Life Uncut - The Best Of The PickUp radio show - How petty

Episode Date: April 28, 2024

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Mick.

Do you sound like a flapper from the 20s? I do, don't I? Also, it's kind of annoying because people who have been listening to Life Uncut for so long now know that I can't deviate. I have to – I eat the same thing for lunch every day. I have my coffee the exact same way. Everything I do is like rote memory. Yeah.

Have you been checked for OCD? My name's Laura. Do you know what I do? This is fucking weird. I am constantly counting, but I constantly count people's eyes. So I – Spoiler alert too. No, no, no.

No, I count on loop the pupil, the iris, and then the white part. So I will look, when I'm talking to you, I'm looking at your eyes and I'm going one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three. That's not normal. And I will watch an entire series and I'll just be counting the parts of people's eyes whilst I'm watching the TV. But it's always three. So your brain, does your brain just want to get to that three?

Well, sometimes if there's multiple people in a scene, I'll count the three, six, and then I'll go six, 12, and then I'll count them up and then I'll go back through it. just when then there's a new scene with new people then it resets and i start again from one it's so weird it is i don't know why i've never really spoken about it on the podcast before when i was little i used to count like the cornices of the roof so i'd count like the where the walls connect to the ceilings but i constantly count in my head but that has blown me away i've got the classic light switch thing where i've got to turn it on and off 13 times

it's got to be 13 3 6 or 9 this is the thing people all and i i've never been checked for OCD I'm sure there's gonna be people who listen to this who are like Laura once again um but that's why I'm constantly fidgeting with stuff I'm constantly doing things because it stops me from counting that's crazy I remember when I was a kid and I was doing scripture like the religious yeah it was called scripture oh yeah I remember we used to have it yeah to unit religion and scripture yeah so it is scripture and you kind of went to your denomination so I was Anglican right I just think my parents are kind of like whatever you want to do so I just did Anglican whatever it was, and I did scripture, and I forgot what I was going to say.

I'm counting your eyeballs, so it doesn't matter. We're both not well. We're both not well. You did scripture. Yeah, but what's the point? Did God just transcend on you? You weren't even listening. If you were going one, two, three, one, two, three,

pupil iris white, pupil iris white, and in my head I've got, I've got just music playing in my head. This is what plays in my head at all times, this. you can't possibly have just completely forgot what you're going to say you literally just were telling a story about when you're at school you had to go to scripture i was talking about ocd i was talking about counting i was talking about people do weird stuff i remember i remember i remember i remember can you smell burnt toast no i didn't um knock on wood i um i used to pray because like that's what scripture taught me i'm not religious at all now i don't i don't pray

but i did as a kid but i remember they'd be like you know you good health over my parents and good health over my family a good night amen so i do it before i went to bed but in my head i was stuck in this vicious loop of if i didn't mention someone to be looked after they would die a tragic death that's so grim so did you start it all again no i'd go good night to my parents and please look after them and then grandma sue please look after grandma sue my oma please look after my oma and then betty my tutor please look after her and then patch the guinea pig please make sure he's okay and then also and everyone i've ever met in my life and if i forgot one i couldn't say if i unless i said amen it wasn't locked in wasn't locked so you left the amen until just before you go to sleep

you're like you're like and sarah and steven and paul uh amen james okay i think i've got a little but then also sometimes if i left it too long in my head there was a timer and i'd have to start from the start kids are so weird i know they are so weird also because like you're leaving a child to kind of fill the blanks right we give them enough information to get them to do whatever it is that we want them to do yeah i.e pray but then they're kind of like all right let's fill in the rest of the blanks as to why i'm doing this i don't know where the counting thing came from it's always been there should i get tested for ocd yes i should probably get tested for lots of things will i probably not also but you and i clearly you actually have ocd but you've got

friends who like i'm so ocd and they have like they want everything to be pink it's like that's not ocd no well and also no i i see that's that's the other reason i know we've just totally gone off tangent that's right i don't think you can say i'm so ocd unless you have been diagnosed so i i think throwing it around is like a joke or throwing it around is like it's it's annoying to people who have been through the diagnosis oh that's what i'm saying and i completely agree with you i have things that would indicate i probably should go and get tested but i have not been tested because i am time poor and i am a lazy person when it comes to anything that doesn't need to be critically done yeah you're busy you're busy and i've gone through life so far without it i'm just going to

Keep counting people's eyes. It's manageable. I can't believe you do that. Like, you're a celebrity. It's weird, isn't it? Like, you've met some famous people. You tell me you counted Rebel Wilson's pupil-iris pupil. She's got the same amount as everyone else.

How many? Spoiler alert. Three. Three out of three. Although some people have a really pronounced ring around their eye, and sometimes I'll count that as well. So that's four. So four.

Have you ever got to five? That'd really throw you off. Like, ah! Make it stop! Finally! All right, look, in the show this week, we had a bit of a debate around parking spaces and whether or not you can save or reserve a parking space.

I got into a little bit of a confrontation. No, it wasn't even a confrontation. That's a lie. I did something super petty because I deeply believe that you should not reserve a parking spot unless you are, unless it's like, you know, it's got a sign on it because it's a disability parking spot or because it's a mums with prams spot.

The rest of it's fair game. Get your fucking ass out of that parking spot. Don't stand there. I'm on your side. And try and save it for your friends. But wait till you hear this. She yells aggressively at a child. I did not.

You revved your engine at a kid. I ran over him. I didn't. That's not true either. You didn't do that. Anyway. That's what you talk about. I discussed the social movement that I've created.

Like, I've gone full Coney 2012. Well, you've done. You know how that ended, though. I think that he's still actually quite prolifically hurting people. No. Coney's out there still doing stuff. No, not Coney. The guy who, like, started the campaign against Coney.

And there was going to be that big march, and then he got naked and had a loop, and then Jennings went through a fountain. No, there is a lot of similarities between us. That's actually so true. Does anyone remember that? That whole coney face. I was so into it. I had a poster in my bedroom.

I know. I was going to go and do the fucking walk as well. And then I found out that he was on acid in a fountain somewhere. And I was like, probably not then. Also, don't you love that collectively as 12-year-olds, we all thought we could end this dictator in Africa? What happened? We were like, yeah, we're going to take down this prolific war criminal.

And I was playing Pokemon on my DSi. It was like the height of the internet doing weird things. It's like we all just discovered the internet in one fell swoop. Oh, my God. Outrage culture. It's the ground zero of it. When I discovered the internet, I went crazy for meat spin. Did you ever go on meat spin?

What the fuck is meat spin? Can we get it up? Get off on your phone, please. I'm about to shit myself. Why would you admit to that? That's a thought, Laura. I had to go to the toilet. Well, then, do you want to take a break?

You just made me laugh. Google meat spin. So long. What the hell is a meat spin? If you have to force a bowel movement out because of laughter, you need to get your pelvic and your anal floor checked. I've given birth twice. Shut up.

I have anal sex, man. Can I keep my poo inside? Meatspin. Meatspin. I don't know. I'm going to get it up too. Am I on Meatspin on TikTok? No, just Google it on Safari.

Meatspin. Yeah, it's called Meatspin. And if you send your mate the link. Yeah, hit Meatspin. Hold on. I don't have it. What is this? Meatspin.com.

Okay, Meatspin is a shock site featuring a clip from an adult film set. Don't describe it. Just open it. In 1985 Dead or Alive song, you spin me right round. Okay. I've never seen this before. I've sent you the link. Meat Spin.

If you are under 18 or find this at – oh, Mitch, what the fuck? You can't send that to people. It would go, you spin me right round, baby, right round. Anyway, I forgot about it. Then when the Hangover movie came out, that song was in it and I got an erection. I'm saying this from a consent perspective. Don't Google Meat Spin.

And Mitch, don't send that to people anymore. Am I going to get in trouble? You're getting cancelled. God, the Life Uncut audience, I apologise. They, yeah, you are. Every week, every week you try and find a new way to get yourself cancelled by the listeners. I'm like Steve Price of a young generation.

My point there is I've created a social movement a la Kony 2012, a la meatspin.com. I have allowed people that have loud sex in their family homes and bang their bedhead against their bedroom walls to come forward and to share their stories. And on the show today, we speak to someone who's had a similar experience to mine and it made me feel so much better.

Yeah. I mean, you shouldn't feel that much better. Just a little bit. Just makes me – it's nice to know other people are doing it. You would have had sex in a house with adults. Like, you sleep with – you have sex. Your kids are in the house. Yeah, but we – Matt and I are so quiet now.

We are, like – I mean, we have it down to a seven-minute art form. No, we are so quiet. The kids go to bed at 7 o'clock. We don't have sex until, like, 10.30. This is way too much information. I also don't count his pupils while we're having sex. I was just about to laugh. I was just about to laugh.

Damn it, that's my punchline. Everyone's got their eyes closed. Damn it. And even if I did, it would still be 12. Funny. Yeah. That's good. Good gear.

Sorry, when I say 12, I meant because I count both eyes. Here's our mind. That's weird. I'll stop. All right, anyways, let's get into the show. What is Buster on the bed too? Dogs have four. Let's get into the show.

My God, a couple of weeks ago, actually last week on the show, we had my dad on the air. You called him Laura because I'm living at home. I've got a partner. We're in a new relationship, so we're enjoying each other's company. My parents clearly could hear the enjoyment of said company via the bedhead, so they went in and they moved the bed six inches from the wall. Yes, but turns out that that wasn't even the case.

You were so begrudging about your dad being called and it had nothing to do with the acoustics. It's because you wanted your dad to make the bed. You asked Dad. This is what he had to say. My wife says to me, Oh, Mitchell wants clean sheets. And I said, look, darling, you look tired. I'll come down and help you.

So we actually went down and made his f***ing bed for him. However, I'm very conscious that there is a rumour going around Cronulla that that bedhead was working overtime. But here's the thing, right? Yes, my embarrassment is your enjoyment. I have been revelling in this. Also, because it's so, so, so, so unfortunate for you because nobody wants their parents to know or hear that they, you know,

get down to hanky-panky town. No, of course. But yours have to listen to it. No, but you know what? In the same way that Taylor Swift has the Tortured Poets Department, I feel like I have the Banging Bedhead Society. Thank you. I thought of that in my spare time.

The BBHS. The BBHS, yeah, of course. Banging Bedhead Broom Closet. I wanted another B, but it was very hard to think of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have had so many messages of people going, oh, my God, the same thing happened to me. I live at home.

I caught this. I caught this. I caught my parents. Wait, is this all people who live with their parents? And so they're all, it's like inter-family stuff? It was a mixture. I had some woman message me and say, hey, oh, my God, it's the highlight of my day hearing my kids.

It reminds me of when I was young. What? No, she needs therapy. She blocked her immediately. I blocked her immediately. Anyway, joining us on the line, Erin had one of the best stories. Erin, now would you say I created a safe space for you to have this conversation, Erin?

Absolutely. I was, like, listening to your story, I was sitting there thinking to myself, oh, my gosh, I feel this story, but from the other end. And I was like, I need to tell Mitch because this is like too coincidental. Wait, so Erin, you have kids yourself or was this you, like how did this all unfold? Yeah, tell us the story. I do have children, but this was my parents.

So back when I was like 14, 15, innocent, I was living at home obviously with my parents. And to like give a bit of an idea, my parents next to their bed had like these big side tables. And in them they kept like their undies and socks and whatnot. and I used to go in there and like look behind bedhead and I was like that's so weird my poor dad he's so silly always losing his socks behind his bedhead so fast forward like another 14 years and we're finally moving out of that home I'm pregnant at this point and mum goes hey hon can

you help me pull this bedhead just a bit forward so the wrappers sorry the movers can wrap it up for me so I go yeah sure no problems I'm just holding it forward and outfall all of these socks and it wasn't until that point that I was like, oh, my gosh, the socks were not there because he lost them. They were there to, like, stop the bedhead from hitting against the wall. Oh, sound dampening. It was insulation. Oh, my gosh.

As kids, we never heard my parents, like, banging against the wall or anything. Well, no, because there were 17 socks there. It was more for acoustic reasons than anything. Don't you just move the pieces of furniture, like, 10 centimetres away from the bedhead? Why is it, why are we all kind of butting up against? I know, because think about it. You're in the throes of passion.

You want a quick fix, you know? You don't want to, you don't have to get up and get an Allen key out and move your bed frame. No one has time for that. That's true. Are you going to, will you tell the story that, please tell the story that you told me in the songs? Laura said.

No, I'm never telling, no. Please tell the story. No. Erin, Laura told a story in the songs. I'm still getting therapy for that. That's not, that was no. Laura had a similar experience with her mum. I've already said it, so just say, tell the story.

My, okay, no. No, it was innocent. Don't name and shame, but you walked in on your mum. My mum, who, mum, if you're listening, Kim, I'm very sorry for this. I love you. I love you so much. We are a very close household. And my parents got divorced when I was really young.

And my mum was dating. And I, it was not an acoustic problem. If anything, I wish there was more acoustics and I would have heard that something was going on in the bedroom. How old were you? I was about seven and I'd had a bad dream. And I got up and I was like, mum, I'll go and get my mum to give me some comfort. But she was giving her boyfriend some comfort.

Okay, all right. And I walked in on my mum in bed and it was horrible. Anyway, I don't even know if she would still remember. I don't know if she would still remember it. But I remember everything. I remember the position. I remember everything. And it was a lot.

Remember when you called my dad last week on the show? Don't you dare call my mum. Don't you dare. She would honestly drop dead from humiliation. I'm just hoping she's at work right now. I don't have Kim's number. Yeah, thank God. All right, anyway, let's go.

Well, thank God we have a daily show. So tomorrow, it's got to be a good show tomorrow, Australia. Now, I think I brought a public service to the world. I taught for so many mums out there, you know, you have these horrible situations where your kids get things stuck up their nose because kids, it's what they do. Maybe it's a piece of Lego. Maybe it's a button.

Maybe it's some peas. It's frightening. And as a new mum, I could imagine not everyone knows what to do in that situation. Absolutely terrifying. And I experienced it myself. You know, Lola, my little girl, she's got a button stuck up her nose. And I learned a technique which I wanted to bring here to the radio station and I wanted to show Mitch how if he was ever in a point of distress,

if he ever had something stuck up his nose, this would help him. There's no babies at the radio station though. That's the problem. No, but I did have to try the technique on Mitch. Have a listen to this. You block the other nostril, not the nostril that has the thing in it, but block the opposite nostril so then your kid will have their mouth open and then you put your mouth over their mouth.

Do it. I can't do it. Do it. It's deeper. It didn't work. I didn't get it sealed. I have made out with Mitch Turi. Twice.

He is alive and that was beautiful. Okay, so that happened. I've been thinking about this a lot over the last couple of days because, you know, we want to do good in the world. We want to leave the world a better place than what we found them. And there are so many hacks and techniques that will make people better parents. I know exactly where you're going with this and I hate it.

One thing I really struggled with with Lola was that she had wind. And, you know, if you've got a baby that's got colic, they're up all night, they're crying. It takes so much to try and settle them. And so I discovered a new hack, which I wish I had known when Lola was little. It would have saved me so many sleepless nights.

And so I think, Mitch, knowing that you are the gassy boy that you are, that we should try it on you and teach everyone. I'm okay. My gas is not a problem. No, you're not. I've been in a small confined room with you very often and I've witnessed it myself. What do you mean?

Is it a warm cup of milk? Do you ever get little sore pains in your belly because you're just so gassy? I do sometimes. A little colicky, a little bit backed up. Sometimes I go to get a fart out and I go, that's more than a fart. Oh. I don't know if we should go through with this now. What is it?

Well, look, I'm going to demonstrate on you. It's really important. No, you're not. I am. You're my test dummy. You're my guinea pig. The nation needs this. This works once.

This isn't Mythbusters. I'm not a crash test dummy. I'm creating a segment out of this. We're going to do it every week. Well, I'm also a host on this show and I need to be across this. Just lay down here. Come on. On the table?

Yeah, just you. Don't tap the table. Pretend like you're a baby. Like I'm at a pediatrician. And also pretend like you're a baby. Go goo goo ga ga for me. How does it work? What's the tactic?

Well, I'm going to cycle you to help you relieve gas. What do you mean? Like a bike? So, yeah, there's this technique which you do on little kids, and it helps them because kids, their digestive systems move a bit more freely than adults. And if you do this very specific technique, which I'm going to talk you all through,

it'll help with your kid's colic if you're a parent. So I've got to get on the desk. Yeah, I don't know how we're going to quite do this, and I'm worried about the aftermath, but we're going to try. Sam, stay with us, everyone, please. Hold on, hands and knees? No, lay on your back. Oh, my back?

Don't get on your hands and knees. Is my end at your front or is my front at your end? Your end is facing me. I'm in the danger zone. Okay, Mitch is currently getting on the desk. You're really making a show of this, though. Why don't you say how weird I am for this? No, you're making this seem a lot harder than what it really is.

Oh, my. Okay, now he's just, get your foot off my microphone. Okay, so get your child. Someone just walked past. So I'm lying down. Get your child to lay down on their back. Okay, they've got a sore little tummy tum tum. And then you're going to grab their legs.

Hold on, wait. You've got to give me consent, man. Okay, can I, do you consent to me touching your feet? Yes. Okay, thank you. I do. All right. And then you've got to, first off, you've got to cycle their legs around like they're riding a little bike.

Make sure that you push all the way up into the diaphragm. Wow. And then. Oh my God. How are you feeling? Are you feeling like things are loosening up? I feel like the blood's rushing from my skull. Okay, then you have to get both feet, put the feet together,

and then start a bit of these actions. Push both knees in at the same time. Okay, yeah. Any movement down there in the guts? I actually feel like something's coming. Please point it. I know. And then once you've done a little bit more cycling,

just give it one final push down onto the diaphragm. I... It worked. it worked you did not it worked that wasn't a sound did you just fart at me yes well you you just cycled it out of me you can't gaslight me into farting and then laugh at me it's it's disgusting did i just do that we can't this can't we have to go to the ads i'm normally in control of the buttons go to the ads i'm embarrassed bitch you're pretty fresh in a relationship you guys have been dating for a little bit now um but you have been in a long-term

relationship and i am curious when it is a same-sex couple how do you decide if you ever are to get engaged one day and ever to get married how do you decide who takes which name oh my god the whole proposal is confusing the name taking is confusing you have to discuss it first like you're like yeah well yes yeah in both my relationships it's been discussed and i think it's very personal i mean i think it does come down to i don't know it's a very heterosexual thing to the man often gets his way and his name is carried on and the women have to forgo their maiden name well i because i kept my last name so i i got married to matt my husband a year and a half and his surname is jay his surname is johnson oh maddie maddie jay maddie johnson um so we

originally when he first proposed to me he he will fight this to the death he'll say he never said this when we first got engaged he said how much it would mean to him if i was to take his name and how he would find it a bit weird if i didn't and now as times progressed and every time i remind him of that he's like i never said that that never happened don't embarrass him bless him i know no you know what he doesn't sound like that either no no he doesn't not not to mock like him on men but for a lot of men i mean it's it's drilled into them right like their last name is a big part of their identity and a lot of men it's very important to them well also yeah and i think for a lot of people it comes down to this idea of having a family unit where everyone has

the same name but i grew up in a family where there was lots of divorce my mom has a different last name to me my brother has a different last name to me so it didn't seem quite as imperative from like a family unit perspective so you're still laura burn i'm laura burn and the kids are the johnsons so my kids they've got a different last name to me but we were talking about this recently because um the discussion we were having is that if we have a third what would we name the third and you can't add a third surname can we confuse the kids or do we just give the middle name and make the middle name burn or make if it's a boy maybe we can call the kid burn you can't name a child burn johnson they're gonna be arsonists oh burn johnson sounds like it's

like they need a cream for that that's something you need a cream for you need to moisturize heavily before you burn johnson well i came across this um i came across an instagram reel which really got me thinking i think if you are in a relationship if you're getting engaged and you're not sure whose last name you should take i think it's okay to buck the trend and maybe we should be taking this advice have a listen to this yeah one of the most common questions that i get when people find out that i'm a woman who's married to a woman is how did you guys decide whose last name you were going to choose and we did something that I think every couple should do straight or not and that is pick the coolest last name when

I met my wife her last name was white you wanted us to be the whites we already are we don't need to reiterate that my last name is Bellaire's like the Fresh Prince of and some of you guys are giving up your last name to marry into a Smith? You're giving up your cool last name to be a Johnson? Oh, that was straight at the end there. Went in with a Johnson knife. Oh, Johnson. I sent it to Matt and he said, this is not

actually that funny, Laura. Wait, 131065, if you're currently going through this situation, maybe we can help you and advise you as to maybe whose name you should take. But you're so right, Laura. It feels like a real straight issue. With the gays, I mean, we'll have a discussion. Our producer, Grace, just got married. Grace, whose last name are you taking? We don't

know yet. Are you going to do the coolest name? Well, we thought about that, but I'm very attached to my name. I think Grace Gard is a powerful name. I've got a lot of the same letters. What's Diana's last name? Cal Cool. Oh, also cool, but Gard is better. Single syllable.

But Diana Gard just doesn't make sense for Diana. Diana Gard sounds like Diana Sword. Grace? What? Like Diana Sword, Diana Gard, like Diana. All right, let's help the nation out. Let's get some people on here who are in the... You make it out like we're...

We're doing God's work. We're not helping the nation. We are. They're not Mother Teresa and Ben. Some people don't know. It's a very hard thing to navigate. Well, Vivian has called on 131065. What's going on with you, Viv?

You're getting married. Are you torn with the name-taking situation? So I got married. We got married last year. Hi, Vivian. Congrats. And then so we both kept our own last names. And there was a bit to it.

We had a conversation about it, and it was an easy conversation anyway. I said I wanted to keep my last name because my dad's always asked me to keep the family's last name as long as I can remember. No brothers then? No, it's not so much about passing the last name on. He just wanted to keep it like a part of the family. Can I ask what it is? Is it a cool last name?

I have an ethnic last name, so it's twin. And then my husband is Caucasian-Australian, so he's a Johnson. He's a Johnson. See? Every Johnson who is listening to this is feeling personally victimised. No one wants to date Johnson. That's so funny.

Two in a row, three in a row, that lady on Instagram, you, Lauren, now Vivian. Also, I don't want the paperwork. Were you the same? I'm like, the paperwork of changing your name just seems like it's so arduous. Yes, it started well, but speaking of paperwork, I'm a dentist, so my last name is on my graduation certificate. Oh, yeah, see, screw that. And my patients know me as Dr. Quinn.

No, and I don't want a Johnson in my mouth. Actually, no, I do. Oh, you do, Mitch. Hey, Amy on 131065, hello. What's going on with your situation? What's your name? Hi, Amy. Hello.

Um, we're engaged, but it's like, do I change my name to his name so it's the same as our daughter's, or do I keep mine because I think it flows nice? Laura, you can help. Yeah, what's your last name? Turner. And what's his last name? Luro.

What? I say that wrong. Amy Luro. Amy Luro. Luro. No, I keep Turner. Now, Amy Luro is a good name. Amy Luro sounds like a magician that would get out of a box.

Amy Luro. Amy Luro. It doesn't sound bad, does it? They're both good names. It depends on what you do for work, Amy. She's a magician. I mean, yeah, yes, that's what I'm going into. But I'm currently in events.

Oh, Amy Luro, events, that's brilliant. Although Amy Turner events will turn those events around. Yeah, I like the pun. Also, Amy Turner just sounds more reliable. Amy Turner's going to get the job done. Oh, Amy Turner would fix my sink in ten minutes and I'd pay her full rates plus GST. You know what I mean?

I'm all for it. I know it's controversial and still people feel differently about it, but I'm all for keeping your last name. I think it doesn't make you any less committed to your family It makes you no less committed to your relationship. I'm sure there's plenty of men out there who are going to be like, I'll turn this wench off the radio. But I honestly, I just think it's okay.

Hey, men, women can be powerful too. Oh, shut up, Mitch. Listen, I've access to Laura's ComBank and women can be powerful. Woo-woo. Laura Byrne, the nation's sweetheart. We love you. It's really not. We fell in love with you and your gorgeous husband, Matty J, on The Bachelor.

That's where you guys met and you're a loving married couple. Mitch, I'm doing everything I can to not be known as the girl from The Bachelor and every time you bring it up, I'm like, well, you just sent me back again another two years. Well, it doesn't help that you're in your car. Your number plate's a Batchy 01.

It's certainly not. They are. She wears a sticker. I was on The Bachelor on her T-shirt. That's how I introduce myself to everyone still. I say, hi, I was on The Bachelor 17 years ago. No, no, no, sorry. Successful marriage, two kids.

It's just for context because that's where you met your beautiful partner, Maddie J. Now, Matt has his own very, very successful podcast with Ash Wick, Social Media Sensation, Two Doting Dads. It's brilliant. It's very good.

It's dad talking about dad stuff. It's a great pod. It's comedy based. Yeah, it's very funny. You were on it this week. Earlier in the week, you were a guest. Can I say this, Mitch? So Matt's had this podcast for over a year now

and he has never asked me to be on it. This is the first time I've even gotten a look in. He's been on our podcast, Life Uncut, a million times and it was the first time he asked me. Is that because he records it from home and you walked out from the morning coffee? Literally, they were doing a night time record. It was 7pm and the kids had just gone to bed

And he was like, oh, honey, we're going to be recording on the dining table. Do you want to jump in? I was like, thanks for asking. Did you get a talent fee? Did you charge? I'll send my invoice. Good, and as you should. Now, listen, there's a segment that the boys do on their podcast,

and it is called Petty Couples. Yeah, I'm across Petty Couples. Yeah, do you want to explain how Petty Couples works? Well, Petty Couples is just like the petty things you do in your relationships. Couples that are petty to each other, as we all are from time to time. Correct. Now, Matt, unbeknownst to you, has been doing something around the house in your relationship are under your nose for the last few weeks

after you scolded him for doing the wrong thing. Wait, what did I scold him about? Well, he's going to talk about it in the podcast coming up next week, so he thought rather you hear it on The Grapevine and in the press. Please welcome beautiful husband of Laura, Maddie J, to the pick-up. Hi, Maddie. Hello. I was about to call you Maddie.

That was so weird. Hello, Matt. Honey. Honey. Hello, my darling. And hello, Laura. Oh, what are you doing? Can I just say really quickly

the reason I haven't asked you to be on the podcast is because you're so good at it that when you were on the podcast you were very quick to point out the things that we were doing wrong It was like hurting a couple of cats

It was a record that was supposed to go for half an hour How long did we record for? We finished it at 1.15am We recorded for three and a half hours and I was like you're going to send this to your producer to edit down to a 40-minute episode and he was like, it's fine, it's fine. That's so funny. Well, so Matt, Matt texts me and was like, hey,

can I confront Laura about my petty couples issue on air? And I said, you've got the pick-up airwave. So Matt, why don't you address it? Before you do, can you just explain to me, before you tell me what it is that you've been doing that's particularly petty, why did you want to do it on the show? Why couldn't you just tell me at home? Because I kind of just forgot about it and it's hard to reach you

because you're always so busy. So the best way to get in contact with you is to call into the radio show. It's where I get five minutes of uninterrupted husband and wife time. No, I know the truth here. It's because you think I won't yell at you. Matt said, hey, for safety, can I call her on the show? No, he did not.

He did. Matt, hit us. What have you been hiding from Laura? Okay, so petty couples, it's all about when you have an argument with your partner, the argument is somewhat resolved, but you do something petty that you kind of get away with. For example, someone would make their partner coffee in the cup.

they know they hate yeah okay that's an example i've done something uh laura you may recall we had an argument which is off the back of the fact that i do all the washing or most of the washing for the clothes at home and i didn't realize that silk dresses require different treatment it needs a delicate cycle because this is a conversation we've had for for years i'm the petty petty couples i'm the petty couples judge let him speak so i had ruined a dress which i was annoyed because you didn't appreciate the fact that I was doing all your washing. So, what I've done now, and I'm not sure if you've realised this, but I'm yet to wash any of your items since we had that argument.

So, whenever I do the washing now, I do my washing, I do the kids' washing, and I purposely leave all of your belongings in the dirty laundry basket as an act of spite. I'm okay with this. You don't have to wash my clothes. Oh, you thought it was a good thing. You thought he was doing you a favour.

I was like, thank God he stayed away from the things he kept ruining. Oh, you guys, the dream couple. It's okay, honey. You don't have to wash my clothes. You make it sound like you're a battered wife. I'm quite happy to wash my own clothes, but I appreciate that we both do the kids' clothes. Yeah.

Hey, can I just say, she's acting like this now, but if people see me wandering the streets of Bondi later... Call Wires and help Matty J. Wrap him in a blanket. Take him to a van. All right, thank you, Matty J. Two Dirty Dads with Ash Weeks. Two Dirty Dads.

They also have a new book that they've just released. Jesus, you guys need a bank loan or something. What's going on in your household? I can give you some cash. Now, congrats, Matt. The book is very exciting. It's very exciting. It's on pre-order now, everyone.

Great, okay. There you go. That's his little plug for Jordan.