Life Uncut - The Morning Shed, Beauty Mishaps and Career Milestones

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

Britt’s peacocking has gone horribly wrong. She’s blaming the laser therapist. The laser therapist is blaming her… She’s going to be a unicorn at the wedding. She also might be banned from a different laser place for a different reason.  Laura has reached a truly incredible career milestone with ToniMay. We are here cheering her on as *influencers, *business partners or friends.😂It’s been 15 years in the making and we’re all so proud and chuffed of their hard work. Plus your spiciest confessions are back! Again, we are galvanised by how cooked everyone else is. Are you on the ‘morning shed’ or the ‘5 hour morning routine’ algorithm?We speak about the standards that keep evolving for what we are ‘meant’ to be doing to prevent ageing and wake up ‘beautiful.’ The lines between beauty and wellness seem to be blurred and it’s a bit bat sh*t that they’ve run out of things to market to us when we’re awake so they’ve moved on to products to use when we are unconscious. Are morning routines a competition? Who are they really for? You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and wildly offended, but let's continue. No, well, you're not wildly offended, but something we do need to talk about. No, stop. Your face. I will be in control of this conversation. Don't you throw me under any buses three minutes in.

Don't you out my face. All right, let me break it down for you. It's peacock time. I'm going to see Ben. I thought you were about to say it's peacock time, and I was like, wow, you've got polycystic as well. Is this the first we're hearing about it? It's peacock time.

No, it is peacocking time. We know that that happens about seven to nine days before I go overseas to see Ben, and I am going overseas next week, which I absolutely cannot wait. It's been four very long months. It's really crept up fast, hasn't it? For some, for you maybe. It's been a slow drag to the finish line for me.

No, I just forget that we're like on holidays in a week and a half. I mean, we're only having a very short break. We haven't exactly figured out what's happening in that break yet. We'll still have episodes for you, but we're taking a week off at some point over Easter. Yes. So I did start the peacocking and for the first time in the history of my peacocking, it has not gone to plan. So things have gone pretty wrong in my life this past week.

And it's not just the peacocking. I'm also pre-peacocking. It's a pre-peacock for the wedding as well. So like I'm a couple of months out from the wedding. So I've started that and then I've upped the ante for Ben. So there's a lot of pre-pre-peacocking. So I got, first of all, last week, I was getting a laser on my face. Not something new.

I do it all the time. I love it. Matt did say, he said it's been a while since Britt has posted a video of her in a clinic getting a facial done. He's like, is she good? Is she all right? Well, no. I'm doing it behind the scenes, all right? I'm doing it behind the scenes.

He meant it sincerely. It was funny, though. he meant it as in like surely you're getting your skin wetting prep started he was like when's it happening yeah I've always been very supportive of Matt so I went to get this laser which I always do and she's blaming me I'm blaming her but she said that I moved now I know what you're thinking no I still have both I still have both eyebrows but she was like oh you're a wriggly little one and I was like what have you done you're like I was completely still I was like why are you saying I'm a wriggly little worm and she's like we've just nipped a little bit of the hairline

there you just moved a bit and I was like sorry what as what did you nip she's like a bit of the hairline it's okay it's fine and I was like okay so we kept going and I could smell it I could smell the burning hair you know when you singe your hair and I was like you know what Brett just sit through it it's cool can't change it now we'll deal with it at the end receding hairlines are hot I want to be like you so anyway we get to the end laser's fine uneventful for the rest of it and then she showed me my hair and she's this there's a circle the size of the laser that she just burned off it's gone and now it's growing back it's literally like you've shaved your head so it's about three millimeters long she's like it's fine it's not damaged long term it'll grow

back I was like I'm getting married really really soon and I'm gonna have what a centimeter of hair and a patch poking out like a frolet. It's going to be a front mullet. You're going to be a unicorn. Literally. And I was like, bro. She's like, you can just slip it down. I'm like, I don't want to slick it down.

I'll buy you one of those like clear mascara sticks that are used for like, you know, slicking down your flyaways. Is this why you wanted my clip-in fringe? To cover it? I don't want to talk about it. Can I ask though? Because is the laser you have in your face, does it work in the same way as like a hair laser?

Will it actually grow back? because I feel like sometimes lasers affect things in different ways than what you would expect. It is growing back. That's the problem. I can see it from here. It is like three millimetres. It's a bit bigger than that, but you can keep saying three millimetres.

Yeah. Oh, no, because it only got lasered off a week ago, so that means my hair's growing pretty fast. Oh, no, sorry. I thought you meant the space. No, it goes back about a centimetre, but it's three millimetres of hair growth. Got you.

Oh, no, it's deep. She's gone deep. I was a real wriggly worm, that one. So I'm a bit upset by that. But I might have to have a fake fringe or a slick down. In all honesty, if I didn't tell you, I don't think you would have noticed yet. But you're going to notice when it's about a centimeter of hair that just flaps out at the front. This is what happens.

This is the one thing that no one tells you about after you have a baby. Like everyone tells you that when you are pregnant, your hair stops kind of falling out. Your hair gets really thick during pregnancy. But then everyone says, oh, your hair will fall out once you have the baby, which it does. Like you have really radical hair shedding because when you are pregnant, And the cycle of hair shedding slows down. So you go through this massive hair dump, which everyone knows. But no one talks about when it grows back.

And when it grows back, you just grow back with tufts all over your head. It's like a crown of hair tufts. Yeah, but you get the tufts and the baby. I just get the tufts. Yeah, the baby is the constellation prize to the tufts. It's also a wedding. It's like I have never had a mishap and now it happens. But it gets worse.

That mishap is very small in comparison to the other mishap that has just happened. Yeah. So strap in. Four days ago, I went and got skin needling. I know it sounds like I'm getting a lot, but it's all been scheduled in. It's all booked in for however many weeks and months out. Also had this so many times over the last few years. I don't want to scare anyone by it. I have never had anything go wrong. It has always been great. I don't know what happened this time, but something's gone haywire. So I got it a bit more red than usual, a bit more painful than usual usually it goes down that night nothing happens like you can go about your day the next day you don't put makeup on but it's like you know it's it's a little bit tender it's a little

bit red but it's but it's not like one of those things that makes you hectic for two weeks and you're not getting super deep skin needling it's like it's like one millimeter yeah so something has happened I don't know some sort of a reaction and my face it looks I don't even know what it looks like it just had big red lumps that are so itchy over my whole face I'm gonna be honest you came to work yesterday and I was like wow you've done something got some laser you said what's wrong with your face no I said what did you do as in like what treatment did you have done you're like oh why why why did you do that and I thought it must have been like a reaction to having laser but when you told me you'd had skin needling my instant response was like it's a

bacterial infection to the skin needling like something's been spread across the face maybe like the skin wasn't right or the needle might have been contaminated or got contaminated afterwards but like it is you're on some hectic antibiotics and some hectic steroids yeah I think it was probably contaminated afterwards because I've never had a problem there so what skin needling is like lots of little holes in your face you're supposed to keep it clean if something does get in there I don't know maybe Delilah licked me I don't know what it is but that doesn't make sense to me because it is across my whole face yeah and it's really red angry itchy lumps this is day five i am now on hectic antibiotics i'm on like a steroid cream which is great but guess

what that gives you thrush guess who's going to see their fiance after four months it's been a series of unfortunate events but it is all under control if ben's listening ben doesn't even know this to this extent so it is all under control it is getting better the last awkward moment i had This is completely on me. I don't know why I did it or said it. I was getting full body laser as well, like the hair removal, because I've been doing that for the last year. So it's like I get legs, Brazilian, underarms, butt.

I just get the whole thing. I think the butt's called the Hollywood. We've spoken about it before where you've got to lay on your tummy and pull your butt apart. You go in and you get a full service. So I'm laying down, and if you haven't had laser, I'm just going to explain this to you. You can also thank your beautician because she already started

on your hairline, so they've got less to do now. Yeah, she goes, oh, I didn't know you were doing your hair. I was like, no, I wasn't. So when you lay down and get laser, I don't know if all machines have this, but my place does. So they have the laser and they hold it in one hand. And then attached to the laser is a tube that just blows hardcore air out so that when the laser gives you a bit of heat,

the air is simultaneously blowing. Cooling it down. So when she's doing my legs, she's going up my legs, and she gets to my vagina. And so she's doing the flaps, the lips. The vulva. The vulva, sorry. Whatever.

So she pulls one apart. Just say she's doing my labia. But it's not labia. It's your labia majora, not your labia minora. Yes, majora, yeah. Okay, officially she's doing my labia majora. No, just say, okay, you can say flaps, but you're like, my lips. Like, please.

I don't know. What do people call it colloquially? I feel like the lips are less full on than flaps. Yeah, lips. The lip. Okay, she's doing my labia majora. So she's going up and she's going up the labia majora. And as she does it, the cold air is blowing a hundred miles an hour into my, into my cervix,

into my clitoris and everything. And I just start, it's, it's been a while. I start giggling nonstop. I can't, it's so ticklish and I'm giggling while her hands and the air is down there. And she looks up and she goes, are you okay? And I'm like, it's so ticklish what you're doing. And then I was like, why did I say that out loud? I just stopped.

And I was like, she's like, sorry. And I was like, nothing. She's like, it tickles. And I'm like a little bit, I'm very ticklish. as she's like her head and hand down. You're like, keep going. Don't stop. And then I realised what I was saying.

I think you missed a spot. A little bit to the left. No, but I was like, oh, that's it. It was my internal monologue. You know, when you say something and you're like, why did I say that out loud? And then she was only on the first lip. So then she had to go over knowing that it was tickling me

and then I was like, I don't want to say I was enjoying it. It's not like I was getting off. I wasn't. I want that to be clear. But the fact that I said out loud like, oh. because i'm really ticklish i'm a really ticklish person and then she had to just commit to it then i had to flip and do the hollywood and you can never go back there ever no i rebooked in for the next session i was like can i do another one tomorrow i'm so too soon i need to go i've never

had laser i need to do it you need to go just so you know what we're talking about i need to do it although i mean mine will just no no let's not talk about mine it's fine it's fine continue so I don't want to say Majora. I don't want to have to say Majora again. So that has been my series of whiz caps in the last 10 days. And I'm just beside myself. I just want to get there. But I will be there like a sphinx.

I will be a hairless cat. Well, look, actually, this kind of leads us into what we're going to talk about on today's episode. Does it? Yeah, well, it does a little bit later on. We're not getting there yet, but I just kind of want to like preface it. It's coming. We're talking about the morning shed because I am getting absolutely reamed by the TikTok and Instagram algorithm at the moment, which I think it is.

It's having a very viral moment, this beauty morning shed that a lot of influencers are pushing, and we have some feelings and thoughts around it. But before we get into that, I've got some updates. So, I mean, you guys might know, you might have seen it on socials, and I talked about it a little bit last week. I opened my second Tony Mays store. Yay!

It looks so good. Well, we had our – I would have thought I would have got more of a discount, to be honest. You came in and took, like, a heap of free shit. Didn't you also post the store before it was supposed to be announced? I did buy a lot the other night. You did? Yeah, I was very supportive.

Laura does give me free stuff sporadically, but I was like, I'm here to support you. So we did it a bit different because like so the Bondi store is our second one. We have a Paddington store and the reason why this one was kind of cool is because we've been – actually, there's a whole story to it. I'll tell you that after. So the Thursday night, which was our official opening,

instead of it being like an influencer event, I mean, I know you two technically count as influencers, but like you're kind of the only ones there we're also business partner yes i know so instead of doing like an influencer event oh that's right oh sorry what sorry who are you what's your name again yeah that makes sense as well aren't we oh i'm sorry is this how i find out did you share and tag tony may swipe up swipe up is this how i find out yes i did no so what i'm saying is is normally when you have these kind of like openings it's always like an influencer event we didn't want to make it that we planned it for our like our top VIP when I say VIP customers I mean

customers that have been shopping the brand for 15 years real supporters yeah people who have placed like one of the customers who came her name's Liz she flew in from Melbourne and she's placed over a hundred orders over the last few years like she's incredible right it's really is a testament to like one how long the brands existed for but two like how incredible some of the repeat long-term customers we have so we were like okay how can we hero that and we did that in the afternoon and then we had family and friends come the reason why it was really cool and like something I know I don't I mentioned Tony May we always have a laugh and I'm always like swipe up swipe up but genuinely the business now that I've had for 15-16 years and the reason why this was so

incredibly special to me and sentimental and like really felt very full circle is because I started at Bondi Markets literally I think it was 15 or 16 years ago and I would fill up my car every morning when I was still working I was working at the time for a hearing aid company called Starkey Laboratories and I used to do all of their graphic design and stuff for all their new clinics and like any like website or pamphlets and stuff that was going out that was me and those hearing aid pamphlets were pretty choice when you were there pretty high level pamphlets those brochures were brochurings but yeah that was like my back life and I was doing that Monday to Friday and then on on the Sunday I'd pack up my car and I'd drive down there and I'd set up my little trestle table

and my little tablecloth and I'd lay out all my jewelry that I'd made during the week in the evenings and I had my umbrella and it was just like it was such a fucking process during the market so I like feel for anyone who's who is still in the midst of that it was a time I really took for granted because every weekend my grandparents which is what the name of the brand is named after Tony May Tony and Shirley May and I've spoken about my power by heaps on this pod but they would get the train up every weekend with collapsible chairs and they would come and they would sit at the store with me for so they'd get there at like 11 and they would stay over lunch so that I was able to go and get some lunch I know I'm like crying that's really I was

just like oh my god they must be so proud of you yeah it was really cool I feel now I'm gonna cry sorry I'm not gonna cry I'm not but I did cry yesterday so my capacity's up but that's really sweet it was really cool and yeah they used to come every weekend and they were just so supportive and even though like my nan came from that generation which was like you don't have your own business you work you have job security she hated that I quit my job and that I started doing Tony May full-time because she was always so worried about how it was going to end up which is fair but was also incredibly supportive like she never ever she never shat on it she was always like you know she was always my number one fan but she was just worried all the time you know

it was something that she kind of constantly fretted about. But we have been on the wait list for a shop in Bondi for seven years. And the reason for it is because when you think of some of these high streets, like I think it's actually called High Street in Melbourne, in Bondi area, it's Gould Street. There's loads of them around the country where, you know, in Paddington, for example, there's Glenmore Road. So you probably know, like if you live in a metro area, there's probably an area where like it's really cool shopping, like all of like your favorite brands or like slightly like upper class brands like Sir the Label or like you kind of cool Zulu Zephyrs and stuff they have shops there and the way that those areas usually work is that you

don't just apply for a lease and get a lease when you're a new business you have to put in a tender so you have to actually like present what your brand is what you're going to invest in renovating the store like what your annual income is that you have to really pitch who you are and what you do they try to keep a standard yeah because they're such tourist hot spots too so they're trying to keep us standard which is why we've waited for so long because we've applied and gotten knocked back several times so like it was a really huge achievement to get to a point where the brand itself was recognized as being good enough to sit alongside some of these other brands so yeah it was a really big and exciting night and I'm just like I'm so now sometimes you run

from like one thing to another thing to another and you don't have any time to just like stop and appreciate it our whole lives yeah 100% and it's one of those things where if I actually had this conversation with a friend of mine on the weekend I caught up with him we're both from Newcastle little kids that started in radio together he is performing in Titanic the show that's amazing it's amazing and he's fantastic and I was supposed to go see it but then my face broke out absolutely shit it's really funny but we had this conversation where we were kind of sitting across from each other because he was about to go and do two shows that day and I was like could you have imagined telling little I won't say his name in case he wants anonymity but could you

have imagined telling the little version of yourself that this is where things would be and like it's just so the same for you could you imagine telling that girl who was hustling her ass off trying to create this kind of different brand like there weren't many jewelry companies that were doing the type of thing that you were doing and in 15 years you'd be getting one of the shops yeah it was a low and long slog like slow and long like you know instant gratification doesn't happen for things that are really purposeful and and that kind of thing totally and I think we all live very busy lives like you know our lives are no different to anybody else's in terms of the busyness like it is something that every single person has to deal with and

it is so easy to not validate or like spend time in your achievements or celebrate them and just move straight on to the next thing because so many of us are kind of caught up in that hustle culture and it was probably the first time from a Tony May perspective in a long time where I was like I feel really proud of this and it was exciting really fucking cool and it's a huge achievement and we see from the outside how hard you work and how much hustle there is to get to where you are and we're not saying this to glorify it but it's really hard to grow any business, especially like when you're doing

other businesses and you're a mum and it was an amazing store, an amazing opening and I think it's the first of many. But it's actually really cool too from my perspective. So two stores down from you is Zulu and Zephyr like you just said. So now I was looking at it when I was at your opening and I was like how cool is this? So Zula and Zephyr are some of my best friends. The two girls that own that, they're sisters.

We have gone to school together since we're five years old. They come into my wedding, exactly the same story as you. They started at Bondi Markets. They would go down. I would go down and help them. They just grew from nothing into the juggernaut that they are. And I had this moment where I was looking and I was like, wow, like Tony Mays here on this high street in Bondi, two stores up and my other friends that have just worked so

hard to get there. I was like, this is really a really cool thing to see people in your life absolutely kicking goals. Yeah. And this is the amazing thing, right? I mean, we'll wrap it up in a second. Bondi Markets and so many markets across Australia have created incredible brands.

Samantha Wills? Samantha Wills started at Bondi Markets. There are genuinely so many. Arms of Eve, which is a great jewellery label that's taking over Australia at the moment, they also started at Bondi Markets. There's so many. And, like, it's kind of amazing that something that's so humble,

like being a marquee, which is what we used to refer to ourselves as back in the day. Marquees? I was a marquee, everyone. That it really can be the platform for so many people. And I think it is the reminder that if you have a small business or you have something that you're wanting to do just getting started you don't have to have it perfect it doesn't have to be polished just having a store getting an income in getting an understanding

of like what people like what people are receptive to is like the most incredible way to product test your market and to start just to get started but I think the other thing to note there is to yes exactly what you just said but also this is evidence that it does not happen overnight Like it is, yeah, it is, it's been 15 years in the making to get to where you are now. And obviously you've had success before this. But also, and also I know I had like an incredible privilege of like The Bachelor and like all that that brings in terms of notoriety. Me being your business partner.

And coming into Brittany's orbit. But actually. Forever grateful. The funniest thing was, well I don't know if it's funny, it's just a couple of funny things, but I didn't know that we weren't, we weren't, that you weren't launching that shop. And so I was trying to be a really good friend. You mean the week prior.

Sorry, the week prior, I was like, I'm going to be the best friend. I didn't know it was Secret Squirrel for another week. So I like went down to the street, took all these photos, put the links up, put the store up, shouted Laura out. And it was the way you, you reposted, I think, because I think you were already like, oh, it's out there. But the way you reposted it and you said, I can't remember what you said, but you said something like, I wasn't going to do this yet or something.

And I wrote back and I was like, hang on. I was like, was I not supposed to do this? I thought I was being like a really great friend and I just blew the law. I was like, cat's out of the bag, we're open. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I can delete it. 100,000 people have seen it. I was like, oh, well.

In celebration of the absolute monstrosity that is Married at First Sight coming very shortly to an end, I watched some of last night's episode where it was like quite a spectacular dumping that happened. Yeah, it was the ultimate. Okay, so we thought, why not chuck in a little confessionals and get all your dirty, dark secrets, anonymously, of course, and then air them out to you. Every time we do the confessionals, because we only do it sporadically, I always wish we did it more often because I'm like, I love it. Do you?

Yeah. To be fair, though, we got lesser than this time, and I think it's because last time I said, like, you guys know that you're anonymous but not to us. Like, we know who you are, which is fine. We would never tell anyone. We listen and don't judge. Hand on heart.

Sometimes I judge. No. Hand on heart. I can honestly say I could put my life on anything. I do not click on one person's profile that writes. To me, they are anonymous. I do not look at who you are ever and I can promise you on my life. That actually is correct.

I don't look at people's profiles. I just screenshot. I don't even screenshot. I literally just type it down. So like I see your handle, but I don't care to look. Keisha's like, Keisha, you're not selling it. Guys, send us your confessionals because honestly, they're hilarious. And I think that they're really, they're really like, what's the right word I'm looking for?

Galvanizing is a word you use a lot. I was trying not to use it then. That's what I was. Laura has been thesaurusing after some feedback. Yeah. I've been told, guys, that the word galvanizing is out. And also triangulate. And triangulate is also out.

People play word bingo, actually. Laura hasn't triangulated in a while. Okay. The thing that's really galvanizing is the fact that we're all a little bit fucked up and we all have things to confess and we have all done cook things in our time. Some of them are not as bad as this, but a lot of them are pretty bad. Some are really cute, though, and innocent. I don't mind those ones.

We might read a few of those. Okay. I have a non-cute and innocent one. I mean, it's innocent, but it's just a bit like maybe you need therapy. Here we go. Let's kick it off. I used to use my mum's vibrator. Ew.

Why? No. Stop it. It's so unnecessary. Well, maybe she was young and she didn't have one and she found a mum's and she was like, I'll give that a crack. Yes, it's unnecessary. I would agree.

Unnecessary. It's no. It's a strong no from me. I mean, you use the same fork. sorry where's the similarity keisha i don't know what you do with your forks but i would rather use a cucumber than my mom's vibrator okay which is also from the kitchen i mean would you put it back would you wash it off and use it in a salad you're probably good all right my ex's new girlfriend came into the cafe that i was working in so i spat in her smoothie oh no that's not okay

you can't oh well i was gonna say did she didn't do anything but she might have they might have been cheating or something it doesn't matter that's absolutely overstepping a line one you It's a place that you work. But no judgment because we said no judgment. Oh, sorry, that's right. But, like, don't spit again. Okay. I was on my dad's phone and I saw nudes of his boss's wife.

He's having an affair. With his boss's wife. With his boss's wife. What do you do? What's, like, the outcome here? That's a power play. Do you say something to your dad or do you just – I think you let that go. No.

Dad, snooping on your phone, saw nudes and it was your boss's wife. Yeah, but, like, maybe dad's single. Maybe dad is able to make terrible decisions and choices for himself. I'm not going to get involved if my dad's fucking his boss's wife. Dad, that's your problem. You're a grown man. Maybe your dad's also fucking his boss. You don't know.

Definitely not. Could be consensual. I don't think. Yeah. Regardless of consensual or not, you're not going to sit down with your dad over like beef stroganoff and be like, hey, dad. I think that there are things in life you just don't have to concern yourself with. And this is one of them.

Like your dad is making decisions for himself. You just see that stuff and you just move on with your life. A hundred percent. You pretend it doesn't happen. All right. Here's one. If my husband ever leaves pee on the floor, I wipe it up with his towel and I hang it back up. I support that.

Why is there piss on the floor? That's exactly my point. I'm so confused. If you live with a grown man who is urinating and he can't aim and get in a toilet and he leaves the piss on the floor for you to clean up, I'm all for you doing it with his towel and hanging it back up. Do his toothbrush. That's a bit far. Too far. Okay.

I shat myself on the first day of my new job, so I just chucked my undies out of my car window onto the street. I once shat myself when I was working in the shop years ago please come into Tony Mays still it was in the Bondi store no it was it was in Westfield it was in Westfield and I just thought it was going to be an innocent little toot and it wasn't you shouted and I had to throw my underwear in the bin how much came out enough for me to be horrified horrified and I've honestly never told anyone this until now so this is therapy for everyone I just remember being like Duke was like a horrifying moment i full shit myself standing in my own shop and then had to like we're the only employee yeah i was the only employee but it's an open kiosk store i was

just standing in west at least you're at westfield i mean you could have been in like a standalone shop where there weren't any underwear stores around my store used to be directly across from cotton on body so it was very convenient you put a sign up when you're the only employers like sorry out to lunch back in five we like shat myself back in five okay all right i've been having sex Okay, this one is absolutely wild, guys. Strap on in. I've been having sex with my sister-in-law for four years and she is married to my brother.

So they are having like a same-sex relationship but her sister-in-law is married to her biological brother. Do you reckon the brother knows? Because that's so no. So she's fucking her brother's wife. The brother does not know. Yeah, she's fucking her brother's wife. Oh, my God.

Imagine if you found out that your wife was cheating with your sister. That's like a double betrayal because siblings are supposed to support each other. Yeah. I'm going to be honest. This was a profile I felt like I wanted to click on, but I didn't. But I would love to know and then I would love to go and find a sister too.

I just wanted to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. But we don't do that on air. And we don't judge. Can I read you the next one? Sure. Go double whammy. Okay. This is my last one.

When I was 17, me and my friend drove past my ex's car. I knew that he rarely locked it. I did a poo and I left it on his passenger seat. what she took a dump on his seat you guys are proper cooked it's said me i wonder what the planning of this was were you just driving past or did you deliberately plan your shit for the like the driving time i think you know that your ex-boyfriend doesn't lock his car premeditated in the driveway and you were like i'm going there like under the cloak of darkness oh imagine if he doesn't

Shit in a takeaway container and you dropped it in his front seat. Should we get a dash cam? No, surely it's not in a takeaway container. I think she just did it on the seat. You're not doing it straight from the source. Dude, if you're shitting in your friend's car, in your ex's car, you're not going to say, oh, you know what, I will make it easy for the cleanup.

I'll put it in a takeaway container. It's on there. Oh, no, you're tipping it in. You're not leaving it. Oh, I thought you meant she just put it in a takeaway container. I just imagined that she just backed it out onto the seat. That's what I reckon. I reckon it was a straight evacuation.

The reason why I think that that's not the case is because there's more potential to get caught. Like, the longer you're in there in the scene of the crime. So I think if there was a bit of planning. Also, guys, like, you can do this. If this is something, have you been cheated on? Here's a new way of getting back. Just go shit in their car. It is wild to me what people do.

To be fair, I have one ex who I'd probably shit in his car. If I knew I could get away with it. You could get away with it, except now that you've said you're. Imagine the Daily Mail article, Laura Byrne shits in ex's car. Do you know what I worry about now? There's too many cameras. There's street cameras, front porch cameras, dash cams. There's so, imagine if you got caught and they released it.

If you pulled your pants down in your exit. First of all, it's break and enter. Remember the poo jogger? Yeah. The poo jogger did get into a lot of trouble because there were so many cameras. They kept shitting on someone's doorstep that had a camera. Remember people thought, didn't people think it was Roxy Jacenko? No, no.

Was it her house? No, they never thought it was Roxy. Don't spread rumours, Brit. Roxy Jacenko was the victim of a poo jogger. I'm glad I got that one mixed up. Who kept shitting near her PR offices. Oh, that's right. Something that I have been trying to talk about for the last couple of weeks

but I kept getting sidelined is my algorithm. I have been getting spat out something that is increasing and now it has become well and truly cemented in my feed. And I know that, Britt, you've also started to be fed this. I don't know, Keisha, have you? Is there something that's happening in your life? Definitely not as much as yours. I think it's trending.

I think everyone's getting fed them now. Okay, so this is like what we're talking about is the morning shed routine. Now, very famously in the last couple of days, a lot of media have been talking about a guy called Ashton Hall who does the five-hour routine. And his is around fitness. So it's around like prepping himself for the day. I would be lying if I know the intricacies of this

because I'm not across it fully. Oh, he wakes up at like the crack of dawn. He goes outside on his balcony and does 100 push-ups. He does this whole skin thing, nose thing, breathing thing. He also puts his face, dunks his face in an ice bowl of water for inflammation. Three times. So this starts, his morning starts at 3.50 and it finishes at 9. That's when he's like ready for the day, prepped for the day.

That's over half a day of a work day and he's just ready for it. It's crazy. Now, lots of people have already unpacked this. This is not what I want to talk about, but it does go to show that these morning routines are getting a lot of airtime recently. The morning routine that I am being fed is more of a beauty, a beauty shed. It's a TikTok trend. So it has come about increasingly so recently that this beauty shed trend, which is showing very prominent influences waking up with layers as though they're mummified.

And I'm talking everything from jaw girdles to hydromasks to eye patches. What's a jaw girdle? It's a girdle for your jaw. Like for a double chin? It's meant to like you kind of attach it around your ears and it's meant to like hold your chin. I think you can get two kinds or I don't know if it's like it could be for two reasons. One is that it keeps your jaw shut, so it's meant to encourage nose breathing. And the other is that some people reckon it makes your jaw look more snatched.

Yeah, like holds the double chin up. Yeah, and kind of like, I don't know, holds the bits in and teaches them to not sag. Yeah, I mean, it's to divide gravity. I mean, all of this is around the outrageous standards that there are in order to prevent aging. And also there's been some research that's been done into the fact that we age during the night and as we sleep, purely because of the positions that we sleep in. So wrinkles can happen, gravity happens. I guess like there's some very prominent influencers who are the ones that are leading the charge in this. There's this one woman named NP Miranda, who we both follow. One of her

morning sheds has over 15 million views on it. We'll pop it on social so you guys can see. But I am partly intrigued, fascinated, slightly envious. And then the other side of me, I cannot get my head around it. And I just don't understand how we keep evolving into these new standards of absolute absurdity when it comes to the beauty industry and what it is that we need to do to maintain as women in order to prevent, God forbid, aging. What are the things that she's doing in her videos? Each of them is slightly different, but I'll just talk through like some of the things that she speaks about in her like several hour morning routine. Several hours of this. So she wakes up and she is like mummified. There is layers upon layers. And the theory behind

it is the uglier you go to bed, the more beautiful you wake up in the morning, right? So here are some of the things. She does the ice face water, the same as what we just discussed. She does tongue scraping. She has a navel patch that she wears. So she wears this like a sticky thing over her belly button, which stops any wrinkles on her stomach. So it's not just face, it's a full body thing. That's wild. It also has castor oil in it, which is meant to help with digestion and bloat. She wears a silk bonnet. She has a silk hair wrap. She has a jaw girdle. She wears an overnight hydro face mask she wears eye masks she has a breast pillow pad which stops her breasts from having any crease between them she got a link for that she knows some big boob girls goes and use a

vibrating plate to help with lymphatic drainage i thought you're gonna say the morning routine she goes goes and uses a vibrator i was like that get it girl that one i can get behind wellness is important uh she has mouth tape on then she goes and talks through her collagen supplements that she uses and also all of the other types of like oils and lotions and potions and vitamin C's and serums that she has on her face is like a whole separate part of her skincare routine. I'm tired thinking about it. But this is just it right so the interesting thing to me is like she kind of shows like her routine in the morning she's three quarters of the way through and then her husband who's clearly just gotten out of bed moseys on over gives her a kiss on the cheek and goes on

with his day and I'm like why is it that we have to do this now as women do we have to get up an extra hour early? Are we supposed to be implementing any of this? I'm not convinced that people, I know that these are trending videos and reels and they're getting 15, 20 million views. I'm not convinced that anyone is influencing people to do this. I think people are fascinated by the fact that there are people that are doing this, but I don't think anyone watches these videos and thinks I'm going to start doing that. I'm going to add four extra hours to my day. Not only that, but the expense that that would cost, like every product that she puts on at night, a face mask every night eye mask every night that'll cost that'll cost money it's not like it's just something

where you wrap your hair up in the same silk cotton thread thing for three weeks straight yeah but it's not just the cost I think the thing that really gets me is like the time deficit as women we waste and have to spend so much time on our appearance and I also think yes I do agree with you Brit I'm like absolutely I actually don't think that that many influencers are sleeping like this I know that mouth breathing and tape and all this stuff is kind of really getting a moment in the spotlight but the problem is is I look at it and I'm someone who has very fucking little time to care about any of this stuff like I am as low maintenance as low maintenance comes sometimes I wash my feet in the sink guys like we all know but you did that even when you weren't busy but

this is true I am a low maintenance galley I haven't been to the hairdresser in I've been once a year like to the point where I'm like probably could put a little bit more effort in but even I watch these videos and like how dewy and fresh and young and aspirational their skin looks in the morning once they've done their shed I'm like should I at least try and entertain half of this or a quarter of this or maybe I need a jaw girdle gravity's taking hold baby I think I'm trying to play devil's advocate here because I have a couple of things that I like to do at night time and I tell myself it's because it's meant to help with sleep like I'll lay on my Shakti mat I've been spraying magnesium you know that salt lab magnesium spray on my feet because it's meant to help with

sleep I have this spray that's called this works and I don't know whether it does or not it's like a lavender spray that's meant to encourage restful sleep sometimes I'll do the little massage ball and and I'm kind of like oh this is a nice moment of self-care you know like I'm putting a little bit of time it'll only be 10 to 15 minutes or whatever I think that's different though because that's about your relaxation and also helping you get a good night's sleep as opposed to trying to wake up beautiful yeah but I wonder if maybe like there is a bit of a crossover I wonder if there's a bit of a crossover of women kind of going oh these are the things that I do at night time to kind of like make my morning quicker you know I used to I used to use them quite a bit I haven't

used them for a little while actually but face tan drops because it gives you a bit of color to your skin so I find that in the morning if I have that I don't have to put foundation on similar to getting like eyelashes or eyebrows done it kind of takes out that step in the morning well this is the thing that I find really interesting is that it definitely is straddling two different trends one is obviously like the beauty industry which you know we can talk about all day around the problems and issues that align with like the expectations of women but the other is that it's straddling this type of wellness trend and that the way that it's being positioned throughout TikTok and social media is that it's it's you clawing back time for yourself it's you doing

something that makes you feel good about yourself but I don't know I kind of call bullshit on that I call bullshit because it's not clawing back time for yourself Keisha you just said you do it to make your morning routine quicker you put your tan drops on so you lose a step in the morning this is adding hours of time to somebody's day in the morning I don't know many people that has the time energy or money to be doing that I also think that if you went and looked at all of these comments on these trending videos a lot of it would be outrage a lot of it is not like oh my god can you link that product or like people are saying but I am interested in the boob separation thing that would be well no this is the thing though right they're trying to say that it's actually meant to reduce

effort so it's meant to be passive so instead of you having to go and get your facials and do all these other things it's like do the prep pre going to bed so that the work is done while you're asleep and then literally all you're just taking off the layers in the morning i would rather go and get a facial once a month than add four hours to my beauty routine in the morning i will wake up as late as now i love skin right you know that i actually really care about it i make sure i use great products i make sure i don't go to bed with makeup on your skin looks great at the moment bread besides the lumps on my face right now this is a one-off but I do have nice skin because I look after it I will say that you genuinely do my skin is great because I genuinely care about it

but you do not need to be putting four hours in every single day and I hate that people are being sold that and like as much as I can laugh about it I was telling Keisha before but I have a product that I put on my chest at night I'm a side sleeper and now people may or may not know this but like hands neck and chest are your first parts of your body to age and to show signs of aging hands are because they're always in the sun, whether you're driving, walking, whatever, your whole life. Mine's my neck for sure. Yeah. And so neck and chest age really quickly. Now, if you're a side sleeper like me, I have slept on my side every night of my life, your chest creases. And that's why you get wrinkles

quicker because you're on your side, it wrinkles all night and it just happens quicker. So I bought this thing. It was on like Shark Tank years ago. It was a real startup. I know what you're talking about. It's a silicone pad that you lay on your, it's a reusable silicone pad that stops your decolletage from wrinkling so you can get it for face there's loads of different areas and it shapes that body part so I got it for my chest you reuse it you just peel it off put it back onto its sheet use it at night so I use that at night you don't notice it's there but it takes two seconds of prevention the night before like I put my skincare on slap it on my chest and go to bed and I actually think that really works yeah

but this is one step of this right totally I get what you're saying and I know that you're like hey people will pick and choose the bits and parts yeah but like you're already doing a version of what this shed is obviously people like np miranda who are like leading the charge on this are doing a very extreme version but i do think that over time these things are going to creep into our beauty routines and it might be very extreme at the moment but beauty pads overnight face masks eye masks like chin girdles this shit i guarantee you in the next five six years it's going to become way more, way more common. And also it already is. So many people are mouth taping because there's so much conversation around mouth breathing versus nose breathing. Every second ad

on Instagram is the magnets that you can put in your nose to open your airways. My boyfriend's been using them. The conversation around health, wellness, and beauty is starting. And I know it's always been overlapped, but the overlap is becoming far more severe. I think it's also wild that they've almost run out of things that they can market to you when you're conscious. So And now they're actually marketing products to us when we're unconscious as well. I don't have a problem when the things like mouth taping and nose taping and things like that, when there's science behind the fact that it can help someone sleep, if you are having problems sleeping, if you have sleep apnea, if you're a snorer, there's a lot of

reasons that scientifically or medically that that is backed. I don't have a problem with that at all. I know a lot of people that do it and swear by it and it's changed the way that they sleep. My problem is when it's been sold to you to wake up beautiful as a woman, you have to have these four hours of prep, whereas men wakes up and gets on with his day. Well, no, that's where I think it is interesting because I do think there's still a gender disparity. I do still think we're still seeing morning preps for men. They just look very different. They circle around fitness, wellness, around mouth breathing, but there's just a

difference between how it's gendered. For women, it's around beauty. For men, it's around strength and wellness. The other thing that it kind of reminded me of is when I did the project last year was it last year before I can't even remember but before Lisa Wilkinson left the project we did one of the shows together and we were sitting in the makeup chair having a conversation around kind of started off around like how much time has to be put into makeup like as in like you literally have to get there so early and it's been takes so long especially if you're not doing the morning shed but it also kind of turned into a conversation around pay disparity so something that Lisa Wilkinson said is she was like oh you know what doesn't get taken into account when it

comes to women's pay especially in media is how much time we sit in this makeup chair and we sit getting our hair done and so from memory and i don't want to quote the timing's wrong but if you're on the project as a woman you have to get there at 11 a.m in the morning the show doesn't start until what is it six or seven p.m at night time and the reason that you get there from that early is because you also have to do all the prep for the day you've got to understand what the content is but then you sit in a makeup chair for one and a half to two hours while you get your full hair done your full makeup done and when you think about people who are in that position every single day the women have to sit there and get it all done the guys just come and get a touch

up so they get to do an hour and a half less prep essentially than what the women do and this is not isolated to the project by any means this is every single female reporter anybody who works as a woman within this industry and I know that your thought might be like well why don't you just say no just don't get it just don't go on there you won't get the jobs you won't get the jobs the expectation is as a woman you present in a certain way especially within media if Sarah Harris or Lisa Wilkinson sat on that desk without a full face of makeup and their hair done perfectly people would be like she looks like a mess you know the feedback for taking that time back would be so negative but there's no additional payment there's no additional remuneration for the

amount of time it takes to just be a fucking woman and I know that that kind of deviates a little bit but I mean I guess the link in here is that like the expectation for women to put so much more effort in for dates for their morning shed for their night time five step ten step whatever the step routine is there's already such a deficit of time that we lose out on going back to this guy that's trending for his 3 a.m wake up call five hour routine there's always been this story about how to be uber successful and a lot of mainly men have gone to say that to be successful we get up at 3 30 or 4 a.m i'm talking about like the ceo of apple mark Wahlberg who starts his routine at 3.45. I think there's always been an obsession with famous and

wealthy people's morning routines and how they set their day up in order to be millionaires or billionaires. Well, what I wanted to say is the Sydney Morning Herald did an article running on successful people that get up at the crack of dawn to be at their work by 9am, have already worked out, have meditated, have done whatever. Yeah, they're insane morning routines. Yeah, They've said here, Jennifer Aniston rises at 4.30 to chug a mug of hot lemon water while Michelle Obama wakes at that hour to work out. So they also in the article put Mel Robbins, they put Tim Cook, who is the CEO of Apple. He gets up at 3.45am.

And so under all of these people in this article, they also included our very own Australian Jane Liu. So she is the founder and CEO of Shopo, uber successful, self-made. Jane, 8.30, wakes up, splashes water on her face, gets coffee and breakfast, goes to work at 9.30. And I was like, I just love the flex that you, we always sold this. Like you have to be up. Your bed has to be made by 4am.

You have to have meditated. You have to have journaled. And she's living proof. And I love the fact that she's like, I literally do nothing and I am still successful. This is something that I loved talking to Mark Manson, who wrote The Subtle Ladder, not giving a fuck on the episode of him on cloud. And we were talking about morning routines and productivity. And for us, we were talking about it in line with ADHD.

but I remember when I was doing breakfast radio and it was almost this competition of who had the biggest struggle because who got the least amount of sleep who had to get up the earliest like all of the journalists that work within that network would have to get up a lot earlier than us and we had to get up really bloody early like they were up between 2 30 and 3 30 I think most of their wake-up calls were and it almost seemed to be this like battle between who had it the worst so therefore who worked the hardest you know and for me it was just so weird having this really early alarm always in line with it meant that you were a really hard worker and chatting with Mark Manson he was kind of like yeah no that doesn't work for me like I don't get

up at the crack of dawn and hit my hardest task first and try and get all these things done he was like I have to kind of ease into my morning and you know I'll ease in by doing the smaller tasks first and lead up to the bigger ones and this was literally a question I wrote down for this conversation I was like is this just now a new sense of competition yeah which it just is when you think about all the things that we compete in when it comes to hustle culture when it comes to anti-aging when it comes in like it is just another competition and I know that the content is fascinating but I do think it kind of sets this conversation around like well what are you doing with your morning to be the best version of yourself well it is time for suck and sweet

I'll highlight now low light over the week I will kick it off breaking the rules I don't care what you say. My face is my suck. My series of unfortunate events that have unfolded the week before I'm supposed to go and have sex with my fiance is my suck. They're partly my sweet because they're made for good stories. I mean, I don't want you to have like, you know, a bacterial infection. My thrush is your sweet. And to be honest, I don't have thrush yet. I think it'll come tomorrow because I've just started my antibiotics. I am pending thrush. I am going to rush down and I am going to buy some thrush cream. What is your sweet for the week? My sweet was on saturday i got a message from my friend who lives in london laurie love you she does it

to me every time though i got a message from her being like hey babes coming back i'll be there on sunday can i stay for a while and i was like yeah you can stay on sunday thinking i was like of course you're always welcome laurie sounds like a vibe but i do not understand people no because it's crazy to me that she comes from england she comes from overseas and just randomly texts and goes hey I'll be there in a day like that is like the most extreme version of someone rocking up at your house without an invite yes and you might remember I talked this is the same girl I spoke about that did this like six or eight months ago last time she came to visit we've been friends forever we lived together in London but I was like yeah of course thinking

that I had a week to prepare she meant Sundays in like 10 hours she's like cool I'm in Dubai at the moment and I was like oh sorry I was like you mean Sunday like tomorrow she's like yeah I was like in 10 hours. She's like, yeah. I said, what time did you arrive? She's like 6am. I was like, oh, okay. So I'm going to bed now. I'll see you in five hours. I was like, so you mean five hours time? And she's like, correct. And I was like, cool. Doesn't matter because it doesn't affect my life. She comes and goes and I don't have kids and I've got a room for her. It doesn't matter. But it's always funny that she blows in on my doorstep. I woke up, I just left a key out. I didn't even get up. I woke up in the morning and she was there on the lounge with Delilah. And I was like,

this is actually brilliant. So my sweet is the fact that I had a surprise visit from a friend that I have been friends with forever and it was just so nice to have someone else in my house. We were having dinner together. We've been having a great little time. Having nice company. I dropped her off today. She's gone.

Bye, Laurie. Bye, Laurie. She'll be back. She's probably just messaged the person that she's going to stay at the house with tonight. That's what she would do, bless her soul, but she's the kind of person that everyone would have at any time, you know. Well, my sweet for the week, I'm also breaking the rules

with it being work and shop related. I'm literally leaving here now to go to the other store because we've closed our Paddington store for three weeks why we renovate that one. So there's nothing like managing three renovations at the one time. I don't want to say it. It's self-inflicted. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm the only person I can blame for this. And my – oh, I did it the wrong way around. That was my sweet. Yeah, you do fuck everything up. Whatever. Go back to the sock. We don't care. We love you.

Go to the sock now. My sock for the week is we – so obviously, like, guys, we've been doing this renovation, speaking of renovations, at our Allah Dullah house, like the house Shantamurr. Shantamurr.com. Shanta.mer.house, if you're not following her on Instagram. It's been a fun reno project. All I want for this house is for it to be fucking fun and wacky.

It's a holiday house. And also finished. And finished. I want it to be done. We really lent into this maxi-minimalist kind of theme, and I am fucking loving it. Like, I love the house. It's come together so well.

It looks cool. We posted one of the bathroom reveals, which was, It is shocking to me how angry some people get about renovation content when it's a renovation that they don't like. Not really shocking because you have rage baited and you talk about rage baiting. Yeah, but this would be shocked that they're raging.

This one wasn't even a rage bait. This was just like, hey, guys, here's our bathroom. And then people were like, f*** you for f***ing the bathroom, you f***ing f***. And I was like, it's my bathroom. Can we beep those out? That's a lot of swearing. And I was like, and this one woman wrote, she was like,

I would never choose to stay here because of the aesthetic. And I was like, Lisa, girlfriend, chill. You're not invited. It's my house. You can't come stay. That would be weird. I wouldn't even take a dump in that bathroom. I'd rather take a dump in my ex's car.

Here is the Daily Mail article it sent me, guys. Here's the headline. There's an article in your bathroom? Yes. Laura Byrne slammed for ugly bathroom renovation. Slow news week. Looks like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on acid. And it does.

And I fucking love it, guys. Keisha, you're looking at me with pity. No, it's because so much content about you, for some reason people just associate acid with a lot of it. You were the praying mantis on acid on Dancing with the Stars and now you're Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on acid. There is a theme. I've moved past that part of my life.

Maybe it's because I come across as a bit scatty to some people. Maybe. I think I come across as a bit like woo-hoo. I do think you give that vibe. Yeah. I don't do acid, everyone, just to make it real clear in case there's been any confusion here. But the house is almost finished and, look,

the renovation is coming together so well. I think you have to expect it when you're literally asking for an opinion. You have to expect that people aren't going to like it, but it's definitely the way that they say it. You don't have to be that rude and nasty. You can just be like, yep, not for me. Don't love this. Don't love the color palette because you've asked for it. So people are going to say it, but you don't have to like DM privately. I think that there is a line when you ask for people's opinions and you ask for people's engagement. Don't get me wrong. Like I genuinely love that that account has created such conversation. Like, you know, it's got like 700 comments people really are engaged in reno content and people feel really passionately about

it but people also have very passionate ideas around having something that's got resale value that doesn't go too outside the box because you know you don't want to have anything that's too polarizing because then you're going to affect selling the house down the line and i'm like wouldn't it be nice if we were all just able to design a house based on our own style and the things that we like and a room that sparks a bit of joy even if it's weird and you might not like it personally i would just like to see the house we were invited for christmas last year they was very optimistic at how quickly you're going to finish that you were like guys it'll be done by chrissy we'll be in we'll have a great weekend down there we're gonna have summer it's christmas

it's christmas we're gonna have an awesome winter down there in the coastal home so like that's coming christmas 2025 i can't wait to use your fucking ugly bath yeah i'm gonna dump that's my ensuite you will not use it anyway you can use the one downstairs which is way fucking ugly are, so you wait till people see that one. Anyway, guys, look, if you love the episode or you want to leave us a review, let us know what you think of things. Do it fucking kindly. Tell us that you like the bath.

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