Life Uncut - The Best Of The PickUp

Episode Date: August 25, 2024

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP. On the show:  We have a surprise SPOILER it's James Bay Chat GPT roasts us Matty J wrote a book and Laura is proud as punch Headline and Headlies with Matty J See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. I'm Mitchell. Hi Mitchell. Hi Brittany. How are we all?

Like 60 Minutes. Do you want to know a hack? Fun fact? Yeah. Get this. You know 60 Minutes how it goes? I'm Michael Usher. I'm Peter Overton. The last person to say their name has the first story on 60 Minutes and it changes every week. Wow. Yeah, because it's a continuity flow on.

Yeah, but is that just such a fun little hack for everyone? What a beautiful peek behind the curtains that was, Mitch. I've never heard anything more fun. Sarah Arbo told me of the Logies and the red carpet. That's fun. Oh, shut up. What were you going to add? What were you going to say? We were talking about how your house sitting this week and I was just telling you off air that I have an anxiety blanket for you,

a weighted anxiety blanket. And I was trying to speed this process up because I want to go home to my kids. So that's where we were at. We were bickering like an old married trio. There's something so – Like the polyamorous couple that we are. We really are at times, aren't we? We love each other.

We've stopped having sex and we're taking it out on each other. We're not a polyamorous couple. We could have sex. I've got all the parts, as do you both. Yes, of course we could. We don't need to have the parts. You can do it with any part. That's the whole point.

I can, and I have. I don't want to have sex with you guys, but I love you so much. Please don't take that as a criticism because I'm sure individually you're both great. Laura, you couldn't pay me to have sex with you. Don't worry. How much would it cost? You're not gay.

You both have the figure of my partner. I could go you two. I'd love it. You're beautiful. I have way bigger boobs than your partner. I don't. From the waist down, you guys are Stephen. Wow.

Wow. It's a compliment to you, and to him, I think you'll hate that. Yep, it's not a compliment to me. Anyway, it's the radio show. if you missed it this is all the best bits apparently so but mitch is house sitting so we are talking about that today because you have house sat for me before but you've never dog sat which is the difference this time you're house sitting and dog sitting we all know delilah is my pride and joy yeah last time i did catch you on the doggy cam doing the dirty when with someone

on my lounge yeah but isn't it cute we haven't spoken about this it's actually full circle because i was living with my parents and i house sat for you brit and i needed to get away from my parents this time last year and i was like you know single gay hadn't really done that before so i was having men over anyway the guy that i had over at brit's house is now my boyfriend steven isn't that so cute full circle maybe you guys can celebrate on britney's couch again and raw dog for the second time yeah that was boyfriends you've done the damage so do whatever okay it's a brown leather couch it was fine oh the stains don't show they're actually asked no they do they are not i thought they were water stains but it checks out now they are not anyway

Give me a break. Look, also on the show, Matt joined us on the show this week. You guys might know if you listen to Two Doting Dads, also I vibed it, so there's been a lot of Matt content, unfortunately, sorry for everyone. He wrote a kid's book, but also it's been book week, it's also Father's Day coming up, and we got to the bottom of some very nefarious headlines that have been written

about my husband, and we got to the bottom of those too. Yeah, it was fun. Also, Britt and I concocted a plan off the back of the Logies. Laura did something at the table that shocked us. Like, Brit and I genuinely were so shocked at the way that you, how can I put this? I reacted to someone on stage who I love and adore and admire because I think that they got me through some really hard times.

Yeah. No, I'm not knocking it. However, we concocted a plan to actually surprise you with this person. They're an international celeb, flew in for the Logies, and on their way to the airport to go back home, they came to the pickup to surprise Laura. I haven't even had a chance to thank you guys for that yet. That absolutely made my day.

Like, I know we joked about it a lot, and you guys will see who this international celebrity is very soon. But honestly, it meant he's to me. I genuinely loved him growing up and it was like such a nice surprise. I do want to admit it was completely selfish reasons. I love him as well. So I did it for me, but then I was like, I'll just do it for Laura as well. Can we bring him into our polyamory relationship?

Is that where we're at now? It's a quad. We're a quad. He and I are like horny for each other. Did you see the look we had in each other's eyes? He's been with his partner since he was 16. He's not horny for you. I get gay vibes.

Look, like we said, we don't have to have sex with each other. Just an open quad. I also love that we haven't actually said who it is. We're not. It's F***ing Bay, guys. It's coming up next. It's a hook. We're not.

It's a hook. Okay, it's Robert Irwin. Oh, is he 18? I've loved him since I was a child. You want him in our relationship? Is he 18? No. I think he is just.

Nothing screams sex appeal like Robert Irwin. I think he's the same age as your boyfriend, Mitch. Don't laugh. Don't laugh too hard. I actually think he's older, which is bad. All right. Dr. Harry joins us on the pick up. James Bayes here in the studio.

Hello, James. Hello. It's very nice to be here. I'm so glad you are here, but also I feel so stitched up now and out of my depth because I've just added myself as a mad super fan and then here you are and it was a surprise. I'm in Australia, the land of the stitch-ups. There's some beautiful stitch-ups.

It's what we do to each other, isn't it? It's fantastic. Well, James, you performed at the Logies on Sunday night. Laura was at our table on her feet dancing during this. How can you not dance? Come on. Yes. I was saying, this album came out in 2014 and it was my breakup symphony.

It got me through every hard time. I was like, it's all right. Everything's going to shit, but let's put some James Bay on and cry in the car. I don't know on that album if I really lift people up at the end of any song. I think it's just like, hey, things are tough and maybe that's okay. But maybe you'll get through it. Maybe you won't, but it's all right. Put the album on again.

I think it sometimes feels really good when you're heartbroken to lean into the pain though. And like I have sat in my car crying to let it go singing like, and I can't sing, like screaming at the top of my lungs that many times but let me just see if I can get this right let it go streamed 1,215,651,857 times do you ever get sick of hearing your own song I would love to know that well I don't get sick of playing it touring around the world I have arrived sometimes in like hotels like I remember a few different occasions where we pull up in like the bus outside the hotel and like all the hotel staff are like stood around the like check-in desk looking a bit pleasing themselves and the music's playing like we planned it it's so lame like we did this for

you yeah respect with all respect it's like guys i'm so tired i just gotta i just gotta go to bed that's what they think will get brownie points and it's sweet james will love it he'll love this well it's yeah i don't know i and it is as huge it's massively like flattering don't get me wrong But at the same time, no, I don't get tired of singing it for sure. And I've sang it a lot. I hope I get to sing it like way more than I already have. And on top of that, the moment when people are singing it back to me and there's a really like obvious good moment in the middle of the song

where we can hand it to the audience and they like scream it back. When you are writing, are you drawing from your own personal experiences? Yeah, yeah. Are you going through your own heartbreak? I, if I'm not going through my own, like, and I go through, I think we all go through heartbreaks about all kinds of different things by the way it's not always as straightforward as a breaking up or whatever and then also the other thing I find myself drawing from is like and they remain anonymous but like friends and people that I

know going through stuff and like sometimes even you get like affected by what's happening in a movie and I kind of love those stories when some of my favorite songwriters were so inspired by like a story in a book that they wrote the most beautiful heartbreak song or the most uplifting song it's nice to there's drawing from direct personal experience and I'm always doing that in some amount but then you can sort of glean things from all kinds of different things that happen around you in like culture or in life or whatever so james you i mean i hope i've got this right you've been in a relationship since you were 16 what i'm getting married next year what's your advice for maintaining a healthy long-term relationship we see people especially in the

entertainment industry they're breaking up all the time i think you take each day as it comes i think it's one step at a time i think you don't leap into the future and you don't dwell on the past or even just sort of sit in the past too much because you can there's celebrating the past and there's remembering it

and all that stuff but just try to be present. Do you asking for a friend do you sing at people's weddings? She's asked every person

that comes on the show. You have me drawn you have me then you got me. Yeah I've done it. Yeah I've done it. It's happened. I'm going to get my people

to speak to your people. Alright I love it. Well you flew here for the Logies so you fly here for Brittany Hockley's event. We'll take you over to Bali as well. You'll get more views on Instagram than the Logies got on television anyway

So better exposure. Listen, James, brand new album. The fourth studio album. Changes all the time. He's out October 4th. I mean, Laura, you'll be there at JB Hi-Fi buying the album. First day it's out, won't you? I hope so.

Is Sanity still around? Because I'll be front and centre. I'm getting my seat. Hey, Mitch and Laura, you might have seen this chat GPT roasting going viral online. So if you haven't seen this, people are doing this trend where, you know, you can ask chat GPT literally anything. It's like AI. It's AI.

it knows everything. People are sending in their own Instagram or social media profiles and getting them to tell them what they think of it just based off the pictures. So it's not based off like your bio or your name or anything. You just have a look at whatever pictures are on the screen and then they just roast you. How have we gotten to the place in society where we need to be paid out by artificial intelligence? Like how have we gotten there? I know, but isn't it sad that we don't ask our friends for advice. We go, hey, computer, tell me what you think about me personally. Mitch, tell me what you actually think about me.

I'm not going to ask you. I'm going to go and ask this robot. Guys, I think you're missing the point. No one's doing it because they actually want the computer's advice. They're not going to go and change their profile based on it. But it's just a bit of amusement. People just want to see what they say. So I organised for ChatGPT to roast all of us, basically.

Oh, no. So I don't know what – I didn't want to know the answer. I got our producer, Grace, to do it. So she sent them in. All I know is that one of us is far worse off than the other. That's what she's fed back to me. Who do you think is the easiest offended, like, out of the three of us? Well, you've got kids, so I doubt ChatGTP is going to be like,

two grommets around that woman's teeth. I've got those kids. There's a lot of photos of me with plants and animals, though, so it might think I live on a farm. Yeah, crazy cat lady. You've got your dog, Britt, but then you've got a beautiful boyfriend, Ben. And then you have lots of hot summer photos. I don't know what mine will be because I've got dog stuff.

I've got very unfiltered, hectic, like, podcast stuff, like, sexy chat. And then I've got some, like, fashion stuff. We just had the Logies, so I don't know what it's going to be. If ChatGPT comes to my age gap boyfriend, I'm going to lose it. Let's have a look at what they say. Producer Grace, come on in. What do they call that in a gay relationship when there's, like, a gap? Love.

That was brilliant and that was a dumb question. Let's see what ChatGPT has to say. We are going to start. Will you, Laura, play with me? Roll the audio. This Instagram profile looks like the chaotic love child of a family scrapbook and a PR campaign. It's got the shiny red carpet shots mixed in with the obligatory

look at my cute kids and pets content, as if the algorithm's going to implode without both. It's like they can't decide if they want to be a household name or just a regular person trying to get by. Newsflash, you can't have it both ways. That's me! It looks like a PR campaign slash what? I'm sorry, I think I need to go to therapy with chat GPT.

Like, they need to be my personal, I'm okay with this. That's so brutal. PR with family. That is hilarious. Okay, I guess I will volunteer as tribute for Nick. All right, let's do Brits. This Instagram profile looks like it's trying way too hard to convince everyone that juggling podcasting,

red carpet events, and sipping green juice is the pinnacle of human achievement. It's like a bizarre mix of look how glamorous my life is and I'm just a down-to-earth girl with a dog and a smoothie. It's basically the influencer starter pack with a sprinkle of trying-to-stay-relevant desperation. A sprinkle of desperation. There's literally a picture on there that I have a dog and a smoothie.

He's literally, he's like, it's like she has a dog and a smoothie. I do have a dog and a smoothie. I am a chaotic mess and you are in influencer desperation. I look like I'm trying too hard to balance work with being humble. I don't understand how it can be so brutal. Isn't AI meant to be non-biased? No, I think that this is like, you know, how people do the roast. It's like the TV show.

It's a proper roast. And I think it's going to have some really interesting things to say about you, Mitch. I have a sneaky suspicion this is going to be worse. All right, it's my Instagram feed, roasted by chat GPT. Looks like someone is having a mid-career crisis trying to decide between being the next big radio star or a full-time meme lord. from red carpet poses that scream

look at me I dressed myself to the obligatory hot girl walk flex. It's a buffet of try hard content. Half the posts are just recycled radio bits

and the other half are shameless plugs disguised as attempts to stay relevant. Bravo for the effort though. Well done. Five stars. At least you got a compliment

to finish it. Mitch, recycled radio content in a midlife crisis? I'm 28. That's not midlife. At least you didn't attack your age gap, hey? Oh, my God.

Guys, this is brutal. We're all going to go and have therapy after this now. I'm not. I'm going to go post a smoothie in my dog. Look, parents across the country at the moment, midway, we are well and truly into what is book week. And some parents love book week and some parents absolutely hate book week. Or forget it, like you, Lorban.

Yeah. Well, look, we can't all be exceptional parents. But speaking of book week, it is a very big thing in our household, even though we do seem to forget it every year. And the reason for that is because we now have a published author in our house. You already had one. You're a published author. That's true.

A kid's book published author. Two authors in one house. My husband, Matty J, as some of you might know him by, he wrote a book with his podcast partner, Ash Wicks, and it is called Two Dating Dads, A Quest for Free Time, coming into Father's Day. It's quite the exceptional book. Matthew Johnson, welcome.

The author himself. Yes, here he is. It's weird to be here in person. Normally I'm dialing in, you know, defending myself. Yeah, usually it's to try and talk about something that you've done at home that's, you know, I've gotten upset about. But you have written a book. I've got it here.

I've got the hard copy of Two Dirting Dads. Matt, what is the book? Like, give it a hard sell. For those who read books for children listening now, what's the book? Well, it took a long time to come to terms with this idea. But it stemmed from the fact that when we read stories to Marley and Lola, Marley would often say she would get fed up with the books that we have at home that would be on rotation and she'd say dad can you can you make a fluffy and she didn't want him to fart into the

don't worry and I do that anyway but I would make up these stories and she would be into them and the ones that were real life were the ones that she liked the most and so then I thought well when it came time to writing a book I didn't really have to make one up it was just retelling what was happening in real life, which is Ash and myself, we, sounds very self-indulgent, but we've put ourselves as the main characters of this kid's book and it's all about Ash and I trying to escape our kids and have some free time. But every time we try and get out the house,

the kids are a nightmare and stop us. But it does have a very happy ending. Well, I don't want to give it away. I die in the book. So I heard a little rumour that some people depicted in the book weren't happy with said depiction. Laura, Matt comes home this one day and he goes, look, here is the illustrations for what is going to be inside this picture book.

And he shows me the picture of him. Great. Looks exactly like him. Shows me the picture of the girls. Looks exactly like them. Shows the picture of me. And I look like a man. I had no waist.

But didn't he get a picture reference? I had a pot belly and I was wearing a collared shirt with my hair tied. I looked like a middle aged man. No. Who was about to take up golfing. That's what I look like. I said, Daniel, make sure you get the shading just right on her Adam's apple.

Yeah. Can I say, they've given you, I don't know how it's possible, they've illustrated eye bags. Show me. Which is some sort of technological feat. Laura. To be fair, I do have eye bags. As a mum.

Laura looks like you've just been embalmed in a mortuary. Look at Laura. She looks great. Oh, wow. You have had some sleep. Matt, too, though. They've both had some sleep. We'll put a photo on the socials.

Matt, I need to know, Two Doting Dads, The Quest for Free Time. You pick this up. And if I'm shopping for a book, I don't have kids, but I'm looking for a kid's book. You know, I go, oh, this book, Maddie Jane Ash, Two Doting Dads, this is great representation for gay dads out there in the world. I think, wow, this would be great. These are two husbands with kids.

I wonder their adoption journey. Let's go through the surrogacy. Nothing about that. All cold, frothy beers. Do you think maybe, and maybe it's a correct marketing ploy, you're going to attract a new demographic of gay men thinking this is a book about two husbands? Look, I now know that I made a big mistake.

So recently we went to Dimmick's on George Street for a book signing. Sydney, yeah. And there's a lot of people coming and going, right? We did have some people come in to get the book signed by us. But at the same time, a lot of customers who were in there shopping for a book. For traffic. Who don't know myself nor Ash. And this one lady came up to us as were their signing books.

And she looked at the book and looked at us and looked at the book and looked at us and said, big smile on her face. And she said, I think this is beautiful. And I was like, yeah, the illustrations are great. It's a beautiful book. And she goes, no, you know, I think this is fantastic what the two of you are doing. And I'm like, well, thank you.

Thank you. We're very proud of the kids' book. And then she goes, my nephew is gay and he's married to a man. And I think it's great that these days we celebrate that. And I was looking at Ash and I was like, I could have corrected her. But then you started making out instead. well being that it's book week we have maddie j my husband here who has just recently published a children's book and it is called two dating dads the quest of free time matt you've been

in the public i hate to use that word because it's kind of weird but you have been for quite a while now and one thing that happens when you come from the back end of a reality tv show after it spits you out is that there's a lot of headlines that are written about you and so we're going to play a little game here and it's called headline or head lies I can't lie. Head lies. So the way this works is this is your opportunity to tell us the truth. What is the real story behind the head lie?

So there may also be a head lie in there. You've got to tell us whether it's real or false and what actually happened. Love that. I've got one to kick it off. Ready? Maddie J. Johnson shares horror sex story about being busted with lubricant by Laura Byrne's friend after getting touchy with himself during a dinner party in his home. I think that actually happened.

How? What kind of a dinner party are you having and why wasn't I invited? Well, why don't you and Ben come and find out? Well, I think, Laura, that's correct, isn't it? Didn't we have friends over and I was cleaning and I found some lubricant? No, what actually happened is we had friends over. They went into the bathroom and we had been cleaning out the drawers and there was a bottle of lubricant that had been left on the shelf

and one of them made a joke about it and somehow Daily Mail went from that story to the fact that Matt must have gone and relieved himself mid-dinner party. I love that we're playing this asking Matt and Laura's like, let me tell the story. Because he's forgotten that he's saying he did it in the middle of a dinner party.

I can't remember. All right, I've got one. The Bachelor's Maddie J. Johnson makes shock cosmetic surgery confession. I just wanted to rectify it, he said. What did you rectify? Did you get a face transplant? I don't think that exists

I when I I think I was 20 I must have been 20 I got my ears oh yeah pinned back so it's true

yeah yeah so I I got them pinned back when I was 20 and greatest thing I ever did do you have a photo that we could see one time

pre-pin pre-pin pre-pin post-pin I think so somewhere not on my phone do you have scars behind it yeah little scars really

yeah Laura, did you put bio oil on it for him or anything? No. Jeez, there's a lot of love in this room. You can feel it. I don't need to rub his ears by the sound of this chat. He's done enough rubbing. I've got another headline.

Matty J. Johnson on living with his wife and his mum. I quote, all my fave ladies under one roof. I'm having the time of my life. Yeah, I think that's true. I do say that quite often. That one, we made that up. We made it up. It's very sweet, though.

I do say it, though. Someone's got to pick it up. I love them so much They are just Just the apple of my eye Is that the saying? Yeah the apple of my eye Surely you're going crazy

With your mum living with you She's beautiful We've had her on this show But come on Ellie's the best We had a fight about How to cut carrots this morning How do you cut carrots?

Well I I'm glad you asked I like them long and sticky She does them in like Like oval shapes Anyway We all wanted to Make some jokes there

But we're going to let it slide Don't get me started Well this is why The country fell in love With you two on The Bachelor This palpable chemistry I can feel the love in the room. Laura, back me up.

Back me up. What do you prefer? The chemistry is palpable. Long and sticky, honey. There she is. Hey, that's that bachelor love. The book is available now, Two Doting Dads, The Quest for Free Time, Maddie Jane Ash.

You can also get them on Two Doting Dads on their podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. It is an iHeartRadio pod, though, so listen on the iHeartRadio app. Matt, people can get this book everywhere. I think at the moment it's already on sale. I think it's half price at Big W. Big W loves a sale. Do they?

They always do. They did it to ours, so I don't think that that's an indication that it's a bad book. I think they just like to get in there with the discounts pre-Father's Day. Yeah, or head to Vinnie's in about eight months and you'll get it for $2. We're already in the clearance bin.

That's how you know you've made it. Maddie J. Congrats, legend. Laura, as you know, I'm house-sitting for you, Brit. This weekend you're going away and I am coming in, I'm looking after your dog, Delilah, and I am fully house-sitting, something that I have done countless times before. Which I am grateful for because I don't like to disturb

Delilah's routine and she thrives better off at home in her environment. And she loves Uncle Mitch. She genuinely does. She's obsessed with you. It must be because I eat a lot of protein. She can just smell the beef coming out of my pores. She's like, I love this man. That's why she licks inside your mouth.

She actually does. It's a real problem. This is also the first time I've house sat with Delilah. I don't normally dog sit. Britt normally gives it to another dog sitter and I just take the house because I live with my parents. Which also means that you have double responsibility. Because normally when you stay at Britt's house,

it's simply so that you have your own space. but now you actually have a job to do that you're not getting paid for. You're doing it out of the kindness of your own heart. Well, that is why this time is a little different. And let me tell you, Britt, I love you, but this has rocked me to my core. I wake up to an email this morning, subject, house sitting, doc. I'm like, doc? I need to get my iPad out to read a doc that Brittany Hockley

has emailed me, Laura. Guess what's in this doc? These are the house rules for house sitting. No, wouldn't it just be the stuff that you've got to do for Delilah? Yeah, of course. I don't know why you're shocked that I've set you some guidance for house sitting. I'm your friend. If you go to tea with your grandma, she doesn't send you, you know, house rules.

You just wait. I have something to contribute to this conversation and I'm going to. Sure you do. No, I'm going to do it at the very end. Delilah, bolded in yellow highlighter. Ready? Mealtime, twice daily. Mints in fridge.

That seems very reasonable. However, must be served at room temperature. Oh, that's annoying. She doesn't like when it's too cold. She's got sensitive teeth. Sprinkle dry kibble at user's discretion like I'm a car. What does that mean? That is a training mechanism.

It's called spread feeding or something where you throw it around and they have to go and find it. When walking Delilah, Brit says, must, in bold, carry two tennis balls, not one. That is also training. She likes to go on rotation, throw a ball, she brings it back, pick it up, throw the other. To be honest, I think this is all to help you because if you're going to take care of a dog for a weekend, you've got to at least know

what the dog likes. It's common sense. It's the next point. Poo comes from bum bum. Yeah, I know how that works. Carry dog bags around with you. Very important. You have to pick up a poo.

Let's go to the general tab. Ready? General. Vacuum and dustpan located in linen press if needed for cleaning. In case you have an accident with something. I'm not cleaning your house. I don't want you to clean my house. Do you know what I want to say?

Firstly, this has nothing to do with why I wrote you a list. You broke all the rules last time. I did you a favour by giving you a space because you still live with your parents at 28 years old, Mitch, and I caught you on the doggy cam doing the doggy on my lounge. Okay, this is old news. It's so old. This is old news. This is old news.

Are we still banging on about that? No, this is why I have rules. You know what the other thing I want to say is? The only way Mitch would do this is if I pay him to house sit my house. Not only... You're paying him? Yes. Since when?

How much are you earning? 60 bucks a day. Mitch! Yep. Not only, he said no and I said I'm desperate, Mitch, as a friend. I am actually desperate. I've got no one to look after my dog and he was like, fine, I'm trying to buy a house, put a price on it.

So I had to pay him. Mitch, you have been complaining for the last four days and I just assumed that you were being a little bit unreasonable and this was just a friendly offering. No, it's for the dog sitting element. So there is one rule that you haven't discussed yet, which I've heard from you and also from you, Britt, but I'm getting different Mick stories.

Oh, no, don't bring it up because this isn't fun for radio. Yeah, this is really interesting. Mitch is not allowed to sleep in Britt's bed. He has to sleep in the spare bed, which is a fold-out that has a topper on it in the room that has all Britt's sport equipment in it. It's a sofa bed. He's very upset about it. I had told Mitch he should just, when Britt's not there,

just sleep in her bed. But now that I know you're getting paid, no, sleep in a fold-out. Guys, it's not a camp mattress. It's an orthopedic award-winning sofa bed from Koala with a topper on it, also from an award-winning store in a beautiful room. How much did you get paid for that drop? Nothing. Wait, I am 115 kilos.

I'm six foot three. I can't, I'll get spinal bifida or something if I sleep on a bad bed. It's spina bifida. It's not spinal bifida. I don't want to get it. I don't want to catch it. I think you were born with that. Well, I'll be real.

It's also not what you do. You know what? That man that I hooked up with on your couch is now my boyfriend. So you should be lucky that your house is a beautiful, safe space for me. we've been talking about house sitting basically mitch and i are fighting because mitch is house sitting my house and he has done nothing but complain even though i am paying him but we're talking about things that go wrong when you house it because last time you house sat you broke so much stuff at my house but it made me remember a story that i have buried because

it was so traumatic for me. When I was younger and I was traveling around the world, part of the way I could afford to do it was I used to house sit like in different countries. There's a whole house sitting website where you can be strangers. You put your house up or you put that you're a sitter and you just match up with people. You go to that country, you house sit, you pet sit, whatever. It's like Grindr, but for house sitting, that sounds fun. You're not supposed to do those things at every house that you end up at, Mitch. That's what got you into this point, like into the trouble in the first place. So I was in the UK in the countryside in like this woodlands and I was house sitting for this family that had two dogs. Beautiful house. It was amazing. It was like

two weeks. So it's free, calm, loving life. And in the second week, the dogs used to just go out into the woods on their own because they knew the woods, they knew the paths and then they would just come back when they pleased. No, I don't like this story. I know where it's going. The owners told me they're like it's okay they do it every day they know these like the back of their hands and then one day i didn't i couldn't find one of the dogs and i was like it's okay he'll come back long story short he died i do not know how we've gone from boning on your couch yeah to a dead dog i'm sorry my now boyfriend on your couch one is funny one is terrifying for kids sorry kids in the car kids in the car it's not supposed to be funny i walked through the woods the haunted

woods and I found a wolf that had been eaten in half. Kids, don't wake up. Like, what the heck? You're making it... Look, we've got callers. Who's called? We do. We do. Chelsea, please change the subject. What happened? Did you bake cookies when you were house-sitting, hopefully? Muffins or something? So, I was like, freshly 18, went to

uni and was asked to farm sit and I was meant to feed 160 head of cattle every day. What? That's a big responsibility. That seems too much to ask an 18-year-old to do. You shouldn't have said yes. What happened? But, yeah, I woke up one morning, went to go check the cows in their normal paddock, and there was not one single cow

in that normal paddock. So then I checked the paddocks next to it. You lost 160 cows. Mitch, you're going to be fine. But where did they go? Did you find them? Well, I checked every single paddock. I messaged all the neighbours before I even messaged the people

that I was house-sitting for. Have you seen my herd of cows? Would you go up around town with missing posters? I don't know where they are. But, yeah, and then I had to message the owners and they were like, oh, no worries, it's okay, we'll worry about it when we get back. They're probably just next door. Probably a week later they turned up early from their trip

and told me to pack my bags and go home. So where are the cows? They have not been found to this day. What? They were stolen. 160 cows were kidnapped on your watch. Don't you air tag them or something? Oh, I wish.

So the cows were stolen. Gosh, wow. They must have known that they were away and there was an 18-year-old there. Britt, does this fill you with absolute dread about going away and leaving Mitch in charge? Slightly. I am a little bit concerned. Mitch, I would stay at home and just, yeah,

I wouldn't want the responsibility at this point. Yeah, I quit. He needs the money. Well, I've quit. I've quit. I've quit. I've quit. I've quit.

Thank you.