Life Uncut - The best of THE PICKUP - 14th May

Episode Date: May 14, 2023

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.

And I'm Mitch. And this is our radio show, and it was truly the funniest week I think we've ever had. It was such a wild week. I took my top off, laid on the floor crying, laughing so hard. Britt sprayed herself in the face with a can of bottled water. Yeah, well, when your face cracks open because it's so dry and bleeding from pre-skin cancer treatment, then you come and talk to me.

Don't spray it out like that. Yeah, don't throw those things around and make us feel that we're bad people. It wasn't that. It was that we were in the middle of recording the radio show, and Brit halfway through, she's speaking and as she's speaking she starts to mist herself but she mist herself so much she looked like she shoved her face in Bondi Beach. It's actually the sign of a true professional to be able to mist

with your eyes closed in the middle of a live radio show. That's exactly what I look like when I get all the groceries out of the boot of my car and try to take them all in in one go and then I've got like just beads of sweat on my face before I go off. You guys used it after I did it. Admit it. It feels pretty good. Yeah, it was great.

I feel very hydrated and luscious now. Can I say, this week on this show, I mean, we covered so much, but one thing that you, the both of you organised for me for Mother's Day was a very special little recording from Matt and from my girls. And I love you guys so much. Thank you so much for doing that. And what he said was just so beautiful and so emotional.

It's in the show. You guys will hear it. I cried. Everyone cried. It was a really special moment for me. I wish I could share the text that Matty was sending me. He's like, is this enough tears? I'm so emotional.

I don't know why I'm so emotional. Oh, like he recorded a little Mother's Day message and then he cried. It's really cute. It's important to sit in those moments because you do get really busy and run around like a maniac and you forget the little stuff. But, like, I just really want you to appreciate it. It took us, how long do you reckon, 55 minutes to catch the kids in the backyard?

Like, we were wrangling them. Yeah, I had to go to the pool and get the pool net and then it didn't even fit Rolla's head. I had to get it by the feet. And we had to get an extra large pool net for little potato hair. Little melon. Little melon. There were undies everywhere on her.

She had, like, three pairs of undies on her head. But we had a big announcement this week from you as well. I mean, I feel like everyone's going to know by now. No, do one more time just to make it extra dramatic. Okay, well, I haven't had the chance to announce it on the podcast yet. It was on social media, but if you didn't hear, I'm doing Dancing With The Stars! Woo!

And the reason why this week's episode is so exciting as well is because we got Sonia Kruger on to try and give me some hot tips because I'm truly the world's worst dancer. And Maddie came on to give you tips, which is odd because he didn't even win. Yeah, he's not even a good dancer either. It just shows how bad I am. No, but he did say he is.

What did he say? I was almost a finalist, a semi-finalist, almost a semi-finalist. Yeah, it didn't go well for him. Let's hope it goes better for me. No, he came on and he opened up. He just wanted to get laid. That's why he came on the show. He gave you tens actually, yeah.

To be fair, I did have sex with him that night. Wow, it works. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? I have an affirmation kink. Tell me I'm doing it well and then I'll have sex with you. We have a bunch of other really crazy stories about hotel men. and just sucking toes, people getting lost in the bush.

It's a pretty woolly and wild podcast week. Yeah, plus the body part of mine that I've been missing for 27 years that I found in my childhood garage in a shoebox. Which it could possibly be my favourite story I've ever told. And by favourite, I mean monumentally fucking weird. Yeah. So weird. My body part is in my mum's house.

All right. Like, how do you lose a body part? You have to listen. How do you lose a body part? It's so funny. Have you ever seen... Oh, there's a finger gone. Okay, and something else.

All that and so much more coming up on the show. It's bigger than a finger. In your dreams. It's Mother's Day on the weekend, which is a very special day and all mothers out there should be celebrated. We do have a mother in the room. Who are you talking about? Well, my eggs are on ice, so it's not me.

Mitch does not have kids. I'm going to have to adopt mine. You do, Mother Delilah, and Mitch, you mother that succulent plant at home. I do. We're all doing all right. I do. No, Laura, you are a mum, so we wanted to surprise you. So Mitch and I organise a little something-something coming your way.

Yeah, we know how much you adore your two daughters, Marley May and Lola. Or I call her Lola Derby. Did you organise me breakfast in bed tomorrow? No. Do you want us to be in your bed? Please. The two of you bring me breakfast in bed on Sunday. Okay, we can get that done.

We can organise that. I think you'll be happy with this because, you know, we love you so much. And you know your kids love you, but it's nicer to hear it straight from their mouth. So let's welcome to the pick-up. Lola and Molly May. Hi, Mommy, it's Molly. And, Mommy, you're my best friend because you tickle me all the time.

And I'm so funny because I tickle you all the time because you're the best mommy in the world. And I love you more than anything, even more than rainbows and fairies. And I can't wait to get a big hug. And thank you for working so hard. I love you, dear Mommy. Happy Mother's Day from Marley.

I love you, Mummy. Happy Mother's Day. Oh, my God. Oh, if that's not going to break your heart, I do not know. Also, is it just me or did Marley make you go a little bit British then? She had a little British accent. It was so cute. It makes me feel really sad because yesterday I was going to work

and Marley was crying because she didn't want me to go and she was like, Mum, you don't go to work today. And sometimes, you know, when you've got to try and juggle being a mum and doing all the other things as well, you've got to make sacrifices and some days it's really hard. And yesterday was one of them. Yeah, the mum guilt. It's cute that she said, thanks for working so hard.

That's nice because it's also nice that she's... Yeah, she wants her toys. She knows that for her to get the good stuff, you've got to go to work. I know, but she also knows what it's all for. Totally. That's beautiful. It was really sweet. And also Lola.

Hey, Mum. We can give Lola a pass. She's only two years old. The kid's doing pretty damn good. Her word economy was very good. Happy Mother's Day, Mum. That's all I expect. It was very good.

You've got two kids, but there is one more person at home who I'm sure you're tickling in a very different way. There's a three-legged dog as well. There is a three-legged dog, yeah. We're not talking about Buster. We tried to get audio from Buster, but your beautiful husband, Matty J, you didn't know we were doing this, wants to send you a Mother's Day message as well.

So here's Matty. Laura, it's your husband here. I'm wishing you a very happy Mother's Day. I always knew you were going to be a good mum. It was never something that I questioned. I think what I underestimated is just how much of an exceptional mum you'd be. I should have known, right? Because everything you do, you absolutely excel at.

You are such an overachiever and being a mum is at the top of that list. I can honestly say that the only reason I'm the parent that I've become is because of you. I watch how patient you are, how nurturing you are, how attentive you are, and just how much you love our girls. I mean, really, I'm just doing my best to keep up with you. I'm sorry. You always say how lucky we are to have our little family, but the person we need to thank is you.

You're the reason why we're so lucky. Lucky to have you as my wife and Lola and Marley. And lucky to have you as their best friend, their mentor, their cheerleader, and their mum. I love you more I love you more than you know possible Happy Mother's Day And I think there's a dry eye in the studio

That's beautiful That was so cute I did have a gun to his head I wasn't expecting to cry on my Friday afternoon Well we've lost Laura for a minute He loves you You are a brilliant mother You are

I mean I don't know how I got that lucky I think he gives me a few props I don't deserve sometimes Oh, my gosh. Guys, don't. You're not meant to make me cry on radio. That's not nice. It's still an awkward silence. I don't know how to really sit in it.

Sit in the tears. I'm sitting in my tears. That was really beautiful. Thank you so much for doing that for me. Yeah. I'm so grateful. Well, you're still going to get a shitty mug from your girls. Yeah.

Yeah. A bar of soap you'll never use. And I really hope that Molly makes me some potion out of sticks and raspberries and smashed up berries and leaves from the garden and tells me to drink it. The real life of a mother. That'll make a beautiful Sunday morning. Happy Mother's Day to all the mums out there and to anybody who's out there and, you know, finds Mother's Day more of a challenging day

because maybe you've lost your mum or, you know, you're on your own fertility or journey towards motherhood. We're wishing you a very beautiful and happy Mother's Day. Yeah, all our love. Have a good one, everyone. A little theatre of the mind, ladies. Imagine you're checking into a hotel. You've got your two suitcases rolling in behind you.

You're in the foyer. You have a great interaction with the bellboy. You go, this is great. This is going to be a lovely holiday. You jet up to your room, you go to your room, you ping, you swipe your key card, you unpack your bag, you go to bed after a long day of travelling. Okay. I'm there.

I'm in Sicily. Yeah. Something we can all relate to. Sure, Sicily, wherever you want it to be. Rome, Portugal. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and having your toes being suckled on by that bellboy that you had an interaction with at the front desk. What?

Is this a real thing? This is a real story! What? That happened in Tennessee! The bellboy! The bellboy! He snuck into a room and suckled a toe. Just one toe.

It's the term suckled. I thought it was a nipple. Suckled. I'm picturing it being the big toe. I don't know about you guys. Was it dark? Was it like the middle of the night and he woke up in the darkness to someone sucking his toe?

Middle of the night. I should actually clarify. It was Bell Mann, 52-year-old David Neal. He's the manager at the 4th Avenue South Hilton in Nashville, allegedly crept into a male guest's room while he was sleeping about a month ago and got intimate with his feet. So what happened? His feet.

So what happened was Neil made a copy of the key card when he checked in, obviously thought this guy's cute, I'm going to creep in later tonight, buzzed himself in, and while the guest was sleeping, crept at the end of the bed, like he was about to pray, and he pulled the duvet over the guest's toes and he went to town on those little piggies. He latched on like a little calf to its mama cow. Okay. This sounds like something out of White Lotus. Yes.

It sounds like it would have happened on White Lotus. Yep, that's exactly right. If anyone's seen that series. How many times has he crept into someone's room and just stood over them and watched them sleep or something? This has obviously escalated. Yeah, listen, you don't suck your first toe. Straight out of the back.

Straight out of the back in a hotel room. No, you're so right, Britt. That's a good point. It's a work-up. It's a slow climb. You've got to suck some other toes before you go to guests, you know? Okay, wait, wait, wait. Apart from the foot fetish, what happened, though?

Did he get into trouble? Did it come out? What happened? Yeah, oh, don't you worry. The guest told police he woke up to Neil's mouth around his toes, so plural, multiple toes, and immediately confronted him. You know, I hope so. Hello, sir.

What are you doing on my toe? Hey, thanks for the ice bucket that I ordered in my club sandwich, but can you stop sucking my toes? I also like that it says that he immediately confronted him. It's not something that you can delay. What, you wait until he's finished and then you write a letter as like a disgruntled patron? I'd like to revisit what happened last night in my bedroom.

At what point do you log on to Yelp and give him a bad review? As your toe's being sucked or when you're on the Uber on the way home? Immediately. Yeah, I think so. I would have kicked him in the face. I would have panicked. Okay, so he recognised Neil as one of the hotel employees who came into his room that day to fix his TV.

So he went, I've seen you before. You fix my Netflix. Neil admitted to police that he'd entered the room but claimed he did so because he smelt smoke and wanted to make sure the guest was okay. What, he's trying to put it out with his tongue? How was he trying to put it out? He's like, I've come to the rescue.

Everything seems to be safe here now. The room key was never recovered. The police said that Neil told the investigators that he had thrown the key away, clearly burning the evidence. He was arrested at his home on Friday and charged with aggravated burglary. He's jailed and on a $27,000 bond. I love that the update was the room key was never discovered.

This is wild and makes me never want to stay in a hotel again. My question is, do the police have to photograph the toes post-suck? What? Do you know that for evidence? As evidence? Like do a saliva swab? Yeah. Oh.

Like NCIS. You know, my sister was a bellboy for a while. I should ask her if anything went down. If she ever sucked a toe. How many toes did she suck? Laura Byrne made her massive announcement, Laura. The rash cleared up. The rash is gone and I'm doing Dancing With The Stars.

We're so excited for you. We're all a bit nervous. So our producer, Flips, I'm being told, who produces this show, has organised a Dancing With The Stars legend. This guest. Yeah, they went to Dancing With The Stars All Stars. They made it to the semifinals. Oh, that must be good.

I mean, you know that I need all the help I can get. Will you happily take some advice now from someone that has done the show before you? Like happily, like no questions asked, whatever they say, you're going to take on board? I will do pretty much anything right now if it's going to make me a better dancer. Okay, please welcome to the show. I don't even know who this is. Mystery Dancing with the Stars superstar. Hello.

Hello. How are we? Hello. Who's that? It's me, Maddie J. Oh, stop it, you. You sound so weird. I was like, who is that?

Go away. Is that Todd McKinney? When you said I'd take any advice from anyone, I'm very stubborn. I rarely take it from my husband. Do you know what? I was deep down hoping it was going to be Matty J because then now, I don't know if you just heard that, Matt, but you can ask Laura whatever. She agreed to do anything.

Matt, I almost won the competition. You didn't almost win. How far did you get? Well, like I almost made it into the final. Almost. I beat Chappelle Corby. I beat Chappelle Corby and that's all that matters. To be fair, I watched Chappelle Corby's dance that year

and she was pretty good. She did the Viennese waltz and I was quite into it. She had a lot of time to practice. Matt, you, Matt, so tell us, what is your advice for your wife because you've been watching her rehearse at home. How's she been going? Look, there's no real secret here. It's hard work.

It's dedication. You've got to put in the hours. You've got to stay really focused. And something that I did which really helped me is you get a little bit of wax, just a little bit, not too much, and you rub it on everyone else's shoes just a little bit just before they go out, and it just helps that little bit more. Yeah, yeah, it really gives you a bit more confidence, doesn't it?

So your advice for Laura, you're basically saying, oh, I don't think I can help us, so we're going to kill the competition. Cheat. Well, yeah, look, it's not cheating, I guess. It's just any little advantage that you can give yourself over the others, I think you have to take that. And Laura's a mum. She's working for hours.

I mean, honestly, how much will you get to dance? Like one night a week? It's not enough. You need more. I mean, you have been seeing me dance. You've kind of seen the progress. Matt's probably the only one who actually has real full intel into what I've been doing the last few weeks.

And how do you think I'm going, honestly? What would you score her now in a scorecard? Guys, we're in a lot of trouble. Oh, don't say that. I'm trying to be supportive and it's a good starting point. Is it enough to win? Is it enough to be as good as Matty J? We're not sure.

Okay, the jury's out. She does her like worry dance in the studio on Brit Night. If you've ever seen someone that shouldn't eat a peanut, eat a peanut. It's almost like her body's in full sort of anaphylaxis. And there's not much rhythm to it. Laura, are you doing rehearsals? What's the schedule like? Yeah, I've been pretty much every time I'm not here, I'm there.

I'm training. I'm training a lot at the moment. But, Matt, I know that one of the conversations we had recently, which you tried to reassure me but didn't do it in a very convincing way, is you were trying to reassure me that I could be sexy, and I know I'm not. How sexy do I look when I'm doing, well, I'm doing the cha-cha, one of them, and that's like quite a sexy dance.

How sexy am I, honestly? imagine a big eel like a human a human-sized eel that has sprung out limbs which is covered in sequins and it's like gasping for air as it like gyrates across the floor sexy is that i'll slip and slide all over you baby that's a good that's a great visual i think you'll do really well honestly honestly she's she's a lot better than what i am uh she's Got a bit of salsa. I don't know if she's told anyone this, but she used to do salsa like dancing on a Thursday, social salsa.

So she's got like a decent foundation of dance ability that I never had. I didn't know that. You did used to dance a lot through breakups and stuff. Don't give away my secrets. Do you know what I used to do? Yeah, I'd go through bad breakups and then I'd go to the clubs and go salsa dancing. Oh, my God.

I was a bit of a loser. Matt, so you need to divorce Laura for this couple of week period so she succeeds. Yes. We need to have a break up and then we'll get back together afterwards. Laura, I'm so sorry to say this, but we're done. I've got to go dance. I'm out of here.

Maddie, Jake, all seriousness, you've got a radar. You've got to hold your scorecard up. What is it? Look, obviously, Laura, being the love of my life, it's always going to be a 10. Okay, so now she's not your wife. Now she's just a dancer. What's the score?

Okay, in all honesty, not being biased at all, It's a ten. Oh, come on. She's won the competition. Can you guys not be perfect for one moment? I know, it's disgusting. I just vomited in my mouth. It's a definite four.

We've seen it. She's lucky if it's a four, Britt. No, I'd go seven, but there's room to move. Guys, Matt just wants to get laid tonight. Let's be real. That's a different kind of dance. In all seriousness, we are so very happy for you, Laura. We cannot wait to watch.

I'm so excited. I should stop hitting the table, but I'm so excited. That was me tap dancing out of here, guys. We love you. And thank you for your advice, Dancing With The Stars expert, Matthew Johnson, everybody. Oh, almost finalist. Twinkle toes in the flesh.

There he is. That's him. What a man. And he's getting lucky tonight. Well done, Maddie. Everyone stretch it out. Yawn it out. Oh, God, this will put me to sleep.

Oh, this is so relaxing. I feel like I haven't slept in ages. Oh, why is that, Britt? Because I have night terrors. This is like a child therapy session. Like a giant baby. I am. Britt's been telling us this.

Every week she's been coming in saying that she's been having these reoccurring nightmares. And they're horrific, like horrific nightmares. Yeah, nightmares are terrible. Yeah, I've been having very run-from-my-life nightmares. And then I wake and I can't. Not everyone does this, I don't think. But when I wake, I don't wake from the dream.

When I go back to sleep, I fall back into the exact place that I left, so if I'm running and I'm about to hit a bush and I wake up, I fall back asleep and I'm in the bush and I keep running. It's like you press pause on a video. Okay, Laura, you're so right. Britt has been going on and on about these night terrors, so what we've done here at The Pickup is we have hired

the expertise of Dream Specialist. He's been doing this for 50 years. Leon Naxon joins us on the show. Welcome to The Pickup, Leon. Thank you for coming on. Hi, Leon. My pleasure. Hi, everybody.

Oh, hi, Leon. I mean, you're a dream specialist, but does that mean you're a nightmare specialist as well? Are they different? Well, I'm a dream coach, and the nightmare are the most prophetic dreams you can have because they're trying to get through to you and give you some information. So you stop having those nightmares. So Britt's pathetic is what he's saying. No, no.

Okay, wait. Britt, what are the nightmares that you're having? What's actually happening? Okay, so the one that's recurring, there's two versions of it. One, they end the same, but one of them sometimes starts earlier. Now, what I mean by that is I'm always being chased through this old, dark apartment building complex. So I'm running from a murderer that's trying to kill me

and I'm running for my life and I'm going down stairwells and I'm trying to hide. Then he finds me. Then I always end up running outside of the building. It's nighttime. And then I'm running across the road to this really deep, forest that is all downhill and I start to run for my life down this through this forest trying to escape um but then sometimes the dream starts earlier than when he's chasing me and it's I'm in

an apartment and it's somebody that I know so it's somebody else that either lives in the building or that I'm an acquaintance with and I finally figured out that his plan is to kill me but I can't let him know that I know so I'm like in my head I'm like I've got to keep this guy on my side until I can find a way out, but then he figures it out and then the chase starts. So there's admin in the dream. I think you've been watching too much like Jeffrey Dahmer. Yeah, I agree.

What's your take on all this, Leon? Well, basically in most cases when you're running away from someone in your dream, it's usually yourself. It's an aspect of yourself that you're running away from, something that you don't want to face. You're running from the shadow self. So the question is, what is it about yourself that you don't want to face and you think it's killing you or it will kill you if it gets out?

Oh, my sex tape. I've seen that. That would do wonders for your career. If that got out, it would probably skyrocket. We'll be fine. Yeah. So it's an aspect of yourself that you're not proud of or you don't want to deal with, or right now,

you don't want to deal with it right now, and so you're bringing it away. And so the abandoned house is you may have felt abandoned sometime in your life, either in a relationship or a friendship, or you may have abandoned someone and you don't like yourself for it. But ask yourself, what is it that I don't want to embrace? And next time you have that nightmare, don't run away from the person. Turn around and give them a hug because, you know, it's easy to love the goody two-shoes, wonderful part of yourself,

but it's also as important to love the dark side, your shadow, love every part of your decision-making. Leon, can you control your dream enough? Like when you're in it and I'm running, Can I control it enough to be like, I'm not going to run anymore, I'm going to turn around and cuddle him? It's possible. It's called lucid dreaming, and at some point you realize you're dreaming

and you can turn around, but better still just live the dream in your daydreams. Just when you get a quiet moment, you're not going to get interrupted. See the dream in your mind and actually turn around and embrace whoever or whatever it is you're running away from and say, I love you. Britt, is there anything you're running away from in yourself? Oh, I'm very – I feel like I've got a lot of life decisions to make. I'm very stressed about it. So I don't know if I'm trying to ignore that and I'm avoiding that.

Is this the fertility stuff you're thinking? We've been talking about it for the last couple of weeks. It's a bunch of stuff. But maybe the stress is overwhelming me and I'm taking it to my head, my bed. Now, it's impossible to be stressed if you're living in the present. Stress only resides if you're thinking of the past, I should have, could have, would have, or thinking of the future. What should I do?

But if you're in the present moment, it's impossible to be stressed. So if you could repeat this poem to yourself, The past is history The future is a mystery The present is the gift I'm going to write that down The past is a mystery The past is history

The future is a mystery But today is a gift The present is the gift You can email it to us Dr Leon I reckon Brittany might need to write that one down We'll get it on a fridge magnet or something Alright well Britt can you give us an update In the next couple of days

Whether you hugged yourself or not I'll do the poem, I'll try to control my dreams, and I'll give you an update if they've stopped. Okay, nice. Thanks, Leon. Thank you, Dr Leon Naxon, everyone, Dream Coach. I've been doing it for 50 years, and I can tell why. What a great man.

Also, his voice, I could fall asleep to that. It's very soothing. You wouldn't be running away from anything listening to that all night. Take one deep breath in. Turn around and hug him in a heartbeat. Ladies, I've been spending some time at my family home, hanging out with fam, so important. My mum's just had her 60th, so I've been at home,

the home I grew up in. Very wholesome. Yeah, I love my family. You know, we're all family members. You have a wonderful family. They are beautiful people. I adore them all so much. And my family home, where my little sister still lives,

I was looking through my old bedroom stuff. You know, when you go through, you want to get some stuff. Yeah, a bit of a nostalgia as well. Yeah, I came across my baby box. Cute. In the garage, which is actually quite cute. It's a gap box. So my mum clearly bought me some gap shoes as a baby.

It's a little baby gap shoe box. And my teddy bear's in there, blue teddy bear. My hospital wristband is in there. Oh, that's so, I wish I was that sentimental. It's beautiful. And I've got notes, the doctor's journal and the first steps and the first walk. And my mum is very sentimental. She's beautiful.

Michelle, wow. I was two months premature. I was in hospital for the first three months of my life. I was really, really unwell. They didn't think I was going to make it. I was flown to hospital to hospital. You wouldn't look at me and think that now. I would not think you're preemie.

Yeah, I'm making up for lost time here. I am gigantic. And I'm going through this baby box and going, this is gorgeous. I have this. I want to do this for my future kids. And I get to the very bottom of the box. I lump out all these books. And I find a Fisherman's Friends tin, a vintage Fisherman's Friends tin.

I'm born in 1995. So this is a rusted-on tin. They're like the old-school mints, right? Yes. Yeah, it's an old-school mint tin. And it's probably the size, probably about this big. Like a sardine box. Like a sardine box.

Exactly right. Tuna can. And I go, what could possibly be in here? And it's got a little bit of twine wrapped around it. And I go, so what is this? It's beautiful. So I unwrap the twine. And I open this rusted on Fisherman's Friend tin.

I pull it open because it hasn't been opened in 27 years. And inside this Fisherman's Friend's tin is a swab of cotton wool. And sitting on top of it is what looks to be a shriveled piece of prawn. Okay. Your mum kept your first prawn? Like a little bit of dried onion. You know they put it on Vietnamese dishes. It looked like a little piece of spring onion.

Like a Spanish onion. So I bring it up to mum. I go, mum, what is this in my baby box? What have you kept? And she said, oh, Midge, that's your foreskin. What? No. No, no, no.

My mum has kept my foreskin in a fisherman's friend's mint tin. Did you ask her why? Like, of all the memories, of all the things that she wanted to keep to immortalise your childhood, why that? She's embarrassed. She's so embarrassed. There was also teeth and, like, a little bit of my hair. I think they're wondering in case I die they could, like,

build, like, a fake mitt. I don't think keeping a foreskin is actually a thing. I'm like, no, don't get me wrong. I love this of Michelle. Like, she's taking sentimental to the next level. I'm surprised it fit in a little setting, Tim and Mitch. I would have thought it would be something big like a shoebox or something. It was the size of a hula hoop.

It folded out. No, this thing is tiny. Like a roll-up. You know when you peel off like a toenail and it kind of springs back and curls up? That's what it looked like. It probably looks like a tiny little bit of beef jerky. You are actually disgusting.

I enjoyed picturing the foreskin more than I did you talking about pulling off a toenail that springs back. Oh, it's all disgusting. It was unfortunately really small. It was really sad. It's because over time it's 28-year-olds dehydrated. Yeah, it shriveled up. Well, you're also a baby.

I was a young baby. Okay, I am not sentimental. I have not held on to many things for the kids. And it's like I kind of look back and when you say you've got this beautiful shoebox of stuff, I wish I had been more sentimental. But I did keep, you know when you have a baby and they clamp down on the umbilical cord and then they chop it off. So that falls off after a couple of weeks,

like four weeks or something. And I did keep both the girls' umbilical cords, but I haven't gotten around to putting it in anything. So they're just floating around. We've got that like, you know how everyone's... What do you mean floating around? You know how everyone's got one of those drawers and it's the junk drawer?

There's two umbilical cords in that drawer. Oh, my God. I don't know whose is whose, so I'm just lucky to get one when they're a bit older. I mean, I don't think they need to know which one is theirs. Molly, that was yours. What am I going to do with it? When I was house-sitting at your house,

I thought that was like a chip clip that you put on. You actually tried to eat it. I tried to eat it. I thought, this is disgusting jerky. No, you tried to eat that. It does look exactly like a chip clip. Jenny's called us. Hi, Jenny.

What have you kept? Oh, well, nothing. I had three girls. Okay. Thank goodness. I couldn't keep forcing, but I definitely kept their umbilical cords. Like a lot. Ah, yes.

So can I ask, what is the purpose of, like, I'm nothing against it. I don't know. I don't think my mum kept anything of mine, but what's the purpose? Like, what are you going to do with it? Oh, nothing. And my girls are grossed out by it too. Is yours floating around just like an open drawer as well for anyone to take? No, I kept everything.

I kept teeth and they're in a little box that smile at you when you open it up. Every tooth that they ever pull out of their head, they just put back in. What do you mean? Hold on. You put them on a necklace or have you put them in like a piece of clay so it looks like a mouth? No, no, just in a little jewellery box. But I've glued them all in so that when you open it up,

it's just their little smiles. Wait, you've actually arranged them in the arrangement of the teeth. Oh, my God. That's too much. Jenny, too much. Imagine if my mum did that and she got a photo of me as a baby and then just glued my foreskin. You know what she plays at your 21st?

It's like not pin the tail on the donkey, it's pin the foreskin on Mitch. Okay, very funny. Very funny. Oh, my God, that's great. And now everyone knows I'm circumcised. The big announcement was made. Laura Byrne, our very own, is doing Dancing With The Stars. Oh, I am.

Look, I'm not good, but I'm going to do my best. I don't believe that. I have seen some manoeuvres since the announcement. You're pretty good. Not very flexible and not very coordinated, but I have determination. I saw you kneeling and kick someone in the head. That leg was so flexible.

Yes, but it was my dance partner and I wasn't supposed to kick at that time. If you're going to practice kicking someone in the head, it's in practice, it's in rehearsal, so it's okay. Get it out of your system. Absolutely. Listen, someone who will know a lot about Dancing With The Stars, She's the hostess with the mostess.

It's returning soon to Channel 7 and 7+. Please welcome our friend, Sonia Kruger. Hello, Son. Sonia. Hey, Liz. Hey, Laura. Hey, Brooke. Hi, Sonia.

You know what? I can't wait to say, please welcome couple number one, Laura Byrne and her partner, Mitch Shuri. Oh, no. If only. Could you imagine if Mitch Shuri was spinning me around the dance floor? Jesus. That would be amazing.

I hope that stage is reinforced for the season that I'm on, Sonia. We'll have to work back in with the crew to make that happen. But aren't we excited for Laura? Are you excited to have her on the show, Son? I am. I am. You know what I'm really excited about? These are all new people.

So, Laura, you know when Matty J, your husband, was on the show, he was a wild card, right? He was a wild card. Everyone had had a bit of experience. Yeah, he had to go up against the all-stars. So this time everybody's brand spanking new, which I love. And to me, seeing people go through the whole process when they start learning how to do the dances and the routines

and then they get out there. I actually just had a bit of a sneaky look at the rehearsal footage and it looks fantastic already. Like the costumes and the numbers, it's great. Oh, go on. You have to tell us. You've snuck a little look. Who is the standout so far?

Oh, wow. You know, it's actually going to be tough. I won't lie, Laura, there is a lot of competition out there. Drop us a name. Let me know who I need to keep an eye out for. Well, I was really impressed with James Magnusson for a start. You know, I mean, he's the Olympic swimming champion. And he's 6'6", which is not easy, I think, for a guy.

But he's dancing with Natalie Lowe, who was on the original show years ago. And she's amazing. So they actually look pretty good together. And Pauline has, you know, obviously she's got that great musicality. You know, there are people obviously in there that are a little more challenged, you know. There's always the challenge section. I think the footballers tend to struggle a bit, you know, because they're not really trained. They're trained athletes, but they don't have that kind of...

Well, it's because they're so thick as well. It's the cauliflower ear. It throws them off balance. They look like big bricks. I think the men have it easier though. They just, they stand there and then the girls do all the tricks around them. and then they do a few things where they just lift them in the air and the girls look amazing and then everyone's like,

nine, nine, eight, eight. And I'm like, that's not actually for the celebrity, that's for the professional dancer. Yes, well, it's like Gavin Wanganine, right? He's an AFL legend, Brownlow medal winner, and they've got some lifts in their routine, which I was just like, wow, that is impressive. But the thing is, it evens itself out, Laura,

because with the boys, you know, like your partner, Danelle, am I pronouncing his name right? Actually, because he's new. I haven't actually met him before. But even like Arik, he's been on the show and he's danced with Effie, Mary Christophe, which would be brilliant. The girls get to be led, which is great. So it's very hard for the female professionals to try and lead a guy,

especially if they're a big guy, you know. So it evens itself out a little bit, I think, in terms of, you know, the competition and the fairness about who gets the advantage. But at the end of the day, the audience, they just love who they love, You know, and sometimes you've got to be in tune with the band. And now she's letting you down. Yeah, this is the part she's rehearsed. No, Laura's very loved.

I think there's something very endearing about seeing a praying mantis on the dance floor. That's going to be me. That's the vibe I'm going for. Just the long limbs. I look like a little bit like a stick insect and I'm okay with it. The worst thing's then being tall and skinny. Like you're not at a disadvantage there.

But like just long and a bit uncoordinated. No, no. You look amazing in those costumes, right? Speaking of the costume, Sonia, I have one costume. Oh, my God. I think it was made for someone who's about five foot. And I said to the beautiful team in costume, I was like, I don't think that this PG or G-rated show can have me wear this.

Describe it. What is it like a G-string you say? The frills at the front are supposed to cover your labia, but it doesn't. It literally, it is so unbelievably short. And I was like, oh, guys. That was a very literal description. Sorry, everyone.

I'm sure we can put a bleep. I was like, can we just get a little bit more fabric? and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine. No amount of fabric is going to save that. You're kidding. Yeah, camera angles. No amount of fabric can cover your labia? Is that what you're saying?

Look, you know what? I mean, our amazing costume design team. Camera work, camera work. They are incredible, but they do love it on the sexy side of the dance floor. Yes. And I get it because, you know, a lot of these routines and performances are sexy. But I remember saying to someone a few years ago, it was like,

a fake tan does not constitute a costume, you know? Yes. You've got to be wearing a little bit more fabric than that. Well, if there's one thing this country loves, it's labor, and we can all agree on that. So I think the votes will, and we can all agree. There truly isn't, and they do say sex sells, so that's what I'm going for, the sex appeal.

We all know I'm oozing with it. You know the other thing that our audience absolutely loves, and I saw on one of the rehearsal tapes today, it was Phil Burton from Human Nature. Oh, yeah. We love Phil. We love Phil, and I think the crowd will love him. and the audience will love him because his performance is really romantic.

You can either go the sexy aspect or you can take the romantic route, so to speak. Phil doesn't do the sexy that well anymore, but he does do romantic. Dodgy. Well, I do know that Phil has been training his absolute arse off. We were all kind of comparing training hours. I was like, how long have you been training for? He's been training for, like, minimum six hours every single day.

Oh, he's been training his whole life. He's done a Vegas residency. Yeah, he's amazing. He's a boy band. This is his whole life. He's been waiting for this moment. Oh, he truly has. I mean, Sonia, I am so excited.

I can't wait to do a first dance. I feel like I'm equally baked in fake tan and fear, but I'm so excited to do this. No, we can't wait to watch. It's going to be great. You will love it. You will love it. And I hope you guys, Mitch and Britt,

I hope you're going to come out and cheer Laura on when she performs. Oh, we've got the whole team coming on the first night actually. Excellent. They're making me boards and banners. I was on Amazon this morning and I got some marbles. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to throw them out and sabotage the competition. Good, yes.

And you must wear sequins if you're in the audience. Oh, we have to do it? We're just going to spray Mitch down and roll him in some glitter. That's the plan. Yeah, there's not enough material in Linkraft to get me a sequin outfit made. Sonia, it won't look good. But okay, the Dancing with the Stars, James Magnusson, Matt Preston, Pauline Philbert, now very own Laura Byrne.

It is coming soon to Channel 7 and 7+. Of course, fronted by the beautiful Sonia Kruger. Great to have you back on The Pickup Song. Thanks, Sonia. Thank you, guys. See you, Sonia. Happy Friday. We love you.