Life Uncut - The Best of the Pick Up - The Test For How Long Your Relationship Will Last

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP. What's on the show: Britt & Laura chat about that millionaire that was caught stealing a hat from a child Britt reckons she saw a ghost in her bedroom this morning The Bird Test might be the best experiment for how long your relationship will last Laura came across a very questionable Home Health Hack (pls don't try this at home) People were MAD about Maya's first birthday for some reason What's your secret talent? This woman wants her Grandma Name to be Big Mama Lola is making very questionable threats and Father's Day Dad Jokes! You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is, well, if you're just joining us, this is actually the pickup where we package up the best of our radio show and we bring it here for you, like we do every week. I, every week, seem to talk about something that Laura doesn't want me to talk about. And this week it's ghosts. It's not that I don't want you to talk about, I just don't necessarily believe in them.

Yep, last week, oh, she's talking about aliens. This week, ghosts. I can't win. your ban for bringing content now is well I'm pretty sure something happened in my bedroom I think that there is something in there that shouldn't be what I go I don't know I had to spell that one out for you there Laura I'm pretty sure I saw a ghost or some description after me living in the apartment that Brit lives in because like if you're new to the pod I know we say this every time but like I feel like this setup is necessary Laura moved out of an apartment I moved in. Yeah. So I lived there for a couple of years prior to Brit living there. And now, so combined, I think we both lived there for like almost six years combined. Yeah. I've been there for ages.

I've been there for three years. Well, yeah, I was there for three years because I had Marley and then you were there for six years. I'm out living you. Yeah. Wow. Good for you. Good for that little apartment. It's probably time for me to move on. But in six years, all of a sudden, Brit now thinks it is haunted by ghosts. Ghosts don't just show themselves the second you walk in, Laura. It's not like, hey, welcome to the apartment. I'm a ghost. I live here. Like that's know how ghosts work and I know that because they tell me okay we did get into ghost stories the one in that apartment I might not be as behind but you have other ghost stories I'm here for well if it's not a ghost it was a mini UFO in my room so you pick what it is all right look also I don't

know we did this break on radio and then the more I thought about it I was like oh maybe there is a problem with my child so Lola said you know how kids sometimes say like scary weird shit like that they shouldn't say. Or they'll be like, I want to kill you. And you're like, you don't mean that. You don't know what that means. I don't know if kids are saying that, are they? They do.

Like, for example, Lola came home from daycare recently and she was like, mommy, get my drink bottle. And I was like, no, you can say please. And she goes, please get my drink bottle or I'm going to kick you in the balls. And I was like, you're four and I don't have balls. And where did you even hear that? I think that's okay.

But I feel like saying you're going to kill someone's next level, right? Well, yeah. Look, to be fair, for context, she didn't say she was going to kill someone. She just said she wanted to dye them. So I think it's the same, but also it kind of sounds cute when it's coming out of a four-year-old's mouth.

I think we know where she was going with it. I want to dye you. I don't think she wants to tie-dye a shirt or dye her hair. Yeah, so look, Lola said something very questionable about one of her carers. I don't want to, like, say anything that could potentially be a lawsuit. Yeah. I also don't want to put a target on her back.

I don't want this carer to know that Lola doesn't like them. I thought you put a target on her back like all Lola's friends are going to hear and they're all going to target her. Nah, she's fine. She's, that kid will stand up for herself. She's got no worries. Anyway, let's get into it, guys. Lorsie.

Lors. Don't ever call me that. Lorsinator. Did you see what went down at the US Open over the weekend? So obviously that is the tennis grand slam, if you're not somehow across what the US Open is. There is this footage of this CEO grown man that has gone absolutely bonkers online. So after one of the matches, I think it was maybe in the second round,

there is a Polish tennis player that was playing. His name is Kamil Majek. And he was like, they go over after they finish their match and they sign autographs and whatever else. So there's this kid that's about 10 or 11 that's hanging over the side to try and get this famous tennis player's autograph. And somebody from the other side of the court is filming because this is what you do, right?

You film famous people that you like. And so this lovely tennis player signing autographs takes his own cap off that he just played in so it's obviously sweaty it's it's what people want right yeah so he gives it to this super fan 10 year old boy and the boy is ecstatic but the boy only has it for like 3.3 seconds it's in his hands and then this grown man next to him that must be like i don't know 45 50 years old snatches it from this 10 year old boy quickly gives it to his wife who stuffs it in her bag and they just try and do a runner and this 10 year old boy is like crying out after them like hey like what are you what are you doing that's my hat back the tennis player

didn't see it happen so he just like walks off what did everyone else in the stand do because i have seen this well i think it happened too quickly if you're there in person i don't think you would see it and it would have the same effect but the video has gone bonkers anyway this guy i was about to say this poor guy no stuff him but he has received this onslaught of hate that apparently he has had to deactivate his instagram yeah because the internet does what the internet does. They've tracked down these people and we have a Coldplay saga all over again. Well, there are people calling him a sack of garbage, a common thief, a primitive scammer, a shameful jerk. Now, this is where it gets interesting. I think grain of salt here. But

apparently this CEO, he was tracked down as the CEO of a big paving company. His name, I'm going to butcher this, it's Polish. It is Piotr Sierik. So you can all go and stalk him yourself and send of hate mail. Yeah. This is what his apparent statement was. Now, it hasn't been verified, but he said, allegedly, it's all about the famous hat. Yes, I took it. Yes, I did it quickly. But as I've always said, life is first come, first serve. I understand that some people might not like it, but please, let's not make a global scandal out of the hat. It's just a hat. And if you were faster, you would have it. Okay. It can't be real. So, there's so many parts to this. firstly, also so horrible to steal something like that from a kid who's next to you. Like the fact

that this was caught on camera, the guy's an asshole. There's so much about this that is reminiscent to the whole Coldplay saga of a month ago. CEOs are having a moment, aren't they? Yeah, when the internet gets angry, we find out that it's a wealthy millionaire CEO, which we like to hate on anyway. And so then you kind of take them down. But the thing is, I don't know if you remember during that Coldplay saga, there was all these statements that were generated and were circulating from the apparent ex-wife of the CEO because she'd left him and she was all empowered. And the daughter as well.

Yeah, and it turned out that all of these were totally fake, like just had been put out on social media as like the official statement from the wife or the girlfriend or whoever. And I think it's the same thing for this. Like no CEO with even one ounce of like, I don't know, some sort of EQ is going to say, it's just a hat. If you were faster, you would have it. He's a 10-year-old kid.

the kids as fast as it can be yeah but also we say that like no ceo would have an eq like that well he does we saw him take the hat from a child yeah but i snatched it from the child and like when you watch the footage back and okay i think we've established the statement's probably ai not real but going back to the incident what grown man steals from a child in like to the level of like in front of a national crowd you know it's on television you know it's filmed you're like that That is wild to me. Yeah, I think though for me that's just someone who thought they could get away with it.

People do shitty things every day because they think they can get away with it. Now, I mean fortunately and unfortunately if you're that crappy person, so many things are filmed. Everyone has an iPhone and everything gets captured and if you're going to do something that's like so petty but also like kind of like morally not okay, like the world will come for you.

The internet will come for you. There are visual antis out there and you just can't get away with stuff anymore. Well, the little kid had the last laugh because the internet does do what the internet did. The tennis player heard about it through the news. He put his own Instagram out saying, somebody help me. I did not see this happen. Someone help me track down this child.

And they found the child and he sent him a bunch of more stuff. And he has, the tennis player has made up for it. So like at the end of the day, it ends well. But also like, just don't be a jerk. That's the moral of the story. Now, last week on the show, and Laura, you're going to hate that I'm about to talk about this. But last week on the show. I already know what it is.

We're talking about aliens and like UFOs and if people have ever had those really weird and wonderful sightings because I think it's a little bit ignorant and naive of us to think that we are the only people in this universe. I think if we can exist, someone else can exist. Yes, I know. But Britt, some of the content that you're bringing is questionable in terms of like aliens exist. You're sitting in the corner of the studio with a tinfoil hat on.

I haven't said they exist, but I am open to it and I love to hear other people's stories. this morning something happened to me in my own house and I just cannot explain it now I want to get your take on it just to set the scene I have seen ghosts before so like that is something that I have spoken about over the years I think if I counted them I've probably seen seven in my entire life and I am in my early to mid to late 30s so this morning I was in my room I hadn't put my blinds up yet like I woke up early to get ready for a big day of work and I hadn't my dog was in my room Delilah she was sleeping on my bed I had put my bedside lamp on now this is important because the lighting was quite dark and dull still because the only thing lighting the room was a

lamp and a little tiny bit of light coming through the ensuite so I went into the shower in my ensuite and I keep the light on in the ensuite and I keep the door open so I can see out from my shower i can see into my room i was showering as normal and then i see it was like a mini lightning strike in my room like this huge flash really bright flash of light i'm talking three meters away from me it's not like i don't live in a mansion in the west wing where i'm like is that something you know it's like this is but don't you just think it could have been like someone opening a window and the light reflecting who i live alone the ghost no as in like like apartment across reflecting light into yours like through the little the blinds were down that's what I'm

saying there was nothing else in the room there's no light coming into the room Delilah was lighting a joint so no joint doesn't have an electric shock but anyway so this lightning bolt comes down and I was like what was that and then Delilah growled my dog and I was like she has also just witnessed something something happened in my room this morning and I can't explain it now I don't know if I've put these feelers out to the world because we're talking about like aliens and ghosts they're coming for you what if they heard what if they were like oh she might be down for this i'm gonna go into her room this morning you are banned from bringing content i don't believe me i believe you that maybe the light had a weird short circuit i don't know like the the lamp did who knows

brit i don't know some things can't but some things can't be explained i understand i was a non-believer until i could no longer pretend it wasn't happening like i didn't believe in ghosts until I saw it. You have a very good story. Like you, I mean, this one I'm on the fence about, but you do have one. The lightning bolt. The lightning bolt story, I'm not convinced.

I haven't quite joined the Illuminati with you. But the other one you have about seeing a girl walk across the road. Yeah. It's pretty, I mean, now you have to tell it obviously. Do I? Yeah. I mean, it takes a bit of a darker turn. This one's not as happy.

But like one of my sister's really good friends passed away when she was only like 19 or 20 years old. And so I was 23. she passed away unexpectedly and so anyway the flash forward a huge amount of time I am just driving to work on a normal day and I have to stop on this really busy street for this girl to cross the road and I look across the road at who I'm stopping for and it was this point it was like a four-way kind of mini highway like I never had to stop there for anyone and I looked across the road as this girl was walking and it was like time stood still and it was like slow motion and this

girl had this really happy bubbly personality and she was like she used to walk with a really specific walk where she would like bounce on her toes and she was walking across slow motion and it wasn't a ghost I could see her and I watched her slow motion when she got in front of my car she looked at me and she smiled this huge smile and then she looked away and kept walking and it was my sister's friend let's call her Sarah that's not her real name but I was like that is Sarah I was shaking. I had to pull over. And so I pulled over and I messaged my sister and I said, this is so weird. I need to tell you something. I've just had to stop and cross the road. And I said, I've just seen Sarah. I was like, she walked across the road. She looked at me and she smiled. And I said,

I feel like I need to tell you that she was happy. And my sister called me crying and she said, do you know today's her one year anniversary? And we, the friends were at her gravesite and I had no idea. None. You just can't make that stuff up and like when something like that happens, what do you do? I mean, I've been very sceptic of a lot of stories but when you told me that one, that is one that I yeah, I mean. Like what do you say?

How do you even? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, anyway, so back to the flash of light in my room. No, that one I can't get around. That one. Well, if anyone knows what that could be, I'm open to calls. Brittany lives in an old apartment building that had an electrical short circuit this morning and it pissed off Delilah. So glad we got to the bottom of it, everyone.

It's like, oh, you just wait. I'm going to find someone. You're such a sceptic. My goal is to turn you. The last time we had Ghostbusters on this show, they told me I was having a boy. It's not a ghost. Now, Britt, have you heard about the relationship test,

the bird test? Briefly, yes, but I've heard of where it actually stemmed from. Oh, wow, you know more than me. I'm the one who brought the break. No, Gottman. I've heard the Gottman that he came up with a theory, but TikTok's taken it and rolled with it, right? Okay, yes, that is exactly it.

So if you haven't heard of what the bird test is, it's a way in which you can, I mean, like there's no science behind it. Please don't leave your partner if they fail the bird test, but you can test them on how invested they are in the small moments of your day. So basically the idea is like, you might be in the car driving with your partner or you might be, I don't know, at the park or something. And you're like, Hey, look, a bird. And obviously, you know, you want to make a little bit more specific. Maybe you say you saw or I don't know, a pigeon, whatever it is. It's still a bird.

No, but like, you know, usually you're not just going to be like, hey, look, honey, a bird. But the specificness of it is something that they will either lean into it as a bid for connection or they will be like, oh, my God, a bird. Like, who cares? And it's this idea of like leaning into the small moments of your partner's day or leaning away from the small moments of your partner's day as what looks like for a partner

who's really committed. Yeah, and so this comes from the psychologist Dr. John Gottman. He's the one that inspired the theory. But, yes, it's the idea of like a successful relationship. You should be able to tap in and tap out to those micro moments that your partner might bring to you. And, I mean, it doesn't have to be about a bird. It could be about anything.

The tiniest part when they want to tell you about their day. Yes. Do you look up from your phone and engage and ask a question or do you say, that's nice, sweetie, and move on? So, of course, I saw this on TikTok and I was like, well, I should probably test this out on my husband. I should see if he's committed because now that we're having another baby in three weeks, I was like, what better time

to really make sure that the relationship has got legs? So you did the bird test? I did. I like birds. Just want to preface this. I quite enjoy a bird. I like a bird. I'll point a bird out to my husband every so often.

He's also a good sport, Matt. I think I talk a lot of rubbish to him and he really entertains most of it. So how did it go? It actually went pretty good. I think he passed. Have a listen to this. Hello. Hi, honey.

What are you doing? Working. I had to call someone and tell them. I was just at the cafe, and the most beautiful galah just came and sat down right next to me. A galah? A galah. In the city?

Yeah, it was crazy. It was so cute. What did you do? Nothing. It flew away, but I just, it was, I mean, it was so close. Did you feed it? No. But I did feed a bush turkey.

You fed a bush turkey? I'm sorry. I can't even keep it up. It's weird. You can almost see cages in the city. You're great. I love you. Bless his soul.

He still doesn't know what happened though. But you know what? He passed the test because he has no idea what went on. You just cold called him in your work day to tell him you saw a bird and he was engaged. Yeah, you don't see galahs in the city very often, do you? He's like, usually you're feeding pigeons, Laura. Usually you're crazy pigeons.

Do you know what I'm more concerned about by doing this is the fact that he clearly just thinks I'm insane normally and didn't question it at all. He was like, yep, that's something my wife would do. Well, apparently 33% of people that did this test, like their partners didn't pass the test. That's a pretty high stat. 33% of people had checked out. I thought only 33% made it.

Possibly. I possibly read that backwards. I think you did. No, 86% turned towards each other for a bit of a connection and only 33% made it. I didn't get it pretty straight. So of people that lasted happily for 20 years, 86% of them all the time are like turning in to be like,

oh, honey, love that bird. And then of the people that didn't, only 33% of them made it. Wow, Grace, I will say that the stats you wrote here were not easy to read, but well done, Producer Grace. I'm glad we got to the bottom of the bird test. All right, it's irrelevant. Matt passed. Everyone go home and test your husbands and your wives.

Let's see. Let's really mess up some relationships here. Britt I need to get your thoughts and opinions on this because I mean basically a doctor is that one no absolutely not I do not think that you can claim that but you did work in hospital for a long time he might not know this about you yeah 13 years yeah but well radiographer yeah diagnostic radiographer 13 years left the really good work of being a radiographer to come here and talk crap on the radio what a noble career change thank you look the reason why I wanted to speak about this is there's a woman I follow.

Her name is Jen Hamilton and she's a nurse. She's from the US and she posted something that I deal with all the time but I have never seen someone do this before and I am shooketh to my core that this is a way in which some people solve the issue of having inflamed taste buds. Okay, hear me out. I know. All right.

Okay, come on the journey with me. You just took us on a wild ride. So you know how sometimes you'll wake up in the morning or like over the day and you'll just have one taste bud that gets inflamed? No. So like on the tip of your tongue, you'll have like one. Yes, you do.

That's an ulcer. It's not an ulcer. It's not like a concave thing. It's just like an inflamed little dot, a white dot. I have one literally right now. Yeah, but isn't that just a tongue ulcer? No, it's not a tongue ulcer. It's an inflamed taste bud.

If you get them on the reg, you will know they are so deeply annoying. Like once you have one, it's like all you can kind of feel. You've got to talk in a certain way to kind of move your teeth around your tongue. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's an ulcer. No, it's not an ulcer. Just join me on this story, okay? Okay, okay. Even Nurse Jen says it's an inflamed taste bud.

Yeah, but tell us what else Nurse Jen did. So the comment section of this is wild, but let me just kind of set up what she did. So Jen gets a pair of tweezers and she grabs the taste bud, which if you've ever had an inflamed taste bud, I'm talking about the little tiny ones, she grabs it and she pulls it straight off, like she's pulling out a blackhead, right? And then it bleeds for a second and within 20 seconds she's like, it's gone. no pain

completely gone I do not believe that is no pain think of how much it hurts if you accidentally bite your tongue and she said this she said warning

if there's one thing about me that I'm not going to live with it's a swollen taste bud you are getting yoinked and you are gone that's disgusting the problem is is like I watched this

and I was like absolutely horrified I was like oh my god that to me is so painful because I do get them and I was like the thought of ripping them out sounds like irrational

it was the comment section that blew my mind the amount of people who were like am I the only one who didn't know about swollen taste buds, for one? No, because I didn't, yeah. And then other people are like, oh, my God, I thought I was a psycho for doing this, but I just ripped them out

and then they go away within seconds. Someone else wrote that they clipped them off with a pair of nail clippers. What is wrong with the world? It's a taste bud. Let it live. Glad I'm not the only one doing this. It's legitimate. This person wrote, I've done this my whole life.

It hurts so bad for literally a minute, but way better than letting it hurt and be swollen for four to five days. Are we pulling off our own taste buds when they get swollen? Well, apparently, but I mean, 10 minutes ago, I'd never even heard of it. I'm going to try it next time because I get them really often. I'm going to rip one off and report back. I actually don't think we should be advising. Ew, I just Googled it.

You get that? Those pussy little things on your tongue? Not like that bad. Yeah, I've got one here. It's when you have a low immune system, I think. Immune system? Immune system. When you run down, my immune system.

My immunity. I blame pregnancy for everything at the moment, guys. No, you know, this person's attached to a piece of string and they're pulling it off. Exactly. People pluck them off. People are cooked, man. Just let it live.

No, because it does hurt. And I've even been speaking weird today because it hurts on the side of my mouth. Anyone want to come pluck it? Okay. Where's the line? Like if you can get your partner to like pick your pimples and your blackheads, can you get your partner to pluck your days off?

That is the line. And anyone that is doing that to yourself or each other is disgusting. This is, please, this is not medical advice. Laura is not telling you to do this. Do not try this at home. It's true. If you do want to go and have a look at it out though, go to Jen Hamilton's Instagram because she's a nurse.

I trust her. I'll follow a nurse on TikTok. Laura, I was shooketh by the general public's response on the weekend to my niece Maya's first birthday. Why does the general public even weigh in on your niece's birthday? Great question. So my niece Maya turned one. I flew up north to spend it with my sister and her

and they're like a really small mini party. And I put some photos on Instagram, you know, like happy first birthday to my niece, whatever. There were a couple of kids there. I mean, my niece doesn't really do much. She can't even walk yet. They won. But also, I said this the other week,

I feel like the first birthday party is a celebration for the parents for making it a whole year of being a parent. That's absolutely what it was. But Maya's quite advanced, so her friends are a little older than her. What, like 35? Yeah, pretty much. No, she was the youngest there. The other kids were like, I think the next youngest kid was three.

Then they were like five, six, and seven. Because they were obviously like our friends' kids. Got you. Anyway, so I put a photo of her eating her first birthday cake. Now, it was like just a rainbow cake that you can get from Woolies. I saw it. It's the iconic. Every parent will know it.

It's the rainbow like inside cake. It's got white icing on the outside. You cut it open. It's a rainbow. It's a classic. It's a kid classic. So she cut it open, flipped it around, made it into a butterfly, added some bits, whatever.

jazzed it up a bit but it's like just has hundreds and thousands all over it and the inside's rainbow and it's icing it's just a delicious cake it's full of sugar this well this is this is where this is going and so I put the photo up did thought nothing about it and then I started to get some messages just sporadic at the start thought nothing of it and like ignored them like in my dms then I started to come in way more frequently people pretty gobsmacked that a one year old would have a birthday cake with sugar like the messages started to be like oh is that sorry is that kid friendly and I was like well it's not toxic she can can she consume it yes anyway this came in more and more and more and more and then there were people saying you should

have given her a watermelon cake people sending me pictures of it I am sorry but there were people sending me literally a watermelon that they cut and scoop it out and then they put a candle in That's what people do. They make a watermelon cake. Sorry, your poor child. Somebody take that child away. The kid is one. It doesn't know any different.

This is what I want to add on top of this. My sister Sherry is a nutritionist. This is her life. She knows what is okay. She knows what is good. The child has never, like Maya has never had sugar before. She doesn't eat sugar. Go off, queen.

Give it to her in one big hit. Yeah, and so Sherry was like, do you know what? She'll never be the same again. Oh, my God. You've never seen it. I tell you what. She had one taste and you've never seen a kid want to eat so quickly. I'm assuming that's the addictive nature of the sugar kicking in.

And she never eats it. She's not going to eat it for the next year. But guys, if we are living in a world where we cannot have a birthday cake and you've got to have a piece of – do you know what watermelon is? It's water. Are you going to give your child water for their first birthday? This is a real rant that I wasn't expecting from you today. Because I just – I'm like, guys, let – like there is so much going on in the world.

Let a kid have a – and like all the other kids want a birthday cake. They don't want watermelon. Like it's a birthday. Yeah, but also, Britt, you're like on Auntie Judy's and you're getting yelled at. It's not even yours. You're like, it's not even my cake. I don't care.

I get very defensive. I was like, let the kid eat. The difference between this is people obviously just expect more from you, Britt, because I've bought that exact same cake for both my kids' birthdays for almost every single birthday on repeat since they were one, and I've never received a message. Everyone's like, yeah, that's about right, Laura. I even covered it in Smarties.

That checks out. Laura's got no time to do anything. She would have got that. I literally covered it. It would have been delivered. Yeah, I think it was Lola's first birthday. I covered it in Smarties and also things that could be considered a choking hazard and not one single person messaged me.

Laura's like, what is that? What's it called? No, where you put vodka in it? Like a tiramisu thing. I gave my kid tiramisu. Yeah, it's like a – I just, yeah, I just – no, I decorated with bits of Lego and everyone was like, yeah, that's right up Laura's alley.

I'm like, if this is – We joke. I'm a great – Laura put sparklers in it that's got like fireworks. It's going to explode. I'm a great mum, thank you, but I also – Sorry, you brought this up. Don't attack me.

That's right. That's right. The birthday parties are for birthday partying. It's fine. Anyway, let the kid live. Let them live. If they want a cake, they can eat a cake. I feel like someone hurt you on the weekend, Brie.

They did. Now we're talking about hidden secrets. So if you have – No, we're talking about secret talents. Secrets. Hidden secrets. Secrets are usually hidden. Guys, I've lost the plot today.

I actually have. We're talking about hidden talents. And I know, Producer Grace, you're a bit confused about this because I brought this even though I forgot about what we were just talking about. But I want to know, what is your hidden talent? Give us a call. The reason why I wanted to talk about this is

because the other night I was just casually flicking through my stories on Instagram, looking at what my friends were up to. And Producer Grace, you popped up. There you were. You popped up in all your glory. And when I say all your glory, you were in stripper heels on a stripper pole and you were wearing not much,

which is scantily clad, and you were doing a full-blown middle splits upside down. And I just, I've known you for so long now. Like we spend so much time together and it took the wind out of me. It honestly did. I was, no. Do you know why, Laura? I was shocked.

I was so shocked. I was like, how have you kept this a secret for so long? It's because you're not on her close friends group. Okay, that's a lie. Laura is in my close friends group. So you haven't seen her talent. And I usually put my pole dancing stuff on there because I have like relatives and bosses and stuff that follow me well you threw that out the window this time

didn't you you were like watch me do the middle splits and a g-string put that straight up on the main feed no that was on close friends no it wasn't did you main feed that I main feeded it your boss watches this yeah and there were a few people in the office that I got to see a real live reaction to watching me do that and I went you know what I'm gonna pop this on close friends okay you are very talented so like just to really get the picture she was upside down on the pole holding on by only her hands. Your legs were in the splits in the G-Banger and then you did like a swifty flip thing twirl down the pole

and you still made it look graceful. It was impressive. The reason why I was confused by this is because you mentioned not so long ago, you're like, oh, yeah, you know, I'm doing pole dancing. I've only just started. And so like, you know, when you see someone who's just started pole dancing, they're particularly bad at it.

So like I wasn't expecting a full middle split, which I can barely touch my toe. Actually, I can't touch my toes at this moment. Let's be real. But I was, I mean, pleasantly surprised, but also I don't understand why you've been keeping this secret. It's a workplace. I wasn't just going to drop into the splits in a workplace.

Why not? That sounds like exactly what we need. I mean, I can, but there's a lot of equipment around. I don't want to damage anything. You're also in jeans. Could you do the splits in jeans? I reckon I could. Could you do it quickly?

Okay. All right. All right, I'll hold the fort down. Oh, she's going down. Oh, my God. Holy moly. Oh, my God. You really can do it in jeans.

Oh, my God. Can you push yourself up or do your hips pop out? Oh, wow. We're actually absolutely putting that onto our socials. Britt, do you have a hidden talent that you've kept from the world? Do you know what? I have. It's one that I don't know if I wanted to let people know that I had this talent

because I don't want to brag, but I can for the sake of the show, I can tell you. I can do a seagull sound. I like that you're keeping that a secret, but actually you have done that on the show before. Have I? Yeah, you busted it out once. Can you give it to us again, though?

I haven't done it in a while. It's worth hearing. Warm up. I'll push the microphone away. Everyone across the nation changes channel on the radio. That sounds pretty – was that a lead or not? I'm telling the truth. It actually wasn't that good.

Wasn't it? Wasn't it? Have I lost my talent? It wasn't convincing. No, don't be mean. Sorry, if that's my one talent, was it not good? You've got other talents, babe. No, I don't.

That's all I've got left. Actually, look, the phone's been going off. We've got Courtney on the line. Courtney, what's your hidden talent? So I can still, after years, squirt breast milk out of my good boob at least four to five metres away from where I'm staring in. Every time without fail. How long ago did you stop breastfeeding?

So I've not long stopped with my youngest, but there's six years between my two, and I could still do it five years after I had my eldest. Oh, my God, that's amazing. What do you mean? You're still producing milk without breastfeeding? I'm so confused. Some people do.

So it's only in my good boob. My good boob can still go for miles and she just never stopped. Do you know what's so funny about this? It's like every mum who's ever breastfed is like, oh, yeah, yeah, I know the good boob story. There's always one boob that like your kid prefers to feed on and then that boob gets really good at making milk and the other one's just like this sad sack that hangs by the side.

Britt looks confused. No, I was just thinking I – It's also quite good for when your husband won't stop snoring at night. Like it is amazing. Like you sneer across the room and it's just like one quick little squirt. He doesn't know but it's so harmless and it just makes you feel so much better about not sleeping at night. Oh, my God, Connie.

This is hilarious. I have this moment with my husband. This is years and years ago when my firstborn was young and I was in the bath and he came in. He was like fully clothed but he was just sitting on the loo having a chat to me. And I said, I reckon I could squirt you with breast milk from here. And he said, yeah, go for it. And not only did I squirt him but I squirted all up the wall on the other side.

You get some real reach with that stuff. Yeah, I've seen it happen, not from you. It can go everywhere, like almost an explosion sometimes, especially when you're early breastfeeding days. Oh, my God. Well, I'm not breastfeeding, but I also have a boob I prefer, but that's for another day. All right, we're going to take a little bit of a switch here.

We often talk about parenting, but we're going to talk about grandparenting for a second. Who gets to choose the name that a grandparent uses? I think it's open to the grandparents because otherwise you end up with like multiple nanas or multiple nannies. And like, you know, sometimes you'll have the conversation of like, all right, my mum wants to be nana. Does your mum want to be grandma or be nanny?

So it's different. And then they can kind of choose. Yeah. So Ellie, who is my mother-in-law, she lives with us. It kind of just worked out that both grandparents became nana. And so now it's like nana who lives with us, nana who doesn't live with us. We used to do that, but it would be like you use their name.

So like Nana Jan. Yes. Yeah. Okay, so Ellie, my mother-in-law, she wants to be called Nelly and my kids refuse to pick up the word Nelly. They're like, no, you're not Nelly. She's too old. You're not a rapper.

You're not Nelly. Okay, so this has come off the back of a Reddit thread online where one woman has come out asking like, am I the a-hole? Because she's got little kids. Oh, sorry, she's pregnant. She hasn't even birthed her child yet. And her own mother came out and said, I've decided what I want to be called. I want to be called Big Mama.

not nana not grandma not grammy whatever big mama no that's a no well the daughter it's got to be within reason this is what the daughter has said i told her nicely i was uncomfortable with it because i should be the only person who is even remotely considered mama or any type of mama she went into this whole spree about how she's the grandparent and she gets to be called anything she wants and that you need to respect your elders oh my god get a grip no it's coming to this discussion now of like who bestows the name that the grandparent uses is it bestowed upon the grandparent by their child or does the grandparent get to say hey this is what i'm comfortable with do you know what though it kind of depends on how present the grandparent is as well big mama is

going to be present she's there she is there no because i think what happened with us is like we just referred to nana as nana you know we referred to my mom as nana because that's what we called our grandma. You know, the kids spend way more time with us than they do with Nana. So they would just start saying, Nana, I kind of feel like you can curtail this. And the kids will just be like, why does Nana keep calling herself Big Mama? That's weird. Come to Big Mama. I kind of like it. I vibe it. But that's kind of what happened in our house with Ellie when Ellie was like, call me Nelly. But the kids were like, no, you're Nana. That's weird. Does she wear like a gold grill. In our household, we have NJ. So my Nana is NJ. And that was, she decided that

anytime we'd call her Nana, she would say NJ and she would just drill it into us. So that stands for Nana Jan. Well, she's just NJ to us now. But my dad is a Grampy or a Popsicle or a Papa Smurf. So he gets three names. I think it's cute to have something that's like unique to your family, as long as everyone is okay with it. Yeah, but there's a difference in this question, okay? So the grandma wants to be called big mama. The mama has said it's a no. And instead of just being like, oh, okay, I'll come up with something else,

she's like gaslit her own daughter. She's doubling down. Yeah, and she's like, well, I'm older. Respect your elders. No. I mean, you do have to respect your elders to some capacity, yes. That flies when you're a child. It's not when you're also an adult.

You don't just respect someone just because they're older than you. That's not how it works. But I do think it's, I don't know, I'm not a mum, so correct me if I'm wrong. I think it's a bit precious to say no one else will have the name Mama in their title because I'm the only Mama. I feel like my dad is Papa Smurf, which has Papa in it as a dad. But you're going to call, like, as in, like,

not many people are calling their dad Papa. They're calling their dad Dad, you know. So, like, I actually, I don't necessarily disagree. My kids call me Mama. They don't call me Mum. And so I would find it weird if they were calling another person Mama. Ellie Big Mama. Yeah, just, like, I don't think Matt would really appreciate

if the kids were calling my dad Dada, Big Dada. Like, I don't know. I can understand why it's weird. I can't believe how seriously we're taking this conversation. Neither, actually. I can understand why it's weirded the mum out, but also I think step aside, Grandma. I know you're the grandma, but you're not the mum.

They're fighting words, Laura. Step aside, Grandma. Step aside, Grandma. I say this, but then I'm also like, Ellie, never leave me. I need you so much. Ellie can be called anything she wants as long as she – Ellie can rap. Nellie can be a rapper.

I will call you Nellie every day of the week. Just never leave. So my youngest, Lola, she's four years old now, almost five. I mean, I've described her on the show before as being like the personality hire of our family. Which I feel like you need to stop describing her like that. I know, I don't think so. She's so funny. Like she comes out with these one-liners.

She says really inappropriate things. She's a very energetic, she's like a little energizer bunny. And she has like really good comedic timing, right? But she also says some things that I'm like, oh, you really shouldn't say that. You're going to get yourself in trouble. And I don't know whether it's just she feels safe at home. so she can push the boundaries. Or she's a psychopath.

Which one is it? I wish we were joking. Or she says these things maybe at school and I'm like, that's going to get you into a lot of trouble. Don't say that. So she does sport and she goes to like daycare and she has like quite a few adults in her life that have like caretaker roles, you know,

like whether it's a sporting activity or a school. And I'm saying this because I want to make this very generic. I do not want the person. You don't want the person to know. I don't want the person who is involved in this story to know that they are involved in this story because that's awkward for everyone. But Lola comes home the other day from an unprescribed activity

that she did and she goes, Mummy, this real half. She goes, I hate Sarah. And I was like, oh, you hate Sarah? She's like, I hate her. And I was like, okay, why do you hate her? She goes, she's always telling me, Lola, don't do this. Lola, don't do that. She's always getting cross with me.

Lola, put down the knife. Wait for it. And I was like, oh, honey, she's just trying to keep you safe. And she goes, yeah, well, you know what I want to do? I want to cut her finger off and eat it. And I was like, sorry, what? And she goes, I want to dye her and cut her finger off and eat it. And I was like, sweetheart, you're four.

Sweetheart, that's murder and cannibalism and illegal in every country. I was like, I don't know if I just heard what I think I heard. Anyway, of course, Matt wasn't home at the time, so of course the first thing I did. Was you recording? No, I voice recorded me telling him because I couldn't get onto him on the phone, he was at work. And so I voice recorded and I was telling him the story.

I was like, baby, you'll never believe what your daughter just said. And as I'm telling him the story, Lola hears me and she goes, who are you calling? And I was like, I'm calling your father. And she goes, oh, I thought you were calling Sarah. What did you do? And I was like, no, I'm not calling Sarah. And she goes, you should call her.

Tell her I want her to die her and I'm going to cut her finger off and eat it. Oh, my God. It's crazy, right? But then listen to how cute it sounds when it comes out of a four-year-old's mouth. Cut her finger off. And do what?

Eat it. Make it work. I'm concerned. So am I. I don't know if you should be laughing at her. That's what I'm concerned about. I'm like, I think there's a mishandling of this situation. I was like, then be real fighting words.

I don't know. I don't know why. I don't know where it's come from. Where did she get them from? I sent it to Matt. Matt was like, do you think we should be concerned about this? There's not a normal response. Didn't you watch Jeffrey Dahmer documentary where they're like,

there were signs when he was a child? There were signs. We ignore them. now it makes me concerned because every so often she like because she comes into my room at night time to get in bed with me and sometimes she's just like there's a dark ominous figure over the side of the bed and i'm like what are you actually thinking bro i you come for me for thinking there's ghosts and wanting to talk about that this is so much worse than that there is some psychologist sitting in the car right now trying to call this line being like i need to talk to laura and lola

we'll get them on next week's show because we've got to go you know the school's got to listen or wherever she went, whatever this unknown care giver is, is going to kick her out for sure. They're like, let's suspend Lola. She's just so cute, though, that even when she says really messed up things. You know who else was cute? Ted Bundy. He was not cute.

Yes, he was. He was hot. That's his whole shtick. He was a hot psycho. That's terrible. It is Father's Day this weekend. I haven't organised anything yet. Well, I already gave my dad a Father's Day present, actually.

Well done. Well done being organised. Last weekend, yeah. But I want to give all you dads out there a present right now. I am going to give you the gift of the ultimate dad jokes. Now, I love a dad joke. Shockingly, I'm not a dad, but I do love them. I love a bad joke, and I feel like people need to be armed

with new jokes going into the weekend. The problem I have is that – Sorry, we're keeping you up, Laura. Wow. Guys, I'm about to have a baby, okay? All I do is yawn and have reflux. No, the problem with jokes for me is like my brain does not retain them. I hear them, I laugh, and then I just can never recall them,

whereas you're full of like ping, ping, ping, ping, ping. Also, my dad is also very good at a dad joke. I reckon you'll know some of these laws. So if you know them, try. The only one I have is the toilet paper one, which I've told about ten times. Because I was your four-year-old. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom. To get to the bottom. All right, ready? We're going to start with my favourite topic. Why are pirates pirates? Because they are. What's a pirate's favourite letter? R.

R, you'd think that, but it'd be the C. That's so stupid. It's not stupid. It is. It is brilliant. All right, well, where does a pirate go to get his hook? No, no. The second-hand store.

Oh, dear. Is this just going to be a break on pirate jokes? Is that what this is? I wanted to start with that, but I'm done. Okay. So why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because they don't go to the bathroom? Well, besides the fact they're extinct, the P is silent.

Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's good. That's clever. Clever. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. I knew it was time to put my foot down. Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? Because it would be very silly.

I don't know any of these. Because you might denture the car. Oh, that's terrible. That one wasn't good. That's not your best. That was producer Grace. Producer Grace, that was a terrible one. Denture.

You might denture car. Oh, you might denture car. Sorry, yeah, I butchered that. Blame the one saying it. Terrible delivery. Okay, why do bees have sticky hair? I don't know. This is happening, honey.

It's not funny. You're almost there. Because they use honeycomb. Oh God. Okay. My last one. I feel like we should get people to call for this. This is probably more. No, I've got my last one. This is my favorite joke. And I know you know it, Laura. I used it on The Bachelor many years ago. It's how I almost won Nick over, but didn't. Do you reckon that this was the thing that turned him off? He was so close to choosing you and then you whipped out this terrible joke and he was like, oh, I can't deal with that for the rest of my life. I brought it

in really early. That's what actually sold him. I think that's why he kept me around. but then I just – it just wasn't enough to bring it home. It disintegrated after that. You know it, Laura, but for everyone in the car, this is the joke I want you to use on the weekend. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? You know that Georgia Love said this on her season too. I didn't watch Georgia Love's season.

Halloumi. It's halloumi. That's not a good one, Britt. It's terrible. Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? There was debris everywhere. No, there was nothing left but debris. Don't butcher my jokes.

You know. How do you get a bear out of a tree? With camembert. We must go. We must be done with this. All we want to say is happy Father's Day to all the dads out there and hopefully your jokes are better than Britt's. Not all heroes wear capes.

I'm here to serve.