Life Uncut - The Most Divisive Voice Memo We've Ever Heard & Keeshia's Emotional Send-Off

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

Hey Lifers! Grab the tissues for this one, it's Keeshia's very last episode with us.Britt's off-the-shoulder wardrobe malfunction nearly gives poor Lachy a heart attack, the girls compare their infamous "keyword" notes, and we unpack the great Butter Yellow Instagram takeover of 2026 (and how the algorithm knows exactly which conspiracy theory to serve you next). There's also a deep dive into the emergency alert conspiracy rabbit hole, and a quiche-making disaster. Then it's time to say goodbye. We take a walk down memory lane through five and a half years of Keeshia, from the 40-minutes-late first lunch meeting in Bondi, to the wedding dress airport security saga, to a truly staggering amount of bin chat. It's emotional, it's chaotic, and it's very, very us. To close things out, we play the most divisive voice memo in Life Uncut history: a guy who sent his date an extremely detailed message about needing to "test sexual compatibility" on a second date, and debate whether brutal honesty like that deserves applause or side-eye. Naturally, that leads us back to the greatest voice memo of all time: the man who followed up a month of silence with a 10-second recording of a fart he found on the internet. We need your rogue voice memo stories, send them in. TIMESTAMPS00:00 - Intro: Britt's see-through top mishap and the Butter Yellow Instagram takeover05:30 - Keeshia’s Aus Alert conspiracy rabbit hole10:00 - Laura’s quiche disaster15:30 - Keeshia’s goodbye22:30 - Keeshia's five-and-a-half-year walk down memory lane32:30 - Voice memo etiquette and the viral "sexual compatibility"48:30 - THE fart voice memo, plus sucks, sweets and Keeshia's final sign-off Keep your questions coming! Slide into the Life Uncut DMs at @lifeuncutpodcast on Instagram You can watch us on Youtube Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Keeshia Pettit Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. Hi Brittany. We've got a big episode for you guys today. Yeah, Britt's boobs are here. Yeah, Britt's boobs have arrived. What I was just about to say. Can we give some context to that? I'm about to, yeah. Okay, good. Sorry, I didn't realize. I thought you were about to just move steamroll right on. I actually was and then I covered. I was going to steamroll. No, I was going to, firstly, I was going to say

sometimes I wish we record the hour before we record because that would have been the most brilliant episode. The shit that we talk about and how funny it is before we actually press record, sometimes I think

that was our best work. No, I disagree. I think if someone listened to the last hour of us, they would just think that we were unhinged, deranged and we would absolutely be cancelled because for all the things

that we covered, we actually covered nothing. So if someone had to listen to an hour of that, they'd be really upset. So today I have decided that I am going to try and wear the clothes that I own. I own a lot of clothes. I'm just guilty of wearing the same thing.

Yeah, including undies. Ha ha ha, joke. No, I'm guilty of wearing the same thing. I like just to wear the same tops over and over and over again because I like them and they're comfortable or whatever. Same pants, whatever. But I do own a lot of clothes and I just don't get the wear. So I thought I'm going to start trying to actually wear the clothes in my wardrobe.

And I found this beautiful maroon top that matches my maroon nails. and I thought bingo anyway I haven't really worn it before and I got in here and it's one of those one of those shirts you know the shirts that's off the shoulder and you can't lift your arms up it's like you're in a straight jacket so it's like I'm a t-rex I can't lift my arms above shoulder level but it's also very transparent well it's not it's just got a fold down flat bit and the fold down flat bit is the bit that covers your boobs that's not transparent but underneath it it's transparent I think it's all mesh right we were it's just the layers of mesh that make it Anyway, we were sitting here and Brit didn't have the flat pulled down

and just had her boobs out. I was like, hey, I can see your breasts. And instead of doing what most normal people do, which is just go, oh, sorry, and then they cover it up. Even though we had our entire staff in the room, she was like, fucking what of it? What of it? What are you going to do about it?

I was like, is it making you uncomfortable? And then realised 10 minutes later that actually it was just completely see-through and it was probably something you didn't need to be so stubborn about. Honestly, our poor staff, sometimes I'm like, lucky we've made you sign your life away. Lockie, our video guy, I just said to him, hey, Lockie, if you see my boobs come out, blink twice. He's like, what is my job?

And I was like, I was like, I realize how that sounds. Well, look, something else that we just covered in there is, okay, we come in to these records. We all prep our own stuff. We've got some important things to talk about. Today is actually a very, very important episode for some reasons that we will get into shortly as Keisha dribbles all over herself. this is definitely a video episode isn't it we're doing this on youtube we're putting keisha into a home that's where she's going she started dribbling and she makes no sense we got a

discount on a great retirement home so we all prep differently for these episodes we have a run sheet that we all work off but individually we have our own notes and i like to put key words down that's how i do things and sometimes i put some paragraphs but i'm like a keyword kind of person i just need like one little thing that jolts my memory if you listen to last wednesday's episode I just kind of referred back to what my notes were for that episode and this is what I wrote down Sudafed Celine Dion how do I live without you NSYNC's bye bye bye and Laura is in debt and loves to orgasm and truly I think that we covered all points I think we really did I'm glad but you know the funniest part is is that we know exactly what you mean by those keywords like

that is enough for us to be like oh yeah I know that do you want to know what this one's list is okay this one's list is quiche fail buddy yellow playlist quiche abandoned us so we'll get into all of the rest do you know i'm just looking at i just pulled up mine now my keywords are b ring sardinia grass quiche bye bye bye i don't know about the buddy yellow uh it's because i'm i have a question more so to pose to everyone i want to know who universally decided that buddy yellow was the text color that we're all going to start using on instagram like what happened I know that it's like the whimsy of Instagram now and everyone's using butter yellow but I don't know when it universally took a stranglehold on us but I noticed it now that

it's only butter yellow that's the acceptable text color well when I was brittlely Britain Italy I actually chose a more vibrant yellow for that reason to stand out and I'm not really up with the trends I went like a lemon yellow like limoncello yeah but that was more capri i think in general there's this real trend at the moment across instagram where everyone has universally decided that butter yellow is the way to communicate the problem is this everyone if everyone's doing the same thing you no longer stand out i'm such a sheep i have a video coming out a couple of weeks and i'm like do i need to change the text color is it too late laura is approved laura used butter yellow as well it's

it is in yeah yeah i think i've used it yeah you used it for your india series i just used bold black outline with the most basic white text. Anyway, look, I feel like that's probably the most base thing I wanted to talk about today. It has well and truly taken over my algorithm. And so I was like, oh, this is what we're doing now. And so of course I do the same thing. But the other thing that took over my algorithm this week, guys, I know that it's because I am like trad wife adjacent at the moment where I'm really liking, I'm cottagecore girl. That's what I found a label for where I'm liking making all this stuff and gardening and yada, yada, yada. The amount of OzAlert conspiracy theories that took over my algorithm, I closed Instagram

because I was like, I can't see another. The first one that I saw, I thought was satire, but then the laugh never came. I think you need to expand. Okay. So I did get one message and I really, I regret not having explained the difference between there were a lot of posts going around being like, if you're in a DV relationship and you have a spare phone, like a secondary phone, you need to make sure you turn it off. I was not referring to people.

I'm silencing those as well I was getting like I cannot explain the amount of videos I got that were talking about it being on a bad frequency that's going to activate stuff in your body if you got the COVID jab apparently the frequency was doing things to metal that they've been poisoning us with it got to the point where I was like I can't believe what I'm hearing do you know what I think I think Instagram has looked at your algorithm and they're like the venn diagram of cottage core or whatever you described that bitch wants conspiracy they're like trad wife yeah conspiracy theory here you go here's some here's some she's against plastics at the moment you know what else she's probably gonna be against the jab she's against the jab

it's also because it knows what you've bought which is like grounding mats sound bowls water filters i've got water filters now that's okay water filters i'm on that i'm on board with a water filter but you're in the same ad group as the people who bought a shark d-mat so they like shark demat you bought that and so they're like yeah osgrid conspiracy so really you've done it to yourself i do feel responsible but it has been quite interesting to see like just how quickly meta is able to kind of take that one thing also there was so much irony in the fact that people were posting this they were talking about you know the oz alert was apparently the way for the government to like infiltrate your devices and i was like you're posting this on meta like i just

yeah you've been infiltrated they know more than the government and arguably they're more regulated than better off it's a wild girl who works in radio who was posting this stuff and i was like you work at a radio station you work on the frequencies do you go into the comment section though because that's where i find like the true joy lives like it's either people engaging because they also relate to the conspiracy in which case like that's always funny or it's people who are like wow you've stood too close to the microwave do you know what I mean like they're also bad but like you scramble your insides do you go down that deep of the rabbit hole because the problem is I guess like this is this isn't a hot take but the problem is is the content that

you engage with even if you engage with it out of outrage or you engage with it because it's so outrageously stupid the internet can't tell the difference it's not like oh you watch that because you don't like it it's just going to serve more to you anyway you know what I mean thanks laura no it does groundbreaking it really does laura's the internet doesn't know why you watch that thanks laura it thinks you're just as silly no i think i was like kind of seeing it all and i i ended up taking a step back you know and going i really hope that these people who are disabling this and kind of spreading this misinformation about this oz alert system are never the ones who need it i remember growing up we used to have bushfires around my home

all the time like nearly every summer and they were like threatening the houses bushfires so we used to get those texts all the time and they're also sent out for people who were like missing people who might be elderly with dementia or you know what I mean and I just thought gosh I really hope that you guys are never in the position where you would benefit from this system like if your loved one went missing or if you know your house was under threat from an actual emergency and you've you've kind of gone down this rabbit hole and hearing people say that it's really bad for you and that kind of thing it's just a text message yeah there was like a darker side to it so that was my whole week well actually it wasn't your whole week your whole weekend was spent making

sourdough and doing the cottage core things that have made your life more whimsy and I had a moment because I was on Instagram and I was looking at what you were doing and I was like you know because I'm not a cook I don't really cook that's not my thing oh you know go fuck yourself I can't I can't talk so Marley Spoon use Laura Brittany Orkin if anyone wants to use my code Marley Spoon unless it is laid out for me unless it is made so simple I'm a terrible cook however I do sometimes like I'll try something at a cafe or whatever and then I'll have like a burst of some might call it undiagnosed ADHD and I'll go you know what I'm going to try and cook that random thing no recipe right so on the weekend I was like you know I really love these vegetable frittatas that I have

at this cafe that I go to. And I was like, I'm going to cook them. It can't be that hard. So I whipped everything out. I literally used every ingredient in the fridge. I made all these frittatas and I had this moment where I was like, trad wife, eat your heart out. May one of them can run a business and make a fucking quiche.

Woo! Makes one meal. I was like. What is it, Martha Stewart? I also. The amount of time that I spent whilst cooking these quiches, just wanting like the public applaud. Like I told Ellie what I was doing.

I told Matt, you know, Matt wasn't, he didn't give me enough gratitude. So I went back and told Ellen. She put an Oz alert out. Everybody, I'm making Keisha. Strap in. So we recently bought these like, what are they called? Trays? They're like silicone.

Shut up. We bought these. It's giving tray. Silicone trays, right? Silicone. Because we were trying to like reduce plastic and reduce like the Teflon and Tefl and all that sort of stuff. so like we'll get the silicon one they don't leach plastics into your food anyway health so

i cooked i cooked these what were delicious quiches like spent way too much time cook them watch them in the oven so they didn't burn spent all of my loving care and energy in them and they popped out perfect they looked great i was like kids lunches sorted protein oh i really am the best mom anyway i was like you know what i'm just gonna taste test these and i had a mouthful and I was like fuck they tasted weird hey hey hey well oi how old were the eggs no the eggs were fine she goes one eggs they tasted they tasted completely like soap like the more I ate them the more I was like these quiches taste like soap then I was like hey Ellie try one of my quiches Ellie

oh you know she's too polite to tell you that something's bad so she was like god they they have a bit of a taste don't they i was like yeah i can't quite put my finger on it that ate when he was like that's so laura it turns out no i didn't know this if you wash silica and trays in the dishwasher with a dishwashing tablet they absorb the chemicals of the dishwashing tablet so not so good but the problem is is the one thing that we do do in our house is like we make all poppy's food because we're like you know just trying to do the right thing for poppy health and hashtag i've been feeding the kid dishwashing chemicals for her whole life that's why she's She's always so smiley.

She's high. I've cooked her. That's why the kid's always like. I know we laugh about this, but like, honestly, I thought I was doing the right thing. It's the first time I properly tried the food that I cooked in the trays and I was like, oh, I've cooked this. That's nine months.

Not good. Not good. Not a good start to life. It's a lot of stuff making sense here. It's so funny you say that. I hadn't thought about this. The day before I flew back here home and left Ben, I had this trad wife moment as well.

I don't know if it was inspired by Keisha, but I was like, I just feel like I need to bake a cake. like I feel like I need to bake a cake what is it with this for someone who doesn't cook so obviously there's people who cook a lot and like you're a better human than what we are yeah but for people who just don't cook ever and then spontaneously one day you wake up and you have this like impulsive must scratch urge to cook something I don't know what it is it's the same I only get like three moments a year like when something hits me remember last year the moment was like I cleaned my house big moment I just like I'm gonna make a cake and so I went

got all the ingredients and I actually followed a recipe I am such a bad cook I can't even follow a recipe and I don't know what happens anyway made this cake Ben got home from work and I didn't taste it it was just out of the oven I was like this is gonna be sick put it on the rack let it like air cool or whatever they do with the cakes so it was air cooling she air dried it I air dried it on the line put on the clothesline and so then Ben comes home and he's like he could smell it smell amazing he's like did you make what you cooked because he's shocked and I said yeah baby made you a cake. And it was his favorite cake, which is a lemon cake. Anyway, he goes up to take a piece and I started to be like, cut it properly. Cause he went to just like break the corner off

and it wouldn't even bend. And I was like, he's like, what is it? And I was like, what? And he was trying to snap a piece off and it was so rock solid. I don't know what I didn't put in it. You ended up being able to smash it on like a corner and it didn't break. He's like, what have you done and I was like I actually can't be sure threw it out I'm never baking a cake again that's the demoralizing part when you make something from scratch and then the entire thing ends up in the bin because you try one bit and you're like this is an inedible project it is a science project I made a paper mache I don't even think would burn on a volcano poor poppy poor poppy's got chemical poisonings but we can love about it anyway look we have some far more important

things to talk about on this episode than quiches we have another quiche to talk about But the real quiche, the OG quiche. This is very self-indulgent to me, to be honest. No, why is it? Explain why you feel self-indulgent. There's just been a lot of mention of me in the last, like, 15 minutes. We'll never talk about you again after today. See ya!

One and done, baby. If you guys missed last week's episode, on Wednesday we broke some very, very sad news. the saddest thing that's happened to Life Uncut in the past five years really is because we are not a team that changes very often we are not a team that has or loses like when I say loses like we don't have staff turnover we have our same team that we don't have staff we don't have staff turnover we never have had to say a big goodbye to anyone and last Wednesday we spoke about it and we broke the news that Keisha is moving on and we love you and we're going to miss you so much. We're like, you know, genuinely devastated that you are not going to be here to be part of

what we've all created together. We love doing this podcast with you. You have been behind the scenes. You've been in front of the scenes. You've been in the Facebook. You've been such a huge and monumental part of what this podcast is and the conversations that we get to have every day and also just our lives personally too like a monumental part of our lives I mean that really infiltrated everywhere yeah there wasn't much choice at the start she was like I am here I said can I move into your house oh yeah you did you moved into my house can I take your dog I want to be everywhere but you know that period as well like when Keish first started with us and just to kind of like set the scene for you guys so it was in the middle of COVID right so

Keish moved from Melbourne to Sydney moved here started working for Life Uncut and I had just had Lola like Lola was only a couple of weeks old when we went out for lunch and had this first meeting with this girl who had slid into our DMs relentlessly Laura didn't want to meet you because Laura didn't know you but she was like I'm not ready to hand over any of life uncut work like Laura's like we've always had our roles and she's like I'm not ready and I was like well you literally are breastfeeding with a child you don't have a choice like we're gonna meet this girl and we're so glad that we decided to meet you and even at the time Keisha was like I will like the level of go-getter in you they're like I will work for free I will do anything and I was like

you absolutely we can pay you it's because I came from radio and they train you that way I was like you will absolutely never work for free come let's see how it goes and we went out for lunch this day and we left lunch and we were like she's fucking amazing we love her remember how late she was to the interview though she was like half an hour late and we were like I was driving from the northern beaches if anyone doesn't know Sydney traffic's really unpredictable and I was driving to Bondi and I just really underestimated how long that drive would take and I was so flustered because in my personal life I was I was also dating like this terrible person and I was so chaotic myself and I knew that you know I was going to meet you guys I'd been working by a

distance for you guys for a couple of weeks to months I can't remember but I'd never met you in person and I had a bit of a parasocial relationship with you because I'd listened to the podcast beforehand and so I knew that this was like this was a cool thing I was going to have lunch with you guys at this nice place in Bondi and like actually get to know each other and then I was fucking 40 minutes late you know the funniest part of that when I remember back I remember it was in Bondi Laura and I live both live in Bondi one's at one end and one's at the other and I had walked to lunch and I remember at the end Keisha was like I'm so sorry I was late let me drop you home and I was like no it's okay I'm not far I can walk and she's like no let me

drop you home it's the least I can do so I was like okay wherever you park she's like just up so we start walking to her car it took me longer to walk to keisha's car park than to walk home we were walking for 20 minutes and i was like mate i could have been the other direction i was like she's like just a bit further and i was like did you fucking walk from the northern besides that i had adhd would definitely but you know what like that was five years ago now actually a little bit more than yeah and you became part of not just Life Uncut but you become part of our lives in every way and I know one of the things we covered on Wednesdays last week is that it feels bigger than just an employee

moving on and what we know from you guys as well and something that we think is so important to recognize is we know it's bigger to you than just an employee moving on like we know the impact it has we know how missed you're going to be Keish and we just want you to know how much we love you and how much we value everything that you've contributed to this podcast and that no matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter what you put your time and your energy to, we will always be a part of your life and be friends. And sometimes we might not be able to support you publicly.

But we'll support you privately. No, I'm a trauma joker. You know that. Listening back to last week, I was like, oh, gosh, keep it together. You know, like this is a big deal for me. But like people listening, they just they want a bit of escapism. escapism they wouldn't want to have a laugh and like it's not all about me being all emotional and all sad and I I told myself I wasn't gonna cry and I also looked in my makeup bag this morning

and I was like why the fuck don't I own waterproof mascara I knew that this would happen you got to get the tubular stuff it's better anyway but I am so grateful I just yeah I I don't I don't want to say anything that feels like it's you know too self-indulgent but this podcast has meant absolutely everything to me and I'm so grateful for everyone like joining in on the laughs and joining in on the more serious and that kind of thing and I've just felt so supported like it really does feel like the biggest group of friends and again like we said last week sometimes podcasts will talk like that and it seems a little bit like oh you know everybody says that but genuinely it feels it and I could feel it in my dms last week I actually took like three days to go into the

Facebook group I don't know why I did this I just I knew I would be emotionally overwhelmed and for some reason I can kind of shut down a little bit and like go to ground and I was like I just don't want to read that because I know it'll make me really emotional and really upset even though it's the most beautiful and positive things that I've ever read and far out for someone who craves validation in the way that I do that that'll do me through to the rest of the year oh well you can screenshot them and look back because if we delete the post no it's surreal it's surreal that this is the last episode that you'll be on after five years it's like when you voice something out loud it's harder yeah and that's that's it's harder it's

hard it's hard it's hard it's hard and that is that is what we wanted to talk about because this is the last episode that keisha's going to be on yeah but we've made you a little walk down memory lane of the last five and a half years of some very keisha-esque moments from the podcast I'm Keisha Pettit, or some of you will know me as Producer Keisha from Life Uncut. One thing that did happen in 2021 that I think we can look positively on is we welcomed Producer Keisha to the team. And I was really excited to record with you. I feel a bit scatty.

What happened? The garbage bins woke me up so early. I've just realized something else I'm really pissed off about. Oh my god, what? The size of my bins. The feedback has been taken on board. there was one comment on Spotify that said this bin story is beyond boring. Why am I so obsessed with bins?

I actually cut out some bin content. Which I say, I'm sorry, I've taken your feedback on board and I'll just go and f*** myself, okay? Everyone who does the treatment likes for you to do the butt situation in a different way. So I've been on my tummy, I've been on my side, leg. Don't say you've been on your back. You've been on your back.

I've been on my back. And lifted your legs. And folded your butt. Whatever made me do a f***ing bridge, you know how that you're like. No, Keisha! No! Stop. I've been bungee jumping.

Oh, we know, Keisha. Oh, we know. We were sitting there on the couch watching bread. Mitch and I, hand in hand, really absorbed. And then Keisha goes, I've been to Africa. I did the bungee jump. Let me show you photos. And we're like, Keisha, not now.

And you were like, hold on. I've even got a video recording of me screaming. Sorry, when was the last time you were with wild rhinos? When was the last time you saw a zebra milking its calf? Oh my gosh, I've actually just had a moment of self-awareness. When I came to your house to watch I Am A Celeb and I kept showing you photos of Africa. Fuck, I'm this person. I'm so sorry.

There are so many things in my mind that I deem a laptop only activity. Like I could only book accommodation on a laptop. I would literally book my own funeral on my phone. I'll do everything. I'm thinking of getting a desktop because some things to me feel too casual even for a laptop. I don't think I would make a purchase of over $300 on a phone. It just seems too airy-fairy and casual for me.

I asked Keisha if she would actually be in charge of taking my wedding dress to my wedding. Yeah, this is a point of contention in our friendship group. I don't care about the bridesmaid request but the dress. So I was like, who out of my friends can I trust? and no offence Laura but Keisha's name came before yours. So the one thing that I haven't told you Brett is that you gave me quite a big responsibility and I promised to you that I wouldn't look. You peaked. There are certain things that can't fit through an airport security scanner.

As it turns out you have to stand with your belongings when they're getting checked. They were like you have to come over here you have to come over here and I was like no you don't understand I'm not allowed to look at it. Keisha's like I'm sorry I can't look they're like Is this your dress? I don't know. I can't look. At one point, they unzipped the bag and I've like shot my eyes upwards because I'm like, I'm not allowed to look at it.

I definitely should have elaborated, Keisha. If it comes down to you being arrested by airport security, you're allowed to look at the dress. And the very start, Keisha is, I'm coming out. I want the world to know. Got to let it show. I'm so honoured.

I'm going to remember that forever. Did you ever play Goon of Fortune? Yeah, outside on the clothesline. Yes. So for anyone who wasn't a part of the beautiful culture of Goon of Fortune, it's where you would all have a goon sack and you'd peg it to the clothesline and you'd spin it and like Wheel of Fortune, whoever it would stop on,

you'd have to like pour it into your mouth. Goon of Fortune was a wild time, wasn't it? I can't remember. I'm back on my woo-woo bullshit, okay? Well, I'm here for it. It's called a Shakti mat. Oh, I'm not here for it. but I got swept up into the whole, this is going to make your life better. And then I did all the

things and a part of it that I felt was missing was the fun. And so this year, again, another trend that I'm a sheep to is adding more whimsy to my life. And I've just, I think I've remembered that actually prioritizing fun and prioritizing joy just for the sake of it is actually really important. It's kind of the point of life. Creating Cloud has actually been one of the most life-changing and helpful things that I have ever had the pleasure of pursuing. Yeah seeing you the last couple of years has been truly amazing to watch and the people that you have gotten on cloud to interview just shows how incredible you are and we're so proud of you for what you have done to achieve this. A lot of her life she hadn't felt present for and now she feels present for it

and she feels as though she's actually able to be an active participant in her own mind and in her own life and I was like that's it that's what's changed I now feel as though I'm not in this scatty daze I'm not in this over analyzing thinking about everything trying to like work out what the people around me want from me and trying to do that and trying to please them I'm just able to be a lot more we are ride or die I am there for you no judgment we can be completely vulnerable with each other we can be completely honest with each other and we will be there for each other it's been one of the most shifting experiences that I'll ever go through in my life yeah we are so much closer than what I think most people may assume of people who work

together and you guys have been best friends bosses the closest thing I've ever had to sisters and I'm so grateful for the opportunities that you guys have provided me we love you kids I love you both i am not okay i'm actually not it's like watching lucky that fucked me up i'm actually genuinely like i think i've been in denial that is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen but also why am i so obsessed with beans i'm such a bogan i would like it to be known that i edited out a full minute of bin chat from this yeah we revisited the bins quite a lot over the last couple of years. I got the roar of this and I was like, okay, if you edit notes,

a minute of binge chat at the start is a bit much binge. It was you who commented on Spotify last night. It was Laura. But someone had a new leave and I was about to unsubscribe from my own podcast. Oh, wow. We mean it though, Keish. I really don't know what to say.

Yeah, we're all done. That's it for the episode. Thanks, everyone, for listening. No, we mean it, Keish. You are so important to us. you're so important to the listeners we all adore you we wish you nothing but the best for anyone who wants to reminisce one of our lifers has made a playlist we all put bets on how many people in this office we put bets on like if we feel like that video was going to make keisha change your

mind so we'll see if she looks out here today there's currently a playlist in the is it really yeah there's like bobby's birthing playlist no it's a it's goodbye keisha life uncut i just want to read out a couple of the titles because I did say I was going to sing this entire episode I would like to put everyone's mind at ease I won't it's actually a great breakup playlist like if you're going through a breakup this is like a fucking banger list it's things like if I could turn back time from sure stay with me from Sam Smith I added Jojo get out right now it's the end of you and me there's also another Jojo too little too late someone's put in I hate this part from the pussycat dolls another person put in fuck you from lily allen which i thought was a really good

one what's the other fuck you one and also go fuck yourself from two feet i haven't even heard that song but i'm also here for it there's a few fuck you songs there's a b c d e f u as well there's people upset and also mad there's a few mad people in the group okay people are angry the fuck yous are jokes the fuck yous are i mean they did put them in we're not lying but um yeah it's like us being like fuck off but not really I hope you have the time of your life oh I feel as though I should have something really deep and sentimental to say but I'm feeling very emotionally overwhelmed and I'll probably take three days to resend this my overarching is just the biggest thank you you guys have changed my life in every single way I could ever imagine and I'm I'm so grateful that

I got to share like and be a little weirder on this podcast I've felt more and more as the years have gone on like I've I've had a freedom to actually be myself and not worry about being judged for it at times mostly at time most of the time but I have just found that people you know they flock to your quirks and and I felt so supported and so yeah like we've just found our people and you guys are my people and I hope that you'll be my people for a lot longer than you know than just working together and I'm so grateful to everyone in the team especially you guys for for taking me under your wing five and a half years ago and every single opportunity that it has afforded me and the things that we've done the laughs that we've had like I yeah I can't

express how grateful I am ditto and the friendship goes on it better outside of the studio I noticed that you asked Claire to look after Delilah on the weekend and I was like so it begins I was like I've got to teach you a little lesson. This is the conversation that happens off podcast. Anyway, let's get into the rest of the episode. I want to talk to you guys about voice memos, like voice messages and how you feel about them. Because personally, I don't mind a voice memo. Like I don't mind if someone sends one back in the dating world. I don't mind if somebody sends me a voice memo, but it has to be max one minute. There's rules. I actually think voice memos have a max on some different apps.

Like if you do it on WhatsApp, it times out after a minute, isn't it? No, you can go way longer. There's one of them where it times out and that's literally the app telling you that no one wants to listen to your podcast that you've just recorded. Like anything above a minute is not a voice memo. It is a podcast. Because there's two types of people. There's the people, actually there's three types. There's the person that doesn't like a voice memo at all. I love them. There's a person that loves one, but they're short and sharp to the point a minute max. And then there's the people where a 12-minute voice message comes through and I don't know who on earth is listening to that. Sorry, let me rephrase that. I said I love them. I actually think I need to be clearer.

I love sending them. I hate receiving them. That's definitely a better. It's because they're good for the person sending because it's quicker for you, but it's not as easy for the person receiving. Just to set the tone of Laura's. Hey, babes. Hey, babes. Sorry, I've been really busy to have it. Shut up. I'm on the phone. I don't know, honey. I'll cook it soon. You can have Get the quiche out of the bin. And then she comes back and then she's like, sorry, sorry, the kids are driving. I said.

Anyway, I listened to a 12-minute voice memo and I'm like, I actually have it. And then she goes, I'll just call you later. Can I say, though, I have to send increasingly more voice memos now or if I'm not sending voice memos, I have to use the dictate function on your phone that I don't really type text anymore because the bi-ab, all right, the bi-ab is bi-abbing and it really gets in the way. And something's changed with the new phone update where the autocorrect,

Like you used to be able to write some nonsensical like word that just didn't even remotely resemble the word that you were trying to write and it would know. It would be like, oh, you wrote because, that wasn't. Now it doesn't do that. Now it'll just send whatever jumble jargon you've accidentally hit with your big fat thumb. Yeah, in the Brittany Hockley 101 is that she'll send stuff

with the most amount of spelling mistakes you can. Also, when I was a kid, I was diagnosed with a bit of dyslexia. So usually I'm pretty good at looking at a whole word and figuring out what arrangement the letters are supposed to be in. Sometimes I'll see a text from Brit and I'll be like, I actually don't know what it is. I literally have – I cannot compute what that's meant to say. And it's because I send like 10 in a row,

so I'll just send one sentence at a time. That's why Keisha's leaving. Also, I can't work under these conditions. She's mentally exhausted. She's like, I don't understand. I'm a little bit dyslexic. How do you have a little bit of dyslexia? They say you can get purple lenses in your glasses,

but I thought I'd look like a loser. anyway the reason i wanted to talk about it was there's a girl on tiktok and her reel's going viral at the moment for an interaction that she had with a date now her tiktok is at nivia n1v3a n1v3a thanks for doubling down okay anyways so nivia's friend goes on a date so she's telling the story so her friend goes on a date one date then she gets a voice message from said date Have a listen. I had a good time tonight. Definitely think you are lovely.

However, I would love to, if we're going to go to your place on Thursday, I mean, I am looking to have that physical intimacy to see if like I am sexually compatible with you. So like if I'm going to come over, like I would be hoping to like hook up, have sex, have a good time, have like that romantic spark and that physical spark there for my own sake um because it's hard for me to continue dating if dating someone and seeing them if i don't know if i'm sexually compatible so um i know you said i don't know about that so like i guess my thing is is like what would be the point of me coming over then if we're not gonna

like hook up and like cuddle and like be intimate with each other um and if that's what you don't want that's fine but like i think we should just like end it here then respectfully just because i first date that's fine like you want to get to know each other i'm all about that but like i am looking to have that physical aspect there and i don't want to continue seeing someone if i don't know if that's good if that's not there or not so up to you let me know i'm happy to um if you do want me to come over i'm happy to do so i would love to fuck have a good time and you know we can have some wine hang out and chill but if you're not trying to hook up then like i think we should just uh go our separate ways let me know let me know yeah peace out i want to have kind of

the bit that it gets me every time i listen to it is what he says for my sake like he's like we can hook up and like you know see how it goes and if we're sexually compatible for my sake no my sake the bit that gets me is where he's talking he could be like it's a job message right like it could be like he's doing a voice memo to someone at work it's very like professional it's like hey just want to see if you're going to have that report in on time because I just want to know if we're going to fuck or not and then um and then afterwards we'll get drinks after work like that's what it's just he kind of wraps it up as well like he repeats the most important parts again at the end yeah just to reiterate well if you don't want to that's cool

but like let me know but he also sandwiches it with like we can like cuddle and chill and drink some wine look this is being pretty divisive and I find the conversation interesting because we're always saying we wish that men would be more honest and more open about what their intentions actually are or just to communicate well yeah and to like you know what if you're after sex communicate that you're after sex so that there is no ambiguity in terms of what it is that someone's after now I would dare say there is no ambiguity in that voicemail message like he is not leaving that open to interpretation however the response to this has obviously been like wow he's an incredible flog. Like what a ridiculous way of sending a message. And maybe it's not so much

in the being transparent and asking for what you want. It's in the way that he asked. It's in the way in which it was framed. Look, you do, it's tricky this one, because on one hand, I do agree. He's given us what we want, which is content. No, he has not given anyone what they want by that message. No, when I say given us what we want, it's just reiterating what you said. But this idea that we do, and there's a part of me that says, okay, hats off to him for being really clear and showing me what he wants and who he is because the way he communicates that even though it's honest I would be tapping out so I would say thank you for letting me know what you're looking for and you have made me realize that you are absolutely not for me let's neither of us waste

our time he's been honest he's been clear we don't like the way he did it but for that woman she's either going to be like cool I just want to have sex anyway let's do it or it sounds like she's already communicated she doesn't do it on the first second date so for her I think it's just it's sort of ripped the band-aid off and you think okay we're after very different things so no don't come and cuddle and drink wine and eat Thai and fuck well I think the thing for me is and I want to be careful with how I explain this because like yes he's being transparent in terms of asking for sex but it is being enmeshed into the relationship side of things and that's where I think it becomes really murky and really a kind of a bit like that's where it feels more grubby

for me so if you are genuinely just after sex if that's all you're after you're not after relationship there's no optics of a potential you know like getting to know each other down the track so that we can like form a connection he clearly is just after sex but no no maybe not I think so I think that if you're going to be that direct about your intentions and wishes then that is what he that's his end game he wants to have sex right like that's what he wants to have sex but I don't think we can say that means he doesn't want a relationship he absolutely might but his boundaries and his ideas are sex might be the most important part of a relationship instead of time quality time connection whatever like people value different things I don't think we

can say he doesn't want a relationship I love that you're giving him the benefit of the doubt I interpret that as that is someone whose priority is sex over a relationship that's it of course the thing is is like if that is what you want if you're online dating it's the transparent thing to ask for it up front you know hey look I'm not actually interested in dating or my main priority at the moment is like, I'm looking for a sexual relationship. That would be transparent and honest. You have gone on a date. You have wasted someone's time by going on a date with them and like spending time with them, trying to build some sort of connection, trying to like shoehorn in, oh, we'll cuddle and we'll hang out and we'll chill and we'll get to know each other. But like,

I require this thing here in order to build this thing here. You're using it as a caveat. She has full agency and choices to whether she wants to go on that second date. And he's made it really clear what he requires but for someone who has low self-esteem who probably maybe isn't having a very good time in the dating world who is desperately wanting to build a relationship they might think well if I give this I might have more potential of building a relationship here and so I just think that like those two things should be more separate and I think that the way he's done it isn't the most transparent way of doing it if you are after just sex you know what I think is wild is like imagine imagine that you are also the type of person who's like no I want

to find out if we are and I'm using his own words sexually compatible early on because I don't want to waste any of my own time you know investing in dates and dates and dates to then have sex and we just don't gel imagine she says yes and imagine he comes over like he said we're gonna have wine we're gonna chill like you know that you're under a performance review that is something that you're gonna be like okay is he thinking that like I get one shot you can't get out of your head in that moment i just cannot imagine going in knowing that the person that i was hooking up with was evaluating every single part of me and like do you get a score out of 10 at the end like do you pass or fail the test like it is just well yeah i would be so in my head it would be so hard

for me to actually enjoy that experience and not feel as though i was just performing sex maybe this is the same guy from ask uncut who was scoring his girl and now they're broken up and he's back in the dating world it's the log guy no it's where he says and i don't quote me because I can't remember out of the two minute voice message, but he said something like, what's the point? Like, if you don't want to have sex, what's the point? You know, like the way he says it, which I think is really shit because psych, there's more to a relationship than sex.

And I just think if you are only on the second date and you're saying to somebody, what is the point in getting to know you further? It's pretty wild. It's almost like just saying, I could care less about you and who you are. And sex is the most important thing in a relationship. I don't have a problem with what he has done. I would rather he did that and let her say, I'm not going to waste my time, then actually turn up with those expectations and make it really awkward and uncomfortable for her on

the spot. So like, great. He said it. He showed who he is. He showed what he wants. She didn't have to. And I get the impression she probably didn't go on that date. But for me, it's just like, it's the audacity of how he says it.

And he almost makes it like a compliment sandwich. It's not that it's a compliment, but he's trying to make it sound cushy and cozy and sell a dream to someone. Well, he's saying to her, spending time with you if there's no sex is a waste of my time. I just, I don't know. I don't think it is as transparent. Like, he's not giving us what we asked for. When we asked for transparency, it wasn't fucking that.

Oh, see, I think he is. It wasn't that. He is, because I would listen to that and be like, oh, you're a jerk and you're not in line with who, for me, it doesn't get more transparent because you've not only said what you want, but you've shown who you are, which is a jerk. So for me, I'm like, you actually probably didn't intend to be that transparent. like you probably intended to just get your point and what you're looking for across but you actually showed me who you are as a person and that for me is so much better than saying nothing and turning

up to my house and making me wildly uncomfortable I don't feel as strongly about his wanting to be sexually compatible and wanting to know early on because like yes I have spent time where I've gone on many many dates with someone and then I've hooked up with them and I seem to have that thing where you know how a lot of women are like oh when I sleep with someone I get feelings I haven't personally experienced that every time like sometimes I've had the opposite I have sex with him that I'm like oh that wasn't nice that wasn't what I thought it was we don't want that more but what it shows me is that it is true sexual compatibility is important yeah and so what it actually shows me is that he lacks so much self-awareness because he's just sending in a

voice note that I'm like you have no charisma about you like it feels very robotic it feels like someone who has spent too much time on the internet and too much time chatting with chatbots that you don't understand this dance that we do in the romance world like you were more likely to have sex on that second date before you send the damn voice note because it just shows how unaware you are of like the way that you're coming across to other people totally yeah he had more of a chance of just if he just went to the date and they had a great night and they hit it off and i'm not saying he should have done that and tricked her if he didn't want anything but he had more of chance of going and just being a nice guy than doing what he did yeah but you know what if that's

the alternate if the alternate is okay I know she said she doesn't want to have sex on a second date but I'm gonna try I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna like turn the riz on and I'm gonna badger her until she whatever it is like we've all been in that situation as well where you've gone on a date with someone you don't intend to be and I don't want to minimize this because it's actually really fucked but I speak on my own experience from being in my 20s and dating when I didn't have enough self-confidence to say no to someone who I wasn't interested in having sex with, but I was on a date and I felt kind of semi-obligated to because we drunk alcohol and it was late at night and I'm having a sleepover and all of a sudden I'm doing something I don't want

to be doing, but I'm not confident enough to say no. Like that situation exists for a lot of women. And I know that a lot of young girls and not so young girls have been in that situation where they feel obligated to, and that's never going to happen in this instance. I don't think it's as evil as what other alternate options can be. Good for him. He didn't put her in that position. He's shooting his shot, whatever. But I reckon that's working with about one out of 60 people. But also this is a good lesson for everyone. If you're sending a voice message to someone and it's a bit unhinged, it could end up on the internet and it should end up on the internet because we should all laugh at this. Please, please, please. You have just reminded me of

the ultimate voice message that we've had. I'm going to revisit it. Oh my gosh. If you're new you hear this is one of the finest dating moments we've had on the podcast. One of our good friends went on a date at the end of last year. Can we get the voice memo so we can replay it? I have got it because I sent it to everyone I know. So one of our really good friends. The poor thing. I say the poor thing because she's just in the depths of dating, but she had a really bad run of like, just not good people. Like it's been sprinkled with some nice people, but it just seems like she picked bad after bad after bad and so just as a reminder if you've listened to this if you haven't she went on a date with this guy it was fine it was like nothing special but not bad just

like whatever and then she had to go overseas after the date so there was a couple of weeks in between where there was no contact and she did she wasn't that into it she wasn't that into it but she wasn't rude but she didn't reply to his last message he didn't have a question but it was just like random message she's like I won't reply a couple of weeks went by and she responded she's like hey I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner I've been overseas with my family very busy lots going on thank you so much for the date just I don't really feel it a lovely like message that is fucking normal after you've gone on a date one date and you're not vibing it normal message right I don't feel like good luck with everything though beautiful wholesome lovely no response from

him for one month four weeks nothing so she's forgotten about it right it's just a random guy she went for a drink with this is my favorite story i know we're repeating a story but it's just too good so then she one month later she gets a message from him and it pops up and it's a voice message and it goes for 10 seconds she's like oh i wonder and maybe he wants to up again like what is this message this is it it's never not funny he just farted for 10 seconds one month later i'm sorry he's only 40 no he's 40 40 years old talk about a bruised ego the best part about that is that that is not his fart that is like clearly just like a stock fart he found on the internet so he was thinking about it so much then he was like you know i'm gonna get back it

up i'm gonna find a fart on the internet and send it to him he recorded some of his own and was like it's not enough there's not enough fart in that it's not wet enough let me know so then he went and found a royalty-free fart downloaded it and sent it like what like what level of loser do you need to be there's reasons why this man's single but her response was even better because she was in hysterics and she was like brilliant response like bravo the back of the grown men are sitting on that or not sitting on that but sitting on that for a month is there's a reason why they're single it's just like a hundred percent the proof is in the pudding there's nothing that's been more clear like crystal crystal clear if you've ever had a moment of self-reflection where you're

like I don't know why I'm single but if you're then actively sending a fart to someone you would I hope that like at that moment when you press send, you go, oh, oh, that's the reason. That's the reason why. No, you know the problem. He would be high-fiving his friends. He would have told everyone that he did that. We, and I have proof of that, not proof of him high-fiving his friends, but this is the most disturbing part.

And this is why I say my poor friend that's in the depths of dating. We put that video on socials, right? Last year when we spoke about it originally and played it and it was very funny and she was okay with that. But I ended up having to say to her, stop reading the comments. That video went viral. And I cannot tell you the overwhelming, like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of comments, the overwhelming response of men that thought that this was an adequate response to her

message. Like this was an adequate response from a grown man. Men saying, I would be still doing this. Oh, you guys are complaining that he's 40. I'd be doing this till I'm 70. And I was like, you're going to be alone until you're 70. But the male response was what shook me the most. Yeah. There was like, this is why she's single. No surprise. Like it was real. It was very,

I don't understand. It was worse than, you know what it got, somehow it got onto like an incel algorithm. It was Andrew Tatey. Just like my anti-Ozalert algorithm. It took off in the areas that we did not expect. Yeah. I know that the dots don't connect easily for some people, but I'm so confused as to how anyone would go from, sorry, you know, I'm not into this relationship or whatever it was, very kind Kurt message to the other person sending a 10 second fart and there being any other response than the person who said a 10 second fart is a fucking weirdo i know like how is there how could even if you fall into the depths of the deepest incels how can they not even look at that and go yeah that's we don't want him we don't want him either

i did show ben and he did laugh he's like i would never he's like what a weird response but it's funny and and it's okay because we all laugh too and our friend laughed she thought it was hilarious she wasn't hurt by it it was more like a this is what i'm dealing with just imagine andrew tate in that outfit that he got arrested telling mendeson imagine him ripping he went down his capri there's nothing more emasculating can i say though if you have ever received a rogue as fuck voice memo it doesn't have to be about from someone you're dating i'm just talking you know we're all receiving them you might get them from your boss you might get them from your friend it could be someone you're dating it could have been a family member whatever your rogue voice

message was we want to hear about it because I feel like there could be some good things to talk about in this world and if you need I can disguise the voice yeah we can change the tone send us the voice message if you don't care if you don't care if they're anonymous send it to us like if it's someone you were dating and they sent you something crazy if it's someone you do care we can change the voice or we can read it out but we will keep you anonymous send us your roguish voice messages we're here for it on next week's episode I will never forget and this could have been disastrous as it wasn't I never forget when you and I Laura was sitting on my lounge and it was when I was dating and we were talking about I had shown you messages from this guy that I was talking to and

was really fucking cooked right and we were talking about him and we were pretty much going to town on him to each other but Laura had accidentally pressed voice memo and we had like a four or five minute conversation that was ready to press send and we looked down and I was like don't fucking move it was like an operation CIA operation I was like do not move do not breathe And you know how you get so, you're like, if I press X, you know, you overthink it. If I press X, does it send it or does it delete it? How do I get rid of this moment? My ex did something very similar, but he sent it because he's an absolute twat.

I can't, I can't even. The stories that come to mind from that man. He had told me that he was sick and so he couldn't come around. We were supposed to go out for a nice dinner. This is also after some really like intense stuff had happened with us and like with me. Anyway, we were going to go out for dinner. He cancelled on me last minute. Like I'm dressed, ready to go.

Cancelled on me. He said he was super sick, had a stomach bug. Anyway, at like four in the morning or something crazy, he accidentally sent me a voice memo. He was in a nightclub. He'd obviously opened WhatsApp and I'd sent him a few messages and he'd just seen them and then had accidentally hit record and just sent me ambient nightclub chatter of nothing. And then when I called in the morning, I was like, I was like, where were you last night? He was like, asleep.

I'm like, really? Because I mean, it sounds like you were at a club. Okay. It sounds like you were having a really great night. Okay. I want to know what's gotten you in trouble with a voice memo or a voice message. Send it our way. We need to know.

Well, that is it for the end of the episode. And before we get out of here, it's time for Suck and Sweet. Highlights, lowlights of the week. Brittany? Suck. Keisha's going, obviously. But the podcast does go on. We will be normal episodes.

Yeah, Keisha, we love you. We don't need to say anything else again because you know how much we love you. You know our friendship will be absolutely fine. So that is by far, I didn't have to think about it. That is my suck. my sweet is i went to see my family on the weekend on the gold coast like my sister sherry her husband and baby maya and baby maya is just obsessed with me she's two next month she is and it's like i just get not i'm obsessed with her no she's so cute she's no because she's

it just gives me so much because she's it does make you feel a certain type of special when a child chooses you as the person that they're like i'm into you and it's like i'm the person now not mom and dad like when she falls over and needs her knee kissed she'll like push past her mom and dad to come to me and she like wants to nap with me and she can't say Brit she calls me bit bit which is so cute so everything's bit bit and I just spend every second with her for three days and it's really sweet it's like it's nice it's really really wholesome to feel validated and loved Keisha we're going out a real high what's your suck it has been a very emotional week I've actually just felt yeah I felt very emotionally overwhelmed I think that that's been a bit of

like a weird head space to be in for the last couple of days so that's my suck my sweet was it the sourdough good sourdough over the weekend actually was it the walk down memory lane for the bins yeah actually that was I'm gonna cry again that was one of the most beautiful and like funny and like mix of light and shade things that I've ever had put together and I also know that those things take an outrageous amount of time I know it might not seem like it but going back through like archival footage and pulling bits like it's a really time-consuming process so I'm really grateful that you guys did that for me thank you my suck I'm not gonna go into it now but Buster's been really really sick and I've had enough sadness to talk about on this podcast so

if I talk about that it'll send me into outer space so Buster's been really unwell and we're just waiting to hear what's happening there and my sweet for the week is this sounds and I know I posted a little bit about it recently but it's the thing that's bringing me the most joy at the moment and it's watching the three girls get along with each other so well not fight like just genuinely fucking love the shit out of each other they are obsessed with each other and I don't remember being like that with my sister when I was young like we are like that now we love each other so much but when we were little we fought a lot even like under five like yeah I don't really remember I yeah I remember fighting I remember being in the back of the car and because like

we'd always drive to my dad's long drives in the car and he lived like three hours away and I just remember we were always fighting we're always bickering you know we was we were definitely like thick as thieves but we would fight a lot we had like a very volatile we love each other we hate each other kind of relationship our whole childhood kind of like the type of relationship where you're like you know that you have each other's back endlessly but also you piss each other off endlessly it was that when we were kids probably normal sibling behavior at some point yeah but like our kids are just at the moment they are so incredibly kind and loving towards each other and like the level and it sounds so like such a small thing but like the level of

sharing like if one kid's upset about something the other kid's so quick to be like it's okay Lola you can have mine and like I'm adoring the way that they interact with each other it makes me so so deeply happy and I feel like for some brief moments I'm like surely we're doing something right if they if they like each other this much or maybe that's just like them against us I don't know what it is it does like outweigh the poison poppy poison like you're doing something you might Poisoning your smallest child, but also like... Because all my kids are high on dishwashing doubles. That's exactly why they love each other.

They're having a great time. It's like being on mushrooms, apparently. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. That is the end of the episode. It is also the last episode that Keisha's going to be on with us. And we love you. I feel like we've done enough. Yeah.

Sorry, guys. You're probably like, God, get her out of there. Thank you so much. It's been the joy of my life. Well, for the final time, Keisha, would you like to sign us out? Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love!