Life Uncut - The best of THE PICKUP - 11th June

Episode Date: June 11, 2023

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gavigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. I'm Mitch. And this is our radio show where we package up the absolute best bits

from the pick-up and we put them all in the one spot for you. Well, I mean, I'm very excited, but my best bit of the week is that my boyfriend Ben is in town. Which you guys know. He was on the podcast episode on Thursday. But what we did is we've brought him into the studio. He came on the radio and we really surprised him. I've been trying to help him get over his fear of Australian wildlife

because he thinks everything's out to get him. He thinks he can't walk anywhere without being murdered by a huntsman or a shark or a crocodile. So we brought him into studio for a little bit of exposure therapy and I think it's going to help him get back on track. That was more than exposure therapy. It was pretty crazy. Oh, my God.

It was crazy. And he was a good sport. He was a good sport. He was not as scared as I thought he was going to be. I thought he was going to shit his dacks, but, you know, his dacks were clean. I think he was shaking on the inside. It was nice to have that beautiful love in the studio because,

you know, on the show this week. I have some personal news, some serious news. I'm going through a breakup. I'll say that now, but I'll go in the ins and outs of it. And, you know, you might know me and my partner. We post a lot, you know, and a lot of the Life Uncut fans have been very nice and supportive over the years. So, yeah, I'm going through a breakup, really rough.

Not something that I wanted to do, not something that I expected, but here I am. It was my choice to go through the breakup. But, listen, I talk about it, but it's rough. I'm going through a rough patch. And we're here for you. And, you know, Mitch, we know that it's taken you a while to get to a point where you feel okay with sharing that,

and we're so grateful that you did. Yeah, I love you guys so much. We love you. You've been really good. And seeing Ben's also, I feel like he's kind of my boyfriend as well. You do, and you can borrow him. I don't know if he'll give you what you need. But he's big and he can just hold you.

He can hold my hand for a bit. Yeah, not in public. That'll hurt his image. But, you know, behind closed doors. I mean, well, my story feels pretty insignificant now. I tell the story about Marley May and strippers. So anyway, let's go. Wow, what a well-balanced show.

Do with that what you will all coming up on the show. She's straight. She's got to live. Anyway, guys, let's get into it. Enjoy. Guys, something happened to me on the weekend just past. Now, I think I need to go maybe to an optometrist to get myself some glasses.

I think I'm getting old. What do you mean? You're going a little bit senile. Yeah, you are. That's not a thing. We can confirm that. Already? You're not old.

No way, no. Okay, all right. Well, look, it involved my kids. Now, Marlee Mae, she is obsessed, and I'm talking obsessed, with, like, fire trucks, with policemen, with firemen. Like, loves a man in uniform. Sounds like Aunty Brittany, yeah. Loves an essential worker.

No, but it's because police officers and firemen are actually so nice to little kids because they get so excited. And, you know, it's one of those things that they kind of aspire to. They learn about them in their books. So anytime Marley has seen a fire truck, even an ambulance, she gets so excited by the fact of seeing, maybe seeing or meeting a fireman. And every time we have in the past, the firemen have been so nice. Sometimes they've let her into the truck. Like she's had these really beautiful experiences and she loves it. It's like Disneyland for her.

So we were walking through the city. on the weekend and I spotted a fire truck at the end of the street. It was kind of about three blocks away. And I was like, Marley, look, there's a fire truck. And she was so excited. Like she started running down the street and I'm chasing after her with the pram and there's Matt. Anyway, we get closer and there's like four firemen on the side

of the road and they were obviously like in between maybe having lunch or something. And then there was one fireman and I could see him in the front seat and I was like, what is he doing? Anyway, he had his shirt off. He was getting changed in the midst of putting a different shirt on. Sounds like a great story. Well, he was, yeah, I was like, oh, everyone likes a man in uniform, right?

I have to take Marley to the fire truck. We have to go and meet the fireman. So anyway, Marley, she gets there first and she's chatting to the fireman and I'm like running up behind. Anyway, I catch up and I'm like, oh, sorry, like my daughter's really excited. She really loves firemen. And they're being so nice. They're chatting but they're kind of looking between themselves

and having a bit of a giggle and I was like, what's going on here? Felt like the one that was left out of a joke. You went in on it, yeah. I don't know if Marley was in on the joke. which is three, but, yeah, you're the only one left out of the joke. Well, then Matt arrives and Matt was like, Laura, what are you doing? And he's confused. And then I'm confused.

And then I saw the fireman, the one that was in the front of the truck that wasn't wearing a shirt. Yeah. He comes out from behind the truck carrying a woman. Was she in a fire? Was she in a house fire? It was a truck of strippers. It was a hen's party.

It was a full, they were half naked, nothing about it even looked like a fire. It was a fake fire truck. there was a group of women on the back and this man with no shirt on was carrying a woman I then had to come up with this elaborate story for Marley telling her this man had saved her the building was on fire

and they're kissing because her lips are hot and he's putting the fire out and she's naked because she was getting in the shower when the fire started there is a reason and that blow up doll, well we don't know about that there was a pole on the back of the truck it took me until I was standing below it

and still she was there like making small talk with these strippers. And I was like, oh, there's a lot more to this story that I'm going to have to explain. So the moral of the story is strippers are nice too. Yeah. Yes. Moral of the story, strippers are great with children.

Yeah, great with kids. Guys, I am so late to the party. So late. What do you mean? Which party? I have become obsessed with Facebook Marketplace. Oh, welcome to the dark side. I have been buying so many things.

I genuinely love it. Laura, see this jacket? Marketplace. Stop it. How much did you pay? Marketplace. See these undies? Marketplace, baby.

I live on Facebook Marketplace. Literally, I have bought so many things recently. And, like, now I'm buying things that I don't need, that I never wanted, that I never even thought I should have in my house. I have enough crap in my house. But the other day I was talking to Matt and we're moving soon. And I was like, I think we need to get a new dining table for our house. And I was just like, it's survived a few children.

Like, it is looking worse for wear. There's, like, kids' drawings in it. And I was like, do you know where I'm going to get our table from? Marketplace. Marketplace. So I went online and I was doing some digging and I found one that I was like, I reckon this is our table. I don't want to read you the listing.

Up for sale is this gorgeous limited edition IKEA cork standing desk dining room table. Oh, no. It's a sit and stand desk that we use for a dining table and a work from home space. I'm going home. The cooktop is no longer available anywhere and was a limited run only on IKEA Australia.

We installed the electric legs on it, so it really is a one-of-a-kind piece. Well written. It works perfectly. No real staining or damage. The cork is lovely to work on. Sorry, the cork is lovely to work on and is not harsh or a hard metal.

Easy to work or sit at all day long. Pick up, well, we all know where the pick up is. It's Mitch Turi's house. It's at my house. Now, now, now, now, now. Wait, do you want to buy it? Because I'll give you a great price. I saw this listing, $580, a little bit steep.

I saw this listing for this table and I thought, before I saw whose listing it was, I was like, that is a great table. Yeah. That's a great table. So then the next thing I did is I looked at this person's seller rating on Facebook Marketplace. Now, if you listened to last week's shows, you might all remember that I got dragged for my Uber rating. Have a little listen to this. Oh, okay.

This one is really telling. Oh. The amount of one stars you've gotten. Oh, no. How many? How many? How many? You've got 19 one-star reviews.

Oh, my God! Okay, I may have gotten 19 one-star reviews on Uber, and that was out of 600, 675 Uber trips, which when you do the maths on that, it's a point-something of a percentage. It is so minimal. It is minuscule, and you made me suffer for two weeks. Mitch Turi, your one-star rating on Marketplace is 50%. No, it's not.

50% of all of your ratings is one star. You guys have printouts? Where are my printouts? I didn't get those papers. And here are some of the pinch points. What do you mean? Number one, communication. Number two.

I'm a radio announcer. That's a lie. Number two, pricing. Number three, this is from another one. Punctuality, communication, pricing, and item description. You got everything wrong. Number four, punctuality, communication, pricing, and item description.

Again, out of eight things that you've sold, four people say. Who was that? No, that was Emma G. She sold me a bun kettle. I was furious with her. No, you know why everyone's got a problem with the description? You've literally written in this description, the cooktop is no longer available.

You meant to say cork top. I did. People think they get a cooktop and it's not available. Listen, people on Facebook Marketplace, I'm embarrassed. People on Facebook Marketplace are awful and they're the scum of the earth and they fight and I fight. That's you. You are the person on Facebook, you are the scum.

I have to tell you, this is actually what happened. My staff, one of my staff at Tony May was going to buy this table and then she sent me the screenshots and was like, isn't this your go-hose? Why is his rating so bad? I'm mortified. Does she want it? Because like I said, I'll give her $10 off.

She's scared to come out and pick it up from your house though. You should be mortified. Okay, I will work on my, let me get this in front of you. On my everything. Yeah, I'll work on my pricing, my communication. This one says he needs to work on his hair. Get real personal, aren't they? Jesus.

Attitude? Yeah. Mitch, I'm sorry, but you did it to me last week. It only felt fair. Why are you sorry? He's done it to himself. Yeah, actually, it's all you. I had nothing to do with it.

If anyone wants a cooktop that's also a cooktop table. Well, that's unavailable. Yeah, you can't buy it. And it's one of a kind because they put a lot of work into those legs. I'm so embarrassed. Guys, I am on full-blown crisis management right now with my boyfriend, Ben. Yeah. So he's come over to visit, as we know, from Scotland.

And he has been absolutely petrified in the lead up to this trip, like petrified of all of Australia's deadly animals. Now, I say this because he lives in Scotland, but he's from Switzerland. Now, I'm pretty sure the only animal they have there is like a beautiful cow, a highland cow in Scotland, and Switzerland has nothing. Unicorns. Like they don't have any spiders or snakes or stuff that can bite you and kill you. Four-leaf clovers and pots of gold.

It's all bliss over there. Again, that's Ireland, but that's life. So he has been doing his research and he knows that Australia is just full of animals everywhere. Have a listen to how Petr Friday is. He sent this voice message to me when he was getting on the plane to come here. Babe, I'm just walking to the gate and scrolling through Instagram and literally all that comes up is deadliest spiders, deadliest snakes, everything that's trying to kill you in Australia. I don't know.

You book this camper trip or this camper house first and I don't think I'm going to make it, to be honest. I don't think it's a good idea. It just gives me the fear. There's going to be a spider on my pillow when I wake up. I can see it and it's all going to be funny for you, but it's not going to be funny for me. So I think we need to reconsider.

Right, so he's actually scared of these things. Is this legit? Like he actually wants to reconsider the holiday that you planned? No, because I planned two things, right? I've plans like we're staying in a caravan park because he's never done that. It's just like it's got tents, it's got glamping and it's got caravans and it's cabins and all this kind of stuff. But for him, that is like staying in the wild.

But where though? Like where are you heading to? Paul McQuarrie. Oh, God. New South Wales near the beach. It's near the city. Yeah, and he's worried. It's a town.

Bless his soul. But the other part of this is we're going this weekend. We are going to Hamilton Island and we're going to the Barrier Reef. We're going snorkeling. We're doing all this stuff. Gorgeous. There's plenty of indoor pools and stuff there as well. You'll be fine.

Well, I have gotten him back on track, right? I'm like, this stuff doesn't happen here. It's all this like wives' tales that all you foreigners here, you know. Okay, in the news, up north in Queensland, a man in this past week has been attacked in the ocean by a crocodile. I saw that.

The crocodile bit his head. This is really serious. Sorry, I'm not laughing at the biting of the head. I'm laughing at Ben being petrified to come here. Also, being bitten in the head is pretty, I mean, he survived. He's okay. This is what the man said. While checking out some coral and fish and talking to a fellow snorkeler,

I was attacked from behind by a crocodile. It got its jaws around my head. I was able to lever its jaws open like Bear Grylls. Who is this guy, Hercules? Just far enough to get my head out. The crocodile then attempted to attack me a second time, but I managed to push it away with my right hand, which was then bitten by the crocodile.

He's been flown by a chopper to hospital. So now I'm on complete crisis control because I have gotten him to the point where I'm like Australia is an amazing place. The deadly animals don't exist. We are going to this place to snorkel this weekend. Yeah, there has been, that's the fifth crocodile attack in that area in the past five months. In Queensland.

It's won a month. Wait, is this all happening in Hamilton Island or is that happening up and down the coast of Queensland? Queensland is a big place. The coast of – look, crocodiles can travel hundreds of kilometres a day. So it's happening in Queensland. So it's not that far for a crocodile to travel the coastline. It's really scary.

I don't even know if I want to get in the water anymore. I'm still going to do it because where we're going is more south than where these crocodiles are. I think they're a bit further up north. But he's going to be beside himself. If he sees this, he's on the first plane back. It is a bit of a far north Queensland thing, isn't it? They've got everything up there.

They've got Urukandji, then they've got the box jellyfish, then they've got crocodiles. They've got everything. They've got everything that can kill you is up there. Cassowaries can disembowel you. Why did you take him? You should have taken him. All the roo, yeah.

Jamboree, the water park. Anyway, so this weekend, pray for me, guys. Good luck. And I'm just not going to tell him. I'm going to push him in. It's going to be fun. Hopefully there's some cute little fish like nemos. I reckon you guys just stick to the hotel pool and the Mai Tais.

That's my bet. There's not going to be the pool. Good advice. Exciting vibe in the studio. Britt's beautiful boyfriend, Ben, is here all the way from Europe. Welcome, Ben. Hello, guys. We've been talking about Ben for the last six months on this show.

It's so nice to have him here in the flesh, in real life, not on a screen. Yeah, he thought he was AI for a while. I mean, he could have been. I'm glad that you brought him all the way to prove us otherwise. You're so tall. I thought Britt was just like face-tuning you, like stretching you out. I didn't think you were an actual person. Normally, the camera adds a couple of pounds, but apparently...

No, you look better. Look, for the last couple of months, Ben has known he's coming to Australia and he's been absolutely petrified of thinking that every Australian animal is going to kill you. All he thinks about, all he talks about, all he sends me on Instagram is like these killer animals that he thinks roam the streets. I actually felt for you about your fear

and I'm such a loving, beautiful, supportive partner that all I want to do is make your life easier. So I thought I'm going to help you get over this fear. So I've got a very special guest today. Please welcome in our wildlife warrior. Ben Dessen is here, Australian wildlife warrior. She's coming in. Hi, Ben.

There's nothing like a bit of exposure therapy, Ben. Okay, so I'll just paint a picture. Ben has a giant crate with what looks to be a pillowcase inside it. Hi, Ben. That's your microphone there, mate. Hey, Ben. Welcome. Good morning.

How are we all? We are doing better than the other Ben, than Brittany's Ben right here. So let's be clear. We're going to say wildlife Ben and Brittany's Ben. Just to be clear. Now quickly, wildlife Ben, where are you from? What do you do for work? So I run a wildlife sanctuary in northwest Sydney and we care for all sorts of animals.

So my day job involves working with venomous creatures that can literally kill you with a single bite. So would you say you've got, I don't know, off the top of my head, spiders? We do have spiders. Spiders. Snakes. Yes, snakes, absolutely. Oh, scorpions. Scorpions, all the good stuff.

Really? Scorpions. Can you tell me, for someone who lives in Australia who deals with deadly animals all the time, is it something that we should all be quite frightened about? I think the short answer is no. You know, for a foreigner. It's not normal for spiders to be this big. It's just not.

Well, you haven't seen them yet. Ben, why don't you, what you brought with us, why don't you bring it onto the studio table? It's on the ground at the moment. Are you going to be okay? Are we good? How are you feeling, Ben? I've never been so petrified in my life.

Are you actually? I prefer to go shark diving at this time. Really? Yeah. Okay, so what are you bringing onto the table? It's a glass box. We're going to start with the spider. So we're going to go straight in.

So this is a native tarantula. Like, that's not okay. That is not okay. He's behind glass. I'm not going to get this one out, but you can see he's quite big. Laura, that's next to you. What are you seeing? No, it's on this side.

I actually can't see it. Oh, wow. Oh, God! Yeah, he's very big. Look, spiders don't really do much to me. I'm not scared of spiders, but that one gives me a bit of a tingle. I wish that he could... He's a big boy.

He's a good size. I wish he could come out. He seems to be curled up and, like, having a cute nap. I think they are quite cute. But this is a very deadly spider, is that correct? Yes, they are venomous. I mean, they're not like a funnel web, so if you did get bitten by one of these guys, you're probably not going to die.

But I hear you guys are going to Queensland on the weekend. These are from North Queensland. So depending on where you're going, these are the sorts of spiders you're going to find up there. And this one, believe it or not, is actually quite small. They can get probably two or three times as much. Ben, this is in a box. I love it.

Get rid of this one. Get it out. Unless you can take it out of the box. Next animal, please. Yeah. What else have we got? Don't put it right next to Ben on the floor. He might kick it over.

Oh my God, this one's coming out. So next up, we have a scorpion. So we have many species of scorpions here in Australia And this is one of our biggest Oh, it's coming out Is it a pet? It is a pet So this one's actually quite friendly

So it's a Flinders range scorpion So it's one of the largest scorpions we have I do not want to touch that He's pretty cute, look at that Ben, do you want to hold it, Ben? No Are you sure? Why don't you hold it?

Ben will do it No, Ben's going to do it Ben will do it Put your hand out flat And he'll just gently crawl onto you Oh, baby's cute Oh, Ben, I'm so surprised Ben, describe how it feels like

What's it doing? I don't really feel it. It's so light. Is that? It seems like it's going to attack me. It does. It's tailspin. Okay, oh no.

It also has its little pincers out. Does it sting or does it nick? Yeah, so you can see a little stinger there on the end. Oh, so it does sting? Yeah, they can sting. It'd be like a bee sting if you did happen to get stung. How do you know he's going to sting? Because it looks like he's just reared up, like he's ready to sting then.

Pretty chill. I mean, they only sort of sting if they feel threatened. So if you're poking and prodding him, he might give you a little whack. Got it, got it. Yeah, as long as you're respectful and you're nice and calm. Oh, God, you just dropped him onto Ben. How many times have you been stung by a scorpion? A couple, yeah.

There's been a few times over the years. Scorpions, no spider bites, thankfully. Snakes is just a daily occurrence. Oh, you get bitten by a snake? Almost every day. Ben doesn't like snakes either. It's all part of the job. What else do you have in that bag?

Because I can see what looks to be a pillowcase, and the pillowcase is moving. It is wriggling a bit. Let's have a look. Is that odd? Ben, no need to get out of your seat. Ben's trying to get out. No, stay there, Ben.

Sit down. Keep the headphones on. I wonder what those handcuffs were last night. I think you... Whoa, wait, wait, wait. Hey, hold on. That's a different kind of snake. Oh, hello.

Okay, Ben's pulling up. Ben, what do you have in your hands? You'll be pleased to know that here in Australia, we have 21 of the top 25 most venomous snakes in the world. So I've only brought a mildly venomous one in today. So he's not going to kill you. How do you know? He's a python.

He's a python. So completely harmless. This is a python. Laura, I'm so impressed. You're not even flinching. I don't mind. I'll hold a snake. I love...

I think this... I'm a bit sick for this stuff. Wow. Ben does not love snakes. I like snakes. I don't mind spiders. But I think that the person who might need a bit more exposure to this is Ben. Ben, how do you feel looking at that snake right now?

I don't know. They seem friendly, but I think I've seen too many movies about snakes. Wildlife Ben, how long is this snake? He's about two metres. So only a little one as far as our Aussie snakes go. So again, you guys are heading to Queensland, which is the state of snakes. So we have the longest pythons in Australia. Well, we think immersion therapy is a thing.

So, Ben, I think we wrap – you might need a scarf. Let's get it on Ben's shoulders. Put it on Brittany's, Ben. Oh, it's going on. The snake is on. Oh, my God, it's on his neck. How do you feel? That's all right.

That's all right. It's a bit cold, actually. It is. Oh, look, he's looking over here with his little blue tongue. It's looking. Now, Ben, for someone who is petrified, I'm actually really impressed by how well you're taking this so far. Yeah.

No, I smell shit. I think he's pooed himself. Brittany's, Ben, explain how you're feeling. Is your heart racing? Are you enjoying this? Enjoyment is overstatement. You look a little bit nervous right now. You look a little bit concerned.

It's definitely out of my comfort zone. I have to say you're doing pretty well. Most people just run in the opposite direction. So the fact you're giving it a go is awesome. He's a big athlete, so he thinks he's got to put on a show. I can actually feel him wetting himself on his feet. There's a puddle at his feet right now. Ben, anything else in that box of yours?

I do have a couple more. No. Why don't we leave the snake around his neck? What's this? So these are harmless. But they are a pretty cool animal that we have here in Australia. They are one of the world's largest species of cockroach. Ew.

I know Mitch loves these ones. I like the least. That's disgusting to me. They look like a little Turkish delight. They look delicious. I'd eat that. So that's actually a cockroach. Yeah, giant cockroach.

They're also from Queensland, so you might see these guys scurrying around up there. Boyfriend, friend, buddy, put your hand out. Hold the cockroach. Can I just stick to one animal at a time? No, I think hold a cockroach and a snake. Can you bring any koalas or something like that? No, put your hand out, hand out.

Ew, that's disgusting. Double whammy. Nice work. Would this snake eat that cockroach? No, no, no. These guys eat mammals, so rats, mice, possums, those sorts of things. Ben, that is actually disgusting, that cockroach. Hey, the snake is around the microphone.

We can barely... There we go. There we go. Is that rank or do you like that? I mean... Kiss the cockroach. No. You kiss it.

Yeah. Laura, kiss that. Give him a kiss. They're actually completely clean, so they have no diseases like the introduced ones. You are not selling it to me. I do not want to kiss... I'll hold the cockroach. Will you kiss the cockroach?

Of course I did, yeah. There we go. I've dated a few cockroaches in my time. Here we go. Ready? I'll kiss it. How do you feel, Ben? I mean...

Do you think this has helped? Yeah. Are you less scared? I mean, I don't know. Well, talk us through it. I know it's pretty scary that it's not even the biggest spider there is. And obviously that one is in the box. It's pretty big.

The snake is down my top. No, that's Ben. He's just happy to be in the country, to say. Boyfriend Ben and Brittany are going to Queensland. They're going to... Where are you going? the Great Barrier Reef, what's your advice for Ben to not get attacked by a shark or a crocodile

that we've seen in recent days? Look, just don't enter the water if it says crocodile area because there are lots of crocs up in North Queensland. If you're in the reef, you should be fine but don't touch anything. There's stingrays, there's octopuses, there's jellyfish and they can all kill you up there. So just keep your distance and don't touch. Just look and take

lots of pictures. Can I just say, there's nothing more reassuring than someone saying, you should be fine. If you go in the reef, you should be fine. Nothing instills hope. You might not die. Like the lukewarm security of should. Ben, we hope that you make it back alive because, you know, we do love the two of you

together. Do you want me to come back alive or just Ben? Nah, you'll be fine. You're Australian through and through. Thank you, Wildlife Ben. You've done incredibly well. I think you've really helped. Ladies, our next guest we've had on the show before. We love her. An award-winning comedian. One of the funniest people in this

country. You'll know her as host of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Australian icon. Icon. Very, very funny. The one and only, Julia Morris is here! Guys, do you know, I'm going to ring in every day because nothing feeds the validation that I'm not

getting in my life. I like speaking to you guys. I love it. They're the sorts of words of affirmation you need, aren't they? Just call into the pick-up. We're not good for a lot, but we are good to pick you up because we are the pick-up. You are good for loads of stuff, let me tell you. You give me lots of joy. Jules,

tell me the new show, 75 Years in the Business. I feel like I've got to say that. 75 years in the business. That's not true, you liar. You're not 75. It's so true. It's not. It's so true. Look, you guys, in the showbiz industry, you will have done many, many different jobs.

From what I can see, just with the general, and masks is not my strong suit, but of all the jobs I've done, it literally adds up to 75 years in the business. Well, technically, not 75 actual years, but my goodness. I'm just tired. I think that's fair.

I think that's fair. What can we expect from the show? You can expect brutal honesty. You can expect to hear stories you wouldn't have thought you were going to hear. And you can expect lots and lots of laughter if the opening weekend is any indication. We've seen all of our gorgeous gang in the Gold Coast.

We've had two shows in Brisbane. When I say we, me. The one-woman show. You've laughed a lot at yourself. Oh, my God. I mean, you just have to, don't you? Otherwise, where are you up to? And then, of course, Sunday night we're in Adelaide.

So we've tested out a number of states who are loving it and so far so good. Well, Julia, I heard in this show you're speaking a little bit about your divorce that happened last year. Is this part of what makes up the show content and is it the life lessons or what part of this is what you're sharing? Oh, what am I sharing?

I'm sharing everything. All I know is that there's jaws dropping the floor. Oh. Oh. I don't think our celebrities share very often. Am I right? Like, you do. I mean, this is all that I can share.

You are going to lose your mind over just the speculation of what I can't share. Did you say jaws dropping or jaws? Like, are people dropping their dacks in the audience? Is that what you mean? I certainly hope so, but I don't think I have that effect on people. I haven't seen an underpants drop to the floor for me since about 1973 no there's look I've been to the stand-up stage in five years with COVID and cancellations and

and then of course you know I was in no mood once the divorce went down but I'm kind of up and in the clear and you know uh I don't want to feel the fear of people finding out about my life So I've written a tour about it, and see ya, that's the last bastion of the fear that I would have from the past. Well, Julie, it sounds like it's a bit of a therapy session for not everyone, but you as well. But I remember we had you on a little while ago now, we had you on the show, and we talked about the fact

that you were like, I am never having sex again after my divorce, I'm not going to date again, I'm not getting back out there. But I have heard a sneaky little rumour that maybe you're dipping your toes back in the dating scene. Is there any truth to that? Oh, my. I would love to know where that came from. But just let me tell you, it is still a juice-free zone, gang.

I do love a juice-free zone. Okay, it doesn't mean that you're not playing on the apps, though, does it? Yeah. I'm definitely not on the apps. So if someone is on the apps in my name, then it's a fabrication. Do you feel like you've done enough work yet to get back on the apps? Do you think the time's come? No, never.

No, no. When you hear part of the story, you'll see why I'm scared off from my own judgment. Honestly, I feel like hand on heart, this is it. I don't feel like I'm going to come up and out of it. I've done years of therapy. You know what? Just not hearing that I need to lose weight, not hearing that I'm lazy, and not hearing that I need to get out and work more because we don't have enough money.

That stuff is over, and I do not trust my judgment that I wouldn't choose another person like that because I didn't really see it for 20 years. So if I didn't see it for 20 years and then all of a sudden everything became apparent, then no, I am better just hiding away. It's not like I haven't had a go. Like my 20s and my 30s, you know, I got married at 33, I think I was. Julie, is this the stuff that you would... So it's not like I've missed out on those wild years.

I mean, this is what you were dealing with in your relationship, like being spoken to in that way. That's horrible to hear. You're an icon. on oh well here's the thing you're only willing to take what you're willing to take do you know what i mean so that kind of does partially land at my feet no absolutely not because things become normal over time and sometimes you can be exposed to a certain behavior you can be in a relationship for so long that you don't even really know anymore how unhealthy it is but you know that

your self-worth has gone down the gurgler totally and in the end i would have you know it's funny because in my work life, you know, I always knew that my ex was controlling and that was something that we were – everybody knew. We knew, he knew, and it was something he was working on. So that's great that he's working on it. He can just work on it with someone else. Yeah, you don't need to be there while he works for us. And I'm sorry, calling you lazy, you're an absolute icon.

You're a queen. You are the furthest thing from lazy. You're in Africa three months of the year. Totally. Like that is not easy. That's hard work. You know what? Sometimes that can happen and not always,

but that can happen when you have a partner that doesn't work. So what you are constantly trying to do, I think, and this is way too serious for the, this is not a comedy show, but what you do is you bend and stretch and adjust to make sure that person doesn't go down the emotional drain. You know, because while things just kept happening for me professionally, better, better, better, better, better, that also can make those around you, you know,

maybe reflect on their own contributions in life or their own missed out opportunities. So, and that's the partnership I'd entered into. I, you know, we were husband and wife. And when I spoke to all of my friends, they're like, oh God, I could never do anything right. Or, you know, anything I say, he says is wrong. And so I just thought, oh, well, it's everyone.

Yeah, like the grass isn't greener. It sits everywhere, but it's not. And also, you're with a partner like that, and they give you one nugget of something that you need, a bit of validation. You go, oh, mate, you see the potential in them, so you stay for another few years. They give you one ounce.

Well, it's a cycle. You're like, oh, there's my partner back. Yay. And so you don't notice the other bits. And, of course, you know, I confronted him many times just going, you know, you were pretty mean last night, and so it's not like I was copying it sweet. I was giving it back.

yeah it's just years of working out okay so you know we were giggling about juice free zone that's why i'm not getting on the dating apps because i'm just like i'm just going to pick someone the same because i'm clearly such a sucker for a compliment like i'm so desperate for uh someone to think that i'm a nice person that i put aside my own boundaries to of course instead of me choosing someone i allow someone to choose me and that's the work that i personally am doing outside of the stand-up arena and I also I've got nothing to lose with my honesty you know that that fear I mean a couple of weeks ago I had vertigo so there was a little crystal in my ear that went naughty and went into a wrong part of my ear now that launched I'm not exaggerating that

would have launched about 40 stories online so you definitely get more and more and more private as the time goes on because you're like anything I post online is going to turn into something. So as if you're not going to self-protect. But there's also an amazing amount of power in taking back your story and saying it yourself. And I think, you know, I mean thank you so much for sharing so openly even just with us today because we've spoken to you in the past

and I think when someone goes through a divorce or they're single again, almost the default is to be like, well, when are you going to get it back out there? but understanding the reasons why being in a relationship is not for you now and working on yourself which absolutely should be the priority after the relationship you've been through like thank you for sharing that because so many women feel that it's just such a pleasure it's also um women I think in and around my age have not been big sharers I know now that there's a generation of women that women my age have raised who feel it's okay and safe to come out

and say, these are my foibles, this is my brutal honesty, but my age group of women don't do it. We suck it up and get on with it in a slightly different way instead of getting that release of letting yourself, letting it be okay with not even oversharing, that's not correct, but certainly with sharing. And being able to be authentic. I've been on the telly since I was, you know, 19.

I feel like I've been pretty honest all along. But then, yeah, there's sometimes where you're just like, well, that's the respect of my marriage and my family, you know. But now I'm certainly encouraged by my girls who are like, yeah, speak your truth. Good on you, Julia. Just to finish this off, Julia, just one thing. it's so important for you to really reiterate and drive home that we don't need anyone and it's okay

to be on your own and being alone doesn't equate to lonely but i do want to say one little thing and that is i hope the fact that you did have a relationship that wasn't the best isn't what puts you off maybe dipping your toes back out there one day because you you have done the work and you've done the therapy and there might be a time where you meet someone and i'd hate for you to be like you know what this person was a dickhead to me once so i'm not going to enter it again because at the end of the day you do deserve happiness and a healthy relationship but maybe happiness to you isn't a relationship, but either way, I just hope you don't let the past affect your future too much.

No, I'm open to discovery and, you know, there's a lot of my friends. I think when people say, you know, out there they want me to find someone because they like me and they want that loving moment to happen in my life. But I think what I definitely need to do for the moment is just focus on getting my perfect children to the next stage of their lives. Oh, you're an incredible woman. You're an incredible mum. Beautiful.

Funniest person in the country. You could turn up to your own face. That's my advice. You know what? Sometimes the best relationships you're going to have are with yourself and also with your kids. So I think this is so powerful and I know that there's so many women, not just in your age group, but there's so many women

who will relate to this. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks, Jules. Yeah, my pleasure. I love you guys. Oh, we love you. Go and see Julia in the show and drop your buddy Dax.

He hasn't seen it since Gough Whitlam was in power. Drop them. Drop them. Goodness me. 75 years in the business, the two are. Tickets are on sale now, livenation.com.au. We love you, Jules. Talk soon.

Love you, guys. Bye, Julia. I am going to have to lean on you two for a little bit. Yeah, sure. You know we're here. If you don't mind. Laura didn't reply, so that's not comforting at all. I do reply.

I was looking at you. I was gazing longingly at you. Unfortunately, radio doesn't work by just looking, Laurie. That's true. I was lending you my ear. Listen, I am, and you guys know this better than anyone, you've been amazing throughout this time, but I'm going through a pretty awful breakup.

First breakup of my life. I've never been through anything this hard in my entire existence. It was my first love. It's been five years together with my boyfriend Hayden, who you guys know. We went to Bali together. We had great trips. We just had your housewarming party.

We had some beautiful times. Yeah. And I don't know. I just wanted to talk about it. And I will start with the fact that what has helped me get through this period that I've never been through before is hearing other people's stories and stories that I could relate to because there's nothing you want to hear more. Everyone thinks heartbreak is so unique to them. Like I go through it and I go, I've never felt this much pain. And I call Brit and she goes, I have. And I talk to Laura. I have. And then you go on TikTok and so many people have. So that's the reason I just hate talking about myself in this capacity. So I want to preface it by saying I was helped by other people's stories. Which is why you want to talk about it. Well, I think as well, Midge, like you're so on this show and in life and on your night show, like you are always the funny beacon and you're always the one cracking jokes and bringing the comedy. And I know when you're going through something quite hard in life

and you're not feeling happy on the inside but having to show up and be happy all the time on the outside, that really takes a toll as well. and seeing you going through what you've been going through the last couple of weeks and not being able to talk about it because you weren't necessarily there yet. We just wanted to say how proud we are of you that, you know, you've made this decision as hard as what it is, but also that you feel like you can share it with everyone

and not just us, but you can share that with Australia. Thank you. I mean, I just think part of the reason it was so hard is that it came as a massive shock to me. I didn't think this is where the relationship would go. I'm not going to go into the details. Yeah, of course not. I was blindsided completely, and we just both had different pictures

of where we saw our relationship in the future, and ultimately I had to make the decision to walk away. I mean, we've got a house together. The joke is, and you're so right, it's hard when you're a comedian, entertainer, you want to go to that place of humour to just mask it. But it does feel like a mid-level heterosexual divorce. I feel like I'm in a divorce. I've seen my aunties and uncles go through this shit.

I never thought I'd be here, and we weren't even married, But, I mean, I pictured our life together. I was thinking about proposing. We've spoken about adoption, adopting kids, surrogacy, like our plan for that. And you have that vision and the picture of your future life and then in one night it can be taken away and it throws you. It really does.

But what's really nice to see is like from a friend perspective is because we've seen you go through it, to know that you're in a point now where you can actually talk about it, it means you've come a long way and you're in a really good place because it's been going on for a while and it takes a lot to get to the point where you can even talk without crying. Like you couldn't even get it out to me on the phone without being in tears. So the fact now that you've been angry, you've been sad,

you know, you've had these deep feelings of despair and confusion and then you think, do I want to go back? Have I made the right decision? To see you here now wanting to talk about it makes us really happy and proud of you because heartbreak is so messed up and it really feels like your heart is being ripped out and thrown on the ground and stomped on and you feel like you're never going to love again

and all those feelings are really normal. But we know you and we know you are going to fall head over heels in love and find the most beautiful person. Very sweet. Thank you. It's just – it's so hard when – to end a relationship when you still love a person. Because most relationships end when there's no love.

We just spoke to Julia Morris, you know, and she said, you know, you put up with so much shit in a relationship you don't realize how shitty it was until you're out and you just people live in these loveless relationships we had so much love and that's what that's where the confusion comes from in the hurt because there was so much but i think it takes so much more it takes so much more self-respect to leave a relationship when you're still in love with someone like that is such a harder thing to do than to leave a relationship once you have given it once you have like literally ridden that relationship into the ground and you know nothing is going to be ever different it's still

hard but it's not as hard as walking away from someone who you still care about and you still love and you still want to be with and I think sometimes with breakups it can feel like you're not just breaking up with a person but you're breaking up with all the things that you thought your life was going to be you're breaking up with where you thought your life was going to be you have this almost certain path and then everything feels completely uncertain yeah and I think one big thing which I mean from someone who's been through breakups and I and I you know no one's ever going to say like it gets better it gets better in time it's kind of like a really annoying thing that people will tell you but I do think from a breakup that's where some of the best

change can come from it's like you knew what your life could have been but then you have no idea all the amazing things that could be waiting ahead of you I'm not joining the gym don't make me join a gym I don't want to join a gym on a serious note how are you now where are you at now in the process um I'm good I'm I'm feeling better it's been about you know just over a month about four weeks really I'm living in this big giant house on my own. The nights are the hardest. That's really sad. That's the nights where I call you guys the most.

I'm like, hey, you want to talk? Laura's like, I've got children. I'm cooking spaghetti bolognese. And I was like, I don't have a better life. Yeah, I get Brit more often than that. But I'm in a good spot. And Hayden and I had a very public relationship. We were posting a lot.

We would travel together. We'd do our stories. We'd do content together. And there's been a few messages. Everyone's like, is everything all right? So I just wanted to get it out there, put it on the record. And also, if someone out there, if you're going through this, or if you're gay and you're going through this.

I've struggled to find conversations and content for queer breakups, gay breakups. Everything is so suited towards men and women. I get that completely. But I'm listening to a podcast and they're like, you know, this is why men do what they do and they need to go with their boys and drink and then women should go and they need to talk with their girls. And I'm like, I'm singing show tunes in the car at 100% volume.

What do I do? Where do I go? I've been watching RuPaul's Drag Race on loop. No one's told me if that's the right thing to do. But I got a lot of hurt, but I've got a brilliant friend circle and a brilliant group, and I just want to, I don't know, if you listen to the show and I haven't been as positive or happy or funny, I just, yeah, I'm going through this.

You are somebody who young queer kids can look up to, and the fact that you are so public about your life and you're in the media and you are so successful in what you do. And so handsome. And so handsome and so funny. Yeah, talk about the hair. Yeah, the hair. Six foot three.

Okay, but it really does, I think, when you speak about going through a breakup and you say that it's only heterosexual couples that seem to be represented, I think that this is a conversation that will be really helpful to a lot of queer kids who feel and have been through heartbreak and don't have people to represent their experience or their sadness. And so I'm really proud of you for feeling okay enough to share that with everyone.

Yeah. And if you want to date Mitch, he's available. Not there yet. I'm not there yet, but please accept my Raya referral code. It's in your DMs. I have referred you. Thank you so much. We'll be right back.