Life Uncut - The Lazy Manipulator...Weaponised Incompetence

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

he Lazy Manipulator...Weaponised IncompetenceHappy Tuesday Lovers and Lifers!Today we've got a solo episode for ya! It's been quite the while since Britt and Laura sat down alone on a Tuesday ep and unpacked a topic! Today's topic is weaponised incompetence; a buzz word that you may or may not have heard of, but you've likely experienced it or have been guilty of doing it!In today's episode, we unpack what weaposined incompetence is, where we see it most often, how it can look outside of romantic relationships and what to do about it if you're experiencing it.We kick off today's episode with something a little special, a bit unusual!We were contacted by a musician by the name of Dylan Pinkerton. Dylan has secretly written and produced a song for his partner for the past year and she just happens to be a fan of the pod... sooooo we decided to help him launch his brand new song! We hope you love it Lilly!You can check Dylan out here: https://www.dylanguypinkerton.com/If you know someone who you think needs to hear a little bit about weaponised incompetence, flick them the episode because you just know that we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I am Brittany and I'm Laura and you know what I think this is going to be the last time that we're going to describe to you the apartment that we're coming from because i'm finally recording it out of brit's new apartment which is your old apartment is my old apartment and let me tell you this apartment looks a hell of a lot better when it doesn't have two screaming kids and a massive fucking dog it's so funny matt came over the other day to drop something off or pick something up i can't remember and he walked in he's like holy shit so nice he's like this is he's like this is so much nicer than we lived here i can't wait to tell laura also okay wait i do have one question why

is your lamp duct taped together? Oh, the removalist did it and I haven't had time to take it off. It's a really tall lamp that I guess it's not like a swivel. It could have broken. So they wrapped all these duct tape around it and then they just left. But you know, when you move into a new house, you leave boxes unpacked for like years, like plural. Yes. That duct tape, God knows how long that's going to be there for. So we moved into a new house so that Lola could have her own room and she's still sleeping in a port-a-cot in that room amongst boxes like you just haven't said it better well actually no that's a whole other conversation Matt lost the screws do you know what Matt is the friggin best dad ever and he is such a hands-on

amazing amazing man but that kind of leads me a little bit into what we're talking about today on today's episode and we are talking about something that is trending on TikTok it seems to be where we get a lot of I was about to say I feel like I've said that a lot lately this bad boy is trending on the talk maybe it's because everything's trending on TikTok that's because tiktok now has become a place where people even rehash like news articles tiktok is where people get their news they get their entertainment they get everything from tiktok it's insane you say that like you're shocked like we've been doing it on instagram for like the past five years now you're like it is insane well it is because it's like a one-stop shop now that i'm not on so i have

to like go and search i don't tiktok i don't use it i might have to start but i don't even scroll it i see that things are trending on tiktok because i read in news articles that they're trending in tiktok i'm on there but i'm like you're lurking in the background i'm a private lurker like i never post i've hosted one thing and then i was like oh i'm a bit too i feel like a boomer on this thing but matt is very much on tiktok to the point where like sometimes we're sitting on the couch i'm trying to have a conversation with him and i'm like what are you doing oh you're looking at 30 second reels of people mowing their fucking lawn great okay that's why i don't want to watch it this is the whole point you get it's like instagram on steroids

you get completely sucked in it's so snackable the content that it's very hard to get away from But Kate, like I said, I was going to tell you what the episode was about. That was five minutes ago. We're talking about weaponized incompetence on today's episode. It's something that maybe some of you have heard about, like heard the term. But for those of you who haven't, once we get into describing what it actually is and how it can present itself in so many different types of relationships, I feel like we're all going to get something out of this episode.

This is definitely one Laura is very passionate about. It's definitely one Laura brought to the table and I've just jumped on board with. yes, I'm so glad you said that. I've been like pushing, I'm like, let's do weaponized incompetence, everyone. And Britt was like, it doesn't really relate to me. And I was like, let's make it relate. It's going to be great. Because we often do this. We often bring ideas to the table of things that if we've been inspired by something or we've been through something or we've seen something and we always just try and jump on board. And this was definitely one of Laura's. And I was like, look, I'll do my research and I will do my best to come on

this journey with you. So this is my episode. Let's do it. One of the things that I find very interesting about the conversation around a weaponized incompetence and like it's difficult because we obviously haven't told you what it is yet and we will get into the whole unpacking it very very shortly but because it does present itself in so many different relationships and because we do and we are all guilty of it in different ways I think that it is very relatable but I know that this episode and a lot of my mum friends this is something that they have experienced or that they have seen their friends experience so that's kind of why I wanted to get into it and we will unpack that but before we do guys yesterday was valentine's day actually for

us it's today because we're recording this very early on monday morning 6 a.m monday morning when it's nothing like the early bird gets the love is that a thing i brought you a coffee happy valentine's day brit laura walked in with a croissant and coffee at 6 a.m today so you're currently the love of my life thank you thank you for bringing me exactly what i needed to get the day started i'm just gonna say the bar is very low if that makes me the love of your life valentine's date is something Laura and I spoke about it we spoke about it last week on the radio it's not something we really care for it's not something we've really ever done like sure if you want to get me a present and pat me and tell me you love me like I am here for it I am never going to kick

you out you can lay on my lap and I'll just stroke you okay like so you have human touch that sounded wrong on so many levels but also I just want to share with you I just came out of Brittany's bathroom there was a huge thing of condoms in there and Britt was like they're expired she's like I should have thrown them out the move I was like god knows how long they've been there for you know when you pack your house up and you're like where did they even come from there's just a box in the bathroom that hasn't been unpacked and just perched on top his condom she's like yeah I need to throw them out I don't even see I've got two bathrooms guys I don't even know what's in that bathroom you know how you've got a bathroom you go into you put all your shit

in one and you're like I'm just gonna pretend that bathroom doesn't exist well trust me after I've been in there this morning you probably should keep pretending yikes okay yeah I mean like I said all jokes aside Valentine's Day for me I would rather it's more important to me and it's more meaningful to me if my partner did something any other day of the year than Valentine's Day and I still would love that on Valentine's Day because I think it's sweet but it's very commercial to me but I love the idea that I guess some people and some couples what Valentine's Day does is some people some couples relationships even friends people get so busy in their life that they do forget to do the little things so I guess Valentine's Day is a reminder for people

to say okay I really just need to put everything aside for a hot second and focus on my partner so I think it's nice that it is a day where we're like hey check yourself make sure you go and tell someone they mean something to you I like that but for me it means more to come out of the blue not on a birthday not on Christmas not on Valentine's Day just a message just a maybe some flowers just something to say hey like thinking of you love you so for me I would much rather that but I do you know we do love love here at life uncut so any day to celebrate love is a good day i mean like it's completely overrated but i still want flowers yeah exactly something yeah or at least actually i left the house today and like like we said we're recording this super early matt was still in bed

i snuck out of the house and he was like oi at least give me a kiss before you leave you know when you think your partner's still asleep so you don't want to wake them yeah no one ever gave him a kiss forgot to say happy valentine's day just forgot it's like it doesn't matter though i don't think you have to say happy valentine's day like i think that that's okay i think he's still yeah believe in my valentine you're gonna be okay you're gonna get through this okay the thing though that's really interesting about valentine's day and i'm sure that there are many other reasons i'm sure somebody's gonna slide into the dms and be like that's not it there is a whole other story to it i'm sure there is but from a commercial perspective the reason why valentine's day has

become so big when it comes to gift giving around jewelry or flowers or like all of the little things that you would buy like retail wise that are very giftable items. It's because this time of year, so after January, February, March, April, these three months are like your lowest months when it comes to running a retail business. Guys, I know because I sell jewelry. And it's kind of a weird thing to say this because obviously like from a commercial perspective, Valentine's day for us is great, but the reasoning behind it is kind of a little bit more sinister. So obviously you have like a dip in sales when it comes to February, March, April after the back end of Christmas and to help drive some sales that's why all businesses do their Valentine's Day sales

that's why there's big Valentine's Day campaigns so the actual day itself grew in success and it grew in importance because of retail so it truly is a commercial day because it was a day for small businesses for big businesses for commercial conglomerates to say oh you need to spend some money oh you really know how to take the magic out of valentine's day don't you laura and i'm saying this from like someone who owns a jewelry business like obviously i benefit from it in some ways but we always angle our valentine's day sale around buying something nice for yourself i don't care about like don't you don't have to go buy something for your partner your friends but i'm always like if you want to use a 15 off discount and spend it on yourself go and you treat

yourself because that's some sort of self-love i can get behind look we do have something a little bit left field today something we haven't done and we will not be doing again in the future in the spirit of valentine's day this is a one-time only show guys it's coming right up we had and we thought this was really really cute because as we said we do love love we had a man called dylan right into the podcast now dylan has listened to the podcast before because dylan's girlfriend is a huge huge fan of life uncut she has been for a long time she listens all the time he listens in the background. Shout out to you, Lily. We do love when men write in and when men have listened to the pod, but when they do go to the effort to write to us and say that they've

loved an episode or that they got onto the podcast because of their partner. And that is what has happened with Lily. But more so the reason that we are highlighting this little Dylan and Lily love story is that Dylan is a musician. Dylan is head over heels in love with Lily and Dylan wanted to do something very, very special. So he has gone... Dilly didn't... Dilly. Wait, we can call him Dilly. Team Dilly. Dilly didn't want to spend money on a 15% off sale. So he did something a little bit more heartfelt. Dylan knows it's a scam. We need more Dylans in the world. Okay. Dylan wrote in to us anyway. He has been spending the last year working on something and this is why we wanted to highlight it. Dylan said, Hey ladies, love the podcast. I started

writing a song at the end of 2020 for my partner, Lily. I've spent a year trying to keep it a secret from her until it was finished, which was quite the task living together through Melbourne lockdowns. Oh my gosh, you poor things. To me, the song is about letting go of any walls you hold to protect yourself and fully letting yourself feel the meaning of the words, I love you. I think it would be the best surprise for her to hear this song for the first time without knowing on her favorite podcast. We love it. Happy Valentine's Day, Lily and Dylan. We're going to play a tiny snippet. Also, like Britt said, do not come for us with any more requests, guys. This is not an open forum, but here it is. This is not late night.

I'm in love, I'm in love, love, I'm in love. Dylan, Lily, Dilly, whatever we're going to call you, hashtag Dilly. That was just the sweetest thing and that was only a snippet, guys. That was 30 seconds. We're going to play the whole song at the end if you want to listen and it is such a beautiful song and for sure Dylan is getting lucky tonight. Have you ever had somebody write you a song? No, but it's similar.

No one's written me a song that I know of. Maybe there are some songs floating out there that I haven't received yet. But I received when I had this like big crush on my neighbor when I was like 14, 15. He was really from the archives. Yeah, that's the last time I had something really romantic. He was a few years older than me and he had a crush on me too. But you know when you're that young, it's like we had big crushes on each other, but nothing was ever going to happen.

He was a friend of my brother's, I think. Anyway, we used to go surfing together and hang out, but I was such a tomboy. So I didn't really know that he had the crush on me. I just thought I was one of the boys. And then one day, and I'm pretty sure it was Valentine's Day, he dropped me like an envelope. He didn't want to wait around while I opened it because he's like, I made this for you.

And then he ran and I opened it. And this is going to really show my age, guys, but it was a mixed tape. Oh, the best. He made me a mixed tape and the first song, and I'll never forget it. I went on to learn every word of the song and I still know every word of the song. the first song was could you be the most beautiful girl in the world from prince and i played that mixtape i put that on repeat that was my pride and joy and actually to this day when i think about it was probably the sweetest thing anyone's actually done he went

to so much effort to make that mixtape because you've got to like remember back in the day you had to press record at the same time as you'd heard it on something else and you had to like on the radio so he had to sit there was so much effort when you think about it he had to sit and listen to a radio until any love song came on then he had to press record at the same time and make it smooth for a whole tape okay but you think this is showing your age do you know what you know when you're on the bachelor so if you guys if you don't really know when you're on the bachelor to everyone listening you've done it before for it no but if you if you're not somebody who watches the bachelor or you haven't seen the sort of first episode where they walk down the red carpet and they meet

the bachelor or the bachelorette often the contestants bring a gift they often like because we have to yeah the producers tell you you have to bring a gift brit matt gave georgia love a mixtape but that combination that's gonna be a cute thing so cute he's never given me a mixtape daily mail you can write an article about that i mean like i know you won at the end and you're you got a happy ending but i'd be shattered i'd be sure i'd known he gave a mixtape to someone else because i wonder if she still has it 100 you should play it low-key okay i have a story few speaking of mat sex girlfriends while we're on the topic I love that for us so okay I've met a lot of mat sex girlfriends I went to one yeah I went to one of their weddings like there is

absolutely no I mean god we got two kids like it doesn't come from a place where I care anymore no it's also interesting though that he keeps the relationships to that level oh yeah that the friendship level that you'd go to their wedding like for me that's a bit like really no do you what I found I think I found it quite difficult at the start and I've spoken about this when we did an episode on retroactive jealousy quite a while ago sure did and retroactive jealousy is when you're jealous of your partner's exes and I think I came into our relationship with a very unique experience obviously coming out of The Bachelor what happened to us is that the Daily Mail and a couple of other news outlets had run all these articles about Matt's ex-girlfriends

So not only did I know that they were his ex-girlfriends, I could go and stalk them. But on top of that, it was like, it just was a real comparison that was drawn. So normally you wouldn't have a news article being like, look at how beautiful all his exes are. And then having public opinion being like, wow, they're better looking than Laura. Yes, weirdly so. It made me feel super self-conscious at the time. Fancy that.

Totally, right? But anyway, I'm so, I'm like, I'm over it now, guys. But no, I really am. however i can totally appreciate that all of matt's ex-girlfriends are ridiculously stunning like ridiculously i have seen a lot of them they're pretty attractive they're bomb yeah but so are you so okay but on top of that one of them is actually like a supermodel like a legitimate supermodel lives overseas is a supermodel you have to live overseas to be you cannot be a supermodel in australia no she's just like she's divine like looks like she walked out of the sun

she's so divine which is funny because uh so i buy and have bought the same skincare for a very long time sunscreen skincare bought it for many many years and i walked into the chemist the other day to go buy my skincare and there she is on the front of the pocket of my new pocket of skincare and i was like fuck it's like her whole face is the skincare product so now you literally touch squeeze and look at her face on the daily then proceed to rub her on your own skin well there's a tiny picture of her on the actual product and I was like I wonder if she actually uses this because that's good if she does because she's got great skin but like her whole face is on the box so I brought it home and then I like felt like I had to take the skincare out of the box so that

Matt couldn't see the box because then he would be like why did you buy that why are you so weird so has Matt seen does Matt know that you are rubbing pictures of his ex-girlfriend on your face no I haven't told him I mean he does now but okay but can you imagine how weird this is like nobody listening to this has ever been in an experience where their favorite skincare brand has a photo of their boyfriend's ex-girlfriend on it I'm still gonna buy it I have been in a similar not to the same level but I remember there was a guy that I was dating for a while and so dumb a guy that I was dating for a while and literally the same thing like his actually no this was like reverse this was his new girlfriend so it was worse

he upgraded oh no no no see if we broke up and then Matt started dating a supermodel and her face was on the skincare I'd have to stop buying the skincare she was on a billboard so like every day I drove past and saw the new girl on a billboard because she was also like a beautiful model that came out of the center of the sun that's a real flex isn't it when you date someone who's on a billboard totally like drive under it it wasn't even like a little bus sign it was a whole billboard I was like you've been on a bus stop though don't worry oh yeah unless we forget i can't even brett was on a bus stop because she was the face of tinder at one point excuse me it was bumble oh shit it was bumble sorry bumble bumble didn't sponsor this episode

so i'm not gonna be the face of tinder that is now the tinder swindler oh what a segue that was That was a good segue. Guys, we have some very important research. You all need to go and watch the Tinder Swindler because we may have a very exciting episode coming up. We may or may not. Well, I mean, if we don't have one, it's because they cancelled. But we're hoping we're going to have a great episode coming up.

But even if the episode doesn't happen, we cannot recommend going and watching the Tinder Swindler enough. So I'm going to give it like a really top overview. you. I mean, it's a documentary. It is on Netflix. It goes for two hours, so you could watch it in an evening. Go watch it tonight. Seriously, we really want you to watch it before next Tuesday's episode. I mean, if you haven't already, it's literally sitting at number one in the UK. It's trending all over America. It is huge in Australia. It's an insane documentary. It's an insane story, one that I resonated with a little bit too closely. It's actually from the filmmakers. I

don't know if anyone watched Don't Fuck With Cats. That was also an incredible documentary on a a completely different level but it's from the same makers but long story short it follows the life of a man called simon levive and he's an insane con man it's like nothing you've ever seen and for the people that listen or have heard the tinder swindler story but haven't watched it everyone's very skeptical everyone's very against these women because these women did get conned out of a lot of money up to six hundred thousand dollars but three women that simon conned over the years have gotten together and they've told their story very bravely come forward and told their story on this documentary, but he makes women fall in love with him on Tinder. He pretends to

be a billionaire on Tinder. They fall in love with him. He wines and dines them. And it's very believable to these women that he's a billionaire because he straight away puts them on a private jet. He flies them to an amazing location. He buys them gifts. He's dripping and dressed in the most expensive, beautiful clothing and jewelry. And we won't go into it yet until next week with exactly the mechanics and how he does it, but it would just leave you wanting to pick your jaw up off the ground. Well, I also don't want, cause like, it's a really interesting storyline and I, we don't obviously don't want to like spoil the storyline, but it's a romantic con man basically. And Brit told me about this and she was like, you have to watch this documentary.

It's so interesting. And then she was explaining how these women had been literally swindled out of hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. And I have to say this at the time when you described it to me in my mind, I was like, well, they must be idiots. Like a lot of the world is thinking right now. Yeah. And I didn't know the story and I hate myself that that was my initial reaction. I thought, oh gosh, you know, you really have to be very gullible to be carried along with this sort of story and to be taken advantage of in this way. And then the more that I watched the show and the more that I got into how this all unfolded, I actually really hated that that was my initial reaction. Like I was really disappointed in myself that I didn't give these women the

benefit of the doubt because these women are incredibly intelligent women they are hugely empathetic women and they just want to be loved they think that they're in a relationship and I really think that the most important take home of this at the start is the fact that like this truly can happen to anyone we didn't interview last year with India Oxenberg who is the survivor of a sex cult called Nixxiom it is still our most listened to episode that we have ever done if you haven't heard it go back and listen to it it's India Oxenberg it's freaking amazing and I think I felt the same thing when I very first started watching the show I was like I don't understand how this could happen to anyone I don't think I don't understand the type of personality it takes

to allow these things to happen to them but now we know India we are very friendly with her and she is freaking amazing she's a very normal girl who just got trapped in something that was incredibly sinister and I think it's the exact same case for these women I guess I felt a level of sympathy for them and I never had that reaction because I know to a level you guys most of you know my past that I was with someone and manipulated for two years that had a double life that wasn't pretty much wasn't who they said they were I'm a smart woman but I know it can happen and I know that's not comparable I know that what happened to me is on such a smaller level but I also gave him money because I thought I was with my partner that needed something at the time. And that is just

what you do when you're in love. I can 100% see how this happened. And I know a lot of you will understand once you've watched it. Now there is a lot of kickback around the world, actually. There are still a lot of people that have watched this and have no sympathy for these women. They're pretty much just saying you're an idiot. But I think unless you can really put yourself in that situation, you don't understand how it can happen. And there have been a lot of statistics that have come out and said over the last few years this kind of romantic con is bigger than ever because of the pandemic as well because people are meeting online they're forming emotional connections they're not getting to see as much of someone else's life that they might have seen 10 years

ago in the real world before the lockdowns before the restrictions before travel so I think that we need to go into this well I mean I've watched it everyone needs to go into this with I think a really open mind and a level of sympathy these are very very normal intelligent women that were swept up in something horrible their only crime is being too generous and too loving to somebody that they thought loved them back so I cannot wait for next week's episode it's going I'm so excited for I'm so excited to speak to these women and it's going to be absolutely huge so please if you do anything this week watch the tinder swindler yeah and I think the last thing that I want to say on this is like like anything I think if your initial reaction or anybody whose

initial reaction is like that couldn't happen to me or they're idiots that is such a victim blaming mentality like it comes from such a negative and unconstructive place and I think when you watch this you will all have such empathy for these women because it just shows how much one that they wanted to be loved and be in a loving relationship but two also how fucking powerful things like love bombing are and when somebody is incredibly narcissistic and they have the intent to mislead you they have the intent to take control there was all of this conversation that comes back to coercive control which was spoken about loads on this podcast it just shows how powerful this is and it shows how much anybody can be impacted by these things and how if you are

in a relationship where it's moving super quickly and love bombing is happening just being aware taking a step out of it and going okay is this too good to be true is this too much of a fantasy and what am I giving of myself that I wouldn't normally give just because I'm so invested in this relationship. Yeah. And the thing is, I want to say one more thing. I could talk about it forever. The thing that I wanted to add with this is a lot of people are saying, well, how stupid are you for believing that you met a billionaire online? Firstly, why wouldn't you believe it when you've met someone and immediately you're on private jets, immediately everything about their life that you have seen screams, I'm telling the truth. I'm screams. Well, the screams like this

is legit no one just goes and hires a private jet to fly you on a first date if they don't have that kind of money there was a girl i follow on instagram tara if you're listening to her hey she did she's got a big instagram following speaking of not doing shout outs anymore no but she does a big she has a big instagram following and uh she put something up recently she had watched the tinder similar and she was putting some question and answers up and seeing like polls seeing what people thought and things like that and one of her polls was do you think it's crazy that they thought they met a billionaire online and that when you click the poll it was like something like 95 percent of the people said yes it is crazy like you're never going to meet

someone and a few people said no it's not that crazy now I wrote back to her and I said hey heads up I know a billionaire online like this I actually this is a thing people still do want to try and meet normal people without them knowing so for me this is why it's so believable but also like of course billionaires would still I mean they can still use tinder like why can't they still have the interweb they they some guys who might or even women who have a whole of a lot of money they still want to meet people well I'm I met one I dated one like it it happened all right legend no but it happened I dated a billionaire everybody but my point is I'm I didn't know he didn't he was definitely not like that and he didn't let anyone in his life know he didn't I

didn't know for a long time because that it wasn't a flex for him that's not what it was but he was just someone with a lot of money that still wanted to date. And she actually wrote back and she said, I actually know a billionaire online as well. So for anyone listening that thinks these women are just so stupid, they're actually not like this happens. There are people out there that are just trying to find love as well. Do you know what I'm taking from this conversation? Guys, there are billionaires online. Go out there. You're not on all those platforms where you are. You're never going to meet one. Go out there and find one. All right. Let's get into one of our most favorite parts of the episode even though to be honest I feel like the whole episodes are always our

favorite accidentally unfiltered all right Brittany you can kick it off I'm actually gonna kick it off with one I've just decided I was tossing up between two and then this conversation has made me pick one I'm so glad that I helped you to like define well it's about flying and planes and stuff so I'm gonna mile high club now I don't even know if it's an accidentally unfiltered or if it's just cooked for anybody who's new to the podcast and doesn't actually know what accidentally unfiltered is. Accidentally unfiltered is basically like you guys write in your most embarrassing stories. Sometimes they're not even embarrassing. Sometimes they're just fucking wild. Just write in your wildest stories and we read them out and we all

laugh together. It's basically what it is. All right, I'm kicking it off. So I've been going through a very drawn out and complex breakup with my ex. We were together for five years and have been separated for a year. Just after New Year's, I flew to Adelaide to see him officially to put boundaries in place to allow us to both move on. I love that you had to fly there to put the boundary in place. You don't need to. You never need to do a face-to-face. Just do it on the phone. It was super emotional and hard, etc. However. And we had sex. 100% I did. It was like that last closing sex. You know, you all have to have it. However, around this time, I started seeing this other person who was being so lovely and making himself very available to me. Let's call him

Phil. I was originally meant to be flying back from Adelaide to Sydney on the Wednesday but ended up changing it to the Tuesday. Phil by chance was flying from Sydney to Adelaide on the Wednesday but our flights would cross in the sky. I just kept up with the white lie that I was flying back on Wednesday as I knew that he would want to see me on Tuesday when I got back. However I also knew that the emotions from my trip to my ex would be hectic and I wouldn't feel like seeing him for whatever reason i just felt it was easier not to mention i was home a day earlier so wednesday at midday he messages me asking how i was tracking and my flight movements etc i mentioned that i was just heading to the airport in adelaide now noting i was already home in sydney and in bed

but to my horror he messaged saying his flight was changed and he would now be at the airport in sydney when my flight arrived oh it was too late to say my flight was already changed i'd already said i was on my way to the airport and he knew the flight i was meant to be on so he would be able to see that it was at the airport departure arrival lounge so call me crazy but over an hour before i was meant to land in sydney i packed a pretend carry bag i put i put on a cap dark sunnies and the biggest face mask to hide behind and i drove to the airport i went through security i found the gate i was meant to be arriving at i found the closest toilet and i sat there for 45 minutes waiting for my plane to land as new waves of

people came in the toilet i'd casually find an excuse to ask hey what flight did you come off until finally someone said adelaide i walked outside the toilet to see you feel walking towards the gate to meet me and there I was pretending to have just arrived with my fake carry-on luggage being embraced with a hug and questions about how my flight was I have never felt more crazy whilst also being weirdly impressed with myself for pulling off this crazy act seamlessly Phil and I are still dating months later but this story is in the vault for a long time yet maybe it could be a wedding night story when it's too late for him to run is this I actually died so it's like I don't even know if it's an accidentally unfiltered

i just think it's fucking nuts it's so fucking nuts i i just couldn't believe the effort she went to she just got home and she's exhausted in bed and she got up to go she went through security to pretend she just landed because she didn't want to say oh do you know what i actually got back last night like you would just i mean like you wouldn't go through security you would just like rock up and then be like oh i've already exited because he they were landing past you yeah they were at the same time so she had to if you're gonna do this you have to commit to the life it's such a commitment to the light so deep that's so it that is like I can't I actually can't believe but also like it's very deceptive I would actually love for you like if you feel like you're there in

the relationship I'd love for you to tell him so you can tell us what happens no do you know what I want I want you to phone record this can you if you're listening to this can you phone record telling him one day when you actually tell him and then send us the audio so not only did you prank him once prank him twice I'm the same thing I would love to know if there's anyone else out they're listening that has gone above and beyond something like this to avoid a situation or in a relationship I would love to know how many other crazy stories there are and for some reason Laura I feel like you would have one no I don't have any like this but I do feel like this sort of thing like this was innocent on her part but I also feel like it usually involves another person like it

usually involves some sort of cheating or some sort of like lie or deception she just couldn't be bothered to get out of bed and see him that night well but he probably didn't know that there was this overlap with her ex-boyfriend either and so like there's usually like something else going on I think if you have to go to these extremes to like lie about your whereabouts it's usually because there's a third party in a relationship which is never healthy so please we don't want to know about all your cheating scandals guys all right I have a brief but extremely cooked accidentally unfiltered okay I decided to get into bed with a work colleague and things did get a bit heated. I like that you just decided as well. I decided to get into bed. She was hooking

up. I asked him to pass me the pen and then we ended up in bed. They were obviously getting a bit frisky. So anyway, she's hooking up with a work colleague. Things are getting down and dirty and we were rolling around in the sheets. And as he was about to come, he says to me in a really sexy voice, keep touching my balls, baby. Feels good. A little confused. I sort of looked at him And I replied, I'm not touching your balls. And then he looked down. Only to see my sausage dog was licking his ball sack at the exact same time. And I had forgotten that I'd left the door open.

I had forgotten that I had a sausage dog. Oh, there was another sausage in the bed that day. There were multiple sausages in that bed. Anyway, she was like, that's the last time the dog was ever in the bedroom whilst we were having sex. Could you imagine? And the last time we ever had sex. Could you imagine looking down?

And there's a dog licking your balls. I mean, I couldn't because I don't have balls. I mean, that's one thing, but it's the mortification that you just openly admitted how much you liked it. That's what gets me. It's the fact that I was like, fuck, I can't even cover this. I just said how good it felt. Dead. But also, he's like, just keep doing it, fighter.

It's fine. Okay, here's another question I'm posing in this weird situation. Unless the euphoria really was making him crazy, wouldn't you be able to differentiate a tongue on your balls to like a cupping? because obviously he can see her face, that her tongue is in the air. To be fair, I don't think guys have a hell of a lot of nerve endings in their ball sack. I feel like their ball sack is like it's sensitive, but I don't feel like they can distinguish like the type

of touch necessarily. A wet tongue. It's more sandpapery, isn't it? That's what I mean. You would know. Maybe he thought it was like the nails. Maybe he thought it was like a stroke or a scratch. I'm giving the guy the benefit of the doubt.

I don't think he was laying there thinking, God, that feels like a dog tongue. I'm thinking it's like euphoria induced delirium. That's what I'm going to give him. I'm going to give him an out. All right. Let's get into the conversation around weaponized incompetence. I think it's enough. All right. Getting into weaponized incompetence. We probably should start with what it is since we managed to talk about it for a hell of a lot in the beginning. Lauren just said, oh, okay. I don't even know where to start. And I was like, at the beginning, she's like, I'm overwhelmed with information. I was like, break it down. let's start at the beginning what is a weaponized incompetence okay so weaponized incompetence it's

it sounds like and i said it's a trending on tiktok it's actually been around well i mean the actual thing of it has been around for a long time i would say since the dawn of time even but it's recently been reported on up until 2007 that's when the first articles came out it's been called many different names it's been called strategic incompetence it's also called performative incompetence brit's laughing at me because it's taken me about 15 times that was like those words What's it called? A tongue twister for you. It's also, some people call it gaslighting. Well, yes, it's actually a form of gaslighting and it is a form of manipulation. So basically weaponized incompetence is feigning incompetence at a task, but it's, it's kind of bigger than

that. So it's basically like, and I don't want to say it's gendered because it can happen in all genders and it can happen in all relationships, but where we often see it is say with the house work at home. And I was going to give you an example to be able to like really kind of break down what it is. Maybe your partner really sucks at cleaning. You know, they always do a shitty job of the laundry. They do a shitty job of cleaning up the dishes, menial domestic household labor, or things that could be thought of as being a bit more boring or being women's work in quotation marks. Maybe your partner does a shitty job knowing full well that if they do a shitty job, you're going to pick up the slack and do it anyway. The reason why I wanted to do this as

a conversation is because I have seen this and I have had a lot of conversations with my girlfriends who have kids around how their partners don't necessarily pick up the full slack or how they feel like their partners are helping in quotation marks with the kid but not necessarily really stepping up to the plate and although I say that you know it's not just in heterosexual relationships it isn't but I do think predominantly it presents itself in heterosexual relationships and the reason for that is because it really plays into our gender stereotypes and the roles that we have as part of our gender stereotypes. So for example, men being better at technology or being better at doing the garden and doing the maintenance and women being better at the domestic duties and us

relying on our partners to do jobs that we are very capable of doing, but we don't really like doing. So we pretend we can't really do them very well. I did it recently when I didn't want to set up the Netflix and I was like, I don't know how to do that, babe, you do it. Well, let's talk before we get into that too much even though you just did let's talk about why this came up like where you've seen this because it is trending on tiktok isn't it it's it's like one of the most tiktokated things and i and i know this is showing my but it is it's like a i'm gonna call trending on tiktok tiktokated from here on in totally and if you are not on tiktok and you do want to have a deep dive there is a whole subculture around weaponized incompetence

and i don't like i said it's not something that is new though it's just that we've been given a label for something that people have experienced for many many years and I think sometimes when we have a label to describe something that we've all experienced collectively you go fuck that's what that is I'm not insane and weaponized incompetence can truly make you feel insane it can also make you feel like your partner's a child and you're parenting another child I mean weaponized to me I actually don't know how much I love the term to be honest I feel like it's quite aggressive but the term weaponized is they're saying it's a you're using it as a weapon because you are putting the onus on your partner you're putting the pressure on your partner you're

wiping your hands clean of it you're just saying essentially colloquially unofficially your internal monologue is I can't be fucked to do this I'm not gonna do this you can do everything so they're saying that in a relationship you're using it as a weapon and I guess you are but for me like personally I think I would probably rename it something else I would probably use it I like a fucking lazy grub yeah just be like lazy grub incompetence or something like that okay but also on this okay the big question is before we get too far deep into it is is it strategic is it something that somebody comes out and goes I'm going to purposefully do a bad job of this because I know my partner's going to do it anyway I don't think it has to be strategic I don't think it has

to be something that is a conscious decision but I think often it's subconscious on that I think like I think if there's every time that I have done it and do you know what the reason I said to Laura at the start I was like oh I just don't know how much I can relate to this is because for as long as I can remember I have been on my own even if I've been in a relationship or am in a relationship it's they've always been long distance I've lived alone for a long time traveled alone for a long time I've never been really in this situation because I have to do everything like if the toilet breaks I have to do it I guess for me for a long time I've gotten to a point where I have to be so fiercely independent that I either pay someone to do it I pay someone

to come mow my lawns i mow my lawn so i struggled with trying to find ways that i have done this in the past but when i do think back there have been times like that in my past relationships where i've done that but it's been it's always been very manual labor out the outdoors the gardening like the big heavy stuff that's the stuff that i've probably said to my partner oh you know what i don't even know how to start a lawn like i know how to start a lawnmower dad told me how to start a lawnmower when i was 12 years old like dad made me so capable of my life but it's really just because it was hard work. I don't want to go out there. I didn't want to go out in the sun in 45 degrees and mow the lawn when he could do it. So for me it was, yeah,

it wasn't, I guess it wasn't malicious, but there are sub, there's a subconscious level to when you do it. Yeah. And I think that that's a really important thing because like we are not, we are not man hating on this podcast. That's not what this is about. I fucking love men. And I've had lots of conversations with Matt about this. And I do really feel like for me, I became acutely aware of it after having children and I became aware of it more so around heterosexual gender roles in raising kids so I think that they're like I said there will be some mums who are listening to this who are like yes I know what you're talking about Laura Byrne but also for an example of this in a non-heterosexual relationship but in a platonic relationship

so siblings my sister is incredibly organized she always has been she's the older sister she is an a personality type I'm not that doesn't mean that I don't have the capability of organizing Christmas presents and birthday presents and booking accommodation and all that sort of stuff like I am very fucking capable of doing all of that I've done it for my own family but when it comes to things that we do joint I always take a back seat to her I always just let her do it and part of me is like oh like I know that she's gonna do a good job like I know that she she doesn't enjoy doing it no one enjoys going and doing the organization or the bookings of everything but some people do some people get off on that maybe and but I know she doesn't really

she does it out of necessity but she does it so well that I coast along and I think that there's a lot of probably a lot of middle children who do take that role to their older siblings you know they're like okay my sibling kind of has that but what that does is it means that they are always the one doing more work they are always the one who is put in that position and you use your lack of ability to kind of coast on their position and we we've seen it in group assignments at uni there's always one person who kind of is like oh i don't really know how to do it like they're doing it so well and then they fucking coast along and nobody likes being in a relationship being in a group assignment with somebody who isn't pulling their weight it's funny you say that and i'm gonna

have to make a comment on it now because sherry my sister listens to the podcast and she'll be like bitch you didn't comment on that that's exactly the same thing i'm there's four of us kids. I'm number three. Sherry's number four. Sherry's the baby of the family. But that role has always fallen on Sheridan. Sheridan in our family is the 100% planner. She organizes everything. Every family trip, every family get together, dinners, Christmas foods, all that big stuff that if you don't organize it, like you're going to have a disaster day. Someone has to do it. That is never in a million years going to be me. And saying this, I'm about to do it. I'm about to say exactly what we're talking about. She's so good at it. She genuinely is. And she doesn't

hate it. She quite enjoys it. She loves being organized. I'm a loose cannon. Like they call me Hurricane Brittany. I hurricane into a day. I am very disorganized. I don't love planning. I hate planning. I don't even like to put things in my diary. For some reason, I'm so against it. I'd like to keep things in my head, which is crazy. But what I will do, and if Sherry actually came to me and said, I need help with planning this, I would 100% help her. But what I do is I say hey look I just give her my card I will give her my bank card and I'll say do what you need to do with that like I'm happy to be the person like I will pay you for your time I'll pay for this day if you organize it that's how much I detest it this is so interesting because

this okay like maybe this isn't a problem in your sibling relationship with your sister but when you think about that that is why it is such a huge fucking problem in relationships when you have kids because we as a society don't value time but we do value money so someone being like well I gave you my car just do it that doesn't account for the hours of organization the calling up for swimming lessons all of that shit that a mom ends up having to do it's like we don't value the time that goes into that and therefore like that's where the discrepancy comes from but but like we're like getting ahead and I'm like getting angry and I want to just preface this like we're saying that it presents itself in all relationships. I think the reason why I get so fired up about heterosexual

relationships or about parenting relationships is because that's where it makes such a long-term difference. And it's like, you know, you maybe not doing one or two things for your sister or me asking Matt to like set up the Netflix. They're like one-off events. You know, it's not very often that I need him to change a tire. I can change a tire, but I'd prefer him to do it. You know, those things happen. It happens once in a blue moon, but parenting happens every day constantly. and it's the relentlessness when that task falls on a mother and the majority share falls on a mother and the thing with this is that there is research that's come out in this past year it comes out every year it looks at the domestic household labor and who actually divvies it up and

where the imbalances and inequality is in our relationships and on average women are still doing 28 hours per week more domestic labor than men and that is unpaid unappreciated domestic labor And guys, that was in the census. That's accurate. I'm coming here with the facts and the data. No, it's crazy. And that is not shocking or surprising to anyone. I don't think there's anyone that would listen to that

and be surprised by that statistic. But just before we get any further into that, because I can see the steam coming out of your brain and your anger is building. I think that's a big, at the start of the episode, I said to you guys, this is why I found this topic hard to jump on board with. Because I think that this,

whilst it presents itself in many aspects and many capacities, I think it really presents itself the most in relationships with children. So married relationships, de facto kids, that's where I think this presents itself the most and is the most problematic because when I was trying to relate this to myself, obviously with what I just said about Sherry, I don't even really fit that mold because like you just said, people don't value people's time. I will pay Sherry for her time. I will say, you book this, you don't have to pay for the holiday. I will pay for it. So this is your time. I will 100%, I will never put that on her because I know she's also busy reciprocal respected relationship so I can't really find

myself any other ways to relate to it because I don't have kids and I'm not married and and whilst this definitely happens at work and I've done this so just to say that like we are not man haters I'll put my hand up and say I do this in reverse at work with technology I am not good with technology we all know that Laura okay but like nobody is good with technology everybody learns to become good with technology so like having a backseat on having the mentality of like oh I'm not good at technology all that does and we've all got someone in our workplace who does it all it means is that they never have to get good and everybody else has to pick up the slack well what I'll always do is it'll be a task trade I'll be like oh can you do this with this

patient online while I physically scan the patient it would be something like that it's never that you would sit back and do it but it's same with our relationship Laura I remember when we started the podcast I was like I didn't even know how to turn a computer on to be honest I was like look why don't you do that side of stuff you do the edit and I'll do the business I was like let's just work out what we're good at at the start and go from there yeah and that's i mean like that's different in that way divvy out tasks but like let's get back on track with weaponized incompetency as i think that there is a social commentator on tiktok her handle is that darn chat now she sums it up so perfectly and what she says is so society has told us to value money and work we function

under capitalism we also function within a patriarchy and what a patriarchy is is a society that overvalues masculine tasks and undervalues care tasks or traditionally feminine tasks. Our society does not value the work that goes into managing domestic situations. We also don't value time. We value money over time. So like just breaking this down again, maybe for example, you give your partner instructions that they need to go to the grocery store and pick up some things. If they are calling you the entire time that they're at the grocery store, that is weaponized incompetence. You should be able to give your partner a task to do where they're not helping you do a task. It's actually their job because they're

a participant in the household. A task to do, they should be able to go and they should be able to complete that task without having to constantly rely on you to give them feedback, to give them information. Well, the reason that also this, this is what I saw and I had to have a chuckle. I think people took it too far, but another TikToker that went viral and started this whole conversation online was exactly that. There are a couple that take the piss of relationships it's sort of like you and matt on tiktok but they take the piss out of married life kid life she sent him to the grocery store with a grocery list but not only a grocery list she had to print out pictures of every item and every item so he didn't fuck it up every item on the

list had a picture now it was supposed to be a bit of a piss take at exactly this and the world ran with it and they started to sort of come at them a bit saying this is weaponizing competence this is ridiculous. You're enabling your partner to not be good at this by saying like, I'm going to baby you. And she was like, well, guys, this was a joke, but it did kickstart the whole conversation, which is, you know, is why TikTok is so great. But that opens up the conversation on the dynamic in the household. What goes down in your household? How do you divvy tacks? How do you compensate for someone saying that they are not good enough? Well, I think, and the reason why I come back to this, like once you've had kids conversation is like, it is a hugely transformative

time in a relationship once you have children and not for everyone but for a lot of people the majority of that labor falls on the mom and you know so many of us women like we have jobs as well it's not like we don't have work or other things to do but we also end up taking primary role as the care provider in families and it's the small things it's the things that like just get done without being noticed it's the washing of the kids clothes they're putting the kids clothes away, the making sure that snacks are in the cupboard, the making sure that like food prep is done, these small tasks. And I know that there are men out there who do them. So please don't think that this is me just saying all men, because that's absolutely not the conversation, but

there is a predominant shift. And we know it from statistics that a lot of women take on this role in the household. And I think that sometimes, and even with the conversations I've had with Matt, Matt's like, oh, but you're just better at it. Like you just get the schedules. You just understand it more like because you gave birth to the kids like you just innately understand them more and I'm like no I fucking read books like I and I know the schedule because I looked at the schedule and it's like we have very incorrectly created these stereotype dynamics where it's expected that the women just innately understands parenting before the man does the bar is low for guys so Sally Hepworth was an incredible author we had her on the podcast she told a story about

how her husband can like do bumbling things as a parent. He can like send the kid to school with chewing gum. He can do stupid things. And he's the primary caregiver in their family. He's a stay-at-home dad. But because the bar is set so low for dads, people are like, oh, but he's doing such a good job. He's trying. And I think it comes down to this word that we use, which is help. I'm guilty of it. I'll say, Matt, I need you to help me with this. I need you to help me with the tasks but when we are asking somebody to help us in a domestic setting what that implies is that that's our job if I'm asking you to help me that's me saying well this is my job but I need you to help me do my job just contribute to it slightly yeah but it shouldn't be we shouldn't need to ask

our partners for help in a domestic setting the bar needs to be set at a point where we're equal contributors we both parent this child and yes I may know and understand the things better now because I've done the research, but you were expected to also do that research. And I, if you're going to go to the bathroom and take a 45 minute shit, I'm going to go to the bathroom and take a 45 minute shit. Like I'm not going to have a relationship. I love that that was the example. Well, because some guys were like, they'll get up, they'll have a shower and then, and they'll go to the toilet. And an hour's gone past. And an hour's gone and you're there with the kids. And then if you need to go and have a shower or go to the gym or whatever, the kids are

screaming, the house is a mess. And you don't get to have that time, that personal time to relax and actually take care of yourself and that all plays into these gender stereotypes and why it's such a huge problem and where weaponized incompetence actually stems from I'm getting ranty I was like I feel like there's some personal things Matt stop taking 45 minutes actually not I'm so proud of and this is not a flex but like I'm so proud of my relationship with Matt now because we've had these conversations we've we've spoken about it so many times that we've had the reset and I think very early on there was this expectation not an expectation that happened with intention but like obviously because I gave birth to Marley and then I was breastfeeding Marley Matt kind of felt a

little bit more like oh well that's your thing like you've got this figured out now just because you're bound to a child from one task which is breastfeeding doesn't mean you're bound to them for every other freaking task and I definitely think it has something to do like there's got to be a lot of aspects to it but it definitely has something to do with the way you're raised if you I guess are raised with no level of independence you never do anything for yourself growing up so you never put your dishes away you never cook anything you don't know how to do the washing you don't know how to live independently of course that's going to carry into your relationship and producer Keish was telling us about a couple that she knew that got married quite young 22

they were religious so they had never lived together before that when they did move in together the relationship ended because he couldn't do anything his mother had done his washing to the day he moved out he didn't know how to press go on the washing machine he wild wild he didn't know how to literally live she felt like she was mothering him and there was a demise of the relationship I think we can't pretend it has nothing to do with the way we're brought up totally but that also then lends itself into stereotypes right like we've been raised in different ways I'm sure the females of that household were participants in cleaning up the dishes, in taking care of, you know, I don't think it would be that all the children in that household

were allowed to just sloth around. None of them grew up knowing how to take care of themselves. The imbalance of labor is often something that has to be unlearned. Explaining why, explaining even what weaponized incompetence is, explaining why that needs to shift because this as a problem and as a reoccurring issue in a relationship builds so much resentment. When somebody's using weaponized incompetence the person who then is left to do the job it embeds in you that you can't trust your partner to do a job well so you end up taking on that task as well so how do we turn weaponized incompetence into competence that is the million dollar question i mean i think the biggest one and something we always come back to is like communication communication is key

explaining the why around the way that you want something to be done is so important i think this could work if somebody that you're with doesn't pick up the slack like stop doing those things for them if you're the one always getting up for the kids in the night and the kids are screaming and you're laying in bed and your partner's still asleep lay there the kids will scream for a little while he's gonna wake up like they're gonna get up eventually I know people that have tried this actually I know plenty of people that have tried this whole okay I'm just gonna stop doing it for them so like they were these and then no one does it and no one does it so like they're like you know I'm gonna stop doing his washing I'm just gonna stop it it just piles up and piles up and

piles up but they don't care but that's like such a level of disrespect I'm with you I agree you don't get to just not care about something that your partner thinks is important if doing your laundry and basic hygiene is important you don't get to just opt out of not caring because you know someone's going to do it for you I think there are a lot of people out there that just don't care enough that's what I think the problem is that's what it comes down to well how do you make okay and like maybe that is the case maybe there are things that like I care about more than my partner how do you then change their opinion on something or how do you then set the bar so you're like well at least we can all live in this house in a way where I'm not doing 100% of the

work and we are all living in a house that's semi-clean like you just said besides communication literally saying we need to meet halfway which I cannot imagine there is one relationship out there in this whole world that has never had that conversation I feel like once you've had kids it doesn't matter how great your relationship there is always going to be an imbalance of work or a level of frustration of people saying it doesn't matter how much the other partner is going to do there's always going to be a moment where you're like you're not doing enough you need to help me more you need to meet me halfway maybe you can literally and like you can write a list of what you guys need to do that week this is bill's list this is betty's list you stick it

on the fridge you tick it off as you go this is what i need done today whether it's a daily thing or weekly thing and you just instead of it saying i didn't know i was supposed to do that which is an excuse that a lot of people are going to use i didn't know i was supposed to do that or i thought I did that last week or I thought you're doing that this week make it clear make it so that there is no question who's doing what when they're doing it why they're doing it it's here you tick it off as you go you meet halfway I think my only thing with like the making of a list is that everything you do to solve this problem has to be mutual you have to sit down and do it together it can't be like you making your partner a list of things that they need to do because then you're still

adding to your own task load by giving by having to write a list like that's another thing you've got to do each week is writing a fucking list just throw the reward at the end like once you complete your list you'll get laid like you don't want to like have a reward I'm joking great everyone's got a pack of expired condoms in the back yeah I think like definitely having those conversations but also ensuring that a minimum standard is set and then that is like something that you both have to agree on because you just can't be in a relationship like this like I said this sort of stuff builds so much resentment and all that happens is like as a as the person who's the one taking on more tasks and more tasks you then become naggy and you become angry and then

it's like you might snap over something that seems small like you might snap over the dishes and be like for fuck's sake like I've asked you so many times but the thing is is it's like it's the constant eroding and it's the feeling of not being able to trust that someone's going to do a task or that they're just leaving everything to you and that shit wears you down over time yeah and I think in terms of now I'm not a parent but I think in terms of what we can do with our kids and I'm going to say this from experience from my relationship with my family and my parents growing up like I said there's four of us kids I think that you can as a parent maybe not let your child get away with as much in terms of if your son says I don't want to do the washing I

don't know how to do the washing you can teach you will learn and like also not actually this is a flex my parents did such a great job with us kids in terms of gender roles there is no gender role in my family my parents both do everything my dad is the main cook of my family my dad cleans my mom does jobs when she needs to do them like there is no you should be doing this I should be doing this it's really really great they really instilled that in us as children they made us very independent they made us be able to do all jobs which I'm so grateful for now but my older brothers are probably the cooks in their family because they really enjoy it. They were made to do that growing up. We all just did everything. We never grew up thinking that that was a boy's

job. That was a man's job. This is a woman's job. And I can 100% say as a child, watching my dad in the kitchen growing up cleaning and watching my mom do jobs that needed to be done subconsciously just made me think that there weren't these stereotypical gender roles. So I can say from experience that I think that that had a lot of impact on me as a child without knowing that I took that into my adulthood I think that is like honestly such the perfect point to wrap up on it it's so important weaponized incompetency has such a severe impact on relationships between the couple but it also has such a severe impact on kids because all it does is it perpetuates this cycle it raises a generation of boys who don't want to or can't do the housework and it raises a

generation of girls who also falls into that caretaker role it falls into the role of being the domesticated one in the household like you said if somebody in your family is doing this if this is something that's happening and it doesn't just have to be around gender but obviously that is something where it comes up more predominantly but if this is happening in your household not just thinking about the impact that it's having on you as a person but what is that saying to our children what is that saying to the way that they're going to raise their household and how they're going to treat the people who they love in their life as well and this cannot 100 be the opposite role that we're talking about you could be in a relationship

right now where the man does most of it he's cooking he's taking the kids everywhere he's always home maybe the partner wants to go out more it doesn't have to be men versus women it's not that at all it's like whatever the dynamic is in your relationship if somebody one person in that relationship feels like they're being taken advantage of or they're not meeting them halfway then you have the conversation. Well, I feel like we've pretty much covered. If you are somebody who's listening to this and you're experiencing this in your relationship, like you will know, like you will relate to this. Yes, maybe it's a buzzword having this whole hashtag weaponized incompetence, but it's also really something that's quite serious and does very much exist

still. As much as we've progressed and we've come forward, there are still a lot and very heavily skewed stereotypes and gender roles in our households. All right, guys, you know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low lie of each and every week. Brittany, what is your suck? You can go first. My suck this week, I had a bloody great week. I would like to start with that, but you don't have to have a suck. If it was a fucking great week. I still do, but it was a great week. The older I get, I get more motion sickness. So I never used to be motion sick. Sherry was always sick. You could push, Sherry, you could swivel her around on an office chair and should vomit from motion sickness she's vomited always on all

transport i've always been fine but the older i'm getting i start to get car sick i start to get plane sick anyway this week we were trying to go on a hike up north we were on this really winding road and i vomited twice so that was my suck i just can't be in a car anymore if i'm not driving you also need to get off your phone in a car not even it's not it it's been it's been a real thing i know i can't go on my phone anymore because i get sick but this was just it's beyond me nothing can stop me now if I'm not driving I will 100% feel nauseous and I don't know how to combat that right that's where you come in the front that's where that's in the front wow take some ginger it was a very windy hill bit of travel calm yeah I'm gonna have to keep it on me start popping it

my sweet for the week was I spent the week with my sister Sherry we went wedding dress shopping not for myself anyone Sherry's getting married to Jay her fiance who I absolutely adore could not think of a better person for her to marry I love him and I love her and it was just really she's the youngest of all four kids and she's getting married first and it was a really weird feeling to see her in trying on a dress and I don't know I was just a bit I was very it was a very proud moment a very big sister moment a very like why the fuck aren't I getting married moment but did you feel sad like was there a part of you that was like wow this is weird or were you just like overwhelmed by I 100% did not feel sad that that'll probably come later maybe like why

why aren't I married yet but there's no part of me that is sad everything is about Sherry I'm so excited to see her get married and I think knowing how bloody good of a man he is I cannot I cannot fault him so I just I'm so and like you know I'll tell that story another day but I picked him for her now that sounds like an arranged marriage but it is not but that's a story for another day I from day one I just knew he was going to be amazing so yeah so that was my sweet for the week okay my suck for the week this week now i did mention earlier on an earlier episode that we took gastro with us to brisbane we just spent the week you probably gave that to me that's probably why it probably is so brit went to noosa i went to brisbane to spend it with matt's family we were

trying to make up for the christmas that we had that was covid christmas since our christmas was cancelled it was matt's mom's 70th birthday now we arrived in brisbane we brought gastro so matt's mum pretty much. That's so kind of you. I know. We bought her like a very nice 70th birthday present and gastro. We were there for like 24, 48 hours and then she got it. So she was wiped out sick and vomiting. And then we had to go to Stradbroke Island. So we brought her, we like bundled her in the car. We took her to Stradbroke. We got to the Island and Matt's brothers came and joined us. And by then everybody will seemingly was over it, except we weren't over it. We infected Matt's entire family with gastro. And there was one moment there on Friday night. Where there are

Not enough toilets. Dude, I'm not even joking. It was like a black comedy. Like it was like a scene out of a movie. In the space of like at the exact same moment, one boy ran to the bathroom. The other one went to run to the bathroom but then ran down the stairs because the other bathroom was downstairs. Millie, who's my niece, vomited into a sick bucket.

Charlotte vomited onto a plate of pizza. And then Matt's other brother had to run outside to the other toilet. There was five people in the house at the exact same time, either vomiting or pooing it's like my worst nightmare yeah it was like hell on earth anyway the holiday was great because we didn't get gastro like I didn't get it but like everybody else got gastro so that's kind of not fun kids are just so gross they're disgusting you preach yeah tell him here little disgusting petri dishes of sickness so that happened which was a real dampener on the whole trip away but anyway we got away so that was good and the highlight was

I love Stradbroke Island. It is so beautiful. It was so nice to see Matt's mom. I just love her so much. And I like really, I absolutely won the mother-in-law lottery. She's amazing. Amazing. Like she's as good. I got two amazing things. I got Matt. Oh, I got three. I got kids. I got kids. I got Matt. I got a mother-in-law. You know what? It was sometimes I look back on like all my failed relationships and I'm like, that was all for a reason. Anyway, guys, that is it from us we hope that you love the episode this felt like a really nostalgic episode because it was just you me brit and the microphones so nostalgic it's been a while since we've just done an episode with a few with a few of us with just the two of us it's been a while since we've done

an episode with just the two of us so that was really nice but guys before we wrap up we are going to be playing dylan's entire song at the end of the episode so if you want to listen to that through it is really really beautiful we hope you guys have an amazing week keep sliding into the dms with accidentally unfiltered confessionals can't believe they said that ask uncuts make sure that you jump onto apple podcasts or on spotify leave us a cheeky review if you have been listening to the podcast and you have not yet reviewed us how dare you and go and do it don't forget to watch the tinder swindler because we have a very very exciting episode coming for you next week and you're going to wish you watched it yes it is your homework for the

week and on that note tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love there's something i've gotta say but i'm holding back i'm holding back been blinking me for weeks now but i'm holding back i'm holding back when i'm with you Forget my heart's a zone There's something I'm trying to say But it won't come out, it won't come out Tried again the other day But it won't come out, it won't come out

When I'm with you I wanna sing this tune And I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love Love I'm in love

I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love, love Not just a verb or renown reused It's changing my views, the things that I do Like a summer day of perfect food It's changing my mood, changing my mood When I'm with you

There's nothing I can't do And I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love Love I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, love It's been so damn long, it's been so damn long I must be wrong, I must be wrong But when you step into the room I'm lifted higher With love, love, love So easily given, it's too often without This can't be love, this can't be love But when you turn back and I'm in, it's mental, tired

This is love I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love, love I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love

I'm in love Love