Life Uncut - The fine line when it comes to injectables, and the intimacy paradox.

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Hey Lifers!Producer Keeshia is filling in for Britt today!Today's episode takes a stroll down a few different avenues. Laura forgot that she had a pap smear and went to have one again... ironically we spoke about it on the podcast the last time Keeshia filled in. We discuss whether there's a hesitation at the moment for people to be diagnosed with ADHD because it's become very popular on TikTok/in the media. Keeshia has been properly diagnosed and we will do a whole episode where we unpack it at some point.What do we want when we talk about people having cosmetic procedures? Do we want transparency or does that 'normalise' it to the point of it being promotion?Is it fair to expect people to buck the trend and 'age' naturally when they also are a product of the societal pressures to remain 'beautiful?'Plus Laura speaks about the current ebbs and flows of her relationship at the 1 year wedding anniversary mark. We unpack the intimacy paradox and how to keep desire in long term relationships. Is it even possible to expect novelty and spiciness when you also want stability, support and reliability from your partner? The intimacy paradox article is here If you have a question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode. I'll start that again. Life Uncut. The podcast is gone.

I'm like, it's Monday, it's probably Tuesday if you're listening to this, but today's got some Monday vibe to it. What did you say just two seconds ago, Keisha? I was like, we've really got to bring the energy today. You said, I'm in a silly mood. I said, I feel like it's silly. Do you know why? Firstly, hi, I'm Keisha, you're Laura.

Thank you. Hello, everybody. I'm feeling in for Brit. Do you know why I think I feel so weird? It's because you and I both got taken down by the spicy cough two weeks ago. we both had COVID and I haven't felt the same since. I'm a changed woman. Not for the better. No, 100% not for the better. I feel like a bit of a space cadet. I feel like I'm a little bit,

you know, the lag you get when you're a little bit jet lagged or if you've had a sleeping pill the night before and you feel a little bit like, like you're moving slowly in space. That's how I feel right now. And I feel a bit giddy. This is going to be a good episode for everybody. Hi, and welcome back to Life Uncut Podcast. Keisha, I absolutely know exactly how you're feeling. And I say this because I have been pretending to be okay. Like I'm not okay. Nothing. And that, that applies to many parallels of my life, but no, in terms of COVID testing negative have been for quite a while now, but the spaciness, the body tiredness, the, like the sore back, the sore head. And I wake up in the morning

and I can only relate it to being in my early twenties when I used to do a bit more partying. And when I say a bit more, I mean, I used to party and now I do not party at all. But you wake up the next day after giving it a good nudge on a night out and you're not sick, but you are so spacey that you can't actually concentrate. And that's where I feel like my headspace is at and has been every day since kind of getting COVID. I'm really glad we're going through this together, though, because I mean, firstly, you're my boss.

But secondly, I can just be like, hey, you still feel a bit lonely? As long as we're in it together, we're OK. I played touch footy last Tuesday afternoon and I'd been testing negative for like six days. So I was like, she'll be sweet, but I'm also the most unfit. Like we were on the tour. I haven't exercised for quite genuinely two months. I haven't exercised since dancing with the stars. So I feel you. Well, like touch footy is pretty, it's very like stop, start, sprint, stop, sprint, stop. There were moments where I truly couldn't breathe. And I was like, okay, I'm going to blame this on COVID, but I don't know whether it's that I'm unfit or that it's a COVID or maybe

it's a bit of both, but I also put my back out. I've crossed the hill. No, that's just turning 30. That's 30. That's 30. So that's where I'm at right now. The reason I'm feeling in today is because Brit is undergoing another round of egg freezing. And so she had an appointment this morning. It's a very time sensitive. They've got to be like carefully planned and it just coincided with today. Yeah. I didn't realize this, but like I kind of did, but I guess I didn't realize the level of time sensitiveness of it. If you're going through egg freezing or through IVF and you're having to self-inject, there's very specific times as to when you have to go in for your appointments and get your levels and everything else, your blood's checked. And so that has to

be X amount of days or X amount of hours in terms of like when you started ovulating or when you've gotten your period. And so for Brit, it landed very much this morning when we were supposed to doing our record. And so that is why we have producer Keisha and myself here batting down the hatches while she's off getting poked and prodded. Speaking of being poked and prodded, Laura, the last time I filled in on the podcast, we recorded from your home and we spoke about you getting a pap smear. And then I saw your Instagram story last week and it seems as though you've forgotten about that joyous experience. It was like seven weeks ago. It really wasn't that long ago so I got this reminder in my phone seven weeks ago I put I have like a notes section where I put

down all the things that I need to get done in a day and one of them was that I needed to go and have my routine pap smear like my health check but yeah last time we called it pap smear we did get multiple messages saying it's called a cervical scream and like yes it's true but also but okay people were like really angry in the dms there were so many like healthcare professionals and there were so many other females who got really annoyed that we called it a pap smear. And I find this interesting because I think anyone talking about pap smears should just be the reminder for everyone to go and get them, right? Like whether you're using the right terminology or not, I don't think it negates how important it is to go and have it done. And I think any

sort of awareness and conversation around it is the reminder for most women, okay, I need to go and book that appointment and if nothing else. And also, you know what we mean? Like, come on, we've been calling it past me since I was like 14 years old. I also got in trouble for not calling it a speculum. I called it a duck beak. You knew what I meant. You had the image. Do you come to Life Uncut for accuracy? I don't know. And if that's the case, we apologize. All right. Well, anyway, the story goes, seven weeks ago, I went and I had my cervical screening, my pap smear done. Now, I even told a story around how I was a little bit mortified because it was my first one after having babies where they put in the speculum thing and the little clicky clicks, there weren't as

many clicky clicks anymore. And things have changed downstairs. That all happened seven weeks ago. I completely forgot. And when I say I completely forgot, not only did I, I didn't just forget that I told the story. I forgot that I had a pap smear. So I saw it in my notes when I was laying in bed with COVID and I was like, oh, I need to book in for my screening. So I booked in, I made the appointment. The lovely lady who works at the front desk, like booked me in. I then, once I tested negative, I got in my car. These are the many steps. The reason why I'm setting this up is because there's many steps of forgetting here. You've even forgotten to add one. You put it in our joint work calendar. So when I saw it in the work calendar, I just naturally went,

oh, maybe something wasn't quite right. She's got to go get it checked up again. You didn't think to ask? You weren't like, no, I hope everything's okay. If she wants to talk to be better. She will. So I booked the appointment. I drive to the clinic. I sit down in the waiting room. Like I check myself in, I sit down in the waiting room. Then it comes my doctor. Who's my regular GP. She's lovely. I see her, you know, relatively frequently whenever there's something going on and she goes like, Oh, Laura, come on in. And I walk into the appointment. I sit in her little tiny room. We closed the door. She sits down and she says, why are you here? And I said, I'm here for a pap smear. And she goes, what, what do you mean? And I said, I, I mean, you know,

when you stick the thing up and you, you scrape, you scrape around. I was like, you know what I mean? You know what they are? I was like, Oh God, has she forgotten the name of it? Is it now? I'm here for my cervical screening. God. Anyway. So then she looks at me and she goes, I gave you one seven weeks ago and I shit you not. It was only as she was saying, I gave you one seven weeks ago. It took me a couple of seconds. And then I looked at the bed that I laid on seven weeks ago when she was rummaging around my undercarriage. And then it all came back to me. It was the weirdest experience of my life. I had forgotten so deeply that I had had a pap smear that this woman had been inside me and it required her to explain it to me. And I was like, God,

maybe that happened to me in my twenties where I was like having a conversation with a guy and I was like how do I know you I was about to say is this the first time you've forgotten someone that's been inside of you we've all been there right or just me okay no but honestly it got to the point where I was explaining to my like you know she was obviously a bit concerned and I was a bit concerned and then she said at the end of the appointment because I kind of made up this excuse I have this rash on my arm and I was like oh I'm also here about the rash you're not and then at the end of the appointment she was like I think we might want to do some memory testing on to make sure that everything's okay.

She's like, because this is a pretty big thing to have completely forgotten. And so as much as we laugh about it, I am worried. Well, I feel like I need to tread carefully here because your memory has been a topic of conversation in our little team before. And the last time I brought it up, I got in trouble for bullying. I got in trouble for saying, hey, Laura,

I really do think that maybe it's a bit of a sign of ADHD and hands up I am currently in the process of being medicated for it so I've been formally diagnosed and I've gone through all the tests and all that and I said look hey you are particularly forgetful and not pointing the finger holding a mirror because I'm exactly the same but the last time I said it to you you got a little bit offended well I only got offended and okay I don't know if anybody else who is forgetful or struggles with these sorts of things it's often the very first thing that people say and I think because this conversation around ADHD has become it's come so into the public sphere right like people talk about it a lot there's been a lot of public figures who have been diagnosed recently and

even yourself Keisha like you've gone and had this diagnosis and I know that this is the first time we've ever spoken about it on the podcast in terms of your experience but I do kind of feel like it's now thrown around so willy nilly in terms of it being almost like a funny accusation. But I'm not sitting here saying I think I have ADHD. I'm sitting here saying I know I'm very, very forgetful and it's something I'm self-conscious about, but it makes me feel stupid when people highlight it. And I think it's the joking around it that makes me feel like I'm not doing a very good job or like I'm not someone who's trustworthy or I'm not someone who has my shit together. And that's what the implication is when it's like, ha ha ha, maybe you should go get tested. Now, I don't know

if that's what my doctor was implying when she said I needed to have memory tests done. My big fear, and I know I've spoken about it before, is that it pertains more to memory loss. Like my worry is always around hereditary dementia or Alzheimer's, more so not dementia, because that's something that has been quite a problem in my family. And there are people in my family who have had Alzheimer's very, very young. My great auntie, she passed away when she was in her 50s from alzheimer's so like that's the fear i live with and i guess that that's why when it's come up as a bit of a joke of like oh maybe you have adhd ha ha ha i feel instantly defensive about it because i want it to not be a problem in my life but sometimes it is that makes a lot more sense

and also i feel like a bit of an asshole now for making jokes about it but i very much relate to the whole like when people kind of and i know that they're doing it in a jovial way i know that no one ever means to offend you when they say things like oh maybe that's you know your neurodivergence But I have it said to me a lot of the time as well. Every now and then it will just get you on the wrong day and you'll just be like, today's not the day to joke about it because it's something that I actually am firstly concerned about, secondly I struggle with, or there are certain days where it's harder.

I can understand with like the weight of your family experience, of your memory, it would be a particularly triggering thing. So I do apologize. I actually want to say, oh, my God, I apologize. Oh, my God, you don't have to apologize. I feel terrible if it's like something that you're actually – this is a true fear of mine. like I live in fear that that could be something that you do actually have to deal with yeah and

I guess I mean I don't think that this just this conversation just relates to people who are forgetful like I think it's when we feel when you have an insecurity in yourself whatever that might look like whether for me it's my forgetfulness and my scattiness for other people I don't know it could be that you're super attention to detail orientated right and sometimes that can be paralyzing. Like if you're someone who needs to, you know, you're a bit of a perfectionist, that can also be sometimes a negative trait because you focus so much on getting things perfect. But when it's used as a criticism, when someone says it as a joke, oh, you're such a perfectionist, but you know that that highlights an insecurity that you already have in yourself,

it's hard to be like, ha ha ha, that's so funny when actually the humor is just that you're the butt of the joke and that you're meant to make fun of the things that are looked at and deemed as flaws in yourself, if that makes sense. This took a really serious turn, which was not intentional, but I do think that sometimes we can make fun of our friends in a very, very lighthearted way, not meaning for it, but what actually is being interpreted as a criticism. Really interesting you said that about the like being quite anal about things and like a perfectionist, because I think a lot of the time people throw around, oh my God, you're so OCD. Yes. I constantly hear that And I know that people do not mean any ill intent by saying it.

It actually does show me a real lack of understanding of what the condition actually is and how debilitating it can be for people in a similar way that I guess like forgetfulness is thrown around like, oh, you might have ADHD, but it's not the only reason that I think you potentially may fall onto the symptom list of other ADHD things. Well, I guess the other thing I wanted to say about the whole ADHD conversation, and I would love to have a proper chat with you, Keisha, around what it has been like for you in terms of understanding the symptoms, in terms of why you wanted to go and go down the very long and complicated path of diagnosis and the very expensive path of speaking to

a psych therapist and getting not just diagnosed, but also getting medication for it. I would love to kind of unpack where that all came from. I'm not sure if today's the episode for it, but we can get there. We can end up there. But I also think on one hand, it has had such a public moment, ADHD. If you spend any time on TikTok, if you spend any time on social media, you would have seen people like Mia Friedman. There are huge media personalities who have been speaking very publicly about their experiences with ADHD. And I think on one side of things, it's had this incredible exposure where a lot

of people have identified symptoms in themselves and thought, okay, I want to go and get this checked out. But I also think on the other side, it's maybe made some people be like, oh, I don't want to, because I think for me, I'm like, I don't want to go and get that checked out because I don't want to just be like another person within the public world who's gone and gotten those symptoms assessed. If anything, it's made me resistant to the conversation rather than accepting of the conversation, which is weird. It's almost had like the opposite effect because, and I know that there's something that you mentioned, you would hate for someone to interpret it as you're just doing it because it's trendy. It's trendy. It's literally the first thing I said to my

psychiatrist. I was like, Hey, just want to be totally transparent. I know that this is all the rage on TikTok right now. I know that particularly for women, because I think that that publicization of the symptoms and how it affects women, it can be very different for boys and girls when you're growing up. And basically there was this huge lack of understanding of how ADHD presented in little girls. And for that reason, a lot of us didn't get diagnosed. it was just that we were chatty, we were distractible, like blah, blah, blah. But as soon as I walked into my psychiatrist, I sat down and I was like, hey, just want to get this out of the way. I know that there are so many people right now rolling their eyes going fucking everyone

thinks they've got ADHD. But it's also because so many of the symptoms are created from the world in which we live in, like this like lack of attention, like this overstimulation, this overworking, like a lot of those things mimic the same symptoms of which people who struggle with it have. Absolutely. And I think it's kind of the perfect storm in a teacup at the moment because we have this world that is so driven by attention and it's literally a commodity. Organizations make money off of keeping your attention. And if it's something that you've struggled with your whole life, it's a rock and a hard place, you know? And I kind of walked in and I was like, I just want to get this out of the way. I've been meaning to do this for more than 10 years.

Firstly, it wasn't financially accessible for me initially. Secondly, it's just been something that the wait lists are literally eight months long in Sydney and I know we'll go into this in proper detail in a further episode but like there's this real part of me who's like I don't know if I want to talk about it because I just don't want to deal with people being like oh another one like here's another one I think she's got it and I'm like no like this is really something that I've lived with for a long time I've been aware of it for a really long time but I've finally gotten the motivation to do something about it and I just I don't know I understand where all the eye rolling comes from Like, because everyone, when you talk to them in conversation, they'll be like, oh yeah,

I've got ADHD too. And I'm like, I know again that you think I align with some of these symptoms, but there is a difference. Like there's a difference between being distractible or, you know, having a little bit of time blindness or whatever it can be and having it to the point where you're like, oh, my life is actually becoming a bit challenging to get through the day. Yeah. A bit hard to manage.

And it's something that I've kind of become accustomed to. and I spoke to one of my best friends a couple of weeks ago who was diagnosed and we have very similar personality traits. So we were kind of a bit like, oh yeah, this checks out. You're one of my people. I get why we click. And she had become medicated and she called me, it must've been about two weeks into her being medicated and she cried and she was like, I had no idea how much I was struggling until now I've got this clarity. It's like putting on prescription glasses and being like, wait, people see like this? People function like this? Like it was just this real clarity that she had never experienced before. And so I'm really, I'm at the point where I'm

really hopeful that that's what's going to be around the corner for me. But yeah, we won't talk about too much of it yet and we'll do it another time. Well, I think I'll do a proper deep dive into it for you. And then specifically in terms of like how it has helped or in what ways it has impacted you having this diagnosis because I know that you're at that very early stages where you've received the diagnosis but you haven't received the medication for it and then what that looks like and we have over the past couple of years received in terms of ask uncuts so many questions we have never felt equipped or like we have the ability to talk to it and knowing that you have been through this process now it's definitely something that is

far more personal for you rather than just giving advice yeah it's also like a symptom of ADHD is that you're a chronic oversharer and so I'm like let me tell you everything there's everything that's going on in my life okay well speaking of oversharing there's something that we were talking about in the car ride and I so deeply wanted to talk about it now this was just a conversation between friends around cosmetic procedures and I always find cosmetic procedures I find it such a voyeuristic conversation because very rarely are people honest and open about talking about the things that they have had done and it's because we live in a world that as much as it is celebrated and it is normalized there's still a little bit of shame that goes along with

it and it's not shame around getting procedures done but it's shame around not being a natural beauty so it's like this expectation that almost everyone gets tweaks or things done now but we're also expected that we just should be naturally beautiful. Those things should have just happened to us without the added assistance and help. Now, Kish, something that you have spoken about, and I don't know if you mentioned on the podcast, but it's something that you don't have any issue talking about is that you've had lip filler over the years and that it's been something that has quite dramatically in ways changed your physical appearance of your face, I would say. Yeah. So the reason we're talking about this now is because yesterday I was supposed to have my

lip filler dissolved. And we were kind of, I was just chatting about it with you yesterday when we were texting normally. And then I was like, Oh, do you want to talk about this? Like, is this an overshare moment? Yeah. And so the kind of process, my lip filler store again, have absolutely no problem. And I also find it foreign that people are weird talking about it. Cause I'm just so not, I just don't care. I do not care if you are the type of person who judges me for doing that to my face. Truly, this is not me being defensive, being like, oh, I'm going to act all tough and like it doesn't affect me. It literally doesn't affect me. Like, I don't care. My family have made jokes about it for years and I just, it's water off a duck's back to me. It doesn't even

touch the sides. I mean, it's kind of shit that people make jokes about it. But I mean, the flip side to that is that it is refreshing to hear people speak about cosmetic procedures in a way that is candid. And I don't mean in a way that endorses them. I mean, in a way that when you look at them on social media you go yes they are beautiful but I also have the understanding that they've had help to look that way because it makes me feel less bad about myself totally it is so refreshing when people are actually honest about the things that they've had done and we're not sitting there going oh do you think they've had filler or botox or like some tweak or tuck because why do they look the way that they look genetics is unfair yeah I don't so much have a problem when

people keep it private because that's up to them I have a problem when people lie about it I have a problem when people are like no I've never had anything done blah blah blah and I'm like you fucking have yeah but then what's the difference on that because the problem is just say you're someone who lives and works in the public sphere you then are not entitled to privacy because people are always going to ask so then what's your what's your option you're going to have to either be open about it in which case means that there is no entitlement to privacy about the things that you have done or you lie they're the only two options you have and so there are so many public figures who lie about it because the alternate, which is being honest, means that they feel like

it's shameful or it's something that they should feel like they'll be embarrassed about or they won't be seen as being natural or taken seriously or whatever the many reasons are that people lie about their cosmetic surgeries. I guess you can refuse to answer, but that heavily implies the answer. Totally. That kind of tells it without telling it. So what was your reason for wanting to get your lip filler dissolved and what does that look like for you? So my reason for wanting to get filler at to begin with I reckon it would have been it must have been four or five years ago and for me I always felt like they were really not even my bottom lip was quite literally six to seven times the size of my top lip and I felt like whenever I smiled I didn't have a top lip and I

didn't like that and I wanted more lip and so I got filler and I probably would have had it must be five or six times different amounts you usually get either half a mil or a mil and it's a natural protein. So they inject a protein that holds, I think it's about 50 times its weight in water. So that's how filler works. Like they inject this protein that naturally occurs in your body. It has this water retention effect and that's what makes them look more full, but it does naturally degrade. And that's why you're supposed to get them done over and over again. I haven't had filler in my lips for, it must be more than two years now. They've kind of retained the size that I liked. Well, that's the thing is I think that there is this lie

with filler that most people think it completely breaks down and then you have to start from scratch. Filler does not completely break down in your body. If you get filler, it may reduce in size, but it does not break down and completely dissipate from your body. I think it depends on the person. Like it depends on how you metabolize anything. And so for me, it hasn't completely gone away, but I was getting Botox last week, which also I'm very open about. So I was, I have got a really good cosmetic injector now and she's great. And I just said to her, I was like, you know, I haven't had filler for about two, maybe two and a half years. I can't really remember, but I'm just not liking the look of them at the moment. And I don't know what it is that I don't

like. Do you think I need to get a bit more put back in the top? Has it deflated? It looks to me like it's being weighed down. Anyway, she's like, can you flip your lip under for me? Like turn the top of it towards your nose and flip it under. She held a mirror up and she was like, can you see these bubbles? This is filler that has pulled in the bottom of your lip and it's weighing it down. It's on the underside. Apparently it's because one of the people who's injected them has not done it properly. And I've got these, they're pretty big bumps. They feel like little cysts on the inside. Have you ever got like a little cyst inside your mouth? It feels like seven of those in a row on the underside of my lip. Firstly, how did I not notice this? Because

it's been there for so long that I didn't. And now that she's made me aware of it, I cannot feel anything else in my mouth. It's literally the only thing that I'm running my tongue over being like, how did I not notice this? And so she said, look, the only thing that you can do is get them dissolved, which initially I was like, what? I paid so much money for these. I don't want to get rid of them. I don't want to get on the podcast and be like, guys, I'm getting my filler dissolved because I've had this moral decision where I'm like virtuous now and I'm turning my back on cosmetic procedures. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I love that shit. I just had the procedure wasn't done properly. And so now I've got to get it dissolved. So they put this thing called

hyalurase. I think I'm saying that correctly. Yeah. So it's a natural occurring enzyme that breaks down the protein. And the process is that they will basically dissolve all of the filler in my lip. And then two weeks later, if I want, I can get it refilled and I'm probably going to do that. I think I'm obviously just going to wait and see what it looks like and see if I like it or not. But yeah, it was booked in for yesterday, but she was sick. So I've got I'll get it done on, I think Thursday or something like that. So I, for this year, this is the first year since doing The Bachelor, which was seven years ago now. Oh my God, that is so long. Where I haven't had Botox. And I mean, I myself don't get filler, but I haven't had Botox. I mean,

I usually do get Botox every year and this year I stopped. And now when you say that you're getting your lips dissolved and it's not a virtuous decision, this also wasn't, this is not me being like, oh my God, I'm never going to do it again. I don't want to ride that horse because then one day when I do do it again, I know that people will be like, Hey, but you said, I just got to a point I think this year where one financially, I was like, I don't want the continuous burden of the upkeep of it. And two time, poor management, all those things like trying to keep appointments, which I seem to forget. Um, it just means that I have gone the majority of the year without having anything done. And also I then kind of got to a point where I was like, and this kind of came off

the back of the live shows in October, I was like, I like that my face moves now. I like that I have expression. And you know, there's definitely days where I struggle with feeling my full 37 years of age. And especially when I compare myself to other people who have completely smooth foreheads, there are moments where I'm like, oh my God, I should probably book myself in for an appointment. But I do also like the idea of seeing what my natural face looks like as it just does what it does in terms of aging. My only thing though, is like, I do kind of feel like we've been conditioned now that if there's something that you don't like about yourself, that there's almost an expectation that you would go and fix it straight away, that we would go and get it treated. I think the issue

with it now is that we almost live in a society where at one point there was the conversations around normalizing it. Like why should it be shameful to get any sort of cosmetic procedures or tweaking done? But now it's almost the pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction that it is at the point of promotion. It's almost like now it's weird if you don't get something done. It's weird if you buck the trend. And I mean, I remember when Mia Friedman, for example, Mia Friedman, she, I've mentioned her twice now in this episode, which is weird, but she's Mama Mia Outloud's host, also the director of Mama Mia, the agency. She spoke quite candidly on her podcast around not getting Botox and people really held her up as being an example of aging

gracefully. And then there was this massive uproar within her community when one day she did go and get it. And there were so many people in the out loud comment section who were enraged by the fact that they felt betrayed that she had gone and gotten Botox. Yeah. I saw that post in their Facebook group. And this is going back a little while ago. This is not, not that recent. Someone had said, I'm really disappointed in Mia because she really held up this standard of we need to buck the trend. We need to say that you don't need these things done. But what I commented in that Facebook group, I feel like this is so unfair because you're pointing the finger at an individual woman, arguably one who suffers from the pressure of beauty standards in the public

space the most. And you're telling her that she's responsible for bucking a trend. Like she feels the pressure probably more than the average person. But you're also saying like you're responsible for standing up against a whole culture of beauty standards that we've been accustomed to living within? I guess the question though there is, is that created? So like, did she place herself as that person by talking about it and saying that she had never had it? Or did the listeners of that podcast put her as that person and go, okay, well, you represent something that I don't want to do. And so now I have someone who I can identify with, which is you, because you've not done it? Or was it very much a conversation where she had originally bucked

the trend? Do you know what I mean? And didn't have an interest in it. And so it felt like a betrayal because it was like a flip. I guess that the ultimate thing is, is like people are allowed to change their minds. It's not a fucking big deal if you do go and get it done or if you don't go and get it done. But I think that in terms of where I'm at personally with my own cosmetic injections, whatnot. Like I, for the very first time feel like I'm okay. And I feel confident enough that I don't want to, but does that mean that I'm ever going to change my mind? No, I'm sure in the future I will again. And I would never want to be an example either way. And what I have also, and I was saying to you in the car case, like when I have received the most criticism for

the way I look, it has been when I've had the least amount of things done. And I say this because so I myself have these like lines under my eyes when I smile I have a very expressive face when I smile and there's been photos of me before that have been up on daily mail and it's me just smiling and I have like the lines the folds under my eyes and the comment section has been like oh my god what has she done under her eyes like what filler has she had as though the lines under my eyes must be like migrated filler and it's like no that is literally what I look like when I'm aging. That is just my face. But the people got to know you seven years ago. Totally. And their mind, like you're stuck seven years ago. That's what your face looked like. And so now that you're

a different age and you're literally eight, you're literally seven years older. They expect you to look exactly the same as what you did seven years ago. But also seven years ago is when I was having Botox done. I was having Botox when I was on The Bachelor. My face didn't move. And now it does. And then there's this almost like, oh, my God, what has she done? And I don't say that this is not widespread. I'm not receiving like copious amounts of backlash across my Instagram or anything, but I'm just saying there are comments that I see and it makes me feel annoyed sometimes when I see comments on women who are older, who are aging and people say, what have they done to their face? And it's because we are not accustomed to seeing what natural aging looks like at all.

And it is weird to us. And when we do see someone who doesn't have makeup on, who has quote unquote embrace their aging. I think of Pamela Anderson recently. We're like, oh my God, it's so amazing to see someone embrace aging and be this like beautiful aging woman. But I'm like, Pamela Anderson is the exception to this rule. She looks so young for her age. She's also had a lot of work done. She's had a lot of work done and she looks flawless as an aging woman. And we like celebrate the idea that she would be accepting of her aging. We would never celebrate someone who looks the age that they are and is a normal aging woman. That's kind of the fine line that I walk. And I understand that there could be a little bit of conflicting values here. On one hand,

I'm like, get whatever the hell you want done to yourself. Like if it makes you feel better, all power to you, that's fine. I also acknowledge that the beauty standards that we are expected to live up to are because youth in women is valued. And so there is a part of me that understands there's a little bit of hypocrisy there where it's like why are you actually getting it done like for me I initially got Botox because I had a line down the middle of my forehead that I used to call my what the fuck line because I would go what the fuck too much and people would come up to me and be like why are you angry stop frowning and I was like I'm not frowning like I felt so much better after getting that sorted you know when I used those words very deliberately like

I got it fixed and I liked it a lot more because people stopped making comments about me looking like I was angry. I don't know. Like it's this weird juxtaposition, I guess, where I understand that the reason I want to look a certain way is very heavily influenced because of beauty standards across magazines when we were growing up. Now it's on social media, but also like I'm allowed to do what I want to my face. And if I deem myself to be more beautiful by getting something done, then like, what's the problem with that? It's a bit of a conflict in my own brain. No, I totally agree with you. And I do think that we're at a point now where it is not a big deal. It is the exception to not get things done once you reach a certain age. I would say

not necessarily everywhere, but depending on where you live, depending on your friendship circles, it is the exception. But I do think that there still requires a higher level of transparency in those conversations, but it flirts with this really dangerous space between promotion and transparency. And I don't want to be in a world, and I say this because like having two little girls, where the norm is to promote that everyone should be getting Botox and filler and stuff. So I do think it's important to have people who we look up to. And maybe that's why Mia Freeman got so much backlash because I do think it is important to have people who do buck the trends, who are proud and able to do that. But I think it puts a lot of pressure on those people to maintain that

standard. And that's why I say, you know, for me, it's interesting that I feel like I've gotten to this space where I don't want to at the moment, but I would never want to be put into the position where I'm expected to be held to that beauty standard for forever, because I don't know how I'm going to feel about my face when I'm in my forties or when I'm in my fifties. And then the other examples I think of are people like Trini Woodall, who we had on the podcast recently, who's in her sixties. She looks incredible, like unbelievably incredible. She is so hot and age defying and we hold her up as this incredible success of what is achievable when you hit a certain age as a woman and I'm like yes and her beauty is unparalleled because she doesn't look

like a 60 year old woman so we celebrate her for the way she looks at 60 but what we're actually celebrating is her incredible unattainable youth that she's managed to maintain at 60 and that's what I think adds to her allure for a lot of people do you know what I love about her though and I saw these videos on social media years ago, she is the first to go, yes, I have a skincare line and yes, I have a makeup line. I've had Botox. Like she doesn't deny it. I have a real problem at the moment with Jennifer Lopez because she's in her fifties and she has a skincare line and there's been multiple reports of her being like, I haven't had anything done. It's from using these products that I look the way that I do. And I look at her and I'm like, either you

are the most genetically blessed person or you're lying. And I don't have so much of a problem with people keeping it private, but when it comes to financially profiting off of it, that's where I get really, really mad. That's where I'm like, you're deceiving people because you want someone to look at you and go, oh, well, maybe if I buy all of this skincare range, if I spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on this skincare range, I'm going to look like that because she's saying that that's all she's done. I think that that's really deceptive. Yeah. And I also think like in terms of like you sharing where you're at with getting your lip filler dissolved and then whether you do decide to get it refilled or not, I also think it's really important to have those

conversations because like you have gotten to a point where aesthetically you no longer like the thing that you had done to yourself. Like you looked at yourself in the mirror and you were like, this was fine, fine, fine. Until I got to a point where I no longer like the cosmetic enhancements that I've made to my face. If you followed maths, you might remember this guy. His name is Liam Cooper. I mean, he was brilliant on the show and he was the first bisexual contestant matched with a female and that's kind of how their season played out. He was very, and has been very open on his social media over the past couple of years around getting filler and then going through this procedure of getting fat injections, which I have seen this online, like this idea that

fat injections, they kind of graft fat from areas of your body and then they inject it into your face and it works like filler, except it's meant to be more natural, more long lasting because it is your actual body being used to fill out areas rather than it being a foreign material, if that makes sense. Now, originally in like August of 2022, when he first was getting this done and was really transparent about the procedures, he was talking about how it was such a, like an effective and natural long-term treatment option. And I wouldn't want to go so far as saying promoting it, but like it was very much an open discussion around the things that he was getting done. And now just recently, and I think this article came out in October, there

was an article that was published on Daily Mail and he was talking about how much he had regretted having that procedure done. He regretted the effects that it had on his face, how it had made him self-conscious. He didn't like the aftermath and the changes that it had had. And I guess the issue is, is that there's this year period there where people see the conversation around getting these procedures, but we don't always have the aftercare or the after conversation around the things that people do or don't like. We often hear the success stories. We don't often hear the stories around when people get cosmetic procedures and they go on to regret them. And I think that that is really important because I would say that the regret happens

far more than what we talk about. And I don't just mean regret in terms of it not looking the way in which we thought, but in the way that you experienced Keisha, like there was a mistake in terms of how the filler had been placed. And your interpretation of this is like, oh, well, I don't dislike lip filler, but this practitioner didn't do a great job. And there was an error that was made. I had a similar thing that happened to me seven years ago, the very first time I ever

had filler. And that was, I had Botox in my jaw, filler in my upper cheeks, and it completely changed my face. I hated the way I looked when I had it done, hated it, but it took me years to talk about how I'd had that done. And then I hated it. And so I guess we often hear about the positive impacts of what cosmetic procedures have and how it can make you look more beautiful, but we do not hear about the side effects enough. And we do not hear about people who have gone on to regret bits and pieces of the things that they have had tweaked. Yeah, and also we don't talk about how expensive it is to rectify it. Like I'm annoyed.

This is $600 for me to get this shit dissolved. And I'm like, sorry, I paid to get it put in there and now I've got to pay to get it back out. And then if I choose to get it put back in there because now my lips are probably going to look saggy, I'm a bit annoyed about the cost of it. The way I see the whole cosmetic injectables and, you know, procedures that are less permanent than surgery like a rhinoplasty or a facelift or whatever to me I see it in a really similar way to how I see I've had Invisalign or like a version of

Invisalign on my teeth because I didn't like that my teeth went straight and so I got untightened I have not my natural hair color like I have bleached hair I personally feel like cosmetic procedures are just another thing that's been added to the menu I understand what you mean to buy, like there's this fine line between promotion and transparency about it. And I would never want someone to listen to this and be like, oh, well, you know, Keisha said that she got lip fillers and she felt heaps better. So I have to go out and get this appointment. If it's been something that you've been thinking about doing, the only thing that I would now say is make sure you go to a really good person because I've had to pay to fix it. And I don't know what that's

going to look like. Yeah. And I think when we do kind of talk about this fine line between promotion and transparency. I don't so much care about how adults interact with the way they look. I don't care if you are someone who's in their twenties or their thirties and you want to go and get filler and Botox and everything else. I don't think that that's an issue. Like you have agency, you should be old enough and silly enough to make up your own decisions about everything to do with your body. But I do care about the accessibility of it on Instagram and social media and how unfiltered it is and how it is becoming the norm to have these before and after transformations. And I say that because of the amount of young girls who now interact with social

media and there is no filter. So for the next generation of people who are coming up for our kids, it is normal for them. They are going to grow up in a world where the expectation is if they don't like something about themselves, they can change it. But the only reason why they're going to grow up not liking those things about themselves is because society tells them that they're not attractive and that they should change them. And I think we don't even yet realize what it is as parents to really young kids we're going to be fighting against when they're in their teens. Like when Marley and Lola are 14, 15, 16, they are dealing with a world of cosmetic visibility that we never, ever experienced. And it has happened and evolved

so quickly that I don't know how you instill in young people that they're beautiful and they don't need to have things done when everyone seems to be doing it online. On Saturday, it was Matt and my one year wedding anniversary, which I wrote this on Instagram, but I don't understand how something can feel so recent and so far away all at the same time. Like it feels as though we just got married, but then it also feels like it's been 15 years in between. I feel like it was so much more than a year ago. And I'm not the one in the relationship. It was a great wedding though. You were the one who got very drunk at the party though. So you should know. Okay. I will not have you pointing the finger at me. I was dancing on that dance floor. Like

it was my last day on earth. A brilliant time. Well, the reason why we wanted to talk about this is not because I wanted to take a walk down memory lane, but it was because I was at dinner with Matt. We had this really, really lovely date night, which had been very few and far between recently because of all of the workload, especially around live shows. Like I think that we have had such minimal quality time as a couple. And we had one of those moments where you sit at dinner across from your partner after having quite a lot of time feeling separated. And I was like, oh, this is why we love each other. And that sounds so bad, but I feel like there's going to be so many people in long-term relationships who had these moments. Like we had this really beautiful dinner and I

I was like, fuck, see, this is why we love each other so much because we're great together. But sometimes when you're in a long-term relationship and you have spent every day prioritizing other things, that intensity is not there. And it's definitely not something that can be there all the time, but you almost have to have and carve out those moments so that you can go, ah, yes, priorities. We had such a beautiful dinner and we had such a beautiful moment, but like in the last couple of weeks and this might be an overshare and I haven't checked with Matt if he's okay with me sharing this um yeah you could check this check with this before I get myself into more trouble it's so interesting to me how we could have gone from our wedding day

which felt like we were the most connected that we've ever been and in the months after that to one year down the track and feeling because of all the other pressures of life because of parenting and work taking huge amounts of priority in the last couple of months that we were quite disconnected. And I know I've spoken about it before on the podcast that I was having moments with Matt where we're still so good. So I don't want anyone to take this in the wrong way, but you can feel that love has different intensities. You can feel so in love with your partner and then you can feel quite disconnected from your partner. And I think we have gone through a few weeks, if not a couple of months where we have felt a lot more disconnected

and it is recognizing that you have to really carve out those moments like our date night on our anniversary where you're like this is the reason why we love each other I think it's only natural to assume that in any relationship there's going to be ebbs and flows there's going to be waves where things are fucking brilliant and there's going to be ways where they're just a little bit more work than what they are at other times 100% I think that there would not be a person listening to this who has been in a long-term relationship who would not be like oh yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Especially when you have kids in the dynamic. And I don't say that it doesn't exist for all relationships, but I definitely think

when you have the added layer of two small humans who require so much of you, it's so easy to deprioritize the relationship with your partner to prioritize all those other things that demand immediate attention. Cause you know that you can always come back to your relationship. You know that that's like, well, you think it's always going to be there. You know, I was actually reading something that was completely about this yesterday on psychology today. And it was about this thing called the intimacy paradox. And I know that Esther Perel, she spoke about it briefly on the podcast, on the episode that she did with you and Brett, but she also wrote about it in her book, Mating in Captivity, a lot. And it's basically this idea, and I'm paraphrasing

a lot, so don't quote me here, where it's this comparison between the hot, spicy, mysterious fun that you can have with someone that you don't know very well. And then on this scale, on the opposite end of the scale, there is the closeness, the stability, the reliability of a long-term partner, of someone who knows you really, really, really well. And it's like, those things are not congruent. It's like you can't have, or you can, but it's so challenging to have both at the same time, to have, especially in long-term relationships where you know someone intimately and with knowing someone intimately comes the security it comes the stability it comes the comfort it's so hard to keep this intense desire because on one hand like love

is having and desire is wanting and so they're two different things totally she speaks about it where she says increased closeness in a relationship coexists with a lack of intimacy the part of this intimacy paradox that Esther kind of writes about and she gives advice on it and essentially her advice, I receive it in a nutshell as like the way to keep the spiciness in your relationship is to keep a little bit of psychological distance, to not completely fuse yourself with your partner. And I interpret that in multiple ways. And I go, okay, does that mean that you have your own things that you like doing in your life that are separate to your partner, which I think I personally feel is very important. But does it also mean that you have to keep a certain

amount of allure and like you keep them on their toes because that's what's going to create this everlasting desire for each other this kind of hot connection to me that implies that you're not completely giving yourself to your partner and like are you able to have that mystery but also tell your partner the things that really are the darker parts of your personality that maybe you don't like and you share your vulnerabilities like is it possible to have both because Esther kind of encourages that that's what you need to do to maintain that intimacy. But I see it a little bit more personally as black or white. Well, I guess the thing though is, is like, I mean, I like this idea of having to keep some sort of autonomy in a relationship because once you become,

and I think everybody has probably experienced this in a relationship before, like once you become completely entangled in each other, you're spending every waking day together. You're spending every moment you're like entangled in each other's lives. It's like almost sometimes you get to a point where you're like well what are we going to talk about because we know everything about each other like when you sit down at dinner like what is there left to discuss if you've already discussed everything all day every day but then on the flip side of that there does come a point where when there's so much autonomy that you feel disconnected and I guess for Matt and I that's where I have been struggling and that's been my fault because all of the other

aspects of our life have required so much of us that there has been too much autonomy that there has been too much work taking priority, kids taking priority, friendship groups taking priority, and then you're not connected enough because you're overcompensating in other areas of your life. And it's like finding that balance between where does autonomy sit so that you can be yourself in a relationship, but so that you're still able and willing to be completely connected so that when good things happen in your life, the first person you want to tell is your partner. That's the first person that you're thinking of telling these things to, rather than it being like, oh, I've got to, you know, that's right.

I've got to tick these boxes today. Yeah. I think I, like, I look at it in my own life and I think certain boundaries that I like to have, like, I don't like the whole toilet behavior in front of each other. I don't like it when my partner farts at me. Like, to me, I'm like, babe, keep the romance alive. I don't need to see you sitting there on the toilet shitting. It's just not hot to me.

Like. You might get there in seven years time. You never know. You never do. But like. Never say never. If he was unwell, the walls come down because I want to be that reliable, stable support to you. And so I guess, I don't know, like the whole idea of this, I understand where it comes from. And I

think I've gone through periods in my life where if it was a binary thing, and if it was like, do you want the hot, steamy, I don't know you, you don't know me, we don't have to exchange baggage. This is fun. This is desirable. It's intimate. It's full spice, right? Do you want that. And I've gone through periods of time where I have wanted that more than what I have wanted a companion who is constant, who is reliable, who is safe, who makes me feel like I can disclose everything to. I don't know if this is just me personally, but to me, it is a bit more binary. I don't know how much you can have a bit of both in a long-term relationship. And I've gone through periods of my life where I've preferenced one over the other. And right now, the period that I'm in,

I would preference the stability the reliability over the spicy sex I think you can have both yes and I but I don't think you can have both all the time that's the difference I don't think that you necessarily have to forfeit having desire and spicy sex because you're in a long-term relationship that's stable and committed but I think it is and I guess that this is why I don't have these conversations with guilt or with fear around my relationship like I'm not saying this about where Matt and I are at because I'm like worried we're going to break up. I would hate for anybody to think that that is what I'm implying by these conversations. What I'm saying is that desire in terms of like, I want to rip your clothes off. You are a fucking sexy God. And I

do think that my husband is a sexy God. It is not a sustainable 100% of the time thing to feel like that. And I think you have to be okay in a long-term relationship to go through periods where there is a little bit of spiciness, boredom almost, you know what I mean? Where you still have the consistency, the compatibility, the love, the affection, all the things that make you feel comfortable and stable in a relationship. But the desire and the like spikes of wanting to, you know, fuck their brains out have ebbs and flows. And for me, that is definitely the case. Like, and I know there's been many jokes over the years around us having missionary sex for very short amounts of time, but like we have that desire way more than that, but it's just not

stable. It comes and we might have like a really good week or a really good fortnight. And then we have a really shitty fortnight because all these other pressures in our life require stuff from us. And I think it's being okay with that and understanding that all of these things have ebbs and flows in long-term relationships. I also really, and I know that we've kind of leaned on Esther Perel's teachings a little bit for this, but it's something that I always think about. We went to her talk that she did when she came to Australia, she did these talks all around the country and it was very broad. And I think for anybody who follows her work, going and seeing her talk, it was quite interesting because you could tell she had to kind of cater a little bit

to everyone there. And that's really hard when you're talking about relationships. And we find a struggle sometime on this podcast because there's people listening to this who are in long-term relationships who have experienced the ebbs and flows of desire intensity. But then there are people who are just newly in a relationship and they can't even comprehend ever not feeling that sort of like, oh, for their partner. And I say this in terms of Brit, like where Brit's at with Ben at the moment, she has this constant desire because she's doing long distance. She has this constant adrenaline rush and excitement around her relationship. I don't relate to that because I'm seven years deep with two kids. I don't have the adrenaline rush that I get from

a relationship. I get the consistency and the comfort. It's like catering to different people. But one thing that Esther Perel said at this talk that we went to that really resonated with me, and I think coming from a broken household in terms of my parents not being together and then that autonomy void becoming so big that they couldn't repair the relationship. She said, everyone always says that they love their children. And everyone always says that their children are the most important thing to them. But often what we do is we neglect healthy relationships because we're so busy, you know, and when I say healthy relationships, I really want to preface, I understand that there are people who walked away from toxic relationships,

have left relationships that no longer serve them. That is powerful and important. So please don't think that I'm like conflating the two. What I'm talking about are relationships that are good, healthy relationships that break down over time because of relationship boredom, because of dissatisfaction because of growing apart and not growing together and what Esther Pearl said is if you love your children the best thing that you can do for them is take care of your relationship and prioritize the love that you have for your partner and the reason for that is is because you are the most important role models for what healthy love looks like and so making sure that that is always their priority over work and over all the other things that can take

precedence is so important for imprinting on your kids what love looks like. And I always think about that when I have these moments where Matt and I feel like we're drifting apart. I always think like, no, we need to put us back at the top of the pile. And sometimes putting us at the top of the pile means above the kids, prioritizing the relationship above our relationship with our children. Because if we don't do that in 10 years time, we might not have a relationship. And that's kind of something I always come back to in these moments of like, oh my God, we just had a beautiful dinner. We love each other, blah, blah, blah. It's like making sure that you really carve those time and those moments out for each other. That sounds like a lot of pressure.

Yeah. I think it's Michelle Obama who was quoted saying like, you can have it all, but you can't have it all at the one time. I guess I look at this in a bit of a different way. I don't look at it, the intimacy paradox as dependent on the relationship I'm in. I looked at it and I read as in depending on the stage of life that I've felt personally that I'm in. Like there's been different times where I've craved one side of the scale more than the other. But hearing you say that, again, I feel like this, I've just really flopped around this entire episode where I'm like, my opinions are so contrasting. But to me, it sounds like having to put desire in your relationship as a priority, that can also be a pressure that like at times, if you're in a period of your life

where you are absolutely hustling so hard with work your kids could be you know not sleeping they could be going through learning difficulties like there's just an arrangement of variables yes variables here is this craving of hot spicy intimacy is it just another thing that we are putting on the plate as like a pressure that we also have to think about totally but i do sometimes think about when it comes to and i'm talking purely about sex i almost think sometimes the less you have it, the less you want it. Right. And so the longer you go without doing it, the more comfortable you are with like never wanting to have sex. And I know for myself, like if I've hit that two week mark of not having sex, I fucking could, I could probably have not

have sex the rest of my life. I'm not even joking. I'm not even joking. But I obviously know it's something that's really important to our relationship and it's really important to Matt and he does not feel that way. Right. Like I am certain, but I sometimes think that actions precede our feelings and I say this and I would never want someone to be like oh god Laura said I have to have sex even when I don't want to but what I mean is is like think about exercise for example how many times can you not be fucking bothered to get up off the couch and go for that run because it's just easier to not do it right every day every time I need to exercise I would rather not exercise until I'm halfway through the exercise and I feel really good about it right

and I hate that sometimes I have that impression around sex that I'm like I can't be bothered but I know that I'm gonna love it and I read something recently and it wasn't I might have been an article that was written which was like you should never be in a relationship if you have to like will yourself to have sex with the other person that's bullshit and I'm like no yes and I have hormones and they constitute my desire a lot I'm not saying have sex with someone who you have a deep ick for that you don't want to have sex with. I'm saying that if you recognize in yourself that your sex drive is not high, but actually you know that you enjoy it, that you love your partner and that it's something that you will enjoy in the same way that you do if you go and do a yoga

session that you couldn't be fucking bothered to do at the start of it, then that's an indication that it's not that you don't have any sex drive. It's that you just have to work a bit harder to maintain desire in your relationship and relationships are not going to make themselves work. We have to put in that effort. And that is what is going to stabilize a long-term relationship. And I think it's so easy. It is so easy to neglect the thing that feels like it will always be there. But the reality is, is that if you neglect something for long enough, it will not be there in the future because too much damage, too much of this autonomy happens and you become a couple that grows apart. And I guess for me, it's something that I am being really

conscious about because that would be such a failure in my eyes is to have grown apart from someone who I deeply love because I didn't prioritize our relationship. I'll link this article in the show notes that started this whole conversation about this intimacy paradox and it was titled three ways to fix marriage boredom and they posed three questions and one was are you playing it too safe? Various studies have said that not meeting the partner's psychological needs for novelty and variety can be a real thing that leads to boredom which makes sense if you're doing the same thing over and over and over again you're probably going to get bored totally missionary seven minutes wham bam thank you ma'am also sometimes you can get into a routine with

your partner where you're like i know exactly what i need to do to get you off in the quickest amount of time and you don't have a lot of spontaneity and fun in that sort of play i also think that there's a pressure from men who want to please their partners that if there is a certain way that you get off i don't think personally i know that he's like i want to make sure that we do that so that you get off first and so they can become like a bit of like a routine yeah i think everyone i think everyone who's in a long-term relationship when it comes to sex has like a routine whether it's like we start at missionary then he goes down on me for a little bit all that you know there's there is literally everybody has like a step-by-step playbook for how they

have sex and sometimes it's hard to step outside of that yeah especially if something works totally if orgasm is the goal the second question they asked was are you avoiding the problem and that kind of pertained to when you have a problem in your relationship that you just consistently sweep under the rug they say that that can make things feel very boring if you're not addressing the problem and then the third question they asked was are you taking your partner for granted which is kind of what you were just talking about where you said when you know that someone is going to be there for you when you know you know especially for you guys you're like you know that he's got your back yeah and that is what I crave deeply in a relationship

and I feel like I have it now I feel like I have that person that has got my back that I can turn to and I can be vulnerable and I can be honest and and I have felt a shift away from what I felt when I was single where I did have this real intense desire because now I have something that right now in my life I value more like I value that got your backness more yeah and I think that's the thing that I will over time potentially fall into trouble with because I do have a bit of a pattern of eventually taking people for granted and not really recognizing how good they can be to me over time. I think that that's something that so many people struggle with because we always take the people who are closest to us and I shouldn't say we always take them for granted,

but we always assume that they will always be there. And sometimes for the people who are the closest to us in our life, we can be on the worst behavior with because we know that they'll accept us. But at the same time, what damage does that do to your long-term relationship? And how do you expect to have desire? And how do you expect to have this spontaneity and this like sexy drive if you are not necessarily on your, and I don't want to say best behavior, but like think about the version of yourself that you give when you're dating versus the version of yourself that you give when you're in a long-term relationship. And it comes down to those small things like turning to your phone the very first second you wake up. You would never do that in early stages

of dating, but a lot of us do it in long-term relationships. It's sitting on the couch and neglecting your partner's conversation to answer more emails. It's all about deprioritizing, I think. And that's what happens when you do take your partner for granted. You deprioritize the relationship for everything else that's screaming at you in terms of demands. And I think it's something that I know I can be more conscious of and I'm sure that there's so many other people who are in long-term relationships who do have these date night moments and I guess if you ever have experienced this where you're like oh my god this is why we love each other so much that's a reflection of maybe in other moments taking the relationship a little bit for granted

all right you guys know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet our highlight and our low light Keisha little petite what is your suck little tiny petite little tiny petite uh my suck for the week honestly I know that we banged on about it at the start it's long COVID that's not long COVID it's just longer than I expected it to be and I'm just feeling physically a bit shit like you did very good for someone who's feeling under the weather but I just feel like I don't feel I don't feel as sick as what I do that's for sure but I'm just feeling like the effects of this are lasting long the brain fog is way longer than what I predicted I thought it would be like as soon as my throat came back as soon as the body aches went away

I'd be back to tip-top shape oh no I'm living on painkillers and nasal spray that's where I'm at that's my that's my daily rotation shares in ibuprofen now uh yeah so that's probably my stuff for the week my sweet for the week is that uh come Friday I text Brit and I was like yo you've been a bit selfish lately and you've really withheld Delilah give me some d time I miss her I feel like we haven't had any quality time together for a while so I stole her for two nights that's so nice Britt had an event on and she was like yeah you can hang with her tonight no problem and so I took her on Friday and we hung out together and then we went for multiple swims on Saturday together she came along to all of my little catch-ups with my friends I saw you

guys going to the markets. I ran into the girls and I then kept her for the whole of the next night as well. And then yesterday, Toblerone and I took her to the beach and it was just like little family time. It was the best. I just missed her so much. I'm really a dog person, if that wasn't obvious. And sometimes I just forget how much joy dogs can bring you. And I just, I had the greatest time. It really refilled my cup. Oh, that's so nice. Okay. Well, my suck for the week was and I mean I'm parroting what you're saying I honestly feel the same Keisha I feel like it's just this afterlag of being sick and I think anyone who has kind of gotten this new wave of fucking COVID might know what we're talking about but it is messed up and then for me

more so it's been the catch-up of trying to because I had a week off work from being not well it's been that that work doesn't just get done by anyone else it's just trying to get it done now But you know what? Matt and I have this, we've got on Thursday, we're going to Byron for a couple of days with the kids, which is kind of our anniversary treat. So I've got that to look forward to. So I really, I genuinely feel like I don't have much of a suck this week. So I don't want to harbor on their annoyance of being a bit unwell. My sweet for the week is, and I guess it kind of flows on for everything that we've just talked about. I am so grateful for the awesome time that I've had with Matt over the weekend. We had truly just the most beautiful couple of days.

we had such an amazing night together on friday night when we went out for dinner for our anniversary i spent some beautiful time with the girls we got to see some girlfriends who have just recently had a baby and one of my closest friends we had breakfast with them on saturday morning sunday morning i can't remember the day but now but like i felt like this weekend was just such a cup filling weekend of family time and of focusing on like the most important priorities in my life. And that was just the best reward after a crazy month of live shows and everything else. So I feel amazing coming in today. Do you know why I think we're both doubly feeling the exact same thing is because we expected that after the live shows,

because we were working like dogs that month, I expected that once the live show finished, I would have that social time again, but because we were so robbed. oh guys well that is it from us today and if you have loved the episode please share it with a friend or jump on leave a review for us we would so greatly love that also only nice leave a review for keisha because she's here and giving us her very valuable time and we'll put links in the show notes today from the article that we were discussing and that's it from us guys you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love

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