you you just I mean like a photo mentally and move on you don't have to like outwardly try and send that person a subliminal message of like hey I'm here again I'm here again hey I'm nodding into the microphone it's that's what makes it inappropriate I think it's the repetitive nature of that like you said like it mentally you can look at the picture and appreciate and be like that's a

nice picture but the old double tap three times in a row and a follow so like like like and a follow it's essentially saying hey look at me here i am i'm single and i'm interested on instagram that's the rule now you like three photos that's what i would do i would like three photos and then give them a follow if you're uncomfortable with that if you know your partner's doing that male or female just have the conversation because they might not even know it's making you uncomfortable i do think like at times we're so we're so cautious about bringing things up with our partners because we don't want to seem like we're being crazy like you don't want to be like oh hey I noticed that you've been talking to this girl all the time or I've noticed that you've been liking these photos

all the time or you know how come the people at work don't think you have a girlfriend you don't want to sort of especially in the early stage of a relationship you don't want to call out behavior that makes you uncomfortable we're so worried about being labeled as like someone who is insecure or has like, like attachment issues. But I do think that if somebody's behavior is constantly making you feel uncomfortable and you're in a relationship with that person, like you are totally entitled to sit down and say like, Hey, this, this makes me upset. And if your partner loves you and respects you, their reaction to that shouldn't be to gaslight you and tell you that you're crazy. Their reactions to that should be like, Oh babe, I didn't, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to make

you feel like that so i think their reaction to you calling out their behavior is a massive reflection of their maturity and who they are as a person yeah and it is totally dependent on how you feel as an individual and how secure you are in your relationship but i'm just going to say this from i guess a personal point of view and a generic point of view but us as humans from the day we hit puberty we are programmed to be on the lookout for a mate like it's it's human nature to be looking for that person that's going to slide into your life and looking for the right person and you can't condemn someone for noticing attractiveness in others and whether that's an attractive trait um like their character but but superficially personally if i'm with a partner

my partner and the most beautiful woman or man walks past me i would look at my partner and roll my eyes and be like did you see that oh my god like totally i do it for matt all the time i'm like, oh my God, she was such a babe. And he, bless him, he's like, oh, I didn't even notice. Shut up. Shut up because you've got whiplash. But I can appreciate somebody else who's really beautiful, but that's also because I feel really secure in my relationship and I'm not threatened by beautiful people because Matt doesn't behave in a way that makes me feel threatened. I think it comes down to the frequency at which someone's doing this. If you're dating a guy who's constantly checking out every single chick that walks past, that's going to make you feel insecure.

That's going to make you feel crazy. It's going to make you feel like you can't trust them or maybe you're not good enough. So I think all of these small behaviors that we're talking about, like the texting of an ex or the, you know, talking to someone from work too much. I think it also comes down to frequency. If someone is doing a behavior over and over and over again, like that's when the red flags start coming up and going, okay, well, why are you constantly texting your ex what possible conversation do you have that goes on every single day that you need to text your ex about exactly explain it to me yeah because then some red flags boy yeah that is like the flags at bondi beach that was really bad we can take that one out okay so there is this

associate professor whose name kept popping up his name's jason dibble he's at hope college his name kept popping up when i was doing some research but he said something that i did find really interesting and that is that research confirms time and time again that even when people and partners are having sex they fantasize about someone other than their partner so more often than not when you and your loved one are having sex the male specifically will fantasize about somebody else but so here's this relationship specialist he said that this is actually healthy because like you said and like we all know relationships go for so long that if this if that's what it takes to keep the flame alive long term and they're not doing anything wrong

like cheating he's saying it can actually be a good thing because they're not going out and having sex with someone else and coming back to you i i totally agree with this i think that just because if you've been with your partner for a really long time and you have a like a fantasy or you're like imagining having sex with someone else i would much rather that i mean yes you don't want to know about it i don't definitely don't want my partner to tell me hey i was thinking about kate moss i was thinking about chick from anita i don't want to know about it but i do think that there is a very very definitive line in the sand between a fantasy and imagination and actually acting on those feelings and i do think that you can you can imagine that you're having sex with

somebody else when you're having sex with your partner and never ever cheat on your partner who would you imagine if you imagined it who's your who's your like mental hall pass jason momoa is it get out i wouldn't have picked that what is it about him his ruggedness i don't know or he's just a huge body he's just a big wall of a man i think also he's like not someone i would ever date either like i don't think if i met him in real life i would actually want to date him i find him way too intimidating he's not my type of guy but from like a fantasy hello you can slide off the seat right now Brittany stop put your legs down so I genuinely do think that you can you can have fantasies and there is a very clear distinction between what is real life and what is

fantasy and you know what maybe that will make some people feel uncomfortable but you know I don't want to know every single fantasy that Matt has especially if it's going to make me feel insecure or intimidated like he's quite entitled to watch porn and he's quite entitled to do whatever he needs to do that satisfies whatever sexual urges he has but so long as he eats at home exactly like window shop yeah right yes don't spend the money it's one of those things that it keeps coming back to today's generation too and technology social media apps the idea that it's so easy to form different levels of connections with people you don't need to go out to the bar anymore to have that connection and in fact people feel like they're doing nothing

wrong because it's not a physical thing they're just sending texts they're sending snapchats they're emailing um so it just makes it so much more accessible and i guess it's almost starting to become normalized but don't you also think that like so just say that you're you know you're in a committed relationship and then you find out that your partner has been texting other girls or he's been you know snapchatting one specific girl maybe he's never going to act on it in real life but there's this like constant need for attention like why are we so starved and so craving of attention that that we need to kind of get this constant source from all these different people that kind of validate us like where did that come from is it from social media is it from being in

this age where everyone everyone's so connected and everything's so instantaneous like where i don't know what what used to be the equivalent of that back in the day well interestingly when i was saying that my ex i found those messages in the phone and stuff like that on facebook that was before Instagram that was before Snapchat like literally all we had was Facebook and might have even been MySpace nah nah it was Facebook so all we had was Facebook and when I asked him about it he was really honest and really a little bit sad and he said I think I liked the attention I didn't know I wanted the attention until I got it from her and he said I was never going to do anything but I think I got something that I felt like maybe I was missing

from you and instead of going crazy nuts which I wanted to do I just like checked myself and I was like okay have I been what have I been doing is this warranted and it probably was I was very very like in my own world we've been together a long time and I thought maybe I had been neglecting him a little bit and not giving him the attention he needs and so that was really great for us because we just had a really open conversation I was still mad he still understood he did the wrong thing but he just explained it to help me get to that level but he was wanting the attention before instagram and before the validation came into society that's very very big of you because i think it's so easy when relationships break down and i think it's so easy when your partner

is doing something wrong that you don't take any responsibility for yourself so if your partner said you know i i am doing this because i feel like i'm being neglected it's very easy to stop the conversation at yeah well you still fucking did it like you did that so you're the fuck boy whereas I think sometimes if we do step back you know there are like and this is assuming that the guy is not a total drop kick but if you've had a great relationship and then the behavior starts changing sometimes there is cause and reason for effect and this is not this is not me passing blame on anyone if you've been caught up in a situation where you found out that your partner is micro-cheating or cheating or whatever. I'm not saying that the blame is on the person who's

been cheated on by any means, but I do think that the reasons why people cheat are so complex that sometimes it can be because they don't feel like they're being understood or they don't feel like they're being acknowledged or loved or respected. There are so many reasons why people behave badly in relationships. And just like any relationship and at any stage of any relationship, I think communication is key from the beginning, the middle, the end. I think you need to constantly be checking in to make sure everything's okay. Is there anything that's upsetting the other partner? Things like that.

And I also think like it's really important to like assess those boundaries before something becomes an issue. So like we've said from the very beginning of this episode, the fact that everyone has different definitions of what defines cheating, everyone has different definitions of what defines micro cheating. it's really important that you're on the same page with your partner from the get-go so that you're not then dealing with issues as they arise you kind of already preempted that before you've gotten into that situation so there's really really clear boundaries around

what you feel and find acceptable and what they feel and find acceptable in that relationship and remember they might not actually know that what they're doing is upsetting you which is why it's important to talk about it because if they don't know how can they correct it Totally. And I think if you're going to have a conversation with your partner, because they have done something that is really upsetting you for it to be constructive and to be able to have a proactive conversation around it, like don't do it when you're angry, like going in there and being like, you did this. That's definitely not going to get your point across. And it's not going to have the outcome or the reaction that you want, because all it's

going to do is make them defensive and make them not see your point of view. It's like I have this rule that I never send a text back to somebody if it's really emotive, like if it's made me mad or angry or upset, you start typing straight away. You're just really aggressive. Never do that. Sit tight, go for a walk, sleep on it even because I can guarantee the text or the conversation you have the next day is going to be a far cry from what you would have sent. You're going to end up regretting that because you'll say things in the heat of the moment you'll use words that you don't mean and then especially just say like something bad happens and then you you call them names it's like you almost make it worse yourself

you're kind of like treading into the red zone of doing the wrong thing so be really considered with how you had those conversations yep sleep on it baby sleep on it so it is that time of the episode again where we talk about the best and the worst of our week the suck and the sweet baby i know that you guys have all been hanging out for us to uh bitch and gloat which is basically what this is should we rename it to bitch and gloat i like that yeah sounds so optimistic and positive yeah suck and sweet all right so highlights and low lads do you want to go first or do you want me to go first yeah i'll go first so this happened just my sock just before like the day before bali i got a bunch of mail sent to me from my parents

i still have heaps of mail it goes to like a po box back where i used to live um and usually they're pretty on it and they'll send me stuff or if it looks important they might open it after they yell at me for not changing my address but i finally had this chunk of mail and i was just about to fly out anyway i was like i'm gonna deal with this when i get back from bali but i thought no be the adult open it now so i open i'm going through all this shit and then i open this one thing that says um your license is suspended like as of tomorrow and i was like what so i i flip it over and it's 250 and it's like you have to pay this right now or come midnight you don't have a license so i was hours away from not having a license and i wouldn't have known either so i

would have kept driving probably got clocked somewhere and then god knows what would have happens how long have you been living away from home for and you haven't updated your address well you know when you get random things that you forget to update like i haven't been to the rta or roads and traffic authority for whoever it is i haven't been there you just give them a call babe or do it online i didn't even think about it it's like the lowest priority for me you and i don't adult well this is why you scrunch your toilet paper you scrunch too yeah because that's exactly something i would do yeah so actually when i lost my wallet last week which i told you guys all about when i lost my wallet the reason why my wallet has never come back to me is because i

have the wrong fucking address on my license well look what we have here pot calling kettle well i don't have any fines that i know of well anyway long story short i paid it within the hours and i think they stopped my suspension i hope they did i will soon find out right if bernie ends up in jail and we can't bring thursday's episode to you you know why well at least it's a good reason i'm in jail all right what was your suite my suite was obviously i just had an amazing relaxing time I'm in Bali. I did spend a few days with my friends. Love them.

We've been friends for 25 years, but they have four kids. Not relaxing. It's the best form of contraception, let me tell you. I could have told you that children are not relaxing. Four in a villa that doesn't have a pool fence is like – It was a lot. Yeah. But like Bali, it was amazing.

I just had an amazing few days. I'm glad. Do you all feel refreshed and ready for the potty? I'm ready. I don't feel refreshed. By potty, I mean the podcast, not the toilet. I'm not Marley. you don't need to talk to me but you need potty you ready for the potty what was yours okay my

suck or my sweet my suck no suck first you know the rules by now we've been doing this for a year i have some trivial sucks so like i am covered from the waist down in hectic march fly bites because it's a wet season on maggie island and the march flies and the mosquitoes are next level crazy so i am covered my suck hasn't i haven't quite encountered my suck yet but it's coming so oh this is yeah this is a thing so before i left to go to magnetic island on friday i had gotten some food out of the fridge with the intention of bringing it with me on the plane and it was a salad in a takeaway container which i've left on the bench which i know is not going to be in a particularly good state that's chicken in it as well i thought you're going to say it's

like a lamb shank or something that's worse it's a chicken salad it's been rotting for four days in my kitchen but it's not actually i like it's not in a takeaway container it's in a bowl with glad wrap over the top all in the bin throw the whole thing out i can't throw my my plate out so wasteful hashtag salmonella i don't think hashtag salmonella is trending either britney i will now so that was my suck they're both pretty trivial sucks but um but that's good sometimes trivial is good all right okay so my sweet my sweet is that i went to maggie island it's so nice it's so relaxing there's hardly any um on some parts of the island there's hardly any phone reception as well or maybe that's just whoever i'm with um but it was really nice to

just check out for a few days and spend some time with my dad so guys we're actually recording this last night and i'm gonna rush home now and shimmy the shit out of this and make it into a presentable podcast yeah it's 8 p.m to send it all to you so you will be downloading this first thing in the morning god i love a real hot mad dash to the finish line that's real life baby isn't it so guys thank you so much to everyone who listens to the episodes we freaking love you guys thank you so much for all of the reviews that you have all written in we also super appreciate that you're amazing that was actually one of my sweets too i'm gonna add reading once a week i could go through and read all the reviews and i'm just always left chuffed you guys it is awesome yeah

it's definitely if we need some attention and ego boost we just get onto the apple podcast app because thank you so much for everyone who's left reviews. Also, guys, if you have a question for us, we'll be back this week with Ask Uncut. I know we missed last week's episode because we were off gallivanting around the country and the overseas countries. Sorry, not sorry.

Yes, so please send us your deep, dark and dirty secrets so that we can anonymously air them and answer your questions for you because we'll have that juicy episode coming for you on Thursday. And you know how we wrap this, guys. tell everyone you know including your dog at the local dog park and share the love because we love love okay ready one more

We'll be right back.