Life Uncut - The Best Of The PickUp - Stop saying I love you

Episode Date: May 26, 2024

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP. ON THE SHOW Mitch professes his love for Matty J Uk's hottest man is not who you expect Mitch gets a nit treatment Laura's bathroom confession Mitch's walks for MS See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.

I'm Mitchell. And Brittany, what were you just doing? I was blowing kisses at Mitch across the screen. Oh, is that what it was? He looked sad today, Mitch. I am sad. Yeah, it's because we've been talking about Mitch has got a really, like, serious thing happening to him this week.

Do you know what she did, everyone? And I'll tell you. She's sitting across from us and she was pretending to give an air blowjob. That's what she was doing. So never believe anything that Brittany says. Kisses. My ass. How do you give a blowjob?

Don't you give kisses? I didn't lie. Also, can I say the universal blowjob sign, which is the hand jerking, then the tongue and the cheek. I don't even, I'm not ever doing it really both at the same time. What do you mean you don't do it? Don't suck and jerk, like, and then push into the cheek. It's like one or the other.

Is it? Does it go to the cheek? I think it's both at the same time. No, it's the same time. Is it? Yeah, and then it's like the whole action. Wow. Laura just gave an example of giving a BJ.

Yeah, sorry. It wasn't great. Matt doesn't actually enjoy BJs that much, which might mean that my technique's not good. Who do you think in this room is the best? Yeah, Laura's like, I do it all at the same time. But Matt doesn't really like it. Yeah, I wonder why.

Who do you think at it? Because we all give blowjobs. That's crazy to think. I think Brit would be the best. Thank you. Ask me, I'm honoured. Thank you. And you think I'd be the worst.

Well, just one of you say me, we can move on. So what do you do then? I told you, I know what I want because I've got one. You don't know what it feels like. So you don't go simultaneously? No, never. What? I'm shocked.

Let me get this San Pellegrino. Don't, it's my drink bottle. Don't. I want to drink that. Please stop pretending to. We need to see it. You put mayonnaise in my head today. I did.

Ready? Please don't put it in your mouth. I don't do this. Oh, my God, the eyes. Mitch, you just looked up at me and locked eyes as you deep-throated that water bottle. Guys, I am so sorry if this is the first time you're ever putting this podcast on

and that's what you just listened to. I'm sorry. I apologise. Sorry about that. I'm producer Keisha. Just for the record. Mitch, do you want to tell us what was on the show today? Yeah, I actually, I called your husband

and declared my love for him because Brit had a theory that you can't throw around I love you willy-nilly. You can only say it if you actually love someone. Because people always, that made me sound, people always tell me they love me. People always throw it around and I don't think it's meaningful. Like it doesn't hit the same when it's someone that you don't really know that definitely doesn't love you and they say they love you. I don't like it.

And we had it, yeah, we had a bit of a debate as to whether it's an I love you or just like I love you. So I tested it out. They have different meanings. I was so confident and the response was not what I expected, put it that way. It was funny. All right, well, I've forgotten what I talked about this week. No, I haven't.

You should. Well, this week I had a situation in a public toilet where I was presented with no toilet paper and no options and I had to figure out how I was going to MacGyver myself out of that. I had a whole lot of hope. When you've got a whole lot of can-do attitude, you can really find your way out of anything. Anyway.

I want to quit. What is this? I'm no longer in that toilet and I made my way out. Well, I've lost all faith in humanity this week. um mainly because i'm co-hosting with you two but uh on top of that the uk announced the 2024 sexiest people list like sexiest men i should say and wait until you see who it is because i had to pick my jaw up off the ground and not because it was good so this happened to me on the weekend and i had this huge realization that this is probably why i didn't go out because people make me feel

uncomfortable mitch you were and that's not a blanket statement you did go out on the weekend though there's a reason i went out on the weekend i went to a party uh i was there and mitch was there we went to it was a mutual friends party and it was a great night but when i left i had this really like awkward encounter with somebody that i don't know very well like i know them through someone else that they were just at the party to the point of like i'd never met them in person i just knew them from like an acquaintance an online acquaintance i didn't even follow them online oh yeah it just like knew them through people how long did you get talking to this person for a little while it's at the end though right yeah it was at the end anyway um when we

were leaving i went up and said goodbyes to a lot of people so i didn't just smoke bomb and i said goodbye and he was like hey it's been so great to talk to you i'm gonna miss you and i just looked at him and i was like yeah i'll see you around and i was like weird that he said miss you you don't know me then he said okay babe love you so he told me he missed me and he loved me in like 20 seconds now i don't know this person and then i had him i was so awkward and uncomfortable and i was like why do people throw away these terms of i love you and i miss you you know when you run into someone and they're like can't wait to catch up you're like you know we're never going to catch up i think you're overthinking it a bit though i love you yeah but people just throw it

around as like a term of endearment kind of thing like i love you like he clearly doesn't love you Sorry to break it to you, Bruton, because she thought maybe he did. He doesn't love you. But no, it's the same. It's exactly what you just mentioned. It's when you run into someone from school or someone who's from your past and you go, oh, my God, it's so good to see you. We should get coffee.

And you both know you're never going to get coffee. It's just something you say to wrap up the conversation. I can't bring myself to say it back if I don't mean it. Yeah, but you don't have to say it back. I don't have to say it back. Because guess what? He said it to me too and I just said, I love you. Did you?

Yeah, of course I did. But you don't love him. You don't have to say it back. If someone says to you, I love you, you have to say it back. No. Yes, you do. Because if it's in a relationship and a partner, it's different. But can I break it to you girls?

Different levels of love exist. You know, I love the two of you. I also love my partner. I also love the girl that made me a killer almond cap this morning at the cafe. You don't love her. I do. I was dating someone before, my current partner, Ben, very briefly. And like three weeks into this very brief dating, he said to me in the back of the car,

and he said, he looked at me and he said, I love you. and I burst into laughter because I wasn't expecting it. And I said, no, you don't. He's like, yes, I do. I said, no, no, you don't. We ended up having a back and forth. And I was like, you can't possibly love. And I refused to say it back.

I cannot return a love you if I don't love them. You guys are old school. Can I tell you, like, Gen Z, the young ones, the zillennials, you just throw it around. The world is better when you love. Sorry. No, I say it to people I know. Like, I'm like, okay, love you, love you, love you, okay, thanks, bye.

I say it like that. But this was different and you saw it, Mitch. He goes, okay, I love you. I'll miss you. You know, it was a real moment. This is so rich coming from the girls whose podcast tagline is we love love. We love real love. We don't love fake love.

Wow. So not all love is created equal. Not all love is created equal. You guys need to just look me in the eyes and tell me you love me. But I do love you. I love you, Mitch. That's not awkward for me because that's the truth. I love you guys.

Also, I mean, I do think it's just a bit overbearing. I do think a lot of people throw it around. They don't mean it. Would I be as Would I have an Existential crisis over it Probably not Because I felt very uncomfortable

Yeah well what So you said nothing And you just walked away We had this really awkward moment Where he looked at me To say it back And I was like Okay bye

And he was like What And then I just It was awkward Because Britt Britt said to me Because we left together Britt said to me in the stairwell

He said I loved you Like can you believe it And I said yeah He said it to me too I didn't get it As in you didn't get Why she was so Weirded out by it

Why Well okay Mitch Let's put this to the test Why don't we get you to call someone and tell them you love them and see what happens? Who can he call? But someone that's not like a direct love in my life. Well, you can't call someone you love and say you love them.

You can't call little Saint Stephen or my parents. You can call my husband. Tell him that you love him. You probably do love Matty J though, do you? No, that's the problem. That's what's more awkward is that I actually think you do love him. He'll probably love you back. Matt, no, we talk a lot, but I've never said I love him.

Yeah, let me tell Matty J I love him. That's every gay man's dream. I'm about to do it live on the radio. Let's do it. Yeah, okay. I've got his number. I don't even need to get it from you, Laura. That's because you love him.

Because I'm in love with Matty J. Mitch is pro throwing the love term around. So I said you're going to call Matty J Laura's husband because the reason for this is that I love you makes some people feel awkward. I think I'm going to call it now. I think if you call Matty J and tell him you love him, I think it's going to be reciprocated. I think he'll say it back.

What do you think, Laura? Yeah. I kind of do as well, to be honest. All right, let's call Matty J. You guys have to be quiet. I'm calling Matty. Hi, Matt's Influencer Hotline. How can I help you, please?

Hello. How are you? Good, thanks, mate. Hey, sorry. I know you're busy. I'll be quick. I have a joke that I need your opinion on. I don't know if it's –

Go on. It needs a bit of tweaking. It's just for the radio show. Okay. So it could be dumb. I just need your thoughts. Elton John was asked if he wanted a side of lettuce with his steak, right? He was at a restaurant.

And they went, do you want lettuce with your steak, Elton? Right? And he said, no, thanks. I'm a rocket man. Good, right? Very good. Very good. Yeah.

Yeah. Is that it? All right. I'm going to submit it. I've got to do it on air, and I just wanted to see if it worked. All right. Thanks, man. All right.

I'll let you go. I love you. That's it? Yeah, man. Easy. Okay. All right. Love you.

Bye. Love you, buddy. I love you. Matt? Oh, he hung up! I'm dying! He hung up! You need to call him back, and I need more from this.

Because he knows you said I love you, but he doesn't care. See, that is how I felt. That is how I felt. That's how I responded. Call him back. That little turncoat. He said your joke was good, though. It was very funny.

It was funny. I was chuckling. Thank you so much. Hold on. Hello? You missed it. I said goodbye at the end. I said goodbye, love you.

You hung up. Sorry, I heard that. I chose to ignore that. What do you mean you chose to ignore that? Well, I just, I didn't want to make it awkward and say thanks. So I just hung up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry to spoil this, but you just say it back.

You just say love you too. I don't like, obviously we've been friends for a little while, but I just feel like when the time is right for us, we'll both know. and I felt like it would have been rushing it if I was to say it just now. Once a bachelor, always a bachelor. You know, you gave that line to so many women on TV. It does not work with me, buddy.

Look, I'm really happy with how our relationship has been progressing, but I just feel like if I was to say it back to you right now, it would be disingenuous and I don't want to be that person. But look, let's just see how things go and we can just touch base. You are a turncoat. Do you not love me at all?

Not even as a friend? Matt, you don't have to be pressured into telling Mitch that you love him. You're on the pick up, Matt. I cannot say thank you enough because this whole thing came about because I said people say I love you too easily and Mitch was convinced that you just say it back and I said if you don't mean it, you can't say it and you just proved my point.

I'm so grateful. As the wife of this man right here, I'm so grateful that you don't throw it around willy-nilly. Now it means more when you say it. I'm not trying to screw your husband. This is a simple comment. Stop hitting on my husband. Well, this is actually the ninth time that Mitch has made this phone call

and had this exact conversation. So for me, it's just ridiculous. Shut up. It's so funny. People don't just want – look, Matty J would rather have hung up on you than said it back. He heard it and hung up and then called back and doubled down. He committed.

That's shocking. Thanks, Matt. See you. Hey, guess what? I love you. Love you, babe. I love you. Thank you.

Thank you. That was to me, Mitch. That was to me. He was looking at me. I think that was to me. Mitch, cue the ominous music. Oh, I've got it ready. Always prepared.

There is a pandemic that is sweeping Melbourne right now. And it is something that mothers should be very, very fond of. Fathers as well. But I'm sure more mums will care right now. Oh, my God. This sounds so bad. Oh, yeah. 60% of children will be affected by this.

Jeez. And they are super in their powers. super in their powers riddle me that I'm actually trying to work it out I don't even want the answer this blood sucking creepy crawly

are coming for your children in a school, in a daycare now it's getting scary give us one of these guys, 60% of children in Melbourne are going to have nits oh no because there is a breed

of super knits that are taking over australia and they are so hard to get rid of they do not respond to normal knit treatment no because they're super knit can you not remember what this was like when we were kids i have so many memories of sitting in my mom's kitchen on the floor and she would have one of those stupid like those combs those little metal combs yeah it's a knit comb a knit comb you couldn't see through the crack they were that the little prongs were so close together but it was an electric one so it would buzz them as it pulled them out you'd feel this a little oh i didn't have that one mine was high tech mine was mainstream like no buzzing but can i tell you i am traumatized from the moment i had nits i the first time i got them i was probably in year one and

i'll never forget that i was going for my first proper haircut at a hairdresser's that afternoon and i remember i told everyone at school like i'm getting my hair done blah blah i get to the hairdresser's and i sit in the chair she puts the cape on me and then she goes to touch my hair and I see her like recoil in the mirror. She was like, oh my God, she put her hands up and she goes, I can't touch your daughter to my mum. And my mum was like, what? And she goes, she's got nits.

She's infected. She's one of the 60% of kids. I remember being so embarrassed in that moment. They took the cape off and I had to leave and then I had to go home, get my nit treatment and then everyone at school the next day was like, why didn't you get your hair done? That's humiliating, isn't it? And I had to say, because I had nits. I had nits.

I can still smell it. The smell of eucalyptus to this day gives me PTSD. Is that what you remember, like from the knit treatment? Yeah, the smell. I don't remember the smell of the – Yeah. I think it kills them. No, it was tea tree oil.

Tea tree oil. That was it. It was tea tree oil, wasn't it? You'd cover your hair, your mum would comb it, and then my mum would get the glad out, the super mega, you know, like the big roll of glad. And wrap your head. I couldn't think of the word.

And she'd wrap my head around. I'd sit there watching Nickelodeon while I grew. And you didn't even have knits for that. She just did it. But I think there's a lot of misconceptions though, right? Because a lot of kids think that you get knits because you're dirty. And that's why other kids get it. But really they're just attracted to kids that have clean hair

but really, really thick hair. Britt, you missed this. While you were away in the jungle. You had nits. While you were away in the jungle, I brought a public service announcement to all of the parents of Australia. I helped them get buttons out of, you know, noses, little noses that could maybe get like an object trapped up them.

I also taught the parents of Australia how to cycle wind out of their children. I think I did see that. And Mitch was like such a willing participant in this. I wasn't. You have been such an incredible, like, child dummy, I would say. I didn't offer my body up for science. And I think that now we owe another public service announcement, and we do, we owe this to the Australian public,

and that is, Mitch, tomorrow I'm going to show everyone on the show how to get nits out of their hair, and that's by using you. Should we make this actually accurate, scientifically accurate, and put nits in his hair first? We can go to that length. How do you feel about that, Mitch? It doesn't matter. Actually, do you know what?

It doesn't matter how Mitch feels because it's happening on tomorrow's show. You guys know this is a job, right? Like there's a HR department in this building. Yeah, you get paid well for this. You can't complain. I'm not getting nits. I'm not getting infested with nits. We're not going to actually infest you.

We're just going to pretend. We'll put pretend nits in there. Anyway, that's coming up on tomorrow's show. Is that why when I asked what we're doing on Wednesday, you guys said we'll tell you after the show? Mitchie Mitch. We'll tell you when we wrap your head in glad wrap. Mitch.

We'll come up with a better name for it by then. Itchy Mitchie. No. Isn't it just Mitt? Mitt. Mitt. Mitch? Mitt?

No? Okay, we'll go with it. Mitchie Mitt. I need to brainstorm. That sounded better in my head. Okay, so on yesterday's show, if you guys missed it, we were talking about how in Melbourne there is currently a lice epidemic, head lice, which if you're a parent,

just having any lice in your household is a very, very scary thing. Yeah. Now knowing that 60% of children in Melbourne and then potentially across the country are going to end up with head lice is terrifying. It's lice season, baby. It's lice season. Yeah.

They're taking over. Not just any lice, though. It's super lice. And so Mitch so willingly on yesterday's show put his hand up to go tribute, to volunteer, to help show the country how to protect yourself against lice. No, I didn't. You consented for me. I've never said I'm down to do this.

This is what happened on the show. I brought a public service announcement to all of the parents of Australia and I think that now we owe another public service announcement and we do. We owe this to the Australian public and that is, Mitch, Tomorrow I'm going to show everyone on the show how to get knits out of their hair, and that's by using you. So, Mitch, I think you should go change your shirt, put on something that you don't mind.

If it gets a little bit of residue on it. You two are little tristers. No, we're not. I swear I am not tricking you. This is a very important thing. Why is there a towel behind me? Change your shirt and come back in a second. A towel has just appeared behind me on the floor.

Mitch is walking out of the studio. Well, I'm not. So I am. Put a different shirt on. Put something on that you don't mind if it gets a bit wet. Okay, so what we have happening here is Mitch has just left the studio. He's putting on a different shirt. Now, we have an old wives' tale remedy that we want to trial on Mitch.

And that wives' tale, well, it's a homemade remedy more so than a wives' tale. That is mayonnaise, which apparently it used to be thought that if you smother the hair in mayonnaise, you let it sit, chuck a grab wrap over the top of it, it actually helps to kill the lice. We don't know if that really works or not. This is not even a home remedy. We made it up. No, it really is a home remedy. It's just also been debunked that it doesn't work.

Yeah, we just thought, look, let's call a spade a spade. We want to slather Mitch's head in mayonnaise. We don't want to tell Mitch. All right, Mitch, come back in. Okay, so we've got the home remedy ready, Mitch, because this is what people are using. 2022 study has proved that this common home remedy for head lice is more effective than many over-the-counter treatments.

And that home remedy itself is a bottle of Heinz Seriously Good Mayonnaise. Egg mayonnaise, specifically. Cozzy lives, babe. You've got to think about it. It is expensive. You guys are sick in their head. Stop it. Someone is wrapping me in a towel.

It's producer great. Get off. She's an Atonian guy. Okay, it's a very expensive time in life. People need to be able to conserve costs, come up with home remedies, and this apparently is, and it says it right here, it is the most effective way of killing lice. Britt, you'd never lie to me.

Is this real? Let me explain it to you, Mitch. The thick consistency, this is from the study, The thick consistency. Laura, you can start to apply it, please. No, you can't. Stop, stop. I also don't have knits.

I just want the record to show, guys. No, but it's all about the application, right? So people know how to do it. Okay, so the thick consistency of mayonnaise smothers the adult louse because louse is a singular louse. Okay, the mayonnaise is in the hair. Oh, this is disgusting. It goes on smooth.

Comb it through. You smell delicious. No, this is making me gag. Remember, mayo is my middle name, so don't knock it too much. What happens now is, Mitch, it's the mayonnaise in your hair, which looks beautiful, is smothering the ink. It's cold on my scalp for some reason. How does it feel?

It actually goes on like conditioner. I think it's a very good. Pull up my head back. Well, it stops the lice at the egg stage. The short list, isn't it? No, at the egg stage, which is what you want. But on top of that, even though you feel gross right now, mayonnaise has been proven to have very hydrating properties.

So what it's doing is hydrating at the cuticle at the same time and your hair is going to probably grow quicker and be more glossy and lush. I think it's important. I mean, we want this to be a helpful segment that people can actually get something out of. What is this going to do? If you've tried everything and if, you know,

the over-the-counter treatments are not working for you, we would recommend not using mayonnaise because it's absolutely been proven to not work at all. Hilarious. not even remotely there is um look it used to it used to exist and people used to do this thinking that maybe it worked but it has been disproved uh only a couple years ago i think we need to put somebody's mustache oh get off what if what about his pubes that's where the lice really are sorry they're called crabs you two made that up i knew it because brit couldn't

make eye contact when she was reading the lice face and she said one singular lice is a lice or some bullshit. So the mayonnaise does nothing? No. No, nothing. It doesn't. Oh, it's got warm. It's got warm.

It's actually got. You look like a giant ham sub. It's melting. Mitch, you've got one bit of hair that's like alfalfa in at the back. It's gotten warm. I'm actually going to go and smell this. Mitch, you actually. I don't want to smell it.

Smell it. No. Smell it. No. No, don't. End of the show. Do not. No, I've got to fall.

I hate mayonnaise. Mitch, if you come near me, Mitch. Go. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Go and wash your stick.

Mitch, get out. Mitch, I do want to say I'm so grateful. You are such a team sport and you really have helped parents because someone could have tried this and it wouldn't have worked. I'm such a team sport. What, basketball or water polo? You're a team player. Someone would have tried this and not known that actually it's a home remedy

that doesn't work, but now we've disproved one as well. We also could have just told them, Laura. We're like Mythbusters, but for lice. Goodbye, everyone. Go wash your stink. Go have a shower in the buildings. We did bring you shampoo and conditioner. Did you know that's nice?

It's made from Dijon. Listen, I did my first ever Pilates class and ladies of Australia and men of Australia, if you do Pilates, I want to know if this is something that happens in every class because I feel really singled out. First of all, do you two, do you do Pilates? I do it very infrequently, but I do it. I do a reform of Pilates, yes.

Brittany has one of the machines in her house. Okay, you don't need to flex. Brittany's really wealthy. Brittany is not wealthy, but Brittany has a problem with fitness. I like my fitness. She has. She's got a room dedicated to her Pilates. When I have that for Brittany.

Sorry, I don't want to interrupt. I just need to clear it. I don't live in a mansion with a dedicated fitness room. I have a two-bedroom apartment and my spare room has turned into some exercise stuff, typically. So I booked in to do a Reformer Pilates class with my mum. Michelle Turi, so excited. So mum books in on the app for me.

It's a whole thing. She goes, you've got Mia. You're going to love Mia. I go, I think you're going to love Mia. I'll see how it goes. So I put on my old sort of active wear. You know how you've got the new fancy active wear and just the old stuff that you've had in that bottom drawer?

Oh, yeah. You should have worn the big stuff. Yeah, why did you drag out the old stuff? Because it was kind of a last minute booking. So I put on the old stuff. And you know when you've got old active wear that has that musk in it, like baked in sweat into the mesh in the groin area? Like when it's been put away a little bit damp.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, no. I'm confused as to why you didn't wash it after the last time you used it. I do wash it, but sometimes sweat just bakes in. Yeah, it's stained in there. I know. I know.

some of my shirts are like that yeah i'm so confused you don't work out laura continue i just washed my clothes thoroughly you guys need to be taught how to wash your clothes well i was washing and i and i had a little bit of musk in them and i didn't realize until i got there and i walk in and it is full of women like it is it's a great vibe like i love a room full of women look at the show i do with youtube i mean it's my right now and all the women go hi mitch welcome mitch it was a bit cultish actually like hi mitch i'm like hi bernie sally melinda like so how do all these women and then they lie me down on the table and then they brand me that's what it feels like and i and they they start with my ankles in these straps like oh my god this is kind of cool so

my ankles go in the straps i go spread eagle and my legs go up in the air and it was a sex room my groin is so close to my face and then it hits me like the pungent smell of of my bo like my like off your crotch sorry like perineum area like it's sweat from down there sorry the smell of your underwear hit you in the face. Yeah, you know in cartoons when you can see the green smell smoke? I could see it. Why were your legs tied behind your head?

No, you know how sometimes in Pilates you're in weird compromise. Your face is just closer to your crotch than what it's probably ever been before. That's what Mia said to do. And the thing is you can't see what the room is doing so I don't know what everyone else is up to. But the good thing is your face is close. No one else's face is close. Well that's what I was worried about. The instructor was at the other end of the room and I'm like

great, she can't smell. No one else is close enough to me to get to this smell. Anyway, the instructor starts like circling the room like a great white shark like i can see her weaving in between all the reformer machines i'm like shit she's coming back so i close my legs and put them down and she goes oh no mitch no you were doing so well get back up there i'm like no i don't want to get back up there she grabs my thigh pulls it up like have you seen those farm videos on tiktok where they try to get like a calf out of a cow and they give birth when it gets stuck yeah it got stuck so she had my legs like i was a chicken just pulling my legs up and it smelled the same

open oh and i could smell it i know she could smell it was awful why are you telling people this you just told australia that your crutch reeks that is that that is that the story that you're telling us because that's what i'm taking it gets worse because the class finishes i can't possibly i'm sweating and i think this actually went really well like no smell aside i did really well and i'm lying there on my back exhausted like after a good session i like high five my mama we did so well i love polities mia walks up and she drops a sanitary wipe on the on the bench she goes well done mitch for your first class have a wipe up and i went also have a wipe up That's like the culture.

Have a wipe up. Let's get that on T-shirts. Have a wipe up. So I sit up. Wipe your bed down is what I said. Wipe your bed down. Yeah, yeah. I've been sweating and I get up and I start to wipe my bed down

and that's when I realise that I'm the only person she's given a sanitary wipe to in the whole class. Are you sure she didn't mean wipe your crotch? She was like wipe it down. Maybe that's what she meant. Maybe it wasn't the machine. Yeah, no one else got given a sanitary wipe to wipe their bed down, just me.

So all the ladies are packing up their Lululemon, putting their hair things and getting in their Mercedes Benzes and then I have to wipe down my bench just like a wet chopping board. after you'd cooked dinner. It was horrific. You're going to be banned from Pilates. No, I'm actually hooked. I really liked it.

Did you wash it? What did you do with your shorts then? I burnt them. Yeah, I burnt them. They're gone. And did your mum smell what everyone else smelled? No, mum didn't smell. Did you bring it up with her afterwards?

No, mum didn't bring it up. She's too sweet. She did smell it. She just didn't want to embarrass you. And I'm back. So I'm a Pilates boy now. Well, I'm glad that I'll have you back. Thank you so much.

You can come back to use my huge chandelier fitness marble room any time you want. And if you ever want to come over and I can teach you how to do the washing, come on down. Great. I'll show you how to wash your pants. Yeah. I have a question for you guys.

All right. And answer at home. If you find yourself out in public using a public toilet and the call of nature happens and you need to do a number two and then you realise that there's no toilet paper, what do you do? What do you do? I'd use the end of the roll. No, there's nothing.

It's one of those. Like the actual cardboard. I've done that. Okay. Yeah. I like your thinking. I like that you're trying that. Yeah, because it's still a bit of cardboard and it's circular.

If you pulled it open and laid it out, there's probably 12 centimetres there. Have you done that before? I've just done it before. I've done it too because it comes like a diamond pattern. You peel the sharp corner off and it twirls open. Yes, and it unravels like a roll-up. I just had the most visceral image of Brittany Hockley wiping her backside with a toilet roll. Well, you asked me.

I know. You asked the question. Don't you yuck our yum. I would. That's not a fetish. Well, you've given us this fake scenario and I'm going to answer it. Fully bidet my butt. I'd like a dog.

There is no bidet there. No, no, no. I'd get my fingers. It's just tap water. And I'd put my hand into the toilet bowl and I'd splash up onto my bum. From the toilet bowl? Mitch, you're in a public toilet. You're going to put your hand in the toilet bowl?

No, it's just tap water. She means in the sink, not the toilet bowl. Also, I'm a he and I mean the toilet. Laura thinks you mean put it in the toilet water. What am I going to do? Waddle out to the sink? Sorry, kids. Sorry, mums and bubs.

You're disgusting. No, I'd do it in the privacy of the cubicle. In the toilet. So you pooed into the toilet and then you're splashing the poo water onto your own butthole. Oh, sorry. Yeah, there's poo in that toilet. There's still poo in there. Okay, then I'd go to the next cubicle and I'd use their water.

You could flush it though. You can't just leave cubicles, what, waddle out with your hands down. Look, I found myself in this situation. It was the weekend. It was a lovely Sunday. We had just been to bowling. Okay, I don't know if you guys have been to bowling. Irrelevant piece of information.

No, it's not. It's not. It's like the indoor bowling. It's like a disco. No, we know what bowling is, mate. We're across it. Ten Pin Bowling. So we just left Ten Pin Bowling.

We were walking. Are you going to pay by Ten Pin Bowling every time you mention it? Do you get a hundred bucks? We got it. Okay, just take us to the toilet. Wait, where were you? At Ten Pin Bowling. You're in the toilet.

I just left and then it hit me as we were walking back to the car and I was like, oh my gosh, I've got to go to the bathroom. So I was like, sorry, honey, take the kids. I'm going to go back to, wait for it, Ten Pin Bowling and ask if I can use the bathroom. So I run inside and it was a bit awkward because as you enter there, you have to pay to go back in. So I had to explain I was coming in just to use the toilet. So I was like, I'm so sorry.

I just need to use the bathroom. I was just in here. I go in. It's two cubicles side by side and there's a line of people. So I'm in there and I'm in the cubicle and I do my business and I finish. I've heard you do it too. And then I look down. Not quite.

Strike. It's not that bad. It's just a normal person going to the bathroom, right? We all do it. It's natural. It wasn't necessarily a big bad one. It was just standard. No, just standard.

Just standard. No need for descriptions. Anyway, I looked down and there is no toilet paper. Not only is there no toilet paper, there's no roll. Because it's one of those ones that doesn't have any cardboard. It's like the actual toilet paper roll is installed into the plastic. So they reinsert it. So you can't get it off because the thing is locked.

Yeah, but you just have to line up with people. Just ask them to pass you some toilet paper. Yeah, knock on the cubicle. Oh, yeah, I did. There's no toilet paper in the one next door. But there's no one out in the line? You said there's a lot? No.

So by then, there was no one. There was one person in the cubicle next door. She had no toilet paper. There was no handpaper. There was absolutely nothing. So there's me and another woman sitting in cubicles next to each other. Oh my God, how actually poetic. That is so beautiful and bonding.

I'd be waiting it out. Someone's coming in from that bowling arena soon. Well, I thought that. But also knowing that my kids are in the car and my husband's waiting. So I sat there and I sat there and no one came. the other woman at this point has left she's she obviously shook off and she left and i'm sitting there and so then i start panicking and i'm like what am i gonna do so i start looking around and i'm like what can i possibly find ew this is gonna be disgusting i can already tell is it

tickets i'm not proud of this was it a pad i no brit i rummaged through my handbag and the good thing is is that when you take your kids to bowling you know you have to bring a pair of socks i brought a pair of socks for them so i had to use a pair of socks and then throw it in the bin That was next to the toilet. And I realised in that moment that that was the lowest point of my life. And then I walked out of there so shameful. I was so shamed. I had to use my three-year-old socks to wipe my backside, Mitch.

I actually think that that's beautiful because that's going to be softer. Humiliation. I am speechless. No, it's not because socks, it's not like it was a Gucci bag you wiped your butt with. It was like seven ply. Yeah, but you could buy a pair of socks for like three bucks from anywhere. You are disgusting. The really upsetting part is actually how nice and luxurious it felt.

Yeah. Maybe I'll do it again. It was probably Egyptian cotton. Oh, my God. I'm in shock. Spread it. Laura Bird only wipes her butt with Egyptian cotton. I only wipe my butt with socks.

Laura's just shopping at Baby Bunting purely for toilet paper. So bougie. Bed, bed, bed, table. I have genuinely never been more shocked in my life. I am more shocked at the news that I have read right now than I was when I got a boyfriend. I cannot believe who has just been crowned the UK's sexiest man of 2024 so they've put a poll out about 2,000 people responded to this poll which isn't a lot and I also want to preface

this by saying the poll was put out um by a website called illicit encounters which is an an affairs website so it's like the extramarital dating yes it's reputable it's very reputable but Um, coming in at the top of the UK's sexiest men for 2024 is none other than some drum roll, please. Jeremy Clarkson. I just want to really hone in here. 64 year old Jeremy Clarkson. I've got a photo.

That photo doesn't do him justice. He's better than that. No, he's not. He's not that bad. He looks like a raw pancake. Yes. It got burnt. Yeah.

Jeremy Clarkson. I'm bringing up another. Sorry, I'm not being mean. Laura. Okay, I don't think he's the hottest man in the UK, but have you guys seen the new reality show that he does, the Jeremy Clarkson Farm? It's a great show.

It's so good. Diddly squat. Okay, it's so good and it will make you, because I think he's a bit of a badass on Top Gear. He's a bit smart-arsey and he's not very, I don't think he's very likeable. But on the farm thing, you're like, oh, yeah, I get it. He's got daddy vibes.

Listen to this quote. This is so funny. It made me giggle. Clarkson scored a perplexing 9 out of 10. And I'm going to compare it to a biblical event. Clarkson and his farm is a bit like Noah's Ark. And just like the animals in that story, his victory in the sexiest man votes has come in two

because not only did he win this year, he also won 2023's sexiest man. The reason this is perplexing for me is, firstly, he's not sexy. Secondly, the list. So number two is Tom Holland, Zendaya's boyfriend, beautiful, handsome, young. He looks like a child. Kind to me.

Yeah, and Jeremy's a grandpa. I would take a grandpa over. He looks too young. Okay, then number two. He's too conventionally handsome and young. Who else is there? Number three is Prince William. Oh, no.

See, also confusing. I would take William over Clarko. Nah, I'd go on a night out with Clarkson that ends in top gearing over Jeremy. I genuinely think you need to watch the new Farm TV show and you will feel differently. You'll be like, oh, my God, just he's so. It makes me want to farm. It doesn't make me want to sleep with Jeremy Clarkson.

Can I say, though, they've done it clearly so we talk about it, right? This is all publicity. Listen to this. Number five is who I would have voted number one. Number five and six. Number five is Cillian Murphy. Give me strength. Oh, from Oppenheimer.

And Peaky Blinders. Yeah. I thought he was Irish. I thought he was unwell. I thought he looked so gaunt in the face. That man's got Ebola. But you need to watch him in Peaky Blinders because he's the sexiest man you've ever seen. And then number six is Idris Elba, who is divine.

He's beautiful. He's big and luscious and strong. He'd throw you around. Jeremy Clarkson is so old and weak, he's not picking you up. He will slip a disc. But he's so good with it. I thought you were going to say something there. He'll slip a disc if he falls over.

I heard he's back, everyone. He's very good with the little pigs, though. Sam Thompson came in at number eight. Sam Thompson, you know, from Love Island. Oh, I love Sam Thompson. No, Sam Thompson, he's from Made in Chelsea. He's also an influencer. He has the hottest girlfriend, Zara McDermott.

Yeah, McDermott. He won I'm a Celebrity recently. Yeah, I think he's from Made in Chelsea though. I thought he was from Love Island. Maybe he's from Love Island. He's hot, so I couldn't care less what he's been on as long as it's me next. He should probably be number one. Who in Australia would you say is the most, is the sexiest man in this country?

You, Mitch, obviously. That's sweet. Next in the list. Oh, my husband, Matty J. There we go. I don't want to get in trouble when I go home tonight, So that's why I'm going to nominate him. If you also say my husband, that'll be weird, Britt, but I'll take it.

Ew, no. Not ew. No, Matty J's top ten. Not for me, he's not. Sorry. He's top ten. No, he's for me. He's not even top ten.

Nah, he's not top ten. He's top three for me. Oh, all right. Thank you, Mitch. I'm also weird. You're also my best friend and work colleague. He's not my thing. No.

If Laura passed away, would you? Yes, I would look after him. Yep. No. I'd have to go with Hemsworth. Chris Brown? Yeah. The Doctor?

I don't know. I'd go Liam or Chris Hemsworth or Larry Ender. Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman, I'm calling it. Hugh Jackman's nearly single. He could be interested in me. Putting it out there, Hugh Jackman, if I break up with my partner, I'd be down.

If you're listening, sorry, Debra Lee. They've broken up. Oh, shit, free game. Let's all jump on Hugh. Yeah, he's totally free. Oh, he's been divorced. That's why I'm just putting it out there in case my relationship doesn't work out.

He's been posting thirst traps. Oh, he's thirsty. He's a thirsty boy. He has been in the Sahara. Well, congrats to Mr Clarkson. That's a good achievement for Jeremy. Girls, you know I've been in my hot girl walk era. I've been running.

I was looking at joining a run club. You've got a headband. I've got a headband. You've got all the gear and no idea. I've got all the active wear. And this weekend I'm putting it on and I'm doing it all for a good cause. I'm walking this year in the MS Walk, Run and Roll. I love this.

It's a brilliant initiative and it's something that is very personal to me, very close to home. And very recently, my beautiful sister, Becky, was diagnosed with MS. Yeah. And you guys were following along in that journey because it really has happened in the last couple of months. She was diagnosed with MS. She lost her first baby.

She had her first miscarriage, first baby in the family, all within the same month period, four weeks. Oh, it must have been so hard. Yeah. Tell everyone that's listening that might not know what MS is. Okay. So MS, multiple sclerosis, is a chronic, often very debilitating disease, which attacks the central nervous system which is the brain spinal cord and the optic nerves um it's the most common

neurological disease in young adults and often attacks people at times in their lives when they're planning families building a career really does strike around that 30 to 40 year old period and it often affects women more so than men and they don't really know the cause do they it's one of those things that just sort of happens and you don't really know why and there's not really a lot to stop it is that that's the hardest part i think that's what's been so scary i don't want to talk for becky i've spoken to her she's happy for me to talk about it and we're doing the walk and the run on the weekend we're all excited um but she went in and out of doctors for years with the same symptoms nothing changed she had bizarre optical changes she would um feel stroke-like

symptoms she couldn't walk for days um she would her mood would be up and down her speech would change all these things that they'd put down to stress they'd put down to hormones being a young woman um the miscarriage they put it down to and from doctor to doctor to neurologist to neurologist um like tears and stress which only makes these symptoms worse um she finally got a diagnosis of ms which isn't even there's no blood markers really that say you've got ms it's well you've got this you've got this you've got this knowing all that we think it's ms i know you don't want to speak for her um but you are so close to your sister you live with your sister as well for a period like obviously for a period your whole entire childhood yeah we traveled the world

no but you're so so close what has this diagnosis been like for her because i can only imagine how frightening that must be. It sounds so scary to be diagnosed with MS. It's been really hard for her, especially losing the first kid. She got married as well two years ago. She's got a beautiful husband. She's got a great support unit with the family, the Cheery family, you know, many. It's a reality show in the Cheery family.

But we are so used to these fun periods in our life. And we had a life of privilege. We've all been very healthy, touch wood, knock on wood. I've got my grandparents. You know, my parents are still around. We all live in suburbs away from each other. This really, really threw us. and it was really hard to watch her go through that

and that's why I wanted to talk about it because – What's wrong, Mitch? Yeah, no, it's tough to see your sister and your big sister, right? Like I'm the little brother, like I'm the little bro and then to see Becky go through something like that, like it just throws you. Especially when you think all you want to do with your loved ones when you can see them struggling or going through something tough

is help them, is make it better, is take it away and knowing there's nothing that you can physically do other than be there for her. like you you can't take it away it must be really really hard she's pregnant now right she's pregnant and how is how has it affected her pregnancy well the weird thing is it's actually um halted the symptoms yeah she's feeling the best she's felt which they say happens what does it mean then for her i mean obviously being a new mom and she has so many things to look forward to what does it mean for her in terms of how she can manage it moving forward now they don't really

know the advice from the doctors was to have the babies she said do i have kids will it will make it worse because it's so ms can be so tied into hormones and changes and flare-ups um they their advice was have the babies like have that's what we tell everyone that has ms that wants to have kids is to get them done so she's just doing it and she's living in the moment right now and deal with the rest later yeah i mean she's got to get the c-section and there are certain things that she has to do as someone living with ms but we just want that baby out we want to be healthy um and we we love her so much and i just think we're so lucky becky's so lucky that we have the family um if you're out there and you've got ms i mean like you really should look into the ms walk

roll and run it is a brilliant community i had no idea about it until the last couple months this weekend we're all getting together in sydney and um if you can't walk if you've got a disability they let you roll you go in the wheelchair you can't run there's a 10k there's a 1k for some reason which i pictured you meant like roll like you laid on the ground and rolled no you're rolling And are we quiet? Genuinely. However you make your way, you can do it. So where is it, Mir?

It's in Sydney. It's in Sydney, yeah. It's the 2024 MS run and roll. I, in my Instagram on the bio, will put it on the pick up too. We're fundraising. The Tury family goal was $3,000. We're so close to getting that $3,000. How far away off are you?

Do you know? Like a couple hundred bucks. Well, I am going to put that in and I'm going to take it up to $3,000. Stop it. And I will match that for it. But also, everybody. But no, I mean, there's so many people across the country who can't necessarily get involved because of location.

But if you do have money that you can spare, it's an incredible cause to get involved in. Totally. And times are tough. Like, cost of living, we get it. But it's also a brilliant way for those who don't have the family like the Turees to feel a sense of community because MS is bloody scary.

But, you know, with donations like this, we can get on our way to getting some answers and some hope for people that live with it. Oh, you're amazing. Give our love to Becky. We will. We are going to top up that account now. And if you guys can spare a couple of dollars,

you know where to go. We'll be right back.