Life Uncut - Starting Over At 36, Public Heartbreak and ‘Not Staying Stuck’ - Uncut with Rhi Disljenkovic

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Hey Lifers! Something we’ve spoken about a lot on this pod is how neither of us found the love we have now until we were well into our 30s. Every single day our DMs and inboxes are full of the same two questions. From women navigating the utter chaos of modern dating, wondering if they're doing it wrong, if they're too picky, if they've missed some invisible window. And from women sitting in relationships that are ‘fine’, not bad, just not right,  but worried about having to ‘start again’ when society is telling them the clock is ticking and beggars can't be choosers. We don't think it's crazy. We think knowing what you want, and refusing to compromise on it, might be the bravest thing you can do in your 30s. Which brings us to today's guest Rhi Disljenkovic. Many of us got to know Rhi when she turned up on our MAFS screens having already met the guy who was standing at the end of the aisle waiting for her. Rhi and Jeff left the experiment together. A few months ago, Rhi made the incredibly difficult decision to end her relationship with Jeff.In today’s episode, Rhi speaks about what actually happened behind the scenes, why she made the choice to leave a relationship that so many people online assumed was a fairytale, and what it's like restarting again in your mid-30s, in the public eye, while everyone else has an opinion. We get into the pressure of being an "inspirational" couple online, the difference between a bad relationship and a relationship that's just not right, the rumours she's had to sit with in silence, and why she's decided to start an egg freezing journey now. We chat: The sunk cost fallacy in relationships; do you settle, or start again? Whether Rhi and Jeff's shared history was picked up by producers, or pure coincidence The pressure of sharing a relationship online and feeling like a "fraud" Why she'd call it "a relationship that's just not right," not a bad relationship Boundaries she overlooked, and the rumours that were hardest to sit with Writing her breakup statement, and what it's like posting it knowing it'll be picked apart What life looks like for her now Her advice for anyone quietly questioning their own relationship You can find more from Rhi on her Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rhidisljenkovic/?hl=en Timestamps 0:00 — Intro: Rhi joins us to talk restarting in your mid-30s in public 5:08 — Rhi’s MAFS journey and their connection after the show 12:39 — Getting into the break up: wanting a future and feeling like a fraud 18:15 — Why it was "just not right," not bad, and how she chose to leave 25:17 — Writing the breakup statement and sitting with the rumours 30:01 — Choosing herself at 36, and starting her egg freezing journey Keep your questions coming! Slide into the Life Uncut DMs at @lifeuncutpodcast on Instagram You can watch us on Youtube Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Sophie Nathan Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncutt. I'm Brittany. I'm Laura. Today we're talking about, we'll start with our love lives, but we're going to talk about, I guess, love in the public eye. Something that you guys know a lot about is, I guess mine and Laura's love life and situation hasn't been quite straightforward. Laura, obviously, at 31, went on The Bachelor when she met Matt. I went on The Bachelor at 30. Obviously, we know how that panned out. I did not have my happy ending. You met me. That was your happy ending. Yeah, the real relationship. See, it's a real love story from The Bachelor of Bray.

It is. We are the real love story. Thank you. And also my stylist, she's my best friend Kim as well. I met her from the batch as well. But let's not unravel back. Silver linings. But I guess it's more around the timelines of the way we met our partners and how old we were.

I ended up not getting married until 37, which is not old, but it's also probably a little bit later than a lot of people. And I did that in a relationship that was not conventional. It was long distance. We got married without ever lived. together. And so by all accounts, I think you can look at the way we got to our happy ending. And it definitely wasn't the way society says it should be. And it wasn't the timeline, society says it should be. And I say this because the DMs that we get a lot, emails we get, discussion

group points, a lot of it is from women that are really struggling with the timeline society's put on them about I'm in my 30s and I haven't found the person yet. Do I settle? I think as well, not just like the do I settle in terms of like I haven't found the person, but a lot of people in relationships who aren't happy in their relationships, but they feel as though they've invested too much time or ready to leave. Yeah, the sunk cost fallacy, right? Especially as a woman, we know we have a biological clock. You might get into your mid-30s, maybe younger, maybe a bit older, you've been with someone for a few years. You don't think that they're right, but you think, oh, do I weigh this up? Do I really want to go back out and start again? Or do I accept that this is 80%

in a good relationship and what I'm looking for, ticks a few boxes on paper. Let's just settle in. Today we have a guest, Rie Dislinkovich. You might not know that name in full. If you don't, it's Rie from Math. Thank you for that. Which Rhee would prefer not to be known as Rie from Maths, but it is important. We are going to speak about maths. If you were in the maths universe, you'll know a couple of years ago, Rie and Jeff were, I guess, a love story. They were a really successful couple. And they were the couple that when they first met on screen and Rhee was walking down the aisle, she was like, fuck, I used to date this guy. She's like, I knew this guy. And I think that was a real standout moment on maths.

But we're going to be speaking to Rie today about exactly that restarting again in the public eye in your mid-30s and leaving a relationship that might not be right for you. Rie, welcome to the pot. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. I also know that you're in it now at the moment. Like sometimes when we have these conversations around like breakups and reflection, it's done at a time where there's been time that's passed so that you can have like a sense of

reflection, I guess. Yeah. But what's really interesting about what we're going to talk about is like you're still kind of in the process of everything. Yeah. It's still quite fresh. Like even though time has passed, still when you do talk about something like this, it resurfaces a lot of feelings, that's for sure.

Well, look, before we get into it all, it's time for accidentally unfiltered. Your most embarrassing story. Okay. Ray, take it away. Well, I was known as someone. boring on maths, or we were known as the boring couple. And I was actually trying to think of a good story. And I'm like, oh my God, I actually am pretty boring. But I think back to my teens when I, well, randomly got my tongue pierced at 16 and thought I could keep it from my dad. But no,

he found out obviously, because I'm always smiling and laughing. And also there's a giant metal ball in the mouth. And you get a lisp. And it's extra big because it has to allow for the tongue swell. But I'm trying to think of something. I remember when I was a teenager, I think I was 16 or 17. and I wanted to go on the pill. And I was with a boyfriend. I think we were together like six months. And I sent him a text message saying, hey, I'm about to ask mum if we can go on the pill.

But I don't know if she'll say yes or not. And I sent that message to my mom. And then she replied back saying, why do you want to go on the pill, Riannon? And then I was like, fuck. Why do you think, Mom, my skin? I know. And I actually put it down to that,

but it was meant to go to my boyfriend. But yeah, that's really the only thing I could be. of, but it made me think, like, what happened to my balls? Because as a teenager, I used to do some crazy stuff. But as I got an older, I guess, I don't know. Funny that you say we were the boring couple on maths. For reality TV, maybe, but that's because you are in quite a respectable and normal and loving relationship. And that's problematic in the real world, because when people are in those relationships, they're like, oh, the chemistry's not there. This is boring. But it's actually what people strive for. But for reality TV, you weren't boring. You were just happy.

normal. Yeah, that's true. That's very true. And also you had some wild people on your season. I know. They've definitely took over. Take us back to the maths and that whole scene of like you walking down and being like, oh, I know this guy. Yeah. Was that something that you, like, honestly, now looking back, do you think it was orchestrated? It was absolutely just complete luck that you had known Jeff in the past and kind of like let us know what happened there. I think the fact that we followed each other on Instagram, surely they would check that. But in saying that, because Jeff and I only dated for three weeks, I think, I think it wasn't even a month. They wouldn't know that we dated. Like even my bridesmaids, my cousin knew. So on the show, my cousin was like, oh my God,

I've met him before. But my other best friend had no idea who Jeff was. So I don't think they would have known that we actually dated. I think they might have just run the gauntlet. Is that like, like, or maybe hope that there was a connection there of some sort and thought like, well, let's see how See how it goes. Exactly. But I remember when I walked down the aisle and I saw him, I thought to myself, come on, like of all the people, you put me with someone who I'd already been with. But then as we got more comfortable, really, as I saw the experiment unfold, I thought to myself, imagine this with a stranger. Like, I couldn't even imagine it. And I was really grateful that I wasn't doing it with a stranger, that I was doing it with someone who I knew was not insane. I just, my eye. Yeah. Yeah. You can say that I just find it hard to believe. We've done a lot of reality TV and and I love watching reality TV. But I find it hard to believe that they're not cross-checking the contestants just to see who they follow. Like totally. They know and maybe they didn't know you dated. Yeah. But they're at least hoping for recognition. Like if you're following each other,

if you follow someone on Instagram and you're about to marry them, you're going to recognize them. Like you're going to have seen them pop up. But also I would say as well, like I mean, most people aren't following their exes where there's been like a bad breakup or something has happened. You know, at some point you're either unfollowing or if it is totally amicable, there's photos of them still in the feed. So they would have gone through your feed. They would have seen, okay, there's no photos with him, but they are still following each other.

They might be friends. They might be, you know, there might be a loose connection there. They might just be two people who thought each other was hot from other sides of the city. Like, yeah. It's a very good strategy from a producer perspective. No, I agree. I agree.

But it's pretty crazy that on the same season, Paul and Karina knew each other as well. They went on a date. That's right. So we weren't actually the only one on that season. Did they also follow each other on Instagram though? No, they didn't. That really was just coincidence. Coincidence.

Where Jeff and I, yeah. Full coincidence. This is the problem, right? They talk about the dating pool being small. Maybe it really is. That's it, right? Of all the people. It's pretty big.

It's like 28 million people. I don't know. When I was on Tinder, I managed to get to the radius pretty fucking crazy. I mean, you and I did date the same person as well, unknowingly. So I guess it can happen. Tell me about why you went on maths. Well, reality TV was definitely not a dream for me. So I received, I received a message from a casting person and how it worked. I was on an appointment, a phone appointment with my psychologist and I'm

chatting about my life. And I was talking about being 34 at the time and happy with my life and where I've gone wrong in relationships and stuff like that. And she said to me, what is something that re wouldn't do. What's something crazy that she wouldn't do? And straight away, I instantly thought about that message that was in my requests. And I thought it was spam. And then I kind of went on and I could see that the agent had worked on a few different shows before. And I thought, fuck it. So I replied and I just said, hey, sorry, I miss this. I'm keen to have a chat. And the ball was rolling and it just kept happening. And I thought if it's meant to be, it'll be. But so you got scouted. I got scouted. But yeah, at the same time, like, I'm not someone who really puts themselves out there and does something crazy. And I think,

I thought, well, clearly what I've done is it hasn't worked. Why not just give it a go? And you were obviously in the time of your life where you were looking for a relationship. So it works. I mean, like one thing to be scouted, but it has to be for the right reasons. You know, it has to be a good fit anyway. Yeah, for sure. And I think if I got asked younger, like I probably wouldn't have had the experience I did because I have done a lot of therapy. I have had long-term relationships. I know what I want. Like, it's obviously I never want to stop working on myself, but I don't feel like I need to do so much work to be happy. I just know I wanted my person.

And I think that was at the end of the day, I thought, I know, the chances are pretty slim. But it could be a cool experience, I guess. How did your relationship change with Jeff from when you were in the experiment to in the outside world? Because obviously, you know you want to leave together. You've developed something. But I imagine you can't completely get comfortable or really open up with someone when you know you're being filmed 24-7. I guess you do have your moments like, you know,

filming what might be for three hours and you'll get two hours alone. And I think that Jeff and I definitely built, maths makes you very vulnerable and that you, they give you things to talk about. Like, you don't sit there talking about your feelings all day, every day, and that's all you do on the show. So you do get to know each other quite quickly. But I found that our connection really did grow off camera. And that's when I started to think, wow, I actually really like him now, because he was just so supportive and a great partner to have during that crazy, crazy experience. Anytime I was feeling overwhelmed or anxious, which is me naturally, he would always make me feel good. So after the show, I guess real life is so different to being on camera and you go to work and bills and all the worries of the real life.

But I found that he was the same person, like who I saw on maths, he was that same person also off. camera as well. How do you find, you know, obviously we're going to fast forward to where things are out now, but when you are someone who has built a relationship, and it's also the entire relationships happened in the public sphere for people to comment on and to be invested in and then you're sharing your life afterwards online, how did you, I guess, navigate sharing what felt true to you guys? And what I mean by that is, is like, not everything you see online is real in terms of where people are out in their relationship. No, that's very true. I think because we did get such positive feedback from the experience. So I wanted to show as much as I possibly could.

I'm not someone who I wear my heart on my sleeve. I really don't have many secrets. I kind of just tell everyone everything. And I felt like I was quite open with everyone on my social media with what mine and just relationship was like. But in saying that, you obviously don't, you know, if you do have an argument or a disagreement, that isn't something that you share. So it definitely is. Like everyone says, Instagram is a bit of a highlight reel. And yeah, there are definitely a, lot of things that went on behind the scenes that I didn't show on online. So, I mean, let's come to the present day. And Jeff were together for about two years, living together. You are no longer together. In the last few months, you broke up. And there has been a lot of talk in publications,

a lot of people writing this and that, a lot of rumors. And at the end of the day, that's all they are, because you haven't commented. Like, neither of you have really put a public statement out there. And so I think this is a good opportunity to sort of discuss. that whatever you're comfortable with. But talk to us about the end of that relationship and I guess what unraveled and how you knew it was the time to leave. Well, I guess, you know, Jeff's 41. I'm 36. And when you do get older, as you know, you don't just ride the wave like you would in your 20s, where you're like, let's just see how things go. And obviously we had our fake wedding on TV. And, you know, I wanted to be someone's wife.

I wanted to be a mom. I wanted my life to progress. And I found myself having the same conversations on repeat about the future, getting married, having children, planning holidays, just planning anything together, really. I found that, I don't know, I like having a plan, but also knowing that my partner has the exact same plan as well. And I found that I was the one bringing up the conversations on the future quite a lot. it's also it's something that can be you can wait on when you're in your early 20s like you don't have to have a clear direct and definitive plan you might have the plan of like we're going to be together

but like you don't necessarily have the plan of like okay well in two years time we're going to have a kid or we're going to get married but yeah you know when you hit your later 30s and you are deciding what you want for your future if kids is in the equation then the plan needs to have a plan you know it can't just be like let's just see how we feel and yeah yeah i also think maybe as well when you come out of an experience like maths, and this is what I always kind of refer to like Matt and myself, it brings you together in such an intense way because it fast-tracks your relationship so quickly

that it would almost feel like a step backwards to not have a plan. Yeah, I really feel that. And that's why I was quite shocked with why I was having to, like, bring up these type of things. I was shocked at his lack of bringing it up, I guess you could say. And then it makes you start doubting how they feel about you. when someone isn't bringing up anything to do with the future, you start to question yourself and how they feel and then you become insecure in the relationship.

Well, it's also not unreasonable to have been in a relationship for two years, to be in your late 30s and early 40s and want to know if you're on the same page. And the problem that happens in that situation is when you feel like you're constantly bringing it up because it's important to you and they're not, it gets to the point where they make you feel, I'm not saying this is what happened with you, but you start to feel like you're nagging. You're like, why am I made to feel like I'm constantly causing problems or nagging on this when it should just be a pretty standard discussion? Definitely.

And pretty much what you said before about, what Laura said before about fast-tracking the relationship. When so many people, like, have supported your relationship and love and adore you and, you know, you get messages daily saying, oh, my gosh, you're so, you guys are so lucky that you found each other. It got to a point where at the start, for sure, even coming off the show, moving out, I felt lucky. I'm like, everyone wants the love story. And I got it. And I just would pinch myself because I thought to myself, I just can't believe I got this.

But as time went on and I would still receive the messages about like how lucky we are. And I started not to feel lucky. I started to feel like, I don't know, fraud's the right word, but fake. I, yeah, because you don't want to have to ask your partner to act a type of way or be a type of way. towards you. You want to feel that love and that genuine want to build a future. It's also so hard though when, you know, when you have created a, and I don't want to say a brand, because it's not that, it's almost like it's a really tricky thing to explain. But, you know, you show up online and you talk about your life and part of talking about your life is that you're in this happy

relationship. And then all of a sudden you find yourself in the relationship, but you're not quite that happy anymore. But yet the people who are following you in this kind of like weird parissocial relationship expect you to still be talking about the relationship. So I understand why you say then you feel as though you're showing up to social media and you're being a bit of a fraud because you know, you're unhappy, but you're not allowed to voice that unhappiness. Of course. And you try. Like I'm not someone who gives up easily. And I think that's what is hard about social media. You know, after the announcement, people were messaging me saying like, you look so happy. Jeff looks so unhappy. Like how come that is? Like you've created this. Like I've created this myself.

But they obviously don't see things behind closed doors, me having the same conversations for months and months. And it's hard. Like, I don't want to put myself on my story crying. I just don't feel comfortable doing that. I'm not saying it's the wrong thing to do, but I feel like I dealt with it behind closed doors and kind of put a bit of a front on. It does get harder in situations like this when you are not only like a public figure, but when you're so adored as a couple. And like Laura said, it's not your brand, but it sort of is. And it's not why you're with him, but you've unintentionally become something that people look up to and it's inspirational.

And you almost get to this weird place where you think, oh, I don't want to let them down. Like, I don't want to be the failure. And I think a lot of people also mistake openness for completely telling the truth. And I think what I mean by that is when you share a lot, which you guys did, people then expect that they know everything about you and they don't. And there'd be so much in your relationship. there's so much in our relationships that you do not share and they are private, but people don't understand that. So when you show up happy after a breakup, that's what they see. They don't see that you are heartbroken behind the scenes. They don't know the real reason why. And then especially

if they see Jeff upset, you almost become a villain. And I'm not saying that's what you are, but people are very quick to pick sides in a breakup or a relationships when you're in a public figure, especially off something like maths. There is a difference between a bad relationship and a relationship that's just not right? Where would you put your relationship towards the end? I would say definitely a relationship that's just not right. I wouldn't say a bad relationship. Obviously, breakups can bring out the worst in people. And I feel like we definitely both didn't bring out the best in each other in the end. But in terms of how the relationship was as a whole, I wouldn't call it a bad relationship, no. Because there was a lot of good about Jeff. And that's

why we were together and I wouldn't stay in something that is terrible, but at the same time, towards the end, I was really unhappy. How did you make the decision to leave? What was that process like for you? I think after expressing my feelings so much and just not being heard, and I would say there's no right or wrong answer. If you don't want this, just let me know. But I found that the actions and the words were so different. So I was getting told the things that I wanted to hear, of course, but nothing was actually happening to move forward in our relationship

and make me feel like he wanted to be there. So, yeah, at the end of the day, sometimes loving someone is just not enough to stay. And I needed reassurance, I think, that he wanted to be in our relationship. And I just wasn't getting that. Yeah. And I just didn't recognize our relationship anymore.

I didn't recognize him. I didn't recognize me. and I just had to choose myself because I was too unhappy to stay. There were a lot of boundaries crossed that I was willing to overlook. In what way? This is really hard to answer because I feel like when you love someone, the last thing you want to do is throw anyone under the bus. And you obviously think about the good times all the time.

But there were things that I just really couldn't look past and get over, I guess. I'm probably not ready to talk about them if I ever. we'll talk about it online, but there were rumors of infidelity, not that I ever found out concrete that they were true, but I was always faithful in our relationship. And it was really hard to get past those rumors. Yeah. Also, it's so hard when you're in a relationship and that infiltrates the way you feel and then you turn into a version of yourself that you're not happy being in a relationship

where you're insecure, where you find that you're trying to find out answers to what it is that you've been told because you don't feel as though you can trust what's being said to you. I guess when you can't find out the answers, you're just willing to look forward, which is what I did. Like our relationship didn't end right there. But 100% in, like, I did feel very, very insecure. And I think that's what was hard on social media when people were asking me questions. Like, we don't see Jeff as much anymore.

it was because I was really struggling to play a happy couple because I was so insecure about our relationship and where it was headed. And then you put those rumours mixed with not speaking about future, family, children, anything really made it hard. How is he processing things online at the moment? You said that you feel a little bit as though you have been quite quiet about the conversation and kept things to yourself, whereas he's been the one that's been deemed as being sad and broken up with and brokenhearted.

How is he dealing with the visibility of the breakup online? Yeah, he has definitely posted a few things that has brought me a fair bit of hate online, which is hard, considering, you know, at the end of the day, it didn't end amicably. So when you do get that hate because of a post, it is very hard to stay quiet. But at the same time, I didn't want to retaliate. Even there's current rumors about me being the one that cheated on him. And that is just the biggest lie. And that's really hard to swallow,

especially when I'm hearing friends and family talk about it and it being discussed. Like, I think when I think back to how I was feeling, I was just so disappointed. I really did think this was it for me. And I guess seeing how the relationship ended, I just really didn't think it was going to end that way. So it is a shame because I would have loved to have come out being like, you know what, just didn't work out. Like I would have loved an amicable breakup if you know, if it was going to end, I would prefer it to be not so cold.

But what happened happened and I guess I've just got to move forward. It's hard when you don't recognize someone anymore. And it's hard when you see someone you love behave in a way that is, you would have put your life on the fact that they would never do or something. say or behave the way that they have, it's a really hard pill to swallow. Definitely, especially when things are said that you hear that are untrue. And when I've done, sorry. It's okay. This is why sometimes when I actually dig deep, this happens, and I try and, like, not

dig deep because I know this happens. You've gone through a massive, and you're going to a massive heartbreak. Like, what you're feeling now is so okay and normal. You also don't need to apologize for having feelings around a breakup. Yeah, yeah. You really don't. it just, it definitely hurts what you hear afterwards because you feel like you know someone. Yeah.

Because I've always had his back. It's a shame that wasn't reciprocated. You know, I think, and obviously I don't want to speak for you or for your relationship or for Jeff, but I think it can be really, it can be really hurtful when it feels as as though someone is making themselves a victim in the breakup. And then that is what creates people to take sides. And, you know, people are allowed to go through breakups. Relationships don't work all the time.

But if you're also responsible for contributing to the reason why the relationship broke down in the first place, but then you're the one behaving like a victim at the back end of it, it's very hard to stomach when you're the person that was in the relationship going, I want this to work. I want to be married. I want us to have kids. I want all these things. Yeah. And now you're upset. Yeah.

But that's really hard to stomach. It is hard to stomach. And I think it's funny. Like people always say to me, it must be hard with what the public say. for sure, it's hard. But I think what you care about the most is what people who know you say. And when someone who knows you so well says something that is untrue, it's a lot harder to get over.

It's also not only hurtful, but infuriating when somebody comes out with just blatant lies to make themselves look better and make you look worse. And you have this feeling of, if only you knew, like I could tell the truth, but I'm being a bigger person. And it's hurtful that that person you loved even has the capacity to do that to you, especially on a public platform. Yeah. But when you know you could drop a bomb and you're like, I'm going to choose to be the bigger person.

It takes strength. Hats off to you. Thank you. Yeah. That definitely takes strength for sure. Yeah. But to be honest, it wouldn't make me feel better. Yeah.

So I'm happy that I have stayed this silent, I guess you could say. Yeah. But it's nice to actually speak my truth now because I haven't really spoken. on the breakup really at all. Maybe like a little bit here and there on stories, but obviously not this much. And you can tell at the end of the day that you're still living it. You know, you're still feeling it. Like, I haven't actually got that upset for a while.

But when you do start speaking about it again, you do like relive a lot of the feelings. Yeah. I want to ask you about what it's like formulating a statement to share with the world that you've gone through a breakup, especially when so many people are, following you and they're hooked on the love story and they're hooked on the relationship. What was that like? Because you, I mean, some people go through breakups. They don't say anything and people can kind of just tell from social media. But other people who are in the position that you're in have to actually put out a statement around uncoupling. What was it like writing that

and what was the response to it like? Mine was pretty brief, to be honest, because I knew it was going to be absolutely picked apart. And this is probably why I've waited to talk about this for quite some time because I just wanted, I guess, the heat to calm down a little bit. Writing the statement, it's, yeah, definitely hard, but I didn't want to put too much into a story because especially in text, it can be taken so many different ways. Whereas a podcast, yeah, you can give a bit more context to it, I guess you could say. But yeah, writing the statement, it was hard, like as soon as I pressed story, like, post. Throw your phone away and don't open it. Had you and Jeff discussed doing it at the same time had you discussed what that was going to be like or was a decision you made on your own?

Decision I made on my own. Yeah. Was he aware that you were going to be posting at that time? Yes, he was aware. That's so fascinating to me because there's every example of it. There's couples that break up and then they write those statements together and they do join statements. I think of Georgia Love and Lee. It was like a co-lab post, right, around their breakup.

Yeah, loads of people do it and then they just put a pin in it. They're like, we're not talking about it. Yeah. I remember when I broke up with my ex. Did you do a statement? No, we thought, you know, everyone, our audience and listeners and stuff were really invested, right? I was in love with this guy and it was very serious relationship. It was so fucked is what it was.

But then I had like a lot of, um, it was awful. I just was getting a, I just didn't post him as much anymore. I was going through the heartbreak, didn't want to talk about it. And I had so many people writing to me. I don't know if you got this. I remember them literally saying, some of them were saying, you owe us the truth. What happened? And I was so.

taken aback because I thought for a minute I almost said do I like do I owe you something I thought hang on I actually don't and like the time will come but the pressure to say something and I remember being like fuck it I'm not doing a statement I just didn't post anything for ages and then I posted a bikini picture that's right and I said tell me you single without telling me you single and that was my statement and I just played on and got back on and that went bonkers oh that's so good the thing as well with your situation, Brit. It was fucking well played. That is amazing.

But it was because, you know, people treat breakups as though it's like, oh, you've broken up, it's definitive, it's done. Sometimes breakups are messy and they take time and you're going through that, are we going to stay together? Aren't we going to stay? Like, you're figuring it out while you're in it. And regardless of whether you have a following or you don't have a following, like there's been lots of people that have gone through temporary breakups,

gotten back together. They're not going to make an announcement whilst they're figuring it out. And I think that was where I was. I think I was trying to figure it out. Totally. You were there for a long time. He wasn't figuring it out. You were figuring it out.

And then at the same time, you're dealing with people reporting on the fact that you're broken up. But you're like, technically, yes, we're going through a really hard time. But we have not broken up. So I'm not going to confirm because I fucking don't know what's happening in my life right now. No, it was a couple of months that I went to Thailand and did a booty photo. Yeah, yeah. You were like, here's my ass. And, mate, that reaffirmed me to be back on the market.

The DMs were hot. Yeah, the DMs were hot. No, you're so right about, like, you don't even know what's going on half the time. So when people are saying, you owe us, I'm like, I don't even know what to write right now. I don't even know what I'm thinking. You're like, I don't even know if we are broken up yet. Yeah, I haven't even processed it yet. So, yeah, that is really hard.

Look, I mean, we can obviously get into the weeds of the relationship. But I actually don't think that that's where the interesting conversation lies, to be honest. And I genuinely think that there's something really powerful being in your mid to late 30s, realizing, and identifying that a relationship is not healthy for you, it's not what serves you, and that you take ownership of your own life and choose to walk away from it. And I say this because a lot of people feel as though they get to a certain point in life and they would rather hold on to the relationship, even though it does make them feel all these levels of insecurity, simply because the end goal of being married, having kids

and all of the things that they think they want in their life feels closer than starting again. Totally. When really sometimes starting again is actually brings you closer. to what you want. Yeah. And I think if you're thinking about your relationship on a daily basis and whether you should be there or not, that is pretty telling in itself. And I think at the start, I remember thinking, you know, this is okay.

I'm okay. Like I can be the decision maker. I can be the one that plans the future. And you start to like try and reason with yourself. You feel very quickly when you're in a relationship that's destabilizing. Your boundary is very quickly erode. You start to make concessions and you go, okay, well, if I just do this, then we'll be okay.

And if I just do this and I compromise that boundary here, then will be fine. And all of a sudden you feel yourself that you're in a relationship where you're like, hold on. How did I get here? Yeah, I don't recognize myself anymore in this. Exactly. And one thing I picked up on, the only person that was making me feel better was me, as in I would have these conversations that would go nowhere.

And then I would be the one going, okay, so if we do this and we do this and yeah, it's good. And yep, it's fine. So I'm like trying to reassure myself and it should be your partner's trying to reassure you that when you're coming to them with issues or problems or anything that they're being able to reassure you back when I was sitting here just reassuring myself. It was almost like I was in a relationship with me. Yeah. What does life look like for you now that you've made the decision that you guys are not together and you are wanting to, I mean, you know, you're single, but you still want to, you potentially get married one day, potentially have kids, like all of those. goals haven't changed. What does that look like for you stepping into this next phase of your life single? I think looking back, I have learned a lot and I guess like any relationship, you learn

exactly what you do and don't want in a relationship. And, you know, a lot of people are saying to me, like, take the time to process and heal. And it's like, no, absolutely not. I actually don't want to waste any time. But you know what? I feel incredible because I'm no longer in limbo. I no longer think about my relationship daily. And it's funny, since our breakup, so many people are messaging me saying, wow, you look like you've got your spark back and I genuinely feel like that. You look so good. When you walked in, I was like, tell me your secrets. Oh, I had my makeup professionally done. Trust me, I usually use BB cream. I love a baby cream. No, same, but I just wanted, I was just getting glam for you girls. But it's really, it's how corny is it? The glow comes from within. But it's true. It's like when you're

happy and confident and you're not being stressed anymore. Like that shows. Absolutely. Just that weight off my shoulders, even in my stomach, that pit that was there for so long is no longer there anymore. But I'm actually going through an egg freezing journey, which I'm excited about it. Welcome to the club. I've done four rounds if you want to talk about anything. I would love to talk about it. Yeah. Oh, that's exciting. So you're starting that now? Yeah. So I'm, I've got my first chat this Saturday, which I'm really excited. So, that will hopefully take the pressure off. And I understand that everyone's journey is very different with egg freezing.

I don't know a lot about it personally. A few friends have gone through it. But it's just kind of put my mind at ease a little bit. Yeah. You know, I was hoping to be pregnant at the end of this year. And obviously, things have changed for me, which is fine. But no, I'm excited, like, for what's ahead anyway. I just love that you have taken back control of your life.

You haven't worried about the sunk cost fallacy, about how much time you've invested and how old you are. And not only have you said, hey, I'm going to take the bull by the horns here and leave. But I'm also going to take control and I'm going to try and egg freeze. And what you just said about people saying take time, don't move on too quickly, it's actually such bullshit. And it does get somewhat easier as you get older for the exact reason that's like, I know

what I want now and what I don't want. And I think you get over things, maybe not faster when you're older, but you're able to compartmentalize them a little bit more. Like that is so painful and that hurts me and I will be okay. But I'm not going to sit and cry for the next year. I'm going to get back on the horse and I'm going to do what makes me happy and take control of my life again. Yeah, absolutely. And I think when you go through a couple of heartbreaks, it's like you just build that internal wall.

A resilience, yeah. Yeah. A resilience like no other. But I also think it's not just building a resilience or a tolerance to heartbreak. Sometimes you also process the heartbreak when you're in the relationship. And when you're the person that chooses to leave, it's not for lack of trying. It's not a surprise to you. You know, we had this conversation with Tara Pavlovich recently who's gone through a divorce.

She's got two children and she's talking about the choice to leave was something that she very much internalized for months before she broke up with her husband and left her husband. And so it was this sense of almost a freedom versus a sense of grief. Yes, definitely. And I think that's exactly what I have experienced and like why I had the comments about looking fine when really I wasn't fine for a little bit. But I think it's definitely helpful grieving during the relationship. And then afterwards, you don't have to not waste time grieving. But I don't know. You can get on with it.

You can get on with your life. That's exactly right. Are you dating anyone? Have you gone on a date? Oh, silence is telling. Silence is telling. Okay. So you can play with the fifth.

You can say, can you tell me about your egg freezing journey? Good deflection. One I've used many times, Marie. No, look, I mean, we're so happy for you. Thank you. I think that I'm hoping there's a lot of women that can take some inspiration from you restarting at 36 years old. If there's anyone that's in that position right now that's thinking, am I in the right relationship? What would you say to them? I would definitely say that if you are questioning that daily, weekly, then definitely starting again isn't as hard as you think it is. You aren't starting from scratch just because you do learn so much and you know exactly what you want. And I think that you'll know what you will and won't put up with in the future. So look, I know that feeling like it is hard.

I know 36 isn't old by any means, but it did keep me stuck there for a little bit purely because of what I wanted so badly. Yeah. But yeah, I guess if you are listening and you feel like that you're questioning your relationship on the daily, then in my opinion, I think don't stay stuck. I know it's difficult to talk about. Are we going to see remuffs 2027? Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Hey, Ray, thanks so much for coming on the podcast. No, thank you for having me. It was really fun. Thanks, guys.