Life Uncut - The "Care Less" Factor & Opening Up About Personal Life. Uncut with Asher Keddie

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

Today, we're joined by 5 x logie winner and one of Australia's most beloved actresses, Asher Keddie. Asher is usually more reserved when it comes to her private life but it was really refreshing to hear her say that she is feeling more and more comfortable actually speaking about herself and what her motivations and ambitions are, rather than just about the characters she plays. Asher has a reputation of playing complex and layered, strong female characters in shows like ‘Offspring’, ‘Nine Perfect Strangers’ and she’s now back as Evelyn Jones in Season 2 of ‘Strife’, a series inspired by Mia Freedman's memoir Work, Strife, Balance. The show delves into the life of a modern woman juggling the demands of career, motherhood, and personal identity in the digital age. We’ve had quite a lot of conversations on the podcast about the expectations of us to ‘do it all’ and make it look easy and we wanted to speak with Asher today about motherhood and the complexities of juggling her career alongside family life.  We spoke about: The ‘actual’ story of how Asher got into acting (and it’s not the narrative that’s circulated) Why Asher chose to stay acting in Australia rather than going to Hollywood or NY The ‘care less’ factor you gain as you get a bit older and feel more confident What drew Asher to Strife Dealing with rejection Whether the ‘expiration date’ of women is shifting Mum guilt and making work decisions with family in mind The evolution in her relationship in the last 14 years Season two of STRIFE is out now on Binge and it’s brilliant! You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. Now today we are joined by five times Loki winner and one of Australia's most beloved actresses, Asha Keddie. If you haven't heard of Asha Keddie, I'm sure you have, but Asha has a reputation of playing some incredibly complex and layered, strong female characters you would probably know her best from her role in offspring but also one of my favorites which was nine perfect strangers and she's now back as evelyn jones in season two

of strife if you haven't watched strife it is on binge season one and it's loosely based around mia friedman's life and how she started the media company mamma mia the show delves into the life of a modern woman juggling the demands of career motherhood and personal identity in the digital age. I was really excited about this interview with Asha because I feel like historically she is very private about her personal life and you know has lived this public persona doing incredible shows across Australian TV but a lot of people have not really seen an insight into her personal life or who she is when she's not on screen playing these female roles. I feel as though in this conversation we really touched on motherhood, the complexities of juggling career alongside

family life and I think that it's something and one of the reasons why Asha has been so successful in both is because of how she's approached her ability to prioritize family while she's still prioritizing her work at the same time. Yeah and it's interesting that she does tap into that a little bit in this interview saying she recognizes how private she was and she recognizes how close she was and didn't want to give anything and how a lot of people took that as her being cold and it's nice now that she has evolved a little bit I guess with society with the way that we do interviews like podcasting now and she has become more open and she's more relaxed in it which I think is really really nice to see what I will recommend for you guys if you haven't watched

it and Laura I know you said Nine Perfect Strangers was your favorite well I haven't seen Offspring but I've seen Nine Perfect Strangers and I was obsessed so Offspring I mean it was one of her earlier shows that she filmed one of the first ones that catapulted Asher into Australian media I think from my memory, the first time I remember her, she was in her early thirties, but the show is called Offspring. You can still watch it. There's multiple seasons and it truly is one of my favorite Australian TV shows that I have ever seen. Like you will completely immerse yourself in it and be lost in it. The stories, the characters, the acting, everything. It is so brilliant. I cannot stress that enough. Well, it's Brit's vibe of the week, everyone. Anyway,

let's get into the chat with Asha. Asha, welcome to the podcast. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Now, you've been acting since you were a teenager, and I am going to say I am a super fan. Probably my favourite moment in TV history, of Australian history, is… Ash is like, please. What's it going to be? No, and I've never… My sister and I say it to each other all the time.

It's in Offspring with Billy, and you say, I will love your baby. That moment has just gone down in history for me, and sometimes my sister and I will still just say it to each other. Out of nowhere. I will love your baby. We will. I've never sobbed so hard. It was a special moment.

It was. It was just beautiful. But what got you into acting? Because I know you were sort of on another path. Well, I don't know really. This, I think, may have been misconstrued over the years. The ballet? Yeah.

It's been stretched. Let's just pull this apart a bit. So I think I was doing ballet for, you know, I guess six or seven years, so quite a lengthy amount of time. And, you know, I started going to different, I guess, higher level places to dance and things were developing and I did dislocate my knee and was unable then to dance for quite some time. But in that break of not dancing, which was probably about three months, I think what

happened, this story is just, the narrative has changed over the years. But I think what happened was that someone was making, a production company were making an ad for dancewear like leotards and tights and whatever and they came to the studio that I was training at but I wasn't training I wasn't dancing that day still but I was just there and they saw me and they asked my mum does she want to be in an ad for this dancewear I said yeah that'd be fun I mean I'd been performing since I could walk you know I mean I was dancing at home I was singing I was creating characters non-stop so it kind of just didn't feel like this big event that happened it just happened and I was like yeah cool let's do that and then an agent spotted me in that ad

and then I started quite quickly at the age of nine working in at the time lots of mini-series were happening and big kind of co-productions between the US and Australia and I happened to land some roles in in those until sort of around 14 15 and I stopped 14 and went to school again yeah big chunk of time it was a big chunk of time yeah I mean I came back back and forth to school but not a lot I mean I really was tutored for most of those years out on a film set that's crazy I mean when you think about at the time basically being and doing what a child style would do but then having the disconnect to go back to school and stuff probably is what set you up on a path for an adult career in acting that wasn't influenced by everything

that I feel like a lot of people who do acting when they're very young seem to have to deal with. Does that make sense? I feel like a lot of people who come from child acting don't necessarily continue their careers into adulthood. Yes. I mean, I think for me, because I really lived and breathed it for quite a number of years as a child, it became like home to me

and Cruise became like family. and so what it's given me is a gift in a lot of ways moving into an adult career in acting I guess what it's given me is is a great gift and that it's given me relaxation at work so it's just so familiar to me a film set and the people that make drama are so familiar to me in all their different ways lots of managing navigating lots of different personalities at one time I'd been doing that since I was a kid so I think I'm really relaxed in the environment and that was a that's half the battle as an actor is to relax you know so you can deliver a performance and interpret what the director wants from you and and the story needs from you and stuff so it was

it was a good thing for me and I know I've heard all the stories about how terrible it can be for young people acting but I just really haven't known any different I mean there was a time I have to say when I was around 16 to 20 where I wanted to be a horse vet I was obsessed with horses and I still am and I've lived with them for a large part of my adult life and I thought I'll be a vet science and I did really well in my VCE and thought I can do that that's an option for me but strangely everyone else around me in my life thought well that's what she's going to the progression is to become an adult actor and then of course I was you know invited into the Melbourne Theatre Company and did an amazing first show

with the most extraordinary actors, Jane Menelos and Robert Menzies and amazing director. And then I was hooked. That was it. It was just I was like, oh, this is where I'm meant to be. This is what I'm meant to pursue. I'll just ride horses and that's how you'll get here. I'll just ride horses and I'll live with them and that'll be enough.

But I'm still kind of, look, I've stopped reading The Vet Science now. Okay. But I did for many years. I'm obsessed with it. Well, we've seen you so much in huge Aussie series and a lot of things that have been filmed here, even international series that have been filmed in Australia. We saw you with Nine Perfect Strangers with Nicole Kidman.

Did you ever go and do the LA thing? Did you ever go and try and, quote, unquote, make it internationally or was it never on your card? No, look, it just wasn't my path and it doesn't need to be now, which is so great for actors living in Australia because of the streaming services and the landscape changing so much over the last really five years because our work's reaching now and so many international productions are being made here.

But when I was younger, because I started in the theatre and I was given the opportunity to perform fairly consistently each year through my 20s with the MTC in particular and sometimes the STC, I think that was my path. I was really happy doing that. I mean, it was such an extraordinary way to grow up as an actor and I didn't go to drama schools. I mean, what I did was learn from the best of the best on stage

and I learned how to manage myself emotionally and physically actually in terms of it was such great preparation for the rigour of what it feels like to be at the centre of a show like Strife, for example, or Offspring or whatever. It wasn't my path to go. I just didn't feel the urge to do it. and then when I may have had a little itch to go overseas and New York in particular, I met my now husband Vincent

and his little boy Luke and my stepson and life took another. That was a big curveball. I mean I was just about on the plane and I met them and I stayed. I think that that's something that's really incredible though because a lot of people who maybe feel as though they had that passion to go and pursue something that's overseas or they feel as though that their career might hinge on doing something that feels big and different but then there is you know the instances where people make the decision to prioritize family or prioritize

a different life but yet you can still manage an incredible career alongside being a mom and having a family life and I think something that I think is really admirable that you have done so well is you have your private life and you have a public life they are very separate lives and it's something that I think must have been a conscious decision throughout your career to keep those things very separate. I think so. Yeah, I mean, it has been conscious. I mean, it's shifted over the years. When I first met my family and had my little boy, Valentino, I was really, I mean, I was pretty uptight about protecting us, I guess. Yeah. And I don't feel that way anymore. I'm a little, I mean, I, I really enjoy speaking like this to you. I like, I like talking about life

now because I'm just not holding on as tight, you know? Yeah. And actually it's very easy to keep your life private if you want to. Absolutely. I didn't realize that when I was kind of in the hoopla of offspring days and, you know, there was so much attention on me and we were being followed everywhere. And I was quite uptight about that, as I said, but it's not that hard to be private and we don't find it hard anymore I only talk about things I'm comfortable talking about and these days it's kind of pretty much anything I mean I'm really you know there's a KLS factor that comes into play too when you get a bit older and everyone talks about that we've heard that all we hear that all the time but it's true you know and you just hold on a little less

tightly to the things you think are important but really they're not what's important is what happens inside your own home and what happens in your workplace for yourself and we have you have control over that that's the thing I think something really relatable for a lot of our listeners and you know us ourselves for our time of life when you had your son Valentino you were in your 40s and I remember reading it and I still remember people talking about it that was quote unquote an older mum or an older pregnancy and that's what people were reporting on it at the time. How old were you at the time? I love that you're like, I didn't know. Tell me, what articles did you dig up? I saw things of magazines perhaps bombing us at the hospital

as I was leaving and stuff like that infuriated me, but I didn't see that stuff. Well, it's just the things that I have read is just at the time, 40, now it's normal. But I guess a couple of years ago, a child in your forties, like my sister-in-law just had a baby at 42. It's completely normal now. But then it was a bit like, oh wow, like she's doing that in her forties. Well, yes, I see. Well, I was 40 when I had him and I – Which is so young. Yeah.

But I, you know, we'd been trying to have him for quite a while. So that's sort of just how it wasn't like, oh, I'm 40, I better have a baby, let's get pregnant because it's not as easy as that as we all know at that age. Yeah, interesting, isn't it, that it has shifted. You're right. Well, I was going to ask was that a conscious decision more based around that you had prioritised your career or were wanting

to prioritise your career? or it was just... No, not at all. No, I just didn't want to have a child until I met... I mean, it wasn't at the top of my agenda. It wasn't something that I felt would define me, I suppose, through my 30s. I wanted to have a child and build on out the family when I met Vincent and Luca. I met the right person. I met my person that I wanted to do that with. So then it became, um, right, I got to do this. I really don't want to miss out on this. It's important. It was really important to both of us that Luca had a little brother or sister too. It's interesting. Cause I know that, I mean, you even say that Brit, like I'm 39, I'll be

two months short of 40 by the time I have this baby. I haven't even started yet. No one's even blinked. Like no one cares. I mean, thank God. I mean, the only person who cares is my obstetrician, But apart from that, no one cares. I would say you pick some really incredibly powerful female lead roles. And you're on the publicity tour for Strife at the moment. For anyone who doesn't know, Strife is based off Mia Friedman's life. We have a friendship with Mia, but we also have followed what she has created through Mama Mia and throughout her life.

It's pretty incredible. I know, right. How do you go about choosing and what is your kind of, I guess, litmus for when you're choosing a female lead role? and why was it that this story something that you were so attracted to about Mia well I was attracted to me first I was attracted to Mia's experience I suppose as you know I mean she's fascinating and I have so much respect for her and she puts herself out there in a way that I find mortifying personally so she really does she does on the one hand of the spectrum we talk

about private lives verse sharing your life Mia does that dance very well I would say so I do the opposite right in life I play characters and that's where I'm for the most part comfortable Mia someone in Mia's domain and it's certainly she was at the forefront of all of it you know where Strife is based around 2010 to 2013 puts herself out there in a way that really does require a very particular kind of courage I think and she's done it so well and there must have been moments there have been moments I know in her life where she's thought why am I doing this but she's so committed to women's voices being heard and I think that's what I admire so much about her and why I wanted to make the show what I was interested in is the complexities of

womanhood I thought it was a great vehicle to really lean into that the themes of all the many different layered themes of womanhood and what we can all relate to, I suppose. So I guess in terms of just in a broader way, in terms of the characters, the women that I have played and have wanted to play, there's always a similar pull for me. And that is, I want to be able to expose the vulnerabilities and the strengths of women in an authentic way that genuinely connects with other women so that we can learn and we can talk to each other and we can have conversations. So in a sense what Mia has done is not this is similar in a way to what actors like myself want to do or storytellers you know producers like Bruna Papandrea want to do we want to explore

those complexities and we want to connect with an audience not just female but male as well you know I think that's important. Did you know Mia before you took this role on personally and And then, so then what was your, I guess, how did you sort of get to know her? Did you shadow her? Did you sit down to lunch with her? Did you immerse yourself in her world? No, because we decided very early on that the character was going to be built from the ground up.

So it's not Mia, obviously. She has a completely different personal life, Evelyn, in Strife. What we decided was to explore the startup in that period of women's media, online media. And Mia's book, Strife, Work, Balance, was the perfect example of what we could explore. And so I guess I met her. She came down to Melbourne and I met her and I'd already committed to the show. We were in, you know, development for it. It was being written.

And we talked for a few hours at my house, just sitting there drinking tea. She drinks so much tea. I don't even like tea. I'm just sitting there going, oh my God, I can't even come. You get stuck in a tea circle. Totally. Yeah, she loves tea. She also loves a chat though.

She also loves to leave by 6pm and be in bed That's right, but so do I, so we do have quite a few things in common in that way Yeah, we make very early dinner dates Oh, we went to dinner with her recently and we had to book 5.30 At 8 o'clock she called it, she was like, we're done now everyone I so understand that, I really understand that Yes, so I spent time with her, of course, and what we did was just develop the story together along with Bruna and Steve and Made Up Stories

and, of course, Sarah Scheller, our creator, head writer, showrunner, executive producer, amazing magics, everything onto the page that I want her to. We just talked and talked and talked. We talked about, we shared our own stories of those complexities that we wanted to explore about being a woman, trying to invest as much time in a professional's pursuit as personal ones, failing all the time but succeeding as well.

Like, you know, and the ambition being really strong but yet you're torn and that guilt, that mother guilt that we all have, all those things and many, many more, I suppose. And the second series is really great in that way too, that we decided early on that it was important definitely to me that the audience was able to connect, a male and a female audience was able to connect on a more experiential level than the first series.

I think I love the first series. I love what we explored and we introduced as ideas. And this time I think as most second series offer the opportunity to do, we go much deeper into the emotional journey of this woman and her relationships specifically. I was about to say I loved the first season, but where do you take it to the next level in season two? Like what are we expecting that is different?

Well, she's expanding her business and she's completely under siege when we meet her again sort of, you know, between three and six months after we've left off in season one where the rug's been pulled. She's been terribly betrayed by someone that was working for her, her editor, and she's under siege and her former editor, same person at the end of series one that betrayed her has and gone and moved to another company, is starting up a rival online women's media business.

Horrendous, terrifying. We also realise that she's being trolled brutally and being undermined every day on her own site, ripped apart for her privilege and her faux feminist voice as it's put. She really cops a lot on a daily basis and we start to look at the cost of that. But that storyline about the troll plays out very unpredictably, I have to say, and I'm really excited about that. This to me is something that's fascinating because I think for anyone who is close to home for it in terms of like women working in media, it is something that, and I know that obviously it's based loosely around Mia's experiences, but it is something that she still deals with on the daily and there's always the criticism that comes and something

that I find really interesting that happens for a lot of people is that people love the relatability of someone until they become successful and then we love to say, well, you're no longer relatable or now you're privileged. And, you know, we kind of forget all the hard work that went into creating what it is to become that success in the first place. And it's something that I've, I mean, moving away from strife for a second but specifically about Mia, like I've seen that play out on her social media and there is a really unfair

and unjust element to that as well. But it's upsetting to see that usually when we, retrospectively, we're watching back to a time of her life or a period of time in social media in that generation and it would be nice to reflect and say what a crazy time that was. Like look at the trolling, look at the way they were treated. But we can't do that because it's never gone away. It's irrelevant.

We still live in a world where we have been trolled more than ever. You mentioned a little bit earlier just about failure and in this industry in entertainment, especially as an actress, maybe not so much now, I'm assuming not at all now, but you get a lot of rejection in your career, Like constantly auditioning for roles and you're rejected 99 times. Not you, Asha, specifically. No, no, no.

As me as a young person, a young actor, for sure. That's the path, yeah. I even auditioned for season one of Strife actually, also got rejected. How was that rejection for you? Well, I was rejected and I was like, thanks, Mia, throw me a bone. But how do you deal with rejection? Because a lot of people don't deal well and take it really personally. And not just in entertainment, in anything.

Going for a job, going on a date. Somebody doesn't want to see you on a second date. I'm dealing with that with a friend at the moment. And she's like, I don't understand. I'm constantly rejected. And I think as someone in your position who had experienced that a lot when you were younger, how do you grapple with that? I learned really young, I think, because it's painful, rejection.

And of course, in my early 20s, I really wanted the job. You know, like every actor, you really want the job. You think, oh, this is it. I've got to play this. Who else can play this? I've got to play this role. I get it. And I wish I'd known then what I know now, being a producer

and someone that does make casting decisions. So hang on, did you reject me? I wish I'd known that it's actually non-judgeable. Possibly. But this is what I'm leading to. It's a very complex process, casting. And so I wish I'd known then, and I talk to young actors about it now, it is not personal.

There are so many elements at play. There are so many variables. There is an ensemble to put together in a whole show. It's about energy. It's not just about who is a wonderful performer. There are many actors that audition for a role that could play the role really well. That's the truth. But it's about so much more than that.

Anyway, the rejection when you're a young actor is really difficult to deal with. I have many shortcomings. One of my strengths, I think, that I tapped into quite young in my 20s was the ability to let it wash over me and let go quite quickly if something didn't come my way. I learnt early that if it's not meant for you, it won't be. You won't have it. You know, you won't be able to do it.

I never took it too personally. I just, I'm quite resilient in that way. I was able to recover quickly. And I'd see some of my actor friends fall into depressions depressions or and I think oh god but what about plowing forward the next one's around the corner yeah you can't change you know rejection no you can't so I was quite good at doing that quite early I think and about letting things go I move on from things quite quickly it has been said to be cold at times throughout my life but well you know I don't know I think resilience is a good

thing and it's actually an important thing in this industry that I work in anyway well I think it also is like they're differentiated between people who are actually able to maintain and sustain careers versus people who who leave because they can't handle the rejection of it and probably stop early I mean there's been lots of discussion over the last few years in particular I'd say the last five years around the roles that keep expanding for women as actors as we age and you know there used to be that thing that it was like well once you hit 40 or you've hit 35 there's no longer roles. Oh, it was younger than that, I think, yeah.

Yeah, well, I mean, and there was no longer opportunities because people who were in their 30s were playing mums of teenagers, you know, which is not the case now. What's been your experience as your career has developed and continued to blossom over the last sort of five, six, seven years in terms of how you've seen the industry change? The possibilities of playing really interesting women, not just the girlfriend or the mother or whatever.

Absolutely, or the grandma, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. My experience has been really good. And I think that when Offspring came along in my early thirties, it was a terrific opportunity at that time, I suppose, to lead a show and be at the centre of it in every scene. It was a very buoyant show. She was a very childlike character in a lot of ways, trying to grow up. I think that helped me, to be honest, and it certainly helped me find the area of drama that I really enjoy. The sweetest spot for me, which is comedy drama. I love it, you know.

I love Funny Bones, but I also love really moving, heartfelt drama and I love the challenge of combining the two and walking that line. I think with the roles that came after that, it's such a tricky thing to answer. I haven't experienced the ageism in a way that you're wondering about. Perhaps that's because I refuse to believe it or accept it. But I also think it's because…

Or even acknowledge it. I don't know, potentially it's also because things are shifting rapidly. Like we're living in the shift. Like we're living in the changing times. Well, it's also because we see the Bruna Papandreas of Made Up Stories. We see the Reese Witherspoons. We see the women that are creating the opportunities because they're sick of not having them.

So they're creating their own production companies that are fully female founded. That's right. Yeah, and that's what we're all doing now because it's the way we can tell the stories that we want to tell. Well, women never even used to have the lead role. No. But I think that's what happened with me is that because I landed

that lead role as Nina Proudman in my early 30s and then I did seven seasons of that show. I remember well. That was really great for me because it was entirely from the female point of view. So it was one of the first shows that was female-led and highly popular. Yeah.

So it was a gift in that way and it was the beginning of the change. It set a real precedent here in Australia. It did in Australia. Yeah. what do you think about this idea of having it all you are obviously a mum to two you're very successful you are still working a lot do you think you can have it all do you think you can do both concurrently or what do you think it takes to live that life I just don't put that expectation on myself or any of the women or men in my life at all I think it's completely elusive

I've said before I think that the notion is bullshit I just don't get I don't understand And I'm sorry to reject your question in that way, but I suppose I feel strongly that I'm trying to answer it. You mean bullshit of the same having it all is bullshit? Or what's the bullshit part? The notion that we can have it all. Yeah. And someone might be this extraordinary superhuman person

to be able to balance all the balls in the air all of the time I think is crazy and it's a terrible expectation that we place on ourselves and other people. Yeah. And we look in, we look in from the outside and we go, well, that person's successful. They have a seemingly beautiful, happy family life. They must be doing it all, all at the same time. And I think it's an observation rather than a reality, but actually something you said when you were describing strife, you said like the mum guilt and you're like something that we just all, we all experience and you kind of were talking about it from a character perspective, but then also that statement, even though it was just a little, like a little bit like off the

cuff, it is, the reality is, especially when you're, when you're, you know, a career driven person and you're also a mum at the same time like those feelings that duplicity happens yeah that's right no one can escape it no well the kids are ever present aren't they I mean they're they are in my mind always I was just doing an interview earlier this morning and my little one Val asked me if I'd just wink just once in the during the interview doffer no true and I this was last night before I got on the plane to come here and I said I'll try and remember darling And the live television in the morning is very, very fast and I'm talking about strife and I may not be able to squeeze it in

but I'll try. And, of course. Did you get a wink? No. I forgot. Why don't you do it right now and we can send him the video? Yay! There you go.

Hi, baby. But, you know, they're ever-present and there's just that pull all the time and I love it. Like I want it. I want to feel like that about the kids. but when you've got to focus you know on something that's really intense like a particular day at work as an actor might be very intense and ask a lot psychologically and but you're still trying to work out the soccer run that makes sure someone at home in the room doesn't pick

don't forget to pick them up and the you know so that's the juggle isn't it and it's the same in any industry I'm sure for any parent working yeah but that's the thing that is beautifully relatable you know we're like even sitting here doing this all today we were like okay we're back to back but I have to leave at this time because I have to go and get the kids so like I was like I might be walking out of the middle of an interview yeah and that's today I get that yeah we're early in the day but I said the same thing and I was like cool you go and I'll just do it like I don't have kids I've got nothing to run home to so I was like that that's the balance right but it also takes I think and this I say this looking at you Laura with Matt and your kids

It takes a partner that's also willing to make some sacrifices to allow you to go back to work at a certain time. It makes life a lot easier when you have a partner that shows up with parity and actually like does the parenting as well alongside you and you're not left to do everything. I think for the people who have to experience that, that's a whole different ballgame. But, yeah, I mean I think that there isn't a woman out there

who is juggling motherhood alongside a career that wouldn't relate to those feelings deeply. Yes, of course. Yeah. Yeah, you want to care. You want to put as much – I mean I want to invest as much time in all my relationships, whether they're personal or professional, including the children, it's not easy to do that. And I don't know if it's possible. Do you find that it makes

you more conscious about the jobs that you choose and the things that you actively pursue? Because I think you have to be very decisive because you're like, well, if I'm going to give my time to this, it's time away from this. So it's only going to be something that I'm absolutely passionate about doing. Yeah. The kids, the family for me come into play as soon as a job is possibility is presented straight away. Okay, so where is it? For how long is the duration? Could I take the youngest child with me?

No, that wouldn't quite work. Okay, so how do – and it's straight away that thought for me. So it always comes into play for me now, the decision about work is influenced by the kids because we all live together. We all live our lives together, you know. I'm not a single person. How often do you say no to jobs?

and if you if you are saying no to something what's it based on more family more the role it's always a combination of things I think yeah I do say no I mean that was another lesson to learn as soon as you can I think in any industry that you're in it's okay to say no to things and empower yourself in that way and improve your confidence and your self-worth and appreciate that you have something to offer that was something I got good at fairly early I suppose but that's because I had really great people around me the same people that are around me now I'm an agent, Leanne Higgins of 20 years. That's amazing.

Yeah, who helped me to understand that it was okay to say no and to not feel like I was going to miss out on an opportunity because not every opportunity is right for you. Just because someone wants you to do something, no matter what industry you're in, doesn't mean that it's the right thing for you to do. I think a lesson I've learned in that sense is just that not only is it not right for you but sometimes a no

is what will bring you more yeses. That's right, exactly. in the future because that no could get clearer about what you want to pursue, I suppose. So things have just got clearer and clearer for me over the years as I've moved through my career in different jobs about the kind of stories I want to tell definitely the people I want to work with. Yeah. And it's not hard to say no now, but certainly sometimes the family come into play and there

are certain things that I still grapple with a little bit in terms of exposing vulnerabilities or certain roles I look at sometimes and think, oh, I just, I don't know if I'm quite ready for that. I don't have a sense of, okay, I'm 50 now. I've just got to say yes before I miss out. There are some things I'm still not ready for that maybe in five years time I might be and hopefully I'm still working yeah and getting those opportunities what do those things look like when you say that you see a vulnerability that you don't know if you're ready is it because

of a life experience that you don't feel like you can tap into or is it a story that you're not about that it's more of I know what you're asking it's not about that and I feel uncomfortable even talking about because I haven't expressed this before this is where we are we're doing your podcast and it's fine. Welcome. Since having my family, I feel conscious about exposing myself within certain stories and situations that I think will impact them in a way that I don't want it to. So I'm conscious of being a public person in that way, a person that's on television in, you know, the public domain, I guess, or film or whatever, playing characters and that is, of course, you know,

that's what I want to do. It's what I've always wanted to do. But there have been a couple of roles that have come up that I've felt morally unsure about and that it may affect my children looking me up on the net with things out of context as well. I'm a little more careful about things like that now. There was, I mean, with Nine Perfect Strangers, the character you played in that was a mum who had lost their son and I remember watching a scene

and I think not even just a scene it was actually just the character development of it like the devastation the coming to terms with the impact it has on your whole family the feelings of I didn't do enough as a mum and that I watched that thinking as a mum you yourself playing that role I mean I thought that that was incredibly impressive and I thought that that would have been a really hard character to tap into because you would imagine that being your own child we can't not absolutely yeah you know I was watching it imagining it being my own child so I can yeah and you go there and of course you live with the character that you're playing for the time that you're playing it and and a little bit afterwards as well it's a very strange space to to be in yeah that brought up a

lot of fear in me actually oh god if ever there was a time I was holding on tight to my sons it was then during that shoot yeah sometimes the role has a much deeper impact than another one might and that was that was a particular role well that was one that had an impact as a viewer I would say as well it was really powerful I did hear you say at the Marie Claire interview that you probably hold on a little too tight to your youngest do you think that's off the back of roles like that no I honestly I think it's just me just obsession I'm completely obsessed with both of them yeah you know as Vincent and I have gone on in our relationship we're nearly at 14 years now we don't hold on so tight we just kind of have established we're so very much together

but we've established a much less kind of obsessive yeah obsessive thing about each other but the kids I mean I'm obsessed I just adore them I love being with them I want I want to be with them all the time, they're fascinating to me, like most parents are fascinated by their children. I just think they're so great and I want to, I don't want to miss anything with them. So I have to remind myself not to hold on too tight, I suppose, because they're boys and I'm trying to encourage them

to be independent as well and look after themselves. But the hard thing is that I really like doing all that. You don't want them to, you've got to think of the future though. You don't want to think like when they're 20 years old and they're in a relationship and she's like, you're such a mummy's boy. Like that's now, you know. You don't have to worry about that.

I live with my mother-in-law and my husband's a complete mummy's boy and it's the best. You also spoke about how he puts his head on her lap to get head massages still. Yeah, they love each other. It's fine. They have a special relationship. As long as they grow up and they look at me and their dad

and think, wow, they're cool, we love them and we always felt good with them, really that's all we care about. Well, season one and two of Strife is out now on Binge. Season one is absolutely brilliant. Season two, just as good. What are we going to see next from you? Because you are executive producer on Strife as well. Are you going to start leaning more into that space?

Oh, yeah. I love it. It's just added so much to my life creatively, producing and telling stories in a more holistic way, I suppose, from the beginning and working with people I really want to work with, like Bruna and Steve and Katie Amos and, you know, this wonderful Sarah Imogen Banks, who I produce fake with I mean I've just had the most fantastic years building those stories and finishing them like going through the whole edit process until we're ready to deliver and actors kind of do that anyway but it's really nice to now know that I can say I'm just I'm going home to Melbourne for

six months and I'm just going to work from home and that's what I do all day every day just whether and you're in pre-production or post-production. So it's just added so much but yet I can still do the soccer runs and the school pick-ups and make the dinner. You hear a lot of actors and actresses say they don't want to watch themselves but as executive producer, somebody that is combing through the whole thing to give it the okay, you're watching every single thing you do. How do you feel watching yourself back?

Oh, I'm well over that now. Offspring again was the beginning of becoming comfortable watching myself. I had no choice. Are you overcritical? If you're in every scene. No, no. No, I don't even look at the – occasionally I'll watch something and think I don't notice the way I look anymore.

That's a great release actually of stress. That kind of went with those offspring days. But occasionally I'll watch a scene and the way it's been cut, edited in its first round and I'll think actually I think we found something much more interesting in take four of that particular shot. Find that bit. Can we have a look at that instead? Yeah.

That's the fun of being able to be involved, but you actually do have to be detached in a way to be objective about it. And I think I'm, look, I think I care less about myself now to be able to do that. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. To be objective and actually just think of the story as opposed to how I've said something.

Well, completely. Also, if you're worried about just looking at the way that you looked, you'd be like, well, I don't look good in take four. Might have been better acting, but let's go take one, you know? And let's put that filter on. But, Asha, thank you so much for coming and being a part of the pod and for being so open as well. You know, I mean, it's refreshing to hear you say that you're at a point in life

where you don't feel as though you need to hold on so tightly to the reins of your personal experiences, but you share it so beautifully. Thank you. So thank you so much. Oh, my pleasure. Thanks, Asha. Thank you. Thanks for watching!